#it says that a lot of victims of physical/emotional abuse go thru it

[loving-delusions]

is anyone gonna say happy birthday to lunar or do i have to do it myself🤨🙄

rambles in the tags bc i can't sleep

[sealkiedoll]

ive been thinkin a lot about dark sun's moon recently lol,, mainly bc like. *handshake emoji* in regards to trauma

(more under cut, cw for me talking abt the trauma i've been thru in a semi-in-depth way)

BUT LIKE... idk i think out of all of the moons from all the AUs tht have been seen in the tsams show, he'd probably be the one most easy to get along w or who just like. wouldnt fight w any other moon he comes into contact with. mainly bc hes deeply traumatized n if u take dark sun's words at face value, was literally tortured to the point of mentally breaking + losing all ounce of any fight he may have had

like im incredibly sure hed hate every single moon (and himself) just as much as any other moon hates (any version of) themselves, but ds!moon just. hm. mayhaps a lil bit of projection here but i feel like he'd bury a lot of those emotions and instead maybe have more people-pleasing traits, or he'd redirect the anger internally

also headcanon here but i like thinking that he'd have just as much of a villain complex as any other moon, but he'd have less of a victim complex. like uve seen dark sun and how manipulative he is and um. perhaps projecting here again lol but imo i feel like he's been convinced, more than any other moon, that he deserved all of the torture he went thru, and that he has no right to be upset about it or externalize any of those emotions (w the implication from his sun being that ''you hurt me, so you have no right to be upset abt me hurting you back''). i think most of his emotions regarding what happened would be more... dissociative, putting his sun above/before himself in every situation

i do think he'd prob have insane communication issues lol + hed also DEF have a fawn response

idk my brain latched onto ds!moon super hard lol. initially it was a "haha omg character w an abuser that is super charismatic and manipulative, and who is also abused as a method of 'punishment' and probably told constantly that they are inherently evil w no chance of redemption? omg hes just like me frfr" (i mean. i also kin moon in general, both game canon and tsams canon so like. *handshake* there as well)

and then i looked at the tsams episode he was part of and went :X ah. hes even more relatable. this reminds me a bit Too much of my abuse actually. like i legit call the abuse i went thru torture, tho it was emotional instead of anything physical (in addition to sexual abuse via coercion). like specifically the line of like. dark sun never having actually killed him, but keeping him around and referencing loving him still in some way made me go full like. oop im dead on the ground whoops! ouch! *and dark sun not even killing his moon himself...* like legitimately just like. Not Caring at all abt him. skdjfhsc

*pats dark sun's moon on the head* this bad boy can fit SO much projecting and coping in him!!!!

me, gifting this moon my traits of "i am an inherently evil person who must be punished, must take up as little space as possible, must please my abuser or face them being upset with me (and i would rather die than do that), constantly crying, blame myself for everything going wrong in my relationship w my abuser, thinking i dont deserve their affection but accepting it anyways bc i shouldnt be making them deal w my feelings bc it makes them feel bad, deeply dependent on abuser bc theyre the best person ever and i love them, overprotective of abuser bc they can do no wrong, separation anxiety, abandonment issues, listen to every single word abuser says and do whatever they ask me to do": here u go :)

[lemongogo]

hey im the anon abt gyutaro/ume and i dont remember what happens to demons after they die ?? did i miss smth ? regardless i wanna ask what do you think their fate should be ? cause on one hand i think they're just victims of a cruel world who took the first way out they could find but on the other hand it doesnt rlly justify all the slaughter, and i also think abt the demon slayers who also suffered horrible fates and used it to fuel their determination to save other people from that pain

hi !! i don’t think kny ever explicitly mentions what happens to demons after they die (as in we never have concrete evidence of where they go or how their lives after are spent), but i think the general consensus is that the demons go to hell. 

in some cases, the family can decide to go with them (ex: rui and i think akaza? if i remember correctly?) but their fate is pretty much sealed from that point forward i believe. 

