#inlimatask04

[keiracohen]

INLIMA TASK #4 → A LETTER TO YOUR SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SELF

Dear Keira,

Oh, sweet girl.

I'm not going to ask how everything is going because I'm you, so I already know how it is. I know what you're thinking and how you're most likely freaking out right now because you're reading a letter from yourself, from THE FUTURE. Don't freak out, just breathe, I promise by the end of this letter you'll be completely comfortable with the idea of time traveling mail. 

Put down the Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse and swap it for a different, more natural looking foundation. Please. It's not your shade at all, babe.

And stop crying over your braces. You’ll only have to grin (or maybe not) and bear it for more six months.

Never stop dreaming big. You have an imagination and vision that some may not get and may even try to diminish. Don’t let that happen. It’s that big, beautiful and imaginative brain that’s going to lead you to some amazing adventures. You have a gift that may make life a little challenging and completely unconventional, but that's what makes you, you. Don't let the naysayers and the doubters make you doubt yourself. Don't try to fit who you are in a box; you are never going to fit. That box was never meant for you and that's ok because you are meant to build your own stage. So keep dreaming and living in the clouds.

Now, let's talk about him. Stevie Evans.

Remember when you left Stacey’s house and half-joked to your best friend in the car, “Imagine if I dated your brother?” Well, you won’t believe it, but it’s true. You do end up dating your best friend's brother.

The way he looks at you, it’s like you’re the star in every teenage romantic comedy. He sees you. I mean really sees you. He loves every part of you, especially your heart. He will love you through the good times and the bad and will make you see all the beauty that you possess.

You want to be better because of him. He is a good, good guy. This goes on for four years, however, it isn’t quite the fairy tale ending you expected to happen.

First things first, you’re going to make it through — through this, through everything.

It happens, the two lines appeared on the stick of horror and life got really, real, really fast. Motherhood came to you a lot earlier than you ever thought it would. However, the first time you see her - your Emily, it's like everything stopped.  She's small and so beautiful. As if she's the closest thing you will ever come to magic.

I won’t sugarcoat this life, it’s hard. From 3am feedings and diaper changes to the fighting and harsh words said back and forth that you ultimately can't take it anymore. So, you do what you think is best. You leave.

You and her won't see him for another six years.

I see your sadness and the way you question your worth and there are so many things I wish you knew. There will be days that you cry for a break or just to take a nap. There will be days that your anxiety may get the best of you. I know it is hard to hear, but he wasn't the right person for you. I know you think you’ve lost the love of your life and you will never find someone as good again. But, this just wasn’t the right person or the right time for you.

No matter how tough it gets, please understand that there will be better days and it will get easier. You will learn things about yourself, you will see how strong you can be, and you will now know the definition of true love. Just remember, EVERYONE makes mistakes. It’s what you make of those mistakes that determines your destiny.

You’ll feel angry and sad. You’ll wish it wasn’t a four year long lesson, but who knows who you’d be without it. 

A person’s treatment of you is not a reflection of your worth. This person was not in a position to reciprocate love in the way you selflessly loved and deserved to be loved. That alone doesn’t make him a bad person. You just weren’t meant to be together.

You will grasp forgiveness someday. Forgive him. Forgive yourself. Don’t stress your confusion because when the dust settles you’ll see clearly. You’ll understand that the relationship served its purpose.

You’re resilient, graceful and stronger than you know. Let yourself feel the wind between your fingers as you roll the window down and dance through the breeze. Love every moment that you’re alive. Embrace the present because even if it brings you tears now, it will also bring you memories you’ll cherish years later.

Whoever said having a baby means your life is over is an idiot. Things will be a lot harder for you, but not impossible. You still finish school, earn your degree, and pursue your dreams in New York with a baby in hand.

I see you growing up to do great things. Better yet, I see you never standing alone. I see you surrounded by friends who will remain alongside you every step of the way. They’ll pick you up and cheer you on. (In fact, years down the line, they will still be your best friends, and they’re still standing in your corner today.)

Your daughter is super smart, kind, and funny. She’s also stubborn like her father and you’re going to swear her teenage years will be the death of you (fyi: the jury is still out on that one) but she’s a great kid and she has a bright future ahead of her.

I guess that's all I have to say because you have to experience somethings on your own. You're going to feel scared, unprepared, excited, and liberated all at the same time. If it was up to me you would never hurt a day in your life but I know you need those moments because without them I wouldn't exist. Just remember I'm here for you. I don't know everything and I can't protect you from all of the craziness in the world, but I'll be by your side every step of the way. You got this. I'm proud of you.

