#in my heart also one of them should be aromantic. still Part of the polycule but in a My Friends Who I Sleep & Live With way

[a-most-beloved-fool]

ough... thinking about an uhura/scotty/bones polycule....

[thepixelblender]

you don't have to say it if you don't want to but i really would be curious about your thoughts on flowerpot trio & seodore/sanemitsu, i feel like i don't see people's thoughts on them too often!

*cracks knuckles* Spoilers for god damn everything

Remember : I am always wrong !

Flowerpot

I love. a good three way polycule as much as the next guy. But flowerpot really does not read that way to me?

Specifically, I'm very very partial to platonic minoru/hajime ; Hajime has never been in a plain, even-playing-field, nothing-expected-in-return friendship and I think that's so important for his character, that Minoru just saw him a Guy, a normal human person, which obviously puts Hajime in mind of. his own messiah complex and of Seodore - but Minoru's still a valued friend to him. tldr I think Hajime's whole complex regarding being 'just a person' doesn't work as well without Minoru standing strong as the embodiment of well-meaning, unbiased doubt to contrast with Utsugi's blind love.

noriyuki/minoru I'm more open to but it still doesn't feel like it would be returned by Minoru to me? In general I have a fairly. aromantic take on Minoru I suppose (and. basically all the Haradas sggdd), I generally look at his place in EHRI through the 'looking for a family home' mindset, including MinoRei (as in, he probably believed that he loved her, but was moreso infatuated with the idea of a wife and kids and friends and a home, to the point of denial of everything - until he can't take the denial anymore and returns to his role as the pillar of Doubt). tl;dr Minoru "wow these 2 guys look normal I should be friends with them nothing will go wrong"

noriyuki/minoru part 2, I do love generational utsuhara angst, despair factor yada yada. I could see Noriyuki harboring feelings towards Minoru, and in general I think they work off each other really well, and could, had they met anywhere else, have made for a really good and healthy couple - and that's! the thing! I love picturing it as like. MinoUtsu is the What Could Have Been, What Should Have Been, Minoru is the kind of person that Noriyuki 'needs' and who understands him - but that's not how things turned out. Because Noriyuki already devoted his life to Hajime. Because he made that vow and he won't, wouldn't take it back, he has no choice but to commit to his heart and not turn back - there's not room for anything else because he can't abandon ship at this point. He needs Hajime and Hajime needs (or needed, he can't be sure now) him, and even though they're destroying each other and there were definetely better outcomes - that's what their love is. God they make me ill. The end of DLC7... Utsugi talking about Hajime in third person and then to Minoru, in first person, as the one person who understood him even if he never wanted to admit it. and THEN. even then, I had no regrets in my devotion to you (Hajime). God. God. go d

ueem. I'll keep the (rest of) hatsugi section brief because as mentioned above. I Am Not Normal Abou Them but. Generally I don't think either of them understand romantic love very well or even experience it 'normally'. I think Hajime probably was the one to develop that sort of attachment first, with Noriyuki starting of more as a baseline / agape-like adoration/aspiration for that Star and only grew a genuine (albeit. codependent and fucked up they're so.) Love with a capital L for Hajime as a person as he learnt more of who he was and all his flaws and shortcomings and fuckedupness because he made that promise to shoulder everything so that Hajime could smile (and . live with himself) which is why it sucks so bad when Hajime's forgotten the meaning of their vow because he's so. fixated on being loved as a star (savior) and feared as calamity (also a form of savior, ie agent sent to kill seodore) and just. mrmrmrm. I said i'd keep it brief so I will but tl;dr they're very very. cant love anyone but you, bound to you till the end, right next to you yet emotionally so far away, never able to bridge that gap. again. end of DLC5 put in parallel with DLC7 is such a tonal contrast it makes me ill Hajime is so *throws him at the wall 17 times* fucked up !!! the hierarchy of hajime needs . 1. fucking over my dad !!! 2. oh yeah, noriyuki Seodore, Sanemitsu

Ok. ok

I don't like Seosane, in part because of the aforementioned aromantic take on Sanemitsu, but also because I generally dislike shipping immortal characters with much younger mortal ones even if they're old men by mortal standards it's. erhr. And I get that it's a personal thing. And it depends with the kind of immortas that it is, some feel truly frozen in time, but Seo never gave me that vibe (and tbf i guess that would make it weird for me in the opposite way?) But I think it's the fact that Seo and Mutei were contemporary of each other that really does it for me,,, like that's his grandpa bro idk man. I don't have a probelm with anyone who ships it though o7

That said, while I don't think it would be returned, I do. think it's probable that Seodore has that kind of attachment to Sanemitsu, at least to an extent - and I think that makes him a weirdo ! like a little ! /lh Like yeah some of the lines in DLC definetely read that way + something something this is the world he lived and died in but have you really moved on um um. Yeah. Seodore's a weird guy for a lot of reasons. Furrows my brow at him

[eevyerndracaneon]

Initially I was going to respond in the replies and then I hit the character limit and figured this would be better. Plus it would mean you can rb this post back for anon to see!

