#it wont be for maybe a week because I want to edit with my laptop
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To that anon who sent an ask months ago about how the one-sided harr!ngrove would be funnier if Eddie had been hooking up with billy before he and Steve started dating I hope you know I've finally started writing that and idk what my life is anymore
#how is this going to be the first m for sexy times thing ive posted??? (not written)#it wont be for maybe a week because I want to edit with my laptop#toxic mungrove#i suppose is what this is#finda writes stuff#finda's rambles#this post is to keep me accountable#dont worry the steddie is soft.#not billy hargrove friendly
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OH HEY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT I’M BACK
Yall never get regular posts from me omg you guys I’M SO SORRYYYY
but but but but but ya’ll wont believe it
I have been… DOING ART?! youuuuu heard that right folks i me MYSELF AM d-doing art.
Ok soooo i got a few updates
Life is still incredibly hectic i swear i feel like one of those fanfic writers tha5 post like
Hey sorry it took 8 years i was in a coma! But thankfully that’s not… entirely the case?
I’m on the list for an appointment to see if i have adhd because hearing my friends who are diagnosed and medicated talk about literally MY EXACT ISSUES AND IT HELPING i was like… damm maybe it is the good ol case of audhd … so hopefully hopefully i can get something to help with that!
Uhhh in other news I’m saving for a laptop so i can get into video editing and idk make some animation memes and animatics!
But ofcourse
Ofcourse
I promised art let’s not dwindle any more!
First of all we have some art i did for my story quest for the moon (i did blur out a bit just cuz well idk my audience that well so i’ll be bluring it even though it takes away a bit of context)
Then another piece for that series and then… omg.. no way is that?! Is it?!
Hehe surprise let’s get into the first art!
3 GOT ANOTHER REDESIGN AND MIGUELS’S FIRST FULL ART
Welcome welcome to my sweet sweet sweet baby angel boy Three that’s right he’s been on my mind again so i drew him… kinda like a splash art? If he was in a gacha game very cute very demure (if that meme’s old already… no it’s not)
And then we have THE VILLAIN of quest for the moon
Miguel also our main character ash in the corner hiiii ash
Miguel is basically like the mentor that’s secretly just try to steal your powers type he’s very much an opportunist and i love to draw him and loooove to hate him! This piece is basically foreshadowing extravaganza that will… eventually be clear i swear I promise I PROMISE but for now enjoy the piece it took sooo long
Next art!
This is still a work in progress it’s not done yet but I’m incredibly proud of it soooooo I’m showing it anyway and then we’ll get into the surprise
MEET MY SON ALEXANDER
ohhh my goodness after being in art block for so long it feels so nice to just get a solid redes out i’m soooo happy with how he’s turning out AA that’s my son MY BOY one of my oldest oc’s from so so so so long ago and fun fact i drew both pieces with the exact same brush heheheh the headshot next to him is his brother phoenix
Ok NOW FOR THE SURPRISE
Guess what! That’s right i have actually ACTUALLY started finding my way into the new project reignited
That’s right we got a MAIN CAST now
Now obviously some are.. easy to find the original inspiration for but they won’t be that similar to the redesigns they used to be no no no
Welcome the new crew of project reignited!
Muse, Plume, Thea, Orianne & caelusss
Muse is the main character a human boy who is just trying his best who gets swooped up into helping a dragon girl save her kingdom and the magical dimension while also fighting to preserve his home town!
Plume a dragon girl (plume, bloom you get the gist) who somehow ended up on earth is now tasked to find help to save her people and mother while also discovering the beauty of earth
Thea the daughter of an urban development company ceo and the love interest of muse (did i get myself this invested into a ship that i made it canon here… yes.) she’s a frail girl but is forced to step in as her fathers ideas turn from helpful to greedy and destructive
Orianne Thea and Muse’s friend and the more motherly of the group but faced with difficult circumstances and changes in her life can cause her to lash out as her life is completely steered of its course by magic and her dad remarrying.
Caelus! Muse’s closest friend a pretty chill guy that works at an icecream parlour during the week and helps his family with their market food stand in the weekend, he really wants to be a culinary chef but doesn’t know if he can truly achieve his goals in his hometown.
That’s the gang this will from now on be an original concept and no longer a winx rewrite yes winx will be an inspiration for this work but i do not intend to go the fairy route nor make the world building as big as i had made it in my rewrite… what you will see is me taking my rewritten work as a basis for this story considering i have basically rewritten my version of domino, zenith and solaria from scratch sooooo SWEET BABY BOY CRYOS MY BABY will be making a return later on in this story he’s mine he’s my son my boy i can do with his character whatever i pleaseeee ok ty
That’s the update that’s the post thank you all for enjoying my content and my terrible upload schedule life had beeeeeen hectic ty ty hope ya’ll stay for more and if this was your first post of mine you saw…. Check out my other work pls and thank u
Oki
BYEEEEE
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HIIIII!! can i get a pieck finger dating headcanons if that’s alright with you of course? your stuff makes me soft, stay safe!
yuh ‼️ tysm for your request
pieck finger dating headcanons (modern au)
pieck finger x gn!reader
warnings: literal fluff, no angst or anything i love pieck
- bc pieck is assumed to be like 23-26 this wont be a uni au or anything
- idk i rlly think you guys wouldve met in a mundane way
- like you bump into her on the sidewalk and try to the really awkward "oh im so sorry i didnt see you there- no really it was my fault- are you sure youre okay ?- okay great- no im not hurt- yeah- okay have a good day and again im so sorry !!" thing with her
- and then maybe you guys see each other again at a coffee place, youre there with your friends and shes there with hers, and you dont wanna talk to her obv bc that would be awkward
- then ur friend makes u go and order another coffee for them, and while youre waiting for your order pieck comes and stands beside you
- and shes very observant yknow ?? if she sees a face its very hard for her to forget it
- so she immediately recognizes you and blurts out "its you !"
- and you have to be like "oh yeah ! it is me ! its you too"
- she finds it quite cute and giggles about it
- a very laidback person but also a very blunt person
- she doesnt find any harm in asking "can i get your instagram @" look she doesnt wanna be a creep and ask for ur number right at the start
- and it gives her a chance to find out what kind of person you are
- it would absolutely suck for her if such a cute face was posting fishing pictures and alt right propaganda yknow ??
- so you two do and then both of your orders come so you two give awkward goodbyes before going back to your groups
- her instagram is very pretty, nice themes
- she posted a couple of hours ago, with her and her friends in a park, taking a couple of posed photos while some looking like they were natural
- shes adorable and you cant help but feel your cheeks go warm as you basically stalk her page
- she dms you and says "are you too busy looking at my feed that you havent followed me yet ?" and you see this mf staring at you across the room like 👁️👁️
- okay nosy lets calm down now 🙄🤚
- you try to defend urself but ur typing so quick you keep making errors in your writing, she ends up saying something else
"you know, i was doing the exact same thing. youre beautiful you know"
- thank you pieck 🥰
- over the next couple of weeks thats how you two communicate. she'll send you instagram memes and edits of her favourite shows, movies, games etc. and you find yourself having a lot in common w her
- you check her story so frequently it becomes one of the first accounts on the top of your homepage
- and FINALLY, when she feels she can see you as a friend and not just some pretty stranger she met on the street she asks you out
- it was a simple thing, just to the movies, and she even let you pick which one !! (imagine its pre covid idfk)
- you two go and its an awkward hug before you both head inside
- you pay for your tickets and she gets an extra large popcorn and a drink
- you assume shes just v hungry but before you can order yourself something shes like "what are you doing i got this for us !!"
- rlly cute bitch omfg
- during the movies, after she eats literally most of the fucking popcorn, she pulls your hand out of your lap and holds it with her buttery one 🥰🤚
- this bitch had crumbs and didnt even think to wipe them off
- you still held her hand tho anyways
- after that night you parted ways in front of the theater after making sure you two would be getting home safe
- and that became routine for a couple of weeks, not going to the movies obviously bc thats expensive but watching movies together !! youd go over to her apartment or she would come over to yours
- one thing about pieck is that shes very touchy
- one way or another she will end up cuddled with you on the couch
- it doesnt matter if its you being forcefully pulled on top of her body or her draping herself over you like shes a blanket, you two WILL be cuddling and you WILL enjoy it
- but finally, as if the gods gave you mercy, she finally kissed you
- it felt so nice, her lips were soft and sticky from her lip gloss and she tasted like the swedish berries you had gotten for her to munch on
- and the rest of the movie you two just sat there, kissing each other and giggling like teens
- she ended up staying the night, and complimented your bedsheets
- your relationship moved pretty fast after that
- she had already told all of her friends about you, they werent very surprised
- when you got officially introduced her friends zeke and porco tried to do that whole "if you hurt her.." speech before she slapped them and had marcel pull you away to safety
- other than that the night was very fun, you got to talking about your career, why you moved to the city, and other mundane topics
- pieck is actually a graphic designer, and everytime she comes to sleep over she just HAS to bring her laptop with her
- its basically just her laying in between your legs while she types away, youll pet her hair and lay soft kisses on her neck, and occasionally ask what shes doing
- she likes to tell you, has no problem in answering the questions you have, even if you think theyre stupid ones, shes very soft with you
- also a bit of a trickster
- for your first april fools together she slept over, you didnt have anything planned for her bc youre a good person and wont hurt the ones you love
- she stuffed your breakfast muffin with mustard 😁👍
- you gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day until she apologized by getting you a new muffin
- now she always dropped the l bomb to you, but she never needed you to say it
- thats why, when you were helping her cook dinner at her place you softly said "see ? and thats why i love you" she kind of,,, stopped what she was doing
- you realized why she wasnt washing the knife she used to cut your vegetables and tried to backtrack, but it was too late, she was already tackling you into a hug and taking you down onto the floor
- she just gave you kisses while repeating "i love you i love you i love you" over and over again
- bc of her you burnt ur fucking chicken smh
- you spent that night eating junk food and watching movies
- piecks a very observant person, so she always knows when youre sad too
- when you give that little huff when you come home to your (new !) shared apartment she knows something is up
- she'll slowly trail behind you as you walk to your bedroom, stripping to your underwear and changing into your pajamas
- you crawl into bed just wanting a nap to forget about the day, and she'll crawl in with you and hold you
- you never like to cry but youre so frustrated and upset at your coworkers, at that rude customer, at those deadlines, that you just breakdown
- and she lets you, she lets you almost suffocate yourself in her chest with how much your pushing your head into it, she strokes your hair while you choke on your own cries and hands you tissues when you need to blow your nose
- "what do you need my love ?" "i just need you" "okay baby"
- communication is a big thing in the relationship, and because shes been so open and honest from the beginning, talking about how you feel has never been easier
- in fact, you like talking about how you feel about your relationship, or how you didnt like what pieck said to your friends the other day, this and that, you feel comfortable and safe with pieck no matter what, which makes talking about even the most hardest things seem so simple and natural
- all in all, even when she wakes you up with spontaneous ice cream dates or asks that you put raisins in the popcorn during movie night, even with the fights and the crying and the exhaustion the next day, life would be much duller without her, and you only have to thank your clumsy self
uhh i feel like this is very short but yeah ❤️ requests are open so go crazy mfs ‼️
#attack on titan#attack on titan fanfiction#attack on titan x reader#hange zoe#pieck finger headcanons#pieck finger x reader#pieck finger#pieck x reader#pieck headcanons#pieck aot#marcel galliard#porco galliard#porco galliard x reader#zeke jaeger x reader#zeke yeager x reader
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Part 2
Tony: hey so Pepper and I wanted to go on a date night and- Loki: I'll handle Morgan and Peter. You guys take your time. Tony: ...you're not even asking for anything in return this time around? Loki: If I was to ask anything it would be that you don't return Tony: ouch. i am wounded, really, loki. here i was thinking you’d gone good Loki: eVeRY tiMe you guys return its when we're in the middle of something fun! Tony: lighting candles in a circle and writing in strange blood to commune with dead presidents to lecture them on ethics is NOT a regular pastime for kids!! Loki, mumbling: mj and peter were enjoying it --- Loki: today we shall go shopping Morgan: you have cash?? Loki, in a perfect impression of Thor: No, I don't have cash, but I do have an electronic card which stores credits. It's called a credit card. Peter: ohmygoodness tell me thor hasn't actually said that Loki: He did not. Peter: okgood, my faith in him is preserved- Loki: he said it about emails, right around when he asked why he would need a phone or a computer to receive them Shuri, solemn: may his ancestors provide his lost soul guidance Loki: yeah...uhh... maybe don't hope thor asks odin or bor to get involved since they'd probably tell him to commit genocide when he rage quits trying find the laptop's power button Morgan: geNocide? what's that Loki: In this case it refers to the mass extermination of a race PEter Shuri and Morgan: *stare at him in disbelief* Loki: what, you didn't know that?
---
Tony: wait so Thor did that and then YOU ALSO attempted GENOCIDE before turning up on Earth?? why tf would you do that!! Loki: My grandad did it! both my father's did it! my brother did it! I thought it was a family tradition! --- Pepper: Loki, why did my 4 year old hand me a critical piece on the negative ethical implications of genocide to proofread? Loki: I feel like that's a question for your 4 year old Pepper: Loki: What! It's an important topic and children should be able to solidify correct moral beliefs from an early age! --- Tony: LOKI, if you don't stop terrorizing people RIGHT NOW I am calling off your weekend playdate Loki: *dramatic gasp* you cant do that! I have rights! Tony: Not if I decide to lock the front door! Loki, scoffing: as if THAT would stop me from getting in Tony: If you don't make those penguins normal-sized again I swear you wont get hot chocolate for a week! Loki, lips trembling: but- but- you cant just do that! Tony: I'll stop you from reading bedtime stories too! Loki: No! You know how much those mean to M- Tony: JUst turn the penguins normal and get them out of those ridiculous avenger costumes, Loki! Loki: But its FUNNY- Tony: No it isnt Loki: yes it is Tony: no it isnt Loki: yes, it is The Avengers, watching them argue: what. the. frick. --- Shuri: Did you know jellyfish have survived for 600,000 years without a brain? Loki: A ray of hope for Thor --- Morgan: isnt this mean? wont he get angry? Loki: it depends on your definition of ‘mean’, and ‘angry’ really. And also whether you'll value his face when he notices more or less than the consequences. Morgan, shrugging as she helps loki dye Tony's goatee orange: oh okay --- Tony: stop corrupting my kid!! Loki: Morgan? Anything to say about his claims? Morgan: dad, corruption is a social construct which subjectively classifies deeds done for personal gain with a negative light Tony: Morgan, looking Tony in the eyes: and I do this for free
---
[t'challa enters the lab] T'Challa: Shuri I need you to adjust the ne- [t'challa looks up to see the lab has been cleared in the centre and is being used as a stage as shuri peter harley and morgan take turns rehearsing shakespeare soliloqueys and inserting vine and movie references] T'Challa, smiling fondly: I'll just come back later
---
Tony: you KNOW Doctor Who is on at this time and every single time you attack you pick NOW Loki: You can hardly prove that it is intentional Tony: you prick! i know for a fact it aint coincidence because it happens every single week! And you’ve literally got DALEKS and CYBERMEN running around today! And last week it was actual literal Weeping Angels that teleported people! Loki: now, now, Anthony, calm down, is this really how a father of four reacts to missing a tv show? Tony: a father of FIVE because apparently you're one of the immature kids on that list too! Loki: well, i guess my equivalent age does fit in with the rest of your brood Tony: YEA- WAit what, how old are you exactly?? Loki: only a bit younger than thor Tony: who is like, a gazillion years old Loki: He's the equivalent of 21, actually. Maybe 22 by now? The Avengers, looking over to Thor: what. the. frick.
