#imho as someone whos in recovery :/

[catgirlcrisis]

whoopsie-daisie hit reblog too fast

[drdemonprince]

hello, (former) abuser friend anon back again, I just wanted to sort of answer the other anon’s question and thank you for your thoughtful and comforting response.

To answer: I do feel fully relaxed around this person, for better or for worse, and I do trust them to not repeat their behavior because I have had to be in conflict with this person (a huge part of being friends/expressing love, imho) and they have handled it calmly and respectfully and made me feel heard and supported, and I have seen them do that for a lot of people in their current community, and my new one. I don’t expect them to be perfect, and honestly I don’t expect them to never be tempted to reach for the toolset of abuse as you both have described it. But I expect them to react better and better every time they are confronted with something they find triggering, and also to handle the conflict that comes from reaching from those toolsets with the love and care I expect from my friends. I hope that’s the right thing to do and not enabling, but as you noted Dr Price said I’ve never forced their victims to share space with them, and I don’t feel very protective of this person in the sense that I think the other anon is talking about). But it’s all very complicated and if my feelings change in the future I think that’s okay too, and if they revert back to their prior self they know that they’ll lose my relationship to them. But truly from the bottom of my heart thank you both, I feel like I have gained some ease in my reflection of this relationship <3

awww thank you so much for messaging Anon. That upward, cyclical process of working through conflicts and learning new and better strategies is what recovery looks like, I think. And truth be told, as someone who has done plenty of things I regret, I've learned a lot from engaging in productive, healing conflict with people who have done their share of bad things, too. If anything, I feel more accepted when i'm around people who can own their shit and show the capacity to change than when i'm around people who either demand perfection or seem entirely stuck. In my life I've only known a small handful of completely unrepentant abusive people -- and those are the types I never want to be around. The majority, instead, have been simply really traumatized and neglected folks who reached for what limited tools they had for a very long time, and were downright relieved to find something better to do. They've wanted to keep learning new ways of dealing with things. I hope you and your friend continue to have a good time learning from one another, and it's heartening to hear that you're in a pretty secure-sounding place, should that ever change. Sometimes people take big steps backward when they're ill, relapsing, injured, experiencing loss, and so on -- and you always have the right to take your distance if that's how it goes. But there's always a possibility of us learning to work through the roughness better, and together.

[rk-ceres]

Pretty Girl- George Weasley

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader (Season of love event) Fred Weasley x Reader(platonic)

Timeline: 6 months after the battle of Hogwarts

Summary: Reader gets injured in the war saving Fred's life, after the war she wakes up six months later and falls in love with George who has been taking care of her loooooooooooonggggggg ass fic. had an idea and ran with it mutual pining (strangers to)/friends to lovers I just thought this idea was cute

Warnings: no use. of y/n or y/h/n its just ____, written in first person, crass language, some dirty jokes here and there, nothing physical, slow burn, !FRED LIVES!, reader is a flirt, mentions of death in the war, reader looses a leg in the war, George takes on care taker role for Fred after he gets injured after he was saved by reader, and any others i missed

A/N: decided to take a stab at the season of love event that one of my favorite writers are hosting right now and half way through i really wished i made this a series but i guess this works better as a long one shot with room for more parts. Theres just so much you can do with this imho but it is what it is sorry for the long ass read it was just too much fun to write this ended to where i could add on parts if i really wanted too so if it seemed unfinished i dunno 🤷‍♀️

My eyes fluttered open and hissed at the light in the room everything hurt groaning out in pain as i sat up “oh good.. youre awake. I was getting pretty lonely being in here the only one conscious” Fred called out to me as i rubbed the eye that wasn't covered in gauze “not to be rude or anything but where am i?” i asked moving my hand to rub the back of my neck feeling the popping groaning in some relief throwing a leg over the bed “whats the last thing you remember?” He asked looking at me i rolled my eyes yawning out “I was fighting back to back with one of Percy’s twin brothers… i found him after…. After Penny died…im not sure which twin i was fighting with… i didnt have the time to pick out the differences. Or ask… we were outnumbered ten to three… the minister of magic came in Percy made a god awful joke…. Which we all shared there was an explosion that flew me and the twin i was with against eachother before the wall could come down on us i put up a shield…. And then everything went black” he shifted on to his side “it was me, you saved me.” He smiled “youre Fred?” i asked finally looking at him taking in his broadening smile obviously thrilled that he had someone to talk too “yeah. Im Fred. And to answer your question, youre in George’s bed. We’re at my flat in the shop” he explained “what am i doing in George’s bed in your flat in your shop?" i made a confused face "i know i didn't fall asleep after an intense love making session after a night in the pub so forgive me i am a little confused" i huffed "no. you didn't sleep with my brother. not yet anyway" he rolled his eyes speaking in an amused voice “youre in his bed because after you saved me. The ground gave way under you. And you fell through three floors of the castle, you scratched your face on the rebar on your way down. It missed your eye by a centimeter. I carried you to Pomfrey, You were in a coma for about five months almost six. I insisted that id be the one to help you recover and with your physical therapy after you saved my life. My Fiancėe Angelina would’ve taken care of your injuries for me since you know… im a guy and youre a chick. Then i went and got myself blown up by Bellatrix trying to save my sister… I failed her and now? we’re in the same boat. George turned his room into our recovery room since its the biggest of the two. Angel even agreed to it. Shes really grateful to you. She and mums been taking care of your chest wound seeing as how youre a woman, George handles your eye and… and your leg.” he smiled filling in the details. “What do you mean my leg? physical therapy?” i asked confused furrowing my eyebrows pulling the blanket off of my waist i looked down at my legs to see my right leg had been amputated above the knee “Madame Pomfrey had to take it before you succumbed. Part of the wall fell on it and it was irreparable. I killed the death eater that did that to you” my eyes started to water breathing heavily because it looked like it was so close to killing me i was relieved that i was still alive "love... hey… calm down its okay” he tries to stand but winces falling back to his bed when a loud sob wracks through my lips “shit… GEORGE! GET IN HERE GEORGE NOW!” He yelled suddenly bursted through the door “she just woke up” he told his twin she started to dry heave he wordlessly pulled me into his chest “shhhhh youre okay love its okay.. youre safe.. youre safe.. Pretty girl youre safe.. Percy sat in here with you for two months straight” he cooed they stayed like that as he comforted me when i finally composed myself enough i pulled back slightly  “thank you” i whispered to him “sorry for ruining your nice shirt… i didnt.. i didnt mean to George” i said louder scooting back to leab my back against his headboard “dont worry about that beautiful, its just tears. im sorry you found out that way” he said softly kneeling by the edge of the bed

“Fred was supposed to WAIT to tell you.” He glared at his twin he smiled sheepishly “I didnt expect her to pull her blanket off!” Fred defended himself “that’s enough out of you Fred” he hissed “im George” he smiled at her gently "______ Barebone, I was a ______…" thinking back to my house in school "in your year. Friends with your brother he dated my best friend” “Penny” we said together and i smiled “youre sitting up on your own. Thats a good thing.” He smiled gently at me “is it alright if i checked your eye?” i bit my lip and nodded at him gently. “Can i borrow your owl to write Percy? I want to make sure he’s alright, we both lost Penny" i said barely audible “of course Pretty Girl let me just finish up here i'll get you parchment and a quill when mum and Ange get here” he chuckled He unwrapped the bandage on her face i hissed at the dull pain in my left eye “good… good love, dilation is good. Can you follow my finger for me?” He asked softly “you're tracking well with your left eye sweetheart.” He mumbled he softly covered my right eye with his palm “can you see anything lovely?” He asked “I see your nose… but its blurry” clearly unaffected by his testing of pet names and terms of endearment  he smiled “it looks like the cuts on your face will scar but Fred and I developed a cream that’ll make it go away in a month if you want to use it. I dont have to put the bandage back on… Is it okay if I check your leg?” He asked being extra aware with me being awake and aware of everything he got consent before making physical contact and i nodded not minding the physical contact he slowly cut away the bandages “any pain?” he looked up at me with his green eyes  “just my side” i whispered “yeah, Fred and Percy said you hit a lot of rebar going down after the wall. I’ll let mom and Ange know to up your healing regimen on your side" he sighed looking back at my leg "so wanna tell me why im in your bed and not in St Mungo's right now?" i asked "y'know men usually take girls out to dinner before having their way them in their bed... with their brother watching... never been one for exhibitionistm you know" i teased he snorted "that'd be the voyeur's fault" George winked pointing back to Fred teasingly "thanks for saving him by the way. don't worry Madame Pomfrey stops by every two weeks and she trained both me and Mum to take care of your daily needs. You're in good hands Angel" He added “incision looks good, you can start using the wheel chair youre a little ways away from getting a prosthetic” he smiled “George dear its time to change her….” “Shes up mum” George smiled “I’ll come back in a few minutes with lunch and your potions. I’ll send a quick Owl to Percy as well” He stood up after wrapping her leg then leaving the room giving the women privacy