heres a pic of gyuutarou and ume, actually, in chapter 97 !!

but yeah !! thats something i think about a lot tbh. as you mentioned, many of the demons we’ve seen have either been groomed into demonhood (rui, ume, susamaru, etc.) or had their pain and suffering exploited (akaza, gyuutarou) for the sake of advancing other demons’ plans (muzan, douma, etc). so i agree ! a lot of these characters are unfortunate victims in themselves and its impossible to view their stories without incorporating the struggles they’ve had to face as both humans AND demons. especially considering that lots of these individuals experience muzan’s abuse regardless of their status relative to him (such as with the upper and lower moons). i think this is best explained through akaza’s relationship with muzan,

(ch. 67)

(ch.156)

and further explored though tanjiro’s observation of rui’s death. he notes that being a demon, for most, is an existence punctuated by extreme grief and despair, and that’s equally supported, i think, by the humanization of these demons following death. that their original conscious is restored (albeit with knowledge of everything they’ve done) and are oftentimes plagued by the guilt of what’s happened.

(ch.43)

what he says here is probably what sums it up for me. that while it’s important to condemn these demons and hold them accountable for the truly awful things they’ve done, it’s also important to consider the suffering they've experienced through existence alone. its so !! complex !! and thats what i love about kny. i love how .. you have some demons who are entirely despicable and bask in the carnage they create, but you also have some for whom demonhood was simply what appeared to be the only answer towards living a healthier life or righting the wrongs that’ve been done to them (usually with false promises and manipulation unbeknownst to them). and .. its so hard to figure out where to.. draw that line. or view these characters at least. because you sympathize with their pain, but you also realize that their actions have caused endless pain for many hundreds of people. tanjiro losing his entire family, giyuu losing his. shinobu watching her sister die before her very eyes, and kanao the same. the ubuyashiki family’s curse or the slaughter of himejima’s children. you look at characters like sanemi, shinobu, or giyuu and understand that you cannot invalidate their view of demons either. while kanae and tanjiro may find hope and humanity in demons, they exist as monsters who feast on pain to everyone else. its important not to discredit their perspective when making a personal choice to observe the demons’ hardships yknow. shinobu’s anger is just as warranted as tanjiro’s optimism and that neither are wrong for how they personally feel demons should be handled after death. 

im like. AAAAAAAA theres so much to it , its really hard for me to condense into a few sentences AHAHA im so sry for making u read this if u still are. but . i guess i’m not too sure. i think maybe, had i experienced the same pain as those above, it would be easy for me to say the demons deserve to go to the worst hell imaginable regardless of what they’ve gone through because that history isn’t accessible to everyone like it has been the audience (or that they’ve seemingly made the conscious decision to cause harm w/o understanding the ways in which demonhood obscures their original conscious/morality). but at the same time, you have those like tanjiro whose world view is shaped by positive encounters with demons like nezuko, tamayo, yushirou, etc. where it seems very evident that . theres more to it than what meets the eye. 

one of my friends ive talked to about this had a rly good perspective on it thats kinda stuck with me since !! she said she likes to view their conclusion as some . separation of identity?? if that makes sense?? that the demon side of them goes to hell while their human form goes to heaven (or division into whichever afterlife). and !! i think thats a really neat interpretation because there’s obvious descrepancy between demon personas and human personas. that the demon personas are like. exaggerations of their flaws, almost (akaza becoming hellbent on battle spirits and physical victories when hajuki’s fury & determination was fueled by love in a sense) while their human personas are the truest sense of self. and depending on which influence there is (muzan vs the appearance of loved ones), their identity changes accordingly. so ! idk ! thats one nice way of looking at it. holding their demon personas accountable while also recognizing that many of these characters deserve some form of healing after many hundreds of years of abuse. its hard because ofc i don’t want to negate the harms they’ve caused but its also? not cut and dry given the environment they were placed in and the fact that muzan’s blood essentially removes their humanity against their will you know. so in this way at least you have both forms of self receiving the proper conclusion. 