#morgan and loki regularly terrorise tony and laugh about it#t'challa is glad his sister is enjoying herself#thor is the only one ALL of them will work together to prank because he's Asgardian and can take it#loki runs around causing mischief and being labelled as a villain for... making penguins go tiny or huge and dressing them up in cosplay#loki refers to the kids as his 'minions'#one day tony will realise loki is the equivalent of their age too and then tony will be adopting loki#not that it'll change anything other than playfully calling each other dad and son#loki: where are the children?#tony: YOU are the CHILDREN#pepper: i cant believe you left a 17 yr old in charge of the kids at home alone tony you're so irresponsible istg#LokiAdoptsAU
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Feelings
Pairings: Reader x Hyunjae x Q
Genre: Angst x Fluff
Warnings: None
Summary: A story of a love triangle (not really)
Having a guy as your best friend can really be tricky sometimes because when you're both single, you spent almost every time together and you somehow unconsciously developing feeling for him. It get worst when you enrolled to the same college right after high school. It was okay at the first two or three semester, you had each other by your side through thick and thin, knowing more every little thing about each other just like the back of your hand which resulting you to fell harder for him. Your biggest mistake was you were sure he'll never slip off from your finger.
But he did.
And you let him.
You felt the painful prick inside in every flesh of your heart just by the sight of his beautiful glimmering eyes every single time she walks by. You swallowed the pain that is in the form of a thorn and pretend you're not affected by it at all, and you thanked heaven for blessing you with the art of hiding your true feeling for him. You even encourage him to make a move on her just to make you facade more believable.
What a fool.
Because it was the only way for you to keep him as your best friend at least, just to keep him close to you even if he doesn't like you the way you like him. But how wrong you are.
He made a move to talk to her and she seems to be interested too. But then again who doesn't, Changmin is one of the most talented and charming person in the campus, everyone loves him even the lecturer. In no time, they were together, they were lover and you had to watch every single day he hold her like the way you always crave for, the affection, the looks and the kiss. But you smiled anyway, each time you met his eyes, or hers. She became your friend too, you couldn't hate her at all.
“I’m fine.” You lied one day when he hesitated to run straight to her or stay with you by the time she came into the view at the cafeteria.
“Go ahead spend time with your girlfriend.” You said nudging him with a smile.
“I’ll call you tonight.” He ruffles your hair with an apologetic frown which you shake your head to and he run to her while she waved at you so innocently and you waved back with the sincerest smile you could pull even when your heart dropped down to your stomach leaving it's place painfully empty.
He didn't call that night. Or texted. The frequent chatting and long conversation between you two started to die down until he barely contact you anymore. You missed him, but there's nothing you could do to have him back. There is nothing you can do.
Each day he spend his free time with her and barely had any time with you anymore. but you didn't want him to feel bad so you started to hang out with other people even if its never the same like when you're with him, it will never be the same. but you need to accept the fact that you couldn't keep him for yourself anymore, you want him to be happy even if its not with you, even if his happiness breaks your heart.
You need to let go because all those late night conversation that you both been sharing, all his problems that you can't fix for him, all his inner battle that never seems to settled. You think maybe she could help to put it to ease because you know you can't. if you could, you wouldn't have heard the same ranting every night. So you keep your distance with him just so you wont break his relationship, so you wont take away their happiness.
“That’s nice.” You heard someone spoke from your back as you done putting up the pictures you took as told by your mentor at the bulletin board where all the art student displayed their work. You look back and saw a tall guy admiring your work and you step back a little to stand next doing the same thing. It was the picture you took at the Han river during your night walk alone.
“Is this yours?” he asked pointing to the picture glancing at you then back to it.
“yeah.” You answered simply, looking at the still picture of the city lights taken by the bridge with blurry passer by.
“It feels so lonely, but peaceful at the same time.” He spoke and you smiled looking down, it was true what he said, you felt so lonely but is somehow made you feel calm that you thought maybe letting him go was the right thing. He's never been yours from the start.
“I'm Hyunjae by the way.” He held out his hand and you look up to his face which had the sweetest smile on that made you smile back and took his hand.
“I’m Y/N.”
Hyunjae took no time to be your friend, he was easy to talk to and you love his company. Slowly, you manage to bury your feeling for Changmin deeper day by day and Hyunjae did so much to replace him. Somehow he did it, he didn't have anything in common with Changmin but you like the challenge of knowing him anyway, it was always new thing every day, a pleasant surprise.
“Y/N.” Hyunjae chirped startling you in the process and he laugh at the way you flustered making you hit his shoulder lightly.
“What are you doing?” He asked taking a seat next to you at the cafeteria.
“Nothing, just editing these.” You pull the side of your laptop a little to show him your work and he lean over to take a closer look.
“You really are a talented photographer.” He complimented making you pushed his shoulder bashfully.
“hey i was wondering.” He leaned back to his seat pondering with his words, looking down to his hands while you paid full attention to him.
“I've got ticket for next week music festival.”
“Really? I didn't manage to get mine though, they've sold out weeks ago.” You frowned
“I got two ticket you know. So.. maybe.. you want to come with me?” you laughed at the way he adorably dragging his words and he grinned sheepishly.
“I’d love to.” You smiled and he did too staring into your eyes for a while before looking away bashfully. He had completely filled the void and help you put back you heart into its place, ready to love again. But you wait. You wait for it to heal perfectly so you can love Hyunjae with all of it without having Changmin ever crossing your mind anymore.
“You’re going with who?”
Changmin voice raised a little when you told him you're going to the music festival with Hyunjae. Its been a while since you both get to spend time with each other, you were finally feeling genuinely fine by it now that you have Hyunjae by your side. Its already the music festival week and Changmin probably didn’t want you to feel left out so he ask you to come along with his girlfriend. But when you said you already have a date, he was a little mad making you wondering, giving the sparks of feeling for him that you buried deep down a light. A dim light, but enough for it to slowly crawling back to the surface, but you ignore it.
“Why?” You asked, still walking a step ahead from him to the cafeteria.
“Since when do you became close with him?”
“Just recently, wait. It think its been two months.” You shrugged and he exhaled.
“Do you like him?” He asked suddenly making you stop on your track stepping a little to the side before turning back to look at him questioningly. You were actually asking him mentally ‘Are you jealous?’ but another word came out instead.
“He's a nice guy and what's wrong with that?”
“Be honest, you hang out with him just because i started dating aren't you?” you were taken aback a little by his words. It was true at first, you were hanging out with Hyunjae so you didn't feel empty anymore. But when time passed, he's been growing so much in you and you're started to fall for him.
“What? No Ji Changmin, as far as I could remember I have the right to date anyone I want my friend.”
“What?” He raised his voice again and you hissed at him playfully rolling your eyes.
“Hey.” You heard Hyunjae from the back snaking his hands around your waist pulling you close to him until your back touches his front and you look up to him instantly with a big smile.
“Hey you.” You coos ignoring Changmin who was crossing his arms on his chest in annoyance by the sight of Hyunjae hands casually touch you.
“I’ll pick you up tonight at eight okay.” He smiled sweetly making the butterflies inside you to rise full with pride.
“Alright I see you tonight.” You touch his shoulder trailing your hand down to his chest as he peck your cheek before letting him run to his friends. You look back to Changmin who was raising his eyebrow.
“What?” you chuckle continue walking to the cafeteria.
“I don't like him.” He stated
“that’s not nice Changmin, you barely know the guy.”
“its just been two month and he already being touchy with you and you let him kiss you.”
“It just a peck Changmin. Stop being over protective.” You shake your head trying to laugh him off.
“And besides, two month is enough even for us to sleep together.” You shrugged making his eyes widen in pure shock at your words.
“You what?!”
“I was just kidding you idiot.”
It has been full three month since Hyunjae first talked to you and you decided to confess to him. Your feeling for him was crystal clear and you had no doubt about his feeling for you. He had untie the tight knot that was constantly pulled every time you saw Changmin with his girlfriend until you felt nothing but happy for them.
In those three months, Changmin had slowly fades from you even when he was right in front of you or when they were standing in the same room, the first who catches you attention was no longer Changmin, it was Hyunjae. You were lying if the feeling for him had completely gone, but your feeling for Hyunjae were much more prominent and you were happy
“Are you going to the trip to see the cherry blossom?” Hyunjae asked when you both were having lunch at your usual spot at the cafeteria.
“I think so.” You answered still checking the picture you took leaving your food untouched.
“Yah, enough with the camera.” He whined attempting to take the camera away from your hand but you saw what he was going to do and turn your back on him with a giggle.
“Wait, I need to delete some picture first or else I’m going to forget which one to delete.” You reason out stopping him from taking it away.
“let me see then.” He leaned his chin on your shoulder and you showed it to him one by one.
“No don’t delete that, its beautiful.” He pointed out at the picture of the blurry crowd you took while you both was walking down the Itaewon streets and you looked to your side until your lips almost brushed his cheek, but he backed away just enough to give you space to turn your body.
“Its kind a blurry don't you think?” You showed a few picture with the same scenery until your head bumped into each other when you lean in trying to show him and you both laughed. his hand caressed the spot where his head had bumped.
“You always took a blurry picture and its nice, its your style, or signature.” He said while patting your head and you smile at him, thanking him for his sweet words.
“You want to go with me?” He asked again since you didn’t answer him yet, and you chuckle looking up to him, he was smiling like an angel waiting for you to answer.
“Who else am i going with.” You smiled and he smile back giddily crushing you with his bear hug.
“But why did you sounds like i am the only option? What about your friends?” he asked pulling his body away for a little with a frown.
“If you want me to go with them, then i’ll go with them.” You shrugged making him whined.
“no. I was just asking.” He pulled you back to his hug and you giggled ruffling his hair.
“I’m planning to take my mom’s car so we wont have to rush the bus and trains.” He let you go, pulling your food closer to you gesturing you to start eating and you complied by placing your camera on the table.
“What? Its going to more exciting taking trains and bus with other students don’t you think?” you suggested, imagining you taking picture of people having fun in the train.
“Hadong is a huge place, the last bus going to leave at six. You think its enough time? Besides i want to watch the stars from there, they said the sky is the prettiest there during the night.”
“We can spend the night there and catch the bus next morning.” You suggested making him stop mixing his rice looking at you all flustered.
“What?” you teased bumping your shoulder into his.
“If you okay with it then why not.” He scratch the back of his head nervously and a big smile creep on your face just by the sight of his giddiness. You turn back to your food and ate in silence with him doing the same. He really had been growing so much in you.
Far back from the corner of the cafeteria, there stood Changmin witnessing everything that tug something painful inside of him. He shake the feeling away and walked to the opposite side of your spot sitting with his back facing you and Hyunjae trying so hard to ignore the growing pain inside of him.
The long ride to Hadong was fun just like you imagined, all the students starts singing out of no where using anything as an instrument and you had a good laugh when some of then cracking the most stupid joke. You took some picture here and there and the result came out well. You and Hyunjae took extra clothes just as planned to spend the night and you really excited to see the whole thing.
It was beautiful, the place was filled with pink cherry blossom blooming beautifully and the way the flower flew when the wind blow just like a snow. Cherry blossom snow. It really felt like a movie with you standing under a cherry blossom tree with Hyunjae holding your waist while you taking picture. He will rest his chin on your shoulder everytime you show the result to him. If you had to describe how your feeling for Hyunjae, you will call it a blooming cheery blossoms.
“watch your step, there’s plenty of rocks and pebbles along the way.” He said handing you your twisted potato after helping you settles on the bench not far from where you both were standing.
You both walked until the end of the cherry blossom path where you saw a river and there's a kayak booth which you pull Hyunjae sleeves running a little in excitement, wanting to give it a try with Hyunjae giggling while being dragged by you.
But a voice stopped you from running, it was a familiar voice. You look back to see Changmin and his girlfriend rushing to both of you.
“What in the hell are you doing?” he huffed annoyingly at you not even sparing any look to your boyfriend and you were offended by the way he spoke.
“What does that supposed to mean?”
“you missed the bus.”
“And you're not?” You spat back annoyingly taking a step forward, your eyebrow twitched and he scoffed at your response thickening the tension between both of you.
He was beginning to get into your nerve since you started to date Hyunjae.
“We were there at the bus but he insisted waiting for both of you.” His girlfriend explained and you couldn't help to feel bad for her.
“We were planning to stay the night.” Hyunjae stepped forward pulling you back closer to him and you noticed the frown on Changmin's face when he did that. Was that jealousy? Had he figured that he had feelings for you too? But Hyunjae's grip on your arm pulled you out from that thoughts and you look back to him pressing your lips into a thin line, forming a smile.
“We will take the first bus tomorrow morning.” You said to Changmin's girlfriend trying to assure her by rubbing her arm and she nod with a smile.
“Okay where are you going to crash for tonight?” changmin spat with his annoying tone that really got into your nerve.
“I’ve booked a place for us, but i'm sure they have more place.”
“We should stick together.”
“Fine.”
For the first time in your life, you feel annoyed by Changmin's presence where he constantly interfere any attempted affection that you and Hyunjae trying to make while he trying to show off his own with his girlfriend which end up annoying her too.
“We should stop by the store first.” Hyunjae suggested and you nod while waiting for the bus to the motel.
“I'm tired, can we just go straight to the motel.” Changmin whined and you rolled your eyes shooting him an annoyed look and he just shrugged.
“you two can check in first, they had some place for barbeque at the garden by the hotel and we were planning to have one while watching the stars.” You told his girlfriend and she looked excited.
“So romantic.” she coos and you lean your shoulder to Hyunjae who was smiling at you.
“They said the night sky are the best here.” He throw his hand on your shoulder pulling you closer to him letting you snuggles to his chest.
“You can join us if you want.” he suggested to Changmin and his girlfriend which you shot him a look with a frown.
“What? Its going to be fun and i can get to know your best friend more.” He whispered and you melted at the way how hard he tried to get close to your best friend.
“Thank you.” You caress his hands with your thumb smiling up to him and he smiles back like he always did.
The night went well, but the conversation was mainly between you and Hyunjae while Changmin and his girlfriend seems to fall into silence only talk when being asked. You stop Hyunjae from trying to get close to Changmin by snuggling with him under the blanket where you brought just for the occasion while watching the stars.
You admired him while he was admiring the scattered stars up in the sky, looking at it like he was in love with it just like you're in love with him.
“Y/N can you walk me to my room for a while?” Changmin snaps you away from the most beautiful view and you sighed. He was tipsy from drinking a little too much and you could tell.
“Its okay, I'll clean this up and meet you at the room right after.” Hyunjae said helping you getting up and you nod letting him peck your forehead before leading Changmin into the building.
“Are you going to sleep with him?” Changmin asked suddenly after you both were inside the building.
“Yes.” You answered in a heartbeat even if you don't know whether Hyunjae is having the same idea with you, but you admit it anyway just so Changmin will stop bothering you.
“If i told you not to would you listen to me?” he stop walking making you stop turning your body fully to face him.
“Why?”
“Because I love you.” He said, petrifying you with his words, it was the word you had been waiting for years, a words that you always pray for so he will uttered it to you one day. a word that you’ve been dying to hear.
But that was before, that was you dream before Hyunjae and you were glad that it doesn't affect you like the way you thought it will be.
“I know you love me too. I know you love me since so long and i'm sorry for pretending that i didn't see it.” He took a few step closer to you but you didn't flinch. There were disappointment, but it doesn’t matter to you anymore. you didn’t care why he didn't do anything about it and keep it to himself. but you were curious.
“Why did you date her if you knew?”
“Because i thought i didn't feel the same way.” You exhaled at his answer looking down not knowing what to say or what to do with that information. But then he lift your chin with his index finger and leaned closer to kiss you.
You let him kiss you not knowing there's a pair of eyes that has been witnessing everything. When you kissed Changmin back, he shut his eyes only to see you smile to the kiss the moment he open his eyes. Couldn’t bear the pain in his chest anymore, he walked away from the scene.
