#it is FINE to not want phallo and you are just as trans + your body is *yours*. the same goes for people who get phallo

[uncanny-tranny]

If I am honest with myself, I think one of my biggest sources of internalized transphobia is based on my desire for a "typical" bottom surgery, something along the lines of phallo, even.

I think I truly only wanted a "simpler" bottom surgery because I was inundated with comments for six years straight about how disgusting phallo is, how it is "barbaric," and no trans person should ever want it, and the desire for a phalloplasty is shameful. Those things burrowed its way into my mind because it wasn't just dyed-in-the-wool transphobes saying that it was also other trans people. It was other trans guys and transmasculine people saying those things.

The point of this post is that when you are talking about transitioning, surgeries, or hormones and such, you aren't talking about ideas or nebulous concepts. You are talking about real people and their real in-the-flesh bodies. Be careful that you aren't carrying water for people who want to see them dead.

[doberbutts]

Have you considered bottom surgery at some point in the future? Why or why not, and if yes, what type is the most attractive to you? I know you've spoken previously about being large down there already, so was wondering if that affects the choice? Hope your insurance gets their ass in gear quickly and you can get chopped!

Because I'm a pretty serious infection risk I'm pretty sure I don't want to go phallo if only because I think managing a wound that size on my arm or leg will be pretty difficult for me with how easily I get infections.

Currently I'm thinking meta just because what I currently have suits me just fine. And you can always bury the meta in phallo if I change my mind, but I also *without meta* can and do use prosthetics made for trans guys post-meta and cis guys who are relatively small, so it's not like I have no options.

[concretepuppy]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you'd recommend phallo to someone without dysphoria who's like 90% cis? I just kind of want a dick from time to time, but it doesn't affect my sex life or distress me that I don't. I'd also like a cis-looking and feeling dick (idk why but I would probably get dysphoria from a dick that was obviously made with phallo) so idk. Transphobes fearmonger a lot so it kind of scares me to make the jump. And idk if major surgery is worth it to satisfy something I'd live my life perfectly fine without doing...

i’m a huge proponent of cis people getting bottom surgery if it makes them happy. i talk quite a lot about how i think a lot of cis stone butches in particular would probably be a lot happier of they had a sensate penis to use for sex, bc i have had quite a few stones complain to me about how they wish they could feel it when they use a strap. it’s ok to get bottom surgery just for sex.

why exactly do you want a dick? what do you want out of it? do you want it for sex? do you think you would have better self image if you had one? do you want to be able to pee from it? do you want balls? do you want to keep your current genitals? there are a lot of considerations to make. i’d start by making a list of all the things that make you want a dick, and then all the potential cons.

i would encourage you to examine why you think you would feel dysphoric about having a phallo dick—what about them is so different from a natal penis? what are the aspects of a natal penis that you feel you’d miss with a phallo penis? have you seen a long-healed phallo dick w medical tattooing? have you ever interacted w a phallo dick irl? i’d also ask you to check your beliefs about what phallo dicks look like. these both have a lot of layers of transphobia and body shaming to unpack.

phalloplasty is a major surgery. it’s permanent in that you’d have to find a surgeon willing to do penectomy on a phallo patient to get it removed, which would likely be very difficult. but it’s not the huge, scary thing people make it out to be. most people just have 6-8wks of recovery (and maybe even shorter for later stages depending on what you’re getting done) and that’s it. the hardest part for me was stage 1 movement restriction, but that was 5 years ago and it’s over with now. if you think you’d be happier getting phallo, then by all means pursue it. it’s not like it’s a fast process, so even if you started contacting surgeons today you’d still have at least 12-18mo to think about it.

also keep in mind that navigating the process will be much more difficult unless you lie and say you’re a trans guy (or in the states at least most of the big name phallo surgeons are familiar enough w nonbinary people that they dont bat an eye abt it, so you could use that). i cant imagine most reputable phallo surgeons here would agree to do surgery for a person who openly IDed as cis (tho i could be wrong, i dont have direct experience w any team other than OHSU so it’s just me guessing based on other ppls anecdotes) and i have even less confidence that insurance would cover it. but it’s fine to lie and say you’re a trans dude if that’s what it takes to get the surgery or hormones or whatever you need. i didnt tell my surgical team i was bigender until stage 3, and i specifically told them to just list me as a trans man in claims. the OHSU team is really great about stuff like that, but other teams might not be.

