#im sure the fandom way back in 2018 probably thought of a good few

[kasmirkozel]

Yeeeeeessssss!!!! Ichiot3!! Poly shipss <33 an AU? Oooh do share! (If ya wish)

Ive seen like.. 2 pieces of ship art of these three and i was immediately sold.

God being a multi shipper is so fun, im thinking of a lil au about them :3

Ichimatsu and the christmas couple!!! DO THESE MFUCKERS HAVE NAMES???

[officialgleamstar]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank u for the tag @cerealmonster15 :] sorry for forcing you into tagging me and then FORGETTING TO DO IT ONCE I GOT OFF WORK but insomnia is killing me tonight sooo tag game time :3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

127 fics on my account, and then 130 anonymous fics, and two? maybe three? orphaned fics lol

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

826,251! getting close to 1 mil... maybe that should be a writing goal for this year :0

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently its oxventure all the way down, baby bfdjgfdhhj i have a few dndads fics im still working on though, and i have an aftg fic im working on for an event right now as well! i need to... make sure i finish that on time, actually

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

they aaare mostly anonymous LOL but! for fics i list, these ones. the way that three of these are from 2017 and 2018... i know that makes sense because theyve had more time to accumulate kudos and also are for more popular fandoms but :') man 1. Cleaning Up - Haikyuu!! - 908 kudos 2. heart under your sleeve - 3rd Life - 616 kudos 3. four am - All For the Game - 502 kudos 4. his soul - Empires SMP, 3rd Life - 391 kudos 5. "Are you dense, or do you just not know how to say no?" - All For the Game - 288 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes i do!!! im bad at it, but i do :D

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

just like cereal, i dont write much angst, but probably you know i love you, right? or these feelings, they're not gone :0

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of my fics are disgustingly sweet and sappy so its hard to judge

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have a few times but not enough to be a trend, lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yeah lol if i cant write pet play and/or breeding kink i wither up and die. who said that

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

just once! (can you kiss me more) absolutely beloved

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

two times that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah lol someone translated a handful of my old rpf fics into russian :]

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah, but never a finished fic

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

you simply cannot make me choose. you cant make me choose. please.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Divorced Dad Rock Mix you are everything to me but chapter 3 thru 6 are probably never seeing the light of day

16. What are your writing strengths?

im really good at telling a compelling story in a very small amount of word :] also, SPEED WRITING. i can write very quickly when i put my mind to it!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

im so awful at ending fics just absolutely dogshit at it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

its . writing dialogue in another language, i guess? lol its fine

19. First fandom you wrote for?

pokemon or harry potter i think. maybe my little pony or minecraft. or world of warcraft but i think that was later? id have to dig through my deviantart and i dont feel like it lol

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

god that is a hard question to answer, i love all of my fics a lot bfdgfjhdbghjd i think... the first fic to come to mind was, naturally, my beloved your love is tried and true-blue. normscary <333 AND my glennry soulmate fic as well, so where do we begin? hmmm... the johnny spells thing comes from a very personal space, and its a fic that i thought about for literal years, so its very near and dear to me in that sense as well. and on our dates, it's never daytime is a super self-indulgent fic that i reread a lot because its so perfectly targeted at myself lol same thing for fall (back) in and i love mine, mine, mine for more recent examples. uh. okay thats a lot of rambling LOL those i guess :3

tagging: hmmmmm @bidoofenergy and @cookies-over-yonder i think!!! have fun guys

[conservativetranny]

2020 blog update

Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit. 

I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on. 

The past and the present- a summary

I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible. 

I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.

Growth

With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.

The Truscum Mindset

Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.

Denial and owning up to responsibility

Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.

I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.

I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.

Self Hatred and Truscum

Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ‘found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.

Don’t fall into the rabbithole

I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.

Why now?

You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.

I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]

I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.

This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Hey there!

I am quite new here and I was wondering how you got into this fandom. Specially the carlandofandom :)

Also, when did you start writing? I saw your posts the other day about not being able to write all of it, so it somehow triggered me to write some stuff myself (some requests were just too cute).

Havent been properly writing for ages though and I am not quite sure if anybody wants to read my stuff...any advice? Im so indecisive...

Thanks for all your great stories and have nice day :)

Hey you, anonym and especially – welcome to the fandom! 🤗❤️

Oh my God, believe me – you actually don’t want to know how I got to this fandom, it’s such a long story.. You better grab yourself some Coke and popcorn, because this will be a longer one.. 🥤🍿

But alright, everything has begun with that the TWD (The Walking Dead) fandom has started to annoy/boring me, also because the show has become pretty bad and I wanted to leave the sinking ship before it will be too late. That must have been around autumn/winter 2018. During the winter months I really, really love to watch ski jumping, also because it’s pretty popular in my country (Austria). I was already a fan of it since many, many years, but I only became a real fan at that time. I always say I love this sport so much, because those jumps are always so “quickly over” – meaning that I don’t have to wait for too long to find out the results. Yeah, the competition itself isn't that short, but the individual jumps of each athlete are. That’s why I actually “hate” F1 so much, because I have to wait freaking two hours of pure stress, several mental breakdowns and heart attacks later to finally find out who will win, and also because so much can happen during a race, while those ski jumpers are practicing individual – does that make any sense!? However, so I got pretty deep into the ski jumping fandom over that time, especially also here on Tumblr, where I have met a pretty nice girl back then, who had been as thrilled about the fandom as me. But you know, during the summer there aren’t any competitions, so it had been pretty boring in the ski jumping fandom and then suddenly that girl came up with F1.

The first thing I have thought was ‘NO WAY! NEVER EVER!’ – you have to know, I have really hated F1 with a passion before August 2019. I was always making fun of my boyfriend watching those cars driving in circles for two hours. I just couldn’t understand it how someone can watch that voluntary (I sometimes still can’t..😅) and I really, really hated it with everything I had. My boyfriend even was at the Austrian GP in 2019 and back then my biggest nightmare would have been if he would have forced me to come with him (he got there with his father in the end – today I would give everything to get there!)

I remember, we have been on vacation during the beginning of August 2019. We were in a theme park, when my boyfriend said at one point that he will get over to that bench in the shadow under the tree now and watch the qualifying. I have really thought he was kidding me, because I couldn’t understand how the hell someone would watch something so stupid like F1, while being in a freaking theme park. Well, today I would be the one sitting there on the bench, while my boyfriend would probably urge me to please finally stand up so we could go on 😅

That was at the beginning of August 2019 – so I must have slowly but sure fallen for the fandom around 15th of August. And if you believe me or not, but I have neither fallen for Lando nor for Carlos at the first place. It was actually Max, also because he was one of the less drivers I have known next to Lewis, Sebastian, Valtteri (I always had to think about Harry Potter because of Bottas..😂) and probably Nico. But I have actually began to “stalk” when I have got to know about that Max has a little sister and I have found those sweet pics of him with her together (Do you know which pics I mean? You should really check them out – they are so cute). And somehow Lando came into the play as well and so my first story for this fandom resulted. Back then I have really, really thought it would be the first and also last story I will ever publish for this fandom. Well, that didn’t aged well..😅 Somehow my interest grew and grew with every more day stalking the internet for content and by the time of the first race after the summer break, I was already a fan. Spa 2019 has been the first F1 race I have ever watched from the start till the end and I have to say that this weekend has broken me (literally). Of course, because of Anthoine, but also because this time of the year is since 2017 never easy for me and on that weekend also Carlando finally came into the play. Check out this post from a few weeks ago – Carlos’ birthday on Sunday and that Lando has supposedly hugged Carlos after his DNF has really, really touched my heart and since that day these two boys own my heart and I remember, that the next day after the race I have got up at five in the morning to write “Tomorrow will be kinder” – because writing is sometimes my only way to deal with things, so I just had to write my thoughts/feelings down and it was the beginning of something beautiful actually.

But there is one more little story I have to tell you about my F1 past – this story right here is actually one of @hurtsprincess favourite ones. Because back in 2015, when F1 was finally back in Austria again, I was there by the race as probably the biggest F1-hater under all of them. Half of our town and so also most of our friends has got there, so it was kind of peer pressure, why I have finally joined them as well. We had to stand up really, really early – actually it was still in the middle of the night (I think it was three in the morning or so) and got to Spielberg with the bus. It was one of the hottest day of the year back then and after watching “the race of generations” with Niki Lauda, Gerhard Berger and some others and then following also the F3 and F2 races (Me, back in 2015: What do you mean there are races before the actual race? What the hell is F3 and F2?) and because we were so damn tired after standing up so early, most of us, including myself, were sleeping in the meadow during the F1 race. So I have missed over half of the race and I really can’t even remember anymore who has won 😅 But it had still been a funny day for my as a F1-hater, but believe me - if I should ever get to a GP again, this won’t ever happen to me again! 😅 I promise! 🤞🏼

Wow, this has turned out longer than you have actually wanted it, right anonym?! 

Your first question about how I have got into the Carlando fandom is probably answered now and also half of your second question. But I have actually started writing fanfictions back in autumn 2016 for the TWD fandom. I have written overall 16 stories for that fandom and 4 stories in German for the ski jumping fandom, but as much as I have already loved to write fanfictions back then, it only really became my passion and biggest hobby with Carlando. I just can’t stop writing about them, also because they make me so happy and for me so easy with those dorks just being them 😊

Yeah, I’m still very sorry about that I just can’t write stories to all of these great requests, even tho I would really, really like to do - but if you have got inspired by one of these, you should give it a try!

