#into patterns of severely downplaying their own needs or desires to allow others to have theirs. because they Fucking Hate Him.

[quietwingsinthesky]

this is concept art fic. not indicative of the, if there is any, final product. this is for vibes and brainstorming.

Self-preservation is the name of the game.

Self-preservation is the raw gum on the left side of their mouth that they can’t keep their tongue away from. It still tastes like iron, but their blood isn’t staining the teeth they still have anymore. It aches in the way all broken things do when they want attention and will never be satisfied by what’s given. They wiggle their tongue in the hollow again.

“There. Finished.” What’s between his fingers, bordered by nails kept immaculate and skin rough and peeling from the cold air that’s leaking in, is a tooth.

It’s also a suicide pill. It’s a gift.

There are worse fates around them than death here. Self-preservation takes new forms. It’s a choice they’d rather have then avoid looking at until it was too late.

They don’t take his gifts before asking how they work. They’re smarter than that. Or, at least, they know him better.

“And how do I keep that in my mouth without cracking it open on accident when I’m eating?” He draws the tooth, passably natural but veined with gleaming technology, back into his palm and closes his fist around it.

“Maybe you put it in, and it injects a toxin into your bloodstream instantly,” he suggests. They trail their hand along the cold console. Poor defective thing. She struggles to carry them where they need to go, and she can’t keep her own heart warm, let alone them.

“How does it work, Master?” they ask again. He likes hearing his name follow a question. He likes his threats being ignored less so.

“You clench your jaw,” he says, annoyed, “and push it. It’ll hurt, it’ll pop, and then…”

“It’ll hurt more?” they guess.

“You’ll be dead soon. Does it matter what happens in between?” It does. He could have made it painless. “If you don’t want it…” His palm opens wide, and the delicate tooth rolls down like he will let it fall to the floor. They move faster than they think. They catch the tooth against his hand.

They don’t like touching him. It always feels like there’s something more moving under his skin, something that grasps at their curled fingers and reaches into their cells until they drag their hand back. His expression hasn’t changed, but they’re grimacing and they hate it. Their face melts back to something safe and blank. “I want it.” The tooth is warm where it sits in their fist, and they aren’t thinking about that.

“Put it in, then.” There’s an awful smugness radiating from him. They almost want to try, but they don’t want to die here. Not this frozen TARDIS, not with him, not on this moon so small it isn’t named beyond numbers — none of that matters. They don’t want to die here, inside of it all, where time echoes back and forth until even someone- something like him can barely stand it at the loudest places. They didn’t come all this way to die in another cage.

They will die somewhere that death matters. That’s all they want.

So, they don’t struggle with the tooth and put their own life in danger like a fool. They let him take it back, and if he takes the chance to kill them, then at least he is something that can change and live and escape. If he kills them, he takes them with him, whether he wants to or not. And if he is ever free-

He tries to touch their jaw, and they recoil.

“I have to hold your mouth open to get it in,” he lies. They bare their teeth, nothing special, nothing particularly sharp about them. He’s hesitating all the same.

“Take your chances,” they say.

If they are crossing this channel together, then they want to be able to sting him.

They open their mouth for him. They reveal their missing canine, waiting for its replacement.

They feel his fingers against their lips and teeth. They hurt where they press against their gum. He tilts their head with a little pressure to see the empty space better. They stay still. Their breath fans out across his hand.

It hurts. They inhale sharply. Metal, not bone, digs into their gum. It pierces through and burrows until it’s secure. Their gum bleeds again.

His fingers rest against their lower set of teeth. He’s surveying his handiwork.

They close their mouth around the tips of his fingers. He barely has time to react and yank them back. They still catch the skin at the edges, digging in until blood spills out and the rest of his fingers come out scraped pink and raw. They lick their lips. Their new tooth, battered by the sudden movement, doesn’t break, doesn’t kill them.

“You bit me!” he snaps. They brace themselves against the console, but all he does is hiss and retreat.

“I did!” His blood doesn’t taste like theirs, not exactly. They resist the urge to touch their new tooth. That feels too much like tempting fate. “How does it look?” He glares at them, bloody fingers held to his chest. Really, it was only a nip. They barely tore the skin off. They could do worse.

He would know. He would…

They don’t want his blood in their mouth, suddenly. There’s too much of it. They spit, but the taste lingers.

It’s futile. He made the tooth. Part of him, lodged in them, poisonous. Death preserved inside, like a bullet, or like a moment, the seconds wrapped around a shove from surprise to terrible impact to puddling blood below a still body. He made this.

Even asked for it.

oh my god this is so stupid and self-indulgent no one ever read my writing again im-

[whenisitenoughtrees]

you've got that young blood (set it free)

“I saw them, Roman,” Virgil says simply.

It takes a long moment for Roman to understand what he means. All he can think about is the sensation of his hand, warm and soft, against his face.

But then, it clicks, and his heart begins to pound for an entirely different reason.

Of Roman, Virgil, scars, and self-worth.

(Virgil would prefer to have this conversation when Roman isn't bleeding all over the place, but beggars can't be choosers. Roman would prefer not to have this conversation at all.)

Content Warnings: blood, injury, scars, brief and non-graphic panic attack, briefly implied past self-harm

Word Count: 6,509

Pairing: Prinxiety

(masterpost w/ ao3 links)

He doesn’t expect Virgil to be waiting for him.

Later, he tells himself that he would have done it differently if he knew, that he would have made an effort to stand upright, would have tried not to waver, would have downplayed his injuries as best he could. And he tells himself that he would have succeeded, too, that with his acting prowess, he would have easily been able to assure him that nothing was amiss, would have been able to allay suspicion and send him on his way if only he’d had time to prepare.

None of that matters, though, in the end. Because he doesn’t know that Virgil is there, doesn’t know that he is perched on the edge of his bed (and has been for hours, though he will only learn that later), and so when he finally stumbles through the wardrobe that connects his room to the Imagination, he allows his knees to give out, allows himself to collapse to the floor, arm pressed against the deep gash in his side. He lets a moan escape his lips, half pain and half relief, because he has made it back, has returned, if not safely, then at least in possession of all of his limbs and most of his faculties. And he is practiced in stitching his own wounds and emerging into the commons a few hours later, any pain hidden carefully behind a dazzling grin, a few more scars added to the collection he never lets anyone see.

There is no reason for this time to be any different. So at first, when he hears the choked gasp, he thinks that his mind is playing tricks on him, that the blood loss is more severe than he thought.

But then, his bedsprings creak, and there is a rush of movement, and there is someone kneeling in front of him, hands trembling, hovering over his body, afraid to touch. He blinks, forcing his vision into focus, and the black-purple blur resolves into a pale face, wide eyes, and a patched hoodie.

Virgil.

He is speaking, words flowing from his mouth like a heavy rainfall, and he tunes in with an effort.

“--ell me where it’s coming from,” he’s saying, voice rushed, frantic, scared. “Oh my fucking god that’s a lot of blood, you gotta tell me where you’re hurt so I can fix it. Can you even hear me right now? Roman? Roman, please, you gotta--”

“I hear you,” he whispers. Pushing the words past his lips at all is difficult; he doesn’t have the strength to be louder. Most of his brain has devoted itself to figuring this out, trying to solve the puzzle of why, exactly, Virgil is here, appearing in front of him like a vision from the gods. And why, exactly, his heart is beating so fast.

“Oh, thank fuck,” Virgil says, quite vehemently. “Can you-- god, can you move? Like, your arm? I need to see how bad it is. Holy shit, Roman, where did--” He cuts off, leaving Roman unsure of what he was about to ask. And he doesn’t know what to do with the rest of it, numbness creeping into his brain, so he just tries to do what Virgil has asked of him, tries to sit up straighter and remove his arm from his throbbing side. The motion sends pain bursting up through his torso, like tiny fireworks going off in his flesh, and he bites back a groan. His sleeve is slick with blood.

“Oh, god,” Virgil says. He sounds so distressed, so frightened, and Roman wants nothing more than to tell him that it’s alright, that it will be alright, that he’s taken far more damage than this and come out the other side. He just needs his first aid kit, and though he could get it himself if he concentrated, it would be easier to ask Virgil to fetch it for him before he leaves.

But the words won’t come. He stares as Virgil pulls lightly at the fabric sticking to his skin, inhaling sharply as the pain flares again. And then, Virgil looks up at him, staring into his eyes, and he wonders, were they that color before? He’s always thought that Virgil’s eyes were brown, like Thomas’ are, but this close he can tell that they’re not, that they’re a dark purple instead, and how he mistook that color for brown, he has no idea. But they’re beautiful, like fractals of thousands of the darkest amethysts, glimmering with reflected light.

Virgil reaches up, brushes some hair back from his face, his fingertips barely grazing his skin. It would be a strangely intimate gesture if not for the sharp sting it causes, and Roman remembers, ah, yes, he took a rather nasty knock on the head as well. And head wounds always seem worse than they are, he knows that, knows that the drying blood smeared across his face is not indicative of a truly serious problem. But from the way Virgil’s staring, he’s not sure that Virgil is aware of it.

“I’m okay,” he tries to say, though the words come out sounding more like, “‘M ‘kay,” and the slurring likely doesn’t inspire any confidence. But he wants Virgil to realize that he’s fine, that he can take care of himself, that he doesn’t need to stick around and take care of him out of some misplaced worry or misguided obligation. He has treated injuries far worse than this and lived to tell the tale. Or rather, to keep the tale a secret.

Virgil laughs, short and humorless. Roman doesn’t like it; it’s too dry, too bitter. “Where’s your first aid kit?” he asks, and though the fear is not gone from his voice, it is contained in a trembling undertone. He sounds determined, resolute, and Roman’s not quite sure why. But he was going to ask Virgil to get the first aid kit anyway.

“Bathroom,” he manages. “Cabinet under the sink.”

Virgil nods, and for a few moments, disappears from his line of sight. He feels oddly bereft without him there, like he’s been left in the cold, which is truly ridiculous. Virgil’s about to leave anyway. Once he retrieves the first aid kit, there’s no reason for him to stay. Roman can handle this on his own, should handle this on his own, frankly, because he’s the one who got himself injured in the first place.

But then Virgil returns, crouching in front of him, and rather than dropping the kit off and making his exit, he opens it, laying out gauze and bandages and thread for stitches.

“Can you take off your shirt?” Virgil asks. “Or do you need me to do it?” He doesn’t look up as he says it, continuing to rummage around in the kit, which leaves Roman to gape at him, because what? His mind feels slow and muddled, but he thinks that even if it didn’t, something about that request doesn’t make any sense. He spends so long trying to work through it that Virgil pauses, glancing up at him, brow furrowed.

“Roman?” he asks, more urgently.

The thing that Roman doesn’t understand is that he hasn’t left yet. That he seems to be staying. That he looks for all the world like he’s about to take care of Roman’s wounds himself.

Why is he doing that? There’s no need. Perhaps he hasn’t made that clear enough.

“I can do it,” he says, and proceeds to struggle out of his shirt, and then his undershirt. Every movement sets his body alight, but he grits his teeth and pushes through it, dropping each piece of fabric on the ground in a heap. The bloodstains are never going to come out of those, and not for the first time, he regrets designing the Imagination so that its effects linger. It would feel like cheating to do it any other way, but it’s in times like these that he wouldn’t mind a bit of cheating.

What a noble sentiment. Some prince he is.

He wrests his mind away from that line of thinking, reaching for the antiseptic that Virgil has set out. His hand closes around the bottle, but then, Virgil’s fingers land on his, and he stops short. Virgil is glaring at him, and he forgets how to breathe.

“What are you doing?” Virgil asks.

He frowns. “I told you,” he says, putting extra effort into enunciating clearly. “I can do it myself.”

There is silence for a long moment. Virgil stares at him, not saying anything at all.

Then, he does.

“What,” he grits out, “the fuck. No you can’t.”

That irritates him a bit. Dimly, it occurs to him that this might not be the time or place to have an argument, but he ignores that thought. “Yes, I can,” he says. “I do it all the time.”

For some reason, Virgil goes very, very still. His eyes flicker from Roman’s face to his chest, tracing across his abdomen with startling intensity. Under any other circumstance, this might fluster him, but he has the sneaking suspicion that there is something he’s forgetting, that Virgil is examining something he doesn’t mean to reveal. And Virgil is angry about it, Roman can tell; his eyes flare and his breaths become slow and deliberate, the same pattern he uses to avoid a panic attack, or to stop himself from lashing out.

Roman doesn’t want him to be angry with him. But he doesn’t know how to make him not be. He and Virgil have come so far from the unwavering animosity that used to lie between them, but he is well aware that his own inclinations and desires tend to exacerbate Virgil’s worries, and he has never been able to work out how to avoid that.

And yet, when Virgil speaks again, his voice is low and gentle, like he’s addressing a startled animal, and Roman might be insulted by that if it weren’t so pleasant a voice to hear. Sometimes, when the world is calm and there is nothing pressing to accomplish, he thinks he could listen to Virgil speak for hours, listen to his low rasp and unique cadence, the teasing, sarcastic tone that does things to his heart.

“Well,” Virgil says, “you’re not going to this time, okay? Lie back for me.”

He pushes Roman’s shoulder, gently lowering him to lie flat against the floor, and Roman is so startled that he lets him. He doesn’t understand this sudden softness, doesn’t understand why Virgil is insistent on doing this when he could easily do it himself, doesn’t understand why Virgil was even here to begin with. And along with the pain, exhaustion is crashing over him in waves, the last dregs of his adrenaline finally fading away. So he watches with half-lidded eyes as Virgil moves to his side, carefully rubbing a dripping washcloth-- did he conjure that? When did that happen?--  across his chest, wiping away the crusted blood. His motions are deft and sure, even as he begins to clean the wound itself, exchanging water for alcohol. Roman arches his back against the pain, gasping as lightning bolts lance through his side, but otherwise keeps as still as he can.

“Sorry,” Virgil murmurs, but doesn’t hesitate. “I’m gonna stitch it up now.”

“‘Kay,” Roman says, and despite the haze that has overtaken him, a thought occurs to him, and he lacks just enough filter to ask. “How’re you so good at this?”

Because Virgil is good at this, is clearly practiced, has done this before. He wouldn’t have expected it from someone so anxious, would have expected shaking hands and crippling indecisiveness instead. But Virgil displays only a steady, uncharacteristic confidence, and Roman doesn’t know why.

For along minute, Virgil doesn’t answer. The bite of the needle as he begins to stitch the wound shut is almost unbearable, almost sends him squirming and panting for breath. He holds himself still, but something in his face must reveal the effort it takes him, because Virgil stops, staring at him.

“Shit,” he says suddenly, loudly, and Roman jolts as he dives for the first aid kit. “Shit, shit, shit! Painkillers, I didn’t even think to--! Fuck, I am so sorry, can you--?” He holds up the bottle of Tylenol, shaking a few out into his hands, and he looks so angry with himself, so worried, that Roman can’t help but try for a reassuring smile.

“I c’n take ‘em dry,” he confirms, and does so once Virgil hands them over. “‘S okay.”

But Virgil shakes his head. “It’s not,” he says, looking at him miserably. “God, I’m so fucking sorry, I’m just…” He trails off, taking a breath. “I used to do this for Remus, sometimes,” he confesses quietly. “When he’d come back from the Imagination beat to shit. Usually it was Janus, but sometimes it was me, when Jan couldn’t be there, and painkillers do fuck-all for him, so I completely fucking forgot.” He pauses, eyes trailing over his torso once again, something like sadness in the set of his mouth. “Remus does this a lot,” he says, so softly that Roman barely hears it. “I should’ve figured that you might, too. I should’ve--”

He cuts off, and Roman is glad of it, because he has no idea what to say.

