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emberfrostlovesloki · 1 year ago

Text

Melancholia [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Right (@optimistic-nihilist) Center (@vivienvalentino) sent to me via my love (@sadgirlzluvdilfs) Right (@citronplume)

Prompt: Characters both duck for cover under the same tiny storefront when it starts pouring, aka, how the reader met Aaron. Also, the reader is feeling down due to the seasonal changes, and Aaron is there to give her some love and support.

Category: Hurt/comfort/fluff

Word Count: 6.7K

Content Warnings: Mentions of mental health (depression and seasonal depression), mention of eating (reader has missed some meals), light drinking, minor language

A/N: This is another one-shot inspired by @imagining-in-the-margins Meet Cute Writing Challenge and this one is actually a meet-cute! The reader is also a non-BAU member. I’ve been having the seasonal sads, so this is sort of based on my feelings a bit. Given that World Mental Health Day was earlier this week I just want to say that you matter! You are loved, and I am so happy you are here. There is not shame in getting help or just talking to someone. I’m very grateful for my friends on here and my messages are always open. If you liked this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you have a great rest of your week - Levi.

List with all stories

y/n = your name

_y/f/b_ = your favorite book

_y/e/c_ = your eye color

_l/n_ = your last name

_y/b/f_ = your best friend

_y/b/f’s/n_ = your best friends name

_y/f/a_ = your favorite artist

_y/c/f_ = your comfort food.

y/n checked the weather diligently every morning before she got ready for the day. As someone who had a penchant for keeping up with her favorite aesthetic look, knowing what the weather was going to be for the day was a must. y/n had not planned for a total and utter flood to come down from a sky that was promised to be ‘clear and sunny’ all day. It had started out as just a few drops, but soon it was an unrelenting pelting of water on the pavement. The street offered little cover, and y/n moved more quickly down the road looking for any relief. Finally, she saw it in the small awning of a local bookstore she liked. There was just one small issue, there was already someone standing under the protected space. ‘What the hell,’ y/n thought. She would rather be uncomfortably close to a stranger than continue to get soaked through. At this point the outfit she had picked for the day was a bust anyway, so why not lose a little dignity while she was at it. Thankfully the tall man saw her coming and moved as far to the side as the space allowed. Even with this being the case when y/n slipped under the awning the two of them were standing with their shoulders essentially pressed together.

They avoided looking at each other for a moment due to the awkwardness of their close quarters. However, the feeling passed and the man said in a low tenor voice, “This is some storm we’re having here.” At hearing the man’s smooth, even voice, y/n turned her head his way and actually looked him over for the first time. He was tall, as she had seen before, but now that she was next to him, his height was more noticeable. He was more prepared for the weather than y/n had been, but he was still pretty soggy with his shot hair sticking to his forehead slightly. The man was also fit. y/n could tell from the way his nice clothes sat on his body. The stranger might have been wet, but he was also warm. Standing this close to him, y/n could feel the warmth coming off of him in waves. For a moment _y/n_ wondered if the man was sick, but he didn’t look pale or flushed; he looked perfectly fine as a matter of fact. More than just fine. y/n internally berated herself for thinking that a total stranger was attractive, but she couldn’t help herself. It took y/n a second to realize that she hadn’t yet responded to the man’s comment about the storm and quickly said, “Oh yeah. This is like Biblical or something. Do you think we should start building an arc?” y/n meant to make a joke, and she cringed at her own choice of words even as they came out of her mouth. Thankfully the man made what sounded like a small chuckle or laugh, though in all honestly, it might have just been him letting out a breath. Either way y/n didn’t want to think about it too hard out of embarrassment.

Hotch watched the young woman move down the soaked sidewalks, her eyes looking for a place to land that wouldn’t mean a bucket of water being poured repeatedly on one's head over and over again like being in the open was. There really only was one place for her to go, and that was next to him under the awning of the bookstore he had hoped to stop in on before heading to Morgan’s. The team was celebrating Emily’s birthday, and even though he had a gift and card for Prentiss, both of which he hoped weren’t ruined by the rain, he had wanted to get her something extra. Prentiss had been going through a lot the last couple of months and he wanted to support her in the little ways he could. The book he had wanted to buy was taunting him from the illuminated window. It was Zadie Smith’s new novel, The Fraud. He had also been hoping to get Jack a new book to read to him at bedtime as well. As much as Aaron liked The Little Prince and the few other stories he often read to Jack before bed, he had to admit that he was slightly sick of them. However, the bookstore had been closed, ‘Due to a family emergency’ the sign on the front door had read.

At that point, the skies had opened and he found refuge under the small awning. Now the woman was near to him, and in another second she was next to him, pressed close due to the limited space offered by the covering. Hotch moved infinitesimally to the left to give them both a bit of breathing room. There was a slight awkwardness to the closeness of their bodies, and Hotch took that moment to look the woman over. She was younger than him, he assumed, and not dressed for the weather. Neither was he really, but at least he had a jacket. The woman must have been freezing, as she looked soaked to the bone and her bare shoulders kept catching water droplets from the leaky awning. For a moment Hotch had the idea of taking off his jacket and giving it to the woman. And then he had the more outrageous thought that if they stood face to face, there would be more space for them to be dry. Aaron quickly swiped the thoughts out of his brain. Internally Aaron thought, ‘God get a grip Hotchner. You sound like someone from a dime store romance novel.’

Aaron resisted the urge to sigh at his life at the moment. He was attempting, keyword attempting, to put himself out there more. It had been a few months since Hailey had left him, and he had tried his best to process the loss of his best friend and wife. They were still amicable, and hearing it from her side of things helped Aaron make sense of her choice -- even if it still hurt him. Rossi had been supportive of Aaron trying it out with a few women just to see. None of his attempts so far had been very successful. He was on a few apps and when he matched with people he tended to panic. The idea of having to open up to essentially total strangers never sat right with him. What would he say? “Hey I work for the FBI and I can tell when you’re lying, and I work 70+ hours a week, and I’ll be gone a good deal of the time, and I have more classified secrets than you can guess?”

It all felt a bit overwhelming to him. Not only was it overwhelming, but it was demeaning also. Trying to figure out if he liked a woman based on a few photos and a blurb about their life and experiences just didn’t sit right with him. For a moment he let his mind wander. He wished he could just meet someone naturally, but he knew such occurrences were rare in life, particularly for someone his age. Finally, he pulled himself together and bridged the gap between the woman and him to end the silence lingering between them by saying something about the rain. The woman looked up and over him before responding with a joke. He nearly laughed before responding, “I don’t think we have the time or materials. We might be fated to drown.” His reply caused the woman to laugh, and it was a soft sweet sound, like ice being poured into a crystal glass. The sound was quickly muffled by the rain and the sound of an approaching car. The sidewalk with the awning was very near the street and as the car passed it sloshed a large dirty wave up and around the woman’s legs. The woman said, “Eww” as the extra wetness moved over her body. She stepped back a bit as another car came quickly down the street. Aaron, rather protectively, moved his body in front of the woman taking the splash of water himself.

y/n didn��t expect the man to move in front of her and as he positioned his body to get wet instead of her, she raised an arm, ever so briefly touching his back. She was going to say, “You don’t have to do that,” but he had already gotten wet and the car was far down the street before she had the thought. The man turned to face her, and they were so close to each other, just an inch or so apart that she could feel his warm breath on her face. Looking up at the handsome man caused her brain to stutter for a moment, and she didn’t even realize that her pupils were beginning to dilate, and there was a small blush blossoming over her face. However, the man did. When y/n had composed herself, she finally said, “Thank you for doing that. You didn’t have to.” The man gave her a small smile and replied, “It’s my pleasure.” He seemed like he was going to say more, but the ping of his phone made him stop. He pulled his iPhone from the pocket of his shirt and seemed to nod at the screen. The man put the phone back where it had come from and then returned his attention to y/n. He asked, “How far are you going in this storm? I’m assuming you’re not planning on standing here forever?” There was a sort of mirth in his expression that made y/n momentarily be warmed from the inside. Being this close to a stranger would normally make y/n uncomfortable, but there was something about this man that was inherently non-threatening. She answered his question honestly saying, “I actually really need to get a move on. I was trying to make it to the subway station on 19th Street. It’s only three blocks down from here.” The man nodded undid one of the inner zippers of his jacket and pulled out a folded copy of the days New York Times. y/n could see a fancy car pull up near them and stall. For one fleeting moment, she had a bad feeling about this man and a waiting car, but it was only a moment as he extended the paper toward her and said, “Sorry it’s not much. Maybe you could hold it over your head while you walk? I have to run myself, but have a good rest of your day.” And with that, the man turned around and walked into the rain. His shoulders were hunched as the water hit him once more, and he half-jogged to the Corvette on the street. She could just barely hear the start of a conversation as the stranger closed the door of the car. Now that she had just a slight cover, y/n placed the paper over her head and moved back onto the wet sidewalk as well. She gave the car one final wave as she ran down the road.

Rossi pulled up and watched as Aaron stood very close to a woman under an awning taking a beating from the rain. He didn’t have a good chance to see exactly what the woman looked like, but he could tell that she was invested in whatever Aaron was saying to her. Rossi sighed softly. He knew that Hotch often beat himself up about meeting new people. He was also still beating himself up about Hailey. Rossi wished that his friend could see that people, women, were actually interested in him. That they wouldn’t pick apart his every flaw or see the guilt that he felt. Not that the woman Aaron was talking to was ‘the one,’ just that people would care about him if he allowed it to happen. If he was vulnerable. Aaron moved toward the car and opened the door, leaning down to sit in the passenger seat. Rossi turned to Hotch and teasingly said, “Having a nice conversation over there?” Aaron scoffed and said, “It was fine.” Aaron could hear the deeper jesting tone in Rossi’s words, and he was reminded of how many times Dave had been his hype man like he was in his teens going on his first real date. Aaron didn’t mind it as long as he wasn’t being patronized. For now, it was just a reminder of his own personal failings. Hotch didn’t notice, but as he had gotten into the car, there was a tinge of color on his cheeks; Rossi did.

y/n never expected to see the good-looking man from the rainstorm again, but as fortune would have it, she did. y/n was out at the park taking a stroll and doing some reading a few weeks later. The weather was much improved and the crisp air was perfect to spend a few hours outside exploring her new surroundings. She’d just moved into the neighborhood a few months ago, and due to her busy work-life balance, she hadn’t really gotten to know the area yet. A coworker had recommended Theodore Rosevelt Island Park as a nice place to spend the afternoon and had promised that it wasn’t super busy or loud. The coworker had been right. The park was beautiful. The sprawling trails offered a variety of scenery. y/n had picked a simple hilly paved trail to just enjoy the weather and the crisp smell of fall. After around an hour of walking, she settled down on the grass and started reading _y/f/b_. After another hour, y/n felt her eyes growing heavy with sleep, and she sat up to get ready to leave. As she shifted to her feet, a glint of sunlight from the ground caught her attention. She stood and moved three yards over to where she had seen the light coming from. The source was a lost phone whose back-facing camera had caught the light at just the right angle to be seen by y/n.

She picked up the lost item and clicked on the home button. The screen blinked alive. The phone only had ten percent battery left and she wondered if it had been laying out for long or if it being in the sun had drained its power banks. There were five missed calls, three from the same number and two from two separate numbers. y/n assumed that the owner of the phone had gone to separate people in the park and asked to use their phone to call the lost one to see if anyone would pick up. y/n checked and the sound was off, so even that strategy wouldn’t have worked anyway unless someone had found the phone. Otherwise, no one would have heard it go off. As y/n walked back to her spot, trying to think about how to get the lost item back to its owner. While she looking at the little boy who was on the phone’s home screen, it vibrated in her hand with a number with no name attached to it. y/n swiped the answer button and said, “Hello?” There was a small silence on the other side of the line as if whoever had been calling was surprised someone had picked up. Finally, the person, a man, said, “Hey. I lost my phone about a half hour ago and, well you found it. Could I come to you and get it?” The man on the other end sounded slightly breathless. His voice sounded oddly familiar. y/n was sure she had heard it before somewhere but couldn’t place it. y/n responded to the man’s question saying, “I’m on the Drivesdale scenic loop. There’s that big oak tree if you know it. I’m under that tree.” The man replied, “I do know it. I can be there in about ten minutes if you can wait?” y/n nodded and said, “Of course. I’ll be here.” There was an odd silence before _y/n_ heard a muttered reply on the other end of the line before the phone call ended.

y/n knew the man the second he rounded the corner in the bend in the path. It was the guy from the day that it was raining buckets. He was far less soggy now, and he was wearing a black t-shirt and back jogging shorts that highlighted his distinct calf muscles. His shirt also emphasized his forearms which seemed strong. y/n wished she could think about other things other than the physical attributes of the man quickly jogging toward her, except that was all she had to go off of. That and the fact that he knew someone who owned a fancy sports car. y/n stood as the man drew near.

Aaron was highly annoyed at himself for losing his phone. How he hadn’t noticed its weight missing from his pocket baffled him. He wasn’t sure how far he had moved since the phone made its mysterious disappearance. Today was a long run day for him, and he had moved around twelve miles according to his Apple watch. He briefly, sarcastically, thanked god that it wasn’t his work phone that had gone missing. But that would never happen. His FBI-issued phone stayed in a zipped pocket on the inside of his shirt and it stayed on all the time. Aaron had asked a few people if she could use their phones to see if someone had picked up the lost item, and he was close to despair and thinking he would have to go back home and try the ‘find my iPhone app. A wave of relief washed over Aaron as someone picked up for his last attempt at finding the phone while not having to leave the park. He listened to the location of the person who had it and confirmed that he would be right over. He ended the call and thanked the kind elderly woman who had let him use her phone. Hotch set out on a brisk jog, not wanting the woman holding his phone to wait longer than needed.

Hotch had found himself worn out over the last few cases. Not that they were the worst cases he had ever seen, but the continued horrors and depravity he saw on a weekly basis were wearing on his morale. He was also tired. He’d done his normal pre-workout routine, but the energy drink and warm-up didn’t seem to have its normal effects. Hotch blamed both of these emotional blightes for his losing his phone and his not noticing. As he rounded the corner toward the big oak tree, there were very few people around and he saw the woman he was sure he had talked to a few moments before. As he got closer to the woman, it took him a moment to realize that he had seen her before. As he scanned through his memories of the past weeks, he clocked her as the person he had been stranded with under the bookstore awning. She looked lovely and calm as she was clearly scanning the area for him. Hotch had thought she looked good the day he had first met her, with her bright _y/e/c_ eyes standing out on her slightly flushed face. But now that she was dry and more relaxed, Hotch could appreciate her in a more natural environment. Aaron took a sharp breath in as he remembered how close they had been standing next to each other, he looked down at her as the cars passed by, splashing his legs and soaking his socks further. There was also that brief moment as her hand had touched his upper back. Aaron cleared his throat and moved those thoughts somewhere deeper in his mind. Somewhere fantasy could take root if he wasn’t careful. Hotch put on a small smile as he stopped in front of the woman. She was holding out his phone for him, and he reached out for it. After the cool metal was in his left hand, he extended his right hand and said, “Thank you so much for finding this. It’s a pleasure seeing you again. I see you survived the rain.” There was a beat of silence, and then he added, “I’m Aaron, Hotchner by the way.”

y/n smiled up at Aaron and took his hand in hers. He gave it a firm yet steady shake and she said, “I’m y/n, _l/n_. What a surprise to see you again. How have you been?” y/n wasn’t sure why she asked the last questions, but it felt natural. She was also distracted by his scent. He was sweaty, but there was a sort of brine to the scent. Like when one stood next to the seashore at twilight. When Aaron responded, she smiled and said, “I’m glad you’re doing well. I’ve gotta head out, but it was nice to see you again, Aaron. I hope you have a good rest of your weekend.” _y/n_ didn’t particularly have to go anywhere, but she had a sinking feeling that if she stayed around the figure that was Aaron Hotchner, she might say something silly or stupid, and for some reason, she didn’t want to seem like that to him. As she had the first time they met, she gave a small wave and moved down the path. Again, she thought this was the last time that she would see him.

They were destined to meet again three weeks later at the local bar in the neighborhood. Seated at a small table, y/n shared her new life updates with _y/b/f_ who was visiting for the weekend. y/n had just covered the rainstorm incident and she said, “And then on top of that I saw him again later in the month. Let me tell you, if I thought he was handsome in the rain, you should have seen him in his workout clothes!” y/n was speaking openly and candidly given that her inhibitions were down because she had already had three drinks. Her friend who had a similar buzz said, “Okay, wait y/n. I’m going to need you to describe this guy in lots of detail. You always have a way with words, and I need the skinny. He sounds like a dreamboat.” y/n flushed further, above the color of the alcohol that had tinged her cheeks. y/n looked at _y/b/f_, and they had an expectant look on their face. y/n couldn't help but giggle before saying, “Well he’s tall, and he has dark hair. It’s cut short and neat from what I can tell, though both times I’ve seen him it’s been a bit disheveled. He’s fit. I mean, I saw him working out, and the first time I saw him his clothes were pretty much hugging his body. And man what a body he has.

Apart from his name, and his looks, I don’t have that much more to go off of. When I found his phone there was a picture of a little boy on his lock screen. For all I know he might be married or in a serious relationship. That doesn’t mean that I don’t find him attractive, but I’d never do something with a man who was committed.” If y/n was being honest with herself, she’d probably never do anything with the man ever? What could she possibly say if she even saw him again? The world was small, but not that small. y/n had relegated him to a small dreamlike crush to think back on every now and then. y/n took another sip of her cocktail to try and hide her blush from her friend. The door to the small bar opened and her friend, who was facing the door, looked at the large group that was entering the establishment. The final person to enter the bar caught y/n’s friend's eye, and they said, “I think your man just came in here.” y/n incredulously said, “Oh please, _y/b/f_, don’t tease me like that. It’s bad enough that I haven’t dated anyone seriously in years.” _y/b/f_ sobered slightly and said, “No y/n, I’m being serious. The last guy that just came in kind of matches the description you just gave.”

y/n rolled her eyes but looked behind her anyway and low and behold, it was Aaron who had walked through the door. He was with a group of six people, and he was congenially chatting with an older man and a very pretty brunette-haired woman. y/n hadn’t yet seen the man so at ease, but it looked good on him. It fit. The intense blush on y/n’s face told her best friend that she had pointed out the correct figure and they said, “Damn, He is hot. He must live in the neighborhood or something if you keep running into him unplanned like this.” y/n nodded along in agreement, and _y/b/f_ continued, “You should give him your number or buy him a drink or something while he’s here. Who knows when the next time is that you’ll see him?” At the suggestion, y/n shook her head in embarrassment and said, “I don’t know _y/b/f’s/n_. What if he’s not interested?” _y/b/f_ sighed and placed a hand on y/n’s shoulder saying, “Oh come on y/n. Nothing gambled, nothing gained, and all that. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? He says no, or that he’s married and then you run into him at the supermarket and it’s awkward and you move past each other in the cheese aisle? Would you just give it a chance?”

y/n thought about the cost-benefit of actually making a move on Aaron and found that, as her friend had said, the cost side of the equation was pretty low. After a long silence filled by the ambient hum of the noise inside the bar, y/n said, “Okay, fine. But I’m going to wait for him to have a drink first and make sure he’s not overly attached to anyone in his party, and that will give me time to sober up a bit. I might be taking a risk on my behalf, but I’m sure as hell not doing it drunk.” y/n moved to the bar and got herself and her friend some water. While she was waiting, the pretty brunette and the older man whom Aaron had been speaking to when the group had walked in moved next to her at the bar. As y/n overheard the woman saying, “I don’t know Rossi. He looks sad to me sometimes. Like when he thinks no one is looking? I’m kind of worried for him.” The older man, Rossi, nodded and said, “I see it too. But you see it, and I see it, but Hotch? I don’t know, and I don’t think he would really appreciate us cornering him in his office and asking him about his mental health, do you?” The woman laughed and said, “That’s a big fat no from me. But you know how he gets. I’d just like to see him happy.” As the woman finished the statement, y/n got her water and gave the two she had been eavesdropping on a small smile before heading back to her own table.

About a half hour later y/n felt more in control of her faculties. Aaron had had two drinks and y/n subtly watched him. He didn’t seem to flirting or attached to any of the women or men he was with; he also wasn’t wearing a ring which was a good start. y/n moved to the bathroom to make sure she looked alright before she made her move. y/n reapplied some mascara and lipstick, but she knew she was just stalling at this point. She took a deep breath and whispered, “You can do this,” as she walked out of the ladies' room. Fortunately from y/n, Aaron was at the bar getting a drink for himself, Morgan, and JJ. y/n idled up to him and said, “Hey Aaron, fancy seeing you here. Can I get you a drink?” Hotch turned and looked down at y/n. He was a bit tipsy given that he had two drinks in a pretty fast period. Hotch looked over the woman who kept appearing in his life and said, “Hey again y/n. We can’t seem to escape each other.” He looked over her face and saw the tells of attraction. He took a steadying breath as he realized that he was also attracted to y/n. He cleared his throat before saying “And you can buy me a drink if you like.” y/n beamed. She had fully expected him to say no, and she asked, “What’ll it be?” Hotch thought for a moment and said, “Margarita on the rocks please.” When the bartender came over y/n ordered two margaritas on the rocks. y/n Aaron chatted while they waited for the drinks and at the of the night, in a moment of inebriation and a bit of teasing from Morgan, Aaron had given his number to y/n.

In a small moment of vulnerability for both of them, they had started texting on and off. Then they had had their first date and it had gone well. Then they had a second, and a third, and Aaron realized that y/n was steady, calm, and kind. She wasn’t bothered by his extended absences, or him having to change their plans often because of a case. y/n had slowly started meeting the important people in his life. It had been Morgan first. That happened kind of by accident. Then there was Rossi and Em, and Jack of course. By all means their relationship should be growing, and they would have their rocky moments, but happiness and care should be blooming, but for y/n it simply wasn’t. A sadness was tugging at her soul like a millstone.

She was lying in bed; she had been all day. It was 11:00 a.m. The day outside looked pretty as the leaves fell and soft light came through the window. She had barely had the will to open the blinds. She had been crying a few minutes earlier but had managed to stop the flow of tears eventually. All y/n had wanted to do over the past few days was sleep. Sleep and cry. She had managed to keep up her hygiene a bit because she had to look and dress professionally for work, but if that wasn’t the case, she knew she wouldn’t have done any of her normal care routines. Her hair was on its last legs with dry shampoo, and she could feel it getting greasy and gross on the pillow. A sound at the door caught y/n’s attention. ‘Aaron,’ she thought. She had forgotten that he was coming over today. She tried to find the will to get up, but she was embarrassed about her current state both mentally and physically. She turned her back to her bedroom door and sniffled. Maybe if she didn’t answer he would leave? There was a second of silence and then there was a ping of her phone. y/n was sure that it was Aaron asking if she was okay. Then after that, there was a call and she could hear Aaron’s voice from outside saying, “y/n are you in there? Are you okay?” There was worry in Aaron’s voice and she cringed because it was so silly to be sad right now. She thought it was too early in their relationship for him to see her so sad.

Aaron stood outside y/n’s door. There was a small panic rising in him. He had texted and called with no response from y/n. There was an eerie quiet outside her door. Normally at this time, she’d have her vinyl playing _y/f/a_ and making some coffee or reading. Hotch could picture it and it made him feel warm for a moment. But he didn’t feel that warmth now. He sensed that something was wrong, and he called out saying, “y/n if you’re in there I’m coming in, okay.” Aaron punched in y/n’s seven-digit code, and the door clicked open. There was no one in the kitchen or living area and the lights were off. He checked the bathroom and it was also empty. Aaron called for y/n saying, “y/n are you here?” More softly he said, “God, please be here.” Hotch moved to the bedroom door and gave a hesitant knock saying her name again. There was a soft sound from inside and, fearing the worst, he opened the door. When his eyes fell on y/n's form under a bundle of sheets and blankets, he let out a momentary sigh of relief.

He stepped into the semi-dark room and approached the bed saying gently, “y/n, are you alright?” y/n was facing away from him and said, “I’m sorry, Aaron. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be alright.” She spoke so softly that Aaron almost didn’t hear her. There was a sadness in her voice that pulled at his heart, and his concern for her only grew. Hotch sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her upper arm asking, “Honey, would you please look at me. I need to see you.” Hotch needed to know if she was alright. Sluggishly y/n moved from her side and onto her stomach. She turned her face toward Aaron, and he assessed her. It was clear to him right away that she had been crying. Her tear streaks marked her face and her eyes were red and bloodshot. Aaron rested a hand on her cheek and said, “Sweetheart please tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been crying.” y/n sniffled and said, “It’s nothing, it’s stupid.” At hearing y/n say this, Aaron turned to face her more directly and sincerely said, “Whatever it is, it’s not stupid to me. I wanna know why you’re sad.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. There was silence as y/n thought about what to say. Finally, she responded with, “I’m just sad, Aaron, and I have no right to be. I have everything I could want. I have a job I like. I’m finally stable in my life. I have you and Jack, and I’m still so fucking sad, over nothing.” While she spoke the tears started falling again.

Aaron listened and his heart ached for the pain y/n was feeling. He brushed his hand down her cheek and then moved his thumb to wipe away the tears falling on her face. Tenderly he said, “Darling, I’m so sorry. You’re allowed to feel sad, even if there’s no reason. And you’re allowed to be sad near me; it’s not embarrassing.” y/n made a small sound as she pressed her forehead to his thigh. Aaron wondered if this was an attempt to hide from him. He looked down at her and asked, “May I hold you, y/n” y/n sniffled but nodded yes to his request. Aaron leaned down and undid the laces of his loafer and kicked them both off with his other foot. He slipped his jacket off and moved to the other side of the bed. He pushed up the covers and lay down. When he was settled a bit, he pulled y/n close to his body. When she was cradled close to him, he could feel her relax. Aaron ran a hand up and down her side as he asked, “Have you felt this way before? Have you spoken to your therapist about these feelings?”

y/n felt better being close to Aaron. She responded to his question saying, “I have sometimes. When the weather starts changing and the days get shorter it can get really bad. I’ve been okay for the last year or so, but now it’s back. I haven’t told my therapist yet. I was going to in our next session. I had kind of hoped that it would just go away, but it hasn’t obviously.” Aaron hummed and moved his hand to her stomach, rubbing soft circles over the flesh there. Next, he asked, “And you’re still taking your medication?” At this, y/n actually chuckled and said, “I have. I know what happens when I stop taking those and it’s not pretty.” Aaron felt a tiny bit better hearing her laugh and make a joke. The feeling in the room lightened slightly. The silence lingered for a few minutes and Aaron broke it saying, “Would you like to stay here for a little bit?” In his arms, y/n sighed and said, “Yes please.” Aaron shifted in the bed so his head was resting near her neck, and he circled his arms around her protectively. He planted a few kisses on the nape of y/n’s neck and then stilled his movements as she quickly fell asleep. Aaron looked her over. He was glad that she found comfort in him. His embrace. He would have to do more research on seasonal depression because although he knew it was a type of depression, he didn’t know much about it. The only person that he maybe knew had issues like that was Spencer, as his younger agent had once told him that he had worse thoughts during the winter. But for now, he would just be there to support y/n. Her health and happiness were paramount to him, and he was going to do everything he could to make her feel alright.

After an hour, Aaron and y/n woke and Aaron thought of something. He asked, “When is the last time you’ve eaten, darling?” The moment it took for her to answer told Aaron what he needed to know. When y/n replied, “It was yesterday at breakfast.” Aaron frowned at the answer and said, “Alright. Well, how about we get some food? We could make something here or I could order something for us?” y/n thought and said, “There’s not much in the fridge. Maybe we could order some _y/c/f_ ?” Aaron replied and said, “Of course, I’ll place the order now.” Aaron pulled out his phone and opened Uber Eats to get the food. After this, they both moved to the living area. Aaron opened some blinds to let some light into the room but chose not to turn on any of the overhead lighting to create a calm environment. He turned on the TV and put on Seinfeld putting the volume on low to give them some ambient noise. y/n sat on the couch and Aaron pulled her into his arms while they waited for the food to arrive. Aaron moved to stroke her hair, and as he started, she cringed slightly. He stopped his movements and asked, “What is it, y/n?”y/n felt the shame rise in her again as she said, “It’s dirty. My hair. I haven’t washed it in three days.” Aaron nodded and said, “It’s okay, y/n. I don’t mind.” y/n softly said, “Okay.” She believed him and rested her head against his chest again. Aaron started gently combing through her hair with his hands. y/n listened to the steady thumping of his heart near her ear, and her hands found a place on his stomach. When he sat, Aaron had a little tummy that hid the muscles of his torso. It was actually one of the favorite parts of his body. They hadn’t been undressed in front of the other yet, but when they were, she looked forward to paying that area extra attention. y/n knew that just being with Aaron wasn’t going to fix her mental health problems. She would have to face the emotions and it might hurt, but it was worth it. For now, Aaron was a balm and a light, and she looked forward to moving forward with him in life. She knew that with Aaron by her side, better days were coming. That the sun would shine a bit brighter than it had before.

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theghostbunnie · 2 years ago

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Hey, I just want you to know I really like your work! It's beautiful and really creative, and I think you understand these characters to a T, cause your headcanons are extremely in character.

Speaking of which: do you have any headcanons for David and Gwen, both individually and as friends?

AAAAAAAAAAAA TYSM THAT'S SO SWEET 💖💖💖💖 I tried to awnser this the other day but realized I was multiple paragraphs into a character analysis and not HCs (if any of you guys left me an ask and I haven't awnsered it yet I still always appreciate it I probably just plan to draw something for it or haven't got the time rn)

When David says something like "before nature took me against her bosom I was in clown school in france" (I'm not kidding he says bosom lmaooo) but he knew he loved nature at age 10, so either he was there before age 10 or the nature not yet embracing him bit meant he was withheld from it. Either his mother sent him there (cannonicaly doesn't have a dad) or he had the WEIRDEST college "figure yourself out, experiment" phase and I'm guessing the latter. He had a sudden spark of a new special interest and wanted to try pursuing it but his clowning instructor(?) scared him out of it after awhile.

I HC David wanted to be a clown bc he loved all the family friendly etiquette rules especially, ontop of the obvious making people happy and entertained.

David cannonicaly loves the zodiac signs and allthat and potential hot take but that man is a Sagittarius ♐.

David is stubborn and I feel this is an obvious fact about him but I wanna go further in depth with a HC that sometimes if he doesn't like something he won't just be in a general ol denial about it, he will full heartedly actually believe hisown truth instead.

Maybe not a "David as an individual" HC but I like to believe he respects, and likes QM's company alot! (When the man isn't being *too* off-putting) like when he's telling that ghost story about respecting your elders we see a cabin with a framed picture of silhouettes that look like QM were related to them and even the book in the story has that octopus God on it. So I assumed that was actually a real place somewhere in the woods David saw at one point/QM took him to. Either during his time as an employee or a camper himself. Also Quarter Master seems *at times* to be annoyed at David. Not like body language or facial exspressions I just get that vibe from his attitude and phrasing. He lied when he told him "fighting animals is apart of his culture" to get him to leave him alone about it I just know it.

Gwen is an anime watching "otaku" or atleast had a phase and has probably watched unheard of semi f*tish series that only lasted 10-12 episodes with really long title names. Genuinely rewatching the show so much of her screentime is hating her job in different ways or reading, writing, or playing VR 🌽. Or being a hopeless romantic. (She could've stayed with Graggle but only liked him for her monster f*tish and to romanticize herself as this YA novel MC)

She definitely LOVES x reader fics and takes on a slightly new persona in her fantasies.

I HC her with a bit of stage fright and her love for music being casual instead of a passion, that ontop of wanting to make something for herself is why she didn't piggyback off her dad's career and go into music. His career did atleast pay for whatever degree she wanted to persue (how she was able to get so many) and her fear of wasted potential is what made her have so many to begin with.

She partially willingly puts herself into positions where she gets burnt out to the point she's gotten kinda used to it.

So that's kinda why she can call it out early in David and tell him when he needs to have a break in that one EP.

David offering Gwen to read one of her stories she writes to the campers leads me to either believe he doesn't know what she writes is 🌽 or that and she also shares her sfw writing with him to get his opinion. (Which is nearly always positive but I feel like people forget David has his moments even if HE'S unaware of em) like "This chapter is excellent, Gwen!! Gosh, I'm just on the edge of my seat!! And there's only half the grammar mistakes of last time! :DD" and he fully means that as a compliment.

David also definitely got Gwen into astrology. She only cares about learning facts about her own, finding out the birthdays of celebrity and fictional characters and then seeing if they're compatible. Woman with identity issues? Eats it up.

