#im very gay and would never touch a man irl

[sophaeros]

I think I'm hf in the exact same thing as you rn I just found your blog I am also obsessed with band rpf and Casablanca's/hammond jr do u have a kind of manifesto or anything I can read

dude did one of my irls send this or smth..i was literally Just talking about putting together a masterdoc and they were egging me on BSJFJWBS. i mean i'm kinda working on one but no promises bc im terrible w long term projects and also theyre very difficult to figure out

BUT i Will say (and i've seen other random people online agree w me) i think the general timeline is that during the seven years they lived together from 1998 to 2005 jules was down bad for albert but albert didn't realise his own feelings, so the most that might've happened is some fooling around physically. (this is mainly going off of this page from the meet me in the bathroom book where jules says "albert, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, baby!" insane quote. i could talk a little more about their full quotes but that's another post)

sometime between 2005 and 2013 (possibly 2011 tbh, comedown machine is The gay situationship album but angles touches on it a lot too) they dated twice and broke up both times. im not sure who broke up w who but tentatively i would say the first breakup was more acrimonious while the second breakup might've been mutual.

it's difficult to say anything for sure because most of their songs have songwriting credits shared with other people, so looking at lyrics for clues has a pretty big margin of error since a line might've been written by someone else and not them, yknow? i mean rpf is never a "for sure" kind of deal i could be entirely wrong and that would be fine but. you get what i mean

also one way trigger is the lynchpin for me. i physically cannot imagine a platonic explanation for this poster that uses a screenshot from thelma and louise of all films. not to mention the lyrics like even my Mom raised an eyebrow at "get dressed in your bed while she's asleep." and also it's one of two strokes songs albert has ever played solo with the other being elephant song (at least according to setlistfm, im still trying to find a video of it) (edit 12/08/2034: setlistfm lied to me he did not play elephant song 💔💔💔💔) which was written, surprise surprise, by albert and julian in 1999.

i mean i guess the poster could be them fucking around and having a little laugh but come on what an insane ass joke to make man. i'm gonna make a post later about one way trigger being their specialest little song because it really is

soo like..theres still more i could talk about like one way trigger being written by the albert julian nick trio (which makes me laugh imagining nick mediating their lovers quarrel) [EDIT: ACTUALLY WAIT NO ok it's hard to find definitive information on who wrote what bc different databases have information of varying precision but the canadian site socan which is the most precise so far says only albert and jules wrote the lyrics for one way trigger i'd misremembered. albert julian nick trio Did do call it fate tho which is still kinda crazy !! also jules and albert being the only ones to do one way trigger makes me crazier jesus christ why is this depressing ass song Their Song !!!!] which is the same trio as games from angles. theres a lot i've been thinking about them nonstop for like, what, a month? give or take? my poor friends have to deal w me sending dozens of messages at a time much love and light to them if they read this muah

and thank you for the excuse to be insane on main anon 🥰

[evereverest2]

You do NOT have to answer all of these if you don't want to lmao these are just the ones that looked most interesting to me

15, 18, 23, 56, 63, 64 for Little Monster

bitch i finna answer them all i love LITTLE MONSTER SM

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

so generally i put myself in the narrative and i remember/imagine what certain things feel and look like (even though im unfortunately not a gay man) i think i’ve mentioned this before but the way i write i just see the scene like a movie. i imagine every little feeling and detail and try to cram it into the prose as much as i possibly can, and that’s especially the case with smut scenes.

for me, realism is super important. when i was first starting out and was still a virgin i read a lot of smut and therefore would just emulate what i read. experience is def the best way to know how to write something, but given that i will never be a gay man sometimes u have to do a lot of research, ask a man what it’s like to have ur pp touched, and do ur best from there

despite that, though, there is such thing as too much detail for me. there are MANY smut authors in this fandom and all corners of the internet who will give you LOTS of detail. things like the sensation of pubic hair on the tongue and descriptions each and every little pussy fold jiggling is just too much for me. sex irl is goofy and ugly even if it is hot and sexy and fun, and i often exclude the ugly gross parts bc i feel that as a reader and writer, u aren’t reading smut to know what sex is like exactly, ur reading it for the intimate and sexy aspect of it all. plus, i don’t write porn for the sake of porn, i often write it to explore a particular relationship especially as it changes, and you can 100% see that each time i write terzomega fucking in Little Monster.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

usually after.

titling and naming things is the hardest thing for me fr. this is the girl who named her stuffed teddy bear “teddy”, her stuffed otter “otter”, her bunny/baby bunny duo “mrs bunny” and “baby,” her stuffed snake “snakey” ….. so on and so forth. i’ve never been creative with names. so what’s easiest for me is to write the whole thing out and take a certain image/idea/moment/name etc. that i want the reader to pay attention to and make that the name.

for instance, on a personal project, i named one chapter of the story “organ”. in the chapter, there is brief mention of an church organ with an unidentified musician playing it. this is one vague moment that isn’t brought up again, and it may have been missed had i not drawn attention to it with the title. the unidentified organist is a key character that appears throughout the story and is implied to have an overarching influence on the main character.

that’s just one example of how i name things. Little Monster is very similar, i want to draw extra special attention to the term ‘mostriciatto’ and the way terzo uses it throughout the story

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

just go read my post honestly. my best advice is genuinely to keep writing as often as you can.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

the characters. god i love writing characters and crafting their mannerisms and especially DIALOGUE. muah 😭💕 i think that’s the biggest reason my fics tend to hit people emotionally— characters are extremely important to me to be written well

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

yk how i mentioned too much detail?

yeah. but the line is blurry.

really what i don’t like is lack of distinctive voice/personality. sometimes smut is just really boring bc there’s no subtle interaction or implication in the dynamic being written. the characters are just vaguely tied to their canon material and given no real motivation or personality. no background. nothing.

that shit bores me and is partly why i’m not a super avid reader of fanfic anymore. finding strong narratives is hard.

oh also; infantilization. i’ve written virgins and i’ve written naive partners. DO NOT TREAT THEM LIKE TEENAGERS WHO WERE HOMESCHOOLED CATHOLIC. fuck bro. i love a story with a character having a new, exciting experience for the first time, but they aren’t fucking babies that are clueless to their bodies. most ppl masturbate/know what sex is by the time they do it for the first time (ESPECIALLY in the age of the internet).

even if they’re not virgins, infantilization is still gross for me to read. sex is an adult activity between two consenting people, not a clueless idiot who doesn’t understand sex enough to say no. i’m not down with age play. im down for sub space, but there’s a line.

can u tell what character i’m thinking ab rn?

64. Something you love to see in smut.

everything i said ab personality in the last question but reverse. i love a good fucking story (ha). smut for the sake of smut is fine bc there’s an audience for that. but i’m not the audience. give me tragedy and give me love. give me tearful sex and give me giggling, silly sex. i want to know about your version of these characters, and how they treat each other in the bedroom is absolutely indicative of their personalities (at least, it should be).

[zeravmeta]

whining about personal irl introspection stuff

since my friend groups mostly consist of trans peeps it always has kind of wormed its way into my head my own thoughts abt my gender and stuff but like for my whole life ive always been pretty comfortable as a cis dude and like for the most part despite growing up with very traditional parents ive also never really felt pressured to like follow the same gender roles they have like my parents are basically the one foot in the door type where like if for whatever reason hypothetically i come out as trans and gay double whammy them my dad whose a pretty Mans Man type of guy would still love me but i know he'd think that he did something wrong (out of ignorance not malice he would absolutely maul someone if they made fun of me) vs my mom who would also be accepting but it would become the next hot topic of her friend groups gossiping and neither are malicious but ive also seen them make themselves suffer over their own gender roles (men do this v women do this) and like i honestly think the reason i dont put much stock into gender as a concept is because most people focus on the roles aspect of it and even with my best efforts ive never really deprogrammed that out of them but honestly above all else im lazy as hell and wont impose more arbitrary rules like that onto myself so when i say im cis im not cis plus im like cis hasnt touched the personalization settings and forgot the login and ofc this would also bleed into ideas like romance and sexuality with aforementioned roles and when it comes to romance this leads more into my experiences with my asshole brother who would always be bringing girlfriends and bragging about being a sex beast but he could never hold onto a relationship and was always dumped and cheated on multiple times (and with modern context and Adult Brain i know its likely because he was a fucking asshole) while my parents would always argue but theyd also been together for 35+ years and wouldnt trade each other for the world so neither of those would be a good reference point for romance but this one also came down to me Not Really Caring where I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship if it happened and im p sure if I liked the person enough to where said stage of romance would even be happening i would invite it but im also not really agonizing over it and can be pretty comfortable being without a partner and on the sex side of things this one is a little weird because ive also Not Cared about it however i know I do have desire for people so im not ace and when it bleeds so intermittently with the romance aspect i just kind of assumed i was ace for a while in my teens until i learned the Words and Terms and such so i was like oh huh i guess i just dont seek romance and thats not the same as liking other humans physically and on that front i guess im just ok with any type of partner so like with neither of these considerations ever being a factor for gender or presentation esp when im a 6ft behemoth of a guy with a strongman body build and never had any type of body dysphoria with that i was and honestly still am perfectly comfortable just being a cis dude and for the past decade it has literally not changed im here for a good time not a long time

anyways this is a very long winded wordy way of saying that im pretty sure im cis aro and bi/pan because ive never cared about gender never wanted a partner and also i appreciate mens tits and cockenbalsen too much to be straight and this post came about because I was thinking of getting an anime man body pillow cover and was imagining the scandalized looks on my parents faces lol

[rubycoos]

I love Mayday Memory it's a breath of fresh air in terms of mobile dating sims, it's really hit or miss with these things and holy hell am I in love! Dell is such a great protagonist, something I havent seen from otome in a while. Syd is my favorite boy but I already decided to go Ain, Syd, Hansol in that order. Please wait for me my lovely bastard boy, ily.

