#in fact i am not in the mental state to be talking to anyone

[loyalexecutor]

Yeah, you're right! It fucking sucks when people say they want to have a disorder, unaware and misinformed about what that entails! It sucks when people say they, too, wish they "had friends in their head", it sucks when people say they wish they were a "psychopath" as they hear in "pop psychology"— it sucks! it really, really does! Now, pray tell, are you normal about people with OCPD?

I'm so fucking tired of having to hear or read about people debating of whether it should even be considered a personality disorder, for all they see are "desirable" traits, since, yes, it sure fucking does sound nice on paper if you read about someone productive, organized and particularly moral. It sounds fucking great.

Even worse, most people with OCPD— even frequently myself included— will be tempted to agree with you that they do not have a problem! Because guess what, it is fucking ego-syntonic! That doesn't make it TRUE. Why are you able to recognize that other pw'PDs aren't exactly reliable with that kind of self-evaluation, yet make an exception for this one? Why must so many take it at face-value??

Please, I beg of you. Use your imagination for two fucking seconds of what excessive means. Someone being overconscientious and inflexible about morality doesn't mean "based activist who always got your back", it means "strict know-it-all who won't possibly hear you out if you even slightly disagree with his ridiculously thorough moral compass". It doesn't mean "upstanding citizen", in fact no fucking part of the criteria suggests that moral compass is at all being followed, it only speaks of how they put way too much thought and time into it, and are inflexible should you find a problem with it.

Reluctant to delegate work might sound fucking great for you if you're lazy, sure, up until the part where you lose your right to have a say in things that concern you. OCPD isn't exclusively there when it is convenient for you! If you want to suggest something to be done differently, you'll have to gnaw and bite and fight for it! Trust me, it'll fucking suck!

Sure, it'd be fucking great to be organized, but don't lose the preoccupied part of it. Hey, so you remember how OCPD is in the "anxious" cluster instead of the "dramatic" one? Did you fucking wonder why yet? Yeah, you bet your ass you will not be able to function without having a meticulous and detailed list for every single fucking thing you do in your life, ever. You'll try! People will eventually suggest you to place your to-do lists aside! Enjoy the breakdowns in the process. This is — NOT — the kind of organization you hear recommended from study guides and such, you'll end up writing a fucking bible for yourself

& yeah, being devoted to productivity sounds nice, doesn't it? If you ignore the excessive part. Odds are, you'll simply Not do anything you don't deem as productive, and everything you Do end up doing, you'll not be able to derive the enjoyment from that you currently do with leisure activities, because— boom! It's a task to you. They're all tasks. They're all tasks in your to-do list mentioned earlier. There is no such thing as Not working, at least in your head-- people around you might understand your hobbies as "leisure" and think you're taking plenty of free-time for yourself, but trust me— they'll be the precise same stress to you.

Oh yeah! And stress! Oh, so much stress. Have I yet mentioned stress? What, you think all these demanding expectations you'll set for yourself won't stress you? Oh, it will. and it'll interfere with your productivity. you'll fail to be consistent with it. which, in turn, will have you all the more stressed, since your brain will fucking need you to be productive for you to not feel gut-wrenching horrible.

Which, you guessed it, means people will barely see you around! Yep. you're busy. With something. Always something. There's no such thing of being content, or proud, or — let alone done.

But, please! Go on. Tell me how you fucking wish you had OCPD so you'd get your chores done. Putting it in perspective, I definitely hate that less than when people mix it up with OCD, so I guess you got that fucking going for you.

[fragglerockopinions]

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[six-improbable-things]

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[themaidenofwords]

Do y'all remember how at the end of season one when Martin and Jon were hiding from the worms and their conversation went along the lines of,

"Why the fuck do you keep acting all skeptical when there's a literal half-dead worm woman outside?"

And Jon sort of breaks a little and says, "Because I’m scared, Martin!. Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched. I… I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like… like if I admit there may be any truth to it, whatever’s watching will… know somehow. The scepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer."

Now, I know I am taking some liberties here, because Jon does explicitly state that the Watcher's presence was the main reason he tried to avoid believing the statements, but I think there's something else to be seen here.

Jon's reaction makes me think of why people are sometimes scared to get a diagnosis (mental or physical). Particularly when it comes to mental diagnoses, there seems to be a general feeling that if you ignore it-- if you can just pretend that the warm breath of something just behind your shoulder isn't real-- then it can't bite you. There's a fear of putting a name to problems as if by naming it and acknowledging it is a problem, you give it the power to hurt you.

I've seen this in people struggling with mental health issues, but more commonly i've seen it in the families of the struggling person. Sometimes it comes from a place of good intentions, but there's a type of gaslighting that occurs when everyone close to you refuses to put a name to the thing you all know is there. If you admit there may be any truth to it, whatever is there will become more real.

"It just felt safer."

"Well... it wasn't"

"No. No, it wasn't."

Am I a professional in mental health? No.

Could I be talking out of my ass? Possibly.

But I believe we should acknowledge the fact that being scared of identifying what may lurk in the dark makes it no less real. Illuminating the harmful problems in your mind or trying to identify the cause of the suspicious pains in your body can only help you understand what needs to be done to help yourself. The face of the creature you uncover may be ugly and terrifying, but if it's illuminated, it can be fought.

Don't let yourself or anyone else make you afraid of putting a name to what you feel. Seek a diagnosis. Research for a self-diagnosis. Talk to friends or a therapist. Find the name of your monster, because ignoring it does nothing but let it draw closer to your door.

[so-much-for-the-seashells]

The Fun Kind of Sparring

Soldier Boy (The Boys) x Reader

Minors do ¡NOT! interact. This is not for you.

A/N: I haven’t seen the Boys and won’t BUTT that finale, amirite??? So in honor of the glorious return of Jensen Ackles, maybe the finest man who’s ever existed- seriously, when the aliens invade, show them him and they’ll be besotted by his beauty- I wrote this for all y’all SB lovers. Just note that I do not endorse any of this man’s actions, and if you do… the fuck?

I think it goes without saying but this is not my picture, it belongs to EW. (Too tired to make icons 💪)

Anyways, icons by me and all interaction-especially commentary- is appreciated!

Content/Content Warning: straight filth. The mouth on this man is crazy. Diddle that skittle.

****************************************************

It really had just been sparring. A little one on one, if you will. Me and Soldier Boy. Soldier Boy and me.

If it were anyone else, being pinned down to the ground would be the opposite of erotic. It would be annoying, and I’d be flailing around, trying to hit my partner in the balls.

But with Soldier Boy? We’d been skirting around each other since The Boys broke him out. Well, that’s a lie. I’ve been skirting around him, he’s made it more than a little obvious that he’s into me. I don’t know if it’s that he just wants a quick lay or what, but because I’m unfortunately attracted to him, I don’t really care.

Especially right now, when I’m pinned under him on the gym mat.

“Y’know, we shouldn’t do this,” I stall, no meaning behind my words.

“Sure, sweetheart,” he humors me. His lips are mere inches away from mine, his hair falling against my forehead. And I think I’m drunk on the scent of his pungent aftershave.

“I mean, you’re like, what, 103?” I ponder aloud, trying to distract myself from the fact that the Soldier Boy is rested over me in a plank, shirtless. That I can feel his warm breath on my face. That it smells like peppermints.

“104, actually, sweets,” he corrects. He’s had this shot-eating grin plastered on his face since he managed to wrestle me down, because like me, he knows exactly how this is going to end. But unlike me, he’s not remotely hesitant about showing it. And because he’s a jerk, he’s making me make the first move. But I’m not ready quite yet.

“104, right,” I mutter. “Older than my grandpa.”

“Smart girl,” he just goes along with everything I’m saying, letting me stall. The mischievous glint in his emerald colored eyes never ceases.

I nod slowly. “You are a very attractive grandpa,” I state, my tone far away as if I’m talking about him while he isn’t on top of me. Ohhh do I want him on top. You know what I mean.

“Thanks, sugar. But I think I’d prefer ‘Daddy’ if we’re going for the titles,” he says cheekily, still making no moves. I on the other hand am blushing the brightest red. Between the nicknames and Daddy, it’s too much to handle.

“O-oh,” I stutter, swallowing thickly. “Noted. But, uh, aren’t you more into… more mature women?”

“I believe all women are mature. I don’t discriminate, sweets,” he says, his shit-eating grin somehow eating more shit.

“Very feminist of you,” I say sarcastically.

“Damn straight,” he agrees.

I bite my lower lip. “You’re very experienced, right?”

“Not to toot my own horn or anything, but yes, I’d say so,” I can tell that he can tell that I can tell that this is volatile, just moments from going somewhere.

“Okay, so I guess my last question is this: how would you go about it. Y’know? With someone that you hypothetically wouldn’t treat as someone you paid for? That you’re sort of friends with?” I have to know. I’m too nervous for him not to lay it out plain and simple for me, I need to mentally prepare myself.

“Well, firstly, I think I’d have to know my girl likes it,” he gives me a pointed look.

“Your hypothetical girl,” I correct.

“Sure, my hypothetical girl,” he agrees. How has he not broken a single sweat this entire time? He’s been in a plank over me for the last however long it’s been and it doesn’t even affect him??

Quit getting distracted.

“Maybe she likes it rough. She wants to feel it for a few days,” I suggest, feeling my stomach knot at the notion. I’d been consistently growing wetter since he put me under him, and my arousal shows no signs of stopping.

“Okay, so I’d give it to her rough. Work her up until she’s begging for it… maybe I’ll- I mean, I’d- use my mouth first, taste her pretty pussy before I get my dick wet.” It’s all I can do not to moan at the dirty words falling out of his plush lips. Not to mention his honeyed transatlantic 50s accent… I’m so fucked. In so many ways. “Probably get her to come at least once, cause I’m sure she tastes as sweet as she looks.”

“Uh huh,” I mumble, the sound coming out higher than it should as I look at him with wide, attentive eyes.

“Don’t get me wrong, even before then I’d be marking her up and down. So that way everyone can see who made her feel so good, who got her walking so funny,” he backtracks. And again, the notion is far too good to be true. But the promise in his voice? It’s real. “I’d have to get her ready for my cock, stretch her out with my fingers. Start with one, but she’d be so wet that that wouldn’t even do anything. She’d be begging for more if I just did two, so I’ll give her three, make that needy cunt happy,” he muses. And it’s so, so erotic. And I’m ready to just lean up and kiss him, make him do all the things he says. But I’m captivated by his words, his narration- I think I could come from it alone. “I don’t know if I’d let her come again then. Because I think she’d be begging for my dick with how good my fingers feel stuffed in her tight pussy.”