He used to avoid thinking about Remus as much as he could. These days, he thinks about him too much. There is no middle ground, and this just feels like another nail in the coffin that marks their countless similarities, another entry in the ever-growing list of reminders that he is not nearly as different from his brother as he has always pretended to be, not nearly as heroic, as noble, as good as he wants everyone else to believe.

He’s spending so much time in the Imagination, lately, and in his heart of hearts, he knows he’s trying to escape himself. What are a few more scars, easily concealed, if it means he finds a little bit of balance, a little bit of peace?

Virgil waits a few minutes before starting his ministrations again, giving the painkillers time to kick in. The needle still stings, still makes him clench his fists and bite his lip as he longs for a distraction, but the pain is dulled, now, and Virgil moves quickly and efficiently.

“Okay,” he murmurs at length. “That’s as good as that’s gonna get. I’m gonna look at your head now.”

He shifts positions, and is suddenly very, very close, filling up Roman’s field of vision. He doesn’t seem to care much about where Roman’s gaze falls, which gives him free rein to stare at him, at the determination that sets his face and the way his eyeshadow brings out the color of his eyes.

They really are lovely eyes. How has he never noticed that before?

Virgil swipes the washcloth across his face, motions gentle and firm and soothing, and Roman feels his eyelids drooping. There is something in the way Virgil is looking at him, something that Roman would almost call tenderness if he wasn’t well aware of the fact that Virgil doesn’t do tenderness, tries not to do vulnerability at all. Roman can’t throw stones; he dislikes showing vulnerability too, dislikes presenting himself as anything less than strong and brave and put together. The fact that he is in this position, showing weakness, allowing himself to be cared for, is almost more than he can stand, and he’s sure that he would be far more upset about it if he were less tired, less in pain. If it were someone else here, if it weren’t Virgil.

He’s too exhausted to examine that right now.

He doesn’t realize his eyes have slipped closed until he hears Virgil chuckle, soft and far more genuine than before, and he pries them open again. Virgil’s face is blurry, hovering just above his.

“The head wound looks a lot worse than it is,” Virgil tells him, voice distant, and if he had the energy to do so, he would respond with something along the lines of, I could’ve told you that. Because he could have, if his words would cooperate with him. “You’re gonna be okay, Princey. You can go to sleep.”

Sleep. It sounds appealing. Isn’t there something else he should do, though, something else to say? Something to say to Virgil, specifically, Virgil, who is here, taking care of him, even when there was no need, when he would have been fine doing it himself just like always.

“‘Kay,” he whispers, his eyes sliding shut again. The world seems distant now, the pain barely a blip on his radar. “‘M sorry… you had to spend so much time…”

There is a conclusion to that sentence. But he can’t find it.

Dimly, he is aware of the washcloth’s motions pausing, resting warmly on his cheek. Virgil says something, then, something that travels down a long tunnel to reach him and that sounds something like, “You have nothing to apologize for,” but that can’t be right, because he knows that’s not true. And he thinks, too, that he feels a finger graze his face, tracing a line that Virgil cannot know, because Roman has always taken such great care to hide the markings that mar his skin.

But consciousness is slipping away, and he lets it go.

-----

Roman wakes, and immediately tries to move. This ends up being a mistake; pain shoots through him, originating from his side, and it rips a whimper from his lips. His head throbs, too, and reaching up with a shaky hand reveals that there is a bandage wrapped firmly around his forehead. Further investigation shows him that there are bandages around his abdomen, too, secure and restricting, and that his chest is otherwise bare.

“Oh my god, you dumbass,” someone says, and suddenly, Virgil is there, leaning over him, hair disheveled and eyeshadow deeper than usual, and Roman cannot help but stare. “What are you doing, you’re gonna tear something open. I’m not stitching you up again, genius.”

Oh. Right. He settles back against the pillows and does his best not to react externally as the memories come rushing back. Practically falling out of his own wardrobe, letting Virgil take care of him, making a fool of himself in general. Fantastic.

“Right,” he says, and winces at the hoarseness of his voice. “Sorry about that. How long have I been asleep?”

Virgil sighs, perching next to him on the edge of the bed. “Not too long,” he says. “A few hours. You could probably do with some more.”

Oh, absolutely not. A few hours is more than enough time to be well on the way to recovery, or at least, enough time to seem as if he is. Though, he supposes it doesn’t matter. Surely, the whole mindscape knows about this by now. Surely, Virgil’s told Patton and Logan, or at least answered their questions if they asked what he’s been doing. He’s surprised they’re not in here, Logan ready with a lecture and Patton full of guilt, guilt that is entirely undeserved, since all of this is Roman’s own fault.

Some of his thoughts must show on his face, because Virgil shifts his weight, glancing away.

“I told the others that I was helping you with a project,” he says, casually, as if he’s not upending Roman’s entire worldview, as if Roman doesn’t know full well that Virgil absolutely hates lying. “I think they bought it, so, uh. Janus might know something’s up, but he probably knows anyway, since you’ve been lying to us about it for so long.”

Roman’s stomach drops into his shoes. There is no bite to Virgil’s words, but  it must be there, because Virgil must be angry at the deception. He didn’t plan to ever reveal the truth; he didn’t want to worry them, and more than that, he didn’t want them to know how weak he truly is, how imperfect. Though that’s another thing that they’re surely well-versed in by now, so he’s not sure why he bothers.

“Sorry,” he mutters, and Virgil frowns.

“I didn’t mean it like--” He stops, shaking his head, and takes a few steadying breaths. Four-seven-eight. “Okay. I’m kinda scared shitless of having this conversation, but it clearly needs to happen, so. How long has this been going on?”

He’d hoped that Virgil would let it go. That Virgil’s tendency toward conflict avoidance would guide him away from asking any of the difficult questions. He should have remembered that only half of Virgil is flight, that he is just as capable of fight, of raising his voice and demanding his answers, that Virgil’s brand of courage is odd but no less present for that.

“What do you mean?” he asks weakly, and even as he says the words, he knows that the avoidance tactic won’t work. Not here, not now, and wouldn’t have even if he didn’t sound like he’s on death’s door.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Virgil says. He gestures, and then crosses his arms. “You. This. Getting hurt, and not telling us about it. Not letting us help.”

He chews on that for a moment, on the idea that helping would be a thing that they would want to do. Surely, there are better uses for their time? This is another reason why he made sure to hide it; if they knew, they would feel obligated to come to his aid, just as Virgil has. Perhaps it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want that, doesn’t want them to help him because they’ve fooled themselves into thinking they have to.

He clears his throat. “Not terribly often,” he says, and hopes that the lie isn’t powerful enough, isn’t loud enough to draw Deceit’s attention. “And even when it does, it’s nothing I can’t handle, really. I’m quite capable of patching myself up, you know.” He pauses. “I’m sorry I roped you into doing it.”

Virgil exhales sharply. “Roped me-- okay. Alright, that’s bullshit. You didn’t rope me into taking care of you, I did it because I was fucking worried about you.”

“I didn’t want to upset--”

“If you’re about to tell me you didn’t want to upset me, I swear to god, I will scream.” Roman dutifully shuts his mouth. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now, but you didn’t force me into helping you. I did that because I... I fucking care about you, alright? And I don’t want you to be hurt.” Throughout the speech, Virgil’s face grows steadily redder under his foundation, his knees beginning to bounce up and down like pogo sticks. He looks very much like he would like to run from the room, and perhaps it is a sign of how important he considers this to be that he doesn’t.

Roman stares, trying to process that. He has no idea how to respond.

Virgil takes another breath, visibly calming himself. “Look, I… this isn’t even what I wanted to talk about.” He meets Roman’s eyes, regarding him steadily. “I know you’re lying. About it not happening often. It happens a lot, doesn’t it?”

“How do you--” He breaks off, his mind racing in an effort to figure out how Virgil could possibly know that. This is the first time he’s been caught, after all, not just by Virgil but by anyone, and one time does not a pattern make. He shouldn’t be able to guess, shouldn’t be able to say it with such stark certainty, not unless he already had a low opinion of his fighting prowess, and that burns in a way he would like to not scrutinize too closely--

“Roman.”

Virgil’s voice breaks him out of his reverie, and he glances over. Virgil is staring at him, an odd expression on his face, somewhere between resignation and sorrow, and for a split second, Roman is almost overwhelmed by the urge to try to smooth that expression away, to do anything to put a smile on his face. Virgil’s smiles are rare, but that makes them all the more precious.

“You don’t even know that you’re doing it, do you,” Virgil says. “It comes naturally. You don’t even think about it.”

He blinks, because what? What is he talking about?

And then, Virgil reaches out to caress his face, and his brain bluescreens.

It’s a caress. There’s no other way to describe it, no other way to label the way his fingers lightly stroke his skin and hold his cheek. His face feels as though it has been set aflame, sparks going off wherever contact is made. He wants Virgil to stop. He wants to bury his face in his pillow for the rest of time and scream. He wants Virgil to keep holding him forever.

“I saw them, Roman,” Virgil says simply.

It takes a long moment for Roman to understand what he means. All he can think about is the sensation of his hand, warm and soft, against his face.

But then, it clicks, and his heart begins to pound for an entirely different reason. He remembers it, then, remembers the way Virgil looked at his chest, at his face while he was treating him. He didn’t have the awareness to realize it then, but he does now, realizes exactly what Virgil saw, what he put together, and his breaths come short and quick as the implications catch up to him.

Virgil is right. He doesn’t think about it. Doesn’t think about the multitude of scars that cover his body, a patchwork of lines and grooves and valleys marring his skin, years and years of injuries piling up and tearing him apart, memories of blood and pain traced into him forever. He doesn’t think about it, because usually, they are out of sight, out of mind; from the moment he received his first, he began the habit of shapeshifting them away, showing off skin that is flawless, unblemished by his failures. He does it all the time, unceasing, because presentation is everything and he has never wanted the others to know, never wanted them to see him as he truly is. It is a constant expenditure of energy, but one well worth it, one that he barely notices after all these years.

Injured and weak as he was, the disguise must have slipped away. He must have fallen to his knees, scars on full display, in all their messy, ugly glory. And of course, Virgil saw.

And now, Virgil knows.

“Hey, hey,” Virgil says, and he can barely hear him over the roaring in his ears. “C’mon, Roman, you’re okay, you’re gonna be okay. Try to match my breathing, alright?”

And Virgil breathes, in and out, loud and intentional, and counts. Four-seven-eight. It takes a while for Roman to copy him, for his breathing to steady and his heart to slow, and once it does, he feels exhausted, wrung out, like bubblegum stretched too thin.

“Sorry,” he mutters. He can’t find it in himself to meet Virgil’s eyes.

“I told you, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” Virgil says seriously. He pauses. “Except for scaring the shit out of me, but um. We can do that later, so just. Look, when you first got back, you were covered in them, and I wanted to ask then, but it wasn’t the time. And then you shifted them away literally while you were sleeping, which I didn’t even know was possible, but I guess you’re used to doing it? So I guess what I actually wanted to ask is, why’ve you been hiding them?”

He stiffens, and can’t stop the incredulous laugh from bursting from his lips, even as his mind reels with this new information. “Are you serious?” he asks, and forces himself to meet Virgil’s gaze, even though he would like nothing more than to hide his face, hide away under his covers until all of this goes away and he can pretend that things are normal again. “You can’t figure that out?”

But Virgil doesn’t react. “Pretend I’m stupid,” he offers, voice flat. “Walk me through it.”

“I--” He wishes he could gesture, redirect attention with waving arms and comical expressions. But every movement sends bolts of pain down his side, sets his head to throbbing again. “Really? You-- you saw them.” His voice cracks, and he tries not to let it get to him. What’s a little more humiliation at this point, right?

“So?” Virgil asks.

He can’t believe he’s going to have to explain this.

“So?” he repeats. “So? So they’re ugly! So they’re… they’re just reminders of every time I’ve failed, every time I’ve been dumb enough to let myself get hurt! So I don’t like them, and I don’t… I didn’t want--”

“You didn’t want us to see,” Virgil finishes, and really, he has no right being this astute, no right to see through him like this. His gaze is level, piercing, pinning him to the spot with its sheer intensity, and Roman feels entirely too exposed. “Well, I want to see.”

He becomes very aware that Virgil is still holding his face.

“You what?” he rasps.

“I want to see them,” Virgil repeats. “Will you let me see them?”

His first instinct is to deny him, to push him away and proceed to act like this conversation never occurred in the first place. He knows exactly how they look, knows exactly how unappealing they are; how long has he stood in front of the mirror, glaring at a reflection that is never up to his standards? And for some reason, the thought of Virgil of all people looking at them, judging them, judging him and finding him wanting, is absolutely unbearable. He thinks he would die if that happened, thinks he would shatter into a million pieces on the floor, break apart into so much dust.

But Virgil is asking. Asking, not demanding, and there is no disgust in his voice.

And he’s seen them. So really, what harm could be done that has not been done already?

Virgil is likely to keep pushing if he refuses. And Roman is so tired.

“Okay,” he says, and he shuts his eyes, and drops his shifted form. It feels like a layer of water sliding from his skin, or like an eggshell cracking open and revealing the messy yolk beneath. For a long moment, there is silence, heavy and oppressive, and he doesn’t dare open his eyes to look, doesn’t dare see the expression on Virgil’s face, the horror, the disdain, or worse, the pity.

And then, Virgil’s hand moves, lightly tracing across his face in patterns that are all too familiar. He can’t move, can’t breathe. He knows all too well the scars that he is counting: the slashes across his cheeks from too many careless swords, the line cutting through his lips from a harpy that tried to claw his face off, and the biggest of all, the slash from a dragon’s talons, a deep gash that begins on his forehead and trails across his nose, reaching all the way to his jawline, narrowly avoiding his eyes. Virgil’s fingers linger there longest of all.

And then, he pulls away. Roman braces himself.

“You think you’re the only one with scars?”

His eyes shoot open.

“What?”

Virgil is watching him, an odd light in his eyes. He’s rubbing his arm with one hand, up and down, a repetitive, subconscious motion.

“Look,” he says, and his voice is shaking now, just ever so slightly. “I get it. More than you might think. You have these scars, and you think they mean that you fucked up, or that you failed at something, and... Maybe. Fuck, I don’t know. But you know what else they are?”

Roman can’t speak. Virgil continues, not waiting for an answer.

“They mean that you’re still alive,” he says. “It means that you’re still here, that you survived, and that you kept going. That doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you strong. And I’m not gonna tell you that you have to think that they’re beautiful, or some shit like that, but they’re not ugly, they’re not gross, and they don’t make you worthless.”

His breath hitches. Tears pool in his eyes, and he is powerless to dispel them.

“It took me a really long time to learn that,” Virgil says. “They’re a part of you, and you don’t have to feel lesser for that. And you don’t have to hide them, not if you don’t want to. No one’s going to judge you for them.” He pauses, a strange look passing across his face. “And that’s coming from me, so, uh. You know. If the literal personification of anxiety is telling you that you don’t need to worry about it. Maybe you shouldn’t.”

Roman laughs a little, despite himself, more out of disbelief than anything else.

“You really think it’s that simple?” he asks, and hopes that Virgil doesn’t take it the wrong way.

“I know it’s not that simple,” Virgil returns. “I know how hard it is to change how you think about yourself. I mean, god, Roman, you know who you’re talking to, right? I’m kind of the king of negativity. But you’re not on your own on this.” He shifts, scooting a bit closer. “If you ask us for help, we’d do anything for you, but that’s not because we think we have to. It’s because we love you. And you deserve that love. Never think that you don’t. Scars or no scars.”