whwhwhw so im. !!!!!!!!!!!! ah !! i can’t say i have a definite answer but i think the one above is smth thats comforting to me. i think the story settles with sending them to hell once they’ve regained their past self but also .. “softens” it by providing them company by their loved ones who are willing to go w them?? so thats rly cool to look at too. because it holds them accountable for all that’s happened but also.. recognizes that they’re not wholly responsible for it either and that .. even in hell they’re able to keep their connections and human emotions/experiences . its tragic yet oddly. fitting, i think, of the kny narrative. while i like the aforementioned interpretation, i also really.. appreciate the way its set up in canon too. like yeah i want the best for them but also. it fits in with the tragic nature of demonhood and what it meant for them all. oddly enough. 

u make a good point too !! about demon slayers experiencing the same hardships but using their pain to help others. i think a lot of it is plainly chalked up to luck in terms of.. what they were exposed to following tragedy. how shinobu and kanae were saved by himejima, tanjiro saved by giyuu, kanao picked up by shinobu and kanae, sanemi given the guidance of kagaya while akaza was killed by muzan during his lowest moment, ume and gyuutarou were cornered by douma, rui misled by muzan, etc. i think circumstance is definitely a large factor in determining the paths that were taken. such as sanemi’s anger being validated and heard by ubuyashiki vs, say, akaza’s same anger being intentionally exploited for muzan’s gain.

aaa anyways. theres a lot 2 be said about this. like. SO much on my mind and obviously the extent of muzan’s abuse goes far deeper than what’s briefly mentioned here but.  i love talking about the complexities of kny . and how i view the demons vs the corps and how each of them have grown into their respective stories . AA but ill end it here THNK U >> also so sry for making u read thru all of this i get so excited i could talk abt kny all day long if i had the chance AAA 

[brw]

Simon Williams

first impression - well, at first i only rlly knew him as the guy who has vision's brainwaves who also dated wanda! so i didn't rlly like him much, because obviously there are. those panels of him hurting her and beyond being a bad actor and also not rlly being great to vision those were. the only personality traits he had. but i got interested one day and decided to search him up and? discovered he had an Interesting Relationship with a certain hank mccoy and this didn't rlly add up to what i knew abt him previously so i was inspired to read some stuff and. then i was hooked hsjsjeje

impression now - honestly he is SO underrated. like he. gets written weirdly... a lot and its very obvious that a lot of writers dont know how to write him outside his relationship w/ wanda but he's honestly cool! he makes a lot of mistakes but he genuinely wants to do good for people and he also sees the best in everyone. like he was vocally in support of wanda, and seemed completely understanding & accepting of hank when he told him all the bad he'd done over the years. he's also canonically a victim of abuse at the hands of his father & elder brother, which still seems to effect him and his relationships even now. and that abuse makes his decision to be a pacifist all the more potent and meaningful. he's also been implied to have suffered from an anxiety disorder & an eating disorder so like. he is genuinely an interesting and compelling character, it's just a shame he so often gets reduced to "guy wanda sometimes dates who doesn't like vision and doesn't know how to act" smh :/

favourite moment - ooo boy... its hard to say. but. probably his arc where he calls the avengers out on their bullshit in what i think was avengers vol 4. and it's a shame they kinda fucked it over and chalked it up to him being unstable because he genuinely had points. he wasn't wrong. like sure i think. threatening to chuck the avengers tower or whatever into the sea was a little extreme but he did genuinely have a point. and also then straight up told hank he loved him so I'm. hsjsjhjehjjrje. this was a good arc anyway and it's a shame they ruined it. special mention though to his talk w/ hank in uncanny avengers vol 2 #28 (i think it was 28 but it could also have been 25 i. can't remember jsjsjej) because that was genuinely also super sweet and shows how he's willing to grow <3 another special mention to his scenes in vision and the scarlet witch because i think we deserve more content of simon and vision being good family members

