#it would be cool if you were closer!
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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I love seeing Rory run in the field!! Bird dog doing bird dog things!! You said in the tags you had different training and priorities with her vs Mav re: offleash running like that. What kinds of things did you do differently with Rory to be comfortable having her offleash at a distance with reliable recall?
I was writing a whole novel but really it boils down to this chart. Under the cut because it's (vertically) long.
In short, it's just as much about what I didn't do with Maverick as what I did do with Aurora.
(Edited to add: I am extremely fortunate to live in the prairies where the kind of visibility I need is easy to find. Use my experience to inspire your own training if you like, but don't use it as a recipe. I have my own goals and my own priorities and those are likely different than yours.)
Maverick:
🔵 Supremely confident from day 1
🔵 Came home in August (extremely good and exciting time for outdoor adventures)
🔵 Prioritized specific sports behaviours over foundational building blocks like engagement and cooperation
🔵 Learned bad habits from my older dog at the time (prey drive > recall)
🔵 Was indiscriminately prey driven. If it moved, he wanted to kill it.
🔵 I phased out treats too fast and didn't want to use an ecollar or long line
🔵 I focused on "social media dog behaviours" (think like walking extremely close to me on trails) and got frustrated when we couldn't meet these rather than meeting my dog where he was at. This created a lot of frustration in our dog adventures.
🔵 I practiced recalls constantly when I didn't have to, making them a tedious behaviour for him. I would recall him 20-50 times a hike for everything from "you're too far away from me" to "I want to take a photo".
Aurora
🟣 Came to me a little insecure and looked to me for reassurance
🟣 Came home in December (a cold and relatively boring time for outdoor adventures)
🟣 I prioritized engagement, cooperation, and name recognition from day 1
🟣 Practiced good habits by walking offleash in the snow either alone or with Pike (amazing recall)
🟣 Is extremely birdy, but is very very focused. She easily calls off deer or people/dogs in the distance because she mostly cares about birds.
🟣 Literally always gets offered a high value snack for recalling or voluntary check ins (I will never phase this out, I will carry chunks of cheese on offleash walks for the rest of her life)
🟣 I never practice recalls if I don't need them. This one is hard to explain, but once Rory understood that long whistle = come back as fast as you can, I don't whistle unless I really need to. I recall her an average of 0-3 times per hike (*based on visibility or wildlife*) and trust her to make good decisions otherwise. I keep my eyeballs on her 100% of the time and choose areas with good visibility, but I don't recall her just for being far away.
🟣 I limit hikes where I have to nag her often (think, in the woods where I dont have a great line of sight and have to remind her to stay close to me) to a few times a month or less so she doesn't start getting frustrated about it.
🟣 I trust the training I put into her and choose to run her in areas with (relatively) reduced risk if she makes the "wrong" choice. I don't nitpick everything she does and I let her make her own choices, within reason.
🟣 I have an interrupter cue to ask her to stop doing something before I call her back (if she's digging a hole and I want her to move on, I use "Rory, enough! Here!") instead of whistling at her.
🟣 I don't force her attention on check ins. If she runs back to me and doesn't want a snack and wants to run straight back out, I let her run back out.
🟣 I have anticipatory cues for the end of a walk so I don't have to recall her when we get to the end of the field.
I want to say that it's nerve wracking to watch my dog sprint at full speed hundreds of yards away from me. I have to fight the impulse to recall her just because she's far away. It's an exercise in trust because I'm always worried about her going over the horizon, or running into a wildlife, or falling into a hole, but it's an important thing to work on if you have a dog that needs that trust to thrive.
Mav and I were a good team, but I never fully trusted him outdoors. I always had my finger on the ecollar buttons ready for him to do an evil and need to be vibrated. It was exhilarating to watch him in the field, but it wasn't really fun or relaxing.
Rory and I built a much stronger foundation of trust (I personally never would have been able to do this if I had more than one dog). She doesn't know any tricks yet, but I'm super confident in her recall and ability to take direction in the field, even when she's sprinting as fast as possible.
