#it has NOT been this bad since summer/fall of 2015 and i was in the hospital TWICE

[menlove]

the way that changing your circumstances should work, i think, is that you should be able to close your eyes and clap your hands and wish really hard and when you open them again everything worked out in the best possible way and you didn't even have to make any tough decisions or go through all the necessary steps to change your circumstances. this would be better!

[foxes-that-run]

Sunflower Vol 6

Sunflower is a sweet romantic song. It references HYGTG and Clean, reminding of her how it used to be to suggest dating again.

My Vol 1 - 5 theory

My theory on Vol 1 - 5 are times they dated or hung out. I have playlist grouped into possible volumes. There is more in the dates and timelines.

31 March 2012, 20 May 2012 - July 2012 (Everything has changed - IKYWT)

28 September 2012 - 3 January 2013 (HYGTG - NTWDT.)

25 August 2013 - November 2013 (Happily - Wonderland)

14 February 2014 - February 2015 (Style - FTDT)

February/29 April 2016 - May 2016 (High infidelity - IDWLF)

To me, Sunflower is contemplating a Vol. 6 (Fine Line/Lover). Sunflower hasn't been played since Live on Tour ended in 2021.

Lyrics

Sunflower Sunflower My eyes, want you more than a melody Let me inside Wish I could get to know you

I wanna get to know you is a reference to the Everything has changed "I just wanna know you better" which Taylor and Ed wrote the week after 20 May 2012.

Love 'I want you more than a melody' which reminds me of HYGTG “say you want me”

Sunflowers Sometimes Keep it sweet in your memory I was just tongue-tied

Wildest Dreams: "Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe" and OOTW "I Remember.."

Harry describes Taylor as sunshine and butterflies and all things summer in many songs:

Olivia “You live in my imagination / The summertime, butterflies”

Watermelon Sugar: “summer evening”, “summer feeling”, “end of June”

Adore You: “your wonder under summer sky”

Canyon Moon: “sky never looked so blue”

They are tongue-tied in:

Two Ghosts "Tongue-tied like we've never known"

Sushi "Blue bubblegum twisted 'round your tongue"

Message in a Bottle "And I became hypnotized by freckles and bright eyes, tongue-tied"

I don't wanna make you feel bad But I've been trying hard not to talk to you Sunflower (Sunflower, sunflower)

Taylors Gorgeous has a similar line “You should take it as a compliment / That I'm talking to everyone here but you (but you, but you)”

I couldn't want you any more Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor I couldn't want you any more tonight (Tonight, tonight, tonight)

Lover (feat. Shawn Mendes): "We could light a bunch of candles and dance around the kitchen, baby"

Wondering headshake Tired eyes are the death of me Mouthful of toothpaste Before I got to know you

Harry brushes his teeth before performing. He met Taylor backstage at the kids choice awards, I take wondering headshake to mean acknowledging each other when they first saw each other.

I've got your face Hung up high in the gallery I love this shade (Sunflower, sunflower)

To me the picture line is not a literal gallery, but a symbol that this person is his person. I think this song and line a response to HYGTG "Remind her how it used to be, be / Yeah, with pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks" and You are in Love and has "he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown"

Your flowers just died Plant new seeds in the melody Let me inside, I wanna get to know you

Plant new seeds in the melody is the nicest line. It is a reference to:

Clean "The drought was the very worst / When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst".

Call it what you want: "All my flowers grew back as thorns / Windows boarded up after the storm" (more thorns and roses)

Chronologically then Harry says to plant new seeds and try again.

I don't wanna make you feel bad But I've been trying hard not to act a fool Sunflower (Sunflower, sunflower)

Harry has called himself a fool many times, here he is trying to be nonchalant and cool but before he's been all kinds of fool:

I just wanna love you "We can whisper, we can talk about these things / Reconsider my foolish ramblings"

Just a little bit of your heart "I know I'm not your only / But I'll still be a fool / 'Cause I'm a fool for you"

Fools gold "But I'm not done yet / Falling for you / Fool's gold"

Boyfriends "You love a fool who knows just how to get under your skin / You, you, you still open the door" and "You feel a fool / You're back at it again"

In the Long Pond Sessions Taylor later emphasised how James had been foolish, saying fool/foolish 7 times.

[rjzimmerman]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Northeast Is Burning. (New York Times)

Excerpt from this New York Times story:

The smoke around New York City is back. But don’t blame Canada.

In Vancouver, British Columbia, where I’ve lived for 25 years, we used to blame California and Washington for our occasionally smoky skies. Then in the summer of 2015, Vancouver’s air turned Martian orange, just as the air on the East Coast did last year. Only this time, the fires were ours. It wasn’t just a bad year; something fundamental had changed. Since then, almost every summer has brought red suns at midday, health advisories, broken heat records, anxiety and, when fires get close, real fear: Our old house is a tinderbox. Where would we go?

Red flag warnings in New England indicating fire weather — that is, hot, dry, windy conditions — have been issued repeatedly since late October. These warnings are common in the West, but they are extremely rare in the Northeast, where I grew up and where my base line was established, my notion of what normal weather is. And I can tell you: This isn’t normal. Back in the 1970s, the idea of wildfires along the I-95 corridor in November was simply inconceivable.

This fall, more than 500 wildfires have ignited in New Jersey alone. And in the past two weeks, in parts of Connecticut and Pennsylvania where developments end and wild lands begin, known as the wildland-urban interface, fires have been threatening homes, too. New York City’s fire department responded to 271 brush fires across the five boroughs just in the first two weeks of November. A 5,000-acre fire has been burning for more than a week on the New York-New Jersey border, prompting voluntary evacuation orders on Saturday, after the fire broke through containment lines.

Last month a firefighter was killed and two more were injured by a vehicle while fighting a wildfire in Berlin, Conn. On Nov. 9 an 18-year-old New York State employee was killed fighting a fire in Sterling Forest State Park. Wildfire fighters getting killed? Maybe in Colorado or California. But in the Northeast, hardly ever.

Two weeks ago, a newspaper reporter from Provincetown, Mass., called me. Could the pitch pine and scrub oak forests of Cape Cod burn like the Western forests I described in my book “Fire Weather”?

“Yes,” I told him. “Maybe not in the past, but now they can.”

It felt strange, almost traitorous, to say that, because I’ve been going to the cape since I was a child. I know the smell of those pine needles in summer, the soft crunch of the cones underfoot. The idea of those trees burning never occurred to me before this year.

We are being reminded the hard way that we share this world. Smoke knows no boundaries, and neither does fire. It’s not a Southern problem or a Western problem; it’s our shared reality. This is not just a “bad year.” Globally, 2023 was the hottest year in recorded history, and that record is already being broken. This year is on track to be not only one of the driest autumns in U.S. history since records have been kept but also the first full year in which global temperatures rose 1.5 degrees Celsius (2.7 degrees Fahrenheit) above preindustrial levels. That doesn’t sound like much, but when this kind of elevated heat is prolonged, it stresses natural systems, killing marine creatures and making forests and grasslands more flammable.

[katydoodles]

Word Vomit Post- Life in the USA and Diasporic Feelings

Coming back from summer holiday in Mexico, to go back to work sucks.

The life style is just so different. I hadn't visited my maternal extended family in 8 years and it has been 12 years since I've seen 3/4ths of my paternal extended family. I have 34 cousins on my paternal side and 47 cousins on my maternal side and I'm on the younger side of both sides. My mom is the 9th child of 12 (who survived infancy) and my dad is 6th child of 10 (who survived infancy). Feeling that sense of familiar belonging and knowing where my family is from is such a fulfilling feeling I never appreciated as a kid. I kinda made it my goal to learn as much as I could about my family before my last grandparent passes. He turned 90 and I felt such immense guilt for not seeing any of my grandparents before they passed.

I told myself I was never going to go back to Mexico after a bad experience/ traumatically public anxiety attack in 2015.

I didn't think I would miss being in Mexico.

The life style there is so much more, in lack of better words, Alive. Towns are colorful, odd shapes, people own/build their homes and expand them, to fit with their surrounding nature. No matter how much people lack in the small rural mountain towns, there is a community and belonging everywhere. In the street corners every evening neighbors sit out and greet each other. Go on walks in the paths, farm, take care of their land, harvest their crops, listen to the rain fall, feel the lightning electrify the air and jump when the thunder cracks the sound barrier. Though my family is from a rural mountain area, modern living did not skip them, and yet I still feel like their life style was not taken over by technology (probably cuz the rural mountain villages have so many power outages in the rainy season).

The only other time felt like I belonged when I was in my childhood home in California's Bay Area, before they gentrified my area and kicked out all the low income families, so that all the tech companies could control everyone's lives. Even living now in the Midwest, I never see anyone walking on the street, life revolves around working and mowing your lawn so that your neighbors don't judge you. I don't see kids riding their bikes or outside, everything is so far apart from each other (2 hours in each direction to get to a city where I can even find a Barn's and Noble, a book store or even to buy Boba milk tea). I have never meet so many people who go to the Walmart parking lot to kill time.

