#it basically says ���loving you is as breathing; it comes to me effortlessly and constantly and i do it without thinking’ ITS JUST SO

[sanatomis]

cw. none, except for satoru being disgustingly cute.

to outsiders, your relationship with satoru is as much a blessing as it is a curse. it’s a blessing, because even your mere presence causes satoru’s talking to drop by a hefty 80% at the very least. it’s a curse, because satoru only stops his chattering to cling to you.

he wraps his arms around your waist, and nuzzles into the crook of your neck. he holds your hands, and cups his own face with them. he tucks your hair behind your ear and squeezes your cheeks together. he’s so utterly enamoured with you, that words suddenly feel unnecessary. and you let him be.

it’s his way of recharging, of finding little bits of peace in a stressful day. so, you allow him to do as he wishes, and simply continue whatever conversation you are having—as if satoru wasn’t currently biting your finger. you dismiss the looks of disgust people throw at him, finding the way he clings to you like a baby koala oddly endearing.

it’s a custom, by now. a custom that’s loved by the both of you, and only the both of you. so, yes—a blessing and a curse. satoru is quieter when you’re around, but in exchange for a (not so) healthy dose of pda.

pick your poison, as one would say.

[moonyslove78]

It's the last of the reblogs for this volume and I wanna scream and cry and have someone hold me! 😭 I'm just gonna go right into it, because if I don't I'm going to just spend the next hour bowing down to you in verbal compliments and I wanna save that for the end of this. Soooo, here we go! 😬😫

🕷️🕸️SUGAR & VICE EPILOGUE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!🕸️🕷️

When I saw this, my heart dropped. 👀💔 It's been 4 months, Peter?! What are you doing??? 😭

There you go again, placing me right in the scene! I swear, you and Katie could make the most complex worlds come to life in my mind and I am blown away every time!

This is adorable! I love that she's such an amazing Auntie that she's always constantly thinking of things that would be good for Bella. I'm gonna be a goner if/when her and Peter have children! But for now I'll settle for doting Aunt & Uncle. Also, I snorted at that "personal opinion" line. 😂😂

I'm just going to include my reaction via @blooming-violets' DMs. 😂

So, yeah, I was basically freaking out at that point. 😅

My live reaction while reading this was exactly what Honey was feeling! 👀 I was so excited and relieved but at the same time I wanted to punch him for leaving he for 4 months alone and hurting. At least she had her good days! 🥲 Also, going beardless again, eh Peter? 😉 Worried that when you got her back (cause let's face it, he knew he was getting her back one way or another 😂) he didn't want to leave burns on her thighs? Cause we know that Honey doesn't mind the beard burns! 😏

YES!!! We are MAD at you, Mister! You better have some good explanations! I can't lie, though deep down I was hoping for a joyous reunion, I'd have definitely wanted it to go just as it did. Make the man sweat a little bit. I love how he held his breath until she responded. It really showed his vulnerability in that moment, where he could lose so much more depending on how she reacts to his request.

God your ability to reach into a scene and manipulate the emotions in your words and descriptions is absolutely breathtaking! Never have I ever, had to stop and think about the tone of a scene when reading this series. It always comes so seamlessly and effortlessly because of how talented your storytelling abilities are! The pain she felt just glancing his way is described flawlessly and in such a unique way, I just want to cry and hug her and tell her everythings going to be okay now.... And I love it!😍

I have never heard a more accurate depiction of someone. "The persistent paradox." It's so poetic and to the point. And literally everything after that just cements the idea. And the part about how he's like the sun conjuring every color of the rainbow out of drops of rain. ??????? Like what the hell, Liz?! This belongs in a published book! You don't get writing like this for free and certainly not often, even when you're paying for it! It's outrageous how beautifully this was written!

And then Peter and Kacie can breathe normally again! 😮‍💨😮‍💨 I was holding my breath right along with him. And was extremely nervous that she was going to counter with "It's taken..." Or something like that. When I say I was biting my nails and pacing while reading, I'm literally not exaggerating. 😅👀

OMGosh!! Our girl's thinking about going back to school!! 😍👏🏼 Good for her!! And I love that you threw in the Interior Design part, because if I remember correctly, you had mentioned in a previous "Answer" to an "Ask" about what their world would've looked like had they not been in a Mob universe, that you thought maybe she'd have gone to school for Interior Design. And I don't know why but I obsessed over that for weeks! Like, what if Honey just decided to go back anyways, then she could be the one to design their first home! 🥲😭 Hense where the imagine of them in the walk in shower with her washing him with his cedar and cinnamon soap and then massaging him with the lotion, came into play! In my mind, she had designed that house herself (with a little help from Mr. Parker in some areas) when he told her he was having it built after she found out she was pregnant with their first child. And just the fact that you added this little tid bit of "I'm thinking about apply for a grant in the fall." just made my day! It's like my fruition is coming to pass and I am living for it! 👀

I love this man. I can't help it. How can you not?! He's so fucking cute!! 😍❤️ And I absolutely adore how you brought them full circle. (Which I'll discuss more in the next portion below 😂)

I got a lotta misty eyed reading this... 🥺 The parallels from the beginning to end are impeccable! I love how they're two totally different people from the start of this till the present and yet, they're sharing a similar conversation with such different meanings now. The "Just black coffee. Bitter. With extra sadness." is what really got me and hit deep within. This little 30 second interaction between them was what gave me the hope that they would be okay. Well, that and the fact that he couldn't quit staring at her with heart eyes and she was looking at him like he held the sun, the moon and the stars in his hands, yet she knew they were all for her. It's fucking beautiful and I couldn't have asked for a better reuniting conversation. 🥰

Annnnnnnnd, I'm bawling.... 😭😭😭 First of all, the "Mari," was killer and I can't lie, I still wanna hear him call her that, or Mar... or even if he uses "Maricella" in the middle of a disagreement, I would be ecstatic. (IE: "It doesn't matter how much you beg, or bribe me with favors, Maricella... we are not going kayaking when you're 4 months pregnant!") And why are all of my imagines including her pregnant? I think I just really wanna see Mob Daddy Peter & Mommy Honey. 🥺🥰😅

Second, I'm grinning like a fool at the "But my friends call me 'Honey'." And his reaction made my heart flutter and melt into a puddle! 🥰❤️

😭🥺😍

So many emotions in one small section of words! The "I missed you" simultaneously ripped my still beating heart from my chest, crushed it and then mended it, kissed it better and gently placed it back. I'm not sure why those 3 little word hit me so hard? Maybe because I don't think I ever remember him saying that to her throughout the entirety of the series, even though there were time he was away from her for days, or even weeks at a time. And though we know he missed her then too, hearing it and knowing it are completely different. So that would be my guess, but either way, I'm melting!! And then it broke a little again when she replied. 🥺 Again, knowing and actually hearing that he hurt her... to take from Peter's earlier conversation with Frank, it just hits different. And I'm so glad he's there now, trying to repair what he damaged.

I didn't add the screenshot but his apology for hurting her but admission that he regretted not one moment they spent together or did together, even if it meant having to do what he did to get her out of any trouble... was so heartwarming and perfect... If I was Honey, I'd probably have a hard time not accepting and just jumping him right there in the park. 😅 But that's just me, obviously our girl has more self respect and control than I do. 😂 But then, the request is made! And I screamed, jumped up and down squealing like a school girl who's crush just asked her to prom. I love how he starts it off with "If it doesn't sound too forward," as if they really were just meeting for the first time. And the way he asks for her to come home with him! Where our girl belongs! With him in their home! 🥺 Fuck! I'm crying again! 😭

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

YES!!! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yessss!!! 😮‍💨 (Sorry, had a mini-freakout)

OMG! Where do I start with this?! "I'll take it," - "The rest of your life." - "Sweet girl, you are my life." - It's all so fucking perfect! I couldn't have asked for better! (Except, if she lost all of that self control I praised her for earlier and actually jumped him in the middle of the park, then maybe... 😂😂) I just love these two so damn much and I don't know what I'd have done if it didn't end on this high note for them. I'm sure you'd have still done it flawlessly and I still would've loved every second of pain you would've brought with it, but I cannot lie, I am SOOOO glad it didn't come to that! I will be having all the steamy hot head cannons I can about their arrival home. 🥰👀

Yes, yes she does! She's running to pack her stuff right now!

🏝️🍹🎉Hawai'i here we come!!! 🥳🍾🥂

This was such an amazing ending to volume 1! With soooooo many possibilities for what their future holds! But whatever that may be, I hope it's long, happy, exciting but drama-free (well, maybe a little drama, because it IS Peter & Honey), full of love and passion, a beautiful marriage and lots of children (or just a couple, whatever they want) who have Honey's smile and Peter's brown doe eyes and both of their determination and will-power. Oh and of course, lots of doting on Bella & their sisters, because that's all I could ever wish for them. They've been through so much, they deserve to have that happiness they've found in each other! And I'm so in love with their love! 🥰

Nooooooooo!!! It's finished! I'm not ready!! 😭

I wanna cry right now because it's like the end of an era. The final episode to my favorite tv show. The emotions are definitely high! And though I cannot WAIT to see what you have in store for us in the future, I still feel like the closing of this volume is such a bittersweet moment.

I've said it before and I'll say it a million times over... You are beyond incredible and so fucking talented at everything you do! I've yet to praise your graphics work, so I'm gonna throw that in here too. There's not one banner that I didn't love and obsess over and save to a personalized Sugar & Vice photo album. And every one of them depicted the chapter ahead so effortlessly! I'm still amazed by all of them and love how you still managed to make them a cohesive unit, to where if you placed them all together, they all work together and with the story!

Your talents are endless and you simply should be getting paid for this. And not just in the way of memberships or donations. We should be paying to read your masterpieces as if they were books in a book store. The hard work, determination and heart that has went into every single one of these chapters is something I will never take for granted. And this series has pulled me through some rough and depressing times. So even more so because of that, it will live in my heart and mind forever. I don't see a time where I won't be referencing or thinking back to Sugar and Vice.

Thank you for bringing this series and these versions of the characters into our lives and allowing us to enjoy them with you. For having the drive to write such a complex series and doing so with grace and precision. After finishing this volume, I just want to crawl into your mind and live for a while so I can have all the ins and outs of it! Because you're brilliant and I can't get enough of your work! 💕

You're amazing and I love you and will be here to support you through every part of your journey from here on! ❤️🖤

sugar and vice - epilogue

[continued from Part 23]

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Ice clinked against the stainless steel of her coffee tumbler like hollow wind chimes. She brought the pastel pink container to her lips, taking a careful sip. She’d already spilled some of it in her lap, and now brown spots dotted the yellow of her dress. Carefully, she set the tumbler down beside her, taking a moment to glance up at the scenery around her.

It was a golden-yellow summer day with a cloudless sky, save for the smog hanging over the city. Despite last week’s heat wave, the temperature was more moderate today, giving New York a much-needed break. From a bench in Central Park, she sat beneath the canopy of towering oak trees. A breeze rolled through that chilled her skin delightfully, aided by the icy beverage in her cup.

Nearby, a flock of pigeons scavenged for crumbs. On this particular Saturday, construction sounds were minor, reduced to distant echoes. The bright sounds of a street musician’s violin floated on the wind from nearby in the park. She heard a whistle from a group of children in the distance as they practiced soccer kicks. 

Soccer would be good for Bella, she thought. The seven-year-old girl had tons of energy and legs that were longer than she knew what to do with. Ever since the Olympics and watching Space Jam: A New Legacy, Bella had been obsessed with becoming the next WNBA champion. She described LeBron’s performance as a masterpiece. 

Her aunt knew better than to let her personal opinion spoil the girl’s fun.

That had been a good day. Today was a good day. She mused to herself as she took a breath. She was aware of the fact that the day wasn’t technically over. And perhaps there wasn’t anything particularly different from yesterday. But as her muscles relaxed beneath warm rays of sun on her shoulders, she found peace.

“Mind if I sit here?” a kind voice said from behind her. The muscles in her neck pulled taut. Her heart seized up and tripped over itself.

She glanced over her shoulder to find a pair of doe eyes fixed on her. Cherry lips twisted into a lopsided smile. 

Impossibly, Peter Parker looked younger than the last time she saw him. The only sign of age in his creamy smooth skin were tiny lines at the corners of his eyes, and a faint pink scar blending with the wrinkles above his brow.

Without the beard, he looked criminally soft. Big, bright amber eyes were fixated on her in a way that made her heart want to burst. She felt like she was floating in space and plummeting through the atmosphere. 

At the same time, the primal part of her brain screamed out shrill sirens. Just the sight of him and his soulful eyes felt like she was tearing off a broken limb. Watching as his teeth pinched his pouty lip gave her the sensation of ripping apart nerve endings. Her stomach soured as her heart ached. 

Beneath the heart, lava boiled in her belly. Her eyes were open wide, they could even be mistaken for shock. It wasn’t shock, however, but sheer rage burned in her eyes. 

Peter Parker, the persistent paradox. 

The only man that could stir every emotion in her, like the sun conjures every color of the rainbow out of drops of rain. He painted her world in vivid colors, and yet she was colorblind to everything but the golden hue of his eyes.

Peter Parker, who could make her feel stronger and weaker all at once.

She burned for him, in every sense of the phrase.

And at the present, he was holding his breath, waiting for her reply. She gazed up at him as emotions warred within her. He waited patiently, ready to accept whatever fate she thought he deserved.

She pursed both her lips tight, eyes narrowing. “I’ll allow it,” she said. 

His lungs came to life once again, as if he’d been spared the guillotine. Gently, Peter rounded the park bench and sat down in the spot to her right. She kept her nose forward, eyes focused on anything but him.

“Whatcha reading?” he asked gently, gazing down at the pamphlet in her lap.

She bit her lip, hesitating for a moment. “A brochure.”

He observed the glossy tri-fold sheet with a nod. “I see that.” Instantly, he recognized the pictures and logo on the pamphlet, recalling how he once read the same words. “ESU, huh?” he noted with a half smirk, observing the ivory towers of the campus nestled in Midtown Manhattan. “Thinkin’ about classes?” He bit his lip anxiously. “What d’you wanna study?”

She held still, remaining silent as she stared down at the brochure. She wouldn’t meet his gaze, and it felt like razors being shoved into his eye sockets. 

“Dunno,” she answered with a gentle shrug. “Interior Design, maybe.” She cleared her throat and spoke with a little more volume. “Thinkin’ about applying for a grant for this fall.”

A smile warmed his eyes, though melancholy weighed down the corners of his lips. “What’s in the cup?” he asked, pointing his nose towards her coffee tumbler.

Lashes fluttered, she followed the end of his fingertip down to her beverage, almost having forgotten that it was there. “Oh,” she said meekly. “It’s a Mauna Kea.”

Peter quirked up a brow. “A what-ya-saya?”

She pinched her lower lip between her teeth to keep it from curving. “Mauna Kea,” she repeated slowly, enunciating the syllables. “Means ‘White Mountain’ in Hawaiian.” She hesitated for a moment, licking her dry lips. “It’s the name of the tallest mountain on Earth,” she declared, mustering confidence, “from peak to summit.”

A crease formed in Peter’s brow. “I thought Everest was the tallest mountain?”

“Tallest by altitude,” she divulged with pride. “Mauna Kea is bigger.” She flicked her eyes over to his and was immediately captured by his soulful gaze.

“No joke?” he replied with a thousand-watt smile and rosy cheeks. 

“Yup,” he answered, as butterflies filled her belly.

He gazed at her as if he were witnessing the sunrise for the first time. “So, you’re drinkin’ a ‘White Mountain?’”

Her heart skipped a beat. “It’s a cold brew. Blended with honey, macadamia milk and ice, topped with coconut milk foam.” She intended to look down at her cup. Or at the pedestrians. Or the trees. Or the sun. She intended to look anywhere but at him. She really tried. “I made it myself,” she said, feeling heat crawl up her neck.

His eyes glowed, further enamored by her mere existence. “Wow. All this time, all I’ve been drinking is black coffee.” A smile glinted in his expression while his blush gave him away. “Just black coffee. Bitter. With extra sadness.”

She fought the smile her lips formed. “That’s a shame.”

“It is. People tell me I should take more risks, though. Go out on a limb.” His eyes wandered across the park before shifting back over to her. “I’m Peter, by the way. Peter Parker.” He chewed on his lower lip for a moment, and in his eyes she could spot his trepidation. If he looked young to her before, now he looked like a blushing boy asking his crush to prom. He gazed at her with the same terror, his heart in his throat and on his sleeve. “What’s your name?”

A fire burned bittersweetly in her heart as tears burned behind her eyes. She gazed at him, feeling her emotions swell. “Mari,” she answered, truthfully. She studied the bourbon and topaz facets of his irises and the lovely curve of his cupid’s bow. “But all my friends call me ‘Honey.’” 

Peter’s lip trembled at that, eyes glistening despite his attempt to control it. “Honey,” he repeated with a murmur, as if chanting a prayer, or a protection spell. As if it was the answer to everything in the universe. In his universe, at least. “It suits you.”

A bittersweet smile warmed his features as he gazed at her, lost in the universe and freefalling towards her singularity. Her eyes went glossy as she mapped the pores, freckles, and scars on his face like the constellations in the sky.

“I missed you,” he said, endearingly.

Her heart throbbed at the pain in his voice. “I know.” She licked her lips, sadness filling her expression. “You hurt me,” she said somberly.

With misty, red eyes, he whispered back, “I know.” He swallowed hard, tears swimming in his gaze. “I’m sorry for that. M’sorry for a lot of things. But I don’t regret a single moment.” 

Eyes glistening, a warm smile overtook her features, lighting up her gaze. She nodded in silent reply.

The sight of it made him want to die of joy. “If it doesn’t sound too forward,” he began gently, speaking with measured formality, “I was gonna ask you to come home with me.”

Home, he said. The significance of the word wasn’t lost on her. A tear rolled down her cheek, sliding along the curve of her grin. “Already?” she breathed out a laugh. “Geez. That was fast.”

His smile faded; he melted into enraptured awe. “No,” he whispered, eyes glowing with admiration. He leaned forward, breaking the invisible barriers between them. Her eyes fluttered shut as his calloused fingers brushed over her jaw, triggering a shiver down her spine. “I’ve waited years for you, remember?” he quietly rumbled. “I’ll keep waiting. For the rest of my life, if I have to.”

The sweetness of it all made her dizzy. It made her feel like her heart had spilled open and she would bleed out on the grass. “I’ll take it,” she sniffed, as Peter thumbed the tears from her cheeks.

“Take what?”

“The rest of your life.” 

He melted in her gaze, staring down at her lips. “Sweet girl. You are my life.”

Without hesitation, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. The sensation made her heart flutter, her mind soar, and her brain sizzle. It made her wounds heal and her soul sing. It made life worth living. It made hope real.

When they parted from the kiss, they were breathless and dizzy, hearts thrumming together in sync.

The honey hues of his chestnut eyes were fixed on hers. “So,” he said, thoughtfully. “Mauna Kea. Ever see it up close?”

She smirked. “Nope. Never been to Hawai’i.”

“Me neither,” Peter shrugged, his eyes alight with life. “Wanna change that?” 

End of Volume 1

A Note From Your Storyteller:

Whew. That was long.

I can't believe this has come to an end. Before I began writing, I was skeptical about this story, but honestly I could've never anticipated or expected the overwhelming support and love that I've gotten. People have made art from my art. They have showered me with gifts for my gift. If you'd say any gift is an expression of love, then gifted art is the ultimate expression of devotion. I love that you care about my characters, and about me!

What's next?

Good question. I've been at odds with this answer, and now it feels like I really need to commit to a path. My imagination is full of many more places that Honey and Peter can go. I could probably write 2-3 novels about these two with all of the effort I put into making these characters come to life. Realistically, I'm a mom with a baby, and I'm about to be a one-person band for the next few months. I'm excited to share these stories, but I'm not sure when or how, or even what that will look like.

The best thing you can do to interact with me is to keep your eyes on my updates from my Ko-fi page! I'm hoping to allow that to become a place where the S&V 'fandom' (wtf that sounds so weird what happened what is this life I am not worthy) can gather and where I can share updates.

In addition to S&V-related news, I'm going to post writing tips, best storytelling practices, AMAs, my favorite fics of the week, answer questions, and maybe even offer commissions. Keep in mind, none of this will be gatekeeped (gate-kept?) or behind a paywall. Even if you're not a regular... er, um, patron?... (barista?) on Ko-fi, you can still hopefully find some interesting stuff to check out.

But even if you don't do any of that, because... who cares, right? I do want you to do one thing for me. One tiny thing that will make the world better. One small thing that could end up changing someone's life.

The next fanfic you read, if you feel any emotions about it at all, please hit "reblog."

You don't have to write a long review, or leave a comment, or add any tags to it. You don't have to do anything more than click the reblog button. But please reblog. When you reblog, you get to share the gift fanfic writers make with someone else, regardless of whether you know them. And subconsciously, you tell the writer 'yes, I see you, and I think other people should, too,' and that small thing can save someone's life one day.

Forget engagement, forget likes vs comments vs reblogs vs community labels vs filtering settings—

Stories are gifts. They are expressions of love put to words. They are emotions lived, repackaged, wrapped in a bow, and then shared with others, along with a kind little note that says 'here's this moment of my heart, I hope it moves you the way it moved me.'

Reblog. And fill the world with a little more love.

[shellshockedgay]

Love, dudes. Love.

Reader: Non-binary (they/them)

Summary: the dudes all have crushes. It's adorable! Here's how they act around you!

Warnings: adorable-ness. Love, dudes.

-

Ok, listen. When Blue crushes, he fucking crushes HARD.

ALMOST as hard as Donnie.

He wants to show off to you. If you come to watch them spar, he's going ALL OUT. Flips, katana tricks- the works, dude.

Does everyone notice? Duh. Does Mikey call him out? Yes.

"Dude, why're you acting so weird?" "IMNOTACTINGWEIRDMIKEY-"

Asks you to watch Space Heroes with him. Like right next to him. And 80% of the time, hevs just staring at you like "wowsoverypretty/handsome/whateveryouperfer"

Please flirt with him.

My poor man's so insecure he's convinced you don't like him back.

But you do.

You really do.

And he doesn't know that until you guys are all enjoying movie night and your cuddled up by his side and you hold his hand and he freezes.

Even his breathing stops but then he gives your hand a squeeze back and he swears you can hear his heart going BUDBUDBUDBU in his chest.

Oh, and his palms? Really fucking sweaty, I'm sorry.

Raph is...... Something else, they/thems.

When Leo tells him your coming over, he just goes "Cool" and goes over to a platform and starts doing push-ups with his sias.

He's gotta get that number to at least 130. He wants to impress you and also flirt with you while effortlessly doing push-ups on the ground.

Asks you to come sit on his shell so he can have the extra weight.

Let's you read his comics, surprisingly enough.

And he let's you sit on his bed. You are the only one who gets both of these privileges.

And he's trying to be so obvious so you'll say something because he's lowkey scared too but you don't?? Seem to be??? Noticing???

But you do, of course you do. How can you not like the hothead?? Even I like the hothead. He's cute.

So one day, he's sitting on his drum stool and just kinda goin' off, lightly tapping the sticks in some beat idk what I'm trying to say.

But you make a comment on how gorgeous his eyes are and he probably drops the sticks and tries to catch them but somehow knocks over the entire set and falls with them and you can't stop laughing.

And when he stands up he just kinda climbs on his bed and he's like "You really think so???"

We know.

Donnie's a fucking DORK.

Constantly coming up with gifts to give you for Christmas or birthdays or whatever you celebrate in your free time.

Will slave over your homework for you, don't tempt him. He does it, but also tries to teach it to you.

24/7 Blush Fest is in town when you step into the lair. Also, the band Voice Crack is playing the same time!

Actually squeaks if you sneak up on him looking at his "How To Get (Y/n) To Hang Out With Me" chart.

He will eat the paper if you try to look at it tho. Don't put him through that.