#dogblr#about mav#about aurora#hahahaha i still wrote a novel#i have a lot of thoughts about recall#i never want to see a four month old puppy with an ecollar and yet i see it all the time in the gundog circles#and i get it i just find it super distasteful#i was team 'never get a dog in winter' !#and i am now team '100% get a dog in winter'#it was sooooo much easier to build good habits when nothing was moving in the winter freeze#my biggest issue with rorys recall is that she struggles to recall off pike#but even that improves each time we go out and thats more an arousal issue than a recall issue#she's a really cool dog#i still choose my offleash locations and time super carefully#i would never go out at noon on a sunday and run her offleash#i go out to quiet areas at quiet times#and i just let her do her thing#trust is a two way street even with dogs#ask#anon#bird dog training#recall training#recall#<- tags so i can find this later#eta: i want to add that i do use her name to get her attention if i need something or want a photo#and i have a specific cue for 'look at me from a distance and decide if you want to come closer'#but im largely quiet in the field when shes running especially if were walking by ourselves#i just let her do her thing#thats why we're out there after all
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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the average person doesn't expect you to be a perfect ethical consumer, that's not possible for the vast majority of us. but what youre saying is it's better to do nothing at all and choose the worst possible options (sweat shops, overseas shipping waste, idea/product theft, all wrapped up in SHEIN) than to put even the tiniest effort in where you can.
[they are referring to this post]
What I said was "some people are doing literally everything they can to survive and have no extra bandwidth to spend extra time and money on their purchases, and it is cruel and therefore un-punk to gatekeep punkness and add additional shame to these people's lives based on that fact."
I think it's still a good thing to try to ethically consume; I literally never said it wasn't. I had never even heard of SHEIN before. Rather, I am much more concerned about what I saw as arbitrary gatekeeping based on ability and income.
And frankly how dare you claim that I am supporting sweatshops and abuse by saying that this additional work you are demanding (in this case, presumably, vetting every clothing company you buy from) is not always possible for people. It is not a light accusation to accuse me of supporting abuse.
"How dare you say we piss on the poor", Etc. 🙄 this isn't Twitter. You are determined to enforce moral purity, but you are failing to see the nuance.
Because when I say "no extra bandwidth," I mean no extra bandwidth. This is not the "car shows it's on E but actually secretly it has a lot of gas left" situation that abled people constantly assume disabled people mean when they say they are at their limit.
This is "the car has stopped moving, and to move it I'd have to break my body pushing it." This is "at a certain point, people will hit a wall in terms of money and time and energy, and any energy spent after that comes directly out of their life force."
So the argument "okay but just spend a little more time money and energy actually" is not a valid one.
And the argument "if you are not able to do this specific task, then it means you're not doing anything else to make the world a better place" doesn't exactly impress me either. You said yourself that it is impossible to be a perfectly ethical consumer for most people.
How do you know what else people are doing to resist oppression? How many hours per week until your standards are met?What if someone works 3 jobs? Does that mean it's harder to be a good person if you're poor?? Why do you get to decide what specific avenue of bettering the world is the most morally repugnant or acceptable? What kind of proof of goodness and effort would make you satisfied enough to lay off on the shame?? Who are you helping??
Clothing is a fundamental human need, and some of us have to buy cheap fucking clothes quickly. Billionaires are buying their seventh yacht this month. The people who own fast fashion companies are abusing their workers and putting local affordable clothing stores out of business - and this applies for basically every company with price points that low because governments are failing to regulate corporations to enforce basic human rights.
I have $300 to spend on a new wardrobe as my old clothes have fallen apart or become too small. Do you have a way for me to get a new winter coat, 3 flannels, 10 shirts, 3 dress shirts, new sandals, 10 pairs of pants, 5 bras, 12 pairs of socks, and 10 pairs of underwear within that budget and also definitely 100% ethically sourced, with free returns in case it doesn't fit? Or will I simply have to use the cheap stores?