Since I was pinged, I felt like I should respond with my story surrounding my polyamorous identity and what I think being polyam means.

I think there's two different ways you can be polyam, either one or both at the same time. One way is what you're describing anon, an inherent pull from your heart to crush on others and want to date more than one person. The other way is actively dating more than one person. How that manifests in an individual's actions and feelings can be extremely unique simply bc we as humans are going to all be different.

When I was about 14/15, I had a boyfriend from middle school. I met a boy in high school, and started crushing on him but I still loved my existing boyfriend. It absolutely tore me up inside and I hated that I wanted both of them in my life.

I never told either of them of how I was feeling and just ditched the old flame for the new flame. Did that again later in high school with that guy and a new guy but at least then I had a decent enough reason to leave the new-old flame.

When I started crushing on my current irl partner I had discovered polyamory on here. And when I say everything suddenly made sense to me...it REALLY made sense to me. I was just...polyamorous. Inside my heart.

I talked to my boyfriend at the time and my crush (current irl partner). Bf didn't want to try it. Crush did. I did. I was stupid and didn't listen to my bf and ended up cheating on him bc I felt such a strong urge to follow my heart. (I was also like 18. Fresh idiot adult still in teenage brain)

After that I did the whole ditch old flame date new flame thing again and that worked without any new crushes appearing for about a year or so.

And then I met someone online. And oops I started crushing real hard. Luckily this time...I didn't feel as bad to just freely talk about my crush. Even if I was in denial abt the crush itself. I had shame from other things (new crush was on a then-aromantic so I felt like a creep) but at the very least I had grown past the shame of loving more than one person...bc I had already talked with my irl partner about that sort of thing, I knew he was okay with it. I checked in again later on just to be sure before any dating was solidified between me and the new crush.

Both of my partners are monogamous individually, for many different reasons. I'm polyamorous, and dating both of them (and I think I've finally decided that these two are all I personally need in my life 💙❤). These sorts of people can and do exist and can work together in a polycule so that everyone feels secure and happy and safe enough to speak up if feelings are hard or if something changes.

All this to say...

I personally think you need to tell your girlfriend that you think you're polyamorous, especially if you want to be active with that side of your identity. Be prepared to console her because she may think she's not good enough for you. Be prepared for her to maybe get mad and assume you're asking if you can cheat. Be prepared for her to say she's not comfortable with you being polyamorous in an active manner.

And worst of all be prepared for how you will respond afterwards if things don't go in the 'yeah go for it!' direction. Figure out just how important exploring this side of your feelings is, whether it's important enough to leave her after the fact or if you can deal. Everyone is different on this front.

Being in a relationship with someone, a committed, serious relationship, means tough conversations have to happen. It's inevitable! Nobody really warns you that sometimes loving others means being honest with them in a way that may hurt them, even if temporarily, and it hurts to know that, but it also helps to know that that's just a part of relationships sometimes.

There's good resources out there on how to ask your partner if polyamory is an option for the relationship and what to prepare for. I'm not the best source for that bc this is just my main personal blog and not a polyam dedicated blog, but they're everywhere if you look in polyam circles on tumblr.

I wish you the best anon! Being polyam is tough but it can also be very rewarding for your heart and teach you a lot about navigating healthy relationships!

Curious what your thoughts are on ppl being "obligate" polyam?

I ask because I've been debating if maybe I might be because I feel so in love with my gf rn, but... I still feel like I'm missing something. Like. She feels like a single flavor of food that I like. But, as much as I do I couldn't live off of just that one thing yk?

It scares me though, because she's explicitly monogamous, so I can't really go out and explore and try it out to see if it's for me without losing her. I don't really know what to do. Or how much longer I should stay still feeling like this. Or if I should just dismiss it as baseless anxiety and just let myself enjoy being with her.

I'm so scared to break her heart.

And like, how can I do this? How can I seriously be considering losing her just to try something I don't even know if I need or will even like.