[mithliya]

Hey so I really wanted to know your thoughts on SAM (the split attraction model). Before I discovered what comphet was and read about it, I identified as bisexual or bi-ace . . . Only to realize now that I’ve only ever been sexually attracted to women and only women, and that I was only ever truly “asexual” toward men. Yet, I have also had crushes on boys in the past. Most if not all of my TV crushes were male, and some do my strongest infatuations in my preteen and teen years were boys. I found them aesthetically attractive and wanted to be near them, until they actually got near me and then not so much. I have a suspicion that I liked the attention and validation and also just liked their nice faces, but I remember my first crush had me begging God on my knees to make the boy marry me. Yet when there was opportunity to so much as kiss him I was appalled. I also wonder if the reason I liked fictional men more than women was because they were written better, and if I didn’t consider my deep, love for my female friends and consuming interest in them as romance because it didn’t feel the same and I was taught to disregard it as friendly—it didn’t feel fast or flighty, but deep and all-consuming, like I was being eaten alive from the inside. It was passion.

I don’t know, maybe I’m not used to seeing women as full people and hence found them less interesting as characters and sometimes even irl, kinda like black people (as an African I resented African stories and had no interest and felt no spark in seeing African characters. I realize I’m just not interested in caricatures.)

I don’t know. I’m very conflicted. I have a desire for attractive men, but never sexual, and not even romantic. Kinda like I want to take their faces in my hands and stare, or rub noses. Or touch their smiles. Mainly sensual, but romantic? Sexual? I don’t think so, no.

sorry for dumping this on you, answer at your own leisure and comfort

(but I am also waiting with bated breath because I have been spiraling for days now)

idk anon i really can’t say for sure and whatever i tell u may be false bc how ur currently processing and understanding ur feelings isnt necessarily objective and ultimately you’ll come to a clearer conclusion on ur own. but ive never had tv crushes on males or been attracted to actors or found male characters interesting or prayed to god for a specific guy to marry me (imagining myself married to a guy, as i knew was expected to me, made me deeply depressed and feel trapped but i didn’t know why), and i definitely don’t want to hold a man’s face and stare at it and touch noses (im ok w holding a close gay male friend’s face but i don’t think id want to look particularly long and def not put our faces so intimately close) sooo i don’t rly relate to the stuff you mentioned. honestly figuring out my sexuality was also quite difficult for me bc it required me to rly think back to as far back as my young childhood & that made me realise that from a young age it was clear that there was one group that i was innately attracted to but another group that i knew i should be attracted to & thus would interpret discomfort and anxiety as meaning i was attracted to them (despite ultimately having 0 interest in them). i hope u do figure it out sooner rather than later bc i know it can be distressing to be unsure and conflicted on ur sexuality n feelings 😭

as for SAM, im totally against it. our sexual libido isn’t our sexual orientation, it can vary over time or due to certain experiences or from medication etc. sexual orientation is sth else and romantic & sexual attraction r more or less the same things broken down into specific feelings and preferences. i never thought much about “sensual attraction” tho but i feel like if u aren’t attracted to men as in they don’t make u horny, ur not sexually interested in them, u don’t want to date them, u can find them aesthetically pleasing at most but that’s about it and u always felt this way then ur probably a lesbian. but the stuff u mentioned sounds like weak attraction to men so idk?

[namtanlovesfilm]

im fairly new to bl so i wanted to ask you: i finished futs recently and it really annoyed me when everytime one of them tried to touch or just show affection, the other would be annoyed or even scared. i realized i saw this in couple other BLs, like 2gether etc. im watching what did you eat yesterday, obv not expecting like a make out scene but dont they even kiss each other goodbye or hug??? its ok to hate PDA, but its ridicioulous/unrealistic when they still do that in private too. so, do you have any BL recs where it looks like both parties are into each other the same amount and show physical affection?

oooh, great ask! I've actually talked about the lack of intimacy in bl before, bc it's a very widespread problem. I would say part of it comes from the way thai dramas function in general bc even most straight couples have intimacy at very particular times when the plot calls for it & not in continuity like most couples irl. the two other aspects of it are, I would say, 1) that bl is mostly played by straight actors who still kinda have to "play it straight" on screen (bc it originated as a genre for straight women) if that makes sense, which means minimal intimacy & 2) bl shows LOOOVE their gender roles, meaning they love to have the "bottom" character play hard to get & reject the "top" character bc they think that's what feminine people are irl (the "bottom" is always coded as the representation of the viewer who is most of the time a woman, that's why 99% of the time, the main character who narrates the story is the "bottom"), little shy preys waiting for their big tall man to seduce them anyway 🙄 as for what did you eat yesterday, I'm gonna have to defend the show a bit even though I was also initially thrown off by the lack of pda. one of my lovely mutuals explained to me at the time that japanese dramas with older couples like wdyey almost never have pda, so apparently it's really not just bc this show has a gay couple & it's more of just a cultural thing.

finally, bc I've been ranting for too long lol, bl shows where both parties show each other as much physical affection:

I told sunset about you

crossing the line

life: love on the line

1000 stars

where your eyes linger

dark blue kiss (mostly morksun)

trapped

manner of death

like in the movies

second chance (mostly tongfah & paper)

my day

ingredients

be loved in house: I do

call it what you want

my tee

why r u (at least once the ships are dating)

y destiny

xxx

[musette22]

I don't wanna assume his sexuality really.. but that gif of chris looking at seb's neck and then checking him out... maybe he's in fact straight but just unable to resist the most beautiful man on earth.. (aren't all man gay for sebastian anyway?)

sorry same person again and i just thought.. do we have any evanstan fics where chris thought he was straight until he met sebby? like so pretty much until he was like 28.. or even better that's when he started feeling something but wasn't aware of what was happening and years later he realizes 'oh fuck im in love with him' and somehow they get back in touch etc? I love a story of realizing your sexuality later in life kinda thing, it's never too late :) (2/2)

Hi love! Ah, these asks fit nicely with the last ask I answered! You know, if Chris irl is anything other than straight, then of course it doesn’t matter one iota to me how long he’s known or what made him realise or why he’s chosen to keep that information private, because all that matters is that he’s happy and true to himself. 

But if I’m thinking about it from a fic/headcanon perspective then I’ll admit I have a huge weakness for the idea of Sebastian being Chris’s gay awakening. It would just make what’s between the two of them even more special/intense and fate-like, you know what I mean? That attraction and infatuation that Chris feels towards Sebastian being so strong that it makes him question things that he previously thought were a given, and that makes him realise that for the right person, he’s willing to turn (part of) his life completely upside down to be with them. There’s just something very romantic about that idea (to me at least), and also you’re totally right about it never being too late to realise or re-evaluate your sexuality. It’s all so fluid anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

And yes, we do have quite a few fics like that actually! I’ve written a bunch myself...

I Wanna Be Yours (basically exactly what you mentioned)

I've done some things

There is a Tavern in the Town

Intervention

Ready to Go

Mad About The Boy

Soul Searching (bit different but it’s got some elements of this)

Diving In The Deep End (sort of)

Lol I just realised it’s definitely a recurring theme for me 🙈

Another one that comes to mind is i've never seen anything quite like you by Lizzen, th_esaurus, and I KNOW there’s another, longer fic with a similar premise but I haven’t been able to find it despite looking for it so many times 😩 And there are others, I know it, but I can’t think of titles right now 🥺 But if anyone else knows of any, please share!!

[pseudoneiiric]

meta post: lili and her gender

let me go on the record to say that i fucking love lilian eyler with my whole heart, like, i typed all this out and im so fucking emotional about her! in the past, i've written things about hello charlotte and how the lgbt representation is... lacking, let's call it, and i've also made a few headcanon posts here and there about lilian's transition and her relationship with gender. so i thought, you know, let's actually write a whole ass thing about it. so here it is.

content warnings: gender dysphoria, suicide attempts, homophobia/transphobia in the original source material

PART 1: ETHERANE'S BAD TAKES so... etherane did not handle lgbt stuff well, like, in the slightest. lili is canonically genderfluid, as seen in one of those little profile things that etherane drew that doesn't actually show up in any of the games. but her genderfluid identity isn't handled well at all in the actual source material. actually, in general, hello charlotte is pretty transphobic. to cite one example, there’s this journal entry in hello charlotte 3 talking about “defective” charlotte vessels, and one of the things that can make a charlotte vessel “defective” is for them to be born amab or intersex. this already has some really bad vibes, but then we remember also that one of the big functions of charlottes is apparently for them to be sexualized (yikes!!!!!) and so we also get this weird kind of like, “trans people aren’t hot” kind of take?