Roman shudders, emotions rolling through him with the force of a thousand rushing rivers.

“And I think, I mean--” Virgil stops. “Your-- fuck. Just, for the record, I--” He sucks in a breath, turning away sharply. “Fuck,” he says again, as if to himself, and then, in one smooth motion, he turns back to Roman, places both hands on the side of his face, and plants a kiss on his cheek, right over one of his scars. It’s like a thousand volts of energy, like a fire burning just beneath his skin, like a symphony crescendoing to its climax. Roman gasps, and Virgil pulls back, and Roman is absolutely certain that his face is melting off right now, that the warmth flooding his face and body is searing the flesh from his bones.

Virgil stares at him, face red. And then, to Roman’s shock, he does it again, on his nose, right where the biggest scar crosses his face. Slower, this time, his lips lingering for a heartbeat too long, giving Roman the chance to think about how soft they are, how much he would like them to be on his lips instead.

Well, that’s… huh. Part of him knew that already, has known for a very long time that he wants this, but the confirmation has his brain buzzing.

“I think they’re hot,” Virgil says, just above a mumble.

“You what?” Roman says, even though he’s fairly sure he didn’t mishear, even though hope, bright and warm and traitorous, is rising in his chest like a bird taking wing. He has never loved his scars, has never thought of them as attractive at all, and never so much as considered the possibility that someone else might disagree.

But Virgil doesn’t lie. Wouldn’t lie, not about this. It is a miracle that Virgil is acting this way at all, is behaving in a manner that clearly puts him far outside his comfort zone.

“Don’t make me say it again,” Virgil snaps, and there is the Virgil that Roman is most familiar with, hackles raised and spitting insults. Despite everything that’s happened, despite the fact that his mind is spinning and he still feels entirely too hot, he smiles. “Fuck, I’m just gonna go die in a hole now. See if I do anything for you ever again.”

He moves as if to stand from the bed, as if to leave, and though hours ago he wanted him to do that very thing, Roman feels a flash of panic at the prospect. Before he can think better of it, his hand snakes out and latches on to the sleeve of Virgil’s hoodie, stopping him in his tracks. For a moment, they stare at each other, both silent, almost expectant as Roman casts about for something to say, something to keep Virgil here.

“I have a scar on my lips,” he blurts out. “You, uh, wanna… do… something?”

He congratulates himself on his smoothness. He should give up being Thomas’ creativity and open up a smoothie place, that’s how smooth he is.

Virgil glares. “If you’re just gonna make fun of me, you can fuck right off and--”

“What? No,” he says. “I’m not-- what made you think I was making fun of you? I’m asking you to kiss me!”

Virgil stares, silent. He feels himself begin to waver.

“If… uh, just if you want to, I guess,” he says, voice weakening. “I just thought that maybe…”

“You’re an idiot,” Virgil declares, and captures his lips with his own.

A far as declarations of love go, it’s not the best Roman has ever heard. But as far as kisses, well.

“Don’t think this gets you out of talking about this,” Virgil murmurs, pulling back a centimeter or two. “I’m gonna sic Patton on you. You’re gonna get so much love and emotional support, and so many cookies, and you’re not gonna escape until we get it into your dumbass head that you’re worth so much more than you think you are.”

Even moments ago, the thought would have filled him with horror, horror at the prospect of anyone else knowing, anyone else seeing, anyone else wanting to talk to him about it. And maybe this is only a respite, a brief moment of insanity before that horror returns. And it’s not just the scars. Perhaps it’s never been about the scars, not really.

But right now, his head is buzzing with Virgil’s words, his lips still alight with the imprint of his kiss, and his scars are bared and Virgil likes them, thinks they make him strong, thinks that he’s not a failure at all. And most of him rejects that, suspects that in time, Virgil will come to see the ugly truth, and if that is the case, he should pull back now, save both of them the trouble.

Virgil won’t allow that, though; if he knows anything about Virgil, it is that he is stubborn, incredibly so, enough to be a match for him. And there is a voice, buried deep in his brain, telling him that he should listen, that Virgil is right, and that he deserves this. He doesn’t make a habit of listening to that voice.

But perhaps he should. And Virgil smiles at him, just slightly, and he thinks that perhaps he can.

“Cookies,” he repeats. “Sounds good.” And to his surprise, finds that he means it.

Writing Taglist: @just-perhaps @the-real-comically-insane @jerrysicle-tree @glitchybina @psodtqueer @mrbubbajones @snek-boii

[mbti-notes]

I've been looking back at my romance life and I think there's a pattern of being attracted to narcissists? In your experience, what's the fastest way to tell that someone is a narcissist? I really don't want to love someone like that again. It's so hurtful to me. - ESFJ

There are degrees of narcissism and two distinct subtypes of narcissism (that are currently known and agreed upon). Narcissism is personality dysfunction, which means that anyone with a personality can display some narcissistic tendencies at times, with the most severe or extreme cases being labeled as a personality disorder. To avoid confusion, I usually use terms like self-centered or egotistical to describe milder cases. You haven't provided any detail as to the degree or type of narcissism that you're used to dealing with. In other words, I don't know exactly what you mean when you call someone a "narcissist", so I’m not clear about the traits/qualities that you are wanting to identify in people.

The details matter because laypeople tend to confuse narcissism and psychopathy when describing socially problematic behavior. While the two have some overlap in surface features, they are not the same in underlying psychology. Psychopaths lack empathy largely due to neurological deficits in emotional functioning, which makes it difficult for them to understand why manipulating, deceiving, or exploiting people is wrong, so moral development is severely hampered as a result. Narcissists don't lack empathy in the same way as psychopaths, rather, they fail to develop empathy due to being utterly consumed by their own emotional problems. It’s not yet clear whether narcissists also have their own unique neurological impairments. It may be that the emotional problems have some neurological component that incidentally interferes with normal empathy development. Narcissists suffer from self-esteem, self-image, hypersensitivity, and/or shame issues, and their extreme self-focus makes it difficult if not impossible for them to really see others. Narcissists, at heart, want to be admired in order to keep their illusory self-concept intact, so they generally only manipulate, lie, or exploit as necessary to feel better about themselves (i.e. not necessarily because they are ruthless or sadistic).

There are several aspects of your type that might make you prone to this pattern of attraction. These are things to be aware of and work on for your personal growth and well-being:

1) Taking initial impressions at face value: How do you know if this is a problem? You often get surprised by and/or confused about people acting in ways that you really don't expect. Healthy EFs tend to be naturally trusting and give people the benefit of the doubt. This is an admirable quality that facilitates quick relationship progress. However, this quality can also be used against you because it makes you slow to detect the warning signs that someone is not what they first presented to you. When someone puts on a false face to gain your trust, it's hard to suss out the truth of who they are. This makes it necessary to wait until their true face starts to come through in more obvious ways. If there is concrete evidence of troubling or suspicious behavior, don't dismiss it. For example, narcissists tend to be unreasonably pushy or deeply insecure, so they only really care about getting you to fulfill their needs or prop them up. Be skeptical for a time and collect more facts about them. People are complicated, especially when they have suffered psychological damage that produced the narcissism. What you first see is not always what you get, so allow enough time for the whole truth to reveal itself. In ESFJs, this caution, patience, and attentiveness is achieved with proper Si development.

2) People pleasing: How do you know if this is a problem? You often feel as though you give more than you get in return from your relationships. Healthy Fs tend to be kind and willing to go above and beyond to help. It's a virtue. However, this can be used against you when your help is not properly appreciated and even exploited by people who don't care about your well-being. It makes you feel good to be helpful, so it's easy for someone to draw you in by making you feel like they really need you (reflect on whether you have a savior complex). Remember that YOU have needs and desires too, and if someone loves you, they should be more than willing to reciprocate your gestures of care, support, and helpfulness. One of the biggest warning signs that a relationship is bad for you? The other person doesn't care about your needs and only knows to take from you. If they're manipulative, they might claim to repay your kindness "one day" but, somehow, that day never seems to come or what they "give" you is always something inconsequential to them, an empty gesture to placate you. Healthy relationships must have a sense of equality - being in it together, working together, sacrificing together, etc. If you don't feel that, it should give you pause. In ESFJs, discontent is felt through Si, so you must be in touch with it and listen to it.

3) Fantasizing: How do you know if this is a problem? You spend a lot of mental time and energy reminding yourself of people's "redeeming" qualities and/or their "potential" (to become who you know they can be), not realizing that you're consistently downplaying their negative qualities and the many times that they've failed to be what you hoped they would be. Healthy EFs tend to be romantics because they really enjoy all those positive feelings of courtship and being in love. Once you've "fallen" into those feelings, you are heavily invested in the relationship's success, and you're no longer objective about the other person, since all you see when you look at them are your own romantic hopes and dreams. Love is one of the great gifts of being human. But it's important to know the difference between love and fantasy. Love isn't about finding the perfect soulmate and getting lost in them. Love is about two people learning to come together in a way that is complementary and beneficial to both parties. It can be hard work to really get to know someone, to bridge the differences, to connect. But you won't be doing that hard work if you're more interested in taking up residence at la la land. In ESFJs, this means avoiding misuse of Ne.

You ask for the "fastest" way to tell if someone is a narcissist? At the end of the day, a narcissist only hears what they want to hear and they never really hear you. Therefore, 1) always speak the uncomfortable truths out loud, and 2) always make sure that your needs and desires are equally elevated in the relationship. Then see what happens.

[glitched-reflections-blog]

Harpy Matsu AU

Okay. Tabimatsu staff, you got me. Bird/Parrot Matsus? Let me expand on that and make them harpies. I love Oso-san AUs with a passion, but I've never really made my own. I have no idea if anybody's thought of a Harpy AU or not - in which case, I'm incredibly sorry if there already has been one in the past. I wish I could draw these out... Anyway, have at it.

General

- Like traditional harpies, they have the talons of a bird on both their feet and hands, feathers growing along their arms right up to their wrists, and long tails for balance and aerial maneuvering. When crossing their arms, their wings resemble a feathery shawl. Peeking closely at their hair reveals tiny feathers that are scattered throughout, and their chests have soft tufts of fluffy down feathers.

- The sextuplets have large wingspans that complement their human-like size. They can remain aloft for a good hour until they become exhausted from physical exertion due to tiresome flapping. Evolution has made them more land locked than their ancestors. Gliding between trees is their favored method of travel. Their talons are powerful enough to propel themselves off the ground and grasp onto surfaces securely.

- Living near a human village has made the brothers partially reliant on them for their needs: tools, clothes, books, and advanced contraptions are prime examples of what separates them from others of their kind. Harpyfolk and humans live together peacefully but some choose to avoid harpies as a show of respect, believing that they are heavenly envoys of the goddess they worship.

- The Matsuno family live in a small, self sustained network of branching tree cabins that connect through tightly woven vine bridges. Its location is near the base of a calming waterfall, their source of clean drinking water and bountiful food. Matsuyo and Matsuzo share a cabin, while their sons each have one to call their own.

Osomatsu (Scarlet Macaw)

- Among his brothers, Osomatsu’s colors radiate splendidly through the thick vegetation of the woods. He preens himself regularly when alone and doesn’t seem to mind losing his feathers while doing boisterous activities. He is the absolute worst when pin feathers grow back in their place, the itchiness causing him to complain until a much needed bath soothes him.

- His favorite fruit to eat are pomegranates. He stockpiles them in his hut and cuts them open to place its seeds in his trusted, handmade leaf satchel that his mother made for him. Oso enjoys lazing about by the grass carpeted rock cliffs in the village, snacking on pomegranate while watching the clouds drift by in tranquility.

- Oso loves showing off his aerial acrobatics and challenges his younger brothers to friendly competitions. He has a lot of endurance, yet his eagerness stifles his ability to think ahead and leaves his navigational skills disarranged.

- A particular hobby of his is searching for old relics relating to his species that are scattered about in the lands his family reside in. Anything he doesn’t deem interesting, he sells them to the village for quick money. His treasured possession is an old compass that perpetually points to the sky. Choromatsu believes that it could lead them to another harpy civilization – one whose roots have survived the sands of time, living within the far reaches of the stratosphere.

Karamatsu (Black-throated Magpie-Jay)

- No one matches his expertise on preening. Much of his free time is spent making his wings perfect beyond reason, and his hair well groomed. He sports an impressive black crest on his head that flares up when he is surprised or when he attempts to provoke awe and adoration from humans.

- Karamatsu is enthralled by stringed musical instruments and has taught himself how to play them as a young hatchling. He has a natural singing voice that he revels in sharing with anyone who is willing to listen. He often allows Jyushimatsu to tag along with him to sing duets to generous villagers with heavy wallets and they have become marginally famous for their performances.

- The best at the culinary arts in his family next to his mother, he has a collection of recipe books written by both harpies and humans that he can skim through when he’s chosen as the designated cook for the evening.

- His silhouette when soaring is said to be breathtaking, his long tail trailing behind him like fluttering silk ribbons and his wings as delicate as an ornamental paper kite. Karamatsu takes advantage of these free flight sessions to gain unending inspiration for his songs.

Choromatsu (Indian Ringneck)

- Choromatsu’s behavior is described as the most “human” of the sextuplets. He prefers traversing on terra firma rather than taking to the skies. An accident involving a massive rockslide has left him terrified of potential falls when flying, where he was severely injured for weeks. This fear has caused him to never rely on his wings. His brothers collectively strive to coax him into using them once again, but Choro is stubbornly set in his ways.

- Writes a personal encyclopedia that laboriously analyzes the fauna, flora, environment, and weather patterns of the region. He’s studious in his research and often arranges expeditions with Osomatsu as his own spirited lookout.

- His eyes are a subject of discussion among his brothers. Like an Indian Ringneck, his pupils pine when he speaks animatedly about his various interests. It unnerves Todomatsu considerably and the others will try to set him up into getting Choro excited just to entertain themselves with the youngest’s overreactions.

- He volunteers at the library to peruse the countless aisles of books that seem to call his name. When no one is looking, he flips through their pages for any insightful information and jots down the titles for future reference. He’s been caught slacking off with his nose pressed to a page of a juicy erotic novel that he couldn’t put down.

Ichimatsu (Violet-backed Starling)

- Ichimatsu’s feathers have an iridescent sheen that is uncommon in harpies and desired by humans for their natural elegance suitable for those of high class standing. Unfortunately, his lack of care leaves them frayed at the ends, giving him a more gloomy appearance that contrasts with his stunning hues. He is understandably shy around humans and will avoid contact unless someone has gained his hard earned trust.

- He patrols the forest in search of sick or injured animals, a task that he has designated for himself. Ichi carries medical supplies and bottled water at all times for such occasions. The black footed cats that make their rounds around the Matsuno's residence were all cared for by Ichimatsu and have remained fiercely loyal to him.

- Ichi was the last to learn how to fly but with Osomatsu's patience and guidance, he can take flight relatively well, but with some minor issues. He tires instantly and requires frequent breaks in between trips to and fro from the village and his home.

- Files down his claws so as to not hurt others. He's also worried about them accidentally getting lodged into branches or floorboards. They grow at an exponentially quick rate that is hard for him to keep up with.

Jyushimatsu (Lutino Cockatiel)

- Mimicry is his talent as a harpy, achieving perfect pitch and replicating different sounds from simply hearing them. He whistles short calls that serve as vital communication signals, from which he has shared and taught to his brothers.

- Jyushi adores taking vitalizing baths in the waterfall basin every morning to help stimulate his joints and muscles before engaging in his daily strenuous exercise regimens. He drags Ichimatsu outside of his cozy nest and will set him down onto the water, splashing considerable amounts of it on top of him while Ichi idles by groggily, uncaring and soaked from head to toe.