But if you are really that indecisive and shy, you could use the anonymity of the internet for your favor (in this case this posibilty is a good thing - as long as you use your anonymity not for spreading hate/attacking/bullying someone) You know what I mean? I actually did/do that as well. Only three people here on Tumblr know who I really am. Some of you may know from where I am (because I don’t make a secret out of it) and some here even know my name, but that’s it. I don’t share any more personal things about my identity, because I also prefer to stay anonymous here, especially because only my boyfriend, my best friend and my mother know about that I’m writing fanfictions. All those other people I call “friends” don’t know about it or me having this account here and I also don’t want them to know, because they simply wouldn’t understand it.

What I’m trying to say here - if it makes you feel better and also more secure, you could upload your story on AO3 without telling anyone it’s you. Or if you don’t want to post it on AO3 and you also don’t want to post it on your Tumblr account, I offer you to send me your story anonymous. I would post it in your “name” aka anonym, saying that this story isn't mine and you could watch/read the reactions.

You don’t have to lose anything, anonym 😉 I would really, really like to read your story, no matter if you will decide to publish it with your name or anonymous. Because there won’t ever be enough writers out there, blessing us with their great stories. Also because I am as much a passionate reader than a writer. And I’m also pretty sure about that you are talented and also about that your story would be more than just worth reading it 😊

Thank you so much for your message, anonym and I’m sorry my answer turned out to be so long 😅 but I really hope my words have helped you in some way, because I’m pretty sure about that you actually don’t have to have a reason to be that shy and indecisive 😉 Just give it a try, as long as it makes you happy 🤗❤️

[thesunnyshow]

Name: reya

Writing Blog URL(s): @chu-ni

Age: 19

Nationality: african-british

Languages: english, swahili, korean

Star Sign: libra

MBTI: enfp/entp (it always changes lol)

Favorite color: purple!

Favorite food: i really love chicken burgers

Favorite movie: princess and the frog

Favorite ice cream flavor: vanilla!!

Favorite animal: elephants

Go-to karaoke song: fancy - twice

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? caramel frappe with whipped cream, in general i prefer tea though

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? secretary general at the UN….or an author

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? making anyone agree with me and do what i want them to do

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient egypt!!

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?.....no.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? neither if i could lmfao but i’d go for 100 chicken sized horses

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? the nerd who’s actually really pretty after she gets a cool makeover 

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? im not sure about aliens, but i definitely believe in ghosts and spirits.

What are some small things that make your day better? when i can have moments to myself to enjoy my own company. or when someone asks me what i want to eat and they bring it for me 🥺

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? uhm…...probably the fact that i write fanfiction lol..but outside of that! i sing in the shower. and i talk to myself a lot.

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct dream currently, but in the future i want to expand to other groups!

When did you post your first piece? 17th of June 2018.

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i can never write just one genre. predominantly i write fluff with a dash of angst for spice simply because i love a story that has an issue and then having that issue be resolved for a happy ending. when i started my blog i was 17, and so i said i wouldn't write smut. now that i'm older im feeling more and more comfortable writing suggestive content at the very LEAST.. so maybe in the future i might write smut, who knows? i like writing fluff because i like making people feel good, but i like adding angst to it because i feel like the contrast between the two is very *chefs kiss* to me.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i only write x readers!

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? i first got tumblr when i was 13 years old and i was a fresh kpop fan lmfao. i wanted somewhere that shared my interests. of course i discovered x reader fics on here and i was in awe, i guess of how much power writers had in contributing to fandom content and keeping readers satiated. i’d always loved to write and so i’d always wanted to start my own writing blog, and for 2 years i did write for other blogs! it wasnt until 2018 that i finally took the leap and decided to start my own, because i wanted to impact people's emotions and take them on a journey through my writing.

What inspires you to write? what inspires me….teen movies, music!! music is a big one for me, and also the books that i read. i also grew up playing otome games so the plots and writing from those influence my writing a lot.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i really enjoy writing royalty!aus as well as exes!aus. i love to do them cause they require me to build a world and with royalty aus specifically i love weaving together bits of political intrigue, or arranged marriages, etc. its so much fun!!

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? that if this world is too rough or too much, you can always escape from it. it might not be physical, but immersing yourself in a universe that's entirely different for a little while can help soothe you.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? usually i try and take breaks. the problem with that is that my breaks can go on for longer than i’d like and im trying to fix that. so my other solution is to read read read!! read as much as i can, or go back to books that i loved. ask myself what i liked about the writing, what are some parts that i thought were amazing examples of good writing - i note them down then see if i can apply that to my own work. another thing i do is take a break from writing my longer, fleshed out works and write blurbs! blurbs are a great way for me to write but not feel like its tedious because i don't have to spend as much time on them and it gets me into the groove of writing without feeling stressed out.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favourite piece of work is miscommunication. it took me months to write that, even after i lost all the work halfway through, and its the longest piece of work i have written so far, so its kinda like my baby. my most successful is candy jar. its also the work i owe my blog exposure to - it was the first piece i published, and it was also the first piece of writing i did in around 4 years.

Who is your favorite person to write about? i don't have much out for them, but i really enjoy exploring mark’s and jeno’s characters. they're people, but in my work i enjoy analysing them and judging how they’d act in different contexts.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? the only difference for me is that fanfiction (depending on the fandom) has some of the stuff fleshed out for you already, such as the world its in. if youre the type to write AUs then the only thing you already have is the characters - the planning, the writing, the drafting, and everything else is still the writer's responsibility. therefore there isn't much of a difference between the two for me.

What do you think makes a good story?  a good story, to me, is one that takes me on a journey. it could be any genre, but i like to feel immersed and connected to the characters and the world in it. also aside from the obvious, like good grammar, a good story feels natural to read. i don't feel like skim reading half of it.

What is your writing process like? my writing process consists of me getting inspiration - usually from a song, or a film or a book ive read or a game ive played - i note down my idea and who i want the story to be about, and then bullet point the whole story, with some snippets of particular dialogue i want the reader or the other person to say at certain scenes. i then open another document ( i have a writing app on my phone, called werdsmith, so i use that!) and set a word count goal i want to hit so i can track my progress and start writing the fic, with fleshed out language and exposition. when im done (usually after a couple weeks up to a few months, depends on the length of the plan) i read through it to fix any mistakes, then i transfer it to docs so i can read it again and italicise any areas i feel need it.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i...don't think so. mainly because the original fiction i read and would like to write for myself is predominantly fantasy, whereas the fanfic i write on my blog is usually non-idol, normal fics. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? im a SUCKER for enemies to lovers, royalty ofc, “and they were roommates”, and i think superhero aus are really cool but there isnt enough of them :( idol/you as member aus....not feeling her��� also abo/werewolf/vampire aus….not feelin em

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? a LOT. a HUGE amount!! i said before how i like giving my readers somewhere where they can immerse themselves as an escape, even for a short while. hearing about how my work affected them, made them feel, makes me feel less insecure about what im writing and thus more confident to publish it.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i’d say reblogs. and also putting out more content. when i first uploaded candy jar i went to my one of my favourite writers (jaeminlore) and asked her if she'd be okay with reading it and giving feedback. to my surprise she loved it and her reblogging it to all her followers is literally what gave me a bunch of followers all of a sudden who loved what i’d written. to keep that momentum i created more and more content, and while i haven't uploaded as often as i've wanted to or written as much as i’d wanted to, i can say i have a good amount of work on my masterlist for people who are looking for more to read.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 100%. fanfic has an unfair reputation for just having bad writing and cringey fics (and i feel like this is because of the way society views the demographics who predominantly consume and create it), when in reality i feel like those who write fanfiction are extremely talented and selfless people. they're on the internet creating content for free for people to enjoy and like any other work of art they're putting time and effort into it. i think it should be respected. any form of art is going to have its good and bad sides.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? hmmm….yes. i feel it can be a way to reflect the thoughts of people and also be a way to inspire people to do more.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes. sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself to write because i feel like if i don't then people will forget about me or they’ll forget about my blog. while what i choose to write about is for me, i feel like the speed of my writing and what im writing isn't to the quality i want it to be cause i feel like i gotta get it out for people to read.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? i've never felt that way!

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? only 2 of my friends know, and i only told them like. a week ago!

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? i wish you guys would message me more! i'm quite a sociable person, and i’d love to have regular anons who talk to me 👉🏽👈🏽

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think one common thing amongst all writers is that we write what we want to read. so don't feel like nobody's gonna read your work, cause somebody will. you gotta act like your work is top tier even if someone says it isn't - always write the best you can, and just do it! like don't even give yourself time to overthink it, write that fic, make it look pretty, upload it onto tumblr and do not be afraid to ask your favourite fic writers to read your work once its up!! i’d be happy to read and give feedback for any fic writers as well so don't feel afraid! 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? ive been on here for 7 years….i grew up on this site lmfao. but i don't think i regret joining tumblr once.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? shes not very active anymore and i miss her very much but user hyuck-s was so supportive and i love her!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

she believed she could, so she did.

