#is this possibly the stupidest thing ive ever made?

[deerabigailhobbs]

Happy (late) boop day

I got the idea from this wonderful post

[kkoct-ik]

i dont remember why i drew this

[daisey14]

[1d1195]

Love and Dryer Sheets IV

Read the rest here: Love and Dryer Sheets

~4.2k words

Warnings: emotional cheating, pining, angst, maybe some fluff if you squint

Now I know I have a heart…because it’s breaking.

Ava texted Harry to let him know she made it to the restaurant. She even apologized about the thing with her keys. There was even a heart emoji. Harry was spending the time she was out, face down on the sofa, trying not to scream. But it felt like he needed to. In fact, it felt like he needed to lay face down in traffic but obviously he couldn’t actually do that.

Harry’s conscience decided now was the time to give up on him. Maybe the little voice thought Harry was just simply too stupid to deal with right now. What was he even supposed to do? The voice in his head all but told him exactly what would happen. It tried to warn him. It was completely, totally Harry’s fault for fucking up so. Very. Badly.

Harry sat up about ten minutes before Ava was set to be home. He made a list on his phone of things he needed to do; there was no order to the list as the last item was probably most important…but his already broken, stupid mind didn’t have it in him to put it first, out in the open like that.

-Work portfolio -Gemma b-day present -Laundry -Tell Ava -Tell...

He didn’t want to finish the last sentence.

What were his options? 

He could tell Ava. But that ensured a blowout fight. They would probably break up. Would Ava leave? Technically Harry found this place. Naturally, she complained how her fifteen-minute commute to work was brutal every couple months (usually around holidays when the traffic would amplify to thirty minutes—not that she ever left a moment earlier to account for the time differential) and made sure to tell Harry that she didn’t like living here. 

But…Harry didn’t like the idea of breaking up. It felt like he was losing. Everyone had sympathetic eyes for him when Ava made him mad–especially in public. There goes the poor sap that can’t get out of a bad relationship. But it wasn’t bad. At least…it wasn’t always bad. Harry had to stay for a reason right?

What are those reasons? The voice of Harry’s heart was turning into his second conscience but almost entirely for the benefit of Harry’s happiness.

The sympathetic eyes would soon become I-told-you-so-eyes. That was the last thing Harry wanted. 

Maybe he needed to call Gemma. Gemma was like a compass. She always knew what to do to help her little brother and this might be the stupidest thing he had ever done. But he didn’t need to call her. He knew exactly what she would say. It’s not fair to you or Ava to be in a relationship that makes you both so unhappy. Gemma would be kind. She probably wouldn’t even say I told you so just to be nice.

But he would know.

He cheated. Plain as day. There was no if ands or buts. There was no way to deny it. No taking it back. He messed up.

But the little voice in charge of his heart wasn’t going down without a fight. This is a good thing. It insisted. You want to break up with Ava. You haven’t been happy in a while! Sunshine. You need Sunshine.

But Harry, now taking over for his conscience that abandoned him on the elevator ride back to their place, knew that it was easier said than done. It was way more complicated. Perhaps most importantly, it was so irreconcilably stupid on his part that despite how much he needed some sunshine in his life, he did it the very worst way possible.

Because even though what he did to Ava was despicable, the thought of hurting that sweet girl in the laundry room hurt his fragile heart even more.

*

Harry could hardly sleep beside Ava. He tossed and turned for the better part of the night. By the time six in the morning rolled around he was completely exhausted and restless. If he got four hours’ worth of sleep, he was lucky. It was Saturday. He wanted to sleep in. If he slept in, he wouldn’t have to deal with the shitty situation he got himself into for a while longer.

But instead, his restless mind was punishing his stupid behavior by making him wallow in it. Making him wake up at six in the morning on a Saturday so he could recognize his stupid, stupid mistake.

“Harry?” Ava sounded sleepy of course. “Y’okay, baby?” She asked.

Harry felt the warmth of her kind voice seeping through his whole body. Especially with the name baby on her lips.

Shit.

“M’fine, love,” he lied.

“S’early,” she slurred tiredly.

“Can’t sleep,” he shrugged, starting to roll out of bed. “I’ll go to the other room,” he mumbled. She frowned and Harry couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked when she wasn’t at his throat for every little thing. Her concern made him warm over a little more. The guilt he felt ached a little more.

“Okay,” she sighed. “Hope you feel better,” she murmured. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. It was like he was on autopilot. As if he had done it thousands of times before. It was moments like this, the quiet, gentle ones, that made him believe in the reasoning behind staying in a relationship that drove him crazy most days.

Moments like that made him understand he had to tell his laundry partner the bad news.

*

Ava wasn’t stupid.

She had a degree, a job, and two eyes that told her Harry was happy. Happier than he had seemed in a really long time.

Of course, his happiness didn’t involve her.

And that made her mad.

She wasn’t quite sure what had changed about Harry specifically; why he got so happy so suddenly. As far as she knew he went to work and came home. But with the way they argued and how irritated she felt just looking at Harry some days, she knew something was off in his demeanor.

It wasn’t that she wanted Harry to be unhappy. It was more of the fact that she was unhappy. Ava knew very well that misery loved company. Seeing him happy set off some kind of switch in her head that Harry was in fact her boyfriend and they were supposed to be happy. Seeing him get joy from something else, especially when she wasn’t part of it, irked her more than the way Harry snapped his gum while they watched TV or how he left socks outside the laundry basket and forgot to put the toilet seat down (consistently) late at night.

Harry was a wonderful boyfriend. He always had been from the moment they started dating. Her mom even teased him saying he was too good for Ava. Ava didn’t see it that way. Ava enjoyed her personality and herself and didn’t think anything needed to change. She didn’t see anything wrong with the way she behaved or acted—as her mom put it. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, and how she wanted.

Right now, she wanted Harry right where he was.

“Do you feel better now?” She asked him as she entered the sitting room.

“Yeah, a bit,” he nodded. “I’ll try t’nap later,” he shrugged as he continued reading the book in his hands without looking up.

She pressed a hand to his forehead. He wasn’t warm. He seemed fine. For a moment she gazed in his eyes and noted how green they looked. There was no denying Harry was beautiful—even though the constant fighting made her irritable with him. It was a face she fell in love with because he was so pretty. Soft skin, gentle smile, deep dimples. He was simply dreamy. Someone would have to be blind not to fall in love with him.

Part of her thought someone had fallen in love with him because of the way he looked so happy after the many months of the mutual feeling of misery that flooded their apartment. That simply wouldn’t do. 

It wouldn’t take much, she knew it. Harry was a romantic. A few gentle smiles, a bat of her eyelashes, and some light touches and Harry would be putty in her hands again.

His lips parted slightly like this was the first time he had seen her in ages. He didn’t know how to speak. It was so unlike her to worry about him even a little these days. In fact, it was so shocking, he thought he was transported to the laundry room and the gentle touch was coming from the girl that made his heart skip a beat and had the little voice in his head shouting to be heard.

“You don’t feel feverish or look very sick.”

Harry knew he wasn’t feverish. He knew he wasn’t sick either. Maybe lovesick. But that wasn’t something he could tell Ava.

Or maybe it should have been the exact time he told her.

“I can get you medicine if you want while I’m out,” she said softly.

“Oh...uh...thanks, love. That would be good, thank you,” the words felt weird in his mouth, he hadn’t thanked Ava for anything in ages. What was there to thank her for? Hours of worrying and fighting? “You’re going out?”

“Yeah...laundry at mom’s,” she reminded him.

“I could do your laundry y’know,” he offered quietly. He noted the way the slopes of Ava’s face curved so beautifully when she wasn’t scowling at him for the littlest of things. She was a beautiful girl. No question about it.