They both loved Bob Ross before they met and it was one of the first things they bonded over as they were becoming friends. I HC Gwen was chipper at the job at the very first bit but it QUICKLY wore her down, David going off that first impression kept his excited team-loving liking of her, where as Gwen as she got to know him over those first weeks grew really annoyed with him as a coworker, but once getting to know him further than that the friendship started to become mutual.

#camp camp #camp campbell #campcamp #fandom #hcs #character headcanons #headcannons #camp camp hcs #camp camp headcanons #camp camp fandom #fictional characters #gwen cc #cc gwen #gwen camp camp #camp camp gwen #cc david #david cc #david camp camp #camp camp david

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sandandlightning · 4 months ago

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My Personal Pantheon

I have found demonolatry spaces very encouraging of practitioners creating their own pseudo pantheons comprised of the entities they feel closest to and how they interact with them. I happily took this permission to do something I hadn't realized I had so deeply craved for so long.

For the quarter calls:

North | Earth- Belial

West | Water- Leviathan

South | Fire- Ashtaroth (Ishtar)

East | Wind- Lucifer

The other major divinities I work with are:

Sitri (Set)

Ipos (Anpu)

Bune (Neith, in my experience)

Ciam (from biblical Cain)

Baphomet is who I use to represent All rather than the traditional Satan. This is due to my personal long standing preference for the Binsfeld Seven Sins hierarchy that relegates Satan to Lord of Wrath, not anything against him personally, just used to viewing him in this role and am more connected through this aspect.

In Connoly’s ‘The Complete Book of Demonolatry’ this practice is encouraged as well. It outlines a popularized pantheon from the Dukante hierarchy and focuses heavily on it, but also shows many others. I explained in another post how the Dukante hierarchy uses a demon called Feloreus for the fire/south, and that I felt really weird working with a new entity when there were so many others I was at least passingly familiar with, if not moreso. I had done a great bit of academic study more in the vein of demonology since I was quite young simply out of a desire to understand different theologies even if I didn't begin actually working with any infernal aspects until more recently.

In the end, after researching more on Ashtaroth and understanding her origin as Ishtar and how… I'm not sure how to explain other than ‘more recognizable’ her name is, she felt like a good fit. I'm very happy with my quarter call rulers! I particularly wanted to share them because I couldn't help but think others might have had the same feeling I did with Feloreus being the odd one out.

Dukante uses an ennead- set of nine- entities. I've explained swapping Satan for Baphomet (or Baphomet as a specific aspect of the version of Satan they intend, really) the other four were also new names I had never heard. My Kemetic roots made me understandably eager to stick to the familiar feeling of an ennead. So I sort of filled out the list more based on my closeness to the entities than necessarily fitting the remaining four roles.

Said roles are ‘positive energy, negative energy, life, and death’ I tentatively ask Sitri, Caim, Ipos, and Bune respectively to represent these roles at least honorarily when it seems appropriate, though some fit much better than others (Bune is spot on for Death. Caim is more in a ‘i mean I can be extra bitter if u want sure but that's not my main thing’ place >>) it's a bit of a work in progress, but I hope sharing that work in progress will help normalize not having everything perfect all the time for other pagans starting out.

I have also worked a bit with Belphegor and Beelzebub. The latter specifically because of my beekeeping haha, and the former reached out to me specifically to hammer home a ‘work harder not smarter’ lesson while I was fretting about not being able to do physical labor on some bad health days. I do not work as closely or often as with the others, nor do either of them necessarily seem to better ‘fit’ any of the remaining categories, so I have not placed them in my personal ennead. But my experiences with both have been quite positive and I consider them a part of my expanded practice and pantheon ^^

#personal practice #pagan #paganism #eclectic pagan #demonolatry #theistic luciferianism

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snotsloth · 9 months ago

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Finished Empire of Ivory! I am distraught! This one took me a bit longer to finish. The initial urge to binge read my latest obsession has abated and I got distracted halfway through by another book, but then I got to the final quarter of the book and Ms. Novik came out swinging with a steel chair!

No symphony but Temeraire did make some comments about wanting to write a book

Lawrence has finally realized that he kind of accidentally an entire daughter with Emily. He's straight up having flights of domestic fancy in his mind to the point of proposing to Jane, which was hilarious!

Still no first naming of Laurence! Either it's never going to happen or it's going to happen in like the last book and I will immediately expire.

No Jolly Cooperation. Instead Laurence and Riley are fighting for most of the book, which was genuinely great character work for both of them.

Temeraire had zero time to write a book but he does have his own sand tables and is seriously considering writing one.

Dragon revolution still pending. We had a plague to cure.

Still have not met the Native American dragon.

The British dragons did tease Temeraire a bit about putting on airs, but they were mostly just sick and miserable

We did indeed go to Africa. No one had a good time, except maybe Dulcia?

We had no major war sections of the book, so Temeraire did not get to show off what a clever strategist he is.

Iskierka did indeed continue to be a chaotic delight. She's Granby's firecracker and he loves her so much. (Also I love the dynamic of grumpy older sibling and annoying, pestering younger sibling that she and Temeraire are developing)

No additional dragon babies yet

Temeraire is definitely closing in on a uniting theory of anti-slavery, and anti-colonialist, pro-universal equality including dragons. He just hasn't fully synthesized it yet

No Tharkay this book. I have been spoiled that de does eventually return, so I will continue to operate under the assumption that his ass will show up in the least likely circumstance

Something had indeed gone VERY AWRY in England.

Arkady and his band were indeed agents of merry chaos and now they have Iskierka as a second ring leader and they are menacing every French ship that dares brave the Channel

Lien did not need to cause problems. There were enough already

Things I Did Not Expect

A FUCKING PLAGUE!!!

Admiral Jane Roland!!!

Genuinely good, period accurate, abolitionist discourse

A nuanced portrayal of black Christians returning to Africa and trying to tease out the difference between culture and religion; and having to figure out how they will reintegrate with the family and society they were violently taken from. And choosing to stay and mostly reintegrate!

Laurence continuing to be vexed and bedevilled by the tension between what is "proper" for women and what is best for the individual women around him, and ultimately always choosing to respect the autonomy of women (including a black woman)!

A full throated acknowledgement of how England and other slaver colonialists permanently damaged not only the West Coast but all of Africa and how no amount of reparations will ever truly make amends for the crimes they committed and the lives that were taken.

Genuinely, I did not go into this series expecting such excellent integration of postcolonial/anti-colonial thought that is so seamlessly and naturally integrated into the narrative. Many historical novels that take place in this period will only pay lip service to the crimes of colonial England or try to ignore it altogether. Instead Naomi Novik deliberately turns the focus of the story directly towards the blood-soaked heart of English colonial power and says, "Look at it. This is the point. This is the engine that drives the whole thing. There is no enjoyment or true understanding of 19th century England without grappling with the grim facts of slavery, colonialism, and capitalism. Also there's dragons, and they are people."

Pirate (privateer) Iskierka and her merry band of ferals! They were so great and offered some much needed levity

We're only on book 4 and Laurence has committed treason! Book 4! There are 5 MORE BOOKS TO GO!!!

A face-to-face meeting between Napoleon and Laurence!

Unhinged Predictions Part 4

More pirate Iskierka, please!

Obviously Laurence is going to live though I have no idea how. Maybe Temeraire stages a rescue? A general strike by the corps? I guess I'll find out.

I think we might stay in Europe this book. I'm not certain.

Temeraire finally gets to show off what a military genius he is.

So. Much. Angst.

More Napoleon being very abnormal about Laurence (I have been spoiled for how intense he is about Laurence through the series)

Dragon strike!

Unhinged Temeraire predictions based on having only read In His Majesty's Service:

Temeraire's Symphony No. 1

Temeraire and Tchaikovsky are going to become best fucking friends mostly based on their shared opinions that artillery belongs in a proper percussion section.

Laurence and Temeraire are DEFINITELY going to mutiny at some point.

Temeraire learns to sing and Lawrence is very soft about it.

At some point in the next 2-3 books, Lawrence will realize he has acquired an entire daughter without intending to. Temeraire and Roland are only surprised it took him so long to notice.

I'm not entirely certain that Temeraire will ever call Lawrence Will, but if he does I will disintegrate.

The Chinese government gets involved.

Temeraire commissions either gigantic books, or some sort of magnification device so he can fucking read when Lawrence isn't there. They continue their evening reading sessions still because it's their thing.

Some good old fashioned JOLLY COOPERATION between the Navy and the Dragon Corps.

Temeraire writes a book. He subsequently causes a paradigm shift in his chosen field of study.

I will keep updating until I start book 2. Please do not confirm or deny my predictions. Let me suffer.

#temeraire #empire of ivory

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minisugakoobies · 2 years ago

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Paradise | JJK - Eleven

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, neighbors to lovers (not quite friends but not quite strangers), slow burn, love triangle, Stripper!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kissing, grinding, special guest appearances by Stripper!Namjoon and Stripper!Hoseok as well as Jimin and Taehyung, dirty talk, fingering, wall sex, slow fucking, mention of sex toys, the body chain returns, Jungkook is a smirky teasing demon (but what's new), Jungkook's stamina is insane, capitalism is a cockblock, gratuitous use of comic book character dog names, more dirty photos

Word Count: 16.4k (I'm sorry!)

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

A/N: Sorry this one took so long! I thought about splitting the chapter but ultimately felt it worked best kept as one. I'm technically on a tumblr hiatus, but I finished this today and want to get it out there. I appreciate everyone's patience with this story - I can't believe it's been over a year already! I'm really trying not to have such lengthy periods between chapters, but muses are pretty fucking fickle.

Been excited about getting to this chapter for a while, so I hope you like it! 🥺

Unbeta’d as usual. Please don't be a silent reader, I’d love to hear from you! Taglist is open. 💕

Previous Chapter ♦️ Paradise Masterlist ♦️ Next Chapter

Friday morning arrives with a sense of relief. Not just for the end of the work week, but also for your run-in with Wendy last night and the tiniest possibility that you might have a way out of your job already. Would you seem too desperate if you emailed Wendy as soon as you logged on for work? It’s not like she didn’t understand your current situation - she left your company as soon as she could. But maybe you should wait a few days before reaching out.

The first thing you see upon logging in is an email from your boss, informing you that there will be a mandatory video call this afternoon for your entire department. The announcement is cryptic, only providing a time of one o'clock and a topic of “department changes.” This strikes you as ominous. Then you read an email from one of your coworkers that mentions whispers of possible layoffs looming at the end of this quarter.

You immediately open a blank email and start composing a message to Wendy.

The flowers that Jungkook gave you on your date last week are still sitting in a vase on your desk. Knowing you have a long day ahead of you, you pause long enough to lean over and breathe in, inhaling the sweet fragrance of the bouquet. The scent conquers up a memory of the soft smile on Jungkook’s face when you’d opened the door that night. The vision lingers in your mind as you dig into your work.

An hour later, as you’re fighting with a report that has your head aching with frustration, your phone trills, "Be still, my heaaaaart…”

Of course it’s not Wendy, that would be ridiculously fast for her to be calling already with news of a job opportunity, but you still have a split second of nervous excitement when it goes off. And then you see who is actually calling and grin anyway.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” a cheerful voice greets you. “Hey, Jin.”

“I hope it’s okay that I’m calling. I realize you’re probably working.”

“I am, but I could use the break.”

“Great.” There’s a sigh on the other end. “I’m glad you got home okay last night. I know you said you didn’t mind, but I feel like I should apologize for leaving you at the reception like that.”

“Oh, Jin, it’s fine! Really.” Okay, yes, you were rather disappointed that that’s how your night ended, but you couldn’t exactly blame him for jumping at a great opportunity. The Nosh execs were clearly trying to woo him, he would’ve been a fool to walk away last night, no matter the reason. Right? “Tell me how the drinks at Dionysus went!”

“Well, my agent and I are having dinner tonight with their head of marketing, if that gives you any idea…?”

“Jin! That’s fantastic!” There’s a chime from your laptop. Email from a supervisor asking if your report is finished yet. You stifle a sigh. “It sounds like they’re really excited to possibly work with you.”

“Apparently Hongjoong-ssi’s wife is a big fan of my show, and when he went home last night and told her we’d met, she freaked out!” His windshield wiper laugh makes you giggle. “Told him he’d be an idiot if he didn’t sign a deal with me. So I guess I need to give her a shoutout on my next stream.” He laughs again. “It’s a little surreal how quickly things are moving.”

“But it must be so satisfying, too.” If there’s one thing you’ve learned about Jin in the short time you’ve been dating him, it’s how hard he hustles. There’s something so admirable about the way he’s chasing his dream. Makes you wish you had one of your own to fight for.

“Well, I’m not complaining. But speaking of satisfaction…”

“Smooth.”

“Thank you. Listen, I still want to make last night up to you, if you’ll let me. What’s your weekend look like?”

“Um, tomorrow I have maid of honor duties in the morning, then I have a hot date with Jisoo.”

“Oh, really?” he hums.

“Mmmhmm. But I’m free all day Sunday.”

“Let’s go back to the hot date with Jisoo.”

Rolling your eyes, you grin. “Nothing that exciting, I promise you. I think we’re just planning on doing face masks and a movie or two. What did you have in mind?”

“Oh, there are plenty of things on my mind, if you’d like to know…”

“For our date, Jin, not for me and Jisoo.”

“I was talking about our date! What are you trying to imply?” His pitch rises in mock indignation before your giggles break him. “My offer to teach you how to cook still stands. Any interest in making dinner together?”

“Hmmm, free cooking lessons from an in-demand chef? Why would I say no to that?”

“Perfect. I thought maybe I could take you to see the site of the restaurant my business partner and I are working on. We can use the kitchen there, since it’s bigger than mine or yours.” As if the massive kitchen in his luxury condo would be too small for the two of you to work in. “I can give you a private tour before the place opens and the waitlist gets long.”

“You know, that brings me to an important question - how does it work when one’s dating the chef? Do I automatically get a reservation whenever I want, or…”

“You know I’ll take care of you,” he purrs, and you shiver at the sudden change in his tone. “Don’t you worry about that.”

“Oh, well, in that case…” you trail off, giggling. Your laptop chimes again. Same supervisor, same question. Can’t these people understand that you’re too busy flirting to work right now? “I gotta get back to work. Supervisors are stuffing my inbox.”

“Kinky,” he squeaks. “I suppose I should get up and get moving myself. I need to start planning a menu for Sunday night. Is there anything in particular you’d like to learn how to make?”

“Ummm… honestly, I am a true novice here, Jin. The most complicated dish I can make is a basic stir fry. So I guess… whatever you think would make for a nice beginner meal?”

“All right. I’ll take care of it. And then I’ll see you on Sunday - let’s say I’ll pick you up at 6?”

“Yeah. That sounds good.” A third chime. Your supervisor is really testing you today. “I’ll see you on Sunday, Jin.”

He murmurs a sweet goodbye, and you close your eyes, savoring the gentle tone of his voice before diving back into your report before your supervisor has an aneurysm.

The rest of the morning passes in a blur of emails and spreadsheets. When noon arrives, you pad out to your kitchen to grab a granola bar and some grapes, too into the thick of things to want to stop and pick up a real meal.

At 12:30, there’s a jarring beeping next door.

You wonder if Jungkook slept as soundly as you did last night. That’s twice now that you’ve gotten an amazing night’s sleep thanks to your neighbor. He just seems to have the magic touch… even though he didn’t actually touch you last night. Didn’t seem to matter.

If only he didn’t have to work tonight. The offer he made to test Lil Jackson Wang’s range is super tempting, knowing he could put you to sleep with just a few deft swipes on an app, but you want more than just another restful slumber. Not that an orgasm wouldn’t be welcome, but… what you’d really like, tonight, or maybe right now, as you yawn and stretch, would be to fall asleep in his arms again.

Hmmm. Well now. That’s a thought you’ve not really had before. You’ve repeatedly found yourself daydreaming in the past few weeks about Jungkook, but typically in these visions the two of you are doing anything but sleeping.

Staring into space, you sigh, imagining being curled up in Jungkook’s warm embrace at this very moment. Picturing his messy bedhead and soft sleepy smile. Maybe you should’ve called out from work today. Then you could be experiencing this vision instead of simply dreaming about it.

Maybe you could try to convince Jungkook to take a sick day himself.

You grab your phone.

(12:45): I have a confession

Kookie 🦌 (12:45): morning jagi

(12:45): Good morning, I have a confession

(12:46): Something I’ve been waiting for years to tell you

Kookie 🦌 (12:46): fuck

Kookie 🦌 (12:46): keep talking

(12:46): I hate your alarm clock

Kookie 🦌 (12:47): not exactly what i was hoping to hear

(12: 47): Just had to get that off my chest

Kookie 🦌 (12:47): feel better?

(12:48): I do, actually. Thanks for listening

(12:48): What about you? Is your leg okay?

Kookie 🦌 (12:48): just woke up but feels ok so far

Kookie 🦌 (12:48): you want me to get rid of my alarm clock?

(12:49): Would you? I could replace it for you

Kookie 🦌 (12:49): i’m not going to say no to that

Kookie 🦌 (12:49): you can wake me up every day if you want

It’s funny how you can feel his smirk in his words.

(12:49): Not what I meant but

(12:50): Not opposed either

(12:50): Although I don’t know if I’d be any good at getting you OUT of bed

Kookie 🦌 (12:51): come over

Your stomach swoops at his response, and you shift in your seat, rubbing your thighs together, suddenly feeling needy. Just from two innocent words! What is this power that this man has over you?

If only you could go over there right now. Stupid capitalism.

(12:52): For what, practice?

(12:52): Make sure I can get you up?

Kookie 🦌 (12:53): jagi i’m already up

Kookie 🦌 (12:53): just for you

His next text is a photo.

You nearly drop your phone.

(12:53): I can’t believe I’m saying this but

(12:54): I have a stupid important call to jump on in a few minutes

(12:54): Like possibly career changing important

Three grey dots appear and disappear, over and over, making you frown. You just said you don’t have much time. What is taking him so long to respond?

A sudden knock on your door startles you off your chair.

Kookie 🦌 (12:56): let me in?

As soon as the door is open, Jungkook’s arms are around you. Your fingers curl into his thick hair, tugging him as close as you can, and your eyes flutter shut as he kisses you, pressing himself into you, and holy fuck do you regret not calling in sick today.

With a happy sigh, you open your eyes to find him smiling at you. “Good morning.”

He’s shirtless, just a pair of black joggers slung low around his hips, doing little to hide his current condition. His hair is in fact just as shaggy as you’d imagined, a dark cloud on his head, and his eyes are scrunched in happiness to the point that they’ve become thin crescents.

“Mmm, good morning, Kookie.” You sling your arms over his shoulders, keeping him close. His skin is so warm, heat radiating everywhere he touches you, and it’s all you can do not to just drag him into your apartment and straight into your bed.

Why can’t you do that, again? Oh, right. Damn responsibilities. Adulting sucks.

His cheeks redden a little. “I won’t keep you long. Just wanted to say hi.” His eyes fall to his hoodie, which you’ve cloaked yourself in again, and he yanks on the drawstrings playfully.

“Oh. Well. Hi,” you beam, and his eyes crinkle once more as his shy bunny smile makes an appearance. Fuck, how you love that smile. “Be honest. You just wanted to tease me.”

“Always.” The cute bunny disappears, leaving behind a smirky demon, who suddenly grinds into you, and you clap a hand over your mouth to keep yourself from moaning loudly in the hallway. After last night’s vocal exercises with the toy, you really don’t need to annoy your other neighbors any further. “Don’t be late for your call, jagiya. And make sure you stay focused.”

You swat at his shoulder. “Fuck, you play dirty, Jeon Jungkook.” He just nods, looking way too pleased with himself, and you laugh as you untangle yourself from his embrace, pushing him away.

He grins as he strolls backwards towards his apartment. “Go on, get on your call. You said it’s important, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then good luck.”

After your meeting, in which your boss informs you that your department will be reorganizing, which is code for ‘downsizing,’ your coworker emails you again, this time to ask just what the hell was making you smile so much.

For the rest of the day, your phone barely leaves your hand. If Jungkook hadn’t already left his apartment while you were on your call, you might’ve been easily swayed to take the rest of the day off to hang out with him. But he had to head to the club to help Namjoon and Hoseok with a new routine they’ve been practicing. From the sound of it, Jungkook helps a lot of the dancers there to perfect their performances. You can’t blame them for wanting his help, replaying Jennie’s lap dance in your mind for the millionth time.

The conversation winds on and on, the two of you discussing anything and everything. Your annoyance with work. His latest commission (a portrait for one of the bartenders at the club). Your excitement about Jennie’s wedding.

When he sends you a photo of himself hugging Taehyung’s puppy, a guest at today’s practice, you make him promise to invite you the next time he dogsits. Then Jungkook mentions wanting a pup of his own, and together you brainstorm dog names that make you giggle harder with every increasingly ridiculous suggestion. Jungkook really likes Peter Barker, named after his favorite superhero, while you prefer M’Barku yourself.

After ordering some takeout for dinner, you crash on your couch for the evening. There’s a random movie playing on the big screen in your living room, but all your attention is focused on the tiny screen still glued to your hand. Even once Jungkook’s started his shift at Paradise, he pops in during breaks between dances. Every time your phone vibrates, there’s a matching flutter in your chest.

The previous night’s lack of sleep catches up to you, though, and soon you find yourself starting to drift off between Jungkook’s replies. He seems to be getting busier as the night wears on, taking longer and longer to respond. You close your eyes for a second, wondering if he’s performing the same routine again, with that same wicked smirk….

A thudding sound wakes you and you sit up with a start, realizing you a) fell asleep on your couch and b) managed to kick your tumbler off the end table in your sleep. You also discover that you’re still clutching your phone, and glance at the time. It’s almost three in the morning.

You have messages waiting.

Kookie 🦌 (11:21): you still there?

Kookie 🦌 (11:56): always falling asleep on me

Kookie 🦌 (12:45): sweet dreams jagi

Saturday morning arrives with sunny weather, a nice break from the gloomy cloudy grey of the week. Despite having slept most of the night on your couch, you feel pretty refreshed, even before you treat yourself to an iced coffee on your way to meet your friends for Jennie’s final wedding dress fitting.

The dress shop is a tiny boutique only a few blocks from your apartment. Halfway there, you cross paths with a man walking an adorable little beagle. The puppy stops to sniff your sneakers, so you snap a quick photo and send it off to Jungkook. Even though it’s early for him, the hour being before noon, he responds immediately, and you’re so distracted by your chat that you walk a block past the shop before realizing you missed it.

While the seamstress helps Jennie into her gown in the store’s only dressing room, you and the other girls mill about, flipping idly through the racks, catching up on each other’s weeks. Your friends are aghast when you talk about your evening with Jin and how he left you at the networking reception. Not even Lisa, the captain of Team Worldwide Handsome herself, thinks it was okay, even though you keep stressing how much it might’ve helped Jin’s career. But you just wave their concern away and change the subject, asking Rosé about her big date Friday night. Clearly, it went well, given the way she’s currently spinning about the room with a giant smile on her face.

“So then Namjoon and I were talking about our hobbies and I mentioned how I’ve been trying to take better care of my houseplants. You remember that orchid you got me for my birthday, Ji? Poor thing’s not doing so hot these days. He offered to give me some tips, because apparently he’s like an amateur botanist! He even said I could bring it over to his place. He’s got a tiny greenhouse out back, and he’ll nurse it back to health for me.” She beams. “Isn’t that cute?”

“Super cute!” Lisa confirms.

“Adorable,” you second.

“I couldn’t believe how sweet he was! Like, he was telling me how his halmeoni taught him about gardening, and he kept giving me this shy smile…” she dips her head, looking up at everyone bashfully, and giggles. “I swear to God, if our waiter hadn’t returned at that moment with our dessert, I was this close to leaping over the table and just eating him up.”

“Okay, you had an amazing time at dinner, we get it. Get to the good stuff,” Jisoo demands.

Rosé sticks out her tongue. “This is the good stuff! Some of us like to actually talk to our dates.”

“I talk to mine!” Jisoo retorts. “How else will they know what I want them to do?”

“I’m talking about having a real conversation, not giving out orders.”

“I have conversations!” Rosé scoffs and Jisoo’s eyes narrow. “I’m serious! I go deep!”

“That’s what he said?” you whisper to Lisa, who giggles and shushes you.

“Oh yes, I’m sure “Come for me” has led you to some very profound discussions about the human condition!”

“Actually, not that you need to know, but yes, it has!”

You and Lisa just roll your eyes as the two squabble. It’s nothing new. They love winding each other up and usually spar until one of them gets bored. Holding a floor-length white sequined dress up to herself, Lisa tips her head as she stares at herself in the mirror near the dressing room.

“So when do I get to meet one of Jungkook’s handsome friends?” She pauses. “Or Jungkook himself, for that matter?”

“You’ve met him,” you insist, and she shakes her head. “Uh. Haven’t you?”

“Not really. Just said hello in passing a few times.”

“Huh.” Apparently you were so used to seeing your neighbor around now, you’d just assumed your friends had all met him. “I guess I could probably see if he and his friends wanted to hang out sometime, if you all wanted to? Like I’m sure Taehyung and Jimin would be in if Ji will be there, and now Namjoon and Rosé…”

“Well, what about next Saturday? The wedding?” Rosé asks. Having abandoned their bickering, she and Jisoo join you at the mirror.

“What about the wedding?”

Rosé gives you a strange look. “Won’t we all get a chance to meet Jungkook there next week?”

“Oh. Um, I’m not sure how you’re gonna do that, since I don’t think he was invited?”

All three of your friends groan your name at various volumes.

“What??”

“Babe. Why haven’t you asked him to be your date?” Jisoo inquires.

“Well, for one thing, I didn’t tell Jennie I was bringing a plus one, and it’s a little late to throw one at her now…”

“Oh, please,” Jennie’s voice calls out from the dressing room. “You know if you want to bring Jungkook, we’ll find room for him! I just assumed you and Jin would be coming together?”

Jisoo snorts.

“Um, well, actually…”

Another chorus of groans.

“Look, I don’t want to make things awkward!”

“How would going with Jin be awkward?”

“I think she meant picking one over the other might be weird, Lis.” Rosé replies.

You sigh, rubbing your temples with the tips of your fingers. “I just don’t know what will happen if they’re both in the same room again. You remember what I told you about Jungkook when I ran into him at Dionysus, right? The way he reacted to seeing me on my date with Jin?”

“Oh yeah,” Jisoo hums as the others nod. “That was ridiculously hot of Bambi.”

Hot or not, it had left your head swimming. “Yeah, well, I’m not looking for a repeat. I mean, what if they get into some sort of argument or something?”

Lisa cocks an eyebrow. “You think they might fight over you?”

You shrug. “I mean, no. Not really. Neither of them seem the type to punch another guy over a girl.” Although Jungkook does seem to have a sharp tongue when he’s drunk. Would he say something rude directly to Jin’s face? How would Jin react? “I don’t think, at least.”

“Well, if you’re unsure, how about we not find out at my wedding?” Jennie suggests cheerfully. “Let’s just keep everything nice and neat and as drama-free as possible!”

Jisoo sighs. “Speaking of drama, Jennie, will you come out already? I think you’ve amped up the anticipation enough.”

“Okay, but only because you asked so sweetly, Ji.”

The kindly grey-haired seamstress reappears, throwing open the curtains to the dressing room, and Jennie emerges. She’s a vision in white, swathed in lace and satin, the train of her gown trailing behind her as she slowly approaches the rest of you.

“Jennie!”

“Beautiful!”

“Oh my god, you’re gorgeous!!”

A loud sob makes you all turn. As you watch with your mouth agape, Jisoo bursts into ugly, full-body-wracking tears. The rest of you coo and rush to hug her as Jennie shakes her head.

“You’re such a softie, Kim Jisoo!” She reaches into the scrum, careful not to get too close and wrinkle her dress, and squeezes Jisoo’s hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! Just - just happy for you!” comes a muffled response from where Jisoo’s face is buried in Lisa’s shirt.

“She’ll be okay,” you assure Jennie, rubbing Jisoo’s back gently. “I’ll pull her back together tonight when we’re hanging out. But how do you feel right now? I’m honestly surprised you’re not in here crying with her.”

Jennie inspects her reflection, fingers straightening the lace over her bodice. After a moment, she catches your eye in the mirror. The smile that lights up her face is blinding, and for a second you’re afraid you might start bawling like Jisoo.

“I’m tempted to text Yoongi right now and tell him to get his cute lil’ peach down here so I can marry him this very minute. I can’t wait, I’m just so excited!”

The subject of your wedding date (or lack thereof) doesn’t come up again as the morning fades into afternoon. Your friends are more interested in showering Jennie with love. As are you. But it gnaws at you anyway, as you listen to your friends breathlessly discussing the upcoming ceremony.

Should you ask Jungkook to be your date? Would Jin get upset if you didn’t ask him? How weird would it really be to have them both there? Maybe you’re making a bigger deal out of this than you should.

God knows it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done that.

Jisoo knocks on your door around eight with a bottle of your favorite green grape soju in hand, dressed like she’s ready for the club - black crop top with a keyhole cutout over her chest, scandalously short pink leather skirt, hair pulled up in a high ponytail and eyeliner winged straight to the heavens.

“Holy shit,” you greet her. “You look amazing, but uhhhh maybe a little overdressed for a movie?”

She swans into your apartment, the heels of her boots clicking on the hardwood floor. “The movie can wait. It’s Saturday night. Time to get fucked up.”

“Uh.” The last time you got quote unquote ‘fucked up’ was the night you went to Dionysus, and recalling the morning after makes your stomach lurch a little. Following your friend into your kitchen, you watch as she pulls two shot glasses down from your cupboard, then pours you both a dram. “Okay. I’m not opposed to having some soju with you tonight, but the outfit still seems like overkill.”

“Babe.” Jisoo holds out your glass for you to take. “Obviously we’re going out. We’re too young and gorgeous to be wasting ourselves away on your couch tonight! Do you really want to deprive the world of this?” She waves her hand to indicate the two of you, and you look down at yourself with a raised brow.

“Actually, I think the couch is the only place for this,” you reply, gesturing to your clothes. Leggings and Jungkook’s hoodie. The sweatshirt has become your second skin at this point.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll take care of that,” Jisoo informs you. “We’ll find you something to wear. But first things first.” She lifts her glass in the air. “Geonbae!”

The liquor goes down so smoothly. For all her deadpan ability, Jisoo can’t stop herself from making a face at the tang of the shot. It’s the same face she’s made every time you’ve shared this soju over the years. A wave of nostalgia rolls over you, bringing with it all the memories of evenings spent drinking and laughing with your friend, and you throw your arms around her and give her a tight squeeze.

“I know it’s good soju, but this is a little much,” she mutters from where her lips are smushed into your shoulder.

“Sorry. I’m just really happy we’re hanging out. I’ve missed you.”

“Oh god, you’ve bypassed the funny drunk phase and gone straight to sappy reminiscing, haven’t you? Let’s get you some water, lightweight.”

Double fisting soju and water, you let Jisoo lead you into your bedroom. There’s no point in trying to argue with her about going out, so you don’t. At the very least, maybe if you get ready quickly, you can come home sooner than later. Sitting on your bed, you play dj and queue up some music on your phone while Jisoo stares at your closet in horror.

“There are just… so many hoodies. Why?”

“You sound like Jennie. And what’s wrong with hoodies, anyway?! They’re comfortable!”

Jisoo merely grunts while rifling through your clothes. For a few minutes, you just vibe to the music as your friend rummages, mumbling the occasional “What on earth” or “Oh, babe, no,” under her breath as she flips through the hangers.

“You know I can hear you, right?”

She simply shoots you a tragic look.

“Anyway… I noticed you didn’t say anything in the shop earlier about what you did last night.”

“Nothing to report. I stayed in.”

“Alone?”

Your phone buzzes.

Kookie 🦌 (8:15): matt murdog

Grinning, you glance at Jisoo, still elbow-deep in your closet, before replying.

(8:15): That one’s a bit of a stretch

Jisoo pauses, hands in mid-pull on a shirt you immediately veto with a shake of your head. “Yes. Alone. I’m not always out with someone.”

“Y’know, it seems like you haven’t been seeing a lot of different someones lately. Just Taehyung. Or Jimin. Or both.”

Kookie 🦌 (8:17): pupper potts

(8:17): Honestly, not the worst

(8:18): Woofsbane

Kookie 🦌 (8:18): deep pull

Kookie 🦌 (8:18): respect

Jisoo hasn’t said anything while you’ve been texting, and you put your phone down to watch her studiously skim through your clothing. “Is there anything there you want to tell me, Ji?”

She stops again, this time with a dress you haven’t worn in ages. You start to shake your head, then reconsider, gesturing for her to hand it to you. “If I had anything to tell you, I would. Don’t I always?”