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL 

[dyk3bait]

i’ve played the sims since 2007. its been a huge creative outlet for me and a way to work through different thoughts and feelings i’ve had for over half my life. i thought itd be fun to look at some of the different content i’ve made over the years and talk a lil about how much its changed and how much ive changed in conjunction with that

theres no way this isnt gonna be super dam long, srry in advance

2010-2011

i was 12-13 and had been playing sims for about 3 years. i watched a lot of teen drama sims series that made me wanna get into video editing. once ts3 came out, i made a channel with my childhood friend and we’d stay up til like 3 AM making ts3 music videos. i was an emo binch so it was all like cringey vampire stuff. my biggest inspo in this period was probably jaydee227′s badass music videos and noojim’s Life of Rose series that still slaps to this day

2012-2013

2012 was a big year in that i figured out how to torrent sony vegas and every second of my free time was spent editings MEPs (multi editor project) i tried to make some sims series but hardly ever got past episode 1 each time. it was a fun year tho, full of content i’m still kinda proud of.

my biggest inspo was 3WordsArentEnough’s Stealing Heaven and Foreverloudx’s Seeking Harmony (he once commented on one of my videos and i was so excited i cried)

2013-2014

ok so cringe alert: i first joined tumblr in 2013. and it became my whole life; i was quoting the jokes, i was watching all the fandom show, i even read homestuck, just to put the icing on the cringe cake. i hadn’t done anything i was rlly passionate about in a while and was starting to get the lonely teen blues, so i needed a project. i made this rlly elaborate plan for a sims series about a girl travelling the world to meet all her tumblr friends. planning sucked up all 2013, and i never got past editing the intro.

2015

by 2015, i hadn’t done anything with sims for a while, and it really bothered me that something i cared so much about was just becoming a part of my distant past. i decided that the issue was i was trying too hard to emulate other ppl’s creations, so i decided to make something i wanted to make, unlike anything else ive seen. i planned it out for months, writing a complex world with detailed lore. and i still didn’t get past editing the intro.

BUT!! i did learn something important that is main reason why im still a part of the sims community today; sims is fuckin limitless, man. all the content that i’ve been wanting to see in traditional media but knew would never happen, i could just CREATE. this project rlly helped me through the feelings of nihilism, feeling like a burden, and internalized homophobia that i was feeling at the time, and i still think about it a lot.

2016

in 2016, i started a private sim story blog, where i’d write sims stories without the pressures of an audience. i wrote two stories there, one about a failing college campus tv show and another about a vampire throuple raising a 200-year old agender vamp kid together. i’m rlly proud of them and i still go back every few months to re-read them, if not just for the lines above.

2018

once i gained a lil confidence with photo-editing, i decided to just peep a lil into simblr and see if i could make a couple friends. i didn’t expect it to become such a big part of my life, but it v quickly did. i met some amazing people, started making cc, and just lived my dam best life. i think i started taking it way too seriously tho and it just became p stressful. i also missed creating content for just myself, so i decided to delete. i dont rlly regret that tbh, but i dont regret all the fun experiences i had on there either!

after about a half a year break, i started getting into editing CAS screenies again. then i started collecting pics of stuff i wanted to make into CC. coming back on a new blog seemed like a good idea, tho i decided that i would just make it a hobby this time around, and wouldn’t guilt myself for taking breaks when i want to.

so that brings me to now! lots has changed over the years, but sims has been a nice constant in my life. not sure what the 2020′s r gonna hold, but im glad to be able to have a creative outlet i can use like this!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know. 

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha 

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

[wolfqueen-is-here]

Kisses Remembered, Kisses Forgotten (Jonsa Secret Santa 2018)

Dearest @moonchildslife, I am so sorry for my delay, Christmas was crazier than I expected, and I didn’t finish my gift on time. But it is here now, and I hope you don’t find it too terrible ;). I wish you a wonderful year with Jonsa becoming canon in April and our fandom wishes coming true. Be happy, be healthy, be yourself! <3

Many thanks to @jonsasecretsanta2018 who made all of this happen, you truly are amazing!

  A/N Don’t be alarmed by a brief mention of the Hound. I promise you, it has nothing to do with SanSan in any way except mentioning The Un-Kiss. Book!canon, but mostly show!canon, can be interpreted both as a filler and an AU. 2300 words

  Kisses Remembered, Kisses Forgotten

Every now and then Sansa remembers, even though she has tried so hard to leave the past behind. The Hound was rough and scary, but the kiss that he took left a lingering taste on her lips—it was as soft as snow, almost familiar, she’s caught herself missing the shy affection that came with the kiss, a wary touch so vulnerable it felt almost childish. She remembers the kiss that he took. The only thing she doesn’t remember is him taking it.

Every night feels longer and darker than the former ones. It isn’t until she jumps from Winterfell walls that she remembers how to feel warm again, but the road north is as cold as ice and covered in snow. “His lips felt warm”, she thinks as she runs towards her freedom. “The kiss that he took, it felt warm.”

There are times when she is almost certain that she gave it willingly.

 —

“You look cold,” Jon says after staring at her in silence for a good half an hour. It would annoy her beyond reason, were it anyone else, anyone less trustworthy, anyone less… Jon, but coming from him it’s almost flattering. No one has ever cared for her so since she’d lost Father. Not once until this very moment has she felt safe since then.

“I’m okay,” she smiles. His unblinking eyes refuse to leave hers even for a second as if she’d vanish otherwise. Sansa leans towards him and strokes the inside of his palm with her thumb. It’s the most innocent of caresses, but it makes Jon stiffen and finally lower his head. She misses the stare instantly. “I’m okay, Jon.”

She tastes his name on her tongue. It feels rough���when was the last time she used it? —but sweeter than all the cake she’s ever had. She wants to swallow it, possess it, make it hers. “Jon,” she muses. “Jon. My Jon.”

If it’s something more primal than sisterly affection, she doesn’t recognise it in time. It may occur to her later, but it will be too late.

 —

The first night that she spends at Castle Black is a sleepless one. The shadows are long when she paces aimlessly around the room, too exhausted to fall asleep, too cold to lie still. Knocking at the door alerts her at first—she’s not used to feeling safe yet—she whispers: “Who’s there?” so quietly as if she were hoping nobody would answer.

“It’s me,” Jon says.

She lets him in.

“Do you have everything that you need?” he asks, looking at her with a strange longing.

Had it been more fitting, she’d say: “I have you,” but in their current situation she’d stumble over the words for certain. Instead, she just invites him to stay—just sit next to her and not talk until the sun rises and the shadows go back under her bed. They repeat it every night after that, it seems to comfort both of them.

 —

Jon’s eyes follow Sansa as he tries to find something—anything—that would remind him of a little girl she used to be. Her skirts dance when she rocks her hips, walking around Castle Black like she’d lived here all her life. He wants to avert his gaze but finds it impossible. She’s grown so tall, so slender—so beautiful.

“She’s your sister,” he thinks angrily, hiding his face in his hands. “You are not allowed to look at her like that.”

There were times, many lives ago, when they were only children. Sansa’s hair was more orange than auburn, Jon’s face—smooth, not a trace of beard or scars on it. They both called lord Eddard Stark their father. They both walked around holding Robb’s hand. They both watched Bran fall asleep while they were singing lullabies. Both, yes, but not—together.

When he tries to think about their lives before everything happened, before he went north and she went south, he keeps coming back to that one particular memory. And he’s not allowed to remember it. Not ever.

“She’s your sister,” he thinks, but as her lips move while she’s telling him another story, he watches. The redness of them almost provocative, they look like she’s been biting them for the past few hours. It’s a mesmerising set of colours: her lips with a raspberry tint, screaming to be tasted, licked, devoured; her eyes, deep blue almost exactly like the ones that used to follow him with disdain when he was nothing more than a bastard boy, but there’s no disdain in Sansa’s eyes, only hope. Her fair complexion contrasts with the dark streaks of her auburn hair, almost brown in the dimly lit room. Jon quashes the need to cup Sansa’s cheek and stroke it with his fingers, to check if her soft, unwavering beauty isn’t only a product of his hallucinations. He wouldn’t dare.

 —

Sansa enters the dining room when there’s barely anyone left. A few wildlings share a horn of ale, laughing. There’s also Edd sitting in the furthest, darkest corner, and he looks really down—Edd always looks down, that’s an inherent part of his personality, “The defining part”, Tormund insists, but Sansa doesn’t care, because Edd, albeit rather shy, is kind and caring, and that’s more than she could expect from a stranger. The wildlings terrify her still, she doesn’t know their customs, they’re far too loud and bold for her taste, so she chooses to cross the room and take a sit in front of Edd.

They don’t talk, there’s no need for it. Sansa eats her soup, wondering whether Jon has already eaten, and Edd just keeps staring at the ceiling. Weirdly, his silent presence comforts Sansa more than any words could.

When everybody leaves, Sansa reaches for Edd’s half-empty horn and moves her hand up and down its uneven surface. It’s become apparent these past few days that sleep refuses to come easily for her at Castle Black, and when she finally drifts off after hours of rolling over from side to side, her dreams are filled with memories—but are they real? Are they hers?