[turgidscum]

I mean if you don't think people need bottom surgery to be trans then why care about keeping the hole? Weren't you once complaining about some transmeds seeing you are not valid cause you use yours anyway? Or am I mistaking you for someone else? I get what you're saying though, this many people wanting to keep both is a bit sus. I just had my hysto but tbh idk where the hole even really is cause I don't go in there. If I saved money by not getting a v-nectomy I might just do it? idk what the benefit of removal is if I don't even notice I have a hole? Of course I wouldn't have a problem with getting it done if it comes with it though, as again, I never use it.

no, you're right, that was me. i use my natal genitalia at present because i love my fiance and he's not entirely comfortable with anal at present, though we are taking steps to make him (and me) more comfortable.

i truly dislike the idea that someone has to get bottom surgery to be "really trans" so don't get me wrong in that regard. i know not everyone can afford it, not everyone wants to risk it, etc. note: this is different from people who are happy with their natal genitalia. if you're simply indifferent to it, that's fine, but if you actively like it and wouldn't wake up with the opposite genitals tomorrow, then it's a biiiiit of a red flag to me.

i digress.

a lot of people don't get urethral lengthening, and that's fine. most of the time i see this, it's still with a v-ectomy just without going through the extra process and risks associated with ul. i totally get it. personally speaking, i'd never be comfortable with this, but not my circus, not my monkey.

now. regarding the v-ectomy in general.

i understand why people wouldn't want to mess with it... to an extent. generally speaking, a v-ectomy isn't an additional cost, but is rather included in the surgery listing for phalloplasty. every surgeon i've looked into has had this same process. ul is an extra, but not the point. to keep the v, it is very intentional when you very clearly have the option to get rid of something that - supposedly - you have enough dysphoria about that you're seeking the opposite genitals.

and i say opposite because the salmacian movement is just a body-modding community, not a trans-based one. if you do these things for body modding purposes, i will have no problem with that. just be honest with yourself and the people looking at your results that this isn't because of dysphoria, but because you wanted both sets of genitals to some extent.

i just hate seeing people on the sub saying things like, "i love my v, can i keep it and still have phallo?" and that stuff makes me very, very uncomfortable. i dissociate heavily to use my natal genitalia, but to see these people actively enjoy their natal genitals to the point where they flaunt them and want to keep them despite being given the option to get rid of it (for no extra cost, generally) makes me feel gross. it's an experience that most transmen don't relate to, but unfortunately, the sub isn't just for transmen and cismen who're getting phallo anymore.

generally, i don't care what someone does with their body. if they want both, go ahead, but maybe don't claim to be trans if you're fine keeping your natal genitalia when you have the option and ability to get rid of it.

[bisexualamy]

Transition Update #67: 1yr post hysto and 3 months post meta-as-phallo-stage-1

last update: hysto, phallo

Happy 1 year post hysto to me! This was the surgery I was most worried about getting. I had a lot of misconceptions going into my hysto consult, and really only did it to get bottom surgery. I thought I'd have to remove my ovaries (I didn't) and that T is a significant ovarian cancer risk (it isn't). I also had a very, very kind surgeon who was experienced working with trans patients.

Emotionally the hysto was the hardest for me, as the risk of getting pregnant and my cycle were the two things that made me most dysphoric. The recovery for this one was worse than my meta surgery, not in a pain or fatigue sense, but I was constantly checking up on a part of my body that I hated and the immediate post-op symptoms made me very, very dysphoric.

I didn't expect to feel much more comfortable in my body and my maleness when I got my hysto but I was wrong. I've had chronic lower abdominal pain for years because my discomfort with that part of my body caused me to involuntarily tense those muscles. I feel more relaxed in my body than I have been in a long time. Feeling my muscles slowly let go in the months after my hysto was really wonderful.

Before my hysto I was incapable of dating cis men (even though I'm bi) because of the pregnancy anxiety. It was so all-encompassing that I wouldn't even agree to dates with cis men I found attractive and I stayed away from gay clubs that mostly catered to gay men. Now I feel much more comfortable in those spaces and it's shown me what a lot of my cis gay friends have already been telling me which is that I always belonged there. My hysto also made me more comfortable enough in my body to explore trans-exclusive kink events and spaces. For the first time in a very long time I was able to see myself as attractive and not be skeptical of other people's attraction to me.

Phallo Updates:

I'm about 3 months post op the meta stage of my phallo. My next stage is being pushed back a few months so I can get my health and my graft site in better shape to lower complication risk. I had a lot of hair on my stomach and I didn't get enough laser sessions in, and currently my adipose tissue in my graft is too thick to support blood flow to the phallus post-op. I'm working with a nutritionist and lifting more weights to address this issue without focusing on weight loss, because that's better for both my physical and mental health.

All my minor complications went away except for my two-streaming. The surgeons say this is a very minor fistula that they'll patch next surgery. Fistula is another word that gets tossed around a lot when people fearmonger about phallo, and I was definitely scared of it before I went under. But, like everything, fistulas exist on a spectrum and only the extreme cases get spread around. I technically count in the percentage of people who had phallo complications, and all that meant for me was an extra month of at-home healing time, where I could still walk and perform all bodily functions, and my former urethra not closing full after UL. Neither of these affected my day-to-day life, they're just part of the larger process of understanding my new body and adjusting to it.

Anyway, all I'm saying is if phallo is something you want but you're scared by the information you've read online, some of that information is not giving you an accurate picture of reality. People don't usually write reviews for things that were fine but not incredible. Please pursue what's best for your transition and wait to talk to a doctor before you make any conclusions about how safe phallo is for you.

