#it reminds me of a crayola marker

[noirrest]

They beat the shit out of each other as kids

[lowkeyrobin]

headcannons where quackity's s/o has tattoos? could also be nsfw, if you're comfortable with it :))

I don't write NSFW but I can definitely do the tattoo part! thanks for requesting!! I don't think I've actually posted a quackity focused thing yet which is surprising to me bc I have like 3 drafts for him LMAO

QUACKITY ; tattooed lover

summary ; you have tattoos and your boyfriend is head over heels

warnings ; language; talk of needles / pain of tattoos, use of quackitys real name (lmk if I should change it!)

word count ; 670

genre ; fluff

masterlist

In general, he'll act normal about all your tattoos and whatnot, but inside every time he sees your arms (especially if you have sleeves or some sick ones around your wrists that trail up your arm even a bit) he'll just get a little red in the cheeks. He absolutely loves all your ink. He thinks it's so sick, but he's not committed enough to get any, and he doesn't think he has the pain tolerance.

he went with you to get a new tattoo on your shoulder/upper arm area

he learned you'd be there for like 5 hours and he groaned like a shitty iPad kid and took his phone out while he threatened to call Philza

once he saw the tattoo gun... oh lord it was over

literally whisper shouted at you while the artist got up to get gloves

"that's what you're getting jabbed with??? why are we here again???"

genuinely can't look

once he hears the buzzing he turns his music on and he's staring down while he sits on the couch across from you

"Alex, look!" you smile, "I'm fine"

"how do I know you're not a clone?"

"Holy shit. dude it's the quackityhq duck, that's why I brought you along"

"WAIT WHAT?"

it's not a big tattoo whatsoever, but it's a reminder that he's always with you, how you've grown together and how that's always going to be an era of your content you'd never forget about

literally gets emotional about it

"You didn't have-"

"I wanted to, for the millionth time"

he genuinely didn't know tattoos were so expensive, once you leave he questions why it was 450 dollars and you explain to him how tattoo artist income works

He's not the one to want to peel off the second skin or pop the ink bubbles or even touch the tattoo until the skin goes back to normal. He's just kinda freaked out for some reason, it's just one of those things and it honestly makes sense.

He takes some dedicated time to sniff all the lotions and numbing creams and comment on each and every one, though. All while you're trying to do some aftercare on it and shit, and you just watch.

"this one smells like buttercream icing"

"yeah?"

"ew, this one smells like badboyhalo's ass!"

"why would you even know that? 😁"

If you have any tats without color, Alex will gladly color them in with washable markers like you're a walking coloring book. He'll literally call for you and ask you if he can color on you again, it's cute, really.

"y/n/n, can I color your tattoos again?"

"aren't you streaming?"

"so?"

"yeah, fine"

he has a whole gallon sized ziploc bag filled with Crayola washable markers

like he goes from playing on the qsmp and hanging out with some people to coloring all over you while said people watch 😭

you wave to his friends like "Hello, I am his walking therapy coloring book"

he's like a little kid. You just look over at him like, "Holy shit I could love you forever wtf"

Sometimes, he'll just draw you new tattoos (with washable markers dw) cause he gets bored and wants to doodle on you. Most of the time it ends up being stick figures and dicks but it's okay, it's his way of showing affection.

He'll genuinely think of song that remind him of each of your tattoos. Somehow, some way, he does. He has a whole playlist titled 'Y/n's tattoos', and he rarely listens to it, but he thinks it's fun to think of a new song when you get another tattoo.

Although he is a little concerned because what's gonna happen when you're old and wrinkly? How do the tattoos last? Do they become old and wrinkly like the tattooed grandmas meme? Because if so, he'll rip on you til the end of time.

"well I have a long time before I look like a tattooed elderly person, but okay"

"So you will? Oh my fucking God! BAHAHAHA"

[runawaycarouselhorse]

@0461's blog reminds me of when I was a little kid, before my dad got cable [so until I was like 7 years old), when we had only two TV channels (if I messed with the antennae, I'd sometimes get a grainy, black and white signal from nearby Bahrain or Kuwait--Saudi Channels 1 and 2. Saudi Channel 2 was (it no longer exists) for the American and British ex-pats in Aramco and had TV shows in English, but it was mostly old stuff, like English-dubbed Kimba, Mr. Bean, 50's shows, some 80's-90's toons.

The Arabic Saudi Channel 1 (which still exists) had Maruko, Doraemon, fairy tale anime, and aired a lot of the same classic cartoons as the English channel did (... but with cuts and a bit less respect for child viewers, imaging we won't notice if they cut away mid-episode and then put on a different cartoon afterwards... which put me off and made me a little original-language-purist at a young age. ^^;;; )

That said, I still have very fond memories of watching those shows, especially as Maruko-chan, Doraemon, and many fairy tale anime never saw an English dub release, so the Arabic dub was the only way I could've seen them as a kid!

... also reminded of all those cute and colourful, but very cheap, pens, highlighters, markers, stationary, etc., with cute Sanrio characters or other cute mascot characters that... well, didn't work very well for art, so I knew to buy something of higher quality like something from Faber-Castell or Crayola, but they were so cute or sometimes had pleasant smells, so you couldn't fully regret buying them once... they're just cute to look at.

(Looking it up, looks like there are higher quality art markers and such that's Sanrio-branded, but I only meant the cheap, schoolkid-geared stationary, sometimes not even officially licensed products, but Sanrio's too huge to care...)

Mostly Japanese stationary on that blog, we also had some really cute Korean stationary like Orange Story sold here... those characters were so cute.

@tamatoch it's a blog like yours, you'd like it, I think! ^^ If you didn't already know it...

... one of my little lined notepads I used as a sketchpad as a kid seems to be a knock-off of Orange Story, even.

Top right's a knock-off of Pink Hana, but with some effort to change the hair and outfit up, so kind of creative for a knock-off! Bottom left looks like it's mixing a Cherry-like face with this White outfit, but with jeans? (This picture is from this page collecting Orange Story images.)

[fitgothgirl]

Haven’t been taking good care of myself. I haven’t been to the gym in about 3 weeks, and even then I was just doing strength training about twice a week. No cardio, not enough daily steps, not enough water, diet was really hit or miss. I kept wanting to get things going but had been struggling to take myself any further. And of course my diet is more-so on the “miss” side more recently with the holidays.

I want to use the refreshing new year to get back on track and refocus, as so many do. My bf is in the same mindset - he was saying although 2022 has been good, he doesn’t feel good about having a pretty stagnant year physically and wants to start walking and get back to his Peloton.

I’d also like to get into therapy with the new year. I’ve been wanting it for a while as some of you may know and have struggled in regard to getting something solid due to financials or my insurance. But I now know what my insurance will be next year and I wasn’t required to switch to a shitty plan that I thought I was going to have to take. So now I can call the person my psychiatrist referred me to a couple months ago.

One newer thing is I’ve suddenly gotten super into adult color by number books. I bought one about a week ago and only have one of the 27 pictures left undone. I use Crayola Super Tip markers which I love; it’s so satisfying to just glide it along the edge of a line, and they can be fine or bold. So much more satisfying than colored pencils IMO haha. Almost reminds me of the glide of a paintbrush. And color by number is so much better for me than regular coloring books because with the latter, I stress too much that I’m not picking the “right” color since I’m not really artistic.

Anyway, I’ve ordered 2 more books now, both with over 90 pictures each lol... I get so hyper-focused on them, I swear I almost can’t stop sometimes. But it’s so much better of an activity than rewatching the same shows or taking in toxic shit on the internet. And it’s something to do with my hands, which is really good for me; if I’m just watching or listening to something and my hands aren’t occupied with eating or smoking weed or scrolling on my phone, then they want to be eating or smoking weed or scrolling on my phone... Cross-stitch is also good but a little less mindless and a little harder on my fingers, so I don’t turn to it as easily as this. This is almost becoming a compulsion lol. Definitely worse things in the world though.

[writers-ex]

Hey there I know I'm asking a random Tumblr writer but I saw y'all talking about studying and such,can you guys please give me advice on studying effectively? My parents don't know how to help and I'm genuinely like..dumb, but I will try my best , I am trying my best but it's just not working,I'm at the brink of giving up but I believe that I can do it but the goal is soo.far.away. , great now I'm teary eyed. Academically sexy people please help

i LOVE giving study tips <33333333 no one usually listens to me but maybe these will help you ^-^)

depending on the subject its best to have a color system with pens or markers/highlighters, keep it at 3 colors to start and then add more as you see fit YOU DON"T NEED NO FANCY MARKERS GO BUY CRAYOLA OR OFF BRAND MARKERS AINT NO ONE JUDGING YOU///ex. blue-review/exam questions you got wrong to go back and study, red- impt terms/remember this, black- examples/dates/names/lecture notes

PLEASE- write a mini review/summary of what you learned that day/ch like on a sticky note or make a journal/google doc just for reviews or even on the textbook, having smt to look back on will help refresh your memory b4 the exam VS being like me and spending a whole weekend reviewing 80 chapters but not being able to really understand it and failing my exam by a point UGH

if you fail just suck it up and keep going, i still need to remind myself this but like as long as you pass be it the lowest score possible or the highest as long as you make it by the borderline score that's all that matters

READ THE CHAPTER/MATERIAL B4HAND, omg this helped me soooooooo much and also on a sticky or separate sheet of paper/or like doodle a question mark write questions abt what you didn't understand and then see if the teacher answers them during class, if they don't ask them after class

there are no dumb questions period, its the teacher's job to help you learn as a student, say your question no matter how silly or simple bc chances are there are 5 other kids thinking the same thing, if the teacher gives you attitude abt it bc there are some that do ask the internet and others in class maybe they'll be able to help/

make a study playlist/collection, i have a youtube playlist dedicated to classical music, lofi, video game soundtracks, or chinese instrumentals to listen to while i study bc it just makes it more pleasant and my house is too noisy so i just listen to music and study

DRINK WATER!!! and snack on smt too

do yourself a favor and try the 25 min study and 5 min break method, just when you do your break actually get up and walk around or use the bathroom don't just sit there, and come back ontime

do a little tracker thingy, like make check boxes/list of what you need to do and give yourself the joy of filling in all the boxes with a check or sticker and reward youreslf afterwards

keep track of your deadlines <333 like make a reminder on your phone or sticky note it

if you geniunely can't study or feel stuck stop for the day and take a shower, go watch smt nice, play your pizza game on your phone, or eat a meal, you shouldn't be studying 24/7 you're only human

i can do more but i feel like you'll get too scared but one more impt thing is to never ever ever call yourself dumb or look down on your progress, the you you are now is completely different from january you, acknowledge what you've done and take a moment to feel proud of yourself, you did good <3

if you have any other tips and tricks that've helped you plz share in the ask box or comment on this post plz and thank you, hope this helps anon

[halorocks1214]

i recently had to redo my class schedules due to a couple of classes being offered over each other and this process involves using highlighters to signify what class goes to what semester etc. i don't keep a lot of fancy color highlighters in my room but my family has some so i went to the good ol' trusty marker box that i hadn't been to in ages to get some. another tangent to this story is that crayola used to have make-your-own markers (they still might idk) and as a kid i was OBSESSED with crayola markers so OF COURSE i made my own. going to this box reminded me of a deep-seated memory because i came across one of my old make-your-own markers in there (mom why did you keep this.) and it took a few seconds to remember that i did in fact make a color i didn't really like and subsequently named "poopy purple" which i LOST the original of, thus needing to make a copy, but dear GOD did it take a sweet few minutes to remember said story when i first read this

6-8 year old me you have no idea the future psychic damage you will cause one day

[justshoffy-blog]

It feels like I’ve been grappling with this loneliness for longer than I want to admit. I used to think it was just because of moving from a small beach community to a big city, but the more I sit with these thoughts, the more I realize it's not the geography. I felt this same loneliness back when I was at UF, even before that at UCF. I’ve never been that kid who was a “family girl”—if anything, I prefer my distance—but what I crave is friendship, the kind I’ve never been any good at making. That’s what sports were for. Volleyball was my anchor, my inroad to some semblance of connection.

Life revolved around volleyball back then. It was like my 24/7 companion, and I loved it. But now, I’m realizing that maybe those weren’t real friendships; they were just shared schedules, teammates bonded by trauma, and time spent together in practice and on the court. The friendships didn’t extend into anything deeper off the court, and I’m left wondering—was it me? Was I too caught up in moving quickly, refusing to settle for anything less than excellence? I wanted friends, the kind of friendships everyone else seemed to have—friends to blab to about 5 Seconds of Summer or F1 and IndyCar. I want to talk about PREMA and Logan Sargeant and speculate on their plans, not just with my fiancé’s dad.

Am I too tough, too nonchalant, too something that drives people away? I miss the volleyball court, not just for the sport, but for the social connection it forced upon me. The littles—Myra and Raina—who looked up to me, the joy in their eyes when they’d see me come back- coed games with Jared that ended in frustration when my asthma kept us from the finals. But here I sit in Indiana, on my couch, watching Gilmore Girls for the first time. It makes me tear up, sitting here alone, the friendships on the show feeling like a reflection of what I wish I had but don’t.

Do I miss volleyball, or do I miss the people—or just the chance to have something that made socializing easier? My birthday is coming up in less than a week—my golden birthday—and I’ve been sending reminders to my friends, but no one has responded about whether they’re coming. It reminds me of that birthday when I was a kid, inviting the whole class to the park, but only one boy and his brother showed up, with a pack of Crayola markers. Not even the big pack with all the colors, but at least it was name-brand. I was so excited about that Halloween-themed cake. I remember the disappointment like it was yesterday. I got my hopes up then, just like now. I don’t think anyone is coming.

It’ll probably just be Luke and I at Dave & Buster’s. I'm hoping a few of my Indy friends show up. I'm sure Luke’s coworkers are coming—he keeps reminding them. I see him texting them the Canva invite I made, trying not to let me notice, but I always see it. He’s trying so hard to make sure I’m not alone. It’s sweet. But it makes me wonder—why is it so hard to make friends that I don’t have to chase down? Everyone says, “Just reach out,” but I have reached out. I go into the girls’ chat, suggest plans, only to be met with vague answers and empty promises of finding a time. I try to propose other days, but nothing ever happens.

