#it teaches u to not value ur own thoughts feelings and contributions i suppose
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i am walking into the sea
#cal rambles#HELP. I AM EXPERENCING SHAME#<- is feelinf awful for being maybe a tad overbearing and taking up too much space#is this what the mortifying ordeal of beinf known is i hate this#anyways i have not been around today bc i was too busy having. a time#i am actively fist fighting my own anxiety and my self confidence issues and i am LOSING#i hate feeling like this π bro why do i have to have a breakdown over feeling like i was a teensy bit annoying#mayhaps constantly downplaying ur own personal feelings is NOT the move guys#it teaches u to not value ur own thoughts feelings and contributions i suppose#MAN. AND I THOUGHT I WAS DOING SO GOOD LATELY
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βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ also think tank a white lecturer using the n-word when quoting literature in a lecture? I think she used it once outside of quotation as well certainly not meant in a disrespectful way, just seems unnecessary
βββββ better have a justification at least but if you just use it out of the blue it always seems like some attempt at provocation 'i can say this because my interests are purely academic'
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ mmmmm we're reading uncle tom's cabin, so it's hard to avoid
βββββ should only be quoted verbatim if absolutely necessary, if there's no alternative I think
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ yeah seems like she could have avoided it pretty easily
βββββ if she's making no acknowledgement of the word's relationship to her privilege, that's rly not good
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ yeah she's older so there might just be an outdated perspective there 'I'm just quoting the text, it was anti-slavery so I'm fine' sort of mentality maybe?
βββββ still she would know about the contemporary attitude to the word and she should at least mention that! ugh like it doesn't sound malicious or super super racist, but eh
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Yeah I feel iffffy about it
βββββ should mention it!
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Trying to work out if I should send email and if so how to word it
βββββ mm
βββββ be interesting to actually properly discuss it
βββββ yep
βββββ heck Iβd be interested to know more of a history of the word basically teach properly why its offensive
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Yeah, I might bring it up in the tutorial different teacher, but maybe good discussion
βββββ mm that seems appropriate i'd love to hear how that goes
βββββ uhhh there was someone who used it at Bar Oussou οΏΌ the host reallllly shouldβve said something and I normally would but just too tired for confrontation
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Yeah βββββ was telling me Sounded very cringe
βββββ v unfortunate most disappointed in yhe host tbh
βββββ he maybe had a old-worldy attitude to it and didn't mind or was too cowardly lol which do u think?
βββββ I think he thought it was in the context of the poem she didnβt use it to degrade someone directly, but the word itself is degrading
βββββ ugh but the poem is in the context of fuckin oussou yep ppl need to have a think before using words
βββββ I just think its great to have a stage to do emotional work, but it can cross a line into normalising shitty white behaviour
βββββ mm
βββββ I went to a coloured school so I canβt b racist wah wah wah
βββββ and you have to consider your audience if your rant is dehumanising or brushes aside/causes suffering u gotta reconsider felt pretty ashamed on behalf of bartender/various black audience members not saying that dumb white shit would be acceptable with a different audience, but her obliviousness was kinda astounding
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ wow yeah cringefest
βββββ lol spoken word scene as a whole can b so lame haha rings true to why I/we left
βββββ mm so macho! that's what I liked about talkbox some sensitivity there, gentleness
βββββ still, I just wish people read more lok *lol
βββββ yep I wish I read more
βββββ like the stylistic range is generally pretty lame
βββββ I guess that's why anyone reads mmm
βββββ I wish I read more too
βββββ hahahaha
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ :')
βββββ donβt mean to shit on everyon, I just think the scene as a whole and the conception of poetry is lacklustre - it doesnβt seem like the time for poetry, sometimes
βββββ mm
βββββ ppl too distracted by netflix uwu sounds like phones but too much
βββββ doesn't seem like the time for art, sometimes! hahhh
βββββ its definitely a time for music
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ I think there's a place for poetry It's just raps and memes
βββββ yeh but I play dat long game there might not b a place now but Iβmma fkn make one whether you like it or not lol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Oh yeah fair go 4 it
βββββ loll
βββββ I just mean that I think 'poetry' has evolved into other forms, and now the traditional form is struggling to find a place I mean does anyone pay attention to Victorian satirical cartoons? I donβt I think itβs also tho that the low brow is more apparent in the moment, the high brow more apparent from a distance the shit sinks, basically
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ elaborate?
βββββ time brings forward higher brow material while a lot of lower brow stuff falls back or like thereβs an art for getting through your days, and thereβs an art for elaborate long form spiritual liberation
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ so u don't mind about a lack of audience now if your work has staying power?