Mother. Fucking. Hell. Oh. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He shouldn’t be real. These words should be banned from his vocabulary, because I am on fire right now.

“Where do you think this hypothetical girl would want me to come?” he asks out of curiosity, smirking. Probably at the way I’m looking at him like a bitch in heat.

“In her,” I mumble.

“In her where?” he asks smugly, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it.

“Ben,” I whine in protest.

“Oh, c’mon, tell me,” he chides. “For the sake of the story.”

“In my-her-pussy,” I answer in a breathy whisper.

“Good girl,” he praises, and it’s all I can do not to keen. I have to be soaked through my shorts by now, there’s no way. “Well, what I’d do next… that’s simple. I’d fuck her until she cried, and then I’d keep going. And I’d keep going until the only thing she can remember is my name, until she’s gooey and clingy and a sweet little fucked out thing, all for me,” he finishes, his grin from before returning back to his face. I’m losing it. I can’t think straight. And yet- he’s still waiting for me to make the first move. Son of a bitch.

“O-okay,” I clear my throat, unable to find my senses. “And if that hypothetical girl was me?” We both know it’s me, I just need to hear it.

“Well in that case I think I’d be the luckiest bastard who ever lived,” he says sincerely, looking at me with a gaze that can only be described as pure adoration and lust. Yep. That’s it for me. I lean up and kiss him with as much force as I can muster.

****************************************************

In the meantime… want more Soldier Boy?? Try Taming The Supe <3

[renthony]

I really fucking hate memes about "haha, upstairs neighbors are always so loud, they're the worst, they're a universally-accepted target of rage" because when we lived in an upstairs apartment, it was so poorly-constructed and unstable that the entire building shook when anyone closed their front door. You could hear pretty much everything that everyone else in the building was doing at all times, even if they weren't being particularly loud.

Our downstairs neighbors would pound on our door and even register full complaints with the landlord if we walked across our own house at 3 AM. We wound up in an all-out feud with them because they would make near-daily complaints about us "stomping" when we were just walking normally across our own fucking home.

And god forbid we did anything like set down a heavy laundry hamper after hauling it upstairs, or tenderize some meat for dinner, or have a night of tossing-and-turning in the bed--all things that received angry complaints and caused our neighbors to pound on their ceiling/our floor with a broom. Despite the fact that those really ought to be normal apartment sounds that you just fucking deal with because sometimes there are Sounds In Places.

I'm never going to forget how fucking humiliated I was when I had to explain to my landlord for the umpteenth time that I'm fat and can only soften my footsteps so much. That the downstairs neighbors only seemed happy when we sat still, never talked to each other, and acted like living statues. That we were going to have to make some noise sometimes because, again, the entire building would shake when someone closed a door.

Several years of being forced to be on constant, hyper-paranoid alert about whether I'm walking too loud has done irreparable damage to my mental state. I haven't lived in a second-floor apartment in seven years and I still get anxiety over walking "too loud."

Your upstairs neighbors are most likely trying to mind their own business as much as you are. Give some shit to your landlord for the shitty state of the building instead.

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part thirty-two

summary: the end.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.9k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n:

the end!! omg!!guys thank you so much for being here through this whole story and this was LONG!! over 110k words of a lot of nonsense but to anyone who's made it this far,, ilysm. i'm gonna miss them!! stop they were everything to me :(

ANYWAY same with LTPF if you've read that, there will be an epilogue coming soon and also definitely more oneshots and maybe bonus content that i wish i included in the original series but just didn't make the cut. so stay tuned for that!!

if you liked this series, i'm obligated as well to plug my NEXT series that's coming soon, 'requiem'!! i am so excited about it so please follow me for updates on when that will be posted!! def soon!!

just one more time i wanted to say ily, and thank you :')

see you soon!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist // pinterest board

You keep your books tucked firmly to your chest as you walk into your first class, wearing the spare clothes you brought to Sejanus's house on Friday just in case you had to change. In case you spilled something on your white dress, or just felt the need to change- ironically enough.

Your normal seat in the front centre of the room is obviously free, considering also that you were quite early this morning. You had some readings you needed to catch up on anyway, in order to be prepared for midterms which were apparently coming up quickly.

It isn't long after you open your book before others begin to shuffle in, and much to your surprise, you feel the chair next to you pull back and see someone sit down. "Hi, Victor." The boy's voice says, forcing you to look up from your book.

Dark hair and dark eyes, you think you remember his name was Cancor. "Oh, my name is Y/N." You correct him kindly, adjusting nervously in your seat.

"I know that." He says, eyes merely slits as he seems to look past your own eyes and into your soul.

"You're... You're Cancor, correct? I don't believe we've properly met." You add, sitting up straighter.

"Crane." He states. "My last name is Crane."

"That's... yes that's a lovely name." You smile nervously, unsure what to say but still wanting to fill the silence he seemed so comfortable with. "Alliteration is such a fun thing to consider when naming a child..."

"It means spider." He states. "Did you ever meet my sister?" He asks, ignoring your nervous ramblings.

"No, no I don't believe I have. What is her name?" You ask.

"Arachne." The boy says, raising an eyebrow at you expectantly while you take a moment to wrack your mind to place it. He's acting as if you should know her, and suddenly you feel like you do.

You tilt your head slightly, allowing the memory to hit you like a freight train.

The funeral.

All you really remembered until now was being chained to a truck and paraded down the street you now recognize as the Corso, the body of his sister's tribute swinging above you while people screamed and cursed at you. Then, Coryo sang the national anthem.

"Oh, yes. Of course." You nod slightly, a frown settling over your features. "I am so sorry for your loss. Truly."

"No, you're not." He spits. "You don't care, and the fact that you're pretending to is just vile. She meant less than nothing to you and those animals- otherwise, she would still be here!"

You stammer, pushing yourself back in your seat as you grip the bottom of the chair. "No, no- I am sorry, I am. That should not have happened. It- It was horrible."

"Cancor." You silently thank the universe for your professor's quick intervention. "If you wouldn't mind returning to your usual seat and leaving Miss Y/L/N alone."

"We were just talking." Cancor replies, suddenly sweet as honey- cool and collected as if he wasn't just berating you over your faults in his sister's death.

"Go." Dr. Nero tells him again, nodding up toward the back of the lecture hall. "Before I am forced to ask you to leave."

The boy sighs in quiet frustration, slightly aggressive about his movements as he grabs his bag and stomps up the stairs.

You look up to your professor who greets the look with a curt nod and the smallest of sympathetic smiles.

It does nothing to quell the lightness you feel that usually signifies the trembling of your hands, which would soon spread. You close your eyes trying to take deep breaths that wouldn't come, but all you can see is the bodies of Arachne Crane and her tribute by the bars that had separated them. You have to open your eyes to remind yourself you aren't standing in the street, wrists still shackled to a truck. You can feel the chains weighing your wrists down to the desk as you think about it. You had almost entirely forgotten about the whole event- and the guilt of that was suddenly clawing its way up your throat. Cancor had never had the privilege of forgetting the way you had.

Quickly, you shove your books into your bag and stand, heading for the door. "Y/N." Dr. Nero's voice forces you to stop and you just turn to look at him, knowing full well you're unable to speak. "It's 8:58."

You nod slightly, looking down at the marble flooring that lay between you. "Start without me." You mumble, not giving him the chance to respond before you're leaving, accidentally bumping shoulders with some of the final students to enter.

You hadn't missed a single class yet, attendance was important, but right now you couldn't care less. Why should you even have the privilege of attending classes at the university in place of some of the academy's brightest minds who never got the chance? Like Arachne, and the three other mentors who were killed because of the games. You knew it wasn't necessarily your fault, but you understood Cancor's anger being directed at you. In a twisted way, you felt like you deserved it. They were meant to survive, you never were. Yet, here you were- a walking reminder to those students' friends and families that for some reason, they had to lose someone they shouldn't have.

You quickly pace down the nearly empty hall, trying to hold back your tears as long as you could. Feeling like you can't breathe is making it exponentially harder, and you wonder how you even walked out of the arena as it was. Adrenaline is a crazy beast- and you wished you had some leftover now. Sometimes, in moments like this, you wonder if you had used up your life's supply of the chemical the last time you were here in the Capitol.

Coryo was already running late after spending probably far too long conversing with your brother in the car, but he couldn't resist taking a detour into the arts building. He would just pass through, past your room just to glance inside and see if you were really there. Just to get a look at you.

He doesn't need to, though, turning a corner and just catching a glimpse of your hair as you disappear with a left turn at the end of the corridor. He was sure it was you.

Walking past your classroom he looks anyway, just to double-check, and as he suspected, you were gone.

He quickens his pace, taking advantage of his height difference over you to try and catch up with more rushed steps. "Y/N?" He calls out as he turns the same corner, but you're already hidden from view and the door at the far end of the hall is slamming shut.

As he continues down the corridor, a furrow knits its way into his brow. You must be headed to where you normally eat lunch, that is all that would make sense.

Without thinking, he follows. The courtyard is almost empty, aside from your frame curled up on the grass, knees tucked to your chest and bag discarded halfheartedly beside you on the damp grass. The sun casts a shadowed glow where it isn't blocked by trees or buildings in its path of rising, the grass is wet under his shoes as he quickly approaches you.

"Hey- hey, Y/N/N, it's me." He calls out as he walks up behind you. You turn your head, and then stand quickly.

"It- It's okay. I'm fine." You stammer, wiping your cheeks frantically. "You should g-go, you're already late."

"I'm not leaving you like this." He shakes his head, holding a hand out toward you as you avoid his eyes. "Tell me what happened, love. Talk to me."

You shake your head, shoulders backed to an invisible wall as you hold your palms over your face. You can't look at him right now- especially right now, when all you want is for him to hold you.

"You're okay. I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispers, taking a hesitant step closer. By now, you know full well he wouldn't hurt you. Not in the way he's saying, at least.

"You should go." You choke over the words that feel heavy in your mouth.

"Y/N, love, I told you, I'm not going anywhere." He repeats calmly.

"I want to go home." You sob. "I shouldn't have won, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even be alive!" You say, voice picking up in frustration. "It's not fair. Nothing is fair, nothing."

He frowns as you lower your hands, clenching your fists at your sides. "Of course, you should be here."

"You don't get it!" You snap, and you hardly even sound like yourself.

This was it. This was your breaking point.

Coryo is taken back by your outburst, almost flinching at the abruptness of your shift. He had never seen you angry- he didn't even know it was possible. Of course it was. He'd spent all this time, all this energy trying to convince people that you were human. Anger comes with that, hand in hand like your cat and the fur that's clinging to his clothes at this very moment. You couldn't have one without the other. "Then explain it to me." He urges you, trying to sound anything other than defensive.