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“Afternoon love. You look stunning today” Fred smiled when Angelina gave him a lingering kiss "get a room Voyeur" i stuck my tongue out at Fred he let out a fake offended gasp at me "excuse me ma'am, YOU'RE the one watching ME doesn't that make you the voyeur" he protested "well look at the kettle calling the cauldron black" i retorted "ooh you're just as annoying as..." Molly quickly cut him off before he could mention Ginny pulling the divider so he couldn't see her disrobing “heavens Angelina you're fine shes awake” Molly smiled “Molly Weasley love, ive been taking care of your side. Angies been helping while you were under” she smiles at me "_____, but George has been calling me Love, Pretty girl, Beautiful, Sweetheart, Angel... basically any pet name he can think of. quite endearing" i said with a small smile taking off the hospital gown they put me in “im Angelina, I wanted to thank you for saving my Fiancé” she gently taking off the bandages on my chest “it wasnt an issue I think he returned the favor and then some seeing as how he got blown up just seconds after i saved his behind” i chuckled glaring through the divider "I HEARD THAT BRATT! its not my fault that Bellatrix was a crazy witch out for blood" Fred protested "i fell through three floors for you. i get to have this!" i protested back “he didnt have to do much convincing. George was going to ask you to Yule ball, and any one who keeps that dingleberry alive is a friend in my book” Angie smiled breaking up the sibling squabble we were having “lift your arms for us?” Molly asked when Angelina finally got the bandage off “he was going to ask me to the ball?” I asked wincing when my arms came up armpit height dropping them slightly “ive got you girl” Angelina caught my arms and lifted so Molly could repair the split skin “yeah, he was. George wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks then McClaggen beat him to it. Sulked for weeks on end” Angie shook her head in amusement "he wouldnt stop moaning about it either" Fred chimed in "he was worse than moaning Myrtle" you could hear the disgust and teasing in his voice “thats sweet. He probably would’ve been a better choice. McClaggen was an arse” i smiled “your cut seems to be healing well, looks like you still have that infection. I’ll add the antibiotics back into your medicine” Molly smiled as she wrapped the bandage back around my chest taking down the divider again Fred promptly flipped me off where i just stuck my tongue out at him again

“Alright George, Fred, we’ll be off” Molly smiled “see you later love, have a good day at work. mum” Fred kissed Angie “call if you need anything George” Angelina smiled he nodded “Take these” George handed her the potions he sat on his bed next to her as he held the empty ones and handed me the full potion phials “how you feeling Pretty girl?” “Like i fell three floors out of a castle” i gagged drinking the potions that tasted exactly like feet "ugh you think that theyd be kind to people who almost die" i choked out  he chuckled “i would’ve said yes by the way” he cocked an eyebrow a me “Ange told her that you were going to ask her to Yule ball” Fred filled in “i wouldve said yes, McClaggen was a dick” i handed him the empty phials as he handed me the full bottles “we can go dancing later if you wanted too, i enjoy dancing i usually go to the muggle clubs on 5th. They have salsa nights, or ball room dancing. You know. to make up for the ball” i smiled his blush grew “i might just take you up on that when youre ready and comfortable enough on your new leg” he fell into a playful flirtation “even with one leg sir, i can out dance you” gaining a laugh from Fred “if youre already joking about having only one leg what was all that crying about?” “FRED!” George tried to scold “Honestly?” i cut him off looking to Fred “i was just glad it was my right leg. I had a bad tattoo that i had to get removed. Someone shouldve told that eater he didnt need to go THAT extreme” i jested “tattoo?” George asked “it was a swallow. It used to match my mom. honestly it really was a bad tattoo” i smiled “you think the healers would let me get a peg leg? OOH! I could even get an eye patch!” They both erupted into laughter “nah im just pulling your right legs since you know i dont have one” “alright alright stop!! It hurts to laugh dick head!” “HEY! Its peg leg to you! I dont have a dick. Or a dick head for that matter. But i will have a fake leg.” i yelled at Fred playfully he just laughed harder at that “ARG MATEY!”  The three share a laugh George catches his breath “who wouldve known you were so funny” he gave her a toothy grin that turned into a closed mouth smile “i make light of bad situations. My brother, ____. He used to call me sunshine and sing this stupid muggle song ‘ive got sunshine… on a cloudy day… when its cold out side, ive got the month of May….’” i laughed “my girl. From the temptations. He used to call me sunshine” “who knew you could sing” Fred Jested “i cant. But he could” i smiled at Fred “you have a brother?” George asked “Had” i smiled “took a curse for me told me to go find mum and dad, Dad died outside the room of requirement, protecting firsties. And my mom… she was tortured near the beginning.” i smiled sadly “Ginny ended up passing too” he smiled sadly she gave him a sympathetic smile squeezing his hand “i was crying because it looked like it came this close to crushing me entirely and for some reason im still alive. Something from the grace of Merlin im alive, i was happy that im Alive” i looked at George who was looking at me with a guilty expression

“come on handsome… wheres that pretty smile you had on for me i worked hard for that you know. Im not a good flirt. I was hoping youd lead, and hopefully ask me to dinner or coffee if i played my cards right. Its not every day someone as pretty as you are is willing to take care of me to laugh with me or at me” i reached up to his face he leaned into my touch chuckling completely red in the face “im okay, we four knew what was going on and what was at risk im okay. Promise.” i smiled softly at him he smiled “Handsome huh?” “You called me beautiful when im obviously a mess.” i shrugged he started smiling again she noticed his dimples and the way his cheeks creased and my face heated up “theres my pretty smile… you have really really pretty eyes… and dimples…. Did i mention i have a thing for guys with dimples.” i smiled rubbing a thumb on his cheek he looked down and back up to my eyes trying to find the right words “youre pretty even if youre a mess” he smiled softly “yep thats it. Ive decided. Youre the handsome twin.” “HEY!” Fred protested “take that!” George smiled laughing at triumphantly like that was an argument theyve had multiple times Fred who was pouting crossing his arms over his chest “youre the nicest twin” She smiled at Fred “acceptable” he smiled at me “im going to get your lunches” he smiled to them “thank you. Can i use your owl again? I need to owl gringots. Get some money for rent and food and care” i muttered to myself “no need. All taken care of” Fred said “you saved me. You dont pay for shit when in our care” he shrugged ending the conversation “do you really want a peg leg?” Fred asked out of the blue “i’ll take what i get.” i shrugged. “At least let me help with groceries” i huffed annoyed “once a month” George bargains “Zero times and shes happy about it” Fred protests “Three times but i let you pay for my prosthetic” she countered “no times, we pay for the prosthetic and she gets what she wants at the shop” fred demanded “we pay for your prosthetic, twice a month, you transfigure your own room, personal care supplies fully yours” George offered “thats a deal i can live with… did you just ask me to move in with you without you asking me out on a date first? When can i expect a proposal? Or should i ask Percy to bring Kingsley and skip to ‘I do’” i smiled at George and he flushed 50 shades of red as Fred snickered “you say youre not good at flirting but this is the third time youve rendered Georgie here speechless” Fred laughed she looked at Fred as he looked back at her “i cant help it i almost died, and lifes too short for me to keep being shy. Theres a first for everything right? Who wouldve known the first man outside of Percy and you i try to actually talk too would flirt with me. He could be my first love, my first actual relationship maybe. He could be my husband one day. Quit butting in youre ruining my shot i dont know how many of these i have you know. Mangled face and peg leg. I wanna get it right the first time! Who knows. Maybe if i flirt enough i’ll get him to fall completely head over heels in love with half of a girl i used to be Perc always told me to put myself out there. What a better time then now?” i shrugged Fred laughed “im not butting out Maam we share a room! Theres no possible way for me to butt out your business IS my business! And with the way youre going Love" Fred called out the way George would say it "he’ll be in love with you by the end of the week” Fred snickered George just shrugged “i had a crush on you in 5th year.” He looked at me it was my turn to be rendered speechless “you wont have to work too hard to make me fall for you Pretty Girl we're already half way there” he shrugged leaving the room leaving me speechless

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A month had passed Fred was able to start his Physical therapy and Molly wasnt coming by daily anymore “FUCK!” Fred screamed “come on Freddie you can do it!” i cheered him on from my seated position on the bed  “it feels like my insides are going to spill out” He whimpered clinging to Georges shoulder “two more steps Freddie. Just have to make it to the chair” George encouraged “FUCK FUCK” he groaned “almost there Freddie youve got this!” He slowly took another step as i cheered him on "come on Freddie boy make that chair your bitch" i teased  he looked at her and smiled “thanks love.” He smiled taking another step reaching the chair “alright good good sit rest. We’ll go back to bed in 5” he smiles at his twin George looked at me with a smile “time to check my stump handsome?” i looked up to George “yes pretty girl. Time to check your leg, and your eye” he smiled i removed the blanket hissing as she moved further up the bed and turning to throw my leg off the side he sits in the stool next to the bed “any pain?” He asked as he looked at my eye with the flash light “just my side. I think your mom said it was an infection again. Apparently my core isnt strong enough to battle muggle infections.” i shrugged “follow my finger” i watched his finger as he moved it “sometimes it feels like my leg is still there and and its like a sharp pain. But its not there and its weird” i talk as he covers my right eye “i can see your face” i smile at him “she woke up screaming last night” Fred said to the air “she said she was fine her leg just hurt” “why didnt i hear the scream?” He asked as he unwrapped the leg “she casted a muffelito on the room before she fell asleep” Fred ratted her out “tattle tail” i stuck my tongue out at him “brat” he hissed back “Baby!” She teased “toddler!” He yelled back “you have crappy hair!” i crossed my arms over my chest “TAKE THAT BACK!” Fred yelled “MAKE ME YOU CRIPPLE!” George laughed at the banter "PEGLEG!" he stuck his tongue out at me "you two are toddlers" George rolled his eyes  “i… have nightmares. I didnt think it was an issue” i said as he looked at the leg “youre healing fast. Should be able to take the staples out soon, we’ll call madame Pomfrey to come fit you for a prosthetic. Tell me if this hurts” he said as he gently massaged my thigh above the stump i gasped as he gently squeezed “feels great” i said breathily “teach me” i whispered to him he smiled as i placed my hands over his he looked back down putting his hands over mine as he moved my fingers showing me how to ease the pain of the lost leg “it wont hurt forever…” he said softer i smiled at him “thank you George for doing this for me” i looked down “hey. Its handsome to you, Pretty girl, you saved Fred. Its the least I can do.” He kissed the top of my head “youre the kindest person I have ever met… and id get myself crushed over and over again if it meant I got to meet you all over again George. You’re making me fall for you. Is this one sided? Dont make me out to be a fool” i whispered in his ear gently kissing his cheek, his eyes widened in shock at the forwardness and tenderness this girl had for him they’ve only known each-other for about three months at this point he cleared his throat taking his hands off her leg “he's blushing like an idiot again! what did you say to him!” Fred who was watching intently with a bag of crisps “did you accio a bag of crisps?" i furrowed my eyebrows “its not every day i have a front row seat to my brothers love life. There i answered yours now answer mine” Fred rolled his eyes “I told him I thought he has pretty eyes” i fibbed they both know i did he raised an eye brow at me George still staring with red on his cheeks i shrugged

