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batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 years ago

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Hey. I have a genuine question about trans people, if thats ok? I promise I'm not trying to be transphobic when I ask this, but I am very tired and google isnt making much sense. I know that, in a very broad sense, a trans person is someone who doesn't identify with their gender. But in this case what is the difference between gender and sex? Up until now I've understood sex as female/male/intersex and gender as man/woman/nb, is that wrong? I offer you a jar full of the Void as a thanks for your time

hi anon,

I really appreciate that you sent this question, because it feels like a very well-meaning case of "and at this point I'm too afraid to ask" and I'm always happy to be a space that addresses questions that might be hard to bring up anywhere else. let's do our best to get you a satisfying answer!

so first off, we need to do a little work on your understanding of trans people.

actually... hmm. okay, first, we need to talk about gender and make sure that we're on the same page. while past decades used "gender" pretty much interchangeably with "biological sex/genitalia" (and some people still do use gender that way - think of gender reveal parties, for instance) many modern discourses understand gender as something largely or entirely separate from one's reproductive organs, instead using "gender" to refer to a complex cocktail of societal factors that includes their self-perception, personal presentation, expectations of others and society at large, and the degree to which they feel they do or don't fit into feminine/masculine binaries.

here, let me keep it real simple. this is the definition of gender that we use for my 4th through 6th grade classes: "a person's feeling or sense, in their mind or heart, of whether they are a boy or girl, man or woman, a combination of both, or neither."

obviously not a perfectly all-encompassing definition because a.) I doubt there's any definition of gender that could make everyone on god's green earth happy and b.) it's written for people who are more concerned with Warriors Cats than queer theory, but it's as good a starting point as any. for this discussion, at least, gender is referring to an internal sense of self rather than anything about one's physical body.

okay, NOW we can return to your understanding of trans folks as "someone who doesn't identify with their gender." it would be much much more accurate to say that the majority of trans people don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. we live in a society(TM) where brand new babies generally either get popped out of the womb and promptly assigned either male/boy/blue blanket or female/girl/pink blanket (hence the terms AMAB and AFAB - assigned male at birth and assigned female at birth, respectively) on the basis of their genitalia, and both categories tend to come with a heap of expectations no matter how hard the parents try, because we are all a bunch of fish swimming in centuries of silly made up rules about how boys and girls should behave and that's difficult to circumnavigate entirely unless you raise your sweet gender neutral infant alone in a bugout bunker somewhere in the woods.

(worth mentioning at this point, since you already mentioned intersex people and we're going to get there eventually: babies who are born with genitals that are perfectly healthy but don't fall neatly into either the "penis" or "vagina" category frequently have their genitals surgically altered very soon after birth, frequently without the parents' knowledge or consent, to make those infants fall more neatly into one of those boxes. this is done on the assumption that those infants will live easier lives if they are more easily able to be sorted into one of to genital-based binary genders. many intersex adults and advocacy groups consider this to be a Very Bad decision, which I wholeheartedly agree with.)

okay, so, trans people. "transgender" is a very broad category which can encompass many different kinds of people, but the general unifying factor is that trans folks took a gander at the gender they were assigned at birth and said "hmm I think not, actually." some transition from male to female or female to male, some invent a jazzy brand new gender, some jettison the whole concept altogether, some can occasionally fuck with the gender they were assigned at birth but only every other month and on the full moon. point being, most trans people are actually, like, fine with their gender, it just happens to be different than the gender that their parents/doctors/society tried to give them when they were born.

that can be a lot to understand, but here's the most important part: when someone tells you what their gender is, assume that they're the expert. not their parents/doctors/society. them. they know who they are and what they want to be, and the least the rest of us can do is use the terminology/name/pronouns/etc that they would prefer.

hopefully by this point the difference between gender and sex/genitalia is pretty obvious - your "sex" or genitals are but one of many features on your inescapable human meatsuit, and your gender is a complicated internal vortex. absolutely any person of any gender identity can have any sort of genitalia, and could feel any kind of way about it. that's generally not going to be any of your business, unless you are a particular trans person's a.) healthcare provider or b.) sexual partner.

now, about those female/male/intersex and man/woman/nonbinary triptychs - I would love to problematize those, if I could take another moment of your time.

right off the bat, I would recommend unlearning the urge to classify any genitals as "male" or "female." for better or worse, those are words that are extremely tied to gender, and most trans men, for instance, won't love being told they have "female genitalia" (especially if they've gone to all the trouble of getting phalloplasty, oof), most nonbinary people don't want to be told they have the genitals of any gender they don't identify with, etc. sex educators and healthcare provider like myself have been doing a tremendous amount of work in recent years to neutralize our language and make it more inclusive, so that rather than needlessly gendering someone's genitalia we can just talk about body parts as they are. if you need to refer to a group it's fine to say, for instance, "people with ovaries" or "people with prostates." strongly encourage that, good stuff.

also: while we should absolutely recognize that there is more diversity in genitalia than the two most widely known penis and vagina configurations, classifying intersex conditions as their own discrete third category is something I would be careful about. first off, the term "intersex" encompasses several different conditions, so referring to someone's genitalia as "intersex" doesn't really convey anything useful about their body parts - especially since some intersex conditions only impact chromosomes and cause no particularly noticeable difference in the genitals, which could look exactly like those of a perisex person (perisex = not intersex) and thus be indistinguishable from "male" or "female" genitalia.

there's as much diversity of gender among intersex people as any other population - there are trans intersex people, cis intersex people, nonbinary intersex people, and so on. as with any other group, the best to talk about their body parts is without presumption and using whatever language they'd prefer, rather than assuming you know how it ought to be classified.

treating "nonbinary" as a stable third gender category likewise has issues - what being nonbinary actually means and looks like can vary WILDLY between the people who fall into that category. many people who find the existing gender binary stifling, harmful, oppressive, or otherwise not very fun actively rebuke the idea of that sort of neat classification, and are actively disheartened by the idea of all of their effort to challenge that binary resulting in the creation of a trinary with a third category that's exactly as rigidly defined as the other two. some of us - hi, it's me - want nothing more than to exist in an ambiguous space beyond easy categorization.

tl;dr while it's great and necessary to acknowledge that bodies and people can't all be put neatly into two opposite boxes, the answer isn't necessarily to conceptualize a new, third box to plunk all of the outliers into.

I appreciate the jar of Void, which my cat will probably be knocking over shortly, and I hope this clarifies things for you.

#sex edventures 2022

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hopingforromanoff · 3 years ago

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Not So Secret Santa {n. romanoff}

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 651

Requests are currently closed

A/n: Day 7 y’all!! This isnt edited because im still super sick, and got stuck working at 16 hour shift with a fever because my relief never showed! Anyway, make sure you head over to check out @too-gay-for-marvel for her fic from yesterday here and her one for tomorrow!

Let me know your thoughts, feelings, or just come into my inbox for a chat!

Stay awesome

~Lucy

My Masterlist

12 Days of Fluffmas Masterlist

__________________________

Solnyshko- little sun

Dorogoy - sweetheart

---

“You know you could go talk to her, solnyshko, instead of ogling at her like a horny, teenage boy“ Yelena settled her weight against the bar stool next to you, pushing her cranberry mule in your direction.

“What? I’m not…ogling and…. I’m not a horny teenage boy” You downed your shot of whiskey that had been sitting in front of you for some time, chasing it with Yelena’s drink.

“You are, dorogoy you’re practically drooling it’s almost embarrassing” Wanda flanked your other side, her cheeks starting to blush from the Sex on the Beach in her hands.

Your attention settled back on Natasha as Steve said something that made her laugh.

“This is getting sad, dorogoy, I’m gonna go talk to her” Yelena chugged the rest of her mule, and pushed off from the bar.

“Lena, no” you exclaimed just a little too loud, grabbing her hand and dragging back. This caused Natasha to stop talking, and look in your direction. The three of you just waved back awkwardly until she stopped looking.

“Wait, I have a better plan” a devious smile fell upon Wanda’s face as Tony appeared with a bowl filled with names for Secret Santa.

“I’m demoting the both of you as my best friends” You shook your head as Wanda disappeared to rig the game.

*****

It was no surprise to you that you had pulled Nat’s name, and that presumably Nat had picked yours. The Stark Christmas party was in full swing by now, and yet Natasha was nowhere to be seen. You hung on tightly to the present that you had wrapped 5 times to make sure it was perfect.

“Where the hell is your sister?” your eyes continued to frantically search the room.

“She’s getting pretty for you, Solnyshko, relax” Yelena handed you your glass of wine, and took a sip from her own glass.

As if on command, Natasha appeared. Her hair pulled up into a low bun, secured with a Christmas bow, and a red dress that fitted her body perfectly.

“You’re such a love sick puppy, I can't watch this” Yelena returned to her spot next to Wanda, as you practically spit out your wine when Natasha materialized. You took a deep breath and walked towards Nat.

“Hey Nat, I’m a…I’m your Secret Santa” Your shaking hands passed the gift over to Nat.

“It’s so beautiful, makes me not want to ruin it by opening it” Natasha smiled, turning the box in her hands, examining the perfect wrapping paper, and the large silver bow adorning it.

“Not as beautiful as you” you blurted out without thinking, slapping your hand over your mouth.

“Oh?” Natasha raised her eyebrow at you, a smile finding her lips.

“Oh my god, Nat. I’m sorry, it’s just…it’s just I really like you, and you just look so beautiful and I didn’t even mean to say anything, I’m so sorry” you rambled, trying to run away and hide.

“Hey Y/N, relax, I like you too” Natasha pulled you back towards her, one of her hands finding your waist.

“You do?” your voice shook as you spoke.

“Yes Y/N, I have for a long time” Natasha smiled

“Hey lovebirds” Yelena called from across the room, pointing towards something above your heads. You looked up to see mistletoe hanging from the ceiling.

“Can I?’ you looked into her eyes.

“Kiss me, you idiot” You placed your hands on her cheeks, and you lips brushed hers. Natasha giggled and pulled you in for a second one. You stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying the warmth of each other before you both remembered you were in the middle of a party. You could hear Yelena cheering behind you, and Wanda going on about how she knew her idea would work.

“C’mon let’s go” Natasha grabbed your hand and guided you towards your best friends.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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kelp-my-beloved · 2 years ago

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False Lore Theory N 3: The Infamous Time Traveler One

Everybody talks about it. To see a tl;dr about the main questions on False's lore, see here. The time traveler theory isnt mine, but it has been going around a lot.

The basics are e!false is a time traveler. She'll travel in the future in a reverse order as how we watch the episodes. One of my favourite parts of this theory is that the Dead Guy she stole her clothes from on ep 3 would be her future self, making a circular paradox as to where they came from.

timetraveler!e!false would be the one leaving the signs, collecting the resources, etc.

Why the amnesia?

I believe that at some point in the past h!false caused a paradox that created an alternative timeline, and with it, e!false.

Maybe e!false wanted to abuse her powers, maybe her timeline was erased for the good of the universe and it was too dangerous for her to remember, yada yada. She was kept in a bunker to be sure she actually forgot stuff, and then tossed up in empires to live her life.

h!False I believe also made herself forget about the other timeline, but it was like a few days compares to e!false's whole life.

The reason why h!false is so worried about e!false is that she might remember stuff from her timeline, which might make the universe explode, or create a paradox, which might do the same thing.

Whenever they get too close to each other the universe gets tense and false gets a little electricity shock.

About the headaches. One option is because there are two falses in the same place and time, and the universe doesn't like that.

Another one. In the case of e!false, it might be that she literally has a future version of herself walking around. She might get the headaches from having her around.

Following this sub theory, it would mean that h!false gets her headaches from having a version of herself time traveling.

Going back to e!false. Something happened in the forest, or wherever she went in her 'adventuring', otherwise there wouldn't be such a highlight in how she got her googles broken. What? I have no clue.

She might have met tt!e!false, or tt!h!false, or maybe she discovered something. But it's obvious that she's different in that episode: she tries to hide things away from the audience, and there's a lot of confusion from her part.

Maybe her memories are mush, and that's how she remembers stuff. I believe that in the glitch/flashback we can hear h!false say that she has "never wiped somebody's memory before", which might mean she fucked up at some point. e!false, instead, might have mastered the craft.

But I believe she wants to trick us, or wants to lay low. In this case, I believe she encountered tt!e!false and is now actively trying to either regain her memories (that's why she killed pix, for the recovery compass, and Jevin was just a unfortunate guy who acted as a test subject), or go back "home", or escape empires.

Now, about Pumpkin Jack.

He's evil. He's the devil. He's against my precious e!false and that's enough for me. Or at least against tt!e!false, I believe. I think that tt!e!false killed him that one time. The problem is, who sent him?

h!False obviously doesn't know what's up with him, that's why he's on her board of weird e!false stuff.

Simply put, idk.

Thats pretty much it. To the pros and cons:

Pros:

Its really cool, and it fits with the clock symbolism

We explain Dead Guy and h!false caution, besides the resources, signs, glitches, shocks

an origin for e!false

explanation for all the murder

Cons:

In the episode where Pumpkin Jack appears, False wakes up confused about a series of resources gathered. But then, when she has a flashback about where she got a couple of shulkers, she didn't seem all that surprised about them, not paying them attention. Of course, it might have been that she had her first freak out off camera. She still calls the shulker 'magical boxes', and the 'you're welcome' sign is still there, so it might mean nothing. Still, it doesn't feel completely right.

