#it just PISSES me off when ppl are like oh they can’t be gay

[joanbaezed]

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[auspex]

SESSION RECAP!!!

to set the scene - Mark is entering Sampson's bar to continue the conversation about their Situation after dealing w the kindred spying problem outside (w violence)

this summary was written for ppl w some context to Mark's story already so i am sorry if some things do not Cohere for u feel free 2 ask.

SO. 

Mark goes in to continue the conversation. He starts off by trying to talk about Sampson and him’s situation, but Sampson insists on talking about Mark’s blood bond to Julius. Sampson says he is thinking more clearly than he has in a very long time and it’s made him realize how fucked his situation is, and how fucked the blood bond is… and in turn how fucked Mark is with his bond to Julius. Mark starts getting defensive, more than he normally would obviously, and has to start rolling WP to not defend Julius profusely, but also emotionally wants to anyway so even when he succeeds he still hedges his bets with it. 

Sampson asks Mark how he would describe his relationship to Julius (he doesn’t know his name still) and when Mark says he is his boss he calls Mark an idiot and says his master is a monster and he is a tool. This pisses off Mark so bad that he stands up in his chair, not even noticing he breaks it until later. Sampson won’t answer Mark when Mark asks him what he is hoping to get out of this and they start shouting at each other about it, Mark doesn’t have a coherent defense. At one point Sampson says ‘and if I’m an inconvenience he’d have you drain me’ and Mark replies “then don’t be a fucking inconvenience” and its when Sampson laughs that he pushes him for the first time. He ends up PUSHING Sampson who just laughs at him and says that he doesn’t even see how ridiculous it is how mad he’s getting. Sampson does end up pushing him back just to get him out of his face but the whole time he’s sardonic. He says something else about Julius that really sets Mark off and the ST says Mark has a choice after the WP roll: Punch him, or do something similar to that, or leave. So I have Mark turn to leave, calling Sampson an idiot, and Sampson essentially says “when you’re ready to admit how badly you need help, if you ever do, maybe in a month when you have the courage.” but like in an angry way, implying he does not think he will come back anytime soon, very mean lol. 

Mark goes to his car. Or rather he starts approaching it. He spots a man with greasy, unkempt hair, ripped t shirt, and ripped jeans, waiting by the car. The ST says Mark realizes its a kindred because he has gashes showing BONES but he is standing like it’s fine. He is acting SUPER weird. Mark is STILL fucking MAD so he isn’t as nice with his introduction - when the man asks “are you Mark?” Mark replies ‘who the hell are you?’. The man knows whats up and is like. “Hey. Boss thought you might need help. I’m JP. He sent me”. And Mark is like Oh because OMG JULIUS HE CAN’T KNOW ABOUT SAMPSON’S INSOLENCE so Mark is like ah. OK. Don’t need help. The guy is suuuuper weird about it and is like are you SURE there is NOTHING I can help you with, please? Like basically begging Mark to ask for his help. Mark relents and is like. Well you can help with the anarch problem. 

JP is like. ‘Sure that’s a big problem. Are you Julius’s childe too?’ And Mark is like yes. And JP is like ah well. You got the *points to back*? And Mark is like yeah. And JP says ok yeah see I’m who he sends to help when he has no one else available. And he lifts his shirt AND THERES A HUGE GNARLY SCAR SHOWING BONES THAT IS CARVED INTO HIS FLESH THAT SAYS “I REBELLED AGAINST JULIUS” .

And he continues to say “more than once!” with the most PAINED face. And upon seeing that Mark has some Realizations. He realizes 1) the blood bond is the most traumatic, most deeply violating, thing that can be done to a person. Worse than the shame and ridicule he faced while alive for being gay, worse than even being embraced, even worse than Gaius getting all of his memories. It’s abhorrent. 2) He would need help to get out of this and 3) it would have to be someone with experience on dealing with it. 

Mark’s anger is replaced by a profound emptiness. Drained. But the night continues. So Mark says that, yeah, maybe actually he can help with many problems. JP is like yeah. Julius has been busy these nights. Very busy. And Mark is like ah I see. Will you be around? And JP says Julius sent me to Help You :) let Me Help You :) and he can’t say this explicitly but he basically says IF YOU SAY I HAVE TO STAY TO HELP WITH OTHER THINGS I CAN STAY AND HELP WITH THE BLOOD BOND. 

And Mark and him have the most awkward roundabout conversation and JP says. Well it’s difficult to talk without a Medium. Obviously trying to imply something. And Mark is like. A medium huh? Like … fortune teller orr…? And JP is like Nooo and Mark can SMELL HIS SIGIL BURNING LIKE IT DOES TO HIM SOMETIMES so obviously something is up with this. THANKFULLY after he mimes a ball i get that he means one of the memory balls! And Mark is like OH. and very seriously says I can help with that. Because he had asked for one from Julius a LONNGGG time ago on a whim cause he thought they were neat!

And JP seems relieved but has a very pained smile so he’s like. Again so. Do you need help? And Mark is like well. I could use someone to watch the territory, and he asks JP if he has a place to stay. And JP says not here :) his body language and tone of voice is just SCREAMING “PLEASE HELP ME” lmfao. So Mark asks if he got him a place to stay could he stay. And he says yes, if I need to stay to help you I can. And so Mark brings him to a place on the territory, the lighthouse safe house, and apologizes that it has no mattress tonight, just an old, shitty, rotting couch. And JP says, with WONDER. “That’s much more than I usually get…. I can get a mattress?” BRUH. 

And Mark is like. Oh  my god yeah. And how long have uh. You had those referring to the scars and marred skin. And JP is like oh? I get new one’s every night. And Mark is like oh my god someone comes here? And he’s like no… it’s hard to explain. OH MY GOD I JUST GOT THE IMPLICATION MAYBE JULIUS HAS ORDERED HIM TO DO IT TO HIMSELF??? OKAY I ASKED ST AND HE CONFIRMED IT. HE DOES IT TO HIMSELF. FUCK.

But yes Mark leaves him there for the night. And he cries in his car a little because oh my god. What is this situation. But he remembers Sampson saying that when he’s ready for him to help him get out of this, he would, just come back. So Mark goes Fuck It We Ball and goes RIGHT BACK TO SAMPSON because he has Realized that Sampson was right and he was an Idiot Sandwhich (I need that meme drawn btw of Sampson calling Mark an idiot sandwhich, w the bread). 

So Mark, totally drained, goes back to Sampson’s bar. Sampson lets him in. And Mark says. “Let’s try this again. Carefully.” and Sampson doesn’t really say anything but ‘ok’ and Mark continues and says. “I am sorry. About the chair and pushing you. You were right. About everything.” (had to roll wp to say that) and Sampson has him sit down. He asks him to say it again and Mark can’t this time but he gets it. 

