#im so tired of struggling with money. my rent is going up and though its not by much it’s going to impact us a lot

[tealbeats]

.

[yournameyn]

Feeling Deeply

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

A/N: Aaaaaa this is the first fic I'm posting ever ever. It's basically a way to follow the red thread of my desires. OC is named Brishti. She's Indian. She's Bengali & curvy & an introvert. This whole fic is 90% going to be a slow burn fluff fic about two introvert nerds getting to know each other. Seriously there's like hardly any real angst, maybe slight angst about okay when are these two going to bang - if you look very carefully but basically its just slooooow fluuuufff. Hopefully you all like it. Please let me know what you think. Current Chapter: This one is loooong. Remember this is all happening in the 1960s. OC & Namjoon are both really well off first gen immigrants. In this chapter we have our couple coming closer together - talking about some issues they've both had in their lives. Also this is the chapter where you'll get to know one of my favourite Namjoon songs and like why the OC is named what she's named. Also just a reminder because im a bit paranoid - Rim Jhim (referred to as Rim) is our OC Brishti. Its a pet name that's introduced in this chapter. And Namjoon being the wordsmith that he is makes it shorter, with the korean meaning of the word.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface-ish Chapter 1

Chapter 2

And so it went for the next few days, the two of them quietly discovering each other. They were finding out the normal, casual, small things - how he didn’t like mint chocolate, how she loved bitter black coffee. Since both of them worked, they decided to split the chores at home. It worked out great because Namjoon liked to sweep & Brishti loved to do the dishes. They both struggled to cook but they decided to learn how to cook each other’s cuisines. So she was learning how to make kimchi (the green onion one) & he was learning how to prepare daal (the yellow one). They split the rent & decided to create a separate bank account for their savings. Talking about money increased warmth because they discovered that neither valued it excessively.

Slowly, they began talking about things a little more intimate. Meanings of names were revealed. She was impressed that his name meant genius. And he loved that hers meant rain. Pet names were introduced. He called her Rim - an even shorter version of her daak naam Rim Jhim. He told her to call him Joon. She looked away, smiling, then - silently telling him they’re not there yet. What he didn’t tell her was that he was already making up a fairytale about Joon, the genius & Rim, the brilliant jade that makes him so.

They spoke about books the most. Between them, they had half the globe's literature covered. She had read Indian authors & Russian & Spanish ones. He loved Korean authors, Japanese literature & all the Greek Classics. He geeked out about philosophy & poetry while she nerded over nature writing & music. They spoke about how they might take a look at other European writers & musicians together. To that end, Namjoon brought home a book of love poems by Rilke.

He hadn’t told her that he wrote poetry too. He hadn’t mentioned anything because it seemed like an indulgence of the past, poetry. But that night everything changed. After a late dinner, Brishti had asked to read aloud from the book he’d brought. As she read ‘To Music’, Namjoon saw tears float in her eyes. Secretly, something inside him had wept too. And just like that, he knew he would begin writing soon.

Each week the two watched late shows of classic hollywood musicals in a nearby theatre because they’d decided against a tv in their home - opting, instead, for a record player. Meeting for a movie each of the two Fridays they’d spent together so far was an experience both looked forward to - not only for the movie. In the darkness of the movie theatre, they experienced the first glimpses of intimacy. Soft smiles, whispering, silent glances, hands caressing each other. He loved how she laughed with abandon. She loved that he would tear up during the emotional scenes.

Her smile was getting wider, warmer toward him, Namjoon noted everyday. He’d been sleeping separately since their wedding night because he wanted her to feel safe. He was mostly okay with that except if he thought about it… If he thought about a time when he would get to touch her - Namjoon almost felt dizzy with feelings.

This happened the most when he saw her read by the window, he ached to touch her. That was her - Brishti - that was who she was at her core. Reading, running her fingers through her short hair, staring out the window, thinking, looking at clouds & then going back to reading. She was still quiet, but less so. She spoke about the rain and the trees and when she was happiest, he learned, when she really trusted that no one was going to judge her, she spoke about the moon. It had happened twice in the last few days.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. As though that needed reasoning, he thought about it at the office too. It wasn’t the only answer he could come up with but Namjoon had never seen a body like hers. She didn’t seem brittle or delicate, the way most women looked - or were “supposed to look”. She didn’t care what a body is supposed to look like, at least, it seemed that way to him. Brishti’s curves were not subtle. She was short and while almost everyone was shorter than him, Brishti was just… sexily so. She’d do these things… seemingly normal, everyday things but they would quickly, embarrassingly, inspire an arousal in him. Like, that thing she did, when she stretched after waking up or even if she stretched her arms or her neck… for some reason that turned him on so much, he’d have to hide… or excuse himself. His breath hitched, everytime he thought about how he hadn’t still actually seen her body.

Brishti, too, enjoyed looking at him from afar. Sharing, creating a living space with a man was never something she thought she would enjoy. They had exchanged the basic stories of how they had reached each other.

Namjoon had said, “I’d met a couple of women… girls… but they just seemed either plastic or porcelain… you know? I mean, not all of them could have been that but that's how they… presented themselves? You… I saw your photos in a pile that the matchmaker labelled ‘rubbish’”

“What?!”

“Yeah… I’m sorry but it’s actually a compliment to be labelled ‘bad’ by a matchmaker. That’s why I was looking in that pile in the first place… when I heard you wanted to keep working… Honestly I was so relieved...”

She smiled, “At least you got a look at me… I didn’t even know what you looked like till we met. I had no choice at all. A boy had agreed to marry me - despite… me… so that was the end of it. That was the bargain with my brother… otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to work either.”

“Wow… I’m so sorry, Rim. That’s really… really unfair.”

“Hmm yeah… I just figured if I can keep earning & the man turns out to be wrong, at least I can leave.”

“That’s… thanks for not leaving...”

Brishti smiled, “I got lucky...”

Namjoon understood, then, that Brishti might be an introvert but that did not mean she was shy. She made him blush & laugh. She made him speak without inhibition. The more time he spent with her, his feelings poured out.

“Thanks… It’s been really nice to share this home with you. Just to have you to talk to… My life was not going that great...” he said.

Brishti nodded, even though she already knew this. Whatever he said, strangely, she could see a deeper melancholy behind it. They spoke about being strangers in a strange country. She told him how she had to fight at the library for Tagore to be considered classic literature. How she was slowly but surely, being accepted in the oddball group that ran the library. She was not the only non-english person there, so things were easier for her. Besides, true readers had always been more accepting of the different.

Something made her regret sharing her happiness about this because his struggle in this foreign land was far more intense… she could sense pain behind the words he used. Namjoon did not enjoy his job the way she did. He worked overtime most days and came home bone-tired. Kim Namjoon was in many ratraces at the same time - races Brishti felt he didn’t want to participate at all. Being a lawyer, being an asian - the ‘model minority’, being a slightly well-off Korean in a sea of white men, in a sea of less fortunate asians who were being treated much worse than him. Trying to create a name, an identity of his own was wearing him out... chipping away at his soul.

Brishti sometimes saw him and saw a great banyan cutting itself down, trying to be a shrub just to fit in. When she asked him how his day was, he always smiled. It was real, the smile and yet it couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. Something that was beginning to bother Brishti more and more, these days. He... had begun to matter more and more these days.

Now, about two weeks into their marriage, she was experiencing butterflies about the smallest things; Things like watching him sleep on the fold out, bringing him coffee in the morning. She felt a pull deep inside her take over when he would come out of the shower in the bathrobe, skin glistening from the shower & musky man-scents launching her body in a fantastical arousal & her mind in overdrive. Somedays, Brishti even went for a shower after he’d been, just so she could soak in his essence & bathe in a trance she had never felt before.

On their third weekend together, Namjoon didn’t have to go to work the whole weekend. He’d spoken to his superior at the firm to let him have weekends free - after all, he was married now. Post lunch that Saturday, Brishti and he kept unpacking, organising while talking (well, later on, it was just coffee & talking) into the early hours of Sunday. They spoke about things they loved, people they had loved. About fictional crushes and real ones. Both of them spoke about their past relationships. Something Brishti was delighted about - especially since Namjoon told her he was not the type to hold someone’s past against them.

Brishti couldn’t believe it when Namjoon had correctly guessed, “It was the photographer, right?”

“What-?! How- Where- How did you…?” Brishti couldn’t even form a question.

“Your photos, at the matchmakers… something was different. All the other pictures women give out for arranged matches seem... fake. Yours were… real… private. You looked comfortable… looked like you were being teased...” What he didn’t say was how much it seemed in those pictures like she was with someone she truly liked… maybe even loved.

Sat on the ground opposite Namjoon, Brishti kept her gaze on him. It unnerved Namjoon that she could really see him. She unnerved him further when she said, “You should say what you aren’t saying… or… asking?”

“Did you love him?”

“Not really… it was just... a different kind of friendship… ended almost as soon as it began. But I- I don’t regret it. It wasn’t the kind of love-” she trailed off. She looked away, smiling but trying to hide it. The same way she had in the photograph.

He pressed further just to tease her “Kind of love...?” Namjoon was intrigued because she was blushing now & he wanted to plant a thousand pecks on her. Instead he said, “So you can just… stop what you were saying? Mmm. Okay. I see.”

She looked at him then, “I’m feeling… a lot… of… different things these days. Especially because of a couple of dimples...”