but anyway. when it comes to lilian specifically, she never actually states in canon that she’s genderfluid or otherwise trans, not even in the spinoff visual novel, which, by the way, would have been the perfect place to address her gender identity, and she consistently uses he/him pronouns. we don’t actually get to see any of her thought processes about her gender at all — like at this point, i can’t even say it’s a non-issue because that would imply that they even mentioned her gender in canon. the only time we can potentially extrapolate from canon that lili might not be cis is when anri mentions that charlotte is lili’s self-insert oc. that’s kind of heavy-handed with the whole “charlotte being the female name for charles”, but that’s another matter. the point is, with the lack of any canon basis that lilian’s even vaguely questioned her gender, the reveal that she’s actually genderfluid with like, two pieces of artwork that are detached from the actual game feels very pxrfxrmxtxvxly xnclxsxvx (performatively inclusive) especially considering how.... etherane talked about lilian’s gender in particular within the actual canon material.

after all, the story behind lilian is effectively that, after she was born, her mother was forced to abort her second child, a daughter that she would name scarlett. doing so plunged her into a really deep depression that eventually took on delusional qualities. so ever since lilian was about three years old, her mother has been referring to her exclusively as scarlett, asking her to ‘ be a good girl ’ and similarly raising her as a girl. we can see here that etherane seems to have implied that genderfluidity is something that happens because other people make it so, and isn’t an identity and lived experience. (bad take!) although, albeit unintentionally, i think etherane did lay some groundwork to talk about lilian’s relationship with her gender, specifically with regards to her projection onto her oc, charlotte. in high school, when she’s more active on the internet, we see that she’s going by charlotte and using she/her pronouns. anri, her irl friend, is pretty openly critical of that, but she sort of brushes off anri’s complaints and continues to present as feminine online. now, there’s this fanfic writer who goes by the pseudonym “c”, and lilian very quickly takes an interest in him. the way she talks to c, who doesn’t know her irl, compared anri, who does, is just like flat-out like they’re completely different people.

compare, her with c:

to her with anri:

i also wanted to mention that lili does occasionally act more “femininely” with anri, but it’s never to the extent that she does with c, and in general, affectionate banter is sort of... outright ridiculed in their friendship both ways. see this one exchange:

anri: >:) always up for some roasting lili: right? <3 <3 anri: now you’re the one being gross

unrelated but it fucking kills me that anri was like “ily <3” and lili went “gross” so she went “kys” and lili deadass goes “that’s better” like that’s what anri is referencing when she says “now you’re the one being gross” and im like... please just be healthy friends who don’t wish death on each other???

it’s also worth noting that c doesn’t know that she’s not “actually” a girl, and literally when they meet, she goes like, “it’s you who should be disappointed in me. charlotte turned out to be charles, whoops! i bet you were hoping that i’d be a cute girl.” and that’s... really depressing, like, she ended up really leaning into that cutesy side of her when she was talking to c and now she feels the need to be a lot more... sarcastic and bitter, like how she is with anri, because now c “knows the truth about her”, that she’s “actually been a guy all along”.

in any case, i think the intent that etherane was going for with this was kind of like... “lilian’s actually a repressed cis gay man!” which is . not great. it gives off this really gross vibes where it’s implied that since lili was raised as a girl and is into men, she got “confused” and started going by she/her online because she couldn’t come to terms with her sexuality or whatever. and that’s just such a bad take!!!

not to mention that a really important part of lili’s backstory is... her germaphobia. she has persistent delusions accompanied by visual hallucinations where she sees people as “parasites”, which visually manifests as them rotting or decomposing. because of that, she wears gloves all the time and is repulsed by physical touch. but when she meets c (whose real name is vincent) in person, she pretty much instantly goes for skin-to-skin contact with him, where she takes off her glove and holds his hand. and like, sure, that’s sweet, but that’s really not how mental illness... works. in the slightest. she doesn’t react at all when his hand touches hers, despite the fact that she has literally had panic attacks in canon from touching things without her gloves. and it gives off this implication that mental illness can be cured with romance somehow, and that’s a really bad take!

this feeds into fandom understanding that like, well, if lilian sees vincent as pure and allows him to touch her, then Obviously she’d let him kiss her, they could probably have sex, etc. and like... she’s canonically asexual though! and that brings us to the other implication, that asexuality is somehow... caused by something. like, there’s nothing in canon to state that lilian experiences sexual attraction (or even really romantic attraction, like i know etherane went off in heaven’s gate and did a lot of ship tease, but she never really outright says she’s crushing on anyone), but judging from the way etherane handled lilian’s gender identity, i have a sneaking suspicion that she established lilian’s asexuality with her mental illnesses specifically in mind. lilian’s autistic, germaphobic, has severe ocd, and she’s been sexually assaulted in the past. therefore, she must be asexual! that’s the sort of vibes i get from the game, and im not here for it. similarly to how her genderfluidity was handled, she makes no actual statement in canon that she doesn’t experience sexual attraction. the closest she’s ever come to this is when she says to anri in heaven’s gate that she is just straight up not interested in kissing (to which anri is like, “well what if it were vincent owo??” which. ugh. anyway). it just seems really strange to me to design a character with severe mental health issues with regards to physical touch and then just sort of treat it as a given that she’s asexual. it’s another example of etherane implying that lgbt identities are results of traumatic experiences or symptoms of mental illness and not an identity or lived experience. you can be sex-repulsed and not be asexual, and while i understand that many people do identify as ace due to trauma and other such things, it still feels like really bad rep when taken with the way lilian’s genderfluidity was portrayed.

PART 2: HOW “CHARLES” IS DIFFERENT FROM “LILIAN”

throughout hello charlotte, lilian identifies herself as a passive observer, someone who doesn’t directly interfere in events. this applies mostly to her existence in false realm, where she’s like... a god, and doesn’t want to interfere in the balance of the world. but i believe she also has always seen herself as an observer. in her very first scene, the one where she and anri are watching someone get bullied, she’s the one who tells anri that there’s no point in getting help. because her role is just to observe. to take pictures for anri, to be a good girl, to say yes to everything and to never express her opinions, feelings, thoughts.

and honestly, i think the main reason for that is that she’s dysphoric. whenever she talks about herself, she’s really self-deprecating, especially compared to when she talks about charlotte. i feel like the main reason why lilian detaches herself from the world and refuses to really perceive herself is because she’s fundamentally disgusted with her gender presentation. and like, we can see in the two times that she’s presented femininely (with c and in that one comic) that lili is just so much happier and more bubbly when she’s presenting as feminine. you can literally see her stop dissociating and becoming more present in the moment because she’s just. so much more comfortable in her skin. compare:

these pictures with this one:

it’s funny i was going to say that there is a picture where she’s presenting as masculine and actually smiles like a person, but guess what! she’s texting c! so she’s actually performing femininity!

but the point is, like... when she’s presenting as masculine, especially in the canon pictures rather than etherane’s art, she just doesn’t look... happy. and then we compare that to how much more present she seems when she’s presenting as feminine, and how much more comfortable she seems in being, like, happy! and cute! but there is a downside to this. and that is...

PART 3: DIFFICULTIES IN LILI’S TRANSITION

in my sort of... “main verse” for lili, i have it so that her suicide attempt failed and that she was somehow... saved from drowning. mother passes away and she starts to... soul search a little bit and find a reason to live, and somewhere along the line she starts to transition socially. that means she starts transitioning at a pretty... extremely vulnerable point in her life. in the year between 18-19 years old, she’d be a wreck. she’s growing her hair out, but she feels insecure about it. she starts to wear skirts, but only at home. she buys makeup and never wears it. it’s a long process for her, because it’s one thing to go by she/her online or to claim she’s just a gender-confused gay boy and a completely different thing to come out as a trans woman and to actually see herself as a woman and not some kind of imposter. considering that she was raised as a girl, she would have a large amount of guilt over transitioning, feeling like she’s going to be seen as confused, or that her gender identity is a direct result of her childhood trauma. but she’s not just worried that others will see her that way: she’s worried that she’s going to see herself that way.

and for a long time, she probably does see herself that way. for a long time, scarlett would probably treat her transition as some kind of attempt to personify her unborn sister and comply with perceived expectations rather than an attempt to feel comfortable in her own skin. she’d get nervous that she’s somehow becoming scarlett, because though she’s always thought it would be easier if she’d just been her sister, she’s never really wanted to be scarlett. she’d be scared to wear mid-length skirts, scared to put her hair up in a bun, probably even scared to wear red for a time, all because she’s scared of somehow losing herself and becoming her alter.

because of her caution and concern with identifying as a trans woman and not as the “safer“ gender identity of genderfluidity (where she can say she’s trans but never actually have to “push boundaries” by wearing feminine clothing or using any pronouns besides he/him), it would likely take her a very long time to take the step to medically transition. she’d likely never get any gender affirmation surgeries just because of how invasive the procedure is, but hormones would probably be something she’d look into once she’s much older and has a more stable income.

i mentioned before that before her transition, she uses dissociation and observation as a way to cope with her gender dysphoria. she saw herself as someone who didn’t really participate in the world, was a class ghost, invisible to everyone and a minuscule part of a vast universe. but upon transitioning, she’d feel much more actively self-conscious. once she starts to present in a feminine way, she’d feel like she’s being seen, like she’s actually participating in the world, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.

she’d be much more prone to stammering, especially when saying her name, and would blush far more often. she’d be afraid of saying the wrong thing or messing up somehow. and on top of that, she’d likely feel predatory for talking to others, always wondering if others find her cute or repulsive, always wondering if someone will perceive her and harm her in some way.

she’d very likely also feel really guilty about her own emotional experience. because she’s so used to being a passive observer, a puppet that only does what others want, she would feel like it’s selfish to be just... content. she’s so actively disgusted with herself before she transitions that she’s never allowed herself to be mentally present for a happy moment in her entire life. she always second-guesses, always dismisses positive things as a mere coincidence, and after she transitions, when she starts being more present in her life, she’d feel so guilty for just allowing herself to be happy.

because of that, she has some trouble with presenting as feminine consistently — she’d vary the “level” of her feminine presentation from day-to-day, where she might go full femme one day and another day stick with a beanie and a pair of slacks. she’s much more comfortable with presenting as more traditionally feminine when she’s at home or with trusted friends in a private space, but around 19 years old, she makes a vested effort to remain in public spaces. she’d time herself, saying, “for one hour, i’ll stay in this café while wearing a skirt, and then i can leave,” and she’d gradually increase the amount of time she spends in public spaces. and eventually, eventually she does end up feeling really comfortable with her gender presentation and falls into a more static sense of style. she really likes clothing design, so she ends up wearing a lot more dynamic outfits when she’s more comfortable with herself, and she probably also mildly gets into cosplay.

i also like to think that she reconnects with anri during her young adult years. either it’s like, right after her suicide attempt (i’ve written before that she’d had anri listed as her emergency contact and forgot to change it when she moved), or it’s at some point after she starts transitioning socially. i think it’d be really sweet for them to be friends in a more real way, and the sheer concept of anri teaching lili how to properly apply makeup and to set her hair is just so fucking sweet i might die. they both deserve to have friends so i think this is just a step up from hello charlotte canon.