So Sampson is like. Okay i honestly didn’t expect you to come this soon. Wasn’t sure if you would at all. But this is good. And Mark is like yeah. And they were quiet for a bit but Sampson is like. Okay. What are we talking about. And Mark asks him again, why are you helping, and Sampson is basically saying that he wants out of this life. That he is really stuck and trapped, and he recognizes how fucked it is, but he is only gonna get out of it if Mark gets through his blood bond stuff. I can’t fully remember how the conversation flowed but it did flow naturally. But I will just have to list other developments.

Mark says he still cares about Sampson. Sampson says he isn’t sure if Mark is pretending to care or not, and asks what he thinks. Mark says he definitely still does. Sampson appears ambivalent, like it doesn’t really matter. He’s non committal about what he believes, but says he believes Mark believes what he is saying at least, but he might be lying to himself/doing it out of habit. Because he KNOWS other ghouls and stuff (this was talked abt in the earlier convo as well) and he knows how kindred are, and how he can’t trust Mark due to the blood bond also. But yeah. Mark FINALLY straight up asks Sampson how he feels about him and Sampson first asks if Mark really wants to know. And Mark, after hesitation, says he does. Sampson says. “Honestly, you make me sad. I remember what you were like before, what we were like, I know my situation and when I think about you… it’s just sad.” 

Like basically the implication is Mark is a sad memory, he feels like he owes him (said that explicitly) and has some fondness for, but wants to move on. He wants to move past him and put all this behind him (said explicitly). Mark is quite sad. Sampson says they can have a more normal relationship now. But its clear - he doesn’t want to be friends long term, they are just working together, with a deep shared history, and some level of fondness. But he doesn’t love him. There isn’t some deep care. He can’t trust him and does believe he is a vampire who either has already or will eventually stop caring. 

Sampson says that this was a downer note to end on. As just before he had said this was good, and he felt he had hope for the first time, and they both committed to being honest with one another (sad thing is Mark always was really when he could be.). Mark just says “that’s good. [regarding feeling hope] And that if there was nothing else, please keep me in the loop if anything happens here this time, but I will stop bothering you now.” Sampson walks him out. Says goodnight Mark as he leaves. Mark says goodnight as well. Mark is empty, drained, should feel hope but can’t due to blood bond, and is just miserable that it is finally confirmed Sampson doesn’t feel the same. 

Mark goes home. Does his normal routine. Checks his email - an email from ‘regional’. It just says “I sent help. Be careful. -J.”

On that menacing note, Mark cries himself to sleep for the i think third time in his unlife and willingly enters torpor early <3 THE END

I AM SUFUCKERING /POSITIVE

[otgwbgyu]

this palestine shit makes me so pissed off. all these privileged ppl brushing it aside and acting as if it doesn’t exist like fuck yall. if it was ur country getting destroyed and ur people dying from genocide you’d be desperate for help. you’d be going to extreme lengths for help. yet u lack the small amount of empathy required to give a fuck abt others

i can’t repost stuff on tiktok or send any messages supporting palestine bc my mom could easily find out abt both and i don’t even know what she’d do to/with me. twitter’s a difficult situation bc im on edtwt and other “problematic” subtwt, and bungee and potentially my mom has had access to said user so one peep and im done for. i still able to like and rt to at least boost posts’ algorithm, but that’s abt all i can do. i’m boycotting, doing my daily click, and liking and sharing/rt posts abt the genocide yet i still feel like im not doing enough. and these fat fucks go around munching on mcdonald’s like pigs and watching disney like children.

it’s so baffling how zionists have turned this into an issue regarding antisemitism when it never has been for the past century. they’re just pulling that card to victimize themselves and turn it all on the palestinians. like yeah. all palestinians hate jews. oh! and gay ppl! (???) it just baffles me that ppl look at what israel is doing and find it justifiable when they’ve broken multiple warfare laws i’m p sure. didn’t they stop white sulfur or something like that on palestine or lebanon?? i js cant believe ppl see israel slaughtering an entire country and say “it’s okay bc they hate jews” …. yeah, sure, whatever u say

israel claims they’re under attack when their “country” (heavy on the quotations) seems like a paradise compared to palestine. like gaza is in flames and knocked to rubble while israel sustains skyscrapers and city life without any disruption but ofc it’s israel that’s being attacked!! of course!!

look, i don’t hate jews. but i hate israel. not bc its a jewish “country”, but bc its a wannabe country that kills loads of innocent ppl every single day. a large portion of which r children. and those who aren’t killed are subjected to inhumane conditions and the constant fear of death lingering over their shoulders bc an air strike could hit at any minute. at that point, death sounds like a sweet release. and that should never be something an entire population has to go through

real jews and ppl with actual hearts know this very well and will strive to support palestine 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸❤️❤️

[taxfraudhousewife]

guys my autistic ass made a post asking pro lifers why they’re pro life and now i regret it cos i can’t look at my notifications cos they piss me the fuck off lmao i’m too pussy to delete the post cos i want it for autism purposes but still i’m gonna complain about their opinions even tho IM the one who ASKED for their opinions even tho I GAVE SOMEONE SHIT for being mean to the pro lifers in the comments IM SORRY OK

like idk wtf i thought i was getting into asking pro lifers on the internet i was literally asking for it and in this instance it is ok to victim blame cos im the victim of my own autism and this is literally my fault

idk sometimes i start to think that pro lifers only exist in the US and like poland cos i never hear express pro life sentiments irl BECAUSE I TALK TO NORMAL FUCKIN PEOPLE and the few ppl i do know who say they’re pro life are actually pro choice but in like a ✨catholic✨way

i cannot shut the fuck up about this but like in my personal opinion if u live in america and are pro life u gotta get ur shit sorted out cos ur opinions r genuinely dangerous for women in that country like u can be pro life when access to abortion is unrestricted that’s fine but don’t go ruining shit for everybody just cos you don’t have common sense

like idc if ur canadian and pro life cos i rly don’t think in my lifetime we’ll lose any abortion rights so u can go off and spread ur weird ideology ur very much a non threat so i accept ur freedom of speech or whatever

also like i went to catholic school (shocker it turned me into a gay anarcho socialist pro choice atheist) and like there was a pro life club obviously and oh my god maybe i’m just triggered as fuck bc of my pro life club trauma (if u had a pro life club at school u know it’s literally trauma)

also this rant happened bc one of the ppl on my post used the word “scientifical” and im sorry but if u say the word scientifical when talking about literal human rights idk honestly ur probably a lot happier and have a more fulfilling life than me if u don’t think too hard about this so like good for u and im jealous

also like i know i never specifically said i only want woman opinions on the post (cos men opinions are what fucked us over in the first place and therefore are important to understand) but the AMOUNT OF MEN IS INSANE TO ME like i think in general abortion conversations im used to men allowing women to have more influence in the conversation because it’s literally about women BUT THE AMOUNT OF MEN TALKING ALL THIS SHIT IS SO CRAZY YO ME WE WOULDNT NEED ABORTIONS IF U COULD TAME UR SKIN SNAKE YOU ABSOLUTE FREAK GET OUT

anyway i think that’s funny

[kissesandsuch]

