#intergenerational friendships

[ineffectualdemon]

I don't think saying "why would any adult want to be friends with a kid? What could they possibly have in common?" Is helpful when talking about concerns about grooming

Not only because cross generational relationships are not inherently bad or predatory

(the one bad example I gave on my other post doesn't cancel out all the really wonderful adults who made me feel safe as a teenager)

But because it's disingenuous

What could an adult possibly have in common with a teenager?

Well:

They like the same shows

The same music

The same books

The same YouTubers

They do the same crafts

Art styles

Other hobbies

They do the same sport (archery, martial arts, etc)

It's not bad to be friendly and have friendships with people who share your interests and hobbies even if they are in another generation

Thats how skills get passed on to new generations. This is a positive thing!

But that's also the reason this:

"why would any adult want to be friends with a kid? What could they possibly have in common?"

Isn't helpful

Because kids know what they have in common with the adult they are friends with so it must be a combination of common interest + they ARE as mature as their new friend says and it all feeds into the grooming talk the adult is using on them

Most of the adults who have friendships with teens are very aware that they are adults and have a firm line that they will not cross and will in fact tell the kids how to protect themselves better. These are adults to choose to engage with teens to teach and be friends in the very careful distant way that you are with somebody else's child. They are there to have fun, impart some wisdom, and feel like a proud mentor and make sure everyone is safe.

Not to say the teens are lesser as the learning goes both ways. Teens are young but there is a saying about fresh eyes being helpful. Kids are not stupid and I have learned a lot from just my teenager. Teens are worth listening to

In those friendships the adult has a responsibility but they can be a vital resource and help for teens who aren't getting any support from home

(there are also adults who are not choosing to engage with you and you can't be angry at people swearing and telling raunchy jokes at their table that you weren't invited to when you're the one who walked over and they already told you to go away. And sometimes the Mentor/Friend person will be at that table and tell you to go away as well and you need to listen.)

But the ones who are shady can easily counteract that message because they are in private messages talking about things they absolutely shouldn't and then saying how mature you are to prevent you from expressing how uncomfortable you are

They will keep pressing your boundaries to make you give me and they will encourage you to keep it a secret

Teenagers

It's not bad to have friends who are adults and it is perfectly ok to have people older than you in your life. You add value to these relationships and it's good for both generations to communicate and learn from each other

But: if someone is telling you deeply personal intimate stuff that makes you uncomfortable or asks you questions about your body or sex life but you don't feel able to tell them that, or suggest you keep the friendship or chats a secret and go on to praise your maturity - that's not okay

That's shady as hell

A real friend whose an adult will keep things in the open and would never suggest you keep your chats secret and if they did say something to make you uncomfortable (we're all fallible) they will apologise and make sure to not do that in the future. But they have to actually not do it in the future

[quicksilverlightning]

Having a delightful time with my best friend, a sixty-something English professor who has become a borderline shut-in since Covid. I haven't seen him since March 2020, but we talk on the phone a lot - a variety of factors has made him withdraw from society for a while, but he's trying to break the habit a bit.

The pandemic has been hell on teachers in general, but it reinvigorated him - synchronous remote learning has been fantastic for his whole teaching style, and he's excited by all the new tools and techniques he can deploy with everyone together in the digital space. It's doubly funny since he's the oldest person in the department, and all his colleagues hate remote learning.

I recently introduced him to video essays and he's been watching one at a time and we chat about it after. He already runs a popular radio show/ podcast, and the video essay format is very similar so he's getting quite a lot out of it in terms of technical components like structure. I started him on Jacob Geller, which may have been setting the bar too high, but I've tried to include a wide variety to check out.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I'd like to recommend finding a friend that is significantly different from yourself in age because it's been a grand time exposing him to entire branches of media that he never would have otherwise encountered himself. He loved Over the Garden Wall; he sends me short stories and novel recommendations; I am slowly pushing him into playing Kentucky Route Zero. More than once he's brought up something I showed him to a younger coworker, who is baffled by his knowledge. We both fluctuate on a similar wavelength, but the age gap and generational difference removes enough common ground to always have something to talk about. Get yourself some intergenerational solidarity 🤝