“Yeah. I suppose you do.” Shimmying out of your clothes, you tug the dress over your head. It still fits, and if anything, looks even better now that you’re curvier than you used to be. “Is it me or does my ass look amazing in this?”

“It’s you.” Jisoo laughs, ducking the pillow you throw in her direction. “No, you’re right, you look fucking fantastic. I think we have a winner.” She pours another round of shots for you to tip back.

Settling in front of your makeup mirror, you smile sweetly at your friend. “Do my makeup? Please? I can never get my eyeliner to wing as perfectly as you do.”

“Flatterer.”

As Jisoo rummages through your makeup, you pour more shots. Jisoo clears her throat. “They were both working.”

“Huh?”

“Last night. Tae and Min were both at Paradise.” She gently swipes some color over your eyelids. “That’s why I was at home, alone.”

“I’m sorry, Tae and Min?”

“Stop smiling like that and hold still!”

But you can’t stop grinning at your friend as she frowns, trying not to poke you in the eye with a liquid liner. “You gave them nicknames? And sat at home alone because they were at work? Ji, are you even dating anyone else right now?”

Jisoo rolls her eyes. “Calm down, will you? Otherwise, your eyeliner is going to be less of a wing and more of a smear.” You hold as still as you can, despite the and she sighs. “No, I haven’t seen anyone else in a few weeks. Just Tae and Min, and yes, that is what I call them, and no, it is not technically exclusive. We’ve never discussed anything. I just… haven’t wanted anyone else.” She scowls. “Stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?” You glance in the mirror as she finishes your eyes, turning your face left and right to admire her skill.

“Like I have little cartoon hearts in my eyes. I’m not in love. But I am happy right now, and I don’t see any reason for that to change by bringing someone else into the mix. Or whatever. I just… I want them. And right now, I have them. That’s all I need.”

“Well, fuck.”

She arches a brow at your pithy response, and it’s your turn to sigh.

“I just envy you sometimes, you know?”

“Of course you do,” she drawls, flashing you a grin. “But what in particular is it this time?”

“The way you just know what you want, and go for it!”

Jisoo plops down on your bed, assessing you with one of her scrutinizing looks. “Okay, who got in your head now?”

“No one. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately. About what I want. Take work, for example. I’ve gotten stuck in this job because I’ve just gone with the flow for so long. I never intended to end up where I am, but the company kept promoting me, kept moving me around from department to department, and I just went along with it. I never really stopped to think about what I wanted.”

Your friend nods slowly. “And now you’re starting to?”

“Yeah. And there’s just so much to consider.”

“Is there, though?”

“What do you mean?”

Jisoo shrugs. “You said you didn’t think about what you wanted. So that’s all you need to do now. Just go for what you want.”

But you don’t know what you want. Isn’t that obvious? And even if you did, it’s not as easy as Jisoo makes it sound. For you, at least. For her, it is. Anything she’s ever wanted, she’s gone after. No second guessing, no worrying about what others might think or say, not stopping until she obtains whatever her heart desires.

When you don’t answer, she frowns, brows knitting together in concern. “Come on. It’s not that hard, is it?”

“I guess not. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Do you want me to try to help you? Or do you wanna keep drinking and forget your problems?”

Both, honestly. “Help. Help me please.”

Jisoo motions for you to join her on the bed. Curling your legs under you, you glance at the phone in your hand. No new messages. “Let’s play a round of rapid fire answers. I’ll ask you a few questions and you have to answer immediately, no thinking.”

Lifting your head, you give her a funny look. “This is going to help?”

“Yes. It’ll force you to bypass the portion of your brain prone to overthinking, where all the ‘what ifs’ dwell. Trust your instincts, and answer right away. Okay?”

“Fine. Why not.”

“Okay.” She nods, clapping her hands. “What’s better, spring or fall?” She speaks quickly, words clipped as she spits them out, and you answer just as fast.

“Spring.”

“Do you prefer pants or skirts?”

“Pants.”

“Favorite soju flavor?”

“Green apple.”

“Black or white?”

“Black.”

“What’s your favorite word?”

“Mellifluous.”

“Night or day?”

“Night.”

“Jin or Jungkook?”

“Jung - Jisoo!”

“Haaaa!” Jisoo claps again, either to end the questions or to applaud herself for her cleverness. “I knew it!”

“Fuck you, you don’t know anything! I was just in a rhythm.” Your lower lip slides out in a pout. She plucks it between her thumb and forefinger and you dissolve into giggles. Jisoo’s little game might not have helped you figure out your problem, but it did make you laugh, and you feel a little lighter now.

“Sure you were, babe. Also, mellifluous? Really?”

“I think it’s pretty!”

She grins. “As pretty as Jungkook?”

Your phone buzzes.

“Okay, who keeps texting you??” Jisoo snatches the phone before you can, eyebrows rising as she glances at the screen. She whistles before tossing you the device. “We summoned the sexy demon himself. Bambi says hi.”

You flip the phone over in your hands and suck in a breath. Jungkook sent you a photo of his wardrobe for his shift tonight. He’s wearing the body chain again, trailing beneath a low-cut leopard print shirt and tight satin pants. Low-cut doesn’t really do justice to describing the top, which is open all the way down to his navel. That familiar smirk is back, igniting a fire inside you.

“Speaking of nicknames… Kookie?”

Heat creeps into your face. “What? It’s cute!”

Jisoo snorts. “I guess he’s just too sweet, huh?” You resist the urge to whack her with another pillow. “You know, if you want to invite him to go out with us, I would be okay with that.”

“What happened to tonight being just the two of us?”

She shrugs. “I’m just saying. I might want to dance tonight, and I know you’d rather stick your tongue in an electric socket than dance.” She’s right. “He’d probably dance with me, at least. And he looks like he’s going out, anyway.”

“Ah, yeah, that’s actually his stagewear. He’s working tonight.”

“Mmm, I see.” She leans over to glance at the text again, but you tip the screen away before she can read the message he sent after the photo, not wanting to explain to her what he means by asking if you want to play with that app again tonight. “He sent you a photo the other day of his outfit for work, didn’t he? With the same chain?”

“Yeah.”

“So is this a regular thing, then?”

“I guess?” Trailing off, you turn your attention back to your phone, careful not to scroll back too far to the pic Jungkook sent you this morning. No need to share that one with anyone else. “We text. He sends photos. Is that so surprising? I mean, I am dating the guy….”

“You ever send any back?”

“Not yet.” It has crossed your mind, the idea of taking some photos of your own. But you’re not as comfortable in front of the lens as he is. And as long as he enjoys sending you these pictures, you’re sure as fuck not going to complain. “How am I supposed to compete with that?” You gesture to the screen.

“It’s not about competing? But also, have you seen yourself lately? You’re hot as fuck, babe. Stop selling yourself short.” She holds out her hand. “Let’s send him one right now.”

“Ji…”

She keeps her palm out, and you hand the phone over. You can always just delete it if you don’t like it.

“Ok, tuck your legs under you more. Yeah, like that. Now arch your back a little.”

“Seriously? I’m just sending him a photo, not working on a thumbnail for a camgirl vid.”

“Do you want my help or not?”

You grouse a little more, but you do as instructed. Jisoo hums happily as she snaps a pic.

“Oh, that’s perfect.”

She tosses the phone back and you blink. You actually look kinda… hot? Quickly, you send the photo off.

(8:27): Jisoo’s dragging me out tonight

(8:27): Save me?

“Fuck, I might need you to do a whole photoshoot, Ji. Did Tae teach you some tricks or something?”

She wiggles her brows and you roll your eyes.

“Forget I asked.”

“So does Jin ever send you any pictures?”

You shake your head, rising off the bed and grabbing your drinks, heading for your kitchen. “Nope. We’ve mostly just texted about making plans. He has called me a few times.”

“He calls you? Huh.” She snorts. “That’s surprising. You hate talking on the phone.”

“I mean, we haven’t really talked. They’re not conversations so much as us planning our dates.” Not that you’d really paused to think about it much, but Jin hasn’t reached out to you very often. Not like Jungkook has. Of course, communication goes both ways, and you haven’t texted Jin out of the blue, either.

But that doesn’t mean anything, really. Other than the group chat, you’re not much of a texter.

Usually. Except for the last few days. With Jungkook.

“Interesting.” Jisoo hums, and you sigh.

“Ji, enough with the questions! I thought you said the other day you were gonna let me figure this out at my own pace?”

“Figure what out?” The head tilt you give her makes her laugh. She knows you know exactly what she’s trying to get at with all these questions. “Okay, fine, I’m sorry! I just feel like maybe you know what you want, babe. You’re just afraid to voice it.”

Your head is starting to get that swirly sensation that drinking brings. You yearn to lean into it. “I think I’m going to need more alcohol if this is how the night is going to go.”

“That can be arranged.” She starts to pour another shot of soju, but your phone goes off, and she snatches it up instead, dodging your hands as she reads the message out loud.

Kookie 🦌 (8:29): goddamn jagi

Kookie 🦌 (8:29): if i were there you wouldn’t be leaving that bed

“I think he liked the picture,” Jisoo informs you while you chase her down the hallway, cursing your friend’s natural athleticism as she continues to sidestep you. “What should we say back - ooh, wait, what did he say now?”

Kookie 🦌 (8:30): take that toy with you and i’ll make sure you have a good time tonight

Her eyes widen, as does her smile, and you finally manage to grab your phone back, holding up a finger to silence her before she begins.

“Let’s get going and I’ll tell you on the way, okay?”

“Bitch, you better!”

With one last shot of soju, the two of you head out. Jisoo orders a ride, saying it’ll be cheaper to drive out to a bar on the edge of town where she knows the bartender so you can drink for free. You’re too tipsy to question her logic, letting the alcohol carry your thoughts away, hoping your worries will go, too.

Your driver is an older gentleman who politely ignores the two of you as you giggle in the backseat. True to your word, you fill Jisoo in on Jungkook and Lil Jackson Wang’s introduction the other night. Jisoo then regales you with a story of the time she wore a pair of vibrating panties to work, only for them to malfunction and get stuck on the highest setting while she was trapped between floors in an elevator with her boss. By the time the car stops, you’re snorting with laughter at Jisoo’s tale, too swept away in your delight to realize where you are, until you climb out of the vehicle.

To be greeted by the bright neon lights of Paradise.

“Um. Jisoo.” You stand and stare at the building in front of you. “What are we doing here?”

“I told you. I know the bartender here!” Jisoo’s smile is the smuggest of grins. “Come on!”

“You know the… are you kidding me?!” You drop your voice, grabbing her arm as she tries to walk towards the door. “You were talking about Jimin?!”

“Yes, I was talking about Jimin! Why are you whispering??”

“I don’t know!” you hiss back.

Truthfully, you don’t know. You’re caught off guard, not expecting to be here of all places. Although as well as you know your friend, you probably shouldn’t be surprised that she’d decided to bring you back here.

“Well, stop it, because it’s freaking me out.” Jisoo uses your grip on her arm to pull you towards the entrance. “I need a drink!” But she stops at the look on your face. “Uh-oh. What’s going on? Do you not want to be here?”

No, you very much want to be here. When it comes to want, at this moment, unlike earlier, there’s no confusion clouding your mind whatsoever. You want to walk straight through that door and find him.

The question is, should you be here?

Will Jungkook think it’s creepy or strange to have you show up here unexpectedly? It’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything. Is it weird to visit someone you’ve just started dating at their place of work? Especially if they work at a strip club?

Fuck, maybe you’re overthinking things again. It’s enough to make you dizzy. Or maybe that’s the soju. Maybe you should ask the soju what it would do in this situation - go home? Or go inside?

You’re not sure who made the decision but suddenly you’re walking, gesturing for Jisoo to follow.

“Come on, Jimin’s not going to give me any free drinks if you’re not with me.”

The strip club is packed tonight, blue and pink lighting bathing the other customers in a vivid kaleidoscopic glow. Jisoo heads directly to the bar, propping herself against the counter. The pink-haired man behind it has his back to you, so Jisoo clears her throat until he turns around.

“Kitten!” Jimin smiles brightly, eyes crinkling in joy. Unlike the waiters here, Jimin wears a shirt, but it’s a black mesh top that leaves very little to the imagination. Your eyes dip a little to find “Nevermind” tattooed on his side. “Just give me one second.”

He turns his back again to finish whatever he’s concocting and you take advantage to catch Jisoo’s eye and mouth “Kitten?!” She flips you off before he turns back with a cocktail in each hand, placing them on a tray on the bartop before leaning over.

“Did you come to visit us?” Jimin purrs, fingers lightly tracing over the back of Jisoo’s hand. “I missed you last night.”

“Aw, poor baby. So you mean the video I sent wasn’t enough?”

Oh, you’re so texting the group chat later. But right now, you keep your gaze fixed on a drink menu, trying to pretend like you’re not hearing every word Jimin and Jisoo exchange. They appear to have completely forgotten you’re standing there. It’d be cute if it didn’t feel like they were two seconds from fucking on the bartop.

It occurs to you that that’s not beyond the realm of possibility of things they’re already done, and you delicately remove your clutch from the counter.

“You know it wasn’t nearly enough. Not when I could - “ Jimin whispers something into Jisoo’s ear, making the corner of her mouth curl. The heated look they share lasts so long, you start to feel like you’re intruding on something, and look away.

There’s no one on stage, a slight lull in the usual din as the crowd waits for the next act. As your friend and her bartender murmur quietly beside you, you scan the floor. There are several incredibly handsome shirtless men wandering between the tables, flirting and bringing drinks, but no familiar doe eyes to be found.

So he’s probably giving a private dance right now. That’s cool. That’s a good thing. Make that money. Your nose scrunches. The soju’s loud.

A dark-haired man slides up behind Jisoo, leaning over her and across the bar to grab a couple of drink umbrellas, and you hear, “Well, if it isn’t my favorite kitty cat,” before he moves towards you with a boxy grin. “And my dear friend.”

“Hi Taehyung.” With a smile of your own, you accept the hug he gives you.

“Hi angel. Have you come to see Jungkook?” Taehyung’s deep voice rumbles in your ear as he reaches past you to grab the tray of drinks. You try your best to keep your gaze from wandering too low, but it’s difficult when he’s standing next to you in naught but a tight pair of black leather pants and a smile. You do get a good eyeful of his toned stomach before you divert your gaze.

“She’s here because I promised her free drinks,” Jisoo answers. You catch a slight twitch of Jimin’s eyebrow at the word ‘free.’ “But if Jungkook happens to be around, I’m sure she won’t mind. Right, babe?”

Three pairs of eyes lock onto you. You feel like diving over the bar and hiding, for some reason.

“I mean, if he’s available…” you trail off lamely. Very smooth.

Taehyung surveys the crowd. “He’s out there somewhere. I’ll find him for you.” He flashes that brilliant smile again. “I know he’ll be happy to hear you’re here.”

“Thanks, Taehyung.” He nods and disappears into the throngs of drunken revelers starting to come alive again as another dancer takes the stage. The volume in the room suddenly doubles as people start shouting and throwing money, and you crane your neck until you can make out the figure on stage, spotting blond hair. Not him. With a sigh, you turn back to the bar.

“So, free drinks, huh?” Jimin inquires, smirking at Jisoo.

“Just a line to get her out of her apartment.” You’d protest, but there’s no point. Jisoo and Jimin are in their own world as she skims her fingers up his forearm. “You know I’ll pay. I wouldn’t deny you what you’ve earned.”

Another heated look. You can’t wait to torment her about this later. But right now, you’d like a cocktail and to sit down for a minute, so you bump her with your shoulder.

“Ok, kitten, can we please get our drinks now? I can’t stand in these heels all night.”

With your cocktail in hand - an Adios Motherfucker because they were strong as fuck the last time you were here - you spy a couple of customers vacating a table not far from the stage and claim the spot for yourselves. The rest of the crowd is busy cheering on the very cute blond man working it out on stage. His hypnotic hips have whipped the other patrons into a frenzy, and you and Jisoo happily join in.

“Yes, baby, take it off!” As he tears away his shirt and pants, Jisoo reaches into her clutch and pulls out some cash, tossing it in the direction of the stage. You watch her make it rain with an incredulous expression.

“Let’s give it up for Bang Chan!” the DJ booms, and the man on stage takes a bow before running off. The spotlights dim, the lights in the room coming back up, as the stage is cleaned for the next performance.

“Came prepared, huh?” Snatching one of the bills from where it fell on the table, you wave it in front of Jisoo’s face. “Be honest - were you planning on bringing me here all along?”

Your friend is the picture of perfect nonchalance as she shrugs, sipping on her whisky. “I just thought we could have some fun here tonight. It wasn’t something I’d considered when we made plans earlier this week. Just a spur of the moment decision.”

“But the cash?” Who carries cash anymore?

“Maybe I’ve started keeping some bills on me.” Her shoulders are up around her ears. “Just in case!”

“Just in case…” You trail off as you remember something she’d said in the group chat a while ago, about Paradise being a great place to take a date. Of course. She’s probably been here with one of her boys. Or both. Perhaps she comes alone, to watch them work.

That seems supportive, in a weird way. Or maybe it’s not weird. Maybe you just think it’s weird because now you’re wondering if you should be doing that.

Before you can fall any further down that thought spiral, Taehyung appears at your table. He places two drinks on the table, even though you haven’t ordered more yet, before he brushes his hand down Jisoo’s arm. “Are you ladies having a good time?”

“Of course we are.” Jisoo smiles up at the handsome man, letting her fingers glide lightly over his.

“That’s what I like to hear. But I’m afraid I have some bad news, angel.” You cock your head curiously as Taehyung gives you an apologetic smile. “Jungkook’s a little tied up tonight. He and a couple of the other dancers have been booked for some private parties.” He leans a little closer. “He was very disappointed that he couldn’t come out here and say hello himself.”

“Oh.” And just like that, your heart sinks, nearly knocking you breathless with how unexpectedly fast it dives. Well, of course he’s busy. Who wouldn’t want a dance from him? Or a whole evening of dances, apparently, if he’s been requested for a private party. Multiple parties, actually, if you heard Taehyung right.

There’s a tiny voice whispering in your head right now, filling your mind with all the possibilities of what’s happening in that room. The way he’s probably grinding up on someone, watching them with darkened eyes, teasing them with his moves. You try to shut the flood of images out but can’t.

Your gut twists sharply.

Oh god, you’re jealous, aren’t you? This is so stupid! It’s literally his job to do those things, to entice and seduce, and you know this, yet if you think about it another second longer, you might burst.

“Aw, I’m sorry, babe.” Your face must telegraph your dismay, because Jisoo finds your hand under the table and gives it a little squeeze.

Taehyung nods, warm hand patting your shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry, even though Jungkook can’t see you right now, he’s still going to make sure you enjoy yourself.” With one last gentle touch, he winks at you both before sauntering away.

“You gonna be okay?”

Nodding, you drain the last of your drink and reach for the fresh cocktail. “I’ll be fine. I mean, of course he’s busy, right? He’s at work. It was nice of him to send us some drinks, at least.”

“Very sweet of him,” Jisoo agrees. “I’m still sorry, though. I just thought from all those messages from Jungkook earlier that he might like it if you stopped by here to see him. And vice versa.

Obviously, I didn’t count on him being so in demand.” She shakes her head, swirling the ice in her glass. “That was pretty dumb of me in retrospect.”

“Aw, Ji! Stop it.”

She ignores you, rambling on. “I thought we’d have a few drinks, watch a few dances, you’d go sit on your neighbor’s face in one of the champagne rooms. You know, have ourselves a killer night. But now it’s just the two of us.”

“Ji, that’s all I wanted earlier!”

“To sit on Jungkook’s gorgeous mug? I know.”

Smacking her arm lightly, you shake your head. “Fuck off, you know what I mean. I thought tonight was going to be just the two of us anyway. So don’t apologize.”

“All right, are we ready for more?” The speakers overhead suddenly buzz as the DJ addresses the crowd.

The room practically vibrates with anticipation as the lights go down again and the other spectators around you shout their response to the mc’s question. Okay. Sure. You’re sad that you can’t see Jungkook right now (don’t think about what he’s doing, don’t think about it), but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, right? Just let it all go, all the thoughts and questions and worries, sit back, and enjoy the show.

“Well, it sounds like you’re ready, but I don’t know…” the DJ playfully responds, and the crowd whoops louder. “I’m not sure if any of you are ready for this next double act! Coming to the stage now, please welcome Hoseok and Joon!”

The platinum blond and the blue-haired man bound onto the stage, dressed identically in tight white buttoned-down shirts and even tighter black pants. Instead of heading towards the chairs that have been set up facing each other in the middle, they roam the edge of the stage, pointing into the fray.

“We’re going to need a few volunteers for this one. Is there anyone out there who’d like to help these two out?” From the audience’s enthusiastic reaction, you’d say that yes, there are a few people who would like to help. Just a couple.

Clapping your hands in glee, you grab your clutch, ready to fire off a text to Rosé, knowing she’s going to lose her mind when she finds out you’re about to watch Namjoon dance. But before you can dig out your phone, Taehyung reappears, placing a hand on both you and Jisoo’s backs.

“Ladies, your assistance has been requested. If you’ll please follow me?”

“What?” Eyes widening, you glance up at Taehyung, who smirks, prying your clutch from your grip and placing it on the table.

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch your things. Just come this way, please.”

Jisoo gives Taehyung a questioning look and he bows his head to whisper in her ear. She grins and rises. “Come on, babe!”

Taehyung offers you his hand and you take it, feeling confused. Neither you nor Jisoo had jumped up, trying to get the men on stage to pick you. As Taehyung pulls you to your feet, he dips his head to speak into your ear, to be heard over the yelling of the crowd. “I told you Jungkook was going to take care of you.”

Oh, shit. This is what he meant?

Well, all right. Why the fuck not? The first Adios Motherfucker has joined the soju spiraling through your system. At the moment, you feel pretty fucking good. Why not indulge in a lap dance?

Taehyung stops at the bottom of the stairs and helps you climb onto the stage until Namjoon steps forward, sliding your hand out of Taehyung’s and covering it with his own. “Hi, love,” he rumbles, leading you over to one of the chairs. “You ready to help me show this crowd a good time?”

“Absolutely!”

He laughs at your effusive response, motioning for you to take a seat. Instead of helping Jisoo onto the other chair, Hoseok sits, then pats his lap. Jisoo doesn’t hesitate, looping an arm around his neck as she perches on his thighs. They both look over at where you and Namjoon are as the music begins to play.

“Grind With Me” by Pretty Ricky thumps through the soundsystem as Namjoon drops to one knee. He’s still clutching your hand, lowering his plush lips to the back of it to gently kiss your knuckles. Then he glances up at you with a mischievous look, one of his dimples popping as he suddenly leans forward, burying his face in your lap.

You hear Jisoo hooting gleefully above the rest of the crowd as you cover your mouth with your hands. Hesitantly, you reach out for him, but he slides away, rising off his knees. He dances around the chair, trailing his hands along your shoulders behind you, before he appears in front of you again. With another smirk, he unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt, rolling the sleeves up as he dances, slowly exposing his forearms. LIke he’s about to get down to business.

And then he straddles you, rolling his hips, and you realize with embarrassment that the loud “Oh shit!” you just heard came from your own mouth. Namjoon winks down at you, grabbing your hands and placing them on his thighs. They’re huge. Like tree trunks, except you’ve never felt a tree flex like that as Namjoon moves. Did Rosé get her hands on them last night? She’s going to completely combust when you tell her about this tomorrow.

Namjoon body rolls himself backwards a few feet, reaching for the collar of his shirt. Rather than unbutton it, he simply tears it off, and both you and Jisoo shout as he tosses the ripped material into the crowd. He dances around you again, toying with the howling audience, throwing out flying kisses and winks, before he places both hands on the back of the chair.

“Come on, love, on your feet.” Again, he takes your hands, urging you to stand. Then he sits, pulling you into his lap. You rest your shoulder against his broad chest, and the spotlight shifts to Jisoo and Hoseok.

“By the way, thank you for setting me up with Rosé,” Namjoon murmurs into your ear as you watch Jisoo and Hoseok switch places, your friend settling herself comfortably on the other chair.

You give Namjoon’s shoulder a friendly squeeze as you nod. You’re about to ask him if he had a good time on their date last night when Hoseok tears off his shirt, whipping it over his head and directly into the audience. He spins around, coming up behind Jisoo’s chair, and you scream with laughter at the surprised expression on her face when he grabs her arms from behind, tugging on her wrists and guiding her to raise them over her head. Then he presses her hands to his chest, sliding them down the rippling muscles of his torso.

“Oh my god!” Jisoo shrieks as Hoseok whirls around the chair again, thighs astride hers. You’re dying, watching her reaction. Jisoo’s the queen of the poker face, but right now, there are a million micro-expressions flitting rapidly across her face as Hoseok takes her hands and puts them directly on his ass. He grinds himself into her lap, hips bucking as she grasps him through his skintight pants, and you know your other friends are going to be absolutely devastated that they’re missing this.

You’ve honestly forgotten that you’re part of this routine too, just having a hell of a time laughing at your friend, when Namjoon gives you a gentle nudge. “Okay, love, let’s switch.”

Once you’re back in the chair, Namjoon and Hoseok glide towards the center space. In unison, they launch into a series of sharp b-boy moves, popping, locking, and dipping down towards the floor. Your voice starts to crack as you cheer for them, catching Jisoo’s eye. She blows you a kiss, and you send one back, feeling nearly euphoric with joy.

But the routine isn’t done. The two men high five as they return to your sides. Still in unison, they both dolphin kick, pushing themselves off the floor with devious grins. Then they slide on their knees over to each of you, grabbing the sides of the chairs and shimmying their way up your bodies. Namjoon takes your hand and runs it through his hair and down his chest, and Hoseok does the same over his shoulder with Jisoo.

The look Namjoon gives you makes you giggle helplessly. It’s too hot, and you glance away, into the crowd -

- to find a pair of dark eyes gazing at you fiercely.

There’s a wild stutter in your chest as you realize that Jungkook is standing by your table, intently watching the performance. Is he done with the private party? Parties?

Namjoon suddenly places his hands on your thighs, lowering his head towards your lap again, and the shift draws your attention back to him. His hair tickles your bare legs and you shiver, giggling, looking back at Jungkook again, automatically seeking him out.

You expect to find him laughing at you. Maybe flashing that sweet bunny smile, nose scrunching in pure bliss at your reactions to Namjoon’s movements. But the expression you spy on his face knocks the wind from you instead. Eyes narrowed under a furrowed brow, mouth drawn in a thin line, jaw firmly clenched.

What the hell?? Is he mad? Or wait. He couldn't possibly be… jealous?

That makes no sense. As dumb as it was for you to get jealous earlier, it’s even stupider to think it’s also happening to him. After all, this was his idea! And even if it wasn’t, he knows this is all an act!

So why do you feel like his gaze is burning through you right now?

And why do you like it?

Instinctively, your thighs twitch, and you attempt to close your legs, but Namjoon holds them apart. “Keep these open for me,” you hear him say before he rises to his feet again and takes a step to your left. Before you can react to his strange instruction, you gasp as he launches himself into a headstand, the top of his head coming to rest on the chair.

Directly in between your legs.

There’s no more thinking about Jungkook, there’s only you screaming as Namjoon thrusts his crotch right into your face. How the fuck is he holding himself up like that? Just gripping the sides of the chair, veins in his forearms popping as his body undulates smoothly. The crowd around you has totally lost their minds, a hurricane of money flying into the air, fluttering in the lights illuminating the two men grinding upside-down over you and Jisoo.

Both men hurtle themselves out of their headstands, deftly landing on their feet before they turn back. Then Namjoon straddles you again, body undulating in time with the heavy beat, and you find Jungkook in the crowd again.

His expression hasn’t changed. Still so sharp. So intense.

A wicked idea comes over you. Maybe it’s time the teaser becomes the teased.

Slipping your hands around Namjoon’s waist, you urge him closer, tilting your head up to peer into his face, biting your lip as you do. He plays along, fingers pressing into yours, leading you to grab as much of his round ass as you can. “That’s it, love, help yourself,” he grins, making you toss your head back in unbridled laughter as he continues to wind.

But you don’t get a chance to see if Jungkook saw your reaction before Namjoon lifts you out of your seat, large hands cupping your thighs as he carries you to the edge of the stage. At this point, the only words you can say are “Oh my god,” which might explain why you’re chanting them over and over.

He lays you on your back, and you turn your head to see Jisoo lying next to you. She’s laughing hysterically as both men simulate fucking you, hips grinding into yours. Namjoon lifts your legs into the air, making your ass bounce with the power of his thrusts, and suddenly it’s Jungkook in your mind, the night of your date, when he’d danced for you. Tipping your head back, you look towards your table again, but from your upside-down point of view, Jungkook’s nowhere to be found.

The music ends and the room erupts into chaos again, more cash pouring onto the stage as Namjoon helps you to your feet. He gives you a big hug, sweeping you into his strong embrace, and you hug him back, a little loopy from all the thrusting. Jisoo slips her arm through yours as you make your way back to your seats, where Taehyung is waiting with a knowing smile.

“Enjoy yourself, kitten?”

You don’t catch her response, scanning the crowd. Where did Jungkook go? There’s no sign of him anywhere. Did he run out of the room? After giving Jisoo and Taehyung a minute, you clear your throat.

“I thought I saw Jungkook a second ago. Was he out here?”

“He came out for a minute to grab a few bottles of champagne for the next party,” Taehyung replies. Of course. He wasn’t done. He only had a second to watch before he had to get back. Totally explains why he didn’t wait.

Makes more sense than him being so jealous, he couldn’t watch any more.

But that look on his face….

“Water. I need water. Can you grab us a few glasses, Tae?” Jisoo flashes Taehyung a sweet smile and he nods, heading for the bar. She leans across the table and grabs your hand. “Okay, so, that happened.”

Despite the disappointment you feel yet again that Jungkook’s not around, you can’t stop giggling about what you’ve just experienced. It hits you that this is probably the routine Jungkook told you about earlier, the one he was helping Hoseok and Namjoon to perfect. If it is, he did a fucking bang-up job.

“Is my head supposed to spin after a lap dance? Because it is!”

“That just means they did it right.” Jisoo’s not a giggler, but she collapses onto her arms on the table, and you feel another bout of delirious laughter bubbling up inside you. “Holy shit, I thought Hoseok was going to hump me right off the stage!”

“I know! Fuck. If Namjoon’s stroke game is anything like his dancing, Rosé’s in for the ride of her life!”

“You’re definitely going to have to give Jungkook my thanks for that one,” Jisoo smirks. “Probably should thank him twice, actually, once for the both of us.”

“I mean, I guess,” you sigh dramatically. “If I must.”

The two of you cackle as Taehyung returns with two waters and two more cocktails. As you recover from your lap dance, downing more drinks, that euphoric feeling comes over you again. Thank god Jisoo dragged you out of your apartment tonight. You’re having the time of your life right now, swaying in your seat to the bass pounding through the club.

Eventually all the drinks you imbibe have you in search of the ladies room. Stumbling down a dimly-lit hallway, you realize you must’ve made a wrong turn somewhere, because you can’t find any doors. It’s nothing but purple velvet curtains lining the walls around you.

More than a little drunk, you trip over your own two feet and grab at the drapery to stop yourself from falling. The heavy material slides aside and reveals a door behind it. It takes you a few seconds to realize that you’re looking at one of the club’s private rooms. They must all be hidden behind these curtains. You’re definitely not in the right hallway.

Jungkook's behind one of these doors right now. Part of you wants to open them all up, poke your head in each one until you find him. Maybe it’s a big party he’s entertaining. Maybe no one would notice if you slipped in.

Oh, but you don’t want to sit in a room full of people and watch him dance. You want him to dance for you. Just you, and no one else. A private performance.

Well, you’re here. Why not ask for one? You just gotta find him first. Wait, what were you looking for again? Maybe that third drink was a mistake. Fourth drink? Shit. You need to pee. Better find the bathroom.

Turning to retrace your steps, you run into a wall. No, not a wall. A man.

“Jungkook!” you yelp, wobbling on your heels. Before you can tip ass over teakettle, he grabs you by the waist, pushing you up against one of the curtains, the velvet softly nuzzling your legs as his arms come to rest on either side of your head. You let your hands curl into the silk of his leopard-print top, helping to steady yourself.

“What are you doing back here, jagi?”

You hear his question clearly, but it takes you a minute to answer because you’re too busy admiring him. God, he’s so beautiful. The ends of his hair are damp, hanging in his face as he towers over you. There’s a bit of kohl liner smeared around his eyes, giving him a smoky look that takes him from gorgeous to out-of-this-world. And then there’s your little friend, that cute lil mole, decorating his pretty pink lips.

“Trying to find the bathroom,” you finally respond, giggling. “I think I’m lost.”

He merely nods, dark eyes wandering over your figure. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here tonight?” His left hand drops to your leg, rubbing the hem of your skirt between his long fingers.