There's no explanation for Pumpkin Jack, or one that isnt so loose

If PJ is evil, who is he working for? We have an oc to explain the things that dont make sense

e!false seems changed in the last episode, yes, but not enough to imply she had a life changing conversation with her future self.

if the electric shocks are from the universe trying to prevent them from meeting, why did it left h!false cross the rift? or build that tower in Cogsmead?

After killing zombie!sausage, e!false confesses that it felt like something "came over her". It feels like the lore wants to make the connection between that evil impulse, the whispers the sign says she shouldnt listen to, and the amnesia potions. If the potions are not evil but part of a "justified" plan, we erase the connection

#empires smp #empires 2 #falsesymmetry #hermpires #empirescraft #false theories #Im not so sure about this one folks

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eclysia · 2 years ago

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Rosette, bouquet and fallen leaf?

OUGh thank you so much :pleading_face:

um this is a long post so its going under the cut

🏵️ [ROSETTE] What flower symbolises your OC best and why? What does the flower mean in floriography?

oh man, flower symbolism. im not too well versed in this, but let me see!

a wilted/dead lily fits well for mido; after the events of hiyoshi, being dragged back from the dead and coerced to carry the traumas of several different people took a toll on him. a lily symbolizes purity and innocence after death, but midos case is the complete opposite.

he is not an empty shell like the rest of the interceptors' bodies-- and he cannot take the burdens given to him well at all.

due to his role within the third layer, poppies suit aevis the most. sacrifices had to be made for the greater good- to cheat death and overcome humanitys greatest flaw.

proteas also work quite well for recent developments, as he is beginning to overcome his status as a clone/black box and is stopping trying to take the identity of the true, dead aevis. he is learning to change and embrace individuality!

after being freed from their time loop, xerophyllum suit avan well, symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings. theyre stuck in this world now, so they have to learn to like it... (i also like the pure white of the flower; matches their pokemon who all lost their color)

💐 [BOUQUET] If you could send your OC a bouquet, what flowers would make it up and what is the overall message?

i would get one of the grevilleas to do it instead because i am really bad with flowers HGFDLKASJFV

i suppose i would make color themed bouquets for all three of them matching the flowers i listed prior? but overall messages.. from me, as the creator? ...get your shit together, all of you. no okay wait

mido- open up to your friends please aevis- you are your own person, stop adhering to the orders given to you avan- there is something worth fighting for

🍃 [FALLEN LEAF] What's the darkest period of time your OC has been through?

OUGH.

mido is quite obvious with hiyoshis events. storm-9 as a whole rendered himself and many people he loved dead, and he was too shaken to say no to the preposition of using his body as a host. it was only instinct that allowed him to grow defiant and disrupt the process, but this helped no one.

aevis says that nothing sour has happened in his existence (he is lying). he overlooked many third layer test subjects and has seen a lot of people die- he himself has even tested the means like artillery. considering he is a black box, he can just regenerate even if bullets render his body torn apart, so long as his core is safe. so its completely fine and morally correct to use him.. isnt it?

avan tries to brush it off too, but the catalyst of their whole deal- the unearthly swap of every species of pokemon to a different one, and everyone acting like everything was still normal- they felt insane. to top it all off, code: evo had turned out to be a lunala in xens hands, and one fight later, the rifts instability had rendered their world gone.

..why did they come back? they really shouldnt have, and no matter how hard they try, they cannot die.. until now, at least.

theyre still hesitating.

#oc tag: mido #oc tag: aevis #oc tag: avan #THANK YOU BY THE WAY.#AND YOU HAVE A NAME REVEAL #godsh i am so embarrassed always.. not even a Name alas #v13 spoilers #this post is FUCKING LONG BY THE WAY!! I TALK A LOT

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robinsteves · 4 years ago

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I don't think the post you made of Jules being a lesbian should be celebrated cause in season 1 we were kinda made to think Jules is bisexual. And if she does realize she's a lesbians now ( I haven't seen the episode yet) good for her. But I don't think it's a step up or anything cause as a bisexual I am so tired of people thinking my bisexuality is just a journey to me becoming a lesbian. I've been told by so many people who think I should just chose a side and I'm confused. Hope I didn't offend you. Just wanted to give my opinion.

yeah... no. regardless of your intention, don’t try to guilt trip lesbians into feeling bad about a bisexual stereotype that we didn’t create and/or have no control over.

being a lesbian can often come with comphet, which is why many assume they are straight or bisexual beforehand, and that isnt any individual’s fault. at all. yes, this might just be a show we’re talking about, but its a real life hardship that a lot of lesbians go through- myself included. so, hopefully, you see why I’m not going to apologize for celebrating that type of complex representation. should we say sorry that her lesbian epiphany doesn’t fit the perfect little box that everyone else wants us to fit in? its a complicated process for some, and its allowed to be.

my advice? watch the episode when you can before you hold any concrete judgement; hear jules’ thought process, and how she got to this point, and realize that none of it has to do with what you’re saying. maybe it will all make a little bit more sense to you when you do so! but if you still have an issue with it afterwards... well, thats when it becomes a you problem. because I’m not gonna apologize to anyone that hunter schafer, a lesbian herself, gave her character a story that is personal to her and a shit ton of others. this becomes especially true when factoring in that shes a trans lesbian- so much of their lives are associated with men (as unfortunate and problematic as that is by itself), which only makes being a lesbian harder for them to recognize. and honestly, you thinking about it in this way, instead of being happy someone came to terms with who they really are, shows me that we need to tell this type of story more. 🖤

#the only opinions about this take in particular that I wanna hear from are lesbians lol #so I’ll tag it :)#lesbians #lesbianism #comphet #hunter schafer #jules vaughn #euphoria

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slidewhistlebj · 4 years ago

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TUA Season 2 is finally here! I think it was a really cool season with some really awesome potential, but there are some parts that I think really didn’t work and this is how i think they should have been fixed

(Spoilers for Season 2 of the Umbrella Academy. Obviously)

i think landing the siblings in different years was amazing, they got time to explore themselves and we could see their personalities through what they did

On the other hand, they didnt devote enough time to those storylines so it never felt like they had a solid purpose (for most of the siblings), it was more to show “time has passed”

How did Luther end up boxing under a gangster? How is he adjusting to no dad, no academy?? He was alone on the moon, He was left behind by his siblings in the academy, now he is alone and in a whole other *time* like i wanna hear about that!

Klaus has mansion and a cult and had a girlfriend benefactor lady?? Like: lets get into that! if the show wants humor that can be amazing

but it can also be really interesting and deep for exploring klaus’s need for both personal space (physically and somewhat emotionally) yet also his need for positive attention from whoever will give it to him!

More on that alone now track: the opening scene with their fighting was built to get us hyped

it fucking worked, that shit was amazing

but along with wishing that we saw more of their individual stories, i wish some of their growth had been gradual

like Klaus should have been showing off ghost stuff with his cult which is part of why they follow him which would set up his new ability to summon and conjure multiple ghosts at a time

instead of it being a throw away scene at the end where he gets caught

or Diego could have been shown in his ‘alone in dallas’ storyline to be trying to escape multiple times from the asylum and in that, figuring out his ability to start affecting other peoples shots at him, etc

Stuff like that would have been a great way to both dive into the characters *and* ramp up their abilities

Moving onto The Commission who i absolutely love so so much

Hell yeah u funky lil time-space assassins

I think that the Handler should have stayed dead

her return to the show while awesome (because she is played so well by her actress) continues this problem for the show of seemingly running in place where things dont have consequences like they should

I also think her return made a very campy feel to certain parts which is fine, the story should have fun! but it doesnt fit with the vibe very well with the other more serious plots

Imagine a storyline where the Handler is replaced by Carmichael, a competent replacement with no close personal relationship to Five

A head to head show down throughout the season of Five trying to outthink and outwit Carmichael and Commission Agents to get a briefcase

The misdirects!

The drama!

The action sequences and reveals!

More Screen Time for the Cool Ass Talking Fish 2k20!

All of which culminates in the board of directors scene but now with real weight behind it for the audience because we have been watching these two face off with one another for a season of build up

LET FIVE EAT THE FISH!

Giving that scene to the handler was the worst part of the whole season, u cant change my mind bros

This would also open up Lila to be more of her own person

Her storyline would change without the Handler there so that instead of being actively manipulated by the Handler, she has gone rogue from the commission to kill Five for her parents deaths due to previous planning and programming from her mother

(its only been 14 days for Five, a very normal turn around for him to desert, have the Handler tell Lila her version of the story, get killed, and have Lila get ready to take him down)

its generally the same plot, but Lila is more in the drivers seat

Going from tagging along with Diego in the hopes that Five returns for him to questioning some of her commitment to her mission as she spending time with them, etc

it could culminate in a reveal of her mother to Five and Diego and then a redemption where she helps them get a case from Carmichael in someway, looping her into the main plot in an important way with generally the same story

but skipping the pretty basic “obviously evil character is obviously evil but hero doesn't see it” trope that they fell into

I think that Luther’s arc in this season was awesome 10/10 gold standard

he was still him, but this storyline showcases the softer side of his loyalty and lets him grow from season 1 mistakes which is everything I hoped for

Comforting Vanya? Check

Being there for Five? Check

Being a voice of reason but still being a dumbass? Cheeeeeck

Diegos arc this season fell flat for me which was hard because he was such a main part of the plot

This whole season had a build-up trying to break down Diego’s need to be a hero (which they turned to a fucking 11 from last season?? he was not *this* intense last season, im not quite sure why they made the switch), telling him that he isnt / cant be the hero

I assumed this was leading to Diego having a big moment or sacrifice that proved that hero or not, he cares and the effort that he puts into all of these different things matters

But it just didnt??

He didnt stop the president from being assassinated, he didnt save vanya, at the farm he got trapped under a tractor

it just felt like the point was “haha see he isnt a hero”

which,,,,,,okay? What the point of that??

His involvement with the Commision was weird too, i didnt care for him being a part of that storyline very much, it just didnt add anything

Allison’s arc was just on the edge of greatness for me

it was an awesome choice to put in her in a position where she wasnt treated equally and show exactly what kind of person she is by how she fights back

her not using her rumors also seems very genuine and character based here like: 10/10 character motivations and work

My one complaint, like with just about all the partners in this season, is that she fell in love with a man and just had to leave him

which makes sense and they talk about it but like: she loves him, its hard to picture someone as loving and loyal as Allison just leaving her husband behind forever

Klaus’s arc just needed more *time*

He is a hella deep character but all of his story lines needed more time to be able to address that complexity

Show us more of the cult and his ghost powers being used there to trick and amaze and how he has been handling being cut off from the family again

I,,,,,,I understand,,,dave’s storyline

I get the time period

but fuck

that just hurts

I think Klaus not trying to rekindle his relationship with a younger Dave, but trying to protect him from the war was an amazing angle and it needed more time to get the full punch of klaus pulling out all the stops to save him but failing to really land it

Five

My Son

My Trash Boy

I feel like his job as ‘leader of the stop the apocalypse’ movement is good but that was his whole story this time around

He should have gotten more to play off of with the Commission (*cough cough* Carmichael) in his fight to get a briefcase instead of what felt like 10 hours of Five trying to herd his siblings and them just fucking up in someway or another

Five and Older Five was a cool dynamic and im glad they brought him in but again, it just felt like another long storyline attempt that didnt have a purpose as they ended the scene without the case or anything new

Ben’s arc was,,,,,strange

I love Ben and i think his interplay with Klaus is really cool!

But the writers made him fall in love which someone so they could give him a reason to want to possess Klaus which i feel like didnt need to happen

The possession was a good part of the season and could have been taken to some awesome places

It was rough and the ‘consent’ wasnt run entirely well but i think the possession is supposed to be on the line and not quite black and white

its Ben asking to take control of Klaus! That can be conflict! Thats good stuff right there! Ben is selfish! so is Klaus! thats a cool story to get into between them and see how they try to work it out

Ben wanting to connect with his other siblings after the small taste of being corporeal that he got and pushing Klaus for more and more of that freedom into possession territory would be A+ shit

and Finally: Vanya!

I think most amnesia plots are lazy and just a way to stall progress and reset a character so you can run a very similar plot again but this one seemed to genuinely grow Vanya’s character, even when she remembered

She definitely has more personality in this season

And while shes quiet, thats just who she is, she isnt as afraid to take space and speak up which is awesome!

And this stays when she gets her memory back which is very good, i dont want to see backsliding for no reason! Give me growth!

I have two complaints about her storyline though

First Sissy and Harlan

I love both of them and I think they are really cool characters!

Theyre pretty similar to vanya season 1, taking whatever is thrown at them which places Vanya in a more assertive position where she wants to protect them which i loved!

but their ending doesn't sit entirely right with me, just like Raymonds

These characters are in love and they all just leave each other so that the siblings can have a clean, no characters permanently added slate for the next season

it just makes me tired and i really want season 3 to have little to no romance if the only way the show can go about it is to do a love interest per season

My second problem gets its own section because it is the culmination of everything else i have said

episode ten

Vanya is strong af so any writer that wants big final fight needs to very carefully weigh out how to give each sibling their appropriately sized struggle so they get equal ability to contribute

Instead of doing that though, they did my least favorite trope: Evil Character secretly can do everything the heros can but better and without a problem or ***training***

It meant that they could do whatever they wanted with throwing commission agents at them because Luther, Allison, and Klaus were completely added on just to react to things

Five sort of got to do some fighting (<3 thats my lil geriatric 13 year old) but it was minor, he was mainly there to very obviously turn back time when the big bad shoot out happened

Diego got the most to do out of the siblings and it was suddenly knowing a new ability and doing it a little bit

I dont want a final fight to be trying to woo a bad guy to the good side because theyre too strong to fight

I want there to be stakes and drama as the siblings show off exactly what the season was all about, what they learned, how they grew together and apart, etc and to take down the big bad which could have very easily been the united front of the Commission instead of 18% Vanya, 15% Harlan, 30% Lila and the Handler, 20% the Swede(s), etc

Lila’s turn to good could have been to help them sneak attack the commission, maybe in their base so as to shrink the fighting to manageable bites for each character?

