#it felt like an eternity lmao bc i obviously didn't know i was going to meet any of them ever

[magentagalaxies]

realizing that someday i will have been a kids-in-the-hall-fan-who-knows-some-of-the-guys-personally for longer than i've been a kids-in-the-hall-fan-who-has-never-met-any-of-the-guys and that day's coming much sooner than i thought

[wildfairies]

i wrote this like two months ago when i finished, but im posting it now for my own record lol.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 1

scrambled critical role thoughts and opinions after finishing c1:

oh boy i cried through vax's goodbye scene in the last episode, but holy shit i fucking sobbed through his appearance in dalen's closet. how the fuck was liam so perfect at playing an altered version of vax that was still him at heart. every interaction was perfect. cannot describe how i felt when he addressed scanlan, how the fuck could he come up with such a perfect ingenious opener, i was in tears immediately.

i would not have believed you if you told me when i started that scanlan and grog would have been my favorites at the end of the campaign. (well maybe a little bc i am a confirmed travis stan but seriously i didn't anticipate the level of depth, comedy, and heart he brought to grog). grog's kevdak speech is a campaign highlight for me-- no, a 2023 highlight.

i obviously found scanlan somewhat annoying but funny if often outdated. i kind of just wrote it off as something i'd ignore but sam really made a comeback like damn, i was very happy and surprised when he apologized to pike.

scanlan leaving discourse is old news but for me personally it reminded me of myself in really dark times and the ways poor mental health can make you kinda self-centered. not mad about how any of it went down or how it was resolved, and i love how his and vex's relationship became a highlight for me after his return.

i honestly loved the super high emotional stakes of VM, felt like someone was always mad at someone else, i'm a sucker for inter-party conflict and intense emotional scenes. these guys have so much angst and i love it.

i really enjoyed the tight pacing and goal-oriented episodes. i tend to get stressed out when there's too many broad choices about what to do next in any sort of media lol. this campaign also rly showed me how much i love watching high-level play.

i don't fuck with percy??????? lmfao i don't hate him or anything, i literally can't put it any way besides idfw that man. 😭 he's an interesting character ofc and i do like his friendship with keyleth

keyleth was my fave for most of the campaign. her growth was so rewarding to watch, she made me laugh so many times, i love seeing her become a leader, just adore her and she's such a comfort character to me. bought myself a simple ring with "I have passed through fire" engraved on the inside to celebrate my didn't-kill-myself-aversary this year bc that letter was exactly what i needed to hear 😭

kiki and vax never interested me thatttt much UNTIL they became eternally star-crossed lovers jfc. that is my catnip. tbh it's interesting to me that VM is held up by some as having superior romance to TMN, but i didn't find any of VM's romance super compelling.

since it's been a couple months since i finished, i can add that vex is who i've thought most about since i finished?? i always liked her, loved the grey hunt, adored her relationship with vax, but didn't know i had strong feelings until after i'd finished watching. funny how that happens.

the mighty nein start out fucked up and end up pretty good, while vox machina start out pretty cool and then get super fucked up 😭 much as i love outcasts finding family, it was really fun to watch all these archetypal fantasy Cool Guys just go through so much emotional damage lmao.

[science-lings]

After playing totk has anything about Sage and Scholar changed?

oh of course! HSFR was always meant to take place after everyone's whole world-saving quests (though I didn't expect the gap between botw and totk to be so large... I may have to make the duo older than I had originally thought I would have to), and while I have many many ideas, I'm still in the process of figuring it all out in a way that won't drive me insane lol.

For instance, I'm having some regrets about my recent totk Sage drawing, like how I should've added some kind of jewelry or something made from the shards of the light dragon's horns or have braided a bit of her glowing gold hair into their own, perhaps as a way of mourning her during the game when they thought she was going to spend eternity as a dragon.

Before totk came out, when all we knew about was the weird arm and everyone wanted to see Link as an amputee, I was and am part of that crowd, so I always had it in my mind that Sage would lose their arm, though I wasn't sure of the specificities. Now I'm even more sure of that decision, though now I know what I want to do with it! No sheikah replacement arm or just a permanent knob (though those are very valid and cool) I felt the need to lean into the necromancer vibe that I based Sage on, and that led me to having the idea of a ghost arm. It's not there all the time and it takes effort and practice to get it to appear but once it's mastered, they can control how solid it is and where, so they could stick their hand through a wall and grab something on the other side or use it to catch an arrow without hurting them. They lose Rauru's arm powers though so no more magic levitation or glue.

I haven't even drawn totk Scholar yet, bc I know I'm going to keep getting ideas for her design, so far I am definitely going to keep her glasses, bc while she doesn't need them for normal activities, they're good for reading or magnifying tiny words on ancient monuments or looking at bright glowing mechanical parts for long periods of time without damaging her retinas.