Your eyes soften, as if you're suddenly realizing that your anger was not entirely placed on him. You shake your head. "It's not... I cannot explain it and that is the worst part." You sigh, but the rage flashes in your eyes again as you look down. "Why was it me and not any of them? Why did so many of your classmates have to die? Why did Marcus escape only to face a worse fate than the rest of us, when he tried to help me too? Why am I enrolled at this stuffy university when my spot belongs to Arachne Crane in rights?"

"Arachne Crane?" Coryo mutters, eyes widening with confusion while he wonders where on earth that came from. He shakes his head quickly to dismiss the thought. "Marcus tried to save you, yes, that could have been you who escaped, that's true- but you were too busy trying to save me. And you did." He knows better than to accuse you of regretting that. He knows you don't.

When you don't reply, just staring at him head on now, frustrated and confused, he continues. "If we're going by this unexplainable logic of the universe, I think that it was you because instead of saving yourself, you saved me. And you did it again in the arena, when you went back for Jessup when I was looking at the screen and begging you silently to just ditch him. Same exact thing when you tried to get little Wovey up into the rafters with you, and hell! When you stared down the barrel of my gun, shaking head to toe from fear just to save the life of the Mayor's daughter, who was nothing but awful to everyone!" He says, gesticulating wildly to get his point across. "I've been trying to tell you for months, Y/N. It was you because you are the only person in this whole damn country who cares about someone other than themselves."

You just shake your head, and it's frustrating to him that you're unwilling to accept what he knows to be true. "It didn't work." You sniff. "You're the only one who survived me."

"Listen to me," Coryo says, reaching out and holding your face in his hands- throwing caution to the wind regarding how he knows to handle your panic attacks. "I survived because I had to learn how to love you."

You look into his eyes, flitting your own back and forth between them in an attempt to place any signs of deception. Blue, baby blue. You find none.

"And I did. And I'll love you every day for the rest of our lives. I don't want you to think for a minute that I'm embarrassed by that fact." Your eyes are squeezed shut by the time he finishes speaking, his thumbs swiping over the tear stains left down your cheeks by anger.

"It's not your fault." You mumble, shaking your head under his hold. "I do not fault you for being embarrassed."

"I'm not." He says again. "Look at me, please, love."

You pry your eyes open to face him.

"I've... I've had all this pressure my whole life to be perfect, and now it's worse than ever and I should have never let that get pushed onto you. I want you to be happy, that's all. I want you to be free to do whatever you want, and right now, the cost of that comes with who we are in public. Do you understand?"

"Yes." You say softly, but he can see that's not fully true.

"Here, in the Capitol, everything is a social ladder. We cannot marry who we wish, we marry who we should. Rarely ever do kids here date for fun."

"Like Lucy Gray and the silly mistakes she made over and over again with Billy Taupe." You comment, trying to lighten the tension you feel radiating off his body.

"Yes." He chuckles, smiling hopefully at you, relieved that you understood. "But I want nothing more on this earth than for you to be the one I spend my life with. I want to make you happy, but first, in order to do that, you have to be someone that they will accept. And I am so, so sorry I didn't explain this to you sooner, but I want you to know I've never wanted you to change."

"We don't need them to like me to be happy. That will be an endless uphill battle, Coryo." You shake your head slightly, placing your hands over his as they slide down onto your neck.

"It will be uphill but we can do it." He assures you quickly. "You're already well-liked, we're-"

"Were you not happy in Twelve?" You ask, a sad look in your eyes.

He stops, tilting his head slightly at you. He was happy in Twelve, now that he considers it. He hadn't thought about it, he was so focused on hating everything but you that he just assumed it was awful, but really, it wasn't. Not in hindsight."Is that what you want?"

You smile in response. No one had asked in months what you wanted. What you really wanted.

"What do you want, love? I'll pack up and move us back to Twelve tomorrow if that's what you really want." He says again, nothing short of desperation in his tone.

Faced with the option, you're really not sure. Yes, of course, you'd like to go home. It was very tempting. But Coryo was right, this education was important. You imagine for a moment the life you could have back home if you stuck it out a few more years. And maybe by then, you'll be better accepted here. Maybe by then, the Capitol will be a different place, and you'll be truly happy here. With him, and he will have the power to make the games go away.

"No, no." You shake your head. "I want to do something splendid...something heroic or wonderful that won't be forgotten after I'm dead. I don't know what, but I'm on the watch for it and mean to astonish you all someday." You say, and he can tell from your change in notation that the words are not your own. It was something new, unlike what he had heard from you before. He smiles. "I want to be with you, first and foremost."

"You'll always be with me. Where you go, I follow." He assures you. "I was happy in Twelve, if only because I had you."

"That should not be enough, though." You insist.

"It has been for you, hasn't it?" He asks, and you nod, biting your tongue.

He grins. "Then I promise, love, that would be more than enough for me."

"O-okay." You agree, suddenly flushed by his stare. Coryo smiles, looking briefly at your lips as you speak. To him, they seemed more tempting now than ever.

He starts to lean in and you move your head back quickly, a worried look crossing your face and you look around. "Coryo, we-"

"I don't care." He says quickly, gently pulling you back to him and pressing his lips to yours. Consequences are the last thing on his mind right now.

You take hold of the front of his delicately pressed shirt, pulling him closer with his hands on your neck. Here, in the middle of the university courtyard with the sun shining down on your back, everything is okay and at least for now, the cold night has given way to a warm, sunny morning.

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl ,  @dreamyysouls , @rockstarbfs , @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie ,  @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore , @cascadingbliss

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

[fandomfix13]

Get Him Back - Rafe Cameron 18+

* HI ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE WRITTEN ANYTHING BUT IM HERE NOW

* TBH THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT SO BARE WITH ME

* This is so super long and also completely filthy at parts SO MDNI and pls read warnings

* little bit of fluff? Def some pretty smutty smut. This did not start out as smut but here we are

* WRITTEN IN Y/N’s POV, lots of dialogue

*anything in italics is your inner monologue

Word count: 4K

WARNINGS: MDNI!, mentions of cheating (not rafe), toxic ex,  oral (giving and receiving), fingering, rough-ish??, p in v sex, hair pulling, light choking??, not rated e for everyone

The rain is pouring down in sheets. Falling harder than it has in a while. My head is pounding from holding back tears, that I might as well let out. I never thought that I would be in this situation. Forced out of my boyfriend's car after a fight at nearly one in the morning, with a dead phone, left to walk home alone in the pouring rain. How cliche. Not to mention the fact that I’m just over three miles away from home. What a dick. Some “man” he is to leave me like that. For all he cares, I could be kidnapped out here. However, it's highly unlikely being that I’m wandering in one of (if not the nicest) neighborhoods in this entire state. Constantly guarded by a neighborhood watch, with gated community after gated community.

 I can see the the sharp rain plummeting down in the glow of the street lights. Unlucky for me, the wind has picked up too making this walk even more miserable. At this point, I have two options; 1. I could continue to walk home in this miserable weather OR 2. I could lose all dignity and show up to Sarah’s house after not talking to her in months. Seeing as this storm is showing absolutely no sign of stopping, its looking like the second option is better. As I turn the corner, I approach the Seabrook Gated Community. A little ways down is the fence that Sarah and I used to hop all the time when we would sneak out. That’s my in. It’s an old rusty fence that is hidden behind some overgrown hedges behind some wildly overpriced house that rarely ever has anyone living in it.         

After nearly slipping off of the slippery fence, I make my way down the street to Tanny Hill. Mentally preparing myself for the absolute humiliation that will occur if Sarah opens the front door. We had our falling out about 3 months ago and we haven't spoken since. We have tried our best to avoid each other at all costs. At least I’ve tried avoiding her, that is, until this very moment. 

As I approach the front lawn, I genuinely consider turning around and quite literally braving the storm and walking home. As it is, I’m already soaked from head to toe and probably on the verge of pneumonia. However, I shake off my thoughts and walk towards the front door. I knock three times in hope that someone will hear. I don’t ring the doorbell out of fear of waking up the entire Cameron household which is the last thing I need to do. After a few seconds, nobody answers. This house is huge maybe they are coming. I convince myself that nobody is answering the door so I turn accepting my fate and I walk away. Suddenly, I hear the front door unlock and my breath gets caught in my throat when I hear his voice. 

“Y/N? Is that you?” Fuck. Me.

“Hey Rafe.” I choke out. God I probably look insane.

“What are you doing here?” he looks at his phone “at 1:26 in the morning.”

“Um. Is Sarah home?” I spit out, trying to avoid conversation.

“She’s not…but I am.” He leans against the door frame looking me up and down in a ‘you good?’ way. “You also didn’t answer my question.” He adds.

“I uh…I didn’t know where else to go.” I say quietly. I was right. This is in fact humiliating. He just stands there and stares at me. Clearly unamused at the fact that I still haven't answered his question as to why I am standing on his front porch looking like a wet dog. I would stare too. “Are you gonna let me inside? Or are you just gonna keep staring at me in silence.” I add.

“That depends.” He says lookin back into the house then back at me. “Are you gonna tell me why you’re here? Or are you just gonna avoid the question.” Touche. We stand here in silence for a moment as he watches me get pelted in the face by the rain and I chatter my teeth. He finally pushes the door open further and gestures for me to come inside. Thank go Sarah isn’t home because I would be shitting myself out of embarrassment right now. I walk in and Rafe opens a hallway in the closet as he reaches in and grabs a towel that he throws at me. “If You get anything wet, Rose will lose her shit.” 

“How kind.” I say with strong notes of sarcasm.

“Hey I didn’t have to let you in. I could've just left you outside on your own.” he’s right.

“Well you wouldn’t be the first guy to leave me outside tonight, so I probably would’ve been fine” I blurt out without thinking. What happened to me tonight is none of his business. Plus I’m sure he will hear about it anyway. However, he did let me inside which he did not have to do, so I could at least pretend to be grateful. 

“Damn. That's rough. Sorry about that.” he almost sounded embarrassed.

“No, it's fine. Thanks for the towel.” he nods and sits down at the kitchen counter. We stand in silence for a bit as I ring my hair out into the sink. This couldn’t be more awkward. Here I am standing in my ex best friend’s house with her older brother, who was in fact my first kiss in a game of truth or dare years ago, and who happens to be the best friend of my boyfriend who just dumped me on the side of the road in the middle of the night. This is just grand. “Do you have a phone charger? My phone is completely dead.” 