Asks YOU to help him in his lab instead of anyone else. And while in his lab, he's on that scooter thing that slides under cars and he's fixing the undercarriage of the Shell Raiser and your handing him the tools he needs.

But you want to show you like him back be ause apparently he's very oblivious for such a smart dude so you put your hand on his knee and hand him the tool he needs but he jumps at the warm contact and hits his head.

Donnie quickly slides out and you kiss the bump on his head. And he's giggly and like "Hehe, oops, thanks (Y/n/n)"

Hi, he's always around you.

He's basically glued to your side and he always makes his eyes a big bigger to show of the baby blue-ness.

He loves to hug you and just hold you, even when your just friends.

If you ask him to get you something, he either jumps up and immediately goes to do it or he whines and clings into you tighter.

Mikey's fucking adorable and he knows it so he's allowed to be cocky and cling onto you. He DOES kiss your cheek, forehead and hands before your even dating.

Also, he's the only one of the 4 that are really good with reading people's emotions, so he knows if you like him back, good luck.

He'll fucking cook for you, man and that's when he makes his move on you.

He's making you guys a pizza for two, so it's like 16'' or some shit, it' s HUGE and you guys get into a playful ingredient fight leaving the kitchen covered in flour and he kisses your cheek when your giggling and just watches you turn red. And he's like "AAW!! (Y/N), YOU'RE SO CUTE!! 🧡🧡"

Damn, he loves you and he didn't know you could get any cuter. Thank you for proving him wrong.

[storiesforallfandoms]

driver’s license ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2520

request?: no

description: in which a new song reminds her too much of her ex, and leads them to reconnect

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst, sadness

based on this song (of course)

masterlist

Who knew that a song by a 17 year old could cause so much hurt to be brought back for me? Not to bash 17 year olds or anything, but when I was 17 I could never write something so heartbreakingly beautiful.

I was on my way home from work when the song came on the radio for the first time. I was captivated by the lyrics immediately and found myself having to pull over because I couldn’t stop crying. It took a solid five minutes and having to play my happy playlist on Spotify before I finally felt okay enough to get home, however the minute I got in through the door I found the song on Spotify and listened to it all night.

The lyrics connected with me in a way that a song hadn’t in years, and the pain in the singer’s voice opened up fresh wounds that I had thought were long closed.

She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

Of course he ended up with her. Even if he hadn’t actually left me for her, he always told me there was nothing between them besides on screen chemistry. And now they were dating and supposedly “so in love”.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

He wrote so many songs about me. He played every one of them for me after writing and recording them, just to get my approval and my okay to put them out. They were beautiful songs - songs in which he promised forever. He’d always said he was going to marry me one day, make me the mother of his future kids. His “forever girl”.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

God...did I ever still love him.

Our relationship didn’t get a proper closure. At least, not on my end. It all happened so fast. He came home after a long tour and was silent the whole night. He didn’t even try to make love to me the way he always did after being away from me for so long. The next morning, he told me over breakfast that he had lost feelings for me. He asked me to get my things and take them back to the apartment I still had despite basically living out of his home. Then he left, saying he didn’t want to be there to watch me leave.

After that, it was like he stopped existing. Well, it was like Colson Baker stopped existing. Machine Gun Kelly was everywhere, especially after announcing his new relationship with Megan Fox, in which he made sure to post pictures and videos with her basically every week. But the Colson I knew and loved stopped existing. He blocked me on everything, even my phone number. He didn’t reach out to me, neither did Casie. I figured the latter was because her father told her not to, which almost hurt more than the breakup did. I loved Casie like my own daughter, and I loved Colson more than anything. And in the span of 12 hours, I lost both of them.

I credited that non-closure to the reason I had such a hard time moving on, even after being broken up almost a year. I really thought I was okay, until I heard fucking Olivia Rodrigo singing about her own heartbreak, and it made me remember mine was still fresh.

On one day that my thoughts were becoming too dark to bare on my own, I decided to go out for a drive to clear my head. I turned on the song, just to make myself more depressed I guess. I wasn’t really paying attention to the road (not good, I know) and, I guess by some muscle memory, I found myself driving down Colson’s street. I hadn’t realized where I was until I saw his familiar house, which his familiar car in the driveway...and his familiar tall frame getting out of it.

My breath caught in my throat and I was sure I was about to crash the car. I looked at him for a little too long, every good memory we ever had rushing back in that moment. He was looking down at his keys as he bumped the car door shut with his hip. I wondered if Megan was in the house waiting for him, and found that that thought hurt me more than actually seeing him.

I saw his head lifting, looking in my direction, for a split second before my eyes darted back to the road. I hoped he couldn’t see me in the driver’s seat, or that he didn’t see me looking at him. I hoped he just thought I was a random car passing through the neighborhood. If he couldn’t see that it was specifically me driving, there was no way he’d know it was my car. There were too many cars like it.

My heart was racing and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I knew I had to pull over, but I was still too close to his house to feel comfortable stopping. I blinked my tears away and continued driving, trying to steady my heartbeat as I drove to the coffee shop just at the end of his road. The one we always used to go to.

I got out and went inside, hoping that getting something to eat and drink would help me to settle down before I drove home. I ordered an iced coffee and a muffin and took it to sit in a booth tucked away in the back of the coffee shop. I was trying to distract myself with my phone when someone approached and spoke.

“Hey.”

My whole body tensed up as I looked up to see - of course - Colson stood over me.

“Hey,” I said. I cringed at how hoarse my voice sounded. God, pull it together (Y/N).

“I thought that was you driving past my place,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, trying to come up with some excuse on the spot as to why I was in the neighborhood. “I haven’t been to this place in so long and found myself craving some coffee. I guess...it was just muscle memory to come through your way to get here.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I...I actually got a little excited. I thought...I thought maybe you were coming over for a second. I forgot...”

His voice trailed away.

How could he forget we broke up when he was the one who dumped me? And he was the one who moved on soo effortlessly?

“Can I sit?” he asked.

I shrugged in response. “Free country.”

He chuckled at my joke, and my heart did an involuntary flip. God, I missed that laugh.

He sat across from me in the booth and looked down at his hands. I stared down at the food in front of me, suddenly feeling too queasy to eat. Instead, I took another sip of my iced coffee.

“How have you been?” he asked.

The questioned annoyed me.

How have I been?! Well, let’s see: you absolutely shattered my heart, went MIA on me and took your daughter with you, started seeing the much older, much prettier actress that you told me you had no feelings for and decided to rub it in my face through social media, all while I have been so broken for nearly a year that I constantly have friends and family checking in on me to make sure I’m still alive. How the fuck do you think I’ve been?!

I decided not to respond that way though, even though I was aching to make him feel bad for what he did to me. I knew it was the smarter option to try and be the bigger person in this situation.

“I’ve been okay,” I responded, trying to be as vague as possible. “Not too much as happened really. Still...same old me.”

I didn’t ask him how he was, because I already knew. He knew that I knew, because how could I not? His face was plastered everywhere, usually sucking on Megan’s face as well.

“It’s cool to see you,” he said instead. “I...It’s been too long.”

“Well, it tends to be hard to communicate when you block someone on everything overnight.”

I quickly took a sip of my iced coffee, almost wishing that would put the words back in my mouth.

Colson winced. “Yeah, that was...that was wrong of me. I...I’m sorry.”

“Why the fuck are you here, Colson?” I finally snapped. So much for being the bigger person. “Couldn’t you have just watched me drive past in peace? Did you have to follow me?”

“I felt like I had to,” he said. “I wanted...I wanted to know I hadn’t just seen you this time like all the other times I saw a car that looked like yours. I had to know if it was actually you this time. And I...I had to see you in person again.”

“You could’ve called at any time,” I reminded him. “Or messaged on social media, or even just texted. You could’ve even sent a fucking letter, Colson! If you wanted to see me that bad, you had ways of reaching out. You decided not to, you decided that the break up meant I was non-existent to you anymore.”

“I know!” he snapped back, his hand hitting the table and causing the contents on it to rattle. All eyes in the coffee shop were staring at us for a brief moment before going back to what they were doing. “I fucking know, and it was the worst fucking mistake I’ve ever made. I’m so sorry, (Y/N), I was a complete idiot.”

“Sorry means nothing to me, Colson,” I told him. “Sorry doesn’t undo the year of heartbreak and agony you put me through. Sorry doesn’t undo the fact that you left me for six months to go on tour, that you texted and called me every morning and every night to tell me how much you loved me and how you couldn’t wait to see me again, even on the night before you came home, only to do a complete 180 the moment you got off the plane. It doesn’t excuse the fact that you told me to take my shit and leave the place I had considered a home for two years because you were ending the five year relationship that you claimed to be so deeply in love with. And it especially doesn’t excuse the fact that mere months after the break up you were all over Megan fucking Fox!”

He was silent for a long time. His eyes were becoming moist with tears, and I could feel a lump growing in my own throat. But I couldn’t break. I refused to do so. Not in front of him, not right now.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he finally breathed, his voice cracking slightly. “You have to know how much I truly do fucking love you, (Y/N). That never went away. It’s still there, you’re still my forever girl in my heart. But when I came home from tour...my manager called me as I was boarding the flight and told me that there was a plan in motion to get promo for the new album and for the movie with Megan. They wanted Megan and I to date for PR, to be all lovey dovey in front of the cameras and to gush over one another constantly. I reminded him about you and he told me I had to break up with you. He gave me no option, he said either I did that or I was being dropped from the label. No album, no movie, no...no nothing. Just the loser who was still being referred to as the idiot who got his career destroyed by Eminem.”

It was a shocking revelation. I had known Colson’s manager, he seemed like such a nice guy. He didn’t seem like the type to give those kinds of ultimatums. But there was that saying about a wolf in sheep’s clothing...

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“It was easier to make you think I just wasn’t in love anymore,” he said. “I didn’t want you to think I was choosing my career over you, cause I’d never do that. You meant - you mean - the world to me (Y/N). You’re my everything. I just...all the hard work I was putting into everything, for all of that to go to waste, for everything to flop just because I didn’t want to fake date my co-star. I was afraid of the power my manager held over me so...so I just did it. I went along with the plan. I pretended to be hopelessly in love with Megan when I had no feelings for her at all.”

He reached across the table and took my hands in his. I jumped and thought about pulling away from him, but I couldn’t deny that it felt nice to feel his touch again.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he said. “More than anything, you’re the person I want to be with. That bullshit with Megan, it’s long over. We just haven’t made it known publicly, but it will be announced. I want to try and pick up where things left off with us. I want to have you back in my home - in my arms - preparing to marry you someday. Please, (Y/N), can you please forgive me?”

It was the words I wanted to hear more than anything. I had dreamt about hearing Colson ask to take me back ever since he had broken up with me. At that point in time, I probably would’ve jumped at the chance, too. But this time, I slowly pulled my hands away from his. He looked at me in confusion.

“I can’t,” I told him. “Colson, you really fucking hurt me. You left me with no explanation, not even any closure. I get why you did it, but you have to understand that you telling me now isn’t going to undo a year’s worth of hurt that you put me through. I don’t know if anything will ever undo that at this point.”

I stood from the booth, taking my coffee with me and leaving a heartbroken Colson looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“There’s this song I’ve been listening to,” I said. “It’s called Driver’s License. I think it’s the only accurate way to describe how much you hurt me when you broke up with me. I encourage you to listen to it, then you can try to take me back again.”

I turned quickly and left before he could see me cry.

[admiringlove]

[ii] scents, coffee and turtlenecks

+synopsis: hq boys and their scent, their coffee order and the turtlenecks they wear.

+genre: fluff lol; headcanons.

+characters: kageyama tobio, oikawa tōru, suna rintarō, miya osamu.

+warnings: literally just fluff man, unless you cry because of cute stuff.

+order: hi!! i saw that suggestions are open and i was wondering if you could do more of the scent coffee turtlenecks? they were really fun and comforting to read. they got me through a tough situation, so thank you! i hope you keep writing and keep growing <33 [by anonymous]

+author’s notes: hi anon! funnily enough, i had written some part of this and it was sitting in my drafts halfway done, but your ask helped me get through the rest of it. hope you like it, love. here’s part one!

— KAGEYAMA TOBIO.

his scent is calming. it’s strawberries and mint, and it refreshes you. it’s funny really, the way his favorite flavor of milk is strawberry and how he actually smells like the fruit. whenever you embrace him warmly, a cooling feeling washes over you—it feels like a day off. when you’re overworked and you need time to spend with self-care? yeah, tobio reminds you of that. he’s constantly telling you to take care of yourself more too(which is the irony in this situation). you feel a small pinch in your heart whenever he lets go of you(if he goes out of town for matches or gets up from cuddling). if he’s leaving the city for work, you’d shed a tear, telling him you’d miss him. and when you’d come back home, you’d wear any of his clothing. because kageyama reminds you of a calm afternoon, filled with the scent of strawberries and the alleviating agent like mint. 

he does not order coffee. definitely the type of person to go to the vending machine to buy flavored milk instead of getting coffee. he thinks coffee shops are a waste of time. why would someone pay ten extra bucks for average coffee when you can just get sweet milk from the vending machine? you definitely bully him for this(just point and laugh, [y/n]. point and laugh). he’d get all flustered and yell at you, but then he’d end up hiding his face on a pillow or something. you’d go up to him and hug him, which would lead up to kageyama asking you, “so... the next time you get coffee, i’ll just wait outside, okay?”. you laugh at him again, telling him that he didn’t have to wait outside, but then he retorts with how the barista looks at him weirdly after he asked her if they sold flavored milk. 

kageyama likes wearing a fixed set of colors. he’s not the type of person to go out of the ordinary and wear some absurd color like neon-green, but something like different shades of blue. he definitely doesn’t have two same colored shirts—even if they are, they’re in different shades. he mostly wears blue and black turtlenecks, but he doesn’t mind trying whites or greys either. he does blush every time you compliment him though, so maybe dial it down a little or he’ll combust(you don’t have to, you can just watch his brain go haywire then kiss his forehead to make him go redder than before).

— OIKAWA TŌRU

his scent is so sweet, it’s addicting. it’s either something floral like rose or lavender. or sometimes he’d go with the plain old smoked vanilla. his hugs are the best, really. they’re filled with the sweet aroma circling around the two of you as you inhale his scent. he’d stroke your hair as you hum against him in contentment, saying, “like the cologne, [y/n]-chan?”. you’d tease him, telling him he smelled like an eleven-year-old girl and he’d reply with, “hey! at least eleven-year-old girls know what they’re doing!”.

he does not like coffee. will straight up go to the barista and order the sweetest drink on the menu. this boy just does not do well with the bitterness of coffee. he doesn’t like it, and he’s in shock by how you can drink it so easily. “[y/n]-chan, how are you doing that?!”, he’d exclaim. you’d raise an eyebrow, asking him, “doing what, bub?”. although he really wants to melt at the nickname, he’d say, “that bitter monstrosity!”. this conversation leads nowhere except laughter and jokes, really. some teasing comments are thrown here and there; some criticizing oikawa for having such low tolerance for bitterness, and some at you for what an utter abomination you are for drinking coffee. tie the bow on the gift-box with a small teasing kiss and dancing in the kitchen without music at seven in the morning, because oikawa felt like it. your relationship is like the marriage of bitterness and sweetness—somewhere close to perfect.

he can wear anything and still look good. has a wide variety of turtlenecks—and he’ll definitely wear them according to his mood for the day. although most of the colors are on the lighter side, he has a few blacks in the mix as well. he likes the pastel-blue one the most(because, according to him, “blue is just my color, [y/n]-chan!”). he has the tendency to match with you. loves buying you the same shirts as him, because he thinks it’s adorable when you walk around with him and match his clothing. basks in the glory of when people look and compliment the two of you, and you blush(he thinks you’re cute, okay?). 

— SUNA RINTARŌ

suna definitely smells like cigarettes and lime basil. he doesn’t smoke often, it’s just the scented candles he buys online(he thinks it’s funny because the candles are cigarette-scented). you often tell him he stinks, but he knows you’re only poking around. he knows you love the scent he gives off when you hold on to him just a little tighter, just a little longer, just a little closer. the kisses linger for a smidge longer, and he knows. he knows you love his scent and he knows you love him. he’s not cocky about it until you tease him though, because if you do say he stinks, he’ll pull you into a passionate kiss(and obviously, you don’t pull away). after he breaks the kiss, he’d say, “if i really do stink, you wouldn’t be sticking to me like glue.”

his coffee is either completely black, or just a normal latte. he doesn’t like really milky, or sweet coffee. also most definitely just uses coffee as a way to stay up(suna likes nights more than days). he likes staying up late with you, doing homework or anything really, until you’re dozing off next to him and he’s left in comfortable silence. he’ll run his hands through your hair, his slow breathing silent and his sharp eyes softened just by looking at you. he likes coffee. he really does. he likes coffee because it helps him stay awake and watch you peacefully. he falls asleep by four in the morning, and now it’s your turn to watch suna sleep. you make him a mug of coffee and breakfast. it’s a leisure-filled morning, and rin loves every part of it. he won’t tell you he does though, because you already know. and he knows you do.

suna rintarō in turtlenecks is a sight for sore eyes. he has a lot of greens, blacks, and greys. his style is to effortlessly look good, so he doesn’t actually care about what he wears unless it’s to impress someone(*cough* you) or for work. if he doesn’t have the energy to do something that’s eye-catching, he’ll just wear a turtleneck and pair it with plaid pants to call it a day. man still gets stares from people because of how effortlessly cool he is. he’s not even trying, which is the best part. he looks so good(cue you drooling in the background because suna in a black turtleneck and green plaid pants is just wow). and if he’s actually putting in effort for a date or something, he goes all the way with the accessories. rings, necklaces, maybe even wears his reading glasses because they look good with his overcoat. olive green turtleneck and white dickies would definitely suit him. after all, he wants to look the best for you. 

— MIYA OSAMU. 

he has one of the most comforting, woody scents ever. he has two bottles—one vetiver(it gives a smoky scent and he usually wears it to work) and one patchouli(more woodland-ish kind of scent. he wears it when he’s going out with you or on special occasions). you love the way he smells, because honestly, the most comforting time of the day is when he comes back home, and the first thing you do is hug him. you’ll take the dinner he made for the two of you at the restaurant and set it up as he changes and freshens up. his aroma overcomes you as the two of you sit down an talk about your day through the meal. his tired grin and you small giggles enough to make you feel content. and man, he’s the best to cuddle with as you sleep. he smells so good, it’s kind of scary. in the mornings, it’s almost hard to let go of him so you can get to work.  

okay, we all know osamu is a sucker for food. but he’s also a pain in the ass when the two of you go to coffee shops. orders something fancy like café au lait, then continues to complain about how this particular coffee shop didn’t do the french drink justice. all the while, you’re just listening to him criticize the place(but you still love him, because he looks cute talking about the things he loves). you’ll leave the shop after an hour or so, and then just settle for a bowl of ramen from a small diner by your apartment because that seems to be the only thing that gets osamu off his high horse. by the end of the night, you’d tell him to quit acting like gordon ramsey. he’d retort by telling you that you would obviously prefer his food over gordon ramsey’s anyday(i mean, you can’t disagree with that. even if you tell him he’s being dumb, you know he’s right on the inside. osamu basically is a wizard with food).

osamu likes grey and black, and that’s about it. he’d try more stuff if you make him though. gets annoyed at the mall because you’re just picking out different colors for him to try and he’s just standing off to the side holding like ten different articles of clothing. he looks amazing in a chartreuse-green if you get him to wear it(will like how it look on his abs, he doesn’t tell you though). every canonical color suits him to be honest, just don’t go overboard with the neons or purples. he likes to keep it simple with the dark colors(black turtleneck osamu is a looker). and he definitely becomes all blushie-blushie if you tell him he looks pretty. looks away and puts his hand over his mouth a little(you should definitely take a picture of this, it looks so wrong and suggestive but it’s just him being a blushing mess). please, just hug him or something. 

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[princecharmingmendes]

Heart by Heart | Chapter II | Raul Mendes

                                          *secret agent AU*

Y/N and Raul have been friends ever since they could remember. And falling in love with your best friend can be pretty tricky and messy 99% of the times, add that to the fact they're constantly risking their lives side by side on the field since they're both secret agents, and the best team that's ever existed. Perfect recipe for disaster.

Hi, this is the second chapter of this series, you can find the first one here. Please read the warnings on this one, if you don't feel comfortable with the contents listed on the "warnings" section, please read something else, there are a lot of other works on my masterlist and on the "fic rec" hashtag on my blog. Please give me some feedback and I hope you guys like. Happy Reading!

previous chapter | masterpost | next chapter

*Word Count: 5.2K+

*Warnings: cursing, mentions of violence/crimes, migraine due to work stress, Raul teasing the reader endlessly (for me, that’s the most important warning). Please don’t read it if any of this subjects make you uncomfortable, feel free to check my masterlist for other writings. 

*Posted: July 8th, 2021.

                                                    -*-

A week later things were back to normal. 

Sure, the night they came back, after they were checked for any injuries on the med department and were cleared, Raul dragged her back to his apartment claiming he was craving sushi and he was only ordering if she was with him. In reality, that was a way to keeping his head busy with something else so the events of that day would be coped nicely without so much suffering. And one way of doing it was keeping his girl, best friend and partner, at a close distance so he knew she’d be safe and well. 

He was extra sweet that night, making sure she had everything she needed, even agreed to put on face masks with her while watching a random movie. And she was really glad to have him near. The thought of him getting her, or worst... it just killed her a bit. But he was safe and he had his arms securely around her, and that was enough to put her on dreamland and having a great night of sleep.

Unfortunately that was not the case for Y/N today. 

Ever since Seth was back, he spent most of his time on the med bay to recover, he had to go through surgery and was finally recovering, but ever since he was back, every piece of information he had was being collected, and she was the one responsible to write it down. Most of the info he had was encoded and she was supposed to break it. Y/N’s been working nonstop for the past week, and when she had the opportunity to relax all by herself in her house, she felt restless. The main reason is that the person who had Seth was one of the most wanted man on the planet. Geonoff Reyes was capable of the vilest things without giving a second thought, and he’s been wanted for years now, and apparently Seth had the newest information of his whereabouts and new plans.

And knowing that was enough to put Y/N in restless nights of sleep, when she was even able to drift off. Most of her hours were invested on figuring out whatever she could, and several nights were only the continuation of her job during the day. And yeah, it was reckless and a bit stupid of her to sacrifice so much in a research, but Y/N knew this was a great opportunity and the biggest amount of clues they’ve ever received, she couldn’t let this all go. And she had to work fast, so Geonoff didn’t have enough time to notice some information missing or that someone outside of his limited inner circle so he wouldn’t chance anything. Or even move outside the country again, putting a massive political obstacle on their way. 

Y/N should’ve known better than to barely get any sleep in over seven days. She knew better than to barely eat or drink anything other than coffee. She knew and did it anyone. And that’s why she ended up where she was. Seven A.M. sharp on her little office on her company’s Head Quarters with a killing migraine that only got worse under the fluorescent lights. Y/N groaned softly as she basically collided on her office chair, cursing under her breath whoever thought bright white lights was a great idea. She was softly rubbing her temples when she heard a knock on her door, before someone came in without being invited, a delicious smell of coffee coming alongside the intruder. She didn’t need to look up to know Raul would be standing right in front of her desk. 

“What?” she grumbled, spinning in her chair to turn on her computer without even sparing a glance at him. 

Raul chuckled “good morning to you too, sunshine, I’m not even daring to ask how you are”

Y/N rolled her eyes and wincing at the pain the movement brought her “look, go pester someone else, I’m not in a good day”

“Yeah, that’s easy to see, gremlin, that’s why I brought you this” and a soft thud on her desk made her turn.

Raul was standing in front of her desk as she imagined, wearing his usual black outfit, a long sleeved tight turtleneck, accentuating all the muscles on his arms and back, tucked into a pair of dark grey trousers and Y/N had to hold back all her thoughts that were rather inappropriate to have on your best friend. And she wanted to be mad at how effortlessly beautiful he looked, just standing there, hands supporting his weight on the glass table as he leant forward casually to pick at her computer. He looked like a fucking runaway model at seven in the morning, his citric scent leaving her slightly intoxicated, but she knew he didn’t do it on purpose, he was just naturally hot. 