Okay I just gotta say you’re supposed to be a born again Christian and shit you’re mildly upset that not everyone else in the world is but why are you still bitching?? You don’t wanna sit with someone……because they wear an evil eye necklace? Ohhh so you can disrespect other religions and be a preachy bitch and act like you’re better than everyone but god forbid I say oh my god I’m suddenly terrible and disrespectful? Hey bro people were nailing that man to a cross I don’t think a 15 year old girl saying omg is that big a deal. And side note HES NOT FUCKING REAL and even if he is why would I go to hell?? For not believing?? If god is merciful and good and shit he should understand that I’m thinking with my brain and not my heart and I’m simply not afraid of dying and don’t need comfort on it. I also wanna fuck bitches and get money. And also sexualize priests every chance I get. Can’t explain it. Maybe it’s like the mental superiority and corruption aspect of it? Idk I’m crazy. But yeah fuck you bitch I don’t like that girl either but I guarantee if I said ONE THING about being agnostic or an atheist you’d blow up. I’m a good person and shit and I’m not tryna start nothing but seriously fuck you im not dancing around the rules to your made up bullshit. You’re gonna feel real dumb for not being happy and satisfying yourself when you die and realize there’s no god. Womp womp. Imagine not fucking or cussing or doing drugs or masterbating?? Okay what do you do?? I’m playing sorta. Like bro you won’t listen to rock or “devil worship” music? Faggot what??😭😭 tf you mean you don’t support gay ppl you were ankle deep in pussy and yk damn well I’ve been there too. It just pisses me off. Religion pisses me off. It all pisses me off so hard. Jesus is a character THATS ALL. Yall mistranslated a book. That’s all there is to it. Fuck you and fuck god fr. The only amount of faith I have in ANYYYTHING is the universe. That shit WORKS. IDC you tried manifesting or meditating?? Have you tried crystals?? Essential oils?? Rituals?? That shit works in mysterious ways idk. I don’t believe in god but I believe the universe has good things in store for me. I don’t need to pray or worship the universe, I just know it’s there and that’s fire. No personification of it either that’s just my gang the universe. I think that’s a healthy relationship with faith tbh. I have faith that everything will work out and that the universe is on my side and I don’t have to try to be someone I’m not or deny myself or hate others to earn the universes love. I just KNOW it freaked her out when she was talking shit and I started reciting the Bible and told her to love thy neighbor and not judge….hey your words I’m just repeating them….. run that back fr….. it actually makes me mad the only religious people allowed are John Ward and Orel Puffington. That’s all we got. So fuck you and fuck your cult and fuck god and fuck trying to make me feel bad for finding it dumb bc adleast I’m trying to bet you a million I could make you question your belief in a minimum of 500 words but nah I’m not bc I’m a good person why can’t you do the same?

[confusedgoldenflower]

Edwardian boy comparing her being w them to demonic possession which is so easily-it’s BASICALLY-a-metaphor-for rape is not cool. And no apology. C’mon. It wasn’t even needed to lead into his frustrated confession either. So take that and FUCK OFF.

—Speaking of which, always ALWAYS this “you need to tell me exactly everything that happened” around this shit is soooOOOOOO gross! Fuck off w that too. And shove it.

Punishing her for not divulging to your ass this horrendous experience she went through? F U C K O F F ! ! !

Edit:

Positive queer or sex representation is NOT forced “sex.” So no, that violates a “fair and consensual Cat King.” I HOPE SOMEONE SJOVED A HOT POKER UP YOUR ASS. Nor is it “old fashioned sensibilities,” you’re COERCING SEX, YOU ANAL TICKED MONGREL.

They didn’t just make the cat king a ducking rapist, but also a goddamned pedo!

And we’re playing trauma comparisons, come on! Wtf! I expected better from 2024.

The fucker traumatized him! And oh there ain’t any forceful trauma dumping for HIM huh. At least be fucking cohesive [not the right word] w your shittyness.

More good news: the lesbian gets anime hair!!!

Forgot to say it before but Esther has EDS and internalized mysogony up the ass

Oooooh, of course the allonormativity! PISS OFF!!

I’m not even done w Ep3 and it’s like it was written by TW’s older sister! The fuck is this asinine nonesense!? They feel like characatures. It started more promisingly!

I want the cat man to die slowly.

This is NOT how someone’s sexuality is explored. Fuck off

Lilith isn’t a white woman!

Nonconsensual kissing is NOT romantic! FUCK. YOU.

If Niko is “empty headed” to “fight” the Asian stereotype of ultra smart… it’s not a fucking good look to still choose to perpetuate mysogony. Also, isn’t calling an Asian person “fish breath” racism??? I’m not too versed in it but it feels… micro aggression at best….

Ope, forgot the ananormativity. Aaand ableism. Ouch, gender slurs don’t make you hip either.

Okay but the boys fucking w the dick for Crystal is funny tho

Oh but then you don’t wanna mention “hysteria?” Hm? Wow. Really picking and choosing.

Oh sure pull out the silent moment and music for the dead white girl driven to suicide but when horrible shit happened to Crystal, what? Neither was handled how I think it should have been but one was worse here in my opinion.

Surprised the secret admirer isn’t Esther or Mommy Witch

Jenny is tysm

I ain’t sad about the jocks. Fuck em.

At least the lesbian couple has consensual kissing 🙄

COMMUNICATION!!! [Pointing 4chan meme]

YEAH DRAG THE QUASI RAPISTS TO HELL!!!!

No consensual kissing for the gay pair either. Wtf! The CREEP ASKS to kiss!? What’s wrong w you showrunners!

Yknow, if I found out my boyfriend/friend was a crow… I don’t think I’d mind. I mean it might take a month for me to wrap my head around the whole magic transformation thing. But I think that’d be neat…. If he NONCONSENSUALLY KISSED ME HOWEVER-

Ohhh this episode is about overcoming the narc abusers, isn’t it??? And if they turned back into a crow, I’d still love them🥹. We’d still dance together, and have caw-caw battles and I’d make them yummy snacks. Share any special, special treats (I do that w my animal babies anyway).

NOOO. MY BIRD BOY. P sure you can’t do this to a familiar

That isn’t a lot of… “overcoming”

Why is the orgy in a meat locker??? Bc sex crazed ppl only see one another as pieces of meat????