“Uh yeah its upstairs. Do you wanna-” he cut himself off before speaking again. “Do you just wanna come up with me so you can change?” Right. So. Apparently this absolutely CAN  feel more awkward. Whatever. I need to charge my phone and honestly a change of clothes sounds devine. I silently follow Rafe up the stairs and into his room. “If you want you can take a shower to warm up. Your teeth haven’t stopped chattering since you got here.” he’s being frighteningly nice. 

“Um sure.” I say hesitantly as I am incredibly confused by his nice attitude. I plug in my phone and Rafe hands me one of his old t-shirts and a pair of booty shorts that were surely left here by some random girl, but honestly I don’t care. I have to get out of these clothes. “Thanks.” I say taking the clothes and entering his bathroom, closing and locking the door quickly behind me. Literally what the fuck. There is no way this is really happening. 

I take my time in the shower as I let the steaming hot water warm me up for a while. When I’m done, I put on the clothes that Rafe gave me, and open the bathroom door seeing him sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone.

“Hey Topper called you like five times when you were in the shower.” He says unfazed. My attitude shifts almost immediately. 

“You didn’t answer it did you?” I blurt out. Nice job y/n! That wasn’t suspicious at all!

“No…why would I?” he laughs clearly confused as I let out a sigh  of relief. Once again. Awkward silence. I take a seat on the edge of the bed going through my phone. “Are you gonna call him back?” he asks. Before I could answer him, his phone starts to ring. Toppers name is displayed on the screen. Rafe looks at his phone, then back to me, then back to his phone. 

“I am NOT here. Answer it. Put it on speaker.” I say frantically. Now he's intrigued.

“Hey Top!” Rafe answers. “Rafe! I fucked up man. I fucked up BAD! I’m coming over. I need a drink asap.” I am immediately shaking my head and mouthing ‘no’. “Top I can’t tonight man. My dad is on my ass and if Rose finds out I have someone over, I’m dead bro.” Is he seriously helping me right now? 

Topper scoffs on the other line. “Since when have you given a shit about what Rose thinks? I’m already on my way!” 

“Then turn around and go home man. I can’t tonight.”

“What is up with you dude? You never turn down a drink” its silent for a minute “Oh shit do you have a chick over right now?” Im disgusted at the change in tone in Top’s voice when he  brings up Rafe having a girl over.

“Yeah bro I do. And she’s alone right now in my bed so I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow.” Rafe responds, very quick to go along with Topper’s question.

“That’s my man!” Topper laughs “is she hot? She better be hot!”

Even Rafe rolls his eyes at Topper’s comment. “Yeah she’s hot. Okay gotta go man.” Rafe responds as he hangs up the phone. Is that true, does he think I’m hot? I don’t care. Do I?

I let out a huge sigh of relief that we dodged the bullet of Top showing up here. 

“So. Are you gonna tell me why I just had to lie to my best friend?”

I shift nervously. “Well technically you didn’t lie. There is a ‘chick’ here and she is sitting on your bed.” I try to make a joke avoiding this conversation at all costs. 

“Y/n.” He says, raising his eyebrows. He clearly wants an answer. 

“I broke up with Top and he didn’t take it well.” I say on an exhale. He doesn’t say anything because he’s not stupid. He has probably figured out that much already. I let out a heavy sigh. “He kicked me out of his car in the middle of the road three miles away from my house in the fucking rain because I accused him of cheating on me. He told me that I had no idea what I was talking about. He said I was crazy, and that I was making shit up. But I’m not. I know for a fact that I’m not. It’s not the first time either. He’s done it before, which I’m sure you already know since you’re his best friend and he probably tells you everything.” I make that realization as I’m rambling my story out to him. Rafe is probably well aware of Topper’s lack of loyalty. 

“I uh. I knew about it the first time.” He admits. His honestly with the situation makes me laugh a little as I roll my eyes.

“Of course you did. Being that it was with your sister. I’d be shocked if you didn’t know.” The look on Rafe’s face instantly changes. It’s almost like he’s holding something back. “Unless…Sarah wasn’t the first girl was she. There was someone else.” Tears that I have been pushing back for weeks start to well in my eyes. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m furious. Even Rafe doesn’t know what to say. Without thinking, I grab my wet clothes and my barely charged phone, and head towards his bedroom door. “I should go. Thanks for the shower and-” 

“Y/n don’t be ridiculous” he says quickly following me. “You can’t leave right now that storm is getting worse” He puts his hand on the door, shutting it. 

I turn and he is standing close enough to me to create an odd sort of tension. 

“Why don’t you get him back?” Rafe suggests as I roll my eyes.

“I don’t want to get back with him Rafe I’m so ov-” he cuts me off.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I mean get him back. As in revenge.” he says as he steps closer to me. Jesus Christ I’m an absolute idiot.

“Revenge…right.” I laugh awkwardly. He continues to inch closer, creating an even bigger amount of tension. Not that tension is an unfamiliar thing with Rafe and I. There has always been a weird tension between us. Ya know…the whole best friends brother thing. I’ve known Rafe for almost 10 years. Something about his cocky attitude has always been attractive to me. Call it toxic. I don’t care. It’s just the truth. Rafe and I are standing right infront of each other. He is towering over me as my back is still to the door. 

“You know…They say that one of the best ways to get over a guy is to get under another.” He almost whispers while moving my hair out of my face. I can’t help but blush. The thought of getting back at Topper crossed my mind the second he cheated on me. The thought of getting back at him by hooking up with his best friend? That’s even better. Rafe leans down and starts to kiss my neck. “Rafe we probably shouldn’t do this” I whisper clearly enjoying it.

“Of course we shouldn’t. But I do shit that I shouldn’t do all the time.” He stops kissing my neck to look me in the face.

“Me too” I nod letting out a breath as I crash my lips onto his. The kiss is instantly filled with an insane amount of intensity. Rafe backs me up against the wall as he deepens the kiss. He moves from my mouth to my neck, leaving hickeys all over. He is making sure that I can’t hide what we are doing. And I’m totally here for it. His hands move from my hair, to my hips, to underneath the hem of my shirt. Well. Technically his shirt. I’m braless since my bra got soaked in that rain earlier. He quickly realizes this as his hand grazes over my tits. He starts to grip them while kissing me, making me moan softly until he stops for a second. 

“As hot as you look in my shirt…it’s coming off” he nearly growls. I lift my arms as he lifts the shirt over my head and throws it across the room. I reach for his shirt to take it off. Once he takes it off his mouth is back on mine. Our foreheads are pressed together as our bare chests are rising and falling against each other. He hoists me up, grabbing my ass as I throw my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. We don’t last long against the wall before we move to the bed.

He lays me down on the edge of the bed as he hovers over me kissing me yet again. Each kiss gets more aggressive. We bite each other's lips between kisses. He moves his mouth from my lips to my neck leaving more marks. Slowly, he makes his way to my chests. The marks he makes get darker and darker. He puts his mouth over my nipple, making me moan as he slightly bites down. He quickly moves his hand up to cover my mouth.

“Shhh. Baby we gotta stay quiet.” He says as he moves from one nipple to the other. I moan into his hand as he stifles the sound that comes out. His hand moves from my mouth to my throat as he wraps his hand around it lightly. His lips meet mine again. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” holy shit. I moan into our kiss as his hand is on my throat. His hand travels down my body until its hovering over my shorts. He’s moving his hand from one thigh to the other. Barely grazing the spot where I need him the most. I breathe into our kiss as his hand stops at the waistband of my shorts. He’s such a fucking tease. He hovers his hand there for a minute sensing that I want more. 

“Oh my God Rafe” I moan out of anticipation.

“You want more baby?” he smirks against my lips.

“You know I do” Smartass.

“Say less” he moves from his position above me, to kneeling on the floor at the edge of the bed. He hooks his fingers around the waistband of my shorts, pulling them down, revealing my bare pussy. He pulls me closer to the edge of the bed and spreads my legs in one swift motion, causing my breath to hitch. He leans down and attaches his mouth to my clit. This of course causes another accidental moan to slip from my mouth. I immediately throw my own hands over my mouth to quiet the noise. His tongue is swirling circles over my clit as he inserts two fingers without warning. As hard as I am trying to stifle my sounds, nothing could stop the groan that I let out at this moment. He moves his fingers at a faster pace that matches what his tongue is doing. 

“Holy Shit Rafe.” I whine.

“You like that?” he smirks up at me. I nod and roll my eyes to the back of my head before shutting them tightly. But suddenly Rafe stops. “Open your eyes y/n. I want you to look at me when you cum. I want you to see who is making you feel this good.” I do as he says and open my eyes as I prop myself up on my elbows to get a better view. “Atta girl” He smirks before burying his face into me yet again. He adds a third finger as I throw my head back while remaining eye contact. He curls his fingers as he eats me out and I want to scream at the pressure building up inside of me. I reach forward and tangle my fingers through his hair as he grins up towards me. 

“Rafe! Oh my God” I let out a string of other soft noises and words.

“Go ahead baby. Cum for me,” I look Rafe in the eyes as I jerk my hips and arch my back, completely unraveling in front of him. As he removes his fingers from inside of me, he brings them up to my mouth. “I want you to see how good you taste.” he says as I take his fingers into my mouth until they are clean. He removes his fingers from my mouth and laces his hands through my hair as he devours me with a kiss. 

“That was incredible.” I breathe heavily.

“Oh we aren’t done yet princess.” the sound of him calling me princess was enough to nearly send me over the edge again. 

“I’d hope not” I tangle my tongue with his as he deepens the kiss by pulling my hair back. I reach for his pants and I undo his belt. 

“Eager are we?” he scoffs, pulling away for a moment. He removes his belt and  his pants. Leaving his boxers for me to remove. I gesture for him to sit on the edge of the bed where I just was. When he sits, I climb onto his lap, straddling him over his boxers. I can tease too. I lean in kissing him as I slowly start to rock back and forth on his lap. I can feel him getting harder by the second. To be honest this is doing just as much for me as it is for him. I start to kiss his neck, leaving marks similar to the ones he left on me. I start to rock faster back and forth until he is letting out moans the way I was. I cover his mouth.

“I thought we had to stay quiet.” I give him a sly smile before kneeling on the floor and removing his boxers. I come face to face with his cock as I run my tongue up the side, looking up at him while I do it. I move my tongue to the other side slowly, taking my sweet time. 

“Fuck y/n” Rafe groans as he places his hand in my hair. 