She than darted her eyes from his body quickly to not seem as if she was ogling him, which she totally was, only to be met with a steaming cup of black coffee. She rolled her eyes on the little attempts of black hearts he drew with a sharpie alongside a poorly written ‘secret admirer’ on the disposable cup. Y/N shook her head huffing a laugh as she took it.

“Aren’t you supposed to thank me?”

Y/N arched her brow at him “what for, exactly?”

“For being the best friend you’ll ever have?!” he stated as if it was obvious “come on, you look like you need it and I swear I didn’t spike it with anything”

“You’re saying you did out of your own free will? A benevolent act?” Y/N questioned playfully inspecting the cup.

Raul scoffed feigning hurt “Of course, I’m a good guy, practically a gentleman, you gremlin, how dare you think any different?” Behind all the teasing in his voice, she could see the worry evident in his golden eyes. Raul didn’t know all the details about what she was digging into since that were her boss’s order, but he knew enough to know she was probably overworking herself and getting a bit anxious. He knew her better than anyone and there were barely any secrets between them. 

“Fine” Y/N sighed taking a sip from the coffee, and it was precisely what she liked “thank you for being a decent human being once in your lifetime”

“You are very welcome, so any news?” he asked pointing to the screens of her computer. 

“Not really, I guess I was too tired to do much last night” she said opening all the images she had collected over the past week on her five computer screens “you know basically all the important stuff I gathered, I’m also monitoring the surveillance cameras on the places he might be, trying to get a glimpse of him, but till now nothing, only this car that’s been parked here for five days now”

“Weird”

Y/N giggled to herself before closing everything again “yeah, I know”

“So, I didn’t exactly came here just for the coffee” Raul said crossing his arms across his chest, standing on his full height, his biceps popping against the fabric of his shirt. 

“Of course not, I was just waiting for you order, cap”  she said as she reached into her purse for a painkiller.

His signature smirk appeared as he beamed down at her “Don’t tempt me, doll” 

“What is it then?” she asked and before Raul could reply, someone knocked on her door.

“Come in” he managed to say before her and soon enough Raul’s copy stuck his head inside. 

“Oh hi guys” Peter said before fully walking in and closing the door behind him “Am I interrupting something?”

“No, what do you need?” Y/N said turning to face him completely. 

Seeing Peter right beside Raul just made them look a lot more different. Sure, they were triplets, but they had completely opposite personalities. While Raul looked like a super model bad boy out of every romcom, Peter looked soft and gentle. He was just as handsome, his hair a bit more messy and a pair of glasses perched on his nose, adding to the soft features. He also wore light washed jeans and a very soft looking button up, a permanent blush on his cheeks. And despite the 6’3 and big muscles, he was almost like a walking teddy bear with a golden heart, specially if you got to know him. 

“I actually have some stuff for you two to test on my lab downstairs, and I thought since I was already here I could call you two to join me”

“Oh of course” Y/N said jumping to her feet and cursing under her breath, momentarily having forgotten the excruciating migraine she was still having “now right?”

“Yeah, but only if you can”

“Sure, come on, Raul” Y/N said grabbing her cup of coffee before walking to the door.

Raul chuckled lowly before following her and his brother to the elevator “whatever you say, boss”

“Don’t give me any ideas” she mumbled before pressing the button, but as soon as the doors opened, Y/N regretted getting out of her office.

Standing on the elevator was Daphne. Daphne was one breathtakingly gorgeous woman. With bright green eyes and golden soft model like waves, always dressed nicely and with paper white teeth, and to top that, she was a great agent. But she clearly had a crush on Raul and she’s been hitting on him for a while now, but he didn’t seem to care much, which made no sense at all. And for some reason she wasn’t as friendly towards Y/N, Daphne was never directly rude, but she always made sure to look her up and down and was never her friendly self. And Y/N wasn’t one to push anyone to like her, it just made situations like this a bit more awkward. 

“Oh hello” Daphne said with a warm smile.

“Morning” Raul responded as he climbed in the elevator. 

Y/N mumbled a quick “hi” before moving to the back of it with Peter. 

Daphne turned towards Raul and gently placed her hand on his bicep “I heard about the little incident on your latest mission, are you alright?”

“Oh yeah, not even a single scratch”

“That’s great, I mean, how did it happen again? Was it a failure on the planning or watching?” she asked and Y/N almost spat the coffee she was drinking, seeing Peter send a look her way.

“It was my fault actually, the team handed it pretty well” Raul replied unceremoniously.

“Oh, I see” she said pulling her hand from his arm and nervously placing a strand of loose hair behind her ear “hm, actually there was something I wanted to ask you”

God, how long could this elevator take to arrive on the last floor.

Raul only hummed in response, turning his face to the side to watch her so Daphne proceeded “Hm, there’s this new place that opened this weekend down the street and apparently the sandwiches there are amazing, me and a few other agents were planning to have lunch there today, and I was wondering if you’d like to join”

With that he truly seemed taken aback a bit “oh, I unfortunately can’t today, I’m sorry” with that he turned back to face Y/N “that’s what I wanted to tell you earlier, we have that lunch meeting today, Shawn’s in town and he wanted to invite you to lunch with us and his friends”

“Oh shit, I completely forgot” Y/N whined, her head pounding “I don’t think I can make it today, I’m so sorry”

Raul smiled softly at her “yeah, I figured, if you get any better let me know”

“Oh you’re sick?” Daphne asked turning to her as well.

Y/N shook her head, regretting it immediately “just a bit of a migraine”

“I hope you get better soon” Daphne offered a tight lip smile and Y/N just nodded in response.   

“We’re here” Peter said for the first time “Bye, Daphne” he said getting out of the elevator pulling Y/N with him. 

“Why are you running? Slow down, you’re gonna pull my arm off” Y/N hushed it as Peter kept on with the fast pace. 

“What was that?” he asked in a low tone.

Y/N then came in realization “right?! Why won’t he go out with her?”

“I think he might be just not interested at all, but I wasn’t talking about that, you know Raul can be pretty secretive about his feelings, right?” Peter asked with an archer brow, knowing look on his eyes. 

Y/N stepped into his lab alongside him ���well yeah”

“I don’t know, I think I saw something there”

“Between me and Raul?!”

Peter leaned against his desk with his arms crossed “Well, more of him towards you, it’s actually something I’ve been noticing for a while”

“What are you even talking about? He’s always been like that with me” Y/N tried avoiding Peter’s gaze, afraid somehow that would give away the little spark of hope on her eyes. 

“No, I mean, yes, but I feel like that intensified a bit, just pay attention to it” he said and then looked behind her.

Y/N turned around only to be met with Raul standing at the door “sorry, got a little caught up”

“We noticed, cap, it’s okay, no important details were discussed in your absence” she said teasingly and he just rolled his eyes playfully at her. 

“Okay, I upgraded your coms a bit, so switching between channels will be easier” Peter started picking up the little earpieces up “And I also took notes about the appearance of my glasses yeah? Now would you mind approving the design of it, miss fashion icon”

Y/N laughed softly and went to check on the 3D design “thank you, I do take fashion very seriously, I only loose it to your brother”

Raul scoffed “Of course I would be involved in it somehow”

Peter laughed “come on, I need to show you this thing I want to put on your suit, Y/N can you please check the new computer I promised you?”

“Oh my, it’s ready?” She said turning to them, suddenly feeling a lot better.

“It’s on the corner right there, just feel free to explore it and adapt it to how you like it best, and then it’s yours” Peter said with a bright smile on his features as he dragged Raul away. 

Y/N sat down on the desk he pouted at, opening the super resistant protective case and being faced with a beautiful tiny computer she could use on future missions. She finished her coffee, feeling the medicine kick in as she dumped the empty cup on the trash, before sitting down in front of her new screen and starting to work on it. Y/N lost track of time as she explored the new configurations, installed the programs she used. She only noticed she’s been there for over two hours when she felt someone carefully placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and she looked up to check the time, being met with Raul standing right beside her. 

“Oh, hi” she said feeling her face warming up as he smiled softly at her. 

“Don’t spend too much time with this, you’ll have more opportunities later, sweetheart, don’t force yourself too much” he squeezed her shoulder a bit and she sighed nodding “how are you feeling?”

She looked up at him, cracking her back on the process “Better, I think the coffee helps a bit and the painkiller did a great job”

“Good, I’m guessing you still won’t be able to make it to Shawn’s crowded and noisy lunch” Raul had a little amused look in his eyes and Y/N giggled at that, shaking her head.

“Definitely not, might as well skip lunch and nap on my lunch break”

Raul nodded “It’s tempting but you need food, now how about I take you to that salad shop you like, we buy ourselves a quick to go one, eat it at your office and nao for like, forty minutes maybe? How does that sound?”

Y/N contained the urge to lunch forward and wrap him in her arms “Pretty fucking great, but what about Shawn?”

“I’ll meet him later for dinner with Peter, so he wouldn’t mind”

“Oh”

“So, are you in, doll?”

Y/N shook her head “you had me in the forty minute nap, say no more”

Raul laughed “Of course I had, know you better than anyone”

“That is unfortunately true” she mumbled grabbing the computer and getting up.

Raul stared at her quizzically “Why is that unfortunate?”

“Cause that will only feed your ever growing ego”

“You wound me, sweetheart” he said with frightened hurt, a hand clutched over his heart. 

Y/N rolled her eyes at him as they both said their goodbyes to Peter, who only threw a knowing look in her direction and a little wink when Raul wasn’t looking. She only rolled her eyes, shoving her middle finger in the air behind Raul’s back to Peter, who only laughed in response. But Raul might have felt her arm hovering his back, cause he looked down at her, throwing his charming smile down at her and throwing his arm around her shoulders as the climbed in the elevator again. 

Oh great, now Y/N had one more thing to keep her awake all night, wondering if she was crazy and Raul could be somehow interested in her and if she should do something about it. But do what? Tell him she liked him? Kissing him? Confronting someone who already has a hard time talking feelings about how he felt about her?! Only terrible scenarios played in her head with every little thing she thought about. But before she could go on spiraling, Raul gently squeezed her shoulder making Y/N look up at him. 

“Still with me, sweetheart?” he asked smirking at her and she only huffed rolling her eyes, making Raul full on laugh. 

                                                  -*-

Later that morning, they ended up following Raul’s idea. Around noon he knocked on her office again, with his leather jacket and ready to go, Y/N then just grabbed her coat and purse, ready to follow him to the elevator again. They kept a light banter, talking about conspiracy theories and random gossip, and she felt really better but was too tired to socialize with a lot of people. So they walked down the street a couple of blocks to a little shop where they bought salad bowls and iced tea “to balance things out” according to Raul about how much coffee she’s had the past week. 

They ordered to go and walked back to the HQ that looked like a very fancy business building, but instead of going back to her office, they headed to Raul’s instead. There they sat down on his couch since it was bigger as they casually had lunch, and right after, he convinced Y/N to get comfortable on the couch as he relaxed right next to her. Y/N curled into a little ball on the further corner of the couch, but he was quick to tut his tongue at her. 

“Here, sweetheart, you can lay your head on my lap and stretch your legs on the couch, yeah? And you can grab that little fluffy blanket if you want” He was quick to offer and Y/N sighed.

“Are you sure?” she asked eyeing him suspiciously “I don’t want to bother you” he chuckled softly and nodded

“Of course, we still have 50 minutes of lunch break, nap a bit, baby, come here” Raul said in such a gentle tone, almost cooing at her and how could she possibly say no to that?

She removed her boots before laying her head on his lap and pulling her legs to stretch across the rest of the couch, while she got comfy, she felt the gentle weight of the thick fluffy blanket being laid on top of her. Y/N sighed in relief as she slowly closed her eyes, allowing herself to fully relax, and feeling the soft caress of Raul’s fingers gently combing through her hair was only making it easier to fall asleep. And so she did. 

She dreamed of something random, she was stuck in a boat and it didn’t really make much sense, but it was better than the sleepless nights or the scary things her mind came up with. So waking up was not the best sensation, but Raul managed to make the experience less unpleasant. He was very softly coaxing her to wake up, by gently shaking her shoulder and caressing her cheek, slowly calling her name. Y/N could get used to it. 

Raul truly didn’t want to do it, he, himself, didn’t want to get up. He ended up falling asleep a few minutes in, but the timer on his phone vibrating on his hand woke him when he promised he’d wake her up. He almost didn’t have the heart to do it. Y/N looked so peaceful, the frown that’s been on her brows for the whole week was finally gone, but he knew if he didn’t wake her, she’d spend her day blaming herself and wouldn’t be able to sleep properly at night. So he cleared his throat and started calling her gently not to startle her.

Y/N started coming slowly back to her senses, slowly sitting up from Raul’s lap, rubbing at her eyes and checking her phone quickly for important notifications. A low chuckle brought her attention away from her phone and to her best friend beside her, to which she just truly looked at, being able to notice the throw pillow creases on his cheek, the soft curls of his hair a bit messier than usual.

“Hi” he mumbled softly. 

Y/N smiled at him before mumbling a “hi” in response. 

“Sleep well?” Raul asked as he stretched his arms above his head and she nodded “yeah? I ended up joining you in your nap”

“Don’t blame you, this is a really nice couch”

“Right? Unfortunately this was the first time I took full advantage of it” he chuckled as he got up from the couch, moving to turn on his computer.

Y/N just chuckled before nearly folding his blanket back in its place “well thank you for everything, you truly are a great friend, but I should probably leave and stop bothering you”

“You never bother me, and I know, I’m the best friend anyone could ever wish for” he said sitting on his chair as she leaned down to put her shoes back on. 

She just rolled her eyes at him, grabbing her stuff before getting up “there you go, ruining a perfectly sweet moment”

Raul laughed “that’s my biggest ability, doll, thought you knew that already”

“Should’ve guessed it” Y/N said as she opened his door “see you later, thanks again”

Raul just winked at her “anytime” before she closed his door and moved to her office shaking her head, but unable to hold back the smile from blossoming on her lips. 

Maybe Peter was wrong and just messing things up, how could he not notice the way Raul affected her? But saw the way he was different with her? It made no sense. And there was no time to go into the rabbit hole, she had better things to do, like spend countless hours uselessly trying to crack a code. 

                                                  -*-

In the middle of Y/N’s afternoon shift, she was able to spot Geonoff himself on one of the surveillance cameras she’s been watching incessantly for the past weeks. She basically tripped on her on shoes as she scrambled up to her computer to register the appearance, quickly sending it to her boss. They finally were sure where he was and maybe that was enough to set up a plan or something to get him. 

Geonoff Reyes was one of the most wanted man right now by intelligences from multiple countries. The man himself had a long list of crimes, that if there was an opportunity would be enough to sentence him for thousands of years. Most of Geonoff’s crimes were related to the mafia, he was one of the biggest and most dangerous bosses there was. He started fairly young, around 15 years old, but that was the extent of information everyone had on his childhood. Some liked to guess it was what kind of household he was raised to blame the way he had become what he became. 

He’s been chased for years now, and that’s why Y/N was quick to let her boss, Mrs. Benson, know she found him, compiling all the information she was able to gather this past week in files. So she did what she could and it took her around an hour to have everything printed and organized in a folder, letting Janet she was coming and basically running to the elevator to get to her office. 

The heavy metal doors opened on the waiting room outside of  her office, being met with Luca, Janet’s personal assistant, who winked at her and pointed at the door. Y/N smiled at him and knocked on the dark wooden doors, opening it silently as she heard people talking inside. Her office was decorated very minimalistic and was usually a very pristine place, but today, there were papers everywhere as Janet, Helen (Janet’s right hand), Dimitri (head of security department) and Raul Mendes stood there apparently discussing the same case. 

“Thank God you’re here, darling, please come out this madness to an end” Janet said with a gentle smile as she pointed towards the mess in her table.

Helen chuckled as Dimitri was quick to push their papers to a corner on the table. 

“Thank you” Y/N mumbled as she placed her folder down.

Raul silently move to stand right next to her, a careful hand laying on the small of her back in a comforting touch as she looked up at Janet to check if she could start. With a nod from the boss, she started pulling all the evidence she could. All the pictures, the surveillance images, the documents Seth was able to bring back and information he was able to remember as well.

With everything laid out on the table and presented to all of them, Janet ended up telling what she’d been discussing with Helen for the past two days. They both figured the best thing to do at the moment, since they didn’t have enough evidence to make an arrest for this crime and maybe this was a great opportunity to catch another people involved, not only Geonoff. The plan was basically getting new identities and keep a close eye on all of his activities, track down his moves and if possible get even more evidence. 

Raul was called because he was the best for this kind of jobs and would be a great leader to the team, Y/N was offered to join the team as well, being his partner and leading the strategic part of the plan. They were also told to pick other agents that they knew would be great for this specific operation, Janet only asking to keep it at a maximum of 5 people including them, the less people knowing, the better.

Of course both agreed and were also instructed to inform Peter so he could separate the gadgets necessary, and obviously intensify their physical training. Despite this being mostly and observant kind of mission, Geonoff was unpredictable and highly dangerous, so being well prepared and extra careful wouldn’t be a bad idea. They were both dismissed for the day and the early shift next morning, so they could rest and plan it as best as they could.

So Y/N was quick to bid her goodbyes as she placed everything neatly back on the folder and moved out of the room. As soon as she pressed the button to call the elevator, she heard the office door opening and closing again, rushed steps moving closer to her. She didn’t even need to look to know Raul was the one approaching her since his scent clouded every room he ever stepped into, she only shook her head and looked up at her right as he stood right beside her. He smirked at her with a little wink. 

“My house or yours, doll?” he asked as they climbed into the elevator. 

“Tonight?” she eyed him suspiciously as she pressed the button to her floor to grab her stuff and he leaned in to press the one to Peter’s. Y/N glanced at him and noticed he had all of his personal belongings with him. 

“Of course, I’ll even order from that Thai place you like”

Y/N giggled shaking her head “of course you will, am I supposed to spend the night?”

“Oh yeah, definitely, I’ll invite Peter too” he said with a smile.

Y/N folded her arms across her chest “I thought we were supposed to rest?”

“Oh but we will, I’ll make sure you’ll fall sleep at reasonable hours, eat properly and all that stuff, of course we’re gonna take a look at work, but just a little” he said with a knowing look.

“Fine, daddy” she added with annoyance, rolling her eyes, Raul just laughed and shook his head.

“You can’t just say stuff like that, sweetheart”

“What? Does it do something for you?” She asked looking up at him and he just shrugged as the doors opened at her floor.

“There’s only one way to find out, doll” he added with a smirk, a teasing tone evident on his voice as he leaned the weight of his body on the elevator doors to hold it for her, shoulders crossed over his broad chest, biceps flexing against the material of his shirt. 

Y/N rolled her eyes stepping out of the elevator, ignoring the heat creeping up her face and the stupid flutter on her lower stomach, turning to face him as she said “see you later, Mendes”

“See you, and oh, don’t forget your gym attire, we’re going running at 5:30 sharp tomorrow, bye bye now” he blew her a kiss as he stepped inside and the doors closed before she could add anything. 

He was definitely trying to kill her in all the ways possible, she just didn’t know which way would be the fatal blow. 

                                                    -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

@mariamuses

[raleighcarrera]

sucker punch

foreign affairs | m!blaine hayes x mc (kennedy monroe)

blaine and kennedy take their hot tub party inside. an extended scene from chapter 11.

catch up: knockout (E) / on the ropes (T) / outpoint (T) / parry (E) / pulling punches (T) / ringside (T) / saved by the bell (T)

tagging: @pixeljazzy ; @zigtheeortega ; @pixelsandkink ; @writinghereandthere ; @choicesarehard ; @dakotawinchester ; @blainehellyes ; @thefirstcourtesan 

~3.2k words | E (18+)

“you know,” kennedy murmurs, shivering as blaine continues to press a slow, sucking trail of kisses across her bare shoulder, “as nice as this has been... i’m starting to get cold.”

“well, that won’t do,” blaine answers, without lifting his head, “guess i’ll have to heat things up.”

despite the fact that they’ve been in the hot tub for what’s probably going on too long, and she’s starting to prune, her hips wiggle excitedly under the water. after the attention blaine’s given her tonight, she can’t help but to perk up curiously, his words piquing her interest. “again?”

this time, blaine does look up at her, grinning crookedly. “if you want.” beneath the water, his fingertips walk up the inside of her thigh. “but if you really are cold, we can take this into the shower.”

she glances back into blaine’s room over her shoulder. “peter’s still out?”

blaine snorts, lowering his head back to the crook of her neck. “he made sure to tell me he’d be at the bar with dionne all night. he even said he’d knock very, very loudly before he came in. you know him -- subtle as a brick.”

“i don’t think that’s the saying,” she breathes, struggling desperately to hold on to the braincells rapidly leaving her while blaine bites at her collarbone. “it has to be, like -- as subtle as a brick through a window.”

“like i care.” his hands slide slowly over the curve of her hips, pulling her in closer. “you must not understand how long i’ve been waiting for this.”

“believe me,” kennedy sighs, lifting her hand to push her fingers through blaine’s hair so he’ll lift his head and look at her again, smiling sadly when he catches her eye, “i do.” 

he leans in to kiss her, then, so thoroughly that she forgets, for a moment, who and where they are. she forgets that they’re not just any two adults, away from their real lives for the weekend at a resort where no one will find them. she forgets that she should be downstairs, cozying up to her fake boyfriend. she forgets that the fantastical peace blaine’s created for her up in his suite is due to disappear at midnight, back into a pumpkin she isn’t allowed to interact with when there’s others around.

blaine’s hips push up against hers, rocking forward so forcefully water sloshes up out of the hot tub and onto the deck. “shower,” he murmurs again, “i need a little more room for what i wanna do to you.”

kennedy shivers, glancing around cautiously before stepping out of the water, yelping as soon as the freezing air hits her skin, her body breaking out in goosebumps. “jesus!”

she can hear blaine laugh from behind her, but only has a moment to pout before he’s wrapping his body around hers, blanketing himself over her back and snaking strong arms snugly around her waist. “i’ve got you. come on.”

they walk together awkwardly through the sliding glass door from the balcony, though she makes no move to shrug him off as they head inside, their clothes forgotten on the deck. her eyes scan blaine’s room while he leads her to the bathroom, and when he finally lets her go so he can fiddle with the knobs in the shower, she plants her hands on her hips and asks, “how come you and peter got such a nice room? dionne and i were set up with twin beds.”

alexei and henri have a standard suite, too, not that she wants blaine to know she’s already seen it. she’s not eager to bring up anyone else’s name -- not now that they finally have some alone time. 

blaine ducks his head, grinning as he holds one hand under the spray, testing its warmth. “i pulled some strings,” he says, “you know -- in case i needed an excuse to get you up here.”

he holds a hand out to her, and she slips her fingers into blaine’s, letting him pull her through the glass door of the shower. “you don’t ever need an excuse.”

“i know,” blaine says, as steam starts to fill the room and water beats down onto his face, “but... i guess i wanted to do something nice for you. us. and this was the only way i could make things special while still keeping them private.”

she’s stunned. there’s something so touching about blaine trying to make magic for her even with the circumstances of their situation so firmly in their way. not for the first time, she marvels at the reveal of blaine’s hidden second side -- the sweeter, softer traits he seems to expose only to her, cultivating some of her most treasured possessions unknowingly. 

kennedy clears her throat to distract from the heaviness that’s suddenly weighing down on their conversation. “peter doesn’t care you basically upgraded his room to a honeymoon suite?”

blaine laughs, and she finds herself stepping closer until she’s under the water with him, too, compelled by the sound of his honest joy. “nah. he’s cool like that. plus, i think he could see on my face how desperate i was to get you alone.”

she makes a soft noise in the back of her throat, looping her arms around his neck. “sweet talker.”

he shrugs carelessly, flicking wet hair off his forehead. “it’s true. watching you with alexei is impossible.”

kennedy sighs, expression twisting into one of sympathy. “i’m sorry. you’re always so worried about how hard this must be for me, but... it can’t be easy for you, either.”

the way blaine looks away lets her know immediately she’s hit the nail on the head. he grimaces. “i can’t say i love it.” there’s a beat of silence before he lifts his hand to her face, stroking damp fingers across her cheek. “so -- will you at least give what i said some thought?”

her eyebrows arch high in question. “which part?”