Just like that, she turned the tables & his dimples appeared. He blushed, “Yeah… same. I mean… you don’t have dimples but I’ve-”

She nodded to let him know she understood. And then asked, “Uhm... Have you… had sex?”

Namjoon bit his lip, “Yeah… yes. I... had a girlfriend in law school. It… uh… wasn’t serious… for her.”

Brishti looked away nodding, as if stopping herself from saying something.

He looked at her… knowing what she probably wanted to say. He wanted to hug her but he only said, “It doesn’t matter, does it? For me it doesn’t. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex too… I know how people can be about virginity… I- honestly… it's just another way to control people.”

She looked at him with a mixture of emotions. She took a minute to compose herself & then said, “I’ve never met a man like you… and it's a little confusing and annoying… Not that you are annoying… not at all. It’s just the world is annoying because this is how low the standard is for a man. A man accepting that the woman has a past makes him… forward…? But of course the woman has to… because, well, he’s a man and he has needs. We’re all told that… Shirley... who works with me… she knows it too. Women just aren’t supposed to talk about their pasts. All women.”

She paused & got flustered further because of how dedicatedly Namjoon had been listening. It really seemed as if he was taking notes. The serious expression on his face, it made Brishti's ears feel hot. Almost as a distraction, she went on -

“It's crazy but that seems to be the only thing THE WHOLE WORLD has agreed on - they can’t agree on one way to make bread but they all agreed that women are inferior. It’s such a basic thing to just let me work… because I want to… but it's annoying that it makes me feel lucky. My best friend had to go through hell because she thought she could trust her husband with the truth about her past… so it makes me feel lucky that… you won’t…”

Namjoon could see the pain in her words. Maybe that’s how she could always sense the pain in his words, he thought.

After a calming silence passed over them, he spoke - “I won’t. I don’t really know what it’s like for a woman. And… maybe you won’t like to hear this, but… I was the same, Rim... I was the man my society had trained me to be. Everything changed when I came here. When, for the first time in my life, I understood what it’s like to be treated inferior. Since then, I just… I cannot be the cause of a feeling like that within anyone... So… you’re right. I’m not doing anything everyone shouldn’t already do. All of this should be normal. Expected. Hopefully the world learns a bit faster…”

Brishti smiled at Namjoon. She chuckled when tears pooled up in her eyes. He instinctively reached out for her & placed a hand on her leg, just below her knee. A jolt went through Brishti and she looked surprised. He did too. Namjoon retracted his hand immediately & looked away, blushing. That’s when Brishti laughed out loud. She stood up. And asked him to stand up, silently.

He did. It always made Brishti’s heart flutter just how gorgeous and tall he was. Someday, she would tell him. Someday, she would show him. For now, she couldn’t help feeling bashful as she asked, “Can I get a hug, Joon?”

This was the first time she’d used the pet name that he’d asked her to call him by. This was what his family called him. And her using this name assured Namjoon of just that - she was becoming family. Her question had made his heart flip. He moved without really thinking, because this is what his body had wanted since the day he saw her. He pulled her up in his arms. He felt like he was melting. She was soft. Warm. Beautiful. And in his arms.

Brishti gasped a little when Namjoon had scooped her up in his arms. She was on her toes, literally & figuratively. She held onto him, less as a hug & more as support… at first. Then, she felt his arms… the strong arms that she had been ogling at, around her. It was as if a knot came undone, within her, suddenly. And in its place, the softest silk suddenly flowed through her body.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. The same essence that she’d been soaking in after he had showered, that she had been breathing in whenever he would pass by or reach past her. The essence that she had now become so hungry for that she had been secretly sleeping with the shirt he’d worn from the laundry basket. That essence was now all over her. Her chin turned up, resting on his shoulders, her cheeks touching his, her hands - on their own - reached the nape of his neck and began to play with his hair.

When she did that, Namjoon held her tighter, pressed her on to him. He felt her body react to his. One hand reaching her shoulder around her back, he moved the other closer to her waist, so his hands could fold over her curves. He could feel her breath hitch when he did that.

Brishti was revelling in the feeling of his hands, his fingers, feeling his fingertips press into her - that was a feeling she could never have imagined making her so... so... drunk. She was drunk. She ran her hands up and down his vast back, all the way up to his hair. All of a sudden she could feel herself overcome with emotion. Tears began pooling in her eyes again. And she said, before it was too late, she said, “Thank you, Joon, for everything… thank you.”

When he heard the tremble in her voice, Namjoon pulled away, just so he could see her. Brishti quickly retracted too - to wipe off her tears, trying to laugh off the silliness, apologising. Namjoon replied, “It’s okay… I understand… I… Thank you, Rim. I hope you… you know what I mean...” What he wanted to say, what he hoped she understood was that she was what was helping him come alive. But being unable to, Namjoon knew someday he would. Someday soon.

Brishti nodded to say she understood. Namjoon tried to lighten the atmosphere, saying, “You’re not… just anyone, you know? So… maybe you should tell me something I could do which is… not just basic decency, but something that can be considered truly feminist, you know. I’d love to do that for you.”

Brishti smiled and nodded. She suddenly felt tired & almost of its own accord, her body stretched into a yawn. She said, “I’ll think of something. We- I should go now… Do you want- anything?...” Brishti was delighted about how drunk she had gotten from one hug. It was exciting that she knew she’d be sleeping with the sweater he had tossed in the laundry basket tonight. She decided to take a bit more time to enjoy being intoxicated without a substance, together and alone.

Later that night, as Namjoon laid on his fold out sofa, alone, he thought of how great it had felt to have Brishti in his arms. To have someone who wanted to know about his day. To feel her heartbeat, like raindrops, knocking on his chest like it was a window pane, almost as if asking to be let in…

Thoughts like these, they made Namjoon reach for the notepad & pen that he always kept close by. He wrote. He wrote of being world weary and suddenly having a friend. Suddenly feeling like the world wasn't rushing him, that he didn’t need to run, that he could take time, be slow, be a poet. His heart tugged at his pen as it wrote lines about what it felt like to have someone cry for him. To have someone be full of feelings for him, to have someone to embrace his weary body. He wrote about how he missed that embrace and yet it was okay… as long as she was still here, maybe not just next to him, yet. Maybe someday. It was okay because she asked how he was every day and Brishti was here, forever. Namjoon felt tears run down his own face, as he titled the first poem he’d written in almost five years - Forever Rain.

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Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please please let me know what you thought! Get into my messages about it! I would love nothing more than to hear what you felt about this!

[thewritewolf]

Nino’s Quest Chapter 6: Out of the Woods

The true struggle of DnD - getting the party together for a session. Not at all helped by magic terrorism attacks.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3.  My ko-fi.

--- October 15th ---

Lord DM: Hey dudes, we still on for today? Since its been like two hours I’ll guess that was a no then

Adrien Regreste: sorry dude. Got roped into a last minute photoshoot :(

Marinoodles: same Wait no I mean- last minute bakery stuff Sorry to bail like this! D:

Alya’ll Beware: Don’t worry about it girl I was chasing that akuma that was running around It kept giving lb n cn the slip Got some good footage tho

Lord DM: Bummer dudes Guess thats one of the perks of living in paris We can try again next week, k?

--- October 18 ---

Direct Message From Alya

Alya: These akumas have been crazy, babe. Rain check on dates? At least until hawkbutt tires himself out

Nino: :( Can’t you take a break or two? You don’t have to be on the frontlines of EVERY akuma attack

Alya: …

Nino: [crying emojis, broken hearts, butterflies with red X’s over them]

Alya: alright, alright But just two, okay? People count on me for the latest news

Nino: totally, babe Just hope lb+cn won’t need rr+cara Cuz… you know That’d be rough

Alya: [eye rolling emoji] Yeah yeah I feel bad for them tho Their social life must be wack at this point

---October 22nd---

Lord DM: Hey, bro, we still meeting at your place or what? ??? Come on, dude! Not again! :(

Adrien Regreste: Sorry dude [sobbing emoji]

Alya’ll Beware: Akuma, babe. Can’t miss three in one week!

Lord DM: Yeah… guess so. Let’s just not miss the next sess, okay? I dont want this campaign to end

Alya’ll Beware: We’ve only missed two weeks so far. That’s not too bad We got pretty lucky with getting five in a row Esp considering how busy we usually are

Lord DM: Fair enough Next week sound good?

Alya’ll Beware: Should for me

---October 31st---

Lord DM: Im scared to ask but… DnD today?

Adrien Regreste: [thumbs up] I’ll be going on 4 hours of sleep But I can do it!

Marinoodles: Same here Lack of sleep and all

Alya’ll Beware: Yeah We good

Adrien Regreste: !!! Wait its actually happening Awesome! ...I should probably clean my room.

Marinoodles: XD Probably! :P

Adrien Regreste: :3

------------

An hour later and Nino had made the trip over to Adrien’s house, Alya and Marinette in tow. Their chatting had been less energetic than usual, no doubt because there wasn’t a single person among them who didn’t feel exhausted. A fact that wasn’t at all helped by the late hours that they were arriving at. It may have only been nineteen hundred hours, but when you’d only had a few hours of sleep each night for the past week, it made all the difference in the world.

Despite all that, they were determined. The very thought that they were willing to go through all this just to go further in his campaign was thrilling for Nino, and he didn’t want to let them down.