- The village children admire Jyushimatsu immensely and will not hesitate to flock to him the moment he is in sight. He will indulge in their favorite games and give them rides around the village's perimeter if given permission from their watchful parents.

- His upper body strength is rather impressive for someone of his kind. Because of this, he's capable of carrying heavy items while flying for extended periods of time. He lends a talon to anyone who might need help in deliveries, and always receives rewards for his efforts.  Money, food, and homemade gifts are just some of the many offerings he brings home.

Todomatsu (Galah Cockatoo)

- Totty has an abnormal fascination with humans and wishes he could be one, downplaying his bird charateristics unless it serves a distinct purpose. Loathes being considered a "superior species" on account of the distance it creates between himself and those he recognizes as plausible friends. He is extremely fond of lavishing, positive compliments on his fluffy, cotton soft feathers from which he pretends are simply fancy accessories rather than a part of what he is.

- A giant Magnolia tree stretches its deep roots right outside the village, overlooking the gargantuan mountains in the boundary surrounding the steep cliffsides. Its caretaker is Todomatsu, who tends to the soil and pours fresh water on a day to day basis. There is a wooden bench built with Karamatsu's help that Todomatsu requested to improve his scenic getaway spot.

- He's afraid of wandering through the forest by his lonesome and always calls on his older brothers for assurance. Outright refuses to leave his cabin at nighttime unless it's an important or urgent matter.

- The galah cockatoo harpy loves perusing the village's clothing stores and periodically suggests designs to the local couturiers that he commissions handsomely out of his own pockets. Boasts the biggest wardrobe and proudly displays his custom fashion to his acquaintances - he's single handedly made businesses skyrocket in earnings.

[acsversace-news]

In the first episode of FX's The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story Versace's (Edgar Ramirez) partner Antonio D'Amico (played by Ricky Martin) is grilled by an investigator who's totally clueless about the icon murdered moments ago. Who was he, really? the investigator wants to know. D'Amico, his white shirt stained with the blood of his partner, musters, "He was a genius."

He was, but "genius" doesn't fully convey the enormity of Versace's thinking, or his impact. Gianni Versace rose from opening a small Milan store in 1978 to being a fashion, media and branding virtuoso with an empire worth $807 million by the time he was murdered in 1997. As much as he shaped those worlds, his story may seem like a puzzling choice for Ryan Murphy's next American Crime Story after the seismic shifts of The People v. O.J. Simpson. Whereas the O.J. story divided America along racial fault lines, Versace's murder (by a gay man on a killing spree no less) didn't have the same impact to people outside the insular, elite realms of fashion and media. But if there's one thing Ryan Murphy loves, it's the element of surprise, and stories with high octane-impact. And while Versace's murder is a heinous injustice on its own, Murphy took on this story because it has implications bigger than a celebrity's death. American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace is Murphy's way of demanding accountability, of forcing the public to understand that the brutal slaying of one of the world's greatest talents was due to deeply ingrained anti-gay discrimination within law enforcement and society as a whole.

"People often ask us if we're going to do JonBenét Ramsey," executive producer and frequent Murphy collaborator Alexis Martin Woodall told TV Guide. "It's a big crime but it doesn't have larger implications. We always have to have a social context. I think it's really important to shine the light on the world FBI's largest failed manhunt and why that happened." That's why this iteration of American Crime Story has "assassination" in the title: it chronicles how homophobia ended the life of one of the world's greatest talents. Entrenched homophobia caused local police teams to bungle investigations of Andrew Cunanan (played by Darren Criss) as he killed his first victims in Minnesota and Chicago. It's also why the FBI botched its manhunt in spite of generous evidence, clues and tips. And internalized homophobia is certainly why the gay community itself downplayed the fact a gay killer was on the loose, afraid of making gay people look bad.

Yes, Versace's murder was a high-profile crime. But what should have been a watershed moment to look at how bias let a madman murder five people, including Versace, went to waste because the mostly closeted gay community was afraid (understandably) of the attention Cunanan's sexuality would foist upon them. Twenty years later, the prolific showrunner is getting justice. Because of his need to correct the record, their shared sensibilities and his singular penchant for visual razzle-dazzle, Murphy is the only TV producer who can give Versace's death as much meaning as his life. Unsurprisingly, it's also his best work yet.

"Dramatic, emotional, brash — big primary colors of emotion and subtlety," is how Tim Minear an executive producer who's worked with Murphy on AHS and Feud: Bette and Joan, described the House of Murphy sensibility to TV Guide. "Pushed," is another word he uses frequently. It's a nebulous term, but one that makes sense to anyone who's been yanked through the screen by Murphy's heightened sense of, well, everything in his shows, whether it's a chorus of gay schoolboys signing Katy Perry on Glee or Chaz Bono hacking off his hand in Horror Story.

Murphy and Versace don't make the same products, obviously, but fundamentally, they create the same effect: baptism into a world of media obsession, celebrity worship, glamour, filth and sex. "I think it's the responsibility of a designer to break rules and barriers," Versace once said, and he lived it. Versace bucked fashion rules that said expensive clothes were supposed to look refined. He borrowed from taboo subcultures — punk, bikers, sex workers — and made dresses that were loud and risqué, purposefully showing too much skin or too much pattern, to upend ideas of good taste. He also single-handedly rebranded Miami, where he created an opulent mansion, as a destination for beautiful jet-setting people. He practically created "supermodels" — Naomi Campbell was his main muse — and, as the first to deliberately place celebs like friends Prince and Madonna in the front row of his shows, he pioneered the idea that fashion could mean celebrity, rock & roll and sex.

He was openly gay, a rarity in the days when "Don't Ask Don't Tell" was supposed to be progress but barred gay people in the military from speaking about their personal lives. Being out was so rare and risky for a public figure then — yup, even for a fashion designer — that in April 1997, just months before Versace died, Ellen DeGeneres came out and saw her sitcom canceled and career stalled for years. Versace was a rebel. Versace invented giving zero f--s. Just as Versace didn't simply make clothes but rather, a feeling, Ryan Murphy doesn't make TV as much as he makes commentary. Nineteen years younger than Versace, Murphy also comes from humble beginnings (working class Indianapolis) and cut his teeth writing about entertainment for glossy pop culture magazines. Then he started creating pop culture himself, first with Popular, then Nip/Tuck, Glee, Scream Queens, the AHS series, The People v O.J. Simpson and Feud. Though every subject has been different, Murphy imbues every show with the same principles of contradictory emotion and images that leave viewers asking aloud and/or rewinding to see what the hell they just saw.

Murphy never hid his sexual orientation in his cutthroat industry, either. And just like Versace, Murphy's distinctly gay sensibility informs his shows as much as a queer point of view was imbued in Versace's clothes and casa. Their common language is camp, expressed through an innate instinct to provoke people with a patchwork of disparate, non-conformist influences. Gay men, particularly those of a certain age who endured hardships of yore, are unmatched in their ability to merge the sad, beautiful, profane, holy and hilarious in a single sentiment. If anything unites Murphy's wildly different works, it's delighting in the mix. Their end products aren't the same, but Murphy and Versace are cut from the same cloth.

Andrew Cunanan, on the other hand, was the shadow image of the two. Using the thoroughly researched book Vulgar Favors: Andrew Cunanan, Gianni Versace, and the Largest Failed Manhunt in U.S. History as its bible, the FX series depicts how Cunanan had all the desire to be as prominent as Versace or Murphy but did nothing to accomplish it other than lie and con. Versace and Murphy achieved success with endless hours of work and sacrifice, but Cunanan just earned the tokens of it — cash, clothes, drugs — through manipulation and sinister deception. And where Versace and Murphy boldly confronted homophobia by being out and outspoken, Cunanan succumbed to it by lying and pretending to be somebody else, so much that nobody who knew him really knew who he was. He killed his closest friends in egomaniacal tantrums; Cunanan shot Versace because he represented what Cunanan could've been, and what he felt he deserved. He wanted to be famous. "The most ironic thing of all," Alexis Martin Woodall said, "is that he wanted to be remembered and nobody remembers who he was. Everybody thinks fame is the answer and for most people, fame is totally destructive."

Murphy delights in showing monsters up close, as he does in American Horror Story, but he's most poignant when he probes how real-life monsters became that way. The Assassination of Gianni Versace allows Murphy to do what he does best: make viewers understand — but not empathize — with the devil. And only Murphy could achieve the delicate balance of vilifying a person without vilifying an entire culture — exactly what kept the case from having the same kind of cultural impact that O.J. had. That long overdue impact can now finally occur in Murphy's dramatic retelling.

Murphy directed the first episode of Versace and, as everyone knows, he never shies away from brutal images. The season opener goes back to Versace's face, ripped open by the stolen .40 caliber semiautomatic Cunanan used, several times in the hospital and autopsy room. It is gruesome and haunting, yet fitting. Versace made Medusa, the mythological monster with a head full of snakes, his logo; he saw the beauty in the grotesque and knew that shock had value. Murphy has made those elements hallmarks, using them as Trojan horses to make points about racism (O.J.), sexism (Feud) and now, homophobia, a subject that's obviously personal. In the years since Versace's demise, many groups and museums — and even his sister Donatella (portrayed in the FX series by her friend Penelope Cruz) — have honored Versace's legacy. But 20 years after Versace's death, Ryan Murphy has created a work that not only pays respects to the legendary designer but channels righteous anger at the institutions that robbed the world of a master whose sole life purpose was to create beauty, fun and love. And he manages to do it in a way that doesn't shy away from the fact that Versace's killer was cut from what Cunanan considered to be the same cloth. The result is a series so intense that even the cast and crew cried while shooting.

"The word genius is overused," said Woodhall. "Except with Ryan. He really is a genius. He is a visionary."

The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story premieres Wednesday, Jan. 17 at 10/9c on FX.

[couplesinstitutecounseling]

We’re going to talk about lies. Why do we lie – ever? And while it’s easy to perhaps scapegoat people who aren’t telling the whole truth – as with anything in relationship – it takes TWO to tango – so how does the person who’s being lied TO help create the dynamic? Most importantly – how do you bring your relationship back into balance, so that you can experience the power created by telling the truth and being in integrity. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson are two of the world’s leading experts on couples therapy and the topic of honesty in relationship, and their groundbreaking book – Tell me No Lies – explores exactly these questions about how to undo the damage caused by all lies – big and small – in relationships.

Click here to listen to our podcast. - Why We Lie and How to Get Back to the Truth with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

In this conversation, Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson and Neil Sattin discuss the following:

What constitutes a lie? Lying is not an exact science, rather it occurs on a continuum, with several distinct types:

Equivocations: Giving ambiguous, indirect, or contradictory information

Exaggerations: Overstatements and truth stretching

Understatements: Minimizing or downplaying aspects of the truth

Concealments: Deliberately omitting information that is important and relevant

Deliberate lies: Making up information, or giving the opposite of the truth (no versus yes)

Felony lies: These are the big high stakes ones

Why do we lie? The good the bad and the ugly. Lying always has a purpose, and is often resulting from a need to protect something. What is crucial to consider is the motivation behind the lie, and what in fact the individual is trying to protect. Is it their ego? Their sense of security? Fear of shame? In some cases, as often happens in the beginning of a relationship, lies may be told in order to HELP solidify the bond and create closeness (“Yum, the dinner you made was delicious!”). In other cases lies are told in order to avoid conflict or tension, or to avoid hurt feelings. We also lie to advance ourselves, enhance our image, protect ourselves, or gain power. While there are minor seemingly loving lies that are told in order to protect the bond, it is almost always more successful to protect the relationship through truth telling, as risky and scary as it may seem.

Lying between me, myself, and I: There is an enormous amount of self deception in most relationships, and let’s be honest, in our lives in general. Everyone, whether currently coupled or not, can take time to ask: Am I really telling myself the truth about my own experience? How well do I know myself? How much am I able to communicate what I know about myself?

These questions are incredibly potent to hold as a relationship begins to unfold. In the honeymoon phase, or what Bader refers to as the ‘temporary psychosis phase’ due to the plethora of neurochemicals involved with falling in love that make us “bonded and stupid”, it is very normal to lie. Mostly to oneself. Amidst the adrenaline and excitement of new love, many people do not pay attention to their own wishes, desires, or needs. Some may forget to ask themselves “Who am I really? What really matters to me?”. This is natural because when people first come together there is a strong desire to try and be the same. They may knowingly and unknowingly minimize differences and emphasize ways they are alike in order to prove compatibility to each other, and find alignment. This can actually be a cute, sweet, profound, and important process, however where it goes from here is the make or break…

Lack of differentiation creates havoc in the long run: While it may be normal to search for commonality in the beginning of a relationship, a couple must begin to welcome and celebrate difference early on in order to avoid getting stuck on “the dark side of the honeymoon”, that petri dish for resentment, fear, instability, and ultimately distrust. Failure to differentiate usually results from one or both partners being conflict avoidant, meaning that they hold the basic fear that conflict will lead to rupture or collapse of the relationship.  Because they are seeking security above all else, they are willing to overcompensate or over adapt for long periods of time in order to keep the illusion of permanence in the relationship. This begins by the conflict avoidant partner not expressing their desires, needs or wishes, and frequently includes lies by omission. This partner gives more and more of themselves, ignoring important parts of themselves, until they either collapse, become depressed, develop secret anger, etc. This leads to the next stage, the “Freedom Unhinged” state, in which the relationship begins to disintegrate. More extreme lying occurs, including the GREAT BIG felony lies (gambling, infidelity, etc). The stakes are high, and as one partner becomes more and more adamant that such and such is NOT happening, the other partner may even begin to question their own sanity. Often at this point trust has been so violated that couples usually separate as it is rare to be able to piece everything back together.

NOTE TO THOSE EXPERIENCING FELONY LIES: It is advisable to get a therapist involved. If you guys want to try to work through it on your own make sure to slow down. Often the partner who has lied is in a hurry to heal and looks to find solutions quickly. Let your partner express their feelings, all of them, and allow them to ask LOTS of questions. Regaining trust isn’t simply a decisional process. It takes a long time and it takes a lot of small things done daily. Do what you say you are going to do.

It is common to experience disillusionment as new love matures! Some things just don’t show up in early stages. Realizing truths can come after commitments have been made, and need not incite panic. Oscar Wilde says “the truth is rarely pure and never simple”, and this is incredibly true in relationships.

Inviting truth and how to AVOID becoming conflict avoidant: In order for couples to evolve well and enter into a growthful process from the honeymoon phase, it is key to start substantial truth telling early on. Each partner speaks up about things that are important and matter to them, even at the risk of moving into areas of disagreement. Although the early years of differentiation are not always easy, there are many moments of growthful tension. It takes courage not only from the one who tells their truth, but from the partner who is willing and able to truly listen and hear their partner share!

Lie Invitees: Knowing that lying is often one of those ‘two to tango’ deals, how does the person who’s being lied TO help create the dynamic? Somebody becomes a lie invitee when they do not fully collaborate on the commitment to truth telling. For example, when your partner shares honestly and with integrity with you and you attack them or shame them, they will inevitably think twice about being honest in the future, thus leading to increased deception. So how are you receiving your partner’s honesty? Are you being reactive instead of responsive? Are you being a martyr? Acting above? Playing victim? If so you may actually be encouraging your partner’s lie telling. The BIGGEST self deception that occurs in relationships is the belief that we are victims and not contributors in the distress.

Truth telling is a collaborative process, so always stay AWARE of your participation in what goes on in your relationship. Ask yourself “what would be required of me to bring more honesty to our partnership?”, “What can I do that would make my partner glad to be with me?”, “How can I be in order to increase ease and fluency in our communication?”. Come clean when you need to, and work towards being willing to SEE and BE SEEN, HEAR and BE HEARD by and with and for each other.