Maybe I'm just older now and don't understand the mid-west lifestyle. Maybe I'm missing the belonging I felt from my paternal side of the family in California. Maybe its my anxiety that makes me feel like I don't belong with my maternal family (tho I've tried to connect, and every time I do I always feel that feeling of failing to connect). Maybe its all just my anxiety and can't be content in finding the little things where I am.

I have never felt that feeling of failing to connect with my paternal and maternal family in Mexico... They all know I'm odd and they have never made me feel judged or like I don't belong.

Though I may not fit in in Mexico, I still feel like I belong there.

[jackalsinthekitchen]

pop report #8 (today's top hits, 9/24/24)

today's top twenty – short n' salty

A whole Brat Summer has come and gone since we last left off. I tumbled belatedly down Charli’s rabbit hole in January, when I was looking for something to flatter a high, and she ended up blowing my world apart. I’d slept on her a decade ago, when she was both sugar and spice – everything nice, really – in hits which have aged varying degrees of well. Yet her 2015 union with PC Music was what put the form to her urge to soundscape – unlike the DMT-addled Todd Rundgren of fifty years ago, of whom she’s a fan, she’s nothing if not collaborative. When I first played brat, besotted as any sane person would be by the effervescent “360”, I found its music too metallic and its melodies overly astringent. Mea culpa – now no less an authority than our next president [knock, knock] has validated her cultural primacy.

So you won’t catch me complaining anymore – it couldn’t have happened to a more visionary icon. But of course, the year belongs to neither Charli, nor the victor in the battle of the quarter-century (not talking about Beyoncé v. Swift, who I think it’s safe to say overdid themselves into a draw this time out). Armed with little more than a wand, a rabbit, and a kabuki-meets-Cyndi Lauper aesthetic, the Midwest Princess finally completed her year-long rise this fall. Meanwhile, in Chappell’s shadow, the Last Straight Femme has put a bow on a fascinating saga that kicked off with “Drivers License”, while Olivia takes sour selfies abroad. And the season of the sticks is long over, with the cabal of bros who once threatened to turn 2024 into the Year of the Dude proving one-hit wonders – or if not one, at least a lot less than F-1 trillion.

But the bro atop half of Today’s Top Hit, Bruno Mars, is a different breed altogether – like his duet partner, one L. Gaga, a star so massive he’s transcended this plane, if not the material world. The languidly soulful waltz “Die with a Smile” sounds to me like an AI dream about “Beautiful Things” being less annoying, and as with everything else America can’t stop listening to (including “Beautiful Things”), someday soon I’m sure I’ll love it. But it still turns on vocals which grind into sincerity, yielding more sawdust than sparks, and presumably won’t unite a wedding dancefloor like “Uptown Funk” or “Bad Romance” ages from now. I suppose each artist thought they had to remind us that they were alive, and forgive my cynicism that the song is doing so well on branding power alone (well, and maybe those outfits).

Tate McRae is another one who feels greedier for the public than vice versa, but it’s ok – “It’s ok I’m ok” is a bit more than OK, the rapid-fire rap hook and sudden wash of synth atmospherics disrupting its relative self-repetition. It's another one that promises to grow over a slow fade; I’d say pop hits are fading slower than ever, but really, it’s always been this way. It does boast some brevity, said to be the soul of something in limited currency – its brisk two and a half minutes feel closer to 75 seconds. Lasting as long is #3, a single about lingering, Short n’ Sweet (ha)’s attention-seizing opener “Taste”. Whereas Olivia’s overtures to authenticity made her so compelling, Sabrina leans into the prefab, and it’s fab every time, fam. Its throwback feel is one of its chiefest virtues – it’s a dead ringer for the Divinvyls, and who doesn't dig the Divinyvls?

The fun of Chappell Roan is which of her big hits you can’t escape at any given moment – only “Pink Pony Club”, which is basically a standard now, is falling behind the rest of the pack. #4 on today’s TTH is “Good Luck, Babe”, its chorus such a pristine flourish of frosting it’s always good for getting through, coming out or kissing off. It’s the first in a trio of queer victories down the list, followed by Charli’s zero-melody banger “Guess”, feat. Billie E, whose subsequently-slotted “Birds of a Feather” is to “we can’t be friends” (#21) as Sour is to Short n’ Sweet. Here’s a girl who writes like she earned both her Oscars. This sapphic streak goes up in flames with the Weeknd, a painfully-straight whose strongest hits sound super gay anyway. After The Idol, the flames are all he can dance in.

#s 8-12 are five stalwart inescapables – that me espresso, H-O-T-T-O-G-O, J.J. Abrams’ nepo baby keenly cornering the “wounded submissive with an acoustic guitar” half of the Taylor Swift market (her vocals softening Olivia’s bratty diction with Billie’s volume control – “I Love You, I’m Sorry”, not as good as “Risk” but still good), Hozier cornering the Adam Levine market (it’s not my aphrodisiac, but the sky still splits open at that wailing instrumental break), errybody in the bahr gittin’ tyup-seh. Then the crisp, honeyed “Apple”, one of a handful of excellent hooks (not to mention lyrics) I missed like a dumb bitch when I was being a brat about brat. Benson Boone’s “Slow it Down” (no one asked you to, BB) sounds extra hoary directly after – though yet again, he builds up to something more worth your while than you expect from the first minute.

Depending on how you look at it, no two bros need more or less help than Post Malone and Morgan Wallen. But for their stab at the song of the summer – per Billboard, it worked – six additional bros lent a hand (though, credit where due, one of them is named Ashley). “I Had Some Help” is solid, and as with all decent-plus generic pop hits gets better or worse depending on the weather in your town or head. Still, the main takeaway is that both men would love to be Sabrina Carpenter, if not Chappell Roan. Next in line is the only member of the Tortured Poets’ Department that doesn’t sound asleep, "I Can Do it With a Broken Heart", a missile aimed directly under Joe Alwyn’s skin – the same summer the latter decided it would be a canny career move to play a rapist in Yorgos Lanthimos’ hasty surrender of his newly-acquired feminist cred.

After Tommy “Temporarily” Richman’s programmatic percolator “Million Dollar Baby” – his album will be called Coyote, though he might’ve just as easily gone with I, Robot – comes a new one for the stomp-clappers Noah Kahan pulled out of the woodwork: Myles Smith’s “Stargazing”. Anyone who’s ever wondered what Chris Martin would sound like fronting Mumford & Sons will be free to turn their attention elsewhere. Then there’s an arresting little club-designed mystery I haven’t heard before – “Move”, by two white guys (Adam Port and Stryv) and a Black vocalist (Malachiii) gently cashing in on a bourgeoning Afrobeats bubble (on this hemisphere, anyway – it’s an embarrassment of riches on the other). It’s a big hit in Belgium, Switzerland, the Netherlands, and Austria – shades of ABBA, who never crossed the color line in their lives.

I’d call #20 the secret song of the summer – while many of us are feeling hot to go and so Julia, there are still plenty of shitty vibes to go around, not to mention shitty men (this writer included). Justice doesn’t get more poetic than “Please Please Please” hitting the top in a surging crop of penis-pop. While Sabrina’s triumphs are often trifles, “Please” nails an almost unprecedented level of sexual-politics profundity without a speck of strain or waste (I’d be shocked if it featured more than three instruments). Sure, Olivia’s righteous rage always hits like a tonic, but something about Carpenter’s straight-to-the-point disappointment feels a great deal more potent. Imagine if Lesley Gore, not to mention Aretha Franklin, had had “I beg you, don’t embarrass me motherfucker” at their disposal. Even then, neither would’ve delivered that last word with the same score-settling perfection. Morgan Wallen and Post Malone will always have some help. 2024’s pop queens don’t need any.

[akwardlyuncool]

Sitting To Know You Collection May Roundup

______________________________________________________________

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 19  (May 6th - May 12th)

Album: Duality (2015) by Set It Off  

Play Count: 3

Top 2 Tracks: 

Tomorrow ft. Jason Lancaster (Track 9)

Bleak December (Track 10) 

I’ve been spotty with Set It Off for the last few years and coming back to this album in particular after hearing some of the critiques, it was a little much. I’m just gonna say it, I knew every word to this whole misogynistic album. To be fair not every song is misogynistic, some of them just feature nice guy syndrome hahaha (Looking at you Bad Guy.) To be extra for real though, cause I wasn’t lying, I sang along and had fun with all of it like I was back in the summer of 2015, but I acknowledged the mess this time and that’s what made me think a little bit. It’s like watching your favorite 2000’s rom-com, you know what’s up. 