That would have allowed five’s killing of the board to draw the fighting to a close, a hard decision for him as he is trying to move away from killing but does so to save his family, always to save his family :’(

Luther could protect his siblings from hits like they showed at the beginning in a way that mirrors how he has been doing that emotionally all season

etc etc etc for all of the siblings so that they each get to show off and have their moment in the spotlight as heros

I loved the season even though i just ranted for like 3 pages, and it has some of the best one liners and line readings ever (”Thats where you come in Five” “Nope. No it isnt”) I just wish that some parts of it had been given some more thought / care so they could really show of the amazing cast, effects, sets, etc without writing in the way

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bombardthehq · 4 years ago

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Convention and Meaning: Derrida and Austin Jonathan Culler, 2008 / read July 20

for Saussure things got their meaning by differnetation, contrasts

but this cant give a complete account: if you say 'Could you lift that box?' it might be a request, an abstract question of capability, or a rhetorical question about how hopelessly heavy it is

so where does it get the meaning?

we risk going back to saying that the meaning resides in the consciousness of the speaker

but a structuralist would ask: what makes it possible for them to mean these several things at once?

so we account for the meaning of 'utterances', different from sentences, by analyzing a different system: that of Speech Acts

so Austin is thus repeating Saussure's move: describing the system that makes 'signifying events' (parole) possible

Austin wont let us locate meaning in the speaker's mind - there isnt an 'inner act of meaning' which goes on when you mean something

it gets its meaning through certain conventions -- if I say 'I promise to return this to you', indicating an item I will borrow, you understand that I am making a promise, but when I just wrote it you understood that this is not a promise bc it lacks the context

so Austin offers a structural explanation of meaning which avoids 'logocentric premesis' -- but in his discussion of it he reintroduces the problems he just overcomes. This is what Derrida tries to deal with in Signature, Event, Context

in How To Do Things With Words, Austun wants to get over some narrow views of language his milieu had; to have a theory adequate to statements which had been discarded as meaningless or 'psuedo-statements' for not fitting their critera [which were: either a description, or a statement of fact - and could be either true or false]

he distinguishes two types: constitutive statments (descriptions of statements of fact), and performative statements (which enact what they say)

there is a surprising conclusion here: if I say, 'I affirm that the cat is on the matt', I'm performing my affirmation. But a crucial aspect of performatives is that they can have the explicitly performative part removed: 'I will pay you tomorrow' is still a promise. But removing the 'I affirm...' gives us, 'the cat is on the mat' - I still affirm it, performatively - but the statement I make is also an emblematic constitutive statement

Culler notes that Austin's argument here is a 'splendid' instance of the deconstructionist 'supplementarism' here, in its inversion of the old formula: what had been seen as merely secondary or inessential becomes the most primary -- rather than performatives being secondary to constitutives, the constitutives are a special case of the performative

"The conclusion that a constative is a performative from which one of various performative verbs has been deleted has since been adopted by numerous linguists." [how used is this in linguistics?]

this allows us to solve the problem of a single statement having multiple meanings: its actually a performative statment from which the performative has been deleted. 'I ask you to lift the box', 'I inquire if you could lift the box', 'I despair at the box's weight'

Austin doesnt argue this and would be skeptical of it; he argues that illocuctionary force (meaning) does not necessarily derive from grammatical structure

he instead proposes a distinction between locutionary and illocuntionary acts

so when I say 'the chair is broken' I perform the 'locutionary' act of making an utterance, and the 'illocutionary' act of 'stating, warning, complaining...', whatever performance

linguistics accounts for the meaning of the locutionary act; speech act theory accunts for the meaning (or 'illocutionary force') of an utterance

explaining illocutionary force means explaining the conventions that make it possible

we might find out what these conventions are by looking at how these performatives can go wrong, might not actually enact the promised performance [I think eg. a bigamous marriage would prevent the 'I pronounce you man and wife' from really marrying the couple]

so Austin doesnt treat failure as something alterior to performatives, accidental, not part of how they really work, but an integral part of them - performances can go wrong -- something cannot BE a performative unless it CAN go wrong [continental philosophers like him for this reason: he really grasps the 'negative' (Culler puts it in these terms later)]

this accords with semiotics: a statement couldn't signify if it couldnt be said falsely

Austin argues that performing acts - like marrying or betting - must be described as something like 'saying certain words' rather than performing some inward action which the words reflect

...enter Derrida

Derrida argues that despite saying this, Austin reintroduces this inward action as the force of the performance

Austin, worrying about jokes etc., perhaps because it would involve a description of an inward act of meaning, says that only 'serious' speech acts can be analyzed, but doesnt argue for it. He actually puts 'serious' in scare quotes, as if the argument itself was a joke [Deconstructionists love that stuff...]

so after remarking that philosophers wrongly excluded utterances which werent true or false, he excludes utterances which aren't serious. Instead of arguing for it as a 'rigorous move within philosophy', its a customary exclusion 'on which philosophy relies'

later on he describes these 'unserious' uses as 'parasitic on' the normal use; so Austin introduces a new constitutive & supplementary distinction, after getting away from one

Searle defended this to Derrida saying that we ought not *start* our investigation by considering these parasitic discourses [we feel, and have perhaps been primed to feel by Culler, that this misses the point that Austin makes his intervention by uncovering the way these 'supplementary' excess cases are core to the working logic of speech acts, and this might be another such case - although we might not feel it to be necessarily the case that *all* supplementary things are likewise constitutive, although perhaps Derrida 1. argues that *this* supplement is constituive, but also 2. that all supplements are constitutve of what they are supplemental to, as a matter of a thing being a thing, elsewhere]

actually Derrida's case is moreso that setting aside these uses as secondary from the beginning is begging the question; the theory has to be able to account for them -- Austin deals with an 'ideal language' here, not the one really used (which includes uses by actors on a stage, in jokes... Derrida here appears as an ordinary language philosopher!)

So Searle argues that its parasitic because its not possible for an actor to make a promise in a play if we didnt make promises in real life; but Culler says, why see it this way around? Perhaps it is only possible to make a promise in real life if it could be made in a play. For Austin, an utterance is only possible because there are formuals and procedures that we can follow to do so - so for me to do it irl, there have to be iterable procedures that could be acted out...

so Derrida asks: could my performance succeed if it didn't conform to an iterable model? -- for it to succeed there needs to be a model, a representation, and the actors representation of it is just such a thing

~footnote: some commentary on Searle's disagreement... he brings up a use/mention distinction - performatives use utterances, while actors just mention them. Derrida argues that this distinction requires us to go back to making use of intentionality & the inner act that meaning depends on, what we were trying to get away from: if I mention something instead of use it, it can only be because I intend to mention it...

Culler gives an example that is very ambiguous w/r/t use/mention - "His colleagues have said his work was 'boring' and 'pointless' " -- have I merely mentioned the words boring and pointless (since I'm just quoting others who have said it) or have I used them (since I do imply that his work is really boring and pointless)? To tell you would have to decide which one I intended to express.~

so, to repeat Austin's move on the core/marginal distinction that Austin reintroduces: the so-called serious performance is actually a special case of the parasitic - its an instance or reenactment of this iterable representation

so imitation is a condition of possibility of signification

eg., for there to be a recognizable original 'Hemmingway style', there must be some style which can be imitated, repeated, etc. [This seems very convincing to me]

so, the performative is from the outset structured by this possibility for iterability, citation, performance-of...

the reason that Austin reintroduces this flawed core/supplementary model is to solve a problem for speech act theory:

if you explicate all the conditions that make a particular performative possible (which is the goal of speech act theory), say-- 'I pronounce you married' is perforative only if there is a marriage license, a licensed officiary, etc. - one can *always* imagine a further scenario that would cause the performative to fail (say, they're all actors in a play...)

Austin tries to resolve this by ruling out instances where the speaker is 'not serious' - but this requires us to appeal to the intentions, etc...

so to make performatives and 'performance' coextensive is to maintain a version of the theory that can really discard intention etc., but at the cost of being unable to explicate the conditions of possibility of a given performative - because it gets its meaning only via context, and the number of contexts is infinite

... [skipping a nice section that we dont really need to note]

for Austin, a signature is the equivalent in writing of a performative utterance, 'I hereby...'

on this idea, Derrida ends Signature, Event, Context, by writing his name twice, and indicating one is a counterfeit of the other. The joke being: is this counterfit, citational second signature not a signature, because he wasnt being serious? or does it function as a signature, because a signature is signing your name?

the other implication: which of the two signatures is the 'real' one? you cant tell in writing -- 'the effects of the signature depend on iterability'

so contrary to Austin, who holds that the signature is an indication of some inner intention (assent to an agreement, etc), the signature can only funtion if it is repeatable, iterable... "The condition of possibility of [its] effects is simaultaneously ... its condition of impossibility, or the impossibility of their rigorous function." [ie. to be possible, it must also be imitable, repeatable... theres a bit of what 'difference & repetition' is engaging w/ here --

interesting to comapre w/ Deleuze here - for Derrida, something has to be repeatable in order to be at all because its just a repeatable expression of conditions of possibility. This means its negative is prefactored into its conditions of possibility -- the price of having a signature is that the signature can be counterfeited.

Deleuze is somewhat allergic to 'conditions of possibility', and also wants to find a system where the negative doesn't exist. I'm not sure how he might argue w/ Derrida here. Perhaps he would feel that it is the difference between each signature which makes it repeatable... but that doesnt really make sense to me & is probably an overly literal reading. It's possible the two only disagree in terminology here - what Derrida would call the negative is just another form of difference for Deleuze. I'm not sure.]

Culler talks about how signatures can be made without the signatory's presence, in the case of machines signing checks automatically, so that wages are paid without being physically cashed in

he identifies 'logocentrism' as seeing these sorts of things as secondary to or parasitic on direct speech where the speaker's intentions are carried out

really, such cases could not occur if they didnt belong to the structure of the signing (etc.) already

so Derrida says that intention will not disappear from a good analysis, but it will no longer govern the entire 'system of utterance'... so while I intend to mean something and thats why I speak, the act of speaking itself introduces a gap between my intention and my words. My attention is the reason I structure things the way I do, why I make use of certain conventions, etc., but my intention is not accessible in the words I use (just as we might say, if I make a necklace, my intention for the necklace to be a gift for my niece is not a property of the necklace itself; the meaning/illocutionary force of a speech act is the necklace here - a speech act is given its meaning by the conventions it uses to generate a meaning, and I employ those conventions to try and say what I intend to say)

Culler introduces the unconscious here - often we say things and do things for reasons we are unconcious of, so intention is even a little more deflated. My reasons for saying something are not entirely conscious intentions which are transparent and accessible to reflection, but a 'structuring intentionality' that includes implications that never "entered my mind"

"Intentions are not a delimited content but open sets of discursive possibilities-what one will say in response to questions about an act." [nice idea]

"The example of the signature thus presents us with the same structure we encountered in the case of other speech acts: (1) the dependence of meaning on conventional and contextual factors, but (2) the impossibility of exhausting contextual possibilities so as to specify the limits of illocutionary force, and thus (3) the impossibility of controlling effects of signification or the force of discourse by a theory, whether it appeal to intentions of subjects or to codes and contexts." [a summary of the whole argument]

what this means is that meaning can never be *exhaustively* determined, but we are still left with tools to examine speech acts and how they work, etc.

Culler gives a nice defense that meaning being indeterminable (or not precisely, finally, exhaustively determinable) does not mean that no analysis can or should be done by comparing it with Godel's incompleteness theorem in mathematics: "the impossibility of constructing a theoretical system within which all true statements of number theory are theorems does not lead mathematicians to abandon their work"

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quanticlub · 5 years ago

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Long Lore Rant

... Needs to be reformatted into something pretty rip

Background:

Aight so as per the great and infallible wikipedia, Taoist cosmology states that everything started with wújí and then created yǒu jí. The former means limitless and comes from the words "nothingness" and "reaching the end" ... so nothingness at the end aka no boundaries

the latter was the limited. it's only briefly mentioned as its conception brought on a polarity to the universe - yin and yang

taiji itself is the boundary embodied by you-ji with respect to the infinite wuji and represents the Absolute

The split into yin and yang has a the connotations listed above in the pic ((except... for tikki and plagg the feminine vs masculine seem to be switched cuz from the description, tikki is more closely associated with yang)). Yang is represented by one long dash –– while yin is two small broken ones - - . Now, in the middle column where there are category names for what yin and yang represent the wu xing category (elements, second from the bottom) has earth listed as neither. It also doesn't include air, which the wu xing doesnt include in general but is included by almost every other major culture when classifying the elements.

Kwami Origins: Null

In the beginning there was a great big nothingness and then came a tiny blip of umm... everythingness? making the Absolute. This gave the nothingness and everythingness a consciousness. (wow lots of -ness words here). The nothingness part of the absolute became Null. The everythingness got no name cuz it quickly split off into the rest of creation.

