#it just leaves me used up & sick
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i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes
#ml#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#okay i lied i do have justifications#adrien probably just. would love being taken care of if he's sick#it's maybe something his mom used to do but not ENOUGH#and marinette would absolutely spoil him#but marinette is all I AM FINE IT IS JUST A COLD I AM FINE meanwhile she nearly falls off a rooftop in a dizzy spell#but adrien hate being kept away from ppl he loves. hates not being able to protect them. and an injury is more long-term and isolating#meanwhile...idk marinette feels to me like an injurt would leave her more defeated. she'd feel like she failed somehow#like she is SUPPOSED to be ladybug she is SUPPOSED to keep herself together to keep the city safe#so i think that would take a lot of her energy she'd be frustrated about it yes but also sort of...admit defeat#adrien would find ways to cheer her up though 🥺
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Jennifer nearly jumped into the water / and she was tired like no one's ever been tired
#myart#wesley crusher#jennifer is on her way home. then she remembers her life is like a nightmare!!!!#geniunelyyyy thinking about the post-first duty years of wesleys life is so miserable.#he killed his best friend and ruined his friendship with everyone else and lost picards respect (the only thing he ever cared about)#and then you just. dont hear about him at all for 2 years.#trying to capture the extremely specific existential dread of knowing something is deeply wrong in your life but not being able to change.#JUST THE LOOK OF A YOUNG MAN WHOS PROFOUNDLY UNHAPPY AND DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHY!!!#the quote from that novel. where he says “jaxa knew better than the rest of us the only way to escape this thing was to die”. ITS SICK!!#like leaving starfleet was not even on his radar until journeys end. he didnt even consider that as an option. so what could he do.#man. theres a reason for the prominently placed golden gate bridge. jennifer nearly jumped into the water.... cuz she got no way to get out#the photos in the bg are him and picard. jack. two of joshie (the ski tripppppp) him and bev and the entire nova squadron up top#do i think he would have his room this nicely decorated while horribly depressed NO!!! it was just for the compostion of the piece#like trying so hard to keep up appearances. being surrounded by pictures of all the people who love him and still not able to get out.#some of the papers lying around the desk are like. intended to be letters to bev that he just gave up on writing.#OKAY sorry i just wanted to finish this before i leave tomorrow. i spent such a stupid amount of time on this. never again#you people should always talk to me forever about my friend wesley . im soooo normal. lies facedown on floor#OH AND THE VERY SPECIFIC. EMOTION. LYING ON BED IN FULL UNIFORM. WE'VE ALLLL BEEN THERE.
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an entirely expected side effect of me whipping out my old external HDD is that now I AM going to rewatch basically the entirety of my canon game of Inquisition that I had mostly recorded back in like '15-'16, and get my heart torn right out again by this damn guy making this damn face
he deadass goes "😢" doesn't he
#squirrel plays dragon age#dorian pavus#turn that frown on your expressive-ass face upside down or i swear i'll get my guy to kiss it off you#and THEN you'll be sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway i just rewatched the trespasser scenes and that “*you* are the man i love; amatus” took me out for a solid two seconds#clutching my chest; i am once again claimed by the sickness folks#going from “you learn not to hope for more; you'd be foolish to” to “nothing will truly keep us apart” is just.... chef's kiss#.... and yeah i'm more and more sure as time goes on that they were fully setting him up to be a returning character#whether it actually winds up happening or not; i feel like the setup is very deliberate#just by virtue of him leaving no matter what; even though in a romance he clearly doesn't want to and even says as much?#with the lines implying that he had more or less promised the inquisitor that he would stay?#it feels very intentional. like they were trying to make the ending of the romance satisfying and open to be continued#WHILE making sure that he is where he needs to be for the plot
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TO ME, THAT’S CINEMA
