#it was supposed to be a simple post with their hobbies i guess i went overboard

[effieotto]

The Golden team Epilogue

What would be their fun activities? headcanon

-Katniss obviously loved hunting in the woods, but with all the new people living in Twelve and the high demand for game, what was just a hobby to keep her mind occupied, soon turned into some kind of community duty -enjoyable but monotonous- so she decided to explore other areas as well, since she was constantly around people like Peeta and Effie and their contagious hyper productivity. Katniss started with the basics, like learning how to bake so she could help Peeta with the bakery sometimes, what developed into an obsession of baking different flavors of pies -she did one different kind every dinner night at Haymitch and Effie’s house.

When she saw Haymitch in his process of looking for which hand-crafting-hobby would fit him better, she joined them out curiosity. Effie tried to teach her how to knit and Peeta tried to teach her how to paint, but nothing seemed to hold her interest for long, so she stayed with just scrapbooking her memorial book

-Haymitch liked to do things he could use to work out his brain, like playing chess or doing riddles. However, with Peeta’s constantly presence, he eventually started savoring working with his hands -cause it reminded him of his ma and the nights he spent watching her doing her seamstress duties- so he joined Effie in her long journey of finding the perfect hobby and tried a couple of stuff. He didn’t enjoy the sewing process -apart from mending his own clothes, which gave him some sense of self-sufficiency, the processe was complicated and uninspiring-, crocheting bored him and pottery made him frustrated, so he decided start practicing woodworking. He made furniture for Katniss’s home, he improved his geese’s fence every month, he made small statues so Effie could decorate their house and even start selling some of his pieces at the monthly Carnival in twelve. Sometimes he went back to his old hobbies, like playing guitar for the kids at night and dancing with Effie or Katniss once in a while in parties or festivals, but he mostly enjoyed to stay at home doing his woodwork and puzzles, reading his philosophy books and playing chess with Peeta

-Effie had been very hyperactive since she was a child, but everything got much worse after her rescue. The mere idea of doing nothing and leaving her mind slip away to the memories she was hardly trying to avoid was terrifying enough to make her go crazy in all her attempts of distracting herself, which wasn’t an easy work when staying in the further District. She was restless, the monotony of Twelve drove her mad in record time -not enough to scare her away though; she was truly compound in being happy with them, even if it required some creativity- So she decided to explore all the options she had to spare time, apart from cleaning every room from floor too ceiling every time she felt anxious. Haymitch and Katniss supported her in her journey, but it was Peeta who first excitedly decided to join her, committed to teaching her everything he knew to do. The baking classes were disastrous -she hated how sticky the dough was in her hands, mixing the ingredients hurt her shoulder and she couldn’t bring herself to care enough for the pastries to not let them all burn- so she decided to stick to more familiar ground by keeping her mind occupied with all the different artistic methods she knew; watercoloring, cross stitching and painting the animals she used to see on the woods during her and Katniss’s morning walks…well, her morning walks and Katniss vain attempts to hunt with her former escort’s loud voice keeping all the animals away

Latter, when Katniss and Haymitch joined their little hobby hunting club, Effie revisited her old specialties, improving her passion for Pottery and doing beautiful vases, pots and ceramic plates for everyone she knew -even selling some along with Haymitch’s wood pieces sometimes-. It didn’t took long for her to develop a sort of a routine: When she hadn’t to work, Effie spent her mornings gardening with Peeta at their public garden, taking care of her delicate flowers and the apple trees she was so beautifully cultivating -her undertake to do something nice for the community, as a way to payback for her former employment, or at least mitigate the damage- Then she would join Peeta at his studio and dedicate her time with her pottery and cross stitch: or stay at home and play cards with Haymitch -because she absolutely hated chess. At night she would stay at home, knitting or sewing her new clothes and watching Haymitch doing puzzles in the coffee table. When everything got too boring, she liked to make small embroidery stitching flower patterns to he hem of Katniss’s dresses or embroidering Peeta’s name in random pieces of cloth so he could decorate his house with them

-Peeta was desperate to distract himself of his always disturbing mind, so when Effie suggested they could try together various forms of entertainment, he immediately agreed, very satisfied with the ideas they were coming up with. To start, he devoted a big part of his days, when he wasn’t at the bakery, to their new community garden! Planting vegetables and medical herbs while leaving her with the beautiful flowers and fruit trees -he didn’t mind the dirt and sweet colorful stuff were always her thing anyway. He and Katniss developed a new routine of discovering new things to do together; like baking and playing the borde games Haymitch had gifted him with, because apparently it’s good for your memory and he could use the help. Katniss wasn’t a big fan of the games and she always ended up sulking at him for loosing far too many times - “you are a sour looser” he would say, and she would gift him with the most adorable irritated pout and they would end up laying in the couch and watching the soap opera she liked so much, even if she denied it

in the end, between his baking, painting, eventual gardening with Effie and walking around the city hand in hand with Katniss, Peeta’s favorite and most precious hobby happened at night, when he would stay in bed with the light in his nightstand on and his jornal on his lap, journaling about everything and anything he did that day. All the emotions he felt, every animal he saw on his way to the bakery, every person he talked with, every single moment he shared with Katniss and all the fondness of those moments….he would write everything he could remember with as much details he could afford. Those memories were important and he wouldn’t let himself forget anything ever again.

[the---hermit]

Omg!! Just found out that you journal as well as crochet, please share things you've crocheted and like do you plan them like all those patterns and whatever. Please share your crocheting pics

Hello!🌿 I am actually very new to this hobby, I started crocheting about a month ago, more or less. At first I mostly did random stuff with no purpose to get the hang of it (which was very useful) and out of those I actually got a couple of coasters. It wasn't intended but I made a circular pattern that fit perfectly a mug for which I did not own a coaster so that was lucky.

After that I did a couple of scarves one for my mom and one for my brother, of which you can find some pictures on my daily posts if you go back in what I posted in September. For those I did not have a pattern I just did a simple chain and went from there, and looking back I should have done them both a little less wide to be honest. The one I did for my mom is more basic with just one colour of yarn and then it's a single crochet all the way. Whereas the scarf I did for my brother was the first project I did using two different colours and I alternated single and double crochet depending on which yarn I was using.

The project I am working on at the moment is the most complicated one, but it's turning out better than expected. It was supposed to be a cardigan but then I realized that it would look better as a sweater so I ended up closing the front panel, and I am very happy with that choice. I took inspiration from a couple of videos I have seen online, but I ended up changing things around. What I did with this was creating 50 squares (all double crochet) half with a green yarn and half with a grey one (cause those were the prettiest colours in my local store, and tbh they fit very well the colours I normally wear). After doing all of those squares I put them together in two 3×3 panels for the sleeves, and two 4×4 panels for the front and back (in the original project, since it was a cardingan the idea was to have two front panels of 2×4 squares each). After having the base panels I connected the shoulder pieces in the front and back to see how much space I had to leave for the neck, and then I sewn the top part of the sleeves so that I could measure how long I wanted the cuffs to be. Then I did the cuffs the same way I did the sort of high neck, which I had totally improvised but turned out nicely. The last thing I did was to close up the sides, and now I have to go buy more yarn to do the bottom hem and I'll be done.

I will be honest with you, you can tell it's the first big project I did cause it's not as clean as it could have been, but I am incredibly proud of how it's turning out. I have always dreamed of being able to create my own clothes but I also thought that was impossible, and now apparently I can and I really enjoy the process as well. Of course I'll post pictures for the sweater once it's done! And I cannot wait to plan and start with a new project. I might document a bit more my process with the next project I do, if you think that could be interesting? I did a general plan in my bullet journal for this sweater so I guess I could start from there and then make more in depth updates on what I am doing! (Let me know if you think that could be a good idea, and if you are interested in the bulley journal spread I did for the sweater although it is quite messy)

I hope this was the kind of answer you were looking for, if not my inbox is always open🌿 have a lovely day!!

[twilightpoison]

It’s been brought up to me that a lot of my content is Isekai based. However I didn’t want this to be a Ieskai HC post. Instead let me tell you all about a stupid thing I came up with as a kid that I’ve been meaning to make into a fic for so long.:

What if the characters you play actually can feel your presence and/or can hear your commentary when playing?

Fair warning I never play Hyrule Warriors and Twilight Princess so let me know if I got things wrong.

Head canons under cut!

General head canons (These are all platonic headcanons btw.):

- Let’s say that the simple reason that you are here was to help the chain. Think of it like you’re the groups companion on this journey. Who better then someone that knows about each hyrule?

- The people who dealt with a lot of magic recognize you at first. The others need a bit of a push to connect the dots but everyone gets there.

- The connection wasn’t as strong at times during their original adventures, so its not like they could always hear you or sense you.

Time:

- You saw him and it was clear he has another sibling now.

- Time knew you where telling the true, that you followed both of his adventures however he wasn’t going to be fully open to you.

- Guess who isn’t scared of Time? You.

- Literally at one point you’ve pointed at Time and with a straight face says “thats a child”.

- This is also how the chain found out that Time actually fought the moon technically.

- “You fought Majora on the moon while it was falling. That’s not the same thing.”

- You meet Malon and it was an awkward first meeting since how do you explain this in the first place.

- Yet the two of you got along amazingly.

- When you and time are alone you instantly ask Time if he knew how she got the cow in his house. He kinda just… stares at you? Like you just met his wife and thats what your asking about?!

- The answer was that he wasn’t sure how she did that but the cow isn’t in his old house anymore. Since different timelines and all.

- It’s honestly weird for him to have someone remember both of his adventures in confidence.

- All be a little awkward hearing someone go, “oh yeah! Time had to do something similar.”

- Early on Time did go over boundaries since he really doesn’t like to talk about his adventures to much.

- So instead you both agree to be as cryptic as possible or at least there is an attempt on your part. Since your the only other person that can confirm or deny his claims.

- And no. You also don’t know his true age. But your guess is the closest.

Twilight:

- Since he is one of the Link’s that is drenched in magic, he recognizes your aura instantly.

- Chaotic sibling energy.

- If he is giving Wild or any of the other Link’s a hard time you are by his side calling Twilight out. Unless if the person in question did something truly idiotic then you let him go off.

- Speaking of, you call this man out as much as you possibly can. Like hell if you’re going to let the others think he isn’t a gremlin.

- He did try to stop you by covering your mouth but you licked his hand. So…. guess what he isn’t trying again unless it’s necessary.

- Somethings are kept a secret though. Since he did live through it and even if it was stupid he still could of gotten really hurt.

- You both play good cop, bad cop to the younger Links all the time.

- Twi is surprisingly very open with you about his adventure, to finally talk to someone about it with out having it sound crazy is nice.

- He also has some questions about you and your life. Since before this adventure started you just disappeared.

- The two of you honestly get along like two best friends who haven’t seen each other in years but still can banter like its the good old days.

- Knowing only small amounts about what they all been through it’s nice to know that you’re looking after the others as well.

- That feeling makes him really push himself to protect the family he has here and luckily you are here can smack him upside the head before lecturing him.

Warriors:

- heeeeey… you know what happen the last time he met someone that was suppose to be watching over the hero’s spirit?

- Yeah, so….War’s isn’t so keen on trusting you like some of these Heroes.

- You seem nice and not obsessively crazy. If anything what makes him decide to give you a chance. It’s seeing you get along with the other Heroes post battle or around the campfire when you think no one is watching.

- The moment that he recognizes you. You were cursing out some monsters and calling Dink every name under the sun. Which he actually remembers hearing your panicked voice briefly when fighting Cia.

- Anyway, you guys are a sass duo and even a trio when you get Leg involved.

- You steal his scarf sometimes with Time and Wind’s help

- He finds you and Wind wrapped inside of it leaning on time and his heart just- clenches, he has more siblings now!

- Then Warriors realizes he has another sibling… another sibling that will prank him…

- You two can be found discussing tactical strategies. Mostly him teaching you though since depending on the person not many people will know how to lead an army. Yet he is a good teacher and you catch on pretty quickly.

- Same with Twi, Warrior’s needs someone to pull him back sometimes it seems. Who better then to remind him then the person that already saw his lowest moment when his ego got the better of him?

- Seriously speaking. He wouldn’t come to you to talk. If anything he will try to avoid you if he wasn’t his best. In his head he has a reputation to uphold. Which will lead to a heart to heart. No sass. No banter. Just you and him sitting down to remind him that he is human.

- He needs a hug. Please give him a hug.

Sky:

- Sky actually didn’t recognize you at first!

- Yes he felt your presence and hear your voice in his adventure, but that was a while ago at this point. Also he isn’t as connected to magic as the others are.

- He does slowly befriend you despite everything.

- It wasn’t until you referred to a certain demon lord as a ‘B*tch A** Clown’ and a flood gate of memories open up for him. Memories of you cursing out Ghirahim, calling the imprisoned an ‘avocado with feet’ and so on.

- Nothing really changes between you two honestly, he just accepts it.

- If anything he becomes more open to you about everything, setting clear boundaries on what he doesn’t want to bring up. He will tell everyone about the curse eventually, but just hasn’t found a good opportunity too. Things like that.

- You do have to argue with Sky that the curse wasn’t his fault since you were also there when it was put on him, also the fact that he didn’t asked to be cursed in the first place.

- Most of the time you two are together its to get away from the chaos that the group of nine heroes could bring.

- Walking or sitting in silence is how you two end up most of the time together. It may not look like you two are bonding. There are some days while Sky is wood carving you would work on your small hobby as well. Then there are days he plays the harp and your reading.

- Despite it all he really enjoys the peace you bring. There is a sense of comfort that you have.

- When you and Sun finally meet. The first thing you ask him is to be invited to the wedding and it may or may not been in front of her too…

Wild:

- The recognition was really slow for him like Sky. Since Wild just got off of his first adventure he didn’t actually notice you were gone.

- It was until he realized that he couldn’t hear your panicked voice or snarky remarks when fighting in his head. That he finally realized you where outside of his head. He was quick to connects the dots after that.

- There was a moment where he didn’t know how to react since he just figured that you were just from his imagination.

- He now has another adventuring buddy with Hyurle! Though luckily you do keep the both of them from harm. Mostly because if something happens to them you will get in trouble with like Twi and Leg and thats never fun.

- Though you have your moments. Shield surfing and paragliding are on top of that list and Wild is all up for teaching you the ropes.

- The topic of the history of hyrule gets brought up a lot with the two of you. Since his era has a lot of connections to the past era’s. He is all up for learning about what came from where. Soon theories start to fly about.

- When You, Him and Flora are finally all together. There is nothing stopping you all from bouncing off theories. With your outside knowledge mixing with what they know. Things start to fall into place.

- The answer to why the timeline is like this doesn’t get answer. But hey! At least you all are having fun!

- If you can’t cook he will teach you that too! If you can! Well buckle up your going to share your knowledge with him whether you want to or not.

- Once you know how or get used to cooking while camping, you help him out a lot and its these moments where you both talk the most.

- It’s comforting to him to know he wasn’t alone this whole time.

Legend:

- As soon as you two locked eyes he felt instant dread. Yes he knew. No he isn’t going to opening up to you.

- Playful Insults to bond? Yeah that’s literally how he talks to everyone so no special treatment.

- He keeps you at a distance but its not actually working.

- You talk about his adventures so casually like it happened a few days ago. You avoid Link’s Awakening though. If you got hurt with the plot twist then you could only imagine the pain Leg went through.

- “I’m still trying to process the fact you married a tree.” “Hey remember that one time with Yuga, you slammed face first into a wall so hard you knocked yourself out?” “God do you not wear pants because of the fish thing?”

- This relationship is literally: Only I can bully this one.

- He fears the moment you meet Ravio and Fable knowing full well you all will bond over teasing him.

- Overall though he knows you got his back no matter what, to the point he finds himself confining in you slowly.

- Guess who is also teaming up with Hyrule to get Legend to sleep. It you.

- Once you probably have forced him to sleep by getting wolfie to lay on him. It was the wolf or yourself. In the end it was both of you and he was trapped.

- A sign that he was becoming soft towards you was when he started sharing his items with you. He trusts that you know how to use them and if you don’t he is actually willing to show you.

- He regrets giving the bee badge to you.

Hyrule:

- Another person that is drenched in magic. It only took one look at you for him to realize who you were.

- The two of you were awkward as anything at first. Since to you he never really spoken in his adventure so you didn’t know how to picture his personality.

- There’s a lot of mystery in your mind about him since again there isn’t much to go off of with what your given in game. It’s weird for him to hear about how you interpret his personality from that perspective.

- Hyrule didn’t honestly expect you to try and befriend him tbh. It mostly him over thinking it.

- You do follow him sometimes when he wants to wander around and explore. Mostly because you claim he finds the coolest things when he does.

- But its just a excuse to actually get to know him.

- The two of you trade stories and questions about each of your lives. There might be things you know that he might not know of about his adventure and his hyrule.

- Of course never going into to much details since there are things you couldn’t tell him.

- Hyrule honestly was dreading the day you all would land in his Era. He loves his home but is also very aware of it not being the most…welcoming place.

- So it’s more then surprising to him that there is even more then the glint of familiarity and excitement on your face. Knowing full well what dangers where a head of you, you still were open to exploring his world to the fullest.

- It’s honestly refreshing to see someone love his era as much as he does.

- Another boy that needs hugs, please give him a hug.

- You both cheer each other on though.

- This relationship is just aggressive support between you two and the others.

Four: (I’m actively mixing the Four Sword game and manga just to be clear.)

- Not sure if he would know exactly who you where since during the second adventure your voice and presence bounce between the four of them.

- Yet I also feel like he took after you because he was a child in his first adventure, which worries you a lot. Since you did have choice words for Vaati.

- The first to realize was Vio then it went Blue, Red and Green. Despite being in the same head it was just a theory they had over all. They all had their own ways of confirming it.

- Vio noticed the small things you do around Four. Like not stepping on their shadow, and covering Four when things got chaotic in their head. Small references here and there. When the two of you are alone he almost quizzes you about things. Just to see how much you know and to see if your telling the true or not.

- Blue recognize your mannerisms being something he picked up on during the first and second adventure. Only vaguely since again he was a child / there was only a small part only with him. Your fighting banter when your in battle made you see where Blue got his colorful language from…

- Your comfort was what clued Red in. He remembers your presence more clearly then the others from the first and second adventure. It was a comforting (yet chaotic) presence in their adventures that he latched on to. More so from his first adventure since as a kid he made an imaginary friend to process the fact he could sense and hear your presence. When you came back in the second time around it felt so natural for Red to have you there and really helped make him go forward through his small journey.

- For Green? It was a lot of things but when he see’s you treating each color differently when they are in charged. It’s a refreshing sight to be honest. He just enjoys hearing and seeing that his brothers had someone to confide in. Even when they switch who is in control you some how could tell and spoke to them accordingly.

- They were all some what surprise that none of the others picked up on your treatment of him swapping so much. Yet their also glad because their not ready to reveal themselves quiet yet.

- As Four or as you nicknamed him ‘Rainbow’ the two of you tend to sick together when the world’s shift around. Since his body needs more time to recover.

- You two are another pair that cheers each other on when the moral is low.

- He introduces you to the Minish! Getting you a jabber nut so you can speak to them too. You can’t shrink down to properly talk to them so this was the next best thing.

- The four of them makes you a dagger to bring home to remember him by, there’s a kin stone imbedded where the blade meets the hilt.

Wind: (hello self projection my dear friend)

- Wind didn’t recognize you ether at first, yet he didn’t even blink when you join everyone. He was fully on board with getting a new member and is easiest the most opened.

- It was when you two are alone together that something clicked in his head. You see during the Wind Waker he was alone most of the time when he was on land. So he had to face a lot by himself.

- Having you was reassuring to him when facing some of the monsters alone, especially with the puppet ganon fight. The two of you both agree that it was creepy.

- CHAOTIC SIBLINGS PART 2… well kinda

- Wind is a lot more mature then you realized but you two still have those moments.

- You, Aryll and Grandma get along too! So he and his family basically sees you and the chain as family.

- Pranking buddies! You’re targets would never know. Mostly because your covering up for him. You two team up with Four and Wild so the pranks can get chaotic at times.

- No matter what age you are compare to him and if your ok with it he does like platonic physical affection. Your going to be trading off with Warriors a lot of the time for cuddles or it’s the three of you together.

- You teaching him our worlds sea shanties and him teaching you his? Heck yeah! Even making up songs with the others is something on the table and in the works which is nice.

- It’s another thing to bring back home thats personalized!

Honestly since I’ve written all of this down I want to write the fic more. Though I’ll probably not only because idk if people would even read it lol. So it will just be a bunch of head canons. Anyway rambling is done.

[serendistudy]

life update ~~

here’s a sort of a reflective blog post/journal entry about how my studies are going. i want to be honest and show the less glamorous/romanticized side of studyblr because i feel like i’m probably not alone in feeling what i feel about my studies rn but not everyone talks about it so here we go i guess 

when this whole pandemic started i felt like i needed to take this time to work on my studies as hard as possible. i quickly overworked myself during my 2nd year in uni, and i burned myself out during spring 2021 because i was doing so many courses at once and i wasn’t handling them very well. my studies were constant chaos and it made my anxiety worse and worse. i had no energy for any hobbies or freetime activities that i used to enjoy, i couldn’t even watch netflix shows because they all seemed to make me even more anxious. honestly speaking, i don’t have many memories from this time in my life, all i did was work and sleep and try to forget the pandemic that was scaring the shit out of me. 

so when the fall semester started last year i knew something had to change. not right away though, i think there was one certain course that made me realize how burnt out i still was. i read the course syllabus and started crying because i felt like i could never in a billion years do all that work, i just had absolutely no energy or motivation for any of it. so i dropped the course, and i dropped some other courses too. it felt like giving up and i was constantly feeling guilty. (i still am). 

the original plan was to do my bachelor’s in 3 years. then i decided i would give myself 3,5 years. now i’m thinking 4 years is the most realistic plan, but i’m not even limiting myself to that plan. i’m basically doing my 3rd year in 2 years and honestly the thought of that hurts so much. this isn’t how it was supposed to be. i totally get it when other people extend their course but for some reason when i do it, it’s unacceptable. i’ve always been out there achieving things and advancing fast and getting perfect grades in everything. suddenly i’m doing half of the courses i’m “supposed” to be doing. it makes me feel insanely guilty. it doesn’t feel right.

except that it does. because in a way, i am learning to live again right now. last fall i tried my best to get into some of my hobbies again. i started painting and turns out i love it. i charged my dad’s old camera and went for a little walk to take pictures of snowy trees, and then i did that again multiple times, turns out i love photography too. i have gotten into reading for fun again! just reading whatever feels good and fun, and getting lost in stories. 

i don’t want to be self-destructive anymore. i have been so performance-oriented my whole life, just focusing on the accomplishments and forgetting to take care of myself. honestly, all of this has made me wonder if academic life is for me after all. but i’m going to take it one day at a time. i think the burnout is the reason my major doesn’t feel very interesting to me anymore. i just can’t find any motivation but i am going to work on my thesis slowly and steadily.

that’s the thing i’ve struggled with though. accepting that slow progress is the only way for me to go right now. and that slow progress is still progress. i feel so guilty all the time for choosing to focus on myself and do my studies slower. it feels selfish and wrong because the only thing i’ve ever focused on in my life is school and studying and grades and study-related accomplishments. i have forgotten that i am allowed to have a life beside that too. 

i don’t know when the guilt of this will vanish, it’s like a useless weight i have to carry all the time. i feel frustrated because i get so easily tired these days. i used to be able to do so many things in one day and i used to be so productive but now i get tired after such simple tasks. my daily to do lists are embarrassingly short. it’s not easy to change entire patterns of thought but i hope that with some time i will learn to accept my situation and see that it was ultimately the only choice i had, and definitely the healthiest one.

we’re still living through a pandemic. we have been for almost 2 years now which is insane. it’s okay to be tired. it’s okay to make slow progress or no progress at all. it’s okay to not be productive all the time. i’m trying to repeat these like a mantra, hoping one day i’ll actually believe it myself. 

[1littleshippergirl1]

Something Odd

There was something odd about her neighbors.

Gladys Barlowe prided herself on knowing just about everything that went on within the bounds of the neighborhood. Why, Mrs. Keperna, who lived just down the road, was getting up there in age and yet none of her children made much of an effort to visit. But those girls had been a bad sort; they'd gotten into much trouble in their youth. She'd told Ingrid it was a bad idea to let them go out to that dancing club. It was bound to corrupt them and it did, rest assured.

Oh, and the Irmagards next door were having marriage troubles. Yes, indeed, it was quite a shocking revolution. She'd overheard shouting going on between them and glass shattering. Why, she had jumped a mile in the air when that happened! It was a toss up whether or not they would stay together or file for divorce. Privately, she'd said to the other ladies of the neighborhood came for a visit to sip on tea and enjoy some freshly baked biscuits, if it were her and her husband, they would never have been so inconsiderate to everyone else and aired their dirty laundry for all to hear. Had they no decency?

Her husband, Mervin, was less enthusiastic whenever she relayed anything she'd found out to him. Yes, Dear, he'd say. Or, mhm. Or, that's nice. She'd huff in frustration whenever that happened. So caught up in the sports section newspaper or television, he was! He had the nerve of wagging his finger at her once, insinuating her to be a gossip fiend. She was hardly such; they'd lived in the neighborhood ever since they'd gotten married, watched as people passed on, moved on and new faces appeared. They were one of the longest remaining home owners there. She had a right to know who was living nearby. Besides, what was the harm?

But, back to her neighbors.

She couldn't put her finger on it on what made them stand out to her. They didn't look that different than any of the other families that were around. It started out as a feeling, one she couldn't shove to the side and forget about, no matter how many times Marvin told her she was being paranoid. She wasn't. This was real, that feeling. She just knew it. She only had to prove it.

So, she did the reasonable thing and began to subtly watch them.

It was the house that was directly across the street from her, the one with the rather unflattering paint job and the red-headed man with his two daughters. They'd been there for about thirteen years now, back when it was originally just the man, his wife and only one of their children. She wondered whatever happened to that wife of his-Andria? Alana? Audrey, perhaps. Oh, yes, that must have been it. Gladys distinctly remembered a woman with blonde hair living in the house at one point and then she just disappeared! Their marriage must have soured. Poor thing. They were quite young, by the looks of it

(Marvin had told her it was none of her business when she'd planned on bringing over a casserole, with the intention of asking about it).

That woman, Audrey, was a little more cold then her husband was and the way she dressed was just plain awful. Those colors and her complexion-just what had she been thinking? Well, Gladys wasn't completely up to date on fashion these days either but still. Even she knew there were just certain things you kept in the back of your closet after turning thirty. She wasn't judging, of course.

Her husband, on the other hand, was much more friendly. Always smiling and waving to her when they happened to be outside at the same time. That wasn't an issue. She and the ladies from her book club agreed he was such a nice man. There were just occasions where she saw strange things; like that one time when she witnessed him throwing a cape over his shoulders when it snowed and a pointy hat, like a witch would wear.

It threw her for a bit of a loop, it did, at first. He might have been into that fad all the teenagers and young adults were into, where they dressed up as fictional people and used the convention center for all of them to get together. What a strange thing to do with one's time. Did he go to those events held at the local convention center, too? Oh, they were outrageously expensive, according to the flyers she'd seen posted on a bulletin board at the grocer's. Not to mention, he was raising two growing girls, who had needs that should've come before a silly hobby.

And speaking of his girls..