“Changmin we had our chance.” You slowly push his body away from you, pulling yourself away from the dizzying kiss. It put your mind into a great mess, that your mind keeps buzzing like a static radio. but when other thing was blurry and hazy, one thing that stood out so clear, just like the picture you always took. it was your feeling for Hyunjae.
“Y/N please.” He took your hand placing it on his chest.
“You had your chance in all those years to confess but you didn't.” You let go of his hands holding your own.
“I'm not blaming you entirely because its my fault too for being a coward. But we had our chance Changmin, and we blew it.”
“and i'm in love with somebody else.”
“i’m in love with Hyunjae.”
“He saw us kissed.”
“No.”
“He just left.”
“You asshole. It was intentional wasn't it?”
“I just had to.”
“Hyunjae.” You called softly after entering the room that you both shared. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down to his hands. Nervousness starting to creep inside you by the sight and the silence from him. You stood there by the door looking down at your feet, hands fidgeting with the rim of your dress.
“You should sleep, we need to catch the first bus in the morning.” He said standing up with blanket on his hands walking to the couch just right next to the bed without looking at you. But you didn’t budge, still looking down like a kid getting scolded by their parents for causing a big trouble.
You bit your lips hard when tears starts to brimmed in your eyes. You didn’t even dare to blink, not wanting the tears to fall.
“I’m tired, can you turn off the light please.” He said and you look up to where he already lay down, covering his body using the blanket, his back facing you. You hold your sniffles and do as told leaving the room in pitch black.
“Hyunjae.” Your voice cracked and you swallow hard to make it easier your you to speak.
“I-I am so-”
“I’m tired Y/N. Please, let me rest. Its been a long day.” He cut your words, but not sharp enough. But it still hurts you. It hurts you because you hurt him and you didn’t even know how to explain.
With the help of the lights peeking through the window, you slowly walked to your bag and take your clean clothes and toiletries.
You turn on the shower letting the warm water run down your skin while you stood there looking into spaces not long before you break down, covering your mouth not wanting to be heard by him. It was the longest you ever cried, longer than the day Changmin asked his girlfriend out. It was even longer than when you bid your goodbye to your parents at the airport.
God, how much you love him, and now you’re losing him.
Hyunjae haven't spoke a word to you since the bus ride back to the city and you didn't dare to speak to him either. The ride was awfully silent and you could hear Changmin and his girlfriend giggled from the back seat. You couldn't help to think that they were mocking you both but you know they weren't. You suddenly feels empty without Hyunjae's constantly touching you like he always did when he's being excited over something or just feeling like touching you, or teasing you. He didn't even whined when you too immersed into the picture you took with your camera. You felt emptier than the time Changmin left you.
You didn't blame him for cutting every connection between you two after breaking up with you over a text and let you fall back to the loneliness. You didn't blame Changmin for not even consoling you after he heard the news of your break up with Hyunjae. You blame yourself for being you, you blame yourself for existing, for hurting people who had no other intention but to love you and you deserve the resentment that you get from him. You blame yourself for not figuring out your feelings for Hyunjae and didn't try hard enough to make him stay.
You were back to zero, alone at the cafeteria watching people and love birds walking around then get back to your pictures on your laptop ignoring the painful void inside of your heart.
You bumped into him the day after the break up, you didn't look away when you both walk past each other at the hall, neither did him. But he seems to had those indifferent look as soon as his eyes laid on you and you try hard not to show too much emotion when he's around. But it was hard, because you always saw him even when you’re not looking.
“Y/N, the portfolio that you emailed me. It was perfect. The four season portfolio.” Your mentor spoke when he saw you just about started to pack your things while your other class mate had already left. Its your routine since the break up, so you wont bumping into Hyunjae because your afternoon class always ends at the same time as his.
“It wasn't complete yet Mr Yoon. I was waiting for your feedback for anything that i should fix or re-edit.” You look up to him slinging your bag on your shoulder.
“I’ll send you my feedback later.” He said and you give him a bow.
“Y/N, I was wondering.” Mr. Yoon voice stopped you from turning on your heels and you look at him. waiting for him to finish his sentence.
“have you been fine these day?” He asked leaning his back on the desk, crossing his arm on his chest.
“Yes. Why do you ask Mr.Yoon?”
“I knew you're running a photography blog for a long time, i have to admit it was wonderful and i even think that some of the photo you posted there should have come in with the portfolio. But you recent photo, they seems lonely.” He stop when you looked down. He must have seen your blog update, but you didn't know that it was obvious. He's your mentor and also one of the psychology professor that taught about behavior, of course he could see it.
“I’m fine Mr.Yoon.” you finally look up to him with a forced smile. “Its just life-” your breath hitched and you swallowed hard trying not to choke on your own words.
“Its just life, those ups and down.” You inhaled looking back down avoiding his gaze.
“Don’t let yourself dwell too long in it Y/N. Its okay to look back sometimes, it hard. Even if our shoes don't fit, we had our own obstacle in life, we have our own way to move on. But i hope you'll cope.” You smile to his words before bowing to him as he bid you goodbye.
You went to Itaewon alone that night taking the path that both of you and Hyunjae had been taking, tracing back all the fond memories that you shared. You even went back to Hadong alone on the weekend doing the same thing you did with him, taking picture of empty spot where it used to be filled by him. It was sad. But you need to cope. Once you had your best friend, then you have Hyunjae. But when they both left, you had nothing. Only their memories. But the most prominent one is Hyunjae's. You want to relive them for the last time before moving on.
Its the hardest every time he saw you smiling and laughing at your friend's joke. He missed that and he still want to be the one who make you laugh. He hate you for being happy right after the break up, did you really moved on that fast? Did you really don't have any feeling for him? Or did you really using him to get back to Changmin?
But there were also time when he saw you sitting alone at the cafeteria, watching people walks by with sad eyes before going back to your laptop or your camera leaving your food untouched and it made his stomach sinks in guilt. The sight take him back to the night where he heard your sniffles echoes inside the bathroom that the sound of the shower couldn’t hide.
You loved someone else and its no point to keep you if your heart is unobtainable from the start.
“Hyung, why did you break up with Y/N?” Juyeon asked when he saw you walk into the cafeteria alone with your hands full with books and headphones on. He didn't want to answer that question. He's been dreading to answer when everyone asked, he's tired of hearing people saying that you both look good together and all.
“We're taking a break.”
Its the only thing he could came up with without humiliating you or him. Its sounds like he was expecting you to come back to him, it was an open answer, it was a message for you maybe one day when you heard what he said regarding your relationship, maybe. Just maybe you change your mind and come back to him.
It was pathetic and he know it, but the romance was short, so short that he wanted more. While he was trying to look away from staring at you, he saw Changmin seated a few table away from where he was and he was expecting Changmin to get up and help you with the pile of books on your hand.
But instead, Changmin didn't even look up from his phone and you didn't even spare him a glance, just walking straight to the far corner of the cafeteria settling your stuff on the table, sitting down and played with your phone without looking around.
“Hyung?” Juyeon snaps him away from staring at you and stammered at the younger guy.
“Get back with her if you want to keep looking at her like that.” He stated and Hyunjae just shrugged him off.
‘Weird' he thought, he swears he saw you kissed Changmin back that night. You even smiled to the kiss, but why are you both giving each other a cold shoulder. Why aren't you both together when Changmin said he loves you and he said you love him too. It hurt him when you didn't even denied it, he hate you for kissing him when you were his girlfriend.
He heard your voice in the art studio after helping a random girl who was carrying too much of a canvas for painting she said. He stood there just like the other day when you were talking to your professor.
“Is it true that everybody dies alone?” You asked, you sounded so weak, the light in your eyes faded by each passing day. At first he thought you were still saddened by the way Changmin still with his girlfriend but when he confront Changmin one day.
“We had our chance but I blew it. She's in love with someone else.” -changmin
But that is all what he get from the guy, Changmin still didn't want to talk to him. He started to think that you love him, not Changmin. But he wasn't really sure either, if your relationships mattered to you, you should have talk him out not ignoring him, so he did the same. Ignoring you even how painful it was knowing the truth that you love him.
“Does that scares you?” Kevin asks taking your attention away from the window where you both propped your chin on your palm on one of the table nearest to the window while sitting down watching the sun sets.
“I don't want to be alone.” You whispered under your breath but it was clear, so clear that it hurts Hyunjae at your words.
“You missed him?”
“I do. So much that it hurts.”
“Why didn't you tell him the truth?”
“He saw me kissed Changmin back. If you're at his place would you listen to me when I try to explain?”
“No.”
“I’ve made myself a fool enough by kissing Changmin back.”
“Why did you kiss him back?”
“You know how I feel about him before. It was a dream to kiss him.” you chuckle while Kevin scoffed at your words.
“But the thing is, when i kissed him, i was thinking about Hyunjae as soon as i closed my eyes.” You smiled.
“Its just that, i finally know that love doesn't feel the same way with each person.”
“What do you mean”
“when i was in love with changmin it felt like home every time im with him. Maybe Its because he provides me one when i move back here during high school, he gave me something to rely on when i had no one, or when my brother was too occupied by his baseball. Then Hyunjae came when there’s a hole in my chest, my heart that once there was gone when Changmin left, Hyunjae starts to fill it again, slowly but in a beautiful way. He made me feel alive again. At first i thought it wasn't love because it felt so different from Changmin’s. But i get it now, love doesn't come with one specific shape or sizes.” You sit straight stretching your limbs leaning back to the chair to ease your back.
“Love is an abstract, you can't see it, you can't feel it but you know its there, you know it exist. it changes through times. Its like painting, you put down whenever comes through your mind freely on the canvas, sometimes it look nice and sometimes it doesn't. people might don't understands what we're trying to convey but it doesn't matter, as long as we knew what is it, what it means to us.” You smiled looking down staring at you clasped cold hand before glancing to your friend next to you and he looked disgusted, making you giggled at his expression.
“You are disgustingly in love. Tell him you idiot.” Kevin throw his head back with a grunt and you laugh him off.
“I don't know Kev, I’m just scared. I'm afraid because what I did was wrong. Its wrong kissing someone else just to figure out who do you love. Its pathetic. Stupid.” You exhaled looking back to the dark outside world, wondering what is he doing right now. Who is he with, did he replace you yet, or did he suffers just like how you did. You chuckled to the last thought thinking why would he suffers for the one who treated him just like you did.
“He probably don't like me anymore.” You wanted to say hate, but 'like' probably could hurt less when you said it out loud.
“I never said that.” You and Kevin eyes snaps wide open when you heard another voice instead of both of you echoes from the silence. You know that voice and when you saw Kevin eyes were fixed to someone at your back, you didn't dare to look back.
“Okay imma go.” Kevin took his bag and phone, standing up and was about to leave you, but you manage to get a grip on his wrist.
“Don’t you dare.” You warned but he just smile and wiggled his wrist away from your strong grip and when you let go, he pat your head with an assuring smile.
“This is your chance, don't waste it.” He stroke your hair softly, smiling to Hyunjae with a curt nod before walking to the exit leaving you both in the studio in silence.
“Sorry i didn't mean to eavesdrop.” He said voice coming closer with his footsteps and you still didn't dare to look back. Your body numbed while your heart pounded so hard that you were sure your chest could explode anytime.
“Y/N.” He called softly when he appeared in you peripheral view, kneeling right next to where you were seated, you shut your eyes tight not dare to look at him.
“Sorry I didn't give you any chance to explain.”
“Sorry.” He repeated again but you still too scared to look at him.
“would you please look at me.” You felt his touch on your cold hand and you turn your head slowly, meeting his beautiful gaze. It was different from the past few week where they were cold and uninviting. But right now, his gaze was soft, warm and pleading.
“Hyunjae.” You whispered, holding his hand and he hold yours tighter.
“Can we please start over again?” he said, almost pleading melting you
“Even after what I’ve done?” you tilt your head to the side and he smiles wider bringing his one hand to your cheek, caressing it slowly with his thumb.
“As long as you love me.” He said and if your muscle wasn't strong enough, your heart could probably explode from the happiness.
“I do.” You crashed your body into him so hard that he almost stumbled back but manage to balance his body.
“I love you so much Hyunjae and I'm sorry for being an idiot. You can kiss other girl once and i dont mind.” You pull away, with your hand still rested on his shoulder, kneeling in front of him.
“Why would i want to kiss other girl?” he frowned and you stuttered.
“Just so we can even out or-“ he didn't let you finish by capturing your lips into his own and you kiss him back in a heartbeat feeling his lips moulded perfectly into your own into a long kiss.
“Let me kiss that pretty lips everyday and we're even.” He said after pulling away to catch his breath and rest his forehead on yours and you smiled breathlessly.
"Anything for my amazing boyfriend."
A/N: This was written before ‘Kevin Moon’ and it was meant for Changmin baby but I just cant hurt my Hyunjae, I’m so sorry. Things really had been hard on me lately (mentally) but i’m trying to get back on track (writing). This is not my best work and i am not in the best shape but i hope you enjoyed this one. thank you.
#the boyz#TBZ#tbz scenarios#the boyz hyunjae#tbz imagines#tbz hyunjae#hyunjae#lee hyunjae#hyunjae scenarios#hyunjae drabbles#the boyz scenarios#hyunjae imagines
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🇪🇸ella es linda🇪🇸
finally fallin' chapter 2
<arón piper x reader>
(The spanish is all google translate, i wont take responsibility for mistakes)
chapter 2
„Hola" a tall, very handsome man with a silver hoop dangling from his ear and short brown hair spoke and got closer to the both of you.
His eyes were brown, light brown with a hint of green maybe. Plump, nice lips and a mole under his left eye.
He was wearing a loose blue polo shirt and some black jeans. Under the shirt you could see a silver necklace sparkling towards you.
You were startled by his appearance. He was really attractive to you and you had to do a lot not to start stuttering. „We talked before I think."
You shook his hand.
„Y/n, nice to meet you too."
He smiled brightly and gave you a long gaze before looking over to his friend.
It was quiet between you guys for a second until you broke the silence by saying:"Alright I wont bother you guys any longer, have a nice day you too."
Your „classmate" nodded and then asked:"Am I gonna see you in photography tomorrow?"
You nodded at him.
„Wait can I get your number so we can text each other if one of us is lost on campus or anything."
He laughed.
Excited you agreed and afterwards you put your number in his phone.
„Y/n ya?“ He asked as he read through it again.
„Yeah, and you?“
His friend Arón chuckled quietly and then replied for him:“His name is Itzan.“
Well at least now you knew his name.
„Alright.“ you laughed and pushed some hair out of your face.
„Okay see you tomorrow then." You put your phone back in your purse and said goodbye. „Hasta luego." He spoke as you slowly walked away, giving the tall handsome another glance, smiling.
He was really good looking, you'd already figured that and he seemed to be nice. He helped out his friend after all.
Since you had nothing else to do than get back to your place and unpack some last things that you hadnt gotten the chance to in the past week. Especially your clothes had to be sorted into your white wooden closet before they all got wrinkly and started to smell from your suitcases.
So you went on with it. After grabbing an apple you turned on some music and finally finished unpacking and decorating your place.
As you were about to turn on the tv and sat down on the bed you heard your laptop making a „ring" noise.
Email.
Who would send you an email nowadays?
You carefully grabbed your laptop, opened the mail service and started reading.
„Dear class,
I've had a good time today getting to know some of you and bringing you the fine arts of photography closer.
Due to the loose schedule we need to start soon with the practical work.
What I'd like you to do is, find yourself a group of other students in this course (2-4) and work on a photography series that expresses a certain feeling. The series should include 5 individual photographies that all somehow work together either in color moments, editing or background.