“I don’t like the way the washers make the clothes smell,” she said, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

It was as if a shadow cast over her at the very moment she spoke. A backhanded comment for sure—whether she meant it or not, knowing full-well that Harry washed all his clothes in the apartment washers. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Right,” he murmured. “Well, tell her I said hello,” he returned to his book.

She nodded silently. 

Returning down the hall, Harry thought it was awfully mature of her to ignore the eyeroll. It was an instinct and he knew he shouldn’t have, but it was hard to feel—

“The eye roll was unnecessary.”

Here we go. “Ava, y’know I do m’laundry down there. Y’basically said I smell.”

She returned the very same eye roll dropping the laundry bag at her feet. “Harry, I didn’t say that.”

“Y’may as well have,” he grumbled.

“It’s too early to argue.”

“M-hmm.”

She would be better later. It would take a lot of active reminders to not fight with him. Sighing, she headed out the door.

For a fleeting moment, she was Ava, the girl he loved and had dated for so long. The little bit of kindness she showed didn’t deserve Harry’s infidelity. It was all his fault and Ava wasn’t that bad.

So, Harry made his way to the laundry room, knowing he would find her there because it was Saturday morning, and it was her favorite time to do laundry—before anyone else was there.

Except Harry. She seemed to make every exception for Harry.

He hoped she would make one this time too.

*

“Hey munchkin,” she smiled sweetly as Harry got down to the laundry room. He didn’t tell Ava. He knew he should have. Of course, he should have. But there was something about the sunshine that lived in the laundry room that made his brain short circuit. There was something in the air that made him lose all train of thought. All rationality escaped him when he thought about this girl obsessed with The Wizard of Oz.

But it was a mistake on his part. He didn’t tell Ava. Especially after her kindness this morning. The kind of kindness that made him love her—like when they first started dating. Why didn’t he go after her?

“I have t’tell y’something,” Harry said. He looked exhausted. His eyes were red rimmed. His face paled as he spoke.

She frowned. “Uh...okay?”

They weren’t a couple. They weren’t even...anything. Maybe she could say they were friends. Harry owed her no explanations for anything. Maybe kissing was a bad idea. It would ruin their friendship. Or maybe it was worse…

He closed his eyes. “I have t’jus’ say it, Sunshine. But y’have t’let me explain.”

She felt totally rattled. It was obviously a mistake. Completely. Thank God they didn’t have sex in her apartment. Thank God he asked about the picture frame; that they spent nearly an hour talking about music, books, and recipes.

Thank God, they stopped. It was so obvious he regretted it. Was she a bad kisser? Maybe she could convince Niall to help her out. Niall had a lot more practice than she did. No, there was no way Niall would help her with something like that. He would get all grossed out. He would probably lie and tease her and say she was a terrible kisser regardless. Or maybe he–

“I have a girlfriend,” he whispered.

The words hung in the air for a moment in suspended animation. It was like the clocks had stopped ticking, the world stopped turning, the washing machines stopped spinning.

If she was attached to a machine, her brain would show zero activity.

No.

She felt her stomach turn violently and felt her whole body tingle with heat. Part of her thought she was going to throw up.

No, no, no, the voice in her head shouted. No. He’s supposed to be mine!

But there was no reason for her to think like that. Harry wasn’t hers. This was just proof of what she already knew back when she felt that connection to him so instantaneously. She knew he was too good to be true. Her voice stopped working. She wanted to cry but she didn’t want to do that in front of Harry. If she was going to have a breakdown, she couldn’t do it here. She left all her stuff and bolted past Harry, taking the steps two at a time to get away from him without even a word.

He hurried after her. “Kitten,” he cooed gently. She shook her head and continued running for the elevator, grateful it was there, open, when she got there. She rapidly pressed the button to shut the door, but Harry had much longer legs and trapped himself inside the small space before it closed the pair of them in. She turned to the back of the lift and pressed her forehead to the cool metal. “Kitten,” he tried again.

“No,” she sniffled. “No, you can’t call me that.”

“Sunshine, y’supposed t’let me explain.”

“Explain what exactly, Harry?”

He grabbed her arm. Immediately, she yanked it away from him with a shake of her head. “No, you can’t touch me.”

He ran a hand over his face, and she exited quickly as soon as the door was barely open enough to fit her through the space. Naturally, he followed her. “Please let me explain.”

She wheeled around so quickly Harry nearly bumped into her. “Explain what?” She whispered. If there was any more volume in her voice, she would lose complete control. She would cry. She would sob. She would lose any sense of herself because even though she was mad at Harry and how she had foolishly kissed him without knowing she was ruining some poor girl’s relationship because of their kiss...

She was selfishly thinking about how unfair it was that she couldn’t have him.

“Love.”

“Harry. Stop calling me names.”

Closing his eyes, Harry thought he might explode. This was so unfair. He was breaking her heart. All he wanted was to hold it in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?!” She gasped. “I...I don’t...I don’t even know what to say to you,” the tears were about to spill over her lash line. She couldn’t hold the emotions she was feeling much longer.

He dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn’t want to watch her cry. It felt private. Plus, it made him feel guilty that he was the cause. “If it means...anything. M’relationship isn't...good a lot of the time.”

She glared at him and his horrible betrayal. Of her trust. Of her belief in him. In hurting her reputation. “That’s not a reas—”

He put his hands up defensively. “I know, love. I know. S’not an excuse. M’jus’ trying t’give y’details. M’sorry. S’my fault. All my fault,” he promised. Harry felt like he would start crying if she did. “S’nothing...you didn’t do anything wrong,” he promised her. It was a little comforting that he seemed to know what she was feeling and maybe part of her was grateful that he knew she would feel so down on herself about it. “I lead you on. I made the mistake.”

It felt like Harry had taken a steak knife and stabbed it right through her heart with the word mistake coming from his mouth. She thought he would say it when he first entered the laundry room. But it felt so much worse hearing it out loud. Knowing truly why it was a mistake.

“I don’t think we should be around each other… for a while.”

Harry deflated, his face paling. “Love,” he whispered. “I know I messed up...I know...that...” he rubbed his hand on the back of his head. “I want to be friends.”

She wanted that too. She wanted more than that. “Sometimes we don’t get what we want, Harry,” she whispered quietly. “I’m sorry too.”

He deserved this. He didn’t even want to hear the I told you so his conscience was probably singing and dancing in the back of his mind. If he could focus on anything other than the terribly sad girl, and how his heart was breaking at the thought of not chatting with her over laundry. This hurt worse than any fight he had with Ava by a long shot.

That seemed like damning proof more than anything.

“Okay,” he murmured taking in her expression one more time. He wished it was happy. Somehow, some way. He wished he hadn’t broken her heart like this—even if her heart wasn’t his to break. He didn’t want the last time he saw her for a while, was her feeling sad and upset. But it was his fault. Completely. There was no question about it. “M’sorry, love,” he whispered.

She nodded. “Me too, Harry.”

God, he wanted her to call him munchkin. He wanted it to be okay. More than okay. He wanted it to be...different. If only he hadn’t fought with Ava. He would have told her. Telling Ava first meant that she would have screamed and yelled and left.

Harry could rationally explain the situation to the girl before him. Explain that it was bad. He wouldn’t get tongue tied. He wouldn’t get his ideas mixed up. He wouldn’t mess this up as well the way he messed up everything else.

“See you around...I guess...” he mumbled and backed toward the elevator.

“Bye, Harry,” she whispered as the elevator slid close.

*

She had to get her laundry but the idea of going down to that room made her nauseous. Once alone in the comfort of her apartment, she released the sobs she didn’t want Harry to see. There were so many things she needed to think about; she needed a list. A list of things to do. She typed them into her phone.

- Laundry - Pay bills - File paperwork - Harry’s…

It hurt to think about the end of that little chore. Taking deep breaths she closed her eyes and ignored the feeling of more tears that she wanted to fall.

Of course, he had a girlfriend. He was gorgeous, funny, sweet…why would he be single?