[bookishbea]

Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain 

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing 

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something 

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

[doc-boredom]

sorry im kinda new to your blog and i dont really understand this drama or whatever with the people that keep sending you asks? are people mad at you for writing rpf or the shipping or something? i have no context for whats going on

Oh hello friend let me tell you

THE DRAMA

There’ll be a tl;dr at the bottom  but i really wanna tell this story cos it’s so funny to me

also read more because it gets LONG

So once upon a time Natalie got into a group called TWRP. Amazing wonderful LOVELY group of aliens (aliens and robot, technically? lore is silly fun and also part of this story so get ready to return to this) from the future of the 1980s -glorious chorus of heavenly angels in the distance- 

at the same time! natalie was also drafting up the VERY beginnings of her space pirate epic SWIFT LIKE MERCURY, the idea was this: Julian a space pirate, ding dong the reluctant alien space prince, but who would be in julian’s crew!? lots of suggestions were thrown around in YE OLDE DINGDULIAN CHAT back in august and none of them worked. maybe this wouldn’t be a fic, maybe it was all for naught.

and then the sexy sexy cone man hip thrusted his way into her life.

that IS to say I fell in love with TWRP at the NSP show i went to with my best friend. i didn’t know WHOMST the fuck they were so seeing them come out in stage in full costume HIGH OFF MY ASS was probably one of the most memorable things in my life. We drove back to the hotel, DD and Julian were streaming katamari, I bought tickets for ANOTHER TWRP show in my hometown that were twelve dollars and then I found 

THE WIKI

COMMANDER MEOUCH SOMETHING SOMETHING SPACE PIRATE

I was flabbergasted. NOT ONLY was there lore for this amazing band BUT here was the answer staring me right in the face. JULIAN WAS A FURRY, HIM HAVING A LION MAN AS HIS SECOND IN COMMAND WOULD BE PERFECT. i quickly told the chat (to which they all went ??? and didn’t quite take to it at the time) and then promptly CRASHED until the following morning.

so! i woke up, our CO adventure continued (we saw IT) and I started to discuss some plot ideas with the chat. At the same time I started to actually glance at the tumblr fandom. Oh wow! Everyone HAD THEIR OWN IDEAS! It was open to explore! How fun! They created face canons and personalities and stories for the boys and I’d be damned if my crazy plot making ass (who years before had looked at supernatural and said “crowley become the first cross road demon by making a deal with judas which killed judas and brought jesus back to life, thus creating the resurrection story” and was going to write a whole past lives destiel fic spanning back to ADAM AND EVE) wouldn’t take that and run. I made the post. TWRP IS GONNA BE IN MY OP FIC!!! I was so excited to start this, to make something amazing.

“dont put twrp in your OP fic”

I looked at the ask in COMPLETE confusion. wait! they didn’t even know HOW I was going to put them in! they could literally just be playing music in a scene! my petty scorpio ass felt a rage of which i had not felt in months. “fuck you.” it said. “NOW I HAVETO WRITE THE FIC YOU BITCH.”

(spite was one of the biggest driving forces in creating SLM and to me that’s why i think you see the story and the voice of it change over time because it became a thing of love but thaT’S NOT THE POINT)

so here i am having a grand ol’ time and im coming up with my boys and im like YEAH HELL YEAH and all my dingdulian friends are like oh hey i actually LIKE TWRP? and i got a PM from someone who will remain anonymous but who is a close friend of mine now

“hey, loving all the new stuff you’re bringing to the fandom!” they started. there was a bit more conversation and then IT happened.

“Just be careful about shipping.”

I looked at the message and another quickly followed. “nsfw gets weird too”

my scorpio ass, also fueled by love of all things sexual and romantic, looked at this with a growing sense of dread. I HAD ACTUALLY BEEN SETTING UP A SMALL SUNG AND MEOUCH SHIP. WELL SHIT! THAT HAD TO GO APPARENTLY?! I told my friends and we all rolled our eyes but we ACCEPTED IT. That’s what it was apparently.

Until I thought about Havve fucking Ding Dong with his robot dick while Sung held him in place and played up to DD’s praise kink

“oh no.” i said softly because that one fucking day dream planted the seed of needing to do something. sung would be so loving and so wonderful and who was i to let that just slip through my fingers! so i just approached cremedoodle (creator of WW, RR, and FF) and went “haha uh, what about ww chris and sung for a threesome in the fic crazy right”

and it wasn’t THAT crazy

especially when it became just WW and Sung

and god damn it were they in LOVE

“we can’t do this.” i said after a few hours of us coming up with all this ROMANTIC shit and some sexy shit too let’s be honest, it’s me after all. “oh god we’re doing this, aren’t we?”

so we decided to do it. fuck it. all caution thrown to the wind. the moment sung and ww “met” over the vid feed in chapter 6 i got a feeling of intense dread in my stomach. i couldn’t believe it, i was really doing this, they were really going to be in LOVE oh  my GOD.

no comments.

oh.

beach bonfire chapter where julian and dd point out how fucked sung was since he was obviously into ww 

no comments.

CHAPTER WHERE THEY WERE DRUNK AND MAKING OUT.

NO COMMENTS.

In that moment i realized something very sad but also very liberating.

the twrp fans that were all fucking awful weren’t reading my fic.

i wanted them to read it. i had put time into it. i wanted them to see my budding lore and like it, but at the same time the OP fandom was taking to it so well and enjoying TWRP so i said fuck it, ill take it.

We started to talk about Ring Rang and Phobos, sarah and I started talking about Meouch and Liara. it was going to be good, it was going to be fun.

and then i fucked up

that’s right

me

i came home from a crazy trip in MN and I was in a shit mood and I accidentally published Sung/WW fluff drabbles in the tag

I got fucking ripped a new one. i was a piece of shit for even ever thinking that was okay. “YOU’RE BEING DISRESPECTFUL! THEY’RE REAL PEOPLE! DON’T DO T HIS!”

yeah you read that right.

TWRP fanDUMB thinks that my adorable sweet Lepid Phobos, with his big eyes and his missing wings and his penchant for romance novels, my hyperactive sung with his star singing and his empathatic core WERE THE SAME GUYS ON STAGE.

This is literally what all of this drama is about.

It was in that terrible slew of fucking stupidity that I realized I didn’t care. It was TOO late at that point. They should have seen it sooner. They should have gotten me sooner. I had somehow slipped under the radar and I had beat them, in a strange sense, because not only did I care

i was going to keep doing it.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS YEAR (i know, this story is still going) i make a nsfw, i start posting my sung/ww extra chapters there because im too much of a pussy to put them in the fic still. my friend gets me to write a meouch/dd/julian fic. im just about to post a havve/sung thing when IT happens.

The fake screenshot.

a blog that posted jUST this and a post about the device (an album by the band) put this out into the open and deleted IMMEDIATELY afterwards. the fandom went into shitstorm mode. i cried on and off the whole day because i was being harrassed by anons and my friends were too. 

but the more i looked at it

the more i started to REALLY understand how it was fake.

not only does it not have the usual bubble to the right (it should show that twrp has seen the most recent message even if it’s their own) it doesn’t touch on the fact that the OP said something about lore? even to say “hey, lore’s cool! that’s not the problem” would make more sense

also

they never responded to any of my friends

sure they read it, but following a slew of desperate users trying to get answers they never made an official statement so my gay ass pulled out the wine and said YOU’RE GOING TO MOPE AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP DOING YOU.

