#im so totally normal about musical symbolism

[kekoa323]

Is this anything to anyone

[snow-and-saltea]

People I'd like to know better

Tagged by @paleasamoon (hi tex i love you tex sorry this took a year) (HEH. get it. cus you tagged me last year. heh.)

Last song: just putting on yt music as im reading manga and talking to muwi, and now its playing burn for you, from the bridgerton musical! (i don't know watch or follow it) (it's just a nice song) but i'd also like to recommend this song

Favourite colour: YELLOW!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛

Currently watching: my computer screen writing this up

Last movie / TV show: skip to loafer! i was screaming with muwi the entire time bc the story was so sweet and healing and everyone is so sympathetic and cute and we kept being like AAAAAAAAAA I LOVE WOMEN FRIENDSHIPS SO MUCHHHHHH

Spicy/savoury/sweet: sweet! if i could choose a combo, i like savoury-sweet. i like spice but only if i like the flavour! i'm not keen on the actual pain sensation of spice!!

Last thing I googled: hummmm i don't remember... i think a marinade recipe i made yesterday night? i made a korean base marinade for some lamb chops!! i cooked them today and invited my sister to eat with us, it was rlly yummy!

Relationship status: single! waves my aroace flag!!! i'm curious about how it feels to be in a relationship but it's not smth i try to actualize LOL i'm content w reading my shoujosei man-ga/hwa/huas <33

Current obsession: idk if i could call them obsessions yet but right now i'm really invested in sousou no frieren (anime only, havent caught up to the manga), skip to loafer (same there), and i'm looking for more wholesome healing stories. although now that i'm going through my reading lists for stories i've dropped, i'm laughing at them fjaksfjkasfj

(i promise this one has proper context bc i usually like pacifist mcs just bc i like politics and connection seeking to be based on a foundation of empathy and kindness. but this one was just so stupid and just a way to establish how good the mc was to the point that i couldn't get immersed in the story bc it was that nonsensical and i wanted to die)

i'm typically fine w mary sues / jane(?) FLs and i even tend to be biased for them just bc there's a lot of misogyny about the subject matter, so i normally don't bat an eye unless it's a writing choice i find unsuitable / doesn't fulfill the potential it could've achieved with an interesting plot.

(btw the context is that the first screenie which this rant also applies to was when some guy caught the baddies and the FL is like "No let's reward them for trying to kill us. they're just misunderstood!! i bet if we try really hard we can all get along!!")

but! i only really like it when it actually does something useful, like thematically or symbolically. like tohru's innate goodness for furuba inline with the sohma's family curse and mitsumi's unending positivity and earnestness that helps the people around her heal from emotional wounds. not that they're mary sues in any way, but since people understand mary sues as "female protagonists who can do no wrong and will be liked no matter what" (even thought their psychology and personality is just genuinely likeable), i think it makes my point clear. there's a way to write a character who is Good and Kind without cheapening them to a naivete that at best, makes the mc pitiable, or worst, is treated like the mc's totally unique worldview of "lets be nice to people and never hurt anyone ever :)" is the end all be all of the story and the solution to the plot. kindness and empathy is a coiled spring that projects you forward, a motivator. it's how you guide your hand and where it goes, not that the hand is never raised. i don't agree that cowardice towards change and the potential promise of conflict is any kind of wisdom >:T plus it kinda puts the shame to the idea of kindness as a legitimate basis for political strategy, and that leads to some set up for a lot of zero sum games i don't care for in this specific story. there is a good story where each character is trying to one up each other politically, psychologically, at all times, but this is not that story and so the tone feels very off kilter.

but yeah!! sometimes a character is just OP and the story is not even having fun with it (aka its not satire or irony), which makes me think they want to take it seriously. and my serious thoughts was that it sucked.

(i just realised this also applies to the first screenie LMFAO it just loops back huh!!)

not gonna comment about the others bc i think they speak for themselves <33 but also the first one of these three is fucked up in the sense that i dont even get where they're going w the story. its a revenge story and the FL uses the ML from childhood to achieve her revenge, but then suddenly when he's an adult she has Feelings for Him and now im like.... okay....? belief no longer suspended. beliefs are like those garter straps that snapped. my socks are like my beliefs. fallen to my feet. they are no longer suspended.

sorry that got off track </33 i enjoy looking into why i dont like things, im in this stage of life where i realise i actually have specific ass tastes!! i always have, but i just realised it very recently a few years back fjskfjskjf

People I'd like to know better (i also wanna include some mutuals who i haven't talked to but i like to see on my dash):

@snickerdoodlles

@fflewddurfflam7

@00uroboros

@perpetualstateofcrying

@pirate-with-internet-connection

💛🐢😤💪

[theemomarshmallow]

ALL OF THIS! (Rant incoming)

I can’t do physical activities the way I used to because Lymes has been fucking with my joints since I got it. Yeah I can lift weights, I also suffer after.

I can’t do high energy activities because of the chronic exhaustion I always have no matter how much sleep I get.

I can’t stay in places with more than one source of noise for too long without noise cancellation because it will set my nervous system on fire and make me want to scream and I will sob hysterically. It scrambles my brain so much and I can’t think straight. Then I have to stop whatever I was doing and go to another room to just ride it out. Because if I try to stuff it down it gets so much worse. It’s fucking unfair.

Since I’ve unmasked my ability to articulate myself verbally has diminished a lot. Including temporary verbal shutdown in some instances.

Since I’ve unmasked my tolerance for stress and mild pain has diminished.

Since I’ve unmasked my slow processing is at least way more noticeable.

When I feel even slightly slighted, I completely draw away for a long while. The rejection and sometimes even betrayal I feel is so potent and sharp. Especially if it’s someone I’m close to. I am working on the rumination but some days…

And when I’m truly betrayed? Truly hurt? You’ll know. You’ll fucking know because I will not fuck with you any more after that. I may forgive but forgetting? No. This isn’t the kind of stuff I get to forget.

If I don’t watch (primarily 24th century) Star Trek and listen to music and dance/pace all at least once a day I will get very disregulated and depressed. Long enough it will limit my functionality A LOT. And I feel silly for it. It’s all I can talk about and people I think find me irritating for it. And those are the socially acceptable special interests.

Since I’ve unmasked my meltdowns have become more prominent and more painful for me. Yes, they HURT!

Im in physical and mental pain damn near constantly even with therapy and medical intervention. To the point where now some days I need a cane for my knee pain specifically on bad days now.

I have to use a calculator for even basic math problems because my brain refuses to process the numbers and symbols; leading me to make the most basic mistakes every time. Remembering long numbers? Remembering even three numbers at once? Oh come now let’s not get crazy!

And most doctors *DO NOT LISTEN* when I tell them my autistic symptoms. They will not test me without me fighting tooth and nail. And I don’t have the fucking energy to fight tooth and nail I just don’t.

And so on and on and so forth.

I’m 24 and feel like I can’t be very open about it because most will at best pity me and at worst make it all some kind of moral issue. I told my Mom the other day about my cane and the look I got…mostly confusion but something else I couldn’t place. Whatever it was stabbed me in the chest with shame. She didn’t say anything. I felt distinctly I shouldn’t have either.

All of this, especially now that I’m a parent (hell of a time to discover the ol ‘tism right). Especially since I’ve not been able to hold a job or friendships or meet general “adult” expectations (eg. Driving, holding a job longer than maybe three months, keeping fully up with tasks like “normal” people). My babies are cared for-and then as soon as my partner is home and has settled in I need a few hours of recoup time at least. I’m fucking blessed to have him. And I struggle with it every day even though I know this is the only way I can parent effectively.

It adds to the parental guilt that always just seems to be there.

But hey I’m “high functioning” (fucking gross) so I’m totally fine, right?

I did not ask for this. I just wanted to ride my horse in the woods as a child. I just tried to fit in the best I knew how and foolishly still try to.

And all the while people will see my struggle and choose to judge. Without asking me what’s happening what need support with. They don’t care about us.

So if I complain, yeah, it sucks. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend it’s not happening at all. Talking about it is how we deal with it.

And dealing is better than ignoring.

All I wanna do is live, man.

abled people really act like if your illness or disability isn’t terminal then you’re not allowed to complain about it or grieve the life you thought you’d have and it’s so fucked up

[opalescient]

haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)

so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨

note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!

daisuga

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T

Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.

i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift

also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring

i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets

you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

-

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

major, major fluff

the buildup!!!

god this made my yearning for love so much worse

the perfect stranger by downmoon | T

There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.