I wrap my mouth around the head of his cock and start to suck slowly, using my hands to work the rest that I can’t fit in my mouth. I bob my head up and down while I look up at him, my eyes are starting to water. He grabs my head and slightly pushes me down further, and I can feel his tip hit my throat. When it does Rafe lets out a deep moan with a mumbled string of “oh fucks”. After a few minutes, I can sense that he is going to cum. I don’t bother asking where he wants to finish before he finishes in my mouth. I swallow and look up at him with a smile.

“Holy shit. You really know what you’re doing.” He lets out a heavy content sigh. “We still aren't done yet. I need to be inside you.” He says laying me back down on the bed. I still cannot believe that this is happening. 

Rafe wastes no time climbing on top of me leaving sloppy kisses up my chest and meeting my mouth with his. “You sure about this?” He looks down at me.

“Never been more sure about anything.” I nod. 

“Good” He says as he grabs a condom from his nightstand and puts it on. Seconds later, he is lining himself up at my entrance. His tongue plunges into my mouth as he enters inside of me. His cock stretched my pussy perfectly. He moves with smooth motions leaving us both moaning into each other's mouths as he starts to pick up the pace of his thrusts. He brings his hand to my throat once again,barely applying pressure, making me let out a moan that was too loud to be stifled. He doesn’t seem to care. 

“You like when my hands are around your neck?” He whispers in my ear.

“Yes! Oh my god yes” I am starting to get louder. He moves his hand from my throat to my mouth to keep me quiet again. I moan into his hand as his thrusts hit the perfect spot inside of me. He can tell that he has hit the spot when my hips start to buck in perfect rhythm with his thrusts. I am almost screaming into his hand. As he leans down to kiss me again. 

“You gonna cum with me?” he asks, pressing his forehead against mine. I nod unable to speak, to stop myself from screaming. “Words y/n. Use your words” 

“Fuck yes. I’m gonna cum!” I whine out. He thrusts in and out a few more times, hitting the spot perfectly making me squirm underneath him. With one final thrust, I arch my back as I scratch my nails down his, definitely leaving scratch marks. We cum simultaneously as we let out deep and hungry moans into each other's mouths. He just gave me the best orgasm I have ever had. He pulled out and laid next to me.

“Holy shit. I’ve waited so long to do that.” he says looking at me out of breath.

“Me too. I always had a crush on you ya know.” I say looking at him equally as out of breath.

“Yeah I know.” He smiles and lets out a soft chuckle.

“Took you long enough to do something about it.” I laugh back.

“Thank God I did. And I plan on doing it again. Just so you know.” I winked at me 

“I’d hope so.” I smile, laying there next to him. He was right. That was the best way to get over someone. 

** hi! I really hope you liked this. If you did and want to see more let me know what you want to see! I had fun writing this and in my many many years of writing fanfics this is somehow my first time writing smut so I hope it was okay lol ❤️

[aerscribbles]

I'm not getting to writing out the story for this WIP this year or probably the next (too much other stuff going on) so I want to put this out there somehow.

My mental nickname for it is 'TGCF Vertical Reversal AU'.

Instead of the more 'traditional roleswaps' (God/Calamity) it switches the places of Xianle and Wuyong on the timeline.

Jun Wu, thrice ascended as a martial god, god of disasters and misfortune, god of broken things. Generally way more hissy and spiteful than Xie Lian in canon. Also not very good at hiding the fact that he is constantly five seconds away from losing it.

Mei Nianqing the ~mysterious~ ghost king, infamous for his cartomancy, knowledge of the future and ability to manipulate dreams and fate.

The three unnamed vassals as gods who ascended after breaking up with Jun Wu.

Xie Lian as the Heavenly Emperor, as kind as he is strong, and oh so fucking tired. Constantly trying to parent all the other gods. also he gets to have pet tigers because I said so.

Hua Cheng as the gambling-addict State Preceptor of Wuyong. Responsible for Jun Wu's first encounter with the possibility of death. Currently trying to avert Xie Lian's rube goldberg suicide attempt.

Fengqing as powerful weather spirits in the territory of Mount Taicang. Mu Qing, a snow spirit known as Greed and Feng Xin, a wind spirit known as Ignorance (Hua Cheng is Anger). The names are referring to the three sources of mental suffering, as counter to the sources of physical suffering- Birth, Death, Sickness and Old Age (MNQ + the three mountain spirits). Hua Cheng is the old man shouting at clouds.

Mount Taicang and Mount Tonglu also switch narrative roles.

Mount Tonglu as a spiritually significant place for the kingdom of Wuyong, and also the place where the royal tomb is- 'in the fire we were born, to the fire we return'.

Mount Taicang as the ghost king trial location, though it isn't a volcano- think more Shinsenkyo from Hell's Paradise, a forested mountain overgrown with flowers, swarming with deadly insects and strange beasts- vaguely inspired by the wording of 'Body in Abyss, Heart in Paradise', a place of overwhelming beauty seemingly designed to harm you in every possible way.

The actual plot of this is less 'Xie Lian trying to force Jun Wu to become his successor by putting him through the Horrors and revealing Heaven's corruption' and more 'Xie Lian trying to ensure there is someone reliable in place to take over when he finally gets to kill himself, and cleaning house as a side benefit'.

But here's the thing. The deal with Mount Taicang is that it's the place where Xie Lian has imprisoned all of the Worst Things Ever, and the wards will fail if he dies. His power is the only thing keeping the Heavens afloat and a dozen other things functioning. The world is falling apart at the seams and is being held together with Xie Lian's lifeforce as duct tape.

Xie Lian is so, so tired.

And well, it isn't like anyone would really care if he died.

Care about the real him.

So, he plans to pass on the duties of maintaining the functional state of the world and finally find his rest.

Then his favorite child comes in and starts trying to beat some self-worth and appreciation for life into him.

Then everyone else shows up, including his old friends and the one who his heart betrayed him for.

And in the end, one person is enough.

I am 100% down to talk about this stuff if anyone shows any interest!

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 5 MATCH 3

Elliott propaganda:

“Just look at him. Pure hunk energy.”

“I will punch anyone who dislikes him. He’s like a fire emblem character in the modern day. He’s so flamboyant and handsome, he can play the piano and he’s best friends with the old fishing man!”

“dramatic writer man with sexy hair”

"Since I like elliott. I will state some reasons why I like him

Imagine if Mr. Darcy didn’t insult your family first time you met him, that’s Elliott. The man who’s basically the hallmark romance love interest. He’s a writer who moves to the small town in the country side to find inspiration for his writing. Then he finds the farmer.

He has a crab living in his pocket

He can play the piano (hopefully it isn’t the river flows in you however)

His fans sometimes hc him as a merman and that’s just a major plus IMO

He genre of the book he writes is dependent on what genre you say you like.

He also sends letters to you if you marry him

Okay and also some things I dislike

His liked gifts, the easiest one is pomegranates, which cost like 6000g to grow a tree if you don’t pick the fruit cave. I AM NOT GETTING SQUID INK IN YEAR ONE FOR YOU.

he might be British /j

The fact he has no kitchen but still likes food like lobster, like he is just a mystery. Lives in a cabin, with no kitchen, no washroom (okay no character has a washroom), but still likes the most fancy food out there and has luscious hair worthy of a L’Oréal ad.

Gifting him on rainy days when you don’t have two hearts"

Dimitri propaganda:

“He's chivalrous, he's blood thirsty, all rolled up into one package and calling you "his beloved". Get you a man who can do both.”

“My husband <3 He's schizophrenic just like me and I love him for that.”

"First, look at him. No disrespect to the monster lovers, but even if blonde, blue-eyed hunks aren't your thing, you can't deny that Dimitri is very pretty.

Second, one of the things I love most about Dimitri is how self aware he is of his privilege as a prince (or king) and how seriously he treats the gravity of his position. He has a strong sense of duty and wants to be a good leader who listens to and provides for the needs of all of his people. This includes the citizens of Duscur, who were nearly wiped out by his own countrymen in (mistaken) retaliation for his father's murder. His commitment to righting this wrong is one of his primary goals in life.

Third, while he is more than capable of crushing a man's skull with his bare hands, under normal circumstances he absolutely wouldn't. A large part of the reason why his fall is so shocking and devastating to witness is because by the time he snaps, we know that Dimitri is actually a kind and gentle soul who hates violence and understands that even his enemies are human. Even at his worst point he still recognizes this, which feeds into his extreme self loathing. He extends compassion and forgiveness to others but struggles mightily to allow himself any forbearance for his own mistakes. He's kind quite literally to a fault, as his empathy is both his greatest strength AND his biggest flaw and I find that as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking."

"Okay first for all the "he needs therapy haha funny" (and its annoying corollary "I can fix him") comments, 1) don't we all? And 2) you can't romance him til end game when he is in a much healthier place due to his own choice to change his priorities and the support of you and his friends. He battles daily with severe mental illness in a repressed society that doesn't talk about it. And on multiple occasions tells people that it is okay to feel your feelings and offers support despite his own struggles (I include that bc that is a date able trait to me). If he's not your fave that's cool, but leave the ableist language out of it pretty please 💙💙 Okay reasons he should be your boyfriend now!!

He calls you his beloved and wants to hold your hand 🥺

His happiest moments in game are when you smile

And in conclusion, he is shaped like a dorito and has a huge cloak to snuggle you up in"

[beseeingyouinmydreams]

If I see one more person say Kate & Maya have no blame in this I might scream.

He went to rehab and got out last year sober. She continued to drink around him, go party (spend his money and seek attn every chance she got) tell me how a recovering addict fresh out of rehab is going to resist temptation when the gf is CONSTANTLY DRINKING.

I’m sorry but your partner who you love sooooo much is fresh out of rehab has severe addiction issues tried AGAIN to do rehab( sadly at that point I think he was so far gone, he checked out after two days) and she STILLLLLLL didn’t change up behaviour. Still kept alcohol around still stayed with him, before he got REALLY bad. Then left him in a foreign country with Fckn Roger who clearly had no issues with Liams addictions until he abandoned him drug induced in a (shady)hotel room without alerting authorities. But she left him there knowing the label and management had recently dropped him knowing he clearly was still not ok. I DONT CARE that he was a grown man and made his own decisions. He clearly wasn’t capable of that.

Maya has every hand in this damn situation. She threw the man off a cliff into a pack of fckn rabid wolves ( the Internet) when she reopened the publicity and hate train over her dumb ass book. Nothing anyone says will change my mind on her part in this. Man had lost management and label and she dragged up publicity over a book that had died. Shr wanted him to leave her alone THE MAN WAS SCREAMING FOR HELP. & she couldn’t keep his name out of her mouth. She wanted attn. she had her space to talk about her issues. She did that when it dropped then brought it all back up and brought One D into the mix…. After knowing what one d fans and the internet had done to Liam after fully knowing his mental health and addictions while knowing he wasn’t ok. Girlie straight pushed every button she needed. And when we go back further she’s no better than Kate in terms of alcohol and drugs. Enabled him constantly drinking with and around him, constantly needing to party and get attn. and I’ve seen more than a few times she’s had drug problems as well. But she’s so innocent.