As much as she hated herself for hurting his relationship with someone else, she couldn’t help but think about how he mentioned his relationship was bad. The thought made her…sad. She couldn’t help it. The idea that someone as sweet as Harry was in a bad relationship wasn’t…fair. In school, she did rounds of different counseling methods and practices to see which ones she liked best. If she didn’t have her current job, she would strongly consider relationship therapy of some kind. The complexity of staying in a relationship that didn’t make sense was hard to navigate for anyone. She couldn’t imagine the stress and anxiety that Harry was going through on his own. Part of her wanted to recommend a therapist for him despite how he had changed her heart in the last hour.

I wouldn’t let our relationship be bad. She thought to herself.

Shut up. She whispered to the voice that was getting independent thought.

This was horrible.

The thoughts rolled through her head so quickly, she didn’t know what to deal with first. Laundry usually calmed her mind but she thought if she went down there she might go crazy. It wouldn’t be calming knowing they kissed in the very spot they had chatted for the last few months while Harry knowingly had a girlfriend. While they shared secrets, banter, recipes, and all things that people who flirt share.

She hated him.

No you don’t. The voice in her head sounded like it was rolling it’s eyes if it were capable.

But I want to hate him. She responded.

You don’t want to hate him either, you idiot.

Fortunately her phone rang with Niall’s picture taking up her screen. Good. Niall would ground her, help her.

“Hey princess,” he said softly.

That didn’t sound good. With an even heavier heart she swiped the tears away from her eyes, took a deep breath and frowned. “Oh, Ni, what’s wrong?” She asked.

“I…” he sighed. “You know how I was helping with the new office for those two weeks?”

Her heart dropped. She already knew. Part of her wished she didn't even finish the conversation. She knew where it was going. Lay on the heartache. The theme for the day. “Yeah…”

“They…can’t find anyone competent to run it.”

She closed her eyes. She couldn’t tell Niall. Not now. He had his own stuff to deal with and adding to his stress was the last thing she wanted to do. “So you’re competent now?” She asked lightly.

He chuckled softly, grateful that she could make him feel better. “Feels like the worst thing, darling.”

“How long?” It was the most important question. How long would she be without her best friend? How long would they be thousands and thousands of miles and plane rides away from each other? How long would he be gone? How long would she have to hide the horrible thing she did? The horrible thing Harry did? Niall would threaten to kill him. For hurting her heart. She knew it in her bones.

The silence was deafening. He didn’t want to say it. It was going to kill her.

“Just say it, Ni.”

“A year,” he whispered quietly. “Longer if they can’t find someone.”

Fortunately, she was already so heartbroken it was easy to combine her sadness of Harry and Niall together without Niall suspecting a thing. There was so much devastation in her head and heart in such a short amount of time. “A year?” She whispered.

“I’m sorry, princess.”

“What about…the missus?”

She listened to Niall’s deep sigh. “I haven’t told her yet…she can work from anywhere…so I’m hopeful. I wanted to tell you first.”

Her heart fluttered with so much love for her best friend. He told her first. She couldn’t tell him about Harry or the kiss. He would worry and change his career all for her and that wasn’t fair.

She already hurt one relationship today. She wouldn’t hurt another.

She needed a trip to the Emerald City like never before. She had to be brave and strong for him. It felt like she needed courage and a brain for not seeing so many obvious signs before. “Now I know I have a heart…because it’s breaking,” she whispered, quoting the Tin Man. She was going to need a heart too.

He chuckled. “Well m’gonna call every day,” he promised.

She nodded. “You better,” she sniffled and giggled. “When do you leave?”

“Next week.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. This was a good distraction. At least for a little while. “Well, we better make the most of it,” she whispered.

“M’glad you have Harry,” he said. Like a knife to the chest. “You can’t replace me with him, though.”

“Never,” she promised. She had to tell him something. “I…actually have some news on that front,” she sniffed.

“Oh princess,” he said, hearing the crack in her voice. “What happened?”

“He has a girlfriend,” she croaked.

“Oh, darling,” he cooed.

“I knew it was too good to be true,” she shrugged.

“M’sorry, still. I was…I mean…I still think he’s your soulmate. What kind of person quotes The Wizard of Oz like a lunatic?”

She smiled through her tears and nodded. “Yeah…”

“Let me talk to the missus. We’ll do dinner, yeah?”

“Please.”

“See you later, princess.”

What a twister of a day.

-

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland @lolyouallsuck @buckybarnessimpp @stylesfever @harrysxcarolina @haarrrys @pandeebearstyles @st-ev-ie @lovrave

Love and Dryer Sheets: @love-letters-to-uranus

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[caelo-jpg]

Possibly one of the stupidest things I have ever made but have some Papa IV in a dodgy rat costume thing I found on Pinterest

[terranceholdsapencil]

I just watched space babies and Im gonna put some moments under the cut that are just so,,,

DOCTOR WHO SERIES 14 EPISODE 2 SPOILERS‼️ "Space babies"

-lets make this episode into one big exposition/lore dump so everyone knows whats going on

-RANI MENTIONED

-dinos <3

-ruby stepping on an actual butterfly and 15 blowing life into it again 😭 that was so stupid I absolute love it

-"One day this is wyoming"

-"Aha! Is that like a, uh, matter transporter like in star trek?" "hehehE! weve gotta visit them someday."

Im not even much of a star trek fan but I could totally watch doctor who with my star trek-autistic dad if there was a crossover. Also a crossover would be bangers.

-"Most of the universe is knackered, babes" fair.

-something about "the question is, why did I run?" "cause it was scAry!" "It was new. I LOVE meeting new things, so why did it give ME the shivers? I couldn´t run fast enough I was like 👏 WOOSH!"

I was like *clap* WOOSH!! (New stim unlocked)

-"So, this place, grows babies. What for? FoOd?" "fOo- who-whOT. FOOD? Theyre not tOmAtOes"

The way he said tomatoes is very special to me. As well as the general absurdity of that whole moment, actually

-giving her phone the space-time-signal boost!!! THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE ON SCREEN AGAIN

-space babies. First I was a bit annoyed and baffled by the way he kept saying space babies but eventually he said it so often I just went "SPACE BABIES :D"

-ruby and 15 handling the space babies??? 😭 Man that was so pure

-maybe thats growing up queer and autistic but this line killed me

"Nobody grows up wrong.

You are, what you are, and that is magnificent"

Okay Im just gonna sit down and CRY because I really needed my comfort character to tell me this. Im not ready for it yet but I still need it. Ill get back to this once Im at peace with myself. To heal.

-"because I, am absolutely lovely, arent I? 🥰"

-"And do you wanna know my secret?

Theres no one like me in the whole, wide, universe. No one like me exists, and thats true of everyone. Its not a problem, captain pops. Its a superpower 💪 High five!"

-i absolutely laughed out loud and almost woke my father when ruby tried to calm the space babies and 15 kept scaring them.

"Theres no such things as the bogeman. That thing, was more-- sort of like, a, uhhh," "BOGEYMAN!"

-"That should recalibrate the whole shebang"

-abortion allegory got like super spelled out at one point and that was a bit awkward but I have no strong opinion on it, because the point they make still stands.

"Hang on. So, the planet down below will refuse to stop the babies being born, but once theyre born, they dont look after them??"

-the way jocelyn said 'because its terrifying" after 15 said "and WhY was I so scared?"

Also: "Yeah but Ive met a million ugly bugs, *I´m* and ugly bug, ThAt THIng, made me run, I just wonder why" youre not an ugly bug gorgeous

-"babies with a flame thrower?!" Was possibly the stupidest thing Ive ever seen and Im so happy cause that is exactly how doctor who works. Babies with flame throwers. Who even thought of that.