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 20  (May 13th - May 19th)

Album: Without Fear (The Complete Edition) (2020) by Dermot Kennedy 

Play Count: 2

Top 2 Tracks: 

Outnumbered (Track 10) 

Days Like This (Track 17) - Cover

I love this man’s voice so much and that’s why I’m sad it only got 2 very choppy listens. The complete version is like 70/80 minutes long and that’s why I struggled. I randomly saw a clip of a live performance he did years ago and the love has been there ever since. Now that particular song he preformed supposedly got reworked and changed into a different song on this album and the original only lives on YouTube. I'm mad hurt on that one, however the album is still really good and I'm not letting that sour my opinion at all. It’s a little moody and hopeful, but also very questioning. Y’all know how British rain sounds lol. I haven’t listened to his latest release yet, but I still can’t recommend him enough though. Trust me when I say this is a NEED to check out. 

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 21  (May 20th - May 26th)

Album: Stay Inside (2018) by Elder Brother 

Play Count: 4

Top 2 Tracks: 

I Don’t Miss You (Track 7)

Battle (Track 8) 

Elder Brother reminds me of fall 2019 and when I put this album on I’m just reminded of how good that moment was. (Little did I know what this album foretold.) If you need to feel comforted while you’re laying in bed or just walking around the house, this is a great choice. Tracks 6-9 are such a good run of songs that I can’t recommend them enough. I tried to pick songs that weren’t already my favorite as my top tracks so I highly recommend you check these out. If you’re unaware, look into this side project of Kevin from The Story So Far and Dan from Daybreaker, you will be pleasantly surprised. And if you are aware, listen again. 

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 22  (May 27th - June 2nd)

Album: Moonlight (2019) by Johnnyswim

Play Count: 2

Top 2 Tracks: 

Flowers (Track 7)

Lost In Translation (Track 4) 

I think this series is really forcing me to listen to these library discards cause this is the fourth one it’s shot out at me. I needed to listen to them anyway but this pushes me a little bit more. I knew one song from this album previously, so I was mostly going in unaware. Not of the group though, just the album. I’m usually pretty quickly drawn to Johnnyswim, but this one had to grow on me. If I’d gotten more listens in I feel like I could be more confident in it. It’s just not that strong off those first few listens. That being said, although it’s not my favorite album of theirs it’s still pretty decent and worth checking out if you like their stuff. Soulful pop-y kind of music. 

.

.

I haven't been updating the playlist that's supposed to go along with this series, but I'm changing that and will include it at the end of these updates. Will include spoilers, but thanks to checking it out anyway.

The Playlist!

[knife-moth-mc]

With the music asks, I'd like to ask prompts: 1, 3, 11, 19, 23, 26, and 30!

1:A song you like with a color in the title

3:A song that reminds you of summertime

11:A song that you never get tired of

19:A song that makes you think about life

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love

30:A song that reminds you of yourself

1: It's All Over Now, Baby Blue by Bob Dylan, but specifically this version. I haven't formally posted my Haven music playlists anywhere (I will do that.... soon......) but this is one of the first songs on the arc 1 playlist. You can think of it as Anathema and C!Moth's meetcute song : P

3: The Beast of Pirate's Bay by Voltaire. A girl I went to summer camp with... gosh, at least a decade ago now--taught it to all of us since we didn't have access to music that wasn't us singing. I also learned about Homestuck and bisexuality from her, so, you know, pretty much all the good parts of my life I found originally through meeting her that summer. Wiki, if you're still out there, thank you.

11: I could be wrong, because I haven't known it that long, but I think I'm going to go with Blacksoul by Onya. I could say more about it but honestly just listen to it. It's beautiful.

19: God Fearing, Sea Faring Man by The Accidentals. I listened to the album this is from a lot back when I first stumbled onto it, and while I think the band has now largely disavowed it it remains very deep in my heart. This specific song has stuck with me especially, I think because there's a kind of... the word that's coming to mind is grace, it feels like there's a kind of grace to this song. It feels like a moment of clarity. If I had to claim the meaning of life was buried in any one song, I would pick this one.

23: I'm going to cheat here and say an artist, because so far as I know they only ever released a handful of songs, most or all of which I try to link people to every so often because they're not otherwise available. I'm talking about superedge, who was a fanmusician back in 2015 or so. I hope they're still creating somewhere, but they've left behind some of my favorite songs in the world and I'm grateful that I happened to find them when I did.

26: Ben Caplan's cover of Lovers' Waltz by A. A. Bondy. The original is also solid but something about Ben Caplan's version really particularly speaks to me. I think according to the lyrics this song is actually about dying together? Which makes this a weird choice I guess but it feels in a way comforting, and I think fits the prompt better, because I have lots of people I love! I don't need a generic love song! But this song feels deeper and more permanent, in a way that's at least as appealing as it is scary.

30: You know, I have a whole collection of books that are me; you'd think I'd have a collection of songs that are me. But I don't. I think I have a tendency to shift songs from me to my (or others') characters, or to strongly associate songs with the circumstances under which I first listened to them. I've been combing through my library trying to think of anything and I could make some cases but most of them are weak. So I'm going somewhere very personal and emotional, and I trust you'll understand.

When I was 17, I was in a really bad place. It was, I think, the worst year of my life bar none. I'll spare you the details, but one day after a really intense couple of weeks, I played nice until I was given back my ipod. The moment it was in my hands, I grabbed my bike and fled to the library. I cried the whole way there, and I listened to this song, The Bust from The New Albion Radio Hour by Paul Shapera. This wasn't the song I came to identify with at the time--that would be The Wasteland, from the same album--but to this day, I can't listen to it without remembering that scared teenager.

[rencwn]

• • • ain’t it fun by paramore : spotted! if it isn’t sadie moore walking through the streets of nyc. people say she looks like emma mackey, but i really don’t see it. the twenty6 year old singer is out here making mommy and daddy proud. while she has been known to be + creative, we’ve all seen her - pessimistic nature come to light. sources tell me she reminds people of doing lines off bathroom sinks , jam sessions that make time fly by , the thud of platform boots on wooden floors , sleep deprivation and dark under – eye circles. / cis female & she / her.

BASIC INFORMATION:

name: sadie rebecca moore. nicknames: n/a. pronouns: she/her. gender: cis woman. age: twenty-six. date of birth: may 10th, ‘96. place of birth: perth, australia. astrological sign: taurus. orientation: bisexual, biromantic.

APPEARANCE:

height: five foot seven. hair colour: naturally light brown, currently dyed blonde. eye colour: brown. wardrobe style: a kind of bright pop rocker style. tattoos: various ( tba ). piercings: earrings, nose, industrial, nipples. voice claim: hayley williams / paramore.

HEALTH:

physical ailments: n/a. mental ailments: n/a. alcohol use: drinks heavily. drug use: ecstacy before concerts, weed occasionally, cocaine regularly. addictions: cocaine, alcohol.

PERSONALITY:

positive traits: inventive, confident, encouraging. negative traits: self-centered, easily bored. mbti: INTJ-T.

ACTIVITIES & SKILLS:

skills: singing, guitar, songwriting. weaknesses: acting, keeping her nose out of other people’s business. languages spoken: english.

FAMILY:

father: thomas moore ( alive, forty - seven ) mother: lilian mcnamara moore ( deceased, aged , forty - five ) older brother: name tbd ( alive, between 26 - 32 )

CAREER/LIFE DETAILS:

1996: born to thomas moore ( 27 ) and lilian mcnamara ( 25 ) in perth, her parents were the epitome of highschool sweethearts. they met when they were fifteen and were engaged before they even finished school. 2003: started taking guitar lessons from her dad, who owned a music shop and played multiple instruments himself. she immediately showed some talent for it. she also tried to learn the piano, but her hands were still small and she quickly grew too impatient. 2006: she joined the school band and almost immediately also began trying to set up her own band. 2009: sadie finally got her band:  sadie and the rock goblins. 2013-2015: sadie and the rock goblins became ‘stasis’. the band was quickly starting to book gigs around perth, and eventually even further out. 2016: they had recorded a few EPs in her dad’s studio and they were midway through recording an actual album they were contacted by the record company fueled by ramen, offering to help them with their album and help promote it. they accepted and their album ‘All We Know Is Falling’ came out later that same year. the album hits the charts and a tour is quickly planned for australia and new zealand, though soon after, they extend the tour to europe and a limited run in the US. they also release a live album. 2018: during their touring, they recorded their second album, ‘Riot!’ and continued touring. a live album is released after touring. 2020: their next album ‘Brand New Eyes’ is released. sadie also tries her hand at acting, but it is met with mixed reviews and generally bad critiques regarding her performance in the ‘otherwise decent’ flick. she decides not to go back to acting. a concert film, however, is released after their performance in the O2 arena in london. 2022: their self-titled album ‘stasis’ is delayed and was due to be released in 2022, but is now scheduled for summer 2023.  2023: sadie has the worst night of her life. a friendship break-up, a public rejection and humiliation, and a horrible fire wrecks her nyc apartment. it's been a spiral downward since then.