Find a nice location, take some shots and be creative with either photoshop or other photo editor programs.
You can be free in the choice of materials, if you'd like to use a professional camera, we can sort that out in our next class.
But using you phone would be enough for now.
I hope you're all having a wonderful day, see you in the next course.
Sandra Rodriguez"
Alright, you figured. No problem at all, you could ask Itzan if he wanted to work with you since he's the only person you've talked to so far. And it should be fun.
He was really handsome, maybe he'd be willing to be the model for this series.
He mustve gotten the email as well, so you decided to ask him the next day if he wanted to work on it with you.
So first things first, you wrote down some ideas you'd like to shoot and made some sketches on your iPad.
Afterwards you watched some shows for a while and then had a long phone call with one of your friends from back home.
You went to bed rather early this day just to feel good tomorrow for a rather long day. You had 4 different classes the next day. First course would be fine arts, starting at 9, then photography again and after that a class of media‘s. Then a 2 hour break and as a last class of the day you‘d have typography.
The class you were most excited about was media, you‘ve always wanted to design ads and stuff on medias.
And you were definitely going to talk to Itzan about the photography series project, but you were confident he‘ll say yes since he doesnt seem to be friends with anyone else yet.
*time skip to 2:45 next day*
„Hey.“ you greeted the dark haired boy who was sitting at a table in the middle of campus.
Itzan smiled at you. „Buenos dias.“
You smiled back and sat down next to him.
„How was your last class?“ You asked and took out the sandwich you had just bought.
Itzan leaned back and started telling you about his last informatics class that he already regretted taking.
„Aw man, i hope you can get out of it.“ you said with half your mouth full.
He nodded and replied:“Yeah i hope so too, how was yours?“
-„It was great! Media is fun, we were drawing some fruits on photoshop as a first practice.“
You guys kept on talking about your different classes until you decided it was time to brainstorm a bit for the photography project. Itzan actually had been the one to ask you if you wanted to work as a team which made you glad because that meant you didnt have to be awkward.
So first you showed him the ideas you had written down the previous night and he added some things he‘d like to do.
„Do you want to model this though?“ you laughed and looked up to him.
He gave you a disgusted look.
„No... Do I have to?“ he asked confused.
You started laughing from his reaction. „No you dont HAVE to, but i dont want to do it either.“
Just as he wanted to complain his phone rang.
„Its your boy.“ he grinned and picked up.
„Hola...“ he spoke into the phone and kept on speaking in Spanish so you didnt really understand.
„Maybe we could ask him!“ you suddenly exclaimed after thinking about it.
Itzan looked up to you and put the phone away from his ear for a second. „Arón?“ he asked.
You nodded.
He then laughed and seemed to actually ask Arón about it.
„He said no.“
You pouted and put your hand out to gesture you wanted the phone.
„Let me ask.“
Itzan grinned, said something to Arón and handed you the phone.
„Hey Arón.“ you spoke in your sweetest tone.
„I‘m not modeling for you.“ you heard his deep voice laugh.
„Come on, please, we need to do it and none of us wants to do it.“ you spoke and looked at Itzan who had just bitten into an apple.
„Y/n..“ you heard him sigh.
„Por favor.“
He started laughing. You immediately got concerned that he was laughing at your terrible Spanish pronunciation.
After a little bit of silence he answered:“Alright, when?“
You started cheering inside but just replied with a „ohh thank you, perfect!“
-„IF...“
he paused.
„You have to help me with something too.“
You waited for him to tell you what it was.
„Yeah what is it?“ you then asked since he didnt reply.
„Tell Itzan to give me your number, I‘ll text you tonight.“
You started smiling. A cute guy wanted something from you and said he‘d text you tonight.
„Will do! Thank you so much! Gracias.“
He laughed again and you symbolized Arón‘s approval by showing Itzan a thumbs up.
He grinned back at you.
„You‘re welcome, but i‘ll only do it if you help me with my project.“
-„Of course.“ you smiled and nodded. „Cant wait. Thanks, bye, ill give you back to Itzan.“
You heard him chuckle.
„Goodbye y/n.“
Smiling you handed the phone back and went back to eating your sandwich.
Itzan continued talking to Arón until looking at you for a second. He grinned and replied to Arón:“Lo se, ella es linda.“
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wanted to send you a prompt i was gonna do but i am too lazy prompt: mike and will have been dating but havent said i love you, mike is going on some trip for a week where cell phones dont work (obv future fic) and so Byeler is having a phone convo before mike arrives at his destination and they wont be able to talk to each other a week and will says tells mike he loves him but before mike can respond the phone disconnects as Mike arrives at the destinationn
[ crossposted on AO3 ]
“Finished packing yet?”
Mike turns from his suitcase and the clothes piles spread about the floor in his room and grins when he spots Will leaning on the doorframe a few feet away. He’s got two iced coffee cups in hand, indicative of finishing his part-time hours at the local coffee shop a few blocks north from the Byers residence. Mike wonders if Will biked his way over or took a lift with his brother to come visit before the Wheelers make their way on an impromptu trip to upstate New York at a cabin his dad had recently inherited.
The kneeling boy waves his hands at the disorderly state surrounding him and shrugs. “I’m trying and failing at packing the right clothes for this venture, I’ll say that.”
Will chuckles and walks fully into the room. He passes along Mike’s coffee, shoving around haphazardly folded pants to find a seat on the floor beside the other boy. Mike watches him grab a sweater and toss it aside. “It’s summer so you don’t need to pack heavy. Just grab some t-shirts and jeans; that should do. Shorts too if you’d like.”
“Sure,” sighs Mike before sipping from his cup. “I don’t want to make the visit miserable if I’m wearing the wrong clothes. Wrong for the weather and wrong for looking tolerable in the photos I know Mom is gonna force on me.”
Will laughs, a gentle breeze in the summer’s heat. “You’ll look good in whatever you put on.”
“As my boyfriend, you’re kind of obligated to say that.”
“Not really.” the brunette leans in to kiss Mike’s cheek. “I’ll let you know when you look bad if only for the sake of my own eyes.”
“And when you won’t be next to me, how will you judge my outfits properly?”
Will checks his watch and hums. “When’s your departure? If you have time, you can try out some of the outfits and I’ll let you know what works.”
Mike grins as he reaches over Will’s lap and snags a band t-shirt. “Sneaky aren’t you; tryna get me undressed.”
“I’ll cover my eyes.” Will places his unoccupied hand over his eyes but spreads his fingers between his middle and ring fingers to peek through the opening. Mike scoffs, tossing a stray pair of shorts at his face which makes the brunette laugh heartily. Mike already misses Will, the knowledge that they’ll be separated for a week squeezing his heart dry with romantic despair. He wishes Will could come with but the trip was pretty unplanned and though Mike's “job” as a blog writer and editor doesn’t require a remote location, Will’s job doesn’t allow the same ease when taking off work.
(Though Mike thinks he’ll probably still be working offline on an article if his mom doesn’t steal his laptop for “family bonding in the forest” time.)
Mike’s sudden fashion show lasts for about an hour and while Will does offer good input, most of that hour is spent playing around and Mike sneaking in as many kisses as they can get away with whenever Mike peels off a shirt and struggles to get his head through the tight collar of another. Afterwards, Will helps finish packing and when completed, they lounge about on Mike’s bed as Will discusses the customers he met earlier in the day.
Though he knows packing just mere hours before departure isn’t a habit he should develop, especially when the plans for his career require frequent traveling, he spent the night before editing a movie review scheduled for posting during the drive. Mike doesn’t regret his momentary time mismanagement if it means he spends more time with Will before the trip. The article can wait—he’s posting it early anyway—but time spent with his boyfriend is always coveted.
When Mike’s mom knocks on the door, Will pulls away from Mike’s chest where he rested his head as they page through Mike’s hard copy of The Golden Compass which he wanted to review in line with the show’s release. Shaking his head and straightening his hair as best as possible, Mike struts to his door and opens it with raised eyebrows. His mom looks up from checking her phone and offers Mike a tight smile before looking past him to wave at Will.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you two,” she starts warmly, “but Mike, we have to get going soon. The traffic through the city is getting dense thanks to an accident on the 70.”
“Got it,” replies Mike as he turns back to Will, who walks to his side with both their empty cups in hand. “I’ll see you in a few days, Byers.”
“‘Course.” Will grins and leans up to press a gentle kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Call me when you’re getting close to your destination.”
“Sure, worrywart,” he teases but turns his face to kiss Will’s lips one last time before he has to depart. He watches Will nod bashfully at his mom and give her a short goodbye before making his way downstairs. Mike doesn’t look away until he hears the front door closing and then he casts his gaze on his mom. “Are Dad, Nancy, and Holly waiting outside?”
“Yes,” she nods toward the front of the house. “We’ll all just waiting on you now.”
It doesn’t take long for Mike to join his family at the car, and as his dad pulls out the driveway, Mike turns in the direction of the Byers and smiles when he sees Will on his bike a little ways down the road watching. He sticks his hand out the window, his wave only growing more frantic when Will waves back. Holly giggles and Nancy makes a side comment about love sick teenagers as if she wasn’t one herself during her escapades with Steve, Jonathan, and now Robin. The first hour and a half fills with Holly saying “moo” every time they pass a cow on the way to the interstate and Mike feels like smashing his head against his window when they pass a farm and Holly moos until she nearly passes out. Pulling out his phone, Mike shoots Will a selfie of himself despondently looking out the window and groans when his cell service takes its sweet time sending the message along. Mike gets a reply a reply twenty minutes later: Will laughing at his misery with a short additional, “you’ll be there before you know it,” and a bunch of kiss emojis.
The next hour passes with Mike flipping through his ever growing Will gallery, a digital photo album filled with selfies and candid shots of Will, both solo and with Mike. He’s not one for being in photos himself but Will manages to drag him into a few selfies here and there. He doesn’t mind snapping a selfie either by himself or together—cheeks squished as they both attempt to fit in the frame as Mike holds the phone up and out—because Will always asks him to send the photo along and then makes it his lock screen until the next time he convinces Mike it’s photo time.
After settling on a candid shot Mike snapped when he and Will visited Lovers’ Lake and the sun framed Will like a bright halo of fire, Mike settles on playing a mobile game for about another two hours before staring out the window until the trees blend together and his eyes find themselves sliding shut. He wakes up a few times here and there when the family stops at gas stations and picks up snacks—he definitely remembers his mom arguing with his dad about stopping at a hotel which they ultimately don’t do—but he wakes up for the final time to his phone buzzing in his lap, startling him out of a dream he quickly forgets upon waking. Caller ID tags the number as Will and he immediately answers as he scrambles for his headphones in his pocket.
“Hey,” he begins, shoving the headphone plug into the slot at the bottom of the device, “Is everything okay back home?”
“Everything’s great,” Will’s voice crackles on the line and Mike peaks outside in the darkness to notice the forest surrounding him. They must be close to the cabin destination already. He didn’t think he had slept for that long. “Just checking in since it’s about time you’ve arrived if your dad didn’t take a rest.”
Mike laughs. “You’re cute, you know, checking up on me like this.” He hears Nancy snorting and reaches over Holly to pinch her bare arm. She glares at him and covers Holly’s eyes to flip him off. “Nancy says hello by the way.”
“Hello back to her.” Mike can hear Will’s grin and his heart clenches in sorrow at the current distance between them. “Are you doing okay there?”
“Yeah, peachy.” Mike yawns and covers his mouth. “Is it too cheesy to say I already miss you?”
“Maybe, but I miss you, too, so you don’t have to be embarrassed about it.”
A sleepy smile curls itself on Mike’s lips. “One week, Byers; one week and then I’m back.”
“Yeah, but don’t spend your time counting down the days, alright? I’ll do that for us both; you just have a great time at the cabin.”
Mike would kiss him if he could. “I’ll try my best but you know how my brain works.”
“Are you telling me it actually does work?”
“I’m breaking up with you.” Will laughs heartily. “Why are you laughing; I’m serious this time.”
“Sure, Wheeler.” Mike frowns as the last bit of his name gets caught in static. “Hey, I know this is probably something that should wait until you’re back but this separation made me realize I should tell you either way.”
“This sounds pretty important.”
“Yeah. I, uh, you probably already know this though but,” and Will takes a deep breath and releases it, though Mike hears it in short, split crackles. “Mike, I love you.”
The clarity in those four words stuns Mike into speechlessness and his mouth dries as his heart thumps speedily in his chest. Will is right, Mike already knows Will loves him, but this is the first time Will has ever said the fact out loud. I love you echoes in Mike’s head at the reverb levels of a rock guitarist. It takes far too long for his brain to come back online, but by the time it does, the car speeds past a brush of trees and the call suddenly drops. Mike looks down at his phone screen as the loud call dropped tone passes through his headphones. His home screen—a playfully disgruntled selfie as Will kisses his cheek—stares him back in the face as Will’s voice continues to bounce about in his head.
Mike, I love you.
Mike quickly calls back but his phone spits back the message that he has no service. “Nancy,” he hisses even though the entire car heard his part of his conversation with Will anyway, “do you have any service on your phone? I need to call Will back and my phone is being homophobic.”
Nancy raises her eyebrows but checks phone and shakes her head. “Looks like you’re straight out of luck.”
“Ha; you’re quite the comedian, aren’t you.” Mike reaches forward to tap his mom’s arm. “Mom, can I borrow your phone to finish a call?”
“Sorry, sweetie, I’ve lost service, too. I don’t think any of us can use internet on our phones.”
“Does the cabin at least have wifi?”
“Nope,” snorts Mike’s dad as he drives the car down a dirt road further into the forest. “You kids these days need to learn what life is like without cell phones anyway.”
Mike rolls his eyes and mumbles under his breath, “Okay, boomer.”
“What was that, young man?”
“Okay, bummer.” Nancy bites on her bottom lip and Mike sends her a grin before settling in his seat.
Their mom reaches a hand back to rest on Mike’s knee. “It’s only 7 days, Michael. I’m sure both you and Will can last that long without contact.”
He told me he loves me, Mom, he wants to explain but Will’s words are too fresh and far too private to blurt out in front of the whole family. He crosses his arms silently and turns to stare out the window, hoping that Will can wait out these next few days and hoping he doesn’t think Mike hung up on him after such an important conversation. I love you, too, he thinks to himself, smiling as he presses his hand against the chilly window and imagines Will on the other side as if the car window is the window in Will’s room and Will’s inside watching Mike with that ever so lovestruck grin filled with appreciation that Mike came over despite the cold night to comfort Will from the nightmares that occasionally plague him to this day.
I love you, Will, he repeats inwardly, wait for me.
#byler#byeler#mike wheeler#will byers#fluff#drabble#request finished#sidenote: i call the book 'the golden compass' because that's the title in the states!#on ao3
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Crazy Enough
A/N: The prompt was Roommates and Friends to Lovers, so this is what you get. I’m working on the other prompts too, so be on the lookout and let me know if you want to be added to the tags for future ones.
Word Count: 2480
Tag List: @r-ahh-mi, @karla-s-main, @aquamanpng
Warnings: Implied sexual content, jealously, referenced mental trauma, nightmares, no editing to speak of.
God you loved having loaded friends. This apartment was ten kinds of amazing and there was no way in hell you could have ever afforded to live like this on your own, but with Josh and the Washington family fortune, all things were possible.
When Josh had initially suggested living together after college, you’d kind of laughed and made a joke about budget, thinking that would be the end of it, but it was one of Josh’s few thoughts that he really stuck with, clinging like a dog engaged in a game of tug of war.
“That doesn’t matter; I’ll pay for it,” He’d insisted.
You’d resisted. You couldn’t just move in with a guy for free. As much as you wanted your first real apartment as an adult to be nice, you refused to live off the Washington’s charity. “Josh, I can’t live in a place I’m not working for.”