“the letting-me-take-some-of-the-heat-off-you part.” as she studies him, she sees that the look in blaine’s eyes is serious, a far cry from the way he’d joked and vented with her about the paparazzi out on the deck. “i know you think it’d just make an even bigger mess, but... think about it, okay? i hate what this is doing to you.”

“i’ll think about it,” she promises, pushing up onto her tip-toes to steal a quick kiss from blaine, desperate to get the tortured look off his face.

except that the kiss he gives her back is a far cry from the brief peck she’d intended. blaine’s hands rest on her hips and he angles his head down to seal their mouths together firmly, kissing her as deeply as he can. with a gasp, she twists her fingers into his wet hair, swaying closer to his chest while the weak international water pressure continues to patter quietly down onto the shower floor around them.

blaine backs her into the wall, the tile cool against her skin. his grip on her tightens as he pulls away to take his kisses across her face again, nipping a path below her jaw. “tell me you don’t have anywhere else to be tonight.”

she stares up at the ceiling, the offers she’d had from tatum and ayna floating through her mind. at the very least, she should probably put on a show of spending a little more time with alexei, though the thought of leaving this shower to go sit at the bar and make small talk is -- 

kennedy shakes her head. “no.”

“good,” blaine murmurs lowly, pushing her wet hair back off her shoulders to give himself more room. “‘cause it’s gonna be awhile before i’m done with you.”

“promise?” she breathes, arching her back to try to get closer to him. if fooling around with blaine in the hot tub was meant to take the edge off, it’s had the opposite affect. she’s acutely aware of the fact that it’s been what feels like forever since they last slept together, before the scandal broke. her hands push insistently at his back to try to force him closer.

“oh, you can count on it.” one of blaine’s hands slips between her legs with purpose, his fingers hardly pausing to tease before they brush against her clit, effortlessly falling into a rhythm that makes her shiver. 

kennedy’s head tips back against the side of the shower and she sighs, exhaling a hitching moan of blaine’s name when he pauses to suck deliberately on the sensitive patch of skin behind her ear she’d made the mistake of groaning loudly at one too many times, whenever his teeth got near it. now it was a weak point he constantly exploited. “blaine. god.”

“this is what i want to do out there,” he explains, free hand trailing from her thigh around to her ass and back again. “on the slope -- in the lodge -- anywhere. everywhere.”

“blaine,” she says again, more urgently this time, “i --”

his own hips rock forward in a slow grind, cutting her off effortlessly. “of course i want people to know,” he continues, through a moan, “look at you. jesus christ, kennedy.”

her whole body feels hot, burning up in a way that has nothing to do with the steam from the shower. she squeezes her eyes shut and focuses only on blaine and the wrecked sound of his voice, each desperate slide of their bare skin, and how his fingers know just what to do to push her right to the edge, until she’s shaking and her thighs are trembling where they’re trapped, pinned wide by the breadth of blaine’s body between them.

“you’re so gorgeous,” blaine sighs, just before he kisses her again, swallowing each of the moans that spill into his mouth, the wordless sounds of pleasure she can’t hold back fortunately muffled by the heavy shower doors and the space between them -- tucked away in blaine’s bathroom -- and the rest of the resort.

“please,” she begs, eyes blinking open slowly to focus on his face, “i need...” 

she trails off, captivated by the oddly serious look he’s wearing again, his eyes blazing and intent where they’re fixated on her expression. “what? you have all of me.”

the words are uncomfortably comforting, so soothing it takes everything she has to remain upright, her legs wobbly where her feet are slipping on the wet floor. “blaine.”

“yeah.” his hand stills so he can instead shift his grip to her thighs, encouraging her up the wall. blaine tilts his shoulders, and then he’s able to lift her up easily, her legs locking around his waist while the muscles in his arms flex in a way that makes her mouth dry. “i’m right here,” he promises, fingertips trailing softly across her hips like the rivulets of water following his touch, “let me make you feel good.”

“please,” kennedy gasps again, already nodding before blaine’s even had the chance to push his hips forward. 

“christ,” blaine mutters, as soon as their bodies are pressed flush and the stretch of his cock has her groaning even more loudly, her head tipped back against the tile, “i could fuck you all day.”

the sound that escapes her is unintelligible, embarrassing enough to force her eyes shut. it’s affirmative, at least, and the way it makes blaine chuckle against her throat sends a shiver down her spine, her hold on his shoulders tightening. 

his head dips so he can set his teeth on the space between her breasts, biting a bruise into her skin that no one will see but blaine. while his thrusts chase her up the wall, she clings to him, relishing the chance to get the alone time she’d been desperate for and aching for it to never end at the same time. if dinner with her friends had been enough to make her forget her fake relationship, being with blaine could drive every last thought out of her mind, so that the stress of school and her relationship with her mother and the tabloid drama that followed her like a storm cloud evaporated into nothing, leaving her feeling light as air.

she might’ve even floated away, had blaine not been there to anchor her. fortunately for kennedy, he is, keeping her grounded and steady, making sure her head doesn’t run wild overthinking and second-guessing their every interaction; the blazing look in his eyes and the firm pressure of his hands, his mouth and his hips keep her rooted to the moment, so her head isn’t anywhere but in the shower with him.

as blaine lifts his head, and their eyes lock, she realizes that there’s no where in the world she’d rather be. there’s nothing -- no amount of peace with her mom, no chances to go back in time and have a better childhood or more time with her friends or the space to take the risks she’d never allowed herself to dare try -- that she would trade this for, nothing that could compare.

there’s only her, and blaine, and the leap into the unknown she’d taken when she first let him lead her through campus by the hand at the start of the semester, the chance that had already paid off tenfold. the chance that had changed her life.

she hadn’t looked back then, and she doesn’t want to, now.

“god, blaine,” she moans, pressing their lips together in a sloppy, imprecise kiss. it’s hard to do anything when it’s taking all of her coordination just to meet his thrusts, her hips rocking back against his while the shower continues to run luxuriously hot around them. “that feels so good.”

“yeah,” he returns, voice as tight as his bruising grip on her thighs, “you do, you just -- fuck, kennedy.”

she swivels her hips, gratified by the shudder blaine gives, and then his hand shifts between her legs again and she’s left leaning back against the wall, only held up by blaine’s strength and the force of his hips driving forward, his pace growing faster and arrhythmic, sloppy and eager.

her toes curl against his back and her eyes squeeze shut tight and it only takes a few more clumsy swipes of his thumb before she’s sobbing out a moan that’d be too loud for either of their dorms at vancross, with their thin walls and nosy classmates, but that feels perfectly fitting for the resort, nothing but the snowy mountaintops beyond blaine’s balcony winking back at them.

everything is a blur after that.

she’s dimly aware of the gentle way blaine sets her carefully back down on her feet, how her legs threaten to give out but he helps her stay upright long enough to kiss her tenderly, fond warmth in his eyes and his smile a mile wide on his face. somehow, her hair gets washed, and while kennedy knows she’s just about useless in the process, eventually she and blaine wind up on the sofa in the suite’s living room in fluffy bathrobes plucked from the closet, curled up together in front of the fire.

burrowed into the warmth of blaine’s arms, she’s certain she could probably fall asleep just then, and stay out for about a thousand years, she’s so exhausted. 

“we should do this more often,” blaine suggests quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that’s blanketing them. she can only barely hear him over the crackling log in the fireplace.

kennedy snuggles closer in towards his chest, cheek pressed to the plush material stretched over his skin. “it is kinda romantic,” she agrees, jaw stretching wide with an involuntary yawn. “i still can’t believe you set all this up for me.”

blaine’s broad palm rubs slowly up and down her arm. “all i want,” he says, “is to give you a little bit of normalcy. just -- regular dates, whenever we can get ‘em. you deserve that.”

again, she’s amazed. none of the people she’s ever dated or even thought about dating had seemed as concerned with what she wanted as blaine is, now. the thoughtfulness feels foreign and she’s sure she’s undeserving of it -- she’s selfish and reckless and a walking disaster, isn’t she? why is he so worried about making her happy when she’s done nothing but cause trouble?

before she can stop herself, kennedy hears her voice ask, “do you think you’ll still like me, when all of this is over?” there’s a heavy silence that she rushes to fill with an explanation. “you know -- when it’s not such a risk, anymore.”

she thinks about how in his element he’d seemed, earlier today, speeding away from the paparazzi and stealing kisses from her on the slope. how excited blaine had been when he called her dangerous -- her, kennedy monroe. professional wet blanket, twenty-three years in the making.

“what,” blaine laughs, still rubbing his hands all over her, “you mean when the thrill wears off?”

her heart sinks. that’s exactly what she’d meant. “yeah.”

blaine’s hand pauses, then lifts to her chin to tilt her face up and back so she’s forced to meet his eyes. kennedy blinks as she sees the sincerity in his expression, out in the open for anyone to read. the look on blaine’s face is a mix of so many things she’s seen him cast in her direction before -- protectiveness and worry, fondness and exasperation, affection and awe and wonder with just a touch of disbelief. when their eyes lock, her heart stutters to a stop and then picks back up in frantic double-time.

“duh,” he snorts, as though she’s just said the single most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “i’m obviously not doing this just because i’m into sneaking around. this blows. i wish you’d fuckin’ out me.”

she relaxes against him, feeling a little silly in the face of blaine’s honesty. in all the time they’ve been together, he’s hardly given her a reason to doubt him. 

“look, i told you i’m all in, and i meant that, okay?” his thumb slides across her jaw and then his hand brushes her hair back behind her ear, sweeping the wet stands off her cheek. “this whole thing is weird and stupid but it’s awesome at the same time, because no matter what happens, i still get to do shit like this with you. and i’ll do anything to make these moments for us. i don’t care what it takes.”

“okay,” kennedy sighs finally, when his intensity makes her stomach start to squirm, “enough, i don’t know how much more i can take. it’s like you’re trying to make me fall head over heels for you.”

the joke is meant to cover up her genuine reaction, which is that she’s touched, blaine’s words prodding at a soft spot of vulnerability deep within her. fortunately, he takes the bait -- probably sensing her desperation for an out and being as wonderfully accommodating as always. a familiar smirk pulls across his face. “is it working?”

she playfully swats at his shoulder, ducking out of reach of the pillow he reflexively lifts to swing back at her. they grapple on the couch until blaine tumbles down onto his back, pulling her with him, and kennedy stretches out happily over his form, leaning down until they’re nose-to-nose. 

it’s embarrassing, how much she likes him. embarrassing how much he knows. but when he grins at her like that, she can’t do much more than shrug and sheepishly admit, “it kind of is,” a matching smile spread out blissfully on her own flushed face.

[kaitycole]

a future with(out) you

Summary: Where do you fit in Oikawa’s life after he says his future is just full of volleyball?

Warnings: Angst to fluff

Pairing: Oikawa x Reader

Word Count: 1851

A/N: Thanks for the request, @burntpeachie​. I hope you enjoy it.

It has been seven years since you started dating Oikawa. Your relationship began the second year of high school, it survived the five years post-graduation that included your four years of college and first year of working while he had spent those five years in Argentina living out his dream. Which was why something didn’t feel right after watching his latest TV interview.

“Oikawa-san, what does the future have in store for you now that you are heading back to Japan?”

He smiled his bright smile, the one that made men and women alike swoon. “More volleyball.”

Volleyball.

Volleyball.

Volleyball.

If you never heard about that sport again, it would be too soon. Volleyball had consumed your life since the day you met Oikawa and while you love him, while you want to support his dreams, his ambitions, you just thought that he might make more time for you. Maybe if you could somehow turn into a ball made of leather consisting of eighteen rectangle panels, you might get some attention.

The door opens and you smile just a little when you see Oikawa walk in. He had gone out with Hanamaki, Matsukawa, and Iwaizumi since he finally had some free time after having moved back home. He has settled into your apartment effortlessly which just felt right, but your stomach is still in knots after thinking about that interview all day.

“Hi.” You don’t want to be upset, you know he said what he did for a reason, but it still hurt. You have chiseled away a place in your life for him, kept it free from anything else, but it doesn’t feel like he had done the same for you, leaving you to wonder if he ever had or if the place he made for you had gotten filled with something else.

“Hey sweetheart.” He kisses your forehead, sitting next to you. “I’m still not used to this, to knowing that there’s no flight to catch in less than 53 hours and that me being here in permanent.” He rests his head on your shoulder, lazily tracing the lines on your palm with his fingers.

“Speaking of, do you want me to help unpack some of your boxes? I really don’t mind.” You run your fingers through his hair, smiling when you feel him nuzzle his face against your shoulder.

“No, don’t worry about them. It’s fine.”

You bite your lip, once against his simple words shouldn’t bother you as much as they do. Your relationship weathered the storm of long distance, surely it could withstand anything, right? But again, your stomach knots up, doubt sinking in that maybe he doesn’t plan on staying here long. That maybe with his higher level of fame, a larger number of fans, that maybe he didn’t want to fully unpack because he was planning on leaving you. Why else would he need to keep boxes left packed and sealed if he actually planned on having a life with you here?

*                      * A few weeks have passed since Oikawa moved back to Japan and to say his behavior has been strange would be an understatement. He seems to have gotten jumpy, constantly logging his phone screen, flipping his phone over and even walking into a different room to take certain phone calls. You hate it, you never thought he would cheat on you, but you at least hoped he would be more creative about it.

Today is particular you’re just completely fed up. He woke you up way earlier than you wanted when his phone went off and he literally flew out of bed and into the living room to take it, you kicked on of his still packed boxes and he seems to be in a whole different world. By the time you get home from work, you’re done, done with today, done with his behavior, you just can’t take it anymore.

“Hey, Y/N!”

“Oh, so you do know my name?”

Oikawa stops midway off the couch, half standing, half sitting. “Huh?”

“The last few weeks you’ve been a blur and even when you are here, you are mentally somewhere else or checking your phone.” You roll your eyes as you walk through the living room, dropping your bags on the countertop in the kitchen.

“I don’t follow.” “Do you even want to be here? To be with me?” You cross your arms, face twisted in irritation.

He stands up, walking over to you, “Of course. What kind of question is that?”

“More volleyball. That’s what you said.”

Oikawa is entirely too confused at this moment, trying to figure out when he said that and why you were repeating it.

You watch as he tries to come up with a reply, trying to formulate a response, but you just want to be far away from him. You’ve let this irritation, this anger fester and now it was demanding to come out.

“In your last interview, you said your future held ‘more volleyball.’” You use air quotes, “I guess I just thought I had a plan in there somewhere, but was wrong.”

You watch as his shoulders drop and his expression switches from confused to somewhat heartbroken. He tries to grab out to you, but you slip pass him, grabbing your purse and going back to the door.

“I need some space.”

Oikawa stands there, words jumbled up in his throat as you slam the door shut. He thinks back to the interview and still struggled with why what he said was so upsetting to you.

“What Shittykawa?”

“So rude, Iwa-chan. Is that really how you answer the phone?” Oikawa balances the phone on his shoulder as he starts going through one of the packed boxes.

“Just when you call.” He rolls his eyes when he hears Iwa chuckle. “What do you need?” “Y/N just left, pretty upset. Apparently, my last interview upset them.”

“Well duh. You basically said that your future only held volleyball, you didn’t even mention Y/N.”

Oikawa stops rummaging through the box and is shocked. He never thought of it like that, but in his defense, he was trying to protect you too. High school was rough with the groups of fans he attracted, he didn’t want to think how bad it could get to publicly mention you.

“I didn’t think of it like that.” “Cause you’re a dumbass.” Oikawa rolls his eyes, internally cheering as he finally finds what he’s been looking for. “Wait, you watched my interview? Aw Iwa-chan, you love me.”

“It was the only thing on.” “Why were you up so early?” “Bye Oikawa. Fix things with Y/N or I’ll hit you.”

*                      * An hour passes before you finally return to the apartment. When you left, you told yourself you’d call some friends, meet up and stay out late, but they were all busy and you ended up just walking around. You found your way into a small shop, the kind that have a little bit of everything before accepting defeat and heading home. It’s quiet when you open the door and dark, maybe Oikawa had left too. That thought hurt you because you didn’t mean it when you said you wanted space, you wanted the opposite, you wanted the Tooru that clung to you, the one who invaded your personal space more than he didn’t.

You’re really surprised when you see candle lit, did you even own candles? You walk down through the living room, kitchen and partially down the hall before you hear the apartment door open, Oikawa coming back in.

“Y/N! You’re home, thank goodness.” He lets out a sigh of relief, “come here.”

Hesitantly you walk back into the living room, sitting next to Oikawa.

“I’m sorry.” He grabs your hands, “I didn’t think carefully enough when I did that interview.” “It’s fine, Tooru.” You watch his eyes light up when you use his given name.

“It’s not, because I’ve not been doing a good enough telling you things.” He takes a deep breath, “I guess I’ve always saw you in my future so I didn’t think it was important to say it. But leaving you to assuming those things aren’t fair to you.”

“Really? You see me in your future?” You bite your lip, tears pooling in your eyes.

“I can’t see one without you, at least not a good one.” He places a hand on your cheek, his thumb caressing your cheek, gently wiping away the tear that slips down it. “I’m sorry I don’t say it enough, but I promise to get better.”

You want to enjoy the moment, to let the love you feel wash over you, but you just can’t drop his recent and borderline shady behavior. “If you want to be together, why have you been acting all weird?”

His face drops and you fear that maybe you caught him in a lie. He fiddles with something in his pocket, chewing the inside of his cheek.

“I was hoping to do this another time, but oh well.” He pulls out a small red box, handing it to you.

“I love you and I clearly don’t say it enough, but a life without you isn’t something that I want. Volleyball is important to me and without your support I don’t know what I’d do, but you, Y/N, you are more important to me. If I could redo the interview, I’d say that my future has more of you in it because I don’t have to worry about leaving the country anymore or scheduling phone calls at the most bizarre hours. I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is, will you marry me?”

“Just one question before I answer, okay?”

“Of course, ask anything.”

“Why have you been hiding your phone?” You fidget with the box in your hand, the velvet material brushes against your fingertips.

“You just love ruining all the surprises, eh?” He laughs, “I’ve been talking to my sister’s friend. She’s a realtor and has been helping me look for a bigger apartment. I know you’ve been here for a while and I wasn’t going to rent anything without talking to you first, but I thought a bigger place might be nice. A place that’s ours especially for this chapter in our life. If you say yes, of course.”

You feel like an idiot, upset with yourself for doubting your relationship, doubting your boyfriend. Tears trickle down your cheeks, Oikawa quickly wiping them away, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m sorry.” “Don’t be.” He kisses your lips softly, “I was acting super strange, I’d probably feel the same way if roles were reversed.”

“Of course I’ll marry you.” You throw your arms around his neck, pulling him close to you.

When you pull back, he takes the box, slipping the ring on your finger. He brings your hand to his lips, kissing your ring finger over and over until you start laughing. You smile brightly when his eyes meet yours before he rests his head on your chest.

“Tooru?” “Mmm?”

“I love you.” “I love you too.”

[written-in-pan]

A walk in the woods

Reader x Ouat Peter Pan

TW: none 

____________________________________________

One spring evening in Neverland, Peter and I were walking through the woods. I was aimlessly following him as he babbled on about Felix and another lost boy not getting along. I was a whole other world away thinking about my future and what is to come.

“So that’s when I said, yeah of course you can rip his heart out” Peter says and laughs.

“Mmhmm yeah”

“Y/n, you’re not even listening”, Peter complains.

“What? Oh I’m sorry Peter, I just have a lot on my mind right now” I sighed.

His brows furrowed and his deep green eyes begin to fill with concern.

We walk in silence, but I can see in the corner of my eye his dirty blonde hair shift in my direction constantly in curiosity. I glance over at the magical boy beside me and he has the biggest smirk on his face. He disappears and reappears in front me of floating on his side smirking.

“Why so glum?”, he asks.

“Have a sugar plum!” he says with the biggest grin on his face.

He pulls a sparkling purple plum from behind him and holds it right in front of my face.

I want to give him props for being adorable, but I cannot get over my looming anxiety.

“Not now Peter”, I say as I wave hand at him.

His smile drops. He reappears by a nearby rock and slowly floats down until he is sitting crossed legged. I sit down on a nearby stump to think. We both have our faces resting in our hands with furrowed brows.

What I’m I going to do with my life after I graduate high school?! I don’t know what I want in life and I certainly have no clue as to what college I want to go to. All I know is that I would rather be running around the forest with a special boy, than working at a 9 to 5 job for the rest of my life. Decisions....decisions..

As for Peter, he was racking his brain for ideas to try to get y/n to cheer up. He scratches his head. He tosses an apple in the air for a few minutes until he comes up with the most brilliant idea.

“Y/n, come here”, Peter insists.

You arise from your stump and come towards Peter’s thinking rock. He holds out his hand for you and asks, “Dance with me?”. You’re hesitant at first because how can he want to dance with you when you have your life to figure out in a matter of days. Reluctantly, you take his strong hand in yours and he lifts you upon the rock with him. “This rock is kinda small for dancing, don’t you think Pan?”, you question. “Good thing I can do this”, he says as you two lift up into the air. Caught off guard, you are startled and hold on to him. Your head placed on his chest and squeezing his hands tight. He laughs and says, “Hey, it’s alright I got you.” You guys glide through the air effortlessly, swaying back and forth. “No music?”, you say sarcastically. Your eyes lock and he brings his finger to his mouth while saying, “Shhh... listen.” Instantly, you hear faint humming coming from the hundreds of small fairies floating around you. The whooshing of evergreen trees and the crashing of ocean waves from the beaches fill your every sense of being. Your worries begin to wash away as you lay your head on Peter’s chest. The feeling is ethereal.

As the sun begins to set on this lovely spring day. The two of you floated down on a big tree branch that overlooks all of Neverland. You haven’t seen the island from this angle before. You can see every mountain, river, tree, fairy and lost boy from this point. The island was buzzing and alive with a beautiful spirit. Peter’s spirit. He is Neverland.

You and Peter sit in silence. Admiring the view and each other’s company. “Do you know why I asked you to dance?”, Peter asked. You shook your head no. His eyes glance over at you and then back at the scenery. “When I would come to your window when you were younger, you would always be dancing. Whether it would be by yourself, with your dad, your friends or even your stuffed animals. You were always dancing, as if you had no care in a world where nothing dares to slow down. I admired your spirit. That’s why I choose you to come to Neverland.” Nostalgia glimmers in his eyes. 

“Well, I don’t really dance anymore now”, you replied with a sigh. You look down at your dangling feet and see all the fairies twinkling below. You take a deep breath and say, “It’s just college and graduating is all so scary.” Peter raises an eyebrow and waits for you to speak. “Growing up is scary”, you mumble. He laughs, “Trust me, I know how you feel y/n. But this “college” thing you keep mentioning seems as if it is a huge burden on you”, he states. “Yeah this “college” thing is basically the entrance into a adulthood”, you replied. He scoots closer to you and nudges your shoulder. Peter remarks,“Yuck, who would want to become an adult?”. You smirk at him and say, “Well Peter Pan, not everybody can be a king of their own island and never grow up.” The both of you laugh in harmony as silence slowly falls between you two. “I mean I can stay her with you and tell my dad that I am studying abroad in Europe”, you say smiling to yourself about what a silly idea that is. “I do not know of Europe, but I can tell you that Neverland is the best you will ever get. Come study Neverland. I don’t think anyone has ever written a book about this place before”, Peter states while tapping his chin.  

If only he knew...