And while I love to implement the light dragon into her design (and I definitely will) I don't think I want to give her horns. I was thinking that instead, I'll give her a crown of glowing antlers that are made in a way to parallel the laurel wreath that Sonia has. I still want to give her funky eyes and maybe an odd glow to her hair and markings that are references to the spikes on her back. Maybe some glowing scale-like marks but who knows.

I'm going to be honest, I don't love her ancient outfit, I don't think she deserves to be stuck in a sleeveless white dress when she's shown to obviously prefer pants. I guess it makes sense for the past bc almost everyone wears skirts anyway (except Ganondorf I think), but I do like some of the ornamentation and the layer of green-blue under the skirt. I might do something with that but idk yet. I just know I want to give her a more androgynous vibe and let Sage get her feminine energy lmao.

So uh, yeah, Sage and Scholar are going to change a little, it's going to be fun!

[hella1975]

OMG WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU OK AFTER GETTING SPIKED

i wasn't sure if i was gonna answer this bc the extent of my communication skills on topics that upset me are very much 'i will make bad jokes about it in tags and that's about it' but i think i'm gonna do a quick little Poste here about it just bc i know a lot of you are a tad concerned and also bc it's just such a big thing at the moment (or at least it is in britain idk about the state of the rest of the world but we are Going Through It with spikings rn lmao)

if you've been spiked i will say there's a tw for that here bc i am gonna talk quite in depth about the effects of it and my experience, so please don't bring up any trauma for yourself just for curiosity's sake xx

so i got spiked on wednesday night and when i tell you i have NO memory of that night at all i mean i literally had to call my friend in a complete state the next morning and get her to tell me exactly what had happened. as far as i was concerned, one second i was dancing and the next it was morning. i have no memory of a lot of key things my friend told me about, including the uber home and even getting to my flat safe. 3+ hours worth of memories (spent in a CLUB in an INCREDIBLY vulnerable state) just completely gone from my mind. it's obviously an incredibly terrifying experience and it's really shaken me up, but i want you guys to know that i had good friends with me for almost the entirety of it (side eyes the 20 mins i was unaccounted for and chooses to Not Think About It) and they made sure i was safe and have generally been very supportive for the entire thing.

what i DIDNT know about being spiked is that it's quite common to feel the effects of it days later. obviously the mental strain has been a lot hence me running home for the weekend just to feel a little safer, but the physical toll is still impacting me and i didn't know that was a thing. so i guess im gonna use this as an informative post? i just want any of you who have gone through this or knows someone who has gone through it to know the finer details, bc all you're ever really told are preventative measures and how to tell you've been spiked as it's happening. for me, both are useless, bc i took all precautions, and i have no memory of what i was thinking during the period i was spiked for. i have no idea if i even knew something was wrong (that's how thorough the amnesia is. it's literally like someone telling me things that happened on THEIR night out; that's how detached i feel from it all bc for me i might as well have not been there.)

i've been experiencing waves of nausea ever since, including all of today, and i'm understandably mentally exhausted, but also physically too. these are things i didn't know spiking caused and had to find out through research, which can be quite triggering bc a lot of spiking articles tend to throw around 'what if' scenarios as if victims of spiking aren't reading it. that's why i want to talk about it here. *clicks fingers* i got traumatised so you don't have to!😊

i've not felt many other symptoms today. i've been sleeping a lot and feel very fragile physically. the nausea is bad (literally thought i was gonna have to leave the cinema during eternals today #livelovelaugh) but it's nowhere near as bad as it was on thursday, when i spent the whole day either in bed or beside the toilet. still, the aftershocks of being spiked are incredibly prominent, and i can't see them going away for at least another day. knowing that what i've been feeling is actually another side-effect of the spiking was reassuring to me, because it explained what was happening with my own body, but it's also scary and can bring it all back to the surface again, because it made me realise that if drinking excessive alcohol only gives me a hangover for a day while my body gets it out of my system, then how strong was the thing i was spiked with to make my body take days to flush it out? what was i even spiked with? how could something so strong be put into my body and i have to just live with it?

the entire thing is a big question mark. it's terrifying because you don't know anything, and every day it gets clearer to me that my memories aren't just going to come back like i know some part of me is still waiting for. that night is gone forever because someone stole it from me, and the helplessness of that is debilitating. if you have ever gone through this or know someone who has, please please be kind. it's so hard to explain why it rattles you so much because there's not actually anything you can pinpoint, and that's the problem. i can't even imagine how horrible it must be for people who go on to be exploited when they're spiked.