Bro I’d shriek too of an allo was trynna grab me

I expected the hell arc to be more than one episode.

He loves you my dude, that’s why😌 send your gays to hell

I don’t think I like Edwin getting out of COERCED RAPE via LITERAL HELL

I don’t know how I feel about this show. It feels like Avatar; rushed and missing things. I don’t like the picking and choosing of which mysogony is, like, actually mysogonistic. I don’t like how this shit is the queer rep I have to suck up and accept. Why the forced Hetero!? Huh!? That man is queer. Is it supposed to be a haha the queer looking one isn’t the gay!? The fuck!? What’s with the ASININE forced allo and ananormativity! LET THEM BE FRIENDS GODDAMNIT

Dead Boy Detectives

QUEER PLATONIC. QUEER PLATONIC. QUEER PLATONIC!!!

Come here queer boy-boy-boy, tat me up!

I knew my boy was from the 80s!!!

And they’re all ND. Mr Edwardian England is tysm

Not even 1/2 thru Ep 1

Shouldn’t the passport money things have helped her remember?… No? Just ignoring that teensy lol detail?

—OH MY FUCK THE CAT TALKS!

[caifanes]

ao no flag just feels like one huge thought experiment

[danepopfrippery]

What We Do in the Shadows Rewatch part 3

Things Guillermo has done since start of season 3 for Nandor/the others:

*only faux nandor to not get thrown out of the gym

*stop a feud with the werewolves by suggesting kick ball

*got their ancestral dirt and single handedly came up with a plan to pay back sean

*helped settle the vampiric counsel for his own gain

*rescued Nandor from the cult (tho he strongly disagrees that was helpful).

You could argue paying back Sean was the biggest thing he helped pull off…and once rested (thanks to him!!!) Laszlo and Nadja treated him like shit…so much so they admitted they missed his plan altogether.

To me thats plenty to cause a fight scene. The nicest two things that have been done in season 3 (beyond not killing him) was Nandor not turning him cuz he felt it was a curse, and Nandor seeming to genuinely think he’d be alive in 100 years (but also more dumb than kind).

They can’t even compliment him without insulting him (their note crosses out familiar for bodyguard…couldnt even grab another doily lololol). Nandor mostly corrects ppl but by the time hes sulky and pissed after being rescued he repeatedly calls him a familiar.

Another thing i noted nandermo wise is in the cult ep Guillermo goes to say how he feels, and Nandor brushes it off with ‘we know how you feel’ much like in 3x1. Tbh i think its more ‘yeah i get u worship me, i dont care that much’ not so much ‘oh yeah i know u want me bye’z

Someone said they thought Nandor was happy in the cult cuz he noted in the cloak ep how he missed working out with a group. Echoing Simon’s words he didnt have much of a purpose until being co leader of the council, but he hates it because hes just on a throne, not interacting with other vampires in a positive way.

Continuing on Guillermo’s own interests, it is kinda funny we basically know hes gay by now but the Guide is alllll over him. Repeatedly. Being a good catholic he has very little to say on it. When the guide suggest a workplace orgy he doesnt even look remotely into it despite it would include nandor lololol.

Man them vampires are horny. Laszlo’s motto might as well be the species motto.

Anyway whatever goes down i think Guillermo has plenty to be pissed about going into the finale. Even beyond Nandor it really proved what they said in the season premiere as true: they said they’ll make him a full fledged part of the group; he notes what theyve offered doesnt really make him a full fledged member. Hes still seen as lesser, despite proving himself literally all season long

[skunked-up-kicks]

Omg... same... I don't remember my first reaction to that kevin-andrew staring line, but like for example, it took me a while to get why Nicky warned Neil not to look too much at Kevin. And when people interpret things sexually/romantically in the fandom I'm definitely surprised, like the cigarette pack in Andrew's back pocket turned into staring at his ass etc. I did find stuff like Andrew brushing Neil's back more telling, but I didn't read every moment from a sexual attraction lense u know

I don't know if my last ask made sense but basically same sometimes im like "oh you guys think this line is about attraction. ok. i didn't know that" i feel like i learnt to see the romance/attraction in most of it bc i remember i felt like neil for the longest time -- i didn't see the signs of 'attraction' a lot of the time, though i did see more blatant flirting

lil disclaimer thingy: i understand everyone reads book differently and is coming from different perspectives, and i'm not intending to shame anyone or anything, just wanna talk about my experience reading aftg.

so, if i'm being honest... i do genuinely find it so baffling that people read certain scenes (mainly book 1 scenes) as sexual. like you mentioned the infamous 'neil sussed the twins out by which one had a cigarette packet in their back pocket' scene that people have turned into 'neil was ogling andrew's ass'. which.. neil is a respectful king and would never, okay? i hate when ppl make him into a fucking creep :// but also it's a good example of an early moment in the series that showed how observant and clever neil could be so it also makes me sad that the moment got stripped of that in favour of it being sexual :(

anyway, besides sexual clearly not being how it's intended to be read, it's also weird to me because like... my mind was not at all in the place to be reading scenes as sexual when i first read that scene.

we've just been introduced to neil not that long ago, and he's been presented to us as a traumatized teenager who's been squatting in his highschool's gym locker room, seems to have a nicotine addiction, is really anxious, has seen his mum die, and i'm also pretty sure there's lines about how lonely neil is and about how much he's grieving his mum. not that long before the cigarette-in-back-pocket scene doesn't neil have a moment at the window where he thinks "one of us has to make it mum"??

what i'm very poorly trying to explain is that, at least when i first read the books, i was really attached to neil early on and more importantly i was really protective of him. cause he's a child really... and a very hurt and distressed one at that, who's in a new and clearly unsafe environment. andrew's group is not presented in a good light early on, so i was rightfully suspicious and untrusting of them. how people can be given a character like neil in a situation like that and be playing matchmaker almost immediately is... yeah.

like... my mind wasn't in the place to be going "oooo neil thinks one of them has a nice ass!!🥴🥴"... LIKE? the scenes before certainly aren't set up in a way that's leading you down that train of thought...

it's the same as the scene where neil puts andrew's hand under his shirt, people talked about seeing that as sexual too. but andrew's been raped literally like 2 or 3 pages ago??? when i read those kinds of posts i can't help but think "how is this what's on your guys minds right now??..."

plus, when people say they saw these moments as sexual attraction they are often also implying they were thinking "maybe they'll get together". which is why i mentioned that i didn't trust andrew's group, cause i assumed everyone else felt the same, so i also assumed that like me they wouldn't be thinking of neil possibly getting with any of them... cause if you don't think they're trustworthy... why would you? i just wanted to protect neil from them ngl :') the only other character i liked at the time besides neil was wymack cause he actually showed that he cared about neil's wellbeing.