A wicked grin, looking out of place on him, stretched across his face. With the events he had planned for tonight’s session, he was sure they’d be awake in no time.

They entered Adrien’s room and saw the bounty of sugary treats and caffeine that their host had prepared. After some brief chit-chat, Nino got set up quickly and rolled right into the session. The longer he delayed the more likely it was that his players would fall asleep.

“The forest at last thins as you crest the top of a hill. From your vantage point, you can see the capital city on the horizon.” There were sighs of relief around the room.

“Finally! My character could definitely go for a proper bed after a week of roughing it,” Marinette said after taking a drink of pop.

“You’ll have to hurry, then. The sun is going to start sinking below the horizon. Unless you want to be stuck outside the city until morning, you’d better get moving.”

“My bard starts one last travel song as we rush over.” Adrien opened his phone, no doubt to a lyrics site and cleared his throat.

Alya quickly covered his mouth. “I do not have the time or patience to listen to another of your renditions of Take Me Home, Country Roads, Sunshine. Let’s just get to the city, alright?” Adrien’s eyes darted to Nino in a silent plea, but he simply shrugged.

“Sorry, dude. Babe has a point.”

Pouting, he closed his phone. Beside him, Marinette giggled and patted his back consolingly.

“You reach the city gates without any issue - no bandit or monster is stupid enough to get within stones throw of the capital, not with all the guards on patrol. They were a little suspicious to see you guys so late at night, but… two noble sigils, a bardic license, and my holy symbol put those dudes right at ease. There are still a few rooms open at the inn - how are you guys going to divvy up?”

A trio of blank stares looked back at him. He sighed.

“Each room costs money to rent. You don’t have a lot, so while you could get a private room for each of you, it’s probably better to room with someone else. So who is spending the night with who?”

“Dibs on the cleric!” Alya cried. She tapped her chin theatrically, “I guess that leaves you two together, right?”

“I- I guess so?” Adrien blinked, surprised at Alya’s sudden outburst. Marinette paled a little but nodded.

“Since you guys arrived so late, most of the rooms were already filled up and you had to make do with what you can get. When you finally find your rooms, they are across the inn from each other… and there is only one bed in each room.”

A slight blush, but neither Adrien nor Marinette were freaked out. Alya slumped in defeat - there wasn’t any roleplaying involved in sleeping after all. Unless they decided to do some method acting and have a sleepover.

“The four of us drift off to sleep, which was a totally great change of pace from the creepy woods that you’ve been sleeping in for a week now.” Nino punctuated his words with a yawn that proved contagious. “It was way late at night when suddenly… M, Adrien. Roll for perception.”

Adrien, naturally, rolled a one. Just when Nino was scared he’d accidentally killed them off, Marinette pulled through with a high roll. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“With your keen elven hearing, the creaking of the wooden floor boards was enough to jolt you from sleep. There is a glint of metal above you, and you feel a presence in the darkness. You have just a few seconds to react - what do you do?”

“I roll over!” Marinette blurts out, her eyes wide.

Nino nods. “Right, that puts you right on top of Adrien, who is now totally awake too. It was a good move, though - a knife plunges into the mattress, right where your neck had just been.”

All business now, Marinette asks, “What can I see?”

“Not much. Loose cloaks with hoods pulled up. Knives. Two people. The other person has stumbled back, probs spooked by your sudden movement.”

She taps her chin before her eyes widen again. “Wait, what about the others?! We have to go get them! Or at least get their help.” She shuffles through her character sheet. “Okay, um… I whisper to Adrien in Elvish ‘close your eyes’ and then I toss a flash flare thing at the guy.”

Nino rolls some saves - without the warnings, neither of them stood a chance. He looks up to see Marinette watching him with hopeful eyes. “You got ‘em, M. Now what?”

“I roll off the bed and try to take the guy’s knife.”

“You’ve got it and your turn ends there. The dudes are blinded, but it won’t be long before they’ve recovered. Adrien?”

“Can I cast a spell?”

“Not without your lyre, bro.”

“Fine, fine. I grab it off the bedside table.”

“And why do you think it’d be there?”

“...I’m a bard. Gotta be ready to play, first thing in the morning.” Adrien smirked.

Chuckling, Nino replied. “Alright, fair. What do you cast?”

Adrien stuck out a tongue as he thumbed through his spell list. His eyes lit up as he looked at Nino. “I cast summon monster one, and I summon the Good Boy.”

“Right,” Nino said as the others giggled. “So you’ve got your celestial dog next to you. I figure you want it to attack one of the dudes?”

To his surprise, Adrien shook his head. “No, I command him to go wake up the other two. Probably to go sit by their door and bark in a commanding angelic voice.”

The fight didn’t last long from there - the two of them probably would have been enough to deal with the assassins after they lost the element of surprise. But four against two made it a landslide victory.

“Even though you try your hardest, you weren’t able to catch either alive. One got stabbed and bled out and the other, well… hopefully the innkeeper will understand that it wasn’t your fault that the window got broken.”

“Do they have anything on them?” Alya crossed her arms. “I get the feeling someone is after us.”

“You’re immediately proven right when you find a note in the dead guy’s pocket that reads, ‘Information about the Necromancer cannot reach the king. Dispose of the adventurers before they get their audience.’”

The party exchanged looks.

“Spooky,” Adrien said flatly. The others nodded in agreement.

“Do I recognize the handwriting or anything?” Marinette leaned forward, the gears in her head turning. “Remember, I am a court brat.”

“Nope. Looks like it was written deliberately poorly. You don’t know if you’d recognize it normally.”

“Time for the king?” Adrien perked up.

“Yup, it’s time for-” Nino was interrupted by a sharp knock at the door.

Adrien gulped. “Um… hello?”

Nathalie stepped into the room and narrowed her eyes at the dice and character sheets. Belatedly Nino remembered that Adrien usually claimed they were working on a project or homework during these sessions. “It is late. Your friends need to leave.”

Without a choice in the matter, they packed up and had the door shut behind them.

-------------

Nino’s fears were confirmed later that night during a discord chat.

Adrien Regreste: Sorry guys. Looks like we won’t be able to play at my house again Not for a while at least. :(

Lord DM: Don’t worry about it bro Had to happen eventually

Marinoodles: I’m so sorry! :( I hope you didn’t get in trouble because of us

Adrien Regreste: Nothing more than usual They aren’t threatening to keep me locked up at home So, you know Better than usual

Alya’ll Beware: That’s something at least R they going to let u hang out again?

Adrien Regreste: *shrugs* Probably. Anyway… Sorry to be a bummer. Night, everybody!

Marinoodles: Sweet dreams!

Alya’ll Beware: Night, kiddos.

Lord DM: Don’t let the assassins bite! ;) [Three thumbs down, one angry emoji]

[cassyblue]

I’m just so tired of not having money and always being short for rent. I’ve had such a rough past week that I am behind even more on commissions (I’m so sorry) and I spent money I shouldn’t have on food. Good news, I’m going to the rent assistance place but bad news my meeting is on Thursday and rent is due Saturday. And they scolded me for not using the food bank which is frustrating because everyone is like go to the food bank if you need food!!! But I have food!!! I just don’t have energy to make food!!! Like for two weeks of January I ate raw ramen because I was too tired/depressed to cook. I got myself signed up for intake at a sliding scale therapy clinic today too. But i’m so exhausted. I’m trying to survive and its hard. I wouldn’t be in as bad of shape as I am if I hadn’t had to borrow money from my parents last month to pay rent. I started going back to dance because its good for my mental health but I can’t afford it. I’m taking some of my costumes on Wednesday to see if anyone would buy them because let’s be honest I’m not good enough to dance by myself in restaurants and some of these costumes haven’t been used for a year bc they’re not things you wear to class or to dance with a troupe.  

I have six days to prevent myself from getting dinged with rent late fees or being evicted and homeless. 

And I’m really tired that my parents keep calling my two part time jobs not real jobs because they aren’t full time. I fucking work hard. I fucking work until I physically and mentally fall apart. And yet I’m just so fucked because I hit a parked car in 2018 and couldn’t use my insurance because I was on my parent’s and they freaked out and wouldn’t let me file a claim because it might make their premium go up. So I literally have had a maxed out credit card for a year and half that I have been struggling to pay off and taken out student loans to pay rent. Live within my means they keep telling me but I have no means and sometimes I just fucking want something nice like a coffee. I sold half of my lolita stuff which I had bought when I had a full time job for the summer just so I could pay my bills. I would sell my camera but I would literally not be able to afford a new one for another five years if I did and it’s a tool. 