They were quite pretty. One of them, the oldest she reckoned, had taken right after her father. She was his spitting image, right down to the dreary clothes and atrocious looking glasses. The other was more so of her mother, appearance wise. She, too, wore glasses that were slightly big on her face and dressed without any fashion sense.

Like she said, they were pretty, but they could've looked magnificent if she just had a few minutes with them.

Those two weren't around very often, peculiarly enough. She saw them in the summertime and on occasion, if she looked out her window and if the curtains were open, they were home for Christmas but not any other time. That began shortly after they'd turned eleven. It started out as the oldest leaving and the younger one was still there but then it was both of them!

Just where did they go? Well, they weren't attending the local secondary school, that was for sure She'd casually asked Mrs. Thorp, who had a son going there, if she'd seen them around but they weren't there. That was odd. Unless they didn't go there because they were going to some exclusive school for gifted children. That must be it, wasn't it? What other explanation could there be? Truthfully, she never would've guessed those two would be prodigies. They never struck out to her like that. Weren't prodigies supposed to be all quiet and depressed? Those girls were rather lively from what she'd seen of them. Of course, they might just be an exception.

A thought crossed her mind and she wondered what the red-headed man did for a living. She hardly ever saw him leave the house. He didn't even have a car, for crying out loud! How did he get anywhere? Did he wake up in the early hours of the morning to walk back and forth to work? He couldn't have been poor; these houses cost a pretty penny. The few times she did see him, he wore casual, comfy clothes that gave no clue to his occupation, whatever that may be.

What if he was in some sort of governmental work that was highly confidential? Or perhaps he and his daughters were in the witness protection program! That made a great amount of sense. Why hadn't she considered that before? It might provide an explanation as to where that Audrey woman had gone. Oh, what if she'd been killed? Had she and the red-headed man gotten caught up in gang activity prior to the birth of their daughters and one of those members had found her and finished her off? Oh, the man must have been devastated! And now he was left to raise his girls on his own. What a terrible thing.

Didn't he have any family help? She was sure he did. She'd seen some red-headed folks in his living room once-she'd been outside watering her garden when a man standing in front of the window caught her attention. He was younger than the man who lived there by a few years and oh it was just awful, he was missing an ear! Her hand had flown up to her mouth, the hose dropping to the ground. What on earth had happened to him? A work related accident? An animal attack?

There were a couple non red-heads that came over to the house as well. A man with unkempt black hair had come around. He had the strangest looking scar, she'd noticed with curiosity as he stepped out of an old, beat up car. And then there were two separate women as well on occasion. One with hair that reminded Gladys of a rat's nest while the rest of her seemed well put together. The other had such nice hair. A cross between silver and blonde. It must have been from a box. It certainly didn't look natural. She'd assumed one of those women had to have been involved with the man. Why else would they have come to him? She dearly hoped he wasn't seeing them both at the same time. He wasn't that kind of man, was he? And to do that with children around. Very disgraceful if he was.

Gladys sat at the kitchen table of her home, sipping delicately on a cup of tea with slightly pursed lips. In all her years of knowing of the man, she had not yet once had a proper conversation with him. She didn't even know his name. And her curiosity was getting the better of her; she had several questions needing to be answered that couldn't be done by a simple, quick chat. No, she would need a reasonable reason to go over there.

She supposed she could bring over a late housewarming present. A batch of cookies, perhaps. Yes, that sounded splendid. The children would enjoy them and she could get the man to talk. Surely he wouldn't be so rude as to merely take the cookies and push her out of the house?

"How do you think this looks?" She asked her husband, presenting him with the china that contained the cookies. She'd put a red bow on top for decoration.

Mervin was doing a crossword puzzle. His eyes barely even lifted up. "It looks nice, dear."

"Oh," she scowled, "you didn't even see it!"

He did look up this time, unimpressed. "It looks the same as any other time-what's with the bow? Did you take it out of the Christmas container?"

"So what if I did?" She straightened herself up. "I want it to look nice."

"For who, exactly?"

"Our neighbors," she said. "The ones across the street. You know, the red-headed man and his daughters."

"Gladys," Mervin said warningly. "You leave those people alone."

She shot him a look, miffed. "I'm bringing them cookies."

"You're being nosy is what you're doing," he pointed a finger at her accusingly. "I know what you're up to."

She made a noise from her throat. "I'm not up to anything!"

"Oh, yes you are," he got up out of his chair. "You're going to go over there and use the cookies to get information. I'm telling you, Gladys, leave the man alone."

"You're not the least bit curious about him?" She said, taking a quick glance in the direction of the window. "I've never seen him speak to anyone in all the years he's lived over there."

"No," he said flatly. "If he wanted to speak to us, he would have by now. He doesn't need you going over there to bother him. You remember what happened with the Kremps, don't you? You remember being tossed out of the house and Mrs. Kremp threatening to hit you with that pan of hers?"

Gladys adjusted her dress primly. She vaguely recalled it. But it hadn't been her fault. The woman had simply overreacted to an innocent question. How was she supposed to have known that the ugly vase on the mantel contained the ashes of her father?

Mervin folded his arms across his chest, sighing heavily. "Don't go causing any more trouble."

"I'm doing no such thing," she was offended he thought so little of her. "I'm just going to ask a few questions."

"Gladys-"

"Don't you ever wonder what happened to that wife of his?" She cut him off.

"No. But they likely got divorced, if anything."

"Not divorced. Murdered," she revealed.

His eyes widened in surprise. It was about time he finally reacted, She thought with satisfaction "She was murdered?" he said in disbelief.

"Well," she shifted and his expression turned into a glare, "I can't say for sure that's what happened, but I have reason to believe the man and his daughters are in the witness protection program."

He inhaled, shutting his eyes as if praying that he was given more strength. "What?"

"Now just listen," she advised. "No one really knows much about them, do they? They don't talk to people and we don't even know his name. His wife was around and suddenly she disappeared! Now, I think they must have been involved in some illegal gang activity and one of those gang members must have come back to finish her off!"

"Do you know how mad you sound right now?" Mervin snapped.

"I'm not mad, I'm serious."

"And that's what scares me," Mervin muttered. Louder, he said, "I don't want you going over there, do you hear me? You're not going to say a word of that nonsense to him!"

"It's not nonsense-"

"Oh, you're right. It's worse," he scowled. "When is this all going to stop, hmm? When am I going to get peace?"

She harrumphed. "You're not even listening to me!"

"I'm the one not listening? You're the one not listening to me! I'm trying to save you from getting your lights knocked out. I'm warning you, Gladys. Don't do it." He gave her one last look. "Now I'm going back to my puzzle and I'm keeping an eye on that door!"

"Yes, dear," she said pleasantly. She stayed put like he asked, until he went to the bathroom that is. Then she quickly grabbed the cookies and bounded out the door and across the road. When she came to a stop on his front porch, she smoothed down her hair and dress.

Hmm, she noticed his door was ajar. Did he know? Perhaps not. Well, there was no harm in going in a bit. "Hello?" She said cheerfully. "Is anyone home?"

No one responded but someone was there. She heard noises coming from inside. There were people talking. Three in fact. The man and his daughters, she realized she had never heard their voices before.

"Can I show you, please?"

"I said no, Molly. You know the rules."

"It'll be quick! And no one'll know. I won't tell anyone."

Tell anyone what? She frowned.

"And what if someone sees?"

"I told you he'd say no."

"Oh, shut up!"

"Girls, stop arguing."

"Please, Dad? Please!"

"I already told you no. Especially with the windows open. What if someone saw you? I'm in no mood to deal with it today. The department has enough reports already."

What department? What reports? What did he not want to deal with? She stuck her ear in as far as she could.

"Don't worry, if someone sees, we'll just call Uncle Harry. He can take care of them."

She gulped. Take care of them? Surely she didn't...she didn't mean that kind of take care of. She couldn't have. No. That was preposterous.

Oh, my. What if...what if the man was still involved in the gang? What if they were doing illegal activity in the house? Were the girls involved too? Was that what she wanted to show him and he was afraid of getting caught?

There was a pause.

"Quickly. And don't think you'll be doing this all the time."

She decided on going in. She had to see what was going on. For the good of the neighborhood, of course. She had to know. Inhaling, she braced herself and burst into the home and came to a halt in front of the kitchen.

Just as a textbook magically turned into a chicken. And the girl! She...she was holding a stick-

The man and his daughters froze. Gladys stammered, pointing a shaky finger at them.

"You...that..."

She fell flat on her back in a faint.

/

Molly stood over her body, peering down at it through her glasses. "Is she dead?"

Percy rubbed at his face tiredly. "No, honey. She's just fainted."

"That's good," Lucy said from where she sat on the countertop. "What was she doing here anyway?"

"I have no idea," he shook his head.

Molly was still peering down at her. "Dad, can I take a picture? I've never seen a muggle faint before."

"No, Molly."

Percy sighed and began to write a letter to the Accidental Muggle Reverse Squad.

[guessimate]

I decided to keep the home business running this round for the Havelock family, because they sell fish, and the restocking keeps giving them money randomly, when I replace things they no longer have with something else. Roderick will close the business when he goes to war, however, and later on I’ll have to decide on what they do.

Roderick probably realized he would have to close the business as soon as he heard the news of the war and he wanted to make the most out of it before he left his women alone.

Just a reminder, I don’t really give my sims business perks at all, unless they’re in a very dire situation, like the Gardiner family that had to move out really fast, so I don’t really consider them rank ups the same way as career promotions, as my sims don’t really gain anything from them. At the end of this round Roderick closed his rank 5 home business whose perks were never used.

~*~

This round Roderick was mostly taking care of the fishing business. It was the winter season, so the pond was frozen even during the first days of spring. They could only start fishing on the very last day of this round, just before Roderick was going off to war. Even though this round was quite simple to play, I experienced some routing issues caused by snow, since the business is outside. Some customers were freezing and leaving without paying, too, which was a little funny.

Winifred was helping Salome get her toddler skills. She only had a want to potty train her, but in the end Salome learned everything, including the nursery rhyme. As an only child (for now), Salome got all the attention she needed to develop properly.

In the previous post on the Havelocks, the married couple had a little bit of an argument over Winifred using a lot of fish for her cooking hobby. But Winifred likes her husband a lot [she’s really the only one that has chemistry towards her spouse in this couple] and she came to her senses. She didn’t cook too many dishes anymore and she even got some business-related wants at the very end of the round, so she wanted to help her husband. I’m taking it to mean she understood she was at fault and her husband had only good intentions of earning his family a living.

Winifred got a lot of romantic wants towards her husband when spring started and they went on a date on Sunday. She’d for sure like another baby, too, since she’s family and they have only 1 daughter…

~*~

The traits they got are as follows:

Roderick: Friendly, Loner [I’m pretty sure they conflict in TS3 though...], Dramatic, Great Kisser, Dog Person.

Winifred: Easily impressed, Hot-Headed, Lucky, Night Owl, with Green Thumb.

Salome: Easily impressed, Friendly, Night Owl.

I guess Night Owls sort of suit fishermen. I remember in TS3 sims would get wants to go fishing before 6 A.M. as fish are supposed to bite better early.

In terms of personality Roderick is a Cancer [max shy, 8 nice, 7 neat, 6 active, 4 serious].

Winifred is also 8 nice, 8 outgoing, 9 neat, 0 lazy, 0 serious and she’s an Aries.

And Salome is a Virgo – max neat, active & nice, 3 serious and 2 shy. Salome doesn’t seem to be Roderick’s clone in terms of personality, but she does have the same one true hobby [Tinkering].

She has 5 logic, 7 body and 1 charisma. That’s pretty good for a child. She also has a strong sense of duty, even though she’s just a little girl. As soon as her father went off to war, she wanted to get the fishing badge to help provide for the family.

~*~

In my notes it said they should start with 489$ but they started with slightly more, 564$, so something was off because of the restocking problem, I think. Winifred also had 150$ in her wallet for assisting at births. This income will also be taxed this round.

From whatever I managed to notice, they got around 500$ randomly and later they lost 1585$, when I made it so that nothing would be marked for sale when Roderick was closing his business down. I just went with what the family funds ended up being [28,054$ + Winifred’s 150$ for midwife services], so their income this round was 27,640$, which is quite a lot for a peasant family. Maxis fishing is quite OP, which I already knew from the ToT challenge.

11,056$ – tax [that’s a really steep one], rounded down to 11,000$.

500$ – rent.

They dug up a not very medieval looking tray of orbs worth 850$. They’re not going to sell them, but they should pay a 680$ tax, which I’m rounding down to 650$. I might have them keep the figurine as a “dowry” for their daughter. Peasant daughters are actually only supposed to get 300$, so that’s more than enough even with depreciation, but it would be perfect, if they could get to yeomen, whose daughters are supposed to get 800$ as dowry.

= 12,150$ – to the royal wallet. There is a total of 54,600$ in the Royal Steward’s wallet. With that we can unlock a music lot and a sporting field apparently. We really need to get to the 60.000$ milestone for the monastery though, because we’ll probably need one for some men coming back from war, when it ends...

2764$ [rounded down to 2700$] – tithe. The Church has 9600$.

They should be left with 13,354$. They will need to buy some hobby item and a bed.

Unfortunately, after the taxes they couldn’t afford the yeoman title, but that’s OK, they’re wealthy peasants.

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|three.

chapter three: peony

↳ flower meaning:pink: romance yellow: jealousy.

chapter summary: 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angsty a bit, but confort and friendship! mentions of alcohol and mention of sex

word count: 8.6k

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles   two: (y/n): in which y/n now has to be on social media. two:(tom): in which Tom likes certain posts but dislikes some others.

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

Mistakes are made, often. That’s what makes us human. Sometimes a little bit too human. Our head and hearts lead us to places where we shouldn’t go. To where our hearts will most likely hurt. 

There are people who think it’s easy, decisions and whereabouts but when you’re dealing with the heart, your own heart, it’s not nearly as simple. When your feelings and sanity are at stake is just simply incredibly complicated. Especially when it’s mixed with desire, loneliness, heartbreak and cheap tequila. 

A combination of those often leads to disaster. But… it didn’t feel like one. Somehow the decision y/n and Tim had made under the influence not only of alcohol but of a lame attempt to flirt had led them to a place where their secrets had been hidden. To a place that was so sweet and so them. It was odd. How it didn’t feel like a mistake. 

How incredibly different it was for y/n, and Tim. 

As if they had owed it to each other. Tim knew a lot about y/n. Y/n knew a lot about Tim. But they barely knew anything about them, together. Because there was a spark, there was no denying it. How simple things were when they were together. It flowed. Like a song, one of those songs y/n liked to listen to. Maybe that’s why they were both always pulled back to each other. Because of how easy it flowed. How it never felt like they were doing something wrong, or how it always felt like both of them were only completing each other. They didn’t have to fake anything. 

No, it probably wasn’t a disaster. Not yet, at least. But Timmy knew it was a mistake, at least he was getting his own heart at risk because y/n still loved Tom, and she hadn’t been secretive about it. But he’d been broken-hearted too. For a while, now. To live with whom possibly might be the love of your life after breaking up and knowing they love someone else is like a bad joke, not even funny enough to make someone laugh out of pity. 

Yet, he woke up to her head against his chest, her hand delicately posing over his skin, legs intertwined. Just like they’ve woken up before. Like old times. And Timmy felt tranquility over his entire body. 

The hardest part about breakups is that you never plan them. And you end up with that feeling, one last kiss, one last laugh until midnight, one last breakfast together. One last. But that desire should not be. Was this the last time? 

Tim stared at the woman laying on top of him, breathing in slowly. She was so… peaceful, and he hadn’t seen her in such peace for a while. So nice. 

Her room was so her, even if she’d changed a lot in the past few months. Tim always wondered how she managed to make her surrounding so… hers. With flowers hanging on her wall, some old posters and new polaroids. Always polaroids. But they were different, of places, of things. No more people on them. She had claimed she hadn’t brought anything from Tom, but Tim knew she was lying. He could see a lot of Tom in her. Even when she didn’t admit it. 

He thought it was about Tom, honestly. How she had stopped drinking red wine, and liked rose instead now. How she avoided drinking tea in the morning, or how she had once grimaced when Tim had offered some street hot dogs. How she had once cried when Emma had mentioned something related to New York, and how she kept bringing yellow flowers home. 

The way that she had stopped wearing red lipstick, that’s what Timmy had noticed first. 

And how different she was from Emma. Emma was still in denial, Tim knew this. Emma still cried at night. But he couldn’t point it out. He knew Emma was still aching so much. And she was the kind to throw it all out and pretend it doesn’t exist. Quite different from y/n who had to live in her melancholy. 

Y/N would be that sad smile. 

But he knew Emma was the one kind to actually pretend everything was fine. She got angrier. And she’d yell more. And sing. 

Way too different the two of them were. Y/N would drown in sad songs and Emma would drown in red wine and listen to upbeat songs. A very different approach. 

Y/N would let herself cry and Emma would make herself laugh. Maybe that’s why they worked as friends. 

Poor Tim had to deal with his own broken heart alone. Though, this helped him. Tim was the one to order his thoughts quietly, and with hobbies. Photography. Writing. Modelling. Painting. Reading. Even now he wanted to learn new things. 

We all deal with heartbreaks in our own way. 

But it’s difficult when you also have to help the reason of your own heartbreak to get out of one. 

He wondered if she was still in love with Tom or only the memories of him. Sometimes we get confused with that. We often forget we have to be in love with the person, not the story. 

But Tim knew he was in love with her, and her story. That’s the problem. 

How even with her messed up makeup and her tangled hair he managed to be in love with her. How with the light coming from the sun was bathing her perfectly. A perfect morning, one which he hadn’t had in a while. 

Of course, the fantasy had to end. 

“Y/N, wake up, you idiot, we have to-what the fuck?” Emma yelled as she dropped her cup of coffee, waking y/n up immediately. “My eyes, no, what the fuck?!” 

It was until then in which Tim maybe realized it had been a very big mistake. Y/N covered herself with her sheets as Tim only froze. None of them couldn’t say anything, what were they supposed to say? ‘It’s not that you think’. Because it was. ‘Whoopsies?’ 

“Woah—No, okay, what the, what the fuck—I’ll wait for you—what the fuck, outside—I—Fucking get dressed at least—“Emma closed the door, leaving the broken cup and coffee staining y/n’s floor. “What the fuck?” She kept cursing outside. 

Y/N only blinked and then looked at him. He stared back and then… 

They couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Fuck,” y/n laughed. “She’s gonna kill us.” 

“You think?” He chuckled. 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, turning bright red. “I…I don’t even know.” 

“In all fairness, she was the one who told us to have some random hookup,” Timmy said. “She never said it couldn’t be between us.” 

“You’re an idiot,” she nudged him and laughed again

Tim smiled to himself and let out a snicker, he hadn’t heard her say those words in a while. “Yeah, you too.” 

He hadn’t heard her laugh like that in a while. Made him happy. 

“Um,” she gulped. “Do we have to… talk about it?” 

“No,” Tim said quickly, she blinked. “Not right now,” he continued seeing the confusion in her face. “You have to get ready, you'll be meeting with the director, too! You have to go with her!” 

“What the fuck,” they heard Emma yell again. 

Tim laughed. “I’ll… take care of her, you go get ready and we’ll…” He gulped. “We will.. Yeah.” 

“Yeah,” she was embarrassed as she reached for a shirt, only his was there. “I-uh.” 

He blinked as he dressed up as y/n awkwardly waited for him to leave. 

“Wait, um, Tim?” She looked up as he was by the door. 

“Yeah?” He turned to her. 

“Uh… thanks?” She said. 

He laughed. “Thanks?” 

“I don’t know what you’re supposed to say okay?” She chuckled. 

“And thank you was your go-to?” Timmy chuckled. “You really went oh yeah, thanks for… satisfying my needs.” 

She blushed. “I didn’t mean--Idiot.” 

“No, I know,” he laughed. “Thank you, too.” 

He left and then immediately had to face Emma, who ran over to him. “What the fuck?” she yelled… whispering if that was even possible. 

“Go get ready you’re going with y/n to meet the director,” he rushed. 

“What the fuck?” Emma asked again. “What the fuck?” She followed him. 

“Emma, dear, go get ready, also need anything for your hangover? Since you dropped your coffee.” 

“Tim, what the hell, what will happen now?” 

“I… I don’t know, okay?” Tim said. “I’ll figure it out, alright?” 

Emma frowned. “No, Tim, this isn’t… What does it mean?” 

“Look, Emma, I don’t know, okay? It’s between me and y/n and-” 

“No, but, it’s a big deal!”

“Yes but right now you should worry about the other things and y/n already has a lot in her mind with the movie and with Tom-” 

“I fucking know that, but I don’t--Why would? You guys are so both fucking stupid.” 

  Emma couldn’t finish her sentence because Tim had already closed the door to his room. “Timothée! Don't fucking close.--” 

“Go get ready, Em!” 

“Timothée!” She yelled. “You’re not-” 

“I’m busy!” 

Emma didn’t even try anymore. She knew how Timmy acted, and she knew that there was no use in knocking on the door because Timmy was avoiding it. And he would avoid it because Timmy was an idiot. 

Y/N was another idiot, and she’d deal with her. But she knew that Tim was definitely not going to be reasonable on this. Because Emma knew Timmy, and he was so stubborn. Especially when it came to y/n. Emma understood, however. 

Because y/n was probably to Tim what Harry was to Emma. That inexplicable person who understands you and who completes you and compliments you. The person whom it doesn’t feel like it's a burden, who makes everything better, brighter and prettier. Easier. But that’s not really loving, is it? Love is complicated and stupid and it hurts and Emma didn’t even want to think about it. Because love is a game where we either win, but if it goes wrong we lose, and we lose a lot. 

But just like Harry, Emma knew, y/n was probably blinded by someone else. And though initially, she thought y/n was the bad guy in the story, she soon realized it really wasn’t. And not Harry, or maybe, yes Harry had made some wrong choices. But we all do when it comes to deciding about love. That’s love, Emma guessed, making right decisions when it’s the wrong question, and making wrong decisions when it’s the right one. And though she was angry, she missed Harry, too much for her own convenience. It would only take her, she knew, one bright smile. 

Emma was someone who understood y/n, because she knew y/n probably would also fall down to her knees if Tom even dared to show up. Because maybe they were both too angry but they were both too in love with them. Stubborn things the hearts are, restless and wandering, stupid love. 

Emma knew it, she really had misjudged y/n. Maybe blinded by jealousy and too insecure of herself. Just like she had seen her, only days before, doubting every single thing. And who can really judge someone who is in love? And who can really judge someone who was hurt? 

Besides, Tom and Harry were to blame. Not them. 

Well, maybe y/n in her own situation. But really, what is there to even understand about Tom and y/n. 

So, no, even if Tim was Emma’s everything, Y/N wasn’t to blame in the situation. Timmy wasn’t either. 

Emma saw y/n rush through the apartment, from the bathroom to her room, from the room to her kitchen. Wearing a very perfect yellow dress, as she rushed again and again, leaving a stain of her perfume everywhere she was going. Emma decided to get ready too. Ignore the elephant in the room just for a bit. 

Y/N didn’t even bother to clean the broken coffee cup in her room as she was pouring some coffee for her. 

And then Timmy had walked into the kitchen. And Emma only wanted to see the tension. They were blushing as they bumped into each other, both struggling to get through the other side as they kept bumping, both moving to the same side not letting each other leave. 

“Oh, uh, hi,” y/n said. 

“Hi,” Timmy grinned. 

Emma rolled her eyes. She wanted to puke. So dumb. 

“Um, I have to--yeah,” y/n gulped as she tried to walk past him but bumped again. They chuckled. 

Emma grimaced. Though this was adorable, she knew they were both going to fuck it up again. They already had, whatsoever. 

Tim chuckled as he turned her around so they’d go to their directions. “Yeah, uh, yeah, I... you look… stunning, you’ll do amazing,” he said. Y/N smiled, still blushing. 

“Y/N, we have to go,” Emma pushed, knowing this would go extremely wrong. 

Y/N shook her head to get out of the trance. “Right, yeah, yeah, thanks.” 

And y/n kissed Tim’s cheek, before rushing out with Emma, leaving him dumbfounded. 

Emma and her would take the car, and Emma knew it would be the perfect time to question y/n. 

Y/N was nervous. Emma could see. With her fingers constantly drumming against the wheel, and her cracking her fingers. LA’s traffic, Emma found it completely soothing. She’d usually have time to think to herself, and in this case, it gave her time to try and figure out where y/n wanted to go with her best friend. 

“I have a terrible headache,” Emma pointed out. That was another issue, she’d drank too much the night before. They had stopped at some random Starbucks drive-thru to get breakfast. 

“Yeah, being hungover is the worst,” y/n said as she sipped from her coffee. 

“And bet waking up from a good shag isn’t,” Emma smirked. 

y/n hit the brakes. “Emma!” 

“Keep driving! What the fuck!” Emma yelled as they honked at them. 

“Shit,” Y/N cursed and continued driving as some cars drove past them. 

“Are we going to talk about it?” Emma laughed as they continued. 

“No.” 

“No?” Emma rolled her eyes. “Y/N you slept with Tim!” 

“Yeah, I know, I know!” 

“Of course you know, you were there, idiot,” Emma rolled her eyes. “And? How the fuck” 

Y/N bit her lip as she started turning red, and stressed. “I dunno we were flirting all night and it sort of happened it was an-” 

“An accident?” Emma interrupted. “No don’t fucking tell me it was an accident you just don’t open your legs and let a dick slip in.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes and let out a laugh. “Emma!” She grinned. “No, I wasn’t going to say that.” 

Emma chuckled as she took a bite of her breakfast sandwich “What were you going to say then?” 

“I don’t know I think it led there,” y/n admitted. “And before we knew it we were making out on the couch and then I was taking off his clothes in my room.” 

“Did it really lead there?” 

“Well it must have if it happened, don’t you think?” Y/N sassed. 

Emma laughed, rolling her eyes. “How was it?” 

“Emma!” 

“No, never mind, I don’t want to know how my best friend since diapers shags.” 

Y/N blushed even more as she reached out to playfully hit her. “You’re an idiot!” 

Emma grinned. They stayed quiet for a bit. Even if Emma, as a friend was kind of angry or disappointed or however one feels when both your best friends are complete idiots, she was quite amused by the entire situation. 

“Do you have feelings for Tim?” Emma asked after a while of them singing along to the music playing on the radio. 

Y/N bit her lip. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Look, it did lead there but... I didn't want it to happen initially because I-” 

“You still love Tom,” Emma finished her sentence. 

“Yes I do,” y/n sighed. 

“Fuck, y/n,” she shook her head and clicked her tongue. It was a very complicated situation. However, she knew that y/n hadn’t done this in the slightest to hurt Tim. Emma was well aware y/n was probably very, very confused. Yes, she shouldn’t do this kind of stupid things, but Emma understood where it came from. 

“Yes, but Tom’s not here so I can figure it out,” y/n pointed out. “Besides he’s probably making love to Cherry.” 

“Making love,” Emma mocked. “I love you talk like you’re 13.” 

y/n laughed. “Shut up.” 

“Look, y/n, I’m your friend but Timmy.” 

“Tim is first I know.” 

“Yes but no, he’s an idiot because he clearly fucking has feelings for you and he’s the one playing with fire here,” Emma said. “I mean and you are too, but you are confused and stupid and-” 

“Thanks,” Y/N chuckled. “I don’t know what to do, Emma.” 

“Well, are you going to do anything about it?” 