Null's concept art is a three-eyed little creature with two kwami tendrils. I propose Null as the glowing white kwami they originally made but with all black eyes and The Other One as the all black kwami but with glowing white eyes. The prior emptiness/nothingness was energy while the delineation/everythingnes was matter(?). when they created the Absolute, parts of themselves mixed i na typical yin-yang fashion, thus the eyes being like those of the others. This gave them power over the nature of the other sorta???? hard to explain

For Null, he had power over mass, time, and space - matter is anything that has mass and takes up space at a given moment. The Other One (imma call them Higgs bc of the Higgs boson particle but it wouldnt be the real name) had power over tendencies of energy*. So. energy can be used up to build something (creative force - in human metabolism it's an anabolic reaction), released to tear something apart (destructive force - in human metabolism it's a catabolic reaction). bBt it can also be stored/dissipate with no specific purpose, instead being available for all sorts of possible things later (chaotic force?)

idea is that Higgs, upon consciousness, sacrificed themselves to give rise to existence. The Big Bang. they justs sorta fucked off to become a bunch of cool rocks/stardust floating in space and initiated the course of time (which could theoretically be split into different timelines? idk time travel is weird and this is superfluous to my current ramble)

the three aspects of Null that Higgs had gained powers from became concepts that would gain sentience of their own. The yin and yang markings are, technically, three lines. not two. cuz yin is split ( –– vs - - ).

* = this bit's a little less science-y except for keeping with the triad thing bc neutron, electron, and proton

Three, Not Two: Tikki, Plagg, & ...Hexx?

I imagine Null took up the developing concepts and nurtured them sorta. like they were incubating under Null's protection. Tikki emerged out of Null's sphere first; she had the most power from Higgs though all three were pretty closely matched. she was the creative force.

Plagg came out of Null's sphere last. He was the destructive force. Sorta. It was actually coser to... decay? Plagg is really more of a kwami of decay than destruction. He doesnt just obliterate things, he accelerates their decomposition. when his powers act on metal, for instance, it rusts. thats not destruction it's just the wear-and-tear expected to happen over time. Destruction as a concept opposite to that of Creation and Order involves more entropy and plagg really isnt as chaotic as would be expected. While he represents destruction in the sense that the thing is ceasing to function as a unit, the chaos would fall more under hexx.

The third force, the one that embodied possibility, was too erratic. they got out of Null's care first but remained in the sphere for a while longer. they didn't get out til after Tikki. I'm thinking maybe emerged from Null's domain just a few seconds before Plagg (time is still wonky at this point). while Tikki is yang ( –– ), Plagg and #3, henceforth referred to as Hexx, are both yin ( - - ). Plagg is slightly weaker cuz he was "overcooked" and Hexx was "undercooked". Tikki came out just right like a yummy batch of cookies ;)

While Plagg is the biggest cuz he stayed with Null for so long, Hexx is the smallest. Even more so than Tikki but only by a little. I was thinking of him looking like a mix of Tikki and Plagg. More cat-like but with red accents and maybe blue eyes instead of green.

That’s the gist of it with a quick reminder note that time still affects kwamis differently like they mentioned in Sandboy or whatever. so they might be around ten billion years old be the time earth shows up but theyve been very immature. like little kids. and unlike kids that go to school to learn how things work, they were given immense amounts of power and 0 instruction so they have to figure out what they can do, what their identity is, and what purpose they want to have in existence

Tikki has a very do-good attitude and wants to help (even if shes proven sometimes she doesnt give the best advice) and be a Good Kwami. But Plagg isn't a bad kwami. The opposite of love isn't hate after all; it's apathy. Plagg just doesnt really care and will follow Tikki around bc he enjoys her company and his primary concern is himself. Oblivio was a good example of this cuz he's like "no fuck you whats in it for me" but still gets affected by tikki's words and comes back to do as she says eventually.

Hexx would be the "bad apple" though kwamis dont really have moralities cuz those were human constructs and are incredibly subjective. He wouldnt be hatred in the analogy with love, but rather fire-y emotions that are still more negative. quick anger and stuff. usually happy go-lucky. temperamental goes with the nature of being THE force of chaos. while he doesnt wanna help necessarily, he still wants to DO. he's the one that instigates mischief and wants to fuck around for the fun of it.

Making the Miraculous

So from the dinosaur ordeal we know the kwamis DID have effects on earth, but they couldnt consistently intervene - at least not in a controlled fashion. and they couldnt really communicate with humans cuz different field of existence. but their presence became known even if the humans didnt know what they were exactly

the set from the miracle box was made my a mage in china for the purpose of conquests. Hexx’s mischief and meddling probably gave the humans access to the magic/knowledge/whatever they’d need for making the Miraculous. The pitch to get these baby gods to agree was that tikki would have greater control of her powers and could communicate and help! tikki was down. It seemed like a Good Thing and she wanted to do good. Plagg was meh but might as well cuz tikki insisted. hexx wasn't convinced. they werent warned theyd be confined to the miraculous and essentially trapped. plaggs agreement was more out of ignorance of this fact. he figured he could make tikki happy but still fuck off to do what he wanted. never imagined that he'd be subject to another's will.

tikki was happy regardless bc very young (developmentally) and naive and honestly believing that the human knew best and it's what was best for both the kwamis and humanity. she had so much power her jewel had to be split into two - thus, earrings. all other kwamis inhabit a singular miraculous.

when hexx was being trapped it was against his will, unlike plagg and the others. he fought it. he still got trapped but the miraculous wasnt like the others. the nature was different... it was corrupted. Cue: cursed miraculous(es) ((still not sure of the plural)). If he has to suffer then by Null so do the humans who did this. Thus the name Hexx. Opened the option for kwamis to try to fight it or go for it. Werewolves perhaps stem from a group of cursed canid kwamis? The Miracle Box is basically the kwamis who were aight with the idea but other cursed kwamis exist.

The nature of a miraculous depends on the "recipe" used to make the jewels and the kwami's receptiveness to being basically enslaved. The Miracle Box miraculous were all made by the same mage mentioned earlier so they had the same recipe so to speak. All the kwamis in the miracle box fall under yin or yang. Including the elements. So the Zodiac and Wu Xing kwamis are all in either tikki or plagg's domains. Except for one. I propose trixx as the exception, even if they dont fit the traits of earth. i was thinking for the other supporting kwami to hexx there could be one that also refused to join the mage... the kwami representing air (wu xing is basically the only philosophy without air as an element in some shape or form). Possible name: Jinxx, a crow. The fox/crow/cat are all typical tricksters in myths.

The way the kwamis’ powers can be manipulated varies and the cursed kwamis offer the least control to their wielders - and the greatest side effects. I imagine jinxx just fucks off to follow hexx's miraculous, wherever it may be. Hexx is closer to the original curse on pv chat noir... the curse is possibly activated and summoned by the use of tikki or plagg's powers outside their miraculous? And dormant after death of wielder or kiss from LB or something. So that would mean Plagg activated him in style queen and then helping him get a better location/target with the smaller cataclysm in i think catalyst (when he's like "ive been practicing!).

Together, plagg and tikki have that OP wish granting ability but they cant truly summon Null to the this dimension without Hexx, who adamantly refuses. it's not like Hexx's miraculous can be stolen cuz it's cursed onto the subject. As a summary of combined powers... Tikki + Plagg = wish granting? ... Hexx + Tikki = good luck ... Hexx + Plagg = bad luck ... cuz Hexx is about possibility and consequences. So creation-related effects tend to manifest as what humans deem to be good while destruction-related ones are seen as bad.

Hexx Making an Appearance

For the current Mari/Adri plot I thought of Hexx cursing Felix or sth and bringing him onto the hero scene. Comes with the benefit of jealous CN. Maybe a scene where cat-ish Felix tells Chat Noir that he’s not interested in LB, only Mari and they have some sorta agreement to respect that (would work best in the half brother’s thing if Adri found out). All hell would break loose if/when LBs identity came out.

Also I like the idea of Hexx having been locked in Pandora's jar with other angry ~cursed~ miraculous and the others immediately fucked off and scattered their miraculous but Hexx remained. possibility and consequence does not mean bad things. it's the uncertainty of the future that allows for hope, which is what pandora found. the greek tales also have varying connotations on whether finding hope was a blessing or a curse depending on how you looked at it

#ref: ml lore revamp #ref: ml kwami revamp

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the-static-and-i · 5 years ago

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Boxed bird

//So Kit's been writing the most beautiful wing whump over on @thewhumpbuffet , and I'm such a slut for that shit, so here I am hopping on her bandwagon like a asshole. I was gonna pretend that I'm not whumping Sam, but like. Let's be real, my other ocs are all too sweet to ever be whumped. Right? :)

Tw: blurring awake and asleep, claustrophobia, exhaustion, trauma, nightmares, abuse, physical and mental abuse implied/mentioned. Let me know if I missed any <3

Sam was so fucking tired.

She hadnt gone flying in weeks, so her wings were aching and a bone-deep restlessness had settled after the third day. But here she was, sitting in a too-small car, driving through a dark and empty desert instead of flying, because Hailey and Jackie were worried about her safety or whatever.

Apparently their last big fight with Emily had led to Jackie being revealed, and Hailey had been attacked at their apartment out of uniform, so Sam getting revealed was only a waiting game at this point.

She understood their concerns, truly, she did, but the stars twinkled so brightly from either side of the car, and the crescent moon smiled so warmly at her, begging her to join in a dance.

"Just one, Sam. A few minutes, that's all I ask," she seemed to say, and Sam glanced down at the GPS.

She was supposed to be at the rendezvous point by midnight, and her current ETA was 11:32.

Fuck it.

She pulled over to the side of the highway, making sure to pull fully off of the shoulder and lock the car before she looked around to make sure no other cars were coming. Why would they be?

She was in Bumfuck, Nebraska, the most forgotten state in the middle of nowhere, impossibly far from any tourist destinations or hotels or gas stations or literally anything other than snakes and dirt.

Satisfied with her mental vent/roast, she unfurled her wings slowly, letting the bones adjust to the movement again, her joints creaking and aching, the way her knees did after sitting cross-legged for too long.

Once they had reached their full 13-foot span, Sam beat them once and ended up several feet in the air. They held fine, not hurting even with the sudden weight, so she continued upwards, not looking down as she started forward, catching a small breeze and soaring towards the moon, her grin matching the pale goddess'.

The ground was a dark blur far beneath Sam's body; the sky was a warm blanket that simultaneously cooled the feverish skin beneath her feathers. In short: she felt safe and comfortable and rested, for the first time in close to a month.

Distantly, she saw lights along the ground, bright blue-tinted lights that didnt register until long after they turned off.

Sam didnt remember seeing the red of taillights, so she assumed the blue lights had been stars she had seen while disoriented. That thought scared her a little, leading her to bow out of her moon dance, the moonlight seeming to brighten enough to illuminate her way back to the car in thanks.

She landed on the asphalt with a soft grunt, her knees still accustomed to being weightless and soft. She stretched out her joints, both in her regular body and wings, before turning to the car.

The handle gave way easily, and confusion flitted through her, before strong arms wrapped around her throat and her waist, the elbows of which were digging into the covets of her wings at angles that had her whimpering.

Sam clawed at the arms, yanking desperately at fingers and muscle, trying to fly and kick and elbow and duck her way out of the grip.

Her vision dimmed further with every failed attempt, her mouth wide open as she gasped for breath, but there was none to be had. Soon her vision fully blanked, her mind went silent, and her body went limp.

She came to on an uncomfortable cot, her eyes snapping open to find cement walls surrounding her. The cot was too small for her whole 5'4" body, and there was almost no space between the cot and the wall opposite. Sam's relatively small body couldnt fucking fit in the tiny gap, and she had similar luck at either end of the bed. She could technically stand by the door, but her head brushed against the ceiling.

She was struggling desperately to not panic, to keep calm and breathe, but she couldnt hide how high she jumped as the door clanged.

A small window opened near the top, revealing Emily's falsely bright smile. "Hey there Sammy! Sleep well?"

"Wh-" Sam broke off in a cough, quickly remembering she had been fucking choked out, so her throat was undoubtedly bruised and dry.

Emily waited patiently for her to recover, her smile slipping down to a sadistic smirk that remained after Sam looked back up with teary eyes.

"Where am i..?"

"Oh, silly me! You're back in New York, in my basement. You like your room? It was special made just for you," Emily smiled like she knew something she shouldnt, and Sam tried not to confirm that.

Still, she couldnt help but stand up and approach the door, not as intimidating when she was curled over, wingless, and teary. She rested her palms on the metal on either side of the window, leaning forward until her forehead was against the top of the opening.

"Emily, this isnt going to go the way you think it will.."

"Oh, I know full well you had a tracker on you, that was supposed to be in some location by midnight three days ago. It started beeping not long after-"

"Wait, three days? What? How-"

"Its rude to interrupt people, Sammy. Did your parents not teach you manners?" Emily was frowning, an exaggerated frown that still had Sam's heart freezing.

"Sorry, continue..?"

"Good girl! Where was I? Three days ago, started beeping, oh right! We removed it, disabled the bluetooth temporarily so you cant be tracked, and now we're working on reversing the signal so we can track Jackie and Hailey. But it would be so much easier if you just told us where they are."

"No." There was no hesitation after Sam gathered the information dump Emily gave her. She wasnt giving up her new family, her new parents. Not a chance in hell.