I am utterly sick of people saying he did this himself he chose his actions. NO his past and traumas and the issues and actions of those around him for the last few years did this. He wouldn’t have been in that state had the above not been an issue. Had the people in his every day immediate life for the last so many years been better fckn people and actually cared. His problems didn’t start the day he passed. He in truth had been LONG gone for quite a few months. The fact he was able to get that far gone that soon after rehab, last year is so messed up. He wasn’t alone in this he had “supportive” people every day Roger and Kate his team …. He came out of rehab clean and wanting a fresh start. The people in his life FAILED HIM. His family knowing and trying to help they didn’t live with him to see his every day. They knew and tried to help but when those in youre daily life are failing and enabling you and he was as gone as he’d been for months……

This was all preventable in every single way. I’ll never stop saying it. It was utterly senseless. I’m so angry more than any other emotion. And as heart broken as I am. In some way I’m glad he’s gone. I don’t know that things could’ve gotten any worse than what’s come out but I do know at least now the leeches and fame sucking people he had around him daily can all go to hell and can’t abuse and use him. No one can hurt him anymore. Man’s at peace and that’s more than they’ll ever be.

[sunsetonthewall]

Imposter Syndrome. The phenomenon no one seems to talk about. So let's talk about it.

~

Growing up, I was accustomed to age gaps in relationships.

In my family-oriented neighborhood, small children were always present, playing ignorantly of life's dangers while "slow: children playing" signs littering the sidewalks and gutters. Most often, one's best friends would be the other children somewhere along this neighborhood.

Mine were two little girls, five to six years younger than I was. I would come home from elementary school everyday and we would play until the sun set and we could hear my parents calling out from the other side of the wall which separated us. I would go home to my parents who were almost ten years apart in age. Everywhere I looked, one was always older than the other, and it always seemed to work out; in fact, they were happy.

So every Sunday during Christcare, a meeting in which family friends got together to talk about Christian faith, I was always confused when I would be shut out by the other three girls in the group.

I would often ask myself why this was happening as I rested my head against the closed door of one of the girl’s bedrooms. As the three pushed me out and locked the door, I would often hear excuses such as "go hang out with the younger kids," or, "this is the big kid room." I was confused, because they were only a year older. Why am I not big like them? Why are they suddenly the Goliath to my David? What have I done to make them think I was so little?

And suddenly, I was little no matter where I went. So little that in highschool, seven years later, I avoided my upperclassmen in hopes that they would remain uneducated with my certain inability to grow up. And when conversing with my peers could not be avoided, my hands would sweat, my knees would wobble, and my eyes would stay trained to the floor.

That emotion of feeling tiny when around others eventually evolved into feeling like everything I was doing was wrong. I felt like a fraud wherever I went. Imposter syndrome, as my therapist had called it. That name stuck with me for a long time.

Imposter.

The rough definition of imposter syndrome is believing that one will never be able to achieve success, as if success was never meant for them, nor will ever be. In terms of my life, success for me meant making meaningful relationships and being happy with those who I deemed “better” than I believed myself to be.

According to the American Psychological Association, "Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven't earned what they've achieved and are a fraud." It's something that I still struggle with, and will struggle with for a while.

Eventually, two of the girls became friends to me, while one moved away many years ago, our broken relationship unresolved. They changed me, and while I cannot in good conscience say that it was in a good way, they taught me the importance of self acceptance and forgiveness, lessons I would not have considered if not for my past.

However, in the end this essay is not for me. Mental health is important, and awareness is even more vital.

Pauline Rose Clance, psychologist and professor at Georgia State University said, “It’s a phenomenon experienced by many, and remembering that can help normalize it."

It is almost effortless to forget our worth, and it can be hard to understand that our friends and family contribute a considerate amount to how we feel about ourselves.

I urge myself and anyone reading that we are worth it, and we deserve success.

written by sunsetonthewall

[sethcertified]

「 SCREAM FOR YOU ! 」 . . . 📂 EPILOGUE

scream: billy loomis & stu macher

w.c: 2.1k

⊹˚.⋆ synopsis . . . Waking up from a coma, the events that followed the Macher house massacre are revealed to you by a familiar face. Except, they’re not how the story actually went…

⊹˚.⋆ starring . . . billy loomis, stu macher, & male reader

My name is [Name] Riley.

I am 17 years old.

I am sitting in a hospital bed.

I miss my bed.

My butt hurts.

I miss my home.

...

I miss my sister.

I shook my head as I threw down the pencil onto my lap with a frustrated sigh. My fingers ached from the force I held the pencil with while writing in my newly appointed journal. Mr. Ryder, the psychiatrist that had been appointed to me, had given me the journal to document my mental state since the massacre at the Macher party as I way to make sure I was doing okay, yet it felt more like torture than a way to check up on how I was feeling mentally.

The only relief it gave me was a false sense of company. I hadn't spoken to anyone since I had been put into this room except the nurses that came and went, my doctor, and my psychiatrist. I ignored the outside world's efforts to get me to face the people I had betrayed despite the knocks on my door and the letters slipped into my room. It was lonely, no doubt, but I was too much of a coward to face the reality of what I had done.

What they had done.

The blood on their hands. The blood on mine. It stained. Stained my mind with guilt of what I had done; the path I had chosen. 10 people had died that night, and I could've prevented all 10 of them if I hadn't been so caught up in my own feelings.

In the end, I prevented one. One death. Yet the guilt didn't diminish in the slightest. The blood didn't wash away. Everything remained the same. Everyone remained dead. Except me.

I had hoped I would die that night whether it was on the floor or on that stretcher, but fate had refused to show me pity. Fate decided I needed to be punished for what I had done by keeping me alive. But that wasn't punishment enough; fate felt the need to punish me even more. Fate had kept them alive as well.

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher were alive and all because of me. I had saved them from death that night but sacrificed some of the people I loved the most. It was a fair price to pay for my actions, but I didn't realize that the transaction would actually happen. That they would actually be dead. Even as I thought that, my brain couldn't process the fact that they were dead. That they were all dead.

Tatum was dead.

Dewey was dead.

Randy was dead.

Gale was dead.

Dead, dead, dead, and more dead.

I coughed awkwardly as I averted my attention away  from the journal and my depressing mindset to the hoard of pity gifts resting around my room. They had been gifted to me from all sorts of people; relatives, friends, even people I had never even talked to. I hadn't bothered reading a single one. They saw me as a hero. A survivor. I couldn't face them knowing that I was anything but those things.

The bright pop of colors of the gifts contrasting against the plain, white walls of my bleak hospital room was distraction enough from my thoughts, but just staring at the huge array of them made my mind reel in guilt. With a sigh, I leaned my head back against the plush pillow, shutting my eyes. Sleep called out my name begging for me to relax into the bed just as it had been It was routine at this point. Ever since I arrived here, sleep was all I seemed to do. After all, it was the only distraction from my horrid thoughts.

As my mind began to turn off, a knock at the door resonated from the far corner of my room, but I payed no mind. Knocks were frequent and expected at this point. As I learned from experience, they usually leave after about a minute or two of knocking, so I expected the same routine to follow. At least until the knocking persisted for minutes on end after the first knock. My brows flexed in annoyance as my patience drew thin. "Can't you give a guy some peace?" I yelled out.

A muffled voice yelled back out to me in response, "[Name]? It's me, Sidney! Please open the door." My eyes shot wide open as I tumbled out of the hospital bed, rushing to open the door. I hadn't heard from Sidney since I instructed her to fake her death many weeks ago. While one of the nurses had told me Sidney visited while I was stuck in my coma when I first barely woke up with a teasing, "Your girlfriend came around. She was so worried! How cute! Yada yada," but refused to tell me anything I actually yearned to know about her visit.

I had been hoping she would come back to see my now that I wasn't unconscious, so to hear her voice from the other side of the door was liberating. Exciting, even. I launched the door open to see to Sidney standing there, "Sid-"

"[Name]."

"You're alive," I gasped with relief. Sidney Prescott was alive. My grand scheme had succeeded. I wrapped my arms around Sid's waist as I pulled her into a hug; her head fell into the crook of my neck, mumbling, "I thought you died."

"I thought you died," I said. Sidney chuckled weakly as she pulled away, yet still keeping her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes shown under the fluorescent light with a hopeful gleam. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, genuinely confused. I had done nothing, in my opinion, that was deserving of a thank you from anyone, Sidney especially. I wasn't aware of how far back her knowledge of what actually went down was, but I didn't think twice about underestimating her. For all I could know, she knew everything that I had done alongside Billy and Stu.

"For saving my life?" Sidney joked but her tone held sincerity underneath the layer of sarcasm. My confused expression slipped away into something morbid as guilt overcame me once more. Although, in truth, I did save Sidney's life; it didn't feel right for her to thank me. I had betrayed her trust, friendship, etc under the guise of my "investigation." I had went behind her back about Cotton Weary, got together with her boyfriend who happened to be the actual criminal behind her mother's brutal murder, killed her father, and helped the same murders with their plan to kill her.

I brushed her hands off my shoulders as I headed back to my bed. How could I face her knowing she thought of me so sincerely? I sat on the edge of my bed with my head resting on my palms. My eyes stared holes into the white tile of the ground. The sound of shoes tapping against the floor made me shut my eyes. Sidney was heading my way without a doubt, and I dreaded every click of her shoe against the time.

The clacking stopped as the spot next to me was occupied by Sidney, "Are you okay?" I nodded weakly as I turned to her. I couldn't let my emotions get in the way; something I learned the hard way. "How are you here, Sid? Doesn't everyone think you're dead? And what about Billy and Stu? If they know you're alive, they'll come after you." My voice was urgent and a tad bit frantic. These were questions I had been asking myself ever since that nurse told me Sidney came by, and I truly did need them answered.

"They really haven't told you anything?" Sidney asked with shock laced in her tone. My brows furrowed as I thought back to the authority figures that had been taking care of me. Was there really something they've been hiding from me that was so important? Is that why the nurse refused to tell me anything about Sid's initial visit? "What do you mean?"

Sidney grasped my hand in hers. Her eyes were scanning my face, making my stomach churn with anxiety. She was looking for something. I didn't know what it was nor if she would find it. Hell, I didn't even know what "it" was. Sid's eyes shone with pity, "Everyone knows I'm alive, [Name]. They know about you saving me too."