No matter how terrible things seem, it’s not the end of everything. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

So just feel it all, 16-year-old self. You’re going to be OK.

I need you to know, from your future self, that it is all worth it. Who you are and who you are becoming is worth it. I can’t wait for you to experience it. So keep walking, one step at a time.

I love you.

With love,

Keira from the future.

[ashwilde]

#inlimatask04 - letter to my 16-year-old self.

Dear Ashley,

Hey, you! It’s me, or well, it’s you, from the fuuuuture. I know, it’s totally awesome and you’re probably mindblown, but hear me out.

I’m currently talking to you at 32 years old. Crazy, right? I bet it seems really old right now, considering how young you still are and how much of the world you still need to see. Trust me, you don’t ever stop seeing things.

Everyone around you loves you. You’re their shining star, your parents’ confirmation that they’re raising you okay. Don’t let that discourage you, and don’t let the pressure get to you. They want what’s best for you, always. 

Sometime after you turn 18, which isn’t far away now, you start a freelance writing job and you start performing at theatres. Things are really good for a while, they really are. You’ve found your true passion, have a steady income, and you’re successful. Your blog posts and articles about the local theatre talent are a hit. You have a lot of fans, you travel the world. You see things that you’ve always wanted to see.

But after a while, you’re going to stagnate. You stop feeling that motivation, that drive. It all comes so fast, even though it’s been building up in your chest for a while. The pressure is too much. It breaks you so easily. You’re afraid. You’re ashamed. The idea that you’re disappointing everyone who believed in you is so hard to swallow. It’s not your fault. It never was your fault.

You show up back in your hometown, and for about eight or nine months, you’re unemployed. Making a few bucks here and there, but you haven’t written any articles or been in any performances for a long time. You feel trapped, isolated. Depression is staggering and hollow. You don’t talk to anyone, and they don’t talk to you.

Until a very high-end seeming bar with a lit-up marquee comes into view, and somehow it draws you in. It’s a strip club, and you can’t help but feel curious, maybe one of the only times you’ve felt curious in months. A woman comes to greet you, she’s tall and gorgeous and important-looking, and she has an air of meaning business. You tell her you want to apply. You interview. You get the job.

Eventually, things get better. You start to heal. You become yourself, how you are right now. A bright, creative, sunny young woman who only wants to get the best out of the world. For a while, it’s scary. Sometimes it still is, especially since you’re with Fran more often than not, and you still haven’t crossed the threshold of trying to decide what you are, even though it seems like every passing day with her feels like a normalized, comfortable routine.

It’s going to be hard, but you’re going to be okay, okay? Trust your mom and dad, trust your siblings, and trust your friends. Trust Fran. You’re not a failure, and you’re not shamed for not living up to your wildly overblown expectations of yourself.

And above all else, you’re not alone.

Love,

Your 32-year-old self

[franfabs]

inlima task#4 : Dear 16 Y/O Self

Dear Frannie,

You probably won’t believe me, but I’m you at thirty-seven. It’s November, which means you’ve recently started applying to colleges and have a playboy in the box under the bed where you keep the journal that talks about everything you’re too scared to risk your parents finding out about. They never do, I promise.

You leave home for college next fall and you don’t look back. You keep up with your siblings the best you can, but you’re off becoming your woman, and you will become your own woman. Do not blame yourself for what happens at home when you’re not there. It is not your responsibility and it is not your fault that it happens. You could not stop it anyway. Keep an eye on your mental health, believe me, it’s important.

When the pretty girl in all black with the blue-green eyes and Irish lilt asks you if you want to go drinking with her and her friends, say yes. When she and her roommate invite you back to their place, do not think twice. They will take care of you, for years to come. You will love them, do not be afraid of that. Love them with everything in you, know that they will stand by you, even when you break their hearts. They are your first foray into polyamory. They will not be your last, but they will be the ones who pick you up and dust you off, over and over and over again.

I want to tell you what the man with the eyes like pools you drown in after law school is like, but it’s best I don’t. If I did, you would avoid him, and as much as what he does hurts, it is worth it. Still, keep tabs on everything he does and says to you. Be careful, but know that once he has done the unspeakable, everything will be okay. Those beautiful women will pick you up, dust you off, and get you to pole dance. From there, so much becomes possible. You will find passions you never dreamed you’d ever find. You will find yourself. Build yourself from the ground up. Find pride in your body in ways you never would have before. You will learn that the law is not where you belong and that that is perfectly fine.

