#it will give me a little daily project too. routine is good.

[lacefuneral]

decided 2 cure my mental illness by buying a calendar, some stickers, and some pastel brush pens <3

[suplicyy]

look at me hq oneshot iS SO GOOD AKFHSKJDBFJW TSUKKI PART GOT ME SQUEALING LIKE AGRBGRGRHR WJ

can u write for osamu and kita? thank you!!

Look At Me!! (≧□≦)

Haikyuu boys x Artist!Reader

[part 1] – [part 2]

— Summary: You're from the art club, and for a project involving the volleyball club, you need to draw someone on the team, but that someone isn't him, and he definitely doesn't like it.

— Characters: Kita, Osamu.

— Warning/Notes: Jealous crush, misunderstanding.

— Fluff

— Gn!Reader

You are part of your school's art club, and since the president of your club has several connections around the school as he was the former president of the student council , they agreed to a collaboration between the two clubs with the aim of making a special project.

Each member of the art club would be tasked with drawing a picture of a volleyball team player, and at the end, the drawings would be displayed throughout the school; One of the main objectives of doing this was that this project could attract more people to want to participate in the clubs involved.

And to avoid conflicts between several people wanting to draw the same person, the president of your club decided that he would choose who each person would draw.

But this unfortunately meant that you were unable to make an art of the one that remained in your thoughts for a while. That's right, your crush was part of the volleyball club, but you never had the courage to reveal your feelings to him, because you thought he wouldn't feel the same way about you. But little do you know that he would be bothered by the fact that you "chose" to draw someone other than him... (he doesn't know that you actually wanted to do the project with him)

Shinsuke Kita

Even though the project was ongoing now, it did not stop him from continuing his peaceful routine, which is considered his "sacred ritual". But something seemed to be taking away his concentration at the moment, and that something was you and Aran doing the project together.

He really didn't understand why when he saw you together, he stared at you more than usual. He really doesn't understand this unpleasant feeling that is growing inside him. That certainly wasn't good.

No matter what he tried to do, Kita couldn't get the image of you laughing with Aran out of his mind; most of the time he didn't understand the jokes his team told him, but what would his friend have told you for you to give him such a bright smile?

He really wanted your smile to be directed at him.

Kita tried to be discreet about it, but his intense stares directed at you already gave everything away. And everyone on the team realized this, of course, but it was only the twins who had the courage to confront him about it.

"Hey Shinsuke, you’re starin' too much…why don't ya go talk to them?” says Atsumu, giving his signature smile. "Why are ya speakin' as if ya are an expert on this?" Osamu says to his brother, laughing in his face. "Gimme a break Samu!"

As the twins begin their daily argument, Kita thinks about Atsumu's words. There's no harm in him trying to talk to you, right? And with that thought, he walks towards you, who is alone now since Aran needed to go to the bathroom.

When you see him, you wave to the boy, giving him a smile that makes his heart flutter slightly. "Hi Kita! I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner, I was talking to Aran about the project!" "Ya don't need to worry about that." he says in a polite manner, then directing his gaze to the court, watching his teammates doing the project and training.

You stand side by side in an awkward silence, not knowing what to say to each other, but the silence soon dissipates as you begin to speak. "You know... it's really cool to draw Aran, but I think it would be even cooler to draw you." with those words, Kita looks at you with a surprised expression, but soon composes himself.

"The seriousness you radiate is always fun to see, you really were made to be the captain of your team." you look at him and gives him a smile, which makes the boy blush slightly. He soon gives a small smile too, and looks at the ground, feeling a little shy all of a sudden.

"I say the same. You're certainly a great artist, if it were me, I'd be flattered for being drawn by ya."

You laugh lightly at his words, feeling embarrassed by the compliment Kita returned to you. Everyone noticed the light flirtations you directed at each other, thinking about how you two were made for each other.

Osamu Miya

One thing that people close to Osamu notice is that when he gets stressed about something, it seems like his hunger becomes greater than normal. But now it looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks.

And as if it wasn't enough that you chose his idiot brother over him, Atsumu wasted no time in sending him a face, with the purpose of irritating him even more. Why did you choose that fool over him anyway?

Did you even know that Atsumu often picks boogers out of his nose and wipes his finger under the table when no one is looking? If you knew that, he's sure you wouldn't waste any time choosing the best twin (which is definitely Osamu).

'Oh but that's not even the worst thing he does, if you knew everything...' Osamu thinks looking at the two of you, while he eat a pack of potato chips from a completely unknown brand that was on sale.

"Osamu, ya can't eat this here, Kita will come and teach ya a moral lesson sayin' that 'this isn't healthy at all'." says Suna approaching his friend, while engrossed in his cell phone.

Too busy cursing his brother in his thoughts, Osamu doesn't respond to the boy who now sits next to him, furrowing his eyebrows in disgust to the fake blonde who is purposely talking too close to you.

"I'm goin' to go over there and kick this shameless guy in the face." Osamu grumbles as he eat the chips, looking away from you. "I don't think ya'll need to go there." Suna lightly pokes his shoulder, and then pointing at Atsumu, who is walking towards the two of them, holding a... bento box?

"What are ya doin' here? Aren't ya supposed to be doin' the project?" "[Name] had to go back to their club room to get some paintin' supplies." After Atsumu speaks, a strange atmosphere remains in the air, clearly showing Osamu's irritation with his brother at the moment.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, it's not like they's excited to do the project with me anyway." With those words, Osamu turns to face his twin, with an expression of doubt on his face. "What do ya mean by that?"

"Well...It may or may not be that they did this for you two thinkin' that they would participate in the project with ya, but it seems that the universe had other plans." Atsumu says as he hands the bento box to his brother, who instantly opens it to see what's inside.

Onigiris.

Made with all the love in the world by you, they were organized in rows, and it was possible to see that each one of them was made with exceptional care. In the same second, Osamu blushed to think that you did they thinking about him.

Maybe he will now take back all the insults he directed at his brother.

— A/N: I'M FINALLY ON VACATION🙌🙌🙌🙌

It will last about 3 weeks, so I will have plenty of time to write things here, and that means I can respond to all your requests and take less time to post!! I'm really relieved that I'm not burdened with so much schoolwork, this break will be really good for me.😢

[drowninginblox]

HideDuo HCs bc we are going through it

The March drought is getting to me y'all. I don't know about all y'all but the anniversary isn't the best thing ever, especially with the Hatsune Miku incident.

I think we deserve a little treat for being dedicated to our favorite roommates. Hence these ramblings.

The following applies to the OSMP characters, not actual streamers themselves. This is gonna be very all over the place, overall cursed, and is projecting. I hope yall enjoy-

Fit:

Can play any sport, but hates all of them (except for ice skating, he fucking loves it but he'll never admit it and he can't skate for shit)

Has read fanfiction before

Knows about dreamsmp lore but doesn't know what it all means in context, very much "Did you know a guy fucked a salmon and had a fox as a child?" "He started a country later? The fish fucker???"

Is into more fru fru coffee drinks than he lets on. Like- fuck yea 9/10 times that mother fucker be drinking that shit black, but he loves some good pumpkin spice- tooty fruity-cuchie deluci frappuccino. He'd only give in around sunny tho.

Was a smoker for a hot minute, quit tho when the ashes nearly lit a TNT. Hasn't picked it up since

Is a slut for pig step

Has read The Art of War

Had a celebrity crush on Philza. He still has it but it's defo diminished since he knows him personally.

Showers daily. I don't care that he's a war-torn mf, that man loves taking showers and will never pass up the opportunity to get one.

Has a poster of Miku Binder Jefferson. Someone gave it to him as a secret Santa present and he has no idea who or what to do with it. He's tempted to burn it but he's kind of afraid of it. It's so cursed that it shows up in his nightmares.

He thinks about Forever a lot more than he wants to admit. He's afraid of the possibility of turning into a monster since he was exposed to the black concert a lot. He understands the fear is irrational since it was long ago but the intrusive thought lingers.

He's thought about marriage in general and with Pac. He'd never admit it but he planned out everything from the venue to the music to the vows. He'd easily swipe it all away if Pac said he had an idea of what he wanted it to be like.

is fluent in Morse code

Knows sign language

Hearing aids mf

Has a family somewhere out there, one that he lost or left only to be dumped into TB2T

Loves crosswords, especially during breakfast and right after Ramon goes to bed.

His favorite smell is cinnamon and cocoa butter

Believes in Herobrine

Can't do long division to save his life

Hates the sound of Velcro

Pac:

Likes the Pacman TV show

Smells like cinnamon and cocoa butter

Has too many scars from the cats he's owned over the years.

Married Mike for tax reasons in the past. They play it up that they're bitter divorcés from time to time

Doesn't shower as often as he should, not because he hates it but because he has a long routine and enjoys baths far more

Enjoys tea and coffee equally

Was a homestuck fan (yesIFUCKINGDIDTHATTOHIMWHATAREYAGONNADO???)

Gay awakening was Rufio from Hook

watches Reading Rainbow as an adult

paints on his prosthetic all the damn time

Has a Post-it note collection. He barely uses them but he has a rainbow of them and each color represents a member of the island.

Has a sticker collection

Always carries small snacks for his pocket dude (I heard about this through the wiki, apparently Pac has a pocket boy? If not then he does now lmao) mostly gummy bears and crackers

Is afraid of the ocean. Idk why that just sounds right for him and if it is it recontextualizes the date he had w fit lol

knows Morse code

Knows some phrases in American sign language (fit is teaching him / is learning for fit, whichever is cuter)

Has hacked into a government-locked server, left lobster porn in place of any files he took. Idk which government it was or why he did it, but he did and they haven't recovered since

Is the type to listen to Jon Bellion and Talor Swift. No, i will not elaborate

Has very vivid daydreams. Aside from drugs and PTSD, he has some really nice ones all on his own. Mostly about Fit tbh.

[citrusbatsandhoneybees]

-The Fading Star-

-Part 5-

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

A/N: Longer chapter Folks! I just kept going, and it seemed off to split it into two so here it is! Again, if you prefer AO3 it's on there now too.

Lucifer Morningstar X Female! Insert

Content Warnings: Swearing, Illness descriptions, Car Crash descriptions, more angst

Quick Synopsis: Tsuki was made to keep Lilith company during her marriage with Adam, but finds herself, unwillingly, falling in love with a certain archangel. Then after many millennia she reunites with Lucifer.