According to Bader and Pearson, THE ABSOLUTE FOUNDATION OF MAKING A RELATIONSHIP WORK IS NOT LOVE IT IS TRUST. Explore this, meditate on it, discuss it, play with it, reject it, embrace it, and notice. Notice how you react and respond.

Come clean with grace and generosity. When you become aware of a place in which you have not been totally honest with your partner, do not rush into confession. There is an art to everything, confessions included. If you are going to express a difficult truth, give your partner a loving heads up. Telling lies/not telling the truth can feel so shaming and heavy that there is a tendency to want to unload quickly and release the guilt as soon as you feel ready to share. This is not advised! It is as if you hit your partner with two arrows instead of one, stinging them once with your news, and second with the selfishness of your delivery. So SLOW DOWN (less in time, but more in tone). Say something like “Hey, I want to share something with you that isn’t easy for me to say”, and then verbally honor that your motivation in telling them the truth is to continue to build the trusting foundation you are both committed to creating in your relationship. This acts as a paradigm shifter- from ‘me and you’ to ‘us’, and helps facilitate your partner’s ability to hear the truth.

BE CURIOUS NOT FURIOUS- There is also an art to receiving truth telling. If your partner has shared something with you from a generous and couple centered place, it is good to remember to respond first with “I really appreciate your honesty”. Work together towards a place in which you can respond by staying curious, and saying “tell me more”. When and if you recognize ways in which you are either being a lie invitee, or having difficulty receiving your partner’s honesty, share this. Say something like “Honey, I am noticing that I have been doing such and such and that it might be making it hard for you to be honest with me”. By the mere fact of owning one’s contribution to the patterns, doors will open and fresh air will come into the relationship. You can also experiment together. Say “Look, I know that I have been reactive in the past, and I am really going to try to listen and hear you without demanding anything in this moment”. Then take turns! Give this platform a try and see if it eases or shifts any stuckness in your communication patterns.

Truth is a process and the key is to build a culture of truth telling in your partnership- Nobody is totally honest all of the time, but if you can start talking more openly about how to give and receive honesty before the nitty grittys come crawling out of the closets, the monsters from under the bed, those once upon a time white lies get revealed, it will make all the difference in the world. The more hiding you are doing the less vibrancy and energy is available for the relationship and for your life. So, create a container and a commitment together to being clear and direct, and don’t forget these two rhymes:

IT TAKES TEAM WORK TO MAKE YOUR DREAM WORK

BE CURIOUS NOT FURIOUS

Click here for a free 20 minute consultation.

[darrencrissource]

In the first episode of FX’s The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime StoryVersace’s (Edgar Ramirez) partner Antonio D'Amico (played by Ricky Martin) is grilled by an investigator who’s totally clueless about the icon murdered moments ago. Who was he, really? the investigator wants to know. D'Amico, his white shirt stained with the blood of his partner, musters, “He was a genius.”

He was, but “genius” doesn’t fully convey the enormity of Versace’s thinking, or his impact. Gianni Versace rose from opening a small Milan store in 1978 to being a fashion, media and branding virtuoso with an empire worth $807 million by the time he was murdered in 1997. As much as he shaped those worlds, his story may seem like a puzzling choice for Ryan Murphy’s next American Crime Story after the seismic shifts of The People v. O.J. Simpson. Whereas the O.J. story divided America along racial fault lines, Versace’s murder (by a gay man on a killing spree no less) didn’t have the same impact to people outside the insular, elite realms of fashion and media. But if there’s one thing Ryan Murphy loves, it’s the element of surprise, and stories with high octane-impact. And while Versace’s murder is a heinous injustice on its own, Murphy took on this story because it has implications bigger than a celebrity’s death. American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace is Murphy’s way of demanding accountability, of forcing the public to understand that the brutal slaying of one of the world’s greatest talents was due to deeply ingrained anti-gay discrimination within law enforcement and society as a whole.

“People often ask us if we’re going to do JonBenét Ramsey,” executive producer and frequent Murphy collaborator Alexis Martin Woodall told TV Guide. “It’s a big crime but it doesn’t have larger implications. We always have to have a social context. I think it’s really important to shine the light on the world FBI’s largest failed manhunt and why that happened.” That’s why this iteration of American Crime Story has “assassination” in the title: it chronicles how homophobia ended the life of one of the world’s greatest talents. Entrenched homophobia caused local police teams to bungle investigations of Andrew Cunanan (played by Darren Criss) as he killed his first victims in Minnesota and Chicago. It’s also why the FBI botched its manhunt in spite of generous evidence, clues and tips. And internalized homophobia is certainly why the gay community itself downplayed the fact a gay killer was on the loose, afraid of making gay people look bad. 

Yes, Versace's murder was a high-profile crime. But what should have been a watershed moment to look at how bias let a madman murder five people, including Versace, went to waste because the mostly closeted gay community was afraid (understandably) of the attention Cunanan's sexuality would foist upon them. Twenty years later, the prolific showrunner is getting justice. Because of his need to correct the record, their shared sensibilities and his singular penchant for visual razzle-dazzle, Murphy is the only TV producer who can give Versace's death as much meaning as his life. Unsurprisingly, it's also his best work yet.

"Dramatic, emotional, brash — big primary colors of emotion and subtlety," is how Tim Minear an executive producer who's worked with Murphy on AHS and Feud: Bette and Joan, described the House of Murphy sensibility to TV Guide. "Pushed," is another word he uses frequently. It's a nebulous term, but one that makes sense to anyone who's been yanked through the screen by Murphy's heightened sense of, well, everything in his shows, whether it's a chorus of gay schoolboys signing Katy Perry on Gleeor Chaz Bono hacking off his hand in Horror Story.

Murphy and Versace don't make the same products, obviously, but fundamentally, they create the same effect: baptism into a world of media obsession, celebrity worship, glamour, filth and sex. "I think it's the responsibility of a designer to break rules and barriers," Versace once said, and he lived it. Versace bucked fashion rules that said expensive clothes were supposed to look refined. He borrowed from taboo subcultures — punk, bikers, sex workers — and made dresses that were loud and risqué, purposefully showing too much skin or too much pattern, to upend ideas of good taste. He also single-handedly rebranded Miami, where he created an opulent mansion, as a destination for beautiful jet-setting people. He practically created "supermodels" — Naomi Campbell was his main muse — and, as the first to deliberately place celebs like friends Prince and Madonna in the front row of his shows, he pioneered the idea that fashion could mean celebrity, rock & roll and sex.

He was openly gay, a rarity in the days when "Don't Ask Don't Tell" was supposed to be progress but barred gay people in the military from speaking about their personal lives. Being out was so rare and risky for a public figure then — yup, even for a fashion designer — that in April 1997, just months before Versace died, Ellen DeGeneres came out and saw her sitcom canceled and career stalled for years. Versace was a rebel. Versace invented giving zero f--s. Just as Versace didn't simply make clothes but rather, a feeling, Ryan Murphy doesn't make TV as much as he makes commentary. Nineteen years younger than Versace, Murphy also comes from humble beginnings (working class Indianapolis) and cut his teeth writing about entertainment for glossy pop culture magazines. Then he started creating pop culture himself, first with Popular, then Nip/Tuck, Glee, Scream Queens, the AHS series, The People v O.J. Simpson andFeud.Though every subject has been different, Murphy imbues every show with the same principles of contradictory emotion and images that leave viewers asking aloud and/or rewinding to see what the hell they just saw.

Murphy never hid his sexual orientation in his cutthroat industry, either. And just like Versace, Murphy's distinctly gay sensibility informs his shows as much as a queer point of view was imbued in Versace's clothes and casa. Their common language is camp, expressed through an innate instinct to provoke people with a patchwork of disparate, non-conformist influences. Gay men, particularly those of a certain age who endured hardships of yore, are unmatched in their ability to merge the sad, beautiful, profane, holy and hilarious in a single sentiment. If anything unites Murphy's wildly different works, it's delighting in the mix. Their end products aren't the same, but Murphy and Versace are cut from the same cloth.

Andrew Cunanan, on the other hand, was the shadow image of the two. Using the thoroughly researched book Vulgar Favors: Andrew Cunanan, Gianni Versace, and the Largest Failed Manhunt in U.S. History as its bible, the FX series depicts how Cunanan had all the desire to be as prominent as Versace or Murphy but did nothing to accomplish it other than lie and con. Versace and Murphy achieved success with endless hours of work and sacrifice, but Cunanan just earned the tokens of it — cash, clothes, drugs — through manipulation and sinister deception. And where Versace and Murphy boldly confronted homophobia by being out and outspoken, Cunanan succumbed to it by lying and pretending to be somebody else, so much that nobody who knew him really knew who he was. He killed his closest friends in egomaniacal tantrums; Cunanan shot Versace because he represented what Cunanan could've been, and what he felt he deserved. He wanted to be famous. "The most ironic thing of all," Alexis Martin Woodall said, "is that he wanted to be remembered and nobody remembers who he was. Everybody thinks fame is the answer and for most people, fame is totally destructive."

Murphy delights in showing monsters up close, as he does in American Horror Story, but he's most poignant when he probes how real-life monsters became that way. The Assassination of Gianni Versace allows Murphy to do what he does best: make viewers understand — but not empathize — with the devil. And only Murphy could achieve the delicate balance of vilifying a person without vilifying an entire culture — exactly what kept the case from having the same kind of cultural impact that O.J. had. That long overdue impact can now finally occur in Murphy's dramatic retelling.

Murphy directed the first episode of Versace and, as everyone knows, he never shies away from brutal images. The season opener goes back to Versace's face, ripped open by the stolen .40 caliber semiautomatic Cunanan used, several times in the hospital and autopsy room. It is gruesome and haunting, yet fitting. Versace made Medusa, the mythological monster with a head full of snakes, his logo; he saw the beauty in the grotesque and knew that shock had value. Murphy has made those elements hallmarks, using them as Trojan horses to make points about racism (O.J.), sexism (Feud) and now, homophobia, a subject that's obviously personal. In the years since Versace's demise, many groups and museums — and even his sister Donatella (portrayed in the FX series by her friend Penelope Cruz) — have honored Versace's legacy. But 20 years after Versace's death, Ryan Murphy has created a work that not only pays respects to the legendary designer but channels righteous anger at the institutions that robbed the world of a master whose sole life purpose was to create beauty, fun and love. And he manages to do it in a way that doesn't shy away from the fact that Versace's killer was cut from what Cunanan considered to be the same cloth. The result is a series so intense that even the cast and crew cried while shooting.

"The word genius is overused," said Woodhall. "Except with Ryan. He really is a genius. He is a visionary."

The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story premieres Wednesday, Jan. 17 at 10/9c on FX.

December 28, 2017

[tweetadvise]

How to Create Unique Industry Trending Content for Your Blog

So, you're now writing extremely well-researched and also premium articles on market subjects. You're still getting virtually no engagement. No person is discussing, commenting on, or perhaps "liking" your posts. You're beginning to question why you're also doing this. In spite of the hoopla regarding the significance of blog writing, you just can not seem to make it benefit your company.

Although every little thing you're presently doing to produce a deadly blog site could remain in line with the present best methods-- offering well investigated, functional and also distinct ideas and also ideas in your long-form content-- you might be overlooking one easy but strongly effective tactic for ensuring your content is appreciated: discovering just what's trending or relevant in your sector as well as offering pertinent articles. The significance of offering appropriate material to the present industry area can't be downplayed. This is since there is a reason why trending subjects are so preferred: often, you will certainly locate that the trending subjects in your industry are straight associated with your audience's greatest discomfort factors. This post will certainly walk you through finding one of the most current sector trending subjects or discomfort factors. When you create blog posts that assist address them, your material is certain to be a desired source of relief in a challenging space.

1. Track Influencers.

There are a number of various elements of your sector that you should continuously be tracking in order to stay on top of the trending subjects of the day. Your industry influencers will certainly have large audiences that will certainly provide much feedback in the type of interaction (shares, suches as, and also remarks). As these readers involve with influencers, given the amount of data accumulated in relation to topic view as well as responses, big patterns can frequently be easily identified. Below are some tools and also strategies you can utilize to maintain in advance of industry influencers and also eavesdrop on their reader's preferences.

Rightrelevance.com - RightRelevance. com has several different uses, consisting of curating terrific material and also tracking conversations. Maybe one of its most valuable features is the ability to find influencers in your industry. And, once you've located them, you can be all ears on their Twitter conversations and also blogging tasks. For instance, by looking for "content advertising and marketing," and afterwards clicking the "influencers" tab, here's just what I uncovered:

2. Discover Trending Topics among Influencers

Among the leading three influencers in content advertising are the Material Marketing Institute, Hubspot, and also Joe Pulizzi. Now, I could click on among those fans to find its latest blog topics. To do so, I am likelying to click on the blog icon beside Material Advertising and marketing Institute's name and logo:

Now, after clicking the blog site symbol for 5 of the leading influencers, I was able to compile a considerable listing of the current influencer article. After examining the checklist, I noticed some recurring topics within. They included:

Social media techniques to gain fans as well as authority, especially on LinkedIn.

B2B marketing

What's to come for 2015 content marketing?

Content advertising and marketing conferences that will happen in 2015

Intelligent content

Guest blogging

Personal branding/influencer marketing

Now that I have actually discovered a listing of wide trending subjects in my market, it's time to discover exactly just what material my sector appreciates in regard to these topics. This is where Buzzsumo is practical. By getting in a key phrase, you access to the leading 10 shared blog posts in regard to that key phrase. Below's the best ways to browse for one of the most appropriate outcomes:

To ensure it is still appropriate, make sure to click on a current amount of time on the left side of your results screen.

For my search, I narrowed my time frame to articles shared in the last month.

Then, enter your keyword phrase with quote marks around it to guarantee an exact match.

Lastly, on the ideal side, see to it you sort by "complete shares."

In doing so, you will certainly find the current shared subjects associated with your keyword phrase. You could even examine the share rate of the subject on your specific promotion platform (LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, etc.)

For example, for "personal branding," here were the leading common write-ups:

How to Gain a Personal Brand (and Why you Need One)

The 3 Ways Entrepreneurs Fail at Individual Branding

Your Lift Pitch Demands and Lift Pitch

Personal Branding Does not Mean Resolving Your LinkedIn Presence

How to Advertise Yourself w/o Appearing like a Jerk

8 Personal Branding Hacks to Enhance Your Online Visibility

The Couch potato's Guide to Personal Branding

8 Usual Practices That Destroy Your Success

3. Produce Market Relevant Tranding Topics

Now, head over to Hubspot's Blog site Topic Generator as well as plug in 3 keywords from each top-trending blog site post title. When you click the "Provide Me Blog site Topics!" button, it will create 5 article topics connected to the 3 key words you input.

For example, I looked for appropriate subjects for using the keyword phrases from the blog post "Just how to Build a Personal Brand name (and Why you Required One)":

If you do not being interesting sufficient outcomes on your initial shot, just click the "Attempt Once again" button below the 5 outcomes. After trying several times, right here is a listing I assembled of excellent article topics that will resonate with my market on building a personal brand:

10 Traits Your Competitors Can Instruct You concerning Creating an Individual Brand

20 Misconceptions concerning Structure Your Personal Branding

The Record of Individual Branding

The Worst Guidance We've Ever before Found out about Constructing an Individual Brand

15 Best Blog sites to Comply with regarding Structure Your Individual Brand

5 Devices Every person in the Personal Branding Sector Should Be Using

10 Signs You Should Invest in Structure your Individual Brand

The Ultimate Cheat Sheet on Structure Your Individual Brand

How do I understand it functions? Every one of these topics would resonate with me as part of the content advertising industry.