“Didn’t know. Ji-Jisoo brought me here as a surprise.” You hiccup slightly, extending a finger to tap lightly on the lil mole.

“Oh. So you didn’t dress up for me, then?” There’s a hint of a sullen tone to his voice that makes your chest ache. You wish you had. You want to dress up for him. Just for him and him alone.

A shiver rolls through you as his fingers leave your skirt, skimming up the bare skin beneath. It’s either the Adios Motherfuckers ganging up on you or it's his touch that makes you blurt out, “Is your party over yet?” The chain of his body harness dangles over his chest, and you reach out, lightly grasping the metal links, winding them around your fingers. “I want a dance.”

“Oh yeah?” The silver piercings over his eye shift as he arches his brow. “You didn’t get enough on stage? Seemed to me like Namjoon-hyung was giving you more than you can handle. Although you were sure trying.”

More than you could handle? He has no idea how much you can handle.

“Is that so?”

Shit. You must’ve said that out loud.

“Yes. You did.” Jungkook chuckles as you stare at him, wide-eyed. “How drunk are you, jagi?”

“Dunno. A little.” Tugging on the body chain, you grin as Jungkook is drawn closer to you. The scent of his cologne curls around you, like an ocean breeze. The look on his face reminds you of his expression during your lap dance, and you sigh as you peer at him through lowered lashes. “You wanna know what I think?”

“What’s that?” His hand resumes its path, traveling around the outside of your thigh.

“I think you’re jealous.”

The hand stops. Jungkook exhales a laugh through his nose. “Jealous? Of what?”

“Of the lap dance. Of the way Joon was dancing on me. With me. To me?” What’s the right way to say that?

Actually, should you be saying any of this right now? It feels like you’re talking a lot.

“Joon?” The hand that was on your thigh is now gripping your hip. If anyone walked by and saw him with his hand this far up your dress, it probably wouldn’t be good for him. But he doesn’t seem concerned, so you figure you shouldn’t be either and say nothing.

“Namjoon. Whatever.” Flapping your free hand in the air, you go on. “Irregardless. The point is, you’re jealous. And it’s stupid.”

Even though you’re the one sloshingly full of alcohol right now, it seems like he’s the one struggling to keep up, based on the way he keeps repeating your words.

“It’s stupid.”

“Yes, it’s stupid! Like me. Like, I was stupid earlier, because I was jealous! I couldn’t stop thinking about you being back here, dancing and smiling and flirting and - and I didn’t like it.” Pouting, you drop your gaze to the body chain again, watching the light reflect off the links as you twist them around. “And then I realized it’s stupid because it’s your job and it doesn’t mean anything. And it’s the same with Namjoon. He was just doing what he does. It didn’t mean anything. It doesn’t matter if he dances for me, or if Hoseok does, or Taehyung. None of it matters. Because at the end of the day, the only one I want is you, Kookie.”

Wow, that was a lot. The words just sorta wouldn’t stop, just pouring out of you without any thought. Like they’ve been floating around in there for a while now, waiting to be said.

Maybe you’ve said too much, given how silent Jungkook is in the wake of your babbling. Not that you really notice. You’re hypnotized by the movement of his chest underneath your fingers. His breathing seems to have sped up a little at your speech. Rise, fall. Rise, fall.

“Jagiya.” His voice is husky when he finally speaks. “Just me?”

You nod, mesmerized by the way the harness glitters as you twirl it. “Just you.”

He’s quiet again for a moment before he sighs. “I wish I could dance for you tonight. But I’m not free yet. There’s another party coming in.”

“Fuck. You’re super popular, huh? You stay booked.” Humming, you tug on the chain again. “So when do the parties end?”

“Late.” Gently, he covers your hand with his own, untangling your fingers from his harness. Your lip puffs out further, a wordless whimper sounding from your chest. You don’t want to let go, you want to pull him into one of these rooms and ride him like - like -

“Like what?” Jungkook smirks, fingers slipping under your chin to raise your head. “Ride me like what?”

“Wow, okay, I think I might be more than a little drunk,” you confess, staring into his eyes again. In the low lighting of the hallway, they seem to sparkle.

“Yes, you are.” He traces your cheek with a tatted knuckle, and you nuzzle into his touch, leaning forward with pursed lips, but instead of kissing you, he tucks your arm into his and guides you off the wall. “Come on, jagi. Let’s get you back to Jisoo.”

“Noooo, Kookie, I want a dance!” But the haze of lust is burning off, replaced by the nagging pressure of your bladder, and you let Jungkook lead you back to your table, where your friend cracks up before rising to her feet.

“Oh, babe, you’re a mess. Let’s find the bathroom together. Thank you, Jungkook, I’ve got her from here.”

Jungkook nods. His hand rests on the small of your back for a minute before it falls away. “Make sure you drink some more water, okay, jagi?” he murmurs to you. Then he nods at Jisoo again. “Enjoy the rest of your night, ladies.”

And then Jisoo is dragging you away, but when you glance back, you find him still standing there, surrounded by cheering patrons and flashing lights, eyes focused only on you.

You can’t sleep.

It’s been an hour since you and Jisoo left Paradise. After Jungkook escorted you away from the private rooms, Jisoo decided you’d had enough fun for one evening. She made you drink a glass of water, brought you home, made you drink another glass, then tucked you into bed. You’d offered her your couch for the night, to save her the trek home, but she’d waved you off.

“No need, I have a key to Min’s place.” And with one final exasperated “Stop giving me that look!” she left.

And now you can’t sleep.

It doesn’t help that every time you close your eyes, you picture Jungkook’s intense stare. The end of the night is a bit of a blur. You remember running into him in the hallway, remember him having his hands on you, remember wanting to jump him then and there, but everything else about your encounter has washed away with the alcohol. But that look on his face from when he watched your lap dance burns just as brightly in your memory now as it did at the club.

It’s keeping you awake. It makes no sense. Between the long day and all the drinking, you should be exhausted. Not fired up. Ready to ignite.

Why can’t you get that look out of your head? It’s the smirk all over again.

Goddamn it, go to sleep.

…

Well, yelling at yourself isn’t working, so you kick off your sheets with an angry grunt and shuffle towards your living room, yanking Jungkook’s hoodie over your thin satin camisole and shorts as you go. You don’t bother to turn on any lights. Maybe scrolling endlessly through your streaming queue for a while will lull you into slumber. It works most nights.

Naturally, it’s not working now.

Tonight, no matter how long you flip aimlessly through the options, there’s no tricking yourself into sleep. Eventually, you pick something old to watch, an romcom so treasured that you can recite the lines along with the actors. It’s so easy to lose yourself in a silly story like this, one where it’s completely inevitable that the leads are going to get together but you fall into it anyway.

As the credits roll, you pick up your phone. Put it down. Pick it up. Unlock it. Lock it. Put it down.

Inhaling deeply, you breathe in the scent of the ocean. A trace of Jungkook’s cologne lingers in the hoodie.

You pick up your phone, unlock it, open your texts, and fire off five words.

(2:14): Are you still at work?

A quiet creeps over the room again, a stillness matched by the static image of the movie on the screen, asking if you want to watch again or return to your queue. But despite the calm hush, you’re on edge, fingers tapping, pulse racing while you wait for a reply.

Will he respond? Maybe he already left. He’s probably hungry, might have gone to grab some food. Maybe he’s hanging out with the other dancers.

Maybe he left with someone el-

Bzzt! Bzzt!

Kookie 🦌 (2:16): shift’s over. having a drink with hoseok

Kookie 🦌 (2:16): you’re still up?

(2:17): Yeah

(2:17): Can’t sleep

Kookie 🦌 (2:18): need some help?

Kookie 🦌 (2:18): been waiting to play with that app again

No. No toys tonight. You want him.

(2:18): Kookie

(2:19): Come over

His reply is immediate.

Kookie 🦌 (2:19): on my way jagi

As if he were currently just down the hall and not all the way across town, you jump up off the couch, running into the bathroom, pleased to find that you don’t look like a total wreck after the evening you’ve had. You brush your teeth again, then dash into your bedroom, rummaging through the bedside table until you find the box of condoms stashed in there, making sure they’re close at hand.

Halfway down the hall, you turn around, go back to the box, and stuff one in the pocket of your shorts. Just in case.

You know it’ll take him some time to get here. But you’re too keyed up to wait on the couch. So you pace instead. There’s a clap of thunder in the distance. As you roam your apartment restlessly, it starts to pour, heavy drops rapping loudly against the window in the kitchen. Tiny rivulets of water run together, forming large streams that snake their way down the glass while you watch, trying hopelessly to distract yourself again.

It doesn’t work, and when the knock comes, you’re already waiting by the door.

Even without the flash of lightning that lights your apartment, there’s a charge in the air as you and Jungkook stare at each other. His dark hair is damp, ends clinging to his face, and his clothes drip on the hallway floor. He must’ve gotten caught in the storm on his way out of Paradise. Maybe he rode his bike in the rain again. You hope he was careful, but you get the feeling he rushed over here as quickly as he could.

“Hey,” he murmurs, voice rumbly and deep.

‘Hi,” you reply softly, fiddling with the knob as you lean against the door, suddenly incredibly conscious of your hands, not knowing what to do with them. You want to bury them in his hair, but you’re frozen under his gaze, waiting to see what he’s going to do.

“How’re you feeling?” he asks, eyebrow lifting in curiosity. “Are you still drunk?”

You shake your head. Stone cold sober now. Nothing but anticipation flowing through your veins, though you find that’s almost as heady as alcohol. “No.”

“Good,” he sighs, sounding relieved, and then he’s on you.

One of his hands slides around your back while the other cups your chin, and then his mouth finds yours, hungry and desperate. He nibbles at your bottom lip, teeth sinking into the plump flesh, then sucks it, tongue brushing away the sting. Keening, you hold him as closely as you can, hands wandering over the broad planes of his chest, clutching at the soaking material that covers him. He’s so warm. Or maybe that’s you, aflame for him.

“Jagi,” he hums, leaving a trail of kisses along your cheek, “Can I come in?”

“God, yes, come in.” Curling your fingers into his hoodie, you walk backwards, pulling him into your apartment. His greedy mouth follows quickly, whining impatiently until he’s across the threshold and the door is shut behind him and then he’s on you again, kissing you fast and hot and breathless.

You keep shuffling backwards, leading him down the hallway to your bedroom, but it’s slow going, because you don’t for one second want to part from his mouth. Jungkook clearly feels the same sense of frustration you do, because his hands slip beneath your thighs to hoist you into the air. Gasping, you lock your legs around his waist, digging your fingers into his shoulders to hold on tight as he suddenly turns, pressing your back into the wall.

“Do you feel that?” He rolls his hips up into your spread legs, and you moan, feeling him rubbing against you. He’s rock hard. “Been like this ever since you texted.”

His mouth latches onto your neck as he ruts against you again. With you pinned to the wall by his torso and hips, his hands are free to roam, and they paw at your sweatshirt, searching for the soft skin underneath.

“Too many clothes,” he mutters, and then he’s tugging his sweatshirt off of you, dragging your tank top with it. He tosses the offending items to the floor. The vent overhead blows cold air across your skin, making your nipples pebble as Jungkook’s hot hands grope your bare breasts.

“You too,” you pout, grabbing a fistful of his hoodie and trying in vain to peel it off of him, but he refuses to let go of your chest long enough to raise his arms. “Jungkook! Take it off!”

He just grunts into your collarbones as he kisses his way across. Undaunted, you keep tugging until he mutters, “Aish, okay!” and reaches behind his head to pull the sweatshirt off in one swift motion. He barely jostles you, keeping you pressed to the wall with ease, and you marvel at his skills. Probably more tricks learned at Paradise.

Warm metal brushes against your chest. Fuck. He’s still wearing the body chain.

“Better?” he huffs. You nod, running your hands over his soft skin. Your fingertips brush over one of his nipples, and he whines, a high-pitched noise that makes you clench involuntarily. God, you want him so bad.

He grinds into you again, swallowing your gasp with his kiss. His tattooed hand grips your knee, slips up your thigh, and under your shorts, fingers not stopping until they find exactly what they’re looking for.

“Jagi,” he hisses, dropping his head to your shoulder. “So wet. Always so wet for me.”

“Always,” you moan as your lips brush over his ear. He shudders, sliding his finger along your slit. Applying just the right amount of pressure to make you buck slightly, urging him inside. “Please, Kookie.”

He groans, pushing one long finger into your folds. “You drove me fucking crazy tonight. Sending me that photo. Wandering around Paradise in that little dress. Just wanted to pull you into one of those rooms.” His finger strokes your tight inner walls. “Touch you. Taste you. Let you ride me like you said you wanted.”

A second finger enters, joins the first in rubbing away. Meanwhile, his thumb circles around your clit before flicking over the sensitive nub. Your head kicks back against the wall as a jolt shoots through you. Struck by lightning. His husky laugh is the peal of thunder in its wake.

“Next time, jagi,” he continues, “next time, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Take you in a room and make you fall apart.”

His fingers start to pump, and oh, he feels like heaven, fucking you open with a fervid urgency. Like he’s just as impatient as you are, just as eager to bury himself inside you as soon as he can. As soon as you’re ready for him.

“J-Jungkook,” you stutter, nails digging into his arms as you cling blindly to him. “More. Please.”

“You want more?” He licks his lips, tongue pulling the kiss-swollen bottom between his teeth as he adds a third finger. “I’ll give you everything. Whatever you want.”

The two of you are panting, filling the air with hot exhalations and grunts, mixing with the lewd squelching between your legs to create an obscene cacophony. As talented as his hand is, it’s not enough, just has you losing your mind with desire for more of him. For all of him.

Your words come out a broken mewl. “Want you, Kookie, just you. Please!”

“Ah, jagi, don’t say shit like that unless you want me to fuck you right here, just like this,” he groans, eyes closing.

“Kookie.” Groaning his name, you grasp his chin to tilt his head until your gazes meet. “In my-my right pocket.”

He glances at you questioningly, but as his left hand slips into the silky material, his expression shifts, eyebrow rising as he hums. He pulls out the condom and his right hand withdraws. Your feet hit the ground. “Shit, that’s what you want, huh? Right here? Now?”

“Fuck yes, please!”

In an instant, his joggers are around his ankles, your shorts are on the floor, and the empty condom packet flutters to the ground. You watch as he sheathes himself, hurriedly rolling the thin rubber over his already leaking cock. He grabs your thighs, picking you up again, pushing you up the wall until you can feel his tip rubbing through your dripping folds.

His hand reaches between you and grabs yours, guiding you to grab the silver links that dangle down his chest. Immediately, you loop the body chain around your fingers.

“Hold on, jagi,” he murmurs as his face hovers close to yours. His lips quirk into that familiar smirk. You bite your lip, waiting.

And then he slides into you, burying himself to the hilt.

“Fuck.” Your shaky moan elongates the word, turning it into an entire sentence. An entire song. Jungkook slowly draws back and then thrusts in again, prompting another moan. Another melody. He does it again, and again, building up to a steady pace, making you bounce. “Oh, fuck, Jungkook!”

“That’s it, jagi. I wanna hear you.” His hands squeeze your thighs, kneading the flesh as he pins you to the wall with his pistoning hips. “Those moans sound so much better without that fucking wall in the way.”

“Hnnngh,” comes your response. Your free hand roams over his shoulders to lock into the damp hair at the nape of his neck. “Fuck!”

White-hot pleasure roils in your gut. That fierce look is back on Jungkook’s face, sweat starting to drip from his brow. His stamina is insane. The fact that he’s holding you up like this while pounding into you like a wild beast rutting away… well, it would blow your mind, but his powerful strokes are already doing that.

“You feel so good, baby, shit,” he growls through gritted teeth, dark eyes staring at where he disappears into your welcoming heat over and over. “Such a tight little pussy. Wanna fill it up. Leave you dripping with me.”

“God, fuck, Kookie, your mouth.” Dirty talk drives you crazy, and this man does it so well. Of course he does. He lives to tease you, to wind you up in every way he can. “So filthy.”

The sound of him fucking into you is just as filthy, between the wet slap of his thighs hitting your ass, and the needy exclamations dropping from your lips. These only increase as he tilts his hips just right, curved cock hitting your g-spot.

“Jungkook!” you gasp, feet flexing, legs starting to tense around him. Reading your reaction, he does it again, and shit, you might actually come just from his cock.

“Can’t help it.” His sweat drips onto your chest, rolling down the valley between your breasts. His right hand comes up to wipe it away before he rubs his thumb over your lips. “Need to tell you how you make me feel. Tell you how fuckin’ good you’re taking me.”

He presses the tip of his finger into your parted mouth, and you obediently suck him in. He groans lowly as your tongue swirls around his thumb a few times before he pulls it back out. It disappears between you, to land on your throbbing clit.

”What about you, jagi? How ’m I making you feel?” He thrusts hard, bouncing you further up the wall, and your eyes roll back in your head. Light reflects off the gleaming body chain with every rebound. You haven’t let go for a second. “You like this? Me holding you like this, making you just fucking take it?”

“Fuck, yes, Kookie, so good!” The fervor with which he fondles your clit is nothing short of relentless. You’re burning up, ready to burst into flames. “Ah, ah, give it to me!”

No one’s ever fucked you like this before. His movements are so raw, so primal. That feeling from earlier is back - the sense of urgency. Of need. And you feel it too, this untamed desire, surging through your veins, setting every inch of you on fire. All you can do is hold on to him, fingers gripping sweat-soaked skin and metal, lips seeking his again and again. You’re pinned to the wall, completely at his mercy, and all you want is more.

“Come on, jagiya, I wanna feel you,” he wheedles, whining sweetly. “Come on this cock for me. Show me how much this pretty pussy likes this.”

His chin tilts up, mouth capturing yours in a sloppy kiss, all tongue. Saliva coats your lips, spills down your chin. Between the sweat, the spit, and your arousal, you’re a sopping mess. You don’t give a single goddamn. All you care about is him.

“Ahh!” With a wordless wail, your climax arrives. Cunt clamping as your clit twitches, pleasure racing through your body with every beat of your madly thumping heart. Jungkook snarls as your walls grip him tighter, but he doesn’t stop, still pumping away as you ride out your release.

“Jungkook,” you gasp when your lungs finally refill with air. “Come on, fill me up, Kookie. I want it.”

He whines, kissing you frantically. When his tongue traces the inside of your mouth, you massage it with yours before sucking so hard your cheeks hollow. His body tenses, and with one, two, three hard pumps, he spills into the condom, cock twitching as he breaks the kiss to moan your name.

Heavy breathing fills the hallway as his hips finally still. He drops his forehead against yours as yours for a few seconds, and then he relaxes his hold on your thigh, helping you ease your legs down until you’re standing on your own. Well, your feet are technically on the floor, at least, but the wall is doing all the work as you lean against it, knees a bit wobbly.

You already miss the feeling of him inside you.

Jungkook seems to be catching his breath already, and you marvel again at his endurance. If that vigorous fucking didn’t exhaust him, then what exactly would it take to tire him out?

That’s a thought for another night, when your legs don’t feel like they’re about to collapse.

“Jesus fuck,” you declare loudly.

Jungkook’s eyes crinkle as he laughs. “Is that a happy curse, or…”

“Yes. It’s happy. I’m happy.” You beam at him, wiping sweat from your forehead, your cheeks, your stomach. “I’m a fucking mess, Jungkook, look at me!”

He steps forward, arms wrapping around your back. “I am looking, jagiya.” This time when he kisses you, it’s a slow, lingering caress. “You’re gorgeous, all fucked-out like this. Makes me wanna wreck you again.”

“Mmmm,” you hum, leaning back. “I don’t know if I could handle that.”

“Oh?” Goddamn, will you ever get over that sexy smirk? “That’s not what you said earlier. You made it sound like you could handle anything I could give you.”

“Well, that was then. I’ve never been manhandled like that before!”

“Manhandled?” Oh no. Oh, you don’t like the look he’s giving you now. Like you’ve just challenged him. “You want manhandled?”

Your neighbors are definitely awake now, based on the volume of your shriek as Jungkook bends and slings you over his shoulder. You instinctively flail your arms, seeking something, anything to hold on to, but it doesn’t matter. He’s got a firm grip on your legs, keeping you locked in place. So that’s how he carries you to your bedroom, upside-down, ass pointing at the ceiling. He delivers a sharp slap on one of your cheeks, just enough of a sting to surprise you, and you screech before starting to giggle.

He tosses you lightly onto the bed before he disappears into the bathroom, returning without the spent condom. You giggle again as he crawls over you, kissing his way up your stomach and over your breasts. Cupping his face, you urge him closer, pressing your mouths together in a slow burn of a kiss, a kindling flame that grows hotter and hotter until you’re both panting, desperately pawing at one another.

He’s ready to go again and so are you, and you tear yourself away from his hungry lips long enough to reach into your nightstand and find what you need. Once he’s sheathed, he’s inside you again. But now his thrusts aren’t frenzied or hasty. Now, he strokes into you slowly, taking his time, groaning brokenly as your tight walls hug his aching length. His fingers lace with yours, pinning your hands to the bed above your head as he fucks you like he has all the time in the world, and he’s going to use every single second to give you all the pleasure he can.

You arch your back, meeting his movements with your hips, taking him as deep as possible. Trying to make this good for him, trying to deliver just as much satisfaction with every tilt, every clench. Without your hands, you can’t pull his face to yours, and you have a delirious need to kiss him, taste him, claim his mouth with yours. You whimper, tipping your chin up, and somehow he understands your pitiful whines and slots his lips against yours.

This time, your orgasm doesn’t smash into you. This time, it builds, until it overwhelms you, takes over, wipes your mind clear of all thoughts, all sensations, everything except for him. Your body hums like a guitar string, stretched so tight, strummed by his beautiful hands, ringing out one single note.

“Jungkook!”

He kisses you as his hips stutter, cock spurting hot and white inside you. He doesn’t pull away when his high finally passes, but lies on top of you, head nuzzling into your shoulder. Your hand finds the nape of his neck again, twists the sweaty strands of his hair. It’s a comforting weight, his strong body covering yours. You can’t explain it, but you like it.

Which is why you pout when he finally props himself up on an elbow to gaze down at you, a soft smile on his face.

His bright eyes will be the death of you.

“Are you in need of more manhandling?” he asks.

You laugh, a full, body-shaking belly laugh that jostles him and makes him grin even more brightly. “I think I’m good right now, thank you.”

He rolls onto his side, slinging an arm over your hip as you turn to face him. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

The rain taps a soothing rhythm on your bedroom window as you consider everything running through your mind at the moment. Should you call it a night and get some sleep? Does he want to take a shower first? Maybe together? Do you think you could go for a third round?

But instead of answering him with any of these, what you say is,

“Are you free next Saturday?”

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tumbling-darkling · 3 years ago

Text

The boy who lived and the professor that didn’t (for the most part)

AO3

During Harry's second year at Hogwarts, a strange and unexpected man starts teaching his Defence Against the Dark Arts class.

(A Danny Phantom X Harry Potter crossover)

Chapter 1

Harry took a seat in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, glancing over to Ron who sat beside him and then scanning the classroom for their new DA professor. He already met the man in Diagon Alley, blonde and very much interested in only himself. Harry shivered as he remembered being pushed towards him as people took pictures of the famous wizard and the boy who lived.

At least it wasn’t worse than a head of the dark lord growing out of the back of the professor's neck.

Well- Harry did thumb through some of the textbooks before classes started. He absolutely agreed with Hermione who was very vocal about the books- they didn’t actually seem to teach anything. Just spoke about the ‘many adventures of Gilderoy Lockhart’.

Maybe this will just end up being an easy class.

The door slammed open 15 minutes past the start of class, startling the students as they swiveled their heads to look at the newcomer, expecting Gilderoy Lockhart.

Instead a tall man with a slim frame and hunched posture strode into the room. He had messy black hair pulled in a very horrible and tangled loose bun with the remaining dreads lazily dangling at the man's shoulders, his chin and cheeks covered in unshaven stubble. His robe was creased and torn, his hat loosely hanging from his hand and his sleeves pushed almost all the way up his arms. What really caught people’s attention was those eyes. Unnaturally clear and bright icy blue, so blue that even in the bright light they seemed to slightly glow.

He quickly pulled down his sleeves as he walked past the students towards the front of the room, grumbling slightly under his breath about something Harry couldn’t catch. He tossed the hat aside, muttering more loudly about how ‘wizard hats are so stupid and impractical I’m not wearing that garbage’ before he turned towards the class.

“My name is Fenton- er Professor Fenton I guess. Since I’ll be teaching you about…” he glanced down at the podium he stood in front of, crouching a little as if looking for something before straightening back up. “Defense… Against the… Dark… Arts,” he said slowly and not very confidently. Then he whispered again to himself but just loud enough for some students to pick up, “they see me fight one god damn ghost and suddenly I’m an expert on all dark magic entities? I think I’ll fight Dumbledore after this.” He straightened a little, eyes looking over the classes.

Harry did not like those eyes lingering on him for half a second longer than the others. He didn’t like this professor looking at him at all.

Something just didn’t feel right.

“Alright, any questions?”

A hand immediately went up, and Harry knew exactly who it belonged to.

“Uh- yes miss-?”

“Hermione Granger. Wasn’t our professor supposed to be Gilderoy Lockhart?”

“Yeah- that guy. He’s a phoney.”

The class went silent before someone yelled out, “WHAT?”

“Guy went around, found Wizards and Witches that did cool things, made them forget it then took all the credit. Tried to take my credit and I hit him a little too hard. Now I’m here taking his place. It’s all over the news, you know. You can read the exaggerated details in there. Anything else?”

The same hand went up.

Professor Fenton sighed, “yes?”

“Why were you 15 minutes late? Shouldn’t professors be on time? And why do you look like you crawled out of the forbidden forest.”

“I fought a ghost. Then got lost,” Fenton deadpanned.

The class went silent.

Fenton then turned around, “well if that’s all, let’s get started with something I know a lot about. What do you already know about Ghosts?”

“You’re seriously more afraid of Professor Fenton than Professor Snape?” Hermione asked Ron. “He’s not even mean! Sure he’s grumpy but he doesn’t beat down every question I ask him! He even seems to be glad I’m asking questions! Unlike Professor Snape who just treats us like idiots for not knowing something.”

“Sure- he’s not mean or cruel but… he just freaks me out. Like how he just stares sometimes at empty walls! Or how the room temperature always drops the moment he seems to take a single step into the room! I can’t even hear his footsteps when he walks! He’s bloody freaky is what he is!”

“Well I for one am glad he’s our Professor! Imagine having a phony for a professor! Though he talks a lot about ghosts. Ghosts can’t cause people harm. At most they give a little scare but it’s not like they could cause terrible damage.”

“What about those ectoplasm based ones he was talking about? The solid ones?” Harry asked.

“Rare and unlikely. Ectoplasm doesn’t form in the magical world, Harry! The stuff that leaks through and hangs in the air is only enough to allow ghosts like Nick or Myrtle to hang around in harmless ways.”

“But he said he fought a ghost before he arrived in class! And he looked really beat up!”

“He said he got lost too! Maybe he just stumbled across a guard dog like Fluffy and made up something about ghosts!”

“What if it’s like the last professor though? What if he’s looking for another secret object in Hogwarts walls?” Harry hissed softly, “Ron is right that he just has a sense of oddness about him! I just don’t trust him!”

“Harry, you’re just paranoid from last year. Professor Fenton is normal. Now pick up your pace, we’re going to be late for our next class!”

Professor Fenton glanced down at Harry, then back at Professor McGonagall, “he has what with me?”

“Detention. You see, Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley caused a bit of a fuss by driving a flying car in plain sight of several muggles, and risked exposing the magical world. As such, his punishment has been detention. I trust you can find some fitting work for him to do as he reflects on his actions?”

Fenton crosses his arms, his mouth tightening slightly into a grimace as his fingers slightly tapped his own arms. “This won’t be every night, will it?” He asked.

“No, we will be switching supervisors for a few weeks but you may also need to supervise Mr. Weasley sometime before then.”

Fenron let out a sigh of defeat, “well- alright. I’ll take care of it then.”

Professor McGonagall gave a curt nod before turning stiffly and walking off. Professor Fenton scratched at the back of his neck as he watched her walk off, then glanced down at Harry, those eyes seeming to search him for… something. Then that stern look relaxed into a lopsided grin, “So you were the one that made that stuck up ministry trip over their hats and scramble around in blind panic! I say, hats off to you young Potter!” He laughed.

Harry blinked in confusion at the shift in mood, then Fenton patted him on the back, “hey, no need to look so freaked out! I’m not gonna bite ya!” He began walking forward, and it took Harry an extra second to realize that the professor was moving and he should follow. “Oh, wait you probably are a little freaked out, huh? I guess my mood could have been a bit better this morning, I was just a little flabbergasted today. I was kinda rushed into this position, you know.” He shrugged, his hands shoved into his cloak’s pockets. He didn’t really walk like any of the other Hogwarts professors. He had this relaxed saunter, like he was more of a visiting relative than a staff member. “Say, let’s say your ‘punishment’ will just be helping me bring some books from the library to my quarters. There’s a lot I need to run through and a single trip would make all the difference.”

Harry nodded, finding it hard to keep up with the man's long strides. “So… you don’t like the ministry of magic?” Harry asked.

Professor Fenton huffed in annoyance, “not one bit. They are almost worse than observants!” Harry had no idea what those were. Another level of magic government? “They try to control every little thing. Don’t expose magic to the normal world. Don’t use magic to make technology without permission. Don’t use magic to save muggle children if people are watching.” His said in a mocking tone, “they have so many rules that are outdated or stupid. Never trust a government, kid! Especially a magical one!”

“What are… observants?”

Fenton glanced down at Harry, “oh those stuck up jerks? They are like the government of the ghost realm. Really annoying. Unlike the Ministry of Magic, they actually know how to find me!” He laughed.

“Ghosts have governments?”

“Oh yeah! They have more of a monarchy, the observants are like hermit wizards that only step in when they believe the world is in peril. Meanwhile the rest falls on the shoulders of the Ghost King.”

Harry frowned, “I’ve never read about that in the textbooks. Hermione says that ghosts are just harmless beings formed from souls that aren’t ready to leave the mortal realm.”

“Well she’s half right. There’s different kinds of ghosts, like Sir Nicolas and the Bloody Baron. They are more like echoes. Souls that cling desperately to this world but didn’t have enough ectoplasm to become a fully solid ectoplasmic being. They won’t leave for the infinite realms until they are ready, though many believe they are trapped here forever. More solid ghosts form in a similar way but are exposed to more ectoplasm, but rarely show up because natural portals to the infinite realms are sparse and in between. Well until about a decade ago.”

“Infinite Realms? Natural Portals?” Harry felt like his head was going to explode.

“Well, there should be some books about that in the muggle section.. Though some wizards would say it’s all garbage because muggles discovered and studied it. Just look up my name under the author and you should find some.”

“Oh… wait- did you write them? Is that why you know so much about ghosts?”

Professor Fenton barked out a loud laugh, doubling over as he clutched his sides, “Ah! No! No, I didn’t write them! My parents did!” He cackled. “Ah, yeah but I did learn from them. And a bit of field work. Tell Miss Granger to check them out too, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind having something to read. She reminds me of my sister in that way.” He stopped in front of the library doors, “Aha! I knew we would find this place eventually!”

Harry looked at Professor Fenton in bewilderment, “you didn’t know where we were going?!”

Fenton shook his head and shot him another grin, “nope! I’ve been constantly getting lost in these dumb halls. This place constantly moves and I absolutely hate it. Even the Infinite Realms make more sense than this castle!”

Harry stuttered, “If the infinite realms is where ghosts go, isn’t that like… the afterlife? You’ve been to the afterlife?”

Professor Fenton lazily shrugged and opened the doors to the library, “yes and no. It’s all complicated. I’ll tell you a different time.”

Harry stood there for a few more seconds as his brain tried to catch up with the information, and once he managed to close his mouth he chased after the Professor.

Harry glanced around the Professors room as he followed after him, arms filled with books that seemed to suspiciously be only about the Dark Arts. He’d never been to a professor's living quarters, at most he had been in some offices. Even so, it was not at all what he imagined a wizard's living quarters would look like.

First off, there seemed to be technology. He recognized a coffee machine on a low table, but it wasn’t plugged into anything. There was an odd box that looked like a slightly smaller television, it’s screen black and wires sticking out of it attached to a rectangular box with a lot of buttons on top of it and a small round device. There was also a radio, and a huge telescope leaning out the largest window. As Harry looked, he began to notice spaceships literally in every corner of the room. Different kinds as well, some would even move and blast off. The most amazing part was the roof of his room. It was almost exactly like the great hall as it rose into dark nothingness, but the stars were MUCH brighter and all the constellations had been traced out, some brighter than others. For someone who knew a lot about ghosts, he seemed to really like space. Then there were also some odd things thrown around, like a very weird looking thermos. Or a metal… boomerang?