Also reminded me of the fact daleks had flame throwers at one point

-"The teaching software, it told a story!" "it invented the bogeyman!" "For the babies 🥺" "For the space babies 🥺" (i love them)

-snot monster

-it did confuse me how familiar they seem already. And that he basically gave her a tardis key before she even really agreed to travel with him. I LOVE them dont get me wrong but that felt too quick

-seeing mum at christmas <3

-"tell your mum not to slap me" someone has never recovered from jackie and sylvia

-ohhh dna scan

-probably something I forgot but:

Episode was fun. Too exposition heavy at times and structured differently from 'normal' who. But fun. And also super silly. And we LOVE super silly.

Space Babies. Space babies with flame throwers.

[foxgloveinspace]

hi hi hi!!

i feel like it’s been so long since i’ve stopped by

i am here to share that i have been blessed with the stupidest possible dreams with the sleepy t boys lately

1) glad to have them back in my brain like this it’s always fun and 2) wtf brain could we not do the dumbest situations?

the first one was from today and omg. so i dreamt that i went home to visit my dad and his family was down because it was christmas? guess i’m looking forward to the holidays lol. anyways my dad somehow found a documentary on sleep token on tv and put it on because “hey my kid likes them” and for some reason it was filmed/presented like a true crime doc? and straight up exposed all the boys. names, faces, interviews. and my whole family made fun of me the whole time because i tried so hard to not have their identities spoiled even with this stupid documentary on 😂 and i succeeded! somehow! although i do remember this- iv’s accent was so fucking bizarre i’m not sure i could ever tell you where my brain pulled it from. and someone was named nat but i have no idea who lmaooo

the other dream was that the band for some reason came to my city? (idk why, this place is ass and we have no venue big enough for them) and for some reason i was tasked with like, showing them around and helping them acclimate to the city. so what’s the first thing dream-exie does? take them to buy weed and go to their favourite local bar for a show 😂 we got absolutely blitzed outside the bar and then went in and had an absolute rager to some local bands. and now i want that to be real so bad… (and also shotgunning the joint with iii🙈… iii was a menace and dream me was all too willing to encourage. lmao i feel so weird admitting that my brain made that up because it feels too horny lmao)

anyways. that’s what my head has been up to! other than aura migraines lmao. i hope you’ve been well!!! 🩶🩶🩶

Exie!!! I thought I answered this, I'm sorry!! Thank you for telling me about these dreams, they are so great, lol. I really haven't even had any memorable dreams, much less sleep token ones. Would love to have a sleep token dream again. I wonder if your one with the documentary was inspired by the recent Instagram vids lmao, those crack me up??? found footage sleep token, lmao. I also love that you got to show them around to your favorite places. (no comment on the shotgunning besides like, what I would be like irl, which is a big thumbs up, lmao)

This next bit got... long. Sorry for my ADHD fingers and ramblings about migraines, I only realized I've had them my whole life last May, so. I give all my tips lol.

Sorry to hear about your migraines, I actually had one when you sent me this ask off. I read your post about it, I've only had mine completely block my vision once, but it was because of some bad smells. I completely lost my vision, but it was still purple, not all black??? My visual impairments/visual aura's are splotches of neon purple and green, moving in my vision like waves. sometimes they can be gold and black, but it's usually the green and purple.

I find fast acting/extra strength Tylenol works really good for migraines. I also keep liquid IV in my bag, cause that helps too (if you have a migraine you want to avoid artificial sweeteners, and liquid IV has cane sugar in it, while most other electrolyte drink mixes do not.)

I find that using a wet washcloth on my forehead/point of pain works way better then an ice pack cause you can keep flipping the washcloth over and the side not against your skin will keep cooling off, where an ice pack will melt.

I have seen some videos/read about putting your feet in hot water when you have one, and that supposedly helps??? I have yet to try it, but it sounds soothing.

Sorry this became me info dumping about migraine stuff. Just don't want you too be in pain/I have tips. Mine have been pretty bad this year, tbh. I had one for 2 weeks back in March, and I probably should have gone to the doctor, but I realized I just.... can't binge video games anymore after it was gone, oof.

[ethernetmeep]

as to not taint the humor of the millipede post, i say this separately and as its own sort of weird entry thing; today was not all that nice. if you somehow wish to read emotional ramblings then feel free below i suppose. this will all probably be very embarrassing & stupid & gone at a certain point

at first, it seemed to be fine; by all accounts, i felt normal. i was happy, content, neutral, what have you. near the end of first period, i felt a sudden and all encompassing sort of emotional pain which is hard to explain besides a knife in ones gut. i try to shrug it off, go back to normal; i listen to instructions of my teacher before i ask to sit outside. i proceed to bawl my eyes out silently.

and you may ask, WHY? and i ask the exact same thing! i have no clue why i suddenly break down like this, but i do, and its heavy and uncomfortable. i sob out of both guilt and intense emotions unable to be placed anywhere definitively. i sob because i don’t know what else to do, as trying to hold my emotions in has seemingly only made me sick thus far in the day.

i continue to cry for an uncomfortable amount of time i won’t disclose. a teacher who i enjoy greatly sits beside me in the hall; without even having to say the words aloud, i answer him. i talk quietly of things i remember and talk of how upset i feel; not mad upset, but sad upset. he seems confused on what too much of something would be. ive been wondering this for months. he asks if it was possibly seen as something more intimate. i say this could be likely and i feel far worse; i feel awful, actually. he runs off because hes a busy man. i think about our conversation and i feel overwhelmingly distressed. i feel sick. i feel as if ive ruined everything by accidentally implying something different then what i may mean. i dont enjoy the vague way certain events occur. i hate being vague, i hate not being able to read between the lines of things; vagueness scares me to a point of distress and acute worry, which is probably hypocritical.

i have to resort to one of the stupidest things ive imagined in a long time in order to not feel the overwhelming & all encompassing feeling of wanting to [REDACTED]; imagining myself as stanley from the stanley parable and being lectured about how this action would quote make the timeline collapse in on itself or quote ruin the game by the narrator. i can imagine his voice clearly in my mind saying STANLEY, YOU CAN’T SELF-IMMOLATE STANLEY, THAT WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR! something stupid like that. its odd that it helped.

i was fine, although i then proceeded to not be fine. got asked if i was okay. answered truthfully and said no. an acquaintance prompted me to talk about it with her, then simply.. left. had to find the girl she enjoys being with. she said she would find me later and talk about it; i really didn’t want to talk about it. i moved to put on my headphones then realized it was stupid & was already on the verge of tears again at simply the discussion from before & feeling like a circus animal being heavily scrutinized and laughed at under intense gaze. i get to class but i am overwhelmingly unable to do anything but cry.

i get to go to the library, but at the detriment to my friends. i text one and tell her i won’t be at lunch as im dealing with emotional distress and don’t want to quote, be a debbie downer. i am saddened at my actions; i wish i would’ve just went and talked with them, but i also don’t wish that i did because i hate distressing those i care about. i didn’t want to put more on my friends plates. i’d deal with it myself

of course, nothing is ever sound & calm for long; the area which i feel comfortable crying in is overtaken and i move uncomfortably. i am asked if im okay. i lie blatantly to a girl ive known as an acquaintance for years. i feel bad for lying; i don’t want her to worry about me. it wasn’t important, anyway. eventually i regain my composure and get back to class. it ends and i move on; as per usual, my mood fluctuates and i soon find myself worried sick and leaving her classroom.

i stay after although i know the chess club is cancelled for this week. i don’t like the change. its not as if im mad at the change, i just so desperately wanted to believe the days i dealt with before actually still accumulated to something i enjoyed. now the one thing i enjoy is off to not occur for next week, either; giving me very little to look forward to, if anything

i sit in the airlock. i write in my notebook a list of things someone would do before self-immolation. hypothetically, of course. maybe four or five things on it are actually things one would care about. one is to play a DLC, another is to finish a novel; one is to stay in order to see the cicadas arrive & to visit the cemetery in the spring like someone (fine, me!) mentioned weeks back that i wanted to do. its uncomfortable how the novel i enjoyed dearly was not one of the important things on the list.