She doesn’t think about the Hound that often. He’s been a big part of her life when she was a prisoner in King’s Landing, but her fascination with his tragic story faded and went by long ago. She cannot remember his face anymore, only the scars, she doesn’t even know if she’d be glad to see him again. The memories of him and the torments from the Lannisters became too inseparable in her mind, and that’s why she doesn’t want to think of him or imagine their meeting.

Not now. Not ever.

Then why is her brain so set on bringing back the memory of the kiss? She can feel a sweet breath on her chin every morning when she wakes up from her blurry dreams—why is it sweet? Wasn’t the Hound monumentally drunk that night?—she can taste it, again and again. Her first kiss, that one thing she knows for sure. She’d gotten a few pecks from Joffrey, yes, they should probably count as first, but somehow it doesn’t feel right.

She closes her eyes and clasps her hands around the horn.

“I thought you weren’t fond of our ale,” Jon says, suddenly very close—how did he get so close without Sansa hearing his steps? Did she black out again?

“I heard it helps to forget.”

“It does,” his voice sounds worried, “for a while. It doesn’t make your past go away.”

Sansa raises her head and their eyes lock immediately as if they’re a couple of lovers always on a mission to find each other.

“For a while,” she repeats. “Sounds better than never.”

The ale tastes much worse than she remembered it—it’s bitter and stale, and reeks of old, damp barrels—but her lips don’t leave the edge of the horn until it’s empty. Jon’s eyes move to her throat as she swallows and stay there even after she’s finished.

At first, she doesn’t think anything’s changed—the same emptiness fills her, the same desperation—but minutes pass as they sit opposite one another in silence, and her head finally starts to feel both lighter and heavier, her thoughts stir inside her brain, but never fully form. It’s a bliss. It’s a curse.

She sits in the middle of a meadow, it’s late summer. The winds got chilly but she’s got a blanket around her arms. She’s knitted it herself. She’s content. She’s happy. She’s Queen Naerys Targaryen.

“Are you alright? That’s quite a lot of ale you just inhaled,” Jon murmurs, gently touching her arm. Sansa looks up and smiles at him.

“I’ll be fine,” she answers. “I’ll be fine, Jon. You can go to sleep, you look tired.”

He laughs hoarsely and it makes Sansa’s belly tighten.

“Not until I see you safely tucked under your furs.”

He approaches her with his back straight and a sword at his side. Where did he get that sword, she thinks briefly but continues to look at his beaming face.

“I’ve come to rescue you, my Queen.”

“You can’t, my love,” she says, remembering to dress her face in the deepest, most regal shade of sadness. “We’re bound to our fate forever. You’ve made your vows, as I have made mine.”

He kneels before her. He’s brave, he’s gentle, he’s strong. He’s Prince Aemon the Dragonknight.

Sansa tries to stand up all too quickly, her head spins violently and she has to hold on to the table to avoid falling. She can barely feel her legs and her arms—how strong was that ale?—but the burning hotness of Jon’s hand on her lower back, oh, that she feels.

“Careful,” he says, pulling her closer and throwing her arm around his neck. “You’re still much too weak to start drinking so heavily. Don’t let go, alright? I’m going to walk you to your chambers now.”

And he proceeds to do just that.

When Sansa lies in bed feeling truly sleepy for the first time since she’s reached Castle Black on her dying horse, she suddenly remembers everything.

His face is just inches away. He’s wearing his hair pulled tightly in the back like a true adult, but he’s been playing with swords all day and a few strands have escaped the knot, hanging loosely around his face. She feels the urge to curl one of them around her finger but before she decides to make a move, he leans in and kisses her on the lips.

It surprises her—the lightness of it as much as the act itself. “It’s not wrong as long as I’m Queen Naerys and he’s Prince Aemon,” she tells herself as she involuntarily moves closer and exhales into his warm mouth. His fingers wander up and down her sleeve, curious but never inappropriate. The kiss doesn’t last long, a few heartbeats maybe, but before it’s finished, she can hear him whisper: “Sansa.”

And instantly he’s Jon again, and she’s Sansa. And they’ve done something unforgivable.

 —

Jon’s almost asleep when he hears banging at his door. He jumps out of bed and rushes to open it only to find a breathless Sansa on the other side. Her eyes are wide, and she looks absolutely terrified. If she’s still a bit in her cups, it doesn’t show.

“What happened?” he asks.

She’s shivering. He wants to put his hand on her arm but she jumps away.

“You kissed me,” she hisses, her tone accusatory.

Jon blinks. Not that he hasn’t thought of it, because of course he has. He won’t admit it to anyone but though he tried extremely hard to see his long-lost sister in the beauty that has brought him back to life, he failed miserably. The truth is—she was never a sister to him, not even before they parted ways.

“I assure you,” he answers quietly, “I did not. I didn’t even enter your chambers, I asked lady Brienne to help.”

“Not tonight,” Sansa sighs and Jon realises she’s standing before him barefoot, dressed only in some old sleeping gown, but somehow she’s never looked more queenly with her demanding expression and fiery glare. “When we were children. A few months before we left Winterfell. We played… we played, and you…”

And he kissed her.

He kissed her and he never regretted it once until she came to him, crying, and ordered him to forget it ever happened. He didn’t want to, it was too precious a memory, but he obliged. For Sansa.

“I thought we weren’t speaking of it,” he whispers carefully.

She was really shook when she came to him that day, he never wanted to see Sansa cry, and to be the reason for her despair—it was too much for him to bear.

“We aren’t. I just… I forgot.”

“You forgot?” he asks, feeling hurt. It was his only kiss before Ygritte and he wasn’t even allowed to savour that memory. How could she have forgotten?

“I’m sorry,” she says. “What we did… it was wrong. I didn’t… I couldn’t… I think I repressed it. I made myself believe it happened with someone else.” She lowers her head and he’s afraid to spook her by asking who that person was, but he’s certain it will haunt him forever. Was it Joffrey? Gods, he hopes it wasn’t him. Jon couldn’t bear it. Sansa makes a strangled noise at the back of her throat. “But I remember now.”

He doesn’t know what more to say, but Sansa doesn’t seem to expect any kind of explanation. It happened. It shouldn’t have, but it did. And it changed things between them.

Sansa finally dares to look at him. Her lips are parted, ready as they were in that meadow years ago. He doesn’t take advantage of her vulnerability. When they win back Winterfell, when the war is over—she will come to him of her own volition.

And he will have that second kiss, gods be damned.

[caskit2]

Gorillaz Analysis

Caskit’s not ready to throw all their cards on the table but the time has come!!! 

Okay then, I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to talk about here with Gorillaz cause DAMN!! 

I love gorillaz, 

I love the characters 

damon is a gift that we just dont deserve 

But how did I end up in the fandom pool? 

Well for one, I have heard of gorillaz music back in middleschool but at the time I was busy with Invader Zim and Inuyasha as well as jumping into this band wagon as well  (Full metal Alchemist) 

so by the time I turned to look at Gorillaz was when phase 3 was JUST wrapping up and making way for phase 4. which means I jumped into a fandom that had characters that I knew NOTHING ABOUT. Do you know what that means?

It means I also had no understanding or knowledge of why people shipped “this or that” in the fandom, but I gained some intel on the characters and the growing plot of the story, but other than that, I didnt understand why I was drawn to a particular “ship” in the fandom.  

*actual expression made, im not joking*

Once upon a time, caskit discovered 2doc and was not surprised that this was a ship. I have seen similar stuff that has a common theme that i was drawn to at the time. I was more interested in why fans ship them so I dived in head first into the boiling lava and came to a conclusion.,.....

I dont see them as able (capable?) of ever ending up in the way that most 2doc shippers would pick. The two are chaotic on levels of different tiers of “weird and gross” and I dont really have a reason as to why i was drawn to the ship, but It made me want to analyse what exactly a stable relationship is!

I basically walked around in that area of the fandom and didnt really form any “attachment” to it. I never really experienced a “healthy relationship”, lived in childhood and teen years were I went through life avoiding relationships. So I didnt have a good start, but I knew eventually that I would have to explain myself. 

I feel bad that I wouldnt be able to give a solid answer to what makes me want to sit down and analyse any scenario that has “present abuse undertones” but I know that in the past and how I grew up with what I was exposed to...That I would come to realize how unhealthy it is just for me. 

This post isnt particularly about 2doc itself, but its more about discussing how I handled MY reaction to something that I have seen over and over. In a way, I could see those abusive tones that were present.

Basically Caskit never experienced good healthy relationships and decided that it was a good idea to use gorillaz as a processing strategy....not a good idea in the end cause...OOOHHHHHHH 

It confused me more than before!!! 

I got friends that tag their stuff, and I dont really get so bothered with peoples own opinions, cause I was more worried about how I would come to understand everything. 

When I think about how fans are dividing and putting up a wall to keep “haters outa my yard”  it usually has to deal with shipping stuff, and character hating. And I guess I was confused about everyone’s perception of the characters.

Talking about the characters, I dont have a “least favorite to most” cause I have specific connections to them in different ways. 