“i didnt lie. He’s…." i blushed looking down “nevermind” i turned over in bed facing the wall he leans over placing a hand on my hip gently and kisses my cheek “youd never be the fool when im with you. Its not one sided. Im the fool love made a whole career out of it. But im also a fool falling in love with the sweetest most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I’m the lucky one to get to take care of her” he whispered into my ear he pushes off the bed “WAIT WHAT DID HE SAY!!!” Fred groaned eating another crisp “thats for her to know. And you to find out NEVER” George said walking toward him “Come on Fred, lets get back to bed” George hoisted him up after putting the crips off to the side “i was eating those!” He pouted “sod the crisps you need to do this pt!” George yelled gaining a laugh from _____. A month had passed since then, “Afternoon Pretty girl, I need to check your stump” he smiled setting my plate of food on the dresser “we can get Pomfrey in here to measure you for your leg soon. And your physical therapy with Fred and I” i smiled back “can you massage my leg handsome? Its starting to hurt again….” i whispered “alright love, just for a little” he smiled she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror i frowned as Fred met my eyes mood immediately dropping “I gotta get down to the shop before Lee bites my head off.” He smiled at me and i returned it “have a good day at work Handsome” “thank you pretty girl” he smiled when the door closed my smile faded as i stared into the mirror tears formed in my eyes Fred looked at her concerned “you okay Love?" Fred whispered “I miss my brother” i sniffled “he always knew what to say” “well im not your brother but im in need for a sister… if youre in need of a brother… i think we both qualify to fill each others open positions yeah?” He asked i turned to him looking at him with tears in my eyes “teach me what to say, let me be your brother love" He looked at me with gentile eyes

“tell me im deserving pf love even if im broken and ugly” i mumbled he was taken aback he took in a breath and smiled “love, you’re gorgeous, George sees how pretty you are and youve got him whipped. You deserve him and the love he wants to give you trust me” hours passed when George walked in with our dinners light sniffles could be heard from the other side of the room my back was turned to him he looked to Fred who just gave him a tight lipped smile and walked to the other side of the room after handing him his plate he set mine down next to my un-touched lunch plate on the bed side table “hey pretty girl…. What’s wrong… you in pain?” i shook my head no “what’s wrong beautiful, tell me what’s the matter how can I make you smile again?” He cooed softly “Dont lie to me” my voice hoarse like i had been crying for hours he reached to wipe away a tear ”what do you mean I’ve never lied to you Beautiful” hurt hit me square in the chest “you just did. You always do.. mangled face, missing leg. I stare at the girl ive become all day that mirror haunts me my own reflection is a reminder that im alone. And im no longer beautiful and its sickening you dont have to keep flirting with me because you feel obligated to. No one wants someone like me. Not anymore im not pretty and im definitely not beautiful. I have no one. No ones here” i sobbed more closing my eyes sniffling “I miss my brother. He would be in this bed with me. Holding me. Telling me to cheer up sunshine the worlds cloudy and gray without you please sunshine smile for me? combing through my hair like he always did holding me together while I fall apart but hes gone. My mums gone. My dads gone. I havent slept in four months the nightmares keep coming back and I just want to cry I cant be the girl that flirts twenty four seven with a guy thats too polite to tell me that it makes him uncomfortable when this is all over im going to be alone again just let mw grieve the loss of my leg, my family, and my face. I have no where to go. All I have is an empty house my best friend died, my leg hurts twenty four seven and I just need to be sad for a few hours can you leave me alone for a few hours I’ll be normal again in the morning I dont need your pity” he continued to wipe the tears off my face as he processed what i said “im not going to stop calling you pretty, and beautiful because thats what I see when I look at you Angel, I mean look at you love…” he said softer “just look at you….. i cant take my eyes off of you… youre just too good to be true the sight of you leaves me weak there are no words left to describe how pretty you are sweetie”  lifting my face in his cupped hands “youre stunning you leave me breathless, all those things you just mentioned are fixable, love, half of what you said isnt true, you really think that Fred and Angelina is going to leave you alone after youre all healed up and better? Youve got another thing coming. Theyre never going to stop you have friends. Percy’s been here every day since we owled. Fred and Angie made it clear youre their person” he smiled softly “im not letting you go either im afraid youre stuck with me you still owe me a date, and a dance” he whispered standing up and draping a blanket over the mirror i cried more as she felt the bed dip behind me he pulled me into his side one arm under my head one on my torso pulling me on my back fingers immediately going to y hair “if you needed someone to hold you. You could’ve just said so I would’ve done this ages ago if you needed it” he brushed his fingers through my hair humming softly

“and you dont have to say anything to me at all. I flirt with you because I enjoy flirting with you. You make me happy and light, you render me speechless and no one. And I mean no one can do that. But you can, thats why I do what I do you dont make me uncomfortable love. I miss Ginny too. She was a spitfire and its hard not having her around anymore, and if its alright, I want to hold you while we cry about our siblings yeah?” He asked i turned on my side draping an arm over his torso “im sorry about Ginny… her and Luna were really nice to me” i sniffled “I need you to eat for me… I’ll eat with you.” He pulled the roll off of my plate, ripping it in half handing it to me “im sorry about your brother Pretty girl" he whispered as he ate making sure i ate some of the food as well

ଘ(∩^o^)⊃━☆:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧✯:·ﾟ✧*:

A few hours later i let out a yawn d he started to get up out of bed my arm tightened around him feeling safe for the first time since ive woken up seven months ago “stay…” i said softly his shirt balling in my curled hand “please stay tonight” i whispered he let himself fall back into the bed “Darling wha… what do you mean?” He asked softly “Sleep here… in your bed…. I…. I need sleep…. And im scared to….. theyll come back and haunt me” i whispered “mate she hasnt slept in months i stay up with her as long as i can but i always pass put.” Fred piped up blush spread across my cheeks and i let him go flipping over to my other side embarrassed that i needed someone to make me feel safe enough to sleep “nevermind its stupid forget i said anything” i sniffled he simply reached over and turned out the light “i’ll stay for as long as you need me to stay Pretty girl" he kissed the top of my head again pulling me back into his chest his arm under my head curling back to put his hand in my hair other hand engulfing mine “i’ve got sunshine…. On a cloudy day….” He sung softly twirling my hair in his fingers “when its cold outside, ive got the month of may.. well i guess you say what can make me feel this way” she fell asleep holding onto his hand tightly

“George dear” Molly called out “SHHHH!” Fred said getting out of his bed hissing in pain “let them sleep for a little while longer this is the first shes sleeping since she woke up” he looked back to the girl who hid her face in his twins chest “lets go talk outside” Fred smiled one last time at them sleeping before throwing his arm over his mom and leaning on her for support as they walked out of the room shutting the door lightly

three hours later my eyes fluttered open looking at his sleeping face our lips were so close i bit my lip as his breath fanned over my face a surge of confidence emerged heart hammering against my chest i leaned up and gently pressed my lips to his, his brows furrowed as he stretched slightly pulling me impossibly close to him eyes fluttering open “i….. im sorry,. I didnt know what came over me i shouldve asked fir…” i was cut off by his lips on mine the kiss was soft and slow “goodmorning pretty girl, thank you for the amazing wake up” he murmured against my lips kissing her again “dont be sorry beautiful, ive been waiting for that” he cupped my face with his hand my face contorted in pain “thanks for staying” “i told you already baby… im here for as long as you need me to be” i let out a tear “whats the matter pretty girl? Nervous about your new leg?” He asked softly “im actually really excited for that really. Its just that my leg hurts… and its not even there anymore” i cried softly  “it wont hurt forever…” he said softer “i barely have pain in my ear anymore” he smiled showing me his missing ear she reached up and stroked the hair that fell onto the hole on the side of his head “i still think youre gorgeous Georgeous if you will.. ear, or no ear youre perfect to me… so perfect and kind and caring…” i whispered as i kissed the side of his head where his ear wouldve been his eyes widened in shock at the tenderness of this moment, just for him. He chuckles “only you would make that play on words huh? so cheesy Baby" he rubs my cheek with the pad of his thumb “baby youre so beautiful, and i want you..” he whispered moving his face closer to mine “leg or no leg i think youre amazing, smart, funny, and kind. Unbelievably beautiful and i dont think you should use the cream on your scars, it shows just how strong you are they dont define you or subtract from how i see you. And i would love it, if you’d accompany me to dinner when youre able to, i’ll ask again later when you get your leg and i help you learn how to walk again i want you” he whispered softly massaging my stump as he talked my eyes widened “i guess what im saying is i need you here with me… in the flat.. with me.. everyday youre the first thing i ever want to see and talk too when i get home from the shop youre the first thing i cant wait to see when i wake up… and i need you to stay here with me? Please? I promise you i wont hurt you.. just stay with me and i’ll take care of you.. whatever you need. Angel, please  ive never felt this way about anyone im in love with you Angel please... stay" he breathed out looking at me his arm snaking back up and around my waist tightening around me “im in love with you too George, and... and i want to stay with you.. you and Freddie...” i whispered he kissed me deeply it was a hungry and needy heated kiss the hand around the stump tightened as he pulled me even cliser to him putting the stump over his hip “baby i love you” looking into my eyes kissing me again

@george-weasleys-girl

[not-poignant]

Hi! I am usually a lurker, but I have been following you for about a year or so (found from r/MM_Romance AO3 recs search) and my first read was Deeper into the Woods. -- Do you have any recommendations for "realistic" portrayals of sadists? (AO3 stories or MM romance but also open to non-fiction recs/other) -- I do not have any real-life experience with people who identify as sadists or the kink community in general, so I wonder how exaggerated the fiction is sometimes. Thank you for your time!