I might have to move back home with my parents sooner rather than later and I really don’t want to because my mother and I fight whenever I am home. Like our fighting has gotten to the point that my dad has threatened to disown me because I’m the agitator even though its shit that my mom did that I’m upset about. She can’t possibly ever be the bad guy because she was a victim of abuse in her mind. Even though she literally screamed and blamed my sister and I for issues in her marriage when we were in high school and said it would be our fault if she divorced our dad and then left and we didn’t know if she was going to come back and it was so traumatic that I still get upset about it. My parents had a lot of screaming fights when I grew up and stupid shit like slamming cabinet doors trigger me. Like I literally loose it because there’s no fucking way to rationally and calmly talk about shit that’s happened without her loosing it first and it’s not healthy for either of us. My mom’s been upset with me for years about just loosing it. I had a breakdown in undergrad and I don’t fucking remember it all because it was a blur but I basically told her she was a bad parent because of the way she held things over my head and shit’s been tense ever since. It’s not a good excuse for my behavior because yelling and screaming never solves anything. I have such a hard time not loosing it around them because they do things. Like the summer I lived at home before I moved away was hellish because I was so anxious all the time I was going to loose it again and I wasn’t out and I was terrified of what they’d do if they found out. And its frustrating because like she’ll be like oh ill talk to you about stuff and im not ignoring you and then we never do. And she doesn’t like it when I don’t want to talk about things or dont want to explain it. And I honestly can’t live at home because they don’t even fucking try with pronouns. Asked one fucking time and just didn’t try and I don’t correct them because it’ll just turn into another fucking fight. Like I literally do not say anything because I will loose it and get kicked out of the house. My dad was going to kick me out and drive me back to the airport the last time I was home but didn’t ultimately because it was Christmas Eve. Like I literally had my bags packed and ready to go. It all started because I said I was going to go spend the weekend with a friend (who for years my mom has accused me of treating better and loving more than her which is fucking ridiculous) and my mom got all upset and I was like why yes, I didn’t want to visit because this always happens and then it fucking spiraled into a fight. 

And I have been a mess since I found out that the man who scooped my research and fucking sexually harassed me won the most prestigious award at my undergrad university. Like I haven’t slept more than 4 hours for the past three days because I have been so upset and angry and mad. I never reported him because I was scared of loosing both my jobs since the big boss was the same for both even though they were in two different sections of the department. And I fucking should have even if it backfired on me and fucked me over for the rest of my academic career. I almost wrote a long letter to my adviser thanking her for being so good to me but I didn’t because I was too embarrassed because I dont really want her to know about things that happened in the past I can’t change. It was hard enough telling her I have depression. 

[myuun]

its still beyond me why my family doesnt take my marriage or comittment to jack seriously like its a fucking optional transaction

like “aw sweetie, stop playing make-belief”

uhm no non o

im literally BINDED to this person by law because i want to be. no one forced me. it wasnt a “lets jump into it” situation. ive known him for eight years. we have been together for five years. yeah we are both young but??? it really wasnt a big surprise that i would marry a guy i have been with for a while? 

and then to have the GALL to be like, “you can still come home and he can go back to his house, whatever its fine” 

thats not... how it works......

its not... optional. its not as if im being held against my will or being stubborn about being with jack. its... i literally love him. and im so sick and TIRED of hearing that love won’t pay my bills and getting the beautiful eye roll with the “the love bullshit will die after two months and then you’ll see that i was right”.

its been 26 years and not once have i thought my dad was right about literally anything 

since i moved to new zealand, i have had so many amazing moments and so many horrible ones. but today marks the WORST day YET, and i say yet because tomorrow is still a good runner-up, in my time here and all because my dad is here.

i am THIS close to losing my house 

and your petty fucking attitude when you could EASILY help us is bullshit and you fucking know it. you fucking know that you could help us pay this debt so easily and that the only reason right now we are struggling so badly is because i can’t fucking work because im waiting for my visa. and then you ask, well who’s to blame? ME? FOR WANTING TO STAY IN THE COUNTRY? 

im so SICK and tired of always  being told that my relationship isn’t going to feed me. and you know what YOURE RIGHT. IT DOESNT PAY THE BILLS. IT DOESN’T BUY ME A CAR. IT DOESN’T. BUT YOU MIGHTVE DONE THAT AND I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF.

and im getting there real quickly because whenever you look down on me with those dead eyes it makes me feel like dying. i had a glimpse of hope to think that you had come all this way to visit me but thats just fucking bullshit

you came here to shoot fucking animals and fuck your girlfriend who is CLEARLY in love with you mostly because there is no one else who could love either of you. congratulations you found each other again. its like a love story. my brother gets to see his parents reunited in a fuck show of money. 

you could help your only daughter but you refuse to because you dont give a shit. because i didn’t tell you i got married or was in an important relationship and you know why? because you RUIN everything you touch when it comes to me

do you know how many people, how many friends, how many times i have had to apologise for your bullshit? how embarrassing it is to go outside with a racist, a bigot, a homophobic bullshitter? 

to hear you over and over and over purposely be racist and an asshole towards other people... shame on you. the kindness that you supposedly show so many people, never ONCE have i seen it. you can throw your money all over the fucking world but you will NEVER buy my word because i know what kind of person you have always been. 

every time you see me you hurt me in every way and now you are hurting my husband and i can never forgive you for that. i can never forgive you for hurting him. and you will NEVER get the honor of meeting him because you don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve him as a son-in-law. he is the most wonderful person in the world and you don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve all this applause and smiles and love you get.

because you could’ve helped pay for so many things, but in the points where i need you the most, you tell me to fuck off. 

this is real life. this is me struggling and im not trying to say that it will get easier. i know it will never get easier. but im asking you to fucking help me. help me. help me, dad. please please please... i dont want to lose my house... i dont want to lose everything, please. 

you bought me thousands of dollars worth of clothing, but you aren’t willing to just give me that in cash so i could pay my bills. you are willing to give me a make over and cut my hair and get me jackets and shoes and underwear, but you aren’t willing to help me find a new place to live in.

how does that make sense? how can i come home with bags and bags of clothing that i got from you and face my husband when he is being torn apart by the guilt of not having enough money? i came to my small neighbourhood in a fucking bmw from the hotel crying my eyes out because i had been holding it for so long all day. i ate once because i was so nervous of seeing you and sick to the stomach of having to be with you. 

the only time i truly smiled was when i got home and jack was there and i could feel like i was home again. this is my city. this is my home. this is my husband. and you can’t take those things away from me when you always shatter me.

and tomorrow im going to spend the entire day appeasing you and trying to beg you to please... please send us the monthly money. but you won’t, you will hold onto it until you remember eventually that i’ve been begging for a month but you still refuse even though you promised. 

please god... 

these past two months i haven’t been able to work because of my visa and if this is my punishment for being happy, its too hard. its just too hard. 

you could help us so easily. so easily you could. 

but you dont even see me. you dont even see my desperation. 

you dont want to meet my husband because you cant face me being happy with someone. 

you always have to be in control. you can’t help me because you can only do so on your terms. when you per chance remember. when its your time. 

you arrived abruptly without a care in the world today as if i didn’t have a job to go to or have things to do because you dont give a shit if im busy. you know ill come running anyway because you are with-holding so much. because you are dangling what we need right there and then. 

you bought me all these clothes to show me that you definitely have the money to help us pay rent for one fucking month but that you won’t give it to me directly because you can’t be fucked doing so. 

it always has to be on your terms no matter if it breaks the person. 

it always has to be all about you. 

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I ripped up my pop-up laundry basket because I was so pissed that somebody or even the delivery stole my 2 boxes of pizza and the cheese bread off of our front porch and I paid dominos $30 for it.

I had to call them to see if he dropped it off at the wrong house or just didn't pay attention. Cause I came downstairs to check at 4:55 and nothing was there, then I went back outside at 5:00, still nothing....opposite to what my dominos tracker said.

And I bought this fucking pizza to make my day because I was so tired, depressed, and sick of being reminded of Jay while watching porn, changing videos that it made me cry because of how she used to sexually reject in the middle of us having sex and then would tell Ayunna to do my work just because I made one mistake or just really wanted to just sit there and watch. I don't understand what made her so non-interactive with me sexually even though she was the one who always initiated. And she acted like she hated the idea of me even touching in any kind of way without her permission, but it was okay if she touched me innappropiately or harassed me at their place?

She's a sicko, a sicko psycho.

And mom, not even giving a fuck that someone stole the food I was finna share pissed me off even further. She goes, "well, at least it will help you save money. You don't need to be buying no food anyway."

Bitch stfu.

And then Dominos actually thinking I'm the one lying about this. We've ordered food and bought pizza from them for years and this is the 1st time that we've ever got our delivery food stolen. Like wtffffff.

And mom knows good and damn well if I would have said that to her if one of her Amazon Packages got stolen, she would have cussed me out or told me to shut up.

She so fucking rude and I really don't wanna move out to no bummy ass looking apartment when I move out, just because the prices are so fucking in the area I'm trying to move into.

I don't wanna move to a different city with the same issue? Bitch if somebody steal anything from me, packages, mail, food, I pop the fuck off and mom was so nonchalant and passive about it, even when I asked her to check the ring camera to see if anyone took it.

It don't add up to me how there was barely anyone outside and the one day I order pizza because I feel unhappy, I get this fucking news and that bitches mouth.

Dominos gave me partial money back and kept the $4 tip. I'm still pissed because I don't believe or understand how can my food get stolen less than 5 min from what it said on the app, unless he arrived earlier than what it said 🤔

And nobody told me what time he came. He didn't even ask me was I alright. Talking about "well believe you this time. But we're not coming back."

Like WTFFF I GOT MY PIZZA TOOK AND NOW YOU WANNA BE A SMARTASS ABOUT ME STILL EVEN WANTING TO ORDER MORE

FUCK YOU, FUCK MOMS SARCASTIC, EGOMANIAC MOUTH, FUCK THIS HOUSE, FUCK THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, AND FUCK THIS PTSD THAT STOPS ME FROM ENJOYING PORN AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN.