[annieintheaair]

Fake friends on weekends killing me slowly, getting back the time and love that I owed me. Finally getting good at letting go, mastering the art of how to be alone.

This has been quite the week. Once the work trips fall apart, they all seem to fall apart.

Wednesday ended up being "A Day" at my favorite bakery so I left a little earlier than usual to take a detour to get my free pie. It was worth it, even though I didn't realize I had a fork and literally had to fold the pie like a taco to eat it.

I made it to yoga, which was nice. My friends there were trying to be helpful by offering suggestions on places to move. I told them that I was supposed to be moving into an apartment next week but decided not to take it. I feel at peace with that decision.

After yoga, I rushed over to Students. It's sad to think that the school year is winding down and we only have a few weeks left. We're planning on having a summer itinerary though so that we can get together often.

That night at work ended up being a long one. We were supposed to go to San Antonio and boarded the flight, taxied out, and then had to go back to the gate due to the weather en route to San Antonio. Once we were back at the gate, the pilots called out fatigued since the fight got delayed until 5am. All of the routes to SAT were closed. We tried to call out fatigued, too, but they threatened us with zero pay and missed trips. Instead, they sent us to the hotel for a couple of hours. We had to Uber there and back and of course, they set it up that the Uber dropped us off at the training center and not the hotel so it was a long walk. By the time I got to my room, I had less than two hours to nap before getting back up at 3:40am to get ready, head back to the airport, and work the SAT turn. We got back late on Thursday, which was also pretty crappy.

Thursday night I wanted to call out from work but went since I was flying with friends. Everything went relatively smoothly and I made it to yoga on Friday afternoon. It was just what I needed.

Friday night turned out somewhat okay and Saturday morning I napped for a very short time before pulling myself off of my couch to go to slow flow yoga. I left there dripping in sweat and so exhausted but thought I'd try to go to Central Market and Trader Joe's but neither was a success since the crowds all came out and the parking was limited. I ended up going home and hanging out until it was time to go back to work.

I thought for sure we were going to cancel last night because they reassigned our pilots and had to find us new ones. The new ones were super close to going illegal so I wasn't sure that we would get out on time given the storms and the ramp being closed. We made it to Oklahoma City anyway, though it was later than planned, which also meant less sleep.

I can't tell you have relieved I was to get home this morning and know that I'm off for the night. I had every intention of going to church in Fort Worth but I was too tired to get up from my nap until the afternoon when I decided to run a few errands in town.

It's weird that it's Cinco de Mayo and I'm completely sober. I remember so many Cinco de Mayos before wanting to get a margarita all day. Back in 2015, I was a new hire flight attendant on reserve, calling scheduling every hour to ask if they'd release me so I could go to the Mexican restaurant next to my apartment to get a margarita. Even though this year is very different, I still might grab a margarita after yoga tonight.

This month marks one year since I moved across the metroplex. It honestly feels like it has been the longest year. It has been filled with a lot of good but also a lot of bad.

I remember going to my first yoga classes in Fort Worth and being that new person who knew no one and for the first few months, the instructors didn’t even know my name. I felt like I just couldn’t find my groove or fit in anywhere. I didn’t feel at home at all.

For most of last summer, I spent Tuesday through Thursday back in my old town, mainly so I could go to my yoga classes. I’d drop my dogs off at their sitter on Tuesdays and then live like a homeless person until Thursday afternoon. I’d go to yoga at noon on Tuesday, spend my afternoon running errands, going to appointments, and working from coffee shops. I’d fly on Tuesday nights and then make my way back there Wednesday for another yoga class and eventually Students in the evenings when school was back in session. I’d fly Wednesday nights, too, and then Thursday I’d go to one last class before picking up my dogs and heading home.

It was really rough living that life and now I can’t even imagine how I ever did that because lately I come home from work and crash on my couch for a good chunk of the day between trips. I’m working more than I’ve worked in years and it is really draining me. A friend sent me a meme a few years ago, back when I worked a lot, and it said something like, “My mom said I need to find a rich man. I said, ‘Mom, I am a rich man!’” Life would definitely be better and easier if we finally got our new contract, a raise, and some retro pay, but whether we do or we don’t, my goal is to try to earn 6 figures this year and if I keep flying as much as I am right now, that very well might be possible.

I’m learning to make the best out of every situation and appreciate the things I have. I think that a lot of times, we don’t realize what we have until it’s too late. I’m learning to work with what I have to reach my goals even if other things in my life don’t improve.

It has been almost 2 years since I lost Dan and rereading some of his texts now makes me realize all the things I wish I had now, are all the things I had when he was alive. I wanted someone to fight for me and believe in fixing things instead of walking away. I wanted someone to feel like I was the best thing that ever happened to them. Shortly after he passed away, I made a little video since there was a text message trend going on. I'll share it here:

Reading over Dan's old texts made me realize that at one point, we switched roles. Dan went from being the avoidant to being the anxious one. In our relationship, long before all of these texts, and in my relationships since, Dan sounded like me. All the things he said to me are things I've said to guys I've had in my life since. He never wanted to let me go a day without knowing how he felt about me, and it means so much to me to look back on all of that now and know that at one point in my life, there was a guy who thought the world of me and loved me despite my flaws.

These last few months have allowed me a lot of time to shift my focus. I've been working more, making more money, prioritizing my health/fitness, trying to make new friends and maintain friendships with old ones, spending time with family, and really learning more about myself and what I want in my life. I've also had the opportunity to spend more time with God, reading my devotionals and praying for guidance.

When we drove home from Oklahoma a few weekends ago, my friend Nancy made me realize that it's ok to take a pause and enjoy being single and not dating right now. I'm getting the opportunity to self-reflect and realign my priorities. It's ok to put yourself first and do what makes you happy. I'm ok right now pausing dating and pausing my move to be able to work on other more important things. With God, anything is possible and sometimes, you just need to let go and let God.

xoxo

Annie

[thisaintascenereviews]

The Maine - Self-Titled

Last month marked the 15th anniversary of Arizona alt-rock band The Maine's debut album, 2008's Can't Stop Won't Stop. As an emo / scene 15-year-old kid when that record came out, it hit me in all the right ways, especially for being a prominent album in the "neon pop-punk" scene. That record showcased a lot of promise from the band, incorporating folk and indie-rock sensibilities into their otherwise emo and pop-punk sound, but as I got older, I began liking them less and less. This trend isn't uncommon, as a lot of bands I used to listen to in high school have either broken up, faded into obscurity, or changed their sound (for better or worse, but in most cases, "worse"), and in some cases, transcending the "emo" label that they started off with.

As for The Maine, and where they fall in that wide spectrum, they're a band that I stopped listening to after 2015's American Candy, sort of because of how they changed their sound. I was becoming less and less enamored with them as time went on, anyway, and American Candy was the last straw. As much as I loved their debut, I felt as though they were only getting worse and worse, and that record was a huge step down in quality and creativity. Now that was eight years ago, and since then, they've released another three albums, but I haven't paid attention to any of them. After a few years of being away, they're back with a self-titled album, and self-titled albums are often a means of reinvention, but I don't have any context for what they sounded like before this record. The self-titled album came out on 8/1/23, which holds significance to them for being the number of the parking garage the band always met up in when they started, as well as the name of their record label and their festival.

Maybe it's that I didn't have any context going into this self-titled album, or that I haven't listened to them in almost a decade, but this album pleasantly surprised me in a few different ways. From the band's overall sound to being rooted in 80s-soaked arena-rock / pop-rock, or to vocalist John O'Callaghan improving tenfold on this record, I absolutely love this record. Sometimes an album just hits you in the right way, regardless of what it is, and it could be for a variety of reasons, but most often, the timing just feels right. Right off the bat, this album is a perfect "summer album." There are very catchy, fun, and groovy songs that are great for this time of year. including a couple of songs that will make my favorite songs list of the year, such as "Leave In Live" and "Thoughts I Have While Lying In Bed." The way the band combines 80s-influenced arena-rock / pop-rock riffs with new wave, synth-pop, and electronic textures from time to time really makes this album stand out. Make no mistake, this album isn't unique by any means, but that doesn't mean it hits any less harder. The hooks are impeccable on this thing, especially on a handful of cuts that I really can't get out of my head.