Y/N didn’t answer right away. She had to think through her response. “It's cause with Tim I feel… I don’t even feel like it was a mistake.” “

“No?” 

“No, and you know usually everyone thinks sleeping with their ex is a mistake-” 

“Which it is.” 

“But that’s the thing with Tim, I just.. It’s”

“But y/n, do you love him?” 

“I do…. But” 

“But Tom,” Emma finished the sentence. 

“Yes,” Y/N sighed. “And I don’t want to hurt Tim, he deserves someone better than me.” 

Emma groaned. “He’s a man.” 

“But he-” 

“Look, y/n you’re both fucking grown-ups but I would advise both of you to stay out of that territory.” 

“Yes.” 

“And like, if you need it, get another man to satisfy those needs.” 

“It wasn’t about needs,” y/n snapped condescendingly. 

“Uh-huh sure,” Emma confined. “I’m pretty sure it was a cleanse from Tom.” 

“No, it wasn’t.” 

“Please, y/n.” 

“I don’t know, alright?” she frowned. “I’m sad and stupid and I felt like shit, like actually on the floor everyone stepping on me, and then Tim made me feel like I wasn’t shit okay and apparently.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, no, I get it.” 

“I’m a mess.” 

“Yeah.” Emma laughed. 

“Maybe with time,” y/n said to herself. 

“What?” 

“Maybe with time I could try it out again with Tim.” 

“But don’t only do it because you’re hurt.” 

“No, that’s why I need to wait, because I need to be sure I don’t have any feelings for Tom,” she admitted “And I do now” 

“But you’ll always do.”

“It’s complicated,” she said. “You have to understand that I’ve loved him my whole life and… And I still feel guilty about it, and I still am hurt about this,” y/n continued. “And I am confused and I just…” she clicked her nose. “I don’t even think I want to let go yet, okay? That’s the problem, because I’m stupid enough to keep thinking I will have yet another stupid chance with him.” 

“Yes, stupid.” 

“Well, is it wrong that I believe in love?”

Emma watched her. “Is that love?” 

“It was, or at least it felt like it,” y/n said. 

“Feel like isn’t the same as being.” 

“It is love,” y/n stated. “In a very stupid and unexplainable way and I don’t… Get why I love him, alright? Even after everything. But now I am angry because yes I fucked up and now he’s with Cherry and I can’t help but wonder what could’ve gone better and-”

“But y/n-” 

“Look Emma, exactly after my heartbreak I found Timmy, okay?” Y/N took a deep breath as she was gripping to the wheel a bit more than expected. “What if Cherry is his Timmy? The one who’s perfect for him, the one who everyone sees and thinks oh shit, they were made for each other.” 

“Oh, now I….” 

“But I don’t know, alright?” Y/N was now clearly speaking to herself. “I just.. I am confused and I need to think about it and I need to let my heart sort it out, and be alright with it, and then before I know it, I’ll be back in London having to deal with his stupid ass again.” 

“y/n.” 

“It’s cause Emma, I can’t stop thinking about Tom, alright?” She sounded annoyed. “And maybe it should’ve all stayed like it was before, and I shouldn’t have written that stupid script and.” 

“No, y/n, no, shut up,” Emma stopped her. “The script is the one thing you can rescue from this, alright?” 

“I-” 

“We are… Look we don’t even have to talk about this right now? Okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” y/n gulped. 

“Let’s change the subject because we are meeting the director.” 

“Directors,” y/n corrected. 

“What?” 

“Two, apparently, they were very interested in the project,” y/n sounded excited. 

“Oh?” 

“Which by the way!” She sounded excited. “Please, can you please check teen vogue apparently they know the bloody cast and I don’t-” 

“The cast as in... the cast for dos-a-dos?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh, shit, yeah, yeah, alright, okay so let me….” Emma took out her phone and quickly checked the article. “Fuck oh my goood.” 

“Who is it?” Y/N yelled and tried to snatch the phone from Emma. 

“No, wait, okay, are you ready?” 

“Fuck yes, bloody tell me!” 

Emma grinned. “So it’s Auli’i Cravalho as Valerie.” 

“No way, oh my god, I love her what the hell,” y/n chirped as she then made a very high pitched noise.  

“Shut up!” Emma laughed. “Yes oh my god, oooh, that hottie Gregg Sulkin is William.” 

Y/N made another high pitched. 

“Shit, I’m… okay, and Jordan Fisher is Teddy.” 

“Oh my god, that’s perfect!” 

“And… Fuck, Asa Butterfield as Robbie,” Emma said. She took a deep breath. Robbie… as in… Harry. 

“Oh my god!” Y/N was too excited to notice her friend had turned a little bit sad. 

“Yeah.” 

But then she turned to her. “You know what?” Y/N grinned. “You’re right fuck all this men trouble let’s be excited about this!” 

“Yes!” Emma chirped. 

How magical it is to have a friend. And suddenly all of y/n’s troubles were forgotten. She needed to brighten up, this was her bloody dream for god’s sake. She needed to get her mind and forget every single man in her life right now, except probably the cast, or whoever she was working with. Were they female directors? Brothers? Sisters? Friends? Couple? 

It was… exciting. 

Though her mind did go back to her encounter with Tim. Where would she go with this? She was nervous enough about it. But she had to focus, right? She needed to sort some things out. Alessandra, her absolute pain in the ass, but the brilliant boss was nervous about it, too. But she seemed excited. Her new ‘y/n’, or assistant, Josh was absolutely the best. Nice guy. He had told y/n where she had to go, meeting room, time, everything. 

“He’s cute,” Emma said as soon as he left.

Y/N looked up from the million papers she was given. “Who is?” 

“Josh…?I think that was his name?” Emma said, blushing. 

Y/N blinked. “Oh?” She chuckled. “You’re... Serious?” 

Emma coughed and then sipped from the cup that barely even had any coffee now. “No, forget it.” 

Y/N watched Josh from afar. He was handsome, but was he… Ah, yeah, the curls. It was Emma’s type. Completely. 

“I can… introduce you to him?” Y/N offered mischievously. “He is cute alright, yes that could work.” 

“No, shut up, no,” Emma laughed, embarrassed. “It was just a random comment.” 

Y/N chuckled. “You know what? He’s coming back so--- Josh!” Y/N grinned as she tried to rush to her boss’ assistant. “Josh!” 

“No, fuck, y/n, no shut up,” Emma rushed to him. 

Josh was in fact, coming back, holding some pink flowers. “

“Josh!” Y/N grinned as Emma was jumping over y/n trying to stop her. 

“Hi, uh, this came in,” He said before y/n could even say anything. Emma, embarrassed, backed up. “For you,” Josh said,handing the peonies to her and then checked his phone. 

“What?” Y/N froze as she saw them.

From Tim. Of course.

Emma stared at them. “Wait… those are.” 

 “Uh, yeah, and okay, you know what? No time to… Give them to the directors if you want or whatever, but apparently they’re here, so let’s rush.” 

“Uh--what?” 

“Yeah, yeah, let’s--sorry if I sound bossy but Alessandra,” he said. 

Y/N turned to look at Emma. Confusion washing her face, but excitement, too. But she was more confused. Mind going back to Tim. What the hell was she supposed to do? How did she even feel about that? Flowers. Flowers. Flowers. 

“Y/N, look. Let’s, forget about this, now we need you to focus on this and-” Emma assured her. 

“Right, right.” 

Y/N was too nervous. This was it. Somehow this made it real. It would go quick, right? And she’d be able to talk to them and maybe they’d show her their vision and it would be amazing. Yes, this was exciting. She’d have time to think about whatever had happened with Tim later. And the flowers. 

Because Tim had sent this, and this could mean him wishing her good luck, or this could be Tim… trying to tell her something. Probably that. And right now it was time to pretend that she hadn’t been crying over months already, and that she hadn’t just gone out the night before to try and forget an ex that probably was too busy with another girl. 

Her mind couldn’t go there, it had to go back to professional y/n. Y/N the writer, that’s who she was that day. The y/n that had a dream. 

And she saw Alessandra, talking to two men. And then… Time started going too fucking slow. 

Too fucking slow. 

Tom and Harry. 

Harry and Tom. 

Tom. 

Harry. 

Tom. 

“Harry,” Emma said. 

“Tom.” 

There he was. In all his splendour. Bright smile on his face, hair pushed back, that pair of eyes that y/n had missed and hadn’t realized. Fuck, those eyes.  It had never occurred to her how much she loved his eyes, so kind and bright. Eyes that made anyone feel like they were the only person in the world, a glance that either made her feel so special. Eyes that could easily have her undressed in less than she could even say his name. That smile, and him. Fuck it was him. With those stupid angel eyes.  The reason why she had never ever stopped loving him, because even after everything he’d give her that glance. 

Tom. 

And it went so slow, her realization. He was there. As if she didn’t initially believe it. As if everything she’d said before was thrown away. And it came back to her, how much he had missed him. He was there, with that stupid smile of his, with that stupid white t-shirt and denim jacket. And that pair of eyes. 

And just as y/n had paused and ran out of breath, he looked up and dug his own sight on hers. He took a deep breath as he was assimilating it as well. She saw him swallow as he then smiled at her. 

Fuck, the world stopped. And if y/n hadn’t been confused from the night before she probably would’ve been stupid enough to run to his arms. If this was a rom com she would’ve jumped to kiss him, she would have forgotten everything and forgiven everything. But she was hurting. 

But she was confused and she… was… angry. 

Because she was angry and she was confused.

She was confused and she was angry. 

“Tom,” she whispered again. 

Running out of breath. She needed to run away. Emma had stopped walking too. The peonies had landed on the floor and y/n hadn’t even realized it. 

Seemed like all Y/N and Emma did was to drop things when they were surprised. 

But no, yes… Y/N was angry, yes and confused. She had to remember that. Tom, Tom was there. And the flowers Timmy had given her were on the floor. She was flustered and she was pretty sure she was sweating and she wanted to run away from him, but to his arms at the same time. She couldn’t walk, and Emma couldn’t either. Emma had only held y/n’s hand. She was sweating. 

And Harry. Harry was there, too. And she was even more confused about him. She didn’t know where she was standing with him. Her best friend who had kissed her. But she was holding his ex-fiancée’s hand. 

Harry. Tom. 

And then the flowers. Timmy. She’d slept with Tim the night before. And she had just said how she still loved that idiot. How handsome he looked. And perfect. And god, she just wanted to kiss him.

No, no. She couldn’t…. Tom. Tom was there. His eyes brightened up. And y/n fucking knew it, it would only take him another smile for y/n to be back in his arms. But wasn’t she angry? Wasn’t he angry? She was. 

Angry and confused. 

Because hey, he was there and she needed to remind herself that she was hurt by him. But then why didn’t she feel hurt? Why the hell did she only want to run into his arms? She needed to remember how much she had cried over and how many times he’d hurt her and how these days she had decided that she wouldn’t try, though she wanted to. And Cherry, yes Cherry. She had to remember… Then why the hell was she feeling that way? Why were her knees getting weak and why was her heart rushing? As if her broken heart had disappeared. 

No, and… What… What was he doing there? She saw his lips move, he was saying something. 

And Emma was also not having it, she was shaking, sweating cold as she saw the love of her life standing right there, dumbfounded and nervous. Emma wanted to puke, and Emma wanted to faint and run away. But it was weird, because just like y/n, she wanted to forget everything and just run back to him and kiss him. 

One smile, Emma knew, that’s all it would take for her to forget and forgive everything. What the hell were they doing there? 

Harry was just watching Emma, his eyes were only on her. Fuck, y/n. Yes, Emma had to be reminded of that, too. Her ex-fiancé had kissed the woman beside her. Her ex-fiancé had loved the woman beside her. But then again the woman beside her was already drooling over Tom. 

“Y/N!” Alessandra said, making Emma at least come back to her senses. “Hey, come here dear, please meet … Well, I bet you already know who he is, Tom and Harry Holland.” 

“Y/N,” Tom whispered with a smile. 

“They’re directing the movie.” 

“They’re… what?” Was all y/n could ask as she dropped to the floor. Emma widened her eyes. Lucky bitch y/n was, she had passed out. She didn’t have to deal with this. Josh quickly kneeled beside y/n as he tried to wake her up. Emma herself wasn’t doing fine, she needed some air, too. She only leaned against the wall. She was also running out of air. 

Tom, Harry and Alessandra rushed over to the floor to see y/n. Alessandra ordered Josh to go for water or whatever. Tom quickly kneeled on the floor as he helped y/n sat up, sitting her against the wall. He was quick to take her hand. 

Harry didn’t even care it seemed, or.. Emma didn’t know what the hell was going on, she avoided his glance as he was struggling to see between them. 

“Hi,” he whispered. 

“Yeah, no,” Emma said as she then realized that probably her friend would faint again if she saw who was there again. “Uh, no, no, no,” she kneeled beside. “Not you,” she said to Tom. “This will make things worse.” 

“Emma it’s okay, we need to loosen up her clothes,” Tom tried to wake her up. 

“Wouldn’t you love that,” Emma commented. “No, Tom, please,” Emma said, as she fanned her hand to Y/N. 

Y/N woke up, tears in her eyes as she breathed in a big puff of air. 

“You should’ve stayed passed out, dumbass, you wouldn’t have to deal with this,” she whispered to her friend. 

y/n confused, was heavily breathing. 

“Y/N, Y/N,” Alessandra said. “Are you okay? Where the hell is Josh?” 

“Y/N, you okay?” Tom asked as he reached for her hand. Emma flicked his hand away. 

“Y/N are you okay?” Emma finally asked. 

Y/N blinked and then turned to see her surrounding, yes the nightmare was still going. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I need to…” She stared at Tom. “No.” 

Tom blinked. 

Y/N tried to stand up. 

“y/n no, stay there,” Tom warned. 

“No,” she stood up, or tried to, Emma helped her up. “I need to… We need to, can I go to the restroom? Yes?” She was too nervous. 

“Do you need-” Tom asked. 

“No,” Y/N and Emma answered at the same time. Alessandra helped Emma to settle y/n who was still kind of spinning, Josh had arrived, too with a bottle of water. 

“Water? That’s all you brought?” Alessandra asked. Josh had to back away. 

Tom tried to follow after. Emma glared at him, and Harry stopped him. Luckily, the restroom was close enough. 

Alessandra walked over. “Y/N, sweetie, everything okay?” 

“No,” y/n laughed cynically. 

“I’ll go get you something else, here’s the water and I’ll--- Can you take care of her, sweetie?” Alessandra asked Emma. 

“Yeah.” 

As soon as Alessandra had left, both friends were ready to have the mental breakdown they deserved to have. Y/N rested her hands against the sink staring at the mirror, as Emma was leaning against the wall ready to scream. 

“What the fuck are they doing here?” Emma yelled, throwing her hands in the air. “What the fuck in the fuckery fuck, I need fuck fuck, fuck… FUCK!” 

“I don’t know!” y/n cried as the tears were streaming down her face already. 

“Why, why, why, why, why?” Emma yelled. 

Honestly, both of them just kept asking questions to the air, cursing, y/n trying to clean up the tears as they both quickly paced. 

Emma stopped Y/N. “What the fuck.” 

“I don’t know!” She was so stressed. 

Emma started shaking y/n. “Y/N I can’t handle this! That is Harry,  Harry Holland as in my ex fiancée, my ex fiancé Harry Holland is outside. Harry!” 

“I know! I know! Fuck I know!” 

“And that’s Tom as in Tom the guy you were crying over yesterday!” Emma, needless to say, was freaking out.

“Emma I know!” Y/N yelled. 

“What the fuck?”

“I don’t know!” Y/N said. “I don’t know, fuck, no, no, I.. No, why?” 

“What the hell are they doing here?” 

“Directing apparently, is this a nightmare? It must be a nightmare, yes, this is a nightmare!” Y/N stated. 

And it felt like a fever nightmare, honestly. After two more minutes of freaking out, of them trying to figure out-- or complain about it for more, honestly what could they do? They were both sad, trying not to cry and who would take care of that situation? Alessandra walked in. 

“Y/N dear, here,” Alessandra gave her a juice. “Did you have anything for breakfast, has this happened before? Why are you both crying?” 

“Yeah, okay, no, I’m… why are they?” Y/N stated. Alessandra’s eyes widened. “Yeah, Tom, and Harry. Why?” Y/N couldn’t even complete a sentence. 

“What?” Alessandra frowned. 

“Yeah, he’s-We are not,” y/n gulped. “Why are they the directors? Why… can we change them?” 

“I’m afraid that’s not possible…But may I ask why?” 

“I just… We…” y/n couldn’t talk.

“She knows them and she’s not in good terms with them,” Emma explained. 

“Why are they?” That’s all y/n could say, a half ass sentence that probably didn’t have much sense, but it did in a certain way. Why are Harry and Tom? Yes that made sense. That was the question she wanted to ask. 

“Look, we will.. Want me to reschedule for tomorrow? I’m sure they’ll understand, you go home and rest, or I’ll-” 

“Yes, I’m perfectly sure they’ll understand,” Emma hissed.. 

Before they could even know, they were heading out of the studio. They saw Tom and Harry try to approach them but Alessandra explained the situation, that y/n was sick. Of course they had understood, or pretended to that is. 

Emma and y/n were not in a good place, of course. And y/n could definitely not go to the apartment because there she’d find Tim and that was something that she didn’t need to add to the situation. The three most important men in her love life were all now in the same city and y/n was definitely not doing alright. Life was playing a cheap trick on her and was laughing in her face. She couldn’t face Tom. Hell, no, less in that situation. She was angrier now, because how dare them search for her script? 

They probably were only there to ruin it, especially Tom. Yes that was it. And why was she feeling that way? Didn’t she say hours before that she wanted him to come for her and try again? But not like this. 

Not like this. 

Emma was driving because y/n was still out of breath. Funny how it is. Emma was playing the music loudly and was actively ignoring everything, only focusing on the road. She drove them to the flower shop. A safe space for them both. 

Aunt Eliza had received them both, not sure what the hell had happened but she had hugged her niece and then offered them to have whatever they wanted. Emma had poured something for herself in her cup, and y/n was only having a glass of water. Emma explained the situation to Eliza. 

“I just can’t believe he’d do something like this you know? Fucking direct my script,” Y/N was complaining. “I just—can’t believe it! what the hell was he thinking? Didn’t he hate it? He said he hated it. Bloody hell, he’s an asshole he’s here to ruin it, isn’t it?” 

“And Harry... “ Emma was going through a very different kind of emotion. Did Harry there for y/n? Or was he there for Emma? 

“Fuck why are they doing this?” Y/N asked. 

“Because men,” Eliza said, rolling her eyes. 

“Yes men are trash!” Emma raised her mug. 

“I know, I know but wait how are you so calm?” Y/N asked Emma.

Emma laughed. “I’m not!” She grinned. “I’m just… This situation is hilarious, innit? You see this cup?” 

Y/N frowned. “Yeah.” 

“This isn’t coffee,” Emma explained. 

“What?” Eliza asked. 

“Let’s say this is Irish coffee but it’s only irish whiskey and no coffee,” Emma explained. 

“I need one of those,” Y/N admitted. 

“I’ll.. Look, I’ll go buy you girls some wine and we can order something and… Can you take care of the place? It won’t be busy.” 

“Yeah.” 

Both girls stayed quiet as y/n had sipped from Emma’s mug, too. 

“Harry looked really handsome didn’t he-” “Did you see Tom’s eyes?” They said at the unison. They were both lost. So, so lost. They probably hadn’t even heard each other. 

“His hair looked pretty,” Emma said. 

Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose. “When he smiled at me…” 

“And then he was so shy and he got all nervous and…” Emma ran a hand through her hair.

“Shit like when he said my name I just—” 

“And he smelled nice didn’t he?” Emma asked. 

“Did he get a haircut?” Y/N asked. 

“He looked so… nice,” Emma continued. 

Y/N blinked listening to her. “Wait, no what the fuck?” Y/N asked. “We are angry!” 

Emma snapped out of her trance and turned to her. “Huh? “

“Yes Emma what—why the fuck are we daydreaming here?” She asked. “These men are idiots!” 

Emma nodded. “Right, right, no, what are we doing?” 

“I can’t believe it,” y/n said. “I can’t believe I dared to even think this would be nice, for God’s sake, a week ago I was daydreaming of seeing him thinking it would be so nice and adorable and perfect and rom com moment, instead I got the throat thickening, heart pounding, heavy breathing, stupid love,” she complained. 

“I felt butterflies,” Emma admitted. “And that’s why I’m apparently day drinking to drown those suckers!” 

“Why are we even daydreaming Emma? We should, dunno, not this!” 

“In my defense I was engaged to that man, I have the right.” 

“I have the right to, I’ve been bloody in love with dumb Tom my whole life, I think I’ve got the right,” she complained. 

Emma laughed. “We are clowns, y/n, that’s it, that’s the only explanation.” 

“I was literally crying over him yesterday,—and I bloody fainted!” Y/N paced around the shop, as Emma laughed. “I mean, I do understand why I feel like this, but then again-” 

“Shut up.” 

“No, Emma, you don’t understand god, I know I am not supposed to feel this way but-” 

“Shut up.” 

“He’s got lovely eyes, didn’t he? Eyes which are daggers, nonetheless, and he was killing me with them-” 

“Y/N shut up!” 

 “No,I need to-- fuck if I saw him smile once more at me and I’d be on my knees--What the hell are you doing here?” She asked, as the figure that once terrorized her was terrorizing her again. 

Tom. 

She didn’t faint this time, but she felt like she was going to. Tom was there, again with thAT perfect pair of eyes he dared to have. 

“Hi,” he said. He looked nervous and he was probably shaking. But he had a smile on his face, a nervous shy smile. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” She asked again. 

“I uh--Cherry told me you were working here and her mother told her that Emma worked at some other place where I’m sure Harry is now—but guess I’ll tell him to… hi Emma,” Tom said nervously as he dedicated a glance to Emma.

“No,” answered Emma simply. 

“Fine okay,” he cleared his throat. “So Cherry told me-” 

“Cherry,” y/n repeated. And there it was, the sole reminder she needed to get back to her senses. She closed her eyes, and laughed. 

“Yes, Cherry-” 

“Well I’m—,yeah well you can leave now,” y/n said as she walked behind the counter. 

“ just came here to talk y/n,” Tom said. 

Y/N frowned as she started to clean whatever, moving mugs around, glasses, flowers. “Yeah can’t do that I’m working, see?” 

“Then I’m here for coffee,” Tom said, approaching her leaning against the counter. 

“The… machine is not working, you can leave,” she said. 

“Then I’m here for flowers,” Tom answered smugly. 

“We... are closed.” 

“Then I guess I’m here to ask you out so we can talk,” Tom said again. 

“No,” y/n answered with a smirk as she then walked out to fix some flowers. 

“She wants you to leave, idiot,” Emma commented.

 Tom gulped and followed after y/n. She was staring at the flowers, as if she tried to arrange the petals on them, moving them around, doing anything but looking at him. 

“Y/N we need to talk.” 

“We are doing that and I’m not liking it,” y/n snapped. 

Tom chuckled. “Y/n come on, please?” 

She shook her head. “No,” she kept pacing through the shop, it seemed like she was running out of places to run to. But the flowers surrounding them, which usually calmed her, somehow made her even sadder. Lots and lots of yellow flowers, only accentuated by the yellowness of her dress. 

“Why not?” He followed after, he grabbed her hand. 

She quickly pulled her hand away. “Because I’m angry at you.” 

“Oh, are you now?” Tom said. 

She finally turned to him. “Yes because why the hell are you directing it?” 

Tom approached her, only inches from her. “They called me.” 

Y/N frowned. “No, you called for it, you perfectly know that, didn’t you hate it?” 

“Well, I might have called, I think it’s got a lot of potential,” Tom said. 

“You’re just doing this to ruin it,” y/n snapped. 

“I’m not actually,” he answered camly, staring at her. “I really like the story, an ode to the 80’s with a personal story.” 

Somehow looking deeply into his eyes awakened something in y/n, so she looked away completely avoiding his gaze. 

“Why are you really here, Tom?” She frowned. 

“I came here to talk.” 

“I don’t want to talk,” she said walking away. 

“Clearly,” Tom rolled his eyes. “But come on y/n,” he followed after her, rushing to stop her by walking in front of her.

“No.” 

“Oh, so you’re the one who is angry now?” He frowned. 

“Yes.” 

“Do you remember everything that happened?”

Y/N chuckled dryly. “Yeah, years building up  of hating each other, bullying each other, Rome, that night at the club and a pink skirt, a vinyl, that drunken night that probably was a mistake, a date on a plane 3 yellow flowers by you, some by me and lavenders, a script, that disaster at the engagement party, a very, very hurtful breakup I don’t know how many heartbreaks and... my script which you’re now directing, and now due to that bloody script we have to maintain a professional relationship, and if you want to talk to me we will do it tomorrow in that damn meeting,” she snapped as she walked back to Emma. “Goodbye, you can leave.” 

Emma was rather amused by the situation, probably the whiskey had an effect on her. 

“Oh but we were never good at being professional,” Tom said, following after. 

Y/N only glared at him, crossing her arms. 

He walked over with a smile, he lifted her chin. She pushed his hand away. “What are you doing?” She asked. 

“I’m smiling, didn’t that get you weak in the knees?” He smirked. 

“You’re an idiot,” she pushed him. 

“Y/n,”he complained. 

“Tom why are you even doing this why—?” 

“Because--” 

“No Tom,” she interrupted. “I don’t even want your reasons,” she frowned. “You know how much this means to me and how much I worked to get a chance for it and I know you hated the script and I know you hate me but getting back at me with this? This is just some other level-” 

“I’m not doing this to hurt you.” 

“Well you are hurting me! God once again!” She snapped.

“Y/N, Can we please talk about it?” Tom said. 

“No, I’m gonna go to the back and when I come back I hope I don’t see you here, don’t you dare follow me,” she said as she finally rushed to the back of the storage closet. 

Tom sighed as he closed his eyes with stress. He turned to Emma. 

“Yeah don’t look at me, I’m even angrier,” Emma commented. 

“Harry went to look for you,” he admitted. 

“Ah,” she rolled her eyes. 

“He really loves you,” Tom commented. 

“Hm.” 

“He was confused.” 

“Look I… really Tom you’re the person I really don’t want to talk to,” Emma snapped. “you're literally the last person I want to talk to because if it hadn’t been for you ruining my-” 

“I’m sorry-” 

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Tom,” she said. “Besides I don’t know what you’re expecting from y/n.”

“I thought we were supposed to heal and then go back to each other.” 

“So you thought that calling to direct her script was the go to?” Emma frowned. “The one project that’s got her excited, you come in, how would you feel if she had walked into a project of yours?” 

“Well she’s brilliant but-” 

“I’m serious, Tom, you probably wouldn’t be happy, besides… It’s not that simple and you can’t prance in here and smile and pretend it’s fine, and expect her to go back to you.” 

“But-” 

“No buts, Tom, she’s had one hell of a month trying to get over you,” Emma snapped. 

“I love her.” 

“You do now? You have no trouble hurting her for someone who claims to love her.” 

Tom frowned. “You barely know-” 

“No, I do know, I know more than you think, at least I know her, and I must admit she probably still has feelings for you yes but that doesn’t mean she didn’t spend this whole month crying over you and being sad about it.” 

“But-”

“And maybe it was easy for you both to show up and think you’re going to solve it, but you don’t even remotely understand it. It might be easy for you, yes, you lost her. And that must have been hard,” she said. “But for her? God, she lost Harry, Sam, and you in one single night.” 