“Just place them over here, Harry!” Fenton called as he dropped his pile of books onto a couch in the corner. Harry did as he was told, placing the books down a little more gently than the professor did.

“Professor… how did you get these things to work? Technology usually… explodes around magic,” Harry asked.

“Oh! Well it’s because I power them myself!” Professor Fenton chirped. “They don’t work the same way as regular technology. Again, I recommend checking out some of the notes in the Fentons books, they have a lot of stuff that works in the magical realm.”

“Why would you need it though? Doesn’t magic make up for a lot of technology?” Harry asked.

“Ah, but that’s where you are wrong you see! There is nothing in the magical world that is equivalent to the coffee machine!”

Harry blinked, “... what.”

“It’s a very important machine, Harry. You will depend greatly on it once you need to stay up for an entire week. But! It seems our time together has come to an end. Thanks for your help, Harry, and if McGonagall asks, tell her I made you scrub toilets or something,” he winked.

Harry grinned back, heading towards the doorway to go find Ron and Hermione. He closed the door behind and the moment it clicked shut, he saw a flash appear from under the door.

He paused slightly, but shrugged. Maybe a comet passed by on the enchanted roof of his room. He then headed down the halls to find his friends.

“Not normally invited?” Harry asked.

Hermione nodded, “Ghosts throw death day parties like birthday parties, but rarely do they ever invite living people!”

“I see, so Sir Nick really wanted us to be there,” Harry pondered as the trio entered the party area. He immediately was hit with an awful stench, nearly gagging before he had to swallow it as Sir Nicholas noticed their arrival and approached swiftly with the widest smile they had ever seen on his face.

“Harry! Ron! Hermione! You all made it! Oh this brings such joy to my cold, dead heart!”

“Glad to see you as well, Sir Nick,” Harry struggled not to gag on the smell.

“Say, why do ghosts even celebrate the day they died? Isn’t that… like a very traumatic experience you would rather not remember?” Ron somehow managed to ask.

“Well, ghosts like to celebrate it to commodirate a start to a new chapter of our afterlife!” He paused, glancing across the room for a split second, “most ghosts that is, and the death day isn’t to remind us of our death. It more serves to encourage us to look forward! No one really wants to remember how we died. Never a pretty picture.”

Harry followed Nicholas’s gaze for the split second glance, then noticed a ghost he had never seen before. He ignored the smell (they would have to ask about that later) and nudged Hermione, pointing at the ghost, “hey Hermione, have you ever seen that ghost around the castle before? I don’t remember seeing him from last year…”

The ghost in question seemed so much stranger than the rest, he had a brighter glow, where he should have had legs, merged into what seemed to be a ghostly tail, drifting lazily like caught in a breeze. Long hair whiter than snow itself drifted around like caught underwater, and bits that weren’t drifting were braided neatly and lost in the rest of it as it constantly moved. The ghost had purple skin, pointed ears, green freckles dotting his cheeks and long sharp fangs showing as he laughed at another ghost's joke. He dressed like a medieval lord, wearing a delicately detailed black and white tunic tucked into a braided belt circling his waist, his ghostly tail completely black. Thick white leather gloves covered both his hands as he waved them around while he spoke. A white cape hung off his shoulders, but when the cape occasionally drifted to show the inside, it was like the ghost had taken the night sky and attached it to the garment. Thick fur wrapped around his shoulders and long and sharp horns that looked like ice circled his head like a crown.

Toxic green eyes that had irises that seemed to swirl around the pupil glanced at the trio and Harry suddenly felt very very small.

“I… don’t know. I haven’t even heard of any ghost that looked like him before,” Hermione seemed like she was at a loss, probably scouting through her thoughts and memories for any trace or mention of the unfamiliar ghost.

Sir Nicholas cut in, “oh! That may be because King Phantom doesn’t live in this castle! He’s mainly only here to visit for the year!”

Ron gapped, “... did you say… king? Was he a king before he died?”

Sir Nicholas frowned, “no, of course not! He’s the king of all ghosts! King of the infinite realms! The one who defeated Pariah Dark in single combat barely a year after he died! The youngest and most beloved king we ghosts have had in such a very long time.”

“There’s a king of ghosts? And that’s him?” Harry asked.

“That’s what I just said, my dear boy. Keep up!”

“I don’t want to seem rude, Sir Nicholas but… why is he here?” Hermione gasped, “if he really is such a powerful and imposing figure, doesn’t he have a lot of duties to fulfil?”

“Well, he told us he was technically here on business but that it requires time and an investigation that could take a few months. So he could visit and celebrate with us from time to time! He’s a very relaxed man, I assure you. Here let me introduce you all to him! My Liege! I have some friends you absolutely must meet!”

The King looked over and smiled widely, “friends, you say?” His voice echoed more than the other ghosts, seeming to carry across the room as he spoke. He then blinked in surprise and turned to Nick, “Sir Nicholas… you realize these three are still amongst the living?”

“Why of course! Harry is the Boy Who Lived! The first to survive the death spell!” Sir Nicholas said quite proudly.

The King drifted down towards the three, causing Ron to slightly flinch at his approach, his hands clasped together as worry seemed to etch on his face, “well, most ghosts don’t have a very good sense of smell or taste, right? Which is why we have all the rotting food out?”

“Yes?” Sir Nicholas still didn’t seem to catch on.

King Phantom held out his hand, producing clothing hanger clips made purely of ice, “The living can still very much smell and taste, and I don’t think it’s exactly the smell of roses and lavender.”

Sir Nicholas blinked, “oh. Oh! Oh Harry and friends, I apologize for forgetting such a detail!”

Harry, Ron and Hermione all graciously accept the clips, pinning them on their noses to escape the horrid smell. Then Hermione turned towards the Ghost King with a glint in her eyes, “wait- how did you do that? Ghosts aren’t this solid- and they definitely can’t use magic!”

Phantom chuckled, drifting back into the air as he pointed to the crown of ice horns on his head, “Well first off, I’m the king so I get some bonuses. As well as not all ghosts work the same. You should try listening to that Dark Arts professor of yours when he talks about ghosts. He’s quite knowledgeable about all things not living.”

“But- but years of documentation and research-!” Hermione tried to argue before the King tutted.

“Information is constantly changing and growing, something that seems pretty constant could change in seconds and turn your whole world upside down. Not to mention, many different types of ghosts like myself only became more common recently. Before, most of us were confined to the infinite realms, only ghosts like Sir Nicholas forming for many centuries and the different kinds rarely slipped out.”

“Well-, what changed?” Hermione challenged.

King Phantom sported a playful grin, “I d̶͙͉̓̓i̷̢̩̬̘̟̽ę̴̘̲̹̤͌̊d̸̢̳̞̄.”

He then turned and left the three on that note as he went to join other ghosts at the party.

“What does he mean by that?” Hermione huffed.

“He’s got an odd sense of humour, that’s for sure,” Sir Nicholas laughed.

Harry couldn’t stop his glare that shot towards Professor Snape as he accused Harry of petrifying Mrs. Norris and writing the bloody message that stained the wall. Before he could snap back at him that he did not do any of this, Professor Fenton seemed to almost step out of thin air to his defense.

“Mr. Potter was with me all night, he did not do this,” his voice laced with a chilling venom. Was he… lying for him?

Snape tilted his chin up, attempting to look down on Fenton who was no longer hunched, and instead stood tall at his full height. It was quite difficult to do as it turned out, Fenton towered over every other Professor in the area. “And who, pray tell, are you?” Snape seemed to almost spit.

A sinister grin spread across the tall Professor's features as he stepped in front of Harry, leaning menacingly over the shorter wizard and blocking his view of the student, “Professor Fenton, the professor of the Dark Arts. Accusing a second year of such a powerful spell isn’t a very wise take, now is it Professor Snape?” Fenton basically spat his name.

Snape glared back, “you would be surprised what Potter is capable of, especially the trouble he gets himself in.”

“How about you try not pinning the blame on a 12 year old child?”

“That is enough out of both of you,” Dumbledore stepped in. “We all know Harry was not responsible for this, as Professor Fenton’s defence is true. We have a healthy patch of mandrake roots that will cure Mrs. Norris of her petrification, and students will resume their classes while the professors investigate the issue. Now you three will return to your dorms for the rest of the night.”

Harry hesitated before he headed back towards the dorms, but didn’t fail to notice how Professor Fenton’s eyes flashed toxic green, or the wink sent in his direction.

305 notes · View notes

cheesy-cakey · 3 years ago

Text

note this is a hatter au from a wattpad book I wrote.

You Weren't there

Kalim X Reader Angst

We had graduated.

We got married.

He inherited his family's riches.

We had a son.

We were happy...

We WERE.

I gazed out the window of my quarters.

I was no longer a Hatter... I was now an Al-Asim.

The Hatter name had died out the moment I decided to be a part of Kalim's family. I still owned our land and property. But I had no use for it.

I thought that this was going be our happily ever after.

Holding the one I love close. Kalim embracing me and our son.

But I guess reality doesn't have a happy ending... Especially us Hatter's.

As I watched the scene out the window.

In the garden was Kalim... With his 2rd wife and daughter.

Yes, that's right. I may be Kalim's first wife... but that doesn't mean I'm the only one.

I watched as he held her hand while with the other he carried his daughter.

I moved away from the window and sat on the plush bed of my quarters.

"How could I be so stupid. How could I be so blind. why did I think... That out of all the people in the world. I would have a happy ending." I muttered to myself as I leaned back on my arms tears pricking out of my eyes.

I went back to the window watching them hold each other close. I traced my hand on the glass feeling the coolness of the material.

I kneeled on the floor hand on the window sill while the other was on the floor.

"If happy ever after did exist~" I sang as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"I would still be holding you like this~"

"All those fairy tales are full of sh*t"

"One more f*cking love song I'll be sick" I sobbed as I was never meant to have a happy ever after.

3rd POV

Little did Y/N know that someone came to visit.

Watching through the crack from the slightly opened door.

Ali Al-Asim watched as his mother broke down crying.

"Why... why of all people... why does it have to be mother that suffers?"

He walked away knowing that it's better to not disturb her like this... He knew seeing him would just remind her of the happy ending she could've had.

He returned to him quarters and sat in one of the chairs in his room.

"Mother... You shouldn't be suffering like this... You told me father loved you... You said he loved you more than the stars in the sky... then why... why does he treat you this way? why does he neglect you? weren't we happy? weren't you happy?" He leaned his head back as tears pricked out his eyes.

"I never get to see you smile anymore. The smile that could shine brighter than the sun. Your eyes became dull... no longer full of hope and happiness like the stars."

he slammed his first into the table Infront of him as tears fell from his face.

"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A HAPPY EVER AFTER!?"

The 15 year old couldn't bear to see his mother like this...

He's seen her cry too many times...

-Time Skip-

It was Ali's 16th birthday.

Which means a big celebration...

But his mother as much as she wants to attend she couldn't bring herself to leave her room.

The Hatter that used to be full of life, laughing, singing, dancing. The Hatter that enjoyed parties and seeing her friends smile... lost her spark.

-At the celebration-

"Happy Birthday, Young Master, Ali!" The servants cheered.

"Happy birthday, My son!" Kalim exclaimed as he greeted his first born.

"Thank you, Father!" Ali exclaimed with a smile.

"You're 16 now, which school do you wanna attend, Ali!?" His father asked excitedly.

"I want to go to Night Raven College! That's where you went to right, Father?"

"Yes, I did! Me and your uncle Jamil went there together!"

"Then it's settled, NRC it is!"

"I could have the headmaster make you dorm head as well!"

"No, Father. I wish to become dorm head with my own skills." He stated.

"Haaaah? fine, if that is what my son wants. Now everyone! enjoy the party!"

he walked away as he went to meet other guests.

A lot of people were here. His uncles from NRC. His Friends. even his half sister.

But there was only one person Ali wanted to be here.

Ali stood up from his seat and sneaked away.

He went to the quarters of someone he held dear.

he knocked on the door and heard a come in.

"Good evening, mother" he said with a soft smile.

"Ah! Ali, Happy Birthday" She replied with a tired but loving smile.

she was sitting by the window with it being wide open allowing the wind to enter.

He went closer the his mother and kneeled beside her.

"How are you feeling?" Ali asked.

"I'm feeling very well. So how is your birthday?"

"Nevermind the birthday. I just want to stay here with you" he said as he buried his face into her dress resting his head on her lap.

The lady giggled at her son's statement, watching him with caring eyes.

"I have a present for you" She said as she brought out a box.

Ali raised his head.

"Mother... you didn't have to" he said as he received it.

"Oh, but I do. this is something I've been meaning to give you"

Ali opened the box to see a top hat, a golden silk snake wrapping around the hat with a single Jasmine flower.

"It used to be mine. Sometimes in the Hatter family we give it to the person we marry but sometimes we also keep it. But this time it's time to pass it on to the descendant. I redecorated it for you. do you like it?" The elegant lady smiled as she remembered her memories with the hat and proud to be able to hand it down.

Ali looked as the hat.

"I love it... thank you mother" He thanked as he lied down on her lap once again.

"I'm glad you do, my dear son" She placed a hand on his white hair exactly the same as his father's.

Sher stroked his head gently as the moon shone down on them through the window.

-Timeskip-

It was now time for Ali to go to Night Raven College. He said farewell to everyone and as he was about to get on the Ebony Carriage he looked up to a window to see his mother smiling at him. he smiled back and entered.

-at the dorm sorting-

Ali was up next to be sorted.

"State thy name"

"Ali Al-Asim"

"The shape of thy soul... I see you best improve in Scarabia."

He stepped away from the mirror and joined the other students that were sorted into Scarabia.

He will make his mother proud.

-Time skip-

It had been a week since he had arrived. And just like that he had became a dorm head not from money but from skill.

He was currently in potions taught by Professor Crewel.

His phone then suddenly rang.

"Excuse me, Professor. I need to take this call"

"Of course, pup. but next time I won't be allowing it."

Ali answered his phone and it was one of the servants.

He was analysing his potion while he answered.

"What is it? I told you not to call me around this time because I'm in class."

"Apologies, young master. But it's about Lady Y/N"

"Mother? what about her? does she miss me? tell her I'll visit this weekend."

"It's not that sir"

"what is it then?"

"she umm"

"spit it out"

"The lady has passed away"

Ali suddenly dropped the beaker shattering it to a million pieces.

"Al-Asim! bad pup! what are you doing!?"

Ali stood up knocking his seat over. He slammed his hand on his desk that still had the shattered glass and spilled potion. good thing that the potion doesn't give much effect since it wasn't finished.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN PASSED AWAY!?" He yelled as tears pricked from his eyes.

"Al-Asim?" his professor called out worried.

"I mean what I exactly said, young master. The lady passed away earlier this morning. when the servant went to serve her breakfast she didn't wake up. they tried waking her up then realized she wasn't moving. they called a physician... and he said the lady had passed away"

"no... you're lying"

"Ali Al-Asim, what's wrong? Get your hands off the desk your starting to bleed." Crewel said as he took the boys hand from the broken glass and started cleaning it.

"Mother... is she really dead?"

"yes, sir"

"wait... your mother?" his professor asked

"As in... Y/N? she's... no longer with us?" his eyes wide as saucers.

Ali fell on his knees tears spilling not showing any signs of stopping any time soon.

"Mother... no... no... no no no NO! SHE CAN'T BE GONE!" He sobbed.

"Ashengrotto, take him to the infirmary to clean his wound up. The rest of you dismissed. I need to speak with the head master."

"Yes, professor"

-time Skip-

currently Ali was in the head masters office.

"Al-Asim. I heard what had happened. I'll let you go home for as long as you need. I apologize for your loss. You can use the mirror to go home." Crowley said as he watched the boy sob.

he himself wanted to cry since one of the most lovable students he had, had passed away.

"Your mother... was an incredible woman. Not only as a student but as a friend to the rest. It's a shame she... had to leave us so early. I thought that maybe... I'd be dead by the time she leaves."

"Thank you, headmaster... I'll be... heading out now" Ali exited the room and went to the mirror and went home.

Once he had arrived he was greeted by the servants but he just walked right pass.

His sister also greeted him, but he continued walking.

soon he arrived at his mother's bedroom. He saw her... looking like she's sleeping soundly... knowing she's never waking up again.

He walked to her bed side. held her now cold hand and feel to his knees and sobbed uncontrollably

"Mother!... Why.... WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE! I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU THE HAPPY ENDING YOU DESERVE! BUT WHAT!? YOU ENDED YOUR STORY WITH LONGING THAT WAS NEVER FULFILLED!? WHY!?" he cried... not leaving her side for the rest of the day.

During her funeral, all her friends from NRC came. Tears spilled everywhere as they found their dear friend no longer with them.

they approached Ali who just stood by her coffin.

"Sorry... for your loss... Ali"

He just kept silent.

For the long duration of her funeral... Not once did his father... the man his dear mother loved and longed for, show up.

This had made the boy even more upset. but that did not overpower the sorrow he had.

-Time Skip-

The funeral had long ended...

His mother was buried...

he returned to school but barely spoke.

"Al-Asim... pup. I suggest you go meet with Professor Yuu. You need it"

Ali merely nodded as he went to his magicless professor who taught about monsters and health.

"Ali... take a seat"

Ali sat down across him.

"You haven't been sleeping have you... you have bags under your eyes. You look pale. Ali"

He just sat there.

"I know... I know you're depressed... Your mother was my vice prefect back in our school days. she was a wonderful woman to be with... she laughed... she sang... she smiled... but you know what I love most about her?"

Ali looked up and looked at Yuu.

"She makes people around her smile as well. She wouldn't want you to act like this. Y/N, She too lost a parent in her younger days. But that didn't stop her from being happy... She always had joy in her eyes... and you know you have her E/C eyes as well"

"So please... Don't let this bring you down. Your mother... Be like her. someone who smiles, laughed and most of all makes others do the same. sure reality doesn't have a happy ending. But you're writing your own story so make sure it leads to one."

Ali thought about it. looks back down... looks at the mirror in the room and looked straight into his E/N coloured eyes.

"You're right, Professor. Even if mother is gone... I should make her proud" Ali stood up with smile.

Ali bowed.

"Thank you, Professor Yuu!"

"Just call me, Yuu."

Ali smiled and ran off back to his dorm and to his room.

Yuu on the other hand stood up and went to the window and looked at the sky.

"I wish... I could've held you one last time... Y/N... I loved you so much" Yuu said as he let the tears fall.

Ali pulled a box from under his bed and opened it...

It may not fit his outfit but it doesn't matter.

he stood up holding the object and went to a mirror.

He looked straight at it and placed the hat he was given on his head.

"I'll prove... that I can give us a happy ending, Mother"

and with that Ali changed... He changed for the better. all the old staff watched him... and it reminded them of someone who they once cherished in this school.

-Time Skip-

it's been 2 years since Y/N's passing. Ali Al-Asim was now 18 years old. A third year.

But what's interesting is. when his 1st year ended the mirror had announced something... He was transferred to a different dorm.

-Flashback-

Just as they were all about to leave.

"Wait... It seems someone's soul had reshaped into something new." the mirror had stated.

"What? but that's not possible" Crowley said in surprise.

"Ali Al-Asim... Step forward"

Ali hesitantly stepped up.

"Yes... it seems your soul had reshaped... though you are still suited to be a part of Scarabia... Your heart... Is perfect for the Ramshackle Dorm"

"Isn't that"

"Your mother's old dorm... well it seems like you're becoming just like your mother" Crowley smiled as he placed a hand on the boys shoulder.

-end of flashback-

And since then he became the dorm head of the Ramshackle. His hat suited his outfit. he was happy.

And right now the 18 year old was going to make a decision that'll change his life.

Currently standing Infront of his father, Kalim Al-Asim. wearing a somewhat butler outfit somewhat similar to that of what his mother wore back in her younger days as a Hatter.

"Father... I don't wish to be an Al-Asim anymore."

"What? could you repeat that?"

"I don't want to be an Asim."

"But son! you're my eldest! you're my successor!"

"And I don't want to be your successor!"

"why!?"

"I want to continue mother's legacy!" Ali yelled as he gripped his wrist behind his back while looking down.

"what?"

"I want to be a Hatter! I want to carry on the Hatter name! I want to do this for mother! it the least you could let me do"

"the least I could let you do?"

"Yes! The most you could do was probably be there for her!"

"Ali"

"You left her all alone! making her cry every night! every night for you!"

"She didn't get her happily ever after! Cause you weren't there there for her! you weren't there for us!HECK She would've been contented with just you being there even if you didn't love her anymore!"

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME TO HER FUNERAL!" Ali snapped.

"I know you are aware that You're naive, gullible, oblivious and all that. but please... just see it... the least you could do" Ali looked up and looked Kalim straight in the eyes.

Kalim staring back into E/C colored orbs that was exactly the same as his wife that had recently passed away.

He looked down and took a deep breathe

"Alright"

"Huh?"

"I'll... let you go..."

"Really?"

"yes... as you said... it's the least I could do for not even attending the funeral."

"Thank you... father" Ali smiled as he walked away.

this was a new start for Ali... Becoming just like his mother. Writing a happily ever after for them.

We can't say the same for Kalim though.

He sat at his chair.

His 2rd wife entered the room and sat beside him.

"What did he want?" she asked.

"To leave the family"

"what?"

"He... wanted to become a Hatter to continue Y/N's legacy."

"I see... don't worry I'm here... and besides I'm sure we can make a new heir."

"I'm not in the mood"

"But, dear~"

right then and there Kalim snapped.

"I SAID IM NOT IN THE MOOD!" He yelled.

"BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMN FAMILY THREATENING TO HURT MY SON AND MY BELOVED WIFE I WAS FORCED TO NEGLECT HER!"

"IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DAMN FAMILY I WOULD PROBABLY BE HOLDING HER RIGHT NOW WITH ANOTHER CHILD!"

"ALL BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO LOVE YOU! YOU'RE DELUSIONAL IF YOU THINK I WOULD!"

"What is it... WHAT IS IT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T!?"

"My heart... that's what it is... SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING! HER SMILE THAT WAS PRACTICALLY MY SUN! HER EYES THAT SHIMMERED LIKE THE STARS!"

"SHE DESERVES TO BE DEAD! SHE'S NOT FIT TO BE YOUR WIFE! SHE'S NOT FIT TO HAVE YOU! ME, ME, ME! IT WAS ME WHO SHOULD HAVE YOU! SHE'S HIDEOUS! SHE'S DUMB! SHE'S NAIVE! SO WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME!"

"DON'T YOU DARE THAT ABOUT HER! FIRST OF ALL SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN TO HAVE EVER EXISTED THAT EVEN VIL SAID SO! YOU WOULD NEVER BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS HER! SECOND SHE GRADUATED FROM NRC WITH TOP GRADES FITTING INTO THE TOP 50! SHE KNOWS MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL! AND THIRD OF ALL SHE'S NOT AS NAIVE AS YOU THINK! SHE EXPERIENCED THE CRUELTY OF THE WORLD TO THE POINT SHE WAS ALMOST BROKEN! BUT SHE JUST SMILED AND SAID THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE JUST FINE! I BET YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT IF IT HAD HAPPENED TO YOU! FACE IT I'LL NEVER LOOK AT YOU THE SAME I DO WITH HER!"

"THAT'S WHY I KILLED HER SO YOU WOULD ONLY LOOK AT ME- MPH!" she clasped her mouth shut trembling from what came out.

"what? WHAT did you just say?"

"n-nothing!"

"WE HAD A DEAL! YOU WOULD LEAVE THEM ALONE IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL OF THIS!"

"I-I didn't mean to!"

"DIDN'T MEAN TO MY *SS! AS IF I'D BELIEVE THAT! JAMIL!"

Soon Jamil entered the room. in truth he was about to enter till he heard screaming and heard the entire thing.

"Yes, Kalim"

"Take her away. make her confess EVERYTHING that she had done. After that could you call Azul? I want to have a talk with him to deal with something."

"Yes, of course" Jamil left with the 2nd wife being taken away by guards.

"WAIT! KALIM PLEASE! I LOVE YOU! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

As they all left the room Kalim sat down and tears started running down his face.

"Why was I so stupid? thinking I could protect you without having to hurt anyone but as a result I ended up hurting you... then lost you. I should've dealt with them from the start. I should've just been there for you... now I not only lost you... but I lost our son too... haha! why am I so stupid?"

For the rest of the night Kalim just cried. knowing can never bring you back.

-END-

"isn't that an interesting timeline."

"Didn't know that there would be a bad ending to their story. I hope this timeline won't stick it would be so sad~" a voice said as she closed a book that's titled 'You Weren't there'

soon the book started to become grains of sand.

"oh? what is this?"

"The timeline is disintegrating"

"I guess that means that story won't be sticking around."She then pushed up her glasses as she looked back at the millions of books being written each having a pen that glows with inspiration and life."I wonder who's story would be finished next~ would the story disappear? or will it be part of the official collection?"

"Let's see what endings are in-store~ After all"

"I am the story keeper~"

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twst kalim #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #kalim x reader #scarabia

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slumbering-shadows · 1 year ago

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I'd gotten a brand new copy of Tower of Dawn and was reading it at school (slowly. sluggishly. I didn't like that book. I didn't finish it) and the class I was in went a little longer than it should have. It was a cooking class so this happened sometimes. My book was not in my bag; it was just sitting on the table because I was carrying it around. This teacher wouldn't sent late note excuses when her class was late so I had approximately 2 minutes to get across the fucking quarter mile building and in my rush I left the book on the table

Somebody decided that in the ten minutes it took me to realize I'd left my book, make an excuse to my current teacher and run back to retrieve it, that it was??? A school library book??? And took it down tjere???? Despite it not having any barcodes or tape or anything and also my name. Was in it. So during lunch I went in and was like "hey, I left a book in one of my classes accidentally and someone brought it down here, do y'all have it?" and they told me NO, they had sent it to the fucking PUBLIC Library because they thought it was a public library book. Now. Remember. It does not have any stickers or bar codes or laminate and it had my name in the front cover!!!! So why would they even think that is beyond me!!!!!

Next day I go to the public library. Tell them what happened and if they'd gotten any random books from the school. They were like nah but the mail is slow so give it a week.

I go back to school the next day. I'm in the library. The school library, suspiciously, now has a shiny brand new copy of Tower of Dawn (which had literally come out two days ago and was sold out everywhere, I only even had it because I pre ordered it).

I pick it up.

My name is still in the front fucking cover.

They told me tough shit because there was no way to prove I didn't somehow just rip off the laminate and write my name in there just now in order to steal the book. And then continued insisting to me that they had sent my book to the public Library, who by the way, for SOME REASON I WONDER, never received it

Did I ever tell you guys about the time my high school library literally stole one of my books and straight up gaslit me about it

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sweetaesuga · 5 years ago

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in your eyes | m

pairing: jungkook x female reader!

genre: smut, fluff, angst, college au, fratboy jk! ex-fuckboy jk! bookworm reader! friends to lovers!

warnings: language, insecurity, drinking, dom jungkook! fingering in public, exhibitionism, female masturbation, grinding, oral (m), dirty talk, light choking, degrading (slut/whore), squirting, creampie, unprotected sex (both are clean but stay safe), bathroom sex, riding, pinning.

word count: 10.6k+

synopsis: jungkook always sees you like the only girl in the world, and you just see him as a fuckboy. OR jungkook just wants a chance🥺

↳ a/n: first time i ever write a fic or smut please enjoy🤧

You were only sixteen when you met him. He stepped into the classroom in all dark baggy clothes in an uneasy walk. At first glance you would of thought he was a timid person. Wrong, under all of that bullshit you see an egoistic and self-assured asshole that you're somehow happy to call your friend. You even learned that it was facade. Jungkook was a boy with a good heart who always remained loyal to all of his friends.

Jungkook just turned seventeen when he met you, noticing you straight away when you had a nice sense of fashion. You always had on an accessory that matched with the color of your shirt or jeans. You also always wore a bit of bright colors in your outfits. The bright unique makeup is what caught his attention too. He was proud to call you his friend.

When you both happily entered the same college along with your best friend Hayoon, everything changed. He began hanging out with a new group of friends, they were all older than them and deeply influenced him. He joined a fraternity then and began spending less time with you. He only came over to study or celebrate your birthday. His busyness merely reminded you how he preferred to spend his time hooking up with random girls every week rather than play board games with you or rant to him about your new book you were reading.

You don't exactly remember when he started but you do remember all the girls that talked about how amazing he was in bed which solely added more uncertainty on you. You even walked in on him and a freshman girl going at it in one of the sorority’s room at a party you were both attending.

The memory of when he started crushing on you was foggy to you but he always remembered it in a flash. It was when he had a taekwondo match, where circumstantially Jungkook's girlfriend, who wasn't really his girlfriend, at the time couldn't make it. His hopes were put down by the thought of someone not supporting him, since he always tried his best with his own cheerleader being there.

In the middle of the match, his eyes scanned the bleachers, wishing for someone to be there. His wishes were granted as he saw you there. Standing awkwardly, you gave him a little wave with a smile. His chest heaved in glee, sending you a quick smile before he returned to his match.

The sound of you screaming his name when he won, put a enormous smile on his face. Jungkook watched you run down the bleachers, apologizing to all the people you were bumping through. You leaped into his arms easily.

Your next words to him were a blur since Jungkook was too focused on just having you in his arms. He was grinning happily at you, hair sticking to his forehead. His heart heaved with warmth as you hugged him tightly.

He was twenty-one and you were twenty when he realized he had a crush on you.

You were seventeen when you realized you liked him.

But you were nineteen when you realized you would never be good enough for him.

"He then had the audacity to ask me if I slept with anyone else! The nerve of that guy," you felt like your ear was going to bleed out just by listening to your best friend blabber about her ex-boyfriend.

"Why don't you just stop talking to him? I don't know...block his number or something?" you suggested, very uninterested in this conversation about her ex-boyfriend contacting her. She could simply just block him out her life and be done with him.

You stared at the worn out rubber of the tip of your black converse. She popped the gum in her mouth, the sound became annoying to you. Hayoon squinted her eyes at you, trying to find something to say to argue back to you. She instead changed the subject. "Where were you on Saturday?"

"Studying like the rest of the students here," you moved to rest your weight onto your right leg. "I just can't seem to understand how finals are coming up and some people are out here partying? The library was packed when I got there."

"Yeah well I wouldn't know because I didn't go," she grinned at you. "Instead I went to a party because I'm not a loser like you!" Hayoon giggled to herself and you rolled your eyes. "Also," she popped the gum loudly. "Jungkook was asking for you. Calling for his dream girl. . .or something like that—I don't know can't remember—too drunk you know?"

Your ears perked up to that. "Really?" you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear that got in the way and leaned forward. "Did you remember why he was looking for me?"

Hayoon grinned again. "Even if I do know why would you care? Don't you hate him or something?" she smiled evilly and threw her head back.

You froze and leaned back to your seat. You know what she was trying to do and it was never going to happen.

You were never going to give Jeon Jungkook a chance.

Jungkook stumbled into the library, eyes searching for you immediately. There was nearly a crowd of students that were preparing for finals. "Hey have you guys seen Y/N?" he asked a study group. A girl in your class answered him, telling him that you were somewhere by the windows.

Of course you were, he thought to himself. You would be seated at your usual spot. He walked over to the windows and spotted you straight away. Watching your figure become closer as he walked further, he took the sandwich out of his bag. "Hey Y/N!" you already knew that voice. You looked up at Jungkook. As usual he looked drop-dead gorgeous. He wore his usual dark baggy outfit, a black cargo jogger and a much darker hoodie with some black combat boots. He was showing off his helix piercing and his fresh new haircut.

"Nice haircut," you referred to his undercut and the fact that he was showing forehead. "Seems like you spent a lot of time on it."

"Yeah! Just for you," he smiled, his cheeks being pushed up. You let out a heavy sigh, clearly not in the mood for his flirtatiousness. "Got you a sandwich, by the way," he laid it in front of you.

You let out a small smile and took it from him, trying not to show how your mouth got watery so quickly. "Thanks, you didn't have to though," he shook his head.

"I don't want you starving to death," he sat down next to you, shoulder pressing against yours. "What are you studying for?" his nose nuzzled your ear. You rolled your eyes and shoved him away, ignoring the goosebumps his warm breath caused.

"Just getting my notes ready. Wanna highlight or color code it but feel like it's going to fuck up everything. Also don't wanna be those fucking girls that always have to make their fucking notes pretty. Also, do I look tired?" he studied your face for any features that made you seem exhausted. "I was up till two in morning watching these two Indian guys build a pool."

His eyes lit up. "Oh my god, I come across from those too."