I mentioned a bit ago that vocalist John O'Callaghan has improved greatly on here, and maybe he's improved more on their last few albums, but he was always a vocalist that I liked, but never loved, just for how limited his range was. I gotta say, however, that this sound suits his voice well, and he even has more of a range and more emotion than ever before. The lyrics, too, are quite good, despite being about relationships, and things of that nature, but they're written well this time around, so I can look past the lyrics being rather generic and not the focal point of the album. Their lyrics have always been either decent or really bad, and their debut album is good indication of that, but the lyrics on this record feel more mature, reflective, and more introspective than I've heard on previous albums, albeit in a somewhat vague in a relatable kind of way, but there are a lot of clever, interesting, and enjoyable lyrics throughout this record.

There's something to be said about listening to a band that you either used to love more than a decade ago, and that you've either forgotten about, or fallen out of favor with, and really enjoying their new project. I had no idea what to expect with the self-titled, and it's a wonderful little record. Of course, it helps that this album is only 36 minutes, so it's a breeze to get through, and that's a perfect length for a record like this. I'll even go as far to say that this is one of my favorite albums of the year, because of how slick, catchy, fun, and groovy this thing is. It just hits me in all the right spots, and I would never have guessed that the new album from The Maine, a band I haven't thought of in a decade, give or take, would be one of my favorites of this year. That just goes to show you that bands can surprise you, even when you least expect it, but that's the beauty of music.

[seem0reglass]

In a couple of weeks, my tumblr account will be 10 years old.....

I feel so old. I don't even know if anyone who I went to high school with is still on here. Maybe 1.

And I'm turning 26 in a couple of weeks, too. I have been thinking a lot about the past. My past specifically I mean. Every iteration of my life and my self, from the past 8 years since graduating high school. So much has changed. It all seems a lifetime ago.

I used to have so much more energy and zest for life, confidence, whimsy, exuberance for experience. And I think on the past six months, eight months, a year, and how much has changed even in that time. And how fucking sad I've been for so much of that time.

I've been sick for a while now. In the head, I mean. My physical health has been fine. I often forget how sick I was from fall 2015 thru early 2017 with my ulcerative colitis until i started humira, and it started working for me. Being so sick seems like a distant memory. And I hope that a couple of years from now, this bipolar depression that keeps coming back and back after brief reprieves of hypomania will smooth out and become a distant memory too once I'm stable.

Ten fucking years ago I was at a little party with my high school friends, summer before 11th grade, and I made a tumblr account. Almost none of those people are in my life now. It hurts so bad, for me at least, to become cognizant of the tides of friendships that have come and gone throughout my life from high school to the present. It's now been as long that I've been out of college as the length of time I was in college. I'm going to be 26 very soon. And I'm very scared. I don't want to keep growing up. I don't have my shit together enough.

And I feel like in the past year, or at least eight months, I have barely noticed the time going by. Because I've been so fucked up in my brain.

I want to become more aware of the present. Because lately I've been focusing my energy on being scared for the future and missing the past. But neither of those are very helpful I think. Thinking back on good times is one thing. But wishing I could go back, or change something, I don't know, I don't think it's very good.

I just got 4 disposable cameras of photos developed. Ranging from early 2019 thru fall of 2021. And fucking hell. It makes me cry. All the memories.

I even got back onto instagram. I deleted my instagram and fb accounts March 2022. But yesterday morning I was just feeling so nostalgic, and missing the connections, however vague, to the people who've come and gone in my life...so I got back on it.

I journal every day. If I wanted, and had the time, I could read every day's entry from circa July 2018 thru the present. I have all of those journals with me here in lansing. The previous ones are at my childhood home with my mom and sister.

I'm just feeling sad and missing the past. Which I think is ok in doses, but I need to not dwell. And I need to put more energy into being centered in the present. Because every day goes by and I write pages and pages in my journal but I barely remember that day one week out, or two, or even a couple days later. I need to be aware of time going by, because even if I feel shit fucking awful, life is still happening, and I don't want to keep missing it go by.

[from25to30]

If I should talk about myself and the reasons why I’m here I must start talking about my last ten years…

I had never been someone who got very good grades, but not bad ones either. Without putting in hardly any effort, I was getting fair results. But then In 2015 I started college, my first time away from home and being my full responsibility… It didn’t go well. Since my father's death I had always been accompanied by a sadness that with some juggling and the help of my family I managed to keep at bay, but far from home and not yet knowing how to be an adult… the sadness returned but this time in the form of an avalanche.

I used to sleep all day and I was always locked in my room, my roommates didn't know what was wrong with me because they hardly knew me and I didn't know how the hell to ask for help… I spent 3 years being a shadow and barely managing to pass the necessary subjects so I wouldn't get kicked out of college. The few times I came home, they were unbearable... How the hell do you pretend in front of the people who know you best that your life isn't falling apart? Half of the time I was arguing with someone, and the only thing I received from them were reproaches, because putting up with me was unbearable.

Luckily I found someone who was dealing with something similar and he helped me to find a therapist and I started to rebuild my life. Things went too much better but I always felt that something was missing… Even if I worked hard fighting my demons and childhood trauma, I keep struggling with the adult life.

This past summer I decided to find answers and at the age of 25 I was diagnosed with adhd. I am still in college and I feel that somehow not knowing what was wrong with me has taken away part of my youth, I know I am young but I will never know how is a college experience without feeling that I have been left behind.

Now back to the reasons that bring me here, I want to have a space where I can express myself and let off steam. Tumblr has been my home since I was 16 and one of the few places where I've always felt understood, so I can't think of a better place to start my journey. From 25 to 30 is a blog where I want to tell my experience trying to fulfill all the dreams I once thought were broken, where I want to try to help others like me (even though I'm not an example of anything), a place that pushes me to be better.

I hope that at this point you will stick around.

Thanks for using your time reading me and by the way, my name is Paula. 💕

Disclaimer: This is my own experience and English is not my first language so please don't take my words too much to heart, I have no intention of offending or hurting anyone.

[cinnamostar]

thank you for the tags!! @sona1800 @atinyniki @kaiyaba !! <3

who is your fav group?

despite being a skz fanfic blog, my ults are bts and seventeen LOL

who was your first bias?

jungkook and he has been my ult bias ever since ..... like oh my god that is my malewife babygirl apple of my eye schnookums pookie boo boo bear

who is your current bias?

any real one knows they bias the entire group, however..... from groups i keep up with the most, they are: jungkook, wonwoo, dino, jihyo, annnnd felix annnnnnd lee know

why are they your bias?

generally speaking, anyone i bias is 10000% bc of their personality and who they are. i don't think i have a type per se, but i just love each of them for who they are :3 iiii have been with a lot of these groups since debut, so i feel very lucky to witness these people grow as professionals/artists, but also evolve as people :D

who is your bias wrecker?

every bts and seventeen member is my bias wrecker ........ but since i am an skz blog, idk sometimes is mr bang chan but then i rmr how cringe he can be and wake up. JHJNKDSHFKS usually hyunjin though. very beautiful man, hard to resist i may add. also wooyoung from ateez. he is very annoying (in an endearing way!)

who are members that aren’t your bias wrecker that you are currently obsessing over?

........... KWON SOONYOUNG.... I WANT U SOOOO BAD........ literal sweetie pie i fall in love with him quarterly

when did you discover the group?

uh... most groups ive been with since debut and have listened to them since debut? i think? i think the only real exceptions are like skz and ateez.. i liked them since debut music/performance wise, but i didnt truly get into them til way later (tldr: my abusive ex bf got mad at me for liking kpop and ....yea..................... anyway!)

have you been to one of their concerts?

i have only been to a topp dogg concert in 2015, if you even know who they are you're a real one. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!! i am seeing ateez this summer and i am so excited!!! <3

what are your fav songs by them?

from bts: coffee, tomorrow, boyz w fun, JUST ONE DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, miss right, truth untold, and idk i like pretty uch all their music lol

from svt: KIDULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KIDULT KIDULT KIDULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also, a-teen and ready to love are fire.. again i love all their music thats why theyre an ult lol

thanks so much for the tag!! anyone feel free to join <333 no tags im lazy and its past my bedtime :D

thank you for the tag @feelbokkie ! <3

♡ : who is your favourite kpop group?

skz, but xdinary heroes are basically tied and would probably beat them if the skz brainrot wasn't so strong lol

♡ : which member sparked your interest?

felix in maniac, but hyunjin also kept catching my eye

♡ : who was your first bias?

this man right here ‼️‼️ my boy hyunjin

♡ : who is your current bias?

i swear it's chan yall please believe me

♡ : what makes them your current bias?

oh how do i word this. i think it started by watching clips of his lives because they really helped me when i was in a rough mental spot haha. chan is like a warm hug i want to melt into and never let go, like his energy is so comforting. not to mention how incredibly talented he is and the way he looks out for the kids. there's so much i wanna say but idk how to phrase it all 😭

♡ : who is your bias wrecker?

lee know, but fr everyone else is constantly bias wrecking me too

♡ : which member(s) are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/bias wrecker?

han + i.n probably

♡ : when did you first discover the group?

pre-debut, but i was already falling out of kpop at the time and only knew them through my sister (not that i listened to more than exo and like 2 bts songs lol). i properly got into them cause of maniac, so 2022 ig?