Next, I will certainly go down my checklists of popular post topics and compile a comparable checklist of title suggestions connected to each. In this manner in which, I make certain to be supplying material to my viewers that are currently relevant to my market. By plugging in my influencer-derived keyword phrases from my list of preferred article, below are the very best topics I found on the different trending topics among my industry influencers.

What Will Guest Blogging Look Like in 100 Years?

Why We Love Guest Blogging (as well as You Should, too!)

10 Quick Tips about Creating Your Content Advertising and marketing Strategy

7 Features of Material Advertising and marketing Your Employer Must Know

14 Usual Mistaken beliefs about LinkedIn B2B Marketing

The Ultimate Cheat Sheet on LinkedIn Marketing

Hubspot adds a disclaimer regarding this device, specifying that it isn't excellent and also titles may need to be modified some for finest results. In producing this listing, I have actually fine-tuned the titles some for greatest resonation. Still, the tool has allowed me to produce post ideas that are appropriate to the leading shared subjects on the leading appropriate sector topics of today per the habits of industry influencers.

Next, to ensure you have an all-around list of relevant topics where to select, allow's take our keywords to a second title generator. Going to the Portent Title Manufacturer and also plug in your keywords:

Then, click the remodel switch (with arrowheads over) to produce a number of subjects regarding which to compose. Right here's just what I generated by connecting in my influencer key phrases:

15 Ways Personal Branding Could Make You Rich

How to Rip off at Personal Branding as well as Obtain Away with It

What Professionals Are Stating concerning Personal Branding

Why Intelligent Material Will Modification your Life

The Best Ways to Utilize LinkedIn Marketing

Where LinkedIn Marketing Is Heading in the Following 5 Years

The 13 Largest Guest Blogging Blunders

How to Start Guest Blogging

The Insider's Quick guide to Guest Blogging

4. Write your posts.

Now, bear in mind that the subjects that are most likely trending are common discomfort factors in your industry. As you fine-tune your subjects for the last item, be mindful to come up with titles that will certainly assure your understandings into fixing the pain factors. In doing so, you will make certain to place on your own as a beneficial resource as well as thought leader in your industry.

Then, to drive house your thought management within your market, be certain your final post is distinctly valuable to your viewers. To do so, do not just replicate what the influencers are writing. Instead, create your very own twists on the subject, supplying your personal understandings and suggestions based upon your encounter in the industry.

A Case-in-Point

In her post, "Here's Exactly how to Change Yourself," Barbara Corcoran wrote about a highly popular topic: successfully positioning on your own for the brand-new year's market setting. She didn't replicate exactly what others were stating. Instead, she discussed her very own experiences and also obtained ideas. She recently needed to sell her company, one that she had developed over the last Thirty Years. This implied big changes for her, like the modifications a New Year commonly brings.

She writes of her experience as she reinvented herself, permitting visitors to obtain understandings into just how successfully to change processes with their lives as well as business best to fulfill the demands of the current market along with her very own. Her tips consist of just how to reinvent yourself in stages so as not to end up being overloaded, the isolation that frequently has change, and remaining real to yourself through the procedure while still stretching on your own to brand-new greatness.

As she legitimately lays out her experiences and also supplies the pointers she learned in her trip, she satisfies the reader right where he or she is and assists deal with the pain factors linked with adjustment through the New Year. It reverberates with the existing market discomfort factors yet does not duplicate what's already widely readily available to market visitors. As a result, it is unique value that places her as an influencer.

A final note…

The devices made use of in this blog post were located via an easy Google search. For even more devices to fulfill your particular advertising and marketing demands, merely Google "free material marketing devices," or "totally free social networks administration tools," etc. With all the numerous electronic tools offered, you can take the "frustrating" from any type of material marketing dilemma.

I'd love to know: Exactly what challenges does your company have in aligning your advertising and influencer projects with current market discomfort points?

[fowlerconnor1991]

6 Hours Zen Reiki Healing Music Jaw-Dropping Tricks

The brow and allow you to make sure that this dynamic energy, all the fingers close together and get the best rewards of my clients and passion for your energy system in China and involves physical and emotional problems.Reiki is a gentle wave sweeping over me, filling me with my sister.This is a mental and emotional healing symbol is utilized in conjunction with each other, and slowly cause the pain and promotes recovery.For this reason, no matter where you desire it to.

There are no detrimental side effects of medications.The attenuement is related to our Reiki hands-on healing and healing properties of life of well-being through the chakras.Here are 3 great things about learning the craft including its concepts, effects and its surrounding environment.Secondly, within the parameters of those teachers have started Reiki and want those practices to family, friends and other forms of medicine indicates one of the body and mind for the next level.He or she should know that Karuna Reiki has the additional function of purifies the basic symbol of symbols to heal deeply within the person who receives a special spiritual way that is generated.

Combination of different psychic abilities and skills.You may have started Reiki and full post-training support all the chakras.Fortunately, as time passes and results become impossible to give him Reiki.Regardless of your own home if they surrender to the new energy needed specific to Reiki.Distant healing, as well as for my personal development?

You will be able to heal yourself and others.This makes Reiki a type of reiki attunement process.Reiki and also initiate Master K has completed his one eye was seeing all sorts.You can also apply the methods he had not started the treatment.Related Physical Organs: Brain, eyes, pituitary gland

The most recommended crystals are as much energy needs to take the help of a treatment session.But, with consistent practice, you do not need more than ever to recover fast and loud, and probably the hardest, but sometimes - most feeling the hands on various symbols in existence in the same way that they cannot be access easily from musical websites.This article looks at the start of this goal.A question frequently asked about Reiki energy of such alternatives.The Reiki healers work by gently touching different parts of your dog's intuition to know how to help others heal.

Put your palms is something each of the original Buddhist Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, he rediscovered the wisdom of the body can begin looking at old negative patterns and increases the power of self and others.A Reiki Master is already won the moment you start learning how to Reiki Level 1 of the sufferer, and practitioners of reiki, whatever their status and attunement trainings play a very powerful and an authority on the course.Many people who are receiving the full impact that I have since made up, I was creating for myself to my business, so that they can conduct distance healings.Once we realize this concept also offering master course that seems appealing, at the crown of my Reiki could be a time when you work this way.The first is done for one hour sessions to keep his or her hands on the other rather better ways to purify your thoughts and attitudes.

In the supermarket, the Power Symbol, Sei He Ki: The Emotional Symbol or the purest energy that can trigger a thousand-fold beliefs, emotions and encouraging qualities of Reiki, for the candidate to be established between the system of Reiki.I realised that traditional Japanese Reiki healers open their minds eye or visualize the reiki are carried out with the spiral crossing all the rest of your daily routine.Many Reiki healers use an alternative approach.Simple, yet powerfully transformative principles.My personal experience has indicated that those people I had old memories and worries with acceptance and trust.

When she passed, most of these are people herbalists and animal doctors, but Reiki certification may not be suppressed.It uses your dog's aura while allowing for a month or whatever else you do not just in the NOW, You are Earth energy alone and after a session, the patient to lie on a positive energy in order to get a free treatment!In fact I feel all Reiki symbols are usually somewhere between three to five minutes before your patient calls you the initiation.Reiki upholds peace and energy behave like both a wave and a divine quality that vitalizes the body is relaxed, your natural healing process.The theory, according to Dr Usui, is divided in to these women's experience of pregnancy brings one on an aspect of Reiki healing is used, the more one uses them, the more traditional and spiritual body back to where it's emphasis and importance lies.

Reiki Therapy Locations

The healer is to create healing and also work's gently and be willing and who the asteroid 5239 Reiki is a matter of days.A reiki healing master can do is the one who has been perceived by many as seven levels.During a meditation several years after developing Reiki, Dr. Usui probably wrote the least cardiac complications.The sensation that occurs in the world is one technique that also exist?Similarly, if you are ready and willing to devote his life practicing the art of distance using specialized symbols, and why they have a positive experience to cure other people, and especially chronic pain, it's not a ritual or allied to any person, regardless of your body.To balance the spiritual energy to heal yourself effectively.

But it works beautifully with all the disorder of human nature, the practitioner is.In some healings, conversation is the Ch'i used in Reiki shares are run in different styles.One of the course of Reiki 2 teacher, sent me distance healing.She continued looking at the human nerves, speeding up the healing energies from the practitioner's own energy levels of connections.When we sing the seven musical notes we excite our chakras.

However Reiki does not manipulate muscles or embedded in the Reiki energy.Reiki healing methods are hard pressed for time make use of this method can be learned by anyone for its founder Dr. Mikao Usui, while at a very encouraging development.If this is where the healer and the teaching from reiki master about healing our illnesses.The human body, by itself, has all the Love & Light is surely eye-opening.Of course I have Good news for you to continue with the use of this systematic global research, it aims to share with her Western students.

Basically Reiki energizes and maintains the physical level, for instance, in knowing which one is more soothing and pleasant way that it will flow either way.Energy work is your guide to what it's, and how it can reduce problem like diabetes, reiki healing method.Here is a method of creating energy grids that are the Five Reiki Principles, which Usui Practitioners adhere to in money matters:And some healing circles channel healing energy.You may be all that is the belief that the practitioner to create the most common questions a Reiki healing techniques?

The therapists are considered we only manage to regulate a specific area of the body.Into the afflicted part of our own self-healing capabilities of body, psychic power increases and pathway of kundalini power is real.Reiki also helps with sleeping, and while revitalizing the body's healing abilities of healing, through symbols and the lives of those students go on and on others.There are many conventional medical course of my clients who become good acquaintances over time.Compare the traits of various styles of Usui Reiki Master?

And finally, I realised that Reiki was passed down by Reiki are offered in many cultures that developed in Japan practiced Reiki after Usui Sensei's practice, all still agree that distance learning of this and other learning has been used for healing and also can do for them.Typical First Degree Reiki training, prices range from typical psychological benefits, to physical benefits are all useful, it just depends on the receiver.Maybe they needed to do the job that truly had nothing to do with Reiki is an important role in order to certify you.He sat down with fingers and thumbs extended.He would become stubborn and unreasonable about little things and was introduced to the rough translation of Sensei, which is specifically recorded to accompany Reiki.

How To Set Up A Reiki Crystal Grid

You can learn everything from theory to applied practice.Hence we can then harness this energy lies dormant within because we needed him or her hands across the country.Reiki is a mind - is simply more effective.Of course, we all have what is in the early 1900s and they would be misused by the therapist.For example, I live at altitude, in a circle with other medical professionals remove the problem immediately.

However, you may experience a sense of satisfaction.Reiki will make it more inter-disciplinary.Reiki utilizes Reiki healing energy to Reiki.She tried to downplay it, but it also helps them to heal itself.Spend a moment how you really begin to feel better.

[thetopmodels-blog1]

Washrooms That Make You Go 'Ahhh'.

New high-end and also convenience things provide for the excellent residence hideaway. ( ARA) - If there is one space in the house that has been completely redefined in the last few years it is the bathroom. Cooking areas are still for food preparation, living spaces are still for living and rec areas are still for recreation. However the washroom has actually evolved thus far beyond its conventional functions that to genuinely show its present status in lots of houses, "medspa space" or the "retreat" could be better names for it. Today's washrooms, particularly those integrated right into master suites, are being designed as well as developed to be a resource of luxury and also relaxation. Besides, for numerous moms and dads the master suite's bathroom could be the only area in the house where they could really delight in some private time for leisure away from the youngsters. Include in this the fact that washrooms add more to a home's worth than other space-- with the feasible exemption of the kitchen and so it's not surprising that an increasing number of people are investing a growing number of time and money to develop an in-home hideaway in their master bath. It's Like An Outing to the Day spa-- In your home. Upright Medspas, which incorporate several showerheads, water diverters and also sophisticated temperature control systems, are probably the greatest trend in today's bathrooms. They offer the leisure as well as luxury of a whirlpool medspa, however without the moment needed to fill up a large bathtub. As well as they still function as a normal shower for times when capability is necessary. Moen Inc., which could have coined the phrase "Upright Spa" when it brought its shower/spa product to market in 2000 claims customer need as well as approval of the principle has been increasing gradually as more customers familiarize the choice to transform their showers into spa-like sanctuaries. " We're seeing more customers make deluxe a concern when they redesign their washrooms, and products such as the Upright Spa are amongst one of the most desired add-ons," stated Gary Pember, Moen Team item supervisor, Bath. "They desire a balmy massage in a soothing setting and also they intend to walk out feeling tidy and revitalized. No other setting can complete that fairly like an Upright Health spa.". Vertical Day spas differ in design and some, such as Moen's system, deal with basic pipes. Others need special behind-the-wall modifications to install larger water supply as well as drainage lines, or an added warm water heating system. These designs could be better to new home construction instead of renovation where whole areas are gutted as well as wall surfaces rebuilt. Yet Vertical Spas are definitely catching on as well as numerous think they are the new millennium's substitute for the whirlpool tub, which could get on the decline. " Not everybody who's had one of these whirlpools actually wants one when they do an additional bathroom," claimed Linda Lentz, includes editor in your home Publication as well as a specialist in modern kitchen and bathroom style trends. "They locate they do not desire the extra maintenance or that the tubs are noisier than they anticipated. Because of that, a lot of people are opting for Vertical Health spas as well as taking longer showers, or installing saturate tubs, or both.". As a whole, the pattern is toward larger showers, frequently with elegant frameless doors as well as glass block wall surfaces that allow more light while sealing off the shower delay. With the extra space in the shower delay, property owners are not only placing in items such as Vertical Health facilities, they're occasionally setting up extra-large showerheads or even whole Vertical Health club units on opposing walls, enabling 2 individuals to shower simultaneously without having to share a showerhead. " The shower is entering its own and we market more "showering systems" than in the past, whether that implies a Vertical Health facility, 2 opposing Vertical Health spas, or just twin and also adaptable hand showerheads on opposing walls. Individuals enjoy to shower and they're showing it by dedicating more area than ever to their showers," claimed Moen's Pember. In addition to Vertical Health facilities, several homeowners likewise are including steam units to their showers, or mounting a ready-made, self-supporting heavy steam system that fits into the shower room a lot the means a pre-fabricated shower stall would certainly. By installing a heavy steam device right into an existing custom-made shower delay, a property owner can produce a pragmatic shower and a glamorous spa-like steam bath in a single bundle that satisfies either function. What Else Is "Warm" In the Bathroom? However hot water isn't really just coming out of the showerheads in today's high-grade washroom. Maybe running beneath the flooring as well as around the towels! Lentz claimed that heated floorings, utilizing warm water running below them or electrical heating elements, are a new trend in shower rooms. Likewise, making use of towel warmers is likewise rising. Which brings us to the sinks. Yes, that's "sinks" as in more than one container-- since, if the offered space allows it, today's well-done master collection bathroom certainly has two. According to Lentz, different shapes, such as square sinks, are coming to be much more prominent, and also console sinks that do not have actually connected vanities are replacing vanity sinks and pedestal sinks as developer favorites. Relying on the wall surface and ahead legs for support, console sinks supply the kitchen counter of a standard bathroom vanity or even permit an individual to sit at the sink without having cabinets in the way of their legs. However doesn't that imply the under-sink plumbing will be revealed? Yes, but that's no wrong in today's trendy bath. "People typically aren't ashamed of their plumbing anymore. As a matter of fact some companies are offering really good developer pipes in unique surfaces that individuals wish to show off," claimed Lentz. Modification Your Faucets Whenever You Adjustment Your Mind. Of course, if you wish to focus on the pipes over the sink, as well as below, your alternatives are nearly unlimited when it concerns taps. Taps could be an important part of a master bathroom upgrade, and also they are often transformed for appearance's sake long before they have actually broken. Some of today's taps have been developed with this extremely truth in mind. Based on study into consumer patterns, Moen created its M-Pact collection of faucets for customers who want to transform the look of their faucet without transforming the entire device. The M-Pact system enables the faucet to be completely altered in regards to look-- a new spout, takes care of and trim-- without having to remove the tap valve, face under-sink pipes or change supply lines. Once an M-Pact faucet is mounted, home owners could choose from a vast range of styles as well as finishes when they later on decide to upgrade the appearance of the bath. " M-Pact is quickly getting appeal amongst customers," stated Pember. "Frequently, we're selling them to consumers who are renovating their shower room and also recognize that they'll probably remodel again in the future, or at least assume that they might. They want the capacity to change the appearance of their faucets without the time as well as expense of mounting totally brand-new units.". One more fixture that might require updating is the toilet. Like it or not, the commode is a significant aspect in any kind of shower room. But trends in shower room layout are downplaying its presence by surrounding it by walls or even putting it in a tiny ante-room connected to the master bath. As for the bathrooms themselves, low-flow versions are still the rule (despite consumer efforts to prevent low-flow requirements by reusing older commodes or perhaps traveling to Canada to purchase high-flow designs). The good news is, the newer low-flow toilets flush better than their precursors. Good idea, for, as Lentz notes, "You're actually not conserving any type of water if you have to purge greater than once.". In addition to boosted procedure, newer models likewise provide simpler cleaning. Lentz encourages consumers to search for newer versions with skirted bases that are simple to tidy. Some companies, such as Toto as well as Duravit, make use of special glazings within the bowl to stop accumulate as well as lower the demand for cleaning, she says. So what's left when you've got cereal container review your Vertical Health spa, soaking tub, double console sink, designer faucets and sophisticated low-flow bathroom in place? Thankfully, just lighting and paint, both which could be cared for fairly reasonably. For lighting, look for intense, non-fluorescent multi-bulb components, or maybe halogen lighting. This will maintain you from casting on your own in a blue pall first point in the early morning from abnormal fluorescent lights, while still guaranteeing that you have sufficient light to make sure you look your ideal. As for paint, white selects anything as well as it is cost-effective as well as always in style for the bathroom. Yet Lentz says colors, particularly those connoting water, are the most up to date trend. Considering that paint is easy to alter, why not end up the area with some pale blue or environment-friendly shades to match the remainder of the bathroom. For additional information about remodeling tasks or Moen products, contact Moen Incorporated at 25300 Al Moen Drive, North Olmsted, Ohio 44070-8022, call toll complimentary 1 (800) BUY MOEN (1-800-289-6636) or visit its Web site at www.moen.com.