Scratch that. Start over.

There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.

so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart

shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺

these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry

asanoya

silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G

Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.

PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously

made me ascend into asanoya heaven

such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+

qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M

Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.

Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.

AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.

NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!

another super unique concept!!! (´∀｀=)

my god their chemistry is amazing

the writing made me feel things ngl

stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T

After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.

i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful

as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*

no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼

iwaoi

star-crossed by starlitcities | T

“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.

“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.

“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi

they’re LITERALLY STARS

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺

please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed

conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E

Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.

Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

yes.

in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.

but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all

tsukkiyama

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M

Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

SO BEAUTIFUL

i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between

no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed

under the lilac tree by raewrites | G

there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.

gorgeous in its simplicity

softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki

not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping

kagehina

saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T

Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.

-

In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this

this made me ship kagehina so hard

fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!

kuroken

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T

soulmate

/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun

A person who was made from the same star as you.

-

// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.

ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.

no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise

written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec

knot in my heart by hearthope | T

There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.

Cute.

The— the cat. The cat is cute.

Just the cat.

-

Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.

okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.

anyway, back on the fluff train!

i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10

bokuaka

the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G

He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.

He will never remember. Not now, not ever.

What they were will now forever be forgotten.

-

"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."

YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!

i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please

i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.

no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time

rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E

In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.

this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul

gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.

bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭

in another life by littleluxray | T

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.

i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way

i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭

tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.

mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic

i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good

i may have squealed a little at the ending

kurotsukki

moonfall by batman | T

There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.

-

(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)

the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj

didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling

yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day

hidden gem by realmSpinner | E

Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.

That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.

this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so

top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up

the whole plot, man. perfection.

pings by barfs ☆☆ | T

[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.

[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.

[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.

[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.

god.

you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.

how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)

this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)

but also put you back together with the “sequel”

kyouhaba

close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T

It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~

no fr, take slow and burn very seriously

overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.

again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend

safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M

“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”

Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.

“You’re alive.”

Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.

“Yes I am.”

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing

*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*

like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)

rare pairs

mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]

The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.

akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it

a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)

characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ‘beautiful’

feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes

so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning

there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me

the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]

Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION

this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony

arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read

so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend

april to may by surveycorpsjean | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]

They're an odd family.

The four of them? Parents?

But still, they're a family.

So they'll support each other until the end.

aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺

so much fluff. i also love april and may

they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)

that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~

[lia-jones]

hello again lia! first of all, happy mothers' day!! you're not my mother (but i'm aware that you are one) but i normally like to take this day to tell the older women in my life how much i appreciate them. thank you for creating such a magnificent world for me and many others to enjoy. if my evol is inspiring you to write (this compliment made my day btw) then we must be very similar, because i'm sure your evol is inspiring me and others in not just writing, but life in general 💖 this might be reaching you a bit late, but i hope you had a wonderful day!

anyways, the advice you gave really helped a lot! especially the part with finding your own voice and working with it, i think that's the reason why i started writing in the first place. i've done stuff for english class in the past, but as you might know, school doesn't really encourage thinking outside the box and finding your own voice. which is kind of making the writing process difficult...but i'm slowly getting there! i wrote the first chapter and a half and i'm finally happy with where my story has started (i was struggling to figure out where i should start, since my story has lots of original lore).

alsoooo i want to ask you some interesting oc questions i found (directed towards andrea) >:3 1. what are your oc's best and worst qualities? what do they think are their best and worst qualities? 2. does their fashion sense reflect an aspect of their personality? (ie bright and colorful outfits symbolizing that they're an upbeat person) 3. what is their mbti type? 4. if they had a theme song, what would it be? (i specifically asked this one because i know how much music has influenced you to write this story, so im interested to see which song you pick) 5. what would your oc say is the happiest day of their life? ok, that's it! once again, thank you so much for being such an awesome person (please never leave tumblr) and brightening other people's day. i'm looking forward to hearing your answers to my questions, goodbye!!!! - 🌸 anon

Hello my beautiful flower!

I got your message and I was like, can't take long to answer, but life got in the way but hey! I'm here now, I found the time, yay! First of all, thank you for the kind words. I'm humbled, for me it's an honor to have you all here. Really, you left the writer with no words (tearing up a little). Second of all, I'm so glad you found your voice and were able to throw away old conceptions that (in my opinion) have very little place in literature. Write your heart out. I so long to read it, I bet it's beautiful!

Your questions are soooo goood! And I love talking about Andrea, I like how humanly flawed she is, she is so great to explore!

1. what are your oc's best and worst qualities? what do they think are their best and worst qualities?

As an innocent bystander watching it all unfold, me, Lia, as a person, I think Andrea's best and worst qualities, the two major ones I could point out, intertwine in a way I can't believe I imagined that (that's why I say they take a life of their own, really). On one hand, she is insecure. We can easily find out why, her mother was always chastising her to behave differently to hide her Evol, and because she didn't have one, she took it personally. Additionally, well, taking all the blame for what happened to Daniel tells us she feels like a disappointment, which is totally misguided and shows her insecurity. On the other hand, she is unapologetically herself. Despite her flaws. Despite her insecurities. She falters most times, but she is adamant in honoring herself, even if she doesn't fully love herself. She could be more cautious with Victor starting the relationship, but she refused to be afraid. What drives Andrea to fight isn't the fact that she's is strong (and her major flaw would be that she is completely oblivious to that) but that she refuses to live in fear. This, throughout the story, give or take a few aspects, will always be was moves her forward. I could name a lot more, and will, if you want to, but I don't want to turn this into a dissertation, so...

What she sees as her best and worst qualities? She knows she's very smart and resourceful and she knows she's tough (tough is different than strong though) and she is loyal and loving. As her flaws, I think she would simply say she is a mess. She hopes she would have it all figured out like Victor (we know he doesn't, and she kind of does too, but always see her as the worst) yet she feels like her feelings are all over the place, she is a hot head, she does things sometimes without thinking... Those are a few she would name. Oh and she still hasn't the faintest idea why Victor fell in love with her (and I guess that why he constantly reassures her of that, because he knows she looks at herself in a worse light she deserves).

2. does their fashion sense reflect an aspect of their personality? (ie bright and colorful outfits symbolizing that they're an upbeat person)

If Andrea could choose, she would wear jeans and sneakers every day. But she also understands the need to dress for the part, especially when being married to Victor, and even her job demands a certain wardrobe. She does feel the need to reinvent herself sometimes in a hard moment (like when she changed her hair during their break-up) in order to find herself. She is mostly practical, definitely not as stylish as MC. Sometimes she wishes she was, and Victor lends a hand, buying stuff for her (as long as she doesn't know how much it cost).

3. what is their mbti type? ENFP. :)

4. if they had a theme song, what would it be? (i specifically asked this one because i know how much music has influenced you to write this story, so im interested to see which song you pick) Ahhhh, I love this question! The song that totally inspired Andrea is one from the musical Waitress, She Used to Be Mine, written by Sara Bareilles. Now, as she evolves as a person and her life changes, I think her music is changing as well. For the future moments in Andrea's life, I would say her song is Raise It Up, by Florence and the Machine.

5. what would your oc say is the happiest day of their life?

All the days that represented her taking back something Daniel stole from her, her career (getting her doctorate), finding love again (when Andy and Victor got married) but the HAPPIEST, BIGGEST day of her life was when she legally became Owen's mother and finally had the family Daniel tried to make sure she would never have.

I had so much fun answering these, and this was very useful to me as a writer as well, to stir up the juices! Thank you for taking the time to do this, and no worries, I'll never leave Tumblr. I have stories to write that will last me a few years at least. And these interactions inspire me so much and bring such warmth to my heart, it is definitely my turn to thank you for being so awesome! There is much love here for you! Have a great week.