IM TIRED OF THIS FUCKING JOB MARKET THATS SO DAMN CRITICAL IN JOB EXPERIENCE AND PROGRAMS.

BITCH IF I GOT 6YRS EXPERIENCE AND I GOT MY BACHELOR’S WTFFFFF IS GOING ON IN HR

THEY ACT LIKE 6YRS AINT WORTH SHIT IF YOU DONT HAVE EXACTLY TO THE FUCKING T OF WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

AND MOM AND DAD THINKS ITS SO FUCKING EASY FOR ME TO JUST APPLY AND WAIT FOR ANOTHER FUCKING JOB, ONLY FOR THEIR PRIVILEGED, SUPPRESSING, CORPORATE ASSES TO TELL ME NO.

IVE BEEN WAITTTTTING SINCE JANNUUUUUUAAAARRRRRYYYYYYYT MMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFF

SO HOW THE FUCK YOU SAY I CAN JUST APPLY HERE AND THERE AND EVERYWHERE IN FUCKING WACKED OUT MICHIGAN WITHOUT SOMEBODY SAYING "WE FOUND BETTER, QUALIFIED CANDIDATES"

Like as if my own life history on this fucking resume doesn't mean shit to them. Makes me think I went to school and did dual enrollment to get out quicker, for nothing 🙃

Wtf is wrong with this world. It's exactly why I say fuck Michigan economy. Now I gotta work factory just to even save up for a car, rent is high af, student loans finna come find my ass, and I don't have a girlfriend because I'm trying to wait till I have an affordable apartment and a car that won't break down on me on the highway in the middle of us driving to Vancouver.

Driving school is only $500. But in order for me to save up for a car, I gotta stay in a $600 or less place cause otherwise imma have to wait a whole entire year to save up for a car, the insurance, gas, and the maintenance costs by the end of next year...so no...fuck that.

With this fucking salary, I'm basically feel like shit because my own fucking friend who's middle class and actually stayed longer to get her masters after I graduated....is already banking a better job, work from home, and I hate complaining to Her about my worries.

And she's the one that inspired me to even go back for the masters. Because they treat you like secondhand condom shit just for having a Bachelor’s. Like it ain't good enough no more. Then when you try to apply to places for the experience that you needed to work another job that denied you, you still get denied by them too because they said your major doesn't match and why you wanna work here if you studied this?

CAUSE YALLL AINT GOT NO JOBS FOR WTF I STUDIED STOP READING FUCKING EVERYTHING SUSAN. I AINT GOT TIME TO EVEN ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT THAT

it's like they really don't care in the 1st place, they just wanna know if you qualify and half the time I be lying about why I wAnNA wOrK hErE because yall cats read into people shit and judge them for just trying to make a living just to even have a place to stay and eat healthy food so a bitch can find better partners than the fuckbois and users on tinder.

I'm soooooo damn tired of being judged, mocked, criticized, and being rejected. And then the past mocking me about old rejections that I'm still waiiiiittttttiiingggggg for me to heal from. A year or nor, my heart still feels like it's January, thinking about everything and why did I block Jay when they reached out?

I was afraid that she would have just lied to me again, pushed me away even harder because I had already left, and then blocked me after. When I'm the one who chose to leave, I'm the one who is hurt, why did they always make it seem like my pain came last to their pain. Like it was always about serving them, doing what they said, what they wanted just because they were the couple, and took over every God Damn thing, and kept pushing me away, neglecting my emotions, manipulating and etc.

I don't even wanna talk about the same shit that happened anymore. But my brain does, my heart does. Because I remember everything. My heart can't make the pain go away, but I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of crying about it and I hate that people in this house can trigger my actions to tear up shit, scream at the top of my lungs like a damn scarecrow on DragonBall Z, I'm tired of mom triggering me to think she hates my actions and the way that I think say or do something she doesn't agree about or care about, so she comments on everything little thing she despises.

When I'm already struggling to be happy. She does not give a fuck. And I bet if I told her I was feeling suicidal holding that wire from the laundry basket in my hand, feeling manic so I strangled my palms, my knuckles, and squeezed the crap out of that wire hoping it would make me forget about ripping up that piece of shit hamper, and make the irritation, that need to strangle somebody, something to make this itch go away to attack my mother with my words and tell her TO HURT HER OWN GOD DAMN FEELINGS INSTEAD OF KEEP HURTING MINE, YOU ARROGANT, COCKY ASS SON OF A BITCH AND I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO TO ME. PIERCING IN MY FUCKING BACK, THE DRY ASS, PETTY ASS RESPONSES TO WHEN IM GOING THROUGH SHIT.

BUT LET ME SAY ONE LITTLE THING ABOUT YOU OR EVEN TALK ABOUT GRANDMA YO ASS ACT LIKE I JUST SINNED AND CURSED YO NAME OUT.

SO YOU GET A HISSY FIT AND TELL ME STOP TALKING OR TO SHUT UP.

QUIT TELLING ME TO SHUT UP HOE

I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO BUT HERE AND IM NOT FINNA SUFFER THROUGH THIS BY MYSELF. IM BUYING ME SOME FUCKING PIZZA AND YOU WILL NOT DRIVE MY ASS CRAZY AGAIN.

I'm sick of the ptsd episodes and I'm sick of waiting on other people to give me what I need, so if she got something to say about it, imma let her fucking have it. Cause I'm sick and tired of holding my mouth for her, and her ordering me to shut up, while she gets to sat however she fucking feels about each and little she feels the need to pick at.

Let her country, dumbass catch this heat. Imma bounce it right back to her and she ain't gonna like it. And I don't care if she wants me to just tolerate it anymore, she gon end up dead in her heart too if ever tried to kill me like she did that night in March. She showed no mercy, no remorse, and no she had not stood by her promise to make our relationship work as mother and daughter. She just said that so she didn't have to feel like a dick for her own daughter leaving her out the picture by going to her other mother, the one who understood her sensitivities and actually listened to my needs.

And that was Grandma Clara Jamison.

I hate to say it but, God why? Why did both of my grandma's have to fade. My other grandma don't even remember who I am. And If I talk to my own mom, about her mom, and say that she won't care to comfort me at all. She'll just angry that I made her feel bad because of my emotional response.

So I don't tell her anything. Cause my mom reminds me of how the terrible twins responded to me about being too sensitive, too emotional, to where they even blocked me and abandoned me. Made me suffer alone.

Just like my own mother is doing now, and it's driving my ass crazy. That she's them. Not my ex, but a narcissistic asshole, the bipolar freak who flips out and I can't come to her when I'm in pain, sadness, depression, or grief, anger even.

Because she ridicules me for having a strong feeling about something that doesn't matter. So she talks shit, goes away, or pushes me away when I try telling her in my most vulnerable state.

Which is when I'm crying or about to cry. I can't even come to my own mother about giving up and moving away to the mountains or a cabin or just committing suicide with pain pills. But she doesn't think about that. She doesn't think that her constant neglecting me, is showing me, I can't trust her.

And that's exactly how I did Jay, and walked away.

I'm there for you, but you're not there for me?

I'm out.

And I'm tired of just giving and getting hurt in return because you don't care about the situation that I'm in, nor do you care to listen.

So don't get all I'm ready to come whoop yo.ass or call the police on me again, just because I didn't answer my phone. You hurt me momma, repeatedly and you show out every so.often and I'm tired of getting disappointed and crying by myself because you don't come check on me when I isolate myself from you in the house. My back hurts everytime she does that, cause she triggers a memory that I can't forget.

I could have hit my head, got a concussion, or even broke my neck if I didn't catch my fall and pushed you back, because you decides that night Kylee doesn't get to talk. You came at me yelling and pushing and thought that I would just take that fall down those metal basement steps for you and that everything would go back to normal the next day?

Like that fight you had with Dad just last week where you punched him in his nose, screaming and cussing at him over you being in pain and him not showing you enough care. So you hit him anyway, then he puts you in chokehold and me and my sisters are supposed to just forget that anything happened???

We have to process all the crazy, toxic shit yall do to us or in front of us BY OURRRSEELLLVESSSS

My lil sister is 18 and was trying to stop a 6'1 grown man from beating yo.ass up. And on top of that, the same grown man was pushing me back too on my own chest.

But we're supposed to just go back to normal, assemble the stage, make yall two feel happy after yall so called talked it our when literally 3 days ago, yall slept in different places, dad at his dead moms house in grand Rapids, you at a hotel.room for a different night, and him on the couch after he came back.

Whyyy the fuck are yall so damn passive about this shit, but if I bring it up or even ask about Grandma, my ass get handed to.

He's not fine. Yall are not okay. It shouldn't be imma put my hands on you just because you pissed me off and you're supposed to love me tomorrow, no matter how much I scar you or hurt your face.

Like brainwashing, forced brainwashing to accept that shit is okay. as long as i never say anything about it, I'm not in trouble or receive neglect.

Yall are the most manipulative people I ever met. And Dominos I want my $4 back too mf. Tip should come back too.

[screechwhisper]

Hi, im not sure where else to post this...

