#incorrect brooklyn house quotes

[incorrect-riordanverse-quotes]

Zia: If I saw you out with another girl I’d be pretty upset. Carter: Thank you. Carter: Not just for being upset but for believing that could happen.

[greghatecrimes]

Recently I've been feeling a lot of Kutner love

[military-newsboys]

Albert: ‘They’ll never find the body’ is such a boring threat, a better threat would be ‘they’ll never stop finding the body’

Crutchie, bored: Or just say ‘they’ll be finding parts of you for at least 4 months, and you’ll still be alive for 3 of them’

Race: Now that’s a threat!

Davey, covering Les’s ears: *horrified silence*

[daddiesdrarryy]

Remus: Is Pads okay?

James: Yeah, he fell asleep five minutes after we gave him the potion to help him with the flu, and he hasn’t moved since

Peter: Oh, and he talks in his sleep

Sirius: I’m gonna rip your head off. I’m gonna rip your damn head off, Mother

Everyone: …

[hxuse-xf-black]

[James Sirius has been kidnapped by Death Eaters] Scorpius: If your brother gets hurt and you don't get his back now, it's gonna haunt you for the rest of your life. Albus: You're right. If James gets killed by Death Eaters, my grandparents' mantel is gonna become like a permanent shrine to him. Scorpius: No, that's not what I meant. Albus: Oh, the thought of it makes me want to puke. Scorpius: You've learned the wrong lesson. Albus: Come on, let's go help the bastard. Scorpius: Don't love how we got here, but we're going where I want.

[uncorrectintamed]

Jiang Cheng: Thanks, Mom.

[Everyone looks at him funny]

Jiang Cheng: Why is everyone looking at me?

Wei Wuxian: You just called Shijie "Mom" you said "Thanks, Mom."

Jiang Cheng: What? No I didn't. I said "Thanks Jie."

Jiang Yanli: Do you see me as a Mother figure A-Cheng?

Jiang Cheng: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure because you're always bothering me!

Wei Wuxian: Hey! Show your Mother some respect!

[gardentool]

*Following the birth of your first child*

Y/N: Do you want to hold him?

Yuji: Oh, um, yeah sure that'd be great.

[Yuji leans across the bed to hug Gojo]

Y/N: The baby, Itadori!

Yuji: Oh right, the normal thing.

[callsign-daydream]

Hangman, at an Independence Day party at Cyclone’s house: What is going on out there? We can’t tell navy stories, the women don’t find me charming, and a native English speaker referred to Bob as hilarious. I am flummoxed. That’s a word I learned for this party, and I am it.

[ladymiraclewings]

Raine Whispers: If anything goes wrong, fake a heart attack. Eda Clawthorne: What are you thinking? Classic angina or something sexier like myocardial-infarction? Raine Whispers: Just drop down onto the ground and wiggle.

[pizzaboat]

Darius: Have you never been to therapy?

Eda: No, I don't need it

Darius: Not even after the time your spouse pulled off your arm?

Eda: Nope!

Darius: What about the time when you were forced to transform in front of the entire school?

Eda: Oh, that was crazy. I forgot about that

Darius: Or when you were falsely accused of treason and went to public execution?!

Eda: Was that a big deal?

Darius: You became a criminal and tried meth!

Eda: Well, I didn't wanna be anyones bitch...

Eda: Look, it sounds like these things affected you more than they affected me... maybe you should go to therapy!

[the-bitch-files]

Chase: thanks, Dad… why is everyone staring at me? Cameron: you just called House dad; you said 'thanks dad.' Chase: what? no, I didn't I said, thanks, man. House: do you see me as a father figure, Chase? Chase: no, if anything I see you as a bother figure 'cause you're always bothering me Foreman: hey! you show your father some respect! Chase: I didn't call him dad!

[incorrect-riordanverse-quotes]

My girlfriend is so much better looking than me that a cashier put a plastic divider in between our groceries.

Carter Kane, probably

[greghatecrimes]

More Kutner love. Merry Kutner-mas

[military-newsboys]

Jack: That building is, like, 5 Davey away and we're at least 14 Davey high. Davey: Please don't use me as a system of measurement.

[haystarlight]

Odalia: I don't want my favorite daughter dating a screw up!

Luz: Well I don't want my favorite girlfriend daughter-ing a jerk mom! Burn on you!

[daemon-is-perfectly-unhinged]

Daemon: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.

Otto: Calling me the devil? How original, Daemon.

Daemon: Actually I was calling you a goat, you goat.