Emily's face fell into a disappointed scowl, before she shrugged. "We'll see how you feel in a few days. Sweet dreams~" the window shut in Sam's face, the girl recoiling so it didnt hit her nose.

She habitually stood back, her head hitting the roof as she straightened. She fell back onto the cot, her hand pressing against the spot that had been hit gently.

She had assumed Emily had been exaggerating about being in here a few days. She had hoped it had been, but the shadows had closed in forever ago, and she couldn't keep track of days. The room, if it could be called that, was cold and quiet and small, and she couldnt stop remembering her time in the basement. Her nightmares blended into her memories, until she coulsnt tell if she was awake and remembering Letty locking her in a cage similar to this, or she was asleep and dreaming of Kason kicking at the bars. There were sounds from outside the box, helping sell the disorienting illusions.

She knew she was curled up, the ground was so cold, she wanted to beg mom for a blanket, but she knew that speaking would mean another day in this fucking box, and her wings were aching again.

That same restlessness from before had come back tenfold, until Sam couldnt stop twitching, whether awake or asleep.

She was so fucking tired.

#//i wrote a thing on the car ride back home #//and it kept me from going crazy!#Sam #Emily #Jackieboy man #Hailey #Dragonfly #Letty #Kason #Sam writes #tw// trauma #tw// abuse #tw// claustrophobia #tw// exhaustion #tw// nightmares #whump #wing whump

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Man when i was a kid i always used to hate "the hero's journey" cos it was invented by a guy with the same surname as me and MAN i just hated how my primary school english teachers were all "uhuhuhu yeah EVERY STORY EVER fits PERFECTLY into this template EVERYTHING is predictable and if you point out that we're squashing stories into boxes they dont fit in and giving detention to anyone who disagrees then WHAM BAM U GET DETENTION TOO"

But apparantly the original writer didnt really agree with that stuck up "every story follows my magical tropes" nonsense and even calling it "the monomyth" was added by modern scholars instead. So ehh i feel a little bad for how much i hated this thing.

BUT STILL

Seriously

All of this stuff is so fucking vague you can claim its in every story even when it isnt! And whenever any story doesnt really have one of the steps these people find some sort of contrived thing to squash into that box cos mannn we're not even allowed to do the steps in a different order i guess??

"Hey yeah literally anything can be Crossing The Threshhold as long as its a climactic moment of a story. Ha! Gotcha! Every story DOES indeed fit my vague as fuck definitions!"

Waou u hav beginning middel and end. Someone somewhere in the story is older than our protagonist or he talks to them once, thats totally a gandalf mentor. The "call to adventure" and "taking up the sword" can totally be a dude getting a job at a bakery in a slice of life romance. I M SO SMRT!

Sorry man i just get REAL SALTY ok!!!!

Anyway i was just thinking about this cos i was noticing how most of my stories seem to skip the "establish a normalcy and do something to break that normalcy/assign the hero the destined hero role/introduce a villain/make Reason why they are The Only One who can do it" bit. Like even when my stories do contain someone who used to live any different sort of life before this life, i prefer to start the story in medias res when their new life has already become the norm and only reveal the "call to adventure" later on as backstory. And its never really a "call to adventure", ive barely ever had a single character who even has a reason why their adventure has to happen Now. Like even with Beau and Errol whose entire story is about climbing a cursed mountain there werent forced into it by any great destiny or anything, its just Errol personally wanting to confront some of his fears and find answers about himself. And there's no big dramatic reason why he decided it would be today. The closest thing to 'destiny'is just that Beau happened to come with him and it led to them confessing their feelings and dating if you get the good ending. And the recent idea i had for the lich king dads story is that you start off with no idea why the hell youre some adorable human kid being raised by monsters and then you puzzle out the backstory as you play through the plot. But with 90% of it being slice of life totally player controlled choices of different sidequests in any order you want. Like those are the main focus and the "hero's journey" is just an optional bonus thing that already ended decades ago that you can unlock in any order. And there is gonna be some current day plot and some sort of villain just cos honestly this "every story has to do the thing" pressure made me worried that people wouldnt be interested in a series of cute fluffy family stories unless there was a villain. But still there's literally nothing here that could be stretched into "establishing normalcy and something breaks it to start the plot" "the hero finds some sort of destiny" and etc. Well i guess you could say there's a mentor cos theres like fifty of them and the entire point of the game is found family??? But most of them arent even mentors its more like a "sometimes adults dont know what to do either" kind of thing and everyone just works together to conquer their various problems with each other's help. Kid protag's main role is Person Who Brings Everyone Together and they dont really have anyone training them in that. Lol i guess maybe you could stretch that into their "innate destiny power" that was "magically awakened" when they got dads...?

Anyway the point im trying to make is that those are two ideas i came up with without even trying to intentionally subvert the hero's journey. Its really not some magical universal thing that applies to every story, and you cant just brush it off as sayibg all exceptions were intentionally made to break the rules so they dont count. The only damn time i ever thought about the stupid hero's journey is when i was getting self concious about not fitting it and that stupid old primary school instinct made me wanna change my ideas to be more "normal" :/

And OH MAN dont eveb get me started on the three act structure!!! Another case where a decebt "hey this is a guideline for how to maybe start storywriting for beginners" thing turned into a weird elitist EVERYONE MUST DO THE THING just because now its old and goddamn Classical(tm) english teachers got a hold of it. "Having a beginning middle and an end is a basic framework but maybe you wanna throw in some subplots along the way?" Into NO ITEMS FOX ONLY FINAL DESTINATION levels of stupidity...

Seriously i feel so bad for these old scholar guys holy shit i never knew that EVEN THEY DONT AGREE WITH HOW THEIR WORK IS BEING TAUGHT

...lol maybe i should do some sort of meme where i try and cram my stories into these cliches and see which ones dont fit/which ones i have to really stretch for?

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ariyadaivaris · 6 years ago

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catsi replied to your post “i miss lucha chiropractic, and i miss mustafa’s teaming with gran and...”

oh i absolutely 100% know what you mean and agree

205 live has been putting a lot more emphasis on putting on incredible matches (with great success) but in the process i think it's lost a lot of the quirky upbeat fun attitude that made us all fall in love with it to begin with? i ALSO miss titus worldwide and seeing akira have friends, i miss seeing goofy interactions backstage like that box of flour that exploded in ariya's face that one time

and i LOVE drake, i do, but i miss the sort of open-ended free-roaming the boys had before? feuds felt a lot more personal before one person called all the shots. like the Drew vs Mustafa feud that was born out of Drew doing some dumbass shit and Mustafa being like "ahah no this will not do". like they drove their own feud and it had so much STORY. it was much more than just "grrr you were mean" "grrr yes i am fight me about it"

or the fucking Brian and Akira feud, jesus, that feud was one of my favourites in all of pro wrestling, i think? Brian teaching Akira these "lessons" via fucking with his matches and Akira finally snapping and parrotting every lesson back at Brian and then ending his whole shit with that senton thru a table. like i feel like the current 205 live would never allow that story-heavy of a feud to last as long as it did (it was like 2 months?)

this is a stupid analogy but bear with me - old 205 live felt like an open-world RPG where you can just go wherever and do whatever and in the process have wild interactions like Everything Alicia Fox Was A Part Of, or the trick or street fight, etc.. maybe the combat wasn't allowed to be as detailed as it could be to give the story room to breath but the story gave the combat DEPTH

and new 205 is like... an on-rails fps. the combat is good, it's so good, oh my god is it ever good, but there's so much focus on it that story feels lost and stuff just happens to make combat look cooler or last longer? and i still love 205 with all my heart but what made me fall in love with it to begin with and get obsessed with it was its thoughtful, deep, consistent storylines

SORRY THAT'S A LOT... i've just had the same thoughts as u of like... i love these boys SO MUCH i want their interactions to have more depth than "i have the title" "well I WANT THE TITLE..." "fight me for it!" like akira and neville's title feud wasn't akira going "i want that title!" it was titus going "YOU want that title. YOU CAN GET THAT TITLE. let me help you. let me be your friend" and neville being like "the power of friendship cannot defeat me!!"

CAT!!!!!!!!!! never ever apologize im gonna SING i love listening to you talk about 205 oh my god

you worded it PERFECTLY that analogy makes perfect sense? i absolutely feel that, it’s gotten so much more focused on technical work and, like you said, combat, but in the process it feels like...the heart of 205 has kind of gotten lost? it’s there but everything’s shut off from everything else that isn’t on the designated path and it’s so FRUSTRATING to have everything so CLOSE but so strictly separated

like....like you said, i LOVE drake, but i feel like he’s very very much Lawful Good and i love that character and i love how he interacts with the roster as a result, but he’s lawful good running 205 and 205 is very very VERY Chaotic Neutral/Good and fitting it into this alignment, things have gotten shaved off around the edges and it stings!!! there’s a thriving ecosystem of dynamics between everyone on this roster, take any two people and they’ll probably have an established dynamic (besides lince who has taken basically until now to be actually given a spotlight, and new dudes like buddy or lio) and knowing that, you can SEE them use that and weave it into their interactions and it feels so alive on such a foundational level!!!

like...talking abt mustafa v drew, you could see the story advance and you could see HOW that story changed their in-ring performances. like, the story wasn’t JUST in words, but as time went on, mustafa DID get grounded but it was exactly in the way he needed to be grounded to achieve his fullest potential! and you could SEE him learning that, you could see him incorporating technical pins into his matches, and waiting longer for risks that were more certain, instead of charging in blindly! you could see the story and characters evolve through JUST THE WAY THEY FOUGHT and its a level of storytelling that is so so so understated but its like. HOOOOLY SHIT like, it still blows me away thinking about it

like. LIKE!!! like you said, storylines lasting 2 months or more, that doesn’t feel...like something that could happen for just feuds between people who arent champions right now. the feuds that happen now are still good, but there’s a big fucking jumble of people involved in every one and that decreases the chance for individual feuds and also just...in lhp’s case it feels very much like a reason to not give lince or gran or kalisto individual character arcs which Yeah Okay Fucken Great You’re Not Sneaky, its

tony and drew having matches with gran and cedric? like, that rivalry, that was a team thing for a bit but it was enhanced because we’d seen the dynamics between these individual dudes already, and we saw that on display during matches. drew and cedric NOW, FUCK, its frustrating seeing it because on top of the FUCKING fandom shit happening lately, like, drew and cedric have a pretty significant title history already! like, its certainly been swept under the rug with the rat where he fucking belongs but cedric actually reached OUT to drew and told him that he COULD make a better 205 if he did the right thing. he was actively sympathetic towards drew and that was an interaction we never really got to see more of and that could add SUCH A DIMENSION TO THIS FEUD IF WE COULD ACKNOWLEDGE THE HISTORY 205 HAS INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF NEVER HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god my train of thought is all over the place im sorry fhdkjsd i agree with you wholeheartedly cat u worded it perfectly. christ i miss akira and titus worldwide. that arc was so good, akira trying to be alone and gradually learning to accept titus’s friendship and apollo’s concern for him, akira learning to tap when he couldn’t fight anymore instead of carrying on and breaking himself, that character arc is still the best in all of wrestling to be QUITE honest and now it feels like...akira’s alone again. akira is alone again after hideo, even, which is an arc im still a lil cross about! akira feels so...alone. and he wasn’t before. and it’s like...

akira’s support system he actively EARNED and WORKED FOR last summer, it’s all gone now. he doesn’t get to tag with mustafa or cedric or jack anymore, he doesn’t really have anyone looking out for him, he’s fighting his own battles again and it feels like everything’s just...been unravelled. and it HURTS! that story arc was EVERYTHING to me and its still my favorite an entire ass year later. and now it just...isnt there.

i dont know. i love 205 with all my heart and it is my heart but i feel like...without matches on ppvs or on raw, their time is even more limited to prove what they can do, and its been streamlined and we dont see everyone’s antics backstage, we don’t see faces reaching out to heels, we don’t see noam and ariya bickering with lince, we don’t see akira and mustafa talking in passing before plot stuff kicks in, it just feels like...the fabric that made 205 feel like a living breathing creation and family is pulled out into just individual threads now? and i miss...when it wasn’t that

#catsi #long post -#FHKSDFJDS SORRY THIS IS INCOHERENT LITERALLY #THE OPEN WORLD ANALOGY IS LITERALLY PERFECT LIKE........THAT'S DEAD-ON. I AGREE ENTIRELY #that's brilliant i never would have thought of it like that. that's perfect

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the-fiction-witch · 7 years ago

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Dressing up for you

REAL LIFE: LARGER PLOT LINE COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: SMUTTY SUGGESTION

Y/N POV:

I laid in bed snuggling into thomas’ chest “Honey?” he asks

“Ummmm?” I ask

“You know...well a while ago now you....Dressed up for me, You know...When I fucked you like a Thunderbird” He smirks

“Yeah” I shrug

“could we...do that again?” he smirks

“As what?” I ask

“maybe....lady Penelogy again?” he smirks

“no tommy, I like you as a Thunderbird, but I dont like being her” I sigh

“fine...what about...maybe...” He smirks

“Dont even think about it” I tell him

“Fine, maybe we could go shopping see if we would find something sexy for you” he smirked

“Tomorrow thomas I’m tried” I complain

“Okay tomorrow” He laughs and I happily fell asleep...