"What?!" I asked as my chest began to swell with anxieties. What happened while I was in my coma? What happened to Billy and Stu? I gasped for air as my head raced, "How?"

"Hey, hey, calm down," Sidney rested her other hand on the back of my shoulder, trying to keep me steady. "Let me explain." I nodded as I took some breaths. I wasn't going to get anywhere by having a panic attack.

"I did as you said and hid away. I was heading to sneak into the police car when I saw your mom by the garage." My eyes widened at that. My mom had came? But my shock quickly washed away into despair as I remembered she probably saw Tatum's blood staining the garage door. I wasn't sure if Sidney sensed my sadness, but if she did she payed no mind. "She was upset- but she was just asking if you were safe. I told her about your plan, and she took me home with her."

I nodded, eager to hear the rest of what she had to say. Sidney took my nod with a stride as she continued, "We all thought you were dead. Week after week, the doctor would say the same thing, so your mom wanted to ensure you and Dewey and Tatum and everyone else got the justice they deserved. She got this lawyer and was determined to arrest Billy and Stu after I had told her everything that they had done."

My fingers twitched against my leg as I froze. Billy and Stu hadn't visited me once... Was this the reason why? Were they seriously locked away while I was in this coma? But those questions only led to one; one question I couldn't wrap my head around. Why would they keep my innocence intact?

Love? No way.

"Did they?" I asked. Sidney nodded as she wrapped her arms around me. "We don't have to worry about them, anymore. They can't terrorize us nor our families anymore." I smiled as she wiped the leaking tears out of her eyes. It was a fake smile. My mind was elsewhere, and I could not be happy for either of us in the moment.

Sidney sensed that and backed away from me. Her eyes scanned my face before she stood up. "It's a lot to digest, so I'll give you some space. See ya later, [Name]." I waved bye at her as she excited the hospital room, but my happy facade was gone as soon as her presence was out the door.

Billy and Stu were arrested? And I'm now a hero? What? I felt the migraine take over my body as I bit my lip. What had happened? My thought process was interrupting once more as a knock came from the door. I rolled my eyes. "Come in!" I yelled. Yet no one did. My brows furrowed as a small slip of presumed paper slid out from under the door.

I stood up from the bed to observe the small, folded piece of paper. Bending down, I grasped the paper gently before unfolding it. The words on the paper made me freeze and my blood go cold.

I know what you did.

✎ notes . . . So many people were asking for it, so I finished off the epilogue that had just been collecting dust in my drafts 😭 but this does kinda make it OFFICIAL that scream for you isn't over although I gave up on it. It's gonna be awhile before the sequel is out and I'm focused on other projects rn as well as my requests on my tumblr. That being said, I have a discord server! Pls join its very empty rn and there's definitely some of u who I think r rlly cool and would like to know better!

https://discord.gg/f8YBEjzz

Thank you for all the love even tho this book sucks. It's crazy to see how big it has gotten and 500 followers!! I'm gonna shed a tear. Thank you for all the comments, I adore every single one. Thank you for the notes. And thank you for enjoying my work.

©️ sethcertified 2023 10.5

[system-of-a-feather]

I think a thing that people underplay is just how traumatizing being traumatized is in itself (and honestly being mentally ill in general, particularly dealing with 'severe mental illness') and I think a lot of that lack of discussion / awareness of how traumatizing it is comes from the fact that - in the moment - it doesn't really register as trauma. It registers as bad, but you really don't feel it as "trauma" until you heal enough that you can feel as though it has passed.

As a part that spent years stuck re-experiencing the same trauma over and over again, a trauma-stuck part perse, my core trauma was really hellish, but honestly, with how much I've come from there SINCE then, I don't find myself being brought back to that moment as explicitly anymore.

More than that though these days, I get brought back to when I WAS experiencing that chronic re-experiencing of hell over and over. I think back to falling into deep and disorientating flashbacks. I think back to knowing nothing other than trauma and not being able to see or talk outside of my trauma. I think back to being unable to tolerate stimulus from the world without being thrown into reliving hell. I think back to the sheer terror of my trauma, but I don't really go too far into the trauma itself.

It is easier and much more mild compared to the trauma alone, but even so, it's a horrifying and horrible experience to have.

I'm glad I'm out, but the memory of being in it still lingers with me - and that's okay. It's fair for me to feel this way, anyone in my situation would too. It's okay to be scared of going back, it's okay to get overwhelmed remembering what it was like to be so lost in my own mental illness and trauma. It's okay to have symptoms to the situation I was put into. It's not going to be a forever state and I am safe now. I am stable now. I am managing well. I am okay, even if I'm feeling complex and hard emotions / symptoms from a time when I wasn't.

And even though I am okay, that doesn't mean that the trauma of being severely traumatized is any less of a trauma.

[indras-wife]

Indra, Ashura, Madara, Obito with an s/o who's stronger than them and immortal too?

Yayyy, another character makes debut in my page!🥺💖🥺And yay another Obito request. I love him so much because he is such a complex character to write! Hope to receive more requests with him later on. And thank you anon for requesting this, also for having to wait a long time for me to publish your request.😓💖 I kind of lost motivation to do any writing but I am trying to push myself to reply to every request even if its slow🥺💖💕

Indra

Absolutely hates and cannot tolerate his s/o being stronger than him. He feels very jealous and angry over the fact that he isn’t stronger than them. Indra feels like his s/o being stronger and immortal on top of it is straight up cheating and unfair. His s/o did nothing to get that power so why does she have it? AT first he did noteven want to pursue anything romantic with her, but he changed his mind, knowing he can bend her to his will.

He wants to be stronger than his s/o because Indra finds that a man must be stronger than the woman in any relationship. His ideal woman for instance is someone who relies on him to protect her and help to guide her to the true meaning of life. Someone who is much stronger than him doesn’t fit his ideal of s/o. Of course he does not want someone who has zero survival skills or insticts as it would annoy him to babysit his s/o, but he also does not want a s/o who doesn’t need his help and protection. Part of time wishes his s/o had no powers, o he could protect her from any threat she could face.

He doesn’t care how beautiful she is, Indra will try to change her. He will scold her every time his s/o tries to use her powers or mention to anyone else about her immortality and abilities. If Indra hears her talking about it to someone, be t a stranger or no, he will give his s/o a piece of his mind, maybe even a punishment to remind her of her place. A genjutsu entrapment sounds like a nice punishment for him, especially when his s/o cannot escape from it.

Indra always worries about the immortality of his s/o a lot. Despite being a demi-god, he does not have immortality and will die one day, while his s/o will continue to live. In eternity it is impossible to stay faithful to one man and he knows if he dies, some centuries later his s/o will search for someone new. He does not want that. His s/o belongs to him only and if any other man touches her, he will get up from the grave and haunt the new man forever. To avoid this, he instructs his s/o to find ways to make him immortal too. “You are stuck with me forever, whether you want it or not.”

Indra’s jealousy and protectiveness becomes almost unbearable when his s/o gets pregnant. He now even prohibits her fromgoing outside alone, she has to spend her time with reading books or taking walks with him only. If she disobeys, he of course find ways to punish her again. He cannot use his visual prowess, so his punishment is giving shoulder to his s/o. By this time, his s/o is already molded perfectly to the woman he wants so receiving cold shoulder from him kills her mentally.

With her state, she cannot tolerate being away from Indra, so she is always listening to him and trying not to make him angry. In the end, Indra fully succeeded in turning the woman, who was stronger than him, to obey him and his every rule.

Ashura

Unlike his older brother, Ashura is actually very happy and open to the fact his s/o is stronger than him. When he first learnt that he was more than surprised, it was almost that he was proud that a soft hearted woman like her is so strong.

Before receiving his father's power, the gap between their powers was very big, with Y/n outleveling him n everything, without even trying. This inspired Ashura to work more and improvehis skills.

Knowing of his s/o's powers, he asked her to train him, something that his s/o was initially against. Despite being stronger, she was too shy and too hesitant to consider her worthy to train him. But with Ashura pestering her all around, she had no other choice but to actually train him however she could.

To her surprise, he was a good student, dilligent and smart, he just needed to believe in his powers more and train more. His improvements were seen little by little and their training sessions also brought them closer.

One thing that pained Ashura however was her immortality: he knew it was selfsh of him wanting her to spend her life only with him, a mortal, but he was too in love to think about anything else. Secretly, he wished there was something he could do to become like her, an immortal being, to spend eternity with him but there was nothing he could do.

His s/o was already aware of his desires and she was finding ways of her own to make him like her: an immortal being. She was not fully able to find a solution, but she was not giving up and was doing continuous research to give her lover the immortality that they both desired to have.

After Ashura recieved his father's powers, he had higher chance of achieving immortality. Not to mention his power also increased, making them both nearly the same level. His s/o however, being a celestial being was still stronger than him but Ashura did not care. All he was worried about was his s/o being with him as long as he lived. Their love and support for each other was enough to last as long as they both lived together. A truly loving couple with no ounce of jealousy towards the other.

Madara

Madara is not the one to care about women and their power/abilities. He is a man whose powers are god like and he thinks there is nothiing that can surprise him. He however is surprised when the cam in contact with the celestial woman he was always hearing about: a holder of otherworldly beauty and strength who is also kind to everyone.

His interest was piqued for sure, but he did not show it. When fate made those two meet up, he could not believe his eyes. The woman that was said to possess strength like no other looked weak and fragile. He was hoping to have a nice duel, to show his own strength and status as a godlike man, but he simply couldn’t. After all what adult goes full power when fighting weak women and men?

He was getting ready to unleash a fast technique to knock the woman off, but to his surprise the woman evaded his attack faster than lightning. Just as he was about to unleash the second attack, he found him pinned on the ground, with the woman standing next to him. “Next time do not judge someone based on their looks. I may look soft, but I won’t hold back from showing you your place” she said. Madara was surprised: his back touched the ground because of a woman for the first time.

This experience led to him obsessing over the idea of fighting and winning her for a long time.

Madara would go to the same destinations as Y/n, seeking to learn more about her and of course to fight with her. While he was obsessing over the idea of fighting with her, Y/n was paying him no mind. His every attempt of initiating a fight was in vain. And even if they did fight, Madara was always losing to her.

They were bickering always, behaving like children who couldn’t come to a conclusion in any matter. From the side, their interaction looked very funny to strangers, Some even found it cute how they were arguing like that.