it takes quite a lot to kill me, i think. kind of like a tick.

i’ll be fine; i always am. i think ive gotten better. im slowly feeling more and more sane again, although the stress puke is still prevalent. as ive lived on, its gone down to a point where i just gag; don’t puke. i enjoy documenting when i do feel things like this, strangely enough. having an archive of my life makes me feel sane. its also interesting to look back on.

thanks if you read this somehow, even after the warning of how stupid it would be. i appreciate you, hypothetical reader. i enjoy your hypothetical quiet company

[ufonaut]

i’m reading jsa #6 and i’m confused on where the sidekicks came from. they were in flashpoint beyond and the new golden age then they just come back?

this ask made me so extraordinarily angry i genuinely refuse to believe you sent this in good faith. there's just literally no way you didn't send this to fuck with me specifically.

reading jsa #6? are you sure? you're not just looking at the images?

how you could have possibly missed an entire six issue miniseries coming out at the exact same time as the jsa ongoing is completely beyond me. and dont give me some bullshit about how 'not everybody keeps up with new comics' or something because this is just the stupidest thing ive ever had another human being ask me.

[inamorato666]

another venting post but i just want to express in as much detail as possible about the sheer mourning i have for my friends

they arent dead, none of them are. they just moved on. we've just outgrown each other. im sure a few of them have this same feeling as me, at least to some extent.

most of these friends that i often see are online profiles. my main source of communication is through discord, and during the pandemic, my first year being inside was hellish but at the same time i cherished all those chaotic times of being in servers laughing my ass off at the stupidest shit ever. granted, we were all lonely, trapped in isolation. of course we would cling to each other more in an communal online space.

an important detail about this though is that shortly after lockdown was initiated, my parents pulled me out of public school and put me in homeschooling. that was the beginning of my downfall.

as time passed and everyone was returning to attending school in person, i was still stuck in my same routine of always being online. it was a hellish cycle that soon became. at first it wasnt all that bad since i still had so many friends to keep up and rely on. but in my last year of isolation, the course of growing up and out had taken its toll. so many people were forgotten as i came and went. not to mention that the closest friendgroup i had been with ended up forgetting about me too, as i had to leave it due to being left out of things too many times.

and ever since then ive barely been able to heal from that intense loneliness. ive met my girlfriend which has been an absolute blessing and i now have one of the closest friend ive had ever but. i cant help but still mourn that feeling of being surrounded by people who cared about me like i cared about them.

i deeply miss it. i dont know whats happening to me but it feels like i cant make friends anymore. i dont know if its because of the social isolation, general smaller than average range of people since my school is a smaller charter one or just the general process of growing and maturing. but every time i seem like i can enter a promising friendgroup i end up leaving for whatever reason. its mostly because i realize i cant stand those people or they still forget about me even if it feels like ive made a good impression.

i cant help but feel guilty for wanting more. after all, my friend and my lover are all i need right? but then again humans are social creatures. everyone has a group they can fall back to. so why not me? what happened to me? who do i blame?

it feels so...i guess, bittering when i see or hear about either of the two most important people in my life mention about their friends. i want to join in so badly. i really do. but i know the pattern. i know ill leave. i dont know if ill ever fit into a group. i dont know if this is okay and i should move on and make peace or continue trying.

ive been trying to numb about this for a while now. but the pain resurfaced recently. it was a realization. a realization that this one group of people that ive been hanging out with consistently doesnt care about me. i always have to butt myself in so i can be acknowledged. even then, they still ignore me so many times.

my chest is starting to hurt so much whiel writing this because im now realizing how lonely i am. im surrounded by people but almost no one sees me. i want to share my ideas and experiences so badly. no one wants to hear me. i feel so selfish for wanting more than i already have.

the reason why i started writing this was because of a particular friend i had since the early days of middle school. we clicked after the first few anxious weeks of school. while we didnt have any classes together we still found each other whenever we could. we had our cringy anime phases together. we comforted each other. we fantasized about living in a giant mansion in the middle of the woods with other friends with our other friends, making our food, tending to our house, healing.

ever since i left that friend group that forgot about me it seemed like even she forgot about me too. the process of realizing that was slow and almost painless, but every time i realize every day we are fading and straying away from each other more and more to the point ive now accepted that i probably wouldn't want to talk to her even as much as i want to relive those conversations we had in the past.

we were the awkward, emo, queer kids. shes moved on. shes almost unrecognizable now. im not even mad im just...stunned that my memory of her doesnt match her current self. that realization hurts, that im living in the past while everyone is moving on in the present.

"used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that/now you're all gone got your makeup on and you're not coming back" is a lyric by social broken scene in a song called "anthems for a seventeen year old girl"

she has her make up on and she is not coming back. im still rotting. i feel so lonely and i dont think this can ever be numbed.

[uniquezombiedestiny]

mae and the fucking tutorial rat have seen everything together. the rat has seen her stupidest ideas and her worst insanity. they are still besties and will be forever. <3

"you have someone who's ther for you at your darkest moments" "yes, a rat" "...a rat?" "(pulling out the rattus-faber chief) two rats"

ever since she flew into the sun, mae's left (her left, our right) eye is way lighter than the other one. her original eye color is a deep irrigo color (stylized to be black, but it could just be that deep. she lot a lot of her memory to irrigo).

she wears the maid dress as often as possible. she really should get a new outfit but i just havent found anything better. she's literally part of higher society and shows up to veilgarden in a bedazzled maid dress.

their adventures in parabola!!! and the little minor storylines ive got running behind her major actions (parabola/honey ventures and the eye/search for knowledge). parabola is generally her use of prisoners honey (it went up, then down, then up again </3), where she met a lady adorned with beautiful flowers. she's involved with poussey yun (a friends oc. hi henry if youre seeing this lmao) to find her, as she only ever meets her in parabola.

the eye is..... interesting. during her death on the airship, it looked into her very soul, and it fucking BURNED. this thing basically made its mark on her/scorched her soul a bit. later when they romanced the struggling artist's model, she was spurred on by a Hunger for the knowledge she had. same goes for the struggling artist himself, and the mutton island event. she got real weird mentally during mutton island, but snapped out of it when the fish came back.

she got the mechanical horse mary during the mutton island thing. she is afraid of her. she ran from her during it and it nipped her a few times. the horror!!!!!!! a horse!!!!!

What are some silly facts about your fl characters? I’m talkin the fun stuff! Stuff you don’t get to talk about! Stuff that seems inconsequential to others but you think are fun! Stuff you’re embarrassed to share because it’s “not important” ! Little things! Big things! Whatever you want to talk about but don’t get to!

[thespineoftherighteous]

you're Renee Walker. it's ten thirty pm, or some shit. you're in the bathroom of the suite you share with your two wonderful best friends, washing your face, preparing yourself for a peaceful night in. you hear a noise, you pause. it sounds familiar. very familiar.

"this has gone on long enough. PLEASE. just change it back."

"Allison- NO. we've been over this before. it's SYMBOLIC"

"symbolic my ASS, Wilds. it's painful"

"didn't you just tell Nicky the other day that you could pull it off better than, and i quote, "any of us hoes""?

"just because i CAN doesn't mean i should HAVE to"

*singsong voice* "it's just a color allisonnnn"

"it's not just a color, it's. orange"

"we've been over this babe. it'd cost too much to change the colors again and seeing as it's barely been three years that would be a gross waste of money"

"a worthy sacrifice..couldn't we just exploit Kevin for the bills again or something?"

"no."

*whiny* "Wilds"

*mockingly whiny* "Reynolds"

"if you loved me you would do this for me"

"i do. so much. but 1. we can't and 2. i don't want to"

"you have too much power you know"

"mhm"

"WAIT you're not the only one with power now"

"??"