[venomroses]

also don't want to start discorse so fine to not answer but- it does also bug me that there is far more top surgery trans art than bottom surgery or other kinds of transition options. same way there's a bunch of stuff about binding but i had to hear about the existence of packers by word of mouth from a transdude friend. (almost like there's a bias away from dicks or genitals in general because people still find those 'gross')

anyways love your hcs as always <3

no literally and theres definitely bias away from phalloplasty (which would be something easy to show in visual art the way top surgery is easy to show bc rff phallo takes a skin graft from your forearm which leaves an obvious scar in a place thats not nsfw or at all hard to show but ofc never is), and i also dislike that when top surgery is shown like 99% of the time its two perfectly even flat pink lines that sit just under the pecs when irl scars can be uneven or raised or different colors or in different places or literally anything

and its just interesting in danger days specifically bc most people hc the zones are a really accepting place for trans people but the only types of trans ppl i ever really see are those who are on T and have had top surgery (or want it but havent gotten it yet) with the perfect even scars, transfems who may or may not be on E, and non-binary people who are perfectly androgynous so as not to reveal their agab. and like ofc its fine to have characters like that but it would be nice to see something else

like. i have way too many opinions on this that are definitely gonna get discourse-y and i dont need to write a whole essay but basically it would just me nice to see disabled characters whos disabilities arent just waved away by giving them the right kind of aid and trans characters with a variety of experiences in regards to medical transition, especially in a world where those things are way harder to access than irl

and thank you i love yours as well <3

[larnax]

ok im not strong enough. hater mode activate.

im only so angry about this because its the first time ive ever seen bottom surgery even mentioned in a fandom context and its to shit on it. im gpnna turn into the joker

easy to DIY" this is dumb for the same reason "DIY wheelchair ramps" are dumb. gcs and making hrt both take skill and knowledge the average person does not have. DIY hrt saves lives and is many peoples' only option i am not disagreeing with that but its not your buddy brent making it in his bathtub its someone who has the medical knowledge who just isnt operating in an official capacity. you cannot do it Yourself unless you want to end up injecting olive oil. this is even more true for surgery. do you think you could perform a DIY vaginectomy????? have at least a baseline respect for the people who developed gcs procedures and the people who perform them

"leaves scars" every non op trans person owes me $500USD. i am so fucking tired of people who never bothered to address their internalized ableism/transphobia about ew yuck icky scars making that my problem by loudly announcing how disgusted they are by an extremely normal part of the human experience. there is nothing wrong with having visible scarring and there is nothing wrong with surgical scarring and acting like there is provably makes people avoid procedures that would unambiguously improve their lives

"certain procedures can be risky" aw cmon bud we all know which procedures you mean! pretty please keep fearmongering about how risky bottom surgery is otherwise someone might decide to actually get a surgery which has an extremely normal success rate for surgeries. yes they make you sign a bunch of forms acknowledging the risk thats called Informed Consent and 90% of the complications are true for literally any surgery or literally any surgery on the urethra/genitals. bottom surgery is not some uniquely dangerous procedure

"implants and bottom surgery highly imperfect" every non op trans person owes me $1000USD. would you say this about any other aspect of transition? is there any fucking room in your head for the fact that postop trans people actually exist in real life and could possibly see you talking about how disgusting you find them? because im 1) real and 2) fucking your mother with my Imperfect Dick right now

"doesnt leave scars/looks completely natural" every non op trans person owes me $1500USD. this stupid fucking idea people have that The Natural Body is 1) even a thing and 2) something we should aspire to or protect is so wildly transphobic and ableist that it, too, turns me into the joker. would you say this to an amputee? to someone who had an organ transplant? because people do and its the same bullshit. the right to bodily autonomy includes the right to alter your body! i dont fucking care if i Look Natural(although its worth noting that most people cant actually tell fully healed phallo dicks and natal dicks apart. i went to a urologist and he only realized i was postop when i told him) and it should not be treated as an unambiguously good thing.

LIKE EVEN THE FUCKING DOCTOR IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE MEDICAL BOTTOM SURGERY. olberic had an "averse reaction to medicine" <- directly against canon where he can be healed fine WHOLESALE INVENTED just so that we minimize the amount of people who could theoretically have phalloplasty

also youre lying to yourself and more importantly me if you think ophilia has any medical knowledge whatsoever shes literally a faith healer who cant even deal with poison

like ok "a wizard did it" is better than literally not even acknowledging some trans people want to "switch their junk" like most people do or arguing that its ahistorical to have any medical transition, However this is just having that so you can present it as the better alternative to the inferior gross medical transition which . go fuck yourself!!! go fuck yourself.

again im mostly so mad about this because when i saw the words "bottom surgery" in a fandom thing i was really really excited because i never get to see even other fans who acknowledge that their favorite characters could be like me! i had a solid 5 seconds of just being ecstatic to be represented and then i actually read the damn thing and it was just more of the fucking same.