“But-” 

“Tom I don’t even know what you’re trying to do, I just need you to understand this , you come back into her life and--” 

“I want to do the project so we can make something beautiful out of it, okay? And I’ve been dying to see her and I want to work something out-” 

“And you think Harry and you showing up will just make it better?” 

“No.” 

“Then? I’m sorry Tom but that girl is my best friend and I can’t let you hurt her again, but I also know what you mean to her, and… All I know is you’re an idiot, a really big idiot for trying to show up and mend things, of course she won’t talk to you today,” Emma rolled her eyes, tired. “The best advice I can give you is to let her assimilate this, she bloody fainted when she saw you, don’t you think that’s explanation enough?” Emma frowned. 

“I-Maybe it was a mistake,” Tom sighed. “Coming here.” 

“You think?” Emma frowned.

Tom sighed. “I only have… one question.” 

“What?” 

“What is going on with Tim and her?” 

Emma didn’t answer. 

Eliza arrived just at that moment. “I brought the wine!” She announced. “Oh,” that was the only thing she could say. 

Tom gulped. “Hello, hi, uh, I came here to buy some flowers?” He looked up. 

Eliza only dedicated a glance to Emma, she nodded at her. 

“Oh, yes, of course, uh…” Eliza answered as she handed her shopping bags to Emma. “Any particular type?” 

Tom looked around the room and his eyes quickly landed on the first yellow flowers. Yellow peonies.  He picked them up and then paid for them.

“Give them to her, please,” Tom said, handing it over to Emma. 

He then proceeded to leave. 

“Yellow peonies?” Eliza frowned. “Second peonies for y/n today. Tim ordered some for her, did she get them? At the studio?” 

“Yes, she did,” Emma 

“That was odd, that’s Tom, right? Must be a mistake if he chose peonies like Tim, besides, yellow peonies mean jealousy, must be a mistake.” 

“No, I don’t think it was.” 

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[terra-sprout-imagines]

How Daichi and  Suga would make up a missed date to their S/O because of Volleyball Part 1

Written By: Terra

Request: How would Suga, Daichi, Tanaka and Noya make it up to their S/O after having to miss a date for volleyball related thing???

Author’s Note: These headcanons, along with the last ones, make me look like more of a Daichi simp than I actually am lol. Originally this was all going to be one post, but since Daichi’s are so long I decided to make it two and two so you’re not scrolling for thirty years to get to the end. Enjoy!

Warnings: None but Daichi’s takes place in part 1 of season 4 and Suga’s takes place in season 2 c:

Part 2: Tanaka and Nishinoya (coming soon!)

Sawamura Daichi

Like I said in the headcanons where their S/O surprises them at a game, I genuinely think Daichi is one of the most mature boyfriends out of the Karasuno team

And as a result, you would have to be pretty mature as well because I just don’t really see him as the type of guy to get into a relationship with someone that he kind of has to “parent” for lack of a better term

Anyway, that’s not to say that he wouldn’t feel bad about having to miss a date because of volleyball, but he definitely wouldn’t throw himself into a panic about it and go super over the top trying to make it up to you.

So the date in question for this scenario, was just a simple dinner date at one of your favorite restaurants

Daichi had been super busy as of late after Karasuno had won the Inter-High Preliminaries with preparation for Spring Nationals

Of course you didn’t complain once about it

You knew how badly Daichi had always wanted to go to Nationals, and now that they finally realized that dream you had been nothing but completely supportive

Though Daichi made sure to try and support you and your hobbies as much as his schedule would allow, so things never felt one-sided for you and you appreciated the effort he put in

Didn’t have time to go out on as many dates as you used to? No problem, you’d just come to their practice and assist Kiyoko and Yachi where you could so you could still see your boyfriend

Tonight was supposed to be a day where practice would end early enough that you and Daichi could justify getting a late dinner in town

A night where the two of you could finally have some time together away from volleyball and the team

Not that you had anything against them, but you both just wanted to be able to do mushy couple things without Suga and the second years making kissy faces and wiggling their eyebrows.

But as the minutes passed and you still sat alone at the table, your dreams of spending a night together with Daichi seemed to slip further and further away.

You jumped as you felt your phone vibrate against the table, your heart rate speeding up a little as you read Daichi’s contact appear across the screen

Though you were quick to feel the slightest twinge of disappointment as you read the message

‘I’m sorry love, but I don’t think I’m going to make it to dinner in time. Coach Ukai had us try a new technique for Nationals and it took the team longer than anticipated to get it down. We only just finished and we still have to clean the gym and get changed.’

You typed out a quick reply and set your phone down with a small sigh.

The restaurant was starting to wind down for the night, and you knew it wouldn’t be too much longer before you would have to leave since they would need to close up for the night.

Even though Daichi couldn’t be there for dinner, that didn’t mean the night had to go completely out the window.

You flagged your waiter down and placed an order to go, knowing Daichi well enough by now that you were comfortable with ordering in his place.

You paid for the bill as you waited for your food to arrive, and then made your way home, pulling out your phone to send another message to your boyfriend

‘After you get home and get showered, come to my place. Just because we couldn’t do dinner doesn’t mean we can’t still at least see each other. I know my mom won’t mind if you spend the night.’

Just as you reached your front door, your phone vibrated again with a reply

‘I actually had a similar idea. If you’re okay with it, would you mind coming to my place instead in about half an hour? I have to get a few things ready.’

You replied with a quick ‘of course ♥️’ and got to work packing an overnight bag, letting your mom know about your change of plans.

Your parents adored Daichi, and trusted the two of you, so getting permission to spend the night was hardly ever an issue.

Before you left, you grabbed the takeout from the fridge and started the five-minute walk to your boyfriend’s place.

When he opened the door, he was quick to pull you into a hug, placing a tender kiss first on your forehead and then your lips.

“I’m sorry about tonight.” You could feel his lips move against yours as he spoke

“Don’t be. You can’t help it if practice runs longer than anticipated. Besides,” You held up the bag of takeout with a smile, “I still brought dinner for us.”

You saw his eyes widen a fraction before he burst out into laughter.

At your confused expression, he pulled you inside.

He had completely transformed the living room of his house. Strings of lights were hung up around the walls, a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor in front of the television where the menu of your favorite movie played across the screen. On the table in front of all of that, Daichi had set up a meal for the two of you, and your lips cracked into a smile when you saw that the dishes were exactly the same as what you carried in your bag

“I called my mom and asked her to pick it up for me on my way back from practice.” His hand was rubbing the back of his neck and his cheeks were adorned with a red flush. “I guess we had the same thought.”

You broke out into a smile and turned to face your boyfriend, your eyes sparkling with unshed tears of joy.

You really loved this man. You pressed a kiss to his lips, murmuring an “I love you” as you went to place the takeout you brought into the fridge.

“It’ll be lunch for tomorrow” You told him as he looked back at you.

He simply nodded and the two of you settled in the nest of blankets in the living room as Daichi hit the play button for the movie.

You were curled up into his side as the two of you ate.

Of course, that made it harder for Daichi, but he wasn’t about to complain.

Even less so when you started feeding him bites of his food as compensation for hogging one of his arms to yourself.

Later that night when the two of you settled into bed, he pressed a kiss to your temple as he pulled you in close.

“I’m sorry we had to change our date plans because of practice again.”

You brought one of your hands up to cup his face. “Daichi, it’s okay. I knew things like this would happen sometimes when we got together. You still go out of your way to make time for me, so a few missed dates are just water under the bridge.”

You let out a small yawn and placed your head on his chest. “Besides, dinner and a movie with you at home was a way better date than just eating out somewhere. I wouldn’t care if you missed a hundred more dates if it meant we got to do something like that instead.”

You felt his chest shake beneath your head as he chuckled. “I’d never intentionally skip out on spending time with you, but I’ll make sure to keep this date in mind for next time.”

Sugawara Koushi

He would feel pretty horrible about it.

Like he wouldn’t be over the top dramatic about it, but I do think he would have a lot of guilt over it and definitely be extra clingy for at least a week afterwards.

Like Daichi, I feel like Suga would understand that missing dates would probably be a thing because of him playing volleyball

And he would make sure that whoever he got into a relationship with understood that as well and would be able to be mature about it.

Despite that though, I still think Suga would bend over backwards to try and prevent volleyball from making him miss dates with you as much as possible

But when inevitably it happens, he would still feel bad about it, even though you say you’re not upset

Be prepared for a very soft and apologetic Suga as a result

Even though I said Suga wouldn’t be super dramatic about missing a date, he probably kind of was the first time he had to miss one

But after you were able to reaffirm that things were okay, he’d feel a lot more secure in your relationship and so he wouldn’t be as bad the next time it happens

The date in question for this instance, was supposed to be a surprise.

All Suga had told you, was that he would pick you up after he got home and showered after practice, and that you should expect to be out late so to dress comfortably

So, as the usual time for practice to end rolled around, you had gotten yourself ready

You didn’t know if Suga had planned for you to go out anywhere special, so you made sure that you looked nice enough if that was the case, but were still comfortable enough that your outfit wouldn’t be bugging you as the hours passed by

You ended up seated near your front door, scrolling through your phone as you waited for a call or text from your boyfriend.

Twenty minutes passed, then forty, an hour, two hours…

By the first hour with no message, you already had a pretty good idea that practice had gone on longer than usual, no big deal.

So by the second hour mark you had already changed into pajamas and set yourself up on your bed to scroll through social media, also no big deal.

You knew that the team all had to leave their phones and other belongings in the club room while they practiced, so Suga had no way of contacting you while the coach still had them busy in the gym.

He would call as soon as he had access to his phone, of that you had absolutely no doubt.

You still felt a slight twinge of disappointment that your date had been effectively cancelled, because who wouldn’t want to spend time with their significant other?

But you knew that volleyball was important to him, and you knew the effort Suga put in to making sure that you didn’t feel neglected as a result of his sport

So you just made yourself comfortable in your bed, and waited for Suga to get out of practice.

You had also sent a text to your parents, preemptively asking if he could spend the night, you knew he would want to spend as much time at your side as he could for the next few days.

Of course, your parents had no issues with him doing so. Suga had quickly managed to win both of your parents over when you first brought him over for dinner, and often the two of you would spend nights together at each other’s houses.

Your parents practically considered him their son in law already.

Several hours after the normal time for practice to end, you looked up from your laptop as you heard the repeated buzzing sound of your phone on your nightstand

You felt a small smile cross your features as you saw Suga’s contact light up across your display.

You hit the answer button and brought the phone to your ear. Before you could even say a word, Suga was already speaking.

“I’m so sorry about tonight, honey. The coach wanted to try out some new formations for the preliminaries, so he had us playing practice matches against each other.” He sounded out of breath, and you think you could hear his feet hitting the pavement in the background like he was running.

“It’s okay Koushi, you can’t help it if practice runs late. The preliminaries are just a few weeks away, right? I don’t blame your coach for wanting to make sure you guys have everything you need to make it to Nationals.”

There was a slight pause before he replied. “I really don’t deserve you, you know. I love you so much.”

“Of course you deserve me, don’t be silly. I love you too.” You took a moment to make sure you shut your laptop off before you put it off to the side. “I assume you’ll be on your way here soon?”

Suga let out a breathless laugh, “Actually, I’m already outside your door.”

“What?” You quickly sat up and made your way to your front door, you eyes widening when you saw Suga on the other side.

He was holding a small bouquet of roses and a bag of what looked to be your favorite snacks. His chest rose and fell with panted breath and his eyes were apologetic as he held out the bouquet for you to take. “Surprise?”

You let him pull you into a hug and a kiss, but you wrinkled your nose after a moment, pulling away from him. “Koushi, did you run all the way here from practice?”

“Mhm. I only stopped to pick these up for you.” He gestured to the flowers and snacks that he had brought with him.

“Koushi, you know I love you, and you really didn’t have to get me these things, but I appreciate them nonetheless. And I’m saying this next part because I love you so much, but please go take a shower before you kiss me again.”

He gave you an exaggerated pout “But I want to show you my love.”

You shook your head, a smirk on your lips, “I’m sorry but when I kiss you, I don’t want to also be kissing your ten layers of sweat. I’ll still be here when you’re done and then you can kiss and cuddle me all you want.”

He chuckled, “Mm, I’ll hold you to that then.” He placed a quick kiss to your forehead before heading into the hallway towards your bathroom.

The rest of the night was spent watching movies in your room on your bed, Suga lying behind you as the big spoon.

His right arm was wrapped around your waist, fingers tracing light patterns against your stomach while his left arm was underneath your head.

His head rested against your own, occasionally pressing light kisses to your head, neck, or shoulder.

A content smile made itself at home on your face as you brought your arm down to interlace your fingers with his.

The two of you fell asleep that way, and Suga spent all of the following day doting on you.

The next night, he drove you out to an outlook spot in the mountains for a picnic and some stargazing after the sun had set.

His cheeks were tinged red as he brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“I wanted to do take you here last night but…”

You pressed a kiss to his lips, cupping the side of his face. You gave him a playful wink, “This was more than worth the wait.”

[neighbourskid]

Dave? Dave.

It's been quite a bit since I've written anything here, huh? Well, I guess as it has been for pretty much everyone, life has been kinda strange for a while now. Despite vaccine roll-outs and continually changing safety regulations, there's still a global pandemic on, and everyone is trying to navigate this reality the best they can. For once, we are all, generally speaking, in the same boat now (sure, there are huge differences between countries because capitalism fucking sucks and rich greedy humans are once again proof that things need to change asap, but overall, we all have to deal with this pandemic).

But I don't actually want to talk about the pandemic, it just exists as a frame of what I do wanna talk about.

As I have mentioned before, when the pandemic hit, I was in the last semester of my undergrad studies and writing my Bachelor thesis. Or that's what I was supposed to do, anyway. I did do a lot of reading for it, early in the first lockdown after university closed and we were all attending from home. I was lucky, I had no classes, I only had like three scheduled meetings to check in on progress of the thesis, but otherwise I was free of zoom calls and attempting to attend university digitally. So I read.

After a while, reading became taking a book with me into the sun, glancing at one or two pages, and then just napping for most of the day, and spending my evenings either playing video games or watching some tv show or movie. At some point, I felt like now was the perfect time to rewatch all fifteen seasons of CRIMINAL MINDS, so I did that, instead of writing my thesis. I still occasionally read, but most of the days I just felt exhausted and unmotivated so I stayed in bed and binged my crime show.

As the deadline for the thesis started approaching, and the time I had left fell under a month, a switch in my brain seemed to be activated and, oh, hello, suddenly there was a certain drive there for that thesis again. Which lasted exactly until an email from university dinged into my inbox a few days later, informing me that I would get another month for my thesis, due to the pandemic. And away that motivation and drive went, immediately.

Not much later I had a session with the therapist I was seeing at the time, because of the hormone treatment I had started early that same year. I had talked to him about my concern that I might have ADHD before because I didn't feel like there was anything we needed to talk about related to my transition, so I brought it up again here. I told him how my thesis was going -- or rather, how it wasn't going at all -- and finally, as I told him about some of the issues I experienced while trying to do work for it, he acknowledged that I may indeed have some attention regulation issues. He prescribed me medication to try out, and -- wonder oh wonder -- suddenly I was writing my thesis. I ended up finishing it on time (even though a week before I had a moment of "all of this is garbage, I will never pass, I should start the whole thing from scratch") and got a decent grade for it, too. I've been on those meds since.

Over the last, I don't know how many years, I've always known that there was something a bit wonky about my brain. There were always these things that seemed to come so easy to other people, and try as I might, I just couldn't make them happen. I, presumably, had a lot of neurotypical friends. I also have friends with depression, BPD, anxiety disorders and other neurodivergencies. I have family members with autism. I know my mom suspected I might be on that spectrum as well.

Reading up on many of those things I never felt like any of them described what I was experiencing. There were certain traits, sure, but mostly there was a lack of what I actually did experience in most of them. Even ADHD, when reading about the "required" issues and traits, doing those self-diagnosing questionnaires, I just never saw what I felt represented. And then I started reading about what people with diagnosed ADHD had to say about how they experience things. I ignored the more medical or clinical information, and just looked for people talking about how they navigate their lives with ADHD. And then all of a sudden it was, oh, yeah this, this is relatable. This is where my brain's at.

Suddenly it made sense that caffeine didn't do nothing for me, that a nice, warm cup of coffee put me right to sleep. It made sense how, after only a month, suddenly a well beloved hobby or tv show was suddenly of no interest whatsoever. Staring at the wall for three hours instead of doing a simple task. Drawing in class so that I could pay attention to what is being said. The inability to remember much of my life before 6th grade. Having to bounce my leg so I could read a simple text. Needing to visually break a book down into chapters with colourful post-its to keep me from being overwhelmed by the length of the book. And so many other things. Suddenly, there was a reason for that.

I've always liked doing personality quizzes. Or doing stuff related to my zodiac sign even if I don't believe in astrology per se. Finding out what my Enneagram number is. Or my Myers-Briggs type. Not because I think those things define me or describe me to a T, but because they give me a vocabulary. They give me options. I love answering a bunch of questions and then getting a wall of text telling me This Is Who You Are and then I get to pick out what is accurate and what isn't. It gives me words to describe who I am that I didn't have before.

And it is the same thing with posts or videos of people with ADHD. It gives me a vocabulary for the things I experience and it lets me express those things in a way I wasn't able to before. Before, I was like, doing things that my brain doesn't want to do, feels like running headfirst into a wall because there is no way above, around, or underneath it. There is no door, no ladder, no tunnel, no nothing. There is only running headfirst into it until maybe, hopefully, it cracks. Preferably before my head does. But that is exhausting and most of the time, I prefer to not get through the wall at all, if what it takes is going headfirst through it. Now, I know that what that is, is a dopamine deficiency. The task that needs doing, the task that this wall is, doesn't give my brain enough dopamine. There is no satisfaction, there is nothing to gain from that task, so the brain isn't interested.

One of the things that I recently discovered and helps me a lot in this quest of figuring out how my brain works, is this guy Connor on tiktok, who also has ADHD. His videos are both hilarious and informative. And also incredibly relatable. They might be silly haha funny videos on the dear old internet, but I walk away from most of them going, oh! oh that makes sense, good to know.

He occasionally talks about how ADHD is completely misnamed and how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not actually accurately describe what exactly people with ADHD lack. In one of his videos, he calls it DAVE instead. It's silly, and sounds a bit dumb, but I kinda like it. Dave. Dopamine Attention Variability Executive-Disfunction. Dave. I like Dave.

Y'know, I don't mind having ADHD. Presumably, I've lived with it my whole life so far. And it's annoying as shit some of the time. Especially when things need to get done and they just won't. But I don't mind that, especially now that I know that this is what it is. I've always feared that if I finally do go to a therapist and try to figure out what my brain is up to, they'll just tell me that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. And at first, my therapist did say I was psychologically unremarkable. But I guess if you've lived like this your whole life and nobody has really picked up on it, even a therapist doesn't notice (it's called masking, I've learned, thanks Connor).

But knowing is good. Knowing means I can learn things that help. I can take medication when needed. And, looking at the grades I'm currently getting in my graduate studies? Hells yeah, taking that medication and knowing how to deal with certain aspects of my brain helps a lot. It is incredibly funny to me that the best grades I have gotten in my entire academic career have been achieved in my Master's studies during a global pandemic. There is currently an actual real possibility that I may graduate summa cum laude. In my MA. That is insane!

Anyway, I am avoiding tasks by writing this right now. Oh, the irony. I'm gonna try and do those tasks now. Y'all take care. Cheers!

[testingtwns]

I finished the really really long original stuck sneeze story at last

HEY LOOK I DID IT !

Sorry this took so long. I made two posts before this to say it was coming soon, which was in order to garner interest and hopefully drum up my own interest in the process. Well, it totally backfired, and I intimidated myself into not writing at all. So, thank you for your patience with me!

Considering that this is a 13k-word stuck sneeze story, it’s like 98% build-up, so instead of being posted in parts, it’s all here. Not gonna leave anyone hangin’ without the part where sneezing actually happens. Since that’s why we’re all here I mean duh

Well... enjoy I guess ! 

It started at noon on a calm summer day. The royal family ate in the solarium, as they always did at mealtime, with the head of the table taken by Queen Cveta, heir apparent Arkady to her left, and the rest of the princes and princesses continuing in birth order down the line, all except for Vjera. Each window of the glass room was so perfectly clear as to be nearly invisible, giving a great view of the flourishing garden and all the curious creatures that it attracted. Hummingbirds and dragonflies and honeybees and swallowtails dipped and dove among the fauna, making for a very theatrical view, as it so often did. In the fall, there were deer; in the winter, ptarmigans and cardinals; and in the spring the deer came back, bringing with them their knobby fawns. Zlata and Pedja were hoping to see a set of those soft brown ears peering above the heather today, but the eldest siblings ate rather quietly, somewhat subdued. They knew they were supposed to be happy, but it was hard to say goodbye to one of their own.

Svetlana scooted boiled cabbage around her plate with her fork, and Dmitar leaned one elbow on the table and slouched a bit, totally forgetting his manners. As the eldest sibling, Arkady could not allow his sadness to be so easily observed, especially in front of the kitchen attendants bringing sweetbreads to and from the table. It would not do well for the next-in-line to seem disappointed about his sister's betrothal to the prince of a neighboring kingdom. But soon that was no longer the thought at the forefront of Arkady’s mind.

He had just filled his mouth with a sip of cold honey tea when a desire to sneeze hit him with startling urgency. Arkady's eyes widened before clamping shut, and he hastened to swallow before the squirming tickle at the roof of his mouth could win out. He had been groomed to have the best of manners, to keep from sneezing during meals, but this tickle was unusually urgent, and it wasn’t going to let him have a say. Arkady acted fast. One hand sloppily placed the glass back down, the other ushered his napkin to his face as he turned away from the table. He inhaled loudly once, twice, three times, and held the cloth tightly to his nose, sure whatever was coming would be impressive…

“Hhhtt-!”

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

For a moment, his whole body seemed to stall. Then, just as quickly as it came on, the sneeze disappeared, leaving nothing but the burning embers of an itch that hadn’t been soothed. Arkady sniffed, hoping to either fan the little flame or blow it out, but it wouldn’t be tempted in either direction. He could only blink in puzzlement, and at the tears that had started in the corners of his eyes, formed by unrealized desire.

When he lowered his hands, his whole family was staring at him from their individual places at the table, spoons or forks halfway to their mouths.

“Uh,” Arkady began, mildly sheepish as he returned the unused napkin to his lap, “I thought I was going to sneeze.”

“We all did,” said Zlata. “Why didn’t you?”

“It would have been good luck,” Pedja piped up.

“I was trying to,” Arkady insisted, almost defensively. “I would have liked to.” He kneaded the side of his nose hard with one knuckle. “It still feels as if I might.” Indeed, as those words left him, his mouth began to quiver open when the faint sensation twitched back to life. Both hands secured the napkin around his nose, and his eyelids squeezed together, and his insides felt like they were buzzing with anticipation, and—no. It still wasn’t to be. Arkady came down from the sneeze with a long sigh and blew his nose, which didn’t help much. His eyelashes were already damp from the tickle alone.

His brothers and sisters were staring at him again, strangely but clearly also fascinated for the conclusion to this little breakfast drama. It was Svetlana who glanced fervidly around the table in search of a solution. “Maybe there’s something spicy around here you can eat. Or something strong you can smell.”

“Hold on, now. Don’t provoke it.” It was their mother, Queen Cveta, who spoke now. “This could be Ilari’s doing.”

Arkady’s eyebrows slouched. “Or maybe I just have to sneeze, and I can’t d… do ihht…” The tickle struck a third time in as many minutes, and Arkady couldn’t pay attention to anything else. Cloth napkin around his face again, his family became colorful blurs before his eyes. They were all watching unabashedly… Embarrassed, he ducked into the cloth to hide. Gasp… gasp… Huff. No.

He raised his head blearily and narrowed his gaze. “Could you all at least have the courtesy not to stare at me?”

“Why?” said Pedja innocently. Staring was among his favorite hobbies.

“Because it’s impolite,” Arkady said. When Pedja only continued to gaze at him, he added flatly, “And if you stare for too long, your eyes will dry up and fall out of your head, and birds will come and eat them.”

“Wow,” said Pedja.

“That’s enough of that. This may be serious,” Queen Cveta continued calmly. “Sneezing is a sign of good health and good fortune, and protection from the gods. It is usual to be able to sneeze—the opposite is not. This could be a message.” There was only slight worry in her steady look, but she was adamant when she told him, “Go to Jaga, and ask her what it might mean. She will be able to tell you.”

Arkady looked at his plate of rolls and boiled potato salad and pork aspic, which was only halfway finished. “I’d sort of rather try my luck with some spicy food,” he said.

“Go to Jaga,” Queen Cveta repeated.

It was a lost cause. Even if he was next in line for the throne, she was the Queen, and the Queen’s word was second only to the gods’. Sighing, Arkady stood to leave, but his sigh turned into a sharp snaggle of breath, and another, and another, and another, and as Arkady gripped the top of his chair desperately for support, the whole morning seemed to go silent waiting for his sneeze... but still it eluded him. Arkady’s brothers and sisters made a collective sound of discouragement on his behalf.

“If you think it’s annoying for you,” he said, touchy and a little flushed, “just think of how annoying it is for me!”

He exited directly into the garden, following the stepping stones towards the footbridges that connected each of the Peaks, like their own mountainous islands. Each individual peak hosted its own type of building: guesthouses, greenhouses, the royal family’s grounds, and the outbuildings, such as the one where Jaga lived. Each member of the royal entourage lived within the sanctuary walls; they were like family to Arkady, and they loved him as much as he loved them. He loved that they too could be protected by the same archers and guardsmen that kept his family from harm. But Arkady had heard it was different outside of his kingdom of Gornoye. In Dolina and Vodopad, the palace attendants were considered servants and could not look the king and queen in the eyes without punishment. They had to bow their heads and say “I beg your pardon” every time they entered a room. Would it be so in Derevo too?

Like a sense of dread, Arkady's sneeze came creeping back to tug his thoughts away from the matter of his sister's betrothal and towards this impossible itch. Oh, how it itched. Arkady stumbled to the wood railing of the bridge with clouding eyes, hoping that if the gods really had anything to do with this, they'd let him sn– “Huh-hhhh...” sneeze already– “Ehhthehheh... Hah! Utchtt-!” His breath stuttered: it was right there, right in the place that should have his voice bursting out of him like an announcement, and yet...

It didn't.

But it did keep his eyes shut tight, holding him in a place of such utter discomfort that he had to shake his head hard against it. If it wasn't going to happen, would it at least leave him alone? When he had enough control back to rub his nose, he did so, hoping to squash the inner tickle from the outside. It was barely a solution. Eventually he was able to open his eyes, but even then his vision was skewed by more stinging tears than he knew what to do with. One even went down his cheek.

"Brother! What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Arkady turned muzzily to his left. He had immediately recognized the voice as Vjera's, which was good, because the tears obscured her face to the point where she looked scarcely recognizable. He pulled the heels of his hands over his sleeves to dry the water in his eyes.

"I must look as if I'm crying," he said, sniffling hard, sure his nose was some shade of red. He laughed a bit to show he wasn't sad, though the situation hardly felt funny at all. "I almost wish I was. It would be better than what's really happening."