Im probably going to end up killing myself

My home situation is shit, and i feel like a huge burden

For some context

Im 25

I have severe social anxiety as well as depression and ptsd

I still live at home and i cant hold down a job

I get stressed to the point i get rashes, i have constant panic attacks, and 9 times out of 10 i relapse with self harm

But i also take commissions, im an artist and drawing is the only think i love to do, the only talent i have

But commissions are hard to come by and even harder to make a living off of, i have no energy for anything and my parents always seem to end up with whatever little money i make

(Considering i cant pay rent its usually fine if i give them money) but lately ive been getting angry about it

I give them all my money or i get manipulated into spending it on takeout instead of things i need, things that i want to be able to get for myself (like pads etc)

I tried talking to my mom about how i feel like she'll get angry if i dont give her my money and she basically confirmed that she would be, because i dont contribute to the house, even though ive spent my entire childhood and early adult life watching my little brothers and missing out on so many highschool experiences because of it

Ontop of all that its like she doesnt care? I keep telling her how hard it is for me and how much im struggling with not being able to get a real job and its like she doesn't believe me

I hate this

I feel so fucking stupid and pathetic

Theres no hope for me

I just want to die

I cant handle the stress of being out in public like that and its literally making me crazy

Im so tired of being like this

Any advice is strongly appreciated

I feel like i cant live at home anymore and maybe i /should/ move out but i have nowhere to go and no one who supports me

I feel like im trapped in hell

[vanta-velouria]

I had a cold dose of reality last night.For a brief moment in my life i let my reality slip and thought maybe my world could be some semblance, some pieced together reflection of what other people lives are like. I for a small time stupidly thought i could have something to hope in, but hope is not a luxury afforded to people like me. 

I am a shit Buddhist, I am a very jealous person and i cant ever seem to let that go. I am jealous of everyone for everything. When I was a child I was jealous because everyone else I ever saw had a family. they had toys and easter bunnies. They had kisses on scraped knees and birthday candles. They had mommies and daddies who loved them. 

I had abuse. I had rape. I had violence and beatings, Eventually I didnt even have a mother because i was too pretty to be kept around her husbands so I got tossed away like rubbish. I was a problem and I was only good enough to come back for when I was old enough to raise her children, clean her home, get a job and pay her rent and her bills. 

while everyone else got sweet sixteens i was a seasoned sex worker with a full time job and three kids to take care of and bills to pay. while everyone else got to stay in high school and go on dates and go to parties, I got to go to work and get my ass beat and screamed at and reminded how worthless i was.

While everyone else got to go off to college and have friends and a social life, I fought my way to pay for college working two full time jobs and whoring myself on the side that maybe one day i could afford to stop having to struggle to just barely survive. I may have looked like i had a glamorous life in college, I modeled and had nice trinkets and sang in dive bars and coffee houses, but I over glamorize my recollections because it makes it easier to swallow. I modeled because it was extra money and would work around my other two jobs and school schedule and being yelled at and degraded for every imperfection on my body isnt something i would ever wish on anyone else. I had nice things and stupid toys, but they were gifts from the men i whored myself out to to pay for college, not presents from some one who loved me or anyone special and it rarely if ever made up for the things they did to me that guilted them into the stupid gifts! and I sang for spare change and whatever money i could make to try to e able to afford a meal every now and then. When you live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and you're poor, you will do whatever it takes to get something to eat once in a while. 

While everyone else got great memories I had reality.

 While everyone else had parents and family that went to their graduations, I had to beg and plead and pay my mother to come to mine of which she only came to one, just one, and only because i paid for her plain ticket and took her out to a fancy restaurant and took her shopping and gave her money and as soon as she was done in the city i gave her money for a plane ticket back to her home. I dont think she even actually went inside to watch me graduate from college. 

Wile the rest of the world gets their mommies and daddies to plan their weddings and walk them down the isles i didnt even get a response to my invitations. I never got to have a real wedding and nobody ever responded from my side. no one ever even looked at me when i was so happy to think maybe i would have someone who would stay with me and not hurt me anymore. nobody even noticed i was there. 

when I almost died and ended up in the hospital more times than i care to count, you think anyone ever showed up for me? you think anyone ever called? only once did i have a friend show up with my dad and that’s only because my dad lived with me and it was in his old car that i got hit and almost killed in. hell after that I never even had anyone come visit me. nobody could have cared any less. when my spine got demolished and i had to have emergency spinal surgery, do you think anyone gave a single shit? nope, I didnt even get but two weeks to recover from the surgery before i had to move and go immediately back to working two jobs to barely survive.

when i finally found a way to start transitioning, i thought maybe just maybe something good will get to happen to me and i can finally have one thing thats just for me in life. I was working two full time jobs and taking care of someone elses home and family at the same time and once again had to go back to sex work to buy groceries and maybe just maybe save a little here and there for my doctor appointments and my hormones. I went through hell just to afford to transition all the while being abused by my wife and the people we were staying with. only two find out after three years of working myself to death to try and even just accomplish this one thing, that i will never be able to physically transition. I wasted all that time and effort and money. the things i had to do to get that money.. all for nothing. while everyone else gets to have hormones and surgeries and even if they get misgendered they at least get support from a friend once in a while. i have always and will always be misgended every minute of everyday by everyone in my life save for three people, two of which i never get to talk anymore and one i only recently became reacquainted with. i will never get to look in the mirror and see anything other than this worthless piece of shit body that isnt good for anything except for other people to fuck once in a while when their drunk and im desperately hurting for money.

whenever my life falls apart do you think i have anyone in the entire world that i could call and ask for even a hug? because when my wife hurt me and left me 4 months ago and i had to live in my car, I tried. I begged everyone i knew to spend time with me and give me a hug. and when my wife finally left my home and I could stop being homeless I offered to pay anyone i knew a lot of money and buy them a plane ticket to just come and stay with me for a week and let me cry. not that I had many people to beg, but every single one turned me down so fast. I put an ad on craigslist and back page offering to pay anyone to just come and stay at my house so i wouldnt have to stay in my home alone. yeah that didnt end well for me and I should have known better, but god i was so tired of being all alone. 

while everyone else can thing of someone, anyone they can call when it all goes to shit, even if they think they have no one they do. they have a friend or a cousin they can go sleep on their couch or a parent they can go back home to even if they dont like the home situation they still at least have that option. 

when my wife was punching my face in i didnt even have friends to cry to or run to or stay with, nope the friend i thought i had took my wifes side and basically said i deserved it because i made my wife miserable by not giving her the life she had wanted. anyone else would have had somewhere to run to or someone to hug them.

I can in all honesty without a shadow of a doubt tell you that when the world falls apart i have never had anyone. not one person i could go to for a hug or a couch to crash on. not one place to call home and run to. and while everyone else gets to fuck it all up and fail and run away and lose themselves and find themselves and just breathe. I have never gotten that luxury, I was always the one everyone turned to, ran to, lived with, lived off of, used, abused, lied to and cheated on. I was always the one saving everyone else and keeping them from ever worrying or having to struggle. I was the one always giving everything up so that everyone else could have a better life. ive never had not one person in the whole world ever offer to give me even a day of peace. 

I will never get to break down, I will never get to fall or fail or run away like all of my exs and friends and everyone i know has. I will never know what its like to have a childhood or a birthday party, I will never know what its to have someone to run to and save me. I will never know what its like to be happy in my own body. i will never know what its like to not have to constantly work two jobs to just try to survive from all the debt and mess that my exs have all left me with when they all take off for fancier lives and richer people. I will never know what its like to have a family or even just a mom. I will never have anything. 

so while everyone else gets to gone on grand adventures and go to concerts and travel the world and have friends and go to clubs and go on dates and transition and have family they can visit and people who love them. while everyone else gets to fall apart sometimes. I will never know not one small faction of what any of that is like. 

that kind of life was never meant for someone like me. that kind of hope was never something i could ever even be allowed to dream of. I am not even a person. I am merely a body for others to use, to take from me what they need or want. money, time, love, sex, hopes and dreams i silently stowed away  knowing i could never have. i am just a thing for people to take everything they want from. and things arent allotted niceties such ad dreams and hope and places to run to. we are just things that exist to be used until we fall apart and are discarded for something better.

i forgot my place in the world for a while there. I have a boyfriend that was kind, even if he isnt in love with me. i have a friend who talks to me more than once every few months via text. i have my dogs and cats that let me cry on them when everyone else is asleep. i for the last few weeks have stupidly forgotten my place in the world and though that maybe, just maybe the univers was going to let me have a good thing. even if it was for long that maybe i could have a reason to wake up in the mornings aside from my obligation to my pets. I thought maybe i was finally going to have a reason to not want to die every minute of my life. 

but thaknfully i got reality checked and i was able to pull my head out of someone elses cloud, some one elses daydream. Thankfully i was reminded before i fell too deep into another persons heaven that things like day dreams and hope and love and friendship and kindness just arent meant for things like me. those are meant for people, not for me. I am just a thing to be used. I am not a person, never have been and never will be. 

For a moment last night i thought, what a dangerous thing it is to have no hope, to have nothing to believe in. what a dangerous thing that would be. if you have nothing than you have nothing to lose and nothing to keep you from running away and just cracking up and finally going mental and killing everyone you can in the world.. but then my dog woke up and shifted around and i was reminded that even though i have no hope, no dreams, nothing to keep me breathing for, I still have five little furry lives i am obligated to and responsible for. fucking exs always running away and leaving behind their responsibilities and pets for me to have to care for and give good lives to.

but my pets are all getting old now and ive bide my time this last almost decade and as much as i will miss their kindness and love, its only a matter of time before they all die and i will have nothing left to keep me here breathing for. it only a matter of time before i can end it all and have nothing left to stay around and suffer for. its only a matter of time before my tired, broken, used up body can finally have some peace.

im not even angry, im just grateful that i didnt forget my place for too long. because i think in all honesty i was wrong last night. not having hope isnt the most dangerous thing, having hope is. 