We’ve only been in Indiana for 10 months, and every time someone at work asks me how I like it here, I smile and say, “Oh, I love the seasons,” even though I’m secretly scrolling job sites, hoping something pops up that would take me back to the South. I miss the volleyball family back in Navarre. That would make me happy—being able to play weekend tournaments, feeling like I belong. But I don’t want to be too close to Florida because there’s not a big enough city or sports industry for me there, not if I want to grow my career.

Soon I’ll be 22, and by next fall, I’ll have my master’s. Luke loves it here, and I don’t want to make him pack up and move again after everything he’s done for me. I want to land a job here, let him settle. It’s not that I don’t like it here, but the schools suck. When we have kids, I don’t want to subject them to that. If they want to play volleyball, lacrosse, or baseball, the Midwest isn’t where they’ll grow or thrive. It’s all basketball here, and basketball reminds me of Andrew. Andrew is basketball, and I haven’t figured out how to deal with that yet. Watching him play, going to his tournaments, becoming an OKC Thunder fan because of him—it’s too much. I sometimes look at Thunder job listings, wondering how proud he’d be of me if I worked for them, but we’ll never move to OKC.

I want to be close friends with Ellen and Ava, my Butler girls, but I don’t know how. I text them about Gilmore Girls, and they’re sweet, but I still feel like an outsider. I don’t hate working at Butler, but I hate feeling invisible. The volleyball staff didn’t even acknowledge the defensive analysis code I ran. Maybe I do love volleyball—I want to be part of a team so bad. Or maybe I just want to belong somewhere again.

I think about joining a league, but I hate playing with non-competitive people. I can’t just play for fun, not with strangers. But I’m also out of shape, and I can’t bear the thought of embarrassing myself after all I used to be. I miss the spin classes at UF, but I can’t afford them here. It feels like everything comes back to my part-time job, keeping me stuck. I feel lonely. I’m not the family type, but I am the friend type. I just want friends who text back and care, not just when something is wrong but because they genuinely want to be there.

But here I am, 22, sitting with all these thoughts and no answers.

[kissorkill16]

A Super Christmas: A Sky High Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Will's dressed up like Santa Claus and delivering presents to his friends.

P.S. I probably should've written this yesterday, but it's Christmas, so...

December 24th, Christmas Eve. Christmas was the most wonderful time of the year, and Will was just as excited as anyone else. So excited, that he ordered a Santa Claus costume online and decided to deliver Christmas cheer to all of his friends.

Once he was in the costume, he grabbed his bag full of presents, and flew out the window to Layla's house.

The front of her house was covered in red, white and green flowers, symbolizing the colors of Christmas. It was indeed very beautiful, and so sparkly. Will tried not to get too distracted by the yard, but it was next to impossible, it was too beautiful. Finally, he knocked on the door and Layla answered.

"HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! HELLO, LAYLA, HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD GIRL THIS YEAR?"

Layla was trying to contain herself, but the scene in front of her was too funny to keep herself from laughing.

"Will, is that you?"

"No, it's Santa Claus."

A moment of silence.

Will took the fake beard off.

"Okay, you got me. Merry Christmas, Layla."

"Merry Christmas, Will. Now back to what you were saying. I've been a good girl this year, and what're you doing here?"

"I came by to give you your Christmas present."

"But Christmas isn't until tomorrow."

"I know, but can I still give it to you and let you decide whether or not you want to wait until tomorrow to open it?"

"Sure, I guess."

Layla stepped out of the doorway and let Will pass through, and Will pulled out many different packets of fruit seeds. Seeds for strawberries, apples, cantaloupes, and lemons.

"You got me fruit seeds?"

"Yeah, I even got you lemon seeds so you don't have to worry trying to grow them with your powers."

"Yeah, thanks so much, Will. And double thanks for the lemon seeds, now I can try and make lemons no problem."

Layla gave Will a big kiss on his cheek before letting him leave to deliver more presents, Will was happy to see Layla happy.

Next stop, Zach's apartment.

Open Meadows Apartments, Room #19. Will knocked on the door and waited, Zach opened the door 6 minutes later.

"HO HO HO! MERRY-"

"SANTA CLAUS!?!?!"

Will jumped at that exclamation, that scream could've been louder than Coach Boomer.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! IT'S YOU! IT'S REALLY YOU! I've always wanted to meet you, Santa! I've been extra good this year, and so have my 3 little sisters-"

"Zach, it's me."

Will pulled off his fake beard, Zach deflated.

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it's fine. I'm not really Santa Claus, but I do have a present for you."

Zach happily let Will inside, and waited patiently for what Will brought him for Christmas. Will pulled out a huge brief case full of glow in the dark crayons, colored pencils, and markers. Zach couldn't believe his eyes.

"Oh my gosh, Will. You did not."

"I did. I know how much you like things that glow because they remind you of yourself, so I bought you the biggest glow in the dark Crayola set I could find."

Zach charged at Will, wrapping his arms tightly around him and spinning around, so happy that Will got him something like this.

"Thank you so freaking much!"

Next stop, Magenta's house.

Will flew all the way to a suburban house, and knocked on the door. Magenta answered.

"What do you want?"

"HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAGENTA! HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD GIRL THIS YEAR?"

Magenta didn't answer, just stood there. Emotionless expression on her face.

"You look ridiculous."

"I just came by to give you your Christmas present."

"Christmas is tomorrow, genius."

"I know, and it's your decision whether or not you want to wait until tomorrow to open it."

"Fine."

Will pulled out a tiny purple sweater.

"Turn into a guinea pig and put it on, then transform back into a human."

"Okay...?"

Magenta did exactly that. The sweater was indeed very comfortable, then she turned back into a human, and the sweater was still very snug on her body.

"Wow."

"I know right? Isn't it cool? But I didn't make it, my mom knows a really powerful tailor who designs superhero costumes."

"Well tell your mom and the tailor I said thanks."

"I will."

"And thanks for the sweater."

"You're welcome, Magenta."

Next stop, Ethan's house.

Will was pretty surprised to find out that Ethan lived in an underwater house, not that he cared, it was just so shocking. It brought up so many questions. But either way, Will was going to deliver this present. He tapped on the glass, and when Ethan noticed it, he motioned that he was on his way out and told him to wait out front. Finally, they met face to face.

"HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS, ETHAN! HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY THIS YEAR?"

Ethan couldn't keep himself from snickering.

"Will, why're you dressed up like Santa Claus?"

"I'm just trying to spread some Christmas cheer. Also, I wanted to drop off your present."

"Okay. This couldn't have waited until tomorrow?"

"Yeah I know, because tomorrow's Christmas for real."

"Yes, also, because all of the stores are closed. So how'd you even...?"

"I bought all this stuff 2 weeks early. My family likes to be early rather than on time. So, here."

Will handed Ethan something that looked almost like a genie bottle, but it was more glowy and silver. It was a lava lamp.

"You got me a lava lamp?!"

"Yes."

"I love lava lamps, Will! But I never told you that, so how did you know?"

"Remember when we went Christmas shopping for our families? I saw you looking at it, but you nearly turned into a puddle when you saw the price tag. So I took the liberty of buying it for you."

Ethan pulled Will into a big hug, trying his best to keep his tears at bay.

Only one more house to go. Warren's house.

Will didn't know if Warren would appreciate the unwanted company, trying to deliver a present the day before Christmas. But this was Warren we're talking about, he might not admit it out loud, but Will just knew Warren would love a Christmas present.

Will stopped by the huge house that he couldn't believe was Warren's, but this was the right address. He knocked on the door and waited, but instead of Warren, Warren's mom, Meilin Peace answered the door.

"Oh, hello. You must be Will Stronghold."

"Yes, I am. Is Warren home?"

"Yes, he is. But he's sleeping, he just got back from working a long shift. So I wouldn't bother him if I were you."

Will was disappointed, but also pretty relieved. Disappointed because he really wanted to see the happy look on Warren's face when he got his present, but relieved because he wouldn't have to deal with the wrath of a tired hothead.

"Okay, Ms. Peace. Well, when he does wake up, can you give this to him?"

Will handed her a copy of Nemesis by Brendan Reichs.

"I'll make sure he gets it, honey. Nice Santa Claus costume by the way."

"Thank you so much, ma'am."

And with that, Will flew away.

"Who was at the door, Mom?"

Meilin turned around to see her son, in his pajamas and rubbing his eyes. "Oh hi, honey. It was just your friend Will, he came by to drop off something."

She handed him the book. Warren, who was still tired as shit, was also really surprised to see this. He'd always wanted to read this series by Brendan Reichs, but had never gotten around to it. Mostly because of school and his job.

"Stronghold got this for me?"

"Yes."

"The day before Christmas?"

"Yes."

"...Well alright then."

Back with Will, it was almost 10:00 when he got home. He stripped himself of his Santa Claus costume, and flopped down on his bed. He was exhausted. Flying around late at night trying to deliver presents to his friends. He just wanted to go to sleep and wait until tomorrow to give his parents their presents, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning. December 25th, Christmas Day. Will woke up, ready to give his parents their presents, he walked downstairs to see his parents, already in the living room.

"Hey, Will. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, you?"

"We slept well. There's actually a surprise for you at the front door."

Will was curious. He ran to the front door, and what he saw absolutely blew his mind. There were five presents, and each one was colored with different types of wrapping paper. Green and orange, black and red, purple and pink, yellow and green, and orange and blue. He could tell which present came from who.

He was touched to see all of this. Absolutely touched.

"Son, you can bring those to the living room. It's time to open presents!"

Will picked up all of the presents, and carried them to the living room. This was indeed a very merry Christmas.

[lupineleigh]

This is a historical artifact from 1992. Possibly 1991. At least for me it’s a huge piece of my literary history.

I’m a born story teller. I can remember coming up with original stories and original characters since I was four years old, possibly younger.

I wanted to share an idea for a story to act out with a friend and since I never knew when I’d see my busy friend again, I had to write down my ideas to make sure I did not forget them. I also suffer from poor short term memory and Executive Dysfunction which leads to choice paralysis, time blindness, and struggling to start and finish tasks. Because of this, I have gotten by with making notes for myself everywhere I could find a blank spot to write. Here, you can see me reminding myself what time to bathe so I could get to bed on time without getting fussed at.

Since I didn’t know how to draw Darkwing yet, I traced over a picture of him in my Disney Adventures magazine and put my tracing paper picture in my journal. That was the first year I started using markers, too, as my preferred tools for coloring were my awful, cheap, scribbly colored pencils, or my smelly childhood box of Crayola crayons with the built in sharpener.

I started my first Darkwing Duck fanfic in this journal. It was originally going to be a play between me and my then best friend, but I got stumped on how to include her in the story, since I knew she’d want an important role. I asked her for ideas and wrote the ending as she relayed it, with her as the random side character barreling in to save the day and defeat the whole hoard of villains. She was happy with that ending. I…was not. I wanted the hero to actually do something besides be the damsel in distress. 😆 So I started a new copy on loose leaf lined note paper. I redrew DW in the same pose and tried to draw Audubon Bay Bridge, and copied down my favorite prose that I wrote as a kid, and embellished the story with more details, more setting and mood, and ended up with a lot more angst. I remember taking my folder with all those loose pieces of paper on a trip to Arizona and New Mexico and trying to write in the car, and on my grandma’s coffee table. Physical comfort always took a sideline to my need to pour out an ongoing story while I was in Writing Mode. Even though I did not have access to Darkwing Duck episodes or comics then, I wrote from memory and later looked for the comics and episodes I referred to.

**Long post and triggering story ahead. Proceed with caution. Mentions of depression, cancer, death, grief, etc. **

Fast forward to 2010. I finally finished my hard copy of “The Villains’ Revolt” and decided it was high time to start typing the darn thing before my pencil copy became too blurry and faded to read. It was August 11, around six pm… I had just typed “One night, the city of St. Canard was unusually quiet.” And then I got hit with the worst bombshell of my life… My mom came in and said my dad, who was laying on a cot in our living room, suffering from debilitating, rare Lung Cancer that attacked his spinal fluid and shut down his organs and body functions one by one over the course of four months, was on his last breath. She asked me to come downstairs.

I saved my file, turned off the computer, left “Villains’ Revolt” on my desk, and descended into the worst depression of my life. I held my dad’s hand, read to him, showed him magazine pictures, choked out a song for him with other family members, and told him it was okay to let go… That we’d be okay… I was not okay. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted a miracle. I got one, but it was more like a hallucination than the miracle I was praying for… Dad gasped his last, and I hugged him one last time and walked away, told the hospice nurse I was okay, and shut down for the rest of the month, letting my relatives handle all the arrangements. It was awful. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my chest. It was a weight I physically carried for the next fifteen months. I could not think, feel, or do anything normal without crying or feeling like I was watching from some other plain or existence. I could feel myself slipping away and feared leaving my devastated, depression-paralyzed mother alone. She wasn’t cooking, doing laundry, cleaning or doing anything for herself then except laying in bed for weeks and filling out forms and making phone calls. We were both overwhelmed.

I stepped up. I took over all the housework, lawn care, cooking, cleaning, and tried to find a new normal for Mom and me. I struggled to keep us on a meal schedule and sleep schedule. I struggled to be present for myself and my dog, who stayed quietly by my side, even when I forgot to feed or walk him. We survived. We pulled through.

But my heart needed an outlet. I had to release that volcano of feelings somehow.

I started a new story. “My Daughter, My Life.” I poured everything into that. All of my pain, fear, grief, confusion, vulnerability, struggles to make a new normal and find who I was again without the guidance of a parent or mentor, or even a friend. I was completely isolated by physical distance and emotional distance from everyone I knew…

Writing kept me alive. It gave me purpose. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with a story I could never publish but I had to have a safe outlet to process my feelings and project onto characters who I could relate to.

It was exhausting and painful but I finished three stories, and a bit of research led me to Fan fiction .net. I was scared to share so much of myself, but I was so lonely, even a critique would have been welcome. Just being noticed and acknowledged as a living person was enough. I figured the worst that could happen was I’d be ignored. I’d lose nothing by posting. So I did.

That is my history, and the beginning of the new me.

My stories were accepted with open arms, and a fan wrote to me to suggest a new story idea based off of my short story. I did some more research, and found a whole fandom on a forum I never knew existed. I needed a little bit of encouragement to approach so many strangers online, but I joined the forum and quickly found a friendly fun community that made me feel like I actually fit in for the first time in my life.