So we’re here now, with the fact that I know things about the band irl and the fact that I have shipping and people are pissed and I really don’t care. the info i know about the band i keep safe and SIMPLY SAYING A GENERIC WHITE DUDE NAME IS NOT REASON TO START A WITCH HUNT (not going to elaborate on this, this is only posted for the sake of anyone who is on the hate train who may be reading this) this is where fiction does not equal reality. i dont  look at havve and go AH YES THERE IS MURDER MAN, IF HE IS NOT MURDER MAN WHEN THEY GET OFF STAGE ILL BE UPSET because thats STUPID? Like literally the IRL band members created personas and lore that they then gave to the fans to expand upon and also sorry guys,,,, it’s the internet,, in the words of DD “it’s weird” but you can’t ask people to stop. it won’t stop. that’ll just fuel the fire

so yes, i like twrp shipping and i like shippng with my ocs and i like writing about how sometimes when you touch sung’s core it turns him on and about how meouch has a knot because im a fucking awful skanko but at least im having fun lmfao

so

TL;DR

shipping is apparently illegal and so is nsfw in the twrp fandom and i do both unapologetically and i hope i inspire  other people to start doing it more often. 

the twrp fandom is not like this anywhere else btw. this is just tumblr being tumblr, as usual. you’re not going to get brownie points because you didn’t let me write sung fucking his hot gf you absolute dumb dumbs, you’re not going to get anything from it except for an inflated ego which you’ll lord over everyone, so do me the favor of expiring in a trench and let the fandom do what it’s supposed to do

HAVE FUN!

[kyungpom]

You being accused of heteronormativity must be the joke of the century. This people that dislike you promoting Ksoo's masculinity should ask themselves WHY. Bc if having 2 males in a gay relationship acting like, surprisingly, males, makes you that uncomfortable idk man, but that says something about you. After all it's not like continuously making him as the passive one, the bottom one, the pretty one, the innocent one, the emotional one, is smth heteronormative people do right? *heavy sarcasm*

exactly. why does kyungsoo’s masculinity bother people so much? he might not look like other members that fit a more traditional type of masculinity, but he and everyone around him consider him a masculine person and he’s comfortable with that and he expresses it through his fashion, hair, etc. he’s not like one of those macho kind of men, he’s unpretentious, kinda weird and unbothered by it, kind, soft, helpful, polite, and he takes care of his mom. he represents such a gentle type of masculinity that is so rare we should be supporting, not feeling threatened by.some people seem to get genuinely upset that he’s considered more masculine than other more traditionally masculine-looking members, as if his masculinity were a threat to other people’s own. but other members are comfortable in their own masculinity too and it’s not a competition so there’s no need to worry. some of them like jongin even embrace femininity, childishness, and that’s also something we should be supporting, not because of fanfiction, but because men are not usually allowed to be in touch with their feminine or childish side. boys are forced from a very young age when they’re just starting to explore the world to stay away from “girly” things when such a thing doesn’t even exist. and to have a role model like jongin who seems so confident in his own identity he’s not afraid to look like a pretty fairy one day and like a handsome prince the next is such a beautiful thing that those who are used to gender binaries and their strict assigned roles might find it hard to accept, but for those of us who have a more fluid understanding of gender it’s refreshing and something to be treasured.the other day i was talking on twitter about kyungsoo and jongin’s masculinity (jongin is my second bias, for those who didn’t know) how it’s so different from each other and that i admire both because they represent different types of masculinity that don’t make me feel attacked the way “mainstream” masculinity does.and i play with their masculinity in my AUs (aka the stories in my head that i will prob never write) but it’s not like “today you’re gonna be the girly one and you the manly one”, it could happen because couples like that do exist but it changes with the au and i don’t have to force them into these roles because i’m not very interested in hyperfemininity or hypermasculinity anyway.the fic i post doesn’t reflect my imagination, because those are fics i’ve read, not written/recommended, so it’s wrong to assume that i see kyungsoo as the macho man and jongin as the whimpering uke.some people think i dont like feminine kyungsoo when i’ve had feminine/girl ksoo in my mind for years, but i do it in a way that i think fits him well. i don’t have to agree with the popular portrayals to be into it. but nobody knows cause i dont share everything i think about on here, this blog is a selection of things or random thoughts (maybe careless or insensitive ? sometimes, i honestly don’t remember everything i’ve ever said but i know i’ve grown a lot in the past couple years and i will keep doing it and all these experiences are helping me to become a better person irl, which is the most important to me, and now im rambling lol) not a complete encyclopedia of all my stan/shipper thoughts.

if anyone cared enough to ask you would know all of this, but i guess it’s more comfortable to assume. also i don’t think i would’ve talked about my biases’ masculinity like this for fear of  angering the shippers but they’re already angry so i figured i would just do it.

[chenlays]

for mi radish

ok so as of 9.29.17 that was our fIRST FRIEND ANNIVERSARY of one month wow I am CRUING

so I just love u so much I need to express through a 1065 slide power point

I would if I could :’)

OKAY so here r some things to make u happy n know I love u more than life itself 

n i’m sorry i didn’t post sooner or it isn’t as amazing as the one you made me, but just know i love you so much and i can’t wait to take bad pictures of u n throw shade and leave hyuck notes in ur room and house to make u feel happy that’s my dream omh

wow ur just so beautiful,,,how??

hyuck is drowning

I’m drowning

your beauty is endless and I am so amazed bc

like ur lil blemishes n crooked teeth and messy hair

SO CUTE

like wow they are just there and that’s yOU and I’m ?? So confused bc u say sometimes that ur ugly and I’m just ?? How

like nO ur “flaws” are so pure and beautiful within themselves n I LOVE

I mean idk if I was hyuck I wouldn’t even have to look twice to see that ur so pretty

Also I cannot wait to touch ur tummy and smoosh it n lay on it u titty

if u let me 🤧🤧

just wow I love u and ur face and ur body

They’re so beautiful

who iS paige I only know too perfect for hyuck

YOUR NAME AUTOCORRECTS TO THAT STILL IM CRUING

uR SO GOOD TO ME

lIke u make ocean stuff and I feel so happy n blessed

and when I call myself ugli u make me feel better

I still think I’m ugly tho sorry

And ur so cute bc u say ilY a lot

and that’s all I need omg

ur so extra tho with those sneak peeks

I cried a lot

u cARE ENOUGHT TO MAKE ALL THAT

I feel so loved n happy that u have done that

I JUST WANNA WRITE LILE 5K WORDS ABT PONG

You deserve so much pong snuffs 😤😤

but just being my friend and taking time out of your day to talk is just so nice to me

likE I’m so gross pls

WTFWVS

i also will sing to u some day bc i truST you with my life but i can’t do a capella sO idk i will learn how to sing my paige for u

omg u shy away but u actually love it that’s so cute and my heart is a fukin oven don’t think I don’t see those tags ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

YOU’RE ALSO SO CUTE WITH HYUCK WHEN IS THE WEDDING 👀👀

frick im in pain from these razor burns and my back hurts n my legs are sore but i nEED to supply you with my everlasting love

ok so i know i say hyuck is ugly and all that

but wow i cry whenever u get soft for him its so cute 

just,,,yes please do yell abt his hair n his cheeks n his eyes

yell all u want bc i’m always listening and i am literally always on my phone bc i don’t have anything better to do other than c ry 

but yes pls do scream about how u wanna marry him and date him

I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU IRL

JUST IMAGINING YOUR VOICE WHEN YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT HIM

OR HOW YOUR EYES PROBABLY LIGHT UP

IM GONNA CRY BECAUSE YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND I BET YOU UNLEASH UR FULL POTENTIAL WHEN SOMEONE SAYS HYUCK

I WANNA VIDEO CHAT W YOU ALL THE TIME AND SCREAM ABT PONG BUT I CANT AND I’M SAD :((

ok but,,,pls marry hyuck he doesn’t deserve you but you love him anyway smh

you are just so good and cute and you love ur dogs and are doing cook soul and i’M always proud of you and i always wanna hug you,,even if it’s just for safely getting to your bed without all those spooks

i jUST wanna be with you and yell in ur ear abt chenle as u yell in mine while we hug n cry,,,my dream

i am so soft for u smh pls never change “hi i’m yuta,, welcome to chili’s” or i will CRY it’s my fav by you,,,also the fact that u watched like 5 of those green pornos i can’t bREATHE

OK SORRY IF I DON’T APPRECIATE YOU ENOUGH BUT I’M BAD AT WORDS AND I JUST WANNA WRITE U HYUCKS BC I KNOW IT MAKES U HAPPY

hyuck is really gross compared to u and ilysm pls realize this

a nice soft couple kMS

he loves u so much,, and he better or i will kick him >:(((

so he is sad ofc people get sad

and he wHIPS out that phone so fast to text you

“hELLO my beautiful, amazing, cute, adorable, sweet, bby ���”

“WTf do u want :)))”

“COME A ND cuddle u fuk”

and ur runnin and he feels so blessed bc he needs u and he loves you kns

so when u get there he has ur favs,, like some tea or lil fruit snacks chenle

and he has them on the table in front of the couch and has a movie on to distract him, but now that you’re there he is already 10x better

so he dRAGS u to the couch and since ur so tiny,, he pulls u into him and literally encases u and has his head on urs and a nice cute lil smile

like,,he looks so soft n content when his leg is trapping u and u can’t even move ur arms wtf dude

but u snuggle up to him anyways and are warm n it’s really nice to feel like that

n if u want ur fruit snaccs,, he just reaches over n then moves so he can feed u :”o

leaves the grape flavored ones for last bc he probably hates them don’t eat chenle thx

and he just g r i n s when he does bc wOW ur so cute his whole body aches

how can someone,, just anyone,, b this cute

he is so lucky >:(((

then when u wanna nap finally, he makes u more comfortable and pets ur hair probs and puts ur face in his chest A WGWH

and is just shielding you from nOTHING 

just wants you to feel safe n loved

also sings rly softly because he knows ur a ho for his vocals

literally just snobs himself to sleep bc ur so cute with ur messy hair n small smile bc ur happy

uGSHds i need to send pics to him when ur married

“wow look at this loser she’s wearing ur sweater”

but he would think that’s so cute and would send me like 897847894876 heart emojis and i’d block him

but then i would feel bad n ask him to send 68 paragraphs on how much he loves u so i can print them all out and leave them on ur doorstep

nct st will be a blast and i will make sure hyuck treats u right bc that’s the only way u deserve to be treated

liKE A Q U E E N

ur a titty tho

when u get married i’ll make chenle screech uR fav bc them vocals 👅😩😩🔥😍💦💦👏

CAN I WRITE MARRIAGE HCS THX

wow i think he would be really extra when he wants to propose to u pls be at least 624 when u get married thx!!!