Vjera was wearing a simple black pinafore dress, and her soft, dark hair hung down without any sort of style. She was likely holding off as long as she could from preparing for Prince Ivar's arrival. She and her siblings often dressed formally for company, so any break from the layers of high-collared shirts and embroidered coats was a welcome one. She reached out and touched the sleeve of his loose, soft tunic now. "What's really happening? Are you going to throw up?"

"Uh, no," Arkady said, with a slight chuckle at her bluntness. "No... Augh." He scrubbed hard at the fire in his snout. He turned away slightly as he did so; it was embarrassing to make those silly, hesitant faces in front of anyone. “It's my nose. I've got to sneeze, but I can't. I just keep gasping and then nothing happens. Mother thinks Ilari has something to do with it. She thinks it might be a sign of some sort. I don't know what it is, but I hope Jaga has a solution, because I can hardly stand it another second."

Vjera flashed a keen little grin. "What a pain. I would scare it out of you if I could."

"You always were a bit too good at curing my hiccups," Arkady said, remembering in their youth how, after complaining of the ailment, she would wait until he had been hiccuping for a good five minutes, then reach out from underneath his bed or under his study table and grab his ankles as tightly as she could. It had never failed to make him yelp.

Even such a simple memory inspired nostalgia. His eyes saddened. "You're really leaving tomorrow."

"I really am," Vjera sighed. She became gentle, lightly touching the railing and gazing into the Sheerwater River below. "I told you I was ready, and I thought I meant it. But today I feel less sure. I am going to miss watching the girls and little Pedja grow into adults, and I'll miss Dmitar's singing, his jokes. But it’s you I’m going to miss most of all. What am I going to do without my best friend?”

Arkady gazed into the gorge too. "I wish I knew the answer. I've been asking myself the same question." And I’ve been asking the gods, too, he thought, but decided not to admit it. Such trivialities were not exactly meant for gods’ ears.

The siblings smiled at each other, bittersweet, and embraced for what was sure not to be the last time that day. They understood each other like no one else could. They had endured many of the same lessons in etiquette and politics while they grew up, as Vjera would be second in line for the throne until Arkady himself had children. Because of those lessons, they both had understood all their lives that they would not marry for love so much as for political reasoning. It was part of why they had turned to each other so desperately for friendship, each acting as an anchor in a life full of acquaintances and kowtowers and even those who meant well but could never fathom the burdens of the crown.

The running water below filled the silence—at least until Arkady began, again, gathering unsteady breaths. He pulled away from his sister's shoulder, held a hand in front of his face, praying it would soon be catching the results of a truly satisfying sneeze. Twenty-five years of etiquette lessons had been engrained in him, and usually the idea of sneezing without a cloth ready seemed preposterous. But this tickle was even more preposterous, so etiquette was long forgotten. All that mattered was the sneeze.

He tried his damnedest to make it happen. His tongue cupped itself and pressed to the bottom of his mouth. "Hhhuuhhhth... Shehh..." he begged. Then he found himself doing something he had seen others do when they were about to sneeze, which was use a hand to fan in front of his face. Arkady had no idea how such an action would serve him, but they said necessity was the mother of invention. And it seemed... to be... helping... a l-little...!

"Ehh...! Ehsh-!... … hyew..."

A weird, finite little noise escaped him then. Arkady blinked largely in surprise. He had not sneezed, but he had spoken a sneeze-like sound nonetheless, and he hadn't even meant to. It was as if he had wanted it so badly, even feigning the act was better than nothing.

But oh, how much nothing it had done.

Vjera seemed just as confused by this. "Was that... a sneeze?"

"No!" Arkady growled. He coughed and rubbed at his face. "No... Sorry for snapping. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry with my nose. I'd rip it off and throw it into the gorge if I could. Anything to escape this torture."

When there was no response to that, Arkady glanced up from tending to his nose to look at his sister. Her mouth was a hard line, and her eyes sparkled at him.

Arkady frowned. “It’s not funny!”

Vjera held her pointer finger and thumb apart. “It’s a little funny.”

“If this were happening to you, you wouldn’t be so amused,” Arkady said.

“But it isn’t happening to me,” Vjera said.

“So that means it’s funny?”

“It does,” Vjera nodded.

At her brother’s frustrated expression and further badgering of his nose, Vjera finally took pity on him and patted his shoulder. “I’m sure Jaga will take good care of you. I was just there myself, anyway, and I’m feeling a bit better.”

Arkady was alert at once. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing to fret about. I just feel nauseous,” Vjera admitted. “I wanted to eat with you all this morning, and just now, but even the idea of food is too much. I think my stomach is more upset about this betrothal than I am.” She paused. “I-I mean… no, not upset. I just meant…”

He knew what she meant: If anyone sees me looking miserable on the day I’m going to meet my future husband, it’s won’t send the right message to our people.

A herd of low mountain clouds had been passing through them for a while. “No one can see us right now, Ra. Will you be honest with me at least?”

Vjera chewed her lip. Her nickname seemed to undo something in her heart for a moment, but she hid it fast, as future queens did. “I’m not being dishonest. I’ve made my peace with it. And even though I’m nervous, I’m also excited, really. It’s just a lot of newness at once. It’s overwhelming.”

Arkady wanted to coax more of the truth out of her, but something was overwhelming him too. “Gods, not again… Suh-Sorry…” he breathed, his hands going up to his face guiltily, but he couldn’t think or speak when he was like this. The tickle was like a teething puppy, nipping and nuzzling in the back of his nose. He pinched it hard, asking it to stop. Two, three, four gasps later, the urge delivered a final, aching burn, and he was back to feeling unrelieved and unable to sneeze.

Arkady blinked hard and smudged at his eyes. “Ugh… I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Vjera shook her head, “and go to Jaga now. Keeping you here any longer would be cruel.”

“You aren’t keeping me,” Arkady said. He couldn’t stop touching at his nose though.

“I am, and I won’t anymore,” she insisted. She gently nudged him in the direction she’d come from. “Please go have something done about your poor nose.”

"I sure hope something is done," Arkady sighed. "I'd love to have this over with at last. I promise I'll make for better conversation after I finally sneeze."

"Good luck," Vjera wished him before he continued his short journey to the herbalist’s abode.

The steeply-sloped, pentagonal building Jaga conducted her work in was just over the bridge that connected the main plateau to one of the many surrounding peaks. Jaga spent most of her time preparing medicines and tending to her plants, plants that she named and talked to as if they were children. Though half of the building was designed like a greenhouse, her workspace had but one window, so she lived like a cave-dweller when she wasn’t out culling flora, and wore a wild mane to match her wild lifestyle. Due to her many eccentricities, it was easy to forget that she was a genius of an herbalist.

Jaga had just two years ago taken over the late Rosa's position. Where Rosa had been a gentle presence with a sagely bedside manner, Jaga was overzealous when it came to healing. A person with an ailment was certainly more interesting to her than a person without one. Because of that, Arkady felt a little reluctant to let her know what was going on with him. But if she could cure this itch, it was well worth any fuss.

And the moment Arkady walked into her keep, that accursed itch returned with a vengeance. “Um, good day, J-Jagahh...” he trailed off almost immediately, bringing a hand to his mouth, eyes closing just before he noticed the tousled witch looking up from her mortar and pestle. “I'm... um... hh...” I’m unable to talk just yet because I’m trying to sneeze. He sensed her at his side, even as he struggled and pleaded for the sensation to free itself. He turned a bit, not exactly enthusiastic for her to see his face in this state, yet unable to care too terribly much at this point. “Hhhh... HhHH-!”

He waited. Jaga waited. They both waited.

Aaand nothing. Again.

Arkady gulped at the air and fervidly blinked away the stars in his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. "Hhh... Sorry… I’m-”

"You can't sneeze," Jaga said simply. Though at least a decade older than the prince, she was eight inches shorter, and yet somehow she seemed to be right in his face, staring up the length of her own nose at his unmanageable one. She appeared very interested in him.

"Um," Arkady felt himself flushing again, "yes." He sniffled, rubbed at his upper lip. "I just want to do away with whatever’s causing this," he admitted, "but Queen Cveta is worried it might mean something.”

"And she should be," Jaga said. "Ilari is trying to send you a message."

Arkady slumped his shoulders. "You think so too?"

"How do you feel right now?" Jaga ignored his question to field her own. "Does your nose still tickle? Do you feel that you could sneeze any moment? Or is it more of an itch you can't scratch?"

"I-I don't know," Arkady panted, "but the more you tuh... talk about it, the more I want... tuhhhh... Hh, h, heh, nh-!" His mounting breaths hit an octave that seemed to promise results, but all too soon he was sighing out the air he'd swallowed, unfulfilled. Arkady cupped a hand over his poor abused nose. "Ugh... the more I want to sneeze."

Jaga's eyes were glittering like camel jasper. "How interesting," she said. "You really need it, don't you? But you still can't manage to do it?"

Throwing the truth back in his face kind of stung. "Well, yes, as a matter of fact," he huffed.

Jaga put her hands on her hips, staring off into space thoughtfully. She did this for long enough that Arkady felt the tickle in him stirring again, a demanding little niggle, yet it would not be satisfied. He went to touch his nose, to relieve it even just a tiny bit, and was surprised to feel a hand upon his wrist stopping him.

"H-Hey. Don't." It was a lame argument, but the current pulse of the distant sneeze had left him in a trance-like state where all he could think about was relief.

“I know it's bothering you," Jaga said with a smirk, "and I don't blame you for wanting to scratch. But listen. If I learned anything from Rosa, it's that the ailments of the royal family are never to be ignored. And even you know well enough that sneezing is considered a direct message from the gods.”

"But I'm not sneezing." Arkady hoped the slight whine in his voice would inspire sympathy. "Isn't that the opposite of a sign?"

Jaga shook her head. "Without a doubt, it’s a sign," she said. She went back to her table and returned with a nearly-empty clay mug. "The leaves told me all I needed to know. Something important is going to happen today. And your sneezing—or not-sneezing, rather—might just be connected to it."

"We already know what the important thing is," Arkady grumbled. "Prince Ivar and his entourage are coming."

"Perhaps that is the important thing," Jaga said as she circled the rim of the mug with her finger, "perhaps it isn't. But in order for the gods' sign to arrive when it needs to arrive, you must leave your nose alone. If you try to make the sneeze come too soon or late, you may never receive the message they are sending you. The fact that you can't sneeze, that you try and fail? This is all part of their plan. Be patient, and trust their judgment."

Arkady's fingers grasped uselessly at the air before his face. "At this point, I'd... rather s... s-sneez- ha-haH…!"

Jaga waited with him in the pregnant silence that followed. She tsked any time his fingers went too close to his nostrils, desperate to rub or aid in any way possible. The self-consciousness over the faces he was pulling was disappearing fast: every time his breathing snagged, all he could hope was that the sneeze was coming at last and that he'd be free of this strange torment. And it held him just above his breaking point for so long, when the sneeze did finally disappear, Arkady snarled at the ceiling, "There’d better be a good reason for this, damn it!"

Old Rosa might have gasped at that, but Jaga was made of different stuff. "Don't brush the gods off so quickly," she said with a light laugh. "You've done nothing to anger them—well, aside from the aforementioned damning. Right?”

Arkady paused. “I can’t think of anything.”

Jaga nodded. “You have the blood of Ilari, whose sneeze saved us from the floods. It's possible that your sneeze could even save you. So let it come in its own good time."

“There is nothing good about the time it’s taking.” Arkady sniffed hard. All these tears were turning his sinuses to liquid. “Do you have anything I can use for a handkerchief?”

For a moment, Arkady was afraid she wouldn’t let him blow his nose, but she found him a cloth, and he accepted it gratefully. Using it helped him feel a bit more clear-headed, but now the tickle was merely a dry one instead of wet, which was just as bad. He snuffled around in the kerchief until Jaga commanded, “That’s enough. Leave it be. Leave it!” She swatted at his wrist. “Am I going to have to follow you all day to make sure you don’t scratch?”

The prince reluctantly removed his hands, scowling. “No.”

“Good,” Jaga said. “And you promise me, as soon as you sneeze, you tell me about where you were, what was happening, what you were thinking—everything. Come back if it hasn’t happened in a few more hours.”

“A few more hours?” Arkady stared at her, jaw dropping. “You think it might last that long?!”

“It could,” was the unfortunate response. “If it does last that long than the message is likely to be an important one.”

Arkady was silent, staring down at the kerchief as he folded it into a neat triangle.

Jaga had returned to her pestle and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “I know a look of doubt when I see one,” she said with a slyness. “I’ll follow you all day if I have to, Prince. Don’t you meddle with that sneeze. If Ilari hadn’t sneezed at the time and place he did, Gornoye wouldn’t exist, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, would we? So you let it alone.”

“All right, all right, I won’t bother it,” Arkady lied. He put the kerchief in his pocket and folded his arms. “Well, then… If the best herbalist in Gornoye has no cure for me, than I suppose I had better go get ready for the Derevo entourage.”

He was being grouchy, he knew, and it only seemed to delight Jaga even more. “Farewell, Prince Arkady. And remember to have patience.”

“Have patience,” he muttered under his breath once he was outside. He knuckled his nose. Who in the world could exercise patience when they felt like he did? Sneezes stopped and started three times in just the short walk from Jaga’s workspace back to the main palace and solarium. It was insanity.

Arkady snorted after the third bout of hitching breaths. Yes, of course he knew about the significance of Ilari’s sneeze; he’d been rocked to sleep with the story many a night, just like every child of the Ossian faith. It went that the great god Ossia, disgusted that the world of his making had been burnt and torn and destroyed by centuries of war, decided to flood the land with a rainstorm. And all the people of the world would have drowned, if the great dragon Ilari had not spontaneously sneezed a hole in the storm clouds, sparing one single mountainside of humanity. Those people had Ilari's blessing. Those people also, allegedly, were Arkady's ancestors.

In earnest, Arkady figured the chances of that were slim. His was not the only mountain town that believed they were the one saved by Ilari’s sneeze. The ancient texts told the story but never specified the location of the spared mountain. For him to be the true prince whose veins flowed with Ilari’s divinity was what he’d been told all his life, and something he’d doubted for just as long.

Though he debated the legitimacy of his birthright, Arkady did believe that the gods played some role in his fate. He also, however, hoped that the gods would have more efficient means of sending him a message than... this. "Hh! Hh-shhuh... hh..." The sneeze only stirred faintly this time before backing down. Arkady scrubbed and scrubbed his nose. Sometimes the tickle was an icicle point, a sharp stimulus, while at most times a puddle, a tingly sensation spread out over his entire nose but overall not near enough of a disturbance to make his breath catch. He wasn't sure which was worse. When the urge crested, the end seemed so tantalizingly close, and to have it taken away was crushing. When it was no more than a faint humming, it made him feel prickly and unsettled. It was ridiculous to go on doing nothing at all. Thus, Arkady had no intention of following Jaga’s advice. He was going to rid himself of this sneeze.

The method to do so was in itself a problem that needed solving. Arkady knew that some sneezed from the fur of animals or certain flowers or a musty room, but those things had never much bothered him. He tried to think of a time he had sneezed from something other than a spontaneous tickle or seasonal cold, and couldn't conjure a memory. And despite Svetlana's suggestion that he try spicy food, Arkady had never been so adversely affected by it. What options did that leave him?

Arkady thought back to the legend of Ilari. In some tellings of the story, it was said that the dragon god had sneezed when a bird had flown too close to their nose or even into their nose. Maybe, Arkady reasoned, he needed some external stimulus in order to get things moving too. He certainly wasn’t interested in waiting for the tickle to sort itself out.

A bird was small for a dragon, but for him a feather would work all the same. As he made his way to his family’s living quarters, Arkady tried to remember if there was a quill in his room. When had he last written a letter? “Hh…” It might have been the congratulations to Prince Feofan on the birth of his firstborn… “Hhehf…” Or the prayers to burn for the Vernal Equinox… “Huuffh!” He had to stop walking when the building sneeze temporarily blinded him, making his eyes clamp tight and squeeze out water. Gods, how he wanted it… If a feather couldn’t bring on this—“Huhh…”—stubborn thing, what could?

Arkady massaged the end of his nose to soothe the sharper stings the marauding itch left in its warpath. When he looked up, he realized the two guards that manned the entrance to the plateau’s inner wall were watching him. He stiffened, self-conscious. Did everyone feel the need to stare at a sneezing person?

As Arkady continued through the entrance, one managed, shakily, “A-Are you all right, Prince?”

“No,” Arkady grumbled, slouching past them. He had given up on looking put-together.

“Uh… is Ilari with you?” the second guard asked. She had at least recognized it was a sneeze that had stalled him. What she wasn’t sure of was if it had come out or not, for if she were certain it had, her words wouldn’t have been a question.

“Would that he could be,” was the monotone reply thrown over his shoulder. He heard a confused, “What do you mean, Prince?” follow behind him that he chose not to heed.

Arkady proceeded up the stairs of the verandah to the sleeping chambers. Beneath the porch’s long overhang was a series of doors leading to the individual bedrooms. Each royal child had their own bedroom, complete with bath and antechamber, and as he passed by, he could hear muffled conversation between his siblings and an attendant beyond the walls as they spruced up for their most important guests. Arkady knew he should be calling on Wolfert to help him with his wardrobe as soon as possible, but… all in good time. Getting rid of this sneeze was his top priority right now.

When Arkady opened the door to his own quarters, he was surprised to see his mother in the antechamber, seated on one of four hand-painted benches overflowing with decorative pillows. His heart sunk immediately; he’d have to talk with her before he could try his hand at tempting this sneeze, and he could barely put up with it for another second.

“Oh, hello,” he said, in a tone that he hoped did not sound any bit annoyed.

The Queen sat up taller at his arrival, even though she had been sitting with near-perfect posture. “Ah, there you are. That took a while. Did Jaga say you’re all right?”

Arkady blinked and recognized an opportunity. “I met Vjera along the way. We talked for a bit. That’s why I took so long,” he began. He coughed. “Uh, in any case, Jaga says she doesn’t think anything is wrong.”

Queen Cveta looked uncertain. “She doesn’t?”

“She doesn’t.” Arkady sniffed. “In fact, I sneezed while I was there.” That was the hardest lie to tell, for how much he wished it were the truth. “She doesn’t think the gods have anything to do with it. Sh-She thinks I must just be having a reaction to something in the garden.” He sniffed again.

Queen Cveta shook her head at once. “That can’t be right. We have tea with honey from our bees every day. You’d have surely built up a tolerance to anything growing there. Jaga of all people should know that.”

Uh-oh. “She thinks something different might be growing there,” he corrected quickly. “Some new, foreign thing… It was the only explanation she could thiiiink ah… of.” It’s the only explanation I can think of, anyway. “I-It’s still k-k-ki-hind of bothering me,” he was forced to say next, because the sneeze was starting up again and there was no way he could pretend it wasn’t. He pulled out the handkerchief Jaga gave him and rubbed his nose with it.

Queen Cveta observed him a moment longer. “All right,” she said at last, standing to her slippered feet. “If that’s what Jaga says… I suppose we had better find out what that plant could be, when we have the time. Will you be fine getting ready for our guests?”

“Hhhhhh… Hh!... heh… fyew. I, uh, sh-should be,” Arkady stuttered, lowering the handkerchief pathetically when the sneeze backed off. It was getting harder and harder to recover from the dizziness of the tickle. “They—snf!—should be arriving in around two hours, correct?”

The Queen nodded. “Yes, I think so. I’ve got to make sure all the preparations are in order, so I should leave now. Goodbye.”

“Oh. Goodbye,” he repeated, surprised but not disappointed by her suddenly taking leave. No sooner had she shut the door behind her that Arkady was moving out of the antechamber into his own bedroom, more than ready to find that quill.

His room was finely decorated in jeweled chests and embossed dressers and a beautifully-carved set of drawers with a shrine on top for water offerings, all wonderful gifts from visitors and royal families from far and wide. He didn’t treat them with the respect they deserved as he pawed through their contents, with his mind on one thing only. “Where is it… Where is it…” he started mumbling under his breath after his desk had been thoroughly searched, his bedside table emptied of all its candles and books. “It has to be here…” There were sure to be quills in the study, but that was in the main palace, and he didn’t want to risk his mother or Jaga sighting him. Plus, he wanted relief now.

The room had been turned upside-down. There was no quill in sight. The search had taken twenty minutes, a good portion of that time dedicated to waiting for his non-sneeze to dissipate enough that he could get back to said fruitless searching. Arkady's frustration mixed with the tickle had brought him near to tears. He flopped onto the bed, clawing his hair with both hands and chewing his lip. If he didn't do something about this now, he was going to lose it.

And that was when he remembered it. His pillows were feather pillows. There were thousands of them there the whole time, and now they were right under his head! But the only way to get to them was to rip through the hemstitched tussah silk.

Was he that desperate? He was.

But not so desperate that he was going to tear the innocent pillow apart like a barbarian. Arkady used his hip dagger to cut a delicate slit in the material, something that could hopefully be mended quite easily, but he shed any remaining trepidation when the pillow’s bounty was spilled. Innocent down, ashen gray and white, immediately bled from the wound, sticking up in tufts. The littlest bits of feathers floated into the air around his face, which had his eyes rolling back into his skull immediately.

“Heh-hh! Hh! H! H! H!” His gasps were so quick and light, they were almost silent. The tendrils he was sure he’d inhaled were having a horrible effect on him. This tickle was different, not a puppy’s nip but the playful grapple of a dog’s maw, so much more powerful but still not something to be taken seriously. Hitching and huffing against the minuscule plumes, he was eventually driven so mad that he had to pinch his nose with his entire hand; he couldn’t for the life of him wait another second for that sensation to mature into a sneeze, even if, by some miracle, that was the solution. When the worst of the sting faded, he loosened his grip and snorted hard to launch any feathery debris out. He wanted to sneeze, after all, not torture himself.

The feathers inside the pillow were much smaller than he had anticipated them being. The longest ones were scarcely more than an inch, and he had to dig around for quite a while to find one that he could actually hold the stem of without also holding the entire feather. His decided tool was still rather disheartening. A writing quill would have been far more dangerous, with its tapered point and great length. He hoped that the fluffiness of the down would make up for that.

The introduction of the feather’s rounded tip to the inside of his nostril initially seemed promising. The gentle barbs coaxed at the sneeze when they twitched against fragile pink skin, and Arkady’s heart soared at the thought that the end was nigh. But after half a minute of tickling, the sneeze only seemed further away. Eyebrows lowering, Arkady dug the feather deeper. Again, the sneeze receded, and he chased it like a hound after a burrowing rabbit. But soon he encountered the same problem that many dogs did: the prey was farther back in its hole than fangs could reach. The barbs of the feather were not long enough to graze the back of his nose.

Arkady pushed so that the beds of his fingernails were right against the opening of his nostril, the feather stretched to its limits. It still wasn’t enough; the sneeze danced merrily out of reach, arching its back and teasing him horribly but not allowing him the relief he longed for like anything. How ridiculous could this get? He had never known of anyone trying this hard to sneeze with such little success. Sure, he’d had a sneeze disappear on him before, but normally that only meant a moment of disappointment, a little throb that fast went away. His sneezes were usually utterly unremarkable. They came and went, in ones, twos, and rarely threes, if he were sick or if the urge had been especially strong, and after a brief shake of his head and a sniffle, Arkady would go on with his day. This sneeze was a bully. This sneeze felt alive. And as the hound could think of nothing but the death of its prey when it was so close, so too was Arkady determined.

He pushed that feather as far as it would reach. And somehow, some way, he felt its single longest follicle graze the back of his nose.

Arkady’s chest stuttered. Success. He swelled with pride. He couldn’t stop now. He scratched and swiped the feather against the sensitive skin, against the sneeze which had nowhere left to run. He starting inhaling fittishly and didn’t stop.

“Hhh, hh, hh, hh, hh! Hh! Hh-!”

His lungs felt enormous. His nose burned. The sneeze seemed real, close, about to break out of him. “Huh! Huhhhh! Hhhhhhhh…!” Arkady could take in air no more. All he needed was one more swipe of the feather… One more touch and then, surely… Surely…

It was at this crucial moment that Arkady found his hand unable to move. Possessed by the sheer power of this urge, he could devote himself to no other function. But that would be his undoing.

“H? Hh?? H-hhh???”

The possibility was fading fast, and Arkady briefly panicked, swirling the small feather wherever it could easily reach. But he was losing the breaths he’d gathered, and he knew it was over even before he felt an arm pulling his hand away from his face and an ever-jocular voice admonishing, “Now, Prince, I told you not to meddle with it, didn’t I?”

It took a while for his eyes to open, and even longer for his breathing to even out, so then for some time he could only stare at Jaga and Queen Cveta looking down at him, the witch smiling in amusement and his mother looking none-too-pleased.

“I hoped it wasn’t true, but I had a feeling I was being lied to,” Queen Cveta began. “Jaga has confirmed it. Why did you not tell me the truth?”

Arkady took a few more deep breaths. His diaphragm had been through a lot today. “I’m sorry,” he said to the Queen, when he was at last able to speak, “but I can’t tell you how badly I want to sneeze.” Then to Jaga, he said, “‘Meddling’ doesn’t do me any good, it still won’t happen. This isn’t a normal sneeze. The gods are punishing me, and I don’t know what for, but I have to find out and make it up to them as soon as possible.”

To his surprise and Queen Cveta’s, Jaga began to laugh. “Prince, Prince, Prince,” she shook her head, “what reason would the gods have to punish you?”

Arkady shook his head back. “As I said, I don’t know why. Of all days too; today should be about Vjera.”

Vjera… At her name, something dawned on him. “I know why,” he sighed, looking at his lap. “I’ve asked the gods every day for the past month if they could find Prince Ivar a different queen. But it was a selfish wish, and this is how they’re letting me know.”

“Arkady! Why would you pray for such a thing?” Queen Cveta stood tall. “This marriage will allow your sister to rule in a way she could not if she were to stay here. It isn’t right for you to use your influence over the gods in such a manner. This is a shameful thing for my successor to do.”

“I know,” Arkady answered evenly. “I see that now.” He looked up. “I could apologize for my actions, but then I will have lied to you twice in one day.”

The Queen temporarily maintained her ferocity, but her face soon softened into one of a mother. “I understand your sadness,” she said. She closed her eyes and became a queen again. “But that is the way of our world. Whatever kindnesses we offer ourselves often means we are taking something away from our people. And instead of praying for Gornoye’s continued protection and peace, you chose to ask for this. I almost find the gods’ punishment too light… but they know better than I do what is deserved.”

Arkady wanted to tell the Queen that this ‘punishment’ was, in fact, not something he would wish even on an enemy, but he was too busy dealing with said punishment to say so. The tickle was bubbling to the surface with as many empty promises as ever. “Feh,” he gasped anyway, weakly pleading with the sneeze for mercy, despite everything it had put him through today. It bothered and wheedled away, digging deeper than a feather or a breath could pry it out of, no matter how much he called to it. “Hh, heh! Heh, sheh! Ht-tz-! … … …shyew…”

It wasn’t a sneeze. Just like earlier with Vjera on the bridge, he’d made some kind of approximate noise in place of the sneeze, as if that would do him any good. Arkady tearily knuckled at his nose while Jaga and Queen Cveta exchanged glances.

“Was that… a sneeze?” the Queen finally asked.

Arkady gave a big snuffle. “No.”

“Hmmmmm,” hummed Jaga, rubbing her chin and looking as suspiciously amused as ever. After a thoughtful moment, she grinned. “Well, Prince Arkady, I suppose you’ll just have to wait it out. If the gods don’t want you to sneeze yet, it certainly isn’t going to happen.”