That community was my home for the next ten years, and it will always have a piece of my heart. They helped me grow so much as a person, opening my eyes and mind and filling me with more dopamine and excitement than I could contain! I had more energy from talking about anthro ducks online than I had as a growing child! It was amazing, and I made some amazing friends online that I still talk with on a near daily basis.

Nice year old me would be surprised to see where old me is now, and very confused by my new perspectives, but she’d be relieved to see that I wasn’t alone my whole life. I didn’t suffer endlessly in silence. I’m still here. I’m still writing. And I’ll keep writing for as long as there is a spark of inspiration and flexibility in my aching hands.

This is my story. My past and my present. And I am proud of how far I’ve come. What happens next? Who knows! The future awaits!

[lpfreakification]

Day 2 of Mall of America

Meds, got up at 7 am, ate breakfast, + got ready for rides 🤩

The top most intense rides were:

1. Avatar The Last Airbender

2. SpongeBob Rock Bottom Plunge

3. Fairly Oddparents

4. Brain Surge

5. TMNT Mutant Masher

After we made our way thru the rides, I felt like I couldn't keep my balance. I wasn't nauseous or anything, thankfully. The sister felt the uneasiness after the 3rd ride. Is that how I'm gonna be like in 1 or 2 years? It could also be my meds that I lasted longer than her :P Then again, we did get there right on opening time, so we hit those rides with no lines super fast 😅

We took a mini shopping break near the rides to regain balance.

The Nickelodeon Store:

A SpongeBob can cooler/cover

A shiny Surprised Patrick enamel pin

A shiny Imma Head Out SpongeBob enamel pin

The M&M Store

A bag of assorted M&Ms

A keychain

A multipen

Washi tape

We got our thrills in by noon, rested some more, had more rides in, + we met up for lunch at Cowboy Jack's. I got a soup, a sandwich, + one drink. Bday mini donuts with a big sparkler 😆

I went my separate way + had insane colorful purchases. I am not to be trusted with a card. Believe me. Crayola + Ebisu 😆

Crayola (from the top of my head):

Crayons, crayons, crayons, crayons

A bunch of metal tins for storage + organizing :)

Markers X3

A small sketchbook

A purple stringed backpack

Dry-erase markers AND crayons

I was living my own mini OceaninSpace moment X3

Ebisu

Pens, duh

3 pencil cases

4 washi tapes

Brushes

Then I took a break + sat down to doodle/play with these crayons. Using my oc, Dratica, I was able to blend a red, a razzmatazz, + a metallic maroon crayon. The smoothness!

Makes me think of how much more potential I can do with a combination of the shiny metallic watercolors... on black paper 😸

It was getting close to 5, so I rode SpongeBob one last time. The lines were filling up now that more people were present. Plus, there was a prom going on, too.

After I rode the ride, I was about to sit back down until the sister told me of another art store. BOOM. You can definitely assume how that turned out.

From Typo:

24 pens

Another watercolor sketchbook

A blue tote bag that says "Be A Good Human"

4 gel pen packs

2 watercolor sets

4 brush pen sets

A highlighter set

After another round of Uni Uni Boba, I officially cut myself off from spending 😵‍💫

(Forgot to mention that I spent 60 bucks in cash on a Key Master game in the hope of winning a Nintendo Switch. Close a few times.)

Then we all met back up. Reminds me of how Ventus, Terra, + Aqua met back up in Radiant Garden :) We changed into nicer clothes for bday dinner at Benihanas :)

That was a nice time, I say. Satisfied + not overly stuffed. We walked back on a nice night + chilled.

And that's where I am now. *yawns* I hope to knock out fast bcuz it's getting stuffy in here. Yet, everyone else says it's too cold. ??? Idk. All I know is that we won't do any more shopping tomorrow or in the morning. The interesting challenge would be of fitting our purchases into my tiny blue car. Mexican clown car prevails!

Overall, my bday was full of smiles 😊

I am 29, this is fine...

[stinkbeetleboy]

So big pup finally has a diagnosis about the mass on her foot, and unfortunately it's the big C diagnosis. We've got an appointment with the vet oncologist at the end of the month to discuss our options. I'm sincerely thankful for my support group around me in this time.

We finalized floors for the insurance tonight and will be in to paint the walls of the back bedroom tomorrow. K picked out some oranges that remind me of fiesta ware and I think that's grand. I have been thinking of a southwestern/ desert vibe for a possible nursery anyway so it fits well.

I have been hacking away at the dino quilt of doom. I decided jagged, teeth like designs for the quilting but it means So. Much. Start. And. Stop. It's looking really good though. I used crayola super washable markers to trace the lines so we'll be seeing how well that washes out. I have high hopes!

[verycleverart]

Inktober Day 17: Swollen Prompt List: Official ~Swells of bursting waves~

[planetflos]

✿ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒! | 𝖽𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗃𝗎𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝗏𝖺𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗇 ̥*ೃ♡𓏲

synopsis ⇨ in which i describe what it would be like dating jules vaughn using these cute lil’ headcanons!

pairings ⇨ jules vaughn x fem!eader.

warnings ⇨ sickly sweet, borderline tooth rottening fluff, some swearing, mentions of trauma from past relationships, mentions of nate jacobs—i think that’s about it?

authors notes ⇨ euphoria > anything else on tv! i’m not seeing too much of anything pertaining to jules on here so i decided to put this together at 3 am on a wednesday. the way she has my heart is not okay, i simp hard for her. i had a whole lotta fun writing this and i hope you guys have just as much fun reading ♡.

jules jules jules! my gem, my favorite girl. personally, i feel like dating her would be sticky sweet and super heart warming. she gives off major manic pixie dream girl energy which i loveee!

speaking of love, that’s her goal—that’s her mission. to make you feel loved. her heart is very big and she wears it on her sleeve! i feel like she would leave these cute little sticky notes on your locker down with the sweetest little messages written on them—‘i love you a lot, have an amazing day babe! ☻︎’ ugh. the cutest, i swear.

late night bike rides around the town.

her pulling you in for surprise kisses, wherever whenever.

you two would definitely skip school to go to the beach, skating rink, mall, & etc—sometimes you would have picnics on the beach as well. kat or maddy would join occasionally.

she’s a clingy baby, but never smothering. the fear of you leaving her someone else does cross her mind often, but you always make sure to remind her that there’s no one else and she’s the one for you without a doubt.

thrift store dates…hear me out. jules seems like the kind of gal to love thrifting old clothes, most of her wardrobe is probably thrifted. you two would always come across the cutest finds, causing the other girls in the store to give you dirty looks out of jealousy.

making playlists for each other (spotify > apple music).

going to parties with her and the girls—you guys would dance and drink for a bit until you wander off, checking out the scenery with everyone else. she would get a little nervous but she would remind herself that you wouldn’t do anything stupid or to put yourself in danger—hopefully.

speaking of parties, expect to have a few awkward encounters with either rue or nate. rue would give you two an awkward smile and wave before disappearing into the crowd. after hearing about how jules’s relationship with rue went downhill quickly, you definitely have some thoughts about her. and nate—he would just be staring, trying his best to make you both uncomfy. it doesn’t work, though, because nobody is scared of him. especially not after fezco beat his ass something terrible.

going to museums just to take aesthetic pictures for your instagram theme. 

you two being each other’s biggest supporters no matter what.

her admiring your beauty when you’re talking—doing anything honestly. she always tells you that you’re the most beautiful person in the world.

having sleepovers on the weekend! binge watching puella magi madoka magica, her fave anime ever. you absolutely adore the way her face lights up whenever the show is mentioned, and how hard she smiles while talking when she gives you recaps of all the episodes you missed. this girl really loves you omfg.

jules showing you her sketchbook creations, bonding over markers and pencils, and how crayola is better than krazy art, because krazy art simply sucks.

listening to her rant after a terrible, no good, very bad day.

trying out cute makeup trends on tiktok and pintrest. she slays them. every. single time.

cute lil’ study date sessions—finger foods, music playing in the background, books and pencils scattered everywhere, giving each other total heart eyes. ugh, yes.

most importantly, you guys are not just girlfriends, you’re best friends. jules puts a lot of her in you and you put a lot of your trust in her. <3

[mokkemusic]

I don’t normally think about this and frankly I don’t care anymore cause I accepted it. But there are days when I think about that one boy in high school who wrote an entire essay in crayola magenta marker all about how I was “lower then the dirt under his shoes he walked on”. That’s a direct quote btw and how much his abuse verbally and physically really was the start of the snowball effect that fucked me up for the rest of my life. I made sure to keep that letter on white printer paper in its vibrant color to always remind myself that’s how people thought of me. I remember one day though it fell behind my white dresser and I lost it and I have no idea how it vanished. That felt like an omen.

But I saw something on Twitter today that made me think about it. People get mad or think your just asking for attention when you can’t identify for yourself as pretty or worth anything. And no matter how much my body has changed over the course of years being an adult I will never be comfortable in my skin. I will take pictures when I absolutely need to but the only one thing good about the pandemic is I get to wear a mask everywhere which is something that gives me more security and I’ll never take it off in public now. I don’t want to be pretty but I would just settle for my brain telling me how I looked normal enough to not feel that way when I leave my house. I don’t really ever talk about how insecure I am with how I look that I avoid so many things in life. It’s not just “oh I think I look bad so I’ll just think that while I’m out and about doing this experience” no for me I will just not do the experience- it’s more complicated then that but that was the start and I just thought about the magenta writing today and said man. I wonder how I would feel if that didn’t happen to me. I have a beautiful heart even thought I feel like I am too much at times I feel like that’s a good thing to have so it’s not like I can’t give myself a compliment I can. I have the best personality like pssh I don’t mean to brag here 😌 but I’ll never honestly accept from anyone I look pretty I will just politely say thank you and change the subject cause it’s so uncomfortable for me. Anyways I thought of that today. Anyway I just hate that shade of magenta.

[kjmsupremacist]

cards ‘n’ kisses (yuta/taeyong)

REQUEST (closed, sorry!) from anon: “Could you write something about him ACTUALLY liking someone and flirting with them but because he does it all the time the other person thinks he's just joking around and Yuta being like: The hell? Like how we didn't believe him that he actually spoiled the comeback because he lies all the time. Any pairing, rating and additional plot/ changes would be fine but I think it'd work well with Taeyong?”

Characters: Taeyong, Yuta

Genre: oneshot, getting together, college au, idiot antics, humor, incredibly lighthearted, Valentine’s Day shenanigans

Warnings: mild miscommunication but it’s solved in the matter of sentences haha; one brief and vague allusion to sex

Rating: Teen & Up

Length: 2k

Taeyong was the one to start the tradition, so it’s kind of funny that it would be his undoing. 

It’s just that Taeyong believes any good friendship is inherently a little romantic, and he means that in an unironically no-homo way, despite the fact that he’s very gay. And he really does mean it. He loves his friends a lot, cherishes them with his whole heart. So their freshman year, Taeyong had suggested to his friends that they all make shitty little Valentine’s Day cards for each other, like some of them did in elementary school, when they’d just give each classmate a simple card and a piece of candy.

Everyone thought it would be funny, and kinda cute, so Taeyong got pink and red construction paper, Crayola markers, and an unholy amount of stickers, and it became an annual event. They slip the cards under each other’s doors, hand them off between classes, pass them around over lunch. They each have a signature candy so there’s variation (Taeyong called dibs on candy hearts from day one and has stuck to them firmly), and it’s a silly way to remind each other how much they care about their friendships.

The last couple of years have been a little bittersweet, though, because Taeyong’s been harboring a big fat crush on one of his friends. The problem is, Taeyong is shy, so while he does occasionally try to drop hints, he’s never very successful. And it just kinda hurts a little, to be giving Yuta a platonic Valentine’s Day card when he wants to be giving him a real one.

But it’s fine, you know? He doubts Yuta would reciprocate it (though who knows, he’s kind of hard to read), and even if he would, Taeyong’s not sure he would want to rock the boat that is their friend group. Sure, Taeil and Donghyuck are dating, but that happened as Hyuck was becoming a part of the group, so it wasn’t a huge adjustment. Or maybe Taeyong is just making up excuses so he can continue being a coward. But regardless, he’s decided it’s none of his business.

So when he makes Yuta’s card this year, he makes it just like he makes the others. He adds the same number of stickers, the same amount of candy (one box of candy hearts, taped to the back), and a personal but definitely friendly message: Happy Valentine’s Day, Yuta! Thank you for sticking with me these past three years! and no heart stickers, just in case. 

He delivers them under the doors of those who live on his floor early the next morning before he goes down to breakfast. Yuta is among them; he won’t see him until the end of the day, so he’ll probably find Yuta’s card slid under his door in the same way when he comes back for lunch. 

Mark is in his bio class (yes, Taeyong is, as a junior, just starting his distribution requirements), so they swap cards while they wait for professors to arrive. Mark’s card is messy but cute: he’s drawn little hearts around the edges and written in the center, Happy Valentine’s Day dude! I love you! Taeyong grins and smothers him in a hug even though Mark protests.

“You’re cute, Markie,” he says as he releases him, earning himself a glare from a very red Mark.

His next class is an advanced media studies course. Jaehyun, even though he’s a sophomore, is in it, along with Johnny. They exchange cards; Jaehyun’s has a bunch of little doodles in it, and he’s written in all caps, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, and then underneath that in much smaller lettering, OH YEAH AND HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY OR WHATEVER. Johnny’s says, Happy Valentine’s Jaehyun Day. Taeyong laughs out loud as Jaehyun just grins at his card from Johnny, pleased.

“Yes, yes, we’re all stealing your thunder,” Taeyong says, closing the cards and carefully filing them away. “Which is exactly why we’ve been planning your birthday dinner for months.”

“I just wanted to make sure everyone remembered,” Jaehyun replies, deadpan. 

With these two out of the way, it only leaves Donghyuck. They have class together in the afternoon (yoga, for the P.E. requirement, another thing Taeyong’s been procrastinating on), so during lunch Taeyong heads up to his room to collect the cards from his floormates. 

From Doyoung: happy valentines u weirdo. i’m glad you make us do this

From Jungwoo: Happy Valentine’s Day, Taeyong! Hope it’s as sweet as you!

