#it feels kinda difficult to say

[dbloodmarch]

Loverwatches > dbloodmarch

Slight change in blog after doing some thinking. I was thinking about it for some time and decided after talking about it that I’m gonna bump Elliott and Niran down to just crushes (╥﹏╥) as much as I do love them, my love for Damien is so much more and I want to be dedicated to just him. I will likely still post Elliott and Niran stuff but my main focus is on Damien and I would appreciate peoples understanding ( ´ ω ` )ノﾞ♡

[zelda-daily]

Announcement: GOAL!

Hi! So we finally made it to day 100 - the goal I set out to do from the start but had no idea if I could actually reach lol.

I made this blog in the middle of dealing with art block. I hadn't really been feeling inspired to draw or create much for about a year.

The longest I've ever lasted on a daily drawing challenge before this was day 3. Now that I've made it to day 100 and I'm finally starting to get ideas and inspiration again, I'm satisfied :]

This is NOT the end of the blog. Just a hiatus until the next art block, which (let's be real) will probably be sooner than later lol.

Thank you to everyone who's been following along so far. I really, genuinely appreciate all the tags and comments and familiar faces.

Until next time! <3

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[luck-of-the-drawings]

OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever

[teddybeartoji]

thank you everybody who crossed their fingers and toes bc aventurine AND acheron are now both safely at home:3333333333

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

Everyone clap for me setting BOUNDARIES on my babysitting (said they have to be back by 10 so I can go sleep before driving tomorrow)

[dormiloncito]

remember my poll the other day. i lied to everyone

[itslilacmoon]

Eavesdropping

(timelapse + notes under the cut)

soo this was actually meant to be part of a comic but i wound up just illustrating this part on its own and had a blast trying out a new lineart style and coloring all the dramatic lighting. the comic was about amity willow and gus talking about staging some kind of intervention for luz and hunter bc of their Concerning Behavior, meaninwhile cut to luz and hunter had been having a fun chat on the roof about how shitty they feel, who have now been interuppted and are awkwardly listening in. wonderful times. anyways i actually dont hate this piece shocker. lets hope it doesnt look super weird after i post <3

also im trying out smthn new and posting my timelapses! a sneak peak into my weirdass art process! i couldn’t figure out which style i wanted this piece in hence the weird back and forth at the beginning lol

[moldy-flowers]

The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

[tethered-heartstrings]

to be honest, volunteering my preferred pronouns for the student roster/grading platform (it's attached to my name and face and supposedly all faculty look at it), having it nearly the size of my name on my required nametag, and at each new-group introduction (being brave when no one else volunteers their own) and still being misgendered multiple times a day every day at least 5 days a week, like it feels like I might as well just wear clown make-up at this point

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[affectionatecorpse]

Last night I dreamt I met this giant alien about the size of my house, it was like this blue and white caterpillar with white spots, an anthro cat front half like a centaur, and anenome looking red tentacles for ears and dotted down it's back that could retreat inside it's body if it needed to squeeze into a smaller space.

And I remember the government were hunting us and we were just hiding and resting in an empty field while it was snowing and out of nowhere it said something very roughly along the lines of

"At the end of this, I won't be here. You and I will be far apart again. But you are never alone. I will be somewhere. I will always be somewhere, and you will always come back to me when you need me. And I will wait for you. Forever." and I woke up crying with butterflies in my stomach.

So anyway what the fuck was that.

[pleasantlyinsincere]

Do you know what John's hang ups about not being good about playing with kids was about? Like the Kyoko tape sounds adorable, and so do the the audios with Sean that are around, and even that moment in GB where he's joking with Heather about eating kittens. I don't at all get the sense of a man bad at hanging around with and entertaining children in the slightest.

I can't help but wonder if it was because he had some idea of how a dad "should" be that he felt he couldn't live up to because he didn't have one around. But then Paul also mentions in MYFN iirc that John couldn't play with kids, so I guess it wasn't just in his head, but I don't get it.