It had been a week and a half since Tsuki had arrived at the hotel, and if the tension in the air was thick before it was practically palpable now. She had continued avoiding me in every way, with our closest interaction being in the kitchen on her first day.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I paced beside my bed. I don’t understand why she was so insistent on not speaking with me; it was starting to have a negative effect on my Charlie’s friends at this point. Even they’ve tried to tell me to talk to her. Ha! Like I haven’t tried! Every single opportunity that presents for us to speak, even if it would be short, she shuts down immediately. Charlie has even attempted to help me with her. During her daily redemption lessons, she’s tried setting up partner activities, but of course Tsuki made an excuse to leave early. This is ridiculous, she can’t think that she’s just going to never speak with me again, does she? Just stay a whisper away from me for the rest of time?

My duck alarm finally starts to squeak beside me as it waddles around on the bedside table, and I close its beak. I summon my staff and grip it tightly as I get ready to head down for the day. Time to try again, I guess. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve grown into a routine since I’ve arrived at the hotel: Wake up early, make breakfast, Charlie’s redemption lesson, grab list, help souls, come home, work on paperwork, sleep as much as I can, repeat. It was slowly getting more and more draining, but I could handle it. I’ve handled way worse; I just have to get used to the routine. It definitely doesn’t help that Lucifer has gotten pushier, talking about me and Eden in front of me with the other residents. He doesn’t get to decide when I speak with him. That’s for me to choose, and at this point he’s not giving me any reason to want to. It is strange though to not see Lilith, when I saw them last, they were practically attached by the hip. No one around has even mentioned her either. Maybe her absence is a sore subject for Charlie. She’s probably out doing something important for Hell, I’m sure; she is the queen. Luckily, other than Lucifer’s attempts, everything else at the hotel is going fairly well. Angel and I seem to always leave the hotel at the same time, so I talk to him every day. He’s really sweet to me, in his own way.  I enjoy Charlie’s lessons quite a bit; she’s so much like her father. Alastor has been quite helpful in the mornings, and our conversations are nice. Hopefully I can get closer with the others though. I’ve gotten a quick jist of what they are like through the small lessons I attend, but by the time I get back everyone’s usually in bed. Except for a few rare cases. 

Charlie rounds everyone to the lobby as normal, and everyone resides in their seat. Once I finally get comfortable in my spot, with a small twirl of glitters, I summon a crochet hook and small violet blanket that I’ve started. My hands rigorously work in a smooth rhythm, loop after loop continuing the row that I was on. This little project of mine has helped center my focus onto Charlie as she spoke for the past week.

“So... we still don’t have any new residents, and we believe that it’s because they’re still scared after the last extermination, so we need to show them that it’s worth it to stay at the new hotel! Vaggie, Dad, Alastor, and I have been talking, and we believe a good way to start is a banquet. That way we could show off the new hotel, and properly explain the hotel’s concept again before other fun things.”

A banquet? I haven’t been to one, but if I remember correctly Michael has told me about the events, he’s held for some of the higher-ranking angels in heaven. 

“Is this going to be a formal event?” 

Charlie turned to Tsuki after she heard her question. 

“Yeah kinda, we want everyone to be comfortable, but we’ll have a dress code, so we don’t have anyone coming with well….  erotic ideas.” 

“Ooooh so you’re tellin me I get to see whiskers here in a suit?” 

Angel turned to the cat demon and teased while adjusting his legs over him. His smirk grew further as Husk rolled his eyes at the one draped over him, but no one was lost to the smile that stayed clear on his face. Charlie smiled and giggled lightly under her hand before she continued. 

“Anyway… so to make this happen, I need everyone on deck. Dad already said that he would handle the food, and Alastor the music, but that leaves decorating and getting the word out. Angel Dust can probably help out Vaggie and I with invitations, so I need Husk and Tsuki to help out with getting this place ready for a banquet. Although if you two aren’t able to find something for it, I’m sure my dad can help with that too.” 

Lucifer puffed out his chest a little proud that his daughter was relying on him for his help again, and Tsuki let out a small sigh, and looked back down to her blanket as the conversation continued over what the banquet needed. It would be fun to help arrange an event like this, but she would have to find time to be able to do everything required. Excitement grew over the rest of the group as they spoke about what they could do for the banquet. Even Husker chuckled along with Angel Dust when he suggested dragging him out on the dance floor after the courses were over. Tsuki smiled down at her project while listening to the cheery dialogues ahead of her. Angel Dust nudged her side before she could get too lost in thought. 

“You know I’m gonna drag you shoppin too sugar!” 

Tsuki sarcastically huffed out a breath and laughed lightly in response. She wouldn’t mind spending more time with him if she got the time. Standing from her spot, her small project whooshes away with the sparkles of her magic before she offers her hand down to Angel Dust. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now I’ve gotta head off are you coming?” 

“Nah toots, I got the day off. But… you should consider talkin to your “old friend” over there he looks like he’s going to pounce on you as soon as you take a step.” 

She pinches the bridge of her nose as she allows a low groan past her lips. Of course she could feel the lingering stares. There was no way she was going to deal with this right now, so she pushed it off once again as she walked out of the lobby. Angel was right, Lucifer was quick on his feet to chase her outside the lobby. Just before he could reach her, she whipped out her wings and dropped through a portal. He groaned and stepped up to the portal, glancing into it for a moment before it swirls to a close. 

“Fuck.. Why is she so stubborn??”

His hands grazed through his hair to soothe his bubbling frustration as he walks back into the lobby. To which almost all of the rest of crew was staring back at him. 

“I’m assuming that his majesty wasn’t able to speak with her once again?” 

Lucifer grinds his teeth as he glares back at the radio demon. Horns threatened to grow from his forehead as bright crimson surrounds the sclera of his eye. Alastor’s has been clearly enjoying all the misery the king has been going through this whole time and didn’t skip any chances to rub it in his face. 

“You fucking filthy prick”

Lucifer was on his wits end with the radio demon, with the only thing keep him from ripping him into tiny scorching pieces being his daughter. Who was currently standing next to the radio demon. 

“I do wonder what you could have possibly done for her to shut you out your highness!” 

Lucifer only growls and looks away from him, attempted to fizzle down the rising anger that he had ignited. 

“Al-” 

Vaggie attempted to interject into the conversation, but was interrupted by Alastor’s continued interrogation. 

“I believe that everyone here can agree that she seems like a sweet girl, so I imagine that it must’ve been something quite horrible for her to avoid you like this.” 

“I didn’t... it- it wasn’t like that”

Lucifer’s words caught in his throat as he attempted to defend himself mostly for his own sanity as he looked away from the others. Alastor’s eyes narrowed down at the King as he tightens his grip on the apple staff he summoned. Alastor cackles at the fallen angel, and slips away into his shadows, content with the response he got. Silence fell heavy across the room once Alastor faded away, and everyone’s eyes turned back to Lucifer. He lifted his head to look to the others after taking a deep breath. His gaze stops on Charlie. 

“I’ll talk to her.. I promise.” 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsuki was now in Micheal’s office as usual, scanning through each paper of the binder he set out for her. She let out a heavy yawn as she rubbed the exhaustion out her eyes. Across from her the prince’s eyes narrowed looking over her face. He dropped his pen, and quickly grasped her chin turning her head to look up at him. Her eyes widened in surprise from the sudden touch as she looked over the blonde’s face. She felt her heart pounding against her chest and palms getting sweaty as she watched the man scan over her features. I didn’t do anything different! Does he know? Michael raised his other hand to rub the darkening circles under her eyes. 

“Angel.. You’re overworking again aren’t you. Why?”

She swallowed, and she started to tremble from the sudden attention she was being given. He knew her tendencies after working with her for so long, and she appreciated his concern. However she could feel her long overdue breakdown surfacing, so she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and bit her tongue. Placing a gentle hand onto his, she responds. 

“I’ve just had some stuff on my mind, nothing to worry over.” 

The prince let her out of his grasp and let out a heavy sigh. Tsuki relieved to be able to separate from the archangel, took a step back from the desk and curtsied. Looking up to the prince, she could feel him still examining her every move.

“I- I’ll do better Michael.”

 After he had looked to her and given her an approving nod she abruptly offered him a thank you and goodbye before walking through the portal he summoned with a simple flick of the wrist. Tsuki had left to go into the human realm and settled her rapid beating heart. Taking in a quick breath she readied herself as she approached the first on her list. 

The deep blue sparks flicker around her as she passes through her first portal and assesses her surroundings. Her eyes settle and adjust to the bright LED lights that were held above her. Her lily-white wings beat and push her forward in the sickly white room toward the teal curtain that stood across the room. Gently she pushed open the curtain to approach the bed that was held behind it. Under the cotton covers held a small child, connected to machine that let out a soft beep every few seconds.

The young brunette turned her head to face the angel and held up her heavy eyelids as best as she could. Her breath was shaky, and she trembled from the aching that she held within. Tsuki allowed her wings to fall and proceeded to her place next to the bed. The sickly girl reached out her hand to hold her own. Keeping a hold on little one, Tsuki leaned forward and held the child’s hand in a soft embrace before placing the other onto her chest.

"It'll be okay."

She spoke softly to ensure that even if she didn't understand what she said, the little girl could still feel calm beside her. Violet glitters erupt from underneath her hand and spread throughout her figure, fading away as they slip into the child’s chest. The small brunette’s eyelids flutter close as she feels the soft fuzzy and warm feeling grow and flow within her. Tsuki smiles as she allows her magic to quickly finish and looks to the girl that was now sound asleep. The angel summoned a small towel and wiped away the sweat on her brow before placing the girl’s hand back to her side.

The clicks of sparks sound behind her, so she pulls the cotton cover back over her and turned back the other end of the room. Her sets of wings flap, and briskly drove her toward the portal that formed outside the curtain. 

Through the portal she landed onto cold concrete. She squinted as she turned to look past the streetlamp that illuminated the dark road that Tsuki stood on. Repeated pangs of pain strain against her torso and shoulder pulls her towards the edge of the road. As she darts toward where her instincts were leading her, garbled staticky guitar plays from below her. Her eyes narrow as she spots a bright flashing light down the hill. She races towards the flashes and sound and finds a deep green vehicle flipped onto its side.