From Taeil: Happy Valentine’s, Yong-ah. I included a tab of melatonin, so please sleep well!

From Yuta: Taeyong, will you be my Valentine? And underneath, boxes marked “yes” and “also yes”.

Wait, what?

Taeyong rereads it, and then rolls his eyes. Yuta is the kind of person who likes to cause as much chaos as possible. On an alignment chart, he would be a chaotic neutral—his only goal is mayhem, and he delights in it. Most of their friends learned quickly to never trust a word that comes out of his mouth after he made Johnny cry their first year by convincing him they had a test that day that Johnny hadn’t heard about, let alone studied for. He apologized, of course, and Johnny had thought it was funny in retrospect, but it had made all of them wary of his antics. Well, Taeyong reflects as he turns the card over and carefully pulls the matcha Kit-Kat off the back, all of them but Mark, who falls for it every time with a smile on his face. 

Besides, Yuta’s pulled this kind of shit before. He’s always flirting with his friends, with random strangers, even with some of his professors, for fun. He means absolutely no harm by it, and he only does it when it’s obvious he’s joking, so it’s not like he’s stringing anyone along. Unfortunately, Taeyong fell for it anyway, even though he knew it wasn’t real. And now here he is.

This is all to say, Yuta definitely wrote this as a joke. He’s the type to say, “do you want a kiss?” and then pull out a bag of Hershey’s Kisses instead. And that’s fine; honestly, Taeyong shouldn’t have expected anything else. But there’s a part of him that’s genuinely a little hurt. Taeyong wonders if maybe he does know, and he’s making fun of him, but as mischievous as Yuta is, that really doesn’t sound like something he would do. Most likely, Yuta doesn’t know how Taeyong feels about him, and it’s just an unfortunate coincidence. Still, Taeyong’s upset.

He goes through the day as he normally would, trying not to think about it, but it really does suck. Years of wishing for something like this, only to get the bastardization of it as a joke. It doesn’t feel great. But, he concedes, it’s not really Yuta’s fault. It’s Taeyong’s for liking him in the first place.

That evening, as Taeyong’s getting ready for Jaehyun’s birthday dinner, someone knocks on his door. 

“Come in,” Taeyong says absently, too focused on his makeup to consider who it might be.

“Hey.” Taeyong looks up at the sound of Yuta’s voice, meeting his eyes in the mirror. He’s smiling. Taeyong tries to return it with a smile of his own.

“Hey,” he says, refocusing on his reflection. “What’s up?”

“Uh, not much?” Yuta sits down in Taeyong’s beanbag chair in the corner. “Did… did you like my card?”

If Taeyong didn’t know better, he’d say Yuta sounds nervous. Only Yuta doesn’t get nervous, so it must be an extension of his little prank.

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Yeah, it was really funny, Yuta,” he says. “You’ve outdone yourself.”

“What do you mean, funny?” Yuta asks. He sounds confused.

“What, do you want a more in-depth review?” Taeyong asks, setting down his eyeshadow brush and searching for his eyeliner. “Ask Doyoung, then, he’s full of opinions. He’ll tell you what he thought of it in great detail, I’m sure.” 

Maybe he’s being a little terse, but he can’t really blame himself. Sure, Yuta won’t understand, and it’s not his fault, either, but still, it hurts.

“Uh, but I… didn’t give that card to Doyoung,” Yuta says slowly. “Or any of our other friends. Just… just you.”

“You know the running bit you do where you lie about literally anything for fun?” Taeyong says, still laser-focused on lining his waterline. “It stops being funny when you refuse to stop doubling-down. It just gets weird.”

“I’m not lying!” Now Yuta sounds offended. “What are you talking about?”

Taeyong sets down his eyeliner, satisfied, and turns to face him. “Oh, so everyone got a silly, unique card?”

“Oh my god, no, everyone else got pretty much the same generic card,” Yuta says. He laughs incredulously, gesticulating for a moment while he tries to find the words he wants. “I—that’s not—I can’t believe this. I gave you a special one because I fucking like you!”

Taeyong rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, I’m not falling for that, Yuta. I’ve known you for too long.”

“No, I’m being serious!” Yuta protests.

“No, you’re not!” Taeyong snaps.

“Oh my god,” Yuta mumbles. “Look, what do I have to do to prove to you that I mean it?”

“I don’t know,” Taeyong says, and then the next thing is out of his mouth before he can think twice. Maybe it’s just because he knows it’ll get Yuta to snap out of it; maybe, selfishly, he just wants Yuta to feel bad like he does. “Cuz the thing is, Yuta, if you’re joking, it’s not funny at all, because I actually really like you. So cut it out.”

The room goes silent for a split second. 

“Taeyong,” Yuta says quietly. “I would never joke about something like this. Not like this. That would be mean. Have I ever been mean to you?”

“No,” Taeyong admits. An idea flashes through his mind and out his mouth before he can stop it. “Okay, so if you wanna prove it to me, then kiss me. Kiss me if you’re serious, right now.”

Another second of stillness, and then Yuta is on his feet, reaching out for Taeyong. He feels hands cupping his jaw, tilting his face upward, and then Yuta’s warm lips on his. Taeyong kisses him back as best he can through his surprise, heart hammering as his brain catches up with his body and he realizes what the fuck is happening. 

“So,” Yuta says when they break apart, “will you be my Valentine?”

Taeyong can’t help it. He bursts out laughing. Maybe it’s nerves, maybe it’s partially a panic response, but everything suddenly feels so ridiculous.

“Stop laughing!” Yuta says, though he’s grinning. “I’m serious! I mean, you kind of have to say yes because I already bought us tickets to the aquarium for this weekend and they’re non-refundable.”

“Oh, that’s bold of you. What if I said no?” Taeyong asks. “Did you know?”

Yuta shrugs. “Not really, no. I just figured it was time to shoot my shot, you know? If you said no, I would’ve just dragged Mark along instead.”

Taeyong squints at him. “Hm,” he says jokingly, tapping his chin. “Sounds kinda suspicious. I think… you might have to kiss me again so I can be sure.”

Yuta’s smile grows, and he leans in again to capture Taeyong’s lips with his own. It’s gentler this time, less chaotic, and Taeyong feels his stomach swoop in excitement. 

“How’s that?” Yuta asks softly.

“I don’t know,” Taeyong says coyly.

Yuta laughs, leaning in close. “I can do more than just kiss you if you’re still not convinced,” he points out, and Taeyong blushes very hard. “You have until the weekend to make up your mind, after all.” But then he pulls back. “But not now. Sorry for messing up your makeup,” he adds, not sounding sorry in the slightest. “We should get going soon, or Jaehyun’ll be sad.”

“Right,” Taeyong says, shaking himself and turning back to his mirror. He catches Yuta’s gaze in the reflection and sees that he’s smirking. “But, um,” he adds, “I’m not doing anything tomorrow. So, you know. You can continue to persuade me then.”

Yuta tries and fails to suppress his smile; it’s blinding and a little predatory, all teeth. “It’s a date,” he says.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD: Season 1: Lonnie Rodiger (A Jay Halstead + Halstead! Sister Imagine)

Any quotes from season one that I put in here, credit obviously goes to the writers of PD. For the sake of my story, Ben Corson was killed when he was 11 so you would've been 10. 

Trigger warning for mentions of rape and murder.

Jay's age: 27

Your age: 13

Jay walked up the steps of the front porch of his childhood home. With how crazy gangs have become the past few weeks, it was hard for him to get a good night's sleep without his phone going off, let alone keep track of what day it was. So, when he walked into the district this morning and learned that it was the day of what would've been Ben Corson's fourteenth birthday, he was crushed. He'd learned how to deal with the pain because it wasn't his best friend, it was the little brother of his ex-girlfriend. But, he was your best friend and, despite the saying that time heals all wounds, this day was still hard on you. It was a bit better than when the night he was killed rolled around each year, but it was hard nonetheless. It was also hard because Jay had to see his dad, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"Hey, Jay. How's work?" Pat Halstead asked as his youngest son entered the house. He was seated in the recliner in the living room, catching the highlights of the Blackhawks game from last night.

"Please don't do that," Jay stated.

"Do what?" Pat asked as he muted the tv.

"Pretend like you care. Pretend like you were there for me when I was Y/N's age because we both know you weren't. Remember that fight I got--"

"Jay? Are we going to the Corsons?" you asked, popping into the living room and stopping your dad and Jay's conversation in its tracks.

"Uh, yeah, c'mon let's go," Jay faltered.

You smiled, but it was more of just tipping one side of your lips upward. Today was a day that didn't warrant full smiles, only half-smiles and maybe a few quiet giggles like when you, Jay, Gail, Danny, and occasionally Allie if she was home, told stories about yours and Ben's escapades when you were younger...when Ben was alive.

"Thanks. I made a card, too." You turned to your dad before you left. "Bye, Dad. See you tonight."

"Bye, don't let her eat too much cake, Jay," your dad replied.

"And just for that, you're getting two pieces," Jay whispered in your ear as soon as you were out on the front porch. You rolled your eyes. "Hey, don't use that teenage sass with me, missy."

"Shut up," you joked. "It's just funny because every time Dad tells you not to do something, you do it anyway. It's probably because it's more fun when you're not allowed to do it."

"Okay, fine, I guess you're right about that."

"Ha, you're wrong about something!"

"Technically, I wasn't wrong. I just said you were right. But, do not tell Will."

"No promises."

You walked up the porch steps and Jay rapped on the door of the Corson's. You took a deep breath, trying to forget the many afternoons after school that you'd do the same exact thing, impatiently waiting for Ben to emerge so that you could both play in the backyard together until one of you got called inside for dinner, not without promises to play with each other the next day.

"You okay?" Jay asked, noticing your change in demeanor from joking with him to solemn in a matter of seconds.

You shrugged, not knowing what to say.

"Jay, Y/N," Gail Corson said as she answered the door after you and Jay had each given her a hug.

You walked inside to the kitchen table, where Ben's dad, Danny, was just sitting, staring into space. "Hey, Danny," Jay said.

"Hi, Jay. Y/N," he replied.

You never knew what to say when it came to this day, so you just handed Danny the envelope. "I, uh, I made a card for Ben," you said. "I don't know if you want to open it and read it or just put it somewhere, I just--"

"I'll open it, sweetheart," Gail interrupted and then took the card from her husband.

You had made the card out of light blue construction paper and had used a navy blue pen to write in your best cursive handwriting, Happy 14th birthday, Ben!, since blue was Ben's favorite color. You hadn't known what else to write, because, what else could you write? Tell him what he was missing out on with being gone and cry so hard while making the card that that marker smudged and bled through the other side of the construction paper? No, you couldn't do that. So, you had resorted to printing out some pictures of you and Ben (some with you, Ben, Jay, Allie, and the occasional one with Will) on computer paper, cut them out, and glued them inside the card. You wanted the card to be filled with happy, funny memories, not sad, sappy writing.

Gail let out a sad laugh. "When was this one taken?"

You looked at the picture she was pointing at. It was a selfie no doubt taken on Allie's old flip phone. In it, Jay and Allie were making funny faces and you and Ben were both smiling proudly because of the work you had done.

Jay was supposed to be babysitting you and Allie was supposed to be babysitting Ben since your parents and his parents had gone out for dinner together. You both should have been in bed in your own separate houses since there was a rule about Allie and Jay not hanging out alone together at home when there were no parents around, but you had lost count of how many times they had broken that rule.

It was around 11 at night when Ben had woken you up with two black, Crayola markers in his hand and had told you that both Jay and Allie were asleep on the couch. So, as quiet as you could, you both tip-toed into the living room, uncapped your markers, and got to work.

You knew they had seen the trouble you two had gotten into when you heard running. You and Ben giggled to yourselves as you heard the water running from the bathroom.

Soon enough, Jay flung your door open. And, you guys just couldn't help yourselves and started to laugh even harder.

Then, to get you back, Jay had tickled you and Allie tickled Ben. Once you had all calmed down, Allie suggested that the four of you take a picture. And, the next time Allie and Ben came over when Jay was babysitting, he was sure to hide all the markers on the top shelf of his bookshelf in his bedroom where there was no way either of you would be able to find them, let alone reach them.

"So, you and Allie did hang out together with no parental supervision," Danny chirped. "Don't do stupid things like your brother here, Y/N."

"Hey," Jay started to defend himself. "We learned our lesson...to hide the markers."

"Do you remember when he got in trouble for pushing some kid on the playground, Gail?" Danny asked his wife.

"Oh, how could I forget that! I got a call from the school saying that Ben was in trouble and I knew on my way over there that he'd be grounded from the tv for weeks. But, then in the car on the ride home, he explained to me that some kid in his grade was telling Y/N she couldn't play with them since she was a grade below them. Then, he pushed him down and said that, yes, she could play."

"You never told me the full story of that, Y/N. What's this kid's name?" Jay asked.

"Jay, it was years ago! Give the overprotective big brother thing a rest, would you?"

"Would you kids like some cake?" Gail asked.

You swallowed. Chocolate on chocolate cake, Ben's favorite and yours. But, now on your birthday, you'd switched to marble just so that you wouldn't be reminded of how Ben would never see you on your birthday again.

Jay noticed your discomfort and how you probably didn't want to start bawling your eyes out just because you didn't want Gail and Danny to start crying, as well. Even though they'd probably done enough crying today as it was.

"Actually, we gotta run. I have to get Y/N home because she has homework to do and I have some police business to tend to," Jay answered, sensing your discomfort as the good detective he was.

"At least let me give you a slice to go," Gail suggested.

Abruptly, Danny stood up and shoved his chair under the table, and left the kitchen. You heard a door slam.

You widened your eyes for a split second and then quickly regained your composure. His son was dead and his killer was still on the loose; he had every right to lash out.

"This is always a tough day for him," Gail started. "He won't eat it. I just end up throwing it out."

Jay nodded. "Small slice." He turned to look at you. "And an even bigger slice for her."

Gail went over to a cupboard and pulled out two Tupperware containers and then two plastic forks from a drawer. Then, she cut two slices of cake and placed them inside the containers, handing you the one that contained the bigger slice.

"Thank you," you said.

"Yes, thank you," Jay agreed. "And, if there's anything either you or Danny need, please don't hesitate to call me."

Gail nodded and the two of you left the Corson's house, cake in hand.