It feels wrong, I love her this is stupid. But I just can't seem to dismiss it. I mean, I'm literally typing this in the middle of a New Years Eve party because I just can't get it out of my head.

I think what you’re calling “obligate” polyam is what I call “inherently” polyam, where, it’s like, I WILL fall in love or at least crush on other people and want to date them at the same time no matter what, it’s not a choice it’s just how I feel.

I started this blog as an outlet for my anger issues which I now realize probably stem from my bpd and just to talk about polyamory- correct the RAMPANT misinformation people were spreading, but also, to talk about the stuff no one else seemed to talk about. I’m really lucky that my polyam mutuals post about all the wonderful things about polyamory- the love, the amazing partners, the memes, etc. But that left me needing a space to talk about what I felt the most- shame.

I came out at 17 as polyam and it was awful. I was terrified I was going to lose my partner over it. I was filled with this awful feeling of being a horrible person for not “loving my partner enough” and so worried they were going to see it as them “not being good enough for me”. I mean I was seriously broken up about it.

But my partner took it in stride. We made it work. But I still felt this deep shame that ended up leading me to decide to be monogamous just for them after a while.

I even started dating my now-again-gf while dating my primary partner at the time, and although she literally dated me while I was dating someone else and quite literally knows I run this blog, I still haven’t re-brought-up the fact that I’m polyam, and that’s 100% hanging over my head, especially with how infatuated I am with someone else right now, though we’ve talked about that a little.

I’m really lucky I have people like @eevyerndracaneon and the people in my polyam discord server to talk openly about the shame and guilt that I still to this day feel about being polyam despite running one of the biggest polyamory blogs on this website.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s that monogamous people can be a lot more open-minded than you’d expect. I’ve never actually dated anyone polyam. All of my partners have been monogamous. And all of my monogamous partners have been fine with me dating other people while also dating them.

And a few years ago, my brother came out as polyam! And it was even harder for him than coming out as gay! And once again I was lucky enough to ride on the tailwind of him coming out first as the older one and also come out as polyam. Even my best friend and I have talked about dating and having an open relationship in the past.

It’s funny, and wild, how many polyamorous people you’ll meet out in the open once you come out too. My first semester in college, I was sitting in front of two older trans guys when I heard them talking about polyamory, and shyly I turned around and asked if they were polyam and they said yes, and they were the first polyam people I had met (that I know of).

Just a few months ago I was at a concert and sat next to a group of 3 people that were all really touchy and flirty, and since they were all really obvious about it I just asked if they were all dating and they explained their polycule to me and I was just like… me! That’s me! Me too! And they were SO happy to meet me back!

A lot of the other polyam blogs on here will tell you the same thing: it’s unrealistic to expect one person to fill every single want and need you have, and can put a lot of pressure on that person to do things they maybe aren’t comfortable with.

It’s not as unusual and shameful as you might think. It’s really all about conquering that inner polyphobia, which can be really hard, and is a process. Hell, I’m 24 now, and run this majorly successful polyam blog, and I’m STILL in my discord server like “guys idk how to tell my gf I’m polyam… again… uh… imma just not rn”.

Only you can decide what the best course of action for you is. I know I’ve lived fine with choosing monogamy and feeling like I’m missing out on some of my wants/needs as a sacrifice for a wholesome relationship I wanted to keep. A compromise, if you will. I also know that not coming out to my partner as polyam was eating me up inside at the time. And that when they did end our relationship and I was able to be with someone else I did realize things I was missing from that relationship and how GOOD it was to finally have those things.

Be optimistic. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, really, it’s that there’s more of us out there than you think, even if we go by different names, but also that monogamous people really can be open-minded and willing to share a partner.

[ashenpages]

Current Fic Ideas & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer that I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my fics will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah. This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍  These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea. 

Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon always play rock-paper-scissors after a big heist to decide who’ll give the group a striptease, and who will get showered with money. Based on a piece of fanart that is basically this sequence of events in a 4koma (except in their version Jigen loses and in mine, it’s Goemon). (written, just needs editing)

Zenigata cuffs Lupin four times, and Lupin steals his heart. Very NSFW conclusion. Zenigata is the most caring lover you’ll ever find. Lupin is as thirsty as usual and twice as intense. (written, just needs editing)

Jigen protects Lupin from poison darts during a treasure hunt in an Aztec temple, and Lupin nurses him back to help--forcibly, since Jigen is a horrible patient. Born from my desire to spoil Jigen and talk about what ridiculous domestic husbands these two are. (WIP)

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes)

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐 

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy: 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌 

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈 

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.