“Come on, Y/N, you know living with me would be a full time job; the least I could do is cover your half of the rent.”
Slowly, over a matter of weeks, he’d broken down your resistance. The final wall had crumbled while you were studying for exams, subsisting on oatmeal and ramen when Josh had shown up at your door, holding a bag full of takeout. “Please live with me,” He’d said and though he smiled you knew him too well not to see the real fear he was feeling; he didn’t want to live alone.
“Fine, but I get first pick of whatever’s in that bag, and I need your notes from the Milgram lecture.”
Now that you were moving in, you couldn’t even feel bad about your dependance because this apartment was so nice. Josh’s mom had thrown herself into decorating it. She needed projects to distract herself, and decorating was one of her few passions that didn’t remind her of her lost daughters. She’d done the whole place with a strange mix of care and fervor, somehow communicating through the decor alone how desperately she wanted this to work out.
“It looks really nice, Mrs. Washington,” You said.
She smiled. “Oh, please, call me Alma. Have you seen your room yet?”
You shook your head and followed her into the best room you’d ever seen. It was all done in soft colors with large windows and tons of light, blankets and extra pillows were artfully and casually draped across every piece of furniture leaving the whole room with a cloudlike feel.
“Josh said you liked soft things,” Mrs. Washington said. “He wanted to surprise you and wouldn’t let me ask you myself.”
If she had asked, you would have lied and said you wanted to do it yourself so that the Washingtons didn’t spend any more money on you, but you couldn’t help but feel glad that no one has asked. You’d never been in a room as nice as this. “It’s perfect.”
“I’m glad to hear that. We’re so grateful that you’re staying with Josh--” She trailed off, discomfort etched on her face. “He sometimes needs.... Well it’s very good that he has good friends.”
“Right,” You said, wishing you knew how to tell her that it was okay, that you knew how Josh was and that-- though his bad episodes really could freak you out-- you would be okay with him, and good for him if you could be. “I’m very grateful for all you’ve done for me, and I’m looking forward to living with Josh.”
The first few weeks were a honeymoon period while you adjusted to new jobs and city living and dealing with each other. It all went surprisingly well, and you were beginning to feel like you could handle this.
The first cold snap started the nightmares. You knew he always got bad in the winter-- he’d told you as much-- but you’d never seen it up close and personal. He became withdrawn, quiet, snappish and forgetful, none of which made for an ideal living situation.
“Josh, I’m not asking for that much,” You said, with as much false patience as you could find, “I just need you to clean up after yourself. Do some laundry, put your shit away, just so I don’t have to come home to this every day.”
“If you hate it here just move,” Josh said dispassionately, staring at a TV show he wasn’t watching.
You rolled your eyes. “Stop trying to make me feel guilty; you know I don’t want to move--”
“No, I know you can’t move,” He said, finally turning to you with lips curled in disgust. “You need a nice free place and all the food that I buy--”
“I have never asked you to do that,” You snapped. “You always offer, and if you’re going to use it to guilt-trip me, I’d rather if you just stopped doing it.”
“So now I can’t do anything nice for you? I thought we were friends!”
“Jesus, Josh, of course we’re friends,” You said, even though you didn’t really feel like you were talking to a friend anymore. “It’s just…”
“You hate living with me.” He didn’t seem to care as he said the words.
“I like living with you,” You said. “Josh, you’re my best friend, of course I like living with you, I just need you to pitch in a little around here. I’m not your maid.”
“Then what am I paying you for?” He rolled his eyes again and went back to his show, completely missing the stricken look his words had left on your face.
You think you would have rather if he’d just hit you, because anything would have been better than that. “Josh…” You want to be mad, want to yell or scream or maybe throw something and then storm off, but you can’t.
So you turn to the pile of dishes that had pissed you off in the first place, quietly did your job and cleaned them before returning them to their proper place, then took refuge in your room.
He had warned you that living with him would be a job, and you had known that in some ways it would be, but this was not what you’d signed up for. Nonsensical arguments and needle-sharp insults were not what you were looking for.
Opening your laptop-- outdated and beat up, one of few possessions that were only yours-- and started to troll Craigslist for living situations. You just wanted to know your options.
You woke up hours later to the sound of Josh’s headboard hitting the wall. If you didn’t know him so well, you might have thought he was fucking someone, but you did know him. He was having a nightmare. A bad one that threw him around in his sleep as he chased after sisters that he would never catch.
You thought about waking him, but you weren’t sure if that was the right thing to do. Would he still be mad at you if you did? Fear kept you in your bed and you cuddled the heavy, fuzzy blanket Mrs. Washington had picked out for you, keeping a silent vigil while you waited for Josh’s sleep to calm.
Several minutes or hours later, you were tugged out of a foggy half-sleep when your door slid open.
Someone was standing in the doorway, framed in light from the hallway. You sat up, jolting fully awake in a disorienting second.
“Y/N! Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry I just--”
“What’s wrong?” Your voice was hoarse with sleep, but you were coming out of the fog and could hear his anxiety. “Are you okay?”
He glanced away. “I’m… I’m sorry I woke you up. You’ve never woken up before?”
“Before? What the hell are you talking about? Do you watch me sleep, because I’m really not into the Twilight shit and--”
“No! It’s not, I mean, I just… Can I come in?”
Slowly, you nodded and made room for him on your bed, tugging the comforter close and offering him the fuzzy blanket.
He took it, fiddling with it while he sorted out his words. “Sometimes I dream that I’m running after my sisters, that they’re getting lost in the woods and if I just run fast enough, I’ll find them and bring them home.”
You nodded again, wanting to reach for him and offer some kind of comfort but hesitating before you did.
“Sometimes I dream that it’s you. That you’re running away and I need to find you before you’re gone forever too. I have to… when that happens I need to check and make sure you’re still here. That you didn’t vanish while I slept.”
“Oh, Josh…” This time you did reach for him, pulling him into an awkward sideways hug. “I’m still here.”
“Even though I’m an asshole?”
“Rephrase that,” You said.
He sighed. “Even though I treated you badly when you’d done nothing wrong. Is that better?”
“Yes, and yes, even though you were rude. I’m not going to leave in the middle of the night without saying anything, Josh. Even if the roommate thing doesn’t work out, I’ll say goodbye and leave like a normal person, because you’re my friend.”
“Thanks, Y/N.”
“And if you want,” You offered, pretty sure you were insane, “You can stay in here tonight.”
He nodded and fell against the pillows in your bed. “Thank you.”
After that, you made him promise to work on his emotion regulation with his therapist, because you loved him, but you weren’t going to let him take his feelings out on you. He agreed, and things did get better, even though he was still a bit of a slob and often needed to be reminded to pick up his shit.
You tolderated reminding him because he was making a genuine effort to be a better roommate in other ways. He brought dinner home and surprised you with coffee on days when you were working from home. He cleaned out the fridge and fixed the toilet when it started to make a weird noise.
He was far from the perfect roommate, but he was doing his best, and you made sure he knew that you appreciated it. At least now when he was upset he found a way to deal with it that wasn’t getting pissed at you.
So life went on, you worked and came home and things with Josh were normal and friendly, though you occasionally still squabled about random shit, as roommates are wont to do.
Everything was fine until the girl. She was fine. You were sure she was fine and that you were being crazy because of how much you hated her voice and her weird crooked smile and the way she always draped herself over josh like a blanket made out of leeches.
You considered yourself a feminist; this kind of random hatred for a woman you’d barely spoken to wasn’t like you. Still, this girl pissed you off, so whenever she was around, you hid in your room to stew while she and Josh did whatever it was they did.
They lasted three weeks before they broke up. The next girl lasted two. The next two made it nearly a month before the inevitable split. You disliked all of them, furiously refusing to identify the emotion as jealousy, though you weren’t dumb enough not to recognize it.
After the last breakup, Josh came home and threw himself down on the couch next to you. “Why can’t I do this, Y/N?”
“Do what?” You didn’t look up from your book. Hearing Josh complain about his relationships was your least favorite part of living with him.
“Date someone, be with them.” He sighed in frustration, burying his head in a blanket.
“Seems like you’re doing fine,” You said, thinking back over the string of beautiful, frustrating girls he’d brought home.
“Yeah until things start to get serious, then suddenly I can’t…”
“Can’t what?”
“I don’t know, it’s dumb.”
“What?” You repeated, trying to sound disengaged but interested nontheless.
“I can’t see them that way. It’s one thing if they’re a quick fuck, but then we’re together and I try to do stuff with them and all I want is to leave and be home with--”
He cut off and you closed your book, meeting his eyes. “Josh?”
“What?” He looked away, sounding like a petulant child.
“What were you going to say?”
“Nothing.”
“Josh--”
“You. I was going to say you, because whenever I spend time with them, I start thinking about how I’d rather be spending it with you, and that’s shitty so I break things off.”
“That is shitty,” You said mildly, not caring as much about those girls’ feelings as you should. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I know you don’t feel that way about me,” He said. “That’s why us living together works; because I’m the last person on earth you’d ever want to be with.”
“That isn’t--”
“Come on, Y/N, don’t pity me. You know everything about me, there’s no way anyone would know what you know, have seen me the way you’ve seen me, and still want… that.”
You thought about the night he’d come to stay in your room, curled up next to you and clinging to you because he was afraid that everyone he loved might disappear.
Everyone he loved.
“Josh…”
“Don’t. Just don’t say anything; I’ll get over it and I promise I’ll never bring it up again.”
“Josh, wait, I--” You cut off, not sure how to say what you needed to say. “I’m… I’m glad you couldn’t make things work with them. That’s pretty shitty too but it’s true. Don’t hate me for saying this, but you’re mine, Josh.”
“Yours?”
“Yes. Every time you brought one of them around here I wanted to kick her out, because you’re supposed to be mine and this place is ours and it’s just for us.”
“But--”
“Christ, what I’m trying to say is that I think maybe I love you, or at least I’m crazy enough to want to date you and see how things go. How does that sound?”
“It’s insane,” He said. “We’re friends, we could ruin-- Or, we live together, what if--”
You didn’t want to think about that so you lunged forward and kissed him.
He cradled your face for a moment before intensifying the kiss with a hand on the back of your neck. “Y/N, are you sure? There’s no going back from this.”
“We’ve been here for a while,” You said, “We were just lying to ourselves. If we’re going to ruin our friendship, I think it’s about time we got it over with.”
So you spent the night thoroughly ruining it, over and over again until you collapsed, exhausted onto your bed and fell asleep in his arms.
#Josh Washington#Josh Washington x Reader#Josh Washington Imagine#Josh Washington Until Dawn#rami malek x reader#rami malek imagine
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this is my top 10 right now on lastfm apparently, take it with a grain of salt
so what should be higher cause i listened to it at least like 20 or 30 times in the time between when it came out and when i made this account. and obviously picky picky would be way higher if this actually extended to the last 365 days instead of just to mid february. like its not factually completely accurate but it is pretty true all things considered, i mean its literally based on my listening habits, it just cant get the whole picture lol, since it only applies to things i listen to on my laptop, not my phone, and also there might be errors or other things like that. also since my chrome extension picks up on videos of live performances too, those are counted, and maybe i shouldnt count those... like it would just "scrobble" (record a listen of the song) the youtube video title unless i manually edit the info to match the song's info so it records a watch of one of those videos as a listen of the song, but maybe i shouldnt do that? but on the other hand, i mean, i am hearing the song... though idk that's not like *why* im watching the video, so yeah maybe i should stop it from doing that... idk lol
ive always wanted some sort of way to see this kind of info though so i love iti love data and statistics, especially when its about things that i do lol, which is weird cause im not into math. but like i spend more time than i probably should trying to get certain songs to certain places on my lastfm... i should just let it happen organically, probably. like i'll intentionally listen to songs that i love that i just havent happened to listen to much this year in order to get their count to a number that reflects my actual thoughts on the song, but like, idk, i should just let that happen naturally, if i really like it then it'll get there eventually just because i'll listen to it when i want to, or it wont because i didnt feel like listening to it, so that'd be an accurate reflection of that. i get really obsessed with this kind of thing, for lack of a better term. its like keeping track of music video viewcounts except its something i have control over haha, it was bound to ruin me
also yes, scream has almost 160 more listens than the song in 2nd place, and almost 200 more than the song in 10th place. it has 250 more listens than the song in 50th place, lol. part of that is from watching every scream live stage and fancam i guess, though again, when i do that i am still hearing the song, so even if i maybe shouldnt count that as a listen on this website, it does still count as an instance of hearing the song in my human life with my human ears... anyway i checked and a little under half of those listens came in the first week the song came out, i apparently listened to it 113 times in the first week. i’m.... like that. i don’t just listen to a lot of music, i listen to a lot of the same music, over and over, partly because i like appreciating new things on subsequent listens, and partly because i just get really attached to the vibe of a song. i put on songs just to have them on while i do other stuff most of the time, i’m not even paying that close attention. i’ll have the music video up too since thats how i listen to the majority of the music i listen to, and i dont necessarily watch it intently, but having it in the corner of my eye while i scroll tumblr on the other side of the screen just like places me somewhat in the aesthetic of the song and video and i like that. i do that with non-song videos too, like just random episodes of monster factory or unraveled that ive seen a million times, i’ll just put them on and not even pay that close attention, but just have them in my ears to distract me and affect my mood (in a positive way). that’s why my scrobble count for some songs is so high. i just listen to them a lot because i like setting my own mood. it’s like lighting a candle. but they only last for 3 to 4 minutes, of course.
#there's no point to this i'm just rambling#i think its interesting#long post#writing#lastfm#o#assa is on track to be my second most listened song tho#endless night finally passed dazzle dazzle (though theyve been going back and forth since then)#but assa just got to 100 scrobbles recently and it'll probably be my second highest soon#i wonder what this top 10 will look like at the end of the year#its been mostly unchanged for the last two months or so#wannabe was in there at one point... a bunch of other songs have been#but you know#these are the ones that i kept listening to
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“It’s Kinda Distracting...” (Joji)
Anon Request: I really would like to read a post about the reader trying to get Joji to stop editing for a bit and to pay attention to her, like he's trying to focus but he eventually gives in? Like maybe reader just starts to give him the succ and he can't help it? I just love this blog it's chill if you have other stuff to do too dude
I sat in bed, patiently waiting for Joji to finish whatever he was doing on the computer and climb in bed next to me. I had been libidinous for the past week and a half, craving his touch and wanting his hands all over me. At first, I left him alone, wanting him to finish whatever project he had himself set on. But as time went on, the less he came to bed. I would hear the water of the shower on, signaling he was occupying the bathroom, but he would come out newly dressed in some sleepwear and then go back to his “man cave” to proceed with what he was doing earlier. I laid there on my back, trying to make myself engaged in some other activity other than just staring blankly at nothing. The TV bored me and made me lethargic, my eyes drooping slowly. I sat up rapidly, slapping myself out of it, I went over to Joji’s little “man cave”, opening the door, I saw him behind his desk on his laptop in nothing but his plaid, flannel pajama pants. I leaned on the doorframe using my shoulder as I crossed my arms over my chest. I bit my lip as I watched him: his damp hair slightly getting in his view as his eyes concentrated on the screen, his bare torso exposed as he sat there unbothered.
“Hey.” I let out softly letting my fingers dance across the wooden frame of the door, “You coming to bed?”
“Uh…what time is it?” he asked without looking up, the mouse clicking louder than usual.
“Currently, it is twelve o’ three a.m.” I answered looking at the nearby clock.