"perhaps if i go to our lovely other captain, my FAVORITE captain might i say, he could knock some sense into whoever it is that decides these things"

*snort* "Neil?? please. as if he'd advocate for spending thousands to change something as trivial as a color. besides it's probably even more sentimental to him"

*grumbles*

"mhm. put away that pout of yours. you know I'm right..."

*two minutes later*

"is he REALLY you're favorite captain??"

[biolizardboils]

its been 10 days since the movieversary but my CU hyperfixation's still going so heres another one of those Scattered Thoughts posts (minor movie spoilers!)

So i updated the playlist at treehouseblogsinc this week! Idek if Wikplayer still works for most people, but this streak’s five years long and i aint quittin yet! (Usually i just replace song links when they break, but this time i removed a song too cus the guy it references has been Bitch lately)

Speaking of, i did my semi-annual reread of the whole blog too and... man :’’’) Its still mind-blowing how many people played along (and got pissed at Melvin when he took over lmaooo). All the silly, sweet, and angry asks i got there still warm my heart to this day

You know what else i still do to this day? Draw things Pilkey-style! Sometimes i try to follow a rigid anatomy when i draw and feel stuck when it doesnt look right. When that happens, i step back and make a quick Pilk-ish sketch as a reminder to keep things loose. Works every time :)

Something i still love about the movie and the months leading up to it is how much of it felt like a grand... I dont wanna say joke, cus that kinda implies they didnt care when its obvious they truly did. Lets go with prank — it all felt like a grand prank! Like the decisions they made worked in the end, but were also super funny to read and hear about. Like oh my god, they rented Abbey Road Studios to record a choir playing kazoos and singing the word “underpants!” They got the biggest up-and-coming horror director to voice white-ass Melvin Sneedly. (Tho i guess now it can be argued that he’s white-passing in movie!verse, so thats cool)

My fave example of this is how they got Lil Yachty for the album. On one hand, whatever chunk of the limited budget they spent to get him probably could’ve been put to better use, like actually animating the Turbo Toilet fight or something? (While moving the Flip-O-Rama to another scene of course.) On the other hand, its hilarious that they got him to rap the word “cool” 15 times to a cover of Oh Yeah, and then didnt even put it in the movie. Its like George and Harold themselves wrote the stupidest lyrics possible just to see if he’d agree to them, and he did?? Thats comedy gold???

Why didnt i bookmark all the production stuff posted to Instagram. There was so much cool stuff i wanna see again but the search function there is still garbage and uuuughh

So i dont remember if it was production art or fanart but theres this one Instagram post i saw once thats lived in my head ever since. it looked like the cover of Action Comics #1, but with Captain carrying a school bus. If by some miracle somebody has it saved, please send it to me ill be forever in your debt

Im still scared of getting what’s coming to me when the Dog Man movie drops, but now im also wondering if theyll still have George and Harold as a framing device. Ngl i havent caught up with the new books in a hot minute, but ive heard that the boys have stopped appearing in them? if that’s true, that’s Dav’s choice and i have to respect that. ....but also i really wanna see them in CG again. pretty please dreamworks, i miss my sons so much

It mustve been a while since i last watched the movie, cus when i did on the 2nd, the Origin Issue sequence like... broke me all over again. i wrote about why its so great once for a thing that never got made actually, lemme dig that up and paste it in here

The score begins with chiptune and kazoos, two common motifs for childhood whimsy, and already a great fit for this sequence’s simple, handdrawn look. 

But it doesn’t stop there! It goes from what sounds like just two or three people playing kazoos… to a whole chorus of them… which gives way to a full-fledged orchestra. It’s as dramatic a transition as… oh, say, a one-man children’s book to an animated movie by one of the top studios in the industry.

And in turn, as the comic continues, we’re brought closer and closer to the panels until the white gutter between them vanishes, and they engulf the screen. The medium through which this story’s being told has faded from awareness; all that exists now is the story itself. 

But just as suddenly, we’re brought back to our true surroundings. The orchestral music ends, the chiptune returns for one last gentle sting, and we remember this epic tale’s humble origins: a comic book, written and drawn by two 4th graders. *sniff*

Another Score thing i love: you know how Captain is one big Superman parody? I think Shapiro mightve had that in mind when he composed his theme tune, because it starts with a triumphant first three notes (the “Underpaaaaants” part) — just like some of Superman’s! I dont know the right musical terms but cmon, theres a pattern there! And its so touching that they found Captain worthy of a song of that caliber!! Like yes, he IS a true superhero!! heres the epic theme song to prove it!!

Oh wow okay. So to dig up that Writing Thing, i had to open some folders i havent touched in years. And there were outlines for 10 different fanfics in there. I remember not really meaning to finish them ever, just writing them down cus the ideas wouldnt leave me alone. Hell i still dont have time to finish them now

But. Man now i feel bad for never doing anything with them. I have half a mind to post the outlines at least?? Cus someone out there might get a kick out of them?? You know what, if this hyperfixation doesnt peter out in another few days ill probably do it

Speaking of things i havent looked at in years, i listened to this song while typing all this and im tearing up now send post

[lostmystyx]

Pls enlighten me with ur kankri Hot Takes I don't know alot about the dancestors 🙏🙏🙏

buddy i know EVERYTHING about the dancestors. everything. and im wrong about nothing. i have read meenahbound at least ten times and that is an underestimate and not a joke. i have read every single fucking word kankris ever spoken, even the tiny shit, multiple fucking times, because my dedication to my craft is nothing if not thorough and torturous. ive read every goddamn character analysis there is on kankri, ive seen all the posts, ive read all the fics (not rlly i love myself), and i can tell you for a fact that everything everyone tells you about him is fuckint wrong. i started studying his character because i was mad abt how ooc ppl made him and i just got madder. i learned how to write him. i perfected it. and i havent done it in years because i hate him and his fans so fucking much. the world is not READY for my kankri takes. they do not DESERVE them.

but i love it when ppl ask me things, so for you, anon, i will take the time to divulge some of my secrets. first off, kankri is a bonafide grade a fucking asshole, hes ableist and sexist and abt every -ist under the sun, and he hides biting remarks under layers of political correctness and ranting so that by the time he insults you youre too zoned out to notice. that said, hes also not an outright asshole, hes not blunt with his meanness, hes not straight up about it, and people who just make him an uncaring dick are ALSO wrong. its an extremely thin line to walk and everyone is falling off like a toddler on a tightrope. he cares, deeply, but hes also fed up with everyone around him (and for good reason, because all of the other dancestors are ALSO massive assholes). he cares about being pc more than he cares about the actual issues hes "fighting for," he makes some good points, and he also makes a lot of bad ones. sometimes hes right, and sometimes hes just so caught up in what i believe boils down to a form of self-loathing via extreme policing of himself and others that he says and does the stupidest things known to man that make me want to cut my own dick off and staple it to my forehead so he can call me a whore and a transphobe.

second, hes capable of not ranting. like, he can carry a normal conversation where he talks a normal amount. it happens. inevitably someone will say something that gets him going, but you know. not every sentence has to be an essay.

third, oh my fucking god if one more person writes some fucking shit where hes "cured" of being celibate i am going to print out and laminate cards that say "youre an aphobe" to pass out to the masses. kankri isnt aroace, hes clearly in love with latula and just has self-imposed celibacy on himself possibly bc he thinks its gonna keep him from mucking up his quads, but even though hes not, and even if he was, the way people handle his celibacy is disgusting and offensive. if you dont want to write him celibate just dont make him celibate and pretend that never happened. otherwise it plays into the "ace ppl just havent found the right dick yet" thing, which iS RLLY OFFENSIVE. this is like. one of my number one kankri pet peeves. ill kill someone over this. the sexually repressed kankri hc i constantly see sucks and is objectively wrong anf im going to rip the head off of the next person i see doing it like a rabid fucking dog.