The green hood leaned against an oak tree and the glass was scattered across the ground from the impact the vehicle took. Tsuki calmly advanced and hovered over the doors ripping it open to find a young unconscious couple. She repeated the same process of unlocking the seatbelt’s retractor and shoved her arms under the hook of their knees and behind their backs to pull them out of the compact space before setting them both in the soft grass. After she does so, Tsuki works her magic and focuses on healing all of the clear injuries that she felt. The blood that was pushing past the gashes across their shoulders, chest, and head speedily comes to a halt as purple stitches and fills the injuries that they held. Tsuki lets out a deep breath as she finishes looking over to her chest, watching as the small piece of her that had gone transparent fills with her natural color once more. The familiar sound of sparks erupts to her side. 

“No.. I need to get them some help.”

Tsuki flew past the oak, and towards the bright headlights that were running past the area below. Once she arrived at the edge of the highway, she focused her gaze onto a car that appeared past the curve.

Assuming a position in the middle of the street, Tsuki shut her eyes tight and pushed her hands together. Heat grew between her palms, and light pushed past her fingers as she held her grip together tightly. Suddenly she allows the pressure to push her hands apart and in front of her, causing a burst of light and start dust to fall from her palms. The vehicle that was approaching came to a hurling stop, and a door flew open. The guardian angel looked toward the accident and rushed towards it allowing more of the glitters to flow past her to form a path as she approached, once she finally arrived, she checked over the young couple. After she was sure they would be okay, she flew through another deep blue portal. She healed, and helped all the souls she could in the time she had. 

It was always like this rush after rush of healing and helping certain people that she was summoned to. The guardian angel was used to this routine after doing it for many millennia. She was quick on her feet as she helped all of the souls that the divine had assigned for her. Flying through portal after portal, finding soul after soul. Throughout her lifetime she had gotten quick enough to be able to get through her “list” before Tsuki felt the need to stop, so she would keep going against Michael’s best wishes. It wasn’t any different this time, so by the time the angel realized she got too caught up in her work it was nearing morning in Hell.

Tsuki rubbed her temples and summoned her paperwork and a portal to the Hazbin hotel in a few snaps. The angel groaned holding the stack close to her chest as she entered the lobby. Silence reigned over the space that she stepped into. As she let out a sigh, Tsuki blinked a few times allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting and kept her footsteps light as she walked past the lobby and to the elevator.

Once she had stepped into the elevator, Tsuki leaned her back against the wall of the elevator feeling herself rise to the top floor. Allowing her wings to finally rest into and fold back into her back, a small groan of relief leaves her lips, and she rolls her shoulders back at the feeling. Once she arrived at her floor, the guardian angel strolls towards her room and searches her pockets. Her eyebrows raise and panic abruptly washes over her as she continues searching after feeling that it wasn’t in its’ usual place. In her panicked state, the paperwork she held tightly fell from her grasp, and scattered across the floor.

“Fuck.. Just what I needed.” 

A frustrated grumble leaves her as she realizes it must’ve still been in her room. Tsuki bent down feeling the soft carpet against her knees, and started arranging her papers back into their appropriate order. After checking through them, she sets a paperclip over the side of them. 

 Tsuki pauses and turns to position herself against the door, allowing a calm to flow over her soul. She leans her head back settling the back of her head against the wood and allows her eyes to close. 

I’ve already used so much magic today. Should I get Alastor? Mmm It’s so late, I don’t want to bother him.  

Tsuki stared down to inspect her legs, rubbing the outside of them gently. A small area on her lower calf was transparent. After finding this, she takes a gentle hold of her halo, and holds it above the area. Gentle stardust fell onto the area, and her color starts to emerge faster back into the area. It was a slow process sometimes. As she kept a watchful eye on her calf, a soft voice interrupts her focus. 

“Hey..” 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer watched the clock as hours and hours passed by, sitting at the bar, and waiting for Tsuki to come back to Hazbin hotel. He knew that the way things were going between them couldn’t last much longer, so he was determined to change it. The first few hours, the others kept him company, but they slowly dwindled away. It was nearly midnight before Charlie decided to pull her dad away, and to bed. 

“Dad, maybe you should wait till tomorrow, it’s late.” 

He looked back to her while he fidgeted with the tea bag that sat in his cup. He gave her a comforting smile after seeing her concerned expression. Lucifer pulled her into a tight embrace. 

“Okay sweetie, I’m sorry about all of this.” 

She reassured him that he didn’t need to apologize, and wrapped her arms around him too. After a few more moments, they allowed their arms loosen and pull away. Vaggie had lead her tired girlfriend back to bed, and Lucifer left to go to his own suite. Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, he ended up in his workshop sat with his head in his hands. Brick by brick thoughts built on top of each other in his mind. He worried over his daughter. Charlie didn’t need any more of this stress; she had enough to worry about with the hotel.

He stayed in that position for a little while, fidgeting with a few of the ducks that he had brought to his new room. Lifting his hand, a sigh releases from his lungs, and he watches as golden glitters fall from his palm and pile up on his desk. 

Lucifer’s ears perk up as the silent ambiance of his room was broken by a thud, and mutters from outside his door. The fallen angel shakes off the dust from his hand and throws on his overcoat before heading out his doors to investigate. Once he had got past his workshop, and outside his suite, he turned his head towards the figure that sat in the hall, and approached it quietly. As he realized who it was, he fidgeted with the lapels of his coat and stood across from her. 

“Hey..”

Tsuki looked up from her leg and to Lucifer. Her heart stutters for a moment, and rapidly beats against her chest trying to break free. Shakily, she allows her halo to return to its’ normal spot and returns his gaze with her own. 

“Hello Lucifer” 

His name left her lips bitterly as she looked up to the man, and he notably shifted from her tone. Despite this Lucifer bent down a little, and offered his hand for her to take. Reluctantly she took his hand, and stood from her spot leaving the stack to her side. 

“I left my key inside.” 

Tsuki stated the obvious, and looked away from his eyes. Her chest ached being so close to him. She wanted to run from him again. Do anything to avoid continuing this conversation. 

“So you decided to work out here?” 

Lucifer glanced down at her arranged paperwork, then returned his gaze back to her. It was obvious from the outside how exhausted she was. He felt an urgent pull within him to help smooth out her hair and pull her eyes back onto his but continued to fend it off. The guardian angel shrugged and looked past him towards the dim light that hung on the wall behind him. Deciding to bite the bullet, she asks. 

“I didn’t want to wake anyone up, but could you help me?” 

She really didn’t want to accept any help from the man in front of her, but the exhaustion that waved over her overruled the tension her heart felt. 

“Yes, but we need to talk first.” 

Is he kidding? She  returned her gaze back to the man quickly with a small glare.

“What is there to talk about?” 

Lucifer scoffs, and returns her annoyance with his own.

“Really?” 

“Alright fine, but no.” 

She understood where he was coming from, but she didn’t want to allow him to force her into a conversation like this. The King looked back to her and shook his head to rid the bubbling frustration that grew within him.

“No?” 

Lucifer looked towards her with disbelief, but Tsuki felt the string of tension that had tightened day by day finally snap as she stood her ground. Her fists clench at her sides as she keep her gaze fixed on him. 

“No, you don’t to keep me hostage like this. You don’t get to decide when we discuss this! You’re the one who left remember!?” 

She snapped back at him. She felt the overwhelming feelings that have been stirring within since the moment she saw him again fumed out of her like a flight train. Decidedly her refusal to discuss became hypocritical as words came fumbling out of her, but it was too late to turn back now. 

“You two decided to throw me to the side while you did your big plan with Eve! Was I not good enough? Did you think that I would, what? hold you back?” 

Her words chipped away his own simmering anger as Lucifer watched her expression shift. He had never seen her like this, so resentful. The wings that had folded into the back her neck flung out. Her tone brimmed over with desperation and anger as she questioned the man. 

“No! Tsuki you have to understand. We didn’t want you to try to do it yourself. It was dangerous we all knew that.” 

She laughed in disbelief. Lucifer stood in shock as he watched her shifting anger. Her eyes were frigid, and stern. She couldn’t believe that he was trying to frame himself as in the right. To her, in the moment, it really didn’t matter why they did what they did. 

“Really? Because it seemed pretty fucking easy for you to ditch me. Isn’t that what you guys always wanted to do?

She paused as she ran a hand through her hair. They had never even told her what they were planning. No one ever made her aware of what they did. 

I wandered for years, searching everywhere throughout Eden for any trace of them. I was ill with worry for the two until insecurity took over. Whispers grew louder in the back of my mind of why they could’ve left. Was I too much? Were they hurt? Was I not enough? Not worth even saying goodbye to? I couldn’t stop searching if there was any chance that thoughts that laid engraved in the back of my mind were wrong. I cared too much for them to stop.

“I couldn’t leave Eden. Do you understand how isolated I was?  Do you know how it feels to be abandoned like that?” 

Lucifer’s heart quivered from her words, and he held his wrist tight with his other hand as he waited for her to finish. She had quickly pushed herself forward till she was directly in front of the King, pointing a finger directly to his chest she looked up into his hurt eyes. 

“I felt like nothing. You made me feel worthless.” 

A long pause of silence fell between the two as she spat out her last sentence. Catching her breath as she looked away from Lucifer. Her quick beating heart suddenly felt more evident as she tried to calm herself, and the wounded expression she last saw, hurt her more than she would like to admit. 

The painful moment feels like it could last forever, but Tsuki goes to take a step back and let her hand fall from him. However, before she could go too far, he took a gentle grasp of her hand. She snapped her head back to look back at him and examined his remorseful eyes. Logic told her to rip her hand away and step back, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so.  

“I’m sorry.. We- I never wanted you to feel that way Tsuki.”

She paused. They had hurt her so badly. How could she feel so badly for him? It wasn’t fair for her. It wasn’t right. Why was her anger waning? Lucifer kept his hand around her own, and stared down at the hold. 

“It’s not the same, but I do know what it’s like to be left behind… I’m sorry that I put you through that pain.” 

What? What does he mean? Heaven maybe?

“Who-?”

“Lilith.” 

A strain pulled between the two. Lilith? No.. what? Confusion wrapped around Tsuki’s mind. That’s why she hasn’t seen her since she’s arrived. That’s why Charlie doesn’t talk about her. She knew Lilith. She wouldn’t do that. They were enraptured in love the last time she saw them; that couldn’t fade. Why would she do that? What happened? Before Tsuki could stop it the question that last built in her mind slipped through her. 

“What did you do?”

As soon as the question slipped past her lips, guilt weaved its’ way through her and she gripped his hand with her free one. If he truly felt the way that he described then she knew that he had probably asked himself that already too many times. 