even that scene where andrew runs his fingers also neil's back, i honestly thought andrew was trying to intimidate neil... cause i didn't fucking like or trust andrew! he had non-con drugged not that long ago and i was still pissed at him and his group at the time. plus, andrew had used touching neil as a way to try and intimidate him before that so. even if i had picked up on the fact that andrew was attracted to neil from that during my first read, i wouldn't have thought they'd be getting together, or even wanted them too lol.

also because, aside from what i've said, there was also the fact neil told us he didn't swing... some scenes happened before that but most that people talk about happened after. if i'm reading a book and i'm having moments where i'm thinking maybe someone is attracted to the main character it's because i assume something might actually happen!

but i believed neil was aro/ace and so i wasn't looking for moments of neil being attracted to people, or moments of others being attracted to him. i never really bothered trying to read between the lines, it never even crossed my mind for so long... cause i had already set my mind on "neil won't end up with anyone". i only remembering it occurring to me at the "doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene.

and honestly, when that happened i remember thinking something like "andrew's gonna end up getting rejected". idk? i never doubted neil was aspec, i started off thinking he was aro/ace like i said but i never went "oh he's gay", i just went "oh so he's not aro/ace but he's somewhere on the spectrum of being asexual".

and also tbh... i liked that neil never thought of things sexually. it was nice :'( and seeing his own thoughts and actions getting interpreted in that way, especially after we should have been under the assumption he wasn't interested in things like that... it rubs me the wrong way.

(i know aro/ace ppl can have relationships and/or have sex, but the way neil presented his sexuality and acted when hit on. to me, it made it seem like he was completely uninterested in either)

i can understand going back through the book after reading for the first time and being like "oh andrew's actions or words here might have been partially motivated by his attraction to neil at the time!", but through the first read? and for neil?? it's weird to me...

this is quite long so sorry bout that lol, i think i'll leave it here. it's nice to see someone else feel a similar way anyway ;^;

again, i don't think it's wrong if people read it differently. it just confuses me cause it's so different from my experience reading it and what i would expect it to be like for others

[locktobre]

bcbd thoughts

right away I see that this is only an hour long, so... it’s not a movie, then. it’s a one hour special, again. I feel like I’m already gonna miss the extra 20 minutes just like dolphin magic but we’ll see I guess. maybe it’ll be a mercy that it’s shorter.

the opening credits/dream sequence was nice. the animation on the city is decent, and the monochrome thing was kind of cool.

her being on stage reminded me a little of Eden, and then immediately I missed Eden so much. they would never let a version of Babs be a bitch now and that’s such a shame.

so now we’re joking about George tracking Barbie’s cell phone? bc that’s fine and not at all an invasion of privacy or anything. also, you can check flight statuses on the internet so that’s really not necessary. also, why the fuck didn’t Barbie call them once she got off the plane? or at least text? I always text or call my mom when I land, and frankly I’m not even as close to my mom as Barbie claims to be to her parents. and I did that when I was 17 traveling alone, too, so it’s not just something I do as an adult. it’s part of the responsibility of traveling to let ppl know that you got somewhere safe so they don’t worry about you. what the fuck Babs.

was that honking supposed to be like censoring the cabbie swearing bc I would love that. let the cabbie say fuck.

I still maintain that this “summer program” thing is bullshit and Babs should have been going off to college. I know they won’t let her grow up but it makes more sense than this does. also, you’re telling me there’s no summer programs for acting/whatever in LA? seriously? she HAD to go across the country for this? and her parents let her? they don’t even trust her! they said that 2 seconds ago! or is tracking her cell phone the reason she’s allowed to travel across the country (to Willows and Florida and Hawaii) by herself in the first place? I hate this I hate it so much already

The Handler Arts Academy... oh I’m feeling emotions

“luck’s got nothing to do with it. you worked your tail off for this” SHOW ME FOR WHEN, PLEASE. this could have been an actual arc of the show, a goal Barbie was working towards that could thread thru multiple episodes... but no. this came out of nowhere. I’m STILL saying that Amelia bought Barbie’s place here bc FUCK YOU SHOW

“I hope I’m good enough” you’re a mediocre rich white woman, you can do literally anything you want.

why is her guitar shoved in a cardboard box and not, idk, in a guitar case? that’s stupid. also, that’s an open cardboard box, so how did that travel on the plane? a closed cardboard box, fine. should be a suitcase, but fine. but this just makes no sense and I am not going to let it slide bc I hate this continuity and everything about it.

however, I will give Brooklyn a pass for the open cardboard box bc she literally lives in NYC and didn’t have to take a fucking plane to get here. she can carry it like that if she wants.

“as long as you don’t break [my leg], we’re good” I’ve already seen Brooklyn in a cast, so... does Malibu literally break her leg later on? even on accident... jesus christ.

is this Russian(?) custodian lady gonna be the antagonist/villain? bc I’m already not vibing with that. not at fucking all.

how the FUCK could they show up a day early? why would they not show up on the day they’re supposed to? that doesn’t make any sense! and if they’re NOT supposed to be there yet, then there would be no staff there to watch them, so they should have to come back tomorrow! they shouldn’t be allowed to be by themselves in a school like this! I’m assuming this is to facilitate a day of bonding without stupid things like classes in the way, but they could have written an orientation day or something in that would have made more sense, and as I said, I am not inclined to give them a pass on anything these days. fuck you all.

so, room assignments are alphabetical... I guess that kind of explains them being in the same room, altho it does feel coincidental that they wouldn’t be, like, in neighboring rooms. also they didn’t animate little signs on the other doors, even with nonsense text if they didn’t want to put other names up, so their door really sticks out for no reason. also, shouldn’t it say “Barbie Roberts & Barbie Roberts” or some other way of having both names on the door? also, if the school knows they have the same name, couldn’t they put middle initials or something? we know Malibu is Barbie M. Roberts, and I will generously assume that Brooklyn’s middle name is something else, so that would have been fine. this really feels like the administrators don’t give a fuck, and in a supposedly prestigious school, I don’t buy that.

so, Brooklyn has been training every summer in different programs, very intensely, to get in here... and Malibu trained on the internet. what have I been saying about Malibu’s white mediocrity? hmm?

even after that (lackluster) montage, it feels way too soon for “Before Us.” I don’t believe they’re best friends who warrant a song about their friendship. I don’t believe that at all.

I like the bald fashionista being on the billboard, that’s a nice touch.

Malibu bringing up her vlog like that gives me hives. she has already stated multiple times that she does that to help ppl, not for clout, and yet. here she is. being a fake ass bitch once again.

Brooklyn and Emmie’s story is already way more interesting than this and I’m pissed that’s just backstory.

LOVE that green-haired dude. idk where you’re going with that drum but godspeed my dude.