βββββ different works have different digestion time and yes that is what Iβm saying
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ hmmmmmmm
βββββ hmmmmmmmm?
βββββ personally I don't know whether I'm prioritising the reception of my work or its value to me right now i feel poetry/art in general are useful tools for thinking about the world useful philosophical tools i guess and idk whether i'm learning for the sake of my own knowledge/making 'better' art or learning so what I put out into the world is better received I suppose the two aren't mutually exclusive but yeah - feeling fairly indifferent to the idea of creating work that will persist right now part of me feels more comfortable with being lost forever lol or at least that I should become comfortable with that, bc that is what will happen inevitably
βββββ I just think in this atmosphere of complete denial of the arts as an important component of society, as well as the stigmatisation of ritual and other mystical practices that used to house what we now might describe as an artist, its important that we follow our intuition rather than give in to a system that routinely prevents us having access to basic resources like I want to be there for whoever is there when this period comes to end and those peoples are looking for anything to rudder them, whether or not Iβm alive
βββββ you want to add to the cultural record?
βββββ I want provide a map for future generations is how I would put it
βββββ mm how do you feel one can ensure the persistence of their own work? or are you just hoping it'll be around for others I suppose whether or not anything lasts is out of ur control past a certain point
βββββ for one I make an effort to give away a lot of work
βββββ mm
βββββ I also store it all and make sure that that stockpile is kept w care but I also think thereβs something to be said that I try and operate within many pre-existing canons I also itβs important to use the more meme-y, short stay work to bring attention to the slower works yeah, re: canons, like tanka and before that wakka as poetic forms stem back as far as a thousand years - perhaps more by putting myself in conversation with the ancients... idk it feels a bit like entering a cultural refrigerator haha
βββββ mm
βββββ sometimes I find it better to see my individual works as modules that make up a whole more prescient than its parts (Morton lolz) soo... maybe my work wonβt carry the same weight until I finish, so to speak who knowsss but this how I think about it lol
βββββ best to try and contribute something I spose rather than do nothing w ur resources
βββββ Iβm weird with this shit u donβt have to be
βββββ mm it seems fairly simple to me and not that weird
βββββ not everyone should spend their life tending their gravestone itβs a job for a particular type of person, and I am it
βββββ but in a sense everyone does anyway everyone does things with the future in mind or without it in mind I suppose
βββββ and i guess that influences what you leave when you die eheh, whether you do it consciously or unconsciously
βββββ I just am particularly stubborn that I have something to offer - I think its partially a result of being denied that a lot in school, I found other ways to have social bonds that were more... non linear bonds with past peoples, and inadvertently bonds with future people
βββββ mm
βββββ I find it frustrating that its seen as arrogant to suggest your work should be read after you die - if anything its remarkably humble as I'm acknowledging that I will never properly see the fruits of my labour it's a ridiculously isolating position to find oneself in, where your best friends - books, music, content - have no form of human intimacy with you and completely defy all survivalistic, lizard-brain humanity plus you're just on a total different dimension from most people you meet
βββββ mm you're in a very specific position here
βββββ lol goodluck catching up βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ unrelated btw
(βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ posts a meme in chat)
βββββ see y'all @ da rally (in reference to the meme)
βββββ where and when is this? oh oops thought you meant a real one
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ hahaha
βββββ xD
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ structurally is the meme ok ? took the photo the other day, and just added the text.
βββββ yes are u going to weigh in on the conversation tho lol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ nah not really
βββββ meme fine
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ I have so little to add
βββββ well hm why make memes? why not write novel? do memes have staying power?
βββββ it's a question of what timescale is important to you at any given time maybe
βββββ oh absolutely - not trying to infer a hierarchy here, I just think there are different approaches for different problems
βββββ sometimes I'll say something to someone so they'll remember it for tomorrow, sometimes I'll say something to someone and hope they'll remember forever lol mm I don't think I care about staying power that much
βββββ memes have such a short lifetime, they're like cultural mayflies haha
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Yeah defs
βββββ why tho lol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Because the art itself can date while still inspiring change
βββββ yeah so using it pragmatically like a single use tissue
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ If you create something short lived, it (with the help of other artists producing similar work) is able to push art and society in a specific direction The butterfly effect I guess
βββββ it's true that you have more effect in the current conversation
βββββ mm
βββββ but that conversation draws intensively on a language formed by the ancients so the two are dependent on each other, a back and forth
βββββ and that's dependent on their work's longevity?