#tomgreg#so i've seen this around a lot and ppl have already made points but like holy fuck. hoooly fuck lmao where do i begin#TOM THOUGHT THE ROOM WAS EMPTY FOR UH ... FOR WHAT BITCH??#empty for what. you two just going in there ALONE. what for. strategizing? ok but then why was greg showing you tonight's selection.#even if it was girls it's still sus bc like who tf goes specifically to a room to show that shit.#oh by the way i listened again and tom says first ''why do we have to...'' so GREG asked for the room?#greg asked them to go to an empty room. slut.#anD THEN AFTER SAID ''I WANNA GIVE YOU'' BITCH!!!!!!!!1#are we sure it's girls though...... like does it say later. i'll keep watching but Christ. LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK#how am i supposed to read this other than an affair lmfao and then he says ''go on'' and sends greg off away like a little pet#sick to bastard death of them god#so it's like. greg says can we go somewhere private and tom says why do we have to#greg says i wanna give you... and tom says what do you wanna give me annoyed like#girl we are at work and we are trying to stay alive can't you wait til we are at home for me to clap them cheeks#and then greg says a preview of tonight's selection... of what? could be alcohol could be sexy stuff could be mf. clothes idk#and then they look up like O FUCK the room is in use and it's fucking SH*V and immediately tom is like GO ON and greg#doesn't even stutter or say anything like usual he's just like SORRY and leaves immediately bc he KNOWS he gotta gtfo#sorry i'm just. poetic cinema indeed
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can't believe gracie abrams wrote "i love you, im sorry" about john and paul
#“two augusts ago / i told you the truth / but you didnt like it / you went home”#john supposedly making a move on paul in india and getting rejected#and paul then leaving india early#“i like to slam doors closed / trust me i know its always about me”#just inherently johncore™️ (and john was NOT afraid to claim that paul songs were written about him)#“two summers from now we'll have been talking / but not all that often / we're cool now”#even though they eventually semi-made up it was just never the same#“you were the best you were the worst / as sick as it sounds i loved you first / i was a dick it is what is”#LIKE WHAT THE HELL???? WAS GRACIE POSSESSED BY THE GHOST OF JOHN?????#i could go on and on but i wont. for everybody's sanity#mclennon#john lennon#paul mccartney#john and paul#the beatles#beatles#gracie abrams#beatlemania#i love you im sorry#the secret of us
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youtube is experimenting with server side ads... the internet is actively hostile. why should i have to pay for the privilege to not be exposed to your shit moderation system. im constantly served homophobic political ads and cult religious shit, gambling is apparently too risky to show to kids but it's fine if the advertisers pay you, alcohol is great and fun and couldnt possibly cause someone to relapse, black and white one frame strobes are awesome, the real mr beast will give me $10k if i take this quick survey, and the young kids staying at my house get served TWO HOUR LONG ads because these vultures know the kids dont know how to skip. fuck you and fuck your website, im not paying money just because you cant do your damn jobs and actually keep this place safe
#relevant here bc if this isnt easy to block out i will straight up abandon youtube#im not giving myself constant headaches with these fucking horror movie ads that HAVE to use strobes all the time#im sick of alcohol and drugs and gambling#homophobes are allowed to tell me to kill myself but if a pro-gay ad gets dished out it's indoctrination#constantly get ads about the fucking border. about abortion. whatever talking point they have this week#im trying to watch mario can you leave me the fuck alone#chat#throwback to when tumblr mobile had that sirius xm ad that had the really bad strobe#i reported it every single time. took a few weeks but it eventually got vaporized#i can handle an ad or two but can they just be for like. candy or something. a cleaning product. idk something normal#why are these ads trying to force me into bad habits or scam me or make me kill everyone including myself#why cant i just watch a fucking coca cola commercial
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i try to spread information and stuff because that usually makes people more receptive to understanding how serious covid is, but a lot of being covid safe is being full of anger and frustration and hopelessness. for a lot of people, it’s not hard to wear a mask or not go places when they’re sick. so many people could still be taking precautions but just… won’t. and many of them (especially people close to me) are people who will talk about progressive policies and community care and allyship to marginalised communities but obviously won’t take the step to actually practice what they preach. i’m just tired of being told that i’m an acceptable sacrifice for people’s facade of normalcy
#‘i don’t see a lot of people masking anymore though’ a lot of us are stuck inside unless it’s completely necessary to go out. at this point#unless i’m getting food or going to class or going to a medical appointment i do not leave my room because so many people around me are sick#and it is not safe for me to risk covid#please. i’m begging people. wear a mask#there’s so many things people could do but at the top and the biggest and easiest way to keep yourself and others safe is to just mask up#coronavirus#y’all can reblog this if you want
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SICK. "right person, wrong time."
#SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK.#my HANDS are shaking.#what the fuck.#lolaa.txt#sorry 4 freakoutposting . nobody can know about this so i have nowhere else to say it all.#WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE.#RIGHT PERSON WRONG TIME. WHY IS IT WRONG TIME.#WHY AM I RIGHT PERSON.#IM RIGHT PERSON.#WHAT. WHAT#HE TALKED ABOUT ME TO HIS FRIENDS. AND HES SO TOTALLY HONEST#I WAS FULLY LAYING ON HIS CHEST AND HE SAYS 'ok i do have to turn on the ac . ' AND SORT OF HALF LAUGHED SMILED AT ME#HE WAS BLUSHING .#HE KISSED ME.#AND IT WAS MESSY AND AWKWARD AND VERY SIDEWAYS BUT HE KISSED ME#AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND HE KEPT SMILING.#AND HE DIDNT WANT ME TO LEAVE BUT HE DIDNT WANT ME TO BE IN TROUBLE#i was 2 hours late getting home. AUHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHGHIGHSEOIFHSEFOUESHFESJKKMNN#FUCKKK. I HAVE TO SEE HIM TOMORROW. IN A SCHOOL SETTING.#AND I CANT TELL ANY OF MY FRIENDS?????????#only one person knows and i swore her to secrecy because she wanted us to get together really bad.#FUCK but like . we cant. we cant do it right person WRONG TIME#but also can we just go back to being friends. do i really want to forget? it was so comfy.#FUCK.#FUCKKKKKK . AND CAM.#cam is so so sweet. light of my life cam. talented and artistic and handsome cam.#but. cam doesnt watch movies. or make mixtapes. or kiss me in the front seat of their car because our noses touched when we laughed#AGAIN SORRY. NORMAL. i need to tell my parents about the movie (tradition that they hear all about it) and NOT bring any of this up#i will be dodging the allegations the whole time. NOT EVERYONE GETS SOMEONE PREGNANT IN HIGH SCHOOL FATHER.#so there is that.
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mentally ill blast of supreme false confidence except it doesnt work on me because theres nothing for it to be utilized by. theres nothing actually here. im just a husk that doesnt have any skills or programming . in its most desperate attempts not even my own brain knows how to help me
#it just leaves me used up & sick#thinking about how the first day i met with my psychiatrist she told me she didnt know if there was anything they could do for me#even she knew#my brain is off the track#i always knew that for everything else#my upbringing so drastically separating me from everyone else#but then maybe it comes in again here#because i dont follow the rules of psychiatry#they dont know what to do with me#theres just so much and im out in a field fighting for my life#and theyre in a city#and theyre functioning society#and im trying to force myself in#ive always known theres more 2 humans than psychiatry could ever think 2 contain#and most of it is bullshit#but i never considered how that would affect me#in my attempts 2 just. get help#people say that so simply#just get help :)#but it is. so much and nothing
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just a kind word for all of you lovely folks out there: if you say the r-slur or you don't call out your friends for saying it then i hate your guts :)
#melonposting#i'm writing my piece for the ada's open letter in our school newspaper. and oh my god i am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!! :D#like to kill an ableist reblog to kill an ableist. you know the drill#ughhhh my school is supposed to be super progressive and it is in a lot of ways#but hmmmm no punishment for saying the r-slur? people using autistic and sped and disabled and bipolar and psychotic as insults 24/7?#forgive me if my math is wrong but it just doesn't add up! :)#and don't get me started on people throwing around the term 'intrusive thoughts' like it's soooo cute and quirky#dude. i literally get intrusive thoughts. please leave the school building and never come back. expel yourself#'tee hee i let the intrusive thoughts win!!' and i will win in hand to hand combat against you. shut up#if you reading this are someone i know at school who did something like this don't come groveling to me#it doesn't help. if anything it just makes me feel guilty for calling you out#and for goodness sake you know i can't stand up for myself. please call people out for their sick bs when you know i can't#thank you :'D
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why am i rearranging my entire day and doing backflips just so my dad can go play hockey today
#babbling#his car is in the shop and probably wont be done before my dad has to leave for hockey#so he asked if he could borrow my car and i was like no i have class#and hes like well could you pick up my car from the shop and use that to get to class#nevermind the fact it might not be done in time still but also i need to park#and my parking permit is only for my car#and then i was like okay maybe i will just go with him and he can drop me off at school 4 hours early#because he was so pushy about me saying yes#like yeah its possible but dude its you going to play hockey for an hour vs my class im paying thousands of dollars for#he plays hockey multiple times a week btw#he was recently sick so he might not have gone in over a week or so but still#update class is on zoom today so it all works out#except if i had gone to campus i would have been screwed LMAO
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why am i good enough to be a fuck buddy or a play partner or a fwb, but not good enough to be a girlfriend? why do people always wanna talk to me, but never pursue me? why am i good enough to flirt with, but not good enough to love?