After multiple failed attempts, Madara became more focused on training more to beat her. He would train 16 hours a day, leaving the rest of the time to sleep, eat and relax. Y/n, witnessing all of his hard work in secret, felt how much more interesting the man was becoming for her. He had a dedication to do whatever he put his mind to and he wanted to become even stronger. Of course, he maybe wanted it to only beat her in the battle, but Y/n did not care. She rarely saw such dedication in a man and she felt obliged to help him.

Madara refused to let a woman train her, considering it insulting. But after weeks of Y/n asking, he gave up. He was however very surprised when the training was indeed helping him become stronger . He noticed his improvements after a mere week of training. Y/n taught him new techniques, taught him how to make his jutsus even stronger and helped him evolve his fighting strategy.

They became closer than expected as well, with both of them sharing their lives with the other. Madara realized that he really loved her company and her voice, which was very soothing and sweet. But he was still pretty jealous of her and her powers.

Their interactions lasted for months, turning into a year. Y/n now feeling more sure of her true feelings, told him about how she felt. She was expecting Madara to mock her and not recognise her feelings but to her surprise he was also in love with her.

Madara did really like her, but as his lover he did not want Y/n to be given more credit for her powers than him. Hence he made a plan in his mind to keep Y/n next to him, while still being considered the stronger one. His manipulative tactics slowly derived Y/n from the ability to train, trying to make her dependent on him. He loved having a woman rely on him. Y/n did not want to be like that, but her feelings for Madara were so intense, she decided to do as he told her to. She was happy about it too considering she was tired from so many training and now that she had Madara with her, she didn’t need to deal with issues herself.

Obito

Obito isnt the person to be jealous about someone being stronger than him. He has better things to worry about and he is not as self-conscious as others. He knows perfectly that he is powerful and a woman who is said to be stronger than him does not bother him at all. Her powers do interest him though as he rarely sees a woman who can be considered this strong. He had no idea about her being immortal that time.

His childhood tendencies of being a curious person resurfaced again as he one day saw Y/n training. Her skills and techniques created such beautiful and harmonious effects that he found himself being mesmerized by her.

He slowly felt himself come back to the earth, remembering that he should not be staring at her like that. He composed himself, making him turn back to not see her face which made him feel all funny inside.

For days, Obito tried to evade Y/n, not talking to her or looking at her. Every time their eyes met, his insides felt like burning and yearning for more. He had goals to reach and he tried to not falter in his steps. As much as he wanted to talk and communicate with Y/n he held himself back.

Y/n, being wiser and more understanding than he, took the steps in her hands. She knew what he was feeling and what he was battling with. In her eyes, Obito was a very soft person and deserved everything in his life. Seeing his love die in front of his eye shattered his heart and soul and Y/n was sure she could help him.

Obito would first protest, ignore all her attempts of trying to talk with him, but he felt that it just made her more determined. Her desire to talk, to be with him just melted his heart. He could not take it longer and finally broke, ending his silent treatment.

He felt that Y/n was just like Rin, her personality was calm and kind. Around her he felt good and happy, something he thought he cannot feel for a long time. Obito would try to spend as much time with her as possible, talking about many things. He also mentioned that he found her powers to be interesting and that not everyone are that powerful.

She was surprised with mentioning about her immortality too, which she saw as nothing more than a curse. Obito was surprised to find out. Being immortal was a good thing in his mind, but he did not belittle her feeling about the matter, because she most definitely had her reasons for feeling that way.

They bonded very fast and deep, allowing each other to grow in harmony. Unlike other, there was no once of jealousy or any expectation from each other, which made their feelings bloom further.

Y/n was giving him what he missed: warmth and love. She knew that he wasn’t a cold or rude person, he was just broken inside. Obito was giving her what she needed: acceptance and equality. She did not want to be seen as a goddess only, she wanted to be seen as a human with feelings. Her immortality and powers did not matter to her much and she simply tried to live among humans as a human. Obito was helping him make her dream come true. His simple act of kindness and love nourished not only him but him as well, opening his eyes again to see the beauty of the world

[doylldonmagar]

So I saw @hermesmyplatonicbeloved 's post and had some thoughts. I agree and disagree. I am a percabeth fan but I also know that some of it is screwy, and if you are familiar with my blog, you know this. I think RR screwed up and wrote out a LOT of trauma, I think he really should have dealt with that better. I think it's not good that he wrote trauma and mental issues and abuse into the foundation of many characters and then has ignored it when it became convenient for the plot.

I would love to see specific quotes and books for these because some of them I have no memory of and would like to revisit them.

I'm gonna talk my way through all of this so I'm gonna text break here

The first point is Percy scaring her to tears. I can only imagine in Tartarus? Like when they're both in their worst state? I don't know. I agree they should have talked about it, but I think they should have talked about all of HoH, which brings me back to saying: Rick really failed at dealing with trauma and processing and long term effects. Honestly, being scared *of* him, yeah I agree that's bad, but is that the situation? If she's scared by his power, then I'm not sure of where I stand on this, I don't know anyone with demigod powers, but I don't think I'd be scared simply because I know someone is capable of hurting me. Plenty of people are capable of hurting me. Like I don't know, what situation is this?

"Percy has been suicidal the whole time annabeth has known him, in BoO Percy attempts suicide and annabeth said nothing, noticed nothing" I'd really like a page or quote because i remember him being suicidal but never attempting. (Im rereading what i wrote, is this maybe referring to percy deciding it would be better if he drowned when hes with Jason? If so, I thought the book said annabeth wasn't told that he wanted to give up) But really my bigger issue with this statement is the fact that it's not necessarily a bad relationship just because a person doesn't realize someone is suicidal, or if their suicidal thoughts are fluctuating. If he's been suicidal the entire time she's known him, how should she know? And why is it the girlfriend's job to stop him from suicide? Like yeah she should care, but that's not her responsibility. No one should feel responsible for a significant other's suicide unless they encouraged the SO to do it.

The judo flip, I agree, annabeth should have been more sensitive to Percy's past and again, I blame Rick for conveniently forgetting that an abused kid is not going to laugh or even take well to being thrown on the ground. This also reminds me of a post I made a while back, because I was so frustrated by media portrayals of women getting upset (usually worried) about another character and shaking them or hitting them or using some form of violence, and that's portrayed as acceptable and normal and as a sign of love. I'm not a fan of that.

"Annabeth likes to keep percy on his toes" this point, I want specific quotes, cause I'd like to go over it again. I agree this is funky. Percy says he feels more comfortable with annabeth and feels like he can talk to her blah blah, but yeah, I think I remember him saying she makes him anxious and that's a problem for me. Like genuinely, to anyone who reads this: if your SO makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, or unsafe, please reevaluate your relationship and be safe. That's not good. And back to percabeth, I'm really not sure why RR would say that.

Bringing up abusive stepfather. If annabeth didn't already know about Gabe...I don't know, that says to me that percy was too traumatized to talk about it, in which case, why can annabeth see it in his actions, his comments, his reactions? I don't know that either. But I do know that having met my fair share of traumatized kids, it's not at all uncommon for them to share trauma as a joke and for multiple kids to laugh it off, not to mention suicidal jokes or jokes about their own abuse. Now I want to be clear, I'm not saying that's healthy, I think that's bad, but I also think it's common. And if annabeth doesn't realize what he's really talking about, or is caught up in her own experience, or is uncomfortable, laughing is not an uncommon response. And I don't think that makes their relationship toxic. (And I'm saying it again: I think Rick wrote that so that people could say oh poor percy and feel strongly about how horrible the situation is, but he didn't want to get into the trauma, so by annabeth laughing it off, he can move on with the scene but include little details that show how bad tartarus is)

I don't remember any comments about poseiden, but I agree her interactions with Tyson are problematic. I have zero explanation or excuse, I really don't know what rick was thinking with that, unless it was maybe a way to signify how all halfbloods feel about monsters? (Now that I've said that, that kinda makes sense, if percy sees a monster who was his human friend, but everyone else just sees a monster who is just like the other monsters who have killed their siblings. But still. Annabeth saying he was gross was uncalled for, Rick could have said she was scared or concerned this was a trick or something, but disgust?)

I agree about Percy's unresolved trauma manifesting as fear of annabeth. I already commented on the judo flip, see comments above.

Percy absolutely has horrible self asteem. I'm not sure that's annabeths problem. Yeah she should support him in every way she can, but it's not her responsibility or anyone else's to make him feel better about himself. She should want to, and she should be positive and encouraging, but I don't think Percy's lack of growth is her problem or necessarily a sign of a toxic relationship. It can be, but I'm not certain it is in this case. I think, as I'm sure you know if you've read this much, Rick doesn't know how to write characters who are further along in their trauma- processing, healing, discussing- rick fails to deal with anything besides a currently traumatized kid and a unresolved but out of the directly abusive situation. (This is where I'd like to note, the whole seaweed brain thing, not funny to me, not cute. I'm not a fan because I do think that encourages negative self image. I am aware that that could be link to annabeths childhood, but again, I would expect her to be hyperaware of this sort of emotional abuse. And I blame Rick. Why does she never have her actual abuse mentioned?)

I don't recall annabeth pushing percy to choose between them. I would have said she had doubts about him still wanting to go to CA and he said that he regretted not being there for Estelle but didn't want to be without annabeth (which is kinda cute, kinda codependent to me, and I agree, codependency is not cute)

I would argue the last point "Percy has no interest in going to New Rome or University" is clearly false. In SoN (2nd book of HOO) Percy discovers there are full families living in New Rome, and how it's safe there, and he says multiple times that he wants that, how he remembers he had a girlfriend named annabeth and he wants her to be there and wants to be able to settle down *there*. And in ChaliceotG he's torn, because he does want to stay in New York for his mom and sister, but he really wants to be with annabeth and he loves new Rome. He says multiple times how he wants to go to New Rome. Its true, if the only reason he wants to go is for annabeth, that's a bit funky. But new Rome is the safest place for demigods, and he's been in wars for years, of course he wants that. And wanting to be out of school- okay? New Rome isn't just about the university, not to mention the New Rome university is focused on kids with dyslexia and adhd, obviously. So it will be tailored to him, his struggles are understood, accepted, and aided. Who wouldn't see the appeal in that?

And finally, I agree, that if a character or couple is going to have broad reach, they should be healthy. That's a problem i have with Colleen hoover and all her toxic relationships that have a large audience and are so loved by that audience. And back to this, I hate that the pjo hoo couples are so focused on in the books because fans always pay attention to the couples, but the focus amplifies them, and I think having a relationship be the main focus of a kids/teen/ya book sets up horrible mindsets, and idolizes relationships and all in all is not good for kids. Percabeth or not, healthy or not, I don't think the emphasis on relationships is good.

I might link some of my other posts that I mentioned or that address similar issues in the reblogs