Peter notices your silence and realizes that his sarcastic approach to your problems is definitely not helping. Your head hangs and looks below at your dangling feet. The boy clad in all green sits closer to you, until you are hip and hip. You feel his calloused hand lift up your chin to look at his face. You feel his hot breath on your lips. His eyes are filled with swirling pools of green and specks of gold in-between. His aura was enchanting and mesmerizing. You felt as if you were the only two living beings on the island. “Peter...”, you say softly. “Come and stay in Neverland”, he pauses. The proximity between each other begins to close before he says, “Come and stay with me.”

If only it were that easy…

You wake up startled in your dark bedroom. 

Sweat dripping down your forehead. You reach up to touch your lips and feel a slight tingle. You look outside your window to hear the bustling city. The twinkling lights of the buildings remind you of the hundreds of fairy lights that were underneath your feet not even seconds ago. You lay back down in your bed as your mind is swirling about the captivating boy that has your heart. 

“Come and stay with me”, repeats in your head. 

Pretty, pretty words Peter Pan.

[anothertimdrakestan]

Heat Waves (TimKon)

Words: 3k

Hi! I’m so glad you’re here! I’ve been working on this for way too long and definitely have a pt2 planned out if you guys like part one! I hope you’ll take the time to read this because I spent way too long on it and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out!

for the like 0.1% of my audience that this overlaps with, yes, i too am utterly obsessed with Heat Waves for DNF and have been listening to this song on repeat for three days straight waiting for chapter 8. But, i figured why not let that amazing piece of absolute art inspire a Timkon fic cuz they have the same dynamic as DNF in my eyes! All credits go to tbhyourelame on ao3!

if you don’t know what heat waves is that’s fine this is just a regular fic but I highly recommend you checkout the amazing song here 

It was as hot as death itself in Kansas. Not to mention a farm with no AC was just about the worst place Conner could be forced to “vacation” at. But Ma and Pa had been begging to have him over and the month of June just seemed to overlap, so there Kon was, sweating buckets in the middle of nowhere. 

It felt so cold in Gotham. Though, the temperature was comfortable- the most comfortable it had been all year- but Tim always felt colder, lonelier, when Conner wasn’t by his side. The two of them were a duo, fitting together like a puzzle piece, the absolute best of friends and best of heroes. But now, he was using his mandatory away-from-the-tower weeks up while Conner was in Kansas, it was some sort of mandate that Bruce’s kids come home occasionally and instead of suffering weekends in Gotham Tim opted to just grind out a few weeks at the manor, even if it meant dealing with Damian’s unrelenting murder attempts. But it wasn’t all bad, Tim got to patrol with Bruce again, hang out with Jason occasionally, and even see Dick from time to time. “Family” bonding at it’s finest. 

“Hello?” Tim’s voice was quiet, Kon constantly felt himself turning the volume button up on his phone just to hear a decibel more of his best friend’s comforting tone. 

“Hey Timbers how was your day?” Conner felt himself relaxing to the light sound of Tim breathing, he was laying on the floor, spread like a starfish so that no sticky part of his body could touch and create more sweat. 

“Nothing much, no patrol tonight- I guess you remembered,” Tim’s voice was filling his ears. I remember everything you tell me. “Yeah, yeah I did,” Conner quickly replied. “Any boring farm chores today?” Conner heard the familiar rustling, he could hear Tim stand up, he’d memorized the sound of Tim taking him off speaker and resting the phone in between his shoulder and ear. He could hear Tim’s hair, that he knew he was probably growing out, brush the mic. I always liked his hair longer. 

“Kon?” Tim snapped him back into the stiflingly hot room. “Oh sorry, it’s really hot here, kinda makes me zone out. Um, I’m alright I got to hangout with the cows today which was cool- they don’t like the heat either but Ma says it’ll be over soon,” Conner rambled, all too focused on Tim’s breath in his ear. 

“Sorry for making you zone out, I guess nothing interesting is happening here,” Tim sighed, Conner shook his head, rolling over on the floor, leaning down into the mic of his phone. 

“Nothing about you bores me Tim,” 

Tim didn’t reply. Conner mentally cursed himself, he was really too tired, too hot and bothered to be this flirtatious with Tim, who was a complete wild card when it came to Conner. 

And then he answered, Tim’s voice was higher pitched, the way it ascended when he was blushing- he was blushing. “Well that’s not true, I’m very boring. When I’m doing cases or training or-” Conner couldn’t take it. 

“Nothing about you could bore me Tim. I’m down to be with you whenever, doing whatever, you know that,” he felt his tone soften, loving the way Tim’s breath hitched with every compliment.

“Be with me?” Tim shot back playfully, Conner could practically hear the smirk toying on the smaller boy’s lips. 

“Did I stutter?” Conner heard a loud noise, a thump. Tim’s voice was high pitched again, “Sorry- uh I dropped my phone,” Conner felt himself growing warmer, if at all physically possible. “No problem. So, what are you doing tomorrow with Bruce?” Conner didn’t like pushing Tim too far, hell, he barely knew how he felt half the time. Tim’s voice brightened, “Oh! We’re gonna go to this old ice cream shop I adored as a kid! It’s been too long since I’ve been there, you remember me talking about it?” 

Conner didn’t need a second to answer, “Sub 30, you always get the one with the espresso poured over it,” he couldn’t lie, ice cream sounded absolutely heavenly at the moment. Tim’s voice flooded through the heat, “Right as always- I swear they programmed some sort of photographic memory inside of you,” Tim teased, Conner answered honestly, “I just listen when you tell me things”. The night went on, Tim quickly had to go, believe it or not he did sleep when given the opportunity. “Try not to die of heat exhaustion, drink lots of water throughout the day, not all at once,” Conner smiled, “will do, goodnight Timmy,” Tim answered mid yawn, “night Kon”.

And then he was alone. Alone with the heat, with his thoughts, the latter far more dangerous. He’s my best friend, of course I remember everything. Conner found himself staring at the ceiling, Ma had painted constellations on the walls and ceilings of the room, something funny about alien genes liking the stars. Conner used to be able to find every pattern, name every star, but the only shape he could trace was Tim. There were his eyes, they were pools of deep blue, they sparkled when he laughed but could glare bullets when he tried. If he stared hard enough Kon could find his hair, it’s always soft and smells delicious, layers falling effortlessly- cascading to frame his face. Then there were his lips, Conner found himself constantly mesmerized with the way Tim bit his bottom lip when thinking, the way they scrunched together when he said something funny, how they constricted when he bit the inside of his cheek just enough to hide the emotion he was so scared of portraying. They were perfect. 

He let the heat take his mind, flowing with the stars as he thought dangerous thoughts about his best friend. His thoughts danced around Tim’s waist, flowing carefully around his chest, wrapping Kon in every layer of Tim’s personality, every smile, laugh, tear, scowl, it was Tim. Kon’s Tim. 

And there, on the floor, he drifted to an uncomfortable, sweaty sleep.

~

Tim was scrolling aimlessly through his phone, Gotham was surprisingly boring. He once found the city bustling and distinctly alive but now it only left him cold, cold and bored. 

“Ice cream as good as you remember?” Bruce’s voice lifted him from his device. “Yup! Can’t believe you let me have espresso at like 10, you basically started my addiction.” Tim threw on a smile, glancing down at the half eaten dessert. “Yeah, can’t say I was the best father but, I tried,” Bruce’s shoulders shook lightly, but the laughter didn’t make it to his eyes. Did you really try? Truly? Tim dove back into the creamy sweet, admiring the bitterness the espresso brought the flavor. His phone buzzed.

K: Did you get the ice cream?

T: yeah, you remembered?

K: You literally told me last night

T: have i been off your mind since? 

K: No.

Conner always did this, every time Tim thought he’d throw him off guard with something funny or flirtatious just to have a little fun Kon took it and ran with it. And I’m always the one who ends up blushing. Tim thought, shaking his head. It was really his fault he let Conner get him riled up. They were best friends, flirting or dealing out little sexual quips were natural, and often pretty funny. 

“Earth to Tim? I’ve got a meeting you wanna head back while I head to the office?” Tim glanced over at Bruce who was now standing up in front of him. “Yeah, I can work on cases back at the manor, you gonna head to the office?” stretching his arms he stood up, noticing Bruce had put on his business face- the one stone cold and dry that only brought back the worst memories. “Yes.” His response was gruff, Tim suppressed the shudder that tried to dance down his spine. “Uh yeah, I’ll head back, have a nice day B,” he smiled, hoping it made it to his eyes. 

~

“You can’t keep calling me while I’m on patrol, it’s not safe,” Tim chastised Conner loosely, appreciating the company as his patrol with Damian was always deathly silent. “C’mon, you’re used to having me in your ear,” Tim gulped, glancing around for Damian who was three buildings over, deeply uninterested. “Kon, oh my god, I’m gonna mute you,” Tim whispered, revelling in the chuckle that stirred in Conner’s chest. It was deep, and warm, so distinctly warm Tim felt the heat budding in his chest. 

“So, patrol with the demon? He hasn’t cut your grapple line yet?” Conner’s tone was low and silky smooth. Coughing to clear his throat Tim replied, “nope, he’s most horrific when Bruce is here, when he’s not the punk couldn’t care less whether I live or die,” 

“I care,”

“I know Kon,” If only you knew how much I appreciated it. 

“Asshole, can you hear me? I said we’ve got a gang robbery on second? You coming genius?” Damian’s disgusted tone flooded over his comm, and Tim quickly turned his attention to the bat-brat who was already grappling towards the alarms and shouts. Conner’s whisper asked, “can he hear me?” and Tim replied, “no, you’re on a separate channel, Dami can only hear me when I unmute. Just be quiet while I take out these thugs,”

“Why? Because my voice distracts you?” Conner’s tone shifted into dangerously flirtatious. 

“No, cuz you’re annoying as shit,” Tim smirked, running across the top of a building, letting Damian call the signals so he didn’t get all upset. 

“Do I make you uncomfortable Tim? Do I make you forget just exactly what you’re doing, whether you want to use your batarang or bo staff? Do I make you, warm? Because it’s so warm here, so hot, god I’m just so hot I-”

“Shut. Up.” Tim struck the gun out of a scared looking man. Rolling his eyes at the man in his ear.

“Why? Are you too focused? We’ve taken out much harder criminals all while talking. Aren’t we just talking right now?” Kon’s voice was ringing in his head like never before. 

“I’m trying to focus but it’s no good when you’re in my ear.”

“And what if I wasn’t in your ear? You remember? When we work side by side, so close- are you an affectionate person Tim?” Tim could feel the heat dripping off of Conner’s voice, but he was taken aback by Conner’s new line of thought.

“Wha- what? Am I affectionate? I don’t know. Sometimes?” Tim almost missed a hit, huffing as Damian blocked what would’ve been a hard blow on him. “Start paying attention Drake,” Damian’s tone was acidic. But he was drawn back into his com as Conner’s voice flooded his ears again.

“Would you be affectionate with me?”

“Yes” Tim’s breathless reply was instant, his brain not giving him a chance to think.

“Good, I like that. You know I’m very affectionate too? I like getting to hold the people I care about close, feeling their warmth. You know I’m very warm right now?”

“I- I know Kon, I bet, are you doing alright? Drinking water?” Tim shook out the thought of Conner lazing out in his room, sweaty, lips parted as he pushed out warm breath- Stop. Focus. Your job is to defend these people. Damian’s doing a good job, You just have to round up the civilians. Tim forced himself back into the real world, taking on one of the gang members with ease, tying him up swiftly before moving on to the next.

“I heard that, I can hear it every time you take out one of those men. This is easy isn’t it? I can’t be that distracting to you. You’re too good.”

“You always do this,” Tim felt his cheeks heating up, his steps felt forced, like he had to remind himself to breathe. Tim carefully rounded up civilians, escorting them to safety as Conner started again in his ear. 

“Always do what Tim? Tell you how much I appreciate you? How much I miss you? Do you not think you deserve to be missed? To be loved?”

“Conner” Tim’s tone was harsher than he wanted it to be. But nonetheless Conner continued. 

“Why not? Why the hell not? You’re amazing Tim.”

Tim scoffed, playing it off as a cough to the people in front of him.

“What do you need to hear Tim? That you’re amazing? Brilliant?-”

“Oh my god Kon-” Tim interrupted, but Conner wasn’t done.

“Talented? Impressive? [his tone deepended] - Attractive?” 

“I’m gonna hang up,” Tim was breathing so hard he was practically hyperventilating. The compliments were all that consumed his thoughts, swirling around his brain, packing it full of deep, dangerously flammable thoughts. 

And Conner was ready to let it burn.

“You need to be kissed Tim,” Conner murmurs, throat raw, “so hard that you can’t remember your name- maybe then you’ll understand what I mean.”

The batarang in Tim’s hand clattered to the floor. Damian’s head whipped to him as Tim struggled to regain function. 

“I’m muting you, see you in a bit,” was all Tim could choke out before he ripped the earpiece out, unable to let it sit, burning into his skull. You’re almost done here, cool down, finish up. Tim told himself as he manually reminded himself to breathe. You’ve got this. 

~

Conner knew Tim ended the call. But he didn’t have the energy to stop the endless beeping from the disconnected phone. 

He was laying on the floor of his room, limbs spread out as he clawed for anything that could cool him down, but all he could feel was heat as he stared up at the stars.

He had to admit, he’d pushed Tim further than ever before. But it felt too right to stop, too good. He couldn’t stop replaying the way Tim’s breath hitched after every word, desperately grasping for the feeling budding up in his chest. It was too addictive to not let the words he’d spent too long crafting pour from his lips into Tim’s heart. 

Kon didn’t know how long he laid there, dazed in the heat, just trying to relive word after perfect word. 

Until his phone rang.

“Tim?” his voice was ragged and raw.

Tim’s was high pitched and tight. “Conner what the hell was that? Was that funny to you? Saying all those things- flirting with me while I’m trying to do my job?” 

“Flirting?” Conner mused, staring at the stars with a tattered smirk on his face.

“Don’t act dumb, I don’t know what kind of sick joke it was saying all that while I’m on patrol but I’m glad you think you’re funny,” Tim’s voice was cold. But not the cooling tone, it was sharp, like the way the freeze of ice can feel so painfully hot when applied too harshly. 

“I would’ve said it to you no matter what you were doing,” Conner whispered, resting his phone on his chest, wincing at the sticky noise it made as he tried to adjust it’s positioning. 

“So that was just all for you? To let you listen as you screwed with my brain?” Tim retorted. 

Conner was done dancing around the truth, all forms of control eluding his mind. “Yes,”

“That’s cruel Kon, can you imagine if I did that with you? Told you how you needed to be kissed while you’re out with Jon or something?” Tim sounded exasperated, but at the end of each quip Kon could hear the deep breaths he was taking. Does- Does he like this?

Tim continued. “Don’t answer that. Shut up, I know what you’re gonna say. ‘Oh Tim it’s not the same,’ just- just get out of my head!”

Conner sat up. He was floating. Floating in the middle of his room, the phone on his chest tumbling to the floor as he scrambled to grab it again, feeling his feet touch the ground as he held the phone as close to his lips as he could.

“What do you mean Tim? How am I in your head?” Do you feel the same way I do right now?

“You- you just know me. So well, and when you say stuff like that- when you’re in my ear saying those things your voice, it’s like fire, it burns.” Tim sounded desperate, his voice painfully strained. 

Conner’s head was spinning, “I burn you?” he matched Tim’s desperate tone.

“You melt me.” 

Conner’s head slammed against the roof of his room, as he tried to regain control of his senses he heard Tim murmur, “does that make sense?”

“More than you know Timbers, more than you know,” Conner could hear Tim let out a sigh, the kind that told him all would be okay. 

As Conner took a deep breath, steadying himself for what was to come Tim spoke first. “It’s so late Kon, I’ve been up to long, I think I need to go to bed,” Tim’s tone was soft again, the cooling, comforting tone that Kon was scared he’d never hear again. 

"Yeah, I- uh, have chores in the morning anyways.” Conner answered, hoping to give Tim some peace of mind.

“Okay, sounds good. Goodnight Conner,” Tim said quietly, his tone thoughtful and slow, finally letting the sleep crowd his mind. 

“Goodnight Tim, talk to you tomorrow?” Conner let too much hope sink into those last few words. 

“Yes, night now,” Tim answered easily, quickly hanging up the call, letting Conner sink down back into the carpet of his floor. 

“Tomorrow,” Conner whispered to himself, feeling the intense heat start to creep back in as he drifted into a sweaty sleep.

~

“Tomorrow,” Tim whispered to himself, trying to swallow the nerves he didn’t know Conner could draw out of him. 

“I’ll figure it out tomorrow.” 

-

-

-

not my usual fic but I really hope you enjoyed! 

taglist: @vintageroses10 @idkmanicantenglish @kishony-the-geek @foenixphire @how--are--you @psych0crybaby @romance-is-tragic @birdy-bat-writes @subtleappreciation @officiallydarkgeek also kita cuz i love u and wanted to try writing timkon more in your style hehehe @river-bottom-nightmare 

[elizabeethan]

Forget What I Said (It’s Not What I Meant) 2/3

She continues to do what she does best. She ignores her feelings until she can’t anymore, and she deals with them by replacing them with the pleasure he brings her. A part of her tells her that she can’t continue doing this, but a bigger part of her tells her that it’s okay, because once they get back to Storybrooke, he’ll leave in favor of the sea or of finding another realm to pillage and plunder. Once he’s gone, she can forget any of this ever happened and move on.

It’s a perfect plan, except it doesn’t work. Because he stays.

Hello! @kmomof4​ requested Monday morning smut and I am here to deliver. But remember, with great smut comes great angst. That is the way of CS fic. And so I give you part 2 of my @neverlandnewyear fic.

Also, @donteattheappleshook and I are aware that we’re basically writing the same fic. That’s how this all started. so enjoy a double dose of Neverland nonsense.

finally, thank you to @the-darkdragonfly​ for being my beta and my friend

rated E for smut and language

~3600 words

Part 1

Read on Ao3

Tagging: @courtorderedcake @kmomof4 @stahlop @klynn-stormz @laschatzi @emelizabeth88 @lfh1226-linda @kday426 @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story @captain-emmajones @gingerpolyglot @ebcaver @ilovemesomekillianjones @teamhook @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @tiganasummertree @gingerchangeling @jrob64 @onceratheart18 @xhookswenchx @winterbaby89 @swampmedusa @ultraluckycatnd @dancingnancyy @love-with-you-i-have-everything @shireness-says @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @ouatpost @daxx04 @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook​

She’s got to stop doing this. She told herself it would end after they got home to Storybrooke. Once they got home and he went off to his pirate life, things would go back to normal for her and she could work on getting her life back together. She didn’t expect the bastard to stick around. 

 She certainly didn’t expect him to tell Neal that he was backing off. 

 “I thought you were going to leave,” she shouts angrily as she boards his stupid ship. He pops up from below deck, holding his hand over his eyes to block the harsh afternoon sun. 

 “Come again, Swan?” 

 She rolls her eyes and walks closer to him, approaching the steps to below deck with forceful pressure. “It’s been two weeks and you're still here. I thought you were leaving after we got home.” 

 He shrugs, leaning his propped-up elbow against the archway he stands in. “Sorry to disappoint, love.”

Huffing angrily, she turns from him and rolls her eyes once more. “So what, you're just gonna hang around now?”

 “It’s quite a quaint little town,” he reasons. 

 “And where do you get off telling Neal you're backing off? You realize he’s not going to let it go now, right?” 

 He hums in a way that makes her so much angrier. “And that upsets you?” 

 “Yes it upsets me!” she shouts, throwing her arms up and letting them slap against her thighs as she spins to face him again. He straightens and raises a brow, stepping onto the main deck with her and getting just a bit too close. 

 “Is there anything to be done to rectify that, Swan?” he asks, his voice husky and rough and his eyes sparkling too much in the bright sun. 

 “No.” 

 “Nothing?” 

 She laughs breathily, angrily, and says, “shut up,” before grabbing onto his lapels and forcing their lips together in a heated kiss. 

 He chuckles against her, pulling her towards the ladder that leads below, to his quarters and out of the line of sight of anyone who may be walking by. 

 “We have to stop doing this,” she mumbles as he presses her against the steps once they get to the bottom. His lips find the sensitive skin of her neck as his body grinds into her’s, making her moan. 

 “Do you want to stop?” he asks breathily as he licks along her throat. 

 “No.” 

 Lifting her shirt above her head, his lips find her hardened nipple once he pushes the fabric of her bra away, licking and sucking in a way that makes her moan again. “Neither do I,” he says against her, the hot air blowing against her moistened skin making her shiver. 

 He trails his mouth down her torso, biting her flesh and soothing it with his tongue before he reaches the button of her jeans and pops it open. Sliding the fabric down her legs slowly, she feels the sharp, cool metal of his hook gliding along her skin and she shivers again, breath stuttering when she feels it brushing over the curls between her legs. 

 With a smirk, he lifts one of her legs above his shoulder, granting himself the access he needs as she sits on the edge of one of the steps. “I must say, I’m glad that we’re continuing our little tryst,” he says, his mouth so close to her core that she can feel his hot breath over her. “As much fun as we had amidst the trees, having you on my ship is something else entirely.” 

 She wants to tell him to stop talking so much, because she can’t stand to think about the fact that she’s allowing this to continue, but her words fall flat when he drags his tongue along her core, gathering her arousal and latching his lips to her clit. She lets out a breathy moan as he artfully traces her skin with his tongue before swirling a finger around her opening. He alternates the pressure and speed of his tongue against her before sliding his middle finger inside, curling it slightly and making her stomach flip as she moans again. 

 The way he touches her is addictive. She can’t stop herself from thrusting her hips into him slightly, longing for more from him and nearly slipping off the ladder as she does so. He chuckles against her and the reverberations makes her whimper pathetically before he slips a second finger inside. “Fuck,” she groans. 

 “That’s the idea, love. But not until you come for me first.” 

 A third finger finds its way into her and she cries out, squeezing around them as he speeds up his ministrations on her clip. He always knows exactly what she needs, and it’s something she tries, and fails, not to think about constantly. Perhaps if she had any semblance of self-control, she wouldn’t keep coming to him. But the way he touches her like he’s known her for centuries and the way he talks to her in exactly the right way is too good to pass up. 

 She comes hard around him, squeezing her walls on his fingers and her thighs on his head as she falls with a shout. He gives her almost no time to recover before he drops her leg and stands, holding the back of her knee with his hook and wrestling with the laces of his trousers before he’s thrusting himself inside her. Finally. 

 There’s nothing like the feeling of him buried in her. She can try and deny it all she wants, but she can’t ignore the fact that she’s never felt this good in her entire life. She likely never will again, once she finally puts a stop to this. She puts away the thoughts of ending this… thing between them in favor of focusing on the way he slides in and out of her effortlessly at the most perfect pace. She cries out when he flicks his fingers against her clit again. Her last orgasm was so powerful and so recent that she finds herself falling off the edge again in record time. “Don’t stop,” she begs, as she does every time, but he never does. 

 “Come on, love,” he encourages, thrusting a bit harder into her. “I can feel how close you are; come for me again.” 

 She listens to his commanding voice, because what choice does she have, really? He knows her body too well, and she can feel his smirk against her neck as she lets herself fall off the cliff’s edge once again before he follows suit. His own moans are muffled against her skin as he holds her tightly to himself. It’s too tight, they’re too close, but she can’t help herself from tightening her own hold around his shoulders as she catches her breath. 

 She realizes herself and loosens her grip, pushing on the front of his shoulders until he releases her leg and backs away from her. His chuckle is self-deprecating as he tosses her a small cloth. “Aloof as always, aye Swan?” 

 She rolls her eyes as she cleans herself up and hops back into her jeans. “We really have to stop doing this.” 

 “Why?” 

 She laughs, but it comes out as more of a scoff. “Because it’s a bad idea. We’re not… doing this,” she says, gesturing her hand towards him and shrugging. 

 “Well,” he says as he ties his laces back up. “It appears as if we are doing this. If you want to put a stop to it, I suppose you’ll need to discontinue your visits.” 

 She clears her throat, adjusting her top and trying to fix her hair. “I suppose I will,” she agrees. 