“I feel stupid” I complain

“I’m sure you look beautiful darling” he laughs

“This is not for me thomas” I sigh pulling back the curtain

“I think you look nice” she shrugs

“Thomas I almost have my tits out you love it” I sigh as I stood in the anne summers changing room with thomas sat outside stood dressed in what was named on the rack as a sexy lady bug “this is stupid” I sigh

“You know it might he;lp if you where slightly more into this” He sighs

“how, what context would we use this...Ohh I’m a little ladybug...I can uhhhh I dont know” I sigh

“Yeah, try a different one hun” He shurgs so I go back changing into another one we had found in the store so I quickly let him see me again “Fuck! nope” He sighs

“Why not?” I laugh kinda liking this one “Ohh Mr sangster Im sorry I forgot my homework” I smirk as I lean on the wall dressed as a sexy school girl trying to act all cute and innocent

“this is a depiction of a sexy 12 year old y/n it’s doing nothing” He sighs

“Fine...this is why I dont wanna do things like this for you” I complain going back and changing again

“what’s next?” He asks

“This” I smirk pulling back the curtain letting him see me again dressed as a sexy cop “hey tommy, I’ve got some intell youve been a very bad boy” I smirk going and sitting on his lap

“Okay were getting better this is defiantly doing something” he smirks

“Yeah but the top is like miles too big but I hardly fit my arse in it” I sigh

“alright, try something else then” he smirks giving me a kiss but we turned it into a snog

“Sir you fuck her in that we will have to ask you both to leave” A worker tells us

“go on then, try something else” He smirks at me so I return to the little room

“Okay I hate this one, but I have a feeling your gonna love it” I sigh leaving again standing very angry and he just laughed at me

“Yeah you do not suit sexy maid, that just no you look ridiculous” He laughs so I go back getting into another I kinda liked and going out to him but he was checking his phone so I just smirk intentionally standing making myself look very sexy as he looked up at me

“so tommy, got any issues you need me to kiss better” I smirk

“Okay I’m into sexy nurse Y/n, very very much into sexy nurse” he smirks “this is the best so far”

“I kinda agree I like sexy nurse, but how would we use this?” I ask

“Uhhh revisit our childhood game of doctor’s a nurses with a new smutty twist” he shrugs so I laugh going back again “Put that In the maybe Pile honey”

“Already done tommy” I smirk back as I change again “sexy...girl scout, let me repeat this thomas sexy girl scout” I complain as I come out

“This is why the world is fucked up isnt it.. who would want that?” he asks

“perverts” I sigh

“This is worse then the school girl, school girl was a sexy 12 year old this is a sexy 7 year old, much worse” he sighs

“Yeah i know, this kinda makes me mad, I was riding a sexy high from nurse and cop but this is just disturbing” I sigh

“Yeah...sexy nurse made me hard as fuck this just kinda makes my dick wanna revert inside me” he sighs so I go back changing again

“Okay lets get this one over with I know you’ve been looking forward to this one” I complain as I come out again “Playboy bunny, here ya go thomas Playboy bunny the thing you've wanted to see me as since your sexual awakening” I sigh

“Hu....it looked better when I just cut a playboy model out the magazine and put your head on her” he sighs

“HEY!” I complain throwing a box at him

“What I was 14, all i had was either my very over active imagination, one picture of us at the pool and my dads old playboys of course it was gonna happen” he explains

“I hate this more then I hated even the maid this sucks” I sigh going back and changing again “Okay sexy secretary” I sigh “this doing anything for you?” I ask

“Meh” he shurgs “It’s sexy but...why? why would I bang a secretary? why would I even have one?” he asks

“Uhhh....I’m your new agent, who really wants you to do porn?” I suggest

“Nope sorry honey” He shrugs

“fine” I sigh going and changing again

“Are you okay Y/n you've been in there a while?” he asks

“Yeah this is difficult” I tell him a little out of breath before at last finishing “Dominatrix” I smirk leaning on the wall

“I like it” he smirks

“You would” I sigh

“dont you like it?” He smirks coming over and wrapping his arms around me “dont you like the idea of dressing in latex and playing around with me?” he smirks

“Yeah but I still have underwear on and its like very tight and pinchy, I do not wanna have this latex suit anywhere near my vagina” I tell him

“Fair enough” he sighs as I go back and try another

“Sexy cat woman” I laugh

“This is just dominatrix but fluffy and with a tale instead of a whip” He sighs

“I thought that” I laugh

“this is a rip off” He sighs

“Indeed” I laugh going and changing again”This is a bra and panties made out of love heart candies, I hate it very very much this is a one way ticket to a yeast infection” I sigh

“SO I would have to eat to reveal your sexy parts, its like combining three things I love, you, boobs and food” He smirks

“Not happening thomas If you wanna eat during sex just buy a can off squirty cream and we can go from there” I smirk “sexy cave woman” I laugh

“Why?” He laughs

“I dont know, cave girl want cock i guess you could go with that somewhere...maybe” I shrug

“nah...whats next?” He asks so I rush back and change again

“Sexy cowgirl” I giggle

“Thats nice” He smirks “You gonna ride me baby” He smirks

“Maybe” i giggle “Thomas Im sleepy cant you try something” I smirk

“what like dressing sexy for you?” He smirks

“yep, maybe something like Mr grey kinda thing” I smirk “Or maybe you could dress like newt again for me” I smirk

“Im not bloody doing that again y/n” he sighs so I change back to normal and he wasn't waiting for me so I sat in his chair waiting for him to get back from wherever he went checking my phone until I heard a cough so I look up and he stood there leaning on the wall “Sexy fire fighter apparently?” he sighs

“You look like a stripper” I laugh

“Yeah, I like the suspenders though I might become a suspenders kinda guy” He smirks

“No you wont if you do I will burn them” I tell him “You do look kinda nice” I smirk

“It’s uncomfortable, I see what you mean with the fitting your arse in stuff your lucky I still have boxers on it is...not pretty back there, there is also a zipper on my dick and I dont like that” he complains before going back again so I just sat giggling taking secret pictures on my phone “Okay...police...apparently, other then the fact there blue how is this police? I’m just wearing blue boxers this aint sexy I can do this at home, and it wouldn't be costing us 40 pounds” he says

“Yeah you want blue boxers thomas we’ll go to primark” I laugh “why is sexy girls like latex and netting and you know sexy stuff guys ts just get in some tight boxers that should be enough” he sighs

“You do look nice in tight boxers” I smirk as he changes again

“Oh my god...you know that love heart candie one you found” he asks

“Yeah?” i ask

“They do a guy version” he sighs revealing himself to me and I couldnt help but giggle as of course he kept his underwear on “Now, problem one, why do I want someone biting this close to my dick, two I have underwear on a actually naked man has serious exposour problems, you cant be sexy and comfy in this, three who wants to eat a food that had literally touched my dick, the dick is not a tasty thing, boobs are tastey to lick and suck, a pussy equally great for eating, dicks no no no this is gonna cause vomiting” he explains

“Maybe you just have a really bad tasting dick” I laugh

“I dont know you tell me your the one that sucks it” He laughs going back and changing again “ can also change outfits much faster you had like petticoats and props and stuff guys just have one layer of fabric over your dick thats all you gotta worry about” He laughs

“what’s next?” i giggle

“Wet look enhance boxers apperntly” He says before appearing again

“FUCK!” I smirk

“Yeah when they say enhance they really mean enhance, it makes my dick look like four times bigger then it actually is, the problem is, it feels latexy” he sighs

“I thought you liked latex” I smirk

“On you yeah, you got stuff to show off, I do not, you got boobs and butt I just have dick and balls and knowone wants to see that covered in latex” He sighs

“I do, I like those” I smirk

“Really? you like me in latex? why does that not surprise me” he sighs

“You have a good booty thomas, latex makes it look good” I smirk

“fine, I will think about it” he laughs going back again before quickly returning in just a pair of boxers like he would have anyway

“what’s sexy about that?” I ask

“it has no butt” he says “I hate it” he sighs

“next” I giggle as he changed again and I could hear him giggling like crazy “what have you found thomas?” I ask

“well I have found what I want” He smirks

“what is it?” I ask

“Sex jedi” He smirks standing very sexy

“you buy it and I will burn it, with you in it” I tell him

“fine” he sighs

after a while of both of us trying anything that might have been fun and ended up buying nothing so when we got home I went and laid in our bed wanting to go to sleep I dont know where thomas went probably to get some food until I heard a familiar voice “Hello darlin’” I heard thomas smirk in a very sexy accent and I turned over and saw him stood with no shirt very very tight pants and suspenders with two gun belts and fake guns stood smirking at me

“Ohhhh” I smirk “Sexy whitey winn” I giggle

“Indeed, Miss Y/n sooo...what do ya wanna do?” he smirks

“Thomas, you look very very sexy as whitey” I giggle stripping naked on our bed “get over here” I giggle

#tbs #tbs smut #TBS Imagine #tbs imagines #tbs spy #thomas sangster #sangster #thomas brodie sangster #thomasbrodiesangster #thomas sangster imagine #tommy sangster #thomas sangster smut #thomas brodie sangster smut #sangster smut #thomas broide sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster imagine #sangster imagine

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nicorii · 7 years ago

Text

The purple scarf

¤forgot in I sent in a fanfic, so I’m I sent you one already…here is a second one¤

Kevin fell first.

It was easy to tell who would fall first. Jamie fell in love with garnet at first sight, but his true love was theatre, and he poured his heart into it,making himself stunning in a happy-go-lucky way. Who wouldn’t fall for the town star?

Kevin sat in the audience as Jamie played Juliet in Shakespeare’s classic play,“romeo and Juliet”. Of course jamie wouls play Juliet, he fit the part perfectly. He was On stage with the small local town theatre, so it wasnt just him and Steven this time.

Oh yeah, Steven. It was will fault.

His and Connie’s fault.

Stevonnie’s fault.

He remembered how it happened. How Jamie turned from him to those two…two….

Kids. Over Kevin. It was infuriating.

____________________________________________

Kevin has seen the second play Jamie ever did. He avoided the first one because it seemed dumb, to lame for Kevin,but he saw flyers for the second play all over town, and everyone talked about it. He figured he would go, and make fun of it. Teach them how to really act.

He didnt expect for the actor in charge too be so adorable in a kitten costume.

Jamie had written a play, and a lot of characters got ‘turned into animal’s as a plot point.

Jamie had black sharpie on his nose, with whiskers on his cheeks. He wore a head band with brown fuzzy ears, a shade lighter than his own fluffy hair. The tail he had tied to the belt he wore matching amazingly.

It was so adorable.

Kevin actually enjoyed the play, but was more focused on the cat boy. Justin? Was that his name? Something like that. It didnt matter much to him anyways.

When the play ended, Kevin went backstage to see Justin.maybe he could be entertaining for one person.

Maybe he could dance.

Kevin saw the boy with the fluffy brown hair and big nose. He still had the cat ears on and was finishing up some last minute stuff before he went to join the others for the after party. Kevin smirked and leaned on the wall with one hand, the other on his hip, a smug smile gracing his face.

“Its Kevin time” he said, catching Justin’s attention. He looked back at Kevin.he smiled snd walked Over, just liked Kevin planned. They wouls talk, he would call him cute, they’d go do things Kevin wanted. Justin stood infront of Kevin. Here it came.

“Hey baby, I’m Kevin.” He winked.

Hi Kevin, I’m Jamie.“ Oh Jamie was his name. So much cuter than Justin. It suited him.“can you pleaze,not,lean on the set?”

There it is,the-wait…what?

He didn’t fall head over heels frpm him in a moments notice? He didn’t blush or stutter? Didnt even avoid eye contact in a nervous way?

He just asked Kevin…to stop leaning on the stage equipment…

He didn’t expect that.

He got off and smirked as he took a step to Jamie. He could make it work, just had to play his cards right.

“So Jamie.” He said as smoothly as he could,“ you act, but do you dance?” Kevin watched as jamie,looked at him, mouth slightly open, eyes wide and sparkling. This is what Kevin wanted. Kevin gets what he wants.

“Youre perfect!” Jamie said suddenly. Kevin gave a knowing side smile, of course he was perfect, he was Kevin. “Can you be. The lead in my,next play?” Jamie said excitedly, hands balled infront od his chest in excitement.

Wait

What?

“Hold up, you want kevin….to be in. A Play?” Jamie nods his head quickly, the cat ears falling off as he did.

“Youre prefect for the role! You have the ‘uptight bad boy’ look going on, and the crowd will love you!” Kevin looked at the guy infront of him. The way he had his hands held in excitement. How his,knees were bent,like he was about to jump, how he looked at Kevin with chocolate brown eyes that sparkled under the stage lights. How he still hasnt picked the headband up off his nose.

Kevin won’t admit,it out loud

But he couldnt tell Jamie no.

He physically couldn’t.

“ill see what it’s about. Id it isnt a waste of Kevin’s time,Kevin’ll do it.” He shrugged, Jamie quickly ran and grabbed a script, giving it to Kevin as he talks about the main,role of 'chas’ ans Kevin swears this boy doesnt run out of breath.

******

The play was a romance. Who would have know Jamie was a sap. Despite how dumb it,looked, Kevin wanted to play it. It was about A stuck up. Boy named chas who fell in love with a stubborn commoner named leoki and he couldn’t have her so he wanted her. Kevin blinked.“his writing aint to bad if Kevin likes it. I bet he will be obsessed with me!” He grinned

Kevin could not act.

“Kevin…"Jamie held his head in his hands as he sighed."we’ve been through this twenty times…and you aren’t any better…"

Kevin glared st him."you wanted me in your stupid play!”