[tookishcombeferre]

i am one of the october monsters

still praying in the basement lab,

clinging to the crucifix you bought me,

grandchild of van helsing’s leaf.

harker and mina forgot -

blacked out the experience -

struggle with vampires long forgotten,

when i face my demons, i turn to you.

holidays are empty now,

two years passed and we do not carry

conversation so easily, i miss

assisting your wheelchair.

you tempered me, you know?

i never told you everything,

yet, when you took my chin in you hand,

withered and gentle - all stood still.

i need not fear my beasts,

held fast and safe, as we chatted,

passed time together,

music a language we both spoke.

head falling softly on your knee,

talking about grace, and God,

good and evil, and i ask you about insanity,

chemicals, and medical science.

i ask if you will be unhappy

if i become a poet, singer, actor,

anything else -

instead.

kisses fall on my temples,

smiles in your eyes,

and you talk to me about how opera is healing.

A beat …

and we laugh.

making the yuletide gay: two christmases in mourning of van helsing - p. s. shuller

__________

Thanks y’all for the incredibly kind responses to my last monster poem! This has been in my drafts for a while. I’ve long compared my late grandfather to Van Helsing and myself to his little Jekyll. I grew up watching black and white movies at his knee. (Young Frankenstein was a favorite of ours.) I grieve in poetry, and it’s been a hard two years.

It’s fitting, I think, that I’m auditioning for the Jekyll and Hyde musical in my area in a few weeks (I plan to break many legs in the name of our humble community), and I’m working on publishing one of my first major collections of poetry in January on these same subjects and themes.

Cheers y’all, and thank you. This has been so moving.

[try-and-try-and-try-again]

This is a very random thing I’m thinking about after exchanging messages with someone I know, but I worry that it’s really weird that I find it easier to interact with people who are much older than me than people my own age.

I think because of the generational divide I feel less pressure to intuitively understand their social cues and things and I can relax more and not be afraid to say I don’t understand what they mean. Maybe.

I find interacting with children hard. I kind of get scared by how impressionable children are and I worry if I do something wrong I’m going to mess up their development. (Also some children I’ve come across have seemed rather judgmental, or hyper and unpredictable, or both).

This makes me worry about the future when the older people I know might die off (sorry to be morbid). Also I worry it’s just really weird of me to bond more with older people. Some people I’m closest with are the same age or older than my parents (who are in their mid 60s/70s).

Is anyone one else like this?

[surprisinglycurvaciousbatman]

Sometimes I forget that my deeply Millennial sense of humor does not go over as well with other generations.

When complimented on my good nature by some of my parents’ friends, I said without thinking, “Thanks, it’s the ✨trauma✨”

[cowboyjen68]

I just wanted to thank you for being the kind of person, for others, that helped me so much in my own journey. Around the few queer people my own age in my small town, I never felt very comfortable, and felt like I was wrong in all of my questioning, and they pressured me to be more "acceptable" to them. It wasn't until meeting and becoming almost like a child to an older butch lesbian who showed me into this world, introduced me to people who felt the same way I do, and finally let me feel like I had a place I wouldn't be judged for not being queer in the "right" way.

There is a lot of push these days by people my age and younger to fit very perfectly into these well-defined boxes, but I was invited open-arms into this ex-biker-group of mostly butch lesbians despite me thinking i could never be accepted in such a space; if I was also sometimes attracted to men, then I obviously couldn't identify as butch, because that's "lesbian only" to many people, and not to mention feeling emotionally like both a woman via relation to butch femininity, and as a man via traditional masculinity, so I felt I was too messy, too different to ever fit. But this woman introduced me and to this day they are my family. They helped me find who I was, who I am, introduced me to terms lost to people my age, I found out a lot of people feel like me.