I can find similarities to noodle for the expectations she had in a band at age 10 and growing up (plus we are both gays that dont like to publicly talk about relationships) 

I connect with Russel cause I lost a piece of myself  after a paranormal encounter and 3 near death experiences and suffer hallucinations. His protective demeanor to little noodle clicked with me. I see him as the Heart and soul, dedicated and warm friendly guy. ( you mean a decent human being right?)

I relate to 2d in a way that I share his enthusiasm, and mad bravery to live with the same guy who ran him over and caused 2 accidents that are permanent. 

I relate to murdoc in a weird way...  His childhood hits too close to home for me, as a CSA survivor of 2 incidents, pain addict and victim of abuse, draws similarities. But there were things that he has done that match things to my past like the abusive father, and dwelling on the darker aspect of a bittersweet reality. I was expressing physical violence to “show affection” and was never called out for it. I was not just a victim, I was also the abuser and since it was something that murdoc is faced with, is why I hated him. He is (for me) the thing I hate about myself. 

When I saw more and more fans hating on murdoc I wondered if people would ever think I was the same as him. Fans didnt like the way he treated 2d  and the rest of the band, And I agreed. Fans hated him for lying and causing drama and I agreed.  

His ignorance was a comedy slapstick (dressing in a nazi uniform cause he thought it “looked cool” despite russel telling him that its not a good idea) and was seen as the “crazy hooligan that has delusional dreams of fame”  and it bothered me that jamie used this to cover up allot of obvious issues that needed to be addressed. and the way that the fandom treated him made me think about how I would be accused of being like him. 

(thank goodness I didnt cause a car accident and have to sell my soul to satan for a shot at fame with a kickass band and didnt make uncomfortable sexual jokes or ignore others that tried to help me.) 

I can separate what justifies the hate on murdoc when it comes to abuse and causing shit to go down. becuase I did those things in the past, but it didnt take me more than a decade or more to realize that what I did was wrong! I didnt take forever to change for the better. so Im frustrated at him for taking so long to turn around and go “holly fuck im a bastard! I should probably fix that” 

Yeah NyOO ShiTT HunnayYY!! 

I dont hate him for being an idiot, I hate that he symbolizes all things wrong about me that never got closure! 

him admitting to being the cause of 2d’s social anxiety and eye damage as well as the abuse is easier said than done! but the fact that he is letting everything out of the “in-denial basket” is nice for me to see, cause right now Healing and progression in closure to issues of trauma is what is important to me. 

The endgame for my perspective on 2d and murdocs relationship is this: 

I dont want to ship them

I dont even see it as a thing regardless of character development and both guys working through their own shit themselves. 

I am not the best person to explain what a toxic or abusive relationship can be. 

Why? becuase I lived through it and I was both the victim and abuser to myself  and grew up without a good relationship (and I have a fear of positive affection) so I dont enjoy going through the same pattern as before where i shipped abuse in the past as a “dumb 13 year old weeboo” 

I dont view their relationship as romantic, or platonic, or healthy. 

I just want the boys to enjoy their own character growth individually. 

I would like to eventually see a friendship with them But I’ll be more excited if instead the whole band eventually gain a healthy relationship with everyone.  

Year 2018 marks the year I jumped in head first into gorillaz as a blind fruit bat 

(I call it the year caskit played with fire) for cosplaying ‘murdoc fuckn wrinkles’ at a convention around the time the fandom was yelling at him and jamming to 2d’s album. 

Caskit jumped into the shipping lava all for Behavioral analyzing and hopped over fences to see other fans perspectives of characters they liked and hated just to make sure Caskit could understand the illuminati that is Gorillaz. 

I made friends all over the fandom, and thanks to a few people, I gained more confidence to push my art skills and create some kickass art of Gorillaz. 

And yeah I yap yap about murdoc ( looks over @russelhusselhobbs im sorry you put up with my bullshit) but remember peeps. 

I like hearing about the others and have gotten more into 2d’s character as well as Jumping over the fence to go hang out with russel fans and listen to fangirling from friends and just trying to be a freakn fairy godmother and deliver some good representing art. 

And for those who aren’t aware, my past artwork is probably gonna float around so if its signed as Caskit or Caskit19 then its mine and if you see my old 2doc stuff.....,

for the trigger. 

But YEAHHHHHH!!! I wanted to throw all this on the table. and I dont know how to feel about that...(I swear my friend jokes with “need some feel good inc for Caskit” ) Kinda contemplating my choice between sticking my head into a hornets nest or jumping into a dark water trench.... the hornets nest sounds less likely to give me a seizure induced panic attack so ill go for that. ( I have a tolerance for inflicted pain so no you cant hurt me by using violence cause I dont have any consideration for myself and my safety)  

But yeah now I can get back to drawing fun stuff. (hopefuly caskit wont have to bore you guys with stupid shit ever again! xD) 

[maternalcube]

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

[plinys]

dear yuletide author (2018)

hello and welcome to my letter!

i am so happy to have you reading this letter and going to be writing a fic for me! why? because you dear writer are an amazing and wonderful person, deserving of all the kudos in the world!

please remember as you look at these prompts, that if something in my likes inspires you more than any of my specific prompts, totally feel free and run with that, and know that i will enjoy any fic that is gifted to me!!

ao3/lj handle: plinys

now lets get down to business:

the fandoms i’ve requested this year are: Babe - Sugarland ft. Taylor Swift (Music Video) , Dramarama - Monsta X (Music Video) , The Gifted (TV 2017) ,  Partners (TV 2012) , A Simple Favor (2018), and Superman Returns (2006)

but before that, my likes/kinks/dislikes/triggers:

likes: alternate universes, characters that are in character, lady-centric fics, angst, fandom cliches, dysfunctional relationships, friendships, friends/enemies to lovers, soul mates, road trips,  hanukkah fics, jewish characters, bisexual characters, poly relationships, character studies, origin stories, ambiguous endings, meta fic, slow build, fics that incorporate social media, crack treated seriously, drunk confessions, miscommunication,

kinks: threesomes, competence kink, phone sex, masturbation, crying during sex, hate sex, shower sex, praise kink, guys going down on girls, rough sex, first time, spanking, daddy kink, sex in front of mirrors, voyeurism, make up sex

dislikes: pwp, main character death (unless it really makes sense/happens in canon), character bashing, non-con, mpreg, a/b/o, 1st person, 2nd person 

my triggers (please no matter what do not include these): school shootings, cancer, terminal illness, riots, child abuse.

and now to the fun stuff -

Babe - Sugarland ft. Taylor Swift (Music Video) 

characters: Cheating Husband (Babe), Mistress (Babe), Wife (Babe)

where to watch: the music video is up on youtube

prompts: 

right after watching this video, my first thought was that i was disappointed that the cheating husband didn’t die in the end. like he should have died they set it all up for him to die. so do me a favor and write a fic where he gets exactly what he deserved

bonus points if we get something where the ladies team up to do him in, maybe it’s all a big long con, maybe they were actually working together to kill him for the insurance money or something. (make them gay if you want, or make them bonded as friends because the same man screwed them over either way im chill)

alternatively - if someone wants to write smut between the cheating husband and the mistress that’s totally fine by me because imagining brandon routh and taylor swift together is something that i could get behind so uh feel free

honestly if you can make anything come out of this music video it would make me very happy because its one of my favorites and literally any fic about it will be good 

Dramarama - Monsta X (Music Video)

characters: Chae Hyungwon (Dramarama MV)

where to watch: the music video is here on youtube

prompts: 

so a good place to start would probably be with some sort of explanation for what is going on in the music video and there is a lot of theories but honestly ive got like only 80% of a clue after reading them all so good luck. basically if you don’t know anything about who the boys are (i don’t even go here technically, my roommate just showed me the video a while back and when  saw it in the tag set i got super interested in requesting fic about it)

 i nominated hyungwon, he’s the one in the video who is in the suit and sort of giving out all of the watches that enable the other to travel through time. im mainly looking for backstory on his character, what is his role in all of this? what is his motivation? why did he choose this set of people to give the watches too

also related just expanding on the concept of time travel presented in the video. in this case you don’t have to focus on hyungwon, you can focus on the other sort of “men in black” showed or any of the other duo’s presented

honestly whatever you could pull out of this video would be really interesting to me! if something inspires you after watching the video consider total freedom when it comes to this prompt

The Gifted (TV 2017)

characters: Lorna Dane (The Gifted (TV 2017)), Marcos Diaz (The Gifted (TV 2017))

where to watch: all of season one is on hulu, and it’s current airing weekly

prompts:

so i realize that by time reveals are the show will have finished season two so who knows how we will all feel about them by then and what will have happened but right now in canon i am very much emotionally compromised by everything going on with lorna/marcos and so i am asking for 100% shippy prompts for them

there was a lot of missing moments in season one that could be expanded on. when they were together in the underground. fluffy little things with them having discussions about their baby, soft bed sharing stuff, making promises to protect each other, just anything soft with them expecting the baby is right up my alley

and then of course now were in season two and things arent so easy, depending on how things go in canon i would love some sort of fic of them getting back together and getting to be a big happy family. if that means marcos joining the inner circle or lorna leaving, ether way works for me

at nycc sean (who plays marcos) said that “there isn’t a man who loves his daughter more, and he hasn’t even met her” obviously now he has met her. but i would love just some character study of marcos inner turmoil over all of this 

seriously though anything lorna/marcos will make me happy

Partners (TV 2012)

characters: Louis McManus, Wyatt Plank

where to watch: i’ve only found it on less than legal streaming sites

prompts:

if you havent seen this, which you probably have not, it is a very quick watch, it’s like ten episodes of a sitcom, very easy to consume quickly. and im 90% certain that someone has made a cut of just the louis/wyatt scenes on youtube. it got cancelled before its first season ever finished. 

louis/wyatt are an established relationship on the show, very cute and domestic, and just silly sitcom vibes. this is sort of my easy request, because im not really looking for anything dramatic with this one. do you like writing curtain fic? easy fluff? whatever is light and easy and suits your fancy

if youre in a smutty mood you could totally work with this one because i mean established relationship and there was definitely a few fade to black scenes in the sitcom so feel free

before the series ended there was like a discussion of them making their relationship even more serious, obviously that was sort of a cliffhanger to end the series on. but if you would like to expand on that and write where you think their lives would have gone next i would love to read that!