Jamie sighwd and nods.“I know…I know….I…"he looked Kevin up and down."I can..work with this…how about you and I go out tomorrow to get to know each other so I can figure out how to teach you how to act.” Kevin looked st the shorter boy. He broke into a grin. So he wantsd s date.

“Alright, thats cool.”

*******

Mail. He was helping jamie deliver mail,

“I thought you worked in theatre?"Kevin carried jamies mail bag.

"I do. But I was a mailman first and I dont really make that much just by performing…” Jamie slid a letter into a mail box.“but that’s the last one, now we can go on with our day.” Smiling, he took his bag from Kevin.

“Yeah, its Kevin time” Kevin quickly lead jamie to his car

Long story short, Kevin had to obey the speed limit or jamie starts crying in fear.

Kevin drove around, nor really looking for anything, he just liked to drive. Jamie aeemes to love rhe veiw of the ocean the higher they were, and by the wns of it. They were as high as they could get above beach city.

They spent the day just talking, Jamie about acting, ans,how one day he would be on movies, ans Kevin bragged about himself.

Kevin soon was dropping jamie off at his apartment. Jamie stood at the car door as he got out grinning.“wait here.” He quickly went inside. Kevin waited, his car door still opened, until Jamie came out. He held out a piece of purple faded fabric. Kevin took it snd unfolded it. It was a scarf.

“Its not much, and I just had it lying around, but I noticed you never go anywhere without a scarf. So i thought I’d give it to you as a thank you present for spending the day with me” jamie smiled a smile that could lighr up the entire world.

And Kevin was gone just like that.

Kevin quick threw the scarf onto the passenger seat and looked away from jamie,“yeah whatever. Ill see you at rehearsal tomorrow.” He waved and drove off once jamie,closed the door.

Kevin practiced his lines all night.

When Kevin went to reversal the next day, he wore the scarf Jamie gave him. This was a Kevin and jamie only’ day, because Kevin seriously needed the help.

He just hoped he could act well enough to hide his new full blown crush on the boy.

As Kevin walked to the stage, he saw Jamie holding a script and mumbling some lines to himself. The spot lights werent even on and Jamie was all Kevin could focus on.

“Hey jamie.” Kevin stated walking up. Jamie shovwd rhe stack of papers ar Kevin grinning.

“I rewrote some of the script to help you, I find it much more Kevin like now, and it makes chas stand our as a character even more. Want to try the new lines?” Jamie didnt miss a breath npr a breath as he excitedly talked to Kevin. His eyws looked at Kevin’s neck and he blinked. “You’re,wearing the scarf I gave you.” He geinnss happily.

It was official, Kevin was,now,wearing that scarf everyday if it,made him smile like that.

Kevin only nodded and read the new lines. He did like them a little better, and when he had a few memorized, his acting was better, at least Jamie said so.

Kevin managed to get through the. Day without jamie finding out about his crush on him.

Maybe he was a good actor after all.

*******

It was almost the night of the play, Kevin had all his lines and movements,memorized, and he realized quickly, that he didnt have just some silly crush on Jamie.

No.

Kevin was in love, completely and fully.

And Jamie,was oblivious.

Kevin would help Jamie with the mail some days, but he only managed to find,him during the last few streets of houses. He mostly just carried the bag for him.

Kevin tried fo get jamie to,go to a rave, but instead they stayed inside watching movies which Kevin enjoyed more. If meant he had Jamie all to himself and only had to share with benefit,lumberjack for a few hours.

Kevin always wore the scarf jamie gave him, and every time jamie saw it he seemed to light up.

They were practicing a scene Kevin had a little trouble with still when they showed up. The two kids who ruined everything Kevin worked so hard for.

“Jamie!” A small little boy voice called out, catching the thespains attention as he looked at the short, curly haired,boy and grinned.“hey Steven! Hi Connie!” He ran to the side of the stage, leaving Kevin at the side, just watching the conversation.

“You guys coming to the play tomorrow?” Jamie,asked them excitedly.

“i wouldnt miss it! You have the best plays Jamie!” Steven exclaimed. Connie nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, the last one was so cute when everyone became an animal. I wonder what will happen in this one.”

Jamie grinned.“you guys should meet the lead! He is really cool! Kevin come here and meet my friends!” Jamie called back to the boy who only glared at the two kids. They stole his spotlight. And,they were still obsessed with Kevin. Kevin walked ocee as he heard the two kids gasp and saw them glare.

“Kevin…”

Jamie was so, so oblivious.

“Oh, you guys already know,each other?” He smiles that smile that kills Kevin every time. That was his,smile, the one jamie gives him for wearing his scarf, not just anyones,smile.

“These kids are obsessed with me.” Kevin said as the two kids ingored him and told Jamie.

“When connie and I fused the first time, he wouldnt leave us alone until we danced with him!”

“And then we unfused and he freaked out cause we were kids! He was a real jerk!”

“We raced him in a car he was mean and rude to everyone!”

“He says we are obsessed with him but he didn’t even know what personal space is!”

“Hey!,who said you were the victim here! You’re just obsessed with me! Dont deny it! I just wanted to dance then you got all crazy and tuened into two kids! Not my fault that you lost a race when I’m the best! Scram already, you ain’t welcome here!”

“Yes they are."Jamie’s voice was hard and low, ans he stood looking at Kevin.

"Kevin these are my friends…they mean a lot to me…and they are always welcomed here. Now…did you really mean all of that? You’ve been really nice to me, but that-”

“So you’re taking their side of this?!” Kevin couldn’t believe it. He spent nearly every day with Jamie! He was the lead in his next play! He couldn’t be siding with two kids!“they are just obsessed kids!”

“Kevin you are all my friends, I don’t want to take a side I,just want to know what-”

“No!,I’m the lead in your play, you asked for me to be the lead! I help you with your mail and you should be siding with me!” Why was he yelling? This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted jamie in his arms, not arguing with him.

,Kevin I dont owe you anything! You didnt have to be the lead and you don’t have to help me with the mail, thats my job! I just wanted,to know the full story because youre all my friends and I wanted to keep it that way!“

"I don’t want to be youe friend!” He wanted to be more. But jamie didn’t get that. Jamie looked at him hurt and looked down.

“Oh.”

Steven and Connie gasped and glared at Kevin like he killed jamie.

Kevin couldn’t find his words. He couldn’t say them even id he found them, he wanted to be more than friends, didnt jamie get that?

“Forget this, I’m outta here!” Ans Kevin jumped off the stage leaving. It was all those kids fault.

Kevin didnt,show up,to the play.

Jamie had been smart and, of course, has buck as his understudy, so the play still went on.

________________

Kevin sat in the last row of chairs by himself as jamie took a bow with the rest od the thespains. He played with the purple scarf on his neck. He,should be up there as romeo, not Some other guy he didnt know. They didn’t actually kiss, it was only a theatre kiss, were you kiss the peesons thumb instead, bur Kevin would have kissed him for real. He should be romeo.

But it was all those kids fsult.

They made Jamie take their side.

Kevin wasn’t offered the lead role like last time, and didnt help jamie with the mail.

But Kevin still wore his dumb scarf.

And on stage, for a second Kevin saw jamie look at him.

He saw he scarf Kevin was playing with around his neck

Ans kevin saw Jamie give a smike

His smile

So he knew he saw the scarf.

…

Maybe he should apologize to the kids…

It was still all their fault…but just….

Maybe.

$;$(!)#_#;!€÷_!&!£’?!&

wow that was fun to write! But to quickly explain better, a theatre kiss is when you put your hand on someones cheek,and your thumb on their lips, and you kiss your thumb. It looks real but isn’t a kiss.

I love the idea of Kevin falling first, ans qanted to write ir. If you want ill gladly make you a second part.

Submitted by: @sockpansy

I really loved the part about Kevin wearing the scarf Jamie gave him just to make him smile. The small movie date part was cute too aaa. aND THE DRAMA?? OOF, great work!!

#submission #kevamie #long post

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courtinggrievances · 7 years ago

Text

Omni And Proud

courtinggrievances You're out across the lot and the lawnring of the motel when the door to your room opens and Sollux stands there.

> You're stomping off in your boots and when you hear his voice, you stop. You don't look back, but you stop.

temptingannihilation > you don't. momentum, and everything churning in your head and under your skin, you don't stop or wait to see if he responds, you just keep going, across grass and dirty pavement, breathing hard in time with your feet hitting the ground until you’fre tripping right into him.

> which isnt nearly enough to knock him off his feet, of course, so you just... grab at him with shaking hands and desperate claws because you dont know what else to /do/

courtinggrievances > You know he's barreling towards you with all the grace of a steam train because you can hear it, you can hear him coming. You could easily avoid him but you don't, and he crashes into you, all grabbing hands and curling fingers and desperation, much to the amusement of a few onlookers.

> You don't know what your feelings are doing. You're all broody and moody and you have no idea what your emotions are doing.

temptingannihilation "You asshole--" you choke out, sounding more like you're about to collapse into frustrated tears (again, for like the third time) than anything. Pleading. "You-- you can't just... say shit like that and then leave! What-- what do you want me to /do/??"

courtinggrievances > You're literally about ready to punch his stupid face.

"You can't fucking hide under a lounge chaisse, refuse to talk to me, and then get mad when I decide to leave to sort out my own bullshit feelings, godamnit, Temp!" You hiss at him gently, taking one of his hands and clenching it.

"I wanted to talk to you, and you're being cryptic as you are a fucking crytid. I get you don't want to talk about this shit, **I** don't want to talk about this shit, but you put words in my mouth, I'm frustrated, fuck, I'm frustrated as all fuck! Why wouldn't I be? How am ***I*** the asshole here? Fucking talk to me, jackass!"

temptingannihilation "I was /trying/!" you grind out between your teeth, clutching at his hand right back as tight as you can, both sets of claws digging into one and the other, but the slight sting of pain is almost grounding. "I could barely see my fucking /screen/, okay...??"

"I /want/ to talk about it, I just dont fucking know how, I dont know what I want, I don't-- I don't /know!/ I dont-- when did I put words in your mouth??"

courtinggrievances > You punch him right in his face with your fist, wrenching it out of his grip. How dare he??? It's like he's playing with your emotions, it's like he's keeping secrets, it's like he's privy to some big joke that you know nothing about.

"You tried to tell me I thought your emotions were a fucking game, you tried to tell me I thought that you were cute when you were having feelings and emotions, you tried to put words into my mouth without fucking asking about my opinion- Now, I may be a MASSIVE fucking asshat with a brick wall for a pan, but I don't fit the stereotype of brawn equals dumb, Temp, or at least, I didn't think so until tonight!"

> You're shouting a little bit, beads of red curling at the corners of your eyes.

"I don't know what's going on, I'm overwhelmed by you being upset, I have no fucking clue why you're upset! I got the anons in my box and while I was trying to deal with the flustered feelings of 'Hey, maybe you should kiss Sollux!' and jackasses trying to goad me into talking about pailing you, the dashboard fucking exploded with discourse about quadrants that I'm just NOT in the fucking MOOD to deal with, and when I turned around to try and sort out my feelings with the ONLY person who fucking understands me, you're under the lounge chair and I've got NO fucking clue why, I'm blindsided, I feel like I was fucking hit by a truck, so will you just fucking... Tell me what's going on? I'm out of the fucking loop here, and I hate it!"

temptingannihilation > You reel back, hands cupped over your bleeding nose, and before he's even done talking you're yelling too

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT //YOU//, ASSHOLE!"

courtinggrievances > Throw your hands in the air???

temptingannihilation "I wasn't-- /you're/ not the one who was making a game of it! Okay?? Do you fucking get that now?? That fucking-- anon bullshit... I made the mistake of opening my fucking mouth an inch and got that for my trouble!" courtinggrievances

> Your voice is quieter, now, and your fists are held to your sides, shaking, while you listen.

"Explain yourself."

temptingannihilation > You're breathing hard, spitting out blood, a nasally, snotty mess.

"I was just-- fucking talking with some people, and the subject of...quads and their bullshit rules came up. I didnt even mention your fucking name, or anything, I just wanted to let off some steam because I never know what the fuck I'm supposed to feel about anything or how to /deal/ with it or-- just. /Fuck/."

> You wipe at your face, sniff loudly and start coughing as a result, great.

"And-- and they thought it would be super fucking fun to tease me about being flustered when that wasn't the fucking /point/ in the first place. And no I wont tell you who, it doesnt matter, they didnt mean to. I just... I didn't--"

temptingannihilation "And I was fucking embarrassed, okay?? That wasnt the kind of thing I wanted all over the dashboard, but there it went!!"

courtinggrievances > You hold out your hand and you take his, and you pull him to you for a short, rough, sloppy kiss you have to stand on your tiptoes for.

temptingannihilation > your teeth meet with a painful click, and you're smearing blood all over his face, a cracking sound in your throat, and when he lets you go you just... flop down onto the ground like a string-cut puppet and tug at him until he joins you

courtinggrievances > This is not a good place to be? You let him tug but you don't join him, instead you lean down and you pick him up and carry him, bridal style, off into the bushes lining the motel space.

> You sit him down in your lap when you sit, though, and you are quiet, and you'll wipe his nose before you keep kissing him.

temptingannihilation > you honestly kind of lost feeling in your legs there for a moment, but you know what, sure. this works. what a fucking scene you've already made, goddamn it, whatever, anyone stupid enough to get nosy is getting fried and you wont even feel bad about it

> and you just... you let him, and try just to focus on This for a little while, on him. it doesnt take the place of words, but it has its place too

courtinggrievances > You hold him there to you for a while, and you're quiet about it, until, eventually you speak.