♡ : have you been to one of their concerts?

NO, I WISH 😭😭😭 one day though, i hope

♡ : what are some of your favourite songs by them?

ouuu there's too many

- chronosaurus

- any

- the tortoise and the hare

- side effects

- fnf

- yayaya

- ta

- alien

- item

- heyday

- maze of memories

no pressure tags !! @siewoon @capitainesyallin @evermourning @chaeryred @phtogravi @collisvng

[not-the-apple-pie-please]

Headcanons for Utah

Whoop!!! I'm back again. Headcanons for the Best Snow on Earth, Utah (their words not mine)

(below the cut because it's longer and I feel bad for people's dash.)

Utah was born in the summer of 1850, a month or so before he became an actual territory. He was called Deseret at the time and was nonreligious, lived on a small cattle ranch.

I have a personal headcanon that the LDS church has had a separate personification since the 1830s when they started preaching full time.

LDS himself is the white pressed shirt man with the elder tag and the hate for using "The Lords name in vain". Utah picked it up from him. (LDS lived in New York, Ohio, Illinois, and Missouri before going to Utah.)

Utah was brought up by the LDS church, and as such joined the church when he was still a new being.

He attempted to go on missions to outposts within the state but was shot down because he wasn't "good enough". Basing this completely on the team spirit idea that a personification can't be away from their people for too long, and that they didn't know quite the reach of said territory. (Cred to @icestarphoenix)

During the Utah war and following conflicts with polygamy, Utah himself was not part of the decision. The LDS church had an iron grip on the guy and was calling shots for him.

Utah met The Army in fall of 1857 when he joined the Nauvoo Legion to meet them

Between the 1850s and 1890s was when I HC Utah as taking most of his mission trips.

Utah met his first wife in 1869 after the completion of the transcontinental railroad, a woman named Emma Bradshaw.

Not making a headcanon for her, but Utah was always monogamous. He only had about 3 kids with this union, 1 of which died shortly after being born.

Utah drinks his respect women juice sometimes (has had women's suffrage since the 1870s) (but outlaws abortion so he's been slacking)

Utah became a state in 1896 and his first meeting with the other states was held that same year. I'm inclined to think he was probably excluded from meetings before then because a lot of Mormon policy was seen as Un-American and I have a feeling Gov didn't like the religion controlled territory all too much.

Utah and the National Park Service became good friends in the 30s during the depression, with the creation of the Mighty Five parks.

Utah is a big outdoors person, and likes snowboarding, hiking, rock climbing, and skiing.

During WW2 he managed to join the army and stormed Normandy. Frequently had to go back to his state because of Team spirit stuff.

In the 70s Utah got in trouble with Gov about his racist policies concerning the church, and that is when I headcanon Utah to start to fall away from the church.

Utah never really liked computers all that much when they were being created, but loves the GPS. He doesn't really need it thanks to the grid system, but he holds a certain fondness for the automated voice.

Utah met his second wife, Ilithiya, in November of 2006 and were married in May of 2007. The states were all invited and only like 20-ish came.

All of my headcanons on Ilithiya come from @firsttraintovictoriaville 's work Worth Praying For because she is beautiful and I love that work

Utah's six kids were born as follows: Jaxon(March 21st, 2008) Kayleigh(March 21st, 2008 +3 minutes) Kingsley (September 9th, 2011) Kayden (December 2nd, 2013) Jayden (August 16th, 2015) Brayden (July 30th, 2016)

Utah and the LDS church have weird strained relationship. The LDS (not typing out church every time) has a lot of say in what does and doesn't happen in the state. I see their relationship as a teacher and a student, LDS being the teacher and Utah being the student.

Utah has a lot of issues with church doctrine, mainly on the books of Abraham and JST.

When Utah approached LDS with these issues in the early 70s. LDS was quick to come up with excuses and reasons as to why those concerns were silly and Utah was just being a bad Mormon.

From then on Utah was more of a laid back Mormon, obvi didn't quit the church because he still has the suit and tie, but he doesn't follow every guideline to a T now.

Personally, I don't see Utah as the super ultra "Do you know Jesus loves you?" Guy, but more of a guy who was raised with really strict parents and struggles to venture outside their standards very often because that was how he was raised.

He has a no alcohol policy because Florida, as well as a no coffee policy because Georgia. No tobacco because Mississippi, and no weed because Colorado.

Utah is a big tea person. Not early gray, but herbal teas? All of about them. As a collection of different fruit teas and caffeine free beverages.

He cannot watch movies with any sort of romance or sexy stuff. Turns away from the screen during kissing scenes because it "feels like a violation of privacy".

The kind of person to say "Hate is a strong word 😃" and proceed to complain about a single person for 2 ½ hours.

Utah strikes me as a big dog person. I think he'd have a good dog for kids, like a golden retriever or an Australian shepherd. Just a dog that would be okay to go on adventures but also sit by the kids when they pass out from playing.

Has a Google phone because he hates Apple.

Yeah! Those are all the headcanons I have stored in my noggin. Would love to hear if any one else has any thoughts, or if I wrote something that is just Straight Up Wrong.

Also apologies to anyone offended by the Mormon stuff, I'm an exmo myself and it's kinda venting on my part with that. Totally willing to edit!

[jackrrabbit]

🤍 Haikyuu WIP excerpts

preview post for hq because recently i showed sara a list of my works in progress and she laughed at me and then made a dn joke like this is 2015 or something. we got:

🤍 communal property /// ushijima x f!reader x tendou 🤍 sunshower /// atsumu x f!reader x osamu 🤍 corporate ethics /// kuroo x f!reader

anyway these are all terrible first drafts and i'm not sorry. however i am very very into these pieces and if you're interested in seeing them finished, you should tell me fr fr

🤍 communal property /// Ushijima x f!Reader x Tendou

Summary: Tendou shares everything with Ushijima—his food, his dorm room, even the AVs he likes. Why not his girlfriend, too?

Tags/warnings: poly relationship in progress (only you and Tendou are dating at this point), mild suggestiveness ??, s*ze k*nk

Status: 10k words written (holy fuck lol) out of ~11k total? this bitch better get finished is2g

After the match, your voice is hoarse from screaming but you still manage to yell congratulations for your boyfriend when you meet him and Ushijima outside the locker room in the stadium. You’re pumped on the adrenaline of the game, so you don’t even protest like you usually would when Tendou picks you up in the middle of your hug and lifts you off the ground effortlessly. “How was I? Awesome, right? I told you we would beat them!”

“You did, you so did—“ Even though your throat hurts, you can’t help gushing about every rally, every soul-crushing block, every impossible spike. “—and then the guy on the left thought he was clear to shoot it but you just—“ You throw your arms in the air and mime hitting the ball down like a blocker. “Wha-bam!—and the look on his face! I thought he was going to punch you!”

Tendou laughs and lays a sloppy kiss on your cheek, just as thrilled as you are by the win. “You really liked it that much? I thought you weren’t into sports.”

“I loved it! You were so cool! I can’t believe I’m dating someone so cool!” You wrap your legs around his back and hug his face close to yours, reveling in the fact that this weirdo belongs to you wholly and entirely, that you get to have him to yourself (well, other than his roommate). “And I’m not into sports, I’m into you.”

Tendou smiles in a way that makes the sides of his eyes crinkle up and little red patches bloom over his cheeks, a look that says, I like you so much (Y/N), I like you I like you I like you, except he’s probably trying not to be mushy like that since Ushijima is standing off to the side.

You feel a little bad for ignoring him (no one likes being the third wheel, even if he never shows signs of caring) so when Tendou sets you down you turn to Ushijima. “And you! Holy shit, Tendou said you were good, but I didn’t know you were that good. The ball when you hit it was super loud—honestly, how are your hands okay? If I hit it that hard I’d probably break something.”

“My hands are fine…this is normal for me.”

But just because you’ve got them here in front of you and you’re still pumped from the exhilaration of the win, you can’t help grabbing Ushijima’s hand and flipping it palm-up to inspect. True to his word, there’s no redness, just the calluses he’s built up on his long fingers. “Wow.”

“You don’t need to worry about Wakatoshi,” Tendou tells you, grinning and then making a face. “He’s a monster, he can handle it.”

“No kidding. You’re both monsters.” You put the base of your palm up against Ushijima’s to gauge the size of his hand against yours, and without prompting Tendou grabs your other hand to press against his own. Tendou’s fingers are a bit longer, but Ushijima’s are…thicker, more solid. Your hands look like a little kid’s in comparison. “Can I be honest? Half the time I was thinking I actually feel bad for the other team. If I had to take on both of you at the same time, I’d probably cry.”