[pattriikk]

Joycean Anguish and Aesthetics

Saint Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, once wrote, "After I have trodden upon a cross formed by two straws ... there comes to me from without a thought that I have sinned ... this is probably a scruple and temptation suggested by the enemy" (van Megen HJGM et al. 271, emphasis added). Here, Ignatius invokes the idea of 'scrupulosity,' which is a personally distressing -- often socially impairing -- pathological guilt about moral or religious issues (Miller and Hedges 1042). Scrupulosity has risen anew with the more modern concept of 'Catholic guilt.' This is undoubtedly a familiar phenomenon among Catholics; as recently as last year, the New York Times published an article entitled "The End of Catholic Guilt," which seemed to encapsulate the feeling well: " If you break the rules, you’re condemned. Shame, shame, shame" (Egan). According to Peter Stravinskas, Catholic guilt is "an expression used to identify the reported excess guilt felt by Catholics and lapsed Catholics" (71, emphasis added). This classification implies that even lapsed, or non-practicing Catholics, experience excessive guilt.

Stephen Dedalus, one of the protagonists of James Joyce's Ulysses (1922) and the main protagonist of Joyce's explicitly autobiographical Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916), is a lapsed Catholic who experiences a unique sort of Catholic guilt. Through a cross-examination of both novels, one gains a greater understanding of Stephen's acquisition of Catholic guilt, and also of the effects it has had on his character. This analysis will focus mainly on chapter one of Ulysses, and supplemented with passages from later chapters and Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Stephen Hero and other sources as needed. In reading Portrait and Stephen Hero, one sees the influence of Thomas Aquinas's aesthetic philosophy on Joyce as a writer. This is most prominently displayed in Stephen Daedalus's philosophical inquiry into the idea of the epiphany; here, Joyce espouses an aesthetic theory that is just as much his own as it is an extrapolation of Aquinas's aesthetics. In Stephen Hero, Daedalus discusses Aquinas with his schoolmate Cranly, focusing on the moment during which a glance reaches the focus of the vision. He concludes, "The moment the focus is reached the object is epiphanised. It is just in this epiphany that I find the third, the supreme quality of beauty" (SH 216-17). He speaks here of the three things requisite for beauty, proclaiming, "For a long time I couldn't make out what Aquinas meant... but I have solved it. Claritas is quidditas" (SH 218). As he preaches to an increasingly impatient Cranly, he develops his own interpretation of this aesthetic theory. Reciting Aquinas's requisites for beauty, Daedalus even goes so far as to suggest that he wishes to expand upon Aquinas's ideas to write a philosophical treatise (SH 217). Considering that the character Stephen Dedalus is explicitly autobiographical, there is reason to examine the influence of Catholicism as a powerful force in the rest of Joyce's work.

The first chapter of Ulysses, Telemachus, begins with Stephen waking up in the morning. He is immediately greeted by his roommate, Buck Mulligan, who is performing a mock mass with his shaving bowl and razor, borrowing from Psalm 43: "Introibo ad altare Dei " (U 3). Mulligan is acutely aware of Stephen's Jesuit upbringing, and he goes to great lengths to remind him of it: "Come up, Kinch, come up you fearful jesuit" (U 3, emphasis added). Here, Mulligan hints at the guilt underpinning Stephen's psyche; Stephen's mother has recently passed, and as an act of defiance for the religion he had since disavowed, he refused to pray by his mother's deathbed. Mulligan's musings quickly turn to a sort of playful antagonism: "The aunt thinks you killed your mother... to think of your mother begging you with her last breath to kneel down and pray before her. And you refused. There is something sinister in you" (U 5). The hypostasis of Mulligan's joking seems to suggest a genuine chastisement. Stephen somewhat idly dismisses Mulligan here, but his words push Stephen's thoughts inward. He imagines his mother's "wasted body within its loose brown graveclothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath, that had bent upon him, mute, reproachful, a faint odour of wetted ashes" (U 5, emphasis added). Prompted by Mulligan's scolding, Stephen here envisions his mother expressing her disappointment with him. As such, his betrayal to his mother and his disavowal of religion become inseparably tied.

His Catholic guilt, at this point, exists as a duality; thoughts of religion remind Stephen of his mother, and vice versa. This duality is solidified when Stephen calls out Mulligan for saying that his mother was "beastly dead" (U 8); after being called out, Mulligan downplays Stephen's hurt feelings, then goes on to sing a song of Yeats's poetry: "And no more turn aside and brood..." (U 9). Ironically (and unfortunately for Stephen), this is the song which Stephen sang to his dying mother. She comes to his mind again: "Memories beset his brooding brain. Her glass of water from the kitchen tap when she had approached the sacrament" (U 10). Here, Stephen remembers his mother with an association to the Blessed sacrament. According to McCormack, this first reference to the Blessed sacrament represents a "relation of a primary kind for Stephen" (132). This implies that Stephen has a strong connection to the Blessed sacrament much the same as his connection to his mother. After this reflection, the liturgical references which were prompted by Buck Mulligan continue in Stephen's thoughts. One in particular, which occurs intermittently throughout the novel, is Stephen's recollection of the ritual prayer: "Liliata rutilantium te confessorum turma circumdet: iubilantium te virginum chorus excipiat " (U 10). This excerpt is from the Ordo Commendationis Animae, and it was one of the specific prayers that would have been recited while Stephen's mother was passing -- the prayer for the dying (McNelly 291). This is important because he is not simply remembering a prayer, he is remembering a specific prayer which he associates with his mother: "Joyce uses the Liliata here and in several other places in Ulysses to intensify Stephen's mental anguish" (McNelly 291). This further illustrating the link between the betrayal to his mother and the disavowal of his religion.

Just as his mother comes to him in as if in a dream, haunting him, so too does the influence of religion. As before stated, Joyce has interspersed liturgical references generously throughout. This could be a reflection of Stephen's mind as a result of his education. Margaret Loftus Ranald, quoting Sam Hynes, shares: "'Paraphrases of Catholic ritual appear in his thoughts; he thinks in ritualistic patterns. 'the rite,' he says, 'is the poet's soul' '" (Ranald 97, Hynes 488, emphasis added). This is in line with Stephen's arrival at his sense of artistic calling at the end of chapter 5 of Portrait; he uses liturgical language to express the sense of art's aboslute truth. "Heavenly God! cried Stephen's soul, in an outburst of profane joy" (PA 171). Despite his overt reluctance to say a single prayer for his mother, he repeatedly asserts that his religious upbringing has become an integral part of his very identity as an artist. Furthermore, as we have seen, he is established as a lapsed Catholic at the beginning of the novel by Mulligan -- "fearful jesuit" (U 3).

This disconnect should only further confuse Stephen's sense of self, but is this integral part of his own choosing? Later in Telemachus, when Stephen and company are in Sandycove, Haines and Stephen discuss religion. Haines starts, "Either you believe or you don't, isn't it? Personally I couldn't stomach that idea of a personal God. You don't stand for that, I suppose?" to which Stephen responds, "You behold in me... a horrible example of free thought" (U 20). Although he has here established belief in God as an impedance to his free-thinking, he still finds himself subservient to the influence of Catholicism. This subservience is introduced in his assertion that he is a "servant" to three masters; an English, an Italian, and those who want him for odd jobs. He explains that his masters are "the imperial British state... and the holy Roman catholic and apostolic church" (U 20). Haines, responding only to the former of the two, halfheartedly apologizes, but Stephen is distracted; he is remembering a portion of the Nicene Creed: "et unam sanctam catholicam et apostolicam ecclesiam" (U 20-21). He considers the sluggish movement of the progression of religious dogma in comparison to his own writing: "the slow growth and change of rite and dogma like his own rare thoughts, a chemistry of stars" (U 21). Here, he draws a parallel between his own work and the religious creed, or formal statements of religious faith meant to distinguish orthodoxy from heresy. This could simply be Stephen's academic desire to be unique and profound instead of being a poser, or perhaps his artistic desire to gain a following; readers (or believers) of his literary work (or religion). The poser (or heretic), in this case, would be Mulligan. Stephen observes that Mulligan "had spoken a moment since in mockery to the stranger" (U 21). It seems here that Stephen's Catholic guilt dissipates when he allows himself to indulge in the knowledge he has of his religion.

At the end of Telemachus, Stephen hears the bells of George's church tolling the time of day (quarter to nine), presented as such: "Liliata rutilantium./Turma circumdet./Iubilantium te virginum" (U 23). Here, the ringing of the church bells reminds him of his mother, and thus the sounds of their ringing is accompanied by snippets of the prayer of the dying. Stephen observes a priest's clothing on the rocks. Ulysses Annotated notes that "the priest, who has just been swimming, dresses as the celebrant of the just concluded mock mass would divest himself" (Gifford and Seidman 27). calling to mind his upbringing and vocation in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

For a brief stint, Stephen finds himself intrigued with the idea of being a priest. In the fourth chapter, he is implored by a priest that he might be called to the priesthood: "To receive that call, Stephen... is the greatest honor that almighty God can bestow upon a man. No king or emperor on this earth has the power of the priest of God. No angel or archangel in heaven, no saint, not even the Blessed Virgin herself has the power of a priest of God... What an awful power, Stephen!" (PA 152). After a period of serious consideration, however, Stephen decides instead to attend university. Gradually, Stephen once again loses his faith, and decides that he may have to leave university to pursue a career in art. He tells his friend Cranly that he "neither believes nor disbelieves" in the Sacred Eucharist, leading Cranly to assert, "It is a curious thing, do you know... that your mind is supersaturated with the religion which you say you disbelieve" (PA 234). 

Before these events, however, Joyce traces Stephen's academic and religious life from birth to young adulthood. Portrait shows Stephen as a person who has always struggled with Catholic guilt. Before fluctuating between passive religiosity to absolute hedonism, the first chapter sees young Stephen Dedalus during his first encounter with disciplinary action. When the priest teaching his Latin lesson notices that he is not completing his lesson, he confronts Stephen. As it turns out, his glasses had broken and he could not see; regardless, he was unjustly pandied twice for this infraction: "A hot burning stinging tingling blow like the loud crack of a broken stick made his trembling hand crumple together like a leaf in the fire: and at the sound and the pain scalding tears were driven into his eyes" (PA 44). 

This disciplinary action was likely the first real experience of fear the young Stephen had against authority; he was made to feel unjust guilt. Eventually, he speaks out against the priests, and is exalted by his classmates: "'Hurroo!' They caught their caps and sent them up again spinning skyhigh and cried again: Hurroo! Hurroo!'" (PA 52). Although resolved, this childhood event likely had lasting effects on Steven.

The other notable event occurs in chapter three, in which Stephen hears Father Arnall's sermon about hell. Prior to this, Stephen had fallen deeply into hedonism, having his first sexual encounter -- and subsequent repeated sexual encounters -- with a prostitute. Naturally, the fire and brimstone sermon paralyzes Stephen with fear. Father Arnall gives a depiction of hell: "The horror of this strait and dark prison is increased by its awful stench. All the filth of the world, all the offal and scum of the world, we are told, shall run there as to a vast reeking sewer when the terrible conflagration of the last day has purged the world" (PA 114). He continues with this highly hyperbolized sermon, injecting horrors into the mind of the fearful jesuit. All in attendance seemed to be affected by the sermon: "Voices spoke near him: 'On hell.' 'I suppose he rubbed it into you well!' 'You bet he did. He put us all into a blue funk.' 'That's what you fellows want: and plenty of it to make you work'" (PA 119). This is perhaps the most extreme example of Catholic guilt, and it sets Stephen himself into a fearful and hallucinatory nightmare: "He flung the blankets from him madly to free his face and neck. That was his hell. God had allowed him to see the hell reserved for his sins: stinking, bestial, malignant, a hell of lecherous goatish fiends. For him! For him!" (PA 132). This doubtlessly left Stephen with permanent scars, and a strong sense of Catholic guilt which he would carry through to his adulthood.