[sapphsorrows]

encouraging people to medically harm themselves will never be okay. especially when it comes to extensive genital surgeries. especially when it comes to surgeries like double mastectomy which are typically only used to cancer patients.

your actions do not exist in a vacuum. when you take on these surgeries, your harming not just yourself, but others. when you begin to have nightmarish and predictable complications that require follow up surgeries, when you get sepsis, when you almost die because of cosmetic procedures you elected to have.... you're taking medical resources away from people who need them. people who didn't choose to cripple themselves. you deserve to live, yes, if you need surgery to fix your phallo or your top surgery or whatever, you deserve to have that to save your life. but you never would have needed it had you never gotten those surgeries.

i promise you, you will not die if you don't get your breasts removed. i know. my chest dysphoria was at it's absolute worst in 2019. but i moved past it, i learned more about my own body, i learned to love the sex that i was assigned at birth, and I'm so glad I did because it saved me a LOT of pain.

comparing these surgeries to tattoos and piercings is just ridiculous. but it's even more ridiculous to say that you need them to live. these procedures are cosmetic surgery. they're more like BBL. they're certainly as dangerous as something like BBL. but to lie to dysphoric people and tell them they need these to live is, in my opinion, evil. to make taxpayers and insurance customers pay for them is also ridiculous. i wouldn't be happy about it, but if these were viewed as the cosmetic, optional, elective, you-do-not-need-this-to-live that they actually were, that you could pay out of your own pocket to get, and not at the expense of the taxpayer, it would be fine. go ahead. go ham.

BUT. like I said. your actions do not exist in a vacuum. and by getting them, you're not just hurting yourself. you're hurting people who care about you. you're hurting other women and girls by encouraging this.

I know it's free to mind my own business. but I can't. if my blog can convince just one person to avoid getting these horrible procedures, i'll be happy. it would be so easy to go with the other 99% of tumblr that is pro-trans. do you know how fucking easy it would be to slip into the background noise of tumblr, and high five about how cool getting top surgery is, and how hrt is like a magic potion that switches your sex, and how terfs are just mean nasty old feminists who hate everyone and want to ruin their fun? i could do it. but i don't. because i have a lot to say. and i feel like my words and experiences can help people avoid going down the road that tumblr and the q*eer community as a whole pushed me down since I was like 14. the road to lifelong, unnecessary medicalization. because i was made to believe i was born in the wrong body. when there was never anything wrong with my body to begin with.

@loveandheresy i'm sorry you got top surgery, and i'm sure you'll roll your eyes when (if) you even read this and be like "haha this stupid terf doesn't know what she's talking about", but I swear to god we are more similar than you might think. I really hope it works out for you, I hope it's great and you love it and you don't regret it. seriously. but if you do come to regret it, god forbid, just know that there's a community of women you can fall back on. even if you don't regret it, radical feminism is open to all women, trans-identified or not.

@croziers-compass i wanted to respond to you specifically because I feel like we have a lot in common. I was a lot like you once, and I may still be like you. Call me a bigot if you want, I don't really care. I just don't want to see women and girls suffer for another unobtainable beauty standard (which has become being male for some reason... something you absolutely cannot ever attain as a female). You seem empathetic, and you seem like you have good taste. you like the Terror. That's one of my favorite shows, even if there are only like 3 women in it. Goodsir is my favorite character.

I wish I could make you see what I see, but I can't. I know you think you're helping people by encouraging this, but I promise it's harmful.

I know I don't have to "care"... but I feel that by not caring I'm allowing other dysphoric people like myself to walk blindly into the meat grinder of the medical industrial complex.

it's one thing if you need to be medicalized for life because you're physically ill and you need the medicine to live. it's another if you chose to be medicalized for aesthetics and fashion.

I gotta be real. It sucks so much how telling someone not to get their genitals cut up by opportunistic doctors is considered bigotry. telling someone not to get a double mastectomy typically only done for cancer patients is bigotry. telling someone not to take hormones, which will increase their likelihood of getting cancer and osteoporosis and a myriad of other health problems just for cosmetic changes is bigotry.

This is not normal.

[nothorses]

what are your thoughts on the NYT/transbucket situation?

the nyt published an article namedropping transbucket as a place to see trans genitals and genital confirmation surgery results. the site is down and I’ve seen some people saying it was brigaded by white supremacists, but I haven’t confirmed. in any case that site was by and for trans people and (even unintentionally) directing thousands of cis readers to vulnerable people’s pictures to gawk at and redistribute is a huge breach of ethics. the author was trans, and should have known better.

someone else mentioned some really good points on the content as well:

“I agree that there’s a lot in the article that’s fine or even good. Honestly, what I take most issue with is the coy mentions of how bottom surgery seems like a contradiction in the face of trans advocacy (IIRC it explicitly mentions “men can have vaginas and women can have penises” as a point of friction with bottom surgery), and likens phallo groups to frats. There’s a whole bit on the phallus as a force of violence in philosophy/culture and phallic anxiety, and ends in Ben calling himself a “bad trans” for getting bottom surgery.