I’m assuming that’s Emmie incognito in the back, but... what’s she doing here if she’s already famous? pulling an Erika Juno?

Dean Morrison seems cool

(is it too early to ship Brooklyn x Emmie?)

if pets are allowed in this school, I’m SHOCKED Malibu didn’t bring Taffy. truly fucking shocked.

Rafa reminds me so much of Jacques Rousseau

“the only labels we believe in are designer” so Rafa’s gay, right? Barbie’s first gay character? I can only assume

the ballet thing still doesn’t make sense to me, if their goal is to be on Broadway. ballet is an entire art and discipline in itself.

fencing makes more sense, bc stage fighting is a thing.

‘work it’ is even funnier than I imagined. Malibu you’re such a fuck up. and I can’t even cut you some slack bc earlier you said your training was “internet.” you didn’t work for this and you don’t belong here. die.

if this was PCS, Malibu would have been kicked out already. YOU WERE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS. WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS.

so, the ‘work it’ montage clearly showed the passage of time, it’s been at least a week, and... Malibu hasn’t talked to Ken at all during that time? this is the first time she’s telling him about Brooklyn?

ok, confirmed to be a week. and she hasn’t talked to Ken. of course. they are so close of course she hasn’t talked to him in a week, especially when she’s been struggling so much and would need to vent to a friend about it. of course.

so, Emmie is pulling an Erika Juno. at least she’s in disguise.

jesus christ, they’re really having Emmie be exploited by her own father??? JESUS.

ok Brooklyn x Emmie is sailing.

Brooklyn’s mom is an airline pilot, that sounds cool.

so the dresses are powered by the magic of friendship? cool. that’s stupid.

of COURSE Emmie’s dad is the board member. jesus christ I hate this dude.

okay, so she DIDN’T break her leg, it’s only a sprain. thank god. poor green-haired drum dude.

saying “epic fail” in 2021 unironically is not cool, mattel. unless I’m even more out of touch with the youth than I thought, but I’m pretty sure about that.

wait, so Brooklyn was dancing... and now she’s on crutches again? what is this montage? they fucked up here.

of all things to kick Malibu out for, they’re saying she pushed Brooklyn? why not all the fuck ups in her first week?

also, Rafa was taping that class so how do they not bring that up immediately? that’s the whole reason they were dancing over there in the first place! (so he might not have caught anything, but still, I have to assume that’s going to fix this bc that’s what these movies do.)

I really like Malibu’s leather jacket look, but she does look a little bit old I think. Brooklyn’s leggings look is nice, too.

okay, so Brooklyn suddenly believes the unnamed witness over the girl she sang ‘before us’ with? okay. I told you this friendship was a crock of shit. they don’t trust each other at all! Brooklyn should have been angry when she first fell, and it builds to thinking that she was sabotaged, but she brushed it off... and now she’s pissed. that makes no sense.

this friendship breakup song also means nothing to me bc their friendship fell apart for such a stupid reason. fate didn’t tear you apart, you tore yourselves apart by not trusting each other. stupid little children.

if Brooklyn’s ankle isn’t completely healed aka still painful, she should not be dancing on it, she could injure herself more or at least prolong the healing process.

ok, so NOW, after Malibu has already been expelled and sent back home, they remembered the video. these kids are so fucking stupid. and of COURSE the unnamed witness is Mr Miller! Emmie, you ALREADY KNOW that your dad is shady as shit and wants you to get the Spotlight Solo! HOW DID YOU NOT PUT THIS TOGETHER IN 5 SECONDS? I DID

so, Mr Miller thought Malibu was Emmie’s biggest competition for the solo? Malibu, the spectacular fuck up? not Brooklyn? or any of the background extras? I refuse to fucking believe that. I REFUSE.

how did George and Margaret just let Malibu get expelled without flying out there to fight the charge? seriously?

how is is Brooklyn singing ‘before us’ in-universe such that Malibu recognizes it? you’re breaking the conventions of musicals! I don’t get this!

I like Brooklyn’s mom being a pilot less after it’s been used to facilitate this bullshit part of the plot.

again, just “Barbie Roberts” makes no sense. where’s a middle initial to differentiate them! SOMETHING! I know they’re doing the finale together, but still, it’s STUPID.

shipping Rafa x green-haired drummer dude bc I can

where’s the Emmie doll for this movie?????? I’m so disappointed. also the other outfits, the leather jacket and leggings ones, I swear those weren’t dolls either. what the fuck

I see more fashionistas on billboards at the end! I really like that

so the custodian wasn’t a villain... then why that introduction for her? that went nowhere

is “Big City Big Dreams” supposed to be Emmie’s song? that Malibu lips-synced to on her vlog (apparently)? I can’t tell by the voice and they don’t list the voices for the songs in the credits

overall, once again it largely made no sense. idk if it would have benefitted from 20 extra minutes of screentime bc nothing really happened.

also, what the fuck happened to Mr Miller? he just keeps on exploiting his daughter? and for that matter, what happened to Emmie’s mom? bc she lived with her, and then all of the sudden her dad was in her life again and exploiting her, so... what did mom die? did he kill her? what am I supposed to think? and Emmie’s STILL stuck in that situation? girl. what the fuck

also of course they were too cowardly to confirm anything about Rafa. of course.

[m143ui]

A MESSAGE TO THE PJO FANDOM

so hello friends on the other side

I understand some of the major concerns regarding characters like piper and the feather and hazels description but when you bring Leo and Reyna into the fucking conversation I have lost all respect.

ANYONE CAN BE ABUSED, ETHNICITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT

LATINO CHARACTERS

Reyna is not a negative stereotype, she isn't defined by being latina and neither is Leo, he isn't a stereotype simply because he’s latino and was abused. also him being called an elf was because he was short, which had nothing to do with him being latino. also the mamacita comment like y'all hide under the label “progressive” but ignore that mamacita has been a thing in Latin American communities for a fucking while. its not an insult dammit. its something that happens in our communities!!! its like saying muchacho y'all don't see men bitching about that.

also shocker I read the mamacita comment and I can proudly say I didn't go

“RICK YOU RACIST BITCH”

things that actually happen in communities aren't racist

and before any of y'all come at me with the usual you’re white excuse, hello friends im Peruvian and Paraguayan.

I don't think he’s perfect but bitching about characters like Leo which gave many of my Latin American friends hope for similar characters destroys your “listening to minorities” argument

also the lol “hes Mexican taco bad” argument like I live in Mexico we eat tacos like every fucking day. its literally a fact. and Leo isn't just defined as taco man.

believe it or not us latinos respect rick because he gave us role models and characters like us. we don't define a character by one line and instantly call discrimination. like yes a asian character can be snobby it has nothing to do with ethnicity. y'all are making this about ethnicity. an asian character can be anything, just like a white character or a black character or a gay character. people are not simply defined by their labels like ya’ll think. y'all are just a bunch of easily triggered snowflakes that can't live with that. they can be influenced but in the end labels are labels we are all human and should be treated as such.