Hi anon!

I'm going to rec two of my own fics - Spoils of the Spoiled (especially tracing a young sadist who has to figure out where the lines are between reality and fiction in his own life), and Falling Falling Stars (which depicts an experienced genuine sadist who is quite frank/open about talking about it and is comfortable in himself about it).

You probably have a lot more experience with real life sadists than you know, since most of us are just regular people! (And quite a few of us are also masochists as well). Honestly it's possible to see people with sadistic tendencies in every walk of life. From massage therapists who enjoy working the knots out of their clients (including the 'good pain' it results in), to the professional manufacturers of boutique hot sauce, who like nothing more than watching someone suffer through what they created.

(And same with masochists - you need only look at the people who enjoy that hot sauce and the pain it causes them, lmao.)

You might also like the published m/m romance series by Lisa Henry and JA Rock known as the 'Boy series.' It starts with The Good Boy and the sequel is The Boy Who Belonged. It is, imho, a great and realistic depiction of an experienced sadist and a newbie masochist, as well as a trauma recovery story with an age gap, which realistically addresses the age gap, the sadism, lateral ways of being sadistic with someone who finds impact play triggery, and more. For me it's still one of the gold star versions of published m/m which shows the perspective of both characters, so we get to see what they're both thinking, and - imho - it's pretty realistic!

I'm also gonna rec one of my fanfics, The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle, since a lot of the chapters are from the sadist's perspective, and while the setting is fantasy, the actual thought processes behind setting up scenes, the intention, riding the line between too much hurt and the right amount, what kind of pain is sexy and what isn't, etc. is - I feel - quite realistic. It's one of the things that fellow sadists have praised my work for (that the sadists feel like real sadists, and not just wish fulfillment sadists, who are otherwise apologetic for enjoying someone's pain), and while I still have a lot to learn re: writing in general, it's one of the reasons I write what I do!

[rainofaugustsith]

About that Medicare for All slogan

So I've been seeing 'Medicare for All' slogans again, and while I fully believe in universal health care I think they need to revise that slogan. Right now I also see a lot of people sneering because older Americans aren't glomming onto that slogan. 

They really should, IMHO, be making that slogan "EXPANDED or REFORMED Medicare for all" to get people on board. Because as it is, it can be really costly, and many seniors and disabled people are not able to afford healthcare even with it. Those thinking it's a panacea as it is, without reform? Well, let's have a peek and see.  

1. Background: Medicare is a program mostly for seniors and disabled people receiving SSDI. 

There are two basic ways to get Medicare: be over a certain age (right now 67) and receive Social Security Retirement. OR, be younger than 67, disabled and receive Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI). Disabled people who receive only SSI are not eligible for Medicare. 

Original Medicare functions like a PPO. For those outside the States, you can go to any doctor that accepts Medicare and there are little to no prior authorizations required. This makes it easier for people to obtain quality care because they can go anywhere, more or less, and aren't trapped in a narrow provider network. 

BUT: 

2. Medicare is fucking confusing. 

There's Part A (hospital), Part B (outpatient), Part D (drug coverage), Part C (Advantage plans) and several other moving parts, each with their own fee schedules and rules. 

3. Medicare isn't free. 

Part A is free for most, but if you don't qualify for that, it can cost up to $506/month. 

Part A also has a deductible of $1600 every single inpatient hospital stay. For those outside the USA, the deductible is the amount you have to pay out of pocket before the insurance will pay anything at all. 

If someone is in the hospital for a while, they start paying copayments that begin at $400/day, starting on the 61st day. If they need to be in skilled nursing facilities for surgery/injury recovery, copayments of $200/day kick in after the 20th day.

Part B (outpatient) has a premium which, as of 2023, is $164.90 per month, as well as a once-yearly deductible of $226. 

Medicare is an 80/20 scheme, which means they cover 80% of the bill and you get the rest. That might not sound too bad until you look at what medical care in the USA costs. A simple MRI might be billed at $3000. 20% of that is yours. Still sound reasonably priced? 4. Medicare doesn't cover everything. 

Dental, optical and many other things are notoriously not covered by Medicare. That's why you will find people on Medicare buying separate coverage for these things - which means they're paying additional premiums every month. 

5. We haven't even gotten to prescriptions yet. 

So prescription coverage for Medicare is under Part D. You have to choose a prescription drug plan to administer your benefits and they are all different. Some might cost you nothing. Some might cost you a lot every month, so if you're keeping count, that's your fourth monthly premium after Part B, vision and dental. Some change their formulary every year. Those commercials about Medicare open enrollment? That's the period in the fall when people on Medicare have to sift through the formularies and see if their PDP is going to cover their meds next year. Some people do qualify for Extra Help from Medicare which covers the premiums and brings down the coinsurance for meds, but not everyone. 

Oh, and the meds are tiered. Tier 1 are the most basic/common meds that will cost you nothing or very little. Tier 4 are meds that are barely covered, perhaps 30%. 

Wait, there's more! There's a 'donut hole' or coverage cap built into plans. Essentially, when your med costs reach $4660 for the year, the coverage gap begins. Right now you pay no more than 25% of the drug costs, but it used to be a complete gap. This continues until you reach $7400 in drug costs, at which time you enter the 'catastrophic' tier where meds usually cost a lot less. And it resets annually. 

Think this is a hard cap to reach? Remember, common meds for things like cardiac conditions and headaches can cost $1000 each per month. Take a few of them and you're up to that $4460 real quick. 

This is why you may have read or heard stories about seniors taking bus trips to Canada to buy meds. It's honestly cheaper sometimes to take a trip across the border than navigate this shit. 

6. This is why a lot of people get pressed into an HMO. 

In order to navigate a lot of the above, a lot of people get pressed into optional Medicare Advantage plans, technically Part C. These are mostly HMOs run by major insurance companies. They offer the promise of consolidating benefits, eliminating the copays and drug coverage web - at the cost of pressing you back into an HMO with referrals and prior authorizations, as well as their limited network.  OR people get a 'Medigap' supplement that covers the costs that Medicare doesn't, while allowing them to remain with original (PPO style) Medicare. Those typically cost more than the Part C plans.

7. Some people do get help, but it may be hard to navigate. 

Some people have secondary insurance they can keep through a job or spouse. That might have premiums attached to it.  Some states have Medicare Savings Programs to help people pay the costs. But not all.

Some people earn little enough for SSDI or retirement that they also qualify for Medicaid as a secondary insurance. Medicaid generally picks up that which Medicare doesn't - such as that 20% coinsurance and the deductible. Medi-Medis are often pressured into joining HMOs as well, which really don't benefit them. 

Medicare also has some programs like Extra Help and such, which they can help you apply for. But this is a lot for people to navigate.  So- this is why Medicare for All might not thrill people the way you think it might. REFORMED Medicare for All on the other hand might make the same people jump right on board.

[m0tel6mxzzy]

you watch that miiasaurous girl on youtube

hmm i remember watching that channel back a few years before???? like sometime around middle/high school but it’s been like 3+ years. i remember specifically watching the story times of her/jessie paege/colliscool and then not really keeping up w any of those ppl later. apparently she deleted her channel but is “back”

from what i heard, apparently she had apologized in some video admitting to faking bipolar disorder and being a sex worker??? and i don’t believe in fake claiming disorders, so it is very saddening if someone actually fakes a mental illness. it certainly warrants criticism for any sort of harmful stereotypes perpetuated from their words that further stigmatize the disorder.

its very clear anyone intentionally lying about having a certain mental illness because they want to change how others perceive them already has some sort of mental health issue related to their negative self perception, and that in itself (ex: compulsive lying) comes w/ consequences but i don’t think she should be stigmatized if she struggles w compulsive lying. corrected abt any misconceptions she may have told about bipolar disorder and harm her lies caused, but not necessarily mocked for struggling w/ compulsive lying and self esteem.

i tend to believe ppl have what they say they do unless they say they faked it. bc imho ppl can woobify mental illness symptoms in such a contrived way someone may call it fake, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t have it. there’s ppl on tumblr glamorizing mental illness, and for the most part i genuinely believe they still have something even if what they say they have at the time would actually be diagnosed as something else.

so i did believe her when she said she was bipolar, and at the time i watched her videos i hadn’t been diagnosed w major depressive disorder yet but knew something was wrong, so her videos resonated with me. i feel for w anyone w any sort of mood disorder bc recovery from something as essential as your own emotions is fucking hard.

but sex workers are heavily stigmatized and glamorized already and i don’t see the benefits in lying about that besides the appeal in being seen as having “lived life.” and this all goes back to whatever mental issues she has that compel her to lie about such things out of fear for how others perceive her. it’s not my call to say what those are but i hope she receives help for that bc it seems to be distressing for her.

also lastly, looking thru her yt video titles i just find it a tad strange she admitted to faking mental illness in an apology but now has contempt for others who “fake” neurodivergence???

all in all—i don’t agree w her actions but i hope she gets help. i feel like she hasn’t learned from it tho bc she went right to fake claiming ppl w autism on tiktok as if this would alleviate the harm she did for those with bipolar disorder, and not just add more to a different community of people.