[skeetlebeetle]

guys death note the musical is geniunely gud idk wat i wuz xpecting but this is actually so awesome. i havnt seen the anime or read the manga so im sure theres sum shit they missd liek characterz othr than the main..... 6ish n minute detailz n shit but holy shit the themes r so strong. spoilers ahead. n rambling. a lot. hehe

(ok 1st i shud clarify i watchd this specific version of the musical. in japanese, not english. so yah👍)

despite wat ive heard abt the musical missing sum shit.. which ofc cuz itz a 2 hr n 30 min musical so ofc they cant get evrything from the og in there.. they rlly get 2 wat theyre tryng 2 say. retribution. light thinks he can b the ultimate decider of who livz n who dies based on his mission but in the end he endz up getting killd by his own ally, his own cause. bcuz as obvious as it wuz 2 evry1 else, light is the villain n he wuz murdering ppl lmao so he got his eye for an eye reward. i mean the IRONY GAHHH itz so gud

n i think these themes can b applied 2 real life 2, killerz who mistakenly believe wat theyre doing is 4 a just cause, which.. yanno, can b applied 2 insane murdererz n also. idk. deeper shit liek politicians n stuff liek that

n the ending w ryuk lookng liek hes takng out light's heart but then j pulling out an apple n eating it?? j like in the beginning of the show?? the repetition of his boredom from the beginning of the show??? implying this xact cycle has happnd b4, that light's belief that he is the only 1 who can cleanse humanity is incorrect, that there hav been so many b4 him, multiple @ once even, n theyve all been wrong????!?!??!? OHHHHHHHHHH MAMA

n then we get 2 the smaller shit liek the reflection of jealous/gelus's luv 4 misa in rem?? GET IT CUZ REM IS JEALOUS OF LIGHT. n she doesnt even kno!! she doesnt kno y she wantz 2 save misa so bad!!! she doesnt kno she luvz her!!! AHHHH. L's actor. IS INSANE. HE DOENST FKNG BLINK U GUYS. OHHH. ryuk's actor wuz so full of energy n charisma n it made 4 suchhhh a show. sumtimez characterz that r supposd 2 add humor r flat n take away from the tone or gravity of the show but he did both humor AND gravity. he wuz j as important 2 the plot

then theres j hyperfix8on crossovr shit happening in my mind w jesus christ superstar n the symbolism w kira's following n bcoming god of a new, liberated world, n then misa on a cross sacrificing herself 4 light, n yea ive seen that panel where rem says misa mite b j as pure as light, n mayb i took that out of context but shhh itz serving me rn. u get wat im saying rite. n yanno then therez moar surface lvl shit w 2 Guys dying n Girl whos in luv w Guy livz 2 suffr thru it. ok so maybe that cud j b a jesus reference not the musical jesus christ superstar but i. i. i like 2 combine thingz im crazy abt ok.

n then ofc theres the lyrics tellng evry1 wat we alr knew abt light n L. im not xaggr8ng when i say theres a lyric like "im crazy about u" or wtv but i mean we all alr knew they were freaks like that lmao. maybe the transl8on doesnt totally accurately portray the feeling of the original japanese lyrics but. let me hav this

NE WAY im j not normal abt it. such a gud musical . im not ok. n 2 the person that made the death note fanart w the jcs lyrics i giv u my entire soul ok. ok. bye

watchng the death note musical i thinkkkk i hav countd 1 time L has blinkd so far. which is insane. this is a real live actor on stage hunchd ovr eyes wide n unblinking n hes singing n acting n shit. insane

[bowtied-pasta]

Party Time

This might turn into a future chapter in one of my fics, im not sure yet. 😅 Anyway! This is a Splendor and True thing, once again. Finley and Damien are mentioned, but Gage plays a bigger part. Dark and Delta are also mentioned, as well as Ben very breifly. Enjoy! 💗

True’s head popped off her pillow when she heard the bumping bass of music kick up from somewhere in the mansion. Splendor was away for a meeting of some kind, having not taken any of them with him for professional purposes, or something along those lines. The music was definitely the party kind though. The kind that got your body moving and you would expect kids in high school to grind on each other to at prom.

That being said, she didn’t know they were allowed to throw parties. It had been a long time since she’d had the privilege of attending one though, so she was curious to see if that was actually what was going on.

Opening her door, the music playing became a little clearer, Bottoms Up by Trey. Her footsteps unable to be heard over the bump of the base that had no business being that loud, she made it to the top of the staircase just as Nicki’s rap began.

Her jaw fell open at what she saw. The entire entrance hall floor was covered in small circles with odd symbols written inside of them. She knew those well. Summoning circles. It seemed a few stragglers were late to answer their calls though, as she watched them pop in from seemingly nowhere and then make their way toward where she knew one of the bigger rooms were. Now she knew the purpose of the room. It was for parties.

Finley appeared from the direction of what True now dubbed the ballroom, walking with authority she knew she had, but not over beings that she didn’t control. She seemed to take in all the circles that had been drawn, huffing as she glanced around the room, freezing when her eyes landed on True. “True, please tell me there aren’t any circles up there.”

True pulled away from the banister for a moment, glancing around for anything she might have missed before shaking her head down at the proxy. Watching her sigh in relief before stiffening as Gage spoke up.

“True!?” She watched him run in, taken a back by the stuff he was wearing. His clothing was perfectly normal, but the guy had somehow glued small glow sticks to his face, they didn’t seem to hinder his speech at all. “True! Get down here, it’s party time. You told me you hadn’t had one in a long time, and I think you’re way over due!”

She sighed, smiling to herself as she walked down the stairs. Laughing a bit at Gage and his chaotically good intentions behind his chaotically crazy actions.

“You didn’t tell me it was for her.” Finley shot at him, arms crossed as she finally seemed to relax a little.

“You didn’t ask, babe. Besides, who’s to say we can’t have a party every now and then?” He shot her a wink as he grabbed True’s arm once she was in reach, dragging her towards the ballroom and away from the troubled ginger, not letting her try and sway True into not participating in what he had planned.

Her eyes quickly took in everything that had been set up. Lights, tables, chairs, food and music. There was no way Gage set this up all by himself, but she didn’t really get a whole lot of time to think about the strategy of setting something like this up. Gage walks her to a corner of the room with a group of what she assumes to be demons, she couldn’t be sure because most of the things that had been summoned quickly took up a glamour as soon as they walked in. The only thing she knew for sure is that they were busy passing around more than just a few blunts, one of them was busy setting up a few bongs. Of course, Gage had dragged her right to the stoners.

“Dark, it’s been a while, glad you and your mate could make it. Should we be expecting Ben too?” He nudged a dark elf looking man with his foot, his glowing red eyes taking in who was talking to him before he said anything.

“Oh, Gage! It has been a while. Yeah, Ben might pop in here soon. I just shot him the message a minute or two ago.” Dark wrapped an arm over the shoulder of the person sitting next to him. Seemingly a girl with brown hair and a red hoodie, her legs thrown over his own as she puffed out in his face. He chuckled as he took a moment to lock eyes and breath it in. “Delta couldn’t resist when I told them there was probably gonna be weed and food. You know how it is.”

Gage laughed as he took an empty seat next to Dark and patted the chair next to him for True to take. She took a moment though, this not being the normal crowd that she usually hung out with, but knew how to not be a total fuck up.

Dark looked her over for a moment, detached interest in her apparent as he took a hit of his own blunt. “So, you add a forth one to your polycule or is this just another proxy?”

Gage laughed a bit, pausing his retrieval of a couple blunts from the center table to wave a hand in dismissal toward Dark. “Neither man, Dots couldn’t make her a proxy if he tried. Way too.... well, its not place to say why or why not she can’t be a proxy.” He cast a nervous glance toward True before continuing. “But were happy as a triangle, and I think Fin would have a heart attack if she had even a single other person to worry about.”

Dark’s gaze narrowed at Gage as he avoided giving him an exact reason for True’s inability to be hired. Glancing between the two before he seemed to smirk a bit and nod. “Yeah, Finley is a bit uptight, but all spitfires have their charm.” He squeezed his mate with his free arm. “And you know, in a room full of people like this... maybe try and keep the stuff about Dots and his reasonings to yourself, yeah?”

Gage sighed as he lit a blunt and passed it to True. “Yeah, I know. But my guest list was incredibly difficult to put together, you would not believe how difficult some of these guys make their circles to draw. The audacity to have a difficult phone number. I wouldn’t have invited them if I thought any of them meant harm. You know me.”

He lit his own blunt as Dark nodded, his hand making its way to card through his apparently sleepy mates hair. Their head having nestled into his neck and their arms wrapped around his shoulders as they got comfortable. “Yeah, but I’ve seen a few that are questionable. I’m sure Finley and Damien are being diligent though. You proxies always seem to be good at that, no matter who’s you are.”

Gage shrugged as he took a few puffs, glancing over at True before doing a double take. “True, you do know your supposed to smoke that, right?”