LGBT REPRESENTATION

another thing Reyna was never officially a lesbian that was YOUR interpretation not riordans. IF HE DIDNT STATE IT , SORRY HONEY IT ISN’T CANON! I don't care about how she was “lesbian coded” if he didn't state it it isn't canon. 

I am so sick, as a lesbian, to see people use ALL QUEER DEATHS as a bury your gay tropes, what happened to seeing us as humans? why can't we be treated like any other character? if we die we die, it isn't always “haha gay evil boom death”. sometimes fully fledged characters have to die friends.

Nico isn't a bad gay character, he’s just a normal character who happens to be gay and has suffered major trauma. HIS TRAUMA WAS CAUSED BY HIS UPBRINGING, Nico isn't a 2000′s character, he’s from the 30′s, so obviously he woudn’t be perfect with his sexuality for gods sake it was the 30′s. the exact same thing happens with hazel, she isn't a modern black woman, she's a 30′s black woman. Nico’s coming out isn't him as a 21st century teen its from the time when the GOVERNMENT KILLED YOU FOR BEING GAY

also saying there are no lesbian characters? like wow look emmie and jo don't exist. Lavinia doesn't exist. poison doesn't exist. thanks fam you really make yourselves look smart here. simply because rick never said the word gay doesn't mean the gay characters don't exist friends. they are just labeled as what gay characters should be labeled as.... human.

LESBOPHOBIA & RACISM

im not educated in muslim or black culture so I won't mention characters like sam and hazel and piper because I respect and I am highly critical of what rick put in his books to describe these specific minorities.

HOWEVER saying rick is a lesbophobe, a homophobe, a racist a sexist cis guy is like do y’all wanna be taken seriously? use arguments don't hide behind words.

rick isn't a perfect writer but y'all really don't know how to criticise, y'all just hide behind big boy words and back it up with no evidence, just opinions.

rick doesn’t have the best minority rep out there but he is damn well trying and I respect that unlike all you fucking idiots.

SHIPS

now onto ships.... yay

frazel: im not gonna censor it like you pussies, believe it or not 13&16 year old relationships exist. they might not always be healthy but they exist. to deny this is to be stupid

solangelo:  another ship that is censored..the main argument I've seen is that it isn't developed and will isn't even a character... he was in last olympian and lost hero not my fault y'all have fish brains. I don't care if you dislike it but don't be like “ANYONE WHO SHIPS THIS IS AN ABUSIVE WHORE” like wow you always preach about accepting all ships and then throw this? also if you hate solangelo because of the “abuse” but ship percico like hi friends Nico is 4 years younger than Percy.. if y'all hate frazel because of the 3 year age difference y'all should hate this too.

CONCLUSIONS AND SHIT

not every character minority or otherwise is gonna be the way you want them to be, believe it or not any character can be anything, black characters can be loud, white characters can be loud. if they're only loud because “haha black” then THATS an issue not the simple existence of a loud black woman who has a loud personality.

y'all be here bitching about drew and I've never heard the asian perspective of this? just a bunch of black and white people telling asians they should be offended. was that just an uno reverse?

also last point stereotypes aren't always a negative thing and y'all need to get that in your heads.

anyway stay mad hoes <3

from a sane Peruvian <3

EDIT

I saw this beauty and had to comment on it

“having LGBT characters experience abuse and violence. nicos forceful outing rubs me the wrong way, especially because hes called a coward for being in the closet. its violent and kind of disturbing to make your gay character come out of the closet by force. maybe write better. additionally, alex's abusive father and subsequent homelessness because of her being trans is badly written.”

oh noooo gay characters can't deal with homophobia anymore ! like I can tell you have never been punched for being gay. is it bad to showcase how trans and gay ppl are 40% of homeless youth? or is even mentioning that discrimination? believe it or not some of us live in countries where people try to kill us. you have an advantage and it shows. about the coward thing... 

was FUCKING CUPID A GOOD CHARACTER? NO? I REST MY CASE. CUPID IS NOT SEEN AS A GOOD PERSON THEREFORE HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON GET THAT IN YOUR THICK SKULLS.

 YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS LGBT FOLKS DONT GET FORCED OUT OF THE CLOSET 

#NEVER HAPPENS IN REALITY. 

JUST BECAUSE YOU WERENT FORCED OUT OF THE CLOSET DOESNT MEAN OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THAT SAME LUXURY. 

maybe stop spewing bullshit <3

(so I get that this scene can remind people of being outed and it can hurt them however this scene was never intended to be a good thing it literally says Nico is scared of facing his emotions)

EDIT NUMBER 2

oh boy rick really pissed off the snowflakes that I share a fandom with

“give Nico to the gays” no? he would be a femboy and they would yeet his trauma like ssrsly?

also hate rick? bitch no one is forcing you to read his tweets.

death of the author is such a toxic thing like the mans is alive boo he aint going nowhere..like What the fuck 

EDIT NUMBER 3

anyway final thoughts on this :

nico insn’t Uwu gay and its an insult to his character

Reyna is not a lesbian canonically (neither is Thalia)

Leo and Reyna are not racist

none of ricks characters are  written as insults to their communities

and if I see one more “but ....phobia/ ...ism I will do very illegal things

peace lol

RICK RIORDAN UPDATE:

congratulations rick antis! you have successfully harassed a  56 year old man into leaving social media! wow so progressive!!!! this totally won't backfire or anything!!!

all jokes aside all of you who harassed rick to the point of someone else taking over his social media should feel ashamed

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[astro-break]

Thoughts on the 8th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6 | Ep. 7

Love that every time its a MTC centric episode im so busy that i can’t watch it the day it airs

I like how the beginning of the episode kinda mirrors the events in MTC’s story in ARB

hey hypmic you wanna try making it Less obvious who the culprit is? like damn you’re just giving away secrets like its candy. First Ramuda, the Ruikawa and now these two assholes. Might wanna keep your cards close before you spoil the ending of the anime oh wait they already did that nvm :p

Samatoki please have some sense of self preservation and ask what its about before accepting something. but I guess it also speaks to how trusting he is of those he lets close to him which also explains a bit more as to why he hates Ichirou’s guts

Love that Jyuto is actually choking the information out of someone and Samatoki is actually gathering intelligence and creating boards out of it. Most people expect the opposite from their characters and it such a great dynamic

I find it hilarious that Rio uses older computers but that brings up the question of “How far into the future really is hypmic?” bc those computers look to be from early 2000′s which would be A N C I E N T and completely unusable for hacking come a time when WWIII happens

Iris on a bike has no rights looking as hot as she does. The vehicle CGI is really nice too and so is her character model on top of the bike. Loving how Iris completely owns the two cops

The MTC love here is jsut. through the roof i can die happy now that i’ve seen Samatoki aggressively caring for his teammates animated and voiced. like, please. just. help. I can.t/ MTC care so much for each other I would hug them all and tell them good work, you can finally go rest now uughghghgh MTC guys. MTC

But mannn Iris is so cool, approaching MTC without any fear

I find it hilarious that Saburo would pose as a game dev from dubai which yknow doesn’t make any sense if you think about it. but whatever it just makes me laugh at how easy it is to fake a lot about yourself because yeah! it is easy! 