takes you to a very beautiful spot in japan or even somewhere in europe if you don’t care being that far from ur home at nct st🤧🤧

so he would take u to a really pretty garden park thingy in early fall when it’s just getting cold and the flowers aren’t wilting,,,and walk around and watch as you get happy bc of the fish ponds and puppies people are walking n dOZENS of rainbows gay icon

and he would hold ur hand n smile so bIG when u pull him towards something n yell abt it

constantly says you’re more beautiful whenever you say a flower is pretty

“oMG hyuck this is so pretty im wheezin”

“your beauty is far more ethereal ;o”

ur heart busts a nut even on the 673rd one bc binch he is so amazing

then after u walk through the park and suffer many encounters of him protecting you from thirty seven butterflies and literally squaring up,,he walks you to a nice cozy cafe cAFE BOY HYUCK and pays for a nice hot chocolate 

asks the barista to put a heart in it and pink marshmallows and is rUSHING to grab it so he can give it to you

goes up to you at the table while ur texting or scrolling istg u better update me abt the adventures on ur hyuck holidays and has the softest and most heartwarming smile you have ever seen

and he is trying to speak so he can show you the hot chocolate before the marshmallows melt and he just ca n t bc ur so beautiful just lookin at him and he’s shaking 

but he ends up putting it on the table and being really cheesy n putting a hand on ur cheek n smooching ur forehead bc he’s highkey gonna scream if he has to explain

but ur in love with him and you just laugh n admire the cute lil pinkies and the heart and then look up at him and he’s sweatin bc fuk ur so ethereal and he is nervous abt the day

and he is internally screaming every second bc ur so clueless n u just want to love him like every day and have a nice relaxing vacation after everything on nct st it’s rly stressful

i’ll call u some time n just “i fukin swear noodle man won’t sNOp throwing noodles at sheema and chenle im so scared to go outside pls come home”

as ur drinking the hot coc o,,he’s deep in thought n messing with his hair or looking stressed n ur worried bc,, it’s supposed to be a nice week long vacation full of fun n r e l a x n he’S STRESSIN G

so u almost throw what’s left of the drink bc ur worried n snatch his hand n,,, “hYCUk what’s wrong??????????????????????”

and w o w he brightens up so quick when he hears u and literally becomes the sun and his eyes are like fukin LIGHTS 

but he just says he is alright because it has to be a perfect day for you 😤😤

and he lets you finish ur drink while ur still lowkey worried but he makes himself look happy i mean, he is but he’s nervous fuk even tho he is still about to explode

so when ur done n ur smiling at his cuteness,, he throws ur cup away and dRAGs you outside n u walk for a while n go slow so u can enjoy each other n just hold hands n talk abt whatever is on ur minds

until like 256428 steps later yOU turn the corner n there’s a big ass aquarium and yOURE LITERALLY SC R E AMING

ur running to the doors so fast to see all the pretty fish n sharks n stingrays

ur like a little kid i BET and it’s so pure and adorable oh my god

but hyuck is struggling to restrain you

“sweetie pls i have to pay first”

and then u calm down once he pays n grabs ur hand so u can take all the time u want to scream abt the tiny starfish who just wants to be free

but i doubt he would take u to one where the animals are suffering bc he’s sweet n values ur love for the ocean

but u are looking literally everywhere and he’s tearing up bc ur smiling so wide n ur with hyuck and he’s keeping ur hand warm and j ust looking at u so fondly instead of where he paid to look smh

but u drag him to a lil tiny red fish and it’s so small and energetic n ur like,, “wow bby that fish reminds me of ur good years”

he sighs but agrees tbh

“i’m still hot wym”

but u also see fish that are so beautiful n ur talking about how they remind u of him n he’s gonna SCREAM bc nothing can be prettier than u wtf

he doesn’t say anything tho bc he wants u to keep looking at the flashy colors and how happy or sad or cute they look and just doesn’t want to look away from u bc he is so in love and who knew that looking at fish could make someone so amazingly beautiful i did tbh

n sadly,,,you walk to a different section and go :o at the tiny sharks n how blep they look,, just swimmin with >:0 blep

but u hig h ke y almost scream bc there’s some little kids who r pressing their faces to the glass bc there’s really pretty otters and the otters r just zoomin and playing with each other n having fun bc they r happy

hyuck is shaking at the excitement

u take out ur phone n send pics to the nct st mom gc and all of us respond in .7 seconds,,,even ally smh she’s so busy n inactive i love her,,,abt how amazing an otter is

jade has it as her background on everything in less that 5 seconds 

but as ur also pressing ur face to the glass,, hyuck points out two otters that r really cute n swimming together and u look so fast and squeal at them

hyuck is a cheesy fuk poetic “ahh those remind me of us wow they r so cute”

u wanna smacc but he looks so soft n precious,,,u just can’t ruin his softness

it’s like a full 3 minutes before u move to the dolphins n make fun of chenle smh meet me behind mcdonalds at 4am if u wanna roast my poor bub bc ur just tearing up at how happy and loving he looks,,,my aesthetic is hyuck looking at u with nothing but love in his eyes bc ur the cutest and best thing for him n he is so glad to have met u all those years ago n live with u on nct st n love u forever,, even tho sometimes he has to wake up at 6am bc me n lele r shiverign in the basement bc noodle man is trying to murder or even tho a keet gets stuck in ur room and it’s trying so hard to go back h o m e and i’m sobbing in the driveway bc i lost 1/23 keets n he wants to kill me bc i’m calling him ugly n he’s callin me ugly constantly and i’m annoyin  g but he can’t bc u love meeee

but wow he would go through the worst for u i’m gonna cry

but it’s a lil late when u get back to ur hotel i assume with dozens of pictures n 800+ messages from me tbh abt ur safety n how i don’t want his ugly to rub off on you,, but u r exhausted n ready to sleep n cuddle even if it’s like 7pm 

bUT WAIT

hyuck is askin u to get up so h e can like,,,talk to u better

n he is so 

ugly bc highkey screaming 

ur hair is a lil messy from a long day n ur barely smiling bc u wanna cuddle n ur slouching maybe

but h e thinks ur the most beautiful thing ever n just holds ur face n smooches u all over for 90 minutes until u r laughing n telling him to sNOP

n then he just looks at u so lovingly while ur eyes r shining from that n ur smile is so wide n bIG and he just fukin whips out a power rangers ring n 

“bab ily so much n i wanna b with u for the rest ofm y life pls marry me :D “

u fukin SCREAM 

“ok i would but u have  a fukcinh power rangers ring that cost 2 cents”

“sI K E” n he pulls out a real ring n throws the power rangers one away,, he rly wanted to actually use it but couldnt waste an entire 80 paychecks so u get married w a fukin toy on ur finger

but he is in t ea r s n hugs u so good after u got that $$$swag money$$$ ring on and u r screeching n begging for cuddles and love and ofc he provides n cuddles u to death while still hugging so good and petting ur hair n singing u some old stuff that u really like n then talking with u abt ur future n how u wanna murder me bc i still call him ugly

but ur just so adorable and cute and i’m sobbing bc what a fukin sweetheart

n when u fall asleep he jUSt stays up a little later bc he can’t snop thinking abt how lucky he is n how amazing u are

“blessed by gucci jesus”

n he woNt snop smiling and he just can’t wait to love u forever n see ur smile every day n sing for u all the time n hug u n make u dinner n breakfast n leave cute lil notes in ur lunch for work or send like 800 word messages abt how he wants u to have a good day n think of him if ur sad,,,so pure i want to yell abt poNG

@pcypaige ILYSM AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU AND HUG YOU SO TIGHT U DI E BUT THEN I WILL REVIVE U WITH HYUCK PHOTO CARDS OMGMGM ILY SOSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSO MUCH AN D IM SCREAMIGN 

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

[kkukkung]

v lorge ask compilation below

some of these asks date back like??? a few months??? dsdjkfhk... they’re ordered from newest to oldest i’m so sorry... messy messy

Ur blog is the plush jooheon is going like 😯😷😨😷😷 😵😫😱 to

it... is......... honestly i think jooheon is the member i’d get along w the least irl?? i can’t explain it but?? mb bc he’s a libra? also the fact that hyungwon received that huge shrimp plush n held it like a foetus is so :’’0000

annie tumblr is gonna censor ur whole blog cause ur gay

Good.

so... shart is ur New fav word now huh, guess that ges into my dictionary now...

shart made a comeback from 2016 me’s vocab and i don’t even know how it happened? :(

Sjdnkwldwnnw u ruined that punch scene in shine forever,, I can't watch it without thinking about your "my meat, me" gif 

the best gif i ever made??? gkjkjf sorry i rly am the most irrelevant person on this damn website? also that rly was my first thought when i watched the mv.... or maybe second thought after thinking “god i wish shownu would punch me like that”

changkyun is really so happy recently, he smiles so much and his eyes crinkle, its the cutest thing i have ever seen like ??!?! i want to protect him, just roll him up in a blanket and show him memes on my phone

he is!!!!! his happiness is my own happiness?? and when he smiles ur right he goes like >__< he’s rly the cutest boy alive? and this ask is so relatable esp the last part... if ck were my friend irl i’d just text him memes all day???

pls deactivate

relatable

I'm so soft rn. How can I FUCKING tell them how much I love them. Like I want to grab wonho's sweet squishy face and give his forehead a big SMOOCH. These boys deserve so much and I want to convey that to them in person but I CAN'T. And if I had the chance I'd probably ugly crying too hard to say anything.

this ask is so cute??? and i understand the dilemma like... idols are ppl who give & receive so much love every day expressed in 28347982 different ways so it’s hard knowing how to rly... Let Them Know just how happy they make u thru their existence alone? crying with u anon

yikes wait what happened w jinyoung?? i thought he was one of the few unproblematic ones...