She looked between him and the blunt, contemplating embarrassing herself even further or admitting she hadn’t ever smoked before. “Uh... well, I’ve never smoked weed before so, I’m not sure-“

“Say no more, I got you. I’ll make sure you don’t get out of hand. I’ve done this before and I promise you’ll be fine.” They locked eyes for a second, her trust in him winning out as she sighed and raised the blunt to her lips. Not unfamiliar with the burn that followed, reminding her of when Tim would show random acts of kindness after hard missions and spare her a cig or two, but she still coughed a bit as she hadn’t done it in quite some time.

“There you go, already almost a natural. I’ll have you high in no time.” Gage patted her leg reassuringly, tossing a friendly arm over her shoulder as they chatted and waited for this Ben person they had mentioned before to show up.

Of course, this being her first time smoking weed, she succumbed to it’s effects much quicker than Gage did. Her head titled backwards, her eyes glazed and unfocused, taking in the way the lights moved on the ceiling above her. She didn’t resist when the bong was passed around the circle once, twice, three times. She lost track of how much she smoked, but Gage kept his promise. She didn’t even remember getting walked out of the ballroom and taken to a little alcove with a fireplace, she didn’t remember being sat down or being given a blanket, and she didn’t remember how long she sat there staring at the fire place either. The entrancing movement of the flames keeping her captive as they swirled before her, her thoughts edging on dangerous territory as she had the sudden urge to attempt to lick them, but the chain gate in front of it prevented her from doing so.

“True? What are you doing down here?” Her blurred attention was caught by a voice that spoke up from behind her, making her turn her head slowly to see who could have possibly found her in such an odd place. Finding Splendor there, a worried look on his face as he took in her appearance. “Oh my, True. How high are you?”

She giggled and made grabby hands toward him. “Splendor! You’re home! Its hi how are you, you beautiful silly man. Now c’mere.” A dopy smile on her face as she waited to be picked up by the tall man.

She heard him sigh before she felt his tendrils wrap around her and lift her, making her giggle a bit more before he wrapped his arms around her. Walking her out of the room as she watched the ceiling design change, her attention taken entirely by her moving background. “You know, I really need to go home.”

“Oh? Why is that True? Where is home?”

“Home is with Splendor, duh. He lets me live there, with him and his proxies. Damien, Finley and Gage... Gage is a crackhead though. He got me soooo high. Uuuggh.”

She felt the person carrying her laugh, making her laugh too. She didn’t know what was so funny about what she said, but his laugh made her laugh. It reminded her of him. “True, why do you need to go home?”

She hummed as images of him shot through her smoke filled brain, a small smile lifting the edges of her lips. “I still need to tell him.”

She felt the strangers pace change a bit, she was pretty sure she was on some kind of staircase, but she couldn’t be sure. The ceiling getting closer to her not even being registered as a possibility in her mind. “Tell who what?”

She nuzzled into the strangers warm embrace as she felt sleep come up on her, way too tired to care much for paying attention to anything anymore. “I still need to tell Splendor how I feel about him. Its very important to me, I’m just not great at telling people about... feelings... and shit..... I don’t feel too good right now. Can I sleep please?”

The stranger was silent for a moment before responding, his arms wrapping a bit tighter around her as he continued walking her towards wherever their destination was. “Yes, you can sleep now.”

Her eyes drifted shut and didn’t open when she felt soft fabric seem to envelope her in a warm embrace. The last thing she heard before drifting to sleep was the stranger, blankets tucked over her at the same time. “Sweet dreams, Schatz.”

[tinytigerrrr]

11 for 11 may 🙏, 15, 21, 23, 25, 28, 31, 38, 45, 48 😉 & 49!

11 for 11 may, my god bless you my friend!! <3 And Also THANKS FOR THE ASKS!! <33 Sorry it took so long I really wanted to take my time hehe c: 11. Describe your ideal day. I think my ideal day is sleeping in late, what for me is normal, around 12pm. Then I wake up, eat a good breakfast, sit with my cat on my lap for smtn like an hour. And then I go outside, bcs the sun is shining. I meet my friends and we go picknick somewhere in the sun beneath a few little trees. I buy smtn to drink somewhere because its very hot and ofc I forgot my drink. Its so refreshing and I feel so alive and the world is so beautifull. Me and my friends, we laugh a lot and just enjoy the good weather, the nice day and the little foods. And than at the evening we bbq or eat smtn else nice, and have a good evening. We sit outside for a while, feeling the summer evening becoming cooler. We watch as the stars come out and think to ourselves if we ever looked up at the same stars together in another life. And then when it’s really late, I go back home, feeling the cool breeze against my skin while I ride my electric bike. At home everyone is asleep so I walk in very softly and there I see my cat sleeping in the chair so I walk to her and bent over giving her a gentle kiss on her little head. She makes mmrrr sound and I tell her I love her and that I had an amazing day. After that I give her some food and I go to bed. Maybe take a showe bcs it was so hot today. And then I lay in my bed, tired but very fufilled after such a wonderfull day. Storing the happy memories in my head thinking how blessed I am with my life. As I fall asleep I feel gratefull for today and all the beautiful things that brought it.  Yeah, I think thats mu ideal day. Friends, good weather, sunshine, little food, laughter, love, my cat lucy, summer - yeah smtn like that c: 15. What is your favorite compliment to recieve? I like all kind of compliments. Im a sucked for compliments. I know I do a good job most of the time, but there’s just smtn in me that really likes the validation? I know I don’t need it. But it just makes my soul shine like: Ohmygawd thank you so much this makes me so happy D:. But If I had to think, I think I like the compliment saying I have a good energy or vibe the most. Bcs its so pure and real and not everyone can sense/say that. And you’re energy is not smtn you can fake or make more beautiful. So its such a sincere compliment, that I think thats my favorite compliment to recieve c: 21. Tell us about your music taste. Bro, this is a long one HAHAHA. But I will keep it short: ‘Diverse.’ I think that describes my music taste the best. Because I listen to A LOT of different things. Just what I feel like or in what mood I am. And one thing I also like a lot is when a song makes me feel ‘free’. As if im totally cut off from the world. Thats a really nice feeling music can give you. And ofc songs that make me feel things. Bcs often then I can use it as inspiration. So yeah, thats abt my music taste haha c: Also! I like it when songs have a deeper meaning. Idk why, but thats just megical c: 23. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid? OH I already answered this one so I will just copy and paste it here! c: ‘’ YES! I HAD. AND I STILL HAVE IT! I dont sleep with it anymore but it has a honorable place among my other stuffed animals. It is a cow, that is formed like a teddy bear so its more cartroony instead of animal like, her name is Koetjeboe and you could play a musicbox song of A Small World from Disneyland. It was my favarite soung and whenever I felt anxious as I child I would play it and it would sooth my soul and fill me with happyness. Aaah good times c: I also had a cat, named, Poes, she is very very very soft, well was, nowadays she aint HAHA she looked like my cat when I was younger, Sjimmie, I loved the plush. Mom bought it for me in England in the Harry Potter castle. It was amazing c: So, I kinda had two, but Koetjeboe the cow is rly my birth stuffed animal haha c:’’ 25. What dream trip would you take with your wife? Honestly, anywhere with her would be a dream. And if she has somewhere wehere she really wants to go, I would just go with that c: Seeing someone you love happy is such a gift so I totally wouldn’t mind going anywhere. That is also because I have so many places I want to go, and almost every place interests me. I can’t think of a country or city or place I am not interested in visiting. I always loved to travel, and still do, so anything would be good c: But if she’s like: Hey what do you want badly? I would probably say somewhere with a beach. I love the sea and I love the beach. So that would be a thing I would love too hahaha. But yeah, anything rly, and the beach c: 28. What makes you smile? Oh boi, what doesn’t?! HAHA. A lot of things make me smile tbh bcs I get happyness out of almost everything. I can remember that I was crying and felt sad, and even then I smiled because it was such a special experience haha. But if I had to say some things I would say; My cat Lucy, cant help but smile whenever I see her, my friends, you super included <3, sunshine, good food, baby animals and honestly just life in general c: 31. How do you show your love? Again, how don’t I? I learned at a very young age to show love in different ways. Bcs I wanted to be a good person. And one of those things is showing love. So I do it with words, saying I really love someone or giving them compliments, thats a big one for me haha. I also like to really support my friends through words. Just supporting them for whoever they are! I also like to give things. It can go from small presents to food to many or big presents on their birthday. Also I like to help people, to give them advice or agai support them any way I can. I also show it through physical contact, as in hugs ans such. And I even sometimes lean toward just really cuddling up to someone HAHAHA But I don’t do that tbh, bcs at the same time it makes me feel uncomfy, but at the same time im like: Ohmygawd I love yo uso much just lemme huddle up against you to share my love with you and ahfgs. So amny ways HAHAHA some more difficult for me and others really easy. Like presents or food, hit me up, imma get you some nice flowers or some sweets or a book you really like bcs I love yu!