[wordsbasedonthelifeofme]

This is my letter to her.

This is my letter to her, the words I can't seem to say out loud. The words I can hardly write down silently, as I lay in bed alone for the thousandth night in a row, in a place she used to call home, that now she calls storage. This is my letter to her because my voice she can not hear anymore, my words don't make sense to her anymore, my cries aren't followed by comfort anymore.

This is my letter to her. One I know she won't read.

"You found happiness in a man who likes power. You found an escape with a man who likes control. You found a way to distract from your problems, and left them all on my shoulders. When you fall, I pick you up, and you go running back to him. You have your two worlds your living in, his and mine. His distracts you and calls you a liar when he doesn't get his way, but calls you back when he gets lonely. You love that call back. Mines a different world where my job pays for everything, from the apartment you don't stay at anymore, to all the gas in your car and the nicotine in your lungs. You spend every chance, every night and every day over there and claim it's hard to split your time between us. You don't split it though, cause a night at home is a night he'll stop talking to you and a night you want to avoid, so you'll go even with tears in my eyes. I say I want to move out, you say it'll leave you in a shitty spot and it doesn't matter that my response is I'm in a shitty spot, because to you its just me making it hard for you to go over there guilt free. It doesn't matter the night I cry myself to sleep, it doesn't matter the help I ask for. Only when you need help, it matters. Only when you need someone to cry to because he's throwing a fit about you being away for longer than he likes does it matter.

We moved here as a team, a unit, we moved here as something that worked. I left without hesitation because I knew even being so far from everyone I knew that at least I'd have you. I didn't know I'd lose you to someone who picks and chooses when he likes you knowing you'll always choose him.

I want to leave, so I can I chose to be alone instead of left behind. It's like stepping onto the Titanic after seeing the movie. Thinking you were getting on a life boat but somehow ended up in the cold water. I'm in the cold water but you're too busy looking for him to save me.

It's too hard to split your time but you won't let me leave. I ask why you get to leave but I have to stay. No response. I ask why you let him treat you this way. No response.

You stayed home and cleaned with me, he got mad. The next day you admitted yourself to a hospital. I was there. You got home, and left minutes later, running to the man who didn't want you on his life boat. You saw my tears, heard the hurt in my voice and left anyways.

It's not hard to split your time, or chose who to be with. You chose him. You choose him Everytime. Because me being upset means less to you then him being upset. His words mean more to you than mine. His approval is what guides you're happiness. He didn't leave his whole world behind for you, he didn't have to. He let you come to him. And attached a leash as soon as you got there. You feel pulled back and forth, I tried letting go of the rope but you wouldn't let me. Why won't you let me. You leave me every night, but you come back each morning to take me to work and watch my son so sure that mean I owe you my life? You cried and said it would leave you in a shitty spot. I can't leave, but your sure can. You're just like him in a way, you force me to stay just so that you can run off knowing that you'll have somewhere safe when you need it. You have a leash on me, but instead of pulling me back and forth, you keep my tied to a pole. I'm stuck in a place, in a situation I never wanted to be in forced to watch a movie I don't wanna watch until you come back home with tears from something he said. I'm your support animal who takes care of your support animal.

I didn't move away from everything I know to watch you break yourself down for a man who helps with the breaking. I don't build you up each time for you to run back to the place that broke you. I didn't rent this too big for just myself apartment to be alone. I'd be renting a much smaller place for much less if I had known. I'd have a plan B had I known if lose my only plan.

I said today I want to get my own place, you said it'll leave you in a shitty place but didn't flinch when I said I was in a shitty place right now. You just asked for gas money.

I know you're hurting, I know you're not well. I just wish you'd take a second look at me and see that my pain is just as real. I wish you'd hear my words as a cry for help and not as a game of tug and war. I'm too tired for games. You think I'm being selfish, I think I can't breath. I'm doing too much and not enough at the same time. I'm tired and can't sleep. I make cookies from scratch while Disney movies play in the background because at least once they come out of the oven or the princess finds true love there's a hint of sweetness in the house even if only for a moment.

I wish I knew how to talk without mumbling or second guessing all my thoughts. Nothing sounds right, I can't find the right words that say how I feel without you saying you feel worse. So I say nothing, sometimes I apologise for having feelings and wish you a good night and yet somehow your still feel pulled. Maybe if you look closer, you'll see he's holding both ends of the rope."

This is my letter to her. The one who called herself my best friend. The one who left me right when I needed help, because she needed more help. The one who lost vision of me and got caught in a dream of a happily ever after with a man who gets to control the ending. My struggles don't mean a thing, when you're suck in a dream. You get to hide from them but still feel able to claim the pain if them. So while Im stuck to live through them alone, it's only matters that your happy. This is my letter to her. My silent cry for help. This is my letter to her.

[teddy-feathers]

In better news theres at least one decently priced apartment complex here thats 11 mins away - west whereas my parents house is approx 15 mins east - of work. And by decently priced I mean I think I could afford it by myself the one room or studio if they have it. So. Just need to save money till ive got enough for some basic furniture, at least two months rent, untilites, and other bills. And then... I just have to figure out how to discuss moving out with dad. Or maybe I'll just keep saving until i can't stand it any ... Hes throwing a tantrum about the milk going bad because we bought a gallon instead of a half gallon last time. He throws a fucking tantrum every time he gets irritated about every little thing. And every time he does, every time he fucking raises his voice I want to either cry or get bitchy back and sound just like him. Stop just stop talking to us that way. Youre a fucking 50 year old man and you can control YOU god blessed tone and temper for ONCE in my fucking life because I dont want to fucking here that tone anymore when YOU address US. YOU are a part of a fucking FAMILY not a dictatorship and you will by god act like it because regardless of what you or anyone else in the fucking hyde side of the family thinks YOUR fucking behavior is out of line, unacceptable, and I do not have to fucking tolorate it and I am reaching the fucking point where I WONT any long and THAT is not disrespectful THAT is refusing to put uo with being disrespected and if you dont like it cant accept or understand fine i will fucking leave because i will not here one word - one fucking word do you understand me - of you talking down to me and explaining how I have to sit here and take it when I get the LEAST bit upset about fuck all and Im "WRONG" HAVE I MADE MY FUCKING SELF CLEAR DADDY??? DO YOU UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I WILL NOT FUCKING REPEAT MYSELF SO YOU BETTER GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD BLESSED HEAD NOW. ... I'm going to turn into him and i hate him but he's not a bad guy and not unreasonable i just am so tired of dealing with him and im so tired of being stressed and feeling stupid and wrong because i know people in my family will say hes been good and tolerant of my fuck ups and attitude problem and how I'm in the wrong and maybe some real world experiences will straighten me out But ive had real world experiences ive gone from being homeless to being in a shelter to getting a job to living on my own and yeah I had help from the government and the shelter but i did all of that on my own i got out in months and survived a year with minimal assistance and some of those people are STILL there struggling and trying to figure a way out of that shit situation so dont you tell me im the ignorant one that ive got my head up my ass that i dont understand and ill regret shit You know what I regret? I regret the time spent at that college in kerrville with my aunt. I regret blaming myself for running away from her instead of talking to her. I regret letting my family talk me into doing things I knew deep down I couldn't handle even if its not reasonable to not go to class when I like the class. I regret running away from my job which yeah in retrospet i hated but I had the job, had friends, and probably should have asked for help. I regret always running instead of asking for help. I regret that I don't know how to have a relationship with my family if I dont live with them because I never fucking talk on the phone. I regret being afraid to sound stupid or be wrong no matter the situation I regret that i cant talk to my family without losing my conviction that anything is wrong with this situation I regret that even though its not that bad id rather invalidate the fact that i personally cant stand it then just admit that it doesn't have to be a certain level of terrible for it to be okay to admit I cant. I regret that being selfish makes me feel guilty and that wanting to be independent is equated with running away from my problems and family. I regret that i feel the need to escape people i love. I regret that i balme my dad and aunt for more than their fair share of my problems And i also regret that I don't want to balme them at all. But I don't regret not going to school right now when I feel like im going to be sick just signing up for classes. And I don't regret doing entry level bs. And I don't regret fucking uo my future as much as I have because I dont think itll work itself out - I've just already accepted Ive fucked it up amd Ill have to deal with the consequences and ramifications of those actions later which - while that sucks - is honestly nothing new in my life. I dont regret that I'm too stupid or naive or whatever to make life easier on myself later because I'm too busy regreting how hard ive made life on myself right NOW by simply failing to accept that it doesnt matter right wrong or indifferent what will make life bearable now is what I need to go after not just doing the same old failed formula for success I think i should be doing or what's expected of me. It doesnt matter that its cheaper better and more sociable to live with my family. It doesnt matter that I really shouldnt be so upset do constantly around my dad. What matters is Id feel better if I lived on my own. Ive always wanted that and it doesnt matter if its selfish what matters is i feel i need this so i should actively do this.