[diff anon] jinyoung was on a tv show where he was playing a past love interest or something and he kisses the actress who's only 14..

i.... won’t comment on this bc i don’t want to stir up old drama but :/ aah i see... thank u for letting me know!

i started talking like you and another person who has similar typing patterns to you and now all my friends hate me bc of slorp and spicy

sdfjkghksdfkjfgkjds im rly sorry this happened to u... at first my friends were resistant but after a while they started picking it up as well thru exposure so... infect them jksfjjkgf... also add shart to the menu i guess? :/

Kihyun's kink is making people flustered. On the gifseft he's like "There's so many things I can do with my mouth, let me show you honey." He will grab your neck firmly yet delicately while he invades your personal space. Keeping eye contact is troublesome, this new proximity tastes as dangerous as the underlying promise of what will come next. But Hyungwon never figured it out since he backed out, breaking the siren's spell.

(response to this gifset i think? jshdfkjff) BLEASE... im writing a hyungki fic right now as we speak ✍️📝 anyway i like this characterisation of dom!kihyun bc irl he would be very dominant ??? and in fics he’s always the bottom just bc he’s #smol 🙄 but i mean he’s ?? so aware of his own sex appeal sometimes so he’d be like a switch/top/power bottom imo

you're right, you aren't into vore. More like in slorping and smorching knees/feet, and other nsfw things.

tbh im only fake horny :/ im a romantic deep down.. want to watch the sunset with lmh....... accidentally drop my bag of skittles on the dirt and he eats them up like a vacuum cleaner jksfdhkjgfkjfdhjgfjhjks

Annie, i feel like you'll understand me. Whenever I see Minhyuk, i feel a mixture of extreme lust, great anger and a desire to have my head bashed in because he's real and nothing else matters anymore. It's really.... not what i wanted in life 

another #relatable ask... i want to take minhyuk out on a candlelit dinner date but like.... at kfc and we’ll both be touching each other’s cheeks with our greasy hands like animals... like raccoons scavenging for trash in a dumpster

'kihyun stans are foot fetishists'' UHM!!! this is tru i would slorp kihyuns whole foot in one go

i don’t rmbr writing this but skjdfhfgsdkjgjk it... it really is true huh...

hi annie, i just wanted to ask you what your take on wonho's personality is? ive read your tags before and how you say he is very romantic in how he presents things, and i thought that was interesting!

aaa, i think i’ll write a proper post on this later bc it’s also something that interests me a lot... until then i’ll just say that i think he’s indeed very romantic and loves pleasing people... his driving force is rly Love u know... love for people (family, members, fans), for his job, for music, etc... he’s very soft and imaginative and sometimes that comes across as a kind of childish innocence?? more on this later

i wanna kno more abt the customer whos coming in more lately,, i lov regulars that come in at my job - it's such an interesting half relationship

hgfjjjsk this ask is from a month ago n i think i was talking abt that customer who asked me if i wanted to die but in a casual way?? jsfdkh i work at a tobacco store so this guy asked me if i smoked n i was like “uhm no i don’t” so he went “what? are you afraid to die?” and i stood there like... kind of dumbfounded for a sec jksfhg but he’s a nice guy n very cool... nvr seen his eyes b4 bc he always has rly dark shades on n he buys the cheapest cigarettes n leaves. but most regulars i get are like chinese international students spending their parents’ money on cigs and some sweet old men who always want the same smokes... there’s this one old man who always wears matching vintage suits n pairs it w a fancy hat n once he complimented my outfit and i was thrilled?? also some creeps come n chat me up while im working sometimes which is a bit :/// but mostly i like my job and it’s interesting interacting w regulars! thank u for this ask n im sry if this was like super boring lmao

idc what it says about me but Minhyuk rushing to eat chicken bones off the fucking floor brought him from 'would play Mario Kart and share nachos with' to 'would play Mario Kart and share bodily fluids with' levels

i want to Die.................... when he tried to eat those half-eaten chicken bones off the ground....... that was the moment that solidified his image as a Dirty Dirt Man in my head like he’s a Real Gremlin... i said it for fun b4 but it’s... a real thing. he’s actually Disgusting skjdfhjdkf... also anon u sound like a gremlin too??? join our big gremlin family???

wtf is "That" ????? and why is it related to kihyuck ?? - knowing ur tags it should be something gross, but u said it in such an onimous way; annie, i am scared.

i genuinely don’t rmbr what this was abt djgjs i write a lot of tags that don’t make sense even to me like a few weeks later?? sjdfjhkjsk i’m sorry... gotta start answering these in time so they actually have any kind of relevance... 

"That kink where you just want to be crushed....just like pulverized. Asking for a friend" Bless this tag

again.. don’t rmbr writing this tag and don’t rmbr the post i wrote it for but um, yeah, sounds like smth i said jkfdgsjfdjk im so sorry...

i just had a dream where minhyuk showed up, called me sexy and then left???

fun fact whenever ppl tell me abt their dreams here it’s always to do with minhyuk doing something weird??? also God I Wish That Were Me...

why do u say jooheon is def experienced tho? he legit said he never had a girlfriend in his life and it's clear seeing him interact with women, he has no idea what to do? unless you mean gay experiences, that's probably very true

THE LAST LINE OF THIS ASK JKDHKJD.... um i think joobs is experienced bc i actually think he’s sorta smooth? he’s pretty flirtatious w female hosts on the shows mx appears on like... w jimin on asc and w seulgi on idol battle likes... i don’t mean experience as in a lot of idk.. sexual experiences (if anything he’d b the type to be v devoted to someone if he was dating them i think) but i feel like he does know how to present himself in a certain... attractive light especially in front of cute girls? idk if i’m saying this right... 

ur minhyuk tags are so fnny and hella relatable im dying n 😂😭😂

my minhyuk tags: slorp... asterisk asterisk asterisk x10... nut... gremlin dirt man... nut nut... nutting... dksjfgkj but thank u?

but you ARE funny lol I laughed so hard at that bird/Shownu reference

gfjkgjkjk u can tell how old these asks are from the things they’re referring to... but nevertheless thank u sm im sry im a mess... at least im a funny mess to a select few ppl... thank u for enjoying my messy blob... i lov u

no exit ep 5 was a mess but wonho was lookin reeeal cute w those glasses tbh

???? what the fuck, where they serious about that fuckin Mathew the tiger??? If yes, then again, wtf??

jdsfjksk i still can’t believe Those Episodes of no exit rly happened...

i love your tags so much especially the ones where you imply that minhyuk's actually an alien "# he rly doesn't know what to do w his arms he hasn't possessed a human body in so long" lol

HE RLY IS AN ALIEN... like he’s obviously attractive n was popular in school n smart n funny n cute but sometimes he does the most unexplainable things n it makes me rly wonder if he’s human??? he’s so fucking weird u kno i love my alien gremlin dirt man... take me for a ride in ur ufo...

You @ wonho: :( sweet baby u deserve everything good You @ minhyuk: literally slorp my p**** you fucking snake

SHUT UP...

i started using slorp too help

this ask was sent 3 months ago... i can’t believe i’ve been saying slorp for three months...

um..... i luv u???smorch

smorch u back??? big sloppy smorch that leaves u disgusted???

Hey Annie, would you mind a short description of the Monsta X No Exit Chanel+ video?

i’m sry abt how late this is jsfdjkg but if anyone’s still interested... yeah the no exit video where they explained the hypnotism was p much just bts of jooheon and shownu getting hypnotised... and it kind of legitimised it ig bc joobs said he was concentrating super super super hard (and hypnotism only works when ur focusing that much??) n so did shownu... my ch+ actually expired recently so this is just from what i rmbr hfdjsdjkh if anyone else can contribute pls do! otherwise i will get a renewal soon and after that i could do a better summary if you’re still interested! sorry!!

Um...why are jooheons vocals slept on...what the fcuk he's so??? Nice to listen to??

tbh why is jooheon such a golden boy... literally good at everything... can sing dance (one of the best dancers in mx??) and rap.... compose... write lyrics... play 328974 diff instruments... cute n sexy at the same time.... what the fuck

I'm trying to figure out what your censored tags are but apparently my vocabulary of nasties is pretty limited

im glad??? pls don’t read the next part of this ask compilation ksfhkgsd

!!!nsfw asks... spare urself please...!!!

uhhhhhh for the nastea ask comp... kihyuns p*thy eating lips??? true, but whats the most to least best at eating out ranking order?

1. kihyun/wonho

2. shownu (would try v hard??? earnest man??)

3. hyungwon (idk i think he’s gotta be Good somehow i mean look at his lips??)