"Happy birthday, Ben," you whispered when you were walking down the steps.

Then, when you got back to your house, Jay pulled out his keys and unlocked his car. "Hop in," he told you.

"Where are we going?" you asked. "I thought you had some police stuff to do?"

"You know how on Mom's birthday, we always go to the cemetery and plant flowers?" he asked. You nodded. That day was always full of crying despite how old you got. Hell, even Jay cried. It was one of the only times that he'd let his guard down and let his emotions take over in full force. "Look in the backseat."

There, sitting on the backseat on a towel so that dirt wouldn't get everywhere, was a carton full of Morning Glories. "Blue. Ben's favorite color."

"Yeah," Jay said, the volume of his voice almost a whisper. "We just have to make a quick pitstop first and then we'll go and plant them." You both buckled up and then Jay actually realized that he might have overlooked something. "You don't actually have a ton of homework to get done, do you?"

"No, even if I did, I wouldn't be able to focus on it." You took a bite of the birthday cake. "Does it get any easier?"

"Does what get any easier?" he asked, while still keeping his eyes on the road, his cake forgotten.

"You know, losing people. I know it'll be hard every year for Mom because she was our mom--"

"First of all, she's still our mom, Y/N. No one is going to replace her. Second of all, continue."

"Sorry, I know you got more time with her and knew her better than I did--"

"Listen, if you ever want to hear stories about Mom or Mom and Dad or anything like that, just ask me. I know you were just a kid, hell you are still just a kid, but you can always ask me about her. Always, okay?"

You nodded, feeling grateful that you at least had one brother who looked out for you. Lord knows Will didn't since he was barely home. You didn't hold a grudge against him or anything like Jay did, you just felt like he wasn't there. And, you knew that him not being there had hurt Jay, so it was hard for the three of you to all act like siblings when you felt like you'd need to jump in and stop a fight between your brothers at any moment. If it was just you and Will or just you and Jay, your relationship was great. But, when it was the three of you together, you could practically feel the tension between Will and Jay.

"So, does it get easier? Losing friends I mean. Like, when their birthdays come around or the day they died, does your heart feel like it isn't being ripped out of your chest every second of those days?"

You assumed that Jay had lost friends when he was overseas, which was why he came home from his second tour a year earlier than scheduled. That and your mom was sick.

"That's how you're feeling with Ben? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I knew you had your own stuff going on with being a detective and all and I know you think you know who did it and I don't want you going to prison."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. My job will never be more important than you." It might be more important than Will, he thought to himself. But, you didn't need to know that piece of information. "But, to answer your question, no it doesn't get any easier. I mean it kinda does, because the pain of losing them isn't as fresh as the years go by, but the day still sucks no matter how many years it's been."

"Then how do you deal with? When those days of the year roll around?"

"Distract yourself to try and forget. But, pretend I didn't tell you that. Go talk to someone instead."

"That's not what you do though, is it? Talk to someone?"

"Do as I say, kid. Do as I say, not as I do."

"Will you ever stop calling me kid? I'm thirteen, Jay!"

"Nope, in my head you're still that four-year-old with the Build-A-Bear."

He pulled the car up to the curb. You looked up as Jay put it in the park. "Why are we here?"

"Just, stay in the car, okay? I'm gonna be right outside, but I just have something I need to take care of."

"Okay."

You knew this house. You weren't going to tell Jay, but you walked past it every day when going to school because it was shorter than taking the route your parents had taught you to take. Jay was the one who actually taught you to take this route three years ago when he had walked you to school after Ben's death. But, he told you never to take this way to or from school when you were alone. But, seeing as it was five minutes faster and you were a teenager and cherished every second of sleep, you didn't listen and took this way every single school day.

Jay got out of the car and leaned up against it. Then, he opened his container of chocolate on chocolate birthday cake and began to eat it. You knew what he was doing. It was the reason he had taken this route to school with you. He told you it was because it was faster, but you knew it was because he wanted to tail Lonnie Rodiger...which you assumed was the reason why he didn't want you walking here alone. Because a pedophile lived here. Well, technically he wasn't a pedophile yet because he wasn't convicted, but you had heard enough conversations between Jay, Gail, and Danny when they all thought you were out of earshot to know that Lonnie was the one who killed your childhood best friend.

You saw Lonnie peak out through the curtains of one of the windows. And, if it weren't for Jay's water bottle that was sitting in the cupholder that you quickly took a swig of, you would've choked on your bite of cake.

A patrol car pulled up across the street and a uniformed cop came out. It was the same kind of uniform that Jay had been wearing the night you ran over to the Corson's house when it became a crime scene. You quickly wiped the few tears away at the memory of that night. If Jay got arrested, you knew you'd have to go with him because you couldn't drive. And, you didn't want to be crying in the back of a cop car while Jay was trying to talk his way out of an arrest.

Jay resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course, they called the cops! Of course, they did! They'd call the cops and arrest him for harassing a pedophile and a killer, but they wouldn't arrest Lonnie for being a pedophile and a killer.

"Can I see your driver's license?" the patrolman asked.

Jay lifted his shirt, revealing his badge and gun. Despite being off duty, he had it. He always had it when he came around the Rodiger house. If Lonnie struck first, then he'd have him on assaulting an officer...and have an excuse to kill the son of a bitch. It would be in self-defense after all. He feared serious bodily harm.

But, of course, that wasn't going to happen, not today anyway.

"Halstead. Intelligence," Jay answered.

"This is harassment!" Phil Rodiger yelled as marched outside and pointed at Jay, Lonnie right behind him.

"Just eating some birthday cake," Jay said, poking the cake with his plastic fork. "Today would've been a birthday."

You felt your lip begin to tremble.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you kept telling yourself.

But, it was no use. It was just those three words: would have been.

It would have been Ben's fourteenth birthday if he was still here and if he wasn't buried in the ground in the cemetery, a high collared shirt on to hide the strangulation marks that Lonnie gave him when he wrapped a rope around his neck and pulled, choking him to death.

If he were still here, he would've had a birthday party. It might have been small with only a few people. You might not even have been invited because you're in middle school and middle schoolers like to talk. And, maybe, if you had been invited, people would have said that he had a crush on you and teased him about it.

Maybe, the early stages of puberty would have hit Ben by now and he would have become what you deemed to be cute. Maybe, he would've had a crush on you and you would've had a crush on him if he was still around. But, he would forever be stuck in your head as your best friend, no romantic feelings whatsoever, since he only lived to be eleven years old.

"Arrest him!" Phil Rodiger yelled, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Get him out of here!"

This was it. Maybe the patrolman wouldn't notice you were in the car and you could sneak back home in a few minutes and call Erin, get her to talk to Voight about getting your brother out of lockup. (Yes, you had Erin's number because you needed questions answered that would make your dad and Jay uncomfortable. Even though Will was a doctor, there was no way you would ask him about girl stuff, even though you were pretty sure he had heard and seen it all in New York.)

"Sorry, pal," the patrolman said.

Okay, so you wouldn't be dragged into the back of a patrol car and also wouldn't have to help Jay beat a charge. Thank god your brother was a part of Chicago's famous Intelligence Unit.

You set your cake on the dashboard. You couldn't take it anymore. If Jay wasn't going to say it, you would.

Jay heard the passenger side door open and whipped his head around. "Y/N," he warned. "Get back in the car."

"He killed my best friend, Jay!" you yelled, tears running down your cheeks. "What do you want me to do? Sit in the car and watch him just get away with it?"

The patrolman's eyes grew wide. Seeing that made you realize what you had just said.

You just accused Lonnie of murder.

"Y/N!" Jay yelled. You looked up to see that he had thrown his cake on the ground. "Get back in the car!"

Okay, so Jay's scary when he's angry, noted.

You made your way around the car and into the passenger seat. Then, you just watched as Jay talked to the patrolman, trying to sort this all out.

You didn't mean to do it. It just came out.

You fucked up. Maybe you were going to be the one arrested this time. And, since you weren't a cop, there'd be no way to easily get out of those handcuffs.

You put your head in your hands and changed the radio station, trying your best to make sure you didn't hear the conversation between Jay and the patrolman.

Soon, the patrolman sped off. You were safe. But, Lonnie and Phil were still standing across the street, outside, watching Jay, watching you.

"Get outta here!" Phil yelled.

Jay was almost to the car when he turned around, rage painted on his freckled face. "Three years ago today, Lonnie! Three years! He would've been fourteen! Fourteen!"

"I'm gonna call my lawyer! I'm getting a restraining order!" Phil promised.

"Yeah? Well, I'm gonna give you a reason to need one someday! You and your sick-ass son!"

He slammed the door shut, but you didn't look at him, just kept your gaze on the world outside the passenger side. Jay turned the key and his car roared to life. You heard him sigh, but didn't say a word.

"Look, I'm sorry," he began as he started driving.

"So you get to confront him but when I try it's all get back in the car, Y/N?" you quoted his words from earlier using a mocking tone.

"Lonnie's fu- he's messed up in the head, okay? I don't want him to have any reason to come after you. We both know what he did to Ben and I wish we could nail him on that, but right now, with the evidence that there is, it just can't happen. I'm sorry, I just wanted to keep you safe. I couldn't live with myself if that psycho did anything to you."

"I guess you have a point."

"I always have a point."

Ten minutes later you pulled up to the cemetery. Jay grabbed the small bag of tools and you carried the flowers, not without being warned every thirty seconds not to tip them at all so that they didn't fall out. It was the same thing as when you'd plant them at your mom's grave: you'd always be the one to carry the flowers, but they'd always warn you to be careful with them and then say that you weren't carrying them next year...and then they'd forget they'd said that and the process would repeat itself.

"I'll dig up the first bit of dirt and then you can help me. The top part's always the hardest," Jay said once you had made it to Ben's grave and he started rummaging through the tools.

"Okay." You didn't know what else to say. You just stared at the headstone. You wished he'd just come back to as a ghost or spirit or something for a minute--literally just sixty seconds--so that he could tell you that Lonnie did it.

Twenty minutes later, you and Jay stood up and admired your work. There were flowers there already from the Corson family, but the blue gave even more color to the normally dismal place.

"I'm gonna go find a trash can," Jay said as he picked up the empty plastic pots that the flowers came in. "Give you some time alone."

You nodded, not knowing what to say. Even when Jay left you had no idea what to say. It had been three years, so you didn't feel like you needed to talk to Ben. After all, if he was in heaven, he was looking down on you and knew what was going on in your life, so there was no reason to tell him about it. And, he was a kid, so he had to have gone to heaven, right?

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

You heard thunder rumble from above, which drowned out the sound of your choked sobs. The grass beside you started to get wet from the drizzle that had just started, but by how many seconds there were between each clap of thunder, you knew a downpour was just a matter of minutes away.

So many things could have gone differently that night. If Ben had come over to your house to spend the night, he'd still be here. You knew you couldn't change anything. Hell, you didn't even talk about having a sleepover that night, that week, or even that weekend. And, the night he was murdered was a school night, so your dad wouldn't have let Ben spend the night anyway. There was nothing you could have done.

Despite how many years passed, you wondered if you wouldn't have fallen asleep so fast that night if you would have been able to hear screams and called 911 for help. Maybe he'd still be alive if you couldn't fall asleep that night. Maybe, if Jay was off-duty that day and if there was a Blackhawks game on that night, he would've come over and you would've insisted on staying up late and ended up falling asleep on the couch. But, because of Jay being very observant, maybe he would've seen something, heard something, or even just felt that something was very wrong and could've stopped it and arrested Lonnie before it ended tragically.

You felt something wrap around your arms and looked up to see that Jay was back. You felt goosebumps on your body and that's when you realized your hair was sopping wet and water was dripping down the side of your face and was soaking your jeans and shirt.

You heard the pitter-patter of raindrops hitting the large umbrella that Jay usually stowed in his trunk and pulled Jay's jean jacket that he just laid over your shoulders tighter around yourself.

He picked up his tools and turned to you. "You ready? Can't have you getting sick."

"How long have I just been crouched here?" you asked. You knew your thoughts sometimes got the best of you and before you knew it, an hour could've passed when your mind was focused on one subject.

"Until I thought you were going to freeze to death and get sick. And, it's only been about fifteen minutes. I ran to the bathroom and then grabbed the umbrella out of the car. You ready?" he repeated.

You wiped your eyes, not knowing if it was dried tears or dried raindrops on your cheeks. "Uh, yeah."

Jay picked up the bag of tools and you walked back to the car, the umbrella being big enough for both of you to fit underneath.

Once in the car, you slipped off Jay's jean jacket and tried to hand it back to him. "No, at least wear it until we get home. Dad'll kill me if he sees that you're sopping wet and then he'll think that I just left you out in the rain."

"Brother of the year." And, despite the circumstances, both of you laughed.

***

Math homework is due tomorrow...why does math have letters anyway? I'm never gonna need this in life. Snap out of it, Y/N. You can focus on that later. Just focus on the walk home. You have to be careful now since you're walking by their house.

You tried to turn your attention to the world ahead of you, or more accurately, the road and houses in front of you. You needed to be on high alert since you were about to walk past the Rodiger house. And, they saw you now...hopefully, they hadn't filed a restraining order against you, too. As far as you knew, it was just Jay, but you didn't need to have Jay get you out of trouble today.

Your eyes darted across the street to the house, while you tried to make sure you didn't cast your glance there too long as to be suspicious. It was Jay's job to be suspicious while walking past this house. It was your job to get to and from school safely when walking past this house. You'd leave the detective/spying/surveillance stuff to Jay.

You tried to focus on the road straight ahead of you, but it was no use when you saw movement out of the left side of your peripheral vision.

You turned and gasped. They turned too, and now you were frozen in place.

He widened his creepy eyes and stared back at you, like a deer caught in the headlights, like a criminal caught in the act because right now, that's what you assumed he was.

You felt your breath catch in your throat, neither of you breaking eye contact.

Then, you took off running. No way in hell were you telling your dad what just happened. One time he caught you walking home this way and said if he found out that you walked to or from school this way again that you'd be grounded for an undisclosed amount of time.

No one needed to know that you had just seen Lonnie Rodiger with duct tape and rope, the two things everyone assumed he had used to kill Ben Corson. No one needed to know. Just shut your mouth and don't tell anyone and everything would be fine. You would be fine.