You’re (mostly) joking, but it’s still a complete shock when you see the side of Ushijima’s mouth curl up a tiny bit. You’ve known each other for months at this point, but you’ve never seen him smile until now. Half of you is wondering if this is some kind of optical illusion caused by the atmosphere and the dim light of the stadium cutting through the evening, but the other half of you enjoys it. You made Ushijima smile. You did that.

“Don’t sell yourself short, (Y/N).” Ushijima says, tipping his head to the side.

“Yeah!” Tendou chimes in, resting his chin on top of your head and folding his arms around your neck from his place behind you. “I’m sure you could take both of us. Right, Wakatoshi?”

So that’s probably a sign.

🤍 sunshower /// Atsumu x f!Reader x Osamu

Summary: [Kitsune AU] You find an old Ō-Inari shrine in the woods that may not be as abandoned as it looks.

Tags/warnings: Shinto religion, this preview is biased toward tsumu oops, yearning/soft vibes

Status: 3.9k words written out of 5–6k? total

Atsumu was the one who found you.

That’s how he likes to talk about it, that he found you, like you’d still be wandering around lost in the woods if it weren’t for him. Osamu thinks you would have found your way back home eventually but Atsumu likes it better this way, this framing that makes it seem like they saved you.

It’s hard for him to tell time linearly the way humans do but you mention once that you’ve known them for a year and that seems to fit. It’s spring now, almost barely tipping into summer, and it was spring when Atsumu found you. He remembers because of the way it was raining: light and tender, a summer rain early in the season, each little drop tapping off a leaf and then rolling into the forest bed to be eaten up by the grass and the soil.

Atsumu likes the rain, likes the sweet earthy smell it makes and the way the plants look so lush and green and alive, like they’d bleed if he sunk his teeth into them. He was out in the woods because of the rain ('Samu was in the shrine, as usual, attempting to set buckets under the millions of holes in the roof so the rainwater wouldn’t pool and rot through the wood underneath). But Atsumu was half asleep in a tree when he heard you crashing through the undergrowth, tripping over ferns and snapping every twig in your path (thought ya might be a bear, he tells you later, that’s how loud ya were) but he wouldn’t really have woken up if he hadn’t heard you singing.

(The odd thing is, you weren’t actually singing. You remember that day as vividly as they do: the warm, humid air making your skin feel sticky under your yellow raincoat; the tiny raindrops filtering through the canopy and kissing your cheeks; the ink feathering out on the damp xerox of the old map you found in your great-aunt’s attic so you could barely make out the “X” that was supposed to mark the location of the lost Inari shrine… You were cursing how stupid you’d been to go on a wild goose chase into the mountains with no cell service and no marked trail to look for a shrine that no one had seen in decades. You definitely weren’t singing.)

But Atsumu remembers it differently. No matter how many times you explain that you were just talking to yourself, when he replays the sound of your voice back then (reaching and lilting and falling, the way the birds talk to each other in the early morning, except the music of it was poured into syllables and words), it sounds like you’re singing. He wasn’t sure at first, hadn’t heard a voice that wasn’t Osamu’s in so many years that he gets tired counting them, but then he saw you push into view from between two bushes and he thought, a human!

A girl, too—it was hard to say at first because you were wearing that weird, slick jacket of yours, so bright yellow it was like an oversized flower blooming out of the grass, but then you tilted your head up to feel the rain on your face and the hood fell down and he knew. Not just a human, a girl! Atsumu wanted to yell for Osamu, make him come and confirm that there was a person wandering around not a mile from the shrine. A real person! Singing and smiling and wiping the rain off her cheeks (does that mean you like the rain, just like he does? did you come out to feel it too?) But he also wanted to surprise Osamu so he hid his tails and his ears and came down from the tree and asked if you had lost your way in the forest, since you were so far from any path…

When you think back on this yourself you’re amazed that you just went with him: a strange boy (man?) wearing a fox mask and traditional Shinto priest robes, which were somehow pristine white and red despite him having appeared from nowhere in the middle of a dense forest, who told you he had no idea what direction the village was but he could take you to the Inari shrine you’d been searching for…well. Maybe you were too surprised to be wary, or maybe you were just exhausted and lost. But you like to think you had a sense of it even then, the irrational belief that the boy in the woods was not just a boy in the woods.

Atsumu thinks you knew. Humans always understand, even when they try not to… He remembers, he took your hand that day in the forest and you saw that the claws on his fingers were too long to be human, and you said nothing because on some level you already felt it. Your skin was cool then, smooth and damp from the rain; he wanted to stop, run his hands up your arms, touch the places on your face where your mouth had been turned up at the corners and press his fingers into your cheeks.

🤍 corporate ethics /// Kuroo x f!Reader

Summary: [Office AU] The new junior marketing associate just happens to be Kuroo’s favorite camgirl, and he’s having trouble keeping his hands to himself.

Tags/Warnings: boss/employee, businessman!Kuroo as a reformed player, camgirl reader, this excerpt has a lil bit of 18+ content 👀

Status: 1.2k words written out of 4k? words total

Kuroo doesn’t watch porn.

It’s not, like, a moral principle or something. He has nothing against pornography. As far as he knows, it’s perfectly normal for single men. He just doesn’t like it…unless it’s you.

When he was in school it was easy. Being a teenager meant being so flooded with hormones that a warm breeze could get him up, and the adrenaline rush of winning a game was better than any big-titted porn actress faking moans into a shit-quality boom mic. Sure, he watched porn back then (what teenage boy didn’t?), but it was more out of curiosity than necessity. It was all kind of a mystery at that point, the way it can only be when you’re a clueless virgin and you and all your friends are too busy practicing for the next game to get girls.

Somehow Bokuto was the first one in their friend group to lose his virginity, and the memory of the dumbass self-consciously describing the experience has been lodged in Kuroo’s brain for the 10+ years since. “It was…I don’t know. She smelled good. You know how girls always smell good?” Bokuto’s hands twitched and his face was pink. “It’s just really…soft.”

Soft was right, Kuroo would reflect when he got laid for the first time a few months later. Soft, warm, wet. Sex was awkward at first, but before he knew it it was more natural than breathing.

It didn’t change much after high school, either. He didn’t get into volleyball for the groupies, but they didn’t hurt. There were girls when he played for his college team, more girls when he joined a business frat, so many girls he couldn’t keep track…they blurred together after a while. It didn’t take effort. You don’t need game when you’re 6’2 and you’re in the gym 40 hours a week, and you definitely don’t need porn.

So he never got into it. Now that he’s promoting volleyball instead of playing, things are more complicated. Kuroo’s never been the type who expects things to fall in his lap, but there are so many rules when it comes to dating in the real world. Good morning texts, anniversaries, flowers, parents. It’s exhausting. One time—seriously, just one time—Kuroo misses his girlfriend’s birthday to go watch a Jackals game, and the next time he sees her she throws her drink on him in public and keys his car. After that, Kuroo decides that until he’s ready to settle down there will be no more girlfriends. Which means no more reliable sex. Which means resorting to porn.

Which means you.

You, batting your eyelashes at the camera and biting the side of your lip. You, purring and mewing like a kitten. You, lying back on your pretty pink bedsheets in your pretty pink lingerie, sliding your hands between your legs. It takes Kuroo a full month to decide to pay for access to your website (Kenma’s unsolicited recommendation) but it takes less than five minutes for him to upgrade access to premium. You look like a wet dream—no, you look like the centerfold of every dirty magazine Kuroo managed to get his hands on when he was younger. Pristine and alluring and so deliciously out of reach.

And you make it so simple. No delicate emotional games with rules Kuroo never bothered to learn. No pretending to care how your day was. You untie the little bows on the side of your panties and lick your fingers and Kuroo just has to take his dick out and watch you. Getting off hasn’t been this easy for him since college. You’re a camgirl, you exist on his computer screen, and that’s how he likes it.

Which makes it a lot more awkward when Kuroo finds out that the only woman he’s gotten off to in the past…year, maybe?…somehow just got hired in JVA’s sports promotion department as his junior associate.

Your prim work blouse is buttoned up to the collar and your makeup is different, but he knows it’s you. You have to tell him your name twice because he’s too stunned to respond the first time, and even then he can’t summon up more of a response than a curt nod because his mouth tastes like dirt.

You smile a little awkwardly at his cool reception, and the hand you’d extended out to shake swings back down to your side. “Um, the guy at HR said he sent up my info yesterday…I’ll be working directly underneath you?”

Directly underneath me. Kuroo is taking a sip of his coffee when you say this. He doesn’t spit it out, but it’s close.

[americangirlstar]

Now that both Courtney books are out and I’ve read and processed them both, I do want to say that I think they’re the least well-written of any of the AG books, but not through any fault of their own- let me explain.