4. jooheon

5. changkyun

6. minhyuk (can’t find clitoris :/)

I would like to hear more about kihyun's p**** e**ing lips tbh 👀... please elaborate

idk what to say but i feel like the way he moves his lips sometimes is ??? erotic jskfdhkgjfdj and same w wonho... also the lisp has some relevance 2 ***** eating idk there’s a tie there somewhere...

I FEEL DIRTY WATCHING KIHYUNS BODY ROLLS ON WEEKLY IDOL I WOULD **** his **** at fucking lightning speed

rmbr when we thought sexy!kihyun Peaked during beautiful era w the return of the black hair but now he’s running around w a blindfold n showing off his new shredded body at any given moment.. yeah

(in reference to minhyuk probly not knowing where the clit is) minhyuk: *reaches into the back of your throat and flicks your uvula* "hows that feel babe? ;)"

reading this took years off my life i hate u

I disagree.Minhyuk is probably the most kinky out of monsta x.He just doesn't show it like every other expert in the field 👀👀

mmm i think hyungwon could be a Freak? jskdhfkg but ur right minhyuk is definitely someone who’s up for like... experimental stuff :/

[pearlrebs]

I guess i wasnt very clear. Easy to seem angry over the internet unintentionally. I mean to say; rebs url (a small thing) represented something to us. Xe left and we all really miss xer. Xe mattered to us and was a special part of tjlc. 1/8

In many peoples eyes this is an aggressive act. Im sure that you can see at least a little how we would see it that way. 2/8

I wasnt implying that you are not queer or that i hate queers. i was saying that, this is the internet, im not going to always believe everything everyone tells me. 3/8

Most queers i know, try and stick together despite our differences. And the fact that you seem very angry (could be reading into it) at a group of people who are predominately queer tells me that you COULD be something other than queer. 4/8

As you yourself said this is just a tv show...but its more than that isnt it? Why you spend so much thought throwing shade at rebs or the tjlcers or whoever, tells me that theres something else going on and that it is important. 5/8

banding together with like-minded people is the solution to the political shitfest we are in. I'd like to think that we could work thru our differences to reach our common goals assuming, we have common goals. (if im wrong, please let me know) 6/8

I dont see myself as a victim, im only sad. not in a pitying way. Its hard to describe. You were probably the victim of an angry tjlcer on here or witnessed the chaos and theres really no excuse for hatefullness (im admonishing my own camp here). 7/8

debate, yes, but never being mean just to be mean. That doesnt get anyone anywhere. I hope this makes sense and im not trying to offend you. I just think life is too short to hate. And its sad that there has been much on here. 8/8

I’m actually not angry, I think it’s all kinda funny. Though I do try my best to respond seriously to serious messages. The “go fuck yourself”s will always be met with a “sounds good,” but when someone takes the time to send a message like this, I tend to pay attention. Anyways...

First you say you’re not going to always believe everything everyone tells you, then you turn around and say that the tj//lc group is predominantly queer. Who’s telling you that? Hard evidence? Demographics data? A census taken by a neutral third party to determine age range and sexuality, and what direction they believe the show should go? As I answered someone before: anecdotal evidence is inadmissible in science and court for a reason. Of course since you’re a lesbian (a factoid gleaned from your profile, but if this is inaccurate, please inform me. But I could easily say you’re not, but I don’t, because when someone tells me they’re queer, I believe them, who the hell wants to be in a [most places on the globe] hated minority? [by “hated,” I mean high risk of murder, bullying, and homelessness, and possibly being a criminal act depending on where you live]), your experience is going to be skewed towards finding other queer people. You think the group is predominantly queer people, but from the outside looking in, even as a queer person, I’ve mostly seen a bunch of straight women geeking over two middle aged white dudes possibly touching dicks, and using “representation” as a mask. I haven’t mingled with your community — I’ve got my own, who are and aren’t queer all the same.

And again, I say that with full knowledge that it is anecdotal evidence from my viewpoint and experience. I could be wrong. But that doesn’t mean you’re right either. 

Moving on. Most queer people (I don’t like the term “queers” personally, but as a queer person, you can reclaim that word however you want) you know stick together despite the differences. Okay. But if our difference is that you don’t think I deserve rights, or that my life is somehow worth less than a straight person’s (voting Dump/Pence, specifically Mike Pence, who would rather a gay person go to a conversion camp — where the risk of suicide is nearly 70% — than be gay), then that’s not a “difference.” That’s almost a hate crime (and it actually is in some countries). 

I assume you and I have similar goals — stop the carney-handed mango. I assume all but the 14% of LGBT people who did vote for that cheeto in a wig, do. Hence why I make a point of saying I don’t hate Rebs as a person (although the fact that xer Patreon is still up, and xe’s still collecting money, despite the fact xe’s publicly declared xe has no intention on ever making videos again, and even taking the existing ones down, is a little less than the perfect angel everyone is insisting that xe is). 

Tbh, maybe I tend to befriend more queer people irl, but you know what else is important? Straight allies. To me, being LGBT+ is a description of where I put my genitals/my gender identity, and I don’t exactly bond with people over that. A shared struggle, yes, and if I see a queer person being bullied, I will step in. I can support a gay man’s rights, even if that gay man is going out there campaigning for the orangutan in a suit (and some did). I’ll say he should be allowed to get married to whoever he wants, and when his Nazi buddies turn on his ass, I’ll be helping him find a visa out of here, but dear Ahura Mazda, I wouldn’t be caught dead having a beer with him. In fact, they most criticism I’ve ever gotten for being trans, is from other trans people. Yes, they should have rights, but fuck them as individuals, holy shit, don’t tell me how to transition. You can be trans (or any LGBT+) and still be a shitty person. 

But like... about 10%-15% of people are queer. 10%-15% of people couldn’t have voted for our rights and won. Meaning we have a ton of straight people on our side. And that’s what we are: we’re people. I love Steven Universe and pizza. I’ll find people that love Steven Universe and pizza that didn’t vote for literally satan. 

I’ve personally never been wronged by a hateful tj//lcer. But as you pointed out, there was a lot of hatefulness that was slung around. I watched as people attacked Mark Gatiss for not making their ship canon, or call him straight (they really care about representation, don’t they? /s), attacked other queer ships, tags, bullied some other queer shippers into self-harm, etc. 

No, that wasn’t you doing any of that, and that wasn’t anything you participated in... This blog really isn’t about you, I don’t know why you’re so sad about it. This is about everyone’s actions that I’m starting to suspect we both found deplorable. Though I guess if you were a close follower of Rebs, you hated Mary from second one, which was really uncalled for (hate her for shooting Sherlock — I don’t, but it’s a reason — but that didn’t happen until we knew her for two whole episodes, half of a third, and she was just a lovely person until that exact moment). 

The thing is, it IS just a show to me. I’m just responding to hate until I get bored with it. But tj//lc it became so much more to a bunch of people, and that’s why it got so toxic. 

Again, THE PROBLEM is tj//lcers were demanding representation from a show, and writers, who were always honest that they weren’t going to give it. At least not in the way they wanted (and when it wasn’t in the way they wanted, they had tantrums, which is why I say: it was never about “representation” for some of them.). Rebs, even if it started as just a hobby, quickly became, and fed into this mass conspiracy that ultimately did end up hurting a lot of people. Possibly including xerself. That’s why I don’t feel bad taking your symbol: it is just a show, everyone had prior warning that jxhnlock wouldn’t happen, so the conspiracy was always just going to be fanfiction, and Rebs did some shitty things. 

The way people are freaking out... they need to get over it. Or if not, okay, soak in grief forever over a fictional ship, but there’s probably better ways of dealing with all this besides sending me hate. Because honestly, what does anyone hope to accomplish by sending me hate? Me to delete? Sure, let’s say I did that. Jxhnlock isn’t going to be any more canon, and Rebs isn’t going to be any less wrong, and all of the hate xe encouraged is still going to be out there. Oh, and I’ll keep responding, which really just makes it worse. 

Had people just ignored me — never sent any messages — there would be precisely one post on this blog, which was my original announcement that I had it.

Also — what have I said that’s “hateful?” Yeah, okay, I called rebs a “twat” for being a misogynist, I thought it was delightfully ironic, having a misogynistic slur juxtaposed next to that observation (like saying, “don’t fucking swear”), but no one got the joke, so I took it down. But otherwise? Saying John Watson is Straight is just a fact. Jxhnlock never happened, and since it didn’t, the insistence that he’s bisexual has no standing. He’s always said, “I’m not gay.” I never took that to mean he was saying, “I’m not gay, but I like men, I’m bisexual/pansexual.” Jeez, no, if he was part of the community at all, I imagine he’d let it pass, rather than get angry about the assumption (like Sherlock does, who is, said by the writers, to be neither gay nor straight. In fact, I’ve often heard that if you’re a good straight ally, it means not being upset if people assume you’re gay for standing up with them — so in some interpretation, he’s actually a bit homophobic). I’ve also pointed out that xe was wrong, which xe is. My banner is of Gatiss confirm jxhnlock wasn’t happening again — this is a thing that happened. Are facts “hateful” now? 

Also... “life is too short to hate.” I mean... I think I’ve got enough life left in me to hate the sentient tire fire that uses too much fake tan cream, and the apparent resurgence of Nazis in America. Don’t you? Shouldn’t you? 

tj//cers are definitely not on that level, but I don’t hate them, is the thing. I said this before: I hate no one in particular, just what the legacy produced.