"I know they came up all over my fucking Youtube recommendations. I got sucked into binge watching them. It makes me feel fucking lazy to be honest, the amount of fucking water they carry back and forth. I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

Jungkook snickered and made a note of how much you swore. "I need to make a swear jar for you. You swear too much."

"Not even," you laughed back at him and nudged his shoulder. "I'm just a little frustrated and stressed right now," his gaze dropped on the purple pins in your hair, holding each side of your hair. "I called my mom and she said to not stress over this, but you know how I get," you frowned and turned to him. He finally took in your appearance. Your bright purple eyeshadow with purple gems adorning the top of it. You wore a purple flare pants and a white long sleeved, deep v-line crop top. His eyes dropped down to your cleavage, trying to see if you had a bra on.

"Holy shit Y/N!" the students around him shushed him. He burned up and muttered a sorry to them, you giggled at how embarrassed he looked. "You look amazing. What's the special occasion?"

"Nothing," you shook your head, a smile still on your face. "Can't I dress up once in awhile?" Jungkook raised an eyebrow at you, knowing that you normally only wear outfits like this when they’re new or it’s the first week of school. "Okay," you dragged your word out. "I got this outfit last week and really wanted to use it today. It's cute right?"

"Yeah, really cute," he toyed with your hair pins, messing up your hair.

Neglecting his comment, you carried on. "I even got up in early in the morning to do my makeup. If I'm gonna show up wearing a new outfit, I might as well have a cute ass face to go with it," you frowned when you remembered something. "And I realized I don't have different color hair pins, they're all purple so thank fuck the fucking pants are purple."

"Well I think you look very cute, Y/N. Boop!" he poked your nose gently. You swatted his hand away, warning him to stop but all you're given is a large bunny smile. "Come on, eat your sandwich. I didn't just come all the way over here searching for you just to talk to you."

"Actually you did bitch."

"Oof, swear jar," he rested his palm out in front you. You took a bite out of the sandwich, placing a quarter on his palm. "No a dollar, Y/N."

"No! What the fuck—wait!" he held out his palm again. "That's not fucki—hold up, you can't just say a dollar," you whined and grabbed your bag. "I don't have money growing out of my ass."

"I don't know that yet. I'm gonna have to check to make sure," you threw a dollar at him. He laughed and picked it up.

"I know your kind," you spatted at him and tossed the other two dollars at him which he easily caught. "Wanna drain my f-freaking bank account."

"Oh come on, I want you to be my sugar mama," he jested, leaning forward to give you a huge smug.

"Sucks to be you actually. I'm looking to be a sugar baby, not a sugar mama," you glanced over your shoulder towards him. His laugh echoed and you watched as students gave him a dirty look from how loud it was.

"Of course. You're the brokest bitch in the city no one actually wants you to be their sugar mama," you gasped at his words.

"Am not!"

"Are so!" you both laughed at each other. His hand searched for yours underneath the table. He must've noticed how tensed up you had gotten when he found it, managing to wrap your smaller fingers into his. "I've been meaning to talk to you by the way."

You groaned, knowing where this will be going. "Jungkook, stop I'm not in the mood," you caught a quick glimpse of the time. "Look, I have to go, my bus will be coming soon." You don't let him mention anything else. Bolting out of the library, you leave a crestfallen Jungkook behind.

He shook his head and took the half eaten sandwich you also left behind. He trailed behind you, backpack threatening to fall down his arm. You proceeded to walk to the bus stop, Jungkook just close behind. "Didn't see you at the party on Saturday?" the voice came from behind you. You opt to ignore it but by the sound of his voice it was easy to tell that he has been dying to ask this question. When you didn't answer him, he tried again. "Seriously where were you on Saturday?"

You sunk down on the bench. "None of your business."

"Well, I was kind of worried about you. I thought you were going to be there so that's why I came," he took a seat right besides you. "Once I saw you weren't there, I left."

"I was at the library studying for finals," you weren't sure why you were telling him this. After his little confession your heart felt weird. If you hadn't told him though, he probably would've guessed it. Still, he needed confirmation.

"What? Why didn't you tell me? We could’ve studied together!" he complained, nudging his shoulder with yours.

"Jungkook stop, I know what you're doing," you glared at him, wanting to get away. He frowned and reached over to hold you. "I already told you no," you hissed, disregarding the way his eyes appeared sunken at your response.

"Why not? I already told you, I'm not messing around anymore. I genuinely want to settle down with someone," he stared into your eyes with such intensity you felt like your brain was going to explode. Your ears took in his words slowly. "I want to be with you."

"Jungkook, please—"

"Come on, one date. I swear to god I've changed," he ranted. He's always been very keen on having a chance with you, but with all those girls that he used to take home you felt otherwise. You would listen to the girls on how good Jungkook was. How good he looked at night in the dark moonlight. How he would manhandle them in random places. How his muscles would appear every time he flexed them. How those hips of his were a miracle. You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn't ever want to see him that way too.

"I'm flattered, I really am—I just really don't want to be with someone like you. I'm sorry," you apologized, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

He blinked then squinted his eyes at you. "What do you mean someone like me?" He sounded somewhat offended at your words.

"You used to fuck around!" you fumed and threw your hands up. The bus was coming down the road towards the two of you. "I don't like that."

"Why not?" He's way too stubborn to let you go, you forgot.

"Because...I just don't okay? Lets leave it there," you stood up and walked over to the bus once it opened its doors. He followed close behind. Before you can enter your dollar into the machine, he does it for you.

The bus driver smiled at him while you glared at him. You walked to the back of the bus, smiling to all the other passengers but secretly upset. Jungkook still followed you like a lost puppy. You slid down in the seat. Your left arm feeling the side of the bus once you properly sat down. "Here, I'll pay you back," you hold out the dollar bill but he sat still in his seat.

"Well shit, sugar mama not right now," You sighed and put it back in your bag. You heard him snort.

"Come on, tell me why you won't give me a chance and I'll leave you alone," he offered. He held your eyes for a moment before you let out a breath of air and looked away.

If he’ll leave you alone, then you must have to say why you won’t grant him a chance with you, a chance for him to become your boyfriend.

"I'm too insecure for you," he opened his mouth but you shushed him. "I'm not...how do I put this? I'm not like them?" you questioned and glanced over at him. He had a look of worry washed all over his face. "The girls that you were with are those who are all popular, party all day, and are very attractive. They all do casual sex, and I don't want be that type of person, I want something serious. Like you have dated Soojin! She's really pretty, makes me gay even," you chuckled at yourself. "That's not the point though. If I'm with you, all I could ever think about is the girls you were with and how different I am from them. I just can't be with someone when all I'll ever think about are my insecurities with them. So how could I possibly ever be good enough for you?" you don't look at him after that.

He sighed and gripped your small hand into his. You almost cringed when you remembered how sweaty your hands were. "That's why I'm after you though. You're not like them. I wanted a change. You are good enough, you'll always be good enough for me. Hell, I feel like I’m not good enough for you. And I really don't care if you're any of that other stuff. I still want to have a shot with you." you don't realize how long you both were holding eye contact. The two of you don't look away from each other however. You don’t even comprehend how close you two have gotten. He reached over to push back a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your breath hitched.

"I don't know Jungkook, I'm just really unsure," you admitted and leaned back in your seat to create some distance between you two. "My mind isn't clear right now but I highly doubt I would want to give you a chance."

"Really? You don't want me?" he bit his lip and glanced over at you. "How can I change your mind?" you stopped functioning when he reached over to press up against your thigh. His fingers travelled over to your inner thigh. He kept rubbing circles around there for a few minutes, hand drawing closer each time. Your cheeks grew crimson once you wrapped your mind around on how wet you become so quickly, and he barely even touched you what an embarrassment.

You were only getting aroused quickly because of how long your dry spell was. You haven’t being touched in so long that you craved it so much, no matter who it was with.

"What are you doing?" you hated how you felt so hot under his eyes at the moment. He brushed you aside until you repeated your question again.

"Nothing," his lips curved upwards. He faced forward, ignoring the fact that his hand was practically between your legs.

"Jungkook, stop that!" you hissed and whacked his hand away. He withdrew his hand from your inner thigh but still kept it at the top of your thigh. His thumb gently tracing circles into your skin.

"Bet you're fucking wet under that," he commented. You caught his stare, watching his eyes fixed on your cleavage. A smile forms across his face when he takes notice of how you're rubbing your thighs together. "Don't be scared, I'll go easy on you. You wearing those pink panties that I love on you?"

You knew what he was referring to. Leaving your laundry on your bed wasn't a good idea especially when an excited Jungkook was coming over to watch a new episode of You, but he didn't give you time to pick it up so your baby pink lace underwear was out on the sheets. "Shut up. I'm not going to let you do shit," you furiously crossed your arms over your chest. His eyes flickered back down to your breasts that were shoved up into a tighter position.

"Really? You say that but you're on the verge of asking me to touch you. I know it, Y/N," you bit your lip hard to avoid saying something. You heard him laugh. "It's okay, no one will notice, if you're a good slut and keep your mouth shut." Your eyes widened at his words.

You’ve never been called a degrading name in bed. With the two boyfriends you’ve been with, they always called you loving names that had gotten boring quick as well as their vanilla sex. Yet somehow it stirred you up at the thought of being called a slut, especially Jungkook calling you that.

But it was almost like a completely different Jungkook had surfaced. You knew he was some sort of sex god but didn't expect him to have such a dirty mouth. You decided to test the waters. A little fun wouldn’t hurt.

You spread your legs a little wider, inviting him to get closer. He stared into your eyes as you stared down at his hand. "Unbutton your pants," he demanded. Your eyes expanded even more at his words. You were just thinking of getting him eager not to do something here.

You looked around to see if anyone could see or hear you two but they were all facing forward and minding their own business. Your hands went to unbutton your pants, pushing your zipper down. "Open your legs," you did as you were told. "Wider, wider," your right leg rested on top of his muscular thigh. "You wet enough?" he asked, reaching down to your core. You shivered when his hand entered your underwear. He sinks his two fingers in and you whined. He took his fingers out, gazing on the glistening wetness on it.

"Dirty fucking slut," he murmured and dig his fingers back into you. You gripped his wrist harshly but encouraged him to add more fingers. He complied and proceeded to finger you in the back of the bus. "Never thought I would finger the girl of my dreams in the back of the bus," he chuckled as he heard you calling out his name. "You gotta be quiet if you don't wanna get caught." he teased softly. He pounded his fingers into you faster. His eyes laying upon your furrowed eyebrows and bitten lip. You began to nudge into his fingers, meeting him halfway with the movement of your hips. Your grip on his wrist tightened as he touched your clit with the tip of his finger. He snorted and proceeded to move against you, ignoring his hardness that was forming in his pants. You threw your head back and stared up at the ceiling. You bit your lip hard, almost drawing blood.

Jungkook clutched your knee, forcing you to open wider. You raked over the passengers in the seat, who are still unaware of you getting fingered at the back of the bus. You moaned into his hoodie. You let go of his wrist to hold his bicep. He looked down at you. He reached over to cup your face, bringing your lips to meet his. You’re taken back a little but nonetheless you open your mouth to tempt him to slid his mouth in. He fulfilled your craving. The two of you looked like random teenagers making out in the back but what they couldn't see was his fingers stuck up your wet core.

"Jesus fucking Christ," you said under your breath, pulling away from his redden lips. His fingers pounded brutally into you. He showed no sign of slowing down.

"You make a fucking noise and I swear to god I will take you on this bus full of people. I don't give a fuck, Y/N," your pussy quenched around him at that. Your wetness glimmered on his fingers.

"Oh my god, Jungkook, oh my god," you moaned against his neck. Hiding your face from him, you picked up the pace of your hips. "Uh—fuck, holy shit do that again," you referred to him touching your clit. He does that again. "Oh fuck," you whimpered when you felt an uneasy feeling building up within you. "I'm gonna fucking cum."

"Yeah? That fucking early? I knew your little pussy wouldn't be able to take it," Jungkook's lips formed a smirk. "And this is just with my fingers babe. Bet you can't handle my dick," you ignored him. You sobbed into his neck and leaned up to kiss him in efforts to silence your moans, cumming hard all over his fingers. It takes two minutes before you released Jungkook from the kiss. He drew his hand away from your skirt and made sure you were holding eye contact with him when he cleaned his fingers with his tongue.

You gulped. Reality finally hit you. You had let Jungkook finger you in the back of the bus.

You pushed back against your seat and looked around to see if anyone was looking. Everyone on the bus was still unaware and you felt like you can breathe again. "Holy shit I can not believe we just did that," you brushed your hair back, somewhat disappointed at yourself for not stopping him.

Jungkook's smile surfaced. "I can't believe you just let me do that. Wanna return the favor?" he asks jokingly but watched your face to see if you were willing to suck him off. His hopes are put down when a frown appeared on your face and he could tell you wouldn't feel comfortable with that. "Joking babe."

"Don't call me that, please," you stressed. "This was a mistake, seriously don't ever speak of this with any of your friends. We're not going to speak of it either."

"I wasn't even going to," he muttered and looked away. "Funny how it's a mistake, Y/N, when you were over here telling me to keep going."

You fanned yourself, flapping your hand back and forth in front of your face. Jungkook looked at the layer of sweat near your hairline that glistened under the sunlight. "Stop, it was in the heat of the moment. It seriously was a mistake," he opened his mouth but you carried on. "Especially in the back of the bus, oh god, I'm really disappointed in myself," you zipped up your flare pants, not minding that your underwear is sticking to you.

"And I'm really disappointed in you too, for not giving me a chance," Jungkook said with knitted eyebrows. You sit away from him, making sure there was a good amount of space between the two of you. "Oh are you just going to ignore me now?" he isn't given a response, your tongue knotted together in your mouth. "So that's how it's gonna be now?"

You gathered your bag. The bus curving towards the upcoming bus stop. "This is my stop," you disclosed. He captured your forearm which quickly caught your attention.

"Don't be like this, Y/N." You shrug him off and walked out of the bus, leaving Jungkook and his gloomy thoughts behind.

"Shut up, stop playing with me!" Hayoon exclaimed, her eyes glimmered with interest as you filled her in on the day before. "You did not let Jungkook finger you on the back of the bus," she laughed out loud at her sentence, still not believing the words coming out of your mouth. You groaned and sunk your head back down on the table. "I mean gross, but hey, you're catching dick."

"I'm not catching dick, and stop saying it's gross it makes me even more disappointed in myself."

"I just don't understand how you can tell him you don't want him and tell him the reasons why and then let him finger you at the back of the bus?!" your face scrunched up at her words. "I seriously don't get it Y/N. It's like you're provoking the guy that's going after you and that's pretty fucked up. Play with his dick, not his emotions, oh wait—”

"I told him no multiple times."

"Then why the fuck would you let him finger you in the back of a bus?" Hayoon rubbed her temple before munching on a fry. "I think you do have a crush on him, you just don't want to date him because of all the girls he’s been with.”

You let her words settle in your mind for a moment, not even realizing that she held your hand in hers. "But baby, that's called the past. It's the least thing you got to worry about since you already know it. Take a risk, go out with him. He's ready to be in a serious relationship with you, he's been telling me this since Friday."

You sighed, lips forming a pout. "I don't know."

"Well make up your mind quick cause' he's coming this way," her words are rushed as she glanced over at Jungkook, who's heading over your way.

"What?!" you're just about to turn your head his direction when Hayoon grabbed your jaw.

"What are you doing you stupid bitch?! Don't look—okay, pretend like I'm not here, pretend like I'm not here!" she turned away from you and placed her earbuds in her ears.

"Wait does my hair look good?!" you caught her by the arm before she can leave.

"For who?"

You snapped her head towards Jungkook, who's already smiling at you. His black cap floated over his eyes as he dug his fingers into the pockets of his jogger pants. You coughed when you perceived that you were checking him out. "Um, no one. Just wanted to see if it's messy," you don't know why but your cheeks burned so hard, maybe at the fact that you know it is messy.

His hand came in contact with your head before he moved a strand of your hair that looked out of place before pushing your baby hairs down. You swatted his hands away, ignoring how your warm ears were tingling. "There, it's not that messy anymore. I brought something."

He sat down besides you. You eyes fluttered over to Hayoon. She spread a smirk out on her lips. While Jungkook continued finding the item he wanted to show you, something along the words that it was a jar. Her fist comes up besides her mouth, opening it slightly. Your cheeks become crimson when she began to push her left fist towards her mouth while her tongue kept knocking into her right cheek.

"Here," Jungkook placed a jar in front of you, the bright glittery letters mocking you. Swear Jar, it read at the front. "Every time you cuss, it's more money to my bank account."

Your lips loop downwards into a frown. Your eyebrows furrowed together in the progress. "Not fair, I told you I didn't want to be a sugar mama."

"Fine, this is both of our swear jar."

"Deal."

"Okay, now that that's out of the way, we can talk about yesterday," he put the glittery jar, he decorated last night for you, back in his backpack. A sudden weight pressed down on your shoulders at the thought of him bringing up what happened yesterday.

"Jesus Christ, what do you carry in there?" Hayoon added unintentionally and you're thankful for that. As much as she wanted to know about the encounter between the two of you, she also wanted to know what Jungkook carried in that big bag of his.

"Dildos."

"Wait, deadass?" she jumped up in her seat. I snorted at her, earning a glare. Jungkook's lips formed a line, specifying that he was joking. "Well fuck, it just looks like it's gonna break your back. Dude you know what that reminds me of?" she asked you. Your mind doesn't come across anything so you shook your head. "The Rosie girl? She was giving dildos out at this campus cause' she wanted to, quote, fight absurdity with absurdity. All over Twitter. Wish I could be there to get one."

Jungkook's eyes crinkled up as he laughed at her. The sound ringing through your ears, only to devaste you even more. "Can we talk about yesterday?" he leaned over and whispered to you.

You swore you felt his lips brushing against your ear. It stirred up your brain. "What about yesterday?" your hands started shaking and you hoped he didn't see how anxious you have become.

Luck wasn't on your side today however, his upcoming question boosting your anxiety even more. "Why are your hands shaking so much?" he grasped his bigger hand in yours.

You are quick to take it out of his. "We agreed that we wouldn't talk about what happened yesterday. It was a mistake I didn't—"

"No, you agreed that we wouldn't talk about it," his voice raised slightly to get your attention. Your mouth snapped shut. "We need to talk about it. How the fuck can you be playing with my feelings like this?" Hayoon whistled, mentally seeing eye to eye with Jungkook. "I want to have a chance with you, a shot at us. You give me all these mixed signals and then when I try to make a move on you, all of the sudden you act like a bitch Y/N."

"Well what do you want me to say? That I fucking like you back too?" you challenged and stood up from your chair. The students around you turned their heads over to you, watching the scene in front of them unfold. "How the fuck am I even playing with your feelings? I said I wanted to just be friends! I'm sorry that you're misinterpreted our friendship but that's not my problem!" you wished you could've shut your mouth but all you could see was red. Perhaps you were letting go of all the rage you’ve ever resented over him for the past months.

For ditching you to attend parties or being with other girls. For not always being there for you.

"What the fuck do you mean that's not my problem?!" he mimicked you, staring up at you. "You let me finger you and you expect me to believe that you just wanna be friends? Are you even listening to yourself?! You felt something back there."

Hayoon stepped in, walking over to the two of you. "Okay, I think you guys should just shut up," your eyes wandered around the room, where everyone was watching your interaction.

"Whatever," Jungkook's chair scraped the floor harshly as he pushed it back. He dug into his backpack before placing the jar in front of you. "You can keep that and this," he put down a package full of glittery hair pins, all different colors. Your heart wrenched as you watched him walk away, sullen. His steps are quick so he can take the attention off of him.

You turned the jar and saw that the top had words on it. Splattered in messy pink glitter, Sugar Mama's Swear Jar :D.

Jungkook was avoiding you. You could tell because he stopped coming after school to study with you, which was okay at first until you found yourself yearning for him.

It was stupid, really. After all that debate on how you two should just stay friends, you can't just tell him how much you miss him. That'll make you seem like an ass.

And trust me that's the last thing you want.

Your day was going bad, your professor yelled at you for not paying attention and put you in the spot, embarrassing you in front of the class. You were okay until a girl gave you a look of pity and you had a breakdown in the bathroom right after.

When you went to go meet up with Hayoon, it'll only got worse. She cancelled on you after forcing you to wait for her for thirty minutes. Just as you're leaving a group of middle schoolers thought it would be funny to step on a ketchup packet and let splatter everywhere, resulting in the back of your white top covered in dots of ketchup.

You swore you almost hit the kid who came up with it, even thought about running him over when you saw that the stains were everywhere and even in your hair.

After showering and getting the ketchup out of your hair, you went to work that ensued in you coming home with mascara practically running down your eyes, that were ready to pour out tears if something else happened to you, due to you wrongly mixing up orders and getting yelled out by a customer.

Now here you were, sitting on the living room floor with wet hair after taking another shower which mainly just involved you sitting on the tile floor and crying. You ate the Chinese takeout you have gotten during the way, ignoring the way people were staring at you, with sympathy.

It was the last thing you needed. Maybe karma was coming to get you for saying those things to Jungkook. But at this point all you wanted was some reassurance, a shoulder to cry on, someone to be there for you.

Jungkook.

You couldn't sleep. No matter how hard you tried you just couldn't. Hell, you even closed your eyes for a solid thirty minutes yet you were not able to drift off into slumber. Maybe it had to due with the weather? It was freezing, if you stepped a foot outside you would become an ice sculpture in an instant.

Or maybe, the most logical one compared to all the others, was Jungkook fingering you on the bus. You can't seem to get that scene off your mind. Your brain kept drifting over on how stunning he appeared, his dark eyes staring straight at yours as he watched your mouth form an O shape. He only ever broke eye contact when he snuck a look of how his fingers vanished into your pants.

Then your mind would stumble onto the memory of you yelling at him, telling him how his feelings for you were not your fault. You despised yourself at that moment. You sighed and laid back into your pillow, staring up into the ceiling. "I can't believe I am even having these types of thoughts," you slowly opened your legs while shutting your eyes. As long as you don't think about him, it'll be okay.

But you do. Sliding off your underwear, the first thing you thought about was Jungkook. His bunny smile rested on his face. You opened your eyes to get him off your mind and closed them again. You let out a gentle moan when you feel how wet you are.

He came back again. This time he settled right besides you on the bed. His hand is shoved between your legs. You moaned when he buried his head in your neck and kissed your skin there. "You like that, princess?"

You frowned immediately, he didn't call you any pet names. From what you can remember, he called you a degrading name.

"You like that dirty slut?" you mewled at him. He moved his fingers ceaselessly inside of you whilst breathing down your neck.

The sound of a zipper being undone makes your eyes crack open. You took a glimpse of Jungkook, his hand disappearing inside his jeans that displayed his muscular thighs.

You whined at him and he hovered on top of you. Your breathing got heavier as his cock sprung out of his jeans. "Oh god," you moaned as he slid himself inside of you so effortlessly. Your hands moved quicker inside of you. Feeling your wetness spill out of you and onto the mattress underneath you, you imagined him pounding into you. Your hands clamped on his long hair with your legs in the air as his hips furiously snapping into you.

It doesn't take you long to cum, given the fact at Jungkook's pace it seemed like he wasn't going to stop. He disappeared, leaving you sweaty and tired on the bed with your fingers stuck inside you. "Holy shit, I can not believe I just did that.

Recalling your words that were thrown at Jungkook, a heavy weight on your shoulder returned heavier as ever, reminding you how you practically lost your shot with him.

Shame on you for not giving Jeon Jungkook a chance.

"I think I was too harsh on him."

"You think? Don't lie to me bitch, you know you were fucking harsh on him," Hayoon stood in the middle of your room, scanning your closet for a dress she can wear to a party.

It was almost three days since your argument with Jungkook in front of everyone. You expected to make up with him on Thursday but Jungkook avoided you like you were the plague. He didn't text you for any notes he needed to borrow, nor did he usually come to study with you or leave you a sandwich. You never realized how apart of your life he became, especially when he didn't sit next to you for one of your shared classes. Instead, he chose to sit next to Taehyung, his best friend. It was Friday now and to be quite honest, you missed him.

"Don't trip about it. He could be at the party tonight, getting over you and possibly getting himself a girlfriend so you don't have to worry about him pinning over you. Now what the fuck should I wear?"

You didn't like the sound of that. Jungkook possibly finding another girl. Your consciousness settled back in your mind. How can you even say shit like that? You rejected him, you have no right to tell him not to move on. You sighed to yourself and laid back into the bed. "Maybe I shouldn't go. I don't wanna see him."

"I don't wanna see him." she dragged the straps of your orange dress up her figure. "Shut up because on Wednesday you kept asking why he wouldn't talk to you, like bitch I wouldn't talk to you either with that shit you pulled back there."

"Why not?"

"You're not serious right?" she turned back to you. She raised her eyebrow, challenging you. You groaned and followed her out of the room when she didn't receive an answer. "That's what I thought," you heard her under her breath.

"Not gonna lie, I think I'm gonna break my ankle with these bitches," you pointed down at your high heels, slowing down. You stopped to fix them. Hayoon carried on walking to her car, leaving you behind.

"You wanted to wear them. Now get in," she honked her horn. You hissed at her, reminding her that the neighbors are going to complain. "Don't give a fuck, get in loser we're going to party!" she honked her horn longer.

You ran to her car when you realized she wasn't going to stop. "You need the swear jar, you stupid bitch."

"Not even," before you could say something back, her music blasts through the car. She screamed out the lyrics, encouraging you to join along. "In your eyes! You lie but I don't let it define you—oh define you!"

"You sound like a dying cat."

"I tried to find—fuck you then."

Along the way you started to wonder how she even got her driver's license. Hayoon almost went on the sidewalk when she was tried to park which forced you to get out of the car and direct her.

"Keep going, keep going."

"Fuck, bitch you sure? I don't want another ticket for being on the red line," her head stuck out to make sure she wasn't going to hit the car behind her.

"Yes I'm sure—okay stop!" Hayoon shuts off the engine, stumbling out of the car. She laughed to herself before walking up to the fraternity house with you. "Okay, I forgot what it was like coming here."

The first smell that filled your nostrils was vomit. You glanced down towards the ground and saw a distraught girl on the front lawn throwing up while her friend rubbed her back. Hayoon advised you not to look, to give the poor girl some pity. Reluctantly, you entered the house with a clumsy walk. Hayoon noticed and suggested that you go have a drink. You at first declined but once your eyes scanned the room and landed on Jungkook leaning against a wall with a redhead clinging onto him. You made your way to the open kitchen. Unknown to you, jealousy boiled in your stomach.

So that's how you end up on your first shot of a tequila with a cup of vodka already resting in your liver. You weren't drunk, still you were not far from being tipsy. Conscious enough to see that Jungkook's eyes were on you while you downed the shot. Eyes focused on your throat as you swallowed. He exhaled, watching you pull out your phone and tap away. The red head girl right besides him, tried calling his name out to hook his attention. He brushed her off, muttering something to her that he didn't sleep around anymore.

His frustration grew even more when he saw you wandering over to the middle of the room where sweaty bodies were grinding on each other. Your flimsy black silky dress was not doing him justice either, seeing how tight it was on your figure. It showed off your curves well; he hated how good you looked. There was a big opening in the back that stopped near your hips. Should be a crime to look that good, he thought to himself while trying to keep his eyes on you.

Your hips swayed to the music blasting throughout the house. You opened your eyes, landing on Jungkook immediately. His eyes devouring you as he took a sip of his beer, eyes locked on your hips. You tried not to look at him again but still wondered what was going in that mind of his. You raised your hands up in the air, dress threatening to rise up.

Your curiosity got the best of you. Squinting one eye open to take a peek of Jungkook but you failed to locate him.

A gasp left your mouth as someone pressed their front on your back, rubbing their crotch on your ass. A whiff of the sweet scented Victoria Secret perfume gave the identity away. You tilted your head so that it laid on his chest. Confirming your thought, Jungkook stared down at you with dark eyes. His arm muffled around your waist to press you further into his chest. He felt his body go ease when he saw your lips bunch up into a smile. Your hips rocked from side to side on him. Jungkook held his hand on your waist, encouraging you to continue. You willingly do so arms flinging on his neck as you dragged yourself down his chest. His growing bulge poked your ass as you grind yourself on him. Your head laid back on him. Jungkook leaned down to meet your lips. His mouth entwined with yours, lip gloss rubbing off onto his mouth. You moaned into his mouth and sensed that his hand was harshly holding one of your ass cheeks.

"You wanna go upstairs?" He was somewhat taken back at your suggestion but agreed nonetheless. With his fingers keeping a firm grip on yours, the two of you went upstairs.

He guided you towards the room, which all winded up preoccupied due to freshman trying to lose their virginities. You cringed when you come face to face with someone's bare ass pushing against the lanky girl. Jungkook pushed you into the bathroom, telling a man to fuck off when he tried getting in.

"Hey," you glanced up from the floor onto Jungkook's eyes. He offered you a small awkward smile, warming your heart as if he wasn't rubbing his dick on your ass a few minutes ago.

"Hi," your voice sounded very small and Jungkook wanted to reach out and reassure you that he only came up to you to apologize, not to have you grind on him in the middle of the room. "I'm sorry," you began, eyes fixed to the ground. "Everything I said on that day was really fucked up. I care about your feelings. I care about you and I was giving you mixed signals and it's not okay."

"I'll be fine," his hand held your arm, rubbing it slightly. "It's okay if you don't return my feelings, I'll get over it—"

"But that's the thing I don't want you to get over it."

Jungkook blinked once, twice, and then another third time. Trying to comprehend your words while also trying to figure out what he was going to say was hard.

Your glossy lips moved. "I'm really willing to give you a chance and I'm so sorry for being such a cunt about it. I just—I needed some realization to understand my feelings. Truth is I've had a crush on you, but every time I saw you with these girls I always told myself I'm not good enough for you and that I'll never be. I’m also mad at the fact that you’re barely realizing your feelings towards me just now.”

He doesn't say anything which doesn't help your anxious state at the moment. Your gut scolded you, reminding you that you probably lost your chance and now you look like an idiot to him right now, confessing your feelings.

Jungkook sighed before embracing you. You stand still in shock from his sudden movements but chose to hug him back. His chin dropped down onto your head. "You're good enough for me, Y/N. You always have been and I'm sorry that it took me all these years for me to realize that."

"I couldn't stop thinking of you and all the shit I said. I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart," you admitted.

His bulge pushed against you and your cheeks flushed warm. Jungkook didn't say anything but bent down to kiss you. His lips moved roughly against yours. Your fingers coming up towards his hair to run through them. His hands digging harshly into your ass, possibly leaving small bruises behind but you're unbothered by it.

You pulled away, enough to stare up at his eyes. "I seriously couldn't stop thinking about you. I fucking masturbated to you, just by thinking of the bus shit," you confessed, watching his face lit up in surprise.

"Yeah? What was going on in that head of yours?" he encouraged you. You giggled at him, his thigh coming between your thighs.

"Your fingers in my pussy," your cheeks burned pink as he coaxed you to go on. "Your big dick pounding in me."

The look on his face is priceless but it just stayed there for a mere second as Jungkook recollected himself. He couldn't believe what was coming out of your mouth, never in a million years would he ever imagine you of all people saying this. The warmth travelled towards his crotch as he hardened at your words. His friend of seven years, his crush for almost two years was here in front of him, revealing that she touched herself to the thought of him. A blissful comfort spread all over his body.

"Don't you want that to happen?" he didn't even realize how close you were, he was too caught up in his thoughts. "You don't want to fuck my brains out?"

Your thighs closed around his thick ones. You reached up to kiss his neck, pecking his soft skin. Jungkook grunted as you left open mouth kisses behind, gripping his hand and directing it near your hips.

"I can't do it here," Jungkook whispered to you once he grasped the circumstances. In a fraternity bathroom with people out there that can possibly hear you two? Jungkook would never allow himself to touch you here the first time you two have sex. You whined against him, rubbing your crotch on his thigh. "Shit, seriously Y/N? You're making this hard for me."

"What your dick? Why? I don't care where we do it. I just—I need it to happen—come on Jungkook fuck me," if your mind wasn't clouded by lust you would been very disappointed at yourself for what you were saying, but you could care less. He closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. He was fighting with himself.

The only sound in the bathroom was the loud heavy bass music playing and the two of you heavily breathing. "Do you want me to go find another guy out there that can do the job for you or what?" you tried riling him up and it worked cause Jungkook was staring at you with dark hooded eyes. "Cause' I could walk out there and take any guy home with me do you want that?" you both know deep down you wouldn’t be able to do that. You’re too shy.