A Simple Favor (2018)

characters: Emily Nelson (A Simple Favor (2018)),  Stephanie Smothers (A Simple Favor (2018))

where to watch: at a theater near you!

prompts: 

okay so i know their relationship dynamic was a little fucked up (or well, a lot) but that is exactly what is so perfect about them. i want dysfunctional relationships, power imbalances, codependency, all the bad wrong dirty tropes that you can fit in with these two

i would LOVE some smut with them. you see my kinks list back up there at the top, use some of those. the more sinful the better, because how could you watch this movie and not think about these two ladies fucking in that fancy house? drinks turns into emily teaching stephanie how to go down on another woman like? these are just things that i greatly need in my life

i am very much interested in reading alternate endings where stephanie took emily up on her offer and ran away with her. where would they go? how do they start over? how do they fall for each other? tell that story (and of course bonus points if its smutty)

or maybe ones where things still go on the canon route but stephanie still cannot stop thinking about emily, and the inevitably of two people always meant to be drawn back together even if its against all logical reasoning

if youre in an au mix mood, these two would be perfect for some sort of slightly fucked up soulmate au. i would love to see something like that

Superman Returns (2006)

characters:  Clark Kent (Superman Returns (2006)), Lois Lane (Superman Returns (2006))

where to watch: i rented it off amazon? not sure if there’s anywhere legally to see it for free

prompts: 

so at the end of the movie lois and clark arent actually together and we never got another movie so i find myself desperately in need of fic in which they do get back together, properly this time, and obviously with some revealing of identities and all that other important stuff

also theyve got a kid together and i am literally always weak for kidfics so i would love something to do with that. clark realizing that he has a son but that he can’t come out as clark and reveal that he’s aware of this and the dilemma that comes from that

or honestly just cute domestic family stuff, feel free to skip right past the getting together and give some nice super family fluff. i just want everyone to be happy 

ANYWAYS I HOPE SOME OF THOSE PROMPTS SUIT YOUR FANCY! no matter what i know i will love whatever you write, thank you!

[thexsisters]

2017

A lot has happened in 2017 for me. I started the year out getting incredibly sick and I had my first ever foot injury without being in any kind of sports. Haha. The month of January was awful. Let me tell you. But some of you know. Because you were there for me.

A few months speeding up to March and something really scary happened to my grandpa. Something that I wasn’t sure he could come back from. You guys helped me. Some of you more than others but what matters was that some of you reached out. Even if it was just once and only for a few minutes. Lord knows you all have your own lives too.

My grandpa is now nearly back to the way he was. It’s our miracle of 2017 for sure. I then went to the beach for the first time ever in May and it was a blast! I can’t wait to go to a different beach next year. As long as I don’t see any sharks because for real I may live in Ohio but sharks are my greatest fear, okay???

August started out as one of the most thrilling months of 2017 but within a week it became the worst month of 2017. I had been waiting to move out for so long and when I finally got my chance, I was played and lied to. Like usual. I think on some level I’m cursed. For reals. But anyway, August sucked. But you guys were there. You were. You got me through it.

2017 was also the year I finally learned what all the hype was about this group called BTS. I knew they were popular but I was just so hooked on VIXX that I wasn’t really ready to listen to anything else. And then I came back from my beach vacation in May and the Billboard awards was on. I was like “Oh cool! Kpop is making us proud with that BTS group!” And that was all it took for me to become a baby Army~

In the process of getting sucked into the fandom, I have met so many wonderful people! Army is a fandom that, like many, have good apples and bad apples. But I’m one of the lucky ones that have met nothing but good apples~ I’m very fortunate for that. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You guys put up with my Jungkook spams and BTS trash posts in general. Haha!

Thank you

@grxnadxs

Chrissy. My adorable turtle with the cute shell~ Sometimes I imagine us just chilling in your shell while you tell me about things like your book cause I’m a huge fangirl, okay? But not just your book, I often imagine us talking about life and how I wish I could do more for you as a friend. If I could tattoo any quote to your body, it would be the famous quote by Christopher Robin. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” You fight so many battles in your life. And even when you don’t always win those battles, you never give up the war. That takes real bravery, strength, and smarts. Gosh Chrissy. You’re one of the smartest girls I know. But I also know how anxiety has it’s way of clouding those smarts. Turning us into mumbling stumbling sheep who’ve lost our way. But this year you’ve kicked some major butt, okay? You got a job! You stared your enemies in the eye and you said “F*** you.” You went to that job fair, you got that interview, and you got that job. THE Chrissy that I know can do anything she sets her mind to got a job! I’m so proud of you, girl. This is our second Christmas as friends and you’re forever one of my best friends. There are still many battles to be fought, but let’s fight them together, okay?

@fluorvte

Laura. My skanky skank. The Sushi Mama. Sadly I did not get to spend as much of 2017 with you as I would have liked. Being what I believe is 6 hours apart makes things difficult, I know. But of course we always make it work. Bless you and Chrissy for throwing me that birthday party. You guys know how much I loved our AIM chats. Sadly AIM is a thing of the past now. But at least we have the memories in our head and our hearts. That birthday party meant so much to me. You made time out of your busy life for me. That means so much. I miss you. It’s probably selfish of me to say but it’s true. I try to be okay with it. I know you’re busy. But you’ll always be my owl that watches over me. You’re still sitting on my desk with Chrissy. I have those stuffed turtle and snow owl on my desk at work. So that I have you guys with me always~ No matter how often we don’t talk, I know you’re always with me. Thanks for being such an amazing friend and an amazing writer. You never fail to blow me away with your writing.

@intoyxurheart

Where do I even start with you? Aigoo. So much has happened that it feels like we’ve known each other for years. In fact it feels so long ago that I barely remember how we first started talking. Isn’t that awful? Haha. But I do indeed remember me approaching you first. I had been checking the people who were following me but had yet to actually approach me. So I thought I’d hit you up with an instant message here on tumblr. And that’s all it took. Here we are now. Several months later and we have so many ships and it makes me feel fuzzy. You, Chrissy, and one other person are the only ones who put up with all my crazy ideas and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for putting up with that because I know my imagination can get pretty wild and out there. You are most certainly my blessing from 2017. Being strong for me so that I can be strong for my friends and family. I can’t tell you enough how precious you are. Don’t let anyone tell you any different because my opinion is the only one that matters. Haha! Let’s have many more Christmases together, okay?

@hyohyorp

Oh sweet pea I’m so sorry. 2017 wasn’t good to us and I’m so very sorry for that. Things happened and I was still trying to find my way with how I wanted to rp male muses and you were my guinea pig most of the time. But you really stuck by me. And I just want you to know how appreciative I am of you and all your endless patience with me. Our time zones make rping live really difficult but you put up with it anyway. I’m so proud of you for making your multimuse blog. I bet you’re having a blast, right? heehee It’s so good to see you having a blast and enjoying yourself. I knew you’d love it. And hopefully 2018 will be full of fun moments for Taekwoon and Hyosung~

@gcholdtrops

I’m squealing and flailing cause like I don’t even know where to start, okay??? You’ve grown to be one of my idols. I’ll never forget how our story first started. The first chapter was honestly me watching you pop up on my list of recommendations provided by tumblr. I’d click your blog and instantly start sweating because like um hello. You’re totally above me and like I just didn’t think I’d ever be able to be worthy of your writing. Like I totally believed I wasn’t worth being in your ring of writers. Everything about you is amazing and I just couldn’t. Too chicken. Couldn’t do it. But one day I got the fuzzy dice to finally approach you. And I’m glad I did. Because here I am. And I’m still such a fangirl, okay? You’re always going to be my idol. I’ll never forget that first meme reply. I remember reading it over and over again on my lunch hours at work. Smiling like an idiot and being floored every time I read it. Our cuties are so naughty and cute and gosh I ship it hard core. Seulgi isn’t naughty in her other ships but dang she channels her inner BoA when she’s with her handsome composer.~ Let’s always be rp partners, Army, and most importantly friends.