[thyandrawrites]

I want to know what's your prediction of Dabi's quirk after chapter 363? Also what in your opinion would be Touya's real stats like Intelligence,power,technique and speed?

Hey! I'm sorry, I'm not really good at making predictions, and I don't really have anything substantial to say on the matter besides that meta you already read. I think there's a chance that, being a chimera with a body engineered for the cold and a fire quirk, Touya always had the inherent potential to make cold fire. I don't think this means he has a secret ice quirk or regenerative abilities (in fact, his burns expanded) because imho that would contradict the foundations of his character. But just that... Maybe he never really had to boil himself alive to be strong, cause "turning up the heat" was always his father's way of using his quirk. In this sense, this plot twist might be instrumental to Touya's eventual recovery: it would teach him his way of using his quirk, something that doesn't necessarily have to be a carbon copy of his father's. You know how a central point of Deku and Shouto's character arcs was that of finding their own way of using their powers that wasn't just copying All Might and Endvr respectively? That, but for Dabi as well.

As for the "stats", I'm really not the best when it comes to commenting this sort of thing. I don't really do battle analysis.

What I can say for sure is that Dabi has a great battle sense. In his fight with Shouto, he was able to think fast on his feet and adapt quickly to nullify or counter most of his brother's attacks. We know he's intelligent because his literacy is high, possibly the highest in the lov, as we can deduct from his vocabulary in the war arc. He's also cunning and perceptive, catious and strategical, which are all signs of keen intellect. He's not super bright on the social front, and his perceptiveness doesn't translate into an ability to read other people's emotions as well, but that's less a remark about intelligence and more on his tendency to isolate and be as self-reliant as possible.

As for the technique... He certainly lacks the theoric side and the training. This shows in his low stamina, his not always fine-tuned control and lack of distinctive moves that are just his. However, he makes up for the lack of studying with his keen observation skills and some impressive intuition. He didn't know how Phospor worked, but he was able to correctly guess what he needed to do to emulate the effects simply by observing Shouto do it, just like how he mimicked Enji's moves by watching his televised fights. That means that even if he lacks the theory, he knows enough about the inner workings of a fire quirk to connect the dots of the info he's missing. I think that qualifies as technique...? Being able to emulate a move you've never practiced means you have a good intuitive understanding of its technical aspects, doesn't it? Some athletes are known to do the same irl too.

The speed factor are ambiguous because while he doesn't normally factor for agility in his fighting style (probably because of the staples and of the sheer firepower he can count on)... He still was super fast at the beginning of this fight, as noted by Shouto as well. So he probably can be fast. But he doesn't normally overexert himself unless he really has to. He typically favors power over speed.

Lastly, about said power... Well, Endvr commented that Touya had a stronger firepower than him, and that was when Touya was about five. It probably only got stronger with time, considering his flames went from orange to blue (and possibly white). In Mva, he lit several blocks on fire, so his range and output are also huge, and we know his fire grows stronger and less easy to control when he's emotional. In this respect, he's similar to Shouto who once covered an entire stadium in ice when feeling angry at his dad.

That's about the best I can offer! For anything more in depth, you're probably better off asking someone who can analyze fighting moves :'D

[vrishchikawrites]

What do you personally think happened in the three months between Nightless City and the First Siege? Iirc, WY made cenotaphs for WN and WQ (Chapter 111) but other than that, what do you think is going on in his head and in the Wen Remnants' as well? And how do you think the Siege went? The conclusion of it is the destruction of the Seal. When do you think the Wens died? Before or after WY did? I feel like WY would defend the Wens until his very last breath but I also think that WY would choose to destroy the Seal because there is no one left to protect and he doesn't want it to fall into the wrong hands. And who do you think put A-Yuan in the hollow tree stump? Many fans headcanon that it's WY as a tearjerking scene but how about you? Wouldn't WY want to come back for A-Yuan if it was him? Cos he knew that the destruction of the Seal would cause huge backlash and kill him. If he knew that A-Yuan is still alive, wouldn't he find a way to survive that backlash? And the Burial Mounds is WY's home turf. Is the reason why he lost against the sects is because of his mental/emotional state at the time? Since JZX, WN, WQ, and JYL recently died. Do you think he was caught off guard as well?

I'm sorry for the bombardment of questions. I know they're supposed to be missing scenes but sometimes, my brain can't help but want to fill in the blanks. I just want to hear someone else's thoughts I guess. Anyway, WY and the Wens truly deserved better.

(sorry, this got left in my drafts)

So I went back and read through the connected scenes just to get the feel of the story. I feel like WWX wasn't in any state of mind to plan things. He was just hanging in a limbo. That's really too much trauma, even for someone like WWX. You can sense his thoughts grow darker and grimmer with every sentence. (imho wq and wn giving themselves up was a mistake and the final nail in the coffin. There was no recovery from that point for any of the wens or for wwx for that matter.)

I feel like all of the Wens would've been in a limbo too. They were probably aware that it was only a matter of time before they had to face retaliation for the Nightless City.

Uncle Four for incharge when WQ and WN left so he probably continued to remain incharge as WWX recovered. I'm assuming they discussed what would come next. WWX is forward thinking. By this point, BM is essentially a prison. I think just as WQ and WN accepted their fates, the remaining Wens did too. WWX would've fought to the very end, but I don't know about the others.

He probably knew JC would be furious enough to want him dead. And since JC has visited, WWX knows they'd be able to get in.

I think he anticipated JC leading the others to BM. This is a man who knows JC best, after all.

If WWX has regained some clarity, despite his grief and loss, he also knows there's no other place that's face for them, not after Nightless City. His only option is to think of ways to destroy the seal.

As for a-Yuan, I think WWX would've actually kept the child away from him, especially during the first few days or weeks. He'd probably recognize that a-Yuan doesn't need to see him in such a state.

I also think it wasn't WWX who tucked him away in a tree stump. It could have been granny or uncle four doing that as WWX prepared to confront the incoming siege. WWX doesn't remember what happened to him but there's not even a hint of him thinking a-Yuan would've survived. He probably didn't know one of the Wens had hidden the child away.

Also, what luck! That was such a close thing! If LWJ hadn't gone, a-Yuan would've definitely died. It was so close.

I'm torn about who dies first.

Sometimes I get the impression that WWX died before most of the Wens. He would've definitely been the first line of defence and the first one to act. And then sects apparently had time to collect the bodies and toss them in the blood pool. I'm assuming WWX wouldn't have let that happen. He could've seen a few die and decided that destroying the seal would've been the only way to salvage the situation. I'm assuming a-Yuan would have probably crossed his mind. Like the longer he takes to neutralize the situation, the more time people have to find him.

It could be that the Wens die first and WWX attempts to destroy the seal to keep it out of people's hands.

I believe WWX died furious. His last action was to keep a powerful tool away from the sects. I think he was very angry. It could have been a combination of grief, anger, and a sense of helplessness that made him focus on destroying the seal. Everyone was gonna die anyways, especially if he did nothing. The blashlash would perhaps deter people enough for a few Wens to escape.

I think the situation was just pure chaos and it would've been impossible for WWX to think everything through, especially not with the Jiang contingent leading the siege. You bet JC would've taken advantage of every weakness and tell to defeat WWX. Probably by targeting the Wens right before his eyes.

Idk, I have many thoughts about the siege.

[dangerous-disposition]

my mag172 #thots i will not be swayed from

The tl;dr version:

Fuck the web

Fuck Web!Martin theories (like i cannot even properly articulate why i hate this theory so much now, and I used to subscribe to it)

And fuck Annabelle Cane, I literally hate her with my entire being.

As a recovering addict, I would say... this is the best episode of the show, and I will also never, ever listen to it again.

Now the long version below the cut.

So I hate the Web, and I hate Annabelle Cane. To me, the other fears make sense on a primal human level. The Web is just...pure evil. It was born from the choices of evil people, and is only used for evil. Plain and simple. It is, at it’s core the worst fear and I hate it. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me not hate it.

Because of point number one, I refuse to believe in or subscribe to literally any Web!Martin theory. At all. Listen, MAG170 killed Web!Martin theories completely, imho, and any amount of theorizing in favour of Web!Martin is grasping at straws. But I refuse to believe that my perfect boy, who spent the entire time in the Lonely defending his abuser, who busted his own ass out of the Lonely bc he was in love would be part of something as evil as the Web. Like I just....I feel like there was no way to have had an episode, completely from the POV of Martin, and not gotten any spoken hint at him being even remotely connected to the Web. Just. No.

The argument at the beginning, if you could call that an argument: I have noticed, especially in recent episodes, that Jon seems influenced by the domain and especially the “statement giver” before he even begins his monologue. Like...kinda showing how the forced Knowing creeps up on him? This theory of mine has been in the back of my mind since MAG168 but I don’t know how to fully explain it because it just fully formed in my head after this episode. Something changed after Oliver’s statement, just like it did in Season 1, and again at the beginning of Season 4. In MAG170, Jon got separated from Martin, and I feel like...Jon wouldn’t have just....left Martin behind, even by accident, even during a monologue and I just...I feel like, to some degree, Jon had been at least a little bit influenced by the Lonely and got separated that way. And then in the Flesh, approaching Jared, Jon was confused that Martin didn’t find the flesh flowers beautiful, and the way he said it...it struck me as a very Jared thing to say. And then the way Jon talked in this episode, the way Jon got defensive and sniped at Martin just....it was very similar in feeling to Francis’ own words being mirrored back to them by the spider. Just....i’m not sure where I’m going with this, or even if it has sound basis in canon. It’s just been a pattern I’ve noticed but it was made clearer to me now.

I refuse to see that final interaction with Martin and Jon as anything other than two frustrated and exhausted men trudging through the apocalypse, and whatnot. Like I can just hear the absolutely lukewarm takes ppl will have and just. Nah, leave me out of it.