 “Of course,” he starts slowly, coyly, “no one said we have to stop.”

 “We do,” she says immediately, shutting down any suggestions he may be considering making. “I have responsibilities; I can’t keep sneaking off like a teenager. I have to put my family first.” 

 “Ah,” he says, looking down at his feet and looking as insecure as she’s ever seen him. “So I can assume you’ve made your choice, then?” Stilling, she sighs and turns away from the ladder she was about to climb. “You do know that having feelings is not a bad thing.” 

 “I don’t…” She doesn't have anything to say. 

 It’s his turn to sigh. “Aye, love, I know. If you’d prefer we stop here, then that’s what we shall do.” 

 She shouldn’t be surprised that he isn’t putting up a fight. He’s a man of honor, as he often claims. The fact that he’s putting her needs above his own desires shouldn’t leave her speechless. But in reality, all she can think of is how hard Neal has been fighting to be with her, and how unwilling he has been to take no for an answer. 

 ~~~~

 “Emma!” Mary Margaret calls once she walks through the door. She probably should have checked on the appearance of her hair and clothes before she walked home, but she’s hopeful that no one will know what she was up to in the middle of the afternoon. 

 “Hi,” she says back as she shuts the door. 

 “Where were you? We missed you after breakfast.” 

 “Uh,” she starts, her cheeks flaming and her steps towards the fridge halting. “I was, um—”

 “Oooh,” her mother responds with a smirk. “I see.” 

 “What?” Emma demands as she takes a few more steps and grabs a water bottle from the fridge. 

 With a coy chuckle, her mother says, “Emma, you’re blushing, and your shirt is… well,” as she nods downwards. When Emma looks that way, she sees a bit of her bra uncovered before scrambling to straighten out her shirt. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me what you were up to. I think I can put the pieces together.” 

 She hopes beyond hope that that isn’t true. “Well, whatever you’re assuming, don’t worry. I already put a stop to it.” 

 “Oh, honey, no,” she responds, much to Emma’s surprise. “I can tell that you’ve been a bit torn lately, but it’s clear that you’ve been happier.” 

 She takes a sip of water, unsure if she can handle a hope speech right now, and shrugs. “It’s not worth it,” she says. “Everyone I’ve ever been with… it’s just not worth it.” 

 “Emma,” Mary Margaret says firmly as she walks over to her daughter and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Never say that. You’re right, it is a risk. But it’s one you need to take knowing that there are uncertainties. It’s scary, and there’s the chance that you can be hurt, but Emma, the pros so outweigh the cons. Trust me, some things are worth it. Love is worth it.” 

 “Woah,” Emma says, “no one said anything about love. I don’t have any feelings for—”

 She laughs and places a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “Sweetheart, I know a woman in love when I see one. And you said it in Neverland yourself! He is the father of your child. He’s your first love. There’s nothing wrong with still having those feelings, especially if things between you are… physical.” 

 She chokes on her water, placing it down and coughing, hitting her chest, hoping to not expose one of the many bites hidden under her hair. “Mary Margaret,” she stutters, “it’s not like that.” 

 “I realize this is awkward. We aren't exactly roommates anymore, so maybe girl-talk is off the table. But, Emma... if there’s one thing I would tell you, it’s to listen to your heart.” 

 She scoffs. Her heart has certainly led her astray in the past, and she’s unsure why she should trust it now. The first time she did, she ended up alone in prison and pregnant at 17. The last time she did, he died in her arms. Her heart has never had her best interests in mind, she thinks. Perhaps that’s why she started things with the pirate; because he could never be someone her heart would fall for. Perhaps that’s why she feels so betrayed now that she knows that isn’t working. 

 He’s made it impossible for her to ignore her feelings. To ignore the fact that she even has feelings. She wishes so desperately that she could put these to the back of her mind and ignore them as she has always done. She wishes she could ignore the way he knows her so intimately without trying. The way he can read her immediately and invariably. The way he knows exactly what she needs, and not just sexually. The way he cradles her when they’ve finished and the way he lets her go when she asks. 

 It’s too much, so she ignores it. 

 ~~~~

 She swore she wouldn’t wind up here. 

 She promised herself she would move on, and that her yellow bug would not find its way to the port on that or any night. 

 She vowed that her feelings, which she continues to stubbornly ignore, would not interfere with her plans.

 But now here she is, watching him happily and fancifully stroke his stupid hook through her hair, tucking her flyaways back into her bun. 

 She hates herself for sitting here in her car, under the pretense of patrol, watching them flirt with each other and wishing it were her. 

 Tink laughs, Hook does too, and Emma nearly retches. 

 ~~~~

 “Emma!” She hears from the diner door days later, and when she turns she’s met with exactly what she was expecting: disappointment. 

 “Hi,” she mumbles once he sits across from her. 

 “Hey,” he says happily, giving her a smile she once trusted. The one that convinced her to do what she would never do now— now that she’s an adult with the experience and knowledge needed to make decisions. “How’s it going,” he asks causally. 

 “Fine,” she grumbles, noting her near-empty mug and the fact that he doesn’t notice her need for a refill. 

 “Cool.” 

 Things between them are far too awkward, and she wishes she weren’t in this diner. She wishes Henry hadn’t just left for school and that she had a bit of a buffer between herself and the threat before her. 

 She wishes she didn’t see him as a threat.

 “Ems” he starts, leaning across the table at her. As he does so, she sees the Neal she knew twelve years ago and lets her guard down faster than she thought possible. “Go out with me,” he says in a tone that demands an affirmative response.

 She clears her throat, hoping to remain strong and to consider what he put her through the last time they were involved with each other. “I don’t know,” she responds. 

 He smiles at her, that crooked smile she recognizes as the one her 17 year old self fell in love with, and takes a sip from his drink. “Come on,” he says. “You already stood me up once. I don’t have to ask you out again, but I am.” 

 She blushes at his mention of the last time they were here— when he waited for her to show up and she didn’t. “I’m sorry,” she says, without thinking about it and without truly meaning it. 

 “Hey, I get it. We went through a lot together, the whole Bonnie and Clyde act. But we’ve both grown up. And Henry thinks it’s a good idea.” 

 With a roll of her eyes she says, “of course he does. He’s eleven, why wouldn’t he want his parents to be together.” 

 “Why shouldn’t they be?” 

 “Neal,” she starts, but she isn't sure where she should go from here.

 Before she can decide, he’s standing from the booth and she almost feels relief at the thought of him leaving. She’s almost able to take in another breath, let go of the one she’s been holding, but before she can, he’s sitting beside her and pushing her down to the end of the bench, encasing her in the booth and making it impossible for her to run. “Come on,” he says softly, leaning his face towards her. 

 The confusion she feels is overwhelming as he leans towards her, the warmth of his breath washing over her mouth and the scent of his cologne taking over her senses. She hasn’t been in this position in twelve years, and now that she’s back, she isn’t sure what to do. If he had found her here a year or two ago, she would have jumped at the opportunity to be with him again. But now, something has changed. Now, she realizes what life is like without him. Not only without him, but with someone else. 

 When his lips press to hers, the only thought she has is how chapped they are and how greasy his nose is as it glides against her own. The only coherent thought she has is how she almost raises her fingers to slide through his hair, but stops herself. She thinks about how wrong his goatee feels against her chin. She thinks about how unpleasurable it is when he bites her bottom lip lightly. 

 Breaking away from him, she wipes the back of her hand against her mouth to remove any evidence of him being there and pinches her brows together. “I don’t,” she says, but again, she’s unable to form a thought. 

 “So good it left you speechless?” he asks, and she scoffs. 

 “I have to go,” she says to him promptly, pushing on his shoulders and hoping that he backs off of the bench enough for her to exit. 

 “What do you mean?” he asks her forcefully. 

 “I mean I have to go. There’s something I have to…” She can’t continue, can’t finish her thought. She knows she can’t tell him what she’s about to do. Knows she can’t explain to him that, despite ending things between herself and Hook, she needs him more than she needs to breathe right now. 

 “Seriously?” His voice is vapid as she stands. “I’m Henry’s father. You can’t seriously be telling me that there’s someone out there who’s a better match for you.” 

 With another scoff and a shake to her head, she grabs her jacket and heads out the door. 

 ~~~~

 The ship is silent when she arrives, trying her hardest to sneak across the deck without the heels of her boots clicking too loudly against the aged wood. The problem is that her adrenaline is absolutely spiking and she’s finding it difficult to slow herself down. What she needs is the release that he’s guaranteed to bring her. 

 “Swan,” he says once he arrives on the main deck she’s trying to sneak across. 

 “Oh,” she exclaims in surprise. “Hi.” 

 “It’s the middle of the morning, love, is something wrong?” 

 “No,” she lies. 

 “Shouldn’t you be at the station?” 

 With a shrug and a few steps closer to him, she says, “something came up.” 

 He sighs. His nod and the purse of his lips tell her that he understands her meaning and why she’s here, so she proceeds towards him until her hands find his shoulders. “We can’t,” he says, much to her surprise. 

 She draws in her brows in confusion and leans towards him, saying, “of course we can.” 

 “No,” he says forcefully, pushing her back with gentle conviction. “We can’t. You said you wanted to end things.” 

 “Tomorrow,” she tries to reason. Then, “I want you now,” as she pushes forward again.

 But he’s faster and stronger and he pulls away from her and grabs her wrist, keeping her from grabbing his lapel as she normally would do. “No.” 

 With an angry, childish scoff, she says, “come on, seriously?” 

 “Do you want me, or do you want a distraction?” 

 “A distraction from what?” she demands, practically shoving herself away from him. 

 “You tell me. I’m willing to bet something happened that’s making you come here. Something with Baelfire, perhaps?” 

 With an indignant laugh, she turns away from him. “Please. You think you know me so well?” 

 “Aye, I do. I think something happened that made you think and you couldn’t handle it. So you’ve come here to use me again.” 

 “Again!” 

 “You’re telling me, honestly, that you coming here every other night isn’t because of Baelfire, or because your mother pushes you to be with him, or because Henry wants his parents to be together? Are you honestly trying to tell me that you don’t come here as a distraction from all of this?”

 “Hook,” she tries, but again, she has nothing to say. 

 “I have feelings for you, Emma. I want to be with you. With you.” His tone is so real and his eye contact with her so deep and intense that she has to look away. 

 “I could’ve sworn you wanted to be with Tink from the way you two were ogling each other the other night,” she says accidentally, slapping her palm against her mouth as she lets slip that she was here. 

 His laugh is self deprecating. It’s almost hateful as he shakes his head and turns away from her. “I want you, love, more than anything. But I don’t want to be your secret. I’m not willing to sit around and wait for you to come to your senses. If you don’t have feelings for me as I do you, then I think you should go.”

 “Hook,” she tries again uselessly. 

 “Please,” he begs, refusing to look her way for the first time. “I’ve known enough heartbreak in my life. I’ve learned to prevent it where I can.” 

 With that, with his words hanging heavy between them and her eyes glassing over in response, she turns away and stalks towards the gangplank, careful not to let the tears fall and the sobs break loose until she’s locked away in her bug. 

 ~~~~

 ~~~~

[ship-ambrosia]

Chilumi Week Day 4 - The Heart of a Hero (Hearts)

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Should I have made a more romantic prompt? Maybe 😂😂

Summary: The more they fight, the more he falls. The more she reminds him of who Ajax once wanted to be.

   He pulled back the string of his bow, unconsciously counting the seconds as he felt energy flowing from his body into the arrow between his fingers. Without wasting a beat, as soon as the Hydro energy at the arrowhead had burst he let his arrow fly toward his target - the golden-haired, golden-eyed girl charging toward him at a speed that would intimidate a lesser man. But Childe wasn’t one of the Fatui’s Eleven Harbingers for nothing, his stance didn’t falter one bit.

   Lumine dodged, and he smirked. He knew she would.

   As easy as he breathed, he’d tossed his bow into the air and watched it disappear into golden dust. More Hydro energy gathered in his palms, and he rose two watery blades in his hands to meet the arc of her sword coming down on him.

   “Not bad, girlie,” he purred as he admired her, all of her, while their blades were locked. The fierceness in her eyes, the way she gritted her teeth, the sweat on her brow. There was a sense of pride in him upon seeing these things, seeing the way he made her work. Knowing that it was him, who turned her into the beautiful fighter that she was.

   He realized too late what she was doing. Childe’s eyes widened when he noticed the gathering vortex in her offhanded palm. He broke the bladelock and attempted to move away from her out of range, when the Anemo blast unfurled from her hand. He was caught just at the edge of it, but caught nonetheless and was sent flying, landing on his back with his swords dematerializing in a splash of water around him. The way the wind was knocked from his lungs sent shivers through his body. She was still amazing, still constantly pushing him to his limits. He didn’t think he could ever get enough of her.

  ��“I think,” she said, walking over to him and putting her hands on his hips. “That means I win again.”

   “You’re starting to fight dirty, like me,” he breathed out, grinning up at her again. “Am I corrupting the princess?”

   Rolling her eyes, Lumine leaned over and offered him a hand, which Childe took and pulled himself to his feet - only to then immediately twist it around and knock her over onto her back, as a hydroblade appeared in his hand once more. He pointed the blade at her.

   “That’s a win for me, actually,” he informed her.

   Lumine’s shocked expression twisted into annoyance. “You’re insufferable.”

   He laughed, pulling her back to her feet and ruffling her hair a bit. “Whaddya say we start a fire and cook up something to eat? I could really go for some of your cooking after my victory.”

   When he looked back at her though, Lumine was staring off in the distance, intently. “Shhh, Childe,” she quieted him. “Did you hear that?”

   His playfulness melted away, senses on alert for danger. Childe immediately began making for higher ground for a vantage point. There was little out in the wilderness around Liyue that truly concerned him; but he would never let Lumine get hurt while he was around.

   This time he heard it; a strange sound, something between a groan and a scream. It was definitely human to him, a sound he’d heard before - from his work in the Fatui, as much as Lumine probably would be disappointed to hear the details of such an event. Childe scanned the rocky cliffs of Liyue that surrounded them.

   “Help!” The sound formed into words, confirming its origin as human. At least, he sure hoped anything that called for help was human.

   After the second cry, Childe spotted the source; a camp on the crest of a hill not too far from their location. He could see several figures sitting around a fire. There was a boxy shape with them, some distance away. As he watched, one of the human shapes stood up and walked to it; the box was large enough to fit a human inside of it. His blood ran cold when he pieced it together. Something unfamiliar, yet familiar all at once, stirred within him.

   “Childe! What do you see?” Lumine called up to him, but her companion was already gone, pushing aside his scarf and leaping from his overlook, allowing the device attached to his back to spread its wings.

   He had been surprised when Lumine gifted him the wind glider. He knew they were sacred tools to Mondstadters, the children of the wind, who placed strict gliding rules on themselves and outsiders who happened to get their hands on them. She was their Honorary Knight, so of course she had been given a glider. He was a member of the Fatui, and Mondstadt certainly had no love for them - but he’d seen the delight on her face as she danced on the wind between the rock pillars of Jueyun Karst, and secretly he’d wished he could be up there with her, experiencing a whole new kind of adrenaline rush between the clouds. It was a tool he’d kept to himself, away from the prying eyes of the other Harbingers. Who knew when it might give him an advantage over them?

   Now he didn’t feel the rush, or the wind carrying him. He was moving purely on instinct, a body that knew how to fight, knew how to kill. He landed against the side of the cliff, not wasting a breath of stamina as he swung himself effortlessly up and over the edge.

   The Treasure Hoarders hardly got a moment to react. Childe looked to the box, to the cage, and saw exactly what he knew he would see there. He fired three quick shots, downing two of the members in one hit before manifesting his blades into his hands and leaping into the fray.

   “Who the hell is this guy?!” He heard one of them cry between his swirling blades of water.

   Childe ducked out of the way as a potion crackling with Cryo energy was thrown at him, throwing his elbow into the same man’s chin. Another struck out at him with a kick, which he sidestepped before delivering his own strike to the man’s gut, who went down swiftly. The third fool to fight back swung a hammer at Childe, but he’d trained enough with his own Vanguard - who used electrified hammers too, this was just a normal one - and thus he took the ordinary man down without breaking a sweat.

   By the time Lumine caught up with him, Childe had already approached the cage with the key he’d gotten off one of the Treasure Hoarders, opening the door and freeing the elderly man inside.

   “Childe!” She was huffing and puffing, like it had taken her a great amount of effort in order to catch him. He supposed he had just dashed off without so much as a warning. “Why did you leave me standing there, all by myself?”

   And then her eyes widened, having noticed the man in the cage, and all frustration toward the young man she was traveling with disappeared.

~

   It was sunset by the time they saw the gates of Liyue Harbor in the distance, having helped the old man back to the city. From what they could gather, he was a rich nobleman living in Yujing Terrace, who had been out searching for stashes of Noctilucous Jade. Lumine didn’t have the heart to tell the man he was in entirely the wrong place for it, to the west of Liyue when the jades were found to the west, toward Dragonspine Mountain, and she especially didn’t want to encourage the elder to make the trek out there on his own. Once they’d helped him past the Millelith standing guard, they parted ways. Both Childe and Lumine drifted near each other, around each other, like two celestial bodies that couldn’t pull away. They were silent though; up until the moment that their stomachs started growling.

   “I can’t believe we forgot about lunch,” Lumine spoke first, sheepishly.

   “Yeah,” he replied. “I’ll treat you. How’s that sound? Dinner on me?”

   With little reason to decline Childe’s offer, they both made their way to Wanmin Restaurant, together. As they waited for Xiangling to serve them her nightly special, Lumine couldn’t help herself anymore. “Childe?”

   He looked up from practicing with his chopsticks - wrestling with them, was more accurate - and frowned. “Is something wrong?”

   “No, I mean... not really...” she swallowed hard under his expectant gaze. “I was just surprised you bothered to save that old man.”

   She could tell he was searching her face, trying to read her reaction. “Why?”

   “Fighting the Treasure Hoarders I get, I know you do it a lot because it’s basically a free fight for you,” she explained. “But you didn’t jump in because they were Treasure Hoarders. There’s no way you could tell from that distance. So you jumped in to save him.”

   “I’m not following. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of what happened.”

   “You do things only if they are of some benefit to you,” she pointed out. “You saved me from the Millelith, and kept paying for everything for me because you wanted to gain my trust. You introduced me to Zhongli because you knew he’d end up telling me where the Exuvia was. I know you accompany me on expeditions just so you can get the chance to let loose and fight.”

   “I didn’t know you thought so highly of me,” she didn’t miss the sarcasm in his voice. Childe was hurt by her words? Or maybe it was more lies. She enjoyed his company, but it was hard to tell when he was being entirely truthful.

   “But you didn’t get anything out of saving that old man,” she pointed out. She watched as Childe’s eyes widened in response, as though he hadn’t realized it until now - there was no advantage. Just an old man safe at home now.

   “You don’t know that,” he spoke shortly, trying and failing to hide how much she’d rattled him.

   “Childe, why did you save him?”

   “I don’t know,” his reply was soft, but not soft enough to conceal it. That was a bold-faced lie. He knew exactly why.

   The words of his father danced around in his head, stories of heroes all across Teyvat, battling evil and saving people. Young Ajax would listen with starry eyes, his father always scolding him for being distracted from their fishing rods but continuing to do it anyway. There was nothing he had wanted to be but a hero then. Nothing he had wanted to be but a traveler.

   He was jolted out of his memories when Lumine moved closer, placing her hand on his. “Yes you do,” she said defiantly, and he knew she had seen right through him. He smiled to himself.

   “Maybe I’m just tricking you,” he purred, all honey returning to his voice. “Maybe I’m trying to gain your trust again so I can tear it all down.”

   Lumine narrowed her eyes. “Then you’ve already succeeded, because you have my trust. I’d like to think you can rely on me, too.”

   “Never tell someone from the Fatui they have your trust, girlie. They’ll use it for their own ends. They’ll use it to break you. They’ll use any means to get an advantage over you.”

   “But you don’t. Not anymore,” she gently ran her fingers over his knuckles, and Childe was very irritated by the way she made electricity dance over his skin, the way she made his heart start to pound. “You don’t actually fight dirty. You always like to fight on equal ground. You’re just creative.”

   He was supposed to be the one playing with her feelings. Instead he felt like Lumine had reached into his chest and was playing music with his heartstrings.

   He sighed.

   “My real name is Ajax,” he could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and he watched Lumine stiffen as she comprehended them. He saw her eyes flitter around his face, the way it does when she tries to detect his lies. Even though he knew her tell, he’s still never been able to successfully hide a full lie from her ever since they began to spend time together. When he doesn’t want her to find out something, he usually just redirects now. “Ajax is the name my parents gave me. Childe, and Tartaglia, those were gifts from the Tsaritsa. And to be honest I hardly feel like Ajax is part of me anymore.”

   Lumine was silent.

   “My father used to tell me stories of heroes, all the time. Not just heroes from Snezhnaya, but from all across the continent. I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to save people. I wanted people to tell stories about me. Now I’m Childe, and I’m kind of a bad guy,” he chuckled. “Ajax’s dreams are long gone.”

   She gave him a serious look, eyes burning. He’s only seen her with that intensity once before, when they fought in the Golden House. “No they aren’t. If they were, you wouldn’t have saved that old man today.”

   He felt her hands cup his face, and he froze between them, unsure if Lumine was about to make a big mistake. His eyes flickered down to her lips, and he thought about all the times he’d imagined making it too.

   But she stayed right where she was, staring into his eyes. “I’d like to see them one day. Ajax’s dreams. I’d like to travel with him. And I’d like to try and make them come true. You have the instincts of a hero. You could still be one.”

   No, he thought. Not anymore. But somewhere deep inside his mind told him that was a lie, too. Staring into her eyes, he thought that he kind of believed her words. With her around, Ajax could become a hero.

   She was changing something in him. Each moment he spent with her left him with dreams of running free, untethered, as an adventurer, a traveler himself, back to the wide open skies and heroic deeds that used to decorate his dreams. Of course he was drawn to her - she reminded him of who he used to want to be. Before the day in the Abyss, before it all had come crashing down. But she was changing him, slowly bringing Ajax back out of him. He’d never be entirely the same again, but it still scared him to think how much of an effect on him she had.

   “I told you, girlie,” that familiar smile crept onto his face. “I want you to see me conquer the world. That’s not something a hero wants.”

   Maybe one day, Ajax spoke very softly, in the corner of his mind, in response. I’ll be enough to be considered her hero.