I honestly find these discussions interesting and in some ways important, as someone who sees a lot of stress in trans circles to define when we are our genders and what being trans means, and as someone constantly unpacking guilt for being a binary trans man and my role in patriarchy. But this conversation does not belong in cis hands (not the author, but the audience). Especially in the political climate of famous authors being loud TERFs, restriction of trans health care, and attacks on bodily autonomy in a sea of misogyny and gendered violence—now is the worst possible time to write an article that frames bottom surgery as gender essentialist and, in the case of trans men, patriarchal.”

here’s an example quote from the article on this:

“This narrative unfolds within a mass cultural one, in which America, at a larger scale than ever, tries to come to terms with what defines a man or a woman. In this context, phalloplasty occupies an impossible position, seemingly upholding both the malleability of sex and the essentialist claim that the penis makes the man.”

I read through the article, and it seems incredible well-intentioned and, honestly, I don't see the "phallo bad" type comments you're describing either. If anything, the article seems to be working to fight those narratives.

There are several mentions of the friction between the gender-affirming aspects and the "but feminism" aspects of phallo, but these seem to be explicitly calling attention to the problems as not the fault of transmascs.

i.e. it discusses phallo as "seemingly upholding both the malleability of sex and the essentialist claim that the penis makes the man" not as a criticism of phallo, but as a criticism transphobic society has of phallo. The passage you quoted is from a section in the article where they're discussing how and why transmascs are discouraged from getting phallo, the historical marginalization of the surgery, and the societal response to knowing about it: can men really be made? Do they need to have a penis? Isn't it misogynistic to want a penis? Isn't it transphobic to think you need one?

Ultimately, the article sides with phallo: it's a validating and even life-saving procedure. It makes people feel happy with themselves and at peace with their bodies. Dysphoria is not a social commentary, and wanting a penis means nothing about how you consider women.

Even the "bad trans" comment is presented in a really bad-faith light. Here's the context:

He reflected on how surgery had changed him. The whole thing had taken just over four years, and in that time, his confidence improved. His relationship with his family had changed. His penis had improved his relationship to manhood, allowing him to inhabit the role with much less friction. He had told me in another conversation that this made sense for a small-town guy like him, but half-joked that it made him “a bad trans.”

Transmascs face self-doubt and come under scrutiny, internal and external, while considering and getting phallo. We are very, very often called "bad trans" for wanting to be men, for wanting to change our bodies to be like men, or just for wanting to change our bodies at all. Many of us internalize those feelings, even if we know they're silly.

That's something we need to recognize in order to unpack and, hopefully, change within society as a whole.

As far as linking transbucket goes, it seems like a well-intentioned mistake. The author likely included it in an effort to bring more resources to trans people who need them, and didn't consider that it might come under fire as a result. That sucks, but they've also removed it already at the request of transbucket. Hopefully they know better now, and it doesn't happen again. The real blame for attacks on tranbucket should fall to the people attacking.

Honestly, the article seems really informational and helpful. Phalloplasty is under-discussed and even generally reviled by a lot of people, including the trans community. More information, better information, and insight into the experience is a good way to fight that, even if it just starts with changing the minds of transmascs ourselves.

[furcoat]

Hi, you don't need to answer this but I'm very worried about you, I really hope this doesn't come as intrusive. I think that you should reconsider that surgery. There's nothing wrong with being trans, please don't get me wrong because it's totally cool, and if you really need some stuff to feel a little more relieved about dysphoria that's ok. But I've seen countless of bad surgeries. No doctor can build an actual penis or vagina. They are literally making money from very dysphoric and s*icidal trans people. Please consider that it's irreversible and that you were a teenager just a couple of years ago. Things change. Not saying that you will stop being trans. But maybe you can be trans and be at peace with your body without hurting it. It may be amazing for awhile, but it's not worth losing the body (that you think you will hate forever) that's trying to keep you alive. Also you can stop your period with pills, you don't need to get rid of an organ that actually holds your other organs and protects them from prolapse. I honestly think that you're just fine, and you literally pass with no doubt lol. I never realised that you were trans although I've seen you in pictures. The thing with transition it's that it's never enough because the actual process needs to take place inside. This is coming from my own experience from years with a lot of transmen/transmasc friends and classmates including my best friend from 10 years. I promise this means well I don't want you to stop being trans I'm worried you'll take it like that. Again you don't need to answer this maybe think about it a little more, and consider that if you take a step back, no good person is going to call you a traitor or non trans or something that you're not. The right people will always be there for you. Pls be safe !! <3

wow u really wrote that entire paragraph about my dick huh

• they can make a “real dick” phalloplasty is a multi staged surgery u have probably seen a lot of stage 1 phallo dicks that don’t ‘look cis’

• incredibly diminutive to say i am young and can’t make my own decisions what happened to bodily autonomy

• i think u have a huge misunderstanding of why ppl get SRS. i want to feel at home in my body and not be constantly notice how my body is wrong it’s for me not anyone else

• my organs have already been exoricised and yet…..funny how i am prolapse free…..LMFAO u r a mess

• thanks for saying u couldn’t tell i guess i won after all

[transtalk]

“Here’s some stuff I’ve learned in my ~12 years since I started transitioning”

*Posted with permission from a Redditor who chooses to remain anonymous.  I am over 10yrs into my transition and agree with most of these points.  Thought this was a great share to help our younger transmen.