Continue to be the best kind of person.

-a cattle-herding butch boydyke

I’m so glad you found a soft landing with older mentors willing to love you for you and pass on what I’m sure they knew well: that many of us are chaotic and “messy” with a life of twists, turns and confusion.

With age (not always but hopefully) and experience we learn that granting each other grace and empathy will result in friendship and mutual understanding which benefits everyone in the group.

Clearly they all felt a kinship and connection to you that made it worth their time to accept you into their friendships clan. I am so happy for you, and them. Finding friends is this world can be difficult.

[holly-natnicole]

An Obito-never-becomes-Tobi-and-Rin-lives Divergence would be fascinating...

hihi!! first post on tumblr, i’ve been wanting to give this place a try to showcase my art but i’ve been off and on :) hope you guys like naruto !!

[rachel-sylvan-author]

"The Housekeeper and the Professor" by Yōko Ogawa

Women in Translation! Translated from Japanese. ❤️

Thank you @thebookybird for the rec! 🥰

[birdthebrain]

I love seeing the absolute confidence and unhinged posting middle-aged men do on social media. Specifically when I get along with them and they're not assholes. It's like "yeah! Fuck it up with those 2008 memes Keith!"

[repostedpoliticalarts]

I work with kids, most of whom are maybe a 3rd of my age. Some of them want to be my friend. Is there a power dynamic? Sure there is. That’s why they’re not my peers. But I can be a sort of uncle figure. I can take interest in their lives and their interests. I can talk to them about art and movies and even politics. They and I are always aware there is an age gap, a power gap, and especially an experience gap. Which is why it’s my job to be the responsible one.

If any of these young people tried to talk about my sex life or implied they had feelings for me beyond what you might have for an extended family member, my job is to redirect. Ask them about who they’re interested in who is in their peer group. Maybe relate a story of my own from when I was going through their stage of development (emphasizing the vast span of years since that time and that I am no longer in that space), then redirect to emotional peers in their community. If they persist, then I graduate to shutting it DOWN.

There is no excuse for engaging a developing person in their youthful crush and healthy self-exploration by treating them like a peer who can consciously consent to ANYTHING with you. Be the adult. Shut it down without shaming them, but distance yourself if you have to. They NEED safe ways to explore and develop without some creep taking advantage of their inexperience and vulnerability. Anyone who would rationalize this kind of inappropriate interaction with “she came on to ME!” should rightfully be locked up.

Remember: encourage their development like a family member. But if they cross a line you wouldn’t cross with an uncle or aunt, redirect first, verbally state “that’s not appropriate” next, and if need be shut it down and create meaningful distance.

The reason i’m so vigilant about this is that in my early twenties, a woman more than twice my age gave me money (just to “help me out as a fellow Christian in a tough industry”), I didn’t know better. As a pastor’s kid, adults in my life HAD made financial gifts of support in the past because they believed in my future.

But then she invited me over for hangouts. She talked all the time about how lonely she was, and she began to pressure me to engage in a sexual relationship with her. I literally didn’t understand what was happening or they way she emotionally manipulated me and created pressure to cave to her wishes with the gifts she gave. When I moved across the country she called me 2-3 times a DAY. Finally my friends helped me to see what was going on and I had to tell her I was not going to be able to be her friend, that she wanted more than I was able to give her.

I blocked her number and blocked her on all social media. I’ve never regretted that decision for a single day. And I also would NEVER want someone to feel how she made me feel. It’s a violation and an abuse of the inherent power differential.

i think some of you guys are insane 👍 it's actually possible for a 16 year old to be online friends with someone in their 20s. source: teenagers are actually people who can talk to other people about shared interests.

[letloverule1111]

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I didn’t know this! I’ve been sheltered from this discourse happily. I love all my intergenerational friendships both older and younger. They all nourish me.