Fearlessly, I walked into the room hoping I’d catch his eye, but I didn’t succeed. I sat on the edge of his desk and he sighed, telling me he wasn’t finished with what he was working on. With my bare legs, and being in nothing but my underwear, he wasn’t paying attention. Joji loved it when I showed off this much skin and would refuse to keep his hands off of my body. He was not even close to finishing up his work, but that didn’t mean he had to put me off the way he was. I brought myself back onto my feet and walked behind the chair he was seated on, I placed my hands-on his shoulders and massaged them lightly. Leaning into him a little slightly, I placed a soft kiss on the skin of his neck, earning an annoyed groan from him.
“Baby, not right now, okay? I’m not done editing yet. And after I’m done with this I need to edit a video I’m uploading soon.” he whined as he shrugged me off, “We can continue this tomorrow, okay? I promise.”
“You promised me yesterday…” I muttered.
Although it dawned on me that I should leave him alone so he can edit at his own pace without feeling rushed, I couldn’t help but grow more impatient as the minutes, hours, seconds, went by. I sighed and brought myself to my knees, not wanting to let any more time to go to waste. I made sure to make quick movements before I changed my mind completely. Joji was always one to cherish his time alone when it came to editing, and I was the one to always respect that, but he’s never edited this long before. Crawling my way around his desk in order to enter through the open front part of it, I was pretty bothered by the fact he hadn’t noticed me duck down onto my hands and knees or noticed me as I crawled away. My chin came in contact with his knee lightly as I placed it on there, hoping he’d get the gist of what my actions were trying to show him. Joji seemed to not have any reaction to what I was doing so I amped up my motions: I let my hand trail up his clothed leg, the loose fabric so thin I could manage to feel his leg hairs through his pants. My hand stopped at his crotch, to which he then sat up straighter with a jolt, “Whoa, hey…what are you doing under there?” he asked me confused.
“I just wanna touch you a little bit…” I admitted as I continued to caress his groin area.
“Babe, come on out from under there. It’s kinda distracting…I told you I’m busy editing.” he sighed in his ‘I told you already not to do that’ tone.
“Keep editing…I promise you wont get too distracted.” I explained as I somehow found my hand creeping it’s way into his pants.
Joji agreed to letting me touch him as he worked. There were a few times, within the couple of minutes that I sat there jerking him off, I felt him suppress moans and grunts. As he grew harder I decided to let my mouth do the rest of the work. I took his length from out of his boxers and his pants, the cold air making him feel relieved due to the temperature rising in his pants. The clicks of his mouse continued as I begin licking up his shaft slowly, then taking him in my mouth as I swirled my tongue along his tip. Joji gasped then cleared his throat, as if he didn’t want me to know how good it made him feel because he was too busy focusing on his bright screen. Taking more of him in my mouth was always challenging since he was big in size but it was well worth it if it meant getting a reaction out of him. He groaned in a rough manner, his clenched fists now lying beside him. With one hand on his shaft, I made swift movements with my wrist skillfully as I carried on sucking. Sooner than expected, his hands found their way into my hair, entangling in the nest on my head as he tried putting my hair in a ponytail. It wasn't long enough until his moans became irregular and more notable as they got louder. He sucked in a breath as I took his cock out of my mouth and looked up at him. His eyes were dark as he bit his lip, motioning me to keep going. I knew he was close and instead of me making a witty comment, I went back to sucking him off. Using my tongue to massage his length as I bobbed my head up and down with his help, he cussed in Japanese. It turned me on when he did that and even if this was just me sucking him off and not him fucking me after, I didn’t care…he was a sight to see what he was in pleasure.
“Y/N…fuck.” he breathed.
Placing my hands on either side of his thighs, I took more of him into my mouth, earning moans from him, I took it as my sign of approval.
“Y/N..” he moaned with his hand entangled in my hair as the other was clenching the arm of the chair, “Fuck, stop…I- I’m gonna cum.”
The thing I loved most about sucking Joji off was that he would always try and cut it short for fear that he might cum too quickly but would give in anyway if it meant that at the end of the day it would be me getting the job done. His grip on my hair got tighter and he cussed once more in his foreign language before whispering, “Fuck, just like that, baby.”
Doing as I was told, he moaned, his cock twitching in my mouth as his cum doused the back of my throat. Letting out a chain of cuss words from his lips, he lightly panted as I persisted to suck him off. Joji let out a grunt and removed my lips from his cock. I studied him attentively as he got up from his chair and held out his hand to me. Thinking he was going to help me up from my spot under his desk, I was in for a wild ride when he instead yanked me up on my feet and turned me around so that my butt was facing him and my hips were pressed against his desk. It was as though he’d finally snapped out of his trance and acknowledged me, as he should.
“Thought you didn’t wanna get distracted?” I provoked, turning my head to look at him.
Joji was strenuously removing my underwear from under the oversized shirt but soon stopped once it fell to my ankles. He chuckled to himself, “Thought this was what you wanted?” he told me in a taunting manner as he slipped a finger inside me.
I gasped and gripped the desk so hard it made my knuckles turn white. Joji went on and added another finger, he pumped them inside me vigorously. Hanging my head low as my moans grew louder, he suddenly stopped. About a few seconds passed by with no action or motion from him so I turned around to see what it was he was doing and I witnessed him sucking his fingers before he grasped his cock and pushed himself inside me at a fast pace. I grabbed one of his hands that was placed on my waist and tightened my clutch on it as he filled me with every inch of him, clouding my mind with euphoria. Joji grunted in an animalistic manner when he began thrusting faster and rougher, taking my leg and propping it up on the desk made it more so he had more access and could go deeper than he already was. I removed my hand from his and slammed it flat back on the desk, letting my hands and arms glide forward so that the upper part of my body was occupying the desk. Joji’s fingers worked my clit earning a loud moan from me.
“Joji..” I warned him with my eyes shut tightly as I focused on how sensual he was making me feel.
Alternatively, he took this as his signal to get rougher and faster, which is exactly what he did. I brought my self back up on my hands and Joji began ramming me with his thick cock, turning me into a spastic moaning disaster. My moans became consistent and as did his. Gripping his hands tightly, I came all over him as he continued thrusting distortedly, letting me know he was going to cum, so I turned around and took his length into my mouth once more as I planted my my knees on the floor. Joji’s hands went straight for my hair as I sucked him off, he moaned in a raspy deep tone. Once he came, I swallowed willingly and got up, observing his panting figure as he plopped himself into his swivel chair, tucking his dick away. He was sweaty and so was I. Picking my underwear up with his fingers, he smiled and threw them at me, “You gonna go back to editing?” I asked with my eyebrow raised as I began putting my underwear on.
“I’m not done with you yet…that was round one, I’m taking a small break. So there’s no use in putting those back on.” he laughed referring to my lace underwear as they were hooked with my fingertips.
I slid them down and went to sit on his lap, “Let’s move this somewhere more comfortable.” he winked at me.
Distracting him was my best idea yet, and even Joji agreed.
#joji miller#joji imagine#joji smut#filthy frank#cancer crew#cancer crew smut#cancer crew imagine#cancer crew imagines#idubbbz#maxmoefoe
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Diner
Hi! Would you ever write something for Dick Winters. Maybe she’s an old friend of Nixon’s? - anon
A/N- Sorry I’ve been way for so long, I’m not sure how often I can actually post because my laptop still won’t work so I’m having to type this on my tablet which is much slower and harder to type on. Excuses aside I wanted to post a little something to keep you going!
A/N2- Sorry, I coudnt get the gifs to work on the app xx EDIT: gif added
—
“Nix, I don’t know about this,” Dick tugged anxiously at his cuffs. Lewis stood behind him with a know it all grin, already started on his ‘pre-party drinks’.
“They’ll love you,” he shrugged casually, “Major Richard Winters, owns land in rural Pennsylvania - you’ll fit right in.”
“My parents own that land, it’s hardly land, it’s an average sized farm.”
Lewis rolled his eyes, “What my parents friends don’t know won’t hurt them. It’s a small lie, if that, more like an exaggeration; which they’re all guilty of anyway.”
Dick frowned, trying and failing to make his face relax as he gazed at his appearance in the mirror. He almost didn’t recognise himself. Before he had been a young farm boy, then a battle hardened soldier, now…he didn’t know what he was now. A manager at Nixon Nitration, working with/for his best friend. It didn’t fit, something was lacking in his life. “Let’s get this done with.”
—
The party was in full swing by the time the two arrived, nobody seemed to take note of their entrance for which Dick was eternally thankful. Though, he did catch on to Stanhope Nixon’s disapproving look as he glanced at his son, not that he ever looked at him with any other expression. Dick began to follow Nix around like a lost puppy, he spoke when spoken to and introduced himself politely but other than that he hung back behind Lew’s shoulder and listened.
It reminded him of the meeting for Operation Pegasus, watching Lew chat and get on with the guys from HQ while he stood awkwardly in the corner waiting to be acknowledged.
“Lewis Nixon,” a disbelieving voice sounded from behind him making him and Nix turn around to see who had spoken, “Here you are! In the flesh! Didn’t think I’d see you at one of these things again.”
Nix’s face broke out into a wide smile, “Same goes for yourself,” he replied brightly, sounding more genuine than he had the entire night thus far. He stepped past Dick and pulled the woman in for a short hug.
“Ah, well, Madaline dragged me along, couldn’t get out of it. Why are you here?”
“Perks of the job,” he replied wryly, “Apparently it’s my responsibility to show my face and network,” Nix’s face screwed up in distaste. “But I brought company,” he turned around and slapped a hand on Dick’s shoulder.
The woman’s eyes shifted to Dick and widened, “I’m sorry, how rude of me, I didn’t even notice you there. Please forgive me,” she stuck her hand out, “I’m Y/N Y/L/N, and you are?”
Dick shook her hand and gave her a soft smile, “Dick Winters.”
Lew looked between the two with a large grin on his face, “Y’know I never realised I wanted you two to meet until just now. Dick, Y/N is my childhood best friend and one of the only reasons I lasted as long as I did. Y/N, Dick’s a war buddy and now he works for me, he’s no fun but I think you’ll get along,” he said good naturedly and Dick rolled his eyes.
“Pleasure to meet you,” she nodded at him.
“Pleasure’s all mine.”
Someone called Nix away and he looked disappointed that he’d have to leave the conversation. “I’ll be back soon, why don’t you get to know each other a little better.”
—
You watched Lewis walk away and focused your attention back on Dick. “So you’ve known Nix a while?” he asked.
“Since we were five,” you nodded, “He’s always getting in trouble so I kept an eye on him. I assume you did the same?”
Dick nodded, “Yes, he can be quite the handful. He used to hide his VAT 69 in my footlocker.”
You snorted, “Sounds like him. I kind of got him hooked on that stuff. When we were 16 I snuck some out of my father’s liquor cabinet, Lewis swore it was the best whiskey he’d ever had and couldn’t go back to the crappy stuff the corner shop vendor was willing to sell us.”
Dick chuckled, “That sounds about right. So where are you from?” You told him where you grew up and asked him the same. “On a farm in Pennsylvania,” he told you, remembering Nix’s earlier words to exaggerate on how much he owned.
“Was it a lot of land?”
He shrugged, unsure of how exactly to lie, he hated having to lie. Instead he made a vague unsure noise as a response. Your eyes lit up in amusement, “A farm sounds a lot nicer than some kind of estate like these lot,” you reassured him.
Dick nodded, a light blush coloured his cheeks, “It’s actually my parents farm. I would have gone back after the war but Nix dragged me up here to work for him, it’s not really my thing.”
“It’s not mine either. I never worked for Stanhope but Lewis complained enough for me to feel like I did. I grew up round these people and got out as fast as I could, I’m surprised Lew wasn’t begging you to take him with you - he always said he wanted out.”
He shrugged, “I don’t think he had a farm in mind.”
“A farm sounds better than this place. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you stay. No offence, but you don’t exactly look like you fit in here.”
Dick could tell you didn’t mean it in any kind of offensive way, just an observation. “The moneys good,” he answered, though it didn’t sound like he believed it. “Truth is, what else have I got. I’m lucky to get a manager job without any experience.”
“I think you’re plenty experienced, Major.”
“In the battlefield. Not the office. I’ve always hated paperwork.“
You bit your lip and scanned the crowd, you spotted Lewis drinking with some girl at the bar. “I do believe our mutual friend will be indisposed for the remainder of the evening,” you smirked with a roll of your eyes. “There’s a great diner a few blocks away that serves actual sized portions of food that we can pronounce. Want to ditch this place? I feel like I’m suffocating in satin and pearls.” Dick nodded eagerly, glad for any excuse to leave. “Lets go, its just a short walk.”
Together you left the building, each letting out a small sigh of relief at being able to leave. “Won’t we be a little over dressed?”
You glanced at your fancy dress and his suit and shrugged, “Maybe a little. Who cares, who says we can’t dress up to go to a back street diner,” you grinned up at him and he smiled back.
At the diner you directed him to the booth at the back next to the window, a small smile on your face as you watched the cars go by and the people make their way through town. You didn’t notice Dick looking at you, a shy smile on his own face, as he realised his heart beat had yet to slow down since he met you.
“Hi, what can I getcha?” a waitress came over.
“Um, I’ll have the strawberry milkshake and double bacon cheeseburger,” you requested without looking at the menu, you came her often enough.
“And you?” the waitress turned to Dick and he realised he hadn't even looked at the menu. His eyes quickly scanned the menu which was printed onto the table top but he couldn't focus on any, embarrassed that he had been too busy looking at you to choose what he waned. “I–um–the same. Please.” He gave an awkward smile as the waitress walked off and you tried to hide your smile.
“Smooth,” you teased and his face went even redder.
“You come here a lot I take it?” he tried changing the subject.
You grinned, letting him drop the topic. “Yup, I always came here when I got dragged to one of those parties. Sometimes Id drag Lewis if he wasn't too drunk yet, this is always the first place I come to when I get back to town. I've been coming here for years and it never changes, Eddie, the chef, has been running this place for god knows how long and he doesn't change the recipes.”
“Well, thank you for bringing me here.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
The waitress came back with your food and Dick had to admit it was the best burger he had had jn a long time, maybe even ever. “Like it?” you asked eagerly.
“Yeah, I love it.” He smiled, the two of you ate and talked for the rest of the night until it was closing time. “Can I walk you back to your car, or hotel?”
You nodded, “I’m staying at a place about ten minutes away.”
“Lead the way.”
You began walking down the street and you boldly decided to link your arm with his as you walked. The streets were mainly quiet and deserted now and it seemed almost too soon that you were standing in front of your hotel, “I had a great time tonight, Dick.”
“Me too,” he ducked his head slightly with a small blush.
You bit your lip and before you lost your nerve you leaned up and kissed him softly. It took a second for him to kiss back but his eyes fluttered closed and he placed his hands on your waist to hold you in place. The sound of a car beeping at another car on the way past broke you apart and you both blushed deeply. “I’m in town for another two weeks, if you ever wanted to-”
“Yes!” Dick nodded, blushing again. “Yes,” he said quieter, “When are you next free?”
“Wednesday evening?”
He nodded, “I’ll pick you up here.”
You smiled, “Great. Goodnight, Dick,” you kissed his cheek before you ducked into the building. An excited grin on you face the rest of the night as you though about Wednesday. You realised that when Lewis got word of this that you’d never hear the end of it but you got the feeling that it was worth it, that Dick was worth it.
***
A/N- Wow, sorry I suck. This has taken forever to get out and I feel bad about it but hopefully you wont hate me too much! Thank you for reading, requests are closed xx
#fic:diner#dick winters#richard winters#dick winters imagine#band of brothers#band of brothers imagine#dick winters x reader#richard winters x reader#richard winters imagine#justthinkingofwaystoavoidbusses#request#lewis nixon#nixon
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Reasons My Hubby Won’t Have Sexual Intercourse Beside Me!
Reasons My Hubby Won’t Have Sexual Intercourse Beside Me!
This might be an edited type of the original essay.