I’m 26 and I started transitioning at 14. I recently passed my 10yrs on T recently and I figured I’d pass on some random knowledge I’ve accumulated in my experience.

Physical stuff:

-Be prepared to outgrow any clothes you buy in the first 5ish years on T. You might think you’re in the clear after a couple years, you’re not. That includes shoes.

-Looking at your father and brothers for an idea of what you might look like on T isn’t always accurate. My dad and brother don’t have much body hair, I’m a damn werewolf. On the other hand, they have full heads or hair. My hair has decided to migrate from my head to, well, everywhere else.

-Mature hairlines are a thing, doesn’t necessarily mean receding. My dad has the former, I have the latter.

-Not all hair follicles grow at the same time. Your beard after not shaving for 2 weeks is not the same as your beard after not shaving 2 months and then trimming it to that same length. Ive had a thick, full beard since I was 20. I had to shave for a neck surgery and for the first month I was back to my patchy teenage beard. Right now, wearing a mask is a great opportunity if you want to try growing it out without looking ridiculous.

-Still train all of your body if you’re trying to get a more masculine physique. You may worry about having a bigger butt or thighs but trust me, it’s still important. Also, it’s not all about shoulders, chest, and arms. The lats and traps are often overlooked.

-Penises sit lower than you think and are smaller than you think. Take that into account when packing. I haven’t been in the market for many years but I pray that there are more options now that aren’t 5+”.

-If you get a hysto, hold a pillow over your belly when you cough. Trust me.

-If you have surgery in general, you’re probably going to be thirsty when you wake up. Go slow when they finally let you have water. I’ve puked on a few nurses… sorry guys.

-If you have bottom surgery with urethral lengthening, you might have extra drops of pee that get stuck. The way your urethra is situated has a different angle so more pee gets trapped in there. Press up on the gooch to get it out. Some cis guys have to do it too, it’s called the taint tap.

-Athletic fit pants are great for big booty bros.

Social/emotional stuff:

-It can be hard to see it sometimes, but plenty of cis guys have the same features you’re dysphoric about. Baby face? I’ve got male coworkers older than me that look like teenagers. Wide hips? Some dudes are bottom heavy. Short? If you pay attention, there’s short guys everywhere. The average guy doesn’t look like Channing Tatum.

-There’s a thin line between dysphoria and dysmorphia. What you see in the mirror could be totally different from what people see when they look at you.

-It’s fine to pee in the stall. Standing or sitting. Nobody gives a fuck. Even after phallo I pretty much exclusively pee in stalls. Less splashback, privacy, and pee time is me time.

-There’s another step to transitioning you might not realize: becoming confident in yourself as a man. It’s easier said than done and it can be a pretty long process. You are a manly fuckin man (or a feminine man, but you’re still a Fuckin man) and you are no less of a man than any other. You will be much happier once you can say that to yourself and truly believe it.

-You don’t owe anything to the trans community. There’s no denying there can be negativity. If it’s taking a toll on your mental health or causing more dysphoria, it’s ok to step back. You’re not obligated to involve yourself just because others in the community have helped you. You owe yourself happiness. It took me way to long to learn that. I pop in online once or twice a year in places like this sub where it typically is a civil environment but I limit it to that.

-Along the same lines, it’s ok to be stealth. You are more than your gender and it’s ok if you don’t want others to define you by that. Again, you don’t owe anybody anything. You can support the trans community without disclosing. Vote in support of trans rights, call people out on their bigotry, donate to charities, etc. And unfortunate as it is, your voice is sometimes more heard as an ally than as a trans person.

-Even if you finished the required therapy to get hormones/surgery it’s good to stick with it if you can. I know it’s not possible financially or time wise for everyone, but if you can, you should. All of your struggles don’t magically disappear when you medically transition. It’s good to have a professional help you process everything. I honestly think most people in general can benefit a lot from therapy.

-You could still have some dysphoria even when you have fully transitioned (whatever you define that as for yourself). Many don’t but it’s not a guarantee. I’m sorry to break that to anyone who is just starting their transition but it’s important to realize. If you recognize it, you can learn to cope. I still feel some dysphoria occasionally about the things I cant change. Mainly that I can’t be the biological father to my children. I have to remember that it’s not genetics that makes a father, it’s love and care.

My experience obviously isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s but I hope this can help someone a little bit.