38. Who do you admire? Myself *smirk* HAHHA no kiddin. I admire my friends. Because those people have been through hell, or still going through hell, and still decide to be genuine good persons. I’ve seen from upclose what they have to deal with. And they still give so much love tot he world and people and want to help. Its really a blessing to have people like that around me. And I thank the heavens for that. So I would say my friends. Yes. (pls know you are in this picture too. Hello, going through hell still being super good person, ok.) 45. Do you have tattoos or want any? Yes, I have one underneath my feet. HAHA oke jokes, sorry HAHA. No I don’t have any. And I would like one yes. Im not sure what I want tho. I am always thinking of a tiger. Or a lotus flower. Or a little symbol on the inside of my left wrist. That last one I smtn I’ve had for years. I dont know why but I would really like that. A small thing on that place. But what that is gonna be, I have NO idea. OH and I want a smilie face underneath my big toe! Thats just one for fun, but I would rly like it haha.

48. Did you know you’re actually a gift tot he world, for real? IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE *SOB* Thank yo uso much frend!! It means so much to me to hear that I just can’t. My gosh. When I see yu imma hug ya big time. SOB 49. What’s your favorite memory? Ooh this is a hard one. Mostly because I have many good memories and also because Im actually pretty bad at remembering things HAHHA thats two opposites I know xD But uuh, oke I thought about it, but im so sorry i cant think of one RIP. But if I had to choose I would choose smtn that made me smile. That made me really happy. So one with Lucy, many with Lucy, or one with my friends, many with my friends, with my mom, traveling, and so fort. There are a lot and I wish i could show them all to you. Sadly I can’t. BUT We can make our own favorite memories. So lets do that, okay? <3

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. ���‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[colourful-void]

Hoshiai no Sora Fan Movie Breakdown/Theory/I don’t know

Yeah I went mad so imma do theories now I guess. rip homework and fic.

spoilers for the fan movie, which is like 3 minutes and on youtube so just head over there, theres a link up here somewhere.

So first off, where’d the student council go?

Prez dances alone despite usually having some people watching and clapping behind her. They’re just gone!

Most of the first half is reused footage, so theres not much Ill break down, at least for now.

Once the outro is done, we cut to the final moments of Hoshiai Episode 12, as if we haven't had that scene burned into our brains.

Once that ends, we cut to this little card:

Which I think means two years later (according to this post which is honestly a way better post than mine, go read it.)

and then this card which according to google translate says ‘living that time’ I dont think thats right.

Let’s note we’ve returned to black on white background, and not the coloured on black of the title card at the end.

One of the best OST’s in the show plays (imo) and we get a little montage.

Rintarou and Taiyou go to the same school, good for them! They’re trying to get members for a soft tennis team (probably) but everyone around them is uninterested. They have more colour then anyone else in the shot, and are given more detail. part of that is because no one does background characters, but I think theres some symbolism there with them having their own little world of soft tennis, especially since Rintarou and Taiyou are known as the more energetic and friendly (or colourful!) members of the team. There’s also a baseball team walking in the background which I find interesting.

Tsubasa is angry and still playing tennis. If we follow his line of sight we find he’s glaring at (or at least guiding us to) the people in the back longing around and not playing. I can think of two reasons why he’s upset. One: because of everything that happened season one, he takes the game seriously and dislikes people slaking off. or two because it reminds him of his old team. I think one is more likely than two though. yet again anyone who isnt a main character isnt coloured in.

Shingou????? Is now at a strict school I guess?? The thing that stands out here isnt really him being at this school, (his parents could totally send him off) but he looks happy. Proud even. Not only is that contrary to the Shingou we know, but look around him. The background characters dont have eyes but they sure do have frowns. they’re also really gray, unlike Shingou.

iTSUKI GOT TALLER?? Lets note some things! The background characters have gone from being tinted a bit grey to entirely monochrome. The other characters have backpacks like Itsuki (idk the name but they hold tennis rackets) by beyond that, Itsuki doesn’t fit into the scene at all. Beyond just the colour, he’s not looking at the other boys, and it doesn't seem much like the other boys are looking at him. you could crop him out of the scene and the boys would look perfectly normal. The boys are also all wearing ties where Itsuki has a hoodie, giving him another way to stand out.

Now where everyone else had a still that zoomed in, we turn to my son, Nao.

He gets 5 shots, two of which are animated.

Note that when we see Nao’s hand all bandaged, the music takes a bit of a dip, making a static noise a bit like what we hear in some Nao scenes, or like a ghost.

So: Nao doesn’t play tennis anymore, clearly he either misses it or something, but in whatever case he thinks about it, and watches the others play. More than just play, he watches them celebrate.

Now look at the other boys who approach Nao. We get a bad vibe on instinct. I could be wrong, but it looks like the boy on the far right is the same boy who watched as another bully talked to Itsuki and then got bashed for it. Mainly just due to hair and him wearing a mask around his chin, which we haven't seen a single other character do. Actually, I dont think we’ve ever seen a Hoshiai character wear a mask, so it stands out.

Now, Nao’s knuckles are bandaged, which suggests he punched someone or something. I cannot picture him doing this. WE can see the bandages aren’t even, so he probably placed them himself, who whoever did it, did with little care.

Nao says: something. I can’t read lips or speak Japanese, but im not sure what Nao says is even readable. It has no audio, but the spooky noises continue. Music is now gone.

Cut to black.

Bird noises! Maki is watching their old sitting spot from afar, suggesting reminiscence.

Maki says something! I don’t know what, According to the other post, translated here on twitter, he says:

"Let's leave it be. He probably just doesn't want to see me again"

So that’s likely refering to Touma, or possibly his father but I doubt that highly.

Note: Everyone keeps their distance from Maki, Arashi still has his tennis bag, Mitsue has a very nice uniform and Yuu has a new bag I think, which is pink. Very cute. 

Yuu is the only one we don’t see in any uniform (itsuki didnt have the tie but he had a jacket) so we don't know what school they go to, of what uniform they wear. Yuu and Mitsue stand close together, so we ca assume that friendship lives on.

I won't do shots of all of Touma’s dialogue but here's some:

And of course the most important shot,

Now: Touma is saying in this scene, thanks again to twitter, translator’s tweet is here go leave a like,

"It's pointless. He has no game sense. Why does he make the same mistakes? There's no point in continuing like this. Whatever. I'll find someone else"

So like the beginning, Touma is fed up with fellow soft tennis players.

Maki and Touma meet on a street corner and Touma frowns. Maki remains neutral.

long shot as they stare at each other and a train goes by.

credits roll.

So time for my final thoughts and theories and things I want to mention.

Maki hurt Touma with the knife. I know, its bad I dont wanna think it, but like,,, Occam’s Razor.

Whatever happened with maki’s dad, he didn’t get kicked out of school, he didn’t die, and he doesn't gotten any life long injuries

No one’s parents are ANYWHERE IN THE ENTIRE PV. for a show so dedicated on these kids relationships with their parents, that is striking. We don’t even see family members.

No teachers are seen either.

Aside from the beginning we don’t see student prez at all.

Why does Nao get extra screen time? like do not get me wrong I love him but everyone else only got one shot.

Background characters are near always painted in greys wand without eyes, except for whoever Touma was yelling at and the others in that scene. they still don't have eyes though, which is probably just because they’re background characters.

Most characters are alone, except for Rintarou and Taiyou, and the gang during Maki’s line.

Things aren’t looking good.

SO those are my thoughts/theories, hope you liked them, I'm gonna go cry over my son becoming a delinquent, good night!

[thevastnessof]

Overgrowth 🌿, wind 🌪, crow ❇??

overgrowth 🌿 - what’s a fact about yourself you’ve never had the opportunity to tell?

- im a fairly reserved person irl but i do have one or two ppl that i trust pretty much totally, even with the not-so-nice parts of me, so theres not really many facts that ive never told Anyone?? mm altho i guess ive never told anyone irl that i dont feel like anyone will ever fall in love with me even if i did want to get married sjsbdjdbfj i dont want ppl to think im fishing for compliments so i just dont bring it up. besides who knows, maybe im wrong

wind 🌪 - what music do you normally listen to?