***

Jay was sitting across from Antonio at Molly's, slowly sipping on the bit of whiskey left in his glass. "You knew the family?" Antonio asked him.

"He's the younger brother of a girl I dated in high school. Was Y/N's best friend, too. And his parents, Danny and Gail, they came to my graduation from the academy." When my dad wouldn't because he hates all my life choices. Probably hates me, too, Jay wanted to add but stopped himself. "I still see 'em on what would be Ben's birthday. Y/N comes too and god, you know what she asked me this year, Antonio?" Antonio shook his head. "She asked me if their birthdays or the day they died gets easier when it rolls around every year. She's thirteen! She shouldn't have to remember his birthday. Ben should be alive and Y/N should be seeing him on his birthday. But now all she probably remembers on his birthday is seeing his lifeless body lying in the grass...that's probably what she remembers." He took another sip of whiskey.

"Wait, you're saying your little sister saw the body at the crime scene?" Antonio asked.

"Uh, yeah. Me and my partner were first on scene. And...I see a shoe. I push the reeds back because Gail used to have this huge garden with really nice grass, reeds, flowers, other things. And, now she doesn't because it reminds her too much of that night.

"But uh, anyway, I pushed those reeds back..." He swallowed and tried to keep the tears at bay. He couldn't cry. Not in front of his mentor; not in front of the detective who got him into Intelligence in the first place, even if it was only because he caught a bullet in the process of trying to help Gabby and everyone's favorite after-shift hangout spot, Molly's. "And there he is. I still see his face."

Antonio took a swig of his beer. "How'd your sister find him?"

"My dad told me later that she had heard and seen the sirens and went to wake him up and then they came over to see what was going on. She was only nine, hell, she even had her teddy bear with her when they came outside. She was small and easy to miss. Before anyone could stop her...she, uh, she ducked under the crime scene tape and she saw him. I will never forget how she screamed out Ben's name.

"Then, I ran over to her and tried to block him from view, but you know as well as I do, Antonio, that seeing a body like that, well the damage is already done. So, then I just took her home and my partner explained the situation to my sergeant so that I didn't get in trouble for just leaving a crime scene. I never told her about the rape, just that he was dead. She probably put the pieces together that he was raped since she's gotten older, but I didn't heave the heart to tell her."

Antonio nodded. If he was in the same position as Jay was and Gabby was in your position, he knew he'd do the same exact thing. "I remember his dad alibied him out," Antonio stated. "But, they never had anything on Lonnie. Nothing?"

"No," Jay scoffed. "They caught him jerkin' it outside an elementary school a week prior to finding Ben. They found fucking kiddie porn on his computer. A-And secret pictures that he'd taken of Ben."

"You gotta be kidding me."

"Nuh-uh. We all knew Lonnie did it. But, you know, his dad lied." Jay shrugged. "And, uh, they got a good lawyer for that sick of a bitch."

Jay took a sip of his whiskey, blinking back tears. Antonio sighed and looked at the young detective. "Hey, be careful. You hear me?"

"I know, I just--" Jay was cut off by his phone ringing. He looked at it. Why's Dad calling at 11 o'clock at night? Why is Dad calling me at all?

He declined the call.

"Who was that?" Antonio asked.

"Not important. Anyway, I'll be care--" His phone started ringing again. "Dammit," he muttered and then pressed the answer icon. "Yeah?"

"J-Jay?"

"Y/N? What are you still doing up? Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"I didn't want to tell you because you and Dad always tell me not to walk there by myself, but I saw him and he saw me and I thought I'd be fine but now I can't sleep and--"

"Whoa, whoa. Take a breath, okay?"

You took a deep, shaky breath as few tears slipped down your face. You tried not to think about your encounter with Lonnie earlier today, but as you tried to sleep and the darkness took over the world, you couldn't stop your thoughts from running rampant. What if he was going to use that duct tape and rope on you now because he had seen you? Kill all the witnesses so that there wouldn't be a trial and he wouldn't get convicted?

"Now, tell me again what happened," Jay said calmly, all his cop instincts taking over and talking to as if you were a victim for the time being. "This time slower."

"I took the way home from school that you taught me to take and tell me to never take alone--"

"Y/N," Jay wiped a hand over his face. "Me and Dad told you not to go that way by yourself."

"I know, but I saw Lonnie and he had supplies and he saw me. I thought it was fine but now I can't sleep and--"

"Y/N," Jay started again. "Slow. Down. You saw Lonnie?"

At the mention of that name, Antonio looked up.

"Yeah," you answered, trying to slow your rate of speaking. "He had- he had rope and duct tape. And- and he saw me. I'm scared. I'm so scared, Jay. What if he comes after me now?" You covered your mouth with your hand to stop your dad from hearing your sobs. You assumed he was sleeping, and if he wasn't you hoped he didn't notice that you were on the phone. All he had to do was pick it up and see line in use and then you'd be in trouble for walking that way.

"Y/N, listen to me. I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm gonna leave Molly's right now and then be over there. Are you in your room?"

"Yeah."

"Is Dad still up?" Jay asked.

"I-I don't know."

"Okay, just stay put and I'll be there as soon as I can. And, we can explain it to Dad together, alright?"

"Okay. You promise you'll be here soon?"

"I promise. I'm leaving Molly's right now."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna hang up now."

"Okay, bye Jay."

Jay ended the call and started putting on his jacket. "What was that all about?" Antonio asked.

"Y/N took the fastest route home from school today, which goes by the Rodiger place. She said she saw Lonnie and he had duct tape and rope with him. He saw her, Antonio."

"Shit." Antonio pulled out his wallet and threw a few bills on the table. "I got it. I'll be right behind you."

"Thanks, man."

***

Jay slowly turned the key in the lock and opened the door, Antonio following him. "Dad?" Jay asked.

"Jay?" he answered from the living room, sounding as if he had just woken up from falling asleep in front of the tv. "What are you doing here?"

"I can explain if you wanna go check on Y/N, Jay," Antonio suggested.

"Yeah, yeah that'd be great. Thanks, man."

You heard knocking at your door, causing you to draw in a deep breath. "Y/N? Open up, it's Jay."

You set Beary down--yes when you were scared you still liked to have your Build-A-Bear in your hand because it gave you comfort--and then stood up from your bed to open the door.

"Jay." You launched yourself into his arms before he could even comprehend what was happening. "I'm so scared. What if he comes after me?"

Jay wrapped his arms around you and ran his hand up and down your back, just like he had done a few years ago when he had brought you back home after you had seen Ben's lifeless body lying in the grass. "Shhh, shhh it's okay. You're okay." Now he was most definitely using the tone he used when talking to child victims.

"What if he- what if he comes after me though, Jay?" you asked, soaking his shirt with tears of fright.

"Hey," he pulled away. "Look at me." You looked up at your older brother. "I will not let that happen. Ever. You understand me?" You nodded. "Now, how about you pack a bag, and then you can stay at my place until this all blows over."

"Why?"

Jay sighed. "Just, please do it."

You pulled out a peach-colored duffle from your closet.

"I'll be right downstairs if you need me."

He walked downstairs to see your dad still sitting on the living room couch with Antonio sitting in the chair across from him. "I'm taking Y/N to my place for a few days until this whole thing gets sorted out," Jay announced.

"She was walking that way because you taught her how to take it!" Pat Halstead bellowed as he stood up off the couch and pointed an accusing finger at his youngest son. "If you had never walked that way when you took her to school, then we would never be in this position!"

"We?" Jay asked rhetorically. "I don't recall Y/N telling me that you were with her when she saw that sick son of bitch walking home with his weapons of choice! It's Y/N that's in this position! Not me, not you, not us, Y/N."

"She's my daughter!"

"Yeah, I gathered that," Jay scoffed. "At least you care about her...unlike how you weren't there for me and Will. Or, if my memory serves me correctly, it was when I was in my early teens when you stopped caring. So, I expect in the next two years that you'll stop taking good care of Y/N and stop showing up to her games, like you did for me and Will. Oh, and you'll start questioning her life choices, just like you did almost every damn day to both me and Will."

"It's not my fault that you made a stupid decision with your life and Will decided to leave and waste all his money and to do what? To go to Sudan and then to New York?"

"There you go again, same old same old. You want us to be here, but whenever we are, we just end up fighting."

"Okay, okay," Antonio butted in. "How about we all take a breath and then talk about what's gonna happen next."

Jay took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. Your dad sat back down on the couch and crossed his arms in front of him.

"Good," Antonio began. "Y/N give you anything else about what she saw upstairs other than what she told you over the phone?"

"No," Jay answered. "She just told me that she's really scared that Lonnie's gonna come after her. Noting more about what she saw."

"Jay?" you asked as you poked your head into the living room, duffle bag slung over your shoulder. "I'm ready."

You said goodbye to your dad and then followed Jay to your car. He explained that Antonio was going to come to his apartment just for a little while so that they could discuss how they were going to proceed with the information you had given them. But, that you should go to sleep when you got to his apartment because it was a school night.

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?" you whined as you set your bag down next to the couch...which would also be your bed until all this was cleared up.

"I know you're not going to get a lot of sleep, but yeah, as much as it sucks, you have to go to school tomorrow."

It was nearing 12:30 and you had to be up for school at 6:00 since school started before 7:30 in the morning. You'd be lucky if you managed five hours of sleep.

"Please, Jay," you begged. "My first two classes are just choir and gym, so I can miss those. And, I'm pretty sure if you called me in it'd count as an excused absence. Please?"

"Fine," Jay conceded. "But just because I think it's stupid how early school starts."

You heard a knock on the door. "Be right there, Antonio!" Jay said, trying to keep his yelling voice at somewhat of a normal level since people in the other apartments were sleeping.

"I'm gonna go grab a blanket," you told Jay.

You grabbed a blanket and threw it on the couch as Jay went to answer the door and let Antonio inside.

"Jay, I'm stealing one of your pillows," you told him as you entered his bedroom area.

"Actually, you can take my bed for tonight," he suggested.

You cocked an eyebrow at him. In all the nights you had spent at Jay's apartment in the past few years when your dad had to work late or went out, you had always slept on that couch. And, it was because it was actually comfortable. (Jay's reasoning was that he didn't want to get one of his nightmares that happened a handful of times per year and break his hand from hitting the coffee table in his sleep because he was thinking that it was an enemy because he thought he was back in Afghanistan. But, of course, you didn't know that.)

"It's just because I need to talk to Antonio and I don't need you having easy access to the conversation."

You nodded, tiredness overtaking you. "Alright." You yawned. "I'm going to bed. 'Night guys."

Jay and Antonio both said goodnight and then you walked into Jay's bedroom area and slid the sliding doors closed. During that time, the two detectives each took a seat at the kitchen table.

"We can put a patrol car out in front of Lonnie's house," Jay suggested.

"You know we can't do that," Antonio told him.

"Well, why not? You know he's gonna kill again!" Jay resisted the urge to slam his fist down on the table.

"You have no solid proof. I know you believe Y/N, and I do, too, but we don't have proof. If we had cam or pod footage, we might be able to do that. But, as far as we know, we don't have that. Nothing's been reported or called in. Hell, for all we know Lonnie's doing a DIY project."

"So get his credit card records and security footage from the store," Jay growled.

"You know as well as I do Halstead, that we can't do that without a warrant. And for a warrant, we're gonna need sufficient evidence. And, the word of your sister just isn't gonna cut it this time. Sorry, man."

Jay sighed and put his head in his hands, then looked back up at Antonio. "I just can't let him do it. I can't let him kill another kid."

"I know. Believe me, neither you nor me want that, but for now, we just need to wait until the right time. And you, need to get some sleep."

"I guess you're right. Maybe sleep would help me figure out how to solve this thing."

***

Jay had just dropped you off at school--he had called the school and excused your absences from your first two classes--and was walking out of a small coffee shop a few blocks away from the district when his phone rang.

"What do you got, Jin?" Jay asked. Benefits of working in Intelligence and having a tech guy for the unit: getting him to dig into things under the table.

"That Lonnie Rodiger credit card you wanted me to track," Jin started on the other end of the line, "Just got a hit from a toy store downtown."

"Text me the address."

A few seconds later, Jin had texted Jay the address and he jumped in his car and made his way into the heart of downtown Chicago.

Then, he sat in his car and stared at the store, waiting for the scrawny, creepy-ass pedophile slash murderer to make his way out of it.

When Lonnie walked out, Jay just stared at him. If he got made, so what? He was in his car. He could say he was doing surveillance for another case that he couldn't talk about right now because it was an open investigation. But, he wouldn't be able to blame surveillance of an ongoing investigation for strangling Lonnie to death, killing him the exact same way as he had killed Ben Corson three years ago.

Lonnie was carrying a bag full of what Jay assumed were toys. The toys, the rope, the duct tape, Lonnie was going to strike again. And, Jay had to act fast to ensure that another kid didn't get their life taken away just because this bastard had sick, twisted fantasies.

Jay was about to call Jin back, see what else he could pull up on him, anything that gave him an excuse to call Atwater and Burgess to arrest him. But, his phone rang.

"Go for Jay," he answered.

"Where you at?" Voight asked on the other end of the line. "I know you came in late because of your sister, but I need you now."

"I'm on my way in," he lied.

"Good. We're in Chinatown. I'll send you the address."

"Oh, Sarge?"

"Yes, Halstead?"

"Do you mind if I leave for a bit around 2:15ish? It's just, Y/N has a doctor's appointment and my dad's working and I don't want her taking the bus--"

"Jay," Voight interrupted, "Take your sister to her appointment. I'll just send the address of where we're gonna be if we aren't at the district. Just, keep your phone on."

"Thanks, Sarge."

Of course, that appointment was a lie; Jay just wanted to pick you up from school and then drop you off at his apartment while he went back to work so that you wouldn't be at home where Lonnie could find you. But, Jay had to push that out of his mind right now because he was on another case with his unit that needed solving, his side case on Lonnie Rodiger needed to be put on the backburner...at least for the next few hours.

***

"Lonnie Rodiger's credit card," Jin said as Jay entered the tech room.

"Yeah, I know, I'm working on a court order so I don't get my ass handed to me by Voight, I know," Jay replied.