βββββ not following ur question
βββββ not following your point haha hmm
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ so you're suggesting a works longevity is crucial in that it helps reinforce and update the ancient language in which short term work of the future will be influenced by?
βββββ mm also - what if of all the work you make, it's only a meme that survives the passage of time?
βββββ basically... like you're just reiterating points that have been made more in depth in 'higher' brow culture - that's definitely how I feel when writing raps
βββββ like Roman graffiti surviving on the walls or whatever
βββββ did you a hear copy of the I Ching, the Chinese numerology classic more than a thousand years old, was found in the 70s and had a heap more sections and a different order? effectively completely changing the understanding of the I Ching gotta get those nice lead storage chambers ayyyyy ahahaha it was found buried in a coffin, obvs haha
βββββ mm
βββββ a lot of Chinese philosophers only exist in so much as someone else described them
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ But what does that changing of contexts of that piece actually mean for us? Is updated Ching from the coffin helping us in any way?
βββββ I think for me finding the I Ching and looking over it is like a person in a thousand years finding a functional iPhone it gives great insight into human impulses regardless of time and offers a way of writing the past a new, which in turn presents a new future (thinking of the cowboy article you sent me) reconceptualizing the past IS the future look at 'Make America Great Again' or calls to restore the caliphate both are founded on histories that have more to do with our current state than the actual happenings of the past
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ I do see where you're coming from I like the idea that it's important to preserve our work for understand the past better And I hope that someone in the future will have a clearer understanding of our time through your well preserved works But what fucking future is it
βββββ haha but like looking back we see people been asking that for a veeery long time I get it seems on a new scale but we're on a new scale too
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ It does seem that yes Also if we do survive and keep on teching on
βββββ I'm for an integration of the human/natural binary where we properly acknowledge our mutual codependency, the earth and humanity that is
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Are we even going to be translatable? Is the functioning iPhone found by the future person going to even be able to be translated? Or will it be meaningless because everyone is already part of the grid
βββββ where artificially effecting the climate for the benefit of 'nature' isn't seen as strange but completely akin to Aboriginal burn back practices
βββββ i guess it's productive to hope that it will be translatable
βββββ we've always interfered in the running of nature
βββββ mm
βββββ ehhh idk we translated fucking hieroglyphics
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Or future tech can look into the past and someone is watching our lives as we type this now, constantly being understood through our context in a way we can't comprehend through our recording processes shrugs
βββββ I mean yeah, imagine if the internet was even vaguely archived
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ You probably have a better understanding of how the future will pan out than I do tho
βββββ even if 0.1 % was kept, it would be a massive resource
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ No sass intended there, I'm sincere
βββββ lol idk I just try to see a bigger picture and it keeps me calm remember me old saying? we survived the plague and nukes lol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ I just don't see the issue with creating short term work, especially if it is preserved
βββββ oh neither do I
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Like a meme may have more impact than a novel rn
βββββ well it could be argued that we're yet to survive nukes but I see your point impact on various timescales
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ I've heard the plague make be thinking of making a comeback too haha
βββββ mm
βββββ oh duh peasantry is fully hip rn
βββββ but like
βββββ bring back the boils, they look great with my Balenciaga sneakers
βββββ lol bubonic chic
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Pretty close to heroin chic tbh haha
βββββ not jking that was tb
βββββ but like, I don't find a huge amount of solace in the fact that we survived the plague
βββββ "The Victorians romanticized the disease and the effects it caused in the gradual build to death. For decades, many beauty standards emulated or highlighted these effects. And as scientists gained greater understanding of the disease and how it was spread, the disease continued to keep its hold on fashion. and the severity of the corsets was known to harm the lungs in such a way that would increase the likelihood of transmission LOOOL
βββββ mm Balenciaga look out idk it's a question of what capacity we survive in
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ lollllll
βββββ quite depressing to think about
βββββ eating disorders have a pretense
βββββ what if ecocide leaves a few insular eco fascist regimes who gradually diminish over centuries always engaged in pointless wars of attrition with one another lol
βββββ I mean you could probably say the same thing of colonial regimes now
βββββ just because we can survive, doesn't mean my outlook should b at all rosy :((
βββββ point is its a big ol' world that has plenty of room for pain AND love any future pain you think is imminent probably already is happening, and nonetheless breakfast tasted good this morning
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ 'The hipster middle class would dress with raggedy beards and large jackets and refuse to use deodorant, perhaps to reflect the look of people suffering from homelessness at the time. It is suspected that this made them less likely to be hired, and therefore more likely to become homeless themselves.' οΏΌ βββββ ahahaha
βββββ mm that's true hahhh
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Planning on making this into a full essay. Might not be popular now, but I think it has staying power? Soz for shitposting haha
βββββ I was talking with β²β²β²β²β² a while back, and something struck me - she said, "I never thought this age would have its own fleet of particular medical conditions." (or something like that lol, translated via my nerd brain)
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Yeah that didn't quite sound like her But that sentiment is great
βββββ 'fleet'
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ In that ofc there is, but also wow yeah ofc!