"... Did someone try to pressure you into putting a name to us?"

temptingannihilation > You shake your head where it's bowed next to his, while you work your arms around him, fingers curling in his shirt.

"No, it-- it wasn't anything like that, /I/ want to, KK, I've /been/ wanting to, I just... don't know how. I dont want to try to make it just one thing, I can't, I-- I dont know if it's omni or smearing or /what/, but I can't... And I dont-- I dont know if I hate myself more for feeling that way, or still feeling like there's anything /wrong/ with it. I dont know how you can /stand/ it when you've been dealing with my shit since we were wigglers, it's not fair to you, how can you /want/ this??"

> goddamn it, you are just so sick of crying

courtinggrievances > You chuckle, softly, and wipe his tears. It takes you a few minutes to respond, you're choosing your words carefully.

"I... I'm fine with it being omni. I'm fine with it being whatever we- or you- want it to be. I'm so fine with this, all of this, and I WANT all of this, just because, like... Fuck, dude. I want you. It's not This Particular thing," You say it with inflection on each word, "That I want, but I want YOU. I'm fine with not knowing about it, or knowing about it, or knowing what's up with our stupid little relationship, because I'm fine with you. You infuriate me and you make me feel a hundred times better about myself, you can calm me down and you can rile me up."

> Take a deep breath, pet his hair. "It may not be fair to me for you to want to put a name to it if I'm not ready for that bullshit, but did you ever consider that it definitely isn't fair to you for leaving it to your imagination? I couldn't stand to put you in just one quadrant. The empire's view of quadrants is whack anyway- They're only in place so that the empire has statistically more combinations for slurry. You don't deserve to fucking... pick one. You deserve all that I have to offer, red or pale or black or grey."

temptingannihilation "I /know/ it doesn't matter what we call any of it--"

> you are trying. so hard, not to just break down all over him again because you have no concept of an emotional filter whatsoever and everything he's saying is just... once those floodgates are open, they just. go.

"I don't-- I don't know why I keep getting so fucking hung up on it! I dont-- want to try to make it into anything /different/, I dont want a box, I-- I just..."

> you drop your head against his shoulder, curl yourself close, your voice quiet and hoarse, your own shoulders hitching, trembling.

"I'm /scared/, KK... I /know/ you are too. But I'm not-- I'm not fucking scared of what they'll do, I don't /care/, it wont /change/ anything. But we could-- fucking die tomorrow for all we know, and I-- I'm scared that if we dont think about it /now/, we'll never get to..."

courtinggrievances > You nod. You get it. You do. And you'll do everything in your power to help him figure it out.... So, you get out your phone.

> You message Fex a quick second, and then return to Temp.

"I once sent in a message to a Ezine about this sort of thing, let me see if I can... pull that up. It pulled this sort of thing all together, it'd be really helpful for us... Do you want to go back inside? It's... kind of risky to talk about this shit out here, you know."

temptingannihilation > you snort faintly, and just kind of butt your head against his shoulder a little.

"Dork..."

> ...you nod though, even if you're still fully prepared to turn anything that gets too close into charcoal.

"Yeah... Let's. Let's just... yeah."

courtinggrievances > You pick him up again (You love doing that, he's all legs and arms and no nothing else, you love his sharp corners,) and carry him back in, where you carefully slide him back under the chaise lounge and somehow manage to fit yourself under there too. > Fex has managed to reply to you in this time and you shoot him off a small response.

> Next, you pull up >> https://fluffpuffandstuff.tumblr.com/post/156045666788/what-the-heck-am-ii-feeliing-labeliing-your << that you got from Fex, and you show Temp, quietly, waiting for a response.

temptingannihilation > it aches a little somewhere in your pusher because it's still hard to shake off that feeling of being a burden, of All of you being too much for one person, but... you have to trust him to know what he wants, because you'd be lost without him.

> it's cramped and dusty, but you dont have a proper pile, and right now... you feel better just sort of hidden away from everything right now. there's a couple inches of clearance, at least, and with a little maneuvering you can huddle up against him and look at the same screen

> you sigh a little, long and unsteady-- and then you sneeze, and curse, because goddamn it your nose fucking /hurts/.

courtinggrievances > You point at the part where Pal talks about boiling it down to one thing.

"... You want to boil it down, let's. I just want you to be happy and safe, but I gotta fucking tell you, I'm having a really fucking hard time boiling my emotions down into just, protect, soothe, intervene, and improve."

> You bunt your head against his, leaning there with your warmth and sturdyness.

temptingannihilation > you almost laugh, at how much better you feel already just to lie here with him like this. you could have avoided all this bullshit if you'd just fucking gone to him in the first place, but you'd been... ashamed? definitely embarrassed, to show your face, after subjecting him to all that out of nowhere.

> "I don't know if I can, either... I don't think I /want/ to. I mean-- all of that, it's there, yeah. Not always at the same time, but it's-- it's not really This Thing and then That Thing either, and I /know/ it feels different when it's more pitch, or more flush, or more pale... But it's more complicated than that and I mean. I'm /happy/ with that. If it wasn't that, it...wouldn't be. Us."

> You roll over so you can hide your face against him. Your ears are burning, your voice is quiet.

"...I. I just... wish it was easier to put 'us' into a word that felt like /enough/. To-- fucking love you in /every/ way that's as real as any quadrant..."

> It's... the first time you've said it so plainly. But after he had... You couldn't let yourself do any less.

courtinggrievances > You're uncharacteristically quiet.

> the silence stretches on, and while it does, you rub his skin with your fingers, you explore his feet with your own, you get good and cozy with your body to his, and after five or six minutes, you say, "Then... Let's just be omni. Not just omni quad, but Omni, with inflection. There's mate and pitch and pale and ash, and we'll just... be Omni. Our all in ones. Home runs, hole in ones, strike, ace in the hole. Can we just do that? I fucking love you, and I know you love me, but... With all the shit happening, I don't know if we even have the time or capacity to... BE anything... specific."

> You trail off.

temptingannihilation > you'd start getting knotted up with anxiety, if he didn't make sure to keep gently touching you here and there, enough contact to reassure /without/ going into full blown pale territory, to let you know that whatever he was thinking, it wasn't going to end in him pulling away or-- or getting up and leaving you there again. though you could really only blame yourself for that, at this point.

> you blink, slowly; find one of his idly wandering hands and hook your fingers around his and tentatively nod.

"I... that could be okay. Yeah. I-- fuck, KK, I don't... I dont care what we /do/ with it. But we're... 'Best friends' hasn't been enough for a long time, we're past that, you know that, right? Is it-- Can it just be okay to want /more/? Even if nothing really changes...?"

courtinggrievances > You nod, pushing your face into his chest.

> You decide to be honest? Yeah.

"... Listen, alright? We both know I've been... super stressed out about this absolute horseshit. You.. You're really the only thing in my life that's... Stable. You know? There's Kanaya, but she doesn't come close to the modicum of comfort you provide. I can't... do this, with her. I don't want to do this with anyone else. Best friends isn't enough, you're right, but... I mean, are you sure? You fucking... I don't know what the penalties are for hanging around with a mutated fuck like me. You're lower class, to them, but I'm a fucking..."

> You heave a mighty sigh and put your face in his chest. "Wanting more, even if nothing changes, is the epitome of a relationship where nothing can be settled. There's no name for us, and there shouldn't be, here on this planet, but... I like Omni just fine."

temptingannihilation > /Sigh/.

"You're /what/? An off-spectrum walking cull offense? KK, I don't-- fucking /care/ what the penalties are, they'd throw my ass in a rig first chance they got even if I wasn't wanted for fucking treason, and-- And even if /that/ wasn't the case. What difference does it make?? I'm staying //right here//. I wouldn't... I wouldn't be /saying/ this shit if I wasn't sure..."

> He burrows himself close, and you just...wrap yourself around him and squeeze him tight. "KK, I don't...want to think about where I'd be right now, if I didn't have you. Nothing else matters, against that... So let's. Let's just have this, and damn the rest... Okay?"

courtinggrievances > Your ears flick. If nothing else matters, why was he being so serious about this? You felt pressured into choosing and now you didn't, and you don't know what to feel. You've always had more emotions and feeling than was good for you, but this was exceptional.

> Still. Fuck it, you decide, and you let him wrap around and squeeze. "Okay."

> Pause.

"... Your nose okay?"

temptingannihilation > you grimace, and reach up to touch it gingerly. it feels hot and swollen, but not broken, at least.

"Can't believe you fucking punched me..."

courtinggrievances > You don't speak for well over a minute. When you do, it's small, ashamed. "I expected you to punch back. With the way you were gripping my hand-"

You raise it, to show the welts from his claws.

"I just figured you might want to let out some aggression, or some bullshit like that."

temptingannihilation > You look, and flinch your eyes away, ears low.

"It's-- That wasn't... What I needed then, I just... I don't know. I felt really messed up and I dug in. Scared, I guess..."

> you sigh, and reach for his hand so you can look again, carefully brush your thumb over the welts. "... ...'m sorry."

courtinggrievances > You lean over and put your head further into his chest. "It's fine, knucklehead. Okay? Let's just... Move on from this shit. We're omni, now, yeah? Heh... Fex is going to be so fucking pleased, he's always rooting for that sort of thing. I wonder if anyone else will be..."

> You yawn. It's almost dawn by now and you haven't been sleeping well still. (It's gotten better, but not perfect.).

temptingannihilation "You sure?" you mumble, because it's hard not to feel guilty for...well. All of it. Kicking it all off, the misunderstandings... Making him feel like he had to deal with it because it was eating you up.

> You sigh... Give him another squeeze. Smile a little. "Yeah, heh... I dunno. Guess we'll see. ...cmon, we probably...shouldn't fall asleep under here. 's fucking dusty and we're not gonna have the coon for much longer..."

courtinggrievances > You make absolutely no move to change your position against him. "I've slept in worse places," You mumble soft. "If you want me to move, you're going to have to fucking. Make me." You pucker your lips in a mock kiss up at him, making it very clear what you want. Hecking nerd. If you were allowed to kiss him without judgement or his feeling bad about it now, you were totally going to.

> Part of you worries how Kanaya will take it.

> Part of you still wants to keep it secret.

temptingannihilation > You give a snort, and a crooked grin

"You're a fucking dork, KK..."

> ...you feel kind of silly, actually. And silly for /feeling/ silly. And for the silly things your pusher is doing right now. When you got right down to it, you /do/ fluster easy as anything, it's painfully obvious... It's different somehow, than kissing in the heat of the moment, whether that meant pailing or just some long pent up emotional outburst. Now, it's...

Deliberate. And you'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about it a lot, lately, kissing him without it being some Big Deal, just... Nice and easy. ...and he wants it too. So...

> Kiss the boy

courtinggrievances > See?? This was good. This was very good. Ahhh? The tips of your ears flush red and the surge of heat to your body makes you literally turn into a space heater, especially in such a close and cramped space as under this couch thing.

> He kisses you and you only let it linger a moment or two before you roll out from underneath the lounge and sit up, stretching. "Come on, nerd."

temptingannihilation > At least he's not the only one... You've gone more than a bit yellow, and you might be sporting just the tiniest hint of a goofy smile as you worm your way out from underneath, sitting up to brush the dustbunnies out of your hair.

"Who's the nerd, huh..."

courtinggrievances > You pick him up with both hands and hoist him up over your shoulder, balancing his bony ass on your palm for a few seconds. The ease with which you can pick up his 'I only weigh a hundred pounds' body is amazing. You've carried 60+ pounds on your back for well over four perigees now, Sollux is easy.

"You are, nerd," You keep him balanced there at your shoulder height, grinning wide.

temptingannihilation "SDfgsd--"

> It's not /fair/ how easily he can just toss you around like this! Not fair at all! And you really shouldn't enjoy it so much!! Like, fine-- you have a type, and that type falls squarely into the category of "could break you in half without breaking a sweat". It's not a high bar to reach, but damn it, it's something.

"KK, oh my /god/, stop feeling me up and put me down!"

> You try to sound irritated, but you're trying really, /really/ hard not to laugh. You could turn the tables easily, of course... but you dont want to.

courtinggrievances > A cocky, arrogant smirk peels across your face. "Yeah? You want me to put you down, lightweight?"

> And you toss him like a basketball, aiming for the rim of the recuperacoon, (And when he assuredly lands in, you bend over laughing, a loud, full bellied laugh that hasn't been heard in literal perigees.)

temptingannihilation > Aw, shit.

"KK, GODDAMN IT!"

> He tips you right into it, and you flounder around before pulling yourself up over the rim, dripping slime-- your clothes drenched, ugh, you /hate/ that!!

You're covered in the goop. And he's laughing like you haven't heard in ages, too long, you just have to kind of marvel at it a little.

> Then you throw a handful of sopor at him.

courtinggrievances > You can't believe he didn't say it coming, the way you'd asked if he wanted you to put him down was clear, with the corners of your mouth crinkling up with the inflection of your words.

> You're still laughing when the sopor ends up clipping your chin and drops down your chest and by then, you're stripping everything down just so you could climb into coon with the one thing you felt the world couldn't take from you.

> God, you loved Sollux Captor.

#this is important #important #plot advancement #i think? yeah #and also like.... holy shit #hey good job at those anons this was shit that needed to happen for a long time #like #a really long time #these two have been fucked up about this since their creation #a whole year ago almost #damn #i dont think i need to tag anything for this!!#ask to tag

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