I have about an hour to spend on this per week. Many mainstream stores doesn't make clothes in my size, and I am now in *year 5* of needing an electric wheelchair and being unable to get one; plus I live up a flight of stairs, so I can't even bring my walker out with me - so thrift shopping is not gonna cover this. Should I continue to wear small and tattered clothing until I have the time, money, and energy to meet your standards?
Did you know there are more empty homes in this country than homeless people? If I decide to splurge on only 100% ethically-produced products, and I can't make rent, and I become homeless, are YOU going to be there for me?? Or are you too busy litigating the endless tiny shames of poverty in your own community?
So I ask you again, are you SURE this is where you want to direct your punk energy?
Because there are a whole lot of rich people relying on people like us punching down and to the side instead of looking up to see where the money is going.
Because energy and time, as it turns out, are limited resources. And I would never expect you to secretly have more than you claim to have.
#original#punk#hopepunk#cripplepunk#i swear to god#reading comprehension website#how dare you say we piss on the poor#jfc 'what you're saying is we should do nothing' - what I'm saying is YOU are doing nothing by enforcing this boundary#you have to give people more credit than this. i believe you want a better world too. and it would be cool if you used your energy to#instead ask 'how do i fight for the people in my community to be clothed and have the time and income to shop ethically?'#or 'how do i support activism that pushes for regulation that could control these companies?'#monitoring how poor people spend money is a supremely Republican thing to do. as is demanding clear moral purity from every scenario.#you want a better world too. you want to demand your peers do better. - fine. good.#but you need to be asking if you have remembered and included everyone's needs when making statements like this.#capitalism is all for forgetting about poor and disabled people and refusing to believe their limits.#shame is a necessary weapon in fighting greed but it IS a weapon. be so careful where you point that shit. enough shame can kill a person#and a lot of us are already defending from it from all sides.#shaming a person who is already at their limit for not doing more is an act of cruelty. think very carefully about what that means please.#i literally don't even know what SHEIN is lol i just know classism when i see it#but I've had friends whose clothes were visibly falling apart with no income and so much so shame so deep in their hearts they were dying#and if they had seen that post it would have made them even sicker and gotten them no closer to the dignity of being properly clothed#shame is a weapon and /you need to be careful!!!!/
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Out of curiosity, any thoughts on the anime Bleach?
I consumed a fairly good chunk of it when I was younger. It's since faded in my passions. I think Rolling Star by Yui is by far my favorite of the openings but a lot of them are very good.
I think the visuals are fairly stylish but it suffers the shonen problem- granted, I think a lot of this is in the format of how long running shonens are produced- of starting out with a bold exciting concept and then sort of petering out in weird directions the longer it goes on. In Bleach's case, I really loved the design and concept of the early hollows, but from the Soul Society arc onward, this entire fascinating afterlife concept boils down to Fashion Sword Boys Fightin' It Out.
Most of my residual fondness for it has me eyeing @gallusrostromegalus's An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy, because it seems to be taking a lot of the later series and injecting that sense of weird monsters and afterlife ramifications back into it.