βββββ mmm hahh these conversations should be recorded so we can all think about em without scrolling up endlessly
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ I do like the idea of people reading these works in the future tho
βββββ and also so that they can be preserved for 10,000+ years of course
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ In the same way we read the letters sent between dead artists now
βββββ mm very true
βββββ mmm
βββββ messenger is not a particularly stable storage medium and also is more vulnerable to third party scrutiny although the fact we're reading artists letters now means that medium is also pretty fucking vulnerable to scrutiny lol
βββββ I fucking found the word! (sorry was searching for it so hard) Neurasthenia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurasthenia
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Americanitis lol
βββββ uhh the page doesn't rly talk about this, but its like a condition of over-working effectively, and people would try and get prescribed the pills to treat it as a way of signalling they were a dedicated worker its total hokey
βββββ wow yeah you mentioned this a while back
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ oh I've heard a similar thing in Japan were workers will pretend to fall asleep at their desks to show how hard they're working No idea the trust behind it tho
βββββ to this day, "In Japan, shinkei-suijaku is treated with Morita therapy involving mandatory rest and isolation, followed by progressively more difficult work, and a resumption of a previous social role. The diagnosis is sometimes used as a disguise for serious mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and mood disorders." a dignified mental illness uwu none of that lower class shit I'm a classy fuck with money, I don't get the same mental conditions as the poor lolol reminds me of now: I don't have shitty parents, I just have adhd (not to deligitimise all uses of adhd, just over diagnosed)
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ mmmmm i feel u yes this has been a wild ride
βββββ yes Iβm leaving to get late lunch uwu have a good day in this cosmic spider web lololol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ :')
βββββ Like the burning of this charcoal fire, our years too will soon expire Kobayashi Issa listening to Krista Tippet talk with Maria Popova, this particular phrase resonated with our conversation: we live in a world where disruption over-fetishised; we need cultural stewardship to help along new waves of disruption
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ How would u define cultural stewardship in a practical sense?
βββββ caring for the legacy of those past as a means of refreshing their insight for a new age a very straightforward example would b the importance of new translations, in this regard - as our understanding and depth of connection to Japanese society has deepened, so too have our translations dusting off the books so to speak in some sense I see that in our music too or reappropriating to a new context
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Well remasters are a time terry literal example Fuck
βββββ time terry
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Pretty* not time terry lol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ lime berry yeah exactly
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Slime Jerry
βββββ I mean rereleasing is an obvs example mhm but more abstract examples are how Iβve exported into both your brains Bridle/Steyerl/Haraway via conversation and art lolol Iβm helping it move from one place to another same w Zappa lol
βββββ also - looking after artist friends being generous I feel these are acts of pre-emptive cultural stewardship
βββββ haha yeah definitely different time scales it could function on
βββββ looking after and maintain communities
βββββ hosting open mics lol helping teach ppl poetry lollll
βββββ not allowing hate speech to creep into open mics lol
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Truuuuu Or anywhere for that matter
βββββ not becoming so dusty that you actually have a detrimental impact on cultural progression
βββββ I think religions only exist in so far as they have active practitioners
βββββ mm
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Tru
βββββ I think my sense is, in religion, this same argument plays out with orthodoxy versus mysticism Maintenance of buildings is in there too for religion People being assigned paid positions as the keepers and givers of religious knowledge oh yeah thinking a lot here of Shanzai, βββββ, and the idea of an object as a lived practice
βββββ when home I'm gonna do my best to archive this conversation mmm
βββββ youβre going to steward our conversation bout stewardship ...
βββββ this is all going in
βββββ ...the tv where I am says βThe comedian getting behind βKnow Thy Nutsββ and there are big walnuts on the screen
βββββ ???????
βββββ βI didnβt realise chemotherapy would be such great comedic material!οΏ½οΏ½
βββββ ΒΏΒΏΒΏΒΏΒΏΒΏ
βΌβΌβΌβΌβΌ Huhhhh
βββββ lol highly recommend https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?mt=2&i=1000429408054https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?mt=2&i=1000429408054
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