“Ugh.” Arkady massaged where his nose, eyes, and forehead met. “I’m not going to make for much of a host when I’m like this,” he grumbled, “but there’s not a lot of time left before Prince Ivar’s arrival. I just have to put up with it then?”

“Afraid so,” Jaga shrugged with her arms out to the sides. She then raised one hand up, swiveling her wrist to gesture somewhat lazily at the ceiling. “The gods will do as they will. But, sneezing or not, you have a job to do. It’s time we got back to readying for the entourage.”

“Right, right… Only two and a half hours to go.” Arkady stood up, going to ring the bell that would signal the attendant who helped him prepare and dress. Before he did, he called again to the Queen’s retreating back, “I’m sorry to have disappointed you.”

She stopped and did not look at him, but said back with soft reservation, “Arkady… I thought by now you understood the way of things.”

“I thought I did too,” Arkady said. “I guess I still have a lot to learn.”

The Queen did not respond to that or look at him, but she did not seem angry either. Only Jaga responded, with a sparkly-eyed look that the prince wasn’t quite sure how to decipher, before she too left the room.

__________________________________________________

Arkady did not advise trying to sneeze while someone was washing your hair. It was, unfortunately, now advice he could give based on personal experience. Wolfert was still apologizing as he brushed the deep brown strands, as sorry about his mistake as Arkady should have been for abusing his influence over the gods.

“I’m so, so sorry. I should have noticed,” Wolfert fretted for the sixth or seventh time.

“Ih-hih-hhhit’s fine-hUH! … This is g-going tooooh… k-k-keep happening, so, huh…” Arkady pinched his nose tight, massaging it in his fist. “Ugh… I may as well get used to… w-warning people about it.”

Arkady was trying to be reassuring, but now his nose itched and his sinuses felt singed. He’d had to sneeze in the middle of the bath, a possession which had hit him a hundredfold, almost as badly as when he’d had the feather in his nose. He’d had no time to warn Wolfert of the gathering urge before it had him yawning wide, nose scrunched back. And then, splash. A bucketful of water had cascaded over his soapy head, entering his lungs and making him choke and snort like a bull.

Since then, the tickle had escalated, no longer just a phantom urge. It felt like something was actually physically inside his nose, like a piece of dust or a hair, but no amount of snorting or nose blowing would resolve it. Arkady never imagined that water could cause such a response. All he knew was that it had made everything worse. Now there were no breaks from the huffing and fluttery talk. It was a feeling that constantly waxed and waned and brought him to the edge of the shore, only to drag him back out like a wicked undertow.

Everyone seemed to know about his predicament now too. No doubt his siblings had been gossiping with their attendants. Zlata, Pedja, and Svetlana each came into his bedchamber at one point, fully outfitted, to find out if he’d sneezed yet. They all lingered a bit after learning he hadn’t, too, as if wanting to be present when the dam finally burst. To them, his frantic breathing must sound as if he was very close to success, but by now Arkady knew better.

Wolfert was pinning up his hair (not the easiest task with a constantly fidgeting subject) when Vjera took her own turn in his room. “Dmitar told me you still haven’t sneezed! You poor thing!” she fretted, wringing her hands in front of her. “Are you going to be all right at dinner?”

Arkady struggled to smile, to reassure her. He could feel how very lopsided it was. “Prah… Probably not,” he managed. He rubbed his nose, which did almost nothing to help him speak. “I stih-stih-still-! Intend to b-be there-! No matter, hhhh…! Whuh-What.” He gave a hard sniffle, which caused his head to jerk, the comb to tug too hard, and the tickle to respond with absolute panic. Instantly, he was a mess of fits and starts, barely able to hear Wolfert’s “Sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry!” in the background. How was he going to make it through dinner without causing a scene? The answer was, he wasn’t. Usually Arkady would have taken absence from a formal meal under circumstances such as these, but Vjera was leaving tomorrow, and he wasn’t going to sacrifice any of the short time he had left with her.

It took a lot of pawing and nudging against a very upset nose, but Arkady finally managed to compose himself enough that he could somewhat speak again. “I-I’m going to try… not to be too obvious.” It was hard enough to say that with only a hint of a struggle. “I may not make f-f-fah, for a… a g-great host, but snf! I’ll at l-heast be… present.” At his sister’s pitying look, he hung his head and sighed, “Th-This is honestly the b… best I can do.”

“I know it is. That’s why I feel so sorry for you,” Vjera said. “It doesn’t bother me, I just feel awful is all. I don’t know why the gods would do this to you now of all times.”

Arkady wanted to explain, but it wouldn’t be right to say so in front of Wolfert. “I’m sure th… they have their-!” With a sudden, sharp inhale, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. It took a whole ten seconds for him to regain control. When he was able to see again, both Wolfert and Vjera were gazing down at him sadly. The suspense seemed to be killing everybody. Arkady could only finish lamely, “… Their reasons.”

When the Queen and all six of her progeny had been made to look their best, they began their procession to the outer courtyard with a small pack of guards in tow. It wasn’t long before Queen Cveta decided that Arkady wasn’t in the best of minds to navigate the stone steps leading down the mountain, and instructed him to meet them in the solarium for dinner instead. It was evening now, and their guests would surely want to sup as soon as they made it to the Plateau. Arkady had wanted to talk with Vjera on the way down, but he had to admit it just couldn’t be. Jaga looped her arm through his to help guide him back up the short distance he’d descended.

“How are you feeling, Prince?” she began by asking, a smile very present in her voice.

“Hehhh!” was all Arkady could manage at that particular moment.

Jaga cackled but tightened her grip on her swaying charge. “I’m glad I got a chance to chat with you privately. This may be very unorthodox of me to say, but I thought you ought to know: I don’t think Queen Cveta is correct. I stand by my original point. I think the gods are trying to protect you from something.”

Arkady brought his handkerchief up to his face. He couldn’t open his eyes or keep pace so well. “Ahhah… O-Oh-kah-kay…!”

“Are you going to sneeze?” Jaga sounded as curious as a she-cat.

Arkady shook his head rapidly, sure he looked to all the world like a person about to absolutely collapse sneezing. He had stopped hoping that the sneeze was about to come, because that only lead to discouragement. “D-Do me a favor,” he gasped after coming down from the tickle’s latest crest. “Don’t ask me if I’m about to sneeze. I’m not.”

“Very well,” Jaga said, almost soothingly, or at least it was coming from her. “It does seem to be worse than earlier, though, doesn’t it? Perhaps the moment is soon to arrive.”

“Don’t try to lift my hopes,” Arkady sighed as they approached the doors of the main palace and went inside. “And I have no idea what a sneeze could protect me from. It really f-feels… It f-fuh… It… It feels lihihi…” Arkady shut one eye tight, the other half-open, trying to talk past the tickle since it kept insisting on interrupting him. “Feels mah-more… like a… p… HA!” His enormous gasp filled the vaulted ceiling and echoed down around them. It was so spontaneously loud and poignant that for one bright moment, Arkady thought, Oh gods it really is here this time, and swung his head back to accept it. But he should have known better. It was just another fluke, set up seemingly to break his spirit.

“This is agony,” he groaned. “This whole day. It shouldn’t have been about this—” His hand gestured a circle in the air before his nose “—it should have been about saying goodbye to Vjera. I have no idea when I’ll see her again. And she needed my support, but I was too busy to offer it properly.” Arkady paused. “She doesn’t want to go, Jaga. You know that. When she came to you with the stomachache this morning, you knew that, too.” Jaga’s eyes were somewhat downcast. “And she wouldn’t open up to you either, would she? It’s all because of the way things are. The way they have to be for kings and queens and princes and princesses. You learn to keep everything inside, so that your people never have to see it, but then when do you let it go? When does Vjera let it go? It can’t keep building up forever, it can’t stay inside forever. But has it ever for her? If she won’t even tell me how she feels, who will she tell? Eventually, the truth has to come out. Doesn’t it? And maybe I could have convinced Vjera to tell me it, if I only I didn’t have this stupid…” Arkady trailed off.

The whole hall went quiet. Jaga reached out to him. “Prince–”

Arkady placed his hand on her shoulder unsteadily, breath chuffing. “Jaga, I’m going to sneeze…”

“Oh? Are you?” The witch rooted herself in place to better support him. “Isn’t that curious...”

Like a tidal wave, his sneeze seemed at last to be gathering itself for something momentous. Arkady felt blind and helpless beneath it; he was blind and helpless beneath it. His eyes were closed so tightly that a thousand tiny suns seemed to be exploding against his lids, but he couldn’t pay them any mind due to the reason his eyes were closed in the first place. Oh gods, the tickle. It was surely divine. It felt larger than him, larger than anything his body could have concocted or handled on its own, and he was at its mercy. It occurred to him, with sudden dread, that it was too much for him to handle, that, though it seemed to lick every sensitive part of his sinuses at once with fiery tongues, a sneeze could not possibly be born from such overpowering stimulation. His lungs pushed his chest out to its farthest as they took in every bit of air they could hold. He couldn’t move. He was absolutely frozen with the desire to sneeze.

Seconds ticked by, ten aching, unreal seconds of miserable itching. And at the end of it, still Arkady didn’t sneeze.

He wasn’t going to sneeze. Not yet. It was as if the gods were saying, Trust us. We know what we’re doing.

Arkady gasped as his lungs seemed to remember how to work. His eyes popped open wide, his senses returning to him. He turned slowly to look down at Jaga; her eyes were wide too. He realized then how much he must have been relying on her to keep on his feet. He swallowed, wrinkled his nose, and then wrinkled it even more when he realized just how badly his nostrils wanted a good rub for all their trouble.

Jaga didn’t chuckle at this display. “This is serious,” she said quietly. He had never heard her so sobered.

Arkady smudged the heel of his hand under his nose vigorously. “I think you’re right, but I also can’t imagine how or why it could be serious.”

“Allow me to join you at dinner tonight,” Jaga went on as if she didn’t hear him. “The moment you sneeze is going to be meaningful, I can tell. I should be with you when it happens, so I can assess what caused it.”

“Gods, I hope it happens at dinner,” Arkady had just finished saying when the doors to the main hall opened, and in poured the Derevo entourage.

The man that Vjera was arm-in-arm with must have been Prince Ivar. He was tall and handsome and brown-haired and his eyes were large, inviting. He was laughing and smiling down at Arkady’s sister warmly. He wore a green coat covered in black and gold embroidery, and there was a sash around his waist that held a sheathed knife to his middle. Vjera smiled at her betrothed too. They were still twenty feet away, so Arkady couldn’t be sure, but he hoped the grin on her face was a genuine one.

Jaga released Arkady so that he could bow and kneel before their guest. “Prince Ivar, w-welcome. I hope your travels went well. I am sorry that I was unable to, hh… meet you at the entrance.”

“Stand, please! I’m not used to these formalities from other royals, and I understand you are feeling under the weather.” Prince Ivar’s voice was like a newly-minted coin. “Where I come from, it is the servants and guardsmen who bow when royalty passes them by.”

Upon hearing that, Jaga, a bit confused but wanting to show a good impression, sunk down on one knee.

Arkady stood then, deciding too it was best not to say anything, but secretly wondering If he is my family’s guest, why would Jaga bow to him?

He shook the other prince’s hand, but immediately after felt his face begin to quirk in the same way it had all day. Vjera swiftly took the attention off her brother. “You and your entourage must be hungry after your travels. Why don’t we have your belongings delivered to your lodgings while we have dinner?”

Prince Ivar responded with approval, but Arkady could scarcely pay attention to his words, because his nose was going absolutely wild, and Jaga was once again tasked to keep him from toppling over.

“Hh-! Hh-ha! Jahh, Jagahh… HEH! Do yah, you h-h-have… Hhhh… A k-kerchief I could… Hhhh…” His nose was running in some far-back place, and it was hindering far more than it was helping.

“Easy, easy,” she said, as his breathing returned to some approximation of control, and handed him the cloth. Arkady blew into it. It helped a bit, but not at all to the degree he would have liked. “Prince, do I have your permission to join you in the solarium? I won’t take a place at the table. I merely want to observe.”

Arkady nodded with his eyes closed. His voice would not be reliable until he got the sneeze out—whenever that would be. As he continued to touch at his nose, Jaga guided him forward.

The dining table was long enough to host thirty people at once, which was useful considering the size of Prince Ivar’s party. Ivar sat directly opposite Queen Cveta, at the other end of the table, with Vjera to his left to keep him company. Arkady was torn, wanting to sit to Prince Ivar’s right in order to get to know him better, but also not wanting to spend formalities dithering with this sneeze. Seeing as he was already dithering with a sneeze, though, Jaga was in charge of directing him and decided he should sit with his mother and two youngest siblings at their end. He supposed it was for the best that Prince Ivar didn’t have to hear him wheezing. It worked out well for Zlata and Pedja, anyway, who were significantly more interested in witnessing their brother’s sneeze than making heads or tails of adult small talk.

“You still didn’t sneeze, right? I didn’t miss it?” Zlata asked in an excited whisper as her eldest brother sat next to her.

“Your deepest and most sincere condolences are more appreciated than you will ever know,” Arkady said.

Zlata looked away quickly and looked back. “Wellll… you didn’t, right?”

As another exhale stuttered out of him, Arkady gave her watery look that hopefully said, Gee, do you think?

Jaga was standing against the wall behind him, arms folded politely behind her back. He could feel her eyes on him too. How badly everyone wanted to be there for the eventual arrival of this sneeze. How badly they must think that, with each poignant, biting gasp, he was about to succumb to this almighty irritation. Arkady no longer let himself believe the torment was about to end. If he did, he would break his own spirit a hundred times over. He did, however, begin to accept its presence. Whether there to help or hinder, it was the doing of the gods that he feel this way. He would just have to trust their judgment.

It wasn’t until the fish dumpling soup was brought out that Arkady recognized just how hungry he was. He realized, too, how tricky the task of eating becomes when needing to sneeze as badly as he did. Even if he didn’t believe the sneeze was really coming yet, it felt dangerous to have a hot mouthful of broth when his body so vehemently wanted him to be working out this tickle. He shook his head against it and grimaced long enough that some of the guests were starting to notice one of their hosts was pulling the strangest faces imaginable, duck his chin though he might.

“Are you all right, Prince Arkady?” called the voice of a stranger.

Arkady could only wave in the direction of the speaker. He put his napkin around his face to hide his latest grimace. This was embarrassing…

“He’s all right, he just can’t sneeze,” Arkady heard Zlata explain in his stead. He looked at her weakly out of his peripherals. He didn’t feel all right: he felt like he wanted to fall asleep and wake up completely sneezeless.

“Hmm. That sounds like Ilari’s doing,” came another response from the Derevo entourage.

“Huh-!” Arkady couldn’t help gasping audibly, earning some chuckles from around the room.

“I’m sorry for you, friend,” Prince Ivar called next. “I want to say ‘Ilari is with you’ but it seems more likely that he’s somewhere else entirely.”

More laughter. Arkady tried to laugh too, which wasn’t the most difficult when his breathing already sounded a bit like that. A smile was hard to hold though, and he found himself tucking back into his napkin for whatever privacy he could salvage.

The voice that came next was sterner. “Prince Ivar is right. Ilari is not with this young man anymore. He must have done something to deserve punishment.”

That comment seemed to make the air a bit cold. Prince Ivar was the one to restore the happy atmosphere. “Says the old bat who skipped prayer this morning to catch a few extra winks! Cheer up, Sacha, have more wine. Which reminds me—I brought plenty of wine from our vineyards, too. They say there’s no other like it in all Vyshtopa, after all. Sacha, why don’t you go fetch it? I’m sure one of the guards would be happy to direct you to where they’re keeping our carts.”

Sacha was quiet for a moment. Then he stood carefully to his feet. “… Certainly. Apologies for my outburst, Queen Cveta.”

Arkady wasn’t sure how his mother handled the situation, because he was then overcome by a tickle of such proportions that none in the solarium could ignore his desperate, “Hh-huhhuh, htz, hdT-! HEHT-! … … … shiew…”

At that noise, all dialogue paused, until Prince Ivar had to ask, “Was that… a sneeze?”

“No,��� Arkady choked out, and the air was full of collective groans of sympathy or mild laughter. Arkady mopped at his eyes with his napkin. He didn’t really like being the center of attention over anything, let alone this, and tried to focus on why he was even forcing himself to be at dinner in the first place. He glanced over at Vjera to see her conversing with her future husband. She caught his eye a moment later, looked at him with mild worry. Arkady wanted to smile, to assuage her, but a newly budding sneeze was already turning his mouth into a deep, harsh frown. He blew his nose and tried not to think about how much he wanted to leave. Building up to a sneeze this much was starting to tire him out…

“There we are! Thank you, Sacha.” Next thing he knew, the wine had been delivered, Prince Ivar himself pouring the dark liquid. “The first glass should go to Prince Arkady, I do believe. It’s strong stuff. It might just knock that wicked sneeze out of you!”

That was a nice idea. Arkady had his doubts it would be the case. Still, he gratefully accepted the beverage when it was delivered to him, wanting very much to show his guests that he was made for more than entertainment.

The wine was like liquid velvet. Its color was akin to the darkest blood. Asking his nose to quiet down and behave for just a moment, Arkady brought his lips to the rim of the glass…

Immediately, like a live thing, the tickle fought him.

It was like a hornet’s nest crashing to the earth and the entire swarm billowing up at once. That was the only way to describe the way in which the sneeze was now treating him. His head jerked away from the glass instinctively, snatching a huge breath through his nose. There was nothing coy about this feeling. It wasn’t the dipping, darting butterfly of a sneeze that had been flitting about his sinuses all day, but a dagger, poised to strike. A dagger hovering right over his heart. But a dagger was harmless until it pierced flesh…

Arkady opened his eyes, his vision swirling with tears. The wine could have been blood. Could it be a dagger?

Again he brought his lips to the glass. His nose touched the opposite rim.

And that’s when he knew he was going to sneeze.

The lessons of a prince were deeply ingrained. On any normal day, Arkady would have stopped this sneeze by rubbing his tongue against his front teeth until its tang lessened. Even if it were strong, he would have fought it off with all his might, because that was what you did when you were royalty. But that didn’t matter anymore. There was no way Arkady was going to let it get away from him now. All day, he had been putting up with this. All day, he had begged and pleaded for something to happen. If his body was really allowing this long-awaited event to happen, no force in the world could hold him back. This sneeze might as well be the strongest force in the world.

And suddenly, in Arkady’s mind, there was no world. There was only the sneeze.

“Hhh!”

It was right there.

“Hah-!”

It was right there.

“HhhHA-AH!”

It was right there, right on the edge, bristling like a mad thing-

“KUH-HUHHT! HAAAHH-AA! … … … AAAATTSSCCCHHHIIIUUU!!”

And then, it was out. At last, it was out.

Oh, sweet relief.

One would not be enough. As soon as the first was free, its entourage came right after, bringing with them just as much relief as their prince. “AHHHht’SHAO! K’SHOO! Huh-SHKSH! K’SH-! SHOO! H’ehshESH! K’kehsh! H’ehsh…! … SHOO!”

Ten would not be enough. Each sneeze was like a balm to the raw insides his nose had become. Never had he known such a persistent itch, and finally it was being scratched, scratched, scratched, from the back to the front with sneezes like raking fingers. “AhppSHOO! Hh-huSHOO! -shIEW! Ekk-shoo!ksh’ksh’ksh-SHOO! EPSH! H’hek’SHH! Ah’KSH! Hh! Hut-TCHOO! Hyet-! … tsCHOO! A’chshoo! Snf! Huh! H’kt’tschoo! K’TSCHOO! K-K’SCH! K-k-Keh!HETCH! Ah..! AHPSH! H’psh! Kuh-huh! H’ktshoo-h-hh’tsh!TSH!TSH!”

Thirty would not be enough. Arkady was more than happy to let his senses take over and, sneeze after sneeze, loosen the shackles of his misery. At some point, he had remembered his napkin (or maybe someone had pressed it into his hands—he was completely oblivious to the rest of the world now) and sneezing into that felt even better. He buried his nose into the folds, and it ached wonderfully. “Hehh… Hehhh… Phew…” This time the sneezes weren’t sticking so much as they were giving him a chance to breathe. His nose wouldn’t keep him from reprieve for longer than it needed to. “Heh’et-SHAhh! Het’sha! Het-t-t-SHOO! Kuh’hehSHOO! HehSHOO! H’shoo! H’sh, h’sh, h’sh, h’sh, huh-! hhhH! HUT-SHHHKKSH! SH’KSH! Hef’SHAH! Nnnn’SHEH! Neh’sheh! NnnnSHEH! Hehchh! HehhCHhuh! H-hHeh! Shhhehtch-tch-tch-tch-tch!TCHOO!”

Fifty would not be enough. His nose would not be satisfied until it had thoroughly banished this itch forever. They kept coming, one after another after another after another, feeling so necessary yet indulgent all at once. He gave into them completely, even as he started losing steam. “Shoo! K’shoo! Heh… hehh… hehtnnNn-!…SHOO! Huh-shoo! Huhsh-shoo…! Huhhsh…. Shhoo… Shoo, sh-sh-shoo… Snf! K’shh’nghshh… Huh… Snf… Heh! Snf, snf! Shhuhhuh… Shhuhhehuh…! Hehhhuhhhuhhhh…!”

There was one more floaty bit of something ever-so-carefully teasing him at the very back of his nose. Arkady snuffled against it, trying to spark a reaction. It was only a little one… Surely he could muster one more little one… Then he could be done with this itch for good. Sleepily pleading with his nose to grant him a final sneeze, just one small snortish huff to bluster out that last bit of tickling, that floaty feeling seemed to fluff up and fill the whole of his head with an absolutely merciless itch.

Without meaning to, without feeling any sort of control over himself, Arkady rocked on his chair’s hind legs, threw back his head, and crowed out a very finalizing, “AhhHHHH! Ha-AH!…HET’HAHT-KSHAHHH!”

And then dizzily, drowsily, Arkady’s shoulders drooped, and he sighed a long sigh. His nose was finally, finally at peace. Tired, running a bit, and even a little sore, but at peace.

He must have sneezed for about ten minutes. During the entire hypnotic event, Arkady had heard nothing but his own voice, and now that it was absent, it donned on him just how… oddly the voices around him were pitched. It sounded like arguing. How peculiar… now that his brain was coming back to him, Arkady realized that laughter or silence was a more explicable response. Just what was going on?

He opened his eyes. Desperate tears immediately spilled out, and he had to wipe them on the unused part of his napkin for quite a bit. Once that was finished, Arkady got his first good look of the dining room…

… A majority of which was obscured by a bevy of royal guards, swords drawn and poised in a semicircle around his chair.

Arkady turned side to side rapidly. Queen Cveta was gone from her place at the the table, and so was Pedja, who had been sitting across from him. To his left began the guards, and directly behind him was Jaga, a hand on his chair, smiling wanly down at him.

“Well, well. Seems Ilari is with you after all. Feeling better, Prince Arkady?” she asked, in a taut voice barely hinted with her patented humor.

Arkady still had the napkin around his nose. “Um,” he said from behind it, “what’s going on?”

Jaga gave a single bitter laugh. “The tea never lies,” she said. “Something important did happen today, Prince, and it wasn’t your sister’s betrothal. There was an attempt on your life.”

That was the last thing he had expected. Arkady’s eyes widened. “Wait… Then Mother… Pedja—”

“Are fine,” Jaga filled in quickly. “And so are you, thanks to the gods.” She held up a wine glass, which Arkady realized had been his own. “This,” she said, “is poisoned. I took it from you as soon as you started sneezing. You’re only alive because you couldn’t drink it.” She studied the red liquid. “You’re only alive,” she said distantly, “because the gods willed it so.”

__________________________________________________

An entire week passed before Vjera saw her brother again. Queen Cveta had ordered that he spend that entire time praying: three days fasting, the following four without, but no visitors to interrupt. Vjera and the rest of her family were required to pray too, but not as intensely. Arkady was, according to their mother, currently in the gods’ highest favor, and therefore it was especially necessary that he thank them profusely for his life and ask that Gornoye find a way to reach peace with Derevo.

Queen Cveta left the prayers to her children; she had always been more engaged in the political side of her job, though technically the guard was meant to be in charge of such decisions. Vjera spent her days trying to find out what she could about Prince Ivar: if he had orchestrated the attack on her brother, or if only that angry fellow Sacha had been behind it. Either way, the betrothal was off. Vjera couldn’t say that part exactly disappointed her.

The poison in the wine Arkady had almost drank was slow-acting and difficult to detect. Jaga would not have suspected poison at all, if the sneezing hadn’t alerted her to trouble. It was only after Jaga voiced her suspicions that Queen Cveta asked Sacha to drink; and when he refused, everything had seemed to erupt. Jaga had been working most of the week to even determine what Sacha had used as a toxin. Vjera wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the ways in which the poison would have hurt Arkady. The thought of how close her brother had been to death made her heart pound enough as it was.

At the end of his week of prayers, Vjera was there to greet Arkady outside his bedroom. It was early, and the sky was pink. When he saw her, he looked relieved; for both of them, it seemed seeing was believing, and it was nice to finally have proof the other was all right. They embraced, and then immediately began talking as they walked down the verandah steps.

“You weren’t hurt, were you? You were so close to Ivar. He didn’t try anything, did he?”

“Me? Nothing happened to me; it’s you who was threatened.”

“I don’t really feel like I was,” Arkady admitted. His face looked thinner from the three-day fast. “I suppose that still hasn’t really sunk in. I thanked the gods over and over, but I’m not sure how sincere I sounded. I don’t even know what would have happened if they hadn’t intervened.”

“You would have died,” Vjera said. “And maybe we would have never known why.”

“Then you would have been the heir apparent, and Prince Ivar would have had a good reason to merge the kingdoms,” Arkady said, as if he were reciting it. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot these days.”

“I’ve been thinking about that too much these days,” Vjera sighed. “We may go to war with Derevo over this. For a moment, I want to stop worrying and just be grateful you’re alive…” Her voice broke off at the end.

Arkady paused, put a hand on her shoulder. “I haven’t gone anywhere, Vjera. And neither have you. We have our family. We’re going to be all right.”

She leaned into his hug again, but it was cut short when she felt him try to pull away only seconds later. There was something curiously familiar about the action… and sure enough, when Arkady was far enough away to see his face clearly, his expression was a snarled mask not unlike the one he’d modeled only seven days ago.

“Hhuhhh… hhehhthh…”

He wavered there, his head bobbing once, twice, before snapping down with a modest, “Hef’SHOO!”

Once it was out, his shoulders drooped considerably, and he rubbed a hand across his face. “Oh, thank goodness… For a second, I was worried all that was about to start up again…”

Vjera couldn’t help laughing a bit. “Even after it saved your life?”

“Hey,” Arkady defended with a smirk, “if you knew what it felt like, you wouldn’t want it to happen again either.”

Vjera shook her head. They kept walking. “How did it feel to finally sneeze after all that time, anyway?” she asked, needing a little levity.

Arkady winced, frowning. It was as if he were reliving the ordeal. “It felt like I had been tied in a knot all day and I’d finally been loosened. Or like there had been something unbalanced inside of me and it was balancing again. It wasn’t exactly a good feeling… but it also felt absolutely amazing… Am I making any sense?”

Vjera raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying it was worth the wait?”

Arkady snorted a laugh. “It had to be worth the wait,” he said, “because if it hadn’t been, I would have just gone and downed that whole glass of wine.”