"Okay...you deal with that. All I was gonna say was that another hit came up from his card at a Home Depot in Humboldt Park. He bought..." Jin clicked some keys on his computer until the list of things Lonnie purchased popped up. "A two-person tent, a kerosene lamp, and some bug spray. A rapist-murderer planning a camping trip? Not much you can get him on with just that."

"Any chance he purchased rope and duct tape?" Jay asked.

Jin scrolled through the list of items again. "Not that I see here. Why?"

"Not important. Thanks for the help, Jin."

Jay walked back into the bullpen, about to grab his jacket and head into the locker room when Voight emerged from his office at the same time. "Halstead, my office."

"I told you to let the Rodiger thing go months ago," Voight told Jay when the door was securely shut.

"I have...for the most part." I have...until my sister got involved and told me he bought duct tape and rope and now she's staying at my place so that I can protect her from that sick-ass son of a bitch.

"If you're not straight with me, I can't protect you."

"You? Protect me? I don't need protecting, Sarge, but thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind if I  ever go off the rails and kill someone."

"Jay, listen to me! What the hell is going on with you? You got here later than usual today, which I know you said is because of your sister, but you look exhausted like you haven't slept in days. And don't think I didn't notice that you've been constantly checking your phone when we weren't out in the field."

Jay sighed. "I think Lonnie's gonna kill another kid."

"Jay, I know that kid's family was like your own. But, you gotta be careful. You've got eyes on you. And, it's not just me this time."

"Copy that." Then, Jay exited his sergeant's office, grabbed his jacket off his chair, and headed to the locker room. Damn, did he really want to go home after that conversation with his boss.

"You headin' to Molly's, Jay?" Adam asked as they grabbed their stuff from the locker room.

"Nah, man. I got some stuff I gotta take care of," Jay replied. "Maybe another night."

"If you say so."

***

You were sitting on the couch reading a book when you heard a knock at Jay's apartment door. "Y/N, it's Jay, open up."

You got up and unlocked the door, letting him into his own apartment. "Why didn't you just unlock it yourself? Or, did I get your only key?

"Nope, you got my spare. I have mine." He pulled his keyring out of the front pocket of his jeans and set it down on the counter. "Just didn't want to scare you is all."

"Thanks, greatly appreciated. What are you hiding behind your back? And what smells so good?" you asked, seeing as Jay hadn't moved his left hand from behind his back and was trying really hard to make sure you didn't see what was there. Even when he had walked inside the apartment from the hallway, he still somehow hid it behind his back and out of your view. And, the smell of greasy food was starting to waft around the apartment so you had a pretty good idea what he was hiding.

He pulled a takeout bag from behind his back. "I got us Arby's!"

"Really? Did you get me mozzarella sticks?" you asked trying to grab the bag from him, but he held it out of your reach.

Jay chuckled at your excitement. "Yes, I got you mozzarella sticks. Now, let me get this out of the bag and you can get the game set up?"

"Okay!" You sat on the couch and turned on the Blackhawks game that was going to start in five minutes. "It's ready!"

"Be right there!"

A minute later, Jay passed you a plate which contained an original roast beef and cheddar sandwich and of course, your precious mozzarella sticks and a few packs of Arby's and marinara sauce.

"Uh," Jay groaned as he lowered himself onto the couch.

"You're getting old," you laughed.

"I am not!" he protested.

"Yes, you are! Only old people sigh like that when they go to sit down!"

"Well, excuse me for having to chase psychos around the city for a living." You reached over and grabbed a few curly fries off his plate, hoping he was distracted enough by your old Jay comment that he didn't notice...he did. "Hey!"

"Oops." You squirted some Arby's sauce on your plate and dipped a curly fry in it. "Good." Jay just continued to stare at you. "Fine, here," you said as you handed him a mozzarella stick.

"You're not gonna offer me any marinara?"

You tossed him a pack. "Better?"

"Better." Both he and you turned your attention to the tv. "Remember, end of the second period, it's bedtime."

"Jay," you whined. "Please can I stay up and watch the entire game?"

"No, because I am not calling you in late tomorrow and getting to work later than usual because of it." Luckily today we didn't catch a case until around 10 o'clock this morning, so it didn't matter that I was late and tailing Lonnie anyway. "And, you're gonna be a grouch if you don't enough sleep."

"Jay! I am not grouchy!"

"Yes, Y/N, you are! Whoa, a fight!" And while your attention was quickly focused on the tv, Jay stole some of his curly fries back.

***

Jay walked into the district the next morning to be met with Erin and Alvin. "Did you guys catch the game last night?" he asked them as he slipped off his jacket and slung it over his desk chair. "Eighteen seconds into overtime, Kane scores a backhander. Guy's on fire this season."

Despite Jay telling you that you needed to go to bed after the end of the second period, the game was so good that he let you stay up to watch it all...the one caveat being that you had to get up in the morning with no complaint. And, you didn't complain one single time even though you almost fell asleep with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth when you were getting ready this morning.

Neither Erin nor Alvin had said anything, they just stared at Jay with worried looks on both their faces. "What's with you two?" Jay furrowed his eyebrows and walked closer to them.

"Halstead," Voight said after he opened his office door.

Jay's eyes widened. Shit, what'd I do now?

"Commander," Jay said as he saw Commander Perry standing in Voight's office. So, even when I'm a grown man, there's still a version of the principal's office. Who knew? Except, this principal controls my job...which means he controls my money. Whatever he thinks I did, it wasn't me.

"Halstead. Have a seat," Commander Perry told the detective.

"I'll stand." Jay placed his hands on his hips.

"Okay then. Where were you last night after shift?"

"Home. Why?"

"So, you're telling me you didn't go out at all last night?"

"I started to drive home from work, but then I turned around because I thought my little sister might want Arby's for dinner. If you want to count a drive-thru as going out, then yes I went out."

"And after that?" Commander Perry prodded.

"Me and my sister watched the Hawks game and I was in bed by midnight."

Commander Perry picked up some black and white photos that were taken from traffic cam footage and held them out to Jay, pointing at specific a specific car. "This was taken last night, right as you pulled into that Arby's. That's Rodiger and that's you, right behind him."

"Okay, so I happened to be getting my takeout behind a pedophile. Maybe he just wanted some curly fries, Lord knows Y/N did when she stole some of mine last night."

"Halstead!" Voight barked. "This isn't a laughing matter! Now shut up and listen!"

Jay clasped his hands behind his back.

"Well, Detective, your alleged pedophile was found dead this morning."

"What?"

"So until this is straightened out, I suggest you find a better excuse than just watching a hockey game and eating fries with your impressionable little sister. Until then, you are officially stripped. Expect a call from Internal Affairs. They'll want to interview you as soon as possible."

"You mean they'll want to interrogate me as soon as possible."

"Jay!" Voight's voice boomed off the walls of the small office.

"I'm the one who wanted to stop that freak! And now I'm the target? Unbelievable!"

Jay flung open the door and was about to storm out when the Commander stopped him. "Halstead!"

"What? I tried to save my sister from this psycho because she saw him buy duct tape and rope and he knows that she saw him! So, excuse me for trying to make sure that my sister stays safe and doesn't end up like Ben Corson!"

"Y/N saw something?" Voight asked. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you."

"I told Antonio, but that's only because we were at Molly's when Y/N called me freaking out. And that's why she's staying with me because Lonnie knows where we live and I didn't want to get a call saying that my sister was murdered and--"

"Halstead, if that's the truth then this isn't just based on your word. We have a witness now. So, I'll talk to Detective Dawson and you go pick up your sister from school. We need her here for questioning. But, you are still stripped until we get this all sorted out."

***

"Can you please send Y/N Halstead to the office please?" the office secretary's voice came over your classroom intercom. "She'll be leaving for the rest of the day."

You furrowed your eyebrows. Leaving for the rest of the day? What? The last time you had to leave for the rest of the day unexpectedly was when your mom died.

"I'll send her down," your teacher replied.

"Alright, thank you." Then, she turned to you. "I'll have your missed work ready for you on Monday, Y/N, and I can email the other teachers you have today that you'll be missing their classes as well if you'd like?"

"That'd be great. Thank you."

"Have a great weekend, Y/N."

"Thank you. You too."

Then, you grabbed your books and made your way to your locker. Once you put everything you needed into your backpack, you made your way to the office. At least you were missing math and science class...you hated both of those subjects. Will got the brains when it came to those two.

But, your relief was short-lived when you saw Kim Burgess and Kevin Atwater standing in the office. You frantically pulled the door open. "Did something happen to Jay? Is he okay? Did he get hurt?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Kim quickly reassured you. "We just need to bring you down to the district is all."

"Why?" you asked, drawing out the word.

"It's better if your brother and Voight explain this to you. But, you are not in any trouble, Jay's not in any trouble, and he's fine," Kevin answered.

"Okay..."

They quickly signed you out and the three of you made your way to the parking lot where their squad car was parked. "Ever been in a patrol car, Y/N?" Kevin asked.

"No," you answered, opening the door to the backseat and throwing your backpack in.

"Well, today's your lucky day. We'll even let you control the music." The three of you got in and Kevin turned on the car and started fiddling with the controls on the radio. "Just tell me to stop when you hear a song you like."

***

"Jay!" you yelled as you ran up the stairs to Intelligence, your backpack bouncing up and down with every step you took. Jay walked out of the break room. You ran to him, narrowly missing Commander Perry. "What's going on? I didn't know I'd need to leave school and then Kim and Kevin came to pick me up and I thought you might be hurt but they said you weren't and--"

"Whoa, whoa," Jay cut you off. "Y/N, slow down. I'm okay. Everything's okay. Voight and Commander Perry here just need to ask you a couple of questions."

"But, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You're not in trouble, kid," Voight said. "Like your brother said, we just need to ask you a few questions and Jay will be with you the whole time."

Since neither Jay nor Voight could get ahold of your dad to get permission to talk to you, they had allowed Jay to sign off on it. And, since you were a minor, the person who signed that paperwork had to be in the room with you the entire time they were talking to you.

"You hungry?" Commander Perry asked as you sat down and Jay stood behind you. "You can grab a snack from the vending machine before we start if you'd like."

It was only 9:00 am. "No thank you," you replied. "I had breakfast a few hours ago and I'm still full from that. Thank you, though."

"You're welcome." He and Voight sat down across from you. "Now, you're probably wondering why you're here," Commander Perry started. "Your brother mentioned that you saw Lonnie Rodiger buy rope and duct tape?"

Your eyes widened and you drew in a breath. "Is he after me? Did he try and break into mine and Dad's house, Jay, because he was looking for me?"

"No, it's nothing like that," the commander interjected before you got worked up even more. "We just wanted to ask you what you saw is all."

You looked to Jay and he nodded, giving you the go-ahead to tell the two men what you had seen when you were walking home from school a few days ago. So, you did just that. You told them about walking home from school and seeing Lonnie with rope and duct tape and him seeing you.

"And you told your brother this?" Commander Perry asked.

"Uh, yeah, I wasn't going to tell him because I didn't want him to freak out or anything, but he always told me that if I saw anything off with Lonnie to tell him. And, I couldn't sleep that night, so I called him really late and he and Antonio came over."

"And what happened next?"

"Jay said that he wanted me to stay at his house until this all blew over because Lonnie saw me. He saw me. And, he knows where I live."

"So, Jay was trying to keep you safe?"

You nodded. "He's even been picking me up from school because he doesn't want me going home--to mine and my dad's place that is--to wait for him to pick me up after he's done with work. He's worried about me."

"Did he do anything else? Take you anywhere in the two days you've been staying with him?"

"No, nowhere other than school."

"Do anything fun?"

"He brought home Arby's last night and he let me stay up late and finish the Blackhawks game! Dad never lets me do that! And, they even won in overtime! And, I stole some of his curly fries."

"Do you know if he left last night after you went to bed?" Commander Perry asked.

"No, he didn't."

"And how can you be so sure about that? You were sleeping weren't you?"

Jay clenched his fists at his sides. You were a kid and this wasn't a trial, it was just getting a statement from you, not putting you on the witness stand.

"Jay never leaves me when he watches me at night. Never has and probably never will. Even when his girlfriend called when he watched me when I was little, he'd either make her come over to our house or would tell her that he was playing with me."

Voight chuckled at how you were spilling bits and pieces of Jay's life before he became a cop and entered his unit. He knew that Jay would never tell him these things, so it was funny hearing how protective and soft the big-shot detective of one of the most elite units of Chicago was with his little sister.

"Okay, thank you," Commander Perry said. "Do you know why we're asking you these questions?"

You shook your head, no.

"Halstead, you want to explain this. We'll butt in if needed," he said. He didn't know how much you knew about this alleged pedophile and murderer, so he figured it would be best to hand Jay the lead on the explanation portion.

Jay sat down in the chair next to you. "Y/N, you're not in trouble. I promise you that."

"You already told me that," you pointed out.

"I know, but I wanted to tell you again."

You furrowed your eyebrows and cocked your head to the side. "Then, why are they asking me questions about Lonnie and about you? Did he kill someone again? Like he did to Ben?"

Jay swallowed. He wasn't about to tell you the details of how someone murdered Lonnie Rodiger. Despite knowing the details of Ben's murder, you didn't need more gruesome pictures of murder in your teenage mind. "Um, Lonnie was found dead last night."

"And they think you did it, don't they?"

Jay's jaw dropped, all his years of being a stone-faced Army ranger and detective flying out the window as you quickly put the pieces together of why you were being talked to by his sergeant and commander. "What? How- Why would you assume that?"

"Dad's not good with turning his Law and Order down when he watches it at night so sometimes when I can't fall asleep, I'll listen to it and I'll hear the interrogation or trial scenes." You shrugged. Then, you turned your attention to Sergeant Voight and Commander Perry. "If you think my brother did it, I can tell you that he didn't because he was home with me all night. I even woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and he was asleep on the couch with his mouth open and he was drooling." You scrunched up your nose in disgust at Jay's sleeping position last night.

"Alright, Sergeant, your unit can investigate this one. But, Halstead, not that I don't believe your sister, but you're still stripped until this gets all sorted out. Go home."

Jay nodded. "C'mon, Y/N. We can go grab lunch or something."

Jay ushered you out of the break room and you grabbed your backpack. "Halstead, what's going on?" Antonio asked, catching you and Jay on your way down the stairs.

"Just, give this case hell for me, Antonio, will you?"