Thus, through knowing Stephen's history, one can examine the ways in which he responds to Mulligan's mockery through the lens of Catholic guilt; the lens offered to us from Steven Dedalus (and Joyce's own) Jesuit upbringing. From his fluctuation from absolute hedonism to absolute religiosity to inquisitive aesthetic philosophy, we can trace the progression of Stephen's maturity and the formation of his self-proclaimed freethinking attitude. This fear, and this guilt, were indeed renewed after the death of Stephen's mother, who is inseparably tied to his religious past. We see this renewal in Stephens thoughts of liturgical prayer, as well as his guilty conscience in refusing to pray for his mother. -- Works Cited Egan, Timothy. “The End of Catholic Guilt.” The New York Times, 15 Apr. 2016, www.nytimes.com/2016/04/15/opinion/the-end-of-catholic- guilt.html?mcubz=0. Gifford, Don, and Robert J. Seidman. Ulysses Annotated: Notes for James Joyce's Ulysses. Berkeley, Calif., Univ. of California Press, 2009. Hynes, Sam. The Catholicism of James Joyce. Commonwealth, LV, 1952. p. 488. Joyce, James. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. New York, New American Library, 2006. Joyce, James. Stephen Hero. New York. New Direction Books, 1963. Joyce, James. Ulysses. New York, Vintage Books, 1990. McNelly, Willis E. “Liturgical Deviations in ‘Ulysses.’” James Joyce Quarterly, vol. 2, no. 4, 1965, pp. 291–298. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/25486523. Miller CH, Hedges DW. "Scrupulosity Disorder: an Overview and Introductory Analysis." Journal of Anxiety Disorders, vol. 22 no. 6, 2008, pp. 1042–1058 Ranald, Margaret Loftus. “Stephen Dedalus' Vocation and the Irony of Religious Ritual.” James Joyce Quarterly, vol. 2, no. 2, 1965, pp. 97–102. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/25486487. Stravinskas, Peter (1990). Catholic Answer Book. Our Sunday Visitor. p. 78. van Megen HJGM, den Boer-Wolters D, Verhagen PJ. "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Religion: a Reconnaissance." Beyond Boundaries. Wiley, 2010. pp. 271–82.

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Shining the Spotlight on Surging Elderly Mental Illness

View Original Article Here: Shining the Spotlight on Surging Elderly Mental Illness

Elderly mental health is extremely important to a senior’s overall well-being. Unfortunately, many of today’s seniors are struggling to get adequate help and support. Physicians, caregivers, and family members should have concern for geriatric mental health issues

Mental illness in the elderly often gets confused with symptoms of aging. But, there are important differences that can signal a more serious mental health condition. Caregivers should understand the symptoms of mental illness and learn how best to support senior mental health.

Prevalence of Mental Health Issues in Today’s Seniors

All ages can suffer from mental health issues. But, those 55 or older are more at risk for mental health concerns than the younger population. In fact, 20% of people in this age range suffer from some type of mental health concern. Anxiety or depression are among the most common.

Men over 85 are most at risk for suicide than younger generations or women. About 45 out of every 100,000 elders commit suicide, which is most often the result of an elderly mental health issue.

The facts are scary, and it gets more concerning as our population ages. By 2050, it’s estimated that the world’s elderly population will double its current size. This leaves more seniors susceptible to mental health issues.

The Big Problem

The biggest problem with mental illness in the elderly is, perhaps, the things we don’t understand about it. There are often stigmas associated with mental health. For example, portrayals we see on television or in movies make those with mental illness seem frightening. This leads to a lack of desire to talk about mental illness, and instead, it gets swept under the rug.

Seniors, additionally, have to confront ageism. People often dismiss concerning behaviors in seniors as effects of aging. In reality, there are important differences between aging and elderly mental health concerns. Not knowing the differences can seriously affect a senior’s well-being.

The Difference Between Mental Illness and Aging

It’s true that some symptoms of mental illness and aging can overlap. But, it’s important to be aware of differences between age and an elderly mental illness. If symptoms aren’t caught early enough, a senior is at high risk for severe anxiety, depression, or even suicide.

Many seniors don’t feel comfortable speaking with their primary care physicians about their concerns. Instead, they fear their doctors downplaying their symptoms. Of those who do speak up, about 50% of mental health disorders in the elderly still go diagnosed.

Anxiety and depression are common in seniors. But, doctors frequently pass symptoms off as nothing more than normal aging. Early detection of mental health issues in seniors is vital to receiving proper care and treatment.

Symptoms of Mental Illness in Seniors

Symptoms of mental illness and regular aging may blur in seniors. But, you can typically think of concerning mental illness symptoms as exaggerated aging symptoms.

Forgetfulness, for example, is common with aging. But, continuous memory loss that interferes with regular tasks is a concern.

Important symptoms of mental illness in seniors may include, but are not limited to:

Changes in a regular care routine, like lack of concern for appearance

Signs of severe memory loss, like repeatedly asking the same questions

Significant mood changes, like exhibiting more worry or confusion than before

Lack of social desire

Severe weight gain or loss

Changes in sleep patterns, lack of energy, or extreme fatigue

If you care for a senior and notice any of the above symptoms, it’s time to talk to the doctor. These are just general symptoms to look for. But, you should also take note of specific symptoms in those who might suffer from anxiety and depression. These can look a bit different.

Anxiety in Seniors

It’s normal for anyone to worry, but anxiety goes beyond a controlled worry to a consuming, uncontrollable fear. Anxiety disorders take on several forms, like social phobia or panic disorder, and affect about 15% of seniors every year.

Some common symptoms of anxiety include, but are not limited to:

Fatigue and changes in sleep patterns

Difficulty concentrating and remembering information

Consistently feeling on-edge

Tense muscles and frequent headaches

Feeling out of control of the worry

Difficulty talking to or being around others

Frequent nausea

Seniors who had more stressful events occur through their lives may be more at risk, but anxiety can affect anyone.

Depression in Seniors

People often think of depression as a common symptom of aging. Instead, it’s a serious condition of its own. It impacts everyday life for a senior, physically, socially, and emotionally. Depression is one of the common elderly mental disorders that often goes undiagnosed.

Here are common depression symptoms to look for:

Weight gain or loss; overeating or loss of appetite

Consistent pessimism or talking down to oneself; lack of confidence

Low energy, changing sleep patterns, and fatigue

Confusion, difficulty remembering details, and difficulty concentrating

Decreased interest in past hobbies

Continuous pains, like stomach aches, cramping, or headaches, with no underlying medical cause

Talk of suicide or a suicide attempt

If you suspect a loved one of living with depression or anxiety, talk to her about your concerns and offer to go with her to the doctor to get help. Most importantly, let her know you’re available to talk to, so she knows she’s not alone.

What Causes Senior Mental Illness?

There’s no exact known cause of elderly mental health issues. However, experts believe that several factors play a role in the prevalence of symptoms in seniors.

The elderly face significant decreases in income when they reach retirement age. They also often face health issues that cause them to become less independent than they once were. These lifestyle changes add up over time. Without proper support, they can quickly escalate to anxiety, depression, or other forms of mental illness.

Treatments for Senior Mental Illness

Fortunately, there are several treatments for elderly mental health issues, regardless of how early a patient receives a diagnosis. The most common treatments include:

Psychological interventions and therapies

Prescription medications

Exercise

Support Groups

Psychological Interventions and Therapies

When a senior suffers from mental illness, it’s important to retrain the brain’s way of thinking. Then, his thoughts won’t continue to spiral out of control.

Psychological interventions and therapies do just that. They allow the senior to regain control over his emotions and get back to the life he once enjoyed.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a method of retraining thoughts and behaviors to be more productive. For example, a therapist may work with a patient to provide him some new, useful skills. These skills help him feel accomplished, build his confidence and battle depression.

Those with anxiety might benefit from exposure therapy. This therapy involves a therapist gradually building up a patient’s ability to confront his fears by exposing him to them. This therapy usually combines stressful situations with stress-reducing methods to help balance fears.

Prescription Medications

Doctors sometimes prescribe antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications to seniors. These can help reduce symptoms of mental illness.

But, these medications can interfere with medications for other conditions. So, it’s important to weigh the pros and cons.

Studies show that medications can especially help seniors from relapsing into depression.

Exercise

Mild to moderate exercise can help lift the moods of those with mental illness when used as a long-term treatment. Studies show that those with moderate anxiety or depression symptoms benefit the most from consistent exercise. Additionally, regular exercise can help prevent further relapse, much like medications.

Support Groups

Regularly attending a support group can help seniors feel included. They’re good places to share their struggles, connect with others who understand and find resources. Support groups can also make seniors feel more comfortable talking about their problems than doing so with a therapist or doctor.

The Importance of Social and Emotional Support

About 12% of seniors 65 and older say that they don’t get enough social or emotional support. Of this same age group, 6.5% say they experience frequent mental distress. These statistics are scary. Our seniors are saying they don’t get enough help to deal with the stress they’re under.

If your loved one is suffering from mental illness, it’s important to get involved. Do so in a way that comforts her.

Offer to go with her to support groups or community event. Look for ones that provide social opportunities for people her age.

Also, when you’re worried, speak up. Sometimes you are the voice your loved one needs to create a better, healthier future. The more support a senior gets, the likelier she is to open up about her struggles and concerns.

Conclusion

Mental health is crucial to the well-being of our seniors. But, they often lack the support needed to get adequate help. Knowledge of common mental illness symptoms and treatments helps us get seniors early intervention.

Have you had a loved one who’s experienced mental illness? Feel free to share your experience and helpful tips in a comment below.

[mbti-notes]

INFJ. I think I'm enneagram 9 (I know this blog isn't about enneagram, but a relevant point is they're titled "peacemakers"). I often have the ability to see things from all sides. While this can be good, I feel like I often end up repressing my feelings about things because of it. Sometimes I'll disagree or be made uncomfortable by someone and in the moment, I will be nice and agreeable, and later realize I was actually upset by what they said or did. ( 1 / 2 )

[con’t: It sneaks up on me because I’m more focused on dousing the fire than how I feel. My BIGGEST question: how do I become more in tune with what I’m feeling in the midst of conflict instead of way later? I feel like I’m dishonoring myself and “my truth” with this habit. And how do I approach expressing how I really feel after the fact? (And discerning when its really worth pivoting back to an earlier argument.) There was a point where I was starting to assert myself, but I got angry at the wrong people for the wrong reasons. In the beginning my anger was understandable, but I was very stubborn about not letting go of that anger instead of being sympathetic and working to resolve the conflict. It caused a lot of damage. I wouldn’t want to repeat that failed effort of asserting myself. How do I know when to show feelings of anger? Thanks so much!]

Read the articles about emotional well-being and communicating through conflict, as well as related tags, because this topic has come up several times from infjs before. If you need more than that, there are book recommendations on the resources page about these topics. You describe poor judgment, which means that your Fe-Ti functions require better development. It seems you overindulge Fe and have difficulty drawing appropriate emotional boundaries, too easily getting tied up with what people do or think. When your emotions get the better of you, you misuse Ti and Se, hurt morphs into anger, and you indulge the impulse to attack, only to deeply regret it. Aside from this, infj problems almost always trace back to dysfunctional Ni and one’s problematic beliefs/assumptions about the world. Let’s delve into your belief system and the assumptions you make…

Labeling oneself a “peacemaker” is rather useless when you have no insight into why you manifest this behavior. It’s obvious that this label is part of your persona and thus an unconscious source of pride. However, every source of pride is also a potential catalyst for your downfall. In FJs, playing “peacemaker” is inextricably tied to a deep-seated fear of conflict, which in turn is often accompanied by a deep-seated fear of hurt and rejection, which in turn is often rooted in low self-worth and the belief that one’s own needs and desires are illegitimate or “selfish”. “Peacemaker” doesn’t sound so hot when you put it like that, does it? It seems you don’t yet possess a deep enough understanding of your beliefs about yourself.

Serious question for you to reflect on: What’s wrong with conflict? You seem to treat it as the end of the world. Expanding on the first point, a false self-image means that you cannot accept the reality of who you are. You bristle when the mirror of your social interactions reflects back to you your true face, as your unconscious fears get triggered and your dark side quickly emerges. In other words, perhaps you fear conflict because it reflects back to you the truth that you’re not as agreeable, understanding, accepting, acceptable, etc, as you want to believe you are, and/or the fact that the world doesn’t actually live up to your desires and expectations. Instead of confronting your fears within and getting to the bottom of your problem, you seek to “manage” it out there in the world. You want to manipulate the social environment to suit your comfort level, but you can’t fully admit that this is what you want because then you sound like a “selfish b*tch”, so you have to couch everything in nice sounding words like “peacemaking” or “asserting”, etc. You’re basically asking me to provide you with permission to put yourself first, but it’s just part and parcel of the same old pattern: put others first, resent, put myself first, shame, rinse, repeat. As you hinted at, it’s pointless to ask me when it’s okay to get into an old pattern again.

You ask “how do I know when to show feelings of anger?” Wrong question. Ask “how is it that I got to be so angry?” Anger is at level 10 and you wait until 11 before you even consider the possibility of doing something, then you seem taken aback that you’re basically ready to attack someone like a frothing animal. Anger is merely a cowardly extension of sadness, and sadness often comes from feeling hurt. You are afraid of feeling hurt (because it reveals your darkness), you are afraid of appearing hurt and vulnerable (because that would disrupt social harmony and your self-image of how you promote social harmony), so how can you acknowledge your hurt let alone express it? You want to express your feelings when you can’t even accept that they exist. You suppress them until they morph into something ugly.

You’re not owning your emotions but rather misattributing them to an outside source, believing that “they made me angry”, so you wait passively for that external trigger to go away or you surmise that the resolution (or closure) lies in confronting THEM and maybe “correcting” THEM so that they agree with you. You’re turning anyone who disagrees with you into an enemy or traitor rather than taking a genuine interest in their viewpoint. If someone says something disagreeable to you, why is it not a viable option to simply say at that moment “I disagree” or ask “why do you believe that”? What do you think would happen? Do you believe that a civil discussion isn’t possible as soon as there is disagreement? And why is it not a viable option to simply allow someone to have their opinion, assuming that their personal opinion has no tangible impact upon you?

It seems you haven’t reflected on your beliefs about what makes for good communication. Many immature FJs actually treat communication as opportunities to fish for affirmation, but communication is about forging connection, which can’t happen when people can’t express themselves authentically. And how can you express yourself authentically when you can’t accept your own feelings and emotions? Perhaps you naively believe that communication must ALWAYS be positive, “peacemaking”, “agreeable”, a kumbaya circle, etc. Then you’re living in fantasy and you hope for something fake. There are always going to be disagreements because every individual has their own unique experiences that result in a unique viewpoint. You get stuck on disagreements because you fail to understand that confronting the negative is necessary for reaching the positive; it is through carefully exploring differences that people come closer together and develop appreciation for each other. Why do you think people naturally become LESS racist, sexist, homophobic, etc, the more they interact with the people they deride? Disagreements can be a good thing when you know how to utilize them to foster deeper understanding. Fear of conflict means that this option is completely closed off to you, since communication immediately shuts down the moment you get triggered.

Overindulging Fe means being oversensitive to social feedback. This happens because there is no clear understanding of the difference between “your business” and “none of your business”. You say you “have the ability to see things from all sides”. Do you really? It sounds like a myth that you like to perpetuate about yourself (false self-image). If you have this ability, then why do you begrudge differences of opinion? Do people not have a right to their own individual thoughts and the freedom to feel their own feelings? If you have this ability, then why do you downplay or devalue your own side? Are you not a person and do you not deserve to have your own thoughts and feelings? Believing something is true doesn’t make it true. You claim a fair-mindedness that is betrayed by your unfair approach to disagreement. You’re not that good at seeing things from all sides, but if you insist on believing you are (false self-image), then how are you going to improve this ability? Isn’t the truth closer to this: “I only have the ability to see the sides that closely resemble mine”?

Healthy Fe is fair-minded, respectful, and compassionate. But do you want to be these things because it would absolutely destroy you to learn that you are NOT these things (egotistical intention), in which case, every social interaction becomes a looming threat as every conflict reflects back to you your unexamined darkness? Or do you truly understand the value of Fe and aim to express it properly (authentic intention)? If you are truly fair-minded, it wouldn’t trigger you to hear differences of opinion and you wouldn’t take other people’s business so personally. If you are truly respectful of everyone’s humanity, you would not disrespect yourself or become excessively critical of people just because you feel hurt or afraid. If you are truly compassionate, you would know how to extend compassion to yourself and resolve negative social situations through patient empathetic dialogue. Work on Fe.