[kirathehyrulian]

🎅2019 SPN J2 XMAS GIFT EXCHANGE🎅

🎁Gift for Themegalosaurs🎁

(Please do not repost or alter. At the very least, please give me credit.) |LJ community: spnj2xmas |Giftee: @themegalosaurus | LJ Post

​Gifter: kirathehyrulian Title: Don’t Play With Your Food Rating: G Pairings: Gen Warnings: None

Summary: Witch!Sam isn’t playing with his food, honest.

For more art from me please check out my “myart” tag here on Tumblr. 👇 (Bonus Doodle and Artist Notes down below) 👇

Artist Notes:

I’m still new to it myself, but for those that don’t know what this fandom activity is, it’s a gift exchange where instead of buying gifts you use your artistic skills to create a work based on one or more of the five prompts while keeping in mind the wants and dnw’s of the giftee. Your chosen giftee is handpicked by the mods based on your can do’s and can not do’s that you listed on your sign-up sheet. It’s a great way to encourage creativity and community in the fandom.

I signed up as a pinch-hitter. This means that in the unfortunate event someone has to drop out, I will be asked to fill in for them. I won’t participate in the main exchange, but I will be able to ensure someone will get their gift for this event. Which is a role I feel more comfortable with.

Anyways, I was asked a few days ago to fill in. I said yes and got started right away. I wanted to make it for the pitch hitter deadline, so the past few days were dedicated to this. Lol, I told the community rep that I was busy with two other projects and I couldn’t make anything complicated. But, that went out the window when I got crackin.

It’s like artist masochism or something. First, it was just going to be a simple drawing of Sam, then I wanted to add the fox, then I wanted to add a background and foreground, then shading, till finally, I decided to add color. x_x  I guess I was just wanted to make a good gift worth gifting. I’m happy with how it turned out, so I think I did so, but that is truly up to the giftee to decide.

I took a literal approach to the prompt list instead of the metaphorical one that was probably supposed to be intended. I know that the giftee likes Sam and the prompt said hocus pocus. So, witch!Sam. The prompts mentioned a heart, robin eggs, hearing, a skeleton in a closet, nothing wasted, nature, and young.

So, we get recycled food, drying herbs, young witch Sam, a skeleton in a closet, a nest with robin eggs, ears and a heart in jars. Also, the likes listed cracky subjects and Sam’s hobbies. So, we get Sam experimenting with raising zombie food, keeping a bunch of books like the bibliophile he is, and drying herbs.

Sam’s known for his relationship with yellow eyes, but I’ve always thought that if Sam had a natural power/aura it would always look orange or copper. Plus, Jared has fox eyes, so instead of the typical dog, wolf, or cat familiar I gave Sam a cuddly fox instead. Lastly, I don’t really like using the child actors as references when I draw young Sam or Dean. So, I was trying to use the very few child pics of Jared I found to make a young!Sam.

Now the bonus for those that made it this far:

Witch!Sam isn’t playing with his food, honest. He was playing with Dean’s. Haha.

I really love the cute zombie food. That tomato eating the peach.^u^ The half eaten hamburger is also a fav.The grumpy banana peel is upset that he doesn’t have his banana no more. The freshly risen bread had a good sleep and is ready to feast on the flesh of his brethren. And poor orange didn’t get reanimated right so he’s a little sick.

Enjoy, if you can!♥♥♥

Musical Inspiration (Things that I listened to this time to get in the mood to draw, but not meant as an accompaniment to the fic):

I didn't listen to anything specifically for this work, but I did frequently listen to Billie Eilish- Lovely, Billie Eilish- Bury a Friend, Aquilo- Silhouette, Billie Eilish- Everything I Wanted

[lost-in-the-spectrum]

How did I get my diagnosis for the Asperger-Synrome?

Hello Folks,

I hope you are doing well and hopefully this post will help some people out there with… whatever they need help in.

Today I’d like to tell you the story of how I actually got to my Asperger diagnosis: How did I know that there could be smth like that? How was the assessment? This post could help some people with getting prepared for an assessment like that, it could also help with even figuring out how to get to an assessment like that tho. All things which I am describing and writing in that post is only about me. These are experiences which I made and that doesn’t mean that you’re about to make the same experiences at all. Never mind if bad or good experiences ... don’t let this story unsettle you!

So... Everything started with meeting dad’s girlfriend for the first time. It was after a long search for a place to stay at. I was forced to be homeless for, I guess 6 months – luckily not longer – because me and my sister didn’t come along very well and my mother died 2013 which took my only home away from me. I also had a weird relationship to my other relatives which is the reason why I absolutely couldn’t imagine to live with them. And in addition, I couldn’t expect from the few friends I had that time that they take me to their homes and try to, you know... support me with food and all that stuff. They all had their own problems and at the same time they all haven’t had money either, especially not for a second person to feed.

So I had no other choice. My dad picked me up at my sister’s house and we both drove all the long way to Berlin, where he lived with his girlfriend. The story between us three is very difficult and private. Let’s say it at this way: Living with my mum became kinda impossible for my dad which is why he has chosen an other woman he could imagine to live with. Yes, I know, first I was furious about that decision too but after talking with my dad I could understand his point. Just to make that point clear that there is no reason to dislike him for the choices he had to make, also for himself. Anyway his girlfriend was a hard thing for me. I didn’t want to have an other woman except my mum by dad’s side and in general I was always scared of meeting her because I have never met her in my life before... and she has been in dad’s life since I was about five years old. So when we arrived at their apartment and ringed she opened the door for us. First of all: She didn’t look like I have imagined. I saw few photos of her somewhere as a kid – and thought she’d be only a good friend of dad... I was naive – and on these photos, I think, she looked a bit different. I was a little surprised, she too. But not because she didn’t know that I am coming – she did know – later she told me that she was stunned by my beauty and she was honest and serious about that thought she had. She also told me that she was scared too to meet me for the first time. She actually expected me to hate her by first sight because she knows what kind of role she’s playing in my life. I was nervous of meeting her for the first time but I’d never have been mean to her, never mind what kind of role or position she is having in my life.

We spent some time together, not only to get to know her better but also because I kinda liked her, at least for the first moments we had together. We talked a lot and went up to the bakery to bring some bread for the morning. We have done that together for many times so that I could see where to go and one morning she told me to bring the bread. So I did, I mean, we have walked that way for three times! I should know where the place is. Well, I didn't.

I walked the way I remembered but suddenly the streets and surrounding looked a little different to me. Or no, they didn't. It was the same as before but I couldn't find the way we both walked together. My “inner navigation” was so bad all of sudden, I didn't even know that it apparently was. So I went to the wrong bakery where the bread we always used to buy was a little more expensive. I was so overdone with that that I didn't care. I bought 5 breads for us, two for dad, two for her and only one for me. We all used to have two breads for the morning but I couldn't afford the second one for me. When I came back I told her my issue and explained that I didn't know where to go so I bought the bread in that bakery where I was. I was disappointed and upset and I didn't hide it. I never really do. She was understanding or at least not angry at all, she just said that we can go the way again or she tries to explain me the way. In the next times I found the right bakery but I seriously needed a self drawn map to find it … even though we have been walking there for three times.

Then one evening, she made some dinner- stuffed paprika with beef and rice and a really nice tomato sauce – and we started talking again about the issue I had. She started telling me that she thinks I could have a kind of disorder which I should already have had since the age of at least five.* She asked me then: 'Have you ever heard of the Asperger-Syndrome?” I of course said that I've never heard about that and asked what it is supposed to be. 'It is Autism or at least one of the many sorts of in the spectrum.' First I thought she's kidding me and in fact annoyed that I have got so many issues with things so that she called me like that or seriously thinks I should be autistic because I seem to be unable to do things. I thought she was offending me because all I knew about these people to that time is that they have a special or even strange behaviour. Also I mixed all these people up and have put them in one box because that is all I heard about them. I didn't know better. Then before I could ask if she's serious she already started telling me why she thinks like that: The way I talk, the fact that I never or barely looked in her eyes while we talked, the fact that I had that issue with finding the way which is actually a simple one – yes, it was... - and my talent and passion for drawing comics and illustrations in a really little time and almost totally perfectly. In addition the things my dad told her, how I was as a little kid and that I had problems to find the one or other friend at school as I never wanted to play with other kids in the kindergarten... she told me that all these things are very familiar to her. She is French-, English-, and German teacher and at the same time she worked half time in the school psychology to test children if they are gifted or having special problems with certain exercises and subjects. She has met many children there and some of them where autistic and behaved almost exactly like me. She also told me what's typical for that syndrome and the more she told me the more I recognized myself in her description. I was surprised and confused, nobody has ever told me about that before, no one ever mentioned that I could have it. I was only the antisocial, bad behaving kid – fun fact: bad behaving because I didn't always say thank you to someone – and many people didn't like me for that. She told me that we could make an online testing first before we start to maybe contact someone who's an expert in it. I agreed, what could go wrong? And I really wanted to know.

So, we made the online test which includes some general questions about my behaviour and “attitude” and the result told us: there is a high possibility for me to have the Asperger-Syndrome. It wasn't to 100% sure that I have it but it was a reason to contact that one person who's an expert in it and who could tell if I have. So dad's girlfriend contacted him and made an appointment. Unfortunately I was meant to wait over a year to get an appointment there and to finally figure out what's wrong with me. We didn't want to wait so we paid... and then we had an appointment just one week later.

We drove to Potsdam near Berlin where the person lived. We met him at his house – yes, where he lived and had his private life – and introduced ourselves, told him that we made this appointment with him because we think I could have the Asperger-Syndrome. And then he started to test me in different tasks. First of all I had to answer some several questions on a piece of paper. How do I feel in certain situations, what are my interests and hobbies, in which things I am absolutely not interested in even though these things are normally interesting to people at my age. I also had to watch pictures of human eyes to tell if these are happy, sad, angry or else. Then he asked my father about my childhood and if there was any special behaviour those days. Dad told what the matter was: I haven't had many friends, spent a lot of time alone in my room drawing comics for almost 2 hours because without that I got nervous and also aggressive. I needed this to feel comfortable. I had a strong imagination and fantasy, could create adventurous stories in a short time and when I was little – about 5 years old – I walked around with a little piece of paper or a small straw of wheat and talked to it or had conversations with it. Sometimes I even created conversations between two personalities, some kind of role play and all in my mind. People kept saying that this isn't a point because little kids mostly have a huge imagination in playing but the way I imagined was special and maybe a little odd. He also mentioned that on some days at my age 'now' – so eighteen those days – I've been sitting at the computer for about three hours – on some days less or even more – playing The Sims 3 creating crazy characters and building crazy houses. The way my dad told him seemed worried and I had such a feeling that my dad tried to convince that man to tell me that this isn't normal and I should stop that. But the man didn't say anything about it. He just wrote it down for the results if I've got the syndrome or not. The  assessment was made of talking and answering to questions on a paper including some “riddles” I had to solute. And at the end of it – after six hours including a little break in between – the man told us that he'll check my answers out. He wasn't sure if I really got it but he could tell that he thinks I may got an attention disorder which prevents me to be focused all the time and which makes me easy to get distracted. And so we left the place and got prepared to wait for the results... until today.

Yes, you read correctly: I haven't got the results by that man until today and the appointment at his place was already about six years ago. Getting a diagnosis never lasts that long so we've tried to contact this man for many times. Not only my dad and his girlfriend but also doctors and psychologists later. Never got an answer and never got the diagnosis if there even was one.

Before this the relationship between me and dad's girlfriend got worse and dad and her began to argue really often. I didn't know if this happened more often than I realized and if they already argued before I came around but I felt kinda uneasy and even a little guilty for that. I also have an insecure personality disorder which makes me often and easily think to be guilty in many things even though it's not the truth. The arguing lasted pretty long and I realized it was probably because of me just like I thought. One time I passed their bed room and just by accident I listened and heard what she said about me. She said since I've been there they argue really often and that I might be the reason for it. I felt very bad for it and that situation got worse.

Later my dad apparently decided to leave with me. He planned to live at his brother's place with me as long as we try to figure out what to do next. The late afternoon before we left, dad's girlfriend sat at the table in the kitchen and she was sad, crying of course. I joined her and before I could ask what the matter is – I mean I knew it but yet I wanted to ask – she just looked into my eyes, furious, sad, disappointed, that's what I could tell because there wasn't anything to misunderstand in that look... she told me again, that dad is gonna leave her for me and I just replied that I am sorry for that, feeling guilty and that I never meant to make that happen.

She just said: 'Well I can't take that feeling of guilt away from you. And I don't want to. If I have to suffer, you should suffer too.'

Those words were very hard. They hurt me and made me feel like a huge mistake. I started thinking many thinks because... I wasn't just depressive. I was suicidal. And that feeling got stronger after hearing this. My dad gave me my suitcase and took his own one. We went downstairs and put them into the car. Then we left.

Some time ago I got a kind of 'legal guardian ', a very nice woman who took care of formal things and who also took a look on my money on my bank account. Her job was it to support me with all these things in life. My dad told her about the disaster we were in and that it's an emergency. So the woman did her best and found a place for me to stay at: A 'social psychological' commune for young people with depressions and other conditions – like me. This commune was in Kiel. My dad and I drove to that place for an introducing meeting to get to know the commune. It was a very nice place, the house was kind of 'JugendStil', so pretty vintage but also modern in either way. The educators there and also the Chef of the commune, a woman at the age of about 35 I guess, were totally nice to me. They noticed the emergency and understood why it was so important to me to finally get help. They met me as a very skinny, depressive person who was tired of life and being. I moved there and had finally the chance to be able to build up an own life.

Living in this commune I also found a psychologist there where I mentioned my Asperger-Syndrome which people think I could have. She started to contact the man in Potsdam too, even twice, as did my 'legal guardian '. No success, no answer, neither to the phone nor to the mail address. But it was certain that we need this diagnosis to maybe find the right therapy for me. So my psychologist contacted an other woman who is also making  assessments   like that. She came around one day and met me, started the assessment. But this  assessment was different. This time my dad wasn't there to tell how I was a child. I repeated the things he told the man in Potsdam and answered to some questions the woman asked me. About my attitude, behaviour and so on. Actually the same but without testing sheets. At the same time she had a white board next to her and explained me what the Asperger-Syndrome actually is, how differently 'our' brain works in contrast to people without the syndrome. That was pretty interesting and something the man in Potsdam didn't do. I got tested in it and at the same time  I learned what it actually is. I also gave permission to be filmed while she's testing me. I still have the video here and it's so weird to see how I looked those days. Much more different than now.

At the end of it all she told me: 'Well, you indeed got it. There is no doubt.' I was happy but confused at the same time. How is it possible that a person who is known for  assessments  like that wasn't sure about my syndrome but this woman who got the same knowledge has no doubts that I'm having it?

I then finally got my diagnosis that day and to be honest: I had a feeling that my life would turn into a better and more confident one because I finally knew who I am.

So Folks, that's my story how I got the diagnosis. It's a pretty long text but I needed to tell you everything what happened to finally get the explanation of who and what I am. You see, the way to this diagnosis can be very long and complicated. The man hasn't given me my diagnosis yet until today, there for I got it from an other person at the same day where I got tested and it was obviously clear that I have it.

Maybe you're prepared now if you should ever want to get tested and as I've already said: This is only my story. It could be that you'll get an appointment much quicker than me and that you get your diagnosis just some days or weeks later – not like with that man who has never given me this until today – maybe you also get the result on the same day as I got from that woman. Just be sure and think about these things before you try to get an appointment: Do you really need it because you want to know what's wrong with you? Because you need special help which you can only get if you have that diagnosis? Would it help you or others to understand you? Or do you actually have no issues with it so that it doesn't matter? Think about these questions before you go on a probably exhausting journey as me, prepare yourself and listen to what your heart needs. My heart needed an explanation for my personality to realize that it's not because of me people got problems with my personality. It's because of them because they have never taken the time to figure out what kind of person I am.

Just saying: There are many people who love the way I am. I seem to be a cool person, not as crap as some idiots tried to make me think.

Have a good day, friends! See you later!

[is-it-madness]

My Glorious Purpose | Loki x OC Chapter 3

A/N: Hi guys! I’m so sorry I haven’t posted chapter three until now. This whole quarantine thing is really messing with me, I’ve been stressing a tad bit because my mom works at a hospital and the cases keep getting worse. So please, everyone, please be careful and stay safe. This really isn’t a joke. Anywho, here is the long overdue, chapter three.💜

Pairing: Loki x OC  (Tera Digitalis)

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: None in this chapter :)

Chapter 3: Escape

(Loki’s POV)

I must admit, I’m surprised by the way Agent Romanoff was able to get me to reveal my plan to her. She was intelligent. For a mortal. And yet she had decided to leave a child to guard my cell. The mere thought of it brought a smile to my face. I would easily manipulate her to join me. I did not need my scepter for this. My silver tongue would suffice. I saw the worry on her face when Agent Romanoff told her to stay here and watch me, but now her back was turned. I began to listen to her thoughts, curious as to what she thought about being left alone with me.

Okay. I hear her tell herself. I can do this, it’s just standing guard. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s literally just standing. A pause before, Please don’t let him talk to me!

I smile. 

“Don’t you know that it is rude to have your back facing another?” I tell her.

I begin to listen again when she doesn’t turn.

Don’t you know it’s rude to try and take over planets? Or were you not taught that in your etiquette class?

I laugh, she is quite amusing. And stubborn.

 “No, I do not believe I was ever taught that.”

Dammit, Tera! You know he can read minds!

“Is that your name?” I ask her, curious, her back was still towards me. Hmm. She knew I was reading her thoughts. Interesting. 

 “I wish to converse with you face-to-face Tera, like civilized people.” I’m beginning to become frustrated.

Okay just don’t think about anything! He can’t read my mind if I’m not thinking anything, she tells herself.

I laugh again. “Please.” I tell her, “ I can do much more than hear your thoughts mortal girl. I can dive into your subconscious, I have the ability to learn your greatest fears and deepest secrets. And I will do so if you do not face me!”

She sighs in defeat. She turns around slowly to face me, but she refuses to look at me. Her eyes wander everywhere else, but she refuses to meet my gaze. 

“Look at me.”

“Or what?”

“Hmm. I think I will kill you myself when the Chitauri invade.”

She snaps her head up to me. I can see the fear in her eyes.

“That’s better,” I say with a smile. Finally, someone who knows when they are threatened.

I return to sit on the uncomfortable bench. I gesture for her to sit as well. I may be attempting to take over the Earth, but I am still a gentleman. Mother would be disappointed with me if I kept a lady standing. Even if she is a Midgardian.

“I prefer to stand,” she says coldly.

I smile and bow my head. “You wish to remain standing to keep your guard up, yes? I will respect this decision child.”

I noticed she clenches her fists when I call her a child.

This will be fun. I smirk.

“Since Agent Romanoff has completed her interrogation with me, perhaps I can ask you some questions.”

She frowns. “You aren’t going to be getting any answers from me.”

I chuckle. “No, no. You misunderstand. I simply want to ask about you.”

She looks at me, shocked. “Me?” 

“Yes, you. You may answer my questions to the best of your ability, and if you choose not to answer, I will respect that decision.”

“What’s going to stop you from reading my mind?” she asks, on edge, looking as if I might pounce on her.

“I admire your skepticism mortal, but fear not. You have my word that I will not make any attempt to read your thoughts.”

“Okay,” she says quietly. “ Can I think about it for a sec?”

“By all means.”

She begins to pace, and I watch her. 

Wanting to earn her trust, I restrain myself from hearing what she is debating. After several minutes she turns to face me. 

“Have you made up your mind?” I ask her.

“Yes. You can ask me some questions, but remember, I don’t have to answer if I don’t want to and you can’t read my mind. Agreed?”

I nod. It was good thinking on her part to lay out the term. She kept surprising me with her actions.

“Okay, what’s your first question?”

“Your first name is Tera, yes?”

She nods.

“I notice you became annoyed when I call you a child. Is this true”

“Yes.”

“Well if you are not a child, how old are you?”

I see the suspicion growing on her face.

“What will you gain by knowing how old I am?”

I smile, “I will learn that you are not a child.”

She glares before answering, “I’m 19.”

I continue smiling. “Yes, I suppose you are not a child.”

 “Humph.”

“Alright, here’s another question. How did you know I was able to read your mind? And what did Agent Romanoff mean when she said you know me better than anyone here besides the oaf?” 

I need to know how she knows so much about me. This is my first time on Midgard and yet she knows of my ability to read minds.

She smiles. “Well, before I met you and Thor, I believed you were myths, legends, stories of old. When I was younger, I was fascinated by mythology. Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse,” She says giving me a knowing look. “I would try to learn anything and everything that had to do with mythology. I guess you could say it was a hobby,” she shrugs. “I was always reading. Any chance that I got, any free time I had, I would use it to read. Still do actually,” she says with a small smile. 

She looks back at me after her gaze had wandered. I hold her gaze. She quickly looks away. I make a note of the flush rising to her cheeks. I want to delve into her mind. To know what she is thinking, but I held back. I gave her my word.

 I start laughing, realizing something.

“Perhaps you and I are not so different, Tera,” I say.

She scoffs, “I’m sorry, what?”

“We are intellectuals, you and I. We both indulge in the joys of reading.”

“Oh.” 

“What else do you know about me?” Just how much of my power does she know?

“Oh, um, well you can read minds, cast illusions and spells, shapeshift, you have super strength.” She hesitates before continuing, as if wanting to say something else, but she held back. “Yeah that’s pretty much all I know.”

“Shame,” I say. “ I liked hearing you list off all my abilities. They sound better coming from a mortal.”

She looks at me, puzzled.

I sigh, “I was jesting. Do you mortals engage in this past time? Based on all the people I have met so far, I would think not.”

She laughs. “You haven’t exactly given a reason for us to joke with you.”

I smile, “No, I suppose not.”

“Do you have any other questions for me?”

I hesitate before asking, “Do you have any family?”

The smile vanishes from her face. “I don’t wish to answer that question,” she says quietly.

I nod, “I understand,” I pause. “I have enjoyed this chat of ours.”

And I did. Finally, someone who is able to hold a normal conversation with me. It’s a shame I would be taking over this planet. But I have a duty. I have no time for distractions or pleasantries. 

She gives a small smile. “Glad to know that we bonded,” I can hear the sarcasm in her voice. “Now I’m sure you’re going to continue taking Earth over.”

I chuckle, “You’re not wrong.”

I know that Barton has reached the helicarrier, and I know that the beast will be unleashed any second. For reasons, I am unable to explain, I did not want this Midgardian child in harm’s way. She may believe she is not a child, but I disagree. She is extremely small. If the beast reaches her, well, he would be able to snap her neck before she knew what was happening. I didn’t want her to die. Not yet. I want to know why she wouldn’t speak of her family. I want to find out.

I begin muttering an incantation under my breath. 

“What are you doing?” she asks, taking several steps away from the cage.

I wave my hand, casting a simple sleeping spell on her. She drops to the floor with a thud. I walk toward the edge of the cage. 

I crouch and I tell her with some amusement, “For someone who knows so much about me, you should have known that I would be able to use my magic on you.”

I hear her whisper, “I hate you,” before passing out. I look at her, I don’t know why but my heart feels regretful. Seeing this girl, laying on the floor. But there are more important things than a small child. Much more important things.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts by the roar of the beast. I smile and wait, knowing that Thor will be here to make sure I’m still locked up. Several minutes pass by. He must be engaging with the beast. A moment later, I see Thor running into the room. I begin to let myself out.

“Nooo!”

He runs towards me, I crouch, making him believe I was preparing for impact, but he went right through one of my illusions, straight into the cell. The door closes behind him. He stands up and looks around before his eyes land on me.

I gave him a look of disappointment. “Are you ever not going to fall for that?”

Frustrated, he begins to pound away at the cage with his hammer. The glass begins to crack, but the cage holds. I laugh, mostly from joy but also from relief.

I begin to walk towards the control panel. “The humans think us immortal. Shall we test that?” I ask him.

“What have you done to the girl?”

I turn. I had moved her out of the way before Thor came barreling in here. She was laying at my feet, still asleep. 

“Don’t worry brother. She is not dead. Yet.”

He looks at her in horror. “If you so much as touched her, I swear-”

“Relax. I have only cast a sleeping spell on her. She was tiresome, non-stop talking, I simply did it for silence,” I lie smoothly.

I turn back to the control panel and am about to push the button that would drop Thor back to Earth when I suddenly hear someone say, “Move away please.”

It is one of the agents, wielding a rather impressive looking gun. Hesitant, I back up.

“Do you like this?” He asks about his weapon, as we both took several steps closer to each other. “We started working on the prototype after you sent the Destroyer. Even I don’t know what it does. Do you wanna find out?” He begins to fire it up.

Foolish mortal, I think to myself. Did he really believe I would allow myself to be captured so easily? I approach him from behind, thrusting my spear through his chest. I hear the sound of him yelling. My second illusion disappears from in front of him.

“NO!” yells Thor slamming the cage.

The agent drops to the floor, still holding the gun, blood coming from his mouth and breathing heavily. I walk towards the control panel and lift the cover from the button. Thor glares at me as I open it, the gateway to his hopeful demise. He takes several steps back and looks down with worry. He looks back up at me. I smile before sending him tumbling through the sky.

I turn to take my leave, but pause when I hear a faint, “You’re going to lose.”

I turn around. It was the dying agent. “Am I?” 

“It’s in your nature.”

“Your heroes are scattered,” I tell him. “Your floating fortress falls from the sky. Where is my disadvantage?” I took several steps towards him.

“You lack conviction.” He answers.

My face hardens. “I don’t think I-”

The agent blasts me with the weapon and I am thrown back, through the walls, a flaming ball. I get up and leave. I cross the runway, to the awaiting airplane. We take off as soon as I enter. I smile.

(Third Person POV)

 Fury enters and sees Agent Coulson on the ground. He kneels down by him.

“I’m sorry boss,” Coulson apologizes. “They got rabbited.”.

 “Just stay awake. Eyes on me,” Fury orders him.

“Oh I’m clockin’ out here.”

“Not an option.”

“It’s okay, boss. This was never gonna work- if they didn’t have something- to-”

His breathing halts and Fury stands to let the medical team through. He leans against the railing. He turns his head and sees another body under the control panel. He rushes over. It was Natasha’s mentee. He quickly checks for a pulse. Natasha had already lost Clint. He didn’t want her to lose the kid she was so protective over.

“Medic! Come here. We got another one. She’s alive but I want you to check her out. Make sure she’s okay.”

They put the intern on a stretcher and take her to the med bay.

Part 4

[emathews26]

A few more quarantine pics and the first week of FREEDOM

Just a few little joys that helped get me though quarantine:

This “Vitamin Water” is delicious. A very light version of gatorade. It’s so refreshing in the heat and humidity.

A sweet send-off gift from this girl❤️. I can’t even tell you how many hours that sky took to finish😆.

Spent many evenings painting while watching Parks and Rec. Watercoloring was a fun new hobby I picked up thanks to some paints Mom sent me with.

An authentic Sicilian meal thanks to ingredients mailed over from a dear friend in Italy!

Simple pleasures of a cup of coffee and quiet time post morning workout.

These along with many hours of virtual time with family and friends helped keep me sane and made the quarantine process not altogether unenjoyable. 