im going to make this my last note on this, bc i already have a headache just thinking about kankri, but the way ppl characterize his interpersonal relationships is bad. its bad. his relationship with latula is a mirror of karkats with terezi, nothing more, nothing less. his relationship with porrim is fucking bad and unhealthy. porrim babies and infantilizes him and regularly crosses his boundaries, and i t hink (?? dont quote me on this one its been a minute) the only time he rlly gets angry and blows up at someone is bc porrims does something he didnt consent to. at the same time, hes rlly rude to porrim and says loads of bigoted shit to her and treats her like shit. hes super ableist towards mituna, thinks hes an idiot, and treats him like shit. he doesnt really have a good relationship with anyone, because everyone hates him and he hates everyone and all of the dancestors are lions in a cage without enrichment, pacing back and forth and wondering how much longer they can stand each other before one of them snaps and kills the rest (oh wait! damara and meenah kind of did already! and kurloz is actively plotting a second death!)

anyway yeah. this is less of hot takes and more of a list of my pet peeves but yeah. i hate kankri, actually, i think hes the fucking worst, and i obsessively know everything about him out of spite.

disclaimer tho: i like all homestuck charas as charas like its cool its neat theyre cool n i hate kankri like you hate a villain but also i hate the fandoms idea of kankri and i hate kankri fans and if youre going to comment on this post defending ur hcs dont

[juno-eclipsee]

Moonbeam - Poe Dameron x reader

A/n: It’s currently 3:58 am when I’m posting this so I literally don’t know if this is any good. I wrote it in like an hour and a half after getting inspiration from who knows what. Also this is my first comfort fic any criticism is welcome. 

Rating: G

Warnings: None really, a palm get cut but that’s really it

Word count: 1.4k (I’m trying to teach myself to write smaller fics)

Summary: Poe finds his mechanic crying her eyes out in the middle of the night. He can’t just do nothing.       Poe Dameron never slept well the night before a mission. Too many possibilities flying around in his head. Tonight was no different, and he could only stare at the ceiling of his room for so long before he started to get stir crazy. 

     Which is why he found himself aimlessly wandering the tarmac, looking for something to hold his attention for more than a few seconds. It was an overcast night so he couldn’t even look out to the stars. It was strange to see the base so dead, it would be the perfect time for an attack. Poe quickly shook that idea out of his head, the last thing he needs before a mission is being afraid of something happening while he isn’t there. He’s had enough nightmares about that alone for it to invade his waking hours.

      However, there was one singular light left on, probably by a mechanic who forgot to turn it off before turning in for the night. The light shot across the tarmac like a moonbeam. A stark contrast to the overwhelming darkness that surrounded it.

     He was completely in his own head until a noise snapped him out of it. He couldn’t even identify it. It was sort of rhythmic, it kept happening in short bursts… Was someone crying?

     He followed the noise around for a moment, finding that it led him to his X-wing and the light. He hid behind a stack of crates and peeked around the corner, his field agent instincts kicking in for some reason. It was his mechanic, Y/n, quietly sobbing into her hands. The sight alone shattered Poe’s heart. To see someone so strong, the moonbeam of the Resistance who always punched a hole through the darkness, so upset was devastating. Poe’s stomach dropped, something really bad must have happened for her to be in such a state. 

     He hid back behind the crates, trying to think of a way to go about the situation in front of him. He felt an unnatural wave of anxiety roll over him, he wanted to help her but didn’t know if he would like what he would be told. He shook his head. Fuck it, he thought. His friend was in need and he’d be damned if he doesn’t do something about it. 

“Y/n?” He called out as he rounded the crates, finally coming into view of the scene before him. Tools littered the ground and a panel was missing from the belly of his ship. At the sound of her name, Y/n jumped out of her skin and started frantically wiping away tears, as if her red face wouldn’t give it away. 

     “Hi,” She said, voice tight and shaky. “What are you doing up so late?” She asked with a sniffle. If Poe’s heart could break any more, it definitely did. 

     “I think the real question is what’s going on with you?” He asked before sitting down next to her on an overturned crate. His question just made her sob more, he didn’t know why, but he rubbed her back and waited patiently for her to calm down. Poe pulled her head to rest on his shoulder, his cheek resting on the crown of her head. “It’s alright.” He whispered. “Why are you crying, doll? I can’t stand to see you like this.” 

     “It’s a long story,” She swallowed hard before continuing. “It’s really stupid.” Poe squeezed her shoulder, making her melt even more into his embrace. 

      “Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ve done something stupider.” She scoffed at this, making Poe feel just a bit better. She took a second, staring at the ground. Poe pulled his head back and could see the gears turning in hers. 

     “I think I’ve just been really stressed out lately. So many X-wings are coming in and the mechanics are so understaffed to the point where I can’t even remember the last time I slept for more than maybe two hours.” She had to compose herself again, silently cursing herself out for this long explanation Poe probably wasn’t even asking for. She always rambled when her Commander was near, he seems to just have that effect on people. And the massive crush she’d had on him for a modest two years certainly didn’t help. “So I was just trying to check on one of your S-foils because you said it was being annoying last time and I went to put the panel back when I was done and the corner cut my hand and,” Oh, gods, the tears are back, she thought. 

     “And that was what broke the dam?” She nodded. He reached for her hands, pointing the palms towards the light. Sure enough, an ugly gash stretched about an inch up her palm. It looked painful. 

     “And the stupidest part is that it doesn’t even hurt that bad.” She said, trying to laugh, but a fresh stream of tears said otherwise. Poe was quick to wipe them away. 

     “Tell you what,” His hands held her chin gently and tilted it towards him. It was the first time Y/n was brave enough to look him in the eye. His eyes were glassy, too. It hurt like a knife to see someone so close to him in so much pain, physical or emotional. “How about you come back to my room, I’ll fix up your hands, and we’ll see if you can get a good night’s sleep that’s more than two hours, okay?” His offer was tempting, and her eyelids were getting heavy from crying them out. 

     “But what about your ship?” She whispered, her throat still so tight she couldn’t control her voice. 

     “Don’t even worry about it. I’m no mechanic but I think I can handle one panel all by myself.” She smiled at that, and Poe’s heart soared. The annoying little voice in the back of his head told him to kiss her then and there, but he quickly ignored it. “So what do you say?” Her hand tightened around his. 

     “I’d really like that.” He raised her uninjured hand to his lips and placed a kiss on it. He tried to ignore the voice, but he’s only human. 

     “Perfect.” He stood up, Y/n following in suit. He turned the light illuminating his ship off, the only moonbeam that mattered to him was right in his hand. 

      The walk back to his room was quick, it was definitely bigger than hers. Perks of being a higher up, she guessed. They sat on his bed with a med kit open in between them. Poe’s hands moved with finesse, he’d hurt himself on accident enough times to know what to do. When her hand was wrapped in a bandage, Poe dug around his dresser for an old shirt she could wear. He finally found one of some band from Yavin IV she’d never heard of. He must have loved the shirt because of how soft the fabric was on Y/n’s skin. 

     “I hope you don’t mind sharing the bed.” He said, pulling back the covers. “You don’t, right?” He asked with a sudden urgency. 

     “No, I figured this was the plan anyway.” She said, her face a little red from the idea of being in his bed when he doesn’t have a shirt on and her whole legs were out on display. 

     “Good, come here.” He said as he climbed into bed and beckoned her to follow, which she did happily. It took a bit of shifting around to find a position comfortable for the both of them, but they  were content with Y/n’s head resting on Poe’s chest with his arms wrapped around her shoulders. His heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest was almost enough to rock her to sleep.

     “If you ever have to talk about stuff like that again, come find me, okay. It isn’t healthy to keep it all bottled in.” He said, fingers carding through her hair. 