“Wait I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Lucifer tried to brush off her comment as he looked away from her, and let her hand fall from his own.

“It’s okay.. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but maybe I could ask for us to be cordial? For the hotel, for Charlie?

Tsuki gave Lucifer a silent nod. Once he saw her accept his favor, his crimson eyes looked to the door past her, and with a small flick of the wrist, Tsuki’s door was open, and her paperwork was placed back onto her desk. 

“Good night then Tsuki.”

Lucifer gave her one last glance, and turned away. She remained in her place as his golden magic surrounded his figure and left nothing in his place. Her jaw clenched as she clutched the hand he touched with the other. Agony rooted it’s way to the back of her throat and her vision became blurry. 

It hurts, everything hurts. It’s not supposed to be like this. Is this pathetic? Am I pathetic? I’m supposed to hate him right? Why do I- 

Her knees felt like they could crumble underneath her as she stared off in the hallway. Deciding it wasn’t worth it to stay outside, she turned back towards the open door and took a few heavy steps through. Tsuki felt her mind going a mile a minute as she pressed forward until her eyes turned down to the crimson comforter in front of her. She placed a shaky hand onto it and pushed herself onto the bed slipping underneath cool sheets. Her eyes were on the ceiling as she tried to calm the burning that wouldn’t leave her throat.

If everything he said was true, where was Lilith? How long has she been gone? 

Tsuki gripped and pulled the hair on the back of her neck as an attempt to soothe herself. 

Eventually, after a few hours, she was able to fizzle down the fire in her throat, and rubbed away the tears that flooded her eyes. She fell underneath her weighted eyelids, and the cozy comforter that wrapped around her lulled her further slowly, drifting away until she had to face Lucifer once again the next morning.

[insurrection-if]

TW / Content Warning: death, loss, euthanasia

Apologies for oversharing after such a long period of silence, but tonight has cemented my thoughts towards this blog and its future status.

My eldest dog, Charlie, has passed away at the near age of thirteen. After his health scare in February, he had seemingly recovered and pepped back up to his usual goofy mama’s boy self. I am so thankful for these last several weeks I was able to enjoy with him, and feel so blessed to have seen him hold the strength that he did up until last night.

His condition plummeted rapidly and suddenly last afternoon. The veterinarians at the emergency clinic suspected a brain tumor yesterday, alongside (a) stroke(s), and confirmed this diagnosis just before he finally passed. We didn’t even have the time or money to undergo further testing to affirm what was then a theorized, tenuous diagnosis before it was clear that his time had come. It is confirmed to us now that cancer, not an infection, has likely been the main instigator of his health scare back in February. It’s a blessing that he didn’t suffer or dampen in his joy these past several weeks, up until yesterday, while afflicted with this illness.

Charlie used to be my great-grandfather’s dog. We took him into our home after my great-grandfather passed and his home was lost to our family. Charlie came to us in such poor health, and amazed us all with his recovery and clumsy energy these past two years. At that time, those most optimistic were projecting he only had a few months or so, and to see him having lived so long a full a life in the time he’s been under our roof (for far longer than anyone had foreseen) has been a wonder beyond comprehension. For the gift of his companionship, I cannot express enough of my gratitude.

I truly believe he’s in a better place. Goodness, I cried and prayed my heart out last night when I just absolutely felt in my soul what was around the corner - even when the clinic had then cleared him to come home and told us he would be fine. And even with all this time to be with him and give my goodbyes, it still doesn’t feel right to not have him walking into my room and insisting he be carried up to the bed all with a little wiggle of excitement in his hips.

These past few years were a good life for him. Even yesterday, when he began to show signs of and fall deep into weakness, confusion, and fatigue he still wagged his tail when I laid my hand on him and tried his best to follow the sound of my voice.

For those of you less interested in my personal matters and more so in just whatever content I can produce, this event has finalized some thoughts I’d been having a week or so before this in regard to this blog.

This is not a hiatus. Rather, this blog will be silent until I have a form of demo (‘short’ still in length) that I’m satisfied enough with to share. It’s been stressful balancing this guilt of not responding enough and the guilt of responding too much on this blog. And, with this great loss in my life, I don’t think I will regain the right headspace to manage this blog and my responses on it anytime soon.

Apologies for the silence and, now, the suddenness of this change in matters.

For all those with pets, whether they be full of health or struggling a little more with their once daily routine, please take the time to really show them all the love and care you hold for them each day. Please cherish your time with them, be kind to them, and form as many close memories as you can with them. It’s so easy to take time we have with them for granted. I’m so glad to have provided the home I did for Charlie, and hope he knows just I much I loved him and will keep loving him even now that he’s gone ahead of me to our next destination.

Again, apologies for becoming too personal with all this. The emotional wound is still so fresh and I simply hoped to vent as I clarified my current stance around this narrative. So many of you have been the absolute embodiment of gracious patience and abundant kindness with me and my nonsense here on this blog, and I thank you all deeply for it.

Here’s to hoping I return sooner rather than later with something good, or at least decent, to share.

See you soon.

[nogu-d-reamers]

WELCOME TO PLAYTOWN/POPPY PLAYTOWN- CHARACTER REFERENCE #4.

Name: Hoppy Rabbilda Hopscotch.

Age: 21

Height: 270 mts/8'8 fts.

Species: Smiling critter creature. Rabbit (eastern cottontail).

Occupation: enginer/researcher.

Genre: female (She/her).

Sexuality: Bi.

Magical usser type: Alchemist.

Birth place: bayquarter (Main city).

Birth day: march 13th.

Personality:

Hoppy is a very lively rabbit focused on what she does and only that; and along with his somewhat rude and misaligned appearance, he seems to be a person who is a little rough to start getting to know, but is actually a very energetic and impulsive person; especially with things that are of interest to her or something that those close to her need (even if it costs her a little at first, if it is important to a person she cares about, she will do it too).

She is extremely competitive, she likes to do things the right way, insistent to the point of being stubborn and she doesn't see the limits of certain things; especially with experiments that don't go quite right.

She is also not very good at being patient or regulating her reactions, which gives rise to the recurring gag in which she usually gives a little scream that scares those around her when she is very excited, euphoric or angry.

about her work and daily life.

Hoppy has his daily routine very clear =

He gets up at 4 am and eats a light breakfast (eggs and bread in general).

At 4:30 he exercises.

At 5:30 he starts getting ready for work.

She works from 6:30 to 20:30, with 3 daily breaks of 1 and a half each to eat. She has a pretty heavy job as a mechanic of small airplanes, seaplanes and other flying vehicles. And that time can be extended and she studies from 21 to 23 with Bubba to become an official consultant on antiques and how to fix them.

In her free time it is common to see her spending time with Bobby, getting into a dispute with kickin or begging Bubba to approve a project of dubious morality or safety.

Lately she seems interested in spending time with crafty or Dogday, more than anything because of his particular interest in witchcraft as a study.

Magic data (and other skills):

Hoppy is a certified alchemist,title that is not only achieved by studies but by affinity to technology. Hoppy specializes in technology and his related element is electricity and mechanic.

If she gets into a fight, she simply conjures her alchemical circle or uses her pocket watch to use it without having to draw it to use it to attack or defend herself.

Due to the element it handles, it causes it to run out and have a "short circuit" when used, something that can be handled by carrying metallic elements that make it more likely to receive electricity.

As in a certain series of two alchemist brothers; You can fix and modify objects as long as you don't use a different or extra item to restore it.

other random data:

favorite food: spatakópitas «I went to a witch bazaar when I was a kid, and those little puff pastry and spinach things stayed in my memory.».

Favorite dessert: carrot cake «I like the carrot cake despite being a rabbit, I don't like it because I'm a rabbit»

hated food: carrots «Because of a certain actor, now everyone thinks that rabbits love carrots, I hate them!! They are hard, sour and need to be cooked or spiced to make them taste good..».

smell: mint.

strength: concentration, brute force, analytical skills.

weakness: communication problems, lack of interest.

favorite physical appearance: muscles «pure physical effort worth showing off.».

hated physical appearance: hair «I hate how flammable it is to my experiments and tests…and I'm too lazy to wash it.».

person you respect most: dad «What? I adore my dad»

person you don't want as an enemy: Bubba «He's the one who cancels my experiments! It's not fair! someone once makes a clock with the ability to travel through dimensions and then threatens me for taking away my alchemist's license!!.».

hobby:sports, fly seaplanes, study about astronomy or witchcraft.

Some crush?: ... «Bobby, I love Bobby; I have tried to propose to her about 15 times but I am never able to because I think it won't be romantic enough; the good thing is that she doesn't realize... I hope it».

[emma-cantmakeuphermind]

Just A Project | VI

Nathan Prescott x Reader

Masterlist

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Warnings: swearing, no nathan :( kind of shit writing, second half is mostly filler

Words: 1.2k

I woke up at 8:47 this morning completely ready for today. I got up, did my morning routine and put on something comfy but casual (A/N: you can wear whatever you want, I'm not a fashion slut). I organize my room a little bit, because why not. It’s still a mess, but now an organized mess. As I look around my room at the subtle progress I made, my stomach growls in hunger. The thought of a Two Whales breakfast teasingly enters my mind. Suddenly I’m leaping to grab my pocket essentials, heading out of the dorms to the bus stop.

While I’m waiting for the bus I am completely zoned out, daydreaming about that beautiful breakfast. When out of nowhere I feel a pair of hands on my shoulders pulling me out of my thoughts. I jump slightly turning around to the sight of Rachel Amber and Chloe Price. The startled expression quickly dissolves into a smile. I don’t know Chloe that well, the only times I’ve really interacted with her have been with Rachel as well. I’d consider her my friend though, she’s really cool, and she inspires me to not give a fuck.

Rachel on the other hand? We’re pretty close. All because Dana spontaneously joined the Drama club and asked me to join as well. Drama was never really my thing so I opted out and was a part of the Tech Crew instead. That was freshman year, feels like forever ago. At first our friendship just started as casual conversations during rehearsals, then she asked to hang out after one night, then boom. Our hangouts became almost a daily adventure. Even when she met Chloe, she didn’t forget about me or hangout with me less. That's just how good of a person Rachel Amber is.

“Well if it isn’t the dynamic duo, Rachel and Chloe.” I smile at both of them, their company is always welcomed. “What are you guys up to?” Knowing well enough that they’re always up to something. Rachel chuckles and says, “Well,” She draws on, “we saw you all peaceful like, and we just couldn’t have that, now could we?” I giggle at her antics as Chloe leans over Rachels shoulder. “I mean, what kind of friends would we be, if we just let you have peace?” The blue haired girl smirks. Rachel swats a hand at her and asks, “What about you, Punzel? What were you up to before our presence graced you?”