(Note that for this discussion I’m ignoring the Doylist criticisms- Courtney and 3/4 of her friend group being white again, the lack of gay discussion in-text in regards to the HIV crisis, etc. These are valid complaints and concerns, but not what we’re talking about right now.)

The Problem with the Current Book Length

I think the main problem with Courtney stems from the fact her books are so short. American Girl has literally been doing the stupidest things in regards to their books lately, almost as if they’re trying to sabotage them on purpose. First they remove illustrations in 2015- when their target audience is about nine years old. I don’t know about you, but when I was six and getting into American Girl, the illustrations were the highlight for me. Not because I had no attention span and loved pretty pictures, but because it showed me firstly what the girl’s life was like, whether it be 1760s wilderness or 2001 Chicago. It was like stepping into their world, really helping you get into their heads, which was basically what the dolls were supposed to do, to let you know that girls like you exist throughout time and space.

As well as that, the illustrations were free advertisement. I can’t tell you how excited me and my sisters were as children to go to the American Girl place and look at the doll displays, shouting that that’s the dress Felicity wears to the ball! or look, Josefina’s goat looks exactly like the book! AG cut that from 2015 to 2020, as if they were trying to appeal to an older audience- while at the same time changing all the doll outfits, accessories and marketing to appeal to a younger demographic.

Now, this isn’t about the illustrations, as Courtney got those- it’s about what they did to the historical characters after the Illustration Outrage™ happened. See, they’d condensed the historical six-book format into two books- not necessarily a bad idea, parents would be more likely to buy two books for their kid than consider buying six. However, they then claimed that if they put illustrations back, they would have to abridge the books- literally my nightmare.

First of all, American Girl, we know for a fact you can fit all six books plus illustrations into ONE VOLUME, let alone two. You’re just being cowards here and trying to nerf your own stories for... some reason.

So that meant a lot of important things got cut- Rebecca’s Chanukah story, Melody’s cousin’s house search, Maryellen’s Christmas adventure... all things important to the girls’ histories and character.

The Problem with Courtney’s Writing

Now, Courtney was the first doll to be released after the abridging began, meaning her books were released, in their entirety, just as short as the abridged stories. So it basically means she gets four books while the others get six- and unlike the others, Courtney doesn’t even have mysteries or short stories to pad out. (And honestly, looking at her book’s amount of content, I’d even argue that she basically got two while everyone else got six, but I digress.)

The problem with her books isn’t that they have an author writing them poorly (I really feel like her author was doing the best with what limited time she had), but in how cramped American Girl made them. Because, well, Courtney has to deal with a lot in such a short amount of words.

Let’s compare her to Julie, for instance- Julie pretty much has a new 70s thing every book. In order: feminism, rising divorce rates, San Francisco’s Chinese culture, environmentalism, the country’s bicentennial, anti-bullying and deaf acceptance. And adding to this, we also have her own personal journies through her parents’ divorce and move, her basketball team, her friendship with Ivy (and later Joy), overcoming her fear of horses, student council, detention... It’s a lot, and yet her books don’t feel rushed or forced at all. It’s just a year in the life of a girl going through a lot of new and sudden events, and how she grows and changes throughout them. She may not be as deep a character as Addy or Kirsten, but not every girl goes through the trials and tribulations they do, and it’s a good series overall.

Courtney, meanwhile, does feel rushed and forced, because of the short timespan. Instead of fitting everything into a six-book format- or even at two-book format that is the same length and content as the six-book- everything has to be fit into two short books.   Everything Courtney has to cover includes the topics of divorce and stepfamilies, feminist and technological advancement, the Challenger explosion, the HIV crisis, Hands Across America, and the founding of Pleasant Company. And in Courtney’s own journey, she has to cover her learning to stand up for herself, her relationship with her stepsister and Tina’s own character development, her mother running for mayor and how that affects her, how much she misses her Dad after he moves, her friendship with Sarah (note on that later), her basically getting hate-crimed after standing up for her friend... that’s a LOT of stuff, and I didn’t even include the non-AG 80s product placement they shove into her collection.

But without the longer format, everything is pushed together to its detriment. Tina’s development and Maureen’s mayoral candidacy are two plotlines that are literally dropped and almost completely ignored in the second book. The Challenger and HIV issues were handled decently, but the Challenger only lasted a few short chapters, and the HIV topic was not as informative as it could be, leaving out several things like Reagan’s refusal to treat it for so long, and its effect on the gay community. Honestly, the HIV scare was more shifted to focus on the mob mentality of a new and scary disease- which, while needed right now, also ignores many of the bigotry-related reasons it became an epidemic. Pleasant Company’s inclusion feels forced in, and I think was the only resolution she had to her Dad plotline?

And don’t get me started on the Sarah plotline- every Girl of the Year since Kanani- sans Isabelle and Luci- has had the story of “oh no I’ve been ignoring my friend and now they’re mad at me :(” and it’s SO old. Seriously, I counted the contemporary dolls that have had that storyline, and it’s thirteen*. Thirteen times we’ve covered this issue- almost all of it in quick succession- and now we have to deal with it in a historical character book while much more important things are going on! Yes, it sucks when a friend ditches you while you’re being attacked and bullied for something you’re standing up for, but once again, with how much is happening in such a short book, it just feels like a forced-in plotline that we’ve seen a billion times, and with their falling-out happening mainly due to the attention Courtney was given Isaac, it serves to make Sarah seem closed-minded at best and bigoted at worst- it’s clarified that she’s not, she’s just scared and upset with Courtney, but when you put those events so close together, it leads the reader to lump them together and get the impression that, you know, Sarah is a worse person than she is.

*Full count: Nicki (book 2), Chrissa (book 2), Kanani (2), McKenna (1 iirc?), Saige (both books), Grace (2), Lea (3), Gabriela (1 and 3), Tenney (2), Z (1), Blaire (1), Joss (1) and Kira (1).

It’s a bit weird, too, that Courtney’s... what’s the word? Vibe? with her how her story is written and marketed Is closer to the Contemporaries than the Historicals. Am I the only one feeling this? My best explanation for it is that the author, Kellen Hertz, had only written contemporary books for American Girl before- the third Lea Clark book and all four Tenney Grant books, both of which contained the Friendship Issues™ plot. I’m not at all saying she’s a bad author- I honestly love the way the Tenney books are written- and I’m not saying she couldn’t write a historical book, but it’s clear American Girl didn’t ask her to change up her style or content from what she’d done for them before, as well as giving her way too much to cover in such short books.

Conclusion

Honestly, this conclusion should be obvious- American Girl needs to expand their books again. Whether they simply allow the books to be unabridged, or go back to the six-book format, Courtney's books are too cramped to tell an effective story, let alone the poor abridged girls.

The other girls were given six-book length, so if they went back to that length or format, Courtney would have to be rewritten, at least a little- and that’s okay! There’s a lot of things that could use expansion or connection, such as her Summer trip with her Dad that was given basically one sentence in the text. Her growth with her stepfamily could be acknowledged- and honestly? I think that if these books were expanded, her mother’s mayoral arc should either continue through the books, or Maureen should become mayor before the book 2 arc. I’ve mentioned this before, but having Maureen as mayor (or even still a candidate) would put a lot of pressure on Courtney to be perfect so that nobody can say “look at how awful this woman is for doing politics instead of raising her family right”- which means that when the Isaac stuff happens, it has even more stakes for Courtney and her family. Does her Mom still support her with her own reputation on the line, and what does that say about Maureen’s character, how does it affect Courtney and the D’Amicos... that’s all fascinating stuff that was completely missed out on.

And if she was turned into a six-book format- honestly, here’s how I’d do it, just off the top of my head. It would involve a bit of event shuffling, but honestly I think it would work!

Meet Courtney - pretty much the setup for everything happening, her starting to get her Crystal Starshooter plans and her mom’s campaign beginning.

Courtney Learns a Lesson - her relationship to Tina, culminating in the Challenger incident.

Courtney’s Surprise - we move the founding of Pleasant Company over here, since Molly’s basically her Christmas Present. We’ll probably need an additional plotline- maybe similar to Julie, she can have a story on spending the holidays in different places.

Happy Birthday Courtney - end of summer, aka meeting Isaac and her trip with her Dad.

Courtney Saves the Day - Beginning of the HIV arc, ending at her presentation to her class.

Changes for Courtney - Continuation of the HIV arc as things get worse for her and Isaac, ending where Friendship Superhero ends.

Is that a perfect sorting? Probably not, I came up with it in ten minutes. But would it give Courtney space to breathe and more time to explore everything happening to her? Probably!

The tl;dr of this is honestly that American Girl are absolute cowards right now, and need to expand their books back. Their abridging is only harming their stories- which, as Courtney herself points out, are the reason girls got into their company in the first place.