***

"Is it wrong?" you asked Jay when you were driving away from the district. "That I'm glad Lonnie's dead that is?"

Jay sighed. "Listen, I know we shouldn't be glad about someone being dead, but in all honesty, kid, I'm glad he's dead, too."

"Because the world's a safer place?"

"Yeah." And because justice was served for the Corson family, but I'm not gonna talk to my little sister about killing someone for justice...I don't need her to turn into the female version of Hank Voight in twenty years.

"So, were you and Mouse glad when you killed the bad guys over in Afghanistan?"

Oh no, no, no, no, no. I am not about to have this conversation with her. I'm not about to have this conversation with anyone for that matter, much less with my very impressionable, middle-schooler, little sister. "What do you want for lunch? Mcdonalds? Burger King? Wendy's? Pizza Hut?"

"You never answered my question," you told him.

"And you never answered mine. So, what do you want for lunch?"

"Hmmm...I really like the chicken alfredo from Pizza Hut, so can we go there?"

"Pizza Hut it is."

"What are you gonna get? Wait, lemme guess...meat lover's pizza?"

"And, you would be correct."

You arrived at Pizza Hut, which was only half a block away from the Corson's. And, since it was also so close to your school, some high school seniors would come here for lunch...not that you had an open campus at school, but they'd dip out for lunch and then get back unnoticed before their next class. You wondered if you'd be brave enough to do that in high school. You didn't know and you had a few more years until you got to that grade anyway.

"Hey Detective Halstead," a woman greeted Jay.

"Oh, hey Rachelle," Jay said as you both walked up to the counter at Pizza Hut. "How's school going?"

"It's going great actually. And who's this?" she asked, motioning to you.

"This is my little sister, Y/N. Y/N, this is one of my best CIs, Rachelle."

"You're a CI? That's so cool! So you help my brother solve cases? He never tells me about anything he does, so what do you help him with?"

Jay placed a hand on your shoulder. "That's confidential information, kiddo. And don't go blabbing about her being a CI either, because she could get in trouble."

"Got it. She's just someone I know from coming here so much. I have no idea what you're talking about, Jay."

Jay laughed. "Alright, what can I get started for you two?" Rachelle asked.

"Actually, since you're here, I have a quick question for you."

"Okay, let's go around back," she replied, thinking he was going to ask her if she knew anything that might help them with a case.

"No, it's nothing like that. I was just wondering if you'd watch Y/N for a bit while I go run a quick errand? It'd be for twenty, thirty minutes tops."

She looked around the restaurant, it was practically empty. "Yeah, no problem. I can keep an eye on her."

"Awesome thanks. And, uh, she'll have the chicken alfredo and I'll have the meat lover's pizza."

Rachelle rang it up and then told Jay the total. He pulled out his wallet and paid for their food, not without placing a ten-dollar bill in the tip jar. "You didn't have to do that," Rachelle said.

"You're watching Trouble here for a bit, so yeah, I do."

"I am not trouble!" you protested. "Where are you going anyway?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll be back soon."

"But--"

"Hey, Y/N. You want a chocolate chip cookie? I think they just came out of the oven." You frantically nodded your head up and down. "Well, c'mon back here and I'll grab it for you."

She opened the piece of the counter that flipped up and you walked through. Then, she motioned for Jay to leave before you pressed him for more answers on where he was going.

***

"To be honest, I don't feel any sympathy," Danny Corson told Jay as he sat at the kitchen table next to his wife with Jay across from him. "Do the police have any idea who did it?"

Jay had come to the Corson household to tell them the news that Lonnie Rodiger was dead...and to ask Danny some questions that would not go on record.

"We're still trying to piece that together." Jay turned to the red-haired woman. "Gail, do you have ay milk for this?" he asked, holding out his coffee cup."

"Oh, yeah. Let me get it for you," Gail answered.

"Thank you," Jay said to Gail's retreating back as she left the table. Jay turned back to Danny. "They suspended me. They think I did it. So, if you did something, Danny, I need you to tell me now so that we can figure this out together."

"Jay, I have been fantasizing about it for years, but I didn't do it. After all you've done for this family though, if you need me to confess, then I will."

"No, no you will not. I will not let you, or me for that matter, go down for something neither of us did."

"So, you have no idea who did it?"

"At the moment, no."

Jay's phone rang and he held up a finger to tell Danny he'd just be a second. But, then he looked at who was calling him and he practically froze.

"Jay, you okay?" Danny asked.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He accepted the call and placed his phone to his ear. "Rachelle? What's going on? Is Y/N okay?"

"Physically she's fine," she answered. "But, there's this guy yelling at her asking where you are and--"

"Tell me where he is! Your brother! My son is dead because of him!" Jay heard through the phone.

Phil Rodiger.

Jay drew in a breath. "I'm on my way."

He hung up and then turned to Danny and Gail. "I gotta go, I'm sorry. If I find out anything, you'll be the first to know." And then he ran out the door and ran as fast as he ever has to the Pizza Hut half a block away.

***

"He didn't do it!" you yelled. "He was home with me all night!"

"Yeah right! He probably told you to say that!"

"Y/N! Don't say another word!" Jay sprinted over to the booth where you were sitting, your pasta halfway eaten.

"You! You killed him!"

"Phil, we're in a public place. The cops can get called for a disturbance." Jay flicked his eyes to Rachelle and she nodded, picking up her phone.

"Fine! Then let them call the cops! I'll tell them that you killed him! You killed my son!"

He took a step closer to the side of the booth that you were sitting in and Jay quickly placed himself between you and Lonnie Rodiger's father. "You know what? I may have not killed him, but whoever did, did everyone in this world a real favor! Killing a pedophile and a murderer? I'd like to give the guy who killed your sick-ass bastard of a son a medal when they find him!"

"Jay!" you yelled, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it so that he would turn his attention back to you.

"Y/N, this is grown-up stuff. Butt out!" He turned back to Phil. "Lonnie brought this on himself and you know it!"

You saw a few people from the Intelligence Unit walking up to the building out of the corner of your eye. "Jay, shut the hell up!"

"You killed him!"

"For the last time, I didn't kill your sorry excuse for a son!"

"Police! Break it up!"

Jay was yanked away from you by none other than Antonio Dawson. Adam and Voight had each grabbed one of Phil's shoulders to keep him at bay. Erin knelt in front of you.

"Are you alright, Y/N?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"What the hell, Halstead?" Antonio yelled.

"Wre're taking you in," Voight told Phil Rodiger.

"Am I under arrest?"

"No, we just have some questions about last night we want to ask you is all. Why? Should you be under arrest?"

"No, but he should! I know you did it--"

"We'll talk to him," Voight said. "Don't you worry about that." He turned to Antonio. "You and Lindsay got this, bro?"

"Yeah, we got this," Antonio answered.

Voight nodded and then he and Ruzek escorted Phil Rodiger out of the building.

Antonio waited until Voight's car was safely out of the parking lot, before trying to lead Jay out of the building.

"Dude, I don't need a police escort. I can drive my car back home just fine," Jay protested.

"Jay, just come on. Or do I need to put you in cuffs?" He pulled his handcuffs out of his pocket and allowed them to dangle off his pointer finger.

"Tony, not here," Erin warned. "Not with Y/N watching."

You gasped. They weren't going to arrest Jay, were they? No, they wouldn't. They couldn't.

"Let's just go out to the car," Antonio said.

Once you were all in the car, Antonio driving, Erin in the passenger seat, and you and Jay in the back, did Jay finally address the elephant in the room...or, well, the elephant in the car. "Just so we're clear, I didn't kill Lonnie Rodiger. If I was gonna kill him, I would've done it the night he raped and murdered an eleven-year-old Ben Corson! I was this close, too!"

Your breath caught in your throat. You had assumed he had been raped, hell you had heard Jay talk about it with Gail and Danny, once with your dad, when they thought you were too far out of earshot to hear or thought that you were asleep. But, hearing Jay say it out loud, right in front of you, made it more real than hearing it when you weren't supposed to. And, hearing Jay say that had thoughts about killing Lonnie before...you didn't know how to feel about that. You had wanted him dead, just like Jay had (and how the Corson's probably did as well) but you never thought Jay would actually admit to wanting to kill him, much less say that he had been close to doing it.

"Shit, Y/N, I'm sorry I never told you about that," Jay said, his voice much quieter now. "I just, I didn't know how to tell you and you were ten, so you shouldn't have even known what rape was and I didn't want to explain it to you under those circumstances--"

"I knew," you told him.

"What?" he gasped as he furrowed his eyebrows. "How?"

"I heard you talking to the Corson's once when you thought I couldn't hear you and once when you were talking to Dad when you  both thought that I was asleep."

"Well, either way, I'm sorry you had to hear it from me like this. And, I'm sorry he had to go through that."

"Me too," you whispered.

Erin leaned back and handed Jay a file folder. He raised an eyebrow.

"Lonnie Rodiger's homicide file," Antonio told him. "If anyone asks, no ones knows how you got that."

"That goes for you, too, Y/N. As far as you're concerned, you don't know what a homicide file is."

"What's homicide?" you joked. "I don't even know what that is."

"Works for me," Erin said as Jay flipped open the file.

***

"What'd he say? Jay asked, cornering Antonio in the locker room.

"Not here," Antonio told him and led him to the basement.

Once the two detectives were safely in the basement, Antonio let Jay in on the statement that Phil Rodiger had just given the Intelligence Unit about Lonnie Rodiger's murder.

"Can I run something by you?" Jay asked.

"Shoot."

"So, Phil Rodiger gives his statement, and he says...that his son never came home that night," Jay took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't going to get in trouble for saying this. "But I know he did. I may have not gone straight to my apartment after I got takeout for me and Y/N before we watched the Hawks game together."

"I'll talk to Voight. But, I think Y/N needs some help with homework, so go be the good big brother and do that." Antonio clapped Jay on the back and then started up the stairs.

***

"We're good to go," Antonio told him. "But, we got a problem."

"Which is?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"They kicked him."

"The hell do you mean they kicked him?"

"I mean, they don't think he did it. But, Jin's getting a location on him." Antonio's phone binged. "And here is that location. Erin, you riding with me? Halstead will follow. I got the photos."

Erin picked up her coat. "Ruzek, watch the kid, okay?"

"You got it," he answered, walking over to the break room.

"Ruz, please do not corrupt my sister."

"I'm hurt Jay, really. That hurt, man," he joked.

The three detectives left the district and made their way to a bar where Phil Rodiger was sitting and drinking alone. The three had agreed that only Jay should go in so that he wouldn't get spooked and try to run off.

Jay entered the bar and took a seat next to Phil. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but started Jay on his reasoning anyway. "In the statement you gave the detectives, you said that you didn't see Lonnie after 10:00 pm, that he went for a drive and he never came back." Jay placed a photo on the bar in front of Phil. "I was following Lonnie that night, and not long after these pictures were taken, I watched him walk into your house. Lonnie got tired of hunting, so he went home. And according to the time of death, he was killed an hour after I took this photo." Phil Rodiger just stared at the photo as Jay turned his attention away from it and onto Phil. "Your son wasn't killed in the park, was he?"

Phil stood up and brought his face close to Jay's. "You got no idea what you're talking about."

Then, he started to walk away, but Jay got up and followed him. Jay was pretty sure his cop instincts were right once again. "Phil, where you going?" Jay paused and looked at him. Phil was looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact the way only a guilty man would. "You killed him."

"He was sick."

Yeah, we all knew that. Took you long enough, Jay thought to himself.

Then, Erin and Antonio rushed in and put Phil in cuffs.

***

Half an hour later, Jay was standing in front of the one-way window with Voight, watching Erin do her thing in the interrogation room.

"I found some pictures on his computer," Phil told Erin. "Boys, same age as the Corson kid. Then I- I confronted him."

"How did you kill Lonnie?" Erin asked, straight to the point. The faster this got straightened out, the faster Jay'd get his badge and gun back.

"We fought. I picked up a belt, and I just- I just kept choking him." Phil tried to keep the tears back, but he couldn't. What kind of father would kill their own son? But then again, most fathers didn't have sons who were monsters.

"And then you dropped his body in the park?"

"Yes."

Jay walked out of the interrogation room the minute he heard those words. He knew Voight had heard the same things he had. So, when Voight motioned for Jay to step into his office, this time, Jay didn't hesitate.

Voight pulled open a drawer and grabbed Jay's badge and gun. "Good to have you back."

"Thanks, Sarge."

"Now, go and get your sister out of here. I think she's bored out of her mind."

Jay chuckled and clipped his badge onto his jeans and holstered his gun. "His dad did it?" you asked, exiting the break room.

"How did you know that?"

"Ruzek told me!"

"Dude! I told you not to corrupt her!"

"Technically, I didn't corrupt her. I told her the truth," he defended.

"Fine, whatever. Mind giving us a ride so we can go get my car back from Pizza Hut?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"I call shotgun!" you yelled and started to race down the stairs.

"No fair!" Jay exclaimed as he chased after you.

***

You and Jay were crouched in front of Ben's grave, the flowers you had planted four days ago brightening the dismal place up a bit. "They got him, Ben, they got him," you explained. "Jay almost got in trouble for it, but it turns out that Lonnie's dad did it." You paused as if waiting for Ben's reaction. You knew he would be saying something along the lines of no way where he was. "I know, no way, right?"

"You okay?" Jay asked as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

You had stopped talking after you asked that rhetorical question. You had no idea what to say now. Ben was still gone.

"I guess it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would," you said, turning your attention to Jay. "It's as if I thought that finding who did this would bring Ben back. I feel relief, but that's it."

"Hey, no matter what you're feeling, it's okay. The way this went down today and the past few days don't matter. We got justice for Ben and that's all that matters. You got justice for Ben. You were the one who saw Lonnie with that rope and duct tape and told me. You were the reason this entire case got off the ground."

"Really?"

"Really," Jay confirmed.

"Well, at least it's justice."

"At least it's justice," Jay echoed.

A/N: Thank you for the amazing feedback on the first installment of this series I posted a few days ago! Your comments really got me motivated to write this one! But, I have some bad news, which is that since I have exams in a week and a half, I won't be posting for at least two weeks, probably closer to two and a half.

Anyway, thank you for reading, and please vote and comment! Reading your comments really gets me motivated to write...even though the next chapter will have to wait a while since I have exams.

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