I roll my eyes at the nickname, a smile never leaving my face. Punzel, I earned that nickname when I first met Rachel. She was trying to get my attention, but didn’t know my name. Back then I had long Y/H/C hair that basically reached my thighs. So she just called out ‘Rapunzel!’. That was the beginning. Ever since she shortened it to ‘Punzel’ because she deemed Rapunzel was too much of a mouthful.

“I was just about to catch a bus to The Two Whales. I’m dying of hunger.” I state with my head thrown back dramatically. “Oooh, breakfast sounds good!” Rachel's eyes light up and she turns to Chloe, “What do you say, Price?” Chloe nods, “Yeah, I’m starving too, and hopefully, if I show up with you two, Mommy Dearest will bless us with a discount!” We all share a laugh before Chloe continues, “But we are not taking the bus.” She haphazardly turns around and pulls her keys out of her pocket and waves them in the air above her head. “Onwards to the Chlo-Mobile!!!”

—————————————————————

We arrived at the diner after a short while, the ride was filled with laughs and a little bit of weed. Mostly on Chloes part, she offered me a puff, but I declined. I did have things to do today after all.

Once we settle down in one of the booths we spend a few moments chatting and catching up. Chloe tells me about Deputy Dildo and their latest conflict. I hate dealing with him at school as is. Imagine having him live in your own home. About half way into the conversation Chloe gets a little too heated resulting in Rachel calming her down. They are the cutest couple, totally perfect for each other.

I told them about the whole Nathan situation, both of them having opposite reactions. Chloe was shit talking him in five different languages, while Rachel did her best to defend him. Sometimes I forget that they’re friends, they seem so different. Then again, she is with Chloe.

It’s not long before Joyce strolls over to our booth and asks for our drinks and orders. I settle with a classic breakfast consisting of crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, and some toast. I also ordered (your choice of coffee or tea), it’s a must for early mornings like this. When our food arrives we all dig in getting lost in conversation.

—————————————————————

The rest of our morning is spent bitching about whatever comes to mind and we all come to a conclusion that we need to hangout more often. When we're all done eating, I check the time. 10:42, I still have about an hour until I have to meet Nathan at the track field. The three of us pay and head out back to Chole’s truck.

The drive back to Blackwell was pretty silent. I just enjoyed the scenery of Arcadia Bay, and realized that I needed to do that more. That must sound pretty ironic coming from a photographer. But hey, I’m human too, sometimes life just gets in the way. My mind then drifts to Nathan. Here comes that burst of excitement again. God, I need to chill out, this meeting is just for the project.

We pull into the Blackwell parking lot and I hop out. “Thanks for the ride guys, I owe you!” I say. Rachel waves me off while Chloe speaks, “Are you kidding? Don’t worry about it Y/N/N, you can catch a ride anytime.” They both give me a smile, and Chloe winks. My face goes red at the action, and they both chuckle at me. “Bye, Punzel!” Rachel says, I wave and walk away, as they drive off.

I wander the campus a bit, looking for anything to try and kill time. I see a few friends like Hayden. I go up to him and sit down next to him at the tree he’s under. “Heyy, Y/N! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Hayden smiles at me warmly. I smile back with a chuckle. “Hi Hayden. How are you?”

I’ve known Hayden for a while now. I also know he’s one of Nathan’s best friends. Rachel and Dana both say he has a crush on me, but I don’t see it. For all we know he's just being kind, though he does act flirty, I’ve seen him act like that with others too. He’s just a really good friend, probably one of my best, like Dana and Rachel.

We talk for a while, mentioning whatever comes to mind. He also brings up Nathan and the project. Wait, does that mean Nathan has been talking about me. I hope that's a good thing, I don’t really plan on getting on his bad side.

—————————————————————

I don’t even know how much time has passed talking to Hayden until my phone dings. It’s a text from Nathan.

N: “nrd, where u @” 11:54

I shoot him a quick response.

“hey, omw :)” 11:54

I say goodbye to Hayden and head over to the track field with a smile on my face.

[whentherewerebicycles]

two things I feel some trepidation about:

I am eating under my daily caloric allotment and yet still packing on weight. I’m up 11 lbs in 13 weeks and am only supposed to gain 15-25 over the whole nine months :-//// and I don’t even really have a bump yet so it’s not like it’s all going there. I’m trying not to worry about it as long as I’m eating well, exercising daily, and getting lots of sleep. but my mom was making approving comments on the phone about how little weight my teeny tiny SIL has gained and kind of neutral-to-lightly-judgy comments about how much weight another person we know has gained in the same amount of time, and I was just like 🫠 well my body type is MUCH closer to the other person’s and my weight gain trajectory is too. I’m really genuinely not TOO much in my head about it as it seems to be largely out of my control, but I think I feel more insecure about it because I’m not showing yet but also don’t fit into anything but stretchy pants and sweatshirts. sigh.

I have to jump through a bunch of time-consuming hoops to get started with this tutoring job and I’m kind of blehh about it in part because they weren’t really able to give me a semi-guaranteed minimum number of hours I could expect per week. I’m worried it’s going to be a lot of work but not ultimately pay enough… and idk looking at my budget for next year just has me stressed about affording childcare. I wish I could cobble together 8-12 months of leave like the couples I know who are having kids right now!!!! and a double income to cover daycare sure wouldn’t hurt!!! but I know I am super lucky to get 4 paid months and also I went into this with open eyes lol. it’ll all work out.

three things I am feeling great/hopeful about:

I really like this weightlifting class and I’ve decided to just commit to going 3x a week for the duration of the pregnancy (or until I am too uncomfortable idk). it’s a little pricy so I can’t continue it forever but I can manage six months and it’s worth it to pay a little more for the accountability (as opposed to a gym membership I rarely use). I’m also hoping that working out consistently will inspire me to start running again… I often find when I’m in a good gym routine I’m more motivated to mix in additional cardio.

I wrote a lot last Sunday and then carried it on a bit through the week which is good! can’t tell if the idea will stick but I can tell I’m generating some good little bits that can be folded into future projects if this specific one doesn’t pan out.

my food aversions are largely gone which means I can cook again!!! I managed to eat pretty well even with the nausea but I was definitely scavenging bits and pieces of meals rather than doing thoughtful/balanced meal planning. going to try some recipes rec’d by y’all this week I think plus I might head back to the library tomorrow and check out more cookbooks.

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #30: blackchai

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Ayoo, I go by the name of blackchai, preferably stylized in all lowercase. I started out rapping under the name JinSol, but I think I scrubbed 98% of that shit off the internet. I’m based in Brooklyn, but I grew up a little outside NYC in Putnam County. I’ve been releasing as blackchai since either late 2019 or early 2020 - I forget exactly. I put out my first EP titled No Expectation in August 2020. My first full length titled Time & A Place came out April 2022, followed by 2 EPs A Momentary Lapse in October 2022, and SECOND WIND produced entirely by my good friend/collaborator, a haunted house, in January 2023. My most recent release as of right now is my album Year Wandering which released March 2024. My next album OTHERWISE A BLUR is set to release September 6th and that is fully produced by August Fanon, who has also been a friend of mine since before we even started making music together.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I find it easiest to write in the comfort of my bedroom. I work best in solitude. Over the years I have usually written the majority of my stuff late at night, but lately I’ve found I have better ideas in the morning before the day has a chance to influence my mind state. 

I’m a notoriously slow writer as in I can probably count on less than two hands how many verses I’ve written in a single sitting, but lately I’ve been trying to push myself to write faster without second guessing myself or losing my attention span, and it’s been working somewhat.

I find that I kind of go back and forth with how disciplined I am in terms of writing every day, but I prefer to always be in a constant state of having “something” that I’m working on, even if I don’t make daily progress. The only time I don’t have an unfinished verse on my plate is if I’m doing an album rollout or in the mixing process or something like that. Not being in the middle of some kind of creative process gives me really bad anxiety.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

When I started rapping it was all pen and paper, but I have horrible handwriting as well as horrible eyesight so it’s been strictly Notes app for the past few years. There are some things I’ve done in my head and wrote down later, but usually like 4-8 bars. Nothing crazy. My short term memory is unfortunately very compromised at this point in my weed smoking career.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I kind of write in spaced out lines depending on how connected each phrase is to the previous one. I use a lot of my own shorthand to signify pauses and things like that, but sometimes I don’t really solidify the way I’m going to rap the verse until I’m actually recording. It’s a lot easier to rap without breathing when reciting under your breath than when trying to project into a mic. When I started, I would just write in a big paragraph, but I kept losing my place. I used to be able to memorize my verses before recording. but my style has developed into a very stream-of-consciousness word soup sort of thing, so now I don’t usually have anything locked in until after it’s recorded.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

If it doesn’t start out strong, typically I’ll scrap it and start over. Either that or if I write like half a verse then don’t come back to it until days later I can’t pick up the same energy and struggle trying to actually end the thing and it just goes on for way too long and feels redundant. I am a big believer in recycling lines for future use. Sometimes it’ll just be one phrase that I know I need to be a part of a verse. I just need the right beat or placement or whatever. But very rarely do I ever fully delete something. There's always some gold nuggets in a subpar verse.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

So my first girlfriend in high school was a writer. She was writing a novel when we were like fifteen. I’ve always admired people who can write in more traditional structures, but I just don’t possess that skill set. I never knew how to write essays that sounded natural in English class. I always felt like I couldn’t break away from that rigid template they give you when you’re in elementary school. That’s why I really like writing raps. I get to be a writer without having to care about the rules. As a rapper, you can fully disregard grammar, you can make words up, etc. I learned all that studying people like Ghostface Killah and Vordul Mega. But growing up I was definitely reading earlier than a lot of kids my age, and as an adult I really appreciate people like Cormac McCarthy and Tolkien and people like that. They write so descriptively it’s amazing, and I try to take some influence from that in the way I write raps.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I don’t necessarily labor but definitely the past few years as I’ve been taking this more seriously I’ve put in extra effort to edit my lyrics. Especially because my flow is in such weird pockets sometimes, I have to be really specific about how I say some things so I don’t get lost in the beat. Anything from rearranging bars to fully rewriting some things.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Most of the time I write to a beat. Sometimes I’ll have a few lyrics in my head that I think of while walking, taking the train, etc. Recently I’ve been writing one verse while switching between beats. It helps when I start to feel like I’m losing momentum. The beat usually tells you what it wants and sometimes my ideas clash with that, so it takes some searching to finesse the formula. Sometimes I’ll have an old verse I never did anything with and I’ll get a new beat and it just fits perfectly. But I don’t do it in the same way Talib Kweli apparently used to do. I'm not tryna rap super fast and sound crazy just to get a verse off.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