idea for a story - with our current understanding of child abuse i would LOVE to see him explore his past and actually get help for it. because it did genuinely affect him for some time and while i think him becoming a pacifist did help i also know that. isn't enough to make years of repressed trauma go away lol. i also think were he to meaningfully think about what he went thru w/ his brother eric, he'd be better able to build a stronger and less strained relationship with vision. and i also think it would be helpful if simon, with our current understanding of eating disorders, had that be a canonical part of him. because he doesn't look like someone w/ an ED. and i think it would be important to see a man who looks muscular and healthy struggle w/ that. just generally. character development. i think it would also be good to bring up his issues w/ amora the enchantress (who was implied to have r*ped him) because while his 90s solo series did bring it up it was also. the 90s jajsjsjsjs. i just basically think something similar to his other series but with better writing and a better understanding of what we're talking about.

unpopular opinion - probably that his relationship w/ wanda is um very unhealthy, on both sides. on one hand, when simon was unstable he violently attacked her and tried to kill her. and that is... not good in the slightest, and him being in emotional distress and physically being unstable due to his ions doesn't excuse that in the slightest. simon also had an issue of putting wanda on an unattainable pedestal, which as someone who did that exact thing with a past partner is not healthy at all. you should be able to admit your partner has flaws and is human, and he did not and could not. but also, wanda hasn't been awfully good to simon either. like for a while she refused to be upfront about her feelings to him, and she slept with him while he was still in incredible emotional distress and upset. and imo because of that he. wasn't rlly in a position to meaningfully consent. so yeah. his and wanda's relationship, even without the relation to vision (which makes it worse) has never rlly been healthy.

favourite relationship - his and hank's! tbh it's probably the best one he has. those two. really love each other it is very sweet. they've both obviously grown a lot but i still think they're good/best friends and their relationship, romantic or platonic is obviously very important to the both of them. they're. very close together and i hope that at some point we can. see them be avengers together again because they were so funny sjshwnsnejen. but i also really like his relationship w/ vision when it's written well, because the two of them have. obviously been thru a lot in their own familial relationships so seeing the two of them have some semblance of "normal" with each other is very sweet. i also like the mental relationship of him being viv's uncle a lot. its not canon yet but i have hopes 🤞 he was a good uncle to tommy and billy growing up so by logic he should be a good uncle to viv too!

favourite headcanon - hmmm, probably the one i have now that he is jewish. idk it just. works with him! he is after all a kirby creation. but there's also one i have where he played the violin when he was younger, which also works with him. like idk. it's seems like a thing rich ppl make their kids do and it fits with him 😊

send me a character!

[rifnas]