Jungkook came across as if something possessed him suddenly. His hair falling over his eyes slightly. His tongue came out of his mouth to moisten his lips. "Get on your fucking knees," Jungkook snapped, a hand going back to get tangled in your hair. You dropped down to the ground. "I wanna see your pretty tits," you pulled down the straps of your dress and got rid of your strapless bra, throwing it aside. "Well aren't you a desperate cock sucking whore?" you whined at him with your dress bunched up around your waist. "What don't tell me you like being called that?" he chuckled. Your cheeks flushed in humiliation.

You reached over to unzip his jeans. He merely let out a chuckle, extremely satisfied with your avidity. As you rolled down his boxers, his hand wrapped around your hair. "Look up at me, whore," your eyes jerked up to him. "Open your mouth," you gulped at the size, wondering if it was even going to fit in your poor mouth. He teased, rubbing the head of his cock on your lips when you did. Your jaw ached as you tried opening as wide as you can to please him. You looked up at him as he slid his cock in your mouth. He groaned, loving the warmth and wetness of your mouth surrounding him. He maintained the eye contact between you two whilst he carried on shoving his dick in your throat. You moaned and moved back once it hit your throat. But before you can, he gripped the back of your hair firmly and thrusted his hips forward. You gagged around him, tears brewing and ready to burst out. You extended your hands out to his thighs. He held your head in place, his cock shoving down your throat at an animalistic speed. "What a good little slut," he eventually praised you. "Letting me fuck her throat hard and shit," you shut your eyes.

You regret doing so. Feeling a tug to your hair, your eyes snap open and look up. "You get praised like a good bitch once and you think you can be a bad girl? I don't think so, whore," he stared straight into your eyes with his dark orbs devouring you. Your drool slithering down your chin. You peer up at him with desperation written all over your face. Your fingers glided down to your dress. You kept your gaze on him when your fingers entered your pussy, feeling how wet you are. "Are you seriously touching yourself?" he sounded thrilled at the idea. Jungkook stopped moving for a second, allowing you to suck on the head of his cock. He watched mascara run down your cheeks, feeling some sort of ego boost that he was making you look this way.

You nodded frantically, moving your fingers faster. You sucked him harder, your jaw throbbing as you attempted to deep throat him. He forced your head deeper so that your nose was touching his pubic hair. "I didn't give you permission, disobedient slut. You got three seconds to finish," he finished with a sullen laugh, knowing you weren't. "One, two–" Jungkook watched your eyes become watery as you hopelessly tried to get yourself to cum in just three seconds. "—three, take your fingers out whore."

You obeyed and showed him your fingers, glittering under the bathroom light, even though on the inside you were begging to be touched again. You thought of going against him. Jungkook let a cackle escape from his mouth. "Fuck, you're so fucking wet I bet you're fucking leaking out onto the floor."

You mewled, bobbing your head up and down. Releasing his cock out of your mouth with a lewd pop, you batted your eyelashes up at him. "I'm so fucking wet for you," he flashed you a quick grin, obviously content with your answer. He brought your fingers up to his mouth, sucking them off while maintaining eye contact with you. His tongue swirled around your finger as you repeat the same motion on his cock. He released your finger.

"You can use your hands," you pull away right after he said that. You pumped him rapidly, your hand moving back and forth. Your ears took in his grunts, feeling some pride for causing him to make those noises. He almost came when he felt your warm, wet mouth around one of his balls.

"I want you to cum on my tits." he agreed, staring down at you. Tension builds within his stomach as he groaned out loud. You gaped at him when his cum shoots towards your neck, aiming towards your breasts.

Jungkook's breathing became heavier as he came back down from his blissful state that he was in. He grew hard in a instant when he saw how fucked you looked. Your mascara running down your eyes, leaving a trail of black ink behind. Your hair was tangled together into a mess due to him gripping it so tightly. With saliva dripping down your red swollen smeared lips, his eyes drifted further down. The straps of the dress you were wearing were rolled out into your stomach, exhibiting your perky breasts that are smeared with his cum.

"You look like a fucked whore," he smiled at you with satisfaction resting in his mind.

You giggled at him, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Yeah, not just for you," you gazed up at him, a small smile on your lips.

He helped you get off the floor. His facial expression is now serious, indicating that he wasn't happy with your answer. Jungkook's fingers tapped the cold surface of the sink, indicating to sit down on it. You do so, opening your legs slowly.

He watched, eyes strictly locked in between your legs. "Who are you so wet for?" he asked.

You snorted and shrugged which only grew him more frustrated.

Jungkook growled and flipped you over. He bended you over the bathroom sink and bore his eyes into you by the mirror. "You wanna keep acting like a slut, you're might as well be fucked like one," you silently squealed in excitement. Jungkook lifted your dress up in one go. He pulled your underwear down, making you step out of them. "Put your leg on the counter," he commanded and you do as you're told. Lifting your right leg on the counter while the other one remained on the ground. You heard him frantically pull down his jeans. You gasped when you feel the tip on your entrance. He reached over for the condom on the counter.

"No!" you exclaimed. Jungkook stopped and looked down at your worriedly, wondering if you wanted to stop now. You gulped, feeling your cheeks burned in embarrassment. "Don't use one please." you whined. "I want to feel you raw."

You heard Jungkook chuckle from behind you. He felt like he was on cloud nine, he was fucking thriving. "Yeah? My fucking slut wants me to do her raw?" he started pushing himself. You held your breath as your walls allowed him to enter, tightening around his big shaft. His cock rimmed inside of you

"Y-yeah," you manage to choke out, staring at him through the mirror. He maintained eye contact to where your bodies connected, watching his cock sink into you as he held your hips in place.

"Has any other guy fucked you raw, slut?" Jungkook brought his hand around your throat. You sensed that you could orgasm right there. You shook your head as he finally is inside of you fully. "What was that? Use your words, come on you're a big girl," he gripped your inner right thigh with so much strength, he could break it off if he tried. I mean those biceps.

"N-no only you. Just for you," he grinned at that.

"Good," you let out a loud moan when he started finally moving. His hips rutted into yours at an animalistic speed. He stared at you through the mirror, watching how your mouth opens and your breasts jiggle. He pressed your throat a little harder. "Bet no guy ever made you feel this way."

"Only you, Jungkook! Only you!" you manage to breath out. Your knuckles are almost white by how hard you're holding onto the counter. He lowers himself so his face is near your ear.

"Yeah? Look at you, telling me how I'll never have you yet you're over here drooling over my dick. Fucking whore." you whined harder as he breathed down your neck. You feel yourself began getting more wetter at his words. "Imagine what your family and friends will say when they find out you're letting me fuck you in the ass in a dirty bathroom at a frat party."

You shut your eyes, your pussy swallowing him back in. His hand squeezed your throat a little tighter. "Fucking slut," he snapped his hips at you. You moaned out loud, shamelessly. "On the dance floor dancing like one."

"Because I am one," he chuckled at that, fingers coming up to pinch your nipple.

"Yeah? Who do you belong to? Whose slut are you?" the grip on your throat tightened, not enough to block your airway however. Jungkook kept his eye on you through the mirror, your lips molding into an oval shape. His palm came down to meet one of your asscheeks. You jumped forward, Jungkook pulling you back onto his cock. He stopped moving to lock eyes with you through the mirror, his lips hovering over your ear. "When I ask you a question, I expect a fucking answer," you tried to move your hips a bit but he caught you before you can. "Now," his voice deepened. "Whose slut are you?"

"Your slut! I'm your slut! Jungkook, please—"

"Yeah? Scream when I fuck you so that everyone knows who your pussy belongs to," his hips rammed into you again. You swore you can feel him fucking into your cervix. You let a loud moan break free from your mouth, his hot breath fanned your ear.

A roaring pounding on the door snapped his head away. You whimpered and become aware that his pace was reducing as his attention was now on the other man trying to get in. Jungkook yelled out words that sounded fuzzy to your ears considering all you could hear is your heartbeat.

"No, no, Jungkook don't stop," you pleaded with him, twisting yourself to look at his lust filled eyes. "I'm almost there please!"

You almost screamed at him when he pulled out. He sat on the toilet lid, tapping his thighs that were spread out in front of him. "Ride me," he demanded. You're somehow quick on your wobbly legs, getting on top of him. You grasped his swollen red cock, lining it up with your entrance before sinking down.

Jungkook's hand went towards your hip to support you while the other one went further down to touch your swollen clit. His mouth came near your ear as you cried out his name. "If you don't come in the next minute, you're not cumming tonight, got it slut?" you panted but nonetheless nodded frantically.

And with that Jungkook sat back, watching you fuck yourself on his cock, you were basically using him as a toy and Jungkook loved that. The desperation look on your face was amusing and Jungkook stored in in his memories.

"Oh shit! Fuck I'm almost there," his palm travelled further down to rub your ass.

"Time's almost up," he wasn't actually keeping track but your determination to cum on such a short amount of time was adorable to him. Your thighs smacked his, bouncing on his cock faster. Jungkook's finger carried on rubbing against your clit, his eyes trailing down from your face to your bouncing breasts.

Your eyes rolled back as you heaved up. Your mouth opened wide, feeling your orgasm wash over you. Jungkook heard his name leave your mouth, panting. He almost came when he felt something warm soak into his jeans. Looking down, he became aware of what just happened.

"Fucking dirty slut," he hissed and allowed you to relax your head on his shoulder as your whole weight sunk down on him. His ears took in your sniffles. "Look what you did, squirted all over me slut."

Your cheeks burned in humiliation, nuzzling your nose into his shoulder.

You gasped when he lifted his hips up to meet yours. You cried out to him to stop but Jungkook's quick to silence you with his fingers stuffed in your mouth. Your tears threatened to spill. "You're so tight, fuck! Need to fuck you more, whore,"

It doesn't take long for him to sprout into you, judging the way you tightened around him and how fucked your face look when he looked down to meet your eyes. With his cum coating your walls, he slid out of you. A bit of cum came out and dropped down to his black pants leaving a white stain behind.

You attempted to stand out on your own but failed due to you not being able to feel your legs for a second. Luckily, Jungkook is there to help you. He bent down to help you put on your underwear.

"Are you on birth control?" he asked while zipping up his pants. You checked your face in the mirror, noticing the hickeys all over your neck and the mascara smothered down your cheeks.

You turned to look at him, pulling your dress down."Are you really asking me after we just had sex? Where's my bra by the way?" your face is met with your bra when he flung it at you.

He laughed, watching you put it on. "Yeah, seriously though are you?"

"Why? If I'm going to be your sugar mama I might as well be your baby mama." Jungkook looked stricken and you snickered, bringing your hand up to hide your mouth. "I'm joking," you wiped your face with some wet wipes you found in the drawers.

"Not funny, was ready to fucking make a run for it."

It was your turn to look stricken as Jungkook laughed. You frowned and slapped his chest.

It goes quiet, the loud bass music now coming back to fill your ears instead of Jungkook's moans. He stood awkwardly near the corner while you threw away the wipes you used to remove your makeup. Running your fingers through your hair, you turned towards him.

"So, does this mean that you're going to give me a chance?" the man in front of you standing like an anime character asked, as if he wasn't calling you degrading names a few minutes ago.

You smiled at him and lunged forward to kiss him. "Yes, I'll give you a chance Jungkook."

↳ in your heart; drabble collection

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #fratboy jungkook #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff

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kohanayaki · 3 years ago

Text

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 7

Severus looks back on everything that went wrong.

tw: non-consensual kissing/harassment, trauma responses

LINKS: CH 1 CH 2 CH 3 CH 4 CH 5 CH 6 CH 7 CH 8

________________________________________________________

Ch 7 .:Things Unforgivable and Things Left Unsaid:.

Graduation day at Hogwarts was supposed to mark the beginning of a new adventure for you. Instead, it marked the day you decided that whatever it was between you and Severus Snape, friendship or otherwise, it was over.

Or at least that's what you had thought. Of course, the universe just loved making things more complicated for you. You were working with Charlie in Romania when you had gotten word that Severus defected from the death eaters and was now working as a double agent at Dumbledore's behest. He continued teaching Potions at Hogwarts, and was even indited as a member of the Order. If anything, that only solidified your decision to go to America instead of staying in London. You didn't even know what to think. Of course you trusted Dumbledore, confusing as the man was, but you didn't know if you could really trust Snape again. You had worked towards forgiving him; over time you moved past what happened, but it was difficult to really say it was 'resolved' when you quite literally haven't spoken a word to each other in over a decade. You didn't even know where to start.

For the entirety of your seventh year, you didn't speak a word to Severus. It was hard to imagine that such a tight knit trio like the one you, him, and Lily had formed could crumble in an instant, but that's exactly what happened.

The end of your sixth year at Hogwarts was a quarter Snape would never forget, no matter how hard he tried. It was when everything fell apart. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1976 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“James!” you yelled, running to the top of the hill where he and the rest of the Marauders had Snape held upside down.

“What are you doing?” you said, immensely hurt and trying to keep your voice steady, “You said this would stop, you promised. . . you swore.”

“(Y/n), I. . .” James trailed off, immediately feeling guilty. As he turned to you Snape dropped to the ground, attempting to scramble to his feet but finding his ankle twisted.

Sirius moved towards you to say something but you put your hand up firmly.

“No,” you said, “not a word out of you, Black.”

Sirius stared at you, wide-eyed, shrinking back as you called him by his last name for the first time in a long while. Not Sirius, not Pads. Black. As if your whole friendship had just been reset.

“And you two,” you said, addressing Remus and Peter, “how could you let this happen?!”

All four boys looked at you in shame, none of them daring to verbally respond.

Suddenly, Lily came running up the hill, having fallen behind you in your quick pace.

“Severus!” she panted, rushing over to him, “are you alright?”

Snape was in an angered daze, not even registering the words being said around him. The blood rushing through his veins felt like lava, his heart pounding in his ears, his chest, his tongue. His face burned with humiliation and hatred. Pure fucking hatred for James Fleamont Potter. For Lily to see him like that. . . for you to see him like that, pathetic, helpless, in need of your help once again. He wouldn't have it. He was a master of the dark arts now, he didn't have to fucking take this. He would curse Potter into the next century, he would—

“Severus!”

Snape's eyes snapped open, not even realizing they were closed. The world came rushing in around him and he was suddenly acutely aware of Lily's hand on his arm. He reeled back at her touch as if he'd been burned.

“Don't touch me!” he screeched, startling the redheaded girl. Her eyes were filled with concern, but all Snape could see was pity.

“Sev—“

“I don't need any help from you, you filthy Mudblood!”

And everyone in the clearing stilled.

The color drained from Snape's already pale face as he realized what he'd just said.

“Lily. . .” Severus whispered; pleading, desperate.

“Don't come any closer,” Lily said, her voice stone cold as tears welled up in her eyes.

“I'll kill you,” James said lowly.

“Prongs, no—”

“I'll kill you, you slimy bastard!” James growled, Remus moving quickly to hold him back.

You stood in the middle of it all, staring at Severus. Severus, who'd always told Lily that blood status didn't matter. Severus, who you and Lily always stood up for no matter what. Severus, who you thought you had feelings for up until this exact moment.

Without even thinking you stepped forward, grabbing Lily's hand.

“Let's go, Lils,” you said, your expression unreadable as you looked down at Severus. Lily squeezed your hand back gratefully, fighting the sobs racking her chest as she turned around and took off with you.

“(Y/n), wait—” Snape tried to get up but found himself shoved back down to the ground by Sirius.

“No,” he said sharply, “you don't get to say anything to either of them, you hear me?”

“I—”

“What?” James spat, “you're sorry? Well sorry doesn't cut it! You say a word to her after what you called her and you'll wish you'd never have been born.”

Snape's head hung low, that wish already present in his mind.

“Leave him,” Remus said, this time not out of mercy, but malice; letting Snape wallow in his own misery as he left with his friends, looking for you and Lily.

Soon, Severus was left alone. Just as he began, and just as he should have never hoped for anything different. Was this it? That's how it was going to end? One mistake, and the only two people he'd ever cared about were ripped away from him.

No. He decided he had to apologize properly, consequences be damned. If those Marauders wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp afterwards, that was fine by him. He just needed to talk to Lily one more time. To tell her how deeply sorry he really was.

He took off down the hill, sprinting towards the castle and completely ignoring the burning pain in his ankle. He rushed through the grass, ignoring the looks he received from the other students walking by. He ran past the oak tree, through the castle gates, flying through the corridors and cutting across the courtyard when he skid to a stop at what he saw.

Lily and James stood in the center of the garden, her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer as his lips captured hers. Her eyes were still wet with tears, the tears that he had caused. Severus didn't do a thing. His presence remained unknown to them as he slunk away back to his common room, heart silently breaking.

He was too late.

Nothing was the same after that.

Lily insisted that if you wanted to remain friends with Snape, as she now referred to him, she wouldn't hold it against you, but she made it very clear that she would never forgive him herself. But it wasn't as easy as wanting to stay friends with him or not; he'd changed that day.

After some time to let things settle down you tried to approach him, but he only became more and more hostile towards everyone, including you. You hardly saw him anymore. The only time you occasionally spotted him was when he was walking around school with Malfoy, Mulciber, Wilkes, and Avery, unable to look you in the eye lest you see the utterly crushed expression on your face as he fell deeper and deeper into the dark side.

You held your books tightly to your chest as you made your way to Hagrid's hut for one of your last Care of Magical Creatures class. You were being paired up with a few lower classmen to teach them the ropes for feeding all the creatures Hagrid kept in the meadows. You were a tad late, having been preoccupied at lunch, speedwalking to try and arrive on time when you saw a flash of silver-blue light emit from inside the forest. You could hear warbled shouting and laughter coming from the same direction, and your instincts told you to run.

However, because your nerves were on high alert, that also told you someone in there was in danger, and you couldn't just walk away from that. You drew your wand, abandoning your books by a rockface and moving towards the commotion, the distorted shouting soon becoming words.

“Oh come on, you little runts, you lot can do better than that!” you recognized Mulciber's voice.

A young girl shrieked as a giant acromantula barred its fangs at her, its front legs raised and poised to attack. Her friends were huddled in a corner, more students who couldn't have been older than second or third years, being forced to watch by Avery and Wilkes.

“How's this for Care of Magical Creatures, eh?” Mulciber taunted as he walked over to the other students, pulling a young boy out from the group.

“No!” the girl cornered by the spider cried, “please, don't!”

“Aw, how cute,” Mulciber drawled, “is this your little boyfriend, huh? Shame.”

The boy screamed in fear as he was suddenly lifted into the air by his ankles, forced to hover right above the spider just out of its reach. You wanted to wretch as you watched the scene unfold, unable to keep yourself hidden any longer.

You leaped into the clearing, a quick flick of your wrist relieving Mulciber of his wand. You did the same to Wilkes as he turned to you.

“Well well, why am I not surprised?” Avery scoffed. Right behind him stood Severus, his expression vacant.

“Grab this, and get to Professor McGonagall immediately,” you shouted to the younger Gryffindor students, tossing them a gold galleon. As soon as they touched the coin, the portkey shot them all back to the castle.

“Why are you always the one spoiling our fun?” Mulciber sneered.

“Someone's gotta do it,” you said, putting up a brave front although you were under no illusion as to your situation. You weren't fourth years anymore, and you were alone this time. They'd been studying the dark arts for the past two years. You knew you were outmatched, even with your dueling skills.

“Oh, come on, (Y/n), don't be a bore.”

You turned around at the sound of the familiar voice to see Rosier, an easy grin set into his face. Your heart dropped.

“So you too, huh?” you chuckled bitterly, “and here I thought you were one of the few good ones left.”

“You're not really that naive, are you?” he tutted, “you had to have known I would be inducted eventually. Might even get Barty to join us, even if he is a little nutty.”

You went for a stunning spell but found your wand spinning out of your hand before you even saw him move.

“Not so fun to be on the receiving end, is it?” Rosier said, “you're not the only one versed in non-verbal magic, (Y/n). In fact, I'd even go so far as to say we've surpassed you. Lucius will be furious, but I like you a lot, so I'll re-extend his old offer for him. Join us.”

You had no wand, no backup, no way out of this, but you stood your ground nonetheless.

“Eat shit,” you seethed. Rosier glowered at you, taking a few menacing steps forward. He grabbed your jaw firmly and you grit your teeth.

“I don’t think you heard me—”

He reeled back as you spit right in his face,

“You bitch,” he growled, wiping his face in disgust, “clearly no one ever bothered to train you.”

Without your wand you were really only left with one option, ready to defend yourself by revealing your animagus form, but you never got to take the first step forward.

“Imperio!”

You stopped in your tracks as a veil of what could only be described as pink fluff drifted over your mind. A smile immediately appeared on your face, and a giggle rose in your throat.

Severus looked at Rosier with horror, the rest of his crew looking among themselves uneasily.

“What do you think you're doing?” Snape hissed, “are you trying to get us all expelled?”

“So what?” Rosier said, “we've used the killing curse loads of times.”

“On insects, you loon,” Snape shot back, hoping his concern for you was masked enough.

“Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt your precious (Y/n), Sev.”

The nickname made his stomach churn. You used to call him that. Lily used to call him that. No one else did. No one else got to.

“Release them,” he said, raising his wand, “now.”

“Put that away,” Rosier's eyes narrowed, a smirk sliding back onto his face as he got an idea, “hey, (Y/n)?”

“Yes?” you answered, your voice dripping with honey.

“I don't think Severus likes you being under this spell,” Rosier said, “but you like it don't you?”

“Mmm hmm,” you nodded, your head feeling like it was floating, “it feels so nice.”

“You know what else would feel nice?” Rosier goaded, “if you gave our friend Sev here a kiss.”

Severus' heart dropped to his stomach.

“You're sick, Rosier,” Snape said, his voice close to tremmoring.

“You don't have to act like you don't want it,” Evan chuckled, “we've watched you putz around (L/n) like a fool for years. Besides, they want to. Isn't that right, (Y/n)?”

“He's right,” you said, your voice deceptively melodic, “I love you, Severus. I've always loved you.”

And in that moment, Snape had never hated himself more. Because he didn't care that Rosier was making you say the things you did. He didn't care that you were under the influence of a curse. All he could hear was the words he longed to hear spill from your lips, over and over like a skipping record.

I love you, Severus. I love you, Severus. I love you, Severus.

He played the words on repeat in his head. His heart was beating almost painfully in his chest, so much so that he hardly even noticed you slowly walking towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck like Lily had done to James. And when you leaned forward to kiss him, his selfish desires held him in place.

It had lasted a fraction of a second, but he didn't pull away. It was the greatest regret of his life that he didn't walk up to Rosier, break his nose, and curse every single person in that clearing instead of doing nothing, knowing full well you had no control over your actions.

When his eyes drifted open and met yours and his stomach twisted into ugly knots, fear and panic wracking through his spine. Your eyes were completely empty, irises a vacant white, and in that moment it felt as if he were kissing a corpse.

Suddenly the color returned to your eyes, and fear immediately filled them. Snape grunted as he was shot away from you, unable to move when he hit the ground. The other Slytherins looked around for the assailant, but they had no time to react when every single one of their wands was pulled from their hands. McGonagall stood there, expression the same as ever but clearly brimming with fury.

“(L/n), come,” she said, ushering you over and taking you protectively in her embrace, “we'll get you to Madame Pomfrey.” Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she regarded Snape and the rest of their group, “As for you,” she said, “Mr Filch, secure them in the dungeons until the Headmaster calls for them. And put all of their wands in the lockbox.”

“With pleasure,” Filch said, almost blending in with the trees behind her.

“Are you alright?” McGonagall asked you as she helped you back towards the castle.

“No,” you said, honestly, “n-no, I don't think I am.”

“No amount of apology could ever equate to the remorse I feel that this happened to you, (L/n),” she said earnestly, “I am truly sorry. This was completely unacceptable, and I will see to it that the proper measures are taken for their punishments. Expulsion would suit just fine, but even if the Headmaster disagrees, I will personally ensure you never come into contact with any of those boys again.”

“Thank you,” you said, your voice sounding hollow in your own ears.

You didn't remember walking the near half-mile to the infirmary. Madame Pomfrey's words felt so far away, as if she were speaking underwater. You just remembered laying down in the hospital wing bed as she checked you for any lasting damage, and as soon as she'd turned her back you'd just wept.

________________________________________________________

That night, Snape found himself in the Prefect's bathroom, leaned over the sink and watching the water rush into the drain. His hands clutched the marble sides of the basin so hard his knuckles turned white, every breath catching painfully in his chest before he forced it out to take another shaky inhale. He was an idiot, he knew. There was no fixing this. Not really. First Lily, now you. Was he just predestined to lose everyone in his life?

He paused. No, he didn't deserve to think like that. Everything that had gone wrong was his own doing.

When he heard the door to the bathroom open he whipped around, ready to curse whoever dared to interrupt him until he saw you standing there, your eyes red from crying and the Marauder's Map clutched in your hands like a vice. He was half certain you were a hallucination, but as soon as he pulled himself to the present, he rushed to apologize. You had to know how horrible he felt about what he did, even if you would never forgive him. He made the mistake of being too cowardly to properly apologize to Lily, he wouldn't make that mistake again.

“(Y/n), I'm—”

“I know you're sorry,” you said callously, “and I know you mean it. That's not the issue.” you took a breath to collect yourself before you continued. This was so much harder than you thought it would be. Maybe this wound really was too fresh right now. You thought you'd be able to handle this conversation, but your prior feelings weren't making this any easier.

“Why did you do it?” you asked quietly, “Better, why did you do nothing? You were my friend, Severus.”

Whatever was holding back the flood of emotions in him, it snapped at your words.

Were. Past tense.

“I don't know what I was thinking,” Snape said in exasperation, though it came off more as anger directed at himself. His hands threaded through his messy black locks, his eyes nearly manic. You'd never seen him unravel quite like this. He was desperate to fix this, to keep you in his life. “No, I wasn't thinking at all, (Y/n). I couldn't, not when you were . . . not when I. . .”

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it—

“Not when I've fancied you for years.”

Snape knew immediately that he had made a mistake. The expression on your face made his stomach twist, and he knew there was no taking back what he said.

“No,” you said, tears welling in your eyes, “Severus Snape, don't you dare say that. What, do you think that just makes this all okay? You're an oblivious idiot, you know that?”

Your heart ached so bad it felt as if you couldn't breathe.

“Do you know how many times I wished you would have kissed me?” you said shakily, not bothering to hide the hurt in your voice.

Snape was sure his breathing had stopped, eyes wide with shock. He couldn't have heard that right. Did you really feel the same way about him? But reality hit him in the face when he saw your expression. This was no heartfelt confession on your part.

“For you to just. . . for it to happen like that,” you said, still struck with betrayal and disbelief, “If you've ever respected me, you never would have let that happen. I was under a curse, Severus. And you took advantage of that— of me. All because you were too much of a coward to just tell me how you felt. And then you go on and say you've liked me this whole time as a last ditch effort to save our friendship? How the hell did you expect me to react?”

He had nothing to say to that. He blamed himself entirely. Every verbal blow you struck he gladly took, he would have sat there still as stone if you hexed him, but you refused to draw your wand at him. You just stood there, staring straight through him with unbelievable hurt in your eyes.

“I can't do this, Severus,” you said, “please, just. . . just leave me alone. I'm not saying I'll never forgive you, but right now I can't even begin to think about that. Not now.”

You looked like you wanted to say something more, but your mouth snapped shut, and Severus saw the finality in your eyes. He stayed glued to the spot where he stood long after he watched you leave, his eyes trained on the door you'd slammed shut.

If you thought Snape had made himself scarce after what he said to Lily, after what he did to you he practically vanished. He no longer sat underneath the tree that had become so symbolic of your former trio. He no longer roamed the Slytherin common room, or even the Great Hall for meals. Instead he would walk through the forbidden forest alone, or hole up in some empty corridor purposely hiding but hoping you would walk up to him. You never did.

The people who did find him in the few days that followed were the newly named Marauders, though incomplete as they arrived without you. As he glanced down at the parchment in Lupin's hand he had no questions about how they'd located him. Snape grimaced, not bothering to get up from his seat beneath the stone pillar. Anything they did to him was what he deserved.

James stepped forward from the group first. His expression was unreadable, but Snape saw the way his jaw was set firmly in place, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. The Slytherin had expected Potter to come at him guns blazing, sending a flurry of verbal attacks and hexes his way. However, James Potter simply stared down at his former enemy with a look that met in the intersection of barely contained anger and utter disappointment.

“You didn't deserve them,” he said coldly, his voice oddly level.

“I know,” Snape glared, but not feeling very self-righteous.

“No, you don't,” James said, his voice rising steadily, “you will never know what you put them through. You sat there while your lunatic friends used an Unforgivable Curse on them, and you took advantage of them. I don't care if you know, I'm going to throw it back in your face, because it's what you deserve.”

“I think it's clear that (Y/n) doesn't wish to speak with you any longer,” Remus said, “if for some inconceivable reason they want to in the future, they'll approach you. Don't you even think about going about it the other way around before they're ready and willing to talk. If they ever are.”

“It's settled, Severus,” James said simply, “you're officially not worth our time anymore.”

Snape blinked up at him, trying to recall a time when Potter had ever called him by his actual name.

“Don't get us wrong,” Sirius glared, “the only reason we aren't throwing you to the Womping Willow is because we know the last thing (Y/n) would want is her friends getting expelled because of them.”

“We'll leave you alone now,” Peter said grimly, “just like you've always wanted.”

And they were telling the truth. They left him completely alone, not speaking a word to him after that; 'they' now including you and Lily, which destroyed him more than any amount of bullying had before. He watched from afar as you grew closer and closer to the Marauders. . . no, you were a Marauder. It was only natural that you became almost like a family in your seventh year. You, James, Peter, Sirius, Remus, and Lily had become as inseparable as Snape thought you, him, and Lily were, but he'd ruined that. He had ruined every good thing that had ever happened to him and pushed away every important person in his life.

The last time he saw you was graduation day. Everyone was running around excitedly, dressed in the ceremonial jewel-toned robes of their respective houses as they awaited Dumbledore's speech. You had been sitting with your group as usual, now having carved out your own spot at the Gryffindor table, when you noticed that Snape was nowhere to be found.

You frowned, wondering why he of all people had to slip into your mind on a day like today.

“You alright, Fangs?”

Sirius' voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, I'm fine. . .”

His handsome features contorted in concern, but that easy grin slid back onto his face as he nudged you with his shoulder.

“What, you worried you're gonna miss us?” he smirked, “this isn't goodbye, you know. We'll all see each other at the Order meetings—”

“Which you always seem to talk about at an extraordinary volume,” Remus shushed him pointedly. Sirius brushed him off with a roll of his eyes.

“(Y/n), are you sure nothing's wrong?” James asked from across the table.

“I'm alright, Prongs,” you said, “I just. . . you know what? I just remembered I left something in my dorm, I'll be right back.”

Your friends exchanged worried glances as you got up from the table, taking off towards the Slytherin common room. It wasn't a total lie, but your intentions went against your better judgment. After today there was a very, very good chance you would never see Severus again. What he did wasn't okay by any means, and it would take more than an apology or a simple conversation to forgive him, but you needed closure at the very least. Not for him, but for you. You deserved that much.

You swiped the map off your bedside table and opened it fully, your eyes quickly picking out Severus' name near the cellars only a few rooms away from where you were. You took off quickly down the hall, reaching the intersection where all the dungeon's corridors converged when you spotted him. Your heart stopped.

His left sleeve was rolled up to his elbow, as was the person's standing across from him, their back to you. Even though you couldn't see the second person's face, you recognized who it was immediately.

Evan Rosier.

He wasn't on the map before. . . how had he gotten in?! He'd been expelled after the day he cursed you. Did he somehow find a way to bypass the anti-apparition charm?

You felt your breathing hitch, fear creeping under your skin. There, on both of their arms, was a tattoo of a skull, a serpent weaving its way through the mouth and eye sockets in an undeniable pattern. You stopped breathing all together. You knew Severus had fallen into the dark arts, but to actually be a death eater? To be proudly showing off that awful display of radicalism along with the person who had used an Unforgivable Curse on you, who had invaded your free will and taken over your body. . .

Severus must have felt you even from the opposite side of the hallway, because something pricking at his skin told him to look up, and when he did he wished he never had. You were looking at him for the first time in over a year, your eyes full of terror. Rosier followed his gaze, but when he looked over his shoulder there was no one there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus sighed, trying to push the less than pleasant memories out of his head. He knew by now he was likely the last person left in the house besides you, Harry, and Sirius who were all staying here. Something like hope had sparked in his chest when he saw the faintest ghost of a smile on your lips as you saw him for the first time since graduation. He wanted to talk to you, to tell you he knew he deserved nothing from you, but he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it right if you would only give him a chance after all this time. In truth, he missed his friend. With Lily gone, you were one of the closest things he had to that left.