✼✼✼✼✼✼

The much awaited phone call came Monday morning.. COVID test is negative and I’m free to leave my room!! Funny enough, as I was rushing outside, most everyone else was hunkering down in preparation for the coming typhoon. By the time I had walked over to the hospital and stopped by the post office, the warm salty breeze had turned into threatening gusts. I made it back just as the rain started, and by 1100 we were back in lockdown. So thankful for those couple hours to stretch my legs at least!

The typhoon itself was exciting! What a welcome to Okinawa. The wind and rain picked up and blew all Monday night, Tuesday and into Tuesday evening. At its worst, the winds were 57mph with 80mph gusts, so nothing like hurricane strength. But they sure made some impressive noises as they whistled then ebbed then crashed into the window with a snap. It felt almost like the building was being hit with a bullwhip. The pressure and force were incredible. Thankfully there was very little structural damage. Just some broken tree branches. Most of the buildings seem to be made of concrete and it sounds like things are just built to withstand the storms here.  

When Wednesday morning rolled around, the weather was mostly clear and it was time to start the check in process. First up, take a driver’s test so I could be eligible to drive and buy a car. With license in hand, back to the hospital to begin the scavenger hunt of checking in.

The hospital is really a beautiful building. Set on top of a hill overlooking the ocean. It’s relatively new, under 10 years, and still feels shiny on the inside. It operates around 60-75 inpatient beds which feels cozy and welcoming compared to the large 250+ beds of Balboa.

Trying to look cute and professional on my “first day of school”😁.

Mostly check-in consists of a lot of admin tasks. Going to different offices, making sure my information is in all the systems. But the best part was meeting my new Division Officer and having an introduction to the Emergency Department where I’ll be working! I’m sure looking forward to starting. I can’t believe it’s been over two months since I’ve been at the bedside.

Thursday - more checking in at the hospital, breakfast burrito at the shoppette (easy, cheap, and surprisingly delicious: these could be dangerous😳). Test drove a car - first time driving on the left side of the road, yikes! Rubbed the tires against the left curb once but didn’t crash into anything. I loved the car! Plan to buy it tomorrow.

Friday morning spent at the hospital - mostly done with check in. Then bought the car! The process is a bit different: the seller and I went to the licensing office together then over to the insurance office where we had to wait in line for an hour in the hot sun - I sweat buckets, still getting used to the humidity. Purchased insurance and was given a temporary title while the official one is prepared, and that’s it! Came home with a Subaru Forester (I guess you could say I have a thing for Subies). A perfect scuba gear hauler and my current ticket to freedom - aka all the ramen 😋.

Back to the hospital to finish a couple things before the weekend. Then took my first venture off base! This was honestly terrifying. I had thought driving on the left side wouldn’t actually be that difficult. Which I think that part itself was pretty easy to get used to. But combined with trying to navigate narrow, ally-like streets, a whole new set of traffic signs, and street names I couldn’t read, it was a bit overwhelming. Thankfully the Waze app works well here. I think I’ll be pretty reliant on it for a little while.

I managed to make it to a ramen spot, pointed at something on the menu and found myself with this delicious bowl of ramen. Well worth any trouble it took to procure.

I also made it to the ocean this trip. This is one of the sea wall areas. There’s a nice walking path that runs for about a mile along this area. The water is so warm! I think it was 80ºF this day. Sure looking forward to going for a swim!

I stopped by the commissary on the way home to grab a few groceries. There was supposed to be another typhoon pass by over the weekend and I was running low.

In general, I’m definitely feeling more free but also a bit overwhelmed. I didn’t expect so much culture shock. As much as I love adventure, I think I’m realizing I’m not one who thrives in total transition. I’m excited because I know transition provides such an opportunity for growth, but I’m also very much looking forward to being more settled and having a place to call home again. I’m currently looking for apartments off base and will hopefully have one in the next week or two. 

There are so many things I’m looking forward to doing here: learning to scuba dive, getting a dog, meeting friends, spearfishing, cooking, exploring all the restaurants and markets, and visiting historical sites. But I’m realizing it’s okay to pace myself a little. I think some of the things I learned during quarantine of slowness and Sabbath are really healthy and I want to incorporate them into my weekly rhythms now. Even if that means some days I choose to stay home rather than do a fun new activity, that’s okay. I have two years after all. No need to rush into everything.

[uwuyourpxrker]

All the Things You Are - 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female reader

Soulmate au! Where at age 16 all the females have a dream about their soulmate, but it only shows them one trait about them, whether it be physical or a personal trait, like a hobby or something they like. When they wake up the next day you start to see color, but you only see one color with the corresponding object, example: if you wake up seeing red you’ll only see things that are red in real life. You get to see more color the more emotional interactions you have with your soulmate; depending how they affect you emotionally, positively or negatively. At the end when you finally receive enough emotional interaction or a big emotional impact, you get a final dream where it shows you their identity. When you finally tell them that they’re your soulmate and they stay with you, you start to see all the colors at once. (This is explained more as the story goes on.)

Summary: Y/n has been anxiously waiting for her 16th birthday in order to finally get a glimpse at who her soulmate will be. It only happens that her birthday falls on the day of her class’s trip to Europe. Things start to get out of hand as strange events start to occur on this trip. The most confusing part is that her dream consists of something very peculiar… is that a spider? (The reader doesn’t know that Peter’s spiderman)

Follows the events of Far From Home except when Peter gets exposed. After the trip the story continues.

Warnings: swearing, barely any angst or fluff… basically a short introduction

Word count: 3k+

A/n: So this is my first post so I apologize if it sucks, I’ve never done anything like this before. Also, I guess the reader is like that every other girl in fanfictions that’s kinda awkward. Honestly the reader is oblivious to a lot of things at the beginning. Also, the words sometimes change from past tense to present tense but that’s because I get it mixed up since I look at it from different pov’s. It also sometimes changes pov’s.

_______________________________________

“Happy birthday y/n!,” your mom shouted at you as she barged through your bedroom door.

Taken aback, you jumped and gasped loudly at the shock of being abruptly awakened. Your mother chuckled as she looked at your tensed up form. You looked at your mirror and took in your appearance: messy hair sticking out wildly, and a shocked expression worn on your face. You couldn’t blame her for being amused at how you look.

“Thanks, mom,” you grumbled as you rubbed your eyes and yawned, flopping back onto your bed and pulling the covers over your head. You heard rustling and soon enough you felt the warm embrace of the covers leave your body, leaving you feeling exposed.

“Well good morning to you too,” your mom said as she crossed her arms and looked at you. “Aren’t you excited? It’s your sixteenth birthday!,” your mom exclaimed as you started to slowly wake up and come to your senses.

As you slowly sat up tiredly it hit you: you’re 16 now… holy shit you’re 16. Well, technically you’re supposed to be 21, but you blipped so that changed the time in when you were supposed to age; but that didn’t matter because you’re 16!

You definitely knew what that meant; that when you sleep again today you’ll dream of your soulmate, the one destined to be the love of your life. You’re ecstatic! It’s such an important day!

“I know that it’s your birthday and you’re excited, but don’t forget that you have a trip today, so as much as you might want to go back to sleep, hurry up and get ready. I’ll drive you to the airport in 30 minutes,” your mom told you as she embraced you in a hug and smiled at you. You nodded frantically as she stood up and walked out of your room.

The moment your mom stepped out of your room you jumped out of bed and hurried to get ready. Not only was it your birthday but you were also going to go on a class trip to Europe! You took in your surroundings and sighed contently as you look out your window. Soon enough you’ll be able to see at least one color lingering in the horizon.

You pulled your gaze from the black and white colored sky as you turned to your dresser and began to pick out an outfit.

You threw together a cropped shirt that was light colored and some dark colored ripped jeans. It was a casual outfit since you were about to board a plane and you didn’t want to be uncomfortable.

You changed quickly then went to the mirror to get ready and do your hair. You hastily brushed your hair and put it in a half up, half down hairstyle. You looked in the mirror and smiled contently. You rushed to go put on a pair of converse and searched for your suitcase that you already packed last night. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the dark shaded suitcase and you turned around to go get it. Once you got your suitcase you made your way to the living room where you found your mom sitting on the couch watching the television.

Once she heard your footsteps she looked up and asked, “ready?” You nodded as she got up from her spot and made her way towards the door with you trailing closely behind. You turned around and took a final look of your apartment as you closed the door and locked it, trudging behind your mom.

•••••••••••

You finally arrived at the airport and you suddenly saw the familiar faces of your friends. A smile cracked on your features as you got your suitcase and hopped out of the car, telling your mom you love her in the process. Once outside of the car you waved goodbye to her as she drove off.

You made your way into the airport and towards your group of friends. You noticed one of your best friends, Peter act nervous as you saw that Ned was telling him something. Nonetheless you made your way towards them.

You saw that Peter had caught the attention of your presence and immediately told Ned to shut up and Ned seemed confused until he looked up and spotted you.

You felt somewhat hurt and left out that they were keeping something from you, but it probably wasn’t a big deal since you probably already knew.

“You guys know that if you’re discussing Peter’s plan to get MJ, I would know, right?,” you exclaimed as you finally halted in front of them.

Peter’s cheeks immediately went to slightly greyer shade (signaling blush) at the mention of the curly haired girls name.

“Shhh! Shut up! She might hear you!,” Peter exclaimed as he looked around to make sure she was nowhere near hearing distance.

You let out a discontented sigh. In all honesty you did develop a tiny crush on Peter, and him talking about MJ did hurt you a bit. At the end of the day you realized that he probably isn’t even your soulmate and that one day you’re going to meet someone who will love you immensely. That still didn’t stop you from wishing that maybe it could be Peter.

“Alright class gather around!”, Mr. Harrington exclaimed as he motioned for the class to huddle around him.

“Get your passports ready, I’ll be handing you the boarding tickets”, he said as everyone began to take out their passports.

“I’ll see you guys on the other side,'' you stated as you saluted them off and went to get your boarding ticket. Once you got your boarding ticket you went through the whole security check and waited on the other end for your friends.

Just then they announced that the flight was opened and you had to board. Sighing, you quickly left to board the plane.

You found a spot in the middle aisle and sat down. You eagerly awaited your friends arrivals. You made sure to sit on the corner so that Ned and Peter could sit on the other end, or maybe for even MJ and Betty to take the spots available as well.

Disappointment arose when they chose different seats on another aisle, Peter and Ned on the aisle to your left and MJ and Betty a few rows ahead. You felt invisible; it was your birthday and your friends just so happen to forget about you. You looked over the seats to see Peter and Ned talking about something, and how Ned started to get up from his seat.

Maybe they had a fight? But that can’t be true, they’re best friends.

Your question was answered when you overheard Ned go up to Betty and tell her something. You could make out a bit of what he was saying, something to do with an old lady wearing perfume and that Peter has a perfume allergy. Surprisingly enough, in the 5 years that you’ve known him, you don’t recall Peter having a perfume allergy.

“So Betty if you switch seats with Peter that would be great,'' you heard him say. You looked up farther then noticed the familiar bunch of curly hair. It took you awhile but then you finally remembered Peter's plan to confess to MJ and how the first step was to sit next to her on the plane. You groaned softly as you sat back down and slumped on your seat, feeling a mix of emotions at those simple words.

You didn’t hate MJ, no, in fact you adored her, she was such a good friend to you… but Peters crush on said girl is what gives you these feelings. The feelings of disappointment, defeat, and jealousy. At the end of the day you keep reminding yourself that you have a soulmate.

“Peter has a perfume allergy?! I’ll tell you from experience: perfume allergies are no joke”, you heard Mr. Harrington chime in as he got up. Ned fumbled with his words, trying to come up with an excuse to contradict the fact that Peters “perfume allergy” was bad. However, it was all in vain as Mr. Harrington got up and started to rearrange the student seating.

“MJ stand up, Ned take MJ’s spot, MJ take my spot”, Mr. Harrington began as your friends started to change seats. You looked over to where MJ was now sitting and saw that she was sitting next to Brad Davis. A wave of amusement came over you since everyone who looked close enough could tell that Brad obviously had a crush on MJ. “It must be frustrating for Peter”, you thought as you realized that his crush was now sitting next to the guy that he dreaded.

“Peter let’s get you out of there! Peter you come with me”, Mr. Harrington ordered as Peter stood there, defeated.

They made their way down the aisle until they stopped right at your row.

“Peter sit next to y/n and I’ll sit near the aisle since I have a small bladder,'' he said as he motioned for Peter to take a seat.

You saw how Peter’s face lightened up at the sight of you and how he was able to sit with one of best friends. You awkwardly said hi to him as he took a seat next to you.

“Hey Peter”, you began awkwardly as you gave him a small smile. He returned the gesture as he replied, “hey y/n”, with just as much awkwardness. You couldn’t understand why it felt awkward and tense if you guys have been friends with each other for years! Since middle school!

“Did I ever tell you guys about my wife and how she pretended to blip out? Turns out that she ran away with some guy from her hiking group… we even had a funeral for her and everything. Do you guys want to see the video? I have it right here”, Mr. Harrington suddenly barged in as he began scrolling through his phone to retrieve the video.

“Oh god, it’s too early in the day for him to be pulling this crap again,'' Peter suddenly whispered to you and you giggled at his remark.

“I know right, but what can I say? He’s just a hopeless romantic”, you stated as he smiled at the comment. “It looks like I’m not the only one with a one sided love”, you thought as the comment you just made about your teacher struck you hard.

“True true, he could’ve at least cut it today, it’s such an important day,'' Peter stated as you looked at him with a small bit of hope that maybe he remembered your birthday. He had to right? He was one of your best friends! He never forgot, but ever since his crush on Liz and now MJ, he’s been less active in your guys’ friendship. Especially after the blip too, he’s been acting so weird and distant lately and you can’t pinpoint why.

“Yeah, it’s such an important day,” you implied as you over exaggerated the last part, hoping that he might get the hint. You weren’t lying, it was a very important day for you, finally being able to see color after you sleep! You were sure bound to fall asleep on the plane, and you wondered if that counted as your sleep for the day and if that would be enough to allow you to see colors. You guessed that all your questions will be resolved when you fall asleep and wake up later on.

“Yeah, it really is, but it just got ruined with the fact that I’m not sitting next to MJ,” he told you as he looked frustrated. It didn’t surprise you that he might’ve forgotten, if all he talks about is about his plan for confessing to MJ. Still, a bit of hope dawned upon you.

You let out a small sigh of disappointment to which he took notice.

“Hey, what’s wrong?,” he questioned as he scanned your face for any signs. “It’s nothing really,” you began to say as you could feel some tears start to well up. “It’s just that it’s such an important day for me,” you confessed as you looked straight into Peter's chocolate brown eyes with your glossy, teary-eyed e/c ones.

Peter thought to himself as he took in your confession. Ned and Peter always included you in everything, so why would you be so heartbroken?

Then it finally hit him as he kept staring at your glossy eyes, it was an important day, and he just forgot his best friend's birthday.

“Oh shit, it’s your birthday, isn’t it?!”, he suddenly exclaimed as you nodded slowly and looked away. You heard Peter groan and let out a few small murmurs that consisted of cusses under his breath.

Suddenly you felt his arm around your shoulders as he pulled you in as close as the seats would let you.

“Happy birthday n/n. I’m sorry for forgetting, I know it’s such an important date to finally be 16,” he told you as you lay your head on his shoulder and sniffle a little. You two pulled away just in time to see Mr. Harrington’s amused yet shocked face.

“Guys let’s keep it PG in here, alright? No pda,” he stated as you and Peter looked at each other and began to feel embarrassed for the misunderstanding.

“No sir, it’s nothing like that I swear-”, Peter told him but Mr. Harrington cut him with a small hand gesture.

Embarrassed, the both of you just slugged back into your seats.

“Hey, I brought a dual headphone adapter… it was supposed to be used for me and MJ but uhm if you’d like maybe we can watch a movie,” Peter sheepishly told you as he showed you the adapter.

“Sure,” you replied as a small cracked on your features, making Peter feel warm inside.

•••••••••

It was an eight hour flight to Italy, so you and Peter began to watch movies, which undoubtedly turned out to be a Star Wars marathon.

Half way through the second film you began feeling tired, so you rested your head on Peter’s shoulder as you still stared at the screen.

A few moments later and you were sleeping. Peter looked at your sleeping form and suddenly felt a small flutter. He didn’t know why he felt like this, but something about seeing you so calm made him smile. Not to mention that you looked adorable perched on his shoulder.

For the first time in a long time he felt calm. It had been so hectic for him recently, that he felt so serene in the moment. He too rested his head on top of yours, and stared at the screen as he tuned into your guys’ heartbeats.

••••••••

You woke up startled at the touch of someone shaking your lightly. You looked up and saw Peter.

“Time to go, the flights over,” he explained as he got up, away from the closeness the both of you had. You nodded and then tried to calm down the flutters you felt.

You stood up and had to do a double take. Was your mind playing games on you? Your eyes perhaps? What’s that thing that you see? Color?

You looked around and noticed some people had an unfamiliar shade of color that you’ve never seen before.

Then it hit you; your dream!

Then all the images from your dream came crashing back at you as you held your head for support as you started to stumble and crash with the seats in front of you, falling backwards on the impact.

Suddenly, instead of feeling the “cushions” of the plane seats, you were met with something strong. You looked back and noticed that Peter had caught you.

“Woah there, are you ok?,” he asked as he looked at you worriedly.

You blinked a few times to get adjusted to the new color before you continued, “I had my dream! I can see a different color now,” you exclaimed as you began to feel happy.

Peter’s eyes almost bulged out of his sockets at your answer. Then he began to smile with you, feeling joy at knowing that you were closer to knowing your soulmate.

“That’s great n/n! What do you see? Can you describe it?,” he asked.

Judging from what you learned in your art class; that had a separate lesson for girls age 15 where they explained the different colors and what they would like. You recalled that your teacher mentioned that the common first colors girls see after they get their dream is either red, blue, or yellow. Based on that, you determined that the color you were seeing was one of those.

“Is it the color of my shirt?,” he asked, as Peter knew that the common colors were either red, blue, or yellow; so he pointed at his (blue) shirt.

“No,” you replied as you shook your head.

“Ok, um, how about Ned’s shirt? Do you see a color there?,” he motioned as you looked over at Ned and did in fact see color.

“Yes, the top half,” you stated as Peter looked euphoric at your answer. “Red,” he told you.

“That’s the color… well it’s more of a maroon but I’m guessing you can see all shades of red,” he told you as you nodded and smiled.

“Red..,” you whispered to yourself with a grin.

•••••••

While everybody was boarding off the plane, you were adjusting to this new color. You looked around at your surroundings and sometimes caught glimpses of a shade of red. You felt elated! This was so different, so new! It felt amazing!

Then, you came to another realization. You learned from your teacher what the different colors mean. If you saw the color blue then you haven’t met your soulmate yet, if you saw yellow then that means you’ve seen them at least twice before. If you got red then that means that your soulmate is a close acquaintance of yours… but that didn’t make sense. You already knew your soulmate? You were delighted yet confused. You then tried to remember your dream to see if you can get any answers as to who it might be.

“Hey, y/n!,” you heard the voice of a girl say. You turned around and saw MJ walking towards you, Ned, Betty, and Peter trailing behind. You looked at them and then noticed that Ned and Betty were holding hands.

“Woah there, what’s going on here?,” you asked with a chuckle as you motioned to Ned and Betty’s interlocked hands.

“Well we spend time together on the plane and realized that we have a lot in common, so now we’re dating,” Ned told you as Betty went closer to Ned. “I’m so happy for you guys!,” you exclaimed as you gave them a thumbs up.

“Yeah, and I heard that’s not the only thing that happened on the plane,” MJ told you as she looked at Peter.

“Peter told me that you had the dream,” she told you with interest. “So then, what was your dream?,” she asked you.

You then tried to recall your dream, then you remembered. Your face contorted into confusion as the images flashed back. This didn’t go unnoticed by Peter and MJ as they began sending you questioning looks and concern.

“So then-,” Peter began to say until you cut him off with your answer.

“Spider,” you told them as the confusion never left your face.

“It was a spider.”

A/n: sorry it sucked, I’m not the best at writing. Part 2 will come out shortly after I’m not as busy.

[like-the-wings-of-butterflies]

Watercolours (Queen x Artist!Reader)

Summary: Following a difficult few weeks you beg the boys to take you with them to Ridge Farm where they then discover a small secret of yours.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,574 (No wonder it took me forever to write)

A/N: It’s 1:15am and this. was. exhausting. I’m posting a bit later then what I originally planned but as promised, it’s here. This one took a bit of a turn to what I started with but in the end, I think I’m fairly happy with it. Let me know what you think! ♡ (Not my gif)

When you heard Freddie, John, Brian and Roger were taking a road trip to the countryside to record their next album, you practically begged them to let you join. Not only so you could witness the boys create something extraordinary; a new era of Queen, but it also provided the opportunity to escape the recent painfully restless nights in London, where your small apartment felt the slightest bit too cramped for comfort. Your seemingly endless work and responsibilities leaving you tired and burnt out. With the suffocating feeling in your chest becoming far too strong, you knew you needed to step away from the busy world, even for a short while.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Please Freddie, I’m begging you.”

“Hmmmm...I’m not sure. John? What do you think, should we bring our little tyrant or leave her behind?” Freddie teases.

“I vote leave her behind.” He puffs

“Hey! Just because I’m good at stopping your fights does not make me a tyrant. If it weren’t for me you would’ve all killed each other by now.”

“Us? Fighting? Never.” Roger drawls, his tone equally as teasing as the other two. 

Brian sat in the background watching the situation unfold, lightly giggling at your exasperation. It was without question you were going. Even if you didn’t want to, they’d still find a way to convince you. It wasn’t as if they were oblivious to your moods over the past few weeks, it pained them to see you so stressed and exhausted and they knew that disconnecting was exactly what you needed. Plus it meant you all had some time to spend with one another, an occurrence that’d be becoming slightly more rare with their busy schedules. Simply, you needed them and they needed you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When the day finally came, you couldn’t contain your excitement for the whole journey. It was almost as if the second you stepped out of the car you felt instantly relieved of the pressures that had been troubling you for so long. After taking in a breath of fresh air studying your surroundings you then turned to the others, “Isn’t it beautiful?” After taking a drag of his cigarette Roger spoke up “I thought this was supposed to be a recording studio.” Clearly the boys weren’t as sold on the new setting as you were. Paul had shown you all to your rooms and told you to make yourself comfortable as recording would start in a few day’s time after everyone had settled in. The five days that followed were slow but still comforting. The new setting caused a shift in everyone’s attitude, provided an opportunity to take a load off and relish in the simple atmosphere.

Mainly you just settled into the new environment, making yourself familiar with the in’s and out’s of the place. Apart of course from the evening you and Brian decided to go for a walk together, getting caught in the rain and running back to the house, only to find that Roger had locked you out despite denying your claims. (Even though it was easily distinguishable from his howling laughter on the other side of the door). But soon enough, everything was set up and the boys were ready to start.

On the first day, Freddie insisted you stay next door and spend the morning taking a moment to yourself: “You’ve been stuck with us the past five days, at least take a hour or so to yourself.” He said. You realised he was right, the entire point of you going on the trip was so you could think through some things and figure out what to do next. As much as you enjoyed your time with the four, spending every waking moment with them somewhat defeated the purpose.

“Alright,” You smiled, “But you’ll be next door if I need you, yes?”

“Always Darling.”

Somehow they knew exactly what you needed, exactly when you needed. One thing the boys didn’t know about you however, was that you held a certain passion for art. Though you didn’t think of yourself much more then a hobbyist, your work said otherwise. Originally, you started out painting landscapes but as your friendship with Queen developed, you saw more enjoyment in painting them. They brought a new essence into your life, which then reflected in your work.

After settling down at the dining table with your supplies spread all over it, the small tin of watercolours making a quiet ‘clang’ as you placed them down, you flicked through the leather-bound folio. Knowing you had a couple hours on your own you made the bold choice to work on a few unfinished sketches from the last show you visited, it wasn’t as if anyone would see, you’d just have to pack up before noon when they came back for lunch. You didn’t exactly enjoy keeping your hobby a secret but you struggled to overcome the anxieties of not being good enough and kept your work solely for your eyes only. With your work station set, you began. You hand moved effortlessly across the paper, and the whirlwind of colours bled into one another. Each pencil and brush stroke placed with a calculated precision. A certain love and care that could only be highlighted through art.

Just as everything was going well, a heavy gust of wind blew though the open window, sending pages flying, scattering pencils and spilling the small dish of water you had out to clean your brushes. Cursing to yourself for not closing the window earlier, you hurriedly soaked up the water with a nearby cloth, hoping it hadn’t ruined any of your paintings and in the process; knocked your tea off of the table, thus resulting in the cup shattering on the hardwood floor.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright Love?” John’s voice called out, the barn door creaking as it opened and closed behind him.

“We heard something fall, just wanted to make sure you hadn’t hurt yourself.” Brian added.

“No no, I’m fine. I just spilled my tea is all. You can go back to recording, I can manage.”

As they turned the corner you held your breath hoping your body would block their view from the small disaster behind you.

“Well you look suspicious.” Brian said matter-of-factly.

“Everything’s fine, I’ll clean it up. No need to worry.” As you were speaking to Brian, in the corner of your eye you say John’s head tilt slightly to the side, your open sketchbook and art supplies now in his full view. A small smiles played on his lips, “Is that Fred?” He said, nodding toward a stray piece of paper.

“What? No, I mean yes,” In that moment you knew there wasn’t any redemption. Would they think it’s strange? Surely they would, otherwise you wouldn’t have hidden it for so long. The press taking photos is one thing but their friend using them as a muse without their knowledge is whole other ordeal in its own.

And at that moment, just like clockwork, Roger and Freddie walked in. “What’s going on?” The black haired male asked.

“(Y/N)’s an artist apparently, a bloody good one at that.” John said as he picks up some of the sketches you’d been painting over.

“No, that’s certainly not what’s happening, I umm-,” Although you knew it was already far too late, you scrambled for the loose pages that escaped your sketchbook, silently praying that they wouldn’t see any more then what they already had. Despite your efforts, each of the boys had already picked up various pieces and were studying each one in immense detail. The swirls of colour and carefully places lines depicted Freddie flaunting on stage, John and Brian deep in concentration during their respective solos, Roger twirling drumsticks in his hands and finally, the group taking their final bows at the end of the show. Each piece held a certain vibrancy that they hadn’t seen before.

“I never knew you saw us like this,” Roger breathes out in disbelief, holding the pages up to the light and studying them further.

You hesitated for a moment, but then spoke, “What do you mean? Of course I do, you’re my family.” You still felt shy but you spoke honestly nonetheless. “I can’t quite describe it but when you’re performing you’re just, in your element doing what you love. You’re all just so raw and so, you. I like trying to capture that.”

“What? When do you even-?” Freddie pressed.

Scratching the back of you head you went on, “I usually sketch while you’re performing and then I’ll paint that night after you’ve all gone back to your hotel rooms. It distracts me from my own thoughts I guess.” An uneasy silence filled the air. “These ones were from your tour in Sweden, I’ve been meaning to finish them for a while but never really got around to it. I know they’re not the best and doing this without you knowing is strange but-”

“Oh shut up.” Roger said, pulling you into a hug.

“They’re amazing,” John paused “We don’t want you thinking otherwise.”

“Especially with the way you go on when we’re feeling insecure about our playing.” Brian added.

“I only go on about it because you blatantly ignore you’re talented.” You interject, lightly pouting.

“And look who’s blatantly ignoring their own talent now,” Freddie smirks. “I’d even go as far to say you made me look too handsome.”