Loved the explanation about Knowing vs. Understanding.

Also loving Jon and Martin still discussing boundaries, and Martin has a right to said boundaries, and I’m getting where he’s coming from in now wanting to know, or for Jon to Know. I think I would be the same, not wanting to know if my feelings for someone or choices were my own or made for me, especially if I had gone through as much as Martin has. I rly did not see this as an omen of any kind, especially with them having that conversation in the middle of the Web’s domain.

This episode was hard. I’m recovering from alcoholism, I’ve recovered from cigarette addiction repeatedly, and also struggle with binge eating disorder which is often treated the same way as an addiction would in therapy. I relate to Francis as a recovering addict, and I thought this episode did an amazing job in illustrating addiction, and relapse, and the little ways addicts get undermined and undermine themselves in the recovery process. I don’t think this episode compared addiction to being a monster, nor do I think it downplayed the mental illness aspect of addiction. I made a post earlier about how these statements are mad with heavy bias, especially during the apocalypse, and they’re about fear. Recognizing that addiction is a mental illness and showing it as such does not translate fear, and if it did, I feel like that would be more the Corruption’s domain than any others. The Web is about not being in control, it’s about not having a choice or free will, it’s about feeling trapped by the choices you once made and are unable to make choices that contradict those. With addiction, that is a very real feeling. You can tell me all day that it’s mental illness, it’s rooted in depression or anxiety or whatever, and all you have to do is treat that cause and address it blah blah blah. I know. We know. But when you’re struggling with a relapse, or a near-relapse, it does not feel like you’re in control, it does not feel like you are driving your own body. It feels like someone else is behind the wheel, and you hate that person, and you are terrified of that person. That person is ruining your life and you feel like you cannot fucking stop them. But then you do! You can do it. And a lot of us succeed, and I feel like if the world hadn’t ended, Francis would be doing okay. Just like I’m doing okay. And the countless other recovering addicts I know. But in a fictional world, where our fears are actual entities, with physical avatars doing their bidding everywhere, in an apocalyptic hellscape where the fears EXIST ON OUR PLANE of reality, where people are forced to live through their greatest fears forever.

Idk, i just thought this was a really good episode and I’m debating blacklisting TMA until next week lmao.

I just wanted to add this bc I rly don't want ppl to eventually come at me about their personal experiences w addiction and just... Jonny confirmed that he wrote this episode from his own experiences as an addict and his fears regarding addiction, plus that season 5 is about fear not truth so.

Read the following tweets before trying to push your experiences as the "truer" experience or whatevs I've already been seeing.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

Hey there, this is going to get very long and might not make that much sense, so i apologise in advance, but i saw that you discussed the role distribution when Eddie was in the hospital a while back and i have thoughts on this. I think the way some people regard the whole „Ana staying at Eddie’s bedside“ thing is kinda funny. Because the very few EddieAna fans see this as confirmation that they are such a real, proper couple now, that she‘s acting like the perfect romantic partner and that she’s the most important person in his life now (after Chris), which is like, provably false. But even those who don’t like EddieAna tend to, imho,ascribe a bit too much importance to Ana being there.

Sure, everyone keeps pointing out how Buck took on the more important role in taking care of Chris, but that implies that Ana took on a different one, that she did anything, which i…don’t think she actually did? As in, on screen. I know the bedside vigil is a common romantic trope, but it’s not like it was fulfilled here! Ana being there was not at all emphasised, we didn’t even see her interact with an unconscious Eddie (holding his hand or whatever). She was just there looking sad. Her staying with Eddie wasn’t even explicitly mentioned at any time. And from a pure factual standpoint, staying with someone while they’re unconscious…isn’t really much of anything.

Don’t get me wrong, working in a hospital i know how important it can be for patients to have the comfort of company , especially of loved ones, even when they are not acutely aware of it.But we’re not talking about a terminally ill man here. We’re not talking about Eddie being in a coma for weeks on end. We’re talking about a few days at most, medically induced, and let me tell you, most of these patients don’t remember sh*t from when they were unconscious. They are thankful when finding out that someone was there, but apart from that it don’t really get anything out of it. (And for the people saying that she took care of Eddie while Buck took care of Chris- yeah, no, at least not physically. That’s the nurses‘ job). See, i’m really not attacking Ana here, i think it’s very sweet of her to stay with Eddie, it speaks to her character (and maybe feelings for him). I’m just saying that she didn’t really do anything of substance for Eddie, especially since it wasn’t really shown. And that this really doesn’t tell us anything at all about Eddie’s feelings for her or her importance in his life.

The real important work (that’s actually affecting the patient) starts when they wake up, and that’s when we saw Ana once- when she stepped out of the way so Eddie can look at Buck and vice versa🤷🏼‍♀️ And then it’s Buck sorting out Eddie’s release from the hospital and driving him home and …yeah idk. Of course we can assume that she was there more often, but if her being there was supposed to be meaningful in some kind of way they should and surely would have actually shown it to be.

Anyway, i’m still firmly of the belief that they were just looking for a way to logically include her in this episode without having to actually address the state of her and Eddie’s relationship and chose to use her to give the audience (and Buck, ultimately) updates on Eddie.

you make a LOT of good points anon!! i do think it’s so interesting that the “bedside vigil” of it all was just so non existent. like you’re right, she was there, and i know this ep was packed, but they could’ve shown her holding eddie’s hand?? or looking at him all forlornly like she was scared for his life?? but she was just sitting in a corner, and then as soon as buck showed up, she dipped!! where did she go!! buck got him discharged and his meds in order and drove him home. was ana setting up for the party?? if i was dating someone, i would DEF want them to be there when i left the hospital, especially if we’re operating under the assumption that they would be helping with recovery.

it’s just all very inch resting, but they start shooting again next week thank GOD, so answers are on their way

[mafaldaknows]

I've been thinking about Armie and hoe. All I can think of is that they had a brief sexual relationship, or not at all. Last time, he might have answered her letter. Lawyers say all communication between him and his partner is voluntary, perhaps just to restate his position. There was no rape or coercion, and if there was sex, it was voluntary. (but that doesn't mean it happened.) In any case, a long-term relationship is almost impossible. If she has been having an affair with him for many years, there will be more photos of two people or his, not just photos of fans, and her statement will not change again and again, because all she has to do is to tell the truth of the affair, and the only thing that can change again and again is lies. The date of her rape case was also very delicate. At that time, his chest muscle tear had just recovered and it was difficult to beat and rape an adult woman for four hours, which cast a shadow on the authenticity of her accusations. Unless the date of the rape was real and could not be changed (but there were other signs that it was unlikely), she could have chosen a better date to avoid these things, which I think was because she didn't know enough about his life. But if the relationship lasts for years, she will know more about his life.

DMS is easy to forge. Considering that the wrong grammar and stupid wording are far from what we know as Armie, he is unlikely to flirt with hoe and become a fool. Lawyers also issued subpoenas to Facebook and instagram. If the DMS is true and there is no forgery or tampering, then the lawyer does not have to do so. In my opinion, if the case of rape (DMS) is true, Armie should admit and apologize before the scandal further damages the public image. There is no better way to end the scandal than to admit. After all, it was futile to argue with the truth, but he hired a lawyer to fight confidently. In short, I think it's almost impossible to have a long-term relationship. She may have had sex or had no sex. She is a stalker and is more likely to harass him for many years. When he refused her, she angrily forged the DMS, forcing him to admit her and destroy him.

Sorry, it's a rush. There could be a lot of typos.

Hello, Anon:

No worries, you’ve made a clear statement, with which I agree and understand, mostly.

My mind is swirling at the moment, so please forgive the haphazard assemblage of thoughts that I’m about to throw down, as I struggle to make sense of a nonsensical situation:

I am still on the fence about whether or not they actually ever had sex, but I’m definitely sure they didn’t have any sort of long-term entanglement. I think you’re correct about HOE being a stalker and harassing Armie for years, perhaps after a one-night-only performance.

Armie’s DM released by his attorney is authentic, unlike the ones HOE wrote as dull and witless ESL Armie, but it could be taken out of context by some to make it seem like they had a legitimate connection of some kind. The more I read it, the more it sounds like someone trying to appease an obsessive fan with whom they had previous obtrusive encounters, and is merely playing along with their game in order to de-escalate a potentially dangerous situation. That’s not the tone of someone who was ever in love with the person receiving that message, or even remotely likes them. The underlying sentiment of that message imho seems more like “How do I get out of this without hurting anyone? What if she has our address?”

If they actually had a legitimate relationship, she would’ve known the facts of his injury, surgery, and recovery process, and would’ve chosen a more believable date for her allegations. She also would have more than one photo of them to show, in more intimate settings and locations than on the street in front of WME. A meet-and-greet is not a relationship, despite what moony fangirls might want to believe.

As for his attorney’s statement, I think it leaves too much room for interpretation, and was not as definitive or forceful as it could be, thus only adding to our confusion. But that may have been intentional, as this is still a fluid situation and anything is possible. Wiggle room is better than backtracking. Because backtracking looks like lying, as we’ve learned from HOE’s example.

If any of HOE’s allegations prove to be true (which I doubt highly) then, of course, remediation is in order. But the fact that HOE is not filing charges or taking Armie to court says a lot about the validity of her case, at least to me.

So, you may be on to something, Anon. This could end up being a incredibly complicated case of simple stalking.

Thanks for your comments. 😊

[not-poignant]

Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing? with the understanding that no advice is universal of course

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

So I have a ton of stuff in the Pia on Writing tag that goes into a lot of detail but (with the caveat to ignore anything that doesn't work for you):

Learn to love your mistakes, because you must make a lot of them to get good at writing, so if you hold back because you're worried about your writing being bad, your shooting yourself in the foot. Your writing HAS to be bad for it to get better. Or: You need manure/shit (bad writing) to grow a really good garden (good writing). You want a good garden? Start shoveling the shit in, lol.