#Bleach#I actually really liked the intro episode of Don Kanonji#the idea of a 'hoax' TV medium actually having just enough of a foothold in this world to do damage#and then having to realize that and acknowledge his own relationship with it#I think this is why many of the later arcs disappointed; I was most interested in seeing how this world impacted and related to the mundane#similar powerful early episodes to me were the 'haunted cockatiel' and the episode with Orihime's brother#later arcs absolutely have their perks#I actually unironically like the 'king and his horse' speech#even though I think it plays to some limitations of the genre that everything has to be settled by hierarchical power levels and fighting#like I dunno maybe your ~EVIL SIDE~ isn't actually evil as much as someone who has not decided if they want to obey you or not#because why would they#do they respect you enough to actually want to help you with your goals#wouldn't anyone 'act up' in that situation trying to have their own priorities#ALSO ALSO it aggravates me that the closer to main character you get#the more boring your weapon powers get#some of the secondary characters and temporary antagonists and such#have REALLY COOL powers#but Ichigo is like ok. here's my power. it's basically a laser gun#pew pew#sorry Ichigo. you are trying to be main character while that one guy is over there with the executioner's weapon that weighs opponents down#Hanataro's the objectively best character though hands down y'all can fight me#(nobody actually fight me I have zero horses in this race)
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so,
its like that
#cucumber quest#noisemaster#something something this was heavily experimental something.... i just wanted an excuse to draw his face cracks#rheyre fun to draw .#anyways nonsensical rambling . you dont have to read past this point#i think its real neat how noisemaster can be interpreted .#like more specifically in terms of his sexuality n shit#because like . personally . . .aroace trans noisemaster real#BUT ALSO i think its cool seeing early plans for what couldve been . .#i think the closest to . current canon sexuality we have is a cropped image of gg saying hes not interested in dating#but back real early in development before it was decided the disaster masters would be kinda like#a family.#he and mute were originally gonna be something closer to dating . .#its fun to think about how he was gonna be gay .#it would be kinda weird though today because they r . twins . like canonically .#i hope all noise x mute believers fall down the stairs actually . i know they exist .#ive had a lot of people talk to me about how they ship them and it mskes me very severely uncomfortable#so hey . dont do that . dee en eye . i dont want freaks on my page .#sterotypical art tag
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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the thing about X6 is that he's essentially a slave given to the Sole Survivor by the Institute. and I think that the fandom's treatment of him would be different if the game addressed it or even just said it
#forever crying cause x6 has no companion quest#i mean like. would be cool if fallout fans could read implications but also i think im one of the very few who actually think about x6#like. what the hell.........#also obv the institute synth slavery plotline was incredibly mishandled and also bad but like. everyone knows that#fallout 4 would be SO good if it was good#one thing i think about the synths. is that there are different divisioms of gen 3s#the common one: normal artificial human-cyborg basically. BUT has a short life expectancy (like... 10-15 years? short in general)#for the coursers i cant decide whether theyre upgraded commons (which would make them 'a class above' with some 'gifted' individuality)#or if theyre just. made to kill. superior physically and mentally. proficient with weapons. uncommon. even shorter life expectancy tho#and the impersonators made specifically to inflitrate the outside world. who have a life expectancy much closer to a real human#but theyre uncommon (usually community leaders) and theyre hard to make. so the commons are also sent up a lot of the time#and the institute goal in all this is to secretly control the commonwealth societies AND to use the synths (with 'a shorter life anyways')#to clean the commonwealth of radiation and create safe spaces and generally make it good and safe. and also perform eugenics on the humans#so that after the commonwealth is safe and non irradiated etc. the institute humans can actually come out and have the world ready for them#and they'd be provided for etc etc. which would make a convincing goal for a vault-like society AND have the ss actually consider joining#but with obvious flaws in their plan (maybe not even their grandchildren would see the outside. the synth slavery obv (with disregard for#their lives). the basically slow genocide of the outside humans and ghouls and all mutated life. like itd be so good#also the short life cycle of a synth (especially a courser) would make an x6 story so tasty. like. hes probably what? 6 or 8? not a lot#is he a child? not really. an adult? i dont think so. hes just here and hes going to die soon and theres nothing you can do#could be a nice ground for a companion quest where hes free and learns how to live to the fullest for his remaining years or smth#also the short lifespan (finally remembered thw word) could actually be a reason for synths to be considered less than human#cause in the base game its just like. theyre just some guys with metal in their heads and i guess they were made in a lab (noone could tell)#coming back to the institute. they would be so full of themselves and scared of the outside and pretty pathetic that thered be no way#to talk them into changing their plans and working with the outside world. but youd have to think about it a bit cause their supplies#WILL run out. its a matter of time. and they will NOT work with the other factions no matter what. so if work against them youll doom them#which is why we could use some innocent institute npcs too. or like... show some children there or whatever. make them human too#but you also see how much destruction theyre causing in the outside world (insert quest about synths like... the mcdonough quest or smth)#damn and i thought i wouldnt go on a tirade in the tags again.... alas#well here are my almost 2am thoughts about the institute and that its stupid in base game#fallout 4 would be so good if it was good
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You know what, joining that Discord show club was a great idea, like half of my favourite PKC folks are there. And is there anything more wholesome than someone going '1!! hey, I remember that dog!! she's adorable, I'm glad she's doing well!' about a little pixel friend they made for you years ago?