-i listen to thefatrat, the stupendium, cg5, and saint motel, etc. mostly lots of fun upbeat electric music!

crow ❇ - do you have a signature accessory?

-i have my hot pink biohazard symbol earrings!

[mamawolfblood]

Though he didn't know it yet Chris Mclean was in for a shocking revelation. One of the campers is not exactly just some rando kid. This camper is his kid and she is out to expose it.

Name : Iris  Escalona

Age 16

Eye color green

Caramel skin

Black hair that she keeps in a high ponytail. A Cherokee rose on the left side of the hair tie.

Iris is 5ft 8",135lb

Out fit-White tanktop with the alchemists symbol blue acid washed jean shorts black converses

Iris has a dark sense of humor. She loves horror,pranks,is resourceful. Iris is not above smashing some skulls together. She is not quick to anger but Heather pushes a lot of her buttons.

All her life she just wanted Chris to know she was alive. Her mother never gave the reason why she left. She is the oldest of seven children.

____chapter5pt1____

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island… The Killer Bass finally dodged their pathetic losing streak against The Screaming Gophers. There were bruises, tears, risky moves, and dangerous alliances. And in the end, it was Noah the know-it-all who didn’t see it coming. This week, another challenge will send one more camper on a cruise to Loserville. Population: Four. Who will sink? And who will stay afloat? Find out right now on Total. Drama. Island!

Iris walked back into the cabin after a shower. "Oh no this is bad. Im out of fake tan already." Lindsay said concerned. "Then go ger a real tan." Iris said putting her stuff away. "Oh its so tragic" Gwen said sarcastically looking a little more alive today. "Now I have to actually, like, suntan. In the sun! Do you realize how shriveled and wrinkly that can make your skin? Oh, you totally do." Lindsay said now by Gwen. I roll my eyes placing my hair in a ponytail. "See you ladies in the mess hall." Iris said leaving the crazy. "Oh off to find your delinquent boy toy. " Heather tried to get under my skin. "He at least I have a joystick. You should find one maybe you wouldn't be a stuck up bitch all the time." The girls laughed as I left. "That white girl is alright in my book." Leshawna said.

 [over loudspeaker]: "All right, campers! Enough beauty sleep! Time to show us what you’re made of!" Chris said

The campers made it to a make shift out door theater.

(Confessionals)

Iris

"I actually have a good feeling about this. Ever since I was little Dad and mom would take me to see musical and plays. I grew up a theater kid just something about it made it so magical."

*static*

(End of Confessionals)

Lindsay: Are we gonna see a musical? I love musicals. Especially the ones with singing and dancing. Heh." She asked amazed. I had to chuckle at this poor girl.

Trent: Gwen! Saved you a seat." He said moving aside for her. That is adorable I'm happy for them.

Gwen: "Thanks." She said sitting down next to him.

Cody: "W-W-Whoa! Uh, heh." Oh Cody you poor soul. She wont go for you give up already.

*Lindsay blows kiss *

Uhoh someone is braking the rules hahaha poor girl can't see the bitch she is helping.

*Heather turns and waves her ponytail in Lindsay's face. *

As I said bitch.

Lindsay: Oh! [spits out a wave of Heather's hair] "Hey Lindsay come sit with Me and Duncan." I said she got up and sat with us.

Chris: Welcome to our brand new deluxe state-of-the-art outdoor amphitheater! Okay, this week’s challenge is a summer camp favorite. A talent contest!" This made me happy.

Owen: Yes! Awesome!

Chris: Each team has eight hours to pick their three most talented campers.[Katie and Sadie squeal.] These three will represent them in the show tonight. Sing, dance, juggle. Anything goes, as long as it’s legal.[Duncan snaps his fingers.] You’ll be judged by our resident talent scout, former DJ, VJ, and rap legend, Grand Master Chef, who will show his approval via the Chef-o-Meter.[ding ding ding ding ding ding] The team that loses will send one camper home tonight. Good luck.

[whistle blows]

Heather started saying she was the captain. "Who said this Chika" I asked Gwen second it. "Beth and Lindsay"She said crossing her arms. "Fear is not the way to go Heather." I said and everyone backed me. "We shall see halfbreed." She said as I sat down .

It was Trent,Heather and Iris in the talent show for the Gophers.

For the Bass it was Courtney, DJ, Geoff.

Why we were killing time watching the other talents. Heather got ahold of some secrets that she was about to spill.

Cody: What you got there, a journal?

Gwen: Beat it.

Cody: Oh, I get it. Yeah, it’s private, huh? I’m down with that, yeah. It’s cool, brah.

Gwen: What part of beat it don’t you understand?

Cody: [sniffs]

Gwen: What are you, some kind of freak?

Cody: Y-you just… smell… really… pretty.

Gwen: It’s just… soap.

[guitar playing]

Gwen: I won’t even ask.

[guitar playing resumes]

Heather: Look! The first hook up of the season.

Gwen [sarcasticaly]: Oh yeah. We’re going at it big time. I need a swim just to cool off.

[door slams]

[door slams]

Cody groans

Trent: Gwen, wait up! I’ll come with you.

Gwen: Sure. I mean… whatever.

Chris [loudly]: It’s the TDI Talent Extravaganza! [normal voice] Welcome to the very first Camp Wawanakwa… Talent Contest. Where six campers will showcase their mad skills and desperately try not to humiliate themselves. First up for the Screaming Gophers… is Iris.

Iris walks out (a outfit that looks like Melanie from pokemon 2000. The Island maiden.) She started to play on her Ocarina my heart will go on.

It got a seven on the Chef-o-Meter.

Chris: First up for the Killer Bass… make some noise for the big guy! DJ!

[clapping]

Tyler: Woo-hoo!

Katie and Sadie: Yaaaay! Wooo!

[spiritual music]

[swirls]

[whips]

[thud]

Duncan: Ooh-hoo-hoo…

Katie: Gah!

[stretching]

[snaps]

Chris: Dainty and yet masculine. Let’s see what Grand Master Chef thinks.

[ding ding ding]

Chris: Not much.

Chris: So, with two down and four acts to go, it’s the Screaming Gophers… screaming ahead. Next on deck… Trent. Take it away, my bro.

Trent: This one goes out to someone special here at camp.

[guitar playing]

[Trent]

They say that we’ve only got summer

And I say that’s really a bummer.

But we’ll swim in the sun and have lots of fun…

It’ll just be the two of us…

Nothing to do… just hang…

So let me say only this…

Stick around… for just one kiss…

[clapping]

[ding ding ding]

Chris: Nice work! I’m liking your style, dude. And so does Grand Master Chef!

[clapping]

Chris: All right, quit hogging my light, buddy.

[objects tumbling]

Chris: Three down and three to go and the Killer Bass are totally sucking so far. Let’s hear it for Bridgette!

[clapping]

Courtney: Are you sure you can do this?

[stomach rumbling]

Bridgette[with her stomach rumbling]: Ooh. Definitely. No, uh, I’m great. Really. [She burps a few times]

[splash]

Screaming Gophers gasp and moan

Bridgette moans and projectile vomits loudly

Courtney and Heather gasp

Owen: I’m hit! I’m hit!

Bridgette projectile vomits loudly

Katie screams and vomits

Bridgette projectile vomits loudly

Lindsay [loudly] :Hey, puke on your own boyfriend!

Heather: On your own what, Lindsay?

Lindsay [quickly]: I didn’t say, boyfriend.

Chris [nasally] :Clean up in aisle three, four, five, and six! [normally] In the meantime, we’ll take a short break to hose the joint down.

[elevator music]

(Confessional: Bridgette)

Bridgette: Going home won’t be so bad… I-I can always work at the surf shack.

(Confessional Off)

Chris [loudly] : Welcome back to the TDI Talent Extravaganza! [normally] Welcome back. Okay. So in a strange turn of events, Bridgette’s chunk-blowing fest registered two thumbs up by Grand Master Chef. But, it’s not enough to pull ahead the Screaming Gophers, who held the lead with Trent’s love song. So, without further delay, here she is for the leaders… Heather!

[clapping]

Heather: Originally, I was going to dance for you. But instead, I want to celebrate team spirit, with a collaboration.

Iris saw what was in her hand. She started sweating.

Heather: So, with words by Gwen, performance by me, enjoy. [clears throat] Originally I thought he would be different. Even though mom says that my father and I are alike I don't see it. He said I remind him of someone her knew long ago but she left. I found that odd because I was alwats told he left. It doesn't matter either way because I know that Chris Mclean is 100% my biological father. " she said then handing my birth certificate to Chris who looked at me shocked. I got up and ran. Thats not how I wanted him to find out.