Clever marketing won't solve not putting the hours in to hone your craft.

In fanfiction, make sure it's fun. That doesn't mean it can't be hard sometimes, that you can't dread editing sometimes or drafting, that you can't have sadder times, but make sure that the overall net is always positive. Otherwise, take a break.

In professional writing, learn how to stop waiting for inspiration to strike, and learn to turn up on that dance floor on your own. Inspiration is a fickle dance partner, it often won't turn up unless you develop the discipline to turn up first.

Sometimes the writing you absolutely slog through that feels stilted and bad is some of your best writing. Just because it feels clunky when you're writing, doesn't mean it reads clunky. Just because it feels smooth when you're writing, doesn't mean it reads smooth. Your emotional state at the time of writing does not determine the quality of writing. Feeling good while you're writing =/= good writing. Likewise feeling bad while writing =/= bad writing.

You do not need a daily habit to be good at writing. Develop one if you want one, but personally I don't have one and I'm super happy that way. Take your weekends, have your leisure time, goddamn it, don't be a terrible boss to yourself.

Writing can be both lonely and exhausting - make some non-douchey writer friends (or artist or creative friends), and make sure you take breaks. Because writing is so cerebral, you'd be surprised how much physical activity can help with recovery, like stretching, gentle walks, workouts, etc.

Eat brain food. Snacking during writing is actually normal. I have nuts on hand for protein boosts, but I'll also eat chocolate or snack on quick energy boosts.

Stay hydrated.

Ignore any writing advice that goes 'you must do this in order to be a writer' or 'you have to do this one thing to be successful.' They're wrong. There is no one-true-path in writing with the exception that you do have to write in order to like...be a writer, imho.

You are going to want to compare yourself to others, but be very aware of who you're comparing yourself to. If you're new, why are you comparing yourself to someone with 10-20 years of experience? If you're disabled and fatigued, why are you comparing yourself to able-bodied writers? Stop competing with people outside of your metaphorical weight class, they're not your competition. I'm not going to tell you not to compare yourself to others, but be very careful of how you compare yourself to others. I've had new writers be like 'I could never do your wordcounts (so I'm not as good of a writer)' and like, no friend, neither could I 10 years ago. This is literally a decade of hard work and practice. Some skills really just come with time. (Also most writers are more successful after writing less words than me so y'know lol).

If you get shitty comments/critiques, remind yourself that if you wouldn't take personal advice from a complete stranger like this (and you wouldn't), then their shitty comments/critiques aren't worth your time either.

On AO3, the delete, block, moderate comments function and mute buttons are all free. USE THEM. Don't bother giving haters airtime on your fics. Elsewhere on the internet, as much as you can, try and ignore review sites. Like seriously.

Learn your writing style. Practice planning, plantsing and pantsing! Practice writing one thing or more than one thing at a time. Practice different genres. You might be surprised at what fits you as a person! Think of it like being a musician, you're not trying to be a band that already exists, you're trying to be your band and you're trying to find your sound.

You're probably very good at noticing your weaknesses, get good at noticing your strengths, and use those to shore up the places where you're still building skills.

Do writing prompts. I cannot stress this enough, but learn how to write settings. Describe the dialogue of a friend. Write a character dossier on a television character. Practice worldbuilding, practice character building.

Fill the well. Read broadly across many genres. Watch many different types of media. Listen to many audiobooks. The best way to not sound derivative of a particular order is to saturate yourself with inspiration from hundreds of different places.

That's probably enough! dklsjfdas

~

From this meme!

[palaeolithicc]

a ramble.

What the fuck was that Holby episode. Seriously after ALL the time Jac Naylor was in the show (& Rosie Marcel’s effort into playing Jac), that is how they end things!! I get that Rosie was planning on leaving mid-last year, and that it is mid-pandemic - I completely understand that. Just look at Ric’s exit storyline to understand a whimper rather than a bang exit. A few comments and thoughts - 

Back we go to Kian in relapse (in general as someone with close experience of IRL addiction), I’m not - annoyed at this storyline - but the idea that Jac was what was “saving him” (for me) is a dangerous concept. Of course this relpase is response to trauma (a break up / life changing / being berated by your suddenly ex etc etc).  I get that people place their hope in anything when releasing or in the midst of addiction - people truly do get better because of family and loved ones (from my own personal experience) but this whole concept of Kian only being stable due to Jac ... paints a dangerous picture of addiction. Hope, is a key factor in recovery and not relapsing but please for the love of GOD this is the third time in a year ?? (pandemic brain go wonky) that Kian has abused drugs - like okay it shows that addiction does not suddenly go away, but I swear no storyline with Kian has been done without drugs or addiction subtext. I adore Kian as a character but all the depth and character development keeps being ruined by circling back to a relapse storyline. By the way, I agree that Jac and no one can serve as the sole purpose for keeping someone on the straight and narrow - we are not vessels for stress of keeping other people safe / sane. 

Next, we move onto perhaps the most OOC Jac situation to grace the screens - leaving with the guy that she met when in hospital (not, super unusual IRL so many people strike up romances on a psych ward - in my own experience) -- that is not the Jac Naylor that has graced our screens for over the last decade, all the storylines and EFFORT put in to make Jac Naylor well - Jac Naylor only to have her storyline end based on her riding off into the (pandemic) sky with a man/character who served (IMHO) as a potential barrier for Jac. I am not saying that it was a rush exit (as noted above Rosie said she was planning on leaving last May) but, it was not a very Nayloresque ending. To suddenly pack up shop and leave... 

Please can Cam finally have his comeuppance i have had this whole ... murderous Cam boring now - it has been going on for what over a year (/series) now ever since the whole Evan drama. Please Please PLEASE.

I am super happy that Holby is back on our screens but I have found almost ALL the storylines since Ric’s brain surgery very bizarre and off. Never mind the high percentage of LONG TERM characters that have left this series. 

For reference - I have been watching Holby since c. 2007/2008 (Sam Strachan cancer storyline anyone?) & another ref I was like c. 10 when I first watched it.

[infiniteglitterfall]

Hi! I have atypical autism and I’m having trouble at work. I feel like no work place is working out for me because of my diagnosis. I’m uncomfortable around my colleagues, I’m quiet, I don’t know when to speak or what to say etc. I’m sad, mad and frustrated that this ruins every work place for me and I don’t know what job would fit me. I’ve never told my bosses that I have atypical autism and I don’t want to do it either. I want advice on what I should do