[grumpytrans]

hey!! so my boyfriend @exohplanet, a good friend of mine, and i are all going to move out together as soon as possible. it’s super exciting, but in the past few months, i’ve cme across a lot of hardships. 

my mother is abusive. we do not have a good relationship. she uses money as a manipulative tool. now more than ever, she’s been urging us to move, even though i tell her its difficult because of financial situations. living with her is extremely stressful, and im positive that it would benefit the three of us when we get an apartment. 

my job isn’t giving me any hours. right now, a bi-weekly paycheck is about $250, give or take. i’m making roughly $8,000 a year, which is considered below the poverty line. on top of that, i keep coming across hardships; for example, i had to repair my car and that set me back $500, which is about a month’s pay at the moment. im saving up as much as i can for school and books, but i keep having to dip into my davings account because of events that can’t be ignored. 

it all comes down to the fact that i am the only one that will struggle to pay my half of the rent. i really need to get out of my abusive household asap. 

please share this as much as possible! christian and i are so tired of struggling.

[uncvtgems]

✩ binch

im so tired

                         Cliff/Naomi — 

DISAGREEMENTS:

Who is more likely to raise their voice: NaomiWho threatens to leave but never actually does: CliffWho actually keeps their word and leaves?: Naomi, but not for very longWho trashes the house?: Both of them, but I feel like Cliff is the only one who cleansDo either of them get physical?: nahHow often do they argue/disagree?: not very often (lol @ us when we said they’d never argue, and then they fought in our next thread)Who is the first to apologise?: Cliff

SEX:

Who is on top?: eitherWho is on the bottom?: this is a dumb question (see above)Who has the strangest desires?: CliffAny kinks?: yeah Cliff likes to play Drake’s Take Care on loop and Naomi’s probably into being choked lol she wildWho’s dominant in bed?: Naomi Is head ever in the equation?: I meeeean, I’d assume so, lmaoIf so, who is better at performing it?: Naomi? bruh idkEver had sex in public?: Naomi’s probably wanted to but Cliff hits with the “no wtf we’re not animals” Who moans the most?: NaomiWho leaves the most marks?: Naomi Who screams the loudest?: Naomi, lmaoWho is the more experienced of the two?: not CliffDo they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?: l-u-v bc they’re lameRough or soft?: ummm bothHow long do they usually last?: a crisp 45 minutes, maybe an hourIs protection used?: r u crazy, yesDoes it ever get boring?: nahWhere is the strangest place they’d have sex?: apartment balcony? we just don’t know

FAMILY:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?: don’t have any, don’t plan to, but shit happens I suppose If so, how many children do your muses want/have?: Cliff probably wants one, idk manWho is the favorite parent?: NaomiWho is the authoritative parent?: CliffWho is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?: Naomi, but Cliff would be okay with it too lbrWho lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?: CliffWho turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?: Cliff, and Naomi when she can Who goes to parent teacher interviews?: both (I guess)Who changes the diapers?: Cliff, or quite honestly, the nanny Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby: they take turnsWho spends the most time with the children?: CliffWho packs their lunch boxes?: um themselves (or Cliff probably) Who gives their children ‘the talk’?: NaomiWho cleans up after the kids?: a maid, tfWho worries the most?: CliffWho are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?: both lmao

AFFECTION:

Who likes to cuddle?: bothWho is the little spoon?: Naomi, but sometimes Cliff Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?: Naomi Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?: both (lame)  How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?: trick questionWho gives the most kisses?: Cliff What is their favourite non-sexual activity?: this thingWhere is their favourite place to cuddle?: anywhere smh i hate themWho is more likely to playfully grope the other?: Naomi How often do they get time to themselves?: basically whenever Naomi’s in town/when they become hermits 

SLEEPING:

Who snores?: neitherDo they share a bed or sleep separately?: shareIf they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?: cozyWho talks in their sleep?: NaomiWhat do they wear to bed?: Naomi wears literally lingerie, and we just dont know what Cliff wearsAre either of your muses insomniacs?: Naomi’s a crackhead, you tell meCan sleeping pills be found by the bedside?: its lit so yeahDo they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?: they’re re: getting cozyWho wakes up with bed hair?: NaomiWho wakes up first: CliffWho prepares breakfast in bed for the other?: Cliff What is their favourite sleeping position? real close and tangled up with each other Who hogs the sheets?: NaomiDo they set an alarm each night?: nahCan a television be found in their bedroom?: yes, but only to watch movies with each otherWho has nightmares?: uh Cliff idkWho has ridiculous dreams?: NaomiWho sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?: NaomiWho makes the bed?: neitherWhat time is bed time?: whenever my dudeAny routines/rituals before bed?: weed and a movie, or s/tWho’s the grumpiest when they wake up?: Naomi

WORK:

Who is the busiest?: NaomiWho rakes in the highest income?: NaomiAre any of your muses unemployed?: noWho takes the most sick days?: neither??Who is more likely to turn up late to work?: NaomiWho sucks up to their boss?: CliffWhat are their jobs?: Naomi’s a model, Cliff’s a tattoo artistWho stresses the most?: they’re chillin Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?: Naomi’s whatever about her’s, Cliff loves hisAre your muses financially stable?: hell yea

HOME:

Who does the washing?: CliffWho takes out the trash?: CliffWho does the ironing?: CliffWho does the cooking?: if making instant noodles counts, then CliffWho is more likely to burn the house down just trying?: NaomiWho is messier?: NaomiWho leaves the toilet roll empty?: neitherWho leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?: NaomiWho forgets to flush the toilet?: neitherWho is the prankster around the house?: both, but mostly Cliff Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?: Cliff Who mows the lawn?: lol what lawnWho answers the telephone?: bothWho does the vacuuming?: CliffWho does the groceries?: Cliff Who takes the longest to shower?: NaomiWho spends the most time in the bathroom?: Naomi

MISCELLANEOUS:

Is money a problem?: lol noHow many cars do they own?: none atm, but probably several in the futureDo they own their home or do they rent? ownDo they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?: neitherDo they live in the city or in the country?: cityDo they enjoy their surroundings?: yeWhat’s their song?: east atlanta santa  What do they do when they’re away from each other?: facetime a lot tbhWhere did they first meet?: at Kit and Teagan’s, probably How did they first meet?: their dads pushed them together Who spends the most money when out shopping?: Naomi Who’s more likely to flash their assets?: Naomi Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?: bothAny mental issues?: don’t think soWho’s terrified of bugs?: neitherWho kills the spiders around the house?: NaomiTheir favourite place?: the clurb, or their apartment honestly Who pays the bills?: NaomiDo they have any fears for their future?: Cliff might (like thinking Naomi doesn’t love him the same way he loves her, yikes) but she doesn’t Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?: bothWho uses up all of the hot water?: NaomiWho’s the tallest?: Cliff Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?: NaomiWho wanders around in their underwear?: Naomi Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?: NaomiWhat do they tease each other about?: Naomi teases him about his nameWho is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?: NaomiDo they have mutual friends?: more like mutual frenemiesWho crushed first?: Cliff Any alcohol or substance related problems?: oh boyWho is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?: both, or Naomi’s drunk and he’s helping her home Who swears the most?: tough call 

                      Maya/Jett – 

DISAGREEMENTS:

Who is more likely to raise their voice: MayaWho threatens to leave but never actually does: JettWho actually keeps their word and leaves?: MayaWho trashes the house?: both, but like, with artsy shit Do either of them get physical?: noHow often do they argue/disagree?: hmmm only every .02 seconds (though its more like Maya rolling her eyes at everything he says)Who is the first to apologise?: not Maya 

SEX:

Who is on top?: MayaWho is on the bottom?: hmmm idk u tell me Who has the strangest desires?: Jett, idk, he’s kinda weird Any kinks?: yea Maya’s kink is when he doesn’t talk Who’s dominant in bed?: MayaIs head ever in the equation?: sure If so, who is better at performing it?: Jett, but only because Maya doesn’t like doing it Ever had sex in public?: Maya loves herself (but maybe)Who moans the most?: MayaWho leaves the most marks?: Jett probs to piss her off Who screams the loudest?: neither Who is the more experienced of the two?: even playing fields my guy Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?: fuckRough or soft?: rough How long do they usually last?: we just dont know Is protection used?: re: r u crazyDoes it ever get boring?: ehh no Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?: art show

FAMILY:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?: no and noIf so, how many children do your muses want/have?: idkWho is the favorite parent?: JettWho is the authoritative parent?: MayaWho is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?: MayaWho lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?: JettWho turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?: bothWho goes to parent teacher interviews?: both Who changes the diapers?: bothWho gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby: again, bothWho spends the most time with the children?: Maya, idkWho packs their lunch boxes?: every man for themselves Who gives their children ‘the talk’?: MayaWho cleans up after the kids?: neither Who worries the most?: JettWho are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?: Maya

AFFECTION:

Who likes to cuddle?: lol neither Who is the little spoon?: Maya Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?: Jett Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?: neither  How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?: literally 10-15 minutes Who gives the most kisses?: Jett, idkWhat is their favourite non-sexual activity?: being pretentious art hoes Where is their favourite place to cuddle?: nowhere Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?: MayaHow often do they get time to themselves?: sometimes 

SLEEPING:

Who snores?: JettDo they share a bed or sleep separately?: share ocassionaly If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?: start out spart, end up together Who talks in their sleep?: Maya What