[daffodi1]

Honestly this might be a more controversial one and I think ppl are gonna yell at me but. I think a lot of the hatred for phallo comes from some trans men who are just too ashamed to admit that they like having a pussy and would rather blame it on the surgery being cringe or whatever. And like. It's fine and valid to want to keep your vagina, but you don't see trans men who want to keep their breasts bashing top surgery/making fun of people who get it, js. Stop bashing all trans surgeries, period, or you're an asshole AND you're transphobic.

[intersexfairy]

hey, as a dyadic trans person, is there a good way to phrase wanting a body/specific bodyparts outside the norm w/o being intersexist? i understand how saying "i wanna be intersex" is not good but is it cool to just say i want X feature or am i still missing something? thanks!

Just say what you want. Like, for example, if a transmasc person on T wants meta/phallo but doesn't want to get uhh fully sewn up to say the least, that's fine! You can say in that instance you want a partial meta/phallo (since that's what it is).

Like it's that simple really. Don't say intersex people are lucky, dont say "I wish i had a body like yours," etc. Just express your wants and needs.

The language is already there for you, either in plain english or existing trans vocabulary. Just gotta play around with it for a bit.

If you phrase it this way, most of us can tell the difference between people doing what they want with their bodies and fetishizing/being intersexist and that it doesnt involve us.

That said, a lot of us are deeply traumatized and may still be sour about it. Due to either transphobia (which is mostly acquired due to encountering intersexism when looking to the trans community for support, which TERFs sometimes take advantage of), or them resenting the fact someone could be happy with and genuinely want a nonstandard body, since their nonstandard body is associated with so much pain.

A lot of the time the sourpatches among us who are critical of these things are people who are hurting so badly and it comes out as anger against people. This isn't to excuse the behavior obviously, but rather so that it can be understood and people can recognize that how they interact with us inters is very very important. Intersexism is horrible and harms us in a way words could never do justice to

[ukftm]

Been with my girl since we were 14 (10yr) so people know I’m trans & misgender me (4yr on T, top surgery & phallo). Her sister was married & I‘d compare myself to him & feel bad, they broke up & she just got with a stealth transguy. Never been around a trans person & have 0 friends so happy at thought of making 1 but jealous of his privilege of being able to be stealth, so i feel upset that people won’t know he’s trans and think that he’s more of a “real man” than me, I know it’s silly - advice?

Hi Anon,

It isn’t silly to feel this way. He is in a privileged position with not having anyone know he is trans. But you also have to think about how he got to that stage. What did he have to do to get there?

Most guys that are in a position to be stealth have had to give up a lot and leave a lot behind to be able to live without people around them knowing about their past.

So as much as you envy him, maybe it’s worth having a convo with him and asking him how he did it.

It is really difficult when you want to be stealth but are still living in the same environment as you did before transitioning. So maybe you need to have a think about what you can do to change this.

It is also really hard sometimes to think about making big changes like moving away or getting new friends in order to start over. But it is pretty impossible to be stealth when you are still around the same people and are doing the same things as you were in the past.

Some guys have even made the very difficult decision to end their relationships because the ability to be stealth was so important to them.

You also say people still misgender you. After 4 years that’s a long time to still have people misgender you. So maybe it’s also about the people that are around you making you feel the way you do. Maybe you need to either have some strong discussions with them or consider whether these people are who you want to be around.

At the end of the day as trans guys, we always have to make hard decisions. But while ever we stay in the same environment as we did pre transition, being a trans person can often be hot gossip to those around us and people unfortunetly do not understand or respect our need to keep this confidential.

So have a think about your environment and the things that effect you the most. Then think about what you can change. Can you consider a fresh start? Can you change jobs? If it is your friends or family or even your g/fs family that misgender you, what are you going to do to stop this?

If your g/fs sister new boyfriend is willing to talk to you, ask him about his experiences. He may be really valuable in helping you sort out your own situation.

Another point is to realise that we all compare ourselves to other transguys and cis guys especially. It’s natural and can have a big effect on us. But if you want to feel better about yourself you need to identify what is making you feel ‘less of a man’ and if it is people that make you feel like that, you need to have a good think about what that means for you.

People often think that once we have had our surgeries that everything is fine and that’s it. But mentally it is still a struggle, so it is so important that we are around people that are good for us and in relationships that help us thrive. But unfortuently its only us that can identify what changes we need to make to help us have good mental health and feel happy in ourselves.