#i just wanna be left alone#people always end up using me or hurting me so ive given up on trying to find a romantic connection#im only ever a placeholder or an attention dispenser and im so so tired#ppl flirt with me then dip out & ignore my msgs & randomly stop talking to me#im just so sick of it.#dont express interest in me and make me believe you like me if youre just going to leave in the end#why are you bothering me when you know you dont want me???????#i will never understand yall.......
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Mass Effect: Andromeda - That time where Sara Ryder became an adopted mom to a Fiend 🤔🤣😉
This is the Elaaden mission where you're supposed to "tame" a Fiend by setting a smoke lure. It draws a Fiend and you fight it but instead of it dying, it's supposed to sit down by the smoke and ignore you after that. This Fiend, though, really wanted some Pathfinder skritchies and cuddles and followed Sara all of the way back to the NOMAD.
And then... Okay, please imagine the hysterical laughter I gave at the NOMAD part. You've got to see that for yourself, lol!
Sorry, as usual, for the lack of nice editing. This is the raw footage since I still have no Vegas to work with. I initially just wanted to capture how the Fiend was weirdly following Sara around and then it became one of my favorite moments so far in my over 600 hours in this game! 😍🤣
I seriously wish Sara could've kept her Fiend pal and brought him back to the Tempest to hang out in her quarters with her hamster and Pyjak, lol!
I love Vetra at the end of that clip, commenting about the crazy rock formations as if we hadn't just had a FIEND sitting on top of the NOMAD, lol! 🤣🤣🤣
Love you, FiFi, I'll never forget you, bud! 🤗🤗🤗
#mass effect andromeda#mass effect: andromeda#fiend#elaaden#elaaden fiend#sara ryder#pathfinder ryder#is now mom to a fiend#she loves all of her big and little children#the nomad#needs a fiend riding majestically on top of it i'd say#i mean c'mon how AWESOME would we look pulling up with a fiend just chillin' on the roof right?#pretty sure most of the bad guys would leave us alone when we rolled up like that!#i was really curious as to how long he'd follow but i think he hit a boundary#instead of despawning though it sent him back to the point where he spawns in#i'm glad he didn't just vanish#i like to imagine he's still sitting there to this day#just chillin' and waiting for his pathfinder mom to come back and pick him up lol#(yeah i know where the fiend actually goes and you fight him later 😭but that's NOT fifi that's clearly some other fiend)#*nodnods in leave me to my delusion i've been sick*#😉#ageless aislynn#this is my game tag
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wdym by "see" them? Do u have that thing where u cant see pictures in ur head?? 👀
oh, yeah, I mean I can see vague shapes but there's no color and it's like blurry and tunnel visioned at best
I can "taste" in my head pretty well and hear in my head even better though!
I think it makes me more satisfied with my art, because anything I draw will always be the only way I can see it... I've never struggled with the classic artist pain of it "looking so much better in my head" I'm always like oh hell yeah it looks so cool now that I can see it!!!
I also think it's why I have so much desire to draw. I have a lot of ideas in my head, and I want to make them real! I want to see them too!!!
#I can imagine movements#so when I think in sign language for instance I think in like... the movements that my hands would be making...#rather than what the signs would be looking like reading them...#and when I imagine a scene its like. dialogue..? and movements#so its like he walks in andd then he says this thing#and my brain is extremely spacial#so when thinking up a piece I sort of look around and know where things might be#but it's just me labeling them#I don't really see anything#it's like when imagining an apple I look at the top of the brain space and go 'stem sometimes. brown or green. leaves sometimes.'#not really seeing much idk.#idk people talk about this a lot so I've thought about it a lot#but honestly it doesnt really matter to me...#it does in some sense in the same way any way of learning about myself is nice to do#but I just mean I dont think using it as a point of comparison is really all that helpfup#or considering pros and cons#its just how I think and it is what it is#and it works for me and I've made it work for me#and I love my brain and how it works. besides like the anxiety and whatever stuff#but thats not my brains fault that we're sick#anyways.#asks#edsheerankinnie
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