[uncertaininnit]

who wants to read an essay about my relationship with simping/an appreciation(/simping lol) post about Will+Eret and also seperately tommyinnit that was written at 4:22 am and then added to the queue because i love the queue system also fun fact i pronounced the word ‘queue’ as ‘cc-week’ for like an entire year and idk why anyways

lets just jump into it

lol

so. if somebody was to ask me who my favorite mcyt is, i would think about it for a moment and eventually answer with either Wilbur or Eret. and i think that is purely out of simping instinct or whatever the fuck. 

to start, Wilbur; the prettiest man, period. i do not take constructive criticism. he is literally gorgeous and i get so mad at him for putting himself down all the time because he doesnt deserve the shit, especially not from himself. he is 24 years old and has the lowest self-esteem out of anybody i can think of. i want to yell in his face all the time. i want to tell him simps are the same species as him, and they have REASONS to simp. if you keep seeing appreciation posts about yourself (which im sure he does) that means people APPRECIATE YOU and WANT YOU to feel APPRECIATED. 

anyway, back to simping. let’s start from the top. his goddamn hair. it is, it is, and i just took a deep breath, so pretty. maybe it isnt the hair itself, probably, but the way it is done. wavy dark brown hair all floofy in the front. and he is constantly messing with it, which is THE cutest thing. when he is excited, he moves a lot, and his hair moves with him and gets messed up and ahhhcvkvyr moving on.

his face? lets start with his eyes. they are so pretty. i think my opinion on eyes is probably weird, and allow me to explain why. i never ever notice somebodies eye color when talking to them. i just dont even look. so when i am actively paying attention to somebody’s eyes, they are that much more important to me. but idk, i kinda feel like his eyes are one of the biggest factors of his face? like, he looks really pretty whether he is smiling or not, because his face doesn’t ride on his smile.

sidetrack paragraph about george: i think george is that way. he is adorable, but he is only really adorable when he is smiling. if i look up ‘georgenotfound cute’ it will be entirely him smiling, and never any other facial expression because he genuinely looks like the fucking weirdest thing sometimes when making a serious face. back to will.

i dont pay attention to noses because who even cares dude but i’m sure his nose does a good job of supporting his looks as well so good job nose

his SMILE. he doesn’t need to smile, but dude, when he does, it’s like i always used to say (and still would say) in regards to eijiro kirishima. it’s like... sunbeams, like rays of light are in his mouth and escaping when he smiles.i wonder how he keeps a star in there. because his smile literally lights up my heart. and when he tilts his head(basically all the time luckily)? so goddamn pretty. pretty man. pretty. 

that brings us to his neck, which is- no, kidding, but i do want to talk about his vocal chords! firstly his speaking voice, which i guess as an american it hits different for me because of the accent. but- i dont think i can put it into words. but the way he puts thoughts into words-(lol) idk, his voice is just really sweet. and his SINGING VOICE, here we go.

so he sings, duh. and i- holy fuck. he just sounds good, you know? he is a good singer. i want to put my emotions simply this time. he sings well, and he sounds good. a pretty voice for a pretty man. i cant even try to elaborate.

basically the only other thing of my concern is his fucking yellow sweater? or jumper or whatever the fuck? and his beanie? on his body? damn. i am genuinely attached to that sweater. it just looks good, ok? it does. 

oh yeah, and he’s hella fucking tall. 6′5? are you kidding? you couldn’t have at least been short so we could make fun of you?

oh yeah and his laugh-

it is now 4:53 am and a bitch is tired but i have an entire fucking train of thoughts and they must be somewhere before they slip away

the next part- Eret. i adore Eret. so incredibly much. and let me start this by saying i’m going to consistantly call him a he, because he doesn’t care and so that makes it easier for me. ok? ok.

he is the opposite of Wilbur in this one regard, confidence. and self-esteem. eret loves himself. that attitude spreads. look, not only is he like the #1 bicon in the world as far as i’m concerned, but he also actively fucks gender roles any day. strawberry dress pog? strawberry dress pog.

but seriously, he rocked the strawberry dress. and the suit, though i missed that stream. he rocks his crown, his sunglasses, just anything he puts on. and don’t get me started on the BOOTS

(im started on the boots) so firstly the heel boots, the first ones he got. when i first saw clips, my only thought was something like ‘woah.’ or maybe ‘damn.’ at that point i didn’t know much about him, just that he looked STELLAR in those boots (and the betrayal and shit yknow) and the PLATFORMS DUDE

the platforms are the same but moar tall, which is incredible. oh and now back to strawberry dress- have you seen him twirl? the twirl? hello? have you seen it? you must. 

also i havent even talked about HIM yet. hove you seen that picture of him with a bird on his shoulder? he is facing the bird, i think looking at it, with a wide smile across his face. and it is so pretty. he has the prettiest smile. 

also today i was looking for flour at the store place and a clip of him was playing in my mind- he was doing like an announcer voice, like in every superhero movie trailer- and he was just coming up with something to say, and what he ened up saying was ‘in a world... where.... cookies.... are made of pringles’ and OMFG its making me laugh even now. like of absolutely anything, that was the example he made. just thinking about it is making me smile. 

speaking of, have you heard his voice? his normal voice is really really deep anyways, but he has crazy range- he can effortlessly(i originally wrote effortly and when i noticed i laughed because i am so fucking tired bfv9wuocl) go from like an elmo impression (and a good one) to a just REALLY low voice, lower than his normal low voice. 

AND HIS SINGING VOICE! he doesn’t like actually make music like wilbur but on that one stream where he did kareoke (how the fuck is it spelled) with fundy and his voice is SO LIKE its deep and its just pretty and i never want to hear normal sweater weather ever again, just him singing it.

i think this is where i’m done with eret- it is 5:18 now, and a BITCH IS TIRED but i need to finish this while i’m still feeling this wayy or i’ll never finish it, i know this from experience.

and now it’s tommy time

the og reason i decided to make this an actual post . but i had to explain the simping thing before i got into my thoughts about tommy. 

but let me start this with just saying yes, i love him. he is a big man and i want him to be happy. which is the topic for today’s discussion, AHEM. 

so tommyinnit, right? he is 16, which is why i do NOT simp.i dont care that im also a minor, i wouldn’t do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, ever. in any world. never. because look- i dont know how to put it, but tommy is SIXTEEN. still young and impressionable and all that junk. and he is a fairly fucking famous twitch streamer. he does that almost daily.

what i’m saying is i dont want him to get hurt. him, and tubbo too. they are a part of the world, part of the public, all the time. don’t you think that is stressful? do you guys remember his haircut stream? on the day of his haircut? and chat was making fun of him for it, and wilbur was making fun of him for it. that is how i express affection, with my real friends as well. playful bullying. but at some point while Will was teasing him, he says something along the lines of ‘yeah, the big man hasn’t been having too great a day’ or something like that, and dude, my heart dropped.

a. he had mentioned earlier that he didn’t want to stream the day of his haircut because hair is always weird that first day, but since he hadn’t streamed in a good bit he felt obliged to. i dont really.. idk, i dont really like that. i dont want him to have to put himself in uncomfortable situations because he feels like he needs to for us. i don’t think that is healthy.

and b. chat and wilbur were bullying him. good-naturedly, but still, when he mentioned he had been having a bad day, the chat turned around and instantly started yelling shit like ‘AHHHH SORRY BIG MAN YOUR HAIR IS FINE’ and when Wilbur kept teasing him (you fucking beautiful bully man fuck off) yelling stuff like ‘WILBUR QUIT WE ARE H U R T I N G HIM’ and ‘WILL STFU HES HAVING A BAD DAY’ so im glad we all want him to feel ok

but still, it cannot be healthy. when i first got into MCYT, i though tommy was fucking loud and annoying. and he is! he is. but that is a big part of why i like him so much. and everyone jokes about him being a child, because he is, but i choose to not say stuff like that in chat just because i want him to be happy. those jokes are fun, but i want him to be happy. and he is happier when not being called a child.

im not attacking you, do whatever the fuck you want. i dont know why i feel the need to protect him or whatever, if he read this he would probably think i was hella creepy. i just- listen, i just want him to be happy. i just want him to smile and laugh. i sound SO GODDAMN CREEPY but- as ive said- i just want him to be happy. 

is this literally just what having a comfort streamer is? am i not crazy? does everyone experience this? and can we talk about tommy’s playlist it’s literally so sweet and bubbly compared to his personality and i love that. and the song he always plays at the start of stream and always like buzzes along to? that moment in time is my very favorite.

it is 5:44-

[thisdreamplace]

7 Days of ‘I Am the Creator’ Meditation

Guidelines:

- ‘I Am the Creator’ Meditation

- SATS

Why?

Why not? haha Nah, these days were a lot more relaxed than the previous challenge I did. The main goal here was to continue deepening my knowing of who I truly am (God) and I can say, I’ve had a helluva time.

Reflection:

This is gonna be a pretty long reflection. Compared to my last little challenge, this one ended up being extremely reflective. So, get cozy. You’re in for a ride.

Okay, so this was an interesting 7 days. I battled with anxiety, feeling like I am the exception to the law (read through a lot of my asks this week, EIYPO is no joke haha), and just overall wondering if there’s any point in continuing this journey. I’ll just be real honest with y’all about how I’ve felt. It’s been a little ugly.

But the is answer is... yes, it’s always worth it to be on this journey. Especially because I can stop consciously living by the law if I want to... but I will continue to live by the law regardless, with my subconscious mind. So there’s no point in stopping persisting. My issue tends to be, what am I persisting for? And well, I came to some hard to swallow pills of realization as well lots of good realizations too. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. But I will say, despite it, I have been able to keep some bursts of feel good energy here and there. All is not lost... it’s just truly a journey. A real lifestyle change I’ll keep going at until I wake up from this dream world.

Now, reflecting back on the meditation specifically.. I absolutely adore it. And I will continue to do it when I feel like it, because I just really enjoyed the concept. When I meditate, I’ve been allowing myself to use the infinity timer so I can go for as long as I feel is natural to me. (I use the app Insight Timer if anyone is interested!) Anyway, I average between 10-20 minutes. That being said, whew, this meditation! On the longer days, I was able to use this meditation as a way to calm my anxiety. On other days, the meditation absolutely overwhelmed me! When I got to the step of allowing myself to really FEEL what I wanted to feel... I’d feel overwhelmed. Shortness of breath, the absolute need to move. It was interesting. Some of the sensations you get during meditation are weird sometimes. haha I appreciated this meditation regardless, because I love the practice of the outer world no longer existing and allowing myself to be consumed in my mind, where I am home, where I am safe. Where I AM the creator and can literally have anything I want without a reason, other than the fact I want it.

Best Manifestations:

Mainly lots of passive manifestations. These 7 days really showed me that um... everything you reap will be sowed. Neville didn’t lie.

For example, a coworker randomly brought me the gift of a state flag... Thing is, there’s a state I love and adore and I will be moving there when I’m done with the things I want to finish where I currently live. A few weeks ago, I was looking up little flags for that state but didn’t end up buying any. Then she randomly brings me one? She knows I love the state. But it’s not like I was walking around asking for flags hahaha so that was cool

Then, I’ve wanted to watch Casablanca for a while. But I haven’t watched it because it’s not on any streaming sites for free. Then, I bring it up at work and my coworker so happens to have it on DVD. She brings it within a couple days and I get to watch it and I loved it. Maybe not the most exciting thing ever, but for me it was just another confirmation that yep, I am always manifesting. I will always end up getting what I want.

People have been mirroring my thoughts a lot more. I posted about one incident here, but also, people bring up something I am thinking about within seconds. Sometimes, not going to lie, this pisses me off. Sometimes it’s cool, sometimes it’s like no... I wanted ACTION. Not for us to simply talk about it? But regardless, it still shows the world is mirroring me. So, in a way, it’s still a form of success. haha And of course, the only failure is thinking you have failed. I will persist. Oh, and I played around with the basics of EIYPO (people are always like, decide what someone will wear!) lol so I chose the shirts of both of my coworkers one day. One was specific down to the actual t-shirt, the other was a pattern (plaid). They both walked into working wearing what I wanted them to wear, haha.

Plus, the things I want to know/find always pop up. Like, a Neville story I once heard but can no longer find. Information that will help me better understand the law coming up a few days after I want it. I have full confidence now I will always find what I need.

Best Self-Concept Improvements:

Information downloads!!!!!!!!!!!!

While, yes, I was kind of not in the best place emotionally, it kind of lead to some deep shit I needed to acknowledge. Like, at one point I got upset because I realized, I really have been trying to apply the law. Meanwhile, I’ve been applying the law effortlessly since the day I was born. I can stop trying to apply the law and I’ll still be living by the law. All of this hit me and it just made me feel like, yo... what am I even doing? If I am God, no matter what, what am I even doing? If I am manifesting naturally, why in the world am I trying?

During one of my meditations, I decided I want to give myself freedom. That’s what I wanted in the little world of my mind and the response I got was, “there is freedom in I Am-ness.” It was like, wait. What. I am right! I AM RIGHT. (Of course I am... lol, being God jokes.) Anyway, that little information download changed the game for me. That little phrase suddenly was the key. Let me explain further.

I ended up going on an affirmation walk that really turned more into a walking meditation. All I could repeat was, “I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM”... yeah, you get it. And like, it made sense. It actually made sense. “I am. And because I am, everything is.” This was the sentence that would come up during this meditation and it actually made sense.

Finally, the hardest pill the swallow:

Responsibility. Taking responsibility. How funny is it that this podcast was dropped on my last day of doing this challenge. During these 7 days, I definitely had some victim mentality thoughts I entertained a bit. Like the classic, I’ve been working so hard at this and it’s like nothing is changing. (Not even true, I literally posts my successes here and keep track of others one on my notes app.) Well, here’s the hardest pill. Did Neville not say, to see change you must first change yourself? How in the world can I say I have changed, if I am able to comfortably think the same victim thoughts that got me the old story? Ouch.

This is one thing I really had to look at and accept about myself. And EIYPO. I will be tackling this concept, because it’s time to. I have stayed away from it. I understand it intellectually, but I have barely allowed myself to go beyond that because honestly... it means taking ALL the responsibility for my life. Because, people have been my weakness. My old story includes lots of feeling like I could die and no one would attend my funeral. Literally. This is a thought that would loop in my mind damn near all of the time back when I was immersed in the old story. Need I say more? EIYPO is actually a more sensitive subject to me than I allowed myself to accept. And now, it’s time to take responsibility and face it head on. Sometimes, the concept feels suffocating. But I know as I persist, it’ll all lead to my freedom.

Conclusion:

My biggest question during these 7 days was, am I focusing on the right things? Is it even worth it to keep focusing on my specific manifestations at this point? I think I got my answer and of course, it’s hazy. The answer is, no. But also yes. I just want to shift my focus a bit.

To what, exactly? To me. I thought about my journey for the past 7 months that I’ve been on. And I can honestly say, I have failed to manifest for me. I will for a few hours. Then I find an excuse for why it’s okay to think about the other things I want because hey, I want them. It has to do with me. What’s the difference? Well, there is a difference. One keeps me using manifestation as a technique and the other allows me to step into who I really am, as God. Have I had successes? Yeah, tons. But there’s something in all those articles I have refused to listen to. The parts that constantly say, “IT IS YOU. IT IS ALL YOU. YOU MUST GO WITHIN.” Like I get it, and I thought just persisting in what I want would be enough. But when you are able to so easily slip back into the old story like it’s nothing, like I did this week, that shows the state you are truly operating from. And yeah, I’ve made tons of progress. I get things I want quicker now and I am able to get a lot of the things I want, but I want to take this to the next level. Not just so I am getting things here and there, but so my entire life is a constant stream of me getting what I want. Even on the off days.

On these 7 days, I came across a post someone made where they showed their affirmations. One of them that stuck out to me was:

“I am always chosen, because I always choose myself.” Something about it kind of stuck with me. Could I say this affirmation has been true for me? No. I’m good at choosing myself in the outer world. But in the inner world? Nah. And it’s time to change that.

How will I do that? By following Neville’s first principal.

Be still and know that I am God.

“There is nothing to change but our concept of self. As soon as we succeed in transforming self, our world will dissolve and reshape itself in harmony with that which our change affirms.” - Neville Goddard

[ravs6709]

Our Very Own Melody- Kam

Alrighty. This is my contribution for @kam-week-2020! The original plan was to have it out like last week, but well... This was for day 2, Soulmates/Flowers. It’s a human au, because I felt like it. In this case, the soulmates thing is that soulmates have a mental bond that develops once you’re close to them (it’s like telepathy and empathy combined kinda).

This fic is a lot different than my normal ones. 1- It accidentally ended up being like 5k words long. This was because the ending was my original idea for this, but I got super invested in the backstory so now the ending is more of a very short bonus. 2- since the beginning-turned-super-long part was the backstory, the tensing might be a little confusing, but it is linear and I was too lazy to edit. Also, music kinda has a large focus, but really, all you need is a very basic understanding as to how a violin works, as I didn’t use as much music terms.

At the moment, I’m really proud of this one, so enjoy! Someone please tell me if the cut decided to break on this, ik it would be hard to scroll through 5k+ words.

Last thing, but this universe feels like it can be explored more, so if asked I can add more from different POVs

•~•~•~•~•~•

Keefe Sencen loved having a soulmate. He loved having someone who could just understand him. He'd grown up deprived of the love that he so desperately needed. All he had wanted was someone he could talk to without having to hide himself.

Then came his soulmate. He'd met Tam Song in high school, he was a boy who either sat alone or stuck by the side of his sister. He always wore earbuds, and that, combined with his less than stellar attitude made him less than approachable.

Though despite the fact that he kept himself distant, the black haired boy had joined a club. The club was the strings ensemble, which also happened to be one of the clubs that Keefe was in. It was there he learned that Tam played the violin just like him, and he played it passionately. He was also incredibly skilled, but Keefe would have never told him that.

Being the two best violin players in the ensemble, they'd interacted a lot. It lead to them clashing constantly, a competition to see who could learn a song faster, or who would make less mistakes. Anyone around them would have admired their enthusiasm to play, and when they had to play a duet, they were always mindful of each other, never trying to drown the other out.

Their competition didn't end there though, it had started to extend to outside of the club too. The both of them had went out of their way to learn a variety of new songs, just so they could play it to each other. They would bask in the feeling of seeing the other in awe of their playing skills. And when it was their turn to listen, listen they did, admiring the fluidity of the of the bow's movements. Or just the sound of each individual note, politely offering constructive criticism whenever there was an improvement that could be made.

"Keefe," Fitz said. "Do you like Tam?"

"Bangs Boy?" He had scoffed. "You think I like him?"

"You spend a lot of time with him," Fitz pointed out. "You're what... serenading him every month?"

"S- serenade?" He spluttered. "I am not serenading and trying to woo him!"

"Then what is going on?"

"It's a competition," Keefe explained. "I'm proving that I'm the superior violinist. I'm just trying to get him to acknowledge it."

Fitz raised an eyebrow. "Why does it matter if he says that you're better?"

For once, Keefe had been unable to reply. Because it didn't matter, did it?

All this had happened in their first year of high school. Even after, they continued to learn new songs, ready to play with for the other. In their third year of high school, they ended up in the same strings class. Their class had received a project where they would have to create a song and perform it in front of class. Everybody had to work in a pair, and their teacher had assigned them as a pair.

Neither of them would have admitted it at the time, but they had worked together as if they had shared the same mind. Their ideas always seemed to mesh well with the other's, and always managed to work through the flaws of the other's idea. When one of them was stuck trying to figure out how the next part of the song would go, the other was able to figure out the answer that was exactly what the other had needed. When it was time to present, the entire class, including the teacher had been speechless at the way they so effortlessly played with each other, their dynamic perfect.

Neither of them had realized it at the time, but it was the beginning of the bond that they would have.

Towards the end of their third year, Keefe's father had begun to be more strict than usual. The pressure to get high grades was becoming overwhelming. It had started to be harder to crack jokes.

Surprisingly, it was Tam that was the first to notice his change in demeanor.

"Are you doing okay?"

Keefe had froze, unsure of what to do. So he gave a nonchalant shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You're a lot less obnoxious than usual," Tam told him. "It would be a shame if your playing were to be affected."

Well, that was something he didn't expect to hear. But it was a good way to distract. "Aww Bangs Boy, you care?"

He had rolled his eyes, but the look on him seemed less irritated than usual. "We can't just let the competition end so easily. It would be no fun if I win only because you weren't able to play at your best."

"I'm fine though, really." The blonde boy wasn't sure why he kept lying, but he didn't want to vent to Bangs Boy, of all people.

"Well hypothetically," Tam began, not making eye contact. "If something were to be wrong, I would listen. I'm not good with words, but I think it would be better than nothing."

"Well hypothetically," Keefe continued. "If something were to be wrong, I might come to you. But I'm fine."

He nodded, then pointed to a bench by the empty park. "Let's sit."

Keefe smiled. This was usually Tam's way of saying that he had a song that he was ready to play. He followed and sat at the bench, watching as Tam pulled out his violin from the case.

With that, Tam began to play Keefe's favourite song. He wasn't even sure when he had told the black haired boy what his comfort song was, or how he had remembered, but he didn't question it. Not when there was someone in front of him, someone who had noticed. And that Tam had done his best to comfort him despite not being good at that sort of thing.

It was that fact that had compelled him to stare, he had been sure of it at the time. Keefe had sat there, eyes drifting to the fingers changing positions, then doing a vibrato. Then he looked towards the bow arm, moving up and down elegantly. And then to his face, mouth set in a determined line, eyes narrowed as he focused on only his playing.

And if Tam had accidentally played the wrong note, he didn't mind it at all, grateful that this moment was even happening at all.

"I only started learning it a week ago," Tam had told him, after he finished.

"It was beautiful," he murmured, the words spilling out before he could control them. 'Thank you."

For the first time, Tam had blushed. His skin had turned a light pink, but still noticeable compared to how pale it had been before.

"I'll play it for you again when I've improved," he offered, which had been his way of saying that he was there.

It was such a nice offer, almost unlike what he was used to hearing. "Sure."

It had been about a week later when Keefe had approached Tam to take him up on his offer. His father had yelled at him for getting a 93 on an English assignment. The back haired boy had nodded, and pulled out his violin.

The original plan was to lay down and enjoy the music, to let himself drift off, even if for a few minutes. But there was something about the way Tam played, the melody of those high notes- starting off slow before speeding up in a crescendo that made him lose control of himself.

The tears were flowing before he was able to realize it, his breaths erratic. The one thing that had kept him grounded was his fingers tapping to the tune against the wooden bench. The song had ended with a whole note, emotion packed into that one long note.

"It's your family, isn't it?" Tam asked.

Keefe gazed up at him. "Wha- what do you mean?"

"Most of us talk fondly about our families. I've heard Fitz and Sophie and Dex talk about theirs. You never mention your own, and you've never invited your friends to your home. You look at your schoolwork with a distant expression, as if you would want to he anywhere else except at school."

There was more to it, Keefe thought. But he wasn't able to question it, not when Tam had admitted that he observed him. He opened his mouth to make a teasing remark, but all that came out was.

"Yeah. I... my father's super strict. I got a 93 on an English assignment, and he yelled at me. Said I was too busy playing my violin. It's just... I know in my head that I'm getting good marks, but no matter how hard I try, I'm just not good enough?"

"You are good enough. Better than good," Tam said, surprising him yet again. "I don't want to make this about me, but my dad was also crappy, but Linh and I got taken in by someone else a few years ago. I know how it is, to feel that way, and I know that no one deserves to be treated like that. And you've shown me time and time again that you not only deserve basic respect, but more than that."

He was sure that that was the most that Tam had ever spoken at once. And that he was so sincere about it. There were no false praises, just facts. You deserve respect.

The weeks had gone by, and Tam had always been there when he needed it most. He wasn't sure why he had told Tam all of this, considering that it was Fitz who was his best friend. But also... he didn't want to bother Fitz, and he didn't quite understand the feeling.

Usually, Tam would just play, and occasionally Keefe would talk. There was no pressure from Tam, and he was able to work through his emotions at his own pace. The pressure from his father also started to ease a little bit, going back to how it normally was.

"You're a lot more enthusiastic," Tam said without preamble.

"That's what happens when you don't get yelled at. Anyways, thanks... for all of that, for caring that much."

"I'm just trying to be a decent human being," Tam replied. "Besides, our competition isn't over yet." Despite the words, his tone was softer, and he didn't make eye contact.

Another month passed by, and finally, Keefe admitted to himself that he liked having Tam at his side. There was just something about the boy was that relieving, that distracted him from the outside world. With him, it was only the two of them.

"He's a lot happier," Linh told him one day. "He's usually happy when he's with you."

"Wait what?"

"I'm not sure how much you know about how we were treated in the past, but he used to rarely smile, but now, he often comes up smiling. He never tells me why, but I know it's because he was with you."

"Maybe," he guessed.

"I just wanted to say thank you," she said with a smile, and then walked off to join Sophie and Biana.

After that, Keefe caught himself looking for more of those smiles that Linh talked about. She was right, his scowl was unusually soft, his silvery blue eyes gleaming with emotion. He also seemed more polite, snapping at people less than he had two years ago.

So when that smile had faded, Keefe had immediately noticed. There were other things off with Tam, like the way he walked slower, or the earbuds that looked hastily shoved in his ears. He was quieter, and had snapped at someone.

Every time he tried to talk to him in private, something would happen. Whether it was Linh talking to Tam, or Biana wanting to talk to Keefe, or a school bell ringing and that they has different classes.