Against his better judgment, Severus made his way up the stairs, silent as a thestral as he headed for your room, but he stopped in his tracks when he reached the top. Sirius' door was cracked open the slightest bit, and what Snape saw inside made his blood run cold. You were sitting next to Sirius on his bed, your head resting gently on his shoulder. As you craned your neck to look Sirius in the eyes, that's when Severus saw it— the way the Marauder looked at you. The way his face seemed to light up, the spark that returned to his gray eyes, the utter adoration in them.

And just like that, Snape was a seventeen year old boy again, transported right back to that courtyard garden, watching Lily and James share their first kiss on the day he had made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. His heart shattered silently, though his departure was not so quiet as he took off down the stairs as quickly as he could. He grimaced at his own feelings, ones he knew he had no business owning.

As he was about to open the front door to leave, his instincts suddenly screamed at him to turn around, and he was just barely able to cast an invisibility charm as you began to come down the stairs. He held his breath as he looked at you. He knew he had no right to think so, but you were still beautiful like this; dressed in pajamas, hair disheveled, eyes still sightly puffy and red. He saw you look around, knowing you had no doubt heard his rather noisy descent of the staircase, and he cursed himself for not leaving sooner. Your eyes searched what should have appeared to be the empty space in front of you, but he saw you look him in the eyes, and he knew that you knew.

“Severus?” you called his name out softly, and the sound felt like a strike to his face.

He wanted nothing more than to say something to you, talk to you, hold you. But his mind flashed back to the way you had been with Sirius, and his words died in his throat. He said nothing, trying to remain unphased at your hurt expression as you turned around to walk back up the stairs. As soon as your back was turned to him, he left, unable to bring himself to do anything more.

Once again, he was too late.

Read chapter 8 here!

Taglist: @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi @nxstalgicnxbxdy @calaryssia @aleksanderwh0r3 @juggysgirlfriend @beautifulsweetschaos @kattirin @mialupin1 @crazy-obsessed-fangirl, @youcantbesirius

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writertitan · 4 years ago

Text

Grandfather Clock (III)

pairing: levi x f!reader

word count: 7068 (oops)

themes: adult f!reader, arranged marriage, multi-part fic, levi is a stubborn asshole at first, no love at first sight here folks

a/n: the final part!! enjoy!!!

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

On the 20th day of Levi’s engagement to you, he found himself tense, frowning, and sitting across a less than pleased Erwin, right in the commander’s office.

Erwin sat at his desk, deep discontent written all over his face, with his arms folded tightly across his broad chest.

Levi knew the scolding was coming and cursed himself in his head for being so careless. He hadn’t really meant too much by it. Mike had just been asking him how things were going as they walked down the hall together and the words had just tumbled out. Levi didn’t like talking about his personal life in general, mostly because he had hardly had one prior to getting engaged, but now he was extra wary.

“Not much to tell. Just thankful she agreed not to have an actual wedding and to prolong it as long as possible.”

That was all he’d said and he’d said it with a tone of finality that Mike understood well. It was the tone that warned not to push it any farther.

It was just Levi’s luck that Erwin had rounded the corner as the words left him. The commander had bristled as he processed what Levi had said and then blurted out that he needed to see the shorter man immediately, in his office.

Levi had never seen Mike hurry off so quickly before.

And now here he was, tense and waiting for Erwin to lash out at him.

The words came moments later, but Levi didn’t get yelled at, which made him feel worse. Erwin was quiet, stern, and very open with his disappointment.

“Is it true? You really asked that of her?”

“Yes,” Levi sighed, running a hand over his tired face. “I did.”

“You didn’t even consult me about it. Levi, I hope you know I’m trying to grant you as much freedom as I can in this situation, but this was out of line. I’m sorry, but you don’t have that kind of say.”

Erwin’s words made Levi wince a little, but he tried to keep a stoic face. He could see that the commander was waiting for him to say something, but Levi didn’t quite know what to say.

He thought of you for a moment, and thought about how confused he’d been lately, and then looked at Erwin with a hint of a frown.

“You’ve hardly given us any freedom,” he blurted out, and then cursed himself yet again. He’d used the word “us” instead of “me” and he knew that Erwin would catch wind of that.

He did, and he even seemed to soften up a bit, raising a brow curiously.

And then Erwin used you as ammunition.

“You’ve stripped away any semblance of choice left for her by making her agree to your terms. She has even less freedom than you. Is that what you wanted?” Erwin asked, but the question was more rhetorical than anything.

Levi’s frown grew deeper. His mind went back to you, how broken you’d looked when he’d said he didn’t want a wedding day, and how he wanted to wait as long as possible to actually be married. And then his mind took him to that day you were feeling unwell, and how that same broken expression appeared when he’d gotten upset with you.

His chest grew heavy when he realized he had helped in breaking you.

And even worse, he hadn’t gone back to visit you after that day, when you had fainted. It had spurred too many mixed emotions in him and he had wanted the space to clear his head. And you had confirmed you were still unwell in your most recent letter to him from yesterday.

But maybe you were lying. Maybe Levi had broken you so much that you wanted to start keeping your distance from him.

That’s what he wanted, right?

Is that what you wanted?

Erwin’s unanswered question echoed in his mind.

If that was what he’d wanted, why did he feel this way, so horrible, after being called out by Erwin?

“I just don’t know what to do,” Levi finally said, unable to meet Erwin’s gaze.

Erwin hummed and sat back in his chair, arms now unfolded as he looked at Levi. The conversation had gone way beyond Levi’s little mistake. As much as he wanted to help his friend, there was a reason Erwin had been wandering the halls. He had, in fact, been searching for Levi. And he had, in fact, been wanting to discuss the topic of you. It had been mere coincidence that Erwin had caught Levi’s confession.

“Talk to her,” Erwin said, eyes on Levi, who was still looking anywhere but at him. “And I’d suggest going today. There was a reason I’ve been looking for you.”

At that, Levi flickered his eyes to Erwin, a hint of curiosity in them. And, dare Erwin say, even a little bit of worry hid behind the silver.

“Well, spit it out,” Levi said, already making to stand up. “What happened? Is something wrong?”

Erwin also stood up, slowly and deliberately, and didn’t know how to answer that.

“There’s been some...civil unrest recently. Some of the working class citizens have been getting riled up because of some recent unfortunate events with the upper class,” Erwin explained, watching carefully for Levi’s reaction. “Some of my intel has told me there’s talk of a few riots being planned.”

“What kind of ‘unfortunate events’ are you talking about?” Levi pressed, arms at his side with hands clenched into fists. This didn’t sound good.

“Seems like your fiancee’s father has been in some bad business deals that affected a lot of his workforce. And he’s got quite the workforce, if you remember,” Erwin murmured, looking a little thoughtful as he tried to gage Levi’s reaction. “I was looking for you to tell you that I’d like for you to go and check on things. I’m not sure how extreme the situation is.”

Levi was already halfway out of the office and didn’t bother to answer. He was, without a doubt, upset.

Upset that Erwin didn’t let him know about this immediately.

Upset that it would take a while to get to you.

And, curiously, he was upset that he was upset. What the hell was going on with him?

In your parlor room, you were curled up on the sofa and reading your favorite book. It took all your willpower to try not to think about how, just a few days ago, Levi had touched those very same pages.

He’d kept his distance since then, though you had certainly had some part in that by sending him a note to say you were still sick. It wasn’t true at all and you’d felt almost back to normal the next day, but you couldn’t really face Levi yet. Despite forgiving him and allowing yourself to have a little bit of hope that things would turn out okay for the two of you, it was obvious that Levi was still on the fence with you, and had a very specific opinion about who you were despite not getting to know you.

You were using this time away from him to think of ways to show him that you weren’t that way at all, and that his impression of you was, truthfully, completely off the mark.

As the grandfather clock sounded off at noon, it brought you back to reality. You set your book down, not that you’d actually been reading much of it, and sighed when your stomach grumbled. Definitely lunchtime.

You stood up and stretched, about to walk to the kitchen and bother Chef Erlo when you realized something seemed...off.

The clock struck noon for a final time and you realized that that was the only sound you could really hear from all over the house. Silence engulfed you when the grandfather clock stopped, and you peered out into the hallway, baffled when you saw absolutely nobody in sight.

Feeling like you couldn’t break the silence, you stayed quiet as a mouse as you made your way to the kitchen, hoping to hear the usual bustle of noise there for lunch. Maybe that’s where everyone was. It was lunchtime, after all. Had you forgotten it was somebody’s birthday? Sometimes you’d sneak the staff into the servant’s quarters for a bit of a break and have a little birthday celebration during lunch, but you were sure nobody’s big day was today.

But you didn’t make it to the kitchen. As you got closer to the foyer, you could hear the commotion outside, interrupting the eerie silence in your home. Instead of going to check on things, curiosity got the best of you and you ended up peering out the window to see what was going on. A little gasp left your lips when you saw what was outside.

Hoards of people were at the gates of your home, screaming and shouting profanities as they tried to make their way inside. Your heart sped up at the sight, absolutely terrified at the pure hatred they all wore on their faces. You couldn’t really make out what they were all saying, but you heard the profanities, and you heard your father’s name enough times to know that this was personal.

The guards situated outside at the gate were pushing back as much as they could, and you even see that some of the Garrison soldiers had come to help out, but the crowd seemed to be growing bigger and bigger by the second. At any moment, it would bubble over and spill past the gates of your home.

Right to you.

Once again, after a lifetime of avoiding your father and his business to try and escape it, you were being dragged right into the middle of it instead.

You had to run. The anger outside was something that was almost tangible; you could feel it weighing heavily in the air even from where you stood inside your home. No doubt that someone would try to hurt you just in the belief that it would hurt your father to know they’d gotten to you.

For a brief moment, Levi flashed through your mind, and you sincerely regretted lying to him about still feeling unwell when his face popped to the front of your head. Maybe he would have helped you. Maybe not. The anger you could feel from the crowd outside was unfortunately similar to the anger Levi had bestowed upon you just a few days ago.

As you backed away from the window, you thought of all the different places you could go to hide. So lost in your thoughts, you didn’t register the footsteps sneaking up behind you and gasped when a hand clamped against your mouth to keep you quiet.

Before you could try and scream, a familiar voice whispered in your ear, “Shh, it’s only me. Let’s go.”

You whirled around, tears of relief springing to your eyes as you hugged Greta tightly.

“Greta,” you breathed out shakily, pulling away to look at her with wide eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Let’s not talk here, come on,” she whispered, tugging you towards the servant’s quarters, where you knew the wine cellar was situated. As soon as the door was closed and locked behind the two of you, Greta practically dragged you down the stairs. It was cooler down there and you shivered involuntarily.

There was dim candlelight at the end of the steps that lit up a narrow hallway, one that led towards a heavy wooden door. Chef Erlo was there holding a candelabra with one hand, a silver key in the other.

Your tears of relief spilled over at the sight of him.

“Erlo,” you whimpered, moving to hug him as well. He was just as quick about it as Greta was, gently stepping away from you with a small and sympathetic smile.

“We’ll get you out of here safely, miss,” he promised you.

A pang of fear hit you and you looked between Erlo and Greta, hand at your chest as you thought of the worst.

“And everyone else? Is everyone okay?” you asked them.

From above, you heard glass shattering and heavy thumps. Your heart pounded so hard against your chest that you worried your ribs would crack from the force. The fear you felt in that moment was unparalleled, unmatched by any other situation in your life. You’d never been this scared in your entire life.

“Everyone is safe. Except for you,” Greta said, and she nodded for Erlo to open the door. He unlocked it and hurried you both inside, but you stopped in your tracks when you saw Erlo wasn’t following.

“I’m going to lock the door behind me and slip the key under the crack. That should buy you some time,” he said to Greta, avoiding your gaze.

“What are you talking about? You’re coming with us, it’s not safe here! Something’s happening outside, people are angry and I don’t know why,” you rambled, tearing up again. Greta reached over to squeeze your hand, but everything about it was rushed, too hurried to really be a comfort to you.

Erlo flashed you another small smile, and then gave you a wink, his crow’s feet prominent as he finally flashed his goofy smile.

“I’ll be fine, miss. Don’t worry about me. It’s not me they’re after,” he assured you, but it didn’t make you feel any better.

Chef Erlo was like the father you’d never had. It was impossible to allow him to do this, but Greta held you back as he shut the door and locked it once again, with the key slipping underneath moments later.

Greta let go of you to swipe it off the ground, and then began to push you forward, nearly in the dark save for cracks of light at the door opposite the room.

The faint smell of wine permeated the air and you found yourself wishing for a glass to calm your nerves. Greta led you to the door in just a few moments flat, using the same key to unlock it and hurry through with you in tow.

It was the bulkhead entrance to the wine cellar, where the merchants would come deliver or take some wine. Part of your father’s business. It was where a lot of things were delivered. On the few steps there beneath the wooden doors, there was a maid’s dress and some worn shoes. One look at Greta told you that the new outfit was for you, so you wasted no time in nearly tearing off your dress and kicking off your shoes to put on the much simpler garments and better blend in outside without striking too much attention to yourself. Your current outfit would have been a dead giveaway to your status.

Greta lifted one of the doors up just enough to peer out cautiously as you changed, making sure it was safe to leave. Once she was sure it was, she nodded to you and lifted the door up quietly, keeping it lifted for you to hop up the short steps and out into the spring afternoon.

It was cloudy outside, threatening to rain. As if on cue, a crack of thunder sounded and you felt it was remarkably similar to a cliche in your favorite novel; it always rained whenever your favorite character was feeling upset.

You didn’t have much time to dwell on that. Greta gripped you by the elbow and tugged you away from the house in a pace that was rushed but not too much that it looked suspicious. Now that you were wearing new clothes, you looked like everyone else outside. There was no real need to rush and risk getting caught.

Nobody paid the two of you any mind. The real focus was on your house that was currently getting ransacked.

The sight made your heart sink to your stomach, but your tears had already dried.

It was true that these people were destroying the only home you’d ever known. It was true that in that moment, you were sure you’d never go back to it. But you just couldn’t find it in you to cry about this. Your tears were reserved for your staff and worrying about their wellbeing.

Whatever your father had done, it probably deserved this level of outrage.

Although you were filled to the brim with fear and adrenaline, above all, you felt a peculiar sense of freedom as more and more people pushed their way past the gates of your home to run inside.

Greta gave you a moment to watch the scene before steering you away with promises to explain everything as soon as she got you to safety.

The only time tears actually did threaten your eyes again was when Captain Levi’s face pushed its way into your mind once more.

Maybe you would never see him again. And maybe he’d like that.

Levi was all too familiar with feeling dread settle in his stomach and harden like a rock. He’d experienced it all his life, countless times as he watched comrades die, often such a big part of his nightmares and the reason for his insomnia.

He didn’t expect to feel that rock in his stomach as he approached your home. Rather, what was left of it.

But he felt it settle in his stomach, a dread so heavy that he almost had to hunch over, and he looked on in horror as people continued to run in and out of your home. Many people were running out with valuables in their arms. Others were running inside just to destroy everything in sight.

He was far too late, by the look of things.

His eyes darted around, a futile attempt to locate you, but of course he didn’t see you anywhere.

Soldiers and guards were doing what they could, and Levi could see reinforcements marching in, but it was too late.

It was too late.

Levi hopped off his horse and pushed past people and soldiers alike as he ran into your home, taking in the sight of broken glass and ruined furniture and banged up walls.

It was disgusting.

He went to your room first and only found it ravaged and empty with no signs of life.

Levi knew he was being crazy. Of course he wasn’t going to just find you there. In fact, the thought of seeing you in the middle of all this would have actually been worse. But not knowing where you were had his stomach in knots.

As a last resort, he checked the parlor room, where you’d shared an afternoon that had left Levi questioning himself and questioning you. Mostly himself.

He got there as the grandfather clock chimed at the top of the hour. It was just as ravaged as your room, but curiously enough, he noticed your favorite novel on the ground by where the side table used to be.

He picked it up and clutched it tightly, and then made a promise.

He would find you and he would get your book back to you. It was the only possession you had left in the world, he realized, looking around.

He’d find you.

He wouldn’t rest until he’d found you.

A cup of tea warmed your hands as silence filled the room of Greta’s mother’s kitchen.

The two women stared at you with so much sympathy, and so much worry, that it made you feel loved and yet also a little small at the same time.

Greta had just finished explaining everything to you.

Your father had been atrocious, and had taken advantage of his employees. He was in protective custody because he’d anticipated this riot to happen. Nobody knew where your mother was. It was a miracle that Greta and Erlo had managed to help you and everyone else out before you’d gotten hurt. Or killed.

And now you didn’t know what would happen next.

Your spirits, already low, dimmed even more at the thought of Chef Erlo. You desperately hoped he was okay, and hopefully he was. After all, he’d been correct: nobody was trying to hurt him. Only you and your family.

“Are you sure everybody made it out safely?” you whispered to Greta, who immediately nodded.

“Everyone’s been aware of some of the...tensions around town,” she explained. “We all had an exit plan in the works, just didn’t realize we’d have to implement it so soon.”

You flashed a brief and sad smile, nodding once as you took a sip of your tea.

“Thank you for getting everyone out safely first. It means the world to me.”

In your mind, you were just as responsible for your father’s sins as he was. To think you didn’t even have a clue of what was going on. It was embarrassing.

As if reading your mind, Greta’s mother, May, reached forward to squeeze your arm reassuringly.

“It’s not your fault, darling,” she murmured. “It wasn’t your place to know.”

You sighed softly and kept your eyes on your tea, frowning to yourself. It was true that you had basically been forced to be cooped up in the house, and now you were thinking there was a clear reason behind it now. You hardly had much say in your day to day schedule, especially after getting engaged to Captain Levi. Still, it didn’t feel good to be so in the dark.

And the thought of Captain Levi sent your heart aflutter. Did he know? Had he been aware of this the whole time? Was this part of the reason for your arrangement?

Slowly, you picked up your gaze from your tea to settle on Greta, biting the inside of your cheek before asking the question you were dreading to ask.

“What happens now?”

She didn’t look too sure either as she pondered your question, finally settling for shrugging her shoulders.

“I don’t know, miss,” she answered honestly. “I hate to say it, but it depends on your father. He and your mother will start looking for you once they realize you’re missing.”

The thought made you nauseous. Despite such a horrible outcome of your day, that peculiar feeling of freedom had been what kept you going. There was some sort of thrill attached to it.

You realized it was achingly similar to the hope you felt for your arrangement for Levi. The chance of things looking up, turning around.

All this hope and nothing to show for it.

Now you were hopeless.

News had gotten to Erwin quickly. Levi saw the commander ride in with other squad leaders as he helped beat down and arrest some of the rowdier citizens at your home. He hated to be there and wanted to go off and find you more than anything, but someone there had to have seen you, or seen what happened to you.

So far, nobody seemed to remember seeing you. In fact, some people had sworn to him that the house had been empty of people the entire time. Not a soul in the home at all.

When Erwin stepped past the gates, Levi had never wanted to pummel him so badly. Instead, he shoved a badly beaten merchant towards his commander with a growl, eyes nearly feral as he found the calm blue ones that he hated more than anything at the moment.

“You said there was civil unrest. You didn’t say there was an entire fucking mob,” he snapped.

Erwin remained calm, casually stepping over the merchant to get closer to Levi.

“Seems I was deceived,” he admitted, looking around. “Her father kept me in the dark. I had no idea about any of this. But I suppose you’ll be pleased to hear that I’m calling off the deal. We can’t tarnish the Scouts’ reputation even more by doing business with this family.”

Levi’s body went cold at the news.

Just a couple of weeks ago, he would have felt nothing but pure relief. Now, he felt nothing but pure dread.

“What about…?”

Levi couldn’t even say your name. It caught at the back of his throat and he struggled to breathe. He tried his best to remain as stoic as always, but Erwin knew him so well, and could see the concern at the edges of Levi’s gaze.

“There’s not much protection we can offer her, being her father’s daughter. She’s under his control,” Erwin reminded him. “Do you know where she is? I heard she’s declared missing.”

Levi nodded once to confirm, his worry amplifying at Erwin’s words.

He couldn’t protect you. Not while you were still affiliated with your father.

“People are saying that nobody was in the house,” Levi said, giving the commander a rundown of events. “I did a quick search, didn’t find any of the staff. No one was around.”

Erwin hummed a little, hands behind his back as he took in the sight of the damaged house in front of him.

“No surprise there. Our man of the hour is already in protective custody, having predicted this well before anyone else, and his wife was visiting with a friend, and now they’re all in protective custody as well. It’s just your ex-fiancee that we’re having trouble locating. Perhaps she’s with her staff.”

How stupid of him. Levi hadn’t really thought of that possibility yet. He’d been so focused on finding you, assuming the worst, that he hadn't taken the time to really think it through enough to realize that you were missing along with the staff.

Erwin was already five steps ahead of them.

“Some of the scouts are off to find the staff members that don’t live here in-house. One of them is bound to know where she is.”

Levi couldn’t help the small sigh of relief that left him, but he still felt useless if he wasn’t doing more to help. Without another word to Erwin, he marched off to do another quick search around the entire perimeter.

Some medics had come onto the scene as well and he was surprised to see a couple of them towards the back of the house, dragging someone out of the cellar. Levi had admittedly not really looked down there, knowing all there was, was food storage and wine cellar that someone had told him was all cleared out by now.

A familiar old man was getting dragged out and treated. He was badly beaten, bruised from head to toe, and his breathing was raspy and uneven.

Levi knew him to be a staff member and his heart skipped a beat.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was kneeling beside the old man, shaking him to get his attention despite the angry protests of a medic.

The old man opened his eyes and grimaced, but his face grew soft at the sight of Levi.

“Captain Levi,” he greeted him in a hoarse voice. “You’re a little late, don’t you think?”

“Where is she?” Levi asked, voice soft. “Do you know?”

“I know,” the man confirmed, nodding slowly as his eyes closed. “Greta...Greta took her. She’s...with Greta’s mother. But don’t know where...she lives.”

Greta. Levi knew that name. It was the name of one of the maids. You looked to be friends with her.

“Thank you,” he said, very sincere, before standing back up. More determined than ever, he made a beeline for his horse, a plan of action already formulating in his mind. He could make do with the information given to him. It was all he needed.

He was going to find you.

The sun hung low in the sky as May and Greta made up Greta’s old bed for you.

You had insisted on sleeping anywhere else, even the floor, but Greta had already set her mind on sharing a bed with her mother.

“I shared a bed with one of the other maids all the time, whenever we felt like it,” she told you. “I actually like it. It’s nice having another person there with you.”

You still felt a little guilty but stayed silent, and opted instead to watch the sun lower through the window of Greta’s childhood bedroom after being shooed off.

Greta and her mother chattered amongst themselves and you didn’t have the heart to join in just yet. You felt so drained after the day’s events that you couldn’t muster up the energy they had.

What kept you so anxious was also the thought of having to stay under your father’s thumb.

It was maddening to know that after everything, he still had your life in his hands. To be a highborn lady was to be in shackles.

A plan was starting to formulate in your mind, one where you could fake your death and run away and find work as a maid or maybe even a governess. Greta could help and confirm that you’d been taken, never to be seen again. You could grab your clothes that you’d discarded, if they were still around, and maybe douse them in animal blood or something, to really sell it.

But your plan was cut short with a pounding at the front door downstairs. The knocking was so intense that all three of you froze and looked between each other, fear prickling your spines.

When the door clearly sounded like it was trying to be opened, May sprang into action and ran downstairs, which kickstarted your adrenaline. You ran after her, afraid for her possibly getting hurt, reaching out for her to try and stop her from going any farther.

“May, no!” you hissed, eyes on the front door that was now in view. Someone was slamming into it, the lock jiggling unsteadily, until it finally gave in.

You were paralyzed in fear as the door flew open, but fear gave way to shock at the sight of Captain Levi at the entrance, looking frazzled. You would have never predicted you’d ever see him as anything other than composed or angry.

As soon as your eyes locked, you ran to him.

“Captain Levi!”

He stopped you before you could throw your arms around him and, at first, you felt embarrassed by it, taking it as a rejection.

It wasn’t until he started examining you, hands lifting and twisting your arms and turning your face this way and that, that you felt your heart warm up.

“Are you hurt?” he asked. He was cupping your face, holding your jaw familiar as his eyes scanned your face for any signs of injury, and that frazzled look he held only softened when his eyes finally met yours.

You shook your head slowly, keeping his gaze, hands shyly reaching up to cover his over your jaw.

“I’m not hurt,” you whispered. “Just scared.”

Levi frowned and reluctantly let go of your face, but his hands didn’t travel far. He rested them on your shoulders while your hands gently gripped his forearms, the two of you in your own little bubble.

“You don’t have to be scared anymore,” he promised you, sounding so earnest. “Nobody can hurt you while I’m here.”

Your bottom lip quivered, emotional at the thought of him willingly protecting you, but also emotional at the more sinister situation at hand.

“My father can,” you told him, squeezing his forearms as the words left your mouth. “Greta says he’ll be looking for me soon. I can’t escape him.”

Levi’s eyes hardened at that, grip also tightening on your shoulders, before he groaned and stepped away from you to run a hand over his face.

“Erwin said the same thing to me,” he admitted, pacing back and forth. He briefly looked towards Greta and her mother, then to the now broken front door, and blankly stared at them before muttering, “I’ll fix that.”

He turned back to you, arms crossed, as he took on a look of deep concentration. It was only there for a few moments before he snapped out of it, holding your gaze as he seemed to come to a conclusion.

“You can’t be under your father’s control once you’re married,” he pointed out.

At first, you didn’t understand. You raised a brow, a little peeved he was bringing it up, and nodded once.

“I suppose so…,” you agreed, a hint of a frown on your face. “But I’m assuming we won’t be getting married after this, so I’m kind of shit out of luck.” It was the first time you’d really sworn like that in front of Levi. In front of anyone. It was nice.

Levi tensed up a little and broke his eye contact with you to look away, and you could have sworn he looked a little flustered. There was a hint of pink at the tips of his ears, which shocked you.

“What?” you pressed, also feeling a bit of heat creep into your face.

This wasn’t happening. No way this was happening.

Levi hadn’t wanted to marry you even when it was basically required of him.

Your hopeless romantic little heart was just playing tricks on you. He wasn’t possibly going to suggest…

“I gave my word and I don’t intend on going back on it,” he said, still not looking at you, ears still pink. “Got any better ideas?”

“Captain Levi…,” you began, but then trailed off, not knowing what to say, until finally you managed out, “You don’t have to do this.”

He scoffed a little, eyes finally flickering back to you. Tentatively, he stepped forward until he was right in front of you again. You stayed perfectly still as he lifted a hand to place it on top of your head, giving you a small pat before ruffling up your hair.

“I have something for you,” he said suddenly, taking his hand away to reach into the pocket of his coat.

And then your favorite novel was in your hands, a little more crumpled up than usual but basically intact.

Tears sprang to your eyes and you hugged the book to your chest gratefully, looking to Levi with nothing but adoration.

At that moment, it was all you owned in the world. You didn’t even own the clothes on your back.

“That was really nice,” you choked out, gazing down at the book again with a small smile.

Levi stepped forward again, closing the distance between you as he rested a hand on your shoulder again.

“Let me protect you,” he said, tone filled with an air of finality that you couldn’t argue with. “I know I don’t have to.”

He didn’t have to say the actual words; you understood what he meant.

I want to.

Marriage was all about compromise.

In the end, Levi didn’t get to prolong his nuptials, since marrying you had to be done quickly. However, it also had to be done in secret. So, at the very least, you figured he at least got half of his wishes respected.

The moment the ink was dry on the certificate, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. You shed your maiden name to gain a new surname, fully protected from your father now and fully backed by the Survey Corps. It was your 30th day of knowing Levi. Your 1st day of being married.

You took in a deep breath as Erwin took the document from you to sign as a witness, and you turned to Levi with a small and timid smile, which he actually tried to return. It was brief, but it was appreciated. And when he lifted his hand to pat your head affectionately, you melted a little.

“I’m sorry you didn’t have a big wedding like you wanted,” he murmured, eyes staring at you with a hint of remorse. “I should have never made you agree to that before.”

A half-smile tugged at one corner of your mouth and you shook your head, nudging your shoulder to his playfully.

“I never really wanted to have a big wedding,” you admitted to him. “I just wanted to have a special day for myself. And for my husband, of course. Didn’t have to be a big thing. It just needed to be special.”

Levi seemed to lighten up at that, giving another brief smile before murmuring, “That’s a relief.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, but he didn’t respond, choosing instead to stand up and offer a hand to help you on your feet as well.

You smoothed down the cream dress Greta had so kindly let you borrow and followed Levi out the door, head held a little higher now that you were an official Ackerman and nothing else. Instead of going to Commander Erwin’s office to go over a few next steps like originally planned, you found yourself following Levi outside.

“Where are we going?” you asked, puzzled, but Levi scoffed a little and turned to look at you from over his shoulder.

“If you could just be a little patient, I promise you’ll find out soon enough,” he said.

It was a beautiful day, you had to admit. The spring temperature was perfect and you basked in the sunlight, feeling freer than you’d ever felt before.

You stepped onto the grass in the courtyard, eyes towards the sky, and it wasn’t until you heard several people clear their throat that you tilted your head down to take a look.

Your heart nearly stopped as you saw Erlo, Greta, May, and Charlie, and some of Levi’s friends, sitting on the grass, a spread of what looked like a marvelous lunch in front of them.

Shouts of congratulations were passed around and you lit up at the sight, heart feeling full as you stumbled over while dragging Levi along.

You turned to him, eyes bright and excited, still not quite understanding.

“What is this?” you asked, looking between your bubble of friends and your brand new spouse.

Levi looked a little uncomfortable, but in that cute way, and Greta beat him to the punch with the answer.

“It’s your wedding day, so we’re celebrating, of course!” she laughed, then nodded towards Levi with a cunning grin. “It was your husband’s idea.”

Levi’s entire face flushed at the term but he also looked murderous at being found out.

You grinned at him, feeling warmed at his gesture, and you made a mental note to pull him aside later for a real thank you.

At that moment, you made do by sneaking a kiss to his cheek, fully appreciating the way he got flustered.

Erwin had made up a new room for you at base and, after a full day’s worth of celebrating your wedding day, you were ready to fall into bed.

The room was right next to Levi’s, which you appreciated. It seemed funny, almost, since of course spouses typically shared a room, but under these circumstances, that wasn’t very likely.

You cared for Levi and you could see that he at least cared for you in some ways, but those feelings would need to be nurtured with time.

The two of you were in front of your bedroom door, with you yawning up a storm, and Levi grumbling about getting you to bed.

You burst into your room and made a beeline for your bed, not bothering to really look around at your new room or even change out of your clothes. As soon as you were on the bed, you felt your drowsiness start to overtake you.

Before you passed out, you peeked over at Levi, who was getting situated at a desk.

“Aren’t you gonna sleep?” you asked, yawning again, and Levi turned to look at you briefly.

“Not for a while,” he answered finally.

You frowned at that but didn’t argue with him, your heart bubbling over with so many questions and feelings that you just couldn’t hold in anymore.

“Do you still dislike me?” you blurted out, face heating up at your lack of filter.

Levi raised a brow, pointedly looking towards the new ring on your finger. Then, his gaze softened, and he leaned back in the chair he sat in.

“No,” he answered. “And I was wrong for judging you before. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance sooner.”

You stayed quiet for a moment, but kept your eyes on Levi, no matter how hard it was.

“Do you think you’ll fall in love with me one day, now that we’re married?”

You couldn't stop that question from tumbling out either, but you were too curious to feel embarrassed.

Levi’s ears flushed pink, a cute new trait you were catching onto. He looked away from you briefly, clearly trying to find the right words, and he took so long to respond that you felt your heart start to sink.

But then he stood from his seat and moved to kneel beside the bed, a hand reaching up to smooth some hair out of your face.

“Let me focus on protecting you first,” he said.

His eyes were the softest they’d ever been. They gave you another answer.

“I’m going to love you,” you promised him. You still couldn’t admit that you were actively falling in love. Not to him, not right now. But another time.

“I don’t deserve that, after how I acted,” he whispered.

“I’ll always forgive you,” you whispered back. “And I’m going to love you.”

Levi moved his hand from your head to tuck you into the sheets a little better, avoiding your gaze. Neither one of you said anything for a minute, a comfortable silence falling between you like that afternoon in the parlor room.

As you began to drift off, Levi’s soft voice filled your ears with one final promise. One that was meant more for him than for you.

“I’ll figure out how to love.”

You were too tired to notice how the sheets smelled like Levi. You were too tired to realize that the room was clearly already lived in and had typical possessions of a squad captain, from ODM gear to a desk clearly stacked up with documents.

You’d been too tired to remember that your bedroom door was the right one and not the left one. You’d been too tired to notice that you’d opened the left door.

Levi was too besotted by you to correct your mistake.

Somewhere, a grandfather clock chimed as midnight struck.

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