(Hi. Sorry, I had family over for a few days, so I am a bit late with replying.)

I actually don’t know. I think it might have just been one of the stories you start telling yourself and that sticks, or like you said he thought he should be able to do a certain kind of play that he found difficult to do. I do think he we can see that he was able to be fun with kids and doing a lot of goods things like we see with the tapes, playing guitar with them, teaching them swimming, riding bikes, flying paper planes, making drawings, taking Julian picking flowers in the garden for Cyn, or just being in idiot with kids like Julian said. So, maybe he thought that his way of hanging wasn’t really considered play? "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing."And then I guess he knew that he didn’t have the patience, the endurance for constant repetition, or the will to put a child's needs first all the time, but those probably more blended into his uncertainty of fatherhood than a question of being entertaining with kids. I think it's in Giuliano, but definitely someone talking about the diaries, where there's a lot on John reading parental guides and trying different techniques and feeling frustrated, when he doesn't feel like they are working. In that context it definitely sounds like John thought there was a manual and a correct way to be a father and that he instinctively was doing it wrong.

[britneyshakespeare]

i'm very interested what ppl find to be the harder shakespeare plays and which they found to be easier. bc i was googling out of curiosity and i found a sparknotes article (link if you're curious) that ranked ten of the most commonly-read plays on difficulty and it put king lear kinda down low whereas it put julius caesar pretty high because of the politics/complicated conflicts. that kind of baffled me because julius caesar was the first tragedy i read outside of the classroom and i found it very approachable; it's one i often recommend to people trying to get into shakespeare because the plot is already familiar to most ppl and you can just enjoy the poetry and how shakespeare chooses to characterize these figures. on the other hand i read king lear a few years later in my shakespeare journey, and to be honest i still kind of have a hard time with lear. maybe i just don't connect with it on some level; i'm not sure. it's not a very tightly-organized play where the action is as centered as in the other tragedies like hamlet or macbeth. that's certainly a me thing and maybe that'll change with age. but i'm always a little surprised when i find someone's experience with the plays so much different than mine.

anyway if you're reading this feel free to reblog and tag or comment which shakespeare plays you found yourself falling into most naturally and which worlds you felt like you had to force yourself into. i'm interested in what ppl feel on this subject

[eff-plays]

So now that I've figured out why Hira might go for Astarion ... I am now struggling to figure out why Astarion would go for them in the long run. Like, because he's barely his own person at this point, what are his preferences? Ya know? Beyond how they treat him, beyond the obvious, what about them is it that he likes? Ya know? "You were kind and patient and trusted me" is all well and good but that's still 1) related to him and 2) doesn't quite tap into the sense that he also wants them for himself for other reasons aside from wanting more of what they're doing for him. Ya know? Ya fucking know?

[justanothershippingcan]

It makes me almost laugh how, even after P5R, some genuinely believe Akiren and Akechi hate each other. It’s just so baffling to me when (and this isn’t even everything):

1) The whole beginning of their confidant (and Akiren still going out with Akechi for eight whole ranks) implies in a not-even-subtle way that Akiren knew. He knew from the very start that Akechi was someone at the very least dangerous due to his detective work, and even more so with the full-on certainty (basically) that Akechi had already been into the metaverse. Yet the full true ending requires that the whole confidant has been completed and truly, besides an initial attempt to understand the danger the PTs were getting into with Akechi, Akiren/Akechi’s whole outings were... dates. The most normal of dates, aside from Rank 7 (which is where, again, not even so subtly, Goro “mentions” the whole assassination ordeal and an aborted-from-the-start possible accomplice route) and ofc Rank 8. Akiren didn’t have much to gain from them, besides possibly understanding... well, Akechi as a person. And also, Akiren is kind of an appreciator of the fine art of danger, he likes the thrill of it. He loves the rivalry they have. 