The whole conversation about cops and good cops seems a bit off considering ACAB but considering Japan who has largely swept both BLM and ACAB under the rug it isn’t surprising. That isn’t to say that Japan doesn’t care, its just that these movements aren’t on the spotlight so topics like these don’t carry as much weight

lol yeah he should have expected to be stabbed from the front lol

SRKHFSKJD Rio please stop living in the water, i can’t believe he did that lol

Love the SamaJyuto subtext in the translation lol

Jyuto’s sequence is kinda cute in a way ahaha

The kurosawa-esque b&w screens are a nice touch to the song as well as the MC Name drops and hypnosis speaker drops. Idk about Rio’s 2DIE4 reference though since it doesn’t really rhyme nor does it add much to the rap itself

The song itself is pretty nice but it isn’t a bop like Fallin’ was. It has a different more gritty feel to it that i don’t hate but isn’t my style

Of course Iruma pulls this situation into his favor, its so typical of him.

Rio didn’t speak much here and took a general backseat to everything. I wonder if it was because during the time of recording this episode, Rio’s VA, Kamio Shinichiro, went down with The Virus (you know the one) so he couldn’t record much. Who knows but best boy. just let me hear best boy’s voice please

Ramuda’s phone vibrate actively annoys me oh my god it makes my skin crawl

If Ramuda’s sleeping on the couch then that really does confirm that Ramuda lives in his studio. Not surprising considering everything we know about Ramuda but at the same time, please get like a futon or smth sleeping on a couch will only hurt your back

Ramuda just busting in is fun

but im not sure how to feel about two divisions shoved into one. like this is basically telling us who is the important divisions, Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. Obviously BB are the protagonists of the series what with the staff coming out to even say that Ichirou is the hero, and if you know what happens then you know why Shinjuku is also highlighted which. also gives away the ending of the anime. again. I’m just glad that the team decided to stick with the irl results bc if they didn’t, they’d have a lot of angry fans

Back to my main point tho, this just. pisses me off. I love FP and MTC and to see them sidelined like this doesn’t feel fair. they deserve full eps to themselves bc if I’m being honest, these two teams have some of the best inter team dynamics out of the current cast. I understand that budget issues and episode constraints exist but this is just kinda frustrating that my main division has been tossed aside and the team that gets the most overall development gets thrown away too

Im not surprised that they cheated because gambling anime is about who can outcheat the other and the mind games played. thats the thrill of gambling series is the psychological factors in it

Ramuda emulating Gentaro’s speech is cute

The mindgames are not present at all and I expected that lol

thats.... midly gay gentaro lol do you always go around pressing shit into people’s mouths while leaning in close? thats pretty gay lol i love the homoerotic subtext present in this episode. First SamaJyuto and now GenDice

no speaker summon sequence? thats slightly disappointing but whatever. the anime is really doing FP dirty by cutting a lot of corners with their episodes

I never noticed that Ramuda and Gentaro hold their mics in their left hand while Dice holds it with his right. neat detail

I love how even in a battle FP still keeps their preppy attitude

Gentaro looks so awkward to the little sway and kick thing in the song lolol

This is probably one of the songs that I like the least. Jackpost is a very Dice song and not really fitting for either Ramuda and Genaro. I think i’d like it more if it was a dice solo or dice centric but the emphasis was pretty cleanly spread so that makes it pretty hard to enjoy

Oh hell yeah FP meshing as a team is just, so cute. Though that foreshadowing with Ramuda and his candy is just. wow

Yup they kept the og brackets so I think the anime’s going to stick with the IRL results. Which means that any tension they try and build won’t work for ppl who are already familiar with the series but I hope they don’t take that fact as an excuse to slack off

[sagemoderocklee]

not to like bring attention back to the weird ask from last night but i don’t like to assume that someone is straight shipping because as a bisexual i find it incredibly frustrating the conversation around m/f ships as if bisexuality doesn’t exist or is somehow less than being gay. i don’t know who this anon is or how they view gaara or tenten (i’m assuming tenten based on the anon prior to that ask about having something against ppl who ship gaara with women). like maybe the anon does see these characters as bisexual. i see tenten as bisexual but i only ship her with neji. doesn’t mean she’s straight in my mind, and someone assuming i’m straight for shipping her and neji or making rude comments to me would piss me off. so i don’t wanna assume.

now with all that being said, i see gaara as gay not bisexual. i think there’s a lot of intersection in experiences ofc but being gay and being bi aren’t the same, and the textual evidence just doesn’t support gaara being attracted to women at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️ if someone sees him as bi that’s fine—more power to bisexuality in shipping/fandom, and it not being treated as “gay lite” or less fucking evolved or what the fuck ever than pansexuality—but i don’t and i don’t want to see content of gaara with women at all because it feels wrong to me. there are times when a ship with two ppl who’ve never interacted is like totally innocuous to me, there are even times where i’m like “oh that’s good!”, and then there are times where i just cannot fathom the leaps in logic to get character a and character b together. that’s how i see ships with gaara and just about everyone besides lee and—hate to say it—naruto. but this is especially how i see it with him and the female characters. so while my reaction to the anon with the gaara/tenten ask was like to balk at the suggestion and be kinda off the cuff with my response, it wasn’t in any way suggesting assumptions about the anon and how they ship gaara. i don’t know. i can’t know from an anonymous ask with just a few words. and the follow up ask wasn’t asking about him being straight but him being shipped with women.

anyways i’m mostly responding to this because i want to emphasize that bisexuality isn’t a lesser option, and to bring attention to assuming straightness or cisness when presented with an m/f ship, because as a bisexual and nonbinary person i am actually kind of tired of those sorts of comments. it’s alienating, biphobic, and transphobic because straight trans ppl aren’t less a part of the lgbt community eighter. and pls understand i’m not saying you were trying to be like that. i’m just using this moment to point this out because i am tired.

[kingjasnah]

actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020. 

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana. 

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page. 

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters) 

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade. 

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st  century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here. 

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else. 

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd. 

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit 

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world. 

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out. 

[darkgeminisworld]

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.