#someone also said they liked one of my older petz that I got from a member of the Polish Petz community back in the day#and we went on to reminiscent about how the community used to be back then#honestly? in a way that talk is the closest thing I'll ever get to closure in regards to what happened with the PKC#and I think that with that I can actually try and move on#even though it's pretty damn tough when a niche site that's been around since you were born just...... falls apart due to technical issues#but I've done it before. SHiR felt like it would never go away too after all#and I was there with PTI practically since the very beginning and until the very end#anyways the Petz community is still so vibrant and cool#it hurts but it'll heal. It somehow hurts way more now that I'm an adult though.#maybe because now the Polish Petz community basically /has/ no home? and I've known some of those people since I was 11?#still.... all good things must come an end and I can accept it. I feel I'm slowly getting closer to that point.#maybe I'll slowly warm up to the concept of using my RKC account ahahaha.... the RKC people were always really nice after all#the Petz community at large won't die anytime soon I don't think. Most of us have been here for at least 10 years after all.#a huge chunk of them for 20+ years#again. some people have been here longer than I've been alive#it's not something that can entirely disappear
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i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.
i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation
#tales from diana#it was very validating to talk to her bc she never really liked him#in fact i used to be so humiliated when i'd bring him to hang out w my older friends#bc he'd go oooon and on and on about how nobody listens to him nobody understands him nobody cares about or appreciates him#and then i'd be like 'oh my friends are good ppl! ill introduce u' and i did. i made the effort to bring him to them a LOT#(and he would make me feel like he envied me for my oh-so-superior life which i most definitely do not have)#but then he would not listen to her not understand her not care about her and not appreciate her#nor any of my friends for that matter. but he was SO disinterested in her in particular in a way that was just sooo disrespectful#he wouldnt let me hold a conversation w her. or let me bring her into a conversation w him. he'd DOMINATE#in general he didn't like me talking to anybody else or anyone talking to anyone else or anyone else talking#ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence.#and like there's a lot of adhd in our friend group. we all (myself especially) have our spirited interjections#and occasionally interrupt but we realize when we're doing it and then pull back & let the other person finish#we try to keep other ppl on track w what they were saying when they go on a tangent#you know. we try and communicate effectively#even tho we r not naturally perfect at it lol.#we're adults who respect each other it's almost like!#but yeah. he was only interested in impressing the couple of men in my friend group essentially#he'd talk abt how my two guy friends r cool & how he wants to be closer to them#and i'd stick up for this woman i hung out w today & he had just absolutely no interest in her#she never liked him anyway which was so baller of her. good on her. she detected his rudeness#and that rudeness used to vex me so much. i suppose bc i couldnt bear to see him treat other ppl how he treated me#altho to a much lesser extent w the overt lovebombing he did to me and the traumadumping and intense reliance upon me#he seriously needed my attention 24/7 it didn't matter if i was studying or working or in bed sick for two weeks#literally he and his vapid fucking needs came before everything in my life according to him. always. crazy#the entitlement of that man is ridiculous. so of course he thinks there's nothing wrong w seeking me out#of course.#i wouldnt care if he died
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#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol#its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year#watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol#worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece#and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things#he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME#killing him with hammers in my mind#i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends#and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly#and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just#i dont know i guess i thought it would be different#anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time#and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say#you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me#and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me#and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him#you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him#i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize#cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me#and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol#or itll just be at shows and stuff#not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS#actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy#ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT#btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...