@butlersrus

Waaah~ I know we don’t talk much out of character but from what I’ve seen, you’re absolutely precious! In fact I know so little that I don’t even know if you’re male or female so I do apologize. But this is about the people who’ve touched my life and been there for me this year and you’re one of them. Whether I know anything about you or not. And you deserve to be recognized. Much like with the cutie mentioned above you, I kept watching your blog pop up in my list of recommendations. Sooo many times I’d click your blog and nibble my nails nervously because like dang what if you thought I was weird or something. Like what if our muses weren’t compatible. But wow was I wrong. Like I die a fangirl’s death every time I see Seulgi with Shownu because I keep trying to blow on the sails of the ship. Willing it to sail all around the Caribbean. Haha! I love shipping and I’m terrible at slow burning ships because I just want it to happen now. I want them to kiss now! Haha! Thank you for making my days brighter with our rping. I always have a pleasant morning because there’s a cute reply from Shownu waiting for me in my IM on tumblr. It’s a wonderful start to my morning routine. Let me tell you~ Thank you. For everything. Let’s continue to be rp partners and even friends. I’m glad I got the guts to approach you. Hopefully you are just as happy~

@abxavterno

Cutie! Thank you so much for expressing concern over my icky eczema condition. Honestly if I were to bandage all my other patches of eczema, I would literally look like a mummy. There’s one big reason I dislike winter weather and this would be it. Dry skin. But don’t worry, I just gotta make it to at least like March or April and I think it’ll settle down and clear up. Till next time. OTL Anyway! Thank you so much for sticking around. I know there for awhile we’d have mun conversations and you’d share your worries with me. I still really value that and appreciate that. You’re so sweet and I feel like I can approach you any time. You’re a good person. I hope you know that. And gaaaah. Our muses are so cute! I don’t know if it’ll ever be an official ship but I definitely ship shy Seulgi with sexy Eros. I like the rp relationship we have. We’ve had a few threads and even though a lot of them haven’t worked out, that’s not stopped us from trying new pairings and plots. I like that~ I can appreciate and admire that. Thank you. You’ve made 2017 very enjoyable. Let’s keep at it!

@terniox

Sobs sobs sobs. I miss youuuuu. You were one of the first few people to pick me up when life around me was ending as I knew it. You were one of the first few people to help me dip my toes into the idea of being multiverse. I still only really had Tiffany at the time but I wanted her to have other verses. And you dived right in with me. Our ship is the longest lasting ship on this blog and it’s always going to be special to me. I hope you’re well. I really do because I know I don’t see or hear from you as often. But you’re still important to me. So you deserve your spot here with all these other wonderful people. Because you will forever be wonderful to me in my book. Let’s continue to be amazing friends no matter how far apart life tries to keep us, okay? Heehee~

@viiifates

Hellooooo~ Another one of those cuties who I don’t really talk to out of character but you’re still so wonderful to rp with! I like our plot. I honestly don’t know much about mafia plots no matter how many BTS mafia fanfics I read but haha! I promise I’m still having a blast no matter what. I have always wanted to dip my toes in the type of plot we have going on so it’s a joy and an honor to be able to rp that with you. I like how rping is casual and enjoyable while still being thrilling all at the same time. Thanks for putting up with my tumblr IM rping style that I’ve seemed to take quite a liking to lately. It’s so convenient and it’s still just as fun! You’re a wonderful rp partner and I hope we can also be good friends too!

@darksideofseoul

Ah sweetie pie! Thank you so much for being such a wonderful, understanding sweetheart. I was kinda sorta losing it and going out of my mind with panic the last time we spoke and I do apologize. I probably seemed so irrational. Apparently that’s what happens when eczema, stress, and coming down with a killer migraine falls upon you within two weeks’ time. I really do enjoy all our little threads we have going on. I’m glad we didn’t give up. BoA and Donghae are sooooo OTP material. heehee~ She’ll die if he ever proposes. haha! Thank you so much for being a wonderful rp partner. But not just for what you do within the rp community, but also what you do outside of it. You risk your life every day and I will always admire that. Stay strong and be safe out there, okay?

@dashdasxorphans

My fellow Ohioan! Congratulations on your wedding! I bet it was absolutely beautiful and hopefully you had lots of fun on your honeymoon~ Thank you so much for rping with me. I know it’s not something that happens often but I still enjoy every second of it. I never take it for granted. Your Leo was one of this blog’s first verses when it was still just Tiffany. Our muses have been through a lot and came a long way. I’ll always treasure the memories between our muses on this blog. You helped me learn what it was like to be multiverse so that I could one day become more confident in what I was doing as a writer and a mun behind the muse. Thank you. You’re wonderful and I hope you’re doing well!

@luminxscent

Sweet pea! I miss you bunches and I hope you’re doing well. I’ll never forget all that you’ve done for me. You were there when I was in so much pain. You managed to stay neutral while helping me piece myself and BoA back together. You know how much that means to me? When I was so sick that I could have physically puked. You were there. You were there. And I know we’ve had our ups and downs. But I think that’s what makes some of the greatest friendships. The strongest friendships. We always manage to gravitate back to each other. Through thick and thin. Thank you. I keep my pink haired Hongbin photo card at my desk and every time I look at it, I think of you. You gave me so many gifts and I wish I could give it back to you doubled! Please take care and never forget that you can always come to me to talk about anything~

@paperhecrts

New cutie friend person! Heehee~ You’re already turning into a partner who’s gonna fly with any idea I throw at you. I can tell. Thank you for embracing those crazy ideas and shipping with me from day one. Literally. Like I can tell we’ve got great chemistry as writers and I sure do hope I don’t annoy you with my out of character messages in tumblr IM. I get awfully paranoid when I realize that tumblr might not be sending my messages through. Seulgi and Baekhyun are just such OTP material and I’m excited for Tiffany and Jaebum. I love the rocky, unstable aspects of our two ships so far. It’s fresh and new and doesn’t scare me because I know in the end it’ll be okay for them~ I’m excited to see where they go in 2018!

@hvllelujah

Sweetheart! I sure hope you’re taking care of yourself. Color in a Hello Kitty coloring book for me, okay? Heehee~ I miss you and I really truly do hope you’re doing well. I know the last time we talked, you were getting life figured out which honestly is a full time job in itself. Remember, any time you wanna talk or need someone to just listen, I’m here. Our rping hasn’t exactly been a thing and once upon a time it really upset me but I’ve tried to grow up and be a big girl about things like that. Especially now that I’m gaining perspective and know how hard it is to keep up when all you wanna do is focus on other things. I’m sorry I ever made things difficult for you. I hope you can forgive me. I just really loved your writing and I wanted to be a part of it. But having matured over time, I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself and doing what’s best for you~ You be good, okay? Heehee.

@xvrwxrld

Whines I hope you’re taking care of yourself, sweet pea. You know how much I worry about you. Overworking yourself or living in conditions less than healthy. Stay warm this winter. I wish I could mail you a bunch of blankets. My grandmother made me a ton that I could give you. We’ve had our fun moments though, haven’t we? Time and schedules always seem to get in our way of rping. But I’ll never forget what you told me not too long ago. How you enjoyed my muses and thought they were wonderful. That’ll always mean a lot to me and I still blush like an idiot over it. I often worry that my girls are too....out there and weird. Haha. So thank you for taking the time to admire each one of them. I’ll always treasure that. One day we’ll get to plot and rp. I don’t know when, but it’s gonna happen. Count on it!

@avtvmnwings

I miss you, dear. I hope you’re okay and enjoying life~ Hopefully life is treating you well. It’s been awhile since we last spoke but I still think about you and I still try to watch over you from afar. We’ve had a lot of fun and exciting rps though, ne? You’re a great writer and I don’t ever want you forgetting that. Our out of character conversations were always enjoyable and heartfelt. I treasure those moments because you were able to open up to me and I appreciate that. More than you’ll know. You take care of yourself, okay? Be good and stay strong. You’re doing a wonderful job. Heehee~

[chocolatehellspawn]