[ihatecispeople]

i don’t want cis people at all to interact with this. no likes, no reblogs, no comments. if you respect my privacy as a trans person talking to trans people about bottom surgery on a forum where i have a lot of trans mutuals, ideally don’t even read this if you’re cis.

if you’re a trans man/transmasc and not considering bottom surgery i’d prefer it if you kept any kind of comment on this to yourself, though you’re fine to like it. trans men/transmasc who have had bottom surgery/is considering it, feel free to interact with this as you wish; trans women/transfem(/nb who don’t fall under other categories here), i trust you to know when it’s appropriate for you to comment on this and when it is not, but you’re allowed to interact otherwise. 

under cut is a discussion about gential surgery and sexual feelings

i wish there were more sources of guys talking about their sexual experience, you know, their entire sexual experience, after bottom surgery (specifically phallo, because that’s where my future is taking me, but metoidioplasty too for those that are considering it) in minute detail: how it feels to penetrate someone and how it feels to jack off and how it feels to get hard; how cumming feels; what exactly is the difference between the different orgasms that some dude after phally say they can experience; how long it took for them to heal enough to feel sexual touch again after surgery; is it painful to penetrate an anus; how does cleaning after sex look; are they sore after sex? how does the erectile device feel during sex? was the first time penetrating with your own dick living up to your expectations, was it mediocre, was it a disappointment? what should i keep in mind going forward with my own journey? etc etc etc

i understand why these men need to hide this information in closed forums and keep details as brief as possible, how chaser and non-chaser cis people will ask invasive questions about their surgeries only to further their idea of trans people as medical freaks, of transphobes who will use their results to scare younger trans people, how even trans people will belittle their results because they don’t understand the need for bottom surgery in us that seek it out, mocking the results that improved the life of a person, calling their dicks sausages and worse.

i understand why these discussions are kept hidden, and i’m not even wishing people would still talk about it despite the backlash; i wish the climate around trans bodies wasn’t what it is today, so i and others could find an older trans mentor who has had all the surgeries we’re planning on getting and being able to ask about all our fears and weird questions and have a clear mind of what a realistic future for us and our genitals and our sexual lives could look like. i would get phallo even if it would have turned out i would never feel sexual touch on my genitals again, if there were no erectile device, etc etc, but i just want to know what i’m expecting. in detail. so i can try to imagine it so it can help the chronic disconnect i have with my body and especially sexual organs, with thoughts of a time when i’ll be able to actually top someone, and i wont have to be in a super specific mindset for it to feel like i feel anything from it, because i will feel something even if i’m not into topping because it’ll be my very own flesh and blood thats penetrating him, and i can’t picture it--a future i WILL have, i CAN’T PICTURE IT--because i don’t know the details. 

i can imagine me post-top surgery. i can’t imagine myself post-bottom. i want to, but i need information, and how people treat trans bodies makes it so, so hard for me and others to find it.

[angerytrans]

Why do so many people on this site, more specifically voluntarily non-op trans men, insist on talking shit about phallo and spreading misconceptions to pre-op trans men and boys and getting them to think that phalloplasty isn’t right for them?

I used to think that I shouldn’t get phallo cause it wouldn’t feel “natural” or be “functional” like a cis man’s dick, but a few hours of learning about post-op men’s experiences and looking at a few results made me realize that that wasn’t the case. It’s very rare to not have the nerves connect properly (like a 1% chance, even then you’ll still have a little bit of feeling) and there are cis men who don’t have a “functional” dick (inability to get erect naturally, lack of ejaculation during orgasm) according to these people’s standards. The results are also amazing and look 100% cis, but because of the common belief that post-op dicks don’t look natural, you’ll see many people say “wow your results are the best that I’ve ever seen” when the person’s results look like dicks that I’ve seen on dozens of other trans men. But because people’s main exposure to post-op dicks are ones that usually only have the first stage done and are 10 years old, they’re shocked when they see one that has just been considered a normal or average looking phallo result for years. (I don’t mean this in a bad way, I mean that the results look good but literally every dick looks like that)

We’re not allowed to talk shit about top surgery results because it’s body shaming, and rightfully so, but we can talk shit about phalloplasty as much as we want. Showing a post top man’s chest that has complications as an example of all top surgery results is wrong because it’s just a bad result that rarely happens, but sharing a post phallo man’s dick that has complications, or just looks a little “off” to you as an example of all phallo is fine because you’re “spreading awareness”. When you share a post-op man’s dick to people that isn’t completed, has necrosis, or has some other kind of complication in a negative way, you are not only making horrible generalizations about an advanced surgery, you are also mocking a man who has spent so much money and has gone through so much pain just to be content with his body. I’ve seen pre transition trans guys call post-op dicks “frankendicks”, “gummy worms”, and “knee arm penises” and say that them using those horrible names for phallo dicks is just “coping” with the fact that they’ll never be satisfied with or get phallo. Not wanting bottom surgery is fine, the problem is when those people shame and make fun of those who do. If you don’t want a certain procedure I suggest that you shut up about it if you’re just going to say negative and false things about it. It’s sad that even with a new technique that’s going to be used in around 2 years, a lower complication rate, and a higher satisfaction rate, there are still people who want to spread these blatant lies.

If you’re a trans guy or anyone else who is interested in bottom surgery, only listen to post-op men and men who are looking into or about to get bottom surgery. Go on Transbucket to see newer results. Learn about all the bad things and all of the good things, think about if every risk is worth it, even if you have a higher chance of winning the lottery than getting it. Just don’t listen to people who have said that they do not want bottom surgery, because they are usually very wrong about any concerns you may have.