Heather: Thank you.

Courtney: [to Bridgette] That was so mean.

Bridgette: Seriously.

Chris: Well then, it’s down to the final act of the night. Can Geoff and his rad stunts turn it around? I seriously doubt it. Let’s find out.

[crashes]

Geoff: Whoa… that kinda wrecks the ride.

Bridgette [nervously] : Now what?! We have to send someone out there or we’re going to lose this!

[justsomeuselessvoid]

Halsey- Manic (review and analysis)

Ashley- I’m really loving the instrumentals on this song. It reminds me of an idea floating through space and time. Perhaps the idea is to let go of a relationship that isn’t there anymore but is still floating around for reminiscent purposes. I also think the movie quote is a great way to end such a beautiful, strongly vocalized piece and it goes without saying that it’s the perfect transition into the next song.

Clementine- so while I was going further research on this album, I came across the initial intent behind this song. There are two meanings being voiced in this song. When she sings “I don’t need anyone,” one voice is calm while the other voice is happy. The shouting suggests a state of mania while the normal singing voice is while she is experiencing a depressive state. I like how this is incorporated into the whole idea of the album. It also seems like one of those songs where the fans would appreciate shouting.

I’m also coming across some meanings of my own. The theory that artists are depressed is represented in this song strongly. So when she sings this live, I’d imagine she would maybe sing the chorus instead of shouting it (I’ve never seen her live but trust me it’s on my bucket list.) So artists are constantly involved in making their fans happy. The fans would be screaming this song at the top of their lungs while she sings it.

I am also noticing some parallels which I am a huge fan of. She starts the song off by saying “I'd like to tell you that my sky's not blue, it's violent rain,” while in the song Hurricane off of Badlands, she says “I’m the violence in the pouring rain,” and I absolutely love that reference.

Graveyard- I enjoy this song A LOT. I feel like she went in the right direction choosing this song and the single “Without Me,” to promote her album. I have to say that it sums up the album perfectly. This song discusses the turmoil within a harmful relationship and how she would have stayed had she ignored red flags.

You should be sad- I might get some backlash for this but this song isn’t for me. I love how she is experimenting with different genres of music on this album but I have never been a fan of country style music. I would just find it more enjoyable if I liked country. However, it is not a bad song at all, it just isn’t for me. It lowkey gives me a Carrie Underwood ``Before He Cheats” vibe though, which I am totally on board with.

Forever...(is a long time)- THIS IS WHAT IM FUCKING TALKING ABOUT.  This song is seriously a certified banger. It starts off with a somewhat happy melody and slowly transitions into a somber piano melody which is beautifully written. Then she belts it out with the lyrics “Build love, build God, build provinces. Build calluses, break promises ‘Cause I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it.” I also love how distortion is added on her voice mixed in with a haunting organ in the background. She ends the song with, “talk to your man, tell him he’s got bad news coming,” which I think is absolutely iconic, and yet another great transition into the next song.

Dominic’s Interlude- This song is definitely influenced by music in a different era. I like whatever effect they used on his voice in this song. This would advocate that another person sees the toxicity within her relationship within their perspective, as the lyrics suggest.

I HATE EVERYBODY- I feel like a lot of people can relate to this song and I think hearing it live would be such a cool thing to experience. This was definitely written for fans to scream at the top of their lungs.

3am- The rock influences are without a doubt prominent in this song, and it would be so cool to experience live. She often talks about her rock influences and I'm happy she decided to make it known within her music. I think it works really well for her various influences intervened throughout the album. The song talks about how different relationships affect her and the people she surrounds herself with. These relationships are, however, temporary to avoid loneliness and wishes they were more than just physical.

Without Me- At the end of the previous song, she incorporated a voicemail that praises the fact that this is her best song. I think she is absolutely proud of this song (trust me I listened to it a million fucking times when it came out) and that’s why she put it in the song. Anyway, I think this is a very delicate way of saying “fuck you, I don’t need you.” It’s a great single and I don’t have much to say other than it is absolutely perfect.

Finally // beautiful stranger - She talks about how she comes across a stranger who she is interested in pursuing a relationship with. However, she is afraid to continue in fear that this person is going to take advantage of her because of previous relationships. In light of this conflict, she is hoping that this person stays because she likes this person. I like the guitar progression in this song and the strongly vocalised pieces throughout.

Alanis’ Interlude - It wouldn't be a Halsey album without her pride in being bisexual, and this song does a perfect job in doing so. It starts off with Alanis’ famous strong vocals and delves into pumping drum beats. The lyrics suggest sexual innuendos referring to her physical relationship with the same sex. It established how she feels the same about women as she does men and it does not make a difference to her. She feels strongly about the idea that labels mean nothing and how she longs for acceptance. She also wanted Alanis to feature in the song because of how she impacted her musical endeavors. I love her feature in this song and the harmonies between Halsey and Alanis are ON POINT.

Killing boys- topping things off with another great revenge song. I noticed how she includes “you don’t need me anymore” in the beginning of a song and she ends the song with “I don't need you anymore,” which symbolizes the progress of getting over someone. I would have to say this is my favorite song off the album besides Alanis’ Interlude.

SUGA’s Interlude- I didn’t like this song at first, mainly because I never got into Kpop. But it’s not necessarily a kpop song, which is what kept me entertained. It’s starting to grow on me recently. This song indicates the struggle of wanting to keep going forward and giving up at the same time, which I had been struggling to find a song with this concept until this one came along. I think it is also just the struggle of being an artist and coming to a common ground of making people happy but also keeping yourself happy simultaneously.

More- I was reading up on this song, and she states how it is a song written about a person who does not exist yet. She is referring to her unborn child, which she has also stated having reproductive issues insinuating her struggle to have children. I was so unaware that this was the meaning behind the song and I am happy that she confirmed this because I’m certain that it would help a lot of people going through the same problem.

Still Learning- One of the main themes throughout this album are also condensed into this particular song. This one is heavy on the idea of learning to love yourself, which she is relying on other people in order to obtain that benefit as suggested by other songs off of this album. This song, however, is learning to love yourself without the help of others. It also suggests the downsides of being a well known artist and how it’s difficult to maintain good self-esteem in such a career.

929- This song is just absolutely beautiful. It seems as if she summarized her entire life and somehow condensed it down into 3 minutes. The instrumentals are so simple, yet her lyrics are just rambling one intense subject onto the next. Everything she talks about in this song is powerful. It talks about moving, love, acceptance, growth, and so on. However, I wanted to talk about something worth noting. Before this album came out, Halsey was doing a Q&A on Twitter and a fan pointed out how she stated this is going to be a very personal album. A fan has said, “I feel like you’ve said that about the last two albums,” and she responded with, “Nah. There’s two types of honesty. Answering a question with the truth and offering the truth without being asked. This is the latter.” This is a perfect ending to such a beautifully written album.

I'm giving this album a strong 9 out of 10.  Let me just say that it is INSANELY hard for me to say anything bad about this album if i'm being completely honest. I’ve been listening to it constantly and keep discovering things that I would have never guessed. She hit the nail on the head with the themes and the overall state of mania in this album. An emotional roller coaster for sure.

[dawnowar]

L’Shana Tova

Here we are at Rosh Hashanah, The Jewish New Year. Ususally I have a party. Since I’m an Atheist Jew so I don’t go to temple and worship. I just have a backyard party with apples and honey and Challah I make myself. 

I spent some time in August trying to decide what to do for the holiday this year, even though I suppose I could still have had a backyard party but I just didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to either be responsible for potentially spreading covid and I dont want people using my bathroom when I’ve been so careful not to put myself near anyone else for any length of time for six months now. Just couldn’t have a parade of people who aren’t being as careful as me in and out of my house cause they have to pee. That’s really what it came down to. 

So I took of some days from work with the intention of maybe going on a solo road trip to go look at some nature or something outdoors, but again as that got closer... well the question was what do i need to do to make it feel like I didn’t get cheated out of Rosh Hashanah this year... and the answer was obviously apples and honey. and Challah. So that’s what I did this year. I took the day off work and made challah and then i got a $25 off coupon from uber eats so i ordered Red Lobster for delivery and had a nice meal with the cats and had apples and honey at sundown. 

Tomorrow I think ill go to the waterfall and throw some bread in it to symbolize whatever i don’t need to take with me into the next year. I haven’t really decided what that is yet.