Whenever I composed a weblog post called “Reasons My Wife Won’t have intercourse With Me” I got a lot of great feedback from this plus it ended up being seen over 300,000 times regarding the very first time alone. But one question we kept hearing afterwards had been: “ Can you compose one for ladies and reveal to me why my hubby won’t have sexual intercourse beside me?“
Sure. Appears effortless.
I inquired a friends that are few responses, & most of us just scratched our minds. Men that don’t want to have intercourse? Overwhelmingly, we heard it was the situation and females wanted responses.
Now, I do not speak from experience with this one. I will be constantly up for sex, and so I seemed for ideas on this subject from some buddies, including Dave Wilson, Adam Palmer, Shaunti Feldhahn, Dave Willis and Jon Kitna.
Similar to my very very first post, this isn’t a definitive list by any means; I’m putting it nowadays to ideally encourage you speak about these items together with your partner. Whenever you can be truthful and open along with your partner regarding your sex life, it is possible to frequently get to the base of this without also looking over this weblog. If you do not learn how to communicate with each other, enlist a therapist that will help you discover ways to communicate.
Me offer a couple of statistics before I hit the list, let:
A survey that is recent of found that people who stated these people were fulfilled intimately had intercourse on average times a week. Every week) so that’s something to think about (especially how you can get that 0..
In accordance with a 200newsweek research, between 1% and 20% of partners you live in a sexless wedding, thought as having intercourse a maximum of 10 times per year. While sex isn’t the be-all, end-all to a marriage, it really is certainly one of the better techniques to keep closeness.
Okay, now let’s go through the listing of reasons your husband will not have sexual intercourse to you:
No guy Really Wants To Have Intercourse With His Mom. This will be all about respect. No guy would like to have intercourse by having a spouse who is constantly mothering him. If you should be constantly on him, critiquing and whining by what he does or does not do, he then’d probably favour sex with himself because he understands you’re not content with their performance when you look at the bed room, either. There is a complete lot more where that came from.
He Does Not Feel Desired. Men wish to be wanted. In Shaunti Feldhahn’s guide For Women Only, 66% of males said it is crucial which they feel wanted by their partner. Getting intercourse was not sufficient by itself — exactly like wives desire to be desired, husbands would also like to be desired. Your desire him have confidence in his daily life for him is a huge foundation that helps. We additionally talked about that when you look at the post that is last bit, the games couples have fun with intercourse about whom initiated final time and all sorts of that. If there has been times before in your wedding where you have turned him down, he then might just not need the guts to start intercourse away from anxiety about rejection. We talked about this week that is last stated that this is his problem in which he has to lead, but ideally it will help you realize why he’s maybe maybe not wanting intercourse also it might be he does not want to have refused once again.
He Is Coping With Health Issues or anxiety. It is rather feasible your spouse has some type of medical problem or despair he simply does not wish to cope with. We males . we are generally pretty terrible about acknowledging our weaknesses, even though they truly are impacting us and making us lose our appetite for sex. This past year as some of you know, I was sick for months. One of several medications I made the decision to just simply take (out from the several that have been recommended) knocked me down at nighttime and left me personally scarcely in a position to get up each morning. I pointed out that if We took this capsule before going to sleep, I experienced no wish to have intercourse and couldn’t even get it up. Yeah. My spouse really laughed if this took place after which I grabbed the container through the restroom and revealed her which was a relative side effectation of the medication. Which was the final day on that medicine. Anyhow, there are lots of various problems your husband might be working with medically that affect his sex-life and drive. It may be time for a vacation into the physician.
Flannel Pajamas Suck. Why don’t we just be honest: dudes are visual and if you’ren’t putting any work into everything you seem like and making the bed room an amazing spot to be, he then may not be switched on. Life happens — aging, maternity, disease, fat gain — you aren’t planning to look the means you did once you two first met. Happily, the much deeper we love some body, the less importance we put on the surface and also the more we concentrate on the inside. Having said that: it generally does not harm to include just a little effort that is extra look good for the hubby. free mobile porn bukkake Often a good change that is small make a large effect, like resisting the desire to put in ratty sweats when you go back home, putting on a lovely outfit in place of frumpy jeans for per night out, or really wearing a few of the “sexy” lingerie you’ve bought. My buddy Shaunti and I are composing a guide called Visual, speaking about the visual nature of males, and she mentions men’s “visual rolodex” (or even upgrade it: “visual disk drive”) in her own book for females just. Spouses must be the standard image on the spouse’s artistic hard disk drive, so make a consignment to take care of your self as well you can work together to get a healthier lifestyle — both physically and emotionally — and make yourselves visually exciting for each other as you can — maybe you’ll inspire your husband and the two of.
(71.3% of males within the U.S are obese or obese when compared with 68% of females. So, dudes you’ve got to the office with this much more than your spouses.)
. You Pay More Attention to Facebook Than to Him. possibly this is certainly simply me personally, nonetheless it may seem like many guys i am aware are finished with Facebook. It will be something else next week but come on, already if it isn’t Facebook. The feedback, the articles, the loves, the stocks . place the thing down for a little and interact with the individual in your sleep. Terms with Friends, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and all sorts of these other activities have crept into our bedrooms and start to become a distraction. Now, dudes are not resistant for this issue — within my home it is ESPN and my “girlfriend” (my partner’s nickname for my laptop computer), therefore make an understanding that, after the young ones retire for the night, you place every thing away and take to and relate to each other.
6. He’s Setting It Up Some Other Place. Tests also show that a lot of (not all the) dudes need sex any three times or less. Then i would have to wonder where else he is getting it — either through an affair or through porn if you aren’t having sex anywhere close to this frequency. Do not get someone that is hiring the tv screen show Cheaters as of this time, but do have frank conversation with him concerning the possibility. Many guys or gals will lie when confronted too, so they are maybe perhaps not just simple conversations to ask as soon as and merely accept it and proceed. Dive into this and progress to an accepted place of sincerity — plus don’t forget to get a reliable therapist for assistance if you’d like it. (of course it’s porn, we could assist. Here are a few resources you’ll consider to point him to this assistance.)
His Walls Are Up. In the way that is same spouses can set up walls, therefore can husbands.
While guys are generally fairly proficient at compartmentalizing their demands, it is nevertheless feasible for problem to develop to the stage where it generates a wall surface. It could be a major problem in your relationship or perhaps in your private life that affects both of you relationally, spiritually, or actually. It might be your very own despair or health that is physical or an alteration in character that features him wondering what’s happening. Whatever it is, search for signals to generally share it, then run toward that conflict and deal along with it. It might be difficult, but it is worth every penny. Talk. Listen. Then listen even more. Own up to whatever you might have to take duty for, and don’t forget you’re in this together.
I hope it will help. I must say I hate to see hitched people perhaps not sex that is having also terrible intercourse is preferable to no sex. Of course your intercourse is terrible, that simply means you are free to practice more!
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Which is the best learning method which insure good marks?
Which is the best learning method which insure good marks?
Tried everything x_x
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecheap.us
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how are you dealing with jjong passing away are you doing alright? 😥💗
ty for your concern!! i am doing better than when i first heard about it but im still not 100% okay, nd dont think i’ll ever be, i hope ur doing ok tho !!!! 💕
also u can ignore whats under the keep reading part i just need a place to write about how ive been dealing with it all just so that i can keep it somewhere for myself its boring nd long nd not worth reading
i remember opening tumblr after coming home from work and seeing a few sad posts/edits about shinee but i was scrolling pretty fast nd not reading through posts properly and the first thought i had was that shinee had disbanded (which, looking back, i now hope that was actually the case instead of what happened) so i clicked on a mutuals blog to find out what the fuss was about and i saw an ask saying what happened? and they answered that jonghyun passed away and i. didnt believe it i didnt want to believe it it hadnt been confirmed yet by sm at that time so i was like okay this is fake he is alive and safe but after a few minutes the news about him passing away turned out to be true yet i still didnt fully believe it i started crying so hard i was hyperventilating and all i didnt know what to do i dont think i even remember what i did after that i was just full on in a hysteric crying mode i went through tumblr some more hoping thatd help calm me down but seeing all those posts about him talking about how he’s gone made it all worse i just closed my laptop turned off all the lights and started listening to all the shinee songs on my phone and every time i heard jjong’s voice my tears woudlnt stop coming i think i cried for two hours more after that and stopped, i didnt eat dinner i had no appetite at all my head felt like it was going to burst and i actually really wanted to kill myself i didnt want to be alive any more i didnt want to live when he wasnt either it was a really bad night for mei just took some sleeping pills and hoped for the best. the next morning that i woke up my eyes were so fucking swollen i looked so bad had the worst headache and had to go to work which i was looking forward to a bit cuz i thought it would take my mind off of this all especially since i had to work for 8 hours three days straight and i gotta say working did help distract me even though i was feeling dead inside it did help a bit to not actively think about him and destroy myself even more i also had to work at the asscrack of dawn and i could still see the stars when i was walking to work i started tearing up staring at them thinking about jjong again i will think of him every time i look up at the nightsky now. that day i also couldnt listen to any shinee songs anymore when tell me what to do came on shuffle i got so fucking mad even though thats my favourite song of theirs i skipped it and put on another song i really could not deal with it its a wonder i didnt burst out crying at work tbh i also had the worst migraines this whole week and felt sick and nauseous all the time this really took its toll on me i’m exhausted. i also took a break from tumblr, actually i was tempted to delete my acc since i couldnt get myself to think i would ever be able to post happy things again but idk, anyways that didnt help immensely i think tiring myself out by working a lot helped i also saw my friend whom i hadnt seen in like 2 months today we hung out and chilled and it was rlly nice being with him so that distracted me as well also i started istening to jjong’s songs and his voice has been very healing and soothing i feel like he’s still here with us i think i still dont want to believe that he’s actually gone like when i watch videos and see him have fun in them or when i see pictures of him or when i hear his voice and laugh it really doesnt sink in that he’s not here anymore when i can experience his presence like that i dont think he will ever fully be gone from this world he still lives on especially in all of our hearts and i think coming to terms with that is important this is also the first time that someone i love passed away so i didnt know how to deal with it at all especially since i love jjong so fucking much he was and still is so important to me i wanna thank him for everything that he has done i still feel bad knwoing that he had to suffer and that i couldnt do anything for him but i think just as we dont want him to suffer he doesnt want us to suffer as well so as hard as it may be we should live our lives in thebest way we can and show him how much he meant to us i willnever forget about him and my heart will always feel heavy because of what happened but i think the love i have for him is stronger than the sadness i feel and thats realy important or maybe i’m just bullshitting but thats okay too i think if i killed myself here right now he wouldnt have wanted that not that he knows me or cares about me specifically or anything but im sure he didnt want to cause this much sadness and hurt and as much as i would like tp say that he’s happy now and that he’s watching over us in heaven i dont believe in the afterlife so i wont say that but i do believe that he’s watching over us his energy is still present in the world and i do like that thought hes still here with us he still loves us and we still love him so jjong, i thank you, i miss you and i love you from the bottom of my heart.
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hi! im a huge fan of your long haul fic and i remember you saying you had a few deleted scenes you could post if asked? Could you? Your writing is my favourite! lots of love
awww thanks anon
oh and its ambiguously 1859 fanservicey ish hahahha.imo dealing with a drunk person is very not sexy but i know the shipper mindset HAHAHAAH
its about 3k words long so pls click the readmore to get all of it! if its less than 3k and you dont see the readmore you might need to view the post on my blog
===/\===
“Goodevening Gale!”
FUCK gokudera shot out of his chair SCRAMBLEAGAIN Hibari’s going to kill him
Hibari looks up from the floor and dragshimself two steps to the sofa and stretches out there.
Well, looks like gokudera’s just given him afree pass to the sofa then. Shit next thing you know gokudera’ll be sleeping inthe bathtub.
“Hello!” she says and she breezes in as soonas gokudera opened the door.
“Hi Ma’am, Angel, uh, Kaoru’s sleeping.”
“Oh whoops, sorry,” she said, and she creptover to check. “Wow, he looks super young like this!”
Was hibari actually sleeping haha no waydumb question.
“Hey Gale hon, what’s this?” thelandlord asked, picking up the photo of the Costeggiarefamily member bastard son they’d been having trouble looking for since thebombing
Dropped on the floor, the picture ofDario/duilio which hibari kept in his pocket.
Shit shit shit, cover story quick.
“Well, right now we’re looking for thatguy. Hoping to interview him. You know him from somewhere?“
“Oh yeah, hon. He’s a regular at mywork for two months now, sometimes comes on too strong to the staff or othercustomers, but he spends big, so,” she shrugged. “What can Ido?”
The door opened and Hibari dropped his keyson the table before turning to lock the door. “Kaoru,” Gokuderacalled. The dark haired man looked up from where he was taking off his outdoorshoes.
Hibari opened an eye. When it was convenientfor him huh, bastard.
“Where,” he asked, sitting up.
“good morning Kaoru,” she says. He eyes herfunny, then dips his head.
“Angel found our mark,” headded in Japanese.
“Who?” Hibari asked. Gokuderawaved the photo of the Costeggiare familymember. “Not that,” Hibari said. Gokudera rolled his eyes. Why was heunsurprised by Hibari not bothering to remember who Angel was when she’d beenwaltzing in and out ever since they started the mission? “Thelandlady.”
“I see,” Hibari answered,setting the shopping on the kitchen counter and walking over to the table. Hemet the landlady’s eyes.
“Boungiourno,”he greeted stiffly before turning back to Gokudera. “Where.” Herepeated.
“He is a regular at herworkplace,” Gokudera said, passing Hibari the photo.
“you can speak Italian just fine why don’tyou ask her”
“people say a lot when they think you don’tunderstand them,” hibari answered irritably. “Where.”
“Say Angel, you never said exactly where youwork.”
“Well, it’s not an uppity sort of place.” She bites her painted lip. “aw hell with it.It’s a dance place. We have girls dance on tabletops if you know what I mean.”
“ah,” gokudera says. “should be fun. For meat least.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” thelandlady said, pointing at Hibari. “That guy in the photo? He’s a regularof one of our girls, and she looks a lot like you. You know, exotic, pale, darkhair, dark eyes,” she added helpfully. Hibari looked at Gokudera.
“You should really stop pretendingthat you don’t understand Italian,” there’s no way im actually goingto translate for you, Gokudera said dryly. Hibari smirked.
“If that’s true, then I’ll bite him todeath,” Hibari said, eyes sparking with anticipation, completely ignoringGokudera’s input. It looked like his weeks of boredom were over, and he didn’teven have to resort to visiting the Chiavarone house.
“If it helps, he stops by to watch Kikievery Friday night– Kiki’s that dancer Kaoru-san looks like– and he alwayssits in booth twelve. She comes on at eight, so if you boys get there a bitearlier, you could get yourselves a seat nearby.”
Hibari stands gracefully, one fluid motionand is already walking to the kitchen.
“Ask the landlord if he wantstea.” He says, businesslike.
“That’s nice of you,” gokudera says,trying and failing to keep his incredulous tone out of his voice.
"If you don’t tip informants, you won’thave informants.” Hibari said, and he put the kettle on.
Gokudera sighed. Of course Hibari would beso mercenary. "He wants to know if you would like tea.“ He tellsAngel and he laughs
"Oh, so all I had to do to getKaoru-san to open up was to invite him to the club? "Sure, I’d lovetea.”“ she laughed. And gokudera winced laughed along. A club is thelast place hibari would want to be. He is crossing his fingers that that nightwont be a disaster.
"And I think I’ll need another coffee,I need to run more background.” Gokudera calls to him
“Milk?”
Wow that’s amazing.
“No thanks, it’s two already.”