Tmnt time line in ryhme

In in the year 1984

came comic book heros like never before 

teenage mutant ninja turtles by eastmen and laird 

but for the turtles popularity the two men where not prepared 

In 1987  to 1988 

something happend that was really great 

For that was the year of first turtle cartoon series season

it was a big hit and for good reason

1990 was the year 

the turtles where first braught to theater 

as you probable know 

the movie made dow

So the exectuctives did choose 

tmnt 1991: the secret of the ooze 

the sequal was fair

but i wish it stopped there 

cause Tmnt 3 1993

is something that you cannot unsee

meanwhile the turtles series in 1994 

something went wrong for sure 

the art style looked real crude

 they fought this weird bug dude 

the art style flipped 

and the writers tripped 

and shredder was barely around

so its likely it was going in the ground

theres no way you can defend

thats where the 80s turtles series ends 

1996 is where we go over seas 

and we have a turtle reboot made by the japanese 

on paper the idea looks swell

but in reality these two things dont mix well

IN 1997 a live action turtles series was made 

sounds good but its a facade 

for you realise soon 

its silllier than the cartoon 

Venus de milo the one the creators call a mistake 

repitiles dont breast feeds so there probable fake 

1998 things go from strange to stranger 

when the turtles go to space with the power rangers 

and that was the last we saw of the franchise 

until it attracter a pair of 4kids eyes 

Than came turtles 2003 

good for you good for me 

the fandom loved it and loved how it went 

as it focused more time on character developement 

the turtles where outrageous 

the fandom was contagious 

shredder 

never looked better

but it happend as we feard 

2006 things started to get to get weird 

suddenly the turtles are in the future 

splinter gets stuck in a competer 

theres a whole bunch of shredders running around 

 ans theme song with truly evil sound 

2007 theres a film called tmnt 

didnt work out well you see 

the film was made for the 2003 turtles fans

 so the fans of the 80s couldnt under stand 

it made fans of the orginal furios 

and it took itself too seriuos 

the turtles forever in 2009

 It went over well and fine 

a crossover of diffrent turtle adaptations 

but sadly the 80s turtles didnt get the best representation 

still to turtles fans thought it was real fun 

thats when people thought it was the end of the turtle run 

for years the franchise had been gatherd dust of the shelf 

that was until nick rebooted it in 2012

and it was definatly worth the wait 

because the show turned out great 

great balance of comedy drama and action 

and the fandom had a great reaction

2014 then the next tmnt movie was invested 

tmnt fans where interested 

you can tell they where probable disapointed 

when found out the which director was appointed 

yes it was micheal bay 

the hack with the nack as they say 

no he only worked on aq few parts 

but you can tell its his by the  farts 

the fandom wasnt found of the turtle designs 

the actor choises made writers look out of there minds 

its a real agitater 

the only good scenes was in the elavator

2016 came out of the shadows 

wasnt exacly by pros 

but the probs are the same i think we already know 

no lets go back to the nicalodean show 

2017  here we reach the final nick turtles season 

i have to admit its pretty pleasing 

the turtle went though space and time 

and they have stopped lots of crime

brotherly love and forgiven mistakes 

gloriuos battles and painfulll heartbreacks 

but theres no need to pretend 

the tmnt 2012 is coming to an end 

But thats no the end of our turtle teen

theres a reboot planned for 2018 

will it be bad? will it be great ?

i dont know well have to wait 

(( hey guys i really enjoyed making this , and i hope you enjoyed reading it if you didnt sorry, if i just talked any junk about an adaptation you liked please know this was a joke, if i got anything wrong let me know too im a big girl i can handle it, okay bye  love you ..............think i need a drink of water ))

[softviking]

Ramblings and Personal stuff i carry around for a while now.

So hi. :) This will be a rather personal and potential long post so i will put this under the Read More stuff. Mainly for the very few people who happen to follow me for whatever reason and think “who the hell is that and why should i care.” You dont, i somehow feel like my Tumblr blog is some kind of safe spot...i hate the word but it is true. I dont do too much here on Tumblr, less now because most of my shows and stuff is on hiatus or so...but i feel surprisingly calm and secure when im on tumblr. It feels like i can write stuff down in my blog and get it out of my system...thats the main reason i will write this now. So for those who dont care, this pretty much is the end of a pointless looking Post but actually just the beginning. XD

Either way, have a good day, night, week, month, rest of the year all. Life is hard but you can make it, i believe in you.:)

Well here we go then for me and maybe a few people who are interested in what this weirdo has to say.

The year 2018 has been a really heavy year with a lot of things that happened. Mainly in my life we had two deaths, my uncle and my grandma. My uncles death was more of a shock, grandma dying was more a relief for all. My parents who were day and night there for her in the last difficult few months, relief for her because she is in no pain anymore...it was sad and everybody cried but we knew it was for the best. But before that happened, two good things happened in our life two. First my niece was born...and i cant even find the words to say how much i love this girl and how much laughter and life she brought in our already chaotic family. I never thought i would adore a baby that much. More than that it helped me realise that I AM NOT WORTHLESS. Its probably my biggest flaw, the mindset of thinking that im just a waste of space, that im not good enough no matter how often someone tells me that opposite. I hate that i cant shake this god damn mindset off, that it keeps coming back with every tiny mistake or every little thing i dont do perfect. Seeing how my brother and sister in law, how my family trust me with this tiny little being...helps me a lot. Seeing how this baby is not afraid of me, how she trusts me and how i can make her smile...thats something i never thought could happen to me.

Anyway...second good thing was that my brother got married. Dont know if i wrote this down here but when he first told us about this girl from Albania, we were a bit worried. He is a bit of a simple mind who often does things just out of spite. He didnt made it too easy to trust this whole thing, getting married after just 11 months of knowing, having spent most of their time together online...it causes us a few gray hair. But after having met her a few times and her now staying here for a few months, the girl is family. She is smart, friendly, helps a lot and is in general a really nice person. We get along well. So we have two new family members who will celebrate their first christmas in our family...a good thing.

Here is the thing...There was a lot going on here and there, small and bigger things that made me look at my life. And i realized that while im happy...i want more. Specificly i realized that i want to “socialise” more. I wanna met people, build friendships...find someone to love. For the longest time i was looking for excuses...but i realized those excuses were just because im afraid. Afraid of what could happen...which i realize now isnt as dark as i imagine. The worst that can happen is that people reject me...woho, big deal. Im sure there are a lot of people on this planet who dont like me...its not the end of the world. So i wanna put myself out there more and maybe here...interact more with the Shippers and stuff around here. Its something i didnt do for two reasons mainly...

One: I think im boring and have nothing to say, that all i might have to say is dumb and a waste of time and just bothers people. Getting rid of this mindset is a hard thing, but i will work on it. Number Two...sounds weird but...im a guy. I know Tumblr isnt some man hating place, no matter how often it might look like it. Thats not the case, i know the place has its bad apples but its not as bad as people want to make it out. It has less to do with the people around here and more...yeah im a smartass here, more to do with society. I sometimes feel like as a guy i shouldnt be part of a shipping community, i shouldnt participate in fandoms with mostly women or transgender people or so. Thats completely on me of course...but i dont really know why. Its probably more annoying than anything because its literally the dumbest reason for not doing something that exists. I shouldnt feel like i have no right to talk to other shippers, to squeel when my ships have cute scenes, to cry when the angst is too much or a fanfiction is emotionally so strong that i have tears in my eyes or laugh out loud. Its nothing wrong with being a guy and shipping stuff or with being emotional...hell i just got tears in my eyes when i wrote the part up there about my niece. Its a weird, eye rolling, thinking im probably the dumbest person in the world reason...i know that. And i will get rid of this mindset in my head...if i have to fight and scratch, bark and bite to be a tall guy who cries and ships cute couples, who is soft as a teddy bear and easily to get to laugh...then i will do that. I wanna ship stuff, i wanna be a fanboy, i wanna squeel about two fictional characters being all cute with each other...and i want to do that with others no matter the gender. So now that i have put this out...the last point and the one im currently most scared about. Remember the whole “I wanna put myself out there more” thing? Yeah that is scary. Since i want to become a writer, make money with writing, get many people to enjoy my books etc...i decided to start with making a facebook account. And not just some secret thing or so, no i wanna do it like most people do. Pictures, talking, sharing who i am, what i like and so on. Thats really scary even to think about it, because of the incredible pressure i feel while thinking im just not good enough. But i will do it, i will put myself out there...hoping i can be cheeky and funny...because thats what i am...well at least more so while writing in forums etc than in person. I hope that i can get the attention of people, not only to socialise and make friends...also to sell my book(s)...yeah money rules the world. I want to make money that is true, but i also want to matter you know? I want to sit there and be one day proud because i know that people really enjoyed reading my storys, the adventures i write, the dangers the characters i created experienced, i want people to laugh about stuff those characters say and do, hate the villians...or love them, i want to know that i reached people with my own hands...that i was good enough. This part didnt go into the direction i hoped, but anyway. To close this off there is one other thing. Dont know if it sounds creepy or so...but i already put it all out there, whoever is around now can not be scared away...hell i probably just write this for myself so it doesnt really matter. Anyway...while getting a good look at the stuff Facebook has going...i found also something...the Girl i had a crush on for all my school years. And as i realize now, the girl i still have a huge crush on. I never dared to talk to girls, not in school or 7 years ago when my weight was double what it is now and i had no idea what to do with life. Yeah i throw this out now too...i never had a girlfriend. Im way...way past 18 years and never even held hands with a girl in a romantic way. Never really thought anybody would care for me that way...but i digress i think. Anyway, the girl is still as beautiful as i remember and it gives me a surprising confidence that she doesnt seem to be married and all that. So maybe there is also Romance in my way...but i dont want to hope too much. For all i know she doesnt even remember me, i didnt particular made a impression on anybody. I mostly watched her from far away in school...yeah i know it sounds creepy as hell but i was really shy and unsure. A part of me thinks that this is my second chance, that this might be how it was supposed to go...but thats more coming from the side that watches too much romance movies and read too many of you peoples great fanfiction in which the same characters fall in love and meet in thousands of different ways. Either way, i just want to know for now if there could be chance or just if she is happy...maybe it turns out it was just a childhood crush i never gave the time to overcome...maybe its more...i dont know. But i know that im willing to find out...something a year ago i wouldnt had dared to even think. So that pretty much sums up the past year and my mindset, what goes on in my little head. If anybody reads this...im sorry for wasting your time or thank you for listening, it helped me get this stuff off my chest. Which helps me focus and move forward. Anyway, thank you very much and like i said before...you got this, you will get through rough times and come out strong...i believe in you.