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I went to Rainforest Cafe for the first time today
I would like very much to live there
#rainforest cafe#aaaah it was so cool!#the animatronics were so detailed#and they moved so well for their age!#and the decor was beautiful#the ceiling was completely covered in fake vines and leaves#and little dim lights shone through them like fireflies#and in the center of the ceiling right above our table#was a fake window to the stars#painted a beautiful dark blue colour and covered in tiny twinkling stars#and every so often#there would be a “thunderstorm” and all the animatronics would go off#and it would play thunder noises and the lights would get brighter and dimmer#it was so cozy! i could have stayed there forever#I would have got a job there if it was closer to my house and paid better#honestly though it does pay better than the haunted house did#at the end of the season I was paid $140 total#which is a total ripoff if you ask me#and I got paid less than a bunch of people for no clear reason#I also didn't get paid regularly#we were paid once at the end of the season#so that was it#but oh well#that's a rant for another time#anyway I had a lot of fun today and I really like the rainforest cafe now so yeah
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Not speculating on a real person, but what if, yknow?
#personal#there is this girl i went to high school with#very nice and cool and sweet and pretty#and mormon#but like also a little bit emo????#she listens to twenty one pilots and paramore and she dyes her hair red and purple and platinum blonde#cam and i kinda maybe think she might be queer????#i know i always say you dont get to speculate about the sexuality of strangers on the internet#but this girl is not a stranger and also id never question her about it but i would be willing to listen if she were questioning#and wanted to talk#i am trying to very slowly become friends with her#i mean we definitely knew each other in high school and we were both in theatre and choir so we did hang out#but we're not friends to the point where wed like invite each other to our birthday parties or anything#trying to get closer purely so she has someone very queer to talk to if she ever feels the need#and if not then shes still cool and fun to be around so ill still get a friend out of the endeavor#we're both going to see hozier on friday#but i dont wanna necessarily ask to meet up bc i have a GA ticket and idk what kind of ticket she has#and id hate for it to be a worse one than mine and we have to separate#and also i dont have a ride and wouldnt want to impose myself upon her
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Since there was some notable interest in Mega Man Ultimate's latest logo from my previous sprite post, I thought I'd go ahead and showcase the latest iterations of the US and JPN logos as a nice nod to Mega Man Ultimate's introductory post featuring the previous iterations!
#Star's Art#Mega Man Ultimate#Rockman U: The Renegades Rise#Mega Man#Rockman#Sprite Art#Coolness#You'll notice a good few changes between 2020's logos and the current ones if you cross-reference them...#For one I completely redrew the gradient for the 'Mega Man/Rockman' text to look a good deal more flashy#The 2020 versions were more in line with Mega Man 11's logo gradient and I felt like it was something that could be improved upon#Another change is that the Japanese subtitle has been completely redrawn!#This is because Rockman U's subtitle shifted once I showcased it onto tumblr#If you'll recall the previous subtitle was 'The Optimum Oppression' whereas now it's 'The Renegades Rise'#Which is LEAGUES cooler#The style of the subtitle also changed too. 2020's subtitle was drawn to resemble the first few Rockman logos on the Famicom#I thought I would opt for something a little closer to the subtitle you see on the actual box art for the latest version!#Lastly there are a few good color fixes and drop shadow alterations#The gradient on the 'U' was also redrawn and I fixed the blue triangle behind both logos#For something as simple as a logo... a LOT of thought goes into making it look extra spiffy!