this is a great question!  I didn’t know what atypical autism was, but I googled it and it sounds like  they came up with this because they can’t call it asperger’s anymore? “a subthreshold diagnosis, presenting with some symptoms of autism but insufficient to meet criteria for a diagnosis of childhood autism (or autistic disorder). Alternatively, atypical autism can be diagnosed when there is a late onset of symptomatology.” Aka DDNOS, apparently.  From my perspective, it doesn’t sound different from any other autistic experience. FWIW. I think they tend to base their diagnostic labels more on how we seem from the outside than what our experiences really are. just my onion It sounds like you’re struggling with social anxiety, in that special vicious-cycle kind of way where not knowing how to interact with people makes you more anxious, and that makes it harder to interact with them, which makes you more anxious....?  The nice thing about vicious cycles is that you only have to knock out part of the cycle to make the whole thing fall apart. Like: if you didn’t feel anxious about not knowing when to speak or what to say, it would be easier to figure out when to speak or what to say. Which, in turn, would give you less reason to feel anxious about it, et cetera.  Or, if you knew what to say to them and how to hit it off, you would have fewer triggers for your anxiety, which would then make it easier to.... you get the idea.  There are a lot of things that help with social anxiety. I am going to give a shout-out to medication, first of all. There are a lot of life hacks and therapeutic techniques that help a lot. And for yeeeeeaaaars, I didn’t realize that I really had anxiety, and also, thought that I “should” see if I could manage anything myself before “resorting to” meds.  Turns out, medication saves me a TON of spoons, which I was previously using to “manage” depression, anxiety, and ADHD. You would not BELIEVE how much more energy and just general functionality I had when I finally got my meds right. OMFG.  It can be a pain in the ass to find the right medication, especially if it means first having to find a medical practitioner that can help you and then having to explain the situation. Sometimes you find something that helps you right away. Sometimes you have to try different things to find something that works well enough. Sometimes you get the fun of “doesn’t work for me AND has bad side effects for me.” (OTOH, when looking at side effects, always remember that you might not get any of the side effects.)  IMHO, the hardest part of finding the right medication is that a lot of practitioners don’t know how to track whether it’s helping you or not. Or whether it’s helping ENOUGH. Like: I got on anxiety meds that were starting to help, but which were making my ADHD meds not work.  I tried a bunch of other things, and finally got Vyvanse to work for my ADHD. But I managed to FORGET that my anxiety meds weren’t doing anything, for a full year, until things got really bad and I was like “wait a minute... these should be helping????” And I did some research, accidentally found a competent psychiatrist, and found that Cymbalta worked for me... but even then, if I hadn’t found decent tools for assessing if it was enough, I would’ve stopped at like half the dose I actually needed to be on.  This post is gonna be long as it is, so I’m gonna reblog to add different tools you can use to gauge what’s working, and which will help medical professionals understand what you’re experiencing. (Because tbh, they’re often just plain ignorant about this shit.)  You do not necessarily have to go to a psychiatrist to get medication for anxiety, social or otherwise! My partner’s OBGYN prescribed him depression meds. My family doctor was willing to prescribe stuff for depression and anxiety, but only if it was something that didn’t potentially interact with ADHD meds. My chosen brother’s doctor was asking EVERYBODY, after the 2016 election, how they were doing and if they needed depression/anxiety meds. (And they’re in North Carolina!) He had never really thought about it before, and in fact, when he started taking them, his social anxiety got so much better that he was doing shit like going back into the store to tell them they’d given him too much change. He was the one who got me to think about taking them. He had a little kid, and he was like, "I’m doing this for my family.”  Ok, medication aside:  Some kinds of therapy are really good for figuring out how to interact with people. I’ve been learning a lot about different modalities, and I would recommend finding someone who does what’s called “relational therapy” or “relational-cultural therapy.”  Basically, relational therapy is ALL about learning how to interact with people and have better relationships of all kinds. It’s very connected with issues of marginalization: people who are into relational therapy learn about how marginalization, and abuse, affect us and our relationships. Like, how we can internalize a ton of shame, just from being autistic and being devalued by the people around us. Even just from existing in a world that doesn’t value or understand how we communicate, and how we experience things.  And it’s really good for identifying that stuff, healing from the struggles of trying to interact with people, and learning how to relate to people in a way that works for you.  I found an organization that explains it pretty well (”Are you anxious when it comes to social situations like the workplace?... If we are depressed or anxious, inevitably it can be traced back to tension or breakdowns in relationships, or an inability to connect”), has a blog post in the sidebar called “Signs of Aspergers In Adults - Sound Familiar?” and apparently does therapy globally via Skype. I have never used them, I don’t know anything about them, I just googled “relational therapy” “online therapist.” (Shockingly, tho, that blog post not only links to one by an actually autistic person, but is very positive about autistic traits. I’m impressed so far. And I’m sure there are other options out there, too.) Lastly (as far as Things That I Personally Know Work go), I’ve gotten a LOT of recovery around social anxiety, and learned how to build relationships at work, from 12-step programs.  The reason it works for that, as far as I can tell, is:  • It’s a peer-led model, where everyone is equal. (this was huge to me, because I really struggled for a long time with feeling like everyone knew better than I did and had more of a right to talk about anything than I did, and therapy was a tough way to deal with things at that point because I saw the therapist as A Professional who’s In Charge.)  • There’s a lot of emphasis on the fact that the newcomer who just walked into the room has as much of a right to give input in a business meeting, or to volunteer to help out with something that doesn’t require specific experience, or to share what’s going on with them, as anybody else.  • Everybody there has gone through the same stuff as you, and anybody who’s helping you is showing you what worked for them, not what they were taught would work for people. That can be a pretty big difference, especially in terms of being able to relate to them and share personal things with them.  • Working the steps involves a lot of writing about your fears and resentments, and looking at, basically, what has and hasn’t worked for you, and why it hasn’t worked. Really, what you're doing there is seeing where you can reclaim your power. And then you deal with a lot of shame, and get to discover how much you’re like other people, and how much you’re equal to other people, and that you’re a good addition to the world. • You also connect with your intuition, when working the steps, and develop a better sense of what’s intuition and what’s fear/anxiety. That, and sharing in meetings, REALLY helped me get a sense of what to say to people and get comfortable saying things. (A lot of people shorthand what I’m calling “intuition” as “god,” but it’s very much supposed to be a nonreligious idea of “god.” and IME, it’s basically your intuition, whether your belief system says that’s god talking to you, or a psychological thing, or a mystical force, or what.)  Plus, 12-step stuff is free, which I’m very much in favor of lol. And most 12-step orgs have phone meetings and online meetings, so you don’t even have to go in person if that’s a barrier. (and in a phone meeting, they might not even know you’re there!) The tricky part can be figuring out which 12-step groups are good in your area and what might work for you. Because they range from Alcoholics Anonymous to, like... what’s the most obscure one I can think of? ARTS Anonymous, I guess. (it’s for artists who are stuck, it’s not saying art is an addiction)  But if you wanted to try 12-step for this, I would say that Emotions Anonymous is really good for dealing with all sorts of emotional and mental health stuff. (and holy shit, they have an app????) Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families has, iirc, a good book, (as well as all the meetings and whatnot) and most people probably qualify for that. If you have any experience with sexual assault, abuse, harassment, or being cheated on, COSA is good, and you end up working on all your other relationships and emotional stuff along the way. 

[lalikaa]

SU: Future Eps 1-4 Thoughts

steven universe future spoilers under the cut! I just need to talk about my thoughts and feelings!!!

tbh I really enjoyed these first few episodes! I think Jaspar is being handled splendidly in that they’re not portraying her as a villian, but rather as someone who very stubbornly doesn’t want to change for the better. It’s very realistic imho, and you see this in every day life too. The fight with Steven seemed a little adrupt, but I can see why they wrote it this way for plot reasons- basically, to show that Steven has another “hidden” power (tho definitely hinted at in the “Change Your Mind” finale). I can’t even tell you how excited I am for Steven’s road to his own self recovery. This boy has had so many traumatic things happen to him, but has always waved/laughed them off. He’s talked through some, but Rose/Pink is definitely the elephant in the room, as shown by the 3rd ep. Which, by the way, was both fantastic and horribly uncomfortable to watch. I do wish Steven could have talked to more than just those 3, and the explaniation as to why it was just those 3 that visited seems odd, but once again, for plot/ep time limit reasons, I can understand. And I feel like we’ll be seeing them again.

The Amethyst development was great! I love that she’s matured, and I loved the updated Smokey Quartz! tbh it was the very end of ep 2 that made me laugh loudest- “Oh nO ONION!! ...eh he’s fine.” GREAT delivery on that one LOL.

The overall theme of ep 2 was good too- the struggle between doing something you like or something you’re good at- and trying to find that tricky in-between.

Ep 4 was a DOOZY and I knew when I read the ep description I was gonna cry but oooooh boy, I was not prepared for a DOUBLE PEARL FUSION. I’m 0% surprised it was Pink who hurt Volley, but it still was painful to see her reaction when Steven lost his cool. I def want to see more interactions between the Pearls! 

I really am ready to see more of Steven losing his shit. and even tho I’m p sure we won’t get it, I do like the fanon thing where Steven gets diamonds in his eyes when he’s pink!

My major complaints are that the eps seemed way too fast, but there’s nothing we can do about the time limit on eps haha. My other big complaint is that major characters like Garnet and Connie were pushed to the side, but I’m sure they’ll get eps of their own! If I remember right, Lapis is getting an episode in the next month or so, and I’m really looking forward to it!! 

This has been all over the place but I’m also an emotional wreck rn so time to rewatch all the eps again for a third time because why not

[abusedsapphics-archive]

(pt1) I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I was constantly humiliated and manipulated by my father and sometimes he would hit me for no reason. He was psychologically abusive to my mother too, and I'd always try to protect her and take care of her emotionally. I've struggled with GAD, social phobia, bulimia and self-harm for years (I'm doing better now). But I belive these symptoms are actually part of C-PTSD. I've read a lot about it and I'm I have most of the symptoms

(2) It took me a long time to tell my Pdoc about it because I was afraid she would make me feel invalidated (as many mental health professionals don't believe C-PTSD is an actual diagnosis). I told her in our last session and she said she had never heard about C-PTSD.

(3) When I asked her for a diagnosis she brought up my mother's emotional neglect and how that made me have an insecure attachment, but I think she doesn't think I was traumatized. She said we haven't talk too much about my father's abuse, so she can't know for sure. I've felt invalidated by other therapists in the past, and my Pdoc is the one who has helped me the most. However she does psychodymanic (which was very helpful at first but now it's always the same topics repeating themselves).

(4-sorry for writing so much)- Sometimes I feel like we have different points of view about what's going on with me and the kind of tratment I need. I can't help but feel invalidated after our last session. It made me feel like I'm making it up and like I'm lucky compared to people who "actually have" PTSD. I feel so hopeless right now. I only want someone to understand 😔

I’m sorry you felt invalidated and I’m sorry you feel hopeless :(

I’m going to assume that by Pdoc you mean psychiatrist? If she’s never heard about c-ptsd, I sincerely hope she goes and reads Pete Walker’s book, so at least she’ll know what you mean when you mention it. Maybe you could suggest she does that, if you haven’t already done so, in your next session?

I've grown to have a very skeptical view of diagnoses over the years, truthfully. Among other things, I don’t like that as soon as you as a patient are the one to suggest them, or even just agree with them, mental health professionals suddenly refuse to take you seriously. I feel like we as people who struggle with mental health tend to look at diagnoses as a source of validation and as a guideline for recovery (which is not a bad thing, imho), but it’s sort of counterproductive to then go and ask someone if we’re allowed to feel validated by something and if it’s okay to use some techniques that we think we will find useful.

All that being said, however, I guess my advice to you would depend on what sort of thing you’re looking for, from your psychiatrist. When I had one, the only thing I wanted from him was for him to help me find a drug regimen that would help me without too many side effects, so I would dismiss any of his “I wouldn’t call your parents abusive” style comments. But, if you’re looking for this person to be sort of your advocate and to take you seriously, you could maybe try to tell her? You could, for example, explain that you often tend to dismiss and minimize the harm your parents have caused you, and so you need to be taken seriously by her when you express your symptoms. You could say that you feel like you’re not on the same page about what happened to you and what you need to move forward. You could even perhaps read to her excerpts on c-ptsd or on abuse and explain why you relate (I’ve done this in the past and it’s helped me a lot, given that I used to really struggle to explain my symptoms). You could also write her an email, if confronting her in person seems too scary.

I hope she can take you seriously and stop dismissing you. Regardless, though, I would urge you to try and get a better idea of the kind of treatment she thinks you need - even if she does become the most validating and supportive advocate for you, and even if she’s been supportive in the past, it’s still okay for you to think that her idea of what type of treatment you need sounds terrible or useless to you, and it’s still okay for you to tell her that and ask her if she can refer you to someone who might fit your needs better.

Best of luck! xx