     “Even if it’s stupid?” She asked, only partly joking.

    “Even if it’s stupid, if it’s serious, if it’s everything in between. You can tell me anything. I want you to know that.”

     “Thank you.” She whispered into his chest. Poe responded by planting a kiss to the top of her head before turning off the overhead light. This must be what bliss feels like, he thought. Holding close the woman he loves, not that he’d ever admit it was love because he was a stubborn bastard and he knew it. But still, it felt pretty good. 

     Even though he had his mission tomorrow, and she had a long line of ships to fix in the morning, they slept better than they had in years.

[caandlelit]

omg werewolf matsukawa elaborate i want dem hcs

ok so ive got this horrible word doc with my jambled mess of a concept for this witch makki werewolf matsun fic im writing its like 3% done expect it within 2 business years

(edit. this post is too long but i cant stop typing this is good)

werewolf matsun is the SEXIEST idea ever anyone thats done it is doing gods work because that shit is hot . its fucking sexy okay

in my barely formed au he becomes a werewolf in third year

he hears about weird sounds in the forest at night ok

and he convinces witch hanamaki that they shld camp out and see what it is 

because he’s been so interested in the witchy supernatural shit since even before he met him 

and hanamaki is like okay fine But im wearing my warding pendent and matsukawa is like WHEN WILL U ADMIT YOU’RE A WITCH and hanamaki, mid-putting on his witch hat, ruffles his hair and says idk what ur talking about

they camp out and they’re just bantering and its cute and fun for 2 hours then

matsun hears growling and snapping noises and he’s like hanamaki stay in the fuckin tent 

and obviously hanamaki is like on god that is the stupidest thing uve ever said issei no

 and matsukawa steps outside and he holds a hand back to stop makki and he steps out and looks around, eyes narrows 

and he’s like … straightening up and furrows his brows and ‘theres nothing here’ 

and he feels like everything is slow and odd and unreal and he turns and sees bright, yellow eyes and he hears the snarl and jerks back 

and he’s being attacked and leaped upon and he shouts curses and screams and theres sharp teeth at his side and the smell of matted fur 

and hanamaki sprints out and ?? magic spells it away (leave me alone) 

what is the spell? what kindof witch is hanamaki? what does he say?

(begone thot!) 

the wolf creature howls and thuds off, fast and loping and hanamaki turns and he’s panicked and is like ‘issei? oh FUCK’

matsukawa is like fuck fuck fuck 

leaning against a tree and lightheaded and he collapses, head back against the trunk and sweat pouring down his temples, iron in his mouth where hes biting his tongue to keep from scremaing at the sharp pain

touches his side and his fingers come away bloody 

his breath is heavy and hes like takahiro im dying 

and hanamaki’s dropping down beside him and lifts his arm and says shut the fuck up you’re not dying you asshole and hes sniffling 

and matsuns like im sorry i dragged u out here and hanamaki’s like shut up shut up. issei. shit . issei you were right 

and hes like wh what was i right about and hes like you were right. im a witch . and youre not fucking dying here, asshole

issei mumbles fuck yeah and does like a little fist pump

and he whispers a spell to carry him over back to his house 

and he bandages him up and matsun is tired and in pain and staring at him in the moonlight 

MONDAY

go to school and matsun has white bandages wrapped around his side hidden under his shirt and hes a little scraped up even though hanamaki healed and cleaned up as much as he could

someones like oooh matsukawa your arm is scraped up wtf 

and hes like yeah man i got in a fight to protect takahiros honor 

makki’s like yeah…. :/// he lost 

and matsuns like shut up asshole and theyre laughing and theyre good theyre okay 

half way through the school day, long and tired and the bell seems louder and harsher and shriller and everything is too bright and loud and making his eyes and ears hurt 

in the bathroom matsun takes off the tape bc hes feeling nauseous and everything feels a little too much for some reason hes assuming bc of the wound, maybe its infected

and he checks it while hes inside and the bandages come off and 

its clean no bite no blood no mark 

and he stares at it and says what the fuck and texts hanamaki 

and hanamaki sees the text and its just ‘SOS BATHROOM NOW PLELASE’ 

asks his teacher to let him go to the bathroom and he steps into the bathroom and matsun spins around and gestures at his side and chest wordlessly 

hanamaki like blinks at the sight of matsuns abs and then blinks again at the healed skin and hes like what the fuck  

so

he has sharper vision and sense of smell and hearing 

and hes like takahiro……..everything feels horrible and too much and hanamaki’s like ok so what do u want me to do knock u out so u don’t feel anything? and matsukawa’s like huh actually and hana’s like Shut up Dumbass

werewolf matsukawa suddenly stronger and hanamaki so so bitter about it ignoring his personal ‘im attracted to him’ feelings and pretending hes mad abt the super strength

matsukawa’s eyes glinting yellow on occasion and hanamaki trying not to scream bc god that’s sexy

the day they see the healed skin they like walk home silent and shell shocked 

matsukawa staring hollowly at the sidewalk his posture lost

hanamaki squinting off into the distance

makki opening his mouth angrily at one point

only to close it defeatedly bc he cant even……

a conversation in hanamaki’s bedroom along the lines of 

‘issei why is my life literally teen wolf why am I stiles from teen wolf’ 

matsun perks up ‘oh that’s dylan o briens character right? does that make me derek !!!’ 

and hanamaki turns from where hes muttering angrily and squints at him and says slowly

‘why the fu- dude? u r scott ??? because u are a FUCKING WEREWOLF ??????? why would u be derek ???? ur my best friend that turned into a GODDAMN WEREWOLF-‘ 

‘okok calm down hiro fine fine chill out‘ 

matsuns like slumping like ‘ugh, scott. i don’t wanna be scott hes painfully straight-‘ 

and hanamakis like throwing his hands up and shouting like ‘SO THEN !! why would u want to be derek!!!’ 

and issei’s like ‘…….nevermind we r not in the state to have a conversation about teen wolf, a show neither of us finished and obviously dont have any knowledge about’

im gonna have it properly set in 2013 itll be so cringey and fun

matsukawa also has insomnia and and gets migraines sometimes 

and hanamaki’s witchy incense smelling house and bedroom having him nodding off so easily and he sleeps over a lot 

especially after he gets bitten, because the migraines get worse

moreso near the full moon

and he comes in through the window and hanamaki is half asleep but always automatically pulls up his blanket and lets him in

big spoon matsun

he curls into his chest as best as he can, pressed tight between the wall and matsukawa

also i have this 

italics: makki

bold: mattsun

list of signs pointing towards issei probably being a werewolf: 

got bit by a giant dog-creature the bite mark disappeared next day (???? freaky shit)

sudden super healing and durability (useful for when oikawa serves the ball into your head – lmfao)

sudden heightened senses (my headaches r .. multiplying - :( )

sudden super strength (fuck u issei – i didn’t ask to be bitten takahiro – oh no u were bitten how sad for u and ur six pack – the werewolf actually decided i deserve super strength bc of how cool i am – and immeasurable pain every full moon too huh ???? – ...sacrifices were made)

90% sure he got stupider – sign of a dog brain ?? (FUCK OFF – do u want me to explain what a percentage is <3 – no </3)

hair growth (wtf does that mean ??? – it means i suddenly have more chest hair its very weird – ngl to u u were already pretty hairy -  fucker)

eyes turn yellow sometimes (wait, really????? – yes its so fucking weird – that sounds fucking epic actually – no comment)

big dick energy went up the ROOF (ok that’s enough asshole – tell me im lying hiro.)

edit: ok the full moon happened we’re all traumatized and hes definitely a FUCKING werewolf.

ill finish this as a fic one day ill post when i do

might also make a useless porno oneshot with just werewolf matsukawa and ? possibly dancer makki im very into dancer makki atm

long post im very sorry but !!!! thanks for the ask