When you return to Lima in your thirties it will be with a vengeance. You will build yourself an empire one beautiful person at a time. You will spite the name of the man you never should have called father, because even now you know he is not one. Among all the pretty faces who enter your business looking for work, one will stand out. She is broken and beautiful. Encourage her. Watch her thrive. She comes to look at you like you’re the reason she’s still alive. Do not be afraid of her. Do not be afraid to give her your house key, knowing that she’ll just be there even if you didn’t. You might as well make it easy on her.

Do not tell her you love her. Do not open that door. I’m still trying to figure out how. How to love her, knowing that we still could love others at the same time. It’s not cheating if there’s nothing concrete. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Do not be afraid of what is coming, Frannie. Be chaotic. Be free. That is who we have always been destined to be. A chaotic lesbian with too much heart. 

You’ll be fine. 

You’ve got this. 

I love you.

Always,

Fran From The Future

[inlimahq]

THE FOURTH TASK OF INLIMAHQ: a letter to 16 year old you!!

Say you had a chance to write a letter to your sixteen year old self and you can tell them anything you want. This is now your chance to do so. This task is about what you would say the teenager you once were. You can give them advice, you can warn them of things that were to come, you can tell them that things will be okay or won’t be. Would you direct them to change something to avoid certain things from happening? It’s all in your hands. Write the letter and make sure to tag in INLIMATASK04 ! 

[thestevieevans]

INLIMA TASK #4 →                 A LETTER TO YOUR SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SELF

Dear Steve-o,

Uh, what’s up? It’s me, you know. It’s a weird thing thinkin’ about writing a letter to myself from ten years ago. That’s fuckin’ wild honestly. But I think you should really know what’s comin’. It’s not pretty, and it’s not going to be fun, but you’re going to grow and you’re gonna be okay.

To start, you know Keira right? Stacey’s best friend? You’re gonna start dating her. It’s awesome, and you’re super happy. You’ve always been into Keira, and you’re happy that Stacey did her magic in settin’ you both up. Of course, it was mostly so she could date Aaron, but that’s ‘sides the point. You’re gonna date Keira for a long time - four years to be exact. You’ll think she’s your destiny and that you’re gonna marry her. She’s your first everything. Unfortunately you’re not. Things happen that kinda put a brink on the relationship. 

Now onto the bad things, dad is gonna lose his job. It’s really goin’ to suck. They’re going to come to your house and forcibly remove you and your family and you’ll be stuck in a motel. You’ll get help of course. Aaron’s dad and step-mom are lifesavers. They help get you food, clothes and make sure that we’re okay. Jason and Aaron save your life every single day - you try to make it as known as possible that they do, but you would be literally hopeless without them. 

Because of dad losin’ his job, you get a job yourself. You work as a waiter at Breadstix until you’re eighteen. Then you stumble across a guy at Breadstix who leaves his number. He’s older, but you give him a text. He takes you out and gives you money. And then you keep seein’ him. The sex is cool, the money is cooler and you’re able to help your parents even more and finally your dad gets a job, but you keep doin’ what you’re doin’ because the money is nice.

Unfortunately this makes you question your sexuality and maybe you really like guys. And there’s a moment when you look at Aaron and think his smile is electric. And you’re almost positive that you had a crush on Jason once upon a time as well - but between his parents and your parents you’re too scared to say anythin’. Plus, you’re still dating Keira and you love her so much, and she’s your whole world despite the fact you cheat almost every other night. You’re runnin’ out of excuses - band practice can only carry so much.

And then she gets pregnant, and everything slams down on you. All you’ve ever wanted was to be a dad, but not like this. Not when you can’t even keep your family afloat, you can’t keep your daughter afloat. But the minute she’s born you love her. That love isn’t enough to stop the fights and the harsh words. And before you know it, you’re slammin’ the door in Keira’s face and you won’t see her again for six years. It’s weird and awkward, but you’re tryin’ to make it work. 

Emily looks just like you. She’s beautiful, funny and all you want at this moment in time is to be around her. 

I hate to say it, but you and Keira don’t work out. That’s okay though, you know? But you do fall in love again - maybe even more than the first one. You’re dating Aaron, and I know it’s somethin’ that may have crossed your mind every once or twice, but it happens and he’s living with you now. You’re the happiest you ever been.

My only advice? Try to not drink so much - it really fucks you up. Your anger gets really bad because of it. But you’re doin’ great now. You’ve got great things coming. Things are looking up.

I’m so proud of you. You fuckin’ made it.

Love,

You but older