“Oh, and no offense if you alreadyknow this, but just tell Kaoru-san, because he doesn’t look like he’s ever beento a club in his life. STRIP CLUB ETTIQUETTE
Alright boys, now the real reason I’m here,
Right, gokudera pulls her money from hiswallet, exact amount, and she drinks her tea. Hibari doesn’t even comment onthe lipstick stain.
Well, see you boys [tonight] then! She saysand leaves. Clack clack lack of her boots on the way to the lift. Gokudera andhibari and chiavarone are the only weirdos who take the stairs.
Gokudera drinks his coffee and marvels athis luck.
Hibari washes the cups.
"Not bad, miser,” Hibari saidbefore he disappeared into the room, and the clack of plastic on wood meantthat he had gotten his laptop out.
Good morning Tenth. It’s a day of goddamnmiracles. –59
Heh. Good to hear, Gokudera-kun—27
===/\===
The good streak of course couldn’t last.
“We need to come off as young, cockyfirst floor trash so he won’t take us too seriously, got it?”
“Yes,” Hibari said, and Gokuderacould hear the eye rolling in his voice. at least he was still replying? Butnow gokudera wasn’t sure if hibari would LISTEN and what’s the use of aconfirmation that might not actaly be what he means.
“I’m serious,” Gokudera said, using everyounce of self-control to not snap at him. “I want us to look so young that weget carded.”
There we go. Hibari’s stopped answering.
Gokudera wore an amalgamation of his clothesfrom his high school days and his current wardrobe. The button down was Galeand the three belts and the graphic tee were all teenage-Gokudera.
Hibari wore a full suit, crisp black overdeep purple and perfectly tailored. Gokudera was this close to introducing hisown face to the coffeetable.
“Are you really going to a club dressedlike that?” Gokudera asked incredulously.
… Yes “This is how I normallydress,” Hibari answered, frowning.
You know what kind of club this is?
… a looooong pause.
“Well, there’s your problem,”Gokudera said under his breath. “Why don’t you just break out your shinycredit cards and get yourself a clubbing outfit?”
Hibari observed him for a moment. “Idon’t want to,” he answered simply.
Coffeetable was too far. Gokudera put hisdespairing head into his hand.
“Dammit, just change, I don’t want towalk into any club if you’re wearing that,” Gokudera sighed, running onehand through his hair. Hibari raised an eyebrow as if he truly believed that asuit was the perfect attire to go to a strip club in while undercover.
“Change to what.”
Oh dear lord all the talk about dressingHibari up was going to become a real thing. Maybe he could shoot himself andget this over with.
“Alright, I’ll see if I can work a miraclewith your closet,“ Gokudera sighed, walking over to the window side of theroom and opening the bedside drawer. A quick rummage proved that yes,everything was office shirts and black suit wear. So Hibari wearing the purpleshirt with the suit was his idea of interesting. Gokudera closed the drawer.
"Looks like you don’t have much ofchoice,” Gokudera said, looking over Hibari’s outfit once more.
Lose the jacket and tie,“ he directed,but Hibari’s eyes just narrowed in defiance.
"Work with me here, damn you,”Gokudera cursed, walking over to the other bedside drawer and pulling out a fewaccessories of his own. Looking at Hibari then at the items he’d laid out, hepicked a fang on a black leather strip and an accompanying leather wristband.
“This is stupid,” Hibari intoneddryly, unbuttoning his top button. His blazer and tie were draped over thechair, and his sleeves had been rolled up. Without the extra padding of hissuit, his slight build was obvious, barely changed from his middle school days.Still, with an aura that fierce, it was unlikely he’d have too much trouble.Besides, any story that involved Hibari getting picked on in a strip club wouldbound to be interesting to tell to the guys back in Japan.
“One more button,” Gokudera toldhim, before turning to look for a suitable belt. “And wear those,” headded, waving absently at the pieces he laid out on the bed. “Andthis,” he added as he pulled out a belt. It had two teeth and metaleyelets in twos, with another strap hanging from it like half suspenders.
“That would be a liability,”Hibari critiqued as he fastened the wristband on his left wrist.
“Just wear it and give the poor suckerswho try to make trouble with you a fighting chance,” Gokudera snickered,closing the drawer. Hibari scoffed quietly as he removed the belt he wascurrently wearing.
“A straightjacket would be moreappropriate,” Hibari said, threading Gokudera’s belt around his waist andcomfortably cinching it at the innermost set of eyelets.
“Nice to know that the cloud guardianof Vongola is a humble man,” Gokudera remarked cynically.
Hibari bowed his head in humourous? Assent.
If you wear your boots we’re good to go. No,wait there a second.“ Gokudera stepped into the bathroom to grab some hairwax. He passed it to Hibari, who looked at it then gave Gokudera a deadpan lookas if to ask ‘and what do you expect me to do with this?’
"Style your hair a bit,” Gokuderatold him. At Hibari’s blank look, Gokudera decided that it wasn’t any goodexplaining. He grabbed the bottle and opened it, scooping out just a littlewith his fingers. “Now stay still and for the love of God, don’t goberserk on me, alright?”
Hibari flinched and glared as Gokudera’shands came up to his head, but otherwise took the fussing well.
Kind of punk looking. But hey, punk’s notdead right. Yeah.
“Hah, not bad,” Gokuderacongratulated himself.
“Disgusting,” Hibari commented, ashe touched his hair lightly, the slightly sticky texture of the waxbrushing off on his fingers.
“boots. Boots, lets go.”
Angel worked in walking distance in the notso nice part of town. Hibari was more acquainted with the place than Gokuderaexpected. Two turns later and he slowed.
“C’mon it’s almost time.”
“What is this place?” Hibariasked, stopping in his tracks. From the neon lit street, booming music and theunmistakable noise of throngs of people emerged. Gokudera sighed, and turned.
“That’s Angel’s bar.” When Hibarimade no sign of recognition, Gokudera elaborated. “The landlord’sworkplace.”
“There’s a crowd,” Hibari stated,refusing to carry on walking.
“Yes, it’s a Friday night, but this isalso work, so let’s go.”
“If I go anywhere near that place, it’sto bite everyone there to death,” Hibari said, mouth curling into a silentsnarl.
“Well, suck it up. This is work.”
Hibari walked at a steady pace, cut throughthe crowd and Gokudera had to follow.
Second floor less so. They didn’t actuallyget carded. Gokudera was much disappoint.
Murderous aura and the nearest patronslooked nervous.
“Just be glad we’re in a booth.”
Kiki wasn’t on yet, but Bambi was. Or atleast that’s what she said her name was. Bambi was a sultry brunette withshoulder length hair and hazel eyes. Gold glitter painted stripes and spotsdown her back, arms and legs, highlighting the tan skin.
“You just missed me, handsome,” she says toyou. you smile and wave.
“Next time then,” you say casually. You areso not good with women especially when they don’t have all their clothes on.You blame your sister.
“Hey, we booked this booth,” someone saysbehind you.
“Oh?” Hibari says and he’s spoiling for afight so hard that you level a warning glance at him instead of turning to seewho it was.
“Let the boys stay,” an amusedvoice.
Goddamn, Dario himself. He looked IDK HOWDOES HE LOOK WHO ARE HIS GOONIES
Hibari’s grin was wicked.
“I’m Darren,” he lies smoothly. MIGHT WANTTO CHANGE HIS ALIAS.
“Kaoru,” Hibari said.
“Is that your real name?”
Hibari gave the man a look. Whut you smokingbruh
He laughed. “Could I buy you adrink?”
“No need, I have a tab open.”
“I insist.”
“Then, if you must.”
Kiki was a petite woman, with raven hairspilling freely over her shoulders down to her waist. She didn’t look anything like Hibari, she was justAsian.
If this guy had yellow fever you were goingto laugh your ass off.
===/\===
(missing scene)
“Don’t touch me.”“What’s wrong with you?”“It was crowded. And noisy. There was something in my cranberry juice.That man kept talking to me and I couldn’t kill anyone. I hate that place. Youcan go alone next time, pervert.”
“He’s a pervert. You’re a pervert too.” Hibari’s eyes narrowed.“I should bite you to death.”“Yeah, yeah, tomorrow alright? Just try to stay conscious until we reachthe house." "Wait,” Hibari said, suddenly throwing his weight back.“What?” Gokudera asked tiredly. “Outside clothes, don’t touch the bed, herbivore,” Hibari mumbled disjointedly. “Nice to know you follow your own rules,” Gokudera sighed, pullingdown the bedcovers and dumping Hibari on the bed. “I said not to touch the bed,” Hibari protested, sitting up. Gokuderagave him a light shove and collapsed on the bed himself.“Shut up and go to sleep,” Gokudera said, words muffled by thesheets. He couldn’t even be bothered to get his pillow from the couch outside.He fully expected some sort of retort or a threat from Hibari, but none came,testament to how far gone the other man was. Yawning, Gokudera decided hazilythat he would take whatever nonsense he’d get for ‘crowding’ the bed and justwent to sleep where he was.
===/\===
Gokudera woke like a man struggling not todrown in molasses, slowly, with a lot of effort and a little pain. He hadn’tdrawn the curtains the night before and he was in a strange place betweenfeeling ‘rested’ and ‘like crap’. He’d slept on his front last night and therewas a kink in his neck as due punishment. Of course, there was also the matterof him smelling like sweat, cheap perfume, alcohol and cigarette smoke. It wasamazing that Hibari hadn’t just thrown him out the window for daring to so muchas touch the bed in this state.
Gokudera turned to his side to stretch andfroze. Hibari hadn’t rudely kicked him out of bed, not from some sense ofgratitude for Gokudera hauling him back from the club, but because he hadn’t woken up yet. Gokudera gaped atthe thought, but before his eyes was the undeniable.
Hibari was curled up on his side, back tothe light, and face shielded by the crook of his elbow. Gokudera felt a grinbreak through his usual morning grogginess. The sight was almost endearing,except this was Hibari, and the onlythings associated with Hibari and the word ‘endearing’ were either a highlyintelligent messenger bird that could be carrying a spy-cam that sealed yourdoom or a personalised box weapon that could decimate an army and reduce askyscraper to rubble within five minutes. Gokudera could almost see thehedgehog curled up in the exact same way as its owner in the empty space nearHibari’s stomach, and Hibird nestled between the man’s wrist and hair. Heresisted the urge to take a photo and send it to the Tenth and got up asquietly as possible. As much amusement as he got from seeing the violentmisanthrope sleeping all tucked into a ball, photographic evidence wasn’t worththe broken bones he knew he would get afterwards. Hibari appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, arms full of sheets. He took onelook at Gokudera and the landlord sitting at the kitchen counter, then steppedback into the room and shut the door.“Oh my, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen him half dressed,”she commented. Then she gave Gokudera a knowing smile. “Changing thesheets are we? Good going." "Ah, yeah,” Gokudera tried to smile casually while mentally screamingno. She must have picked up on Gokudera’s uneasiness, because she patted hisarm reassuringly. “Be more confident, sweetie. You’re good looking, smart and you have awonderful disposition. You’re a right saint,” she smiled.“Besides,” she whispered. “I don’t think anyone but you has thepatience to deal with his temper.”Gokudera laughed. “You should see our boss,” he replied. Tsunacould smile genuinely all the time while talking Hibari down off a rampage andpersuading the man to do something other than stalk around Namimori or sit inhis house and drink tea. It never failed to amaze Gokudera each and every time.Heck, Tsuna even managed to get Hibari and Mukuro to go on a mission togetherwithout one of them coming back dead.
He placed the plate on top of the glass tofree one hand. “Hibari?” Gokudera asked, knocking on the door.“Go away.”“If you can’t drink, you shouldn’t,” Gokudera said matter-of-factly.He opened the door then took the plate back into his hand, pushing the dooropen the rest of the way with his foot. Hibari was sitting in the tub, water upto his chest and dark hair plastered to his skull. It vaguely reminded Gokuderaof bathing his cat.“Who said you could come in?” Hibari asked, not turning to faceGokudera. “If you’re too out of it to even lock the door, then I’d better come inbefore you drown or something,” Gokudera retorted. “Here.”“Don’t want it,” Hibari muttered without even looking at whatGokudera was holding. “It’s just toast, water and aspirin,” Gokudera said, starting to getannoyed. “How badly could I fuck up toast?" "I’m not going to eat in the bath,” Hibari said, leaning against theside of the wall and grimacing. “Leave it outside.”“Seriously, you alright?” Gokudera felt the need to ask again. “Must I bite you to death before you are convinced?” Hibari snipped. “Hah, you must be fine if you’re making threats. Don’t drown, bastard.”
#1859#khr#khr fanfiction#long haul fic#1859 friendship fic#replies#answers#previews#deleted scenes#my writing#Anonymous#im still working on the other asks slowly if youre the many ask anon!! sorry was out of the country and now its event season
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I am wide awake. it’s midnight and I am wide awake and I want to do everything. I want to write and read and learn new music and paint and make things and do everything. I want to go for a walk. I want to sit outside and stare up at the dark sky and I want to go out and get on a train and laugh with random people. I want to have someone here in my room and whisper secrets and make out under the soft glow of the fairy lights hanging above my bed. my bed which is a mess of blankets and stuffed toys and books and cable and headphones. my bed where my ukulele and clothes and keyboard all sleep with me, my books by my pillow and my laptop by my chest. I want to skype someone and pour my heart out and cry and laugh and have to remind myself to be quiet because it’s late and everyone else is in bed.
it’s midnight and I want to do everything. everything I've not had the energy to do in the past few months, I want to do it all now. everything I've not seen the point in doing in the past few months, I see the point now, I get it now. the one thing I don’t want to do. I won’t do. I can’t do. is work. I can’t work. I don’t want to do it. because how am I supposed to focus on something I don’t want to do when every time I try to do it I start thinking up the various ways in which I could possibly kill myself before the repercussions of not working kick in. because it’s sounding more and more appealing every minute and I don’t know how to handle that.
I want to do everything that I shouldn’t be doing. I want to rewatch all my favourite movies and reread all my favourite books and listen to all my favourite songs and feel everything I felt the first time. I want to do all of these things until my heart is so full that I couldn’t possibly feel anything but warmth. but I can’t do that because I am weighed down by guilt. my guilt is eating away at me and I can’t stop it. I can’t make it stop. it won’t stop.
everything is just screaming at me that I should be revising. should be working. should be writing essays, reading books, making notes, answering questions. should be working. should be working. should be fucking working. and i’m going to disappoint so many people. so many people will be mad at me. i’ll ruin my future prospects. i’ll ruin everything. and then i’ll really want to end it all. but I should be working. should be working. and I can’t be working. because working hurts and my head hurts and everything hurts. and if I stop typing I wont able to breathe anymore. can’t stop typing. should be working. shouldn’t be thinking. should be sleeping. should be dead.
I don’t want to stop typing because if I stop for even one second then I have to move on. I've spent the past week with a laptop constantly with me. writing and writing and writing and letting everything out and thinking but not overthinking but maybe overthinking and internally screaming as words spew onto the page and I don’t edit, don’t retype because then I have to think and I don’t want to think and sometimes I think I fucked up.
sometimes? who the fuck am I kidding? I think I've fucked everything up. I think I need to see a doctor but also I'm just being a whiney pathetic kid that needs to sort out their fucking priorities and stop complaining, stop whining, stop being such a selfish, spoilt, brat. stop. just stop. I need to stop.
I can’t stop. don’t want to stop. don’t want to sleep.
because recently my dreams have felt more like reality than reality does and I'm so confused and scared and I don’t know what to do. what do I do? how am I supposed to explain this to anyone? how do I explain that I just want to lie down, play some nice music and fade into nothing and disappear and be absolutely nothing. I want it to end. I want to get out of my head. I can’t do this.
I can’t do it. but I can’t fucking stop either.
#00:21#09/04/17#tw; death mention#tw; suicide mention#tw; depression#tw; all my thoughts are just a huge tw at this point
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