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my sister introducing me to a v delicious non-alcoholic champagne was very very nice of her, and now because i have the day off tomorrow i can sit around drinking it playing grown up like everyone else (bonus points for Being Sad)
#me 10 years ago: the best way to get over my trauma from alcoholic family members is to just be cool with people getting drunk around me!!#me 5 years later: okay so pretending to be cool with it did not work At All so maybe i should just try it a few times?? would that work??#me immediately: ew blech ugh gross yuck yech ew blech ugh gross yuck ew blech ugh gross yuck yech ew blech ugh gross yuck#me now: i sure would like to be closer to certain ppl but the mere smell of it turns on my danger senses so :(((((#i guess i'm just stuck being a baby forever :(((((((#idk at this point i've just accepted that like . i'm never gonna be comfortable with it#i know my mental limits and how to accomodate myself so i really just don't willfully put myself with ppl who get v very drunk#just trying to ignore it has been my go-to ahaha . i wish there were more people like me#i feel very alone when i know i'm Being Myself 100% while other people just . turn Different in frnt of me when drinking#it makes me feel like . who are you#Kayla's personal life
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IAM OLOJSOKS=I0HFI=IOJSDG I AM LOOKINg WITH MY.EYES. GRAHGGHRGGRGAGHSHHH
The Thing (1982) dir. John Carpenter
via imbd
#I SAW THIS LIKE 2 SECONFS BEFORE I TOOK MY BIO FINAL I WAS THINKING ABOU IT LIKE.THE WHOELTIME. im home now#NOE I CJANFEMSKJHLSJGHKQWEGETERVFBDIHNWOEGRHURGFT432GWREUVSFDB KLVEQOIWJTLFHKSD;SCDGHKWRQFLEW#;QCKEGRNTRHEYTRJYRMGYTRKH#GTUREHFD IC AN EXAMINE IT NOW. HAL. HA;L!!!!!!!!#THIS IS VRACAYX. IM WEARING MY THE THING 1982 SHIRT RIGHT NOW HAL.IWORE IT TO COLLEGE TODAYYYHAGRGHAGHGHRGHGHJARGHJGHJZGHJFBJ#DSABKS#CfgfsgfdsdJHAFVDHJFHJDSV#BKSG omg also. i got a pin of the dog :]] its super cool its on my lanyard.didyou know ? i like the thing 1982#this art is really cool cos like. i feel like sometimes u can forget that.. this is what the thing is supposed to be..most of the things in#-the movie had little to no time to properly transfigure their bodies u know?? the kennel thing. the bennings thing. the blair thing. the-#-palmer thing. THEY ALL WERE PANICINNG OR TRANSFORMED ON SHORT NOTICE.#so its super kewl to see art like dis cos then u can remember like how scary that mf is. i dont think im scared of a big flesh dog monster-#-as much as im scared of someone or something i know... not being that. and i would have NO idea TAHST THE WHOLE POINT OGF TH EMOVIE.#WHAT MAKES THE thING SCARY IS NOT THE MOSNTERS. ITS THE ISOLATION AND PARANOIA. HAL. HAL DO YOU UNDERSRTSANNFDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD\#im gonna throewww upppp im gongigngs to go tinto cardiac arrrest. HAL I LVOE THE HITNG 92U5ITOWGHJKASEILQW#REFLXKQODFSVDEFVHJBRYTTNKUYUHERBTI0#[DORECFJLDSVSDFKBJDWJBFJBKDWFGWERHEWRHCDFWH#GKBNDSGLNKSDL;KFNWEVR;HLLEWCEFQWUIOQFWHINOEGHNRUGBUVDFKSRVADKFJGWERHBJVDFSWRGJVDWFEIUTKRFQYHJKGWBDSHFIQGJKBDSFAFBHUCGJVFDJBAKFQEYHGRKJDSFVE#FAV#DIGS MY FUCKING CLAWS INTO YOUR SHOLDERS. OIL AND COOLIANT SPURTS OUT AND I DRAW YOU CLOSER TO ME WITH MY WIDE WIDE EYES.#SHAKES YOU SHAKES YUSHAKESAS YOU SHAKES YOUOSHAKE SYOU SHALESYOU SHAKES YOU SHALELSS YOU SHAKES YOU SHAKE SYOU SAHKES YOU SHAKEAS UOI SJAHE
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