I don’t typically write songs about any singular thing. Sometimes it’s a general vibe and I’ll address multiple things that kind of fit that idea even if they’re not directly related, and sometimes I’m just rapping and making references to anime and things I think are cool. I try not to let it get too jarring content-wise, but at the same time I’m a self-proclaimed student of Ghostface, so I don’t care too much if people don’t get it. I’ve definitely been told I’m very stream-of-consciousness by multiple people. I’d say in general the average blackchai song has sprinkles of Marxism, anime references, interpolations of 90s rap lyrics, and just general ruminations on the way I navigate through life and things I observe on a daily basis. And then all the blank spaces are filled with slang or just general “talking my shit” rapper guy stuff. Nothing too crazy. But I definitely do want to put in the effort in the future to write more concentrated songs. I don’t want to be a one trick pony, especially now that I’m getting more optics as an artist.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I go through phases. I think the thing that comes most naturally to me is flow, so that is usually the thing I like to experiment with the most. I’ve been in a very rapid fire kind of bag for a minute, which is a lot of fun. I did a lot of features just rapping super fast this past year. I also am a big fan of writing non-rhymes or ending bars with words that don’t rhyme. I know a lot of people, mostly older heads, hate that style these days along with the drumless beats and all that, but it’s where I feel I shine the most and can be the most creative. I rap mostly over loops, so there’s less constraints with the way I can actually land my rhymes and everything. But like I said before, the beat usually tells me what it needs. Lyrics are the tougher part for me.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

One of the bonus tracks off Year Wandering titled “All For The Win." The album itself was largely inspired by the manga Vagabond and the themes explored in that and the song kind of encapsulates that. There’s a throughline that I repeat that goes “From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun,” which is nearly a direct quote from the manga and basically the whole theme of Musashi Miyamoto's character journey as well as my own kind of declaration of artistic growth. Where I’ve been and where I want to be. Reflecting upon being some kid writing horrible rhymes in my mom's living room to working with people I’ve been a fan of for years and having people tell me I’m their favorite rapper. I just think this is the best example of me mixing contemplative ideas right next to my usual brand of non-sequitur lyricism. Plus a really dope reference to Cannibal Ox that is just so much fun to rap on stage.

The usual intent’s not a spectacle the proof’s in the outcome I’m counting flaws to strike a healthy balance From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun Contemplating parts of myself that’s hard to face Placating the anger that’s building up from day to day Made a wish, made a plan  Sometimes it’s an aim and a miss but gained an understanding regardless My heart’s a big lender Depart with less than what I need to fill the chest up Blades drawn like a breath  Duress often but can’t halt the flesh  It’s the best of times Measure my regrets next to gratitude it’s too many hard questions Not enough in mind to concentrate Binded by fate with my brothers  Keep it in conversation Fuck a wait list I hate wasting time more than most things in my peripheral  Direct line of sight manifesting pictures from a past life Tryna simply grab it, inhabit the space I’m happy to play a part pondering til the dark divide Niggas is wildin’ I think you better find yourself - before you get ejected from the deep end My shell monumental mechanical found ghost Effortless like a cold reservoir of blood in the vessel Known unknowns  It’s the presence of ancestors weaponizing the mental Head in the sky Treasure refinement  It’s no sweat  Don’t hold me on shit I never said that’s my only lesson to give at the moment Pay attention Unsteady on the way in the present’s a testament to resolve My whole body and soul get the message Surrender control? Probably not It’s dark and Hell is hot as the block in the dead of winter Sounds like a personal problem you probably deserve it dawg Don’t make me call it off it’s all for the win You probably deserve it dawg Usual intent’s not a spectacle the proof’s in the outcome I’m counting flaws to strike a healthy balance From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

Off the song “Feed The Land” from Year Wandering:

High risk high reward Formula been tired no time to react $30 til the next check what we scrambling? Don’t take it for granted like God gave up the answers Feed The Land

I really like this one because it’s one of the more straightforward things I’ve ever written. I was literally in my kitchen making an egg scramble of random things in my fridge because I was broke and couldn’t afford to buy food until my next check. Very simple but I remember every detail and it was just a very real relatable thing. Nothing esoteric about it, just struggle turned into art.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I don’t do them personally, mostly just because I usually record by myself and it’s annoying to do. But I don’t have an issue with them as a stylistic choice. There’s plenty of punch-ins on like Only Built 4 Cuba Linx, Ironman, Funcrusher Plus, etc. I like to be able to actually rap my own stuff live though. I hate the whole “live show karaoke” thing. Especially in the underground scene. Maybe I’d do them if I had a hypeman or something.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

I mentioned before I like to interpolate lyrics from a lot of 90s rap, but I do this tenfold with rock music. I played guitar before I started rapping and played in a few bands, so I am super pretentious about indie rock/emo/punk etc. I really don’t listen to a lot of rap when I’m writing. At least not a large variety. I’ll usually hyperfixate on one or two rap albums at a time when creating because I don’t want to be influenced too much in that way, but I’ll bump a huge variety of guitar music. 

Like when I was writing Time & A Place the only rap album I was listening to was OB4CL, but I was also listening to a ton of Jawbreaker, Cloud Nothings, Rilo Kiley, Mannequin Pussy, and this Japanese band Number Girl. And when I was writing OTHERWISE A BLUR the only rap I was listening to was like 2016-2017 Mach-Hommy, but I spent most days listening to Interpol and these random obscure indie bands with like 200 Spotify listeners. 

I’m also in the middle of reading Blood Meridian. Other than that, my main non-music inspirations/influences are just whatever shows I’m watching. I watch The Sopranos about four times a year, so that's a permanent fixture and source of reference. I just rewatched YuYu Hakusho. And then whatever communist/leftist literature I’ve read will pop up now and again. Obviously some Marxist stuff, Kwame Ture, Malcolm X, Huey Newton, etc. but I wouldn’t call myself a thoroughly read or educated person in that regard.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I didn’t like anything about my own music until like my last two projects, for the most part. I hated my voice. I took a long time getting comfortable on the mic. Things like that. But I feel like I’ve really started to feel and sound like the artist I’ve always wanted to be. Going back to my older stuff, now I see the merit in it, but at the time I hated almost everything I put out by the time I put it out. I really love this next album I’m about to drop though. I also made it in a significantly shorter timeframe than anything else I’ve done, so I haven’t had the chance to grow to hate it.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Definitely billy woods and E L U C I D. I’m a huge fan, and they both have definitely influenced me a ton, but sometimes I stop myself from listening to Armand Hammer while I’m making stuff. Especially while making this record with August Fanon - haha. Aside from them, I’d say a lot of people in the scene in New York right now. Like people I see at shows and know personally. Like it’s one thing to subconsciously bite a rapper that you know from a distance, but when it comes to people who are closer to your level or whatever, you want to kind of maintain a sense of friendly competition. I like the idea of everyone having their own style. It’s like super powers. Spider-Man and Human Torch are homies, but they can’t do what the other does.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

When I was a child I think the first thing I ever wanted for my future was to be an artist. I don’t even know why or what kind of artist I wanted to be. I just liked things like that. I also wanted to be a ninja. Presently, I just want to make a mark and be a part of rap-lore. When I started rapping, one of the more formative influences for me was The Juggaknots but I’ve never met anybody outside of hardcore rap nerds who even know who they are, but Breeze is like the best rapper ever. If I can do that for some kid 20 years from now, that’d be crazy. 

Obviously the deeper I get into this and the more things I accomplish that I never thought possible there will be more things I strive to achieve, but my initial goal was just to be a dope rapper who other rappers think is dope and just do cool shit because I can put words together in a cool and interesting way. And I kind of feel like I finally opened the door for that possibility. I can’t go to a show in New York without running into someone I know through music. I’ve even been recognized by strangers a couple times in the crowd of billy woods shows and stuff, which is really insane, and kind of weird.

There’s messages and beliefs I have that I put into my music, but I was never someone who wanted to make political music or anything like that. It’s a good gateway, but I’m not a professor. You can learn a lot more about revolutionary politics by reading books than from listening to Public Enemy, but a lot of people probably didn’t even form an interest in black leftist politics until Chuck D screamed into their ear about the Black Panthers. I suffer from really bad depression and anxiety. I wouldn’t feel comfortable counseling someone on their own mental health issues, but maybe my music might inspire someone to take action for themselves. Just having a positive tangible effect on people is really all you can hope for.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: E. Fortson

[tomato-fendo-writes]

Fun Fax: OLM Chapter 11

gotta say, writing Jin and Lee interacting from this point is so nice, but it also hurts because its SO different from how Kazuya treats him (as noted by Jin himself this chapter, even). i try hard to balance the fact that Lee is still a little scared of Jin with the fact that hes great at covering it up, and that Jin isn’t good at picking up on it, but its hard to do that and have the audience catch on without being blatant lol. im learning!

i dont know anything about having a daily workout routine, i have no idea in what order you are supposed to eat, rest, workout, etc. because online resources give warring answers 👍 i am making things up

Jin and Kaz’s mini argument about going out in the rain is SO funny to me but equally maddening, what a DAD response sdfjk (derogatory)

SO happy to bring up Kazuya’s dumb little sneakerhead hobby, it makes me laugh so much and there was no way i wasn’t bringing it up at some point

Kaz finding out about the Devil Mark has always been planned to be p much exactly this, but there was a brief time where i didnt know where to put it lol. largely in relation to the thing first being brought up at last in the last chapter, but i find it works well enough here

the more i write Jin, the more i realize that im taking a blank slate and trying not to project onto it too much, with varying success lol. more of a general observation than this chapter in particular, but dang i do be writing this boy AUTISTIC huh

this chapter went p much exactly to plan (what a concept) so there wasnt much shuffling things around, or many comments to make now!