It was after school when Keefe finally found him again. He was in the park again, playing his violin. But the song he was playing was different than he normally would be playing. Usually, Tam played more gentle songs, and most of the time they would require the higher strings.

This one was low and sharp, echoing with dread, much like the music that he would listen to. The notes were fast, the bow arm moving so sharply it had to have hurt his shoulder. Then the bow slipped from his hand, but he didn't bother picking it up.

Keefe stood there in shock at the careless behaviour, bows were supposed to be treated with care. Tam then started plucking at the strings, a lot less loud but still holding that tension. The notes went higher and higher, and Keefe winced. The high notes were harder to pluck because the strings were so thin.

Upon closer instruction, his posture wasn't good either, forcing his movements to be less smooth. If it were possible, Tam started playing even faster, and Keefe knew that this wasn't going to end well.

When he got close enough, he gently pried the violin from the boy's arms despite his protests. Setting it aside, Keefe held his hands, looking to see how bad the damage was. There was a small cut on his right hand- not that bad, but if he hadn't intervened it would have gotten worse.

They sat on the bench in silence, Keefe gently rubbing his fingers over Tam's hands in a soothing motion.

"Tam," he whispered. "What happened?"

Tam closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his entire body shaking. He looked sad and defeated, like Keefe had felt earlier, but there was something else to it. His dramatic playing, along with the hard line of his mouth made it look like he was angry.

"What did he do?" He wasn't sure where the thought had come from, where he got the idea that Tam's biological father had done something, but based on the way Tam looked at him afterwards, he knew that he had guessed right.

"Linh and I... we had gone out to get some tea and we saw him. We tried to get away, but he saw us. He called for us in that fake caring tone, and that along with us looking like him prevented us from getting away."

It must have been awful. Keefe could imagine the scene, Tam and Linh with distressed looks on their faces, the way their father had acted, the way it would humiliate them, force them into listening.

One thing seemed off. Tam had told him how he deserved basic respect, as if he'd gotten out of the toxic mindset. It was almost as if he didn't care about what his father had thought of him. Why would he be so angry then?

Another image had flashed through his mind. It was of Tam and Linh, the latter holding back her tears. If there was one thing that Tam loved the most, it was Linh. If his 'father' had told Linh something, then he would be a lot ore angry. Like he was currently.

"What did he say to Linh?"

"I don't want to repeat it," Tam mumbled. "I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Then don't."

Keefe bent down and picked up the bow that had fallen, and looked at the violin. Him and Tam were relatively the same size, so their arms would he of similar lengths. There was no blood on the fingerboard. Deeming it fine, he held Tam's violin and begun to play.

Tam often listened to more dark songs but once Keefe had heard him humming to a song that sounded a lot different. Not quite upbeat, but it wasn't somber either. Almost as if it were about finding hope. But then he would hear the humming more often, and Keefe had grown familiar. He still had to look at the sheet notes- playing by ear was hard- but it was easy to play, as he could hear it in his head.

He sought out that familiar tune as he played, long, drawn out notes. The song was somewhat slow, until it would pick up a little, the melody a little happier. He focused solely on the playing, not daring to look at Tam until he was finished. He didn't want any distraction.

So once he had finished, he finally looked. His mouth was open, eyes wide.

"I see I've managed to leave you awestruck, Tam," He said with a smirk.

The black haired boy blinked, his face flushing pink before he recovered. "Yeah- well... you played my favourite song! I never even told you what it was!"

"You've hummed it so many times in the past month! And then..." he trailed off, because something didn't make sense.

"Even if you heard the song, how would you know what it was?" Tam asked.

"I just recognized the song? I've heard it before." That was a lie, he had never heard the song before. But how did he know it then?

"And I haven't hummed it. At least, not when there were people around. Unless you're stalking me on the way home, you shouldn't have been able to hear it."

"I've heard the song so many times, its almost like it's a part of you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know."

"Then why did you say it?" He was actually smiling, instead of giving him that irritated look he usually would. Keefe wanted to see that smile more often.

"I don't know."

He rolled his eyes, but was still smiling.

Later that day, Linh had called him. She'd told him that Tam no longer looked like he wanted to hurt someone, and looked more relieved. She said that she knew he was the reason why and thanked him once more.

Their third year had quickly ended after that, and it ended quite nicely. And as much as Keefe didn't quite like school, it was weird not being there, not being able to see his friends every day. So when he wasn't with his friends, he played his violin, often playing the song that he had played for Tam.

"Apparently, Linh has two soulmates," Tam said to him one day, closer to the end of vacation.

"Really?" Because having two soulmates was rare. "Wait, is it Sophie and Biana?"

He nodded. "Yeah. She was telling me some stuff about the soulmate bond that's been going on."

But based on the way Tam looked, it almost felt like he was the one asking.

"And what'd she say?"

"She said some of the usual things that people normally say. The reading of minds, and having to work on not invading each other's privacy. But she was telling me about before she knew and..."

"What?"

"She was telling me how she didn't know why she was able to trust them so easily. And she focused on the friendship bond that had started, while most people jump straight to the romance part."

"Bangs Boy, do you think you've met your soulmate?"

Apparently he seriously lacked a filter, because how many times had he suddenly just asked a question without realizing? But as he thought about it, he kind of hoped that the answer was a no.

"I'm not sure. If I have, our friendship isn't strong enough yet."

The answer was really optimistic, as if he couldn't wait to see his soulmate. But Keefe didn't want that to happen just yet. Tam had spent most of his time around him... he didn't want someone else occupying that time too.

Wait, was that what he thought it meant? There was no way that he... sure, he liked being around Tam, being able to play music for each other, but...

His shoulders slumped as he sighed. Keefe was crushing on Tam.

If Tam had noticed his change in attitude, the way he went quiet, and fidgeted with his fingers, he didn't say anything.

Their next meeting was back at school. He'd managed to get a slightly better control of his emotions, but after that revelation, he felt self-conscious about every interaction he had. And when Tam would play, Keefe would notice every little detail.

The most surprising part was that deep down, he'd already noticed those details. The emotions hidden away in those blue eyes. A foot very lightly tapping to a beat. So he sat there, admiring everything that was happening.

And then he had an idea. He'd scoured the Internet for some good songs that would work as a duet. Finally he found one, and printed the music sheets.

The next day during lunch, he went up to Tam.

"So Bangs Boy, I have an offer."

Tam raised an eyebrow, but took a look at the sheet anyway. The hand that was laying by his side twitched, mimicking a bow as he mouthed the melody.

"You want to play this... with me?"

"I don't see why not."

"It's almost if you're acknowledging that my playing us good and you're asking me for help."

"When did I ever say that you were bad?" Because he wasn't, Tam had always been spectacular. "All I said that I was better." Which was something he'd been beginning to doubt.

"I didn't say that. Besides, your playing is also nice."

"An actual compliment? Wow, it only took like 3 years." Keefe said with a smirk.

He sighed, shaking his head, but fondly. "Shut up."

The song they played likely was the best song that they had played, other than the one that they created in class. Despite the early mistakes that had been made, they were always in sync, there was never a timing problem, only a note one.

Fitz had stumbled upon one of their better practices, and was astounded.

"You two... you two play so well, what the heck? Biana and I have tried to play songs for months and we're just..." his hands flailed wildly. "All over the place. And I don't even see either of you tapping your foot to keep track of time!"

"Practice," was all Tam said.

"Tam, I play piano."

"Wonderboy's just jealous he doesn't have the skills that we do." Keefe said, adopting the nickname that Dex often used.

He shrugged. "I'll be honest, you two remind me of how Biana acts with Sophie and Linh. They're like always in sync, but they usually use it to gang up on me. Which I think is rude."

Keefe grinned. "What a wonderful idea! When I find my soulmate, I'm going to make them tease you."

"Rude!" Fitz ended up leaving them alone again.

Neither of them did much practicing after that. He had said when he finds his soulmate, but he wanted them to be Tam. And well... Fitz had acknowledged that they were in sync. But he didn't know if that was just natural chemistry, or the work of the soulmate bond.

Tam had been quiet for unknown reason, and hardly every looked in Keefe's direction. He didn't seem upset or angry, but as if he had remembered something and was mulling it over.

But just in case... "You doing alright?"

His head jerked towards him. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"The future, I guess," he said.

It seemed like the truth, but he was sure there was more to it. But neither of them had spoken after that, the silence too delicate.

Fitz's words still hadn't left his brain though. What if they were soulmates? What if they weren't? He shook his head quickly to clear it. Not all soulmates were romantic, so even if they weren't, he still could have a chance. Then there was what Linh had said all those months ago.

He's a lot happier. He's usually happy when he's with you.

It made him rethink a lot of their interactions, thinking about all of those times that Tam had let himself smile. Always when they were in private. Then he remembered when he had comforted Tam, when he had blurted out something cheesy related to the song. What did that mean?

Another week later, he had an answer.

"Hey Bangs Boy, remember when I said you were like that song you liked?" Keefe had asked while they were walking.

Tam had frozen midstep, turning to face him. "Yeah, what about it?"

"I have an answer to it."

He raised an eyebrow, and continued to walk again. "Do tell."

"The song... it starts off really somber, it's almost dreadful, except for those few lines that didn't fit the tone. It's like your past, you went through tough times, but you had Linh with you, so it wasn't hopeless. Those few lines start repeating more often, like when you got adopted by Tiergan.

"There's still that sadness leftover, but you kept reaching for that sliver of hope, until your situation became a lot better. With that, your melody is happier. It well... it describes your life in a way. And I wouldn't be surprised if you became so attached to the song for a similar reason."

You helped me through the last of my darkness.

The voice was uncharacteristically emotional, but still very like Tam.

"What?"

Tam turned back to him, a confused expression on his face. "I didn't say anything."

"Yeah you did... 'You helped me through the last of my darkness'."

His eyes widened. "I didn't say that though."

That made no sense. How would he have known that then unless...

We're soulmates.

Relief washed over him in waves. They really were soulmates. They'd gone through over three years together, and this was the bond they shared.

But then there was shock. It didn't quite feel like his own, but it felt real enough.

"Soulmates?" Tam echoed. "We..."

What he saw and what he felt were two different things. Tam still looked shocked, almost panicking. But what he felt was another wave of relief, and then joy.

"You like me too," Keefe breathed.

He'd expected either a happy reply, or a 'yeah you dumb*ss, but what he heard surprised him.

"Oh my God you can feel all my emotions."

"Is it... not okay?"

"No! I mean- yes! It's... it's always been there, your emotions, I think. But this... it's weird. I wanted to tell you that I liked you towards the end of the year, and ask if you wanted to share a dorm with me or something. But like... you can f*cking feel my emotions!"

"So it's a privacy thing then? Not a problem with me?" He was ready to panic at first, but this made a lot more sense. Tam wasn't a fan of oversharing, and was likely used to having to keep his emotions hidden.

"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I know Linh described it, but I never properly thought about it until now. And you said... you liked me?"

Keefe nodded. "Yeah. I have for a bit actually. You think we should discuss more of how this works?"

"Yes, please."

They continued their walk, setting some basic boundaries. Like no trying to actively invade the other's privacy, or if one of them learned something, it was better to keep quiet and pretend that nothing had happened. Unless that something was something major that required help.

By the end of their walk, they had arrived at Tam's house. Before Tam could walk away, Keefe pulled on his arm.

"Can I... can I kiss you?"

The black haired boy gave a soft smile, before planting a soft kiss. It was light, and his shoes were nearly stepped on, but it was absolutely sweet.

Keefe had ended the day feeling giddy, and no amount of questioning from his father was able to get rid of it.

Does this work? He thought, pushing it out of his mind.

You just scared the crap out of me, but yes. Oh great, I think Linh just figured it out.

Already?

She says I did the exact same thing she did.

Okay, I was just testing this out. It's a little tiring, actually.

Good night, Keefe.

Good night, Tam.

Keefe then sent a hasty text to Fitz, saying that he had found his soulmate. There was an immediate reply of guessing Tam. He supposed that in a way, it wouldn't be that surprised since they were constantly with each other. The night had ended with pure bliss.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Tam enough with the homicidal thoughts. You're so loud I can hear them without trying. I'm about to play, and I have a bow in my hand. I could poke someone and it won't be my fault.

Keefe. My coworkers are idiots.

Tell me when I get home. Not during this interview.

Keefe took a deep breath to sort out the emotions. Once he grabbed a hold of his own, he made eye contact with the interviewer.

"Keefe Sencen, right?"

"That is me."

"How long have you been playing the violin for?"

"Seventeen years now."

There was more mild chatting, each answer harder to reply to because someone was still trying to plot his coworkers murder. Keefe was just trying to get hired for playing the violin, while Tam was at his part time job until he found a new one.

"Can you show me what you have?"

He nodded. He thought of the melody he wanted to play, and started the song.

This one's for you, Tam.

It was different than what he'd intended to play, but in his opinion, he liked this song a lot better. It also happened to be a song that Tam had helped him write. The notes were graceful and soothing, not energetic and not depressing. His fingers practically moved on instinct alone, and the dark feeling was reduced to nothing.

You... you played that to calm me down, didn't you? Tam asked.

Is that not how it works?

It's been a while since that happened.

Yeah, but I don't want to get charged for assault.

I wasn't that angry.

You were plotting murders. Very detailed ones.

"A soulmate?" The interviewer asked.

Oh crap, he didn't mean to zone out that much.

"I think it's lovely, actually. Music requires emotion, and I think that they evoke a lot of it from you. Your playing was lovely too. Are they a fan of music?"

That was unexpected. "He plays the violin too."

The interviewed raised an eyebrow. "Does he now?"

Bangs Boy, I think my interviewer might want to hire you too. You're welcome.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Taglist: @linhamon-roll, @impostertamsong

If you wanna join the taglist, just let me know!

[livesincerely]

I’m very sorry for all of the asks Madam Sincerely, but I’ve just recently gone on a binge of all of your fics, and I don’t think there’s any more questions on the ask game, so can I ask here: Do you have any ideas on future works that you haven’t started writing yet? If so, can we hear some? I was scrolling back through your tumblr to cheer myself up yesterday (my country’s gone back into lockdown) and saw you mentioned a few ideas, like the one in the SubDavey ask? Sorry, just curious <3

No need to be sorry, the asks are lovely! I’m sorry to hear that things have shut down where you are, I’m sure that’s incredibly difficult. Sending all the positivity your way 💕💜✨⭐️💕💜

The Domestic au is the QUEEN of inspiring random story ideas and dangling plot threads. There’s several floating around in the domestic au/ideas for later tags but if I was going to narrow it down to a handful of ideas that have a good chance of existing in the near-ish future, then I’d say 1) the Jack and Davey preparing for college fic 2) the Davey picking Race & Charlie up from the elementary school because Jack’s sick fic 3) the Race and Charlie needing a cuddle pile fic and 4) the bedsharing fic where Jack is struggling under the pressure of fighting for custody and needs some comfort.

I’m just in the mood for some stuff set in the high school/college era of that au, probably because ‘it’s beginning to look a lot like...’ has got me in the mindset. All of these would be one shots, just showing more landmarks in the boys’ history since ‘it’s so easy (too easy) to love you’ sort of just drops you right into the ocean as far as circumstances lol. And also, there’s a lot of family building that goes on before Jack and Davey get together that I’m very interested in exploring! I think Race describes it as ‘eight years of waiting for Jack and Davey to get their shit together?’ Yeah. So definitely lots of domestic au in the upcoming year.

I’ve talked the tiniest bit about ‘there’s you and me (and everyone else)’ and ‘a few letters off’ but after doing the first bits & bobs for each of them, I got distracted by other projects as I so often do, 😅 so I’ll talk about them here. Actually, I’m not even sure if these had working title ideas last time I mentioned them here, it’s been that long lol.

Anyway, these two fics are very similar, but just different enough to need separate fics. The first is a modern, high school au that features different examples of Jack and Davey being the accidental co-parents of their friend group while obliviously pining for each other. I’m thinking it will be individual scenes tied together by the theme; I’ll put the original idea post here and the bits & bobs here. Besides what I already talked about, I also think I want to include a scene where Albert and Crutchie are going on a first date (a pairing that is absolutely inspired by @agentsnickers, you’ve converted me) and they both separately approach Jack and Davey for advice on what to do/wear/etc. Like, a total ‘our-kids-on-their-first-date-get-the-camera’ type thing, plus Jack being an overprotective older brother and giving Charlie a curfew because he’s ridiculous.

“Be home by nine,” Jack says, a little surly. “Nine?” Davey asks, incredulous “They’re seventeen not seven. Eleven o’clock.” “I’m supposed to trust Albert with my baby brother at eleven o’clock?” Jack asks, scowling. “That’s just asking for trouble.” He says trouble in the sort of ominous tone other people reserve for imminent nuclear meltdown or battlefield heart surgery. “What do you think Albert’s gonna do, stick his hand down Crutchie’s pants the moment they walk out the door?” Davey says with a scoff. “It’s Albert.” “Ten-thirty,” Jack eventually offers. Davey nods, then looks back at Albert and Crutchie, who have been following this exchange like a tennis match and are both now a little pink in the face, and shrugs, trying to convey something like ‘pick your battles’. “Great!” Crutchie squeaks out, sounding absolutely mortified. “Great, ten-thirty it is, oh my god, Albert let’s go before theykeeptalking—“

Oh! And I want Davey to full name someone in the ultimate you-fucked-up-and-mom-is-pissed move. I even went and made full names for everyone just to be prepared 😊

Then, ‘a few letters off’ is the Jack-and-Davey’s-friends’-perspectives-on-the-nonsense-that-is-Javid fic. I’ve basically finished the Buttons scene, but I’m also hoping to include one each from the povs of Katherine, Crutchie, Racetrack, Spot, and Albert at minimum.

I’m thinking:

Katherine - catching Jack painting/drawing Davey while Jack tries to cover and deny

Spot - The aftermath of him and Jack getting into a fight with the DeLancey’s and him watching Davey fluttered worriedly around Jack, scolding him for being a reckless but still dabbing carefully at his injuries.

Racetrack - comes home to find Jack and Davey watching a movie, except that Jack’s fallen asleep halfway through, head in Davey’s lap, and Davey is adamant that Race doesn’t wake him.

Crutchie - watching Javid eating lunch together and noting how totally domestic it is: stealing food from each other’s plates, Jack gives Davey his extra fruit cup then swipes his milk carton and Davey doesn’t even say anything because it’s so routine, and how they’re able to move in and around each other effortlessly while eating and holding two separate conversations.

Albert - watching Jack and Davey flirt/bicker from the backseat on the drive to school.

And then some sort of culminating/getting together scene at the end.

There’s the infamous quarantine fic, which I waxed poetically about for all of two seconds and then never expanded on. (Here and here) The reason I haven’t done anything with it yet is because it will be a multi-chapter and between tie fic, take a shot fic, and now the domestic au holiday fic, I’m really at my limit for multi chapters at the mo’. But I do still want to do something with this once I finish tie fic and DAUHF, as take a shot knows no bounds and cannot be quantified by earthly means.

Then, as for the idea I mentioned in the sub!Davey post.... I think I’m going to be able to repurpose the general scenario/concept I was imagining for the final, E rated chapter of Tie Fic, so I don’t think the original idea will ever make it to a final cut. (I won’t say never because anything’s possible lol) But, I’m happy to put the bit I have here! Things don’t quite get E rated in this excerpt, but they’re definitely a solid M. This would’ve been an addition to the Tease series and I think this has been sitting in my drafts for almost as long as the letterman fic, and it hasn’t been edited in at least two years, so yeah 😅

00000

“I really wanted to work on my thesis proposal, that’s why I was in the library most of the day,” Davey says suddenly, pushing Jack down against the couch and straddling him, his voice light and conversational. “It was nice of you to check on me so often, though I’m sorry I wasn’t very good company. I was trying to stay focused, you know how it is.”

Davey looks at Jack expectantly, making it clear that he’s waiting for a response. Jack stares up at him, his expression equal parts confused, transfixed, and aroused. He swallows heavily, then nods.

“But I did warn you, didn’t I?” Davey continues, bracing himself with a hand on each of Jack’s shoulders, rolling their hips together as he presses closer. “That I had a lot of work to do? That this paper is really important to me and that I wanted to get a head start? That I really needed to focus and didn’t want to be distracted? I distinctly remember warning you about all of that.”

He nuzzles down the curve of Jack’s jaw, then nips at his neck. “But you didn’t listen,” he says against Jack’s pulse point. Davey smooths his hands down Jack’s chest, then back up to his throat, tugging at his collar. He unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt.

“In fact, one could argue that you did the exact opposite of what I asked you to do,” Davey says, working his way slowly through the buttons on Jack’s shirt. “Trailing your fingers across my arm, rubbing a thumb across the nape of my neck, sneaking a hand up my shirt… I would call all of that distracting, wouldn’t you?” He finishes unbuttoning Jack’s shirt and pushes it off his shoulders, admiring his muscular chest.

Davey glances up sharply. “Answer me, Jack.”

Jack blinks himself out of his daze. “I-uh, what did you ask me?”

Davey leans forward. They’re so close that he can feel the warmth of Jack’s breath against his face. “I asked you,” he starts, wrapping his arms loosely around Jack’s neck, “whether you thought constantly caressing someone while they were trying to work would distract them.”

It takes Jack a long moment to respond. “Yeah.”

One of Davey’s hands trails up the back of Jack’s neck. “You agree that doing something like that would be impossibly flustering?” Davey asks in that same, unaffected voice���as if clarifying a statement for a news article—threading his fingers through Jack’s hair. “That it would thoroughly divert that person’s focus? That it would leave them feeling unbalanced, frustrated, and downright agitated?

He leans impossibly closer, so close that the barest tilt of his head would press their lips together. “That it would drive them so crazy that all they could think about was how desperately they needed to be fucked,” Davey growls out, and his voice low and rough.

“Christ, Davey,” Jack groans, his pupils blown wide. He leans up to kiss him, but Davey anticipates this and tugs sharply on his hair, holding him in place. “So, we’re in agreement?” Davey continues in his casual voice, letting go of the dark strands and pulling away slightly, ignoring Jack’s groan of disappointment, “that all of those actions would, in fact, be extremely distracting.”

He trails his hands lovingly across Jack’s shoulders and down his chest, his movements unhurried. He licks a hot stripe up Jack’s neck, then sucks hard at a spot just under his jaw.

“Considering both of these facts, I can only conclude that you were distracting me on purpose.” Davey presses a line of kisses along Jack’s collar bone, delighting in the moan that tears its way out of Jack’s throat. He scratches lightly at the tanned skin of Jack’s chest, then sucks a bruise just above his collarbone.

“Were you doing it on purpose, Jack?” he asks, then before Jack can answer, rolls his hips hard and slow against Jack’s, grinding their erections together. Jack’s hands spasm, then tighten, clenching hard against Davey’s sides. Davey continues his ministrations, circling his hips against Jack’s, teasing him with the friction. Then, just as Jack seems to catch on to Davey’s rhythm and starts to move with him, Davey stills. “Were you teasing me on purpose?”

Jack’s mouth opens and closes, his throat working furiously. “I-yeah.”

David hums in acknowledgment, then continues his slow perusal of his boyfriend’s chest. He nibbles lightly across his sternum, then draws the flat of his tongue across one of one Jack’s nipples. Jack arches into him but Davey pushes him back, using his leverage to hold Jack down against the couch cushions. He sits up, admiring the mess he’s made of Jack’s neck and torso.

Jack stares up at him, chest heaving, waiting for Davey’s next move.

....

Davey runs his hands down Jack’s stomach and between his hips, fingers brushing gently against the front of Jack’s jeans.

Jack lets out a guttural noise. “God, Davey, let me—“ he starts, one hand slipping back to kneed at Davey’s ass, the other inching towards Davey’s fly.

“No,” Davey says firmly, moving Jack’s hands back to his waist. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

00000

That’s all that comes to mind at the moment! Oh, and the Brooklyn Davey AU idea, but I got a different ask about that, so I’ll just link it. (Here)

@saysflora