I quit my job. I had to. I’m constantly on the verge of a panic attack. Being a domestic violence advocate is not at all what it sounds like. And I quickly understood why I was hired, on the spot. It was like being a house mom. And the majority of the residents take advantage of the program. It’s constant drama between all the women. I’d have one person constantly say mean shit about others, for no reason, one who always needed attention, and when she wasn’t getting it, she wanted to know what she did wrong, another who couldn’t get along with anyone- no matter what, one with 5 kids, who hardly listened to her, not that she tried hard to get them to listen, either.... it was like constant babysitting a bunch of grown women.. and before you think I’m judging women who’ve been thru domestic violence— I took the job due to my own experience and trauma. I wanted to help those who’d gone thru what I’d gone thru. But that’s not what the job was. Don’t get me wrong, all of these residents, had, in one way or another, been a recent victim of abuse- emotional or physical- and didn’t have anyone else around to help them. But you’d think that would make them grateful, and do all they could to succeed within our program. But a lot of these women also had cohabitation issues, were just lazy, and some probably, honestly, could’ve done fine without us.. there isn’t a certain type of person that gets abused.. and we’d get all kinds- those that needed us, and those that probably didn’t need us.. and most didn’t want to be there.. but everyone had the problem of thinking their problems were the worst. They didn’t care how those of us trying to help them may have felt. And some of us were just as bad off as them, it had just been a minute since our trauma.. but the more I forced myself to go in, push my own feelings and brokenness down, and be the person in charge, the more I felt I was going to lose it.. my ptsd was constantly being triggered.. I was crying before, during, and after work., my mind making me physically sick.. we were understaffed from before the day I started, six months ago.. I kept being told “it isn’t always like this,” just for it to “always be like this.” One time when I told them I was much to sick to come in, they told me I could put a mattress on the floor! No one, not even the boss, would cover shifts when someone said they needed off, no matter how bad they really needed off.. the anxiety of having to go in, no matter HOW I was feeling, was awful! When I was interviewed, I was told part time, they couldn’t schedule me more than 20-25 hours.. almost every week, I was scheduled 24-32. Shifts were 8 straight hours, with no breaks because you were the only one there. I could step outside and smoke whenever, and a lot of time was spent just hanging out in an office.. but the residents never stopped.. there was always something someone needed. Someone was always crying about someone else. They knew the rules, but would break them anyway. Writing them up changed nothing. They’d step on me, put me in awkward or uncomfortable positions. And I mentioned the way I was made to feel, more than once, to my superiors. Other advocates felt the same. But nothing changed. I truly tried my hardest to keep pushing, to make everyone else happy.. but the more I pushed, the more scared I became, the more worried I was afraid I was going to lose it. How can a place that supposed to help and care for others, those who’ve been abused and traumatized, help anyone, when they can’t help those they employee— with the same issues as their residents??? How can I help someone, do my job, if I’m not getting the same respect or help from those above and around me? So many times I questioned if I needed to admit myself to the hospital just for these feelings to be valid, heard… So. I’m going to try to find another job, but in the meantime, I’m going to try to get back in to see a doctor.. and if anyone could please help, donate to my grocery bill, my cashapp is $Morrigana91, and my paypal is $missba1991 .. Whatever you can spare would help..

[reexmarie]

mask off

hello everyone,

my name is Risa Marie & i deal w #borderlinepersonalitydisorder , extreme anxiety & Ptsd & i’m done living in the dark & fighting this battle alone , i’m shaking while typing this . no one understands this battle at times and i confuse people . this retrograde is helping me heal completely .. i wish people knew the draining thoughts that plagued my head “your not good enough, your a failure, just give up, please kill yourself, your an unworthy piece of shit” when i’m around a group of people i freeze bcuz for 5/6 years i was bullied everyday HUMILIATED so i subconsciously til this day feel like people are out to get me & hate me . i’ve been praying for this day for a long time . i always felt so damn empty inside & never knew why .. at a young age i endured a lot of mental , physical & sexual abuse by people who were supposed to keep me safe & ppl often get mad because i don’t open up or stay to myself not knowing that i fear them harming me but i long to want to trust & have real bonds w people, no one ever knew this about me no one knows about the real trauma i endured in my life & i did not either because at a young age i learned how to disassociate at a young age & that was how i coped by just forgetting about it . i’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately so i know i’m becoming more ready to handle these long forgotten repressed emotions . i get anxiety so bad my heart races fast and i wanna throw up .. ppl often try to be like stop talking about it& just let it go , stop trying to be a victim . & im not . this shit take up my whole day i’ll replay something in my head over & over trying to figure out why shit happened the way it did . it makes you peep everything , everyone does trying to find meaning in people’s actions , & if you tell ppl what you perceive they will get offended , understandably but then it hurts cuz it’s like i don’t wanna see things thru these lenses yes , my thoughts are irrational but it’s hard at times to not believe them . you can’t even be yourself bcuz your like omg am i going to look stupid ? extremely sensitive to how people treat me & fear often holds me back from pursuing my dreams . i still cut myself sometimes to ease the pain .