I mean, the last six months has been about casting off pretty much everything for me. 

In a lot of ways I was ready and willing to make these changes and see where it all takes me, so I’ve been riding this wave for awhile now. Not sure this holiday feels like a fresh start so much as what I hope is a mid-point of the covid year. I hope its only a year. 

RBG just died. Took my cats and my apples and honey outside to watch the sunset and the holiday begin and read the news on my phone before I got the first slice of apple in my mouth.

Doesn’t seem like a great way to start, but before that I was feeling optimistic about the future, because i see this new reclusive homebody life I’m living as a much needed reset. 

I found an outdoor dance fitness class a couple of days ago, but it was cold enough today to need a jacket so I don’t know how much longer they’ll keep doing it.. but for the two days i was doing it, I was into it and it felt great to be dancing and socializing with new people again. Thats a pretty consistent theme in my life. Every period of my life can be defined by where I was dancing at the time. Whether it was a nightclub or a music scene or an aerobics class, The times in my life I was most unhappy were the times I wasn’t dancing at all. 

Last few years Ive found the music scene I was in was getting crappier, the music was getting worse, the people were getting shittier and the boys were getting younger. Or maybe that was me getting older. ... and aside from a few bands and people i really think are great, I was finding myself less and less interested in whatever was going on, so this tbh is a nice break. I don’t have to feel pressure to go to anything or listen to anything or buy anything or care about anything. 

I’ve found myself not listening to very much music at all. Sometimes I put on chill electronic to keep the cats mellow b4 work since I work in the house and i need them to let me do that. 

They’ve totally got the schedule now and they nap while I work. They can tell time so they start fussing just before quitting time. It’s pretty amazing how they can do that. 

I watch a lot of TV but i always did that. I never had any shame about it. I love great TV and theres so much to watch now I’m pretty thankful for all the time to do that. It’s another thing I’ve always done that has always made me happy. Probably my terrible upbringing since I was pretty much locked alone in a room with just a TV for so much of my formative years that staying home by myself watching TV is fine. It feels pretty normal and natural. In fact, I think I have screwed up many relationships w dudes who wantd to just stay in and watch a movie w me and im like fuck that..i can watch TV by myself. I don’t need help w that. 

I’m sure ive ruined a lot of relationships for a lot of dumb reasons. Now I’m home by myself a lot, I have time to think about all those things and more. Who I was and why I did stuff I did and who I am now and what I’d do differently and how I wouldn’t go back and change any of it.. well most of it I wouldn’t... or maybe I would idk. and how given the circumstances of the moment I couldnt have done anything any differently. or I would have. 

I don’t have any current pressing issues or problems other than I don’t like my job but its supposed to be temporary thru February and thats sort of how I’m making it through. Not sure what I’ll do after that. Decided not to even bother trying to decide yet. 

Trying to look forward mostly and not to the past, which 6 mos ago was the present and doesnt seem that far away. Some of that i meant to keep but some of that I’m glad is over. I guess the next half of coronvirus is about figuring out what to keep and what to be done with forever. 

[sanguinarius-archive]

im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

[all-hail-the-witcher]

You guys are friendship goals how do you make internet friends saph

okay story time this is the progression of mine and @papesdontsellthemselves friendship (complete with pictures)

so once upon a time (actually it was november of last year) i was a Sad high school senior drowning my sorrows in my tumblr account as newsies royalty while i stressed over my college applications and auditions. most of my pastimes included 1. writing shitty fics 2. reading good fics and 3. listening to bad music from 2012. and i happened to stumble upon some newsies pics as one does by Someone called @papesdontsellthemselves or, as was listed in the bio “Mikey” 

nevertheless i binge read all of them at approximately 2am on a school night and probably fell asleep in ap euro the next morning. i very much liked his fics. they were slappy. and i started to stalk his account, as any normal person would.

and once or twice or several times, as any person who runs out of ideas does, he asked for prompt requests. and me, being a sad fangirl of this poor bois account, decided to send him some. (he still has one that he never answered) and he wrote a few of them. this one was my favorite go read it (i think i inspired this one) 

and then one day i opened my tumblr acc and THIS was waiting for me:

and i think i was like KJHSJHASLHJGDSLKH WH

then you know some time went by as time does and we sort of awkwardly coexisted. i actually was within like 10 minutes of him for a college audition before we knew each other that was pretty wild.

and then

the fateful day

i was sitting in ap stats, bored out of my mind, and decided to ignore the lesson on z scores or whatever it was cause what the fuck else are you supposed to do in ap stats and go on tumblr (seriously do not take ap stats its terrible, its an acid trip, i barely passed that class) and i had a message waiting for me from the one and only @papesdontsellthemselves that said something like:

“lol sorry to bother you chief but how to you put your tag lists on your pics so they dont take forever ooo sorry!!” 

and i was like ssksksksjskskjsk why is tumblr royalty @papesdontsellthemselves talking to me, a lowly peasant, and i may have freaked out for a hot sec but then i responded something like 

“i have it in a google doc and then hit the down arrow and the return key really fast lol”

(only recently he revealed to me that he didnt actually give a shit about my tag list (r00d) and that he just wanted an excuse to talk to me and That was what he came up with and he screamed after he sent the message cause he was so scared. also he was in theater with his weird shoeless teacher not paying attention. we’re good students i promise.)  

and then we got to Talking and we just didnt Stop talking? like i told him about jeff, my shitty english teacher and he told me about his theater teacher who made them do 9/11 shakespeare and we bonded and then we sent each other pictures of our dogs: 

mikeys dog, leela (aka leeks Big Chonk) ^^

my dog, lacey ^^

and we also went through The Awkward Stage

but then

a miracle happened

twas christmas eve, about like idk 3pm and the two of us were Awkwardly Conversing as awkward internet friends do and i was getting changed for christmas eve dinner (cause my family Extra and you have to be Fancy or face the Wrath of the Elders) and I'm digging through my closet looking for something Presentable when discover The Pencil Skirt. 

it twas a rather unsuspecting article, green wool with faint plaid stripes, and hand-me-down from some aunt, and i decided to put it on because i had limited fancy clothes and didnt wanna do a repeat from a previous year. so i added my One White Button Down Shirt and some black dance tights and called it a day. 

so then me, being me, was messaging mikey and said (keep in mind were still practically strangers and had been barely talking for a week):

“wow i actually look kinda hot right now like maybe someone would bang me. like, I'm not into that, but I look good enough that someone might consider it.”

yes

me, an asexual, said that to a total stranger on the internet.

what were you Thinking saph.

truly, i have no idea.

but for some reason, instead of being scared away (like a normal sane person should be) mikey laughed and we began calling each other daddy. i dont know okay, it was a wild experience. I'm not sure if it actually happened.

so, my skirt became The Daddy Skirt, a tragic symbol of our strange friendship, and the two of us exited the Awkward Stage.

truly it was an exciting time:

and then we gave each other nicknames. the sappy kind not the cursed kind. mikey was bean cause he was a coffee bean and cocoa bean addict. and i was originally shrub and then bear and finally peanut. im not sure why. he isn't either.

boi also Literally guessed my real name. like straight up. and i was like “o word.” it was trippy. 

AND THEN twas a cold february day when we decided to exchange faces. i send him a picture of me eating a christmas tree. he sent me a picture of him in his kitchen wearing sun glasses frat boy posing. truly iconic.

we also liked to look up weird things late at night and have revelations about dumb shit, as seen by these Unexplained Screenshots i have on my phone:

yes those are real screenshots

then we decided to finally talk on instagram instead of this hell site and i was exposed to mikeys finsta *shudder*

nothing much else interesting happened until: College *dun dun dunnnnnn* 

(except for that one time i had a mental breakdown at 1am and he drove home form some party to ig call me and tell me about the time his dog ended up in solitary confinement. a true g)

so for Safety Reasons, i finally gave milky my number when i got to school and we started texting and Facetiming which was a Trip.

i also sent him a Box of Cursed Content. he tried to send the box back to me in october and it still hasn't arrived. we think it may be in antarctica.

and then we tried to coordinate to meet up like three (3) separate times before We Got Lucky, the Stars Aligned, and we held hands in the back of an a&f

(we also hugged in a nordstrom in like the Fancy Clothes Section and the lady thought we were definitely dating cause we took pics of us hugging in the fuckin mirror pillar. also i almost lost my wallet but thats another story.)

and next year our wild journey will continue (hopefully) 

in conclusion i love mikey and this has been a sappy post