[wisteriafay]

Mental Illness & Witchcraft | How I Use My Craft to Cope | Protection

Introduction

So, the topic for my first-ever blog series focuses on how I use my personal witchcraft practises to help me cope with and deal with my own mental illnesses better.Now, a big disclaimer I'd like to place here is that witchcraft isn't the only thing I use to help me cope better. In fact, I actively go to therapy and often exercise other coping mechanisms such as artistic hobbies, music, and generally just doing things I love and enjoy. My witchy practises are meant to enhance what is already there; such as positivity, the flowing of my emotions, and giving myself the strength to get through hard times. In general, I'm trying to say that you shouldn't rely too heavily on your craft for things like this or anything else. Always practise mundane options before turning to magic. This isn't necessarily a "rule," but more so just something that could help you in the long run, especially mentally.The main types of practises I use to help me cope are protection, attraction, and cleansing. And most of it is made up of small, 5–10 minute tasks that I can do daily, weekly, monthly, or just whenever I feel like it, with the occasional spell thrown in. I will be splitting this topic into separate blog posts to cover those categories because otherwise, this would be too long to bear.

Protection 

When it comes down to it, protection is probably one of the most important things to learn when you become involved with the craft. Especially if your own craft involves hexes, curses, and the like.However, it can also be used in a type of practise that includes learning how to deal with much different negativity in your life. It could be something as simple as anointing yourself with protection oils, or something a little bigger, such as preparing a spell jar to carry around with you. I will be talking about my favourites to use here, which are: charmed jewelry, crystal magick,oils, and sigils. I will be sorting these from simplest to most complicated and time-consuming.How does protection correlate with coping with mental illness? Well, that is simple. For me, spiritual protection not only protects me from most negativity that may cause me to have a negative episode, but it also gives me the mindset that I am strong enough to get through anything.

Sigils and Oils

Sigils and oils are tools used in witchcraft that can either be used by themselves for quick, easy work or used in more significant magickal projects as a boost to the intentions and energy of said magickal projects. You can make them part of your everyday routine or just use them whenever you feel like it. It doesn't matter. However, what does matter is that you make them tie into your craft in whichever way works best for you. Allow no one to tell you what is the "right" or "wrong" way to use them. If you would like to know more about sigils and how to create and use them, I recommend referring to The Witch of Wonderlust's The Basics of Sigil Making video. As for how to use oils, I recommend the Chaotic Witch Aunt's Daily Personal Practices video. But for now, in this blog post, we will talk about how they best correlate with protecting your mental health. So, the method I recommend using can be used as many times as you like throughout the day, throughout the week, etc. And this method involves writing sigils on your body using the oils. For this method, I recommend using anointing oils with roller tops, but if you can't find a good enough pre-made oil with a roller top, any kind of protection-focused oil will suffice. What you'll want to do is either use the roller top, or dip the tip of your finger in the oil, and draw the protection sigil of your choice on your wrists, over your heart, or wherever you think would work best for you. Remember to keep your intention in mind while you do this. You can do that by repeating in your head or out loud, "I am anointing myself with this oil so that I may be protected from any negative energy throughout my day or week." You can then activate it to get the best performance out of it by using kinetic energy. Rubbing in the oil after drawing the sigil with it would work perfectly fine. It all comes down to what you believe is best for you to be protected while also feeling protected. It's all about mindset and belief.

Crystal Magick

Just like sigils and oils, crystals can be used as a way to enhance your spellwork, or they can be used by simply charging them with intention and carrying them around. A really good crystal that I enjoy working with when it comes to protection is black tourmaline. I just tend to connect really well with this type of crystal, and it has really strong protection properties from what I've experienced working with it. However, what type of crystal you use is up to you; just make sure that the type correlates with your intention. If you're out at a crystal shop and not sure what a crystal may be used best for, talk to one of the people at the shop, or some of my favourite shops put little information slips with their crystals. Once you have your crystal, what you're going to want to do is first cleanse it. This is to get rid of any unwanted energy that it may be holding onto after spending a while in a public setting. Then, you can either hold it in your hand or put your hands over it and repeat your intention in your mind while you envision your own energy surrounding it and going inside of it. Usually the phrase I repeat in my mind for good protection is "I am charging this crystal to protect me from any and all negative energy throughout the day." You could do this for two minutes, five minutes, or however long feels best for you.

Charmed Jewelry 

Charming jewellery is a type of spell work in which you can add a magical benefit to something you can wear and thus carry with you wherever you go. You can charm jewellery with any sort of intent, may it be boosting your self-esteem, adding a little bit of extra luck to your daily routine, or, in this case, protecting yourself against negative energy. If you'd like to know some really good methods for charming your jewelry, I recommend watching The Chaotic Witch Aunt's Charging and Charming Jewelry video that covers the topic, or The Witch of Wonderlust also has a great video that covers this topic called Charming, Charging, and Enchanting Jewelry Remember to keep your intention in mind when charming your jewelry, regardless of the method you use. All of these methods I have written about are meant to allow you to focus on yourself and block out any sort of negative energy that may reach you and put you in a bad state of mind. Whether it be carrying crystals, wearing jewelry, or anointing yourself with sigils and oils, these are all guaranteed to not only protect you but also allow you to feel safe. However, keep in mind that what I have written about is mainly energy-focused; you could adjust them to your liking to prevent physically negative things from happening too. In the next blog post, I will be talking about primarily the same subject, but this time in the attraction category, which talks about how to attract positive and good type of energies towards you to give you a boost on good days and bad days. I sincerely hope you enjoyed what I wrote today and that it helped you deal with your mental illness through your craft.

Sources

The Witch of Wonderlust References

Charming, Charging, & Enchanting Jewelry: https://youtu.be/KqEwsl9sDqI

The Basics of Sigil Making: https://youtu.be/jVV1Jx3rmX8

Chaotic Witch Aunt References

Charging & Charming Jewelry: https://youtu.be/-ececIYYW7w

Daily Personal Practices: https://youtu.be/Qze-giPDShg

[yupuffin]

I *COULD* compare/contrast Genshin Impact, Honkai: Star Rail, and Wuthering Waves, and I have in the past -- in the form of silly checklists detailing the presence or absence of my favorite inconsequential features in these games -- but the thing is, all of their similarities and differences are subjective in terms of how they affect the quality of the game's experience, and, beyond that, right now, they all have occupy similar but subtly different niches in my life.

They're all my comfort games.

Genshin Impact is my comfort game because it's familiar (after three and a half years of daily play on my end), colorful, and full of characters I find likable and feel close to. The second-to-last thing I do every evening is run a circuit of my Serenitea Pot and say 'good night' to all the characters I have stationed in there. Plus, the game carries the emotional significance of being an integral aspect of my gay awakening and helping me find peace with my identity.

Honkai: Star Rail is my comfort game because it's the only game with Dan Heng in it. I started playing the game because I fell in love with him, and having him available as a team member from the very beginning of the game made the deal even sweeter (especially after my previous experience of waiting 331 days for a Xiao rerun). The last thing I do every evening is take Dan Heng for a stroll at one of my favorite scenic spots on the Xianzhou Luofu -- usually either Scalegorge Waterscape or the Alchemy Commission -- before I return to the Express and log out of the game while standing in the corner of the Archives behind his futon. (This made the canon dialogue about him wishing he "could show you the real sights of the Luofu" quite entertaining, despite the context, because... that's literally the bulk of what I do with him. 🤣 ) This routine seems to have alleviated a significant portion of my anxiety issues, as since I started playing Star Rail I've slept more easily and restfully than I can remember ever doing in my adult life beforehand.

Wuthering Waves is my comfort game because I've experienced the least anxiety while playing it (perhaps connected to having picked up Star Rail). As is typical for me, I was nervous about starting a new game for the first couple of days, but since I got used to it I've felt quite at home with it. I kind of even surprised myself how quickly and easily I got used to it, because I at first hesitated to play it due to the post-apocalyptic setting and thinking the monster designs looked scary. (But that just goes to show: anything can be a comfort media with the right combination of factors. 🤣 ) And despite having not pulled Jiyan the first time around, I've been perfectly happy running a duo team with Mortefi, an unexpected favorite, in the meantime. The game possesses a lot of the characteristics I like about Genshin Impact, so it feels familiar in that respect, but it also has aspects (like the aesthetic) that set it apart as well as remind me of the aesthetic of some of my favorite anime/manga series (GANGSTA. and Wild Adapter come to mind).

It's not like I'd pick any one game over another -- I'd be sad and feel that I was missing something from my life if any of them were to be gone tomorrow. All three of them give me things to look forward to in my daily life, so I don't get too stuck in the endless routine of work, sleep, rinse, repeat; I go to bed looking forward to seeing Mortefi or the CUDDLE PILE (or whichever Genshin guy I'm into at the time -- right now, it's Sethos) first thing in the morning, because I get up earlier than necessary for work specifically to leave time for video games before I leave, which gives me a reason to enjoy getting out of bed at least a little more. 🤣 Then I look forward to leaving work not just to work on creative projects at home but also to play whichever game I feel like passing the time with when I just want to rest (which can depend on the limited-time events that are going on); and then, the day ending doesn't feel so bad, because I look forward to my evening routine (as outlined above) followed by SLEEP 🕺✨ and, finally, facing another morning.

I guess where I'm going with this is I realize there's so many good games out there and you can't play them all (if only!), but I personally do not feel the need to quit Genshin for Star Rail or either of them for WuWa or anything like that, because as far as my life goes, they can coexist quite nicely. 🤣

[fuzzyfoe]

sorry! I should have been more specific! I meant more could someone do something similar to your daily creature thing?

Uh, yeah? I didn't invent the concept of drawing something every single day. I've seen other blogs on here where people draw one monster every day, one wolf every day, one pokemon every day, etc.

I think that everyone should give something like this a try! Not only can it help you improve your art rapidly, but it can also help you overcome your feelings/habits of perfectionism when it comes to your art.

You start off by telling yourself that not every daily creature has to be good, they're just silly little doodles/exercises and it's not supposed to be a serious art project or a representation of your best. Keeping up your streak should be more important than making sure every creature is good. If you're tired and had a long day, you just make a very simple creature that you spend no more than two minutes on and call it a night. If the idea of having to make a creature at all on days like that is too daunting, you're not allowing yourself to be lazy enough! Once this really becomes part of your routine, this attitude starts to bleed into your other art as well and not just your daily creatures, and it can help you start making more of the art that you actually want to make.