“ sorry i stopped talking to you , my anxiety convinced me that you hated me “

& this is the truth .. i wish i could tell y’all how many people have got offended . which is why i don’t take people’s actions personally anymore. we all deal w shit. that’s why i was given this pain because i am a self healer & i will teach the world how to heal too . all the days i would lay in the bed all weekend i wouldn’t eat or drink anything no matter how weak i felt i would just drink alcohol to make the feelings go away , all the nights i cried in the shower on the bathroom floor in the dark room alone wondering where this anger stemmed from . just imagine going to school everyday bullied then u come home& your family calls you nigger , says you’ll be nothing but a hoe, never paying attention to you . then when people in ya fam went thru abuse when they were young and transferred all that pain to you x10 i forgive bcuz they were victims too but why was i 4 years old naked on the bed & y’all tried to make me & my cousin have sex? why do i remember the bruises from what your trying to say was kids playing around when you know for a fact you were abusing me on purpose ? no one ever encouraged me but belittled me my whole life . put down after put down i remember mom when you told me you wish that girl beat me up cuz you were mad at me , ya own family saying hurtful things to you because y’all have a disagreement , sadly i picked up that trait & im so sorry to the people i hurt w my tongue out of spite . it’s all i knew . people laughed cuz i did coke not even knowing that all this emotional turmoil was surfacing i’m all over the place w my stories right now , only a reflection of my head how i’m so scattered & think about 10000 things at once & can’t even stay on the same subject haha , it’s okay ..

let me tell y’all sum good tho , i am now self aware which means I CAN FIGHT BACK & so can you ! fuck medication it’s all about your self awareness ! when i have bad thoughts i fight them back because it’s all mental ! i stop & pray to release these horrible thoughts when i want to not trust people i stop myself & be like we know what this is girl fight back , when i get irritated or stressed i stop everything i do & breath & i know w the right perspective i can handle anything that comes my way .

i won’t make excuses any more i will fight even tho it may be a battle i deal w for the rest of my life i know as the days go by i will get stronger emotionally . i don’t wish to be 25 and angry , still holding all this in & acting out NO . i just want to thank my boyfriend for being my support system & helping me heal his patience & understanding has been a big key in this & he never gave up on me . he reminds me everyday these thoughts are a lie & im better than that . i meditate & do self hypnosis weekly to help clear the stuck emotions . my goal is to be like jesus . loving to all & moved by nothing ! to be in the highest state of consciousness & self awareness at all times . god is using me for glory & i will transmute this pain into purpose ✨

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

love ur imagines&metas sm!! especially about jumin and his relationship with his father. honestly not enough ppl understand what jumin went thru in his childhood bc its mostly implied in the game unlike how zen&seven's childhoods are discussed openly. can i request an imagine where mc also has a bad relationship with her father like jumin, except her father was more aggressive&manipulative? you can write the rfa(v too!)& saeran or just jumin for this one, its up to u tbh!!

Gosh, thank you!

Okay so the important thing to note here is that Jumin personally doesn’t think he has a bad relationship with his father. More specifically, he refuses to accept it. Their relationship is like boss/employee and very deeply complicated and one of severe emotional neglect, but Jumin is only in his twenties and in the main game he is still coming to terms with the fact that his circumstances were not normal. It’s for this reason that in one breath that he says he had a good father and in the next complains at length about Chief Han’s behaviour. It’s only in his route that you even get to scrape the surface and it’s so very important to note that even when Chief Han is at his most unreasonable and arranging his son’s marriage, Jumin still defends him as a good father and claims they are close, when it is visibly untrue to the point of being heartbreaking.

ANYWAY so MC’s relationship with their father being more explicit would cause a lot of internal conflict for him, because on the one hand he would constantly be like ‘your father should respect you, parents should care for their children’, all while going on to excuse his own father’s bad behaviour. And I’m also curious about how this would sit with MC. MC I’m assuming doesn’t excuse their father’s behaviour? MC, I’m assuming, calls Jumin out on his hypocrisy?

Like on the one hand Jumin and MC would really understand each other, but Jumin would always be in denial and refuse to believe he was a victim and had anything lacking (the early stages of any emotional abuse recovery is refusing to believe you are a survivor because you were provided for and your parents didn’t physically hit you) and I feel like it would cause a lot of arguments.