Also—all the generations need to STOP the stereotyping and judgment of other generations!!!! JUST STOP! Every older generation does that to younger generations and it’s lame lame lame. It blocks you from connections and understanding. Also - guess what! EVERYTHING ALWAYS CHANGES! That’s why every generation has a different flavor!

Also also—the older generation that criticizes the younger generation actually TOOK PART IN FORMING THAT GENERATION so if you’re feeling judgy, take a look at yourself!

[bubblesbenson]

Trigger warning: Dan Schneider and Brian Peck.

Is it not appropriate to have an intergenerational friendship with kids and adults?

In light of Quiet on Set, I am really worried about promoting bad implications for having little kids looking up to the little kids’ parents’ friends, even if the parents are heavily involved with their kids and the adult friends.

I’m trying to think about Carl and Russell from Up and Luz Noceda and Eda Clawthrone from The Owl House, but I’m scared I’m promoting bad implications.

I don’t know how to ask this. My brain feels fried because of my cold.

@writingatdusk @literallycreativelylit @enbeemagical

[dj1981]

In this Poem I wrote, I express how blessed I feel with the New Friends that I have made in my life and how fast my life has turned around from having few friends to having several friends. It gives me great joy and happiness. Here is My Poem, Enjoy:

Title: Colors Of Friendship:

In life's grand design, a beautiful sight, New friends appear, bringing delight, Blossoming like flowers in the spring, Transforming my world, making my heart sing. Feeling so blessed, each passing day, Meaningful friendships lighting my way, Age doesn't matter, we learn from each other, Building connections, like sisters and brothers. No matter how old, no matter how young, We laugh and we learn, our spirits are sprung, Friendship knows no boundaries, it's true, Uniting our hearts, me and you. Loneliness fades, a thing of the past, New friends have come, my joy will last, Knowing they're there, through thick and through thin, A support system strong, a family within. Quickly it happened, this magical change, From solitudes grip, my life rearranged, And I'll cherish these friendships, forever I'll strive, To keep them close, as long as I'm alive. A friend is a treasure, a gift that we hold, More precious than silver, more priceless than gold, So, I'll nurture these bonds, with love and with care, For the happiness they bring, beyond compare. Let's celebrate the tapestry spun, By the threads of friendship, together as one, With gratitude in our hearts, side by side, We'll paint the Colors of Friendship, far and wide.

[cowboyjen68]

The day before Christmas Eve, with the help of many, I met a new lesbian friend off of TikTok. She needed a new car battery and I know how to change a battery and found out she was only an hour away! Got to meet an elder and break out my tools and get her some much needed supplies! My community, on and off line, is nothing short of incredible. New battery installation complete!!

[guardianlioness]

Watching Kafka and Reno’s interactions at the beginning of the Kaiju No.8 anime hits differently after catching up with the manga.

Reno protesting Kafka’s carelessness with his Kaiju form is a fun gag early on in the story, and his decision to stick with Kafka during the exam is endearing—but it’s amplified and almost sad in retrospect.

Manga spoilers from chapter 101 onward below the cut.

We learn in Ch. 101 that Reno has suffered a huge amount of loss in his life.

He lost his parents and brother. He lost the familiarity and daily routine of attending his existing school. He lost emotional security, witnessing his grandmother’s struggle with their mutual grief. He lost faith in the idea that someone might help.

Only for Kafka to trip headlong into correcting that belief.

Despite Reno’s disrespect, Kafka fully embodies his senpai title by teaching him the tricks of the trade. He looks out for and helps him without hesitation, and he brushes off any jabs or insults with a quick, internal wince.

And then Kafka absolutely shatters his core beliefs by shoving him out of a Kaiju’s path.

This guy—a guy Reno barely knows, a guy that he insulted seconds into their first meeting—is willing to die for him without hesitation.

Is it any surprise that Reno really would rather not lose him?

All of those reminders and all of that fussing is to keep Reno’s only hero from being scrapped for literal parts.

For the first time since the death of his family, someone steps between Reno and tragedy. Of course he’s going to do everything in his power to keep that savior alive.