Before, I would keep thinking "aaarrrgh this isn't good enough, it takes me so damn long to make a single drawing that's mediocre while it seems like everyone else is able to churn out much better art at a much quicker pace than i can" and I would think that to myself without realizing that it was my own sense of perfectionism and comparing myself to other artists that was causing me to take so long to make a single drawing, and it was this attitude that was actually causing me to lose motivation to draw which led to me not making as much art, which is something I would then beat myself up for.

Now, I'm a lot better at being able to pry my focus away from the little details once they start to overwhelm me so I can actually enjoy what I'm doing. When I keep drawing part of something over and over and I still can't make it look quite right, I'm now able to tell myself that I'm allowed to just leave that part of it looking sloppy and be done with that part of the drawing if I want to. This isn't going to be the last drawing I'm ever going to make, I'll always have a chance to draw it again and get it better the next time. With this new attitude, I started to get done with each drawing a lot faster and I was making art a lot more often than I used to, even when I exclude the daily creatures.

You start to learn that quantity is actually better than quality when it comes to making art, because as the quantity of your art increases the quality of your art will naturally increase anyway. When you focus too much on the quality of your art over the quantity of your art, you're just going to end up not making a lot of art and the quality won't even increase very drastically or in any meaningful way because, well... you're not making a lot of art. I know this sounds a lot like very basic advice that all new artists are told, but it wasn't until I started doing the daily creatures that this actually really began to click for me and become ingrained in me.

Also, doing something like this is a great way to end up with lots and lots of new OCs. When you're making a unique character/creature design every single day, you're inevitably going to have a couple that you become really attached to, and you're gonna decide that you wanna do more with those. Right now I have over 20 of what I call "ascended creatures", which are what were originally daily creatures that now have names and personalities and backstories.

[melmodest]

.

at times when I hit my lows the routine I've built over the past few years since been diagnosed with bd is the hardest and the most tiresome thing, but strangely it is my anchor too. when I'm in my lows being a sad depressed crybaby wanting to hide from the world and everyone in it I try to clutch tightly at this daily routine as it helps me to stay afloat the most.

little things - doing chores, hot yoga, english, some writing, watching tv series, taking walks, etc., they don't let me lose my grip and hope for the better. in those little things I find strength to cope with the dark silhouette (a projection of my low phase) sitting across me at the table while tightening the reins and contemplating a way to shatter my will to keep fighting for good. I would lie if I were to say that it is easy to hold onto this routine and after a few days the silhouette magically gives in and disappears.

nope.

never.

sticking up to something so trivial is like carrying a bunch of stones - I have to get over myself and just do it, at least try to do it to the extend that seems doable so I wouldn't hurt myself even more that I tend to do quite often.

no matter how often I encounter the black silhouette or how long those encounters last, it never gets easier and I can never get used to the feeling of complete endless lingering emptiness, devastation, hopelessness, numbness... really after all this time I'm still unable to come up with the right (?) definition of that sickening feeling.

I hate the most how that feeling makes me afraid of opening up and being honest with the people I love dearly and doubt if they even want me or need me. when I'm depressed I am the most vulnerable and the most insufferable, 'cause I'm dying for attention and being cared for, but I feel so pathetic and insignificant that isolation and keeping my mouth shut seem to be the smartest decision ever, 'cause this way I am no anyone's trouble, but mine. besides, there are sooo many people whose suffering is way worse (it's a stupid thought I know, 'cause everyone's suffering is important, but I just cannot fully get rid of it).

I am okay with hurting, but I am not okay with the people I love to be hurt. I know that in a way I strip them off their right to choose for themselves. still it's better that way. I've long learned how to keep it all inside. sometimes it shows - usually when it is just too much to bear, but mostly I just put up with it going through my day as if nothing is out of ordinary.

the routine.

again.

being depressed is a nuance and sometimes it gets contagious. I don't like to be a nuance and I surely don't want to be a "deadly" infection bringing my loved once sadness and discomfort.

it is unhealthy, but at least I have smth to cling to like a baby clinging to their parents or toys I cling to my usual routine.

I am trying to speak up. I've already picked up the skill of notifying my friends that I'm falling deep down again. it's some kind of progress, right?

I mean I am posting this little confession of mine (more like venting out) here when everyone can see it and really it is the most sincere thing I've done in a while.

.

[junbugsarchive]

🐞 JunBugs Newsletter #13 🦋

Yesterday's setlist (in order)

✧ Shin Takarajima - Sakanaction

✧ Yūnagi - Utada Hikaru

✧ Chikai - Utada Hikaru

✧ PINK BLOOD - Utada Hikaru

✧ Kinjirareta Asobi - ALI PROJECT

✧ Tōmei Shelter - kukui

✧ STYX HELIX - MYTH & ROID

✧ Baka Mitai

✧ Let Us Adore You - Steven Universe

✧ Tears of an Angel - Mike Oldfield

Also, you guys can post your own setlists and what you sang on stream as well .₊̣̇.ಇ/ᐠˬ ̫ ˬ ᐟ\∫.₊̣̇.

These are some songs that I been practicing for karaoke (some upon request)

✧ Niji no Kanata ni - Reona - requested by Lynzu

Please let me know if there is a song request that you have for me, I really loved doing the "Simple and Clean" (Utada Hikaru) cover that was requested of me last week!

^ ^

=➖〰️➖=

Special thanks to the lovely co-hosts: Martyr ("Lucy")!

Here are all of the people featured in the new photo album:

✧ Lucy

✧ OMARU VIPER

✧ sana

✧ Trever

✧ Maya

✧ Sweetheart

✧ Luna

Please remind me if I forget your name, I try to remember to the best of my ability. If you would like a picture with us too, please do not feel shy about asking on stream, sometimes I don't include people because I either don't take good pictures of them or forget to while they are singing, so please let me know. I never want anyone to feel excluded!

Twitter Album 1 https://twitter.com/junithys/status/1644944448961519617?s=21

Twitter Album 2 https://twitter.com/junithys/status/1644945300262625282?s=21

Twitter Album 3 https://twitter.com/junithys/status/1644945690370646017?s=21

Twitter Album 4 https://twitter.com/junithys/status/1644944902449680385?s=21

\ JUNBUG NEWS /

⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ IMPORTANT NOTICE #1 - There will be no karaoke next week, unless they are impromtu.

⚠️ ⚠️ IMPORTANT NOTICE #2 - There will be a special "Drakenguard" + "NieR" series timeline review next Saturday morning (after we finish "Ghost Sweeper Mikami"), there will be spoilers for the entire franchise, so head's up beforehand!

⚠️ IMPORTANT NOTICE #3 - The next chapter of my web novel will be publishing next Saturday! I am also drawing all of the JunBug regulars, so if you want your character to make a cameo or have a small role in the web series/visual novel, then please send a shot of your avatar over DMs!

I felt like there was a need for a change, since I haven't had time to effectively produce art or more of my novel with the current schedule. For the time being, I will do karaoke if I get all of my other projects and daily goals done. I felt a bit emotionally clogged, I missed expressing myself through writing (with prose and poetry) and through art. There are also skills that I'm working on right now, like music theory for writing an original song, improving my singing technique, Japanese learning, and improving my digital painting skills, so for my health and for the sake of my dreams, I think the morning anime stream will remain the only routine stream for the moment.

I think I might do a little bit of singing in the morning stream, too, before the episode starts. Also, too much collaboration feels like it a deracination of my individuality. I still want to have time to live and read novels and the like, so that In can feel like a complete person rather than a hollow shell moving from point A to B. Thank you for understanding, if I do finish everything early and have enough energy on certain days, I will try and give and 30 minute to an hour notification in the GC before the singing streams. Thank you for reading, sending love to all!

\ SCHEDULE /

Morning Anime Stream ☯️ 6:30am MST︱5:30am PST︱8:30am EST︱1:30pm BST︱12:30pm GMT︱10:30pm AEST︱9:30pm JST

[career7899]

How to score good marks in semester exams of engineering college

You are probably in your first semester of engineering school if you are reading this. We can guess this because time seems to fly by in a blink in the first semester. You enter college, try to adjust to the new ambience, manage your assignments and projects, make new friends, and pff! the semester ends, and exams are near. It is now that you realise you have a plethora of topics to cover and very little time left for exams. 

If you, too, are one of the students who are doubtful about your upcoming semester exams, then don’t worry. Then don’t worry, this article will give you an insight into how to prepare for the semester exams so that you score good marks. 

Make a schedule:

You will always have more freedom if you create a schedule for your entire day. A timetable assists you in getting ready for your exams in the following ways:

It will keep you on track.

You'll be able to develop a daily study habit as a result, making you more punctual.

Making a daily routine alone won't help you, though. You must adhere to your schedule. The majority of students are so lazy that they frequently adopt other people's routines. Make a schedule that fits your study habits and daily routine because everyone learns differently. 

Start early:

As we mentioned above, you will be both doubtful and excited at the beginning of the semester. You might even experience nostalgia if you are one of those whose engineering colleges are far from home. All these emotions waste a large part of your semester. However, we will still suggest that you try to start your preparation a bit early. The best way to start preparing is to concentrate on your class since day 1 and revise them at home/hostel. You will be learning a small amount of study material each day if you do this. This will save time and aid in the thorough preparation of the study material.

Check previous years' questions:

Gather the questions from the previous 10 or 15 years and carefully examine the pattern. You'll discover that question papers follow a pattern. You can also spot a few recurring questions and prepare accordingly.

Choose important sections:

Once you have looked over the question papers from prior years, you will see that there should be a favourite section for each engineering paper where questions should consistently appear in the semester exam. You need to be aware of these areas before you can start preparing for them.

Take practice tests:

Try to take a self-test after finishing a section, it will help you prepare for your exam. I would advise taking a self-test based on prior years' exam questions if you asked me how to get ready for engineering semester exams. Your strength will increase as a result of this procedure, allowing you to make the most of your exam time.

Online study resources:

There are many subjects that you may feel like you need help with before the exam. Some subjects can be extremely difficult to comprehend. Reading through books won't be of any assistance to you just before exams. It is best to ask your professors any questions you have or to use an online resource for assistance. You can find a tonne of study materials in video format that will aid in comprehending your subjects.

Maintain a progress log:

As soon as you begin studying for the exam, you should start keeping track of your progress. Prepare a table of the sections you must study in a week, and mark each one as finished when you have finished.

If you are one of those studying in civil engineering colleges, then you should also practice numericals. 

Now that the sections that need revision have already been noted in your progress report, the best advice is to go through the sections you find most difficult. Once you are done with the preparation ensure to relax before exams.