2) I adore how dudebros many use the whole “I hate you” bit of Rank 8 as proof of Akechi’s hatred towards Akiren and... it is kinda funny. Because, yes, the sentiment is there, and Akechi isn’t utterly lying, but it requires a reading between the lines operation. Both Morgana and Maruki literally state, respectively that “Goro likes Joker” (OG Japanese Engine Room, translated in English as “You don’t hate Joker”, which still conveys the same meaning, albeit less strongly/forwardly) and that their relationship “ISN’T based on hatred, nor ill will”. 

What Goro defines as spite for Akiren as a person is mostly spite because of his envy. Envy because Joker is everything Goro could have been had he had a chance. Envy because Joker was luckier. Envy because Joker got what Akechi had been craving for the most: being loved by people around him for who he is. These same people are also ones that state how basically everything from Akechi’s mouth is a full on lie besides this one and only one, but I digress. A more normal line of thoughts linked to this is, well, Akechi’s whole assassination attempt as proof of his hatred again, which well, the assassination attempt is yikes on a healthy relationship perspective, but since I am not debating on whether their relationship is healthy or not as if enemies to lovers where the lovers attempt to kill each other isn’t a basis for many heterosexual classical literature romances as well, isn’t it pretty funny that Goro challenges Akiren to a duel just before that fateful day of November. And isn’t it even funnier how he wasn’t that surprised by Akiren surviving and even states,at max rank, how Akiren too isn’t satisfied with how they left it either. I wonder.

3) P5R whole, well, Royal part is literally Maruki creating a false reality for all the PTs and somehow people still believe Akiren hates Goro with the full-on knowledge that Akiren’s whole ideal (again ideal, wished for) reality is Goro living and working with the PTs. It’s Goro having a second chance. It’s Goro specifically being with him, playing Chess with him in the reserved space of Akiren’s attic (the window behind them is the same as Akiren’s attic), their card is the only one, besides Simping Morgana - where Ann isn’t even looking at him btw) - where two PTs are together). 

I have seen someone in a comment mention how this is proof Akiren wanted Akechi to pay for his crimes and being alive was so Goro could be sent to jail when? Literally Akechi isn’t allowed to go to jail in Maruki’s reality LMAO. Akiren could have asked for everything. Money, fame... yes, but we can state these aren’t truly Akiren-like wishes, right? So, not that. But how about... having a loving family that actually cares? Because no, I can’t believe parents who leave their child to a friend’s acquaintance are supposed to be good parents. But this is an HC, so let’s scrap that. Then there is it: clearing up his name. Making it so that all of his crimes would vanish completely, especially in a country like Japan where having a dirty record is utterly terrible. He would get rid of the side-looks, the prejudices, the suspicions possibly brewing in his home town about him being the worst of criminals at age 17/18. And yet. No. For sure we can say the PTs being all together is also accounted for in Akiren’s wish, possibly, but the thing is, Maruki doesn’t use that as a last resource. His ace in his sleeve was Akechi. Had always been.

4) Every single third awakening in the game is in each PT’s room. It’s somewhere private, somewhere which is only theirs, somewhere they can call home. Akechi’s initially, in early development as uncovered by Faz, was in Jazz Jin which, he himself admits, is kinda his place, a place where he unwinds and relaxes. Akin to, well, a bedroom. Yet, it was significantly changed. Changed to freaking Leblanc. And no, I don’t think it’s because of the coffee. 

5) You know the song No More What Ifs? The one which at first was in Proof Of Justice (which, by the way, either inspired the contents of the game or the Anime and P5R directors are besties, since what’s in there is basically Akechi’s P5R confidant condensed in 20 minutes of angsty gay longing footage) and then got put, as many other Proof of Justice related matters - as stated above -, in the game? It’s literally Akechi’s theme song. And it talks about him in every way (I can only be me... if you haven’t read Mementos Mission GO READ IT) and about someone else who brings joy to life (I wonder who that is)? Yes, well, the instrumental of it is the default song in the Thieves Den. Which. It’s defined as Akiren’s palace. 2+2=4 and in here Suspicious coincidences add up to just equal either fruity (for real) or still the undeniable fact that what these two share is a sentiment far, far from hatred.