stay safe out there. take care of your friends xx

[shinwhoohoo]

hello lovely person, i come to your inbox seeking solace and the permission to rant about the eternally frustrating mess that is bana twitter. i'm so infuriated by delulu ot5 stans spamming a3 asking for reunion pics w j and b and demanding that they include those 2 in the official anniversary celebrations bc j&b ""deserve" it like??? where do they get their sense of entitlement from lmao i don't get it. and really, why should a3 bear the onus of asking them to join the celebrations when the other 2 have given no indication that they wish to do so in the first place like they literally left the group and no longer associate themselves with it (and no ig bios don't count people) what's not clicking?

it honestly makes me more pissed at the 2 who left (jy in particular) bc they refuse to make a clean break. wm also had a part to play in it ofc bc they didn't release an unequivocal statement about their departure from the group (altho they did say b1a4 will only be promoting as 3 going forward so idk how anyone misinterpret it) but what irks me is that jy never really acknowledged the fact that he left (at least baro wrote a nice letter thanking bana and a3). he keeps stringing his fans along by making empty promises about future reunions and!!!i hate that he won't change his ig bio or twitter header and whatever else it is that convinces people that "his heart lies w b1a4". i hate that he does all this but a3 still have to bear the brunt of the criticism from their fandom even tho they've been working their asses off to give us quality music (jinthoven who, producer cnu owns my heart now) and wholesome content (how precious was b1a4 arcade) to make up for their perceived sins against bana.

sorry this spiralled out of control, haven't used my tumblr in ages but i feel like migrating back bc bana twt is bad for my blood pressure. hope you have a nice day!

Two things real quick:

1. You always have permission to rant here to please do so whenever you feel like it~!! 😁 2. PLEASE COME BACK TO TUMBLR WE NEED YOU BACK IT’S SO MUCH NICER AS A BANA PLEASE 🙏

Ok now that that’s out of the way lol, wow 10/10, 💯, like god I really have nothing else to even add? Perfect rant, perfect points, all completely 100% factual points, that some people just don’t seem to like to address or acknowledge in their ‘OT5′ comments. But the thing is, all of this is true!!

What bothers me the most about the whole OT3/OT5 argument basically comes down to two points:

1. Those spewing OT5 Forever on their personal accounts is one thing. I’ve always said everyone is entitled to their own feelings about this, and I can respect we have our differences. However, going to A3′s accounts, to their VLive, and commenting and spamming posts about Baro and Jinyoung and ‘Oh, What does THIS MEAN that Jinyoung posted to the B1A4 VLIVE?? What DOES IT MEAN that Baro posted a pic holding a BANA CUP?!!? I MISS B1A4 AS FIVE’ and it’s like... let’s actually take a breath. Jinyoung’s incident was obviously a mistake, one that he hasn’t even addressed. Baro admittedly has liked a few B1A4 posts here and there, with this most recent insta upload the most ‘vocal’ he’s been regarding B1A4. But does it mean they are going to magically appear for the 10th anniversary? Not at all. There is absolutely no connection between these events. And to try and make such a connection is clearly going out of your way to try and create something that isn’t there because you want it to happen. Not because you are looking at the facts and the comments that the members who are actually, actively in B1A4 have made, but because you are overlooking what they have said, and what WM Ent has said, to fit your agenda. And to go and post these wishes and hopes on their official accounts, or even worse, Shindeulchan’s personal social media accounts, especially given how THEY expressed how they felt about the split, well damn. I think that’s cruel tbh. But yet we’re the nasty ones for not acknowledging bayoung...

2. ... which brings me to the other main point that irks me. Just because I am not currently an ‘OT5′ fanatic, again, given what we KNOW TO BE TRUE!!! (Basically most of which you’ve already listed-- WM’s statement of B1A4 continuing AS THREE, Sandeul and CNU’s comments and feelings they have made on guest show appearances, their fanmeet, the B1A4 Documentary+, etc., not to mention Baro’s statement, and even Jinyoung’s, which mentions about looking forward into the future if they should all come back again, in addition to the dead silence Jinyoung has been about bipo since then) but just because some of us aren’t ‘OT5′ given all that, DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE AGAINST BARO OR JINYOUNG!! like that pisses me off so much, this ‘divide’ that is being made... It’s like no, I just respect the feelings of the members who are actually here more so than wishing for something to happen that isn’t going to any time soon, like sorry that upsets you. And guess what, I still will always adore Baro and Jinyoung. I still wish the best for them. And if/when the time comes that they want to come back, and A3 accepts them back (because again, it’s up to THEM, not the ‘OT5′ fans!!) I will 100% be happy and grateful to see B1A4 as five. But until then, I will support Baro and Jinyoung in their solo efforts, and B1A4 as three, for all that they do and have done to make the transition from 5 to 3 easier for us.

lmao I love how I’m like ‘oh your ask was great I have nothing to say’ then go and write an essay. Well, I am nothing if not on brand with my word vomit.

Thanks for this anon, as you can tell it lit a fire under my ass lol. I don’t think I’ve been this vocal about it all in a while~