#incorrect ugin quotes

[incorrect-mtg]

Meanwhile, in the Meditation Realm

Bolas: You know, the next step of my plan after I achieved godhood was to obliterate the Phyrexians off the face of the multiverse. I wonder if the mortals YOU helped will be able to handle that threat.

Ugin: What's a "phyrexian?"

Bolas:

Bolas: Well, if you'd like to know, you could just break the seal on the plane for a minute. You know, we could just planeswalk to phyrexia and back real quick.

Ugin: Stop inventing silly threats to try and trick me, brother.

[phyrexianphamily]

Nicol Bolas: (Almost repenting) I might have made mistakes...

(Ugin stares at him in disbelief.)

Bolas: ... accounting mistakes.

[moisellethefae]

Since Ugin is back in the story, @flavoracle suggested we do another round of Incorrect Ugin Quotes. Here is in all his glory and wisdom. Thanks to everyone who gave ideas this time around!

[flavoracle]

How would you like us to send in quotes?

The ideal method would be to reblog the post where I ask for the Incorrect Ugin Quotes, and include your suggestions in the reblog.

I’ll still see the suggestions if you send them to me in asks, private messages, or comments, but it’s SO MUCH easier for me to keep track of them when they are right there in the thread. (And they’re less likely to accidentally fall through the cracks that way too.)

Thanks so much for asking!!

[galahadwilder]

Nicol Bolas: if I were to create an evil plan then I simply wouldn’t be defeated

Nicol Bolas: RIP to Yawgmoth but I’m different

Ugin, eating his spark and slam-dunking him into the Meditation Realm: lol no ur not loser

[completely-in-accuratemtg]

Ugin and Bolas, waking up from being born:

Ugin: Who the hell are you?

Bolas: I'm you but better in every way.

Ugin: Uh-huh. Sure. I don't buy it.

Bolas: Fuck you! *Flys away, gets spotted by human hunting party, who quickly chase him*

Bolas: BROTHER, FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER THE HELL CREATED US HELP ME!

Ugin: ...Nah.

[incorrectmtgquotes]

Bolas: “I have created the perfect loyal minion!”

Ugin: “You fucked up a perfectly good Dragon Shaman! Look at it! It’s got anxiety!”

[magus-of-the-color-pizza]

Tarkir--Broken and Bowed

I think it is past the time for me to answer a very important question. A question that’s hanging from everyone’s lips, here in the mtg fandom. A question so fundamental, so omnipresent in our lives that someone just oughta do it. Someone has to step up and take a shot. And I guess that someone’s gon’ be me, for once.

You already know what I’m talking about, so let’s dive straight in, shall we?

“What will happen next on Tarkir?”

Ahhhh, we’re back again with this wonderful plane. I don’t plan for this to be a very long piece (Narrator: “it ended up, in fact, long as f***”), I’m just going to give a few thoughts of mine. And don’t worry, this post isn’t going to go near the so-called Dragonlord Discourse (because, spoiler, they’re all bad), we’re talking about events here, not morals.

There are a few things to consider. Firstly, let’s talk about the current state of Tarkir: The Dragons rule the 5 clans, having reshaped them to their will and desires. The humanoid condition is worsened overall on the plane in varying degrees across the clans, but humanoid submission to Dragons within their clan is absolute, there is no current, direct struggle in the internal hierarchy, but there are humanoid behaviors that get directly and mercilessly punished by the draconic overlords. So to say that there is no friction between the two “orders” (I can’t really say species since Humanoids are made up of a variety of species) even within the same clans is wildly incorrect.

Given this situation, though, there are reasons to believe that a fight could break out between Dragons and Humanoids, with the correct circumstances and timing. Let us not forget that Sidisi is brewing poison to kill Silumgar, Anafenza’s spirit is aiding humanoid soldiers and perhaps will inspire some to research abzan necromancy (the same way Oret did), Narset has discovered The Truth (Jeskai records about the past and the Khanfall), Surrak openly states that he only respects the dragons because they’re stronger (read: if I could kick their butt I would), Arel, a temur shaman, is rediscovering the clan’s lost magic and desires a world without dragons, and Zurgo... well, he ain’t doin’ much at the moment, but luckily we have a former Mardu member in Sarkhan. So we have some potential for rebellions across the clans. In addition, both Narset and Sarkhan are planeswalkers, so they could potentially call in some help on this one, and last we saw of them they were going to meet Ugin and then head to the lands of the Atarka to find out more of their past (did I mention Arel already?). And, of course, there are many other elements to consider, such as the Silumgar Infallibles and their questionable loyalty, the Rakshasas, the Temur elementals... you get the idea.

Before we talk any further about where this could go, though, we must acknowledge the elephant in the room. Or rather, the Spirit Dragon:

Why talk about Ugin, even though he’s not currently on the plane? Two reasons: 1) he is directly responsible for the Dragon Tempests and 2) with his obsession over balance, the Planeswalker would/will most likely interfere if things weren’t going his way. So, what can we do now?

Firstly, we need to speculate a little bit. Unfortunately, in Unbroken and Unbowed, the story where Sarkhan finally meets Ugin and they try to piece together what has occurred, Ugin does not explicitly state what he thinks of the current state of Tarkir. However, since it seems as though he did not intervene (aside from the Dragon Tempests, I mean) in the Fate Reforged balance (both Orders alive, in conflict with each other + the other clans), we can presume that he found that situation acceptable or even ideal (for whatever reason). In addition, while it is fairly obvious that Ugin wishes for the existence of dragons on the plane (since he creates the Tempests), he also appears to wish for Humanoids to exist, since, to quote Shu-Yun, “He gave us concealment magic, the last time the dragons seemed to be gaining the upper hand.” Therefore, it seems as though both the Khans and the Dragons timeline would not suit his desires for the plane.

So! Let’s take a look at the possible results of the Dragon/Humanoid conflict:

1) Both species exist, locked in an endless conflict (Fate Reforged);

2) Humanoids win and exterminate the dragons (Khans). To be noted, this outcome is only possible if Ugin dies or interrupts the Tempests; and

3) Dragons win and submit the clans and the humanoids (Dragons). Also to be noted, this result was brought about by the sharp uptick in Dragon Tempests (which Yasova states have increased “fourfold”).

With Ugin against options 2 and 3, and his influence over the plane not to be underestimated, what will happen next? Will he try to pit the two Orders against each other again, in order to return to an FrF-like state? My guess is, probably. And with the seeds of rebellion we’ve seen spread across the plane, the conflict is sure to break out. But the real question is, is Wizards going to make Tarkir go back to an FrF state? Or is there another way, a mysterious fourth path?

You’ve probably already guessed it so there’s no need for me to beat around the bush so much: Coexistence. “Wait but what about the conflict you wanna have a world with no c-” The 5 clans can still go at each other’s throats, what I’m talking about it coexistence between humanoids and dragons of the same clan/brood.

Is there still conflict? Check. Brand new relation at the basis of Tarkirian society? Check. Would Ugin support it? ... maybe. We know that he would not refute it simply on the balance he seems to strive for, since both dragons and Humanoids would be alive, kickin’, and not subjugated. Is it possible to achieve? Perhaps. There are a lot of variables to keep in mind. I’m sure Sarkhan could come around to this idea rather quickly, as the dragons would still be treated with much respect among their clans, they just wouldn’t be a part of a racist oligarchy. But Sarkhan is only one man (although a very powerful and, on this plane, potentially influential one), would it possible to get the clans and the dragons to agree on this? As far as the clans go, I’m going to say... I think it’s possible. We have an element that was previously (in FrF) unavailable, and that is that Dragons are now entrenched in the society of the clans. Back when the shift to Khans happened, Dragons had never been anything more than enemy. Now, while they are dictatorial, it is very difficult for Humanoids to envision a clan completely devoid of them. In some cases (particularly in the Dromoka and Ojutai, somewhat rarer in the Atarka and Kolaghan, quite rare in the Silumgar), there are positive interactions between the two orders and there are Humanoids that view their Dragons, or at least some of them, in a very positive light.

So we’ve potentially got Ugin and the clans on board. Now comes the crux of the issue: what about the dragons themselves? After all, didn’t they fight until they all died in Khans?

Well, you make a good point. Do we really think that the Dragons, and, specifically, the Dragonlords, would (eventually, and only if they were on the losing side, of course) agree to such terms or would they keep fighting until the end? Do these five look like they’d come to terms with that?

The answer is, well, no. After a thousand years of being the undisputed rulers of their clans, these gals (and guys) would most likely not accept that. So, uhh... what we do?

But ah, my good friend. The answer often lies in the question itself, and the best answers are the ones that solve multiple problems at once. After all, while the Humanoids may be willing to accept Dragons in general in their new clans, I have a really hard time seeing them become a part of it, even if they wished to. Aside from the massive power imbalance having them be in the clan would create (Who’s the real leader? Some dude that has been khan for a few years or millennia old ex-Dragonlord?), the five can be seen as a personification of draconic rule over the Humanoids (which they basically are), and will therefore be instrumental in the Humanoid rebellion/revolution/whatchamacallit. In what role? Ask question, get answer!

Killing the Dragonlords accomplishes three critically important things:

1) It gets rid of them. It seems obvious, but, as stated above, they would be a problem. So, it’s good to point it out;

2) It gives Humanoids a sense of purpose and a common enemy (before killing them) and it awards them a significant milestone which will/would be instrumental in ending the war without genocide; and

3) the five are not only tyrants of the clans, but they are the leaders of their broods. By eliminating them, the remaining dragons will be in disarray and more likely to accept some sort of compromise rather than to fight without purpose.

So, to summarize my ingenious plan, what has to happen is: Humanoids get some extra leverage against dragons (that’s where Ugin/Sarkhan/Narset come into play), the already present seeds of rebellion are allowed to grow and flourish until conflict breaks out, which ends with the death of the Dragonlords and a deal between the clans and their respective broods, leading to Dragons and humanoids coexisting.

Then it’s every clan for themselves again, as per usual... but now, with dragons!

If you’ve read all the way so far, thank you so much! I’m glad you found my thoughts interesting enough to do so. I apologize if it got kinda messy at some point but it’s nearly 1am here and I’m quite tired from today. Feel free to reblog or comment with any thought you have on the matter, I’d love to hear them and I’d love to get a conversation started! 

See you all next time, planeswalkers, and heed my advice: dragons may act high and mighty, but remember this?

Yeah. Take that, you oversized lizards.

[phyrexianphamily]

I had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move. Again.

Liliana, about... pretty much everyone

[phyrexianphamily]

Jace: Let me get this straight, Ugin. You're actually giving us permission to do this?

Ugin: That is correct, Beleren.

Jace: To blow the Bridge up? Boom?

Ugin: BOOM!

Jace: Wicked. But how on earth are we gonna do that?

Ugin: Why don't you confer with Miss Nalaar? As I recall, she has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics.

Chandra, nodding: I can bring it down.

Ugin: That's the spirit. Off you go.

[phyrexianphamily]

Tezzeret, about Ugin’s defeat: Much to the sorrow of the Ur-Dragon.

Bolas, dismayed: Yes! Mother. Mother always did like Ugin best. (Starts sucking his own clawed thumb)

[phyrexianphamily]

Nicol Bolas: What did my brother have that I don't have?

Tezzeret: Do you want the short list or the long?

[phyrexianphamily]

Ugin: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Gideon: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

Liliana: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Nissa: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in 15 years!

Chandra: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Jace: Mental stability, my old friend!

Ugin: Alright Edgelords...

[phyrexianphamily]

Chandra: Sorry babe, the name ain’t working.

Ugin: “Ugin” embodies energy and light.

Chandra: Sounds like a damn insurance company.

[phyrexianphamily]

My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.

Chandra Nalaar

[phyrexianphamily]

Ugin: What about you?

Gideon: Well, sir, I step in front of cars and sue the drivers.

Jace: I beg celebrities for money!

Liliana: I'm a prison snitch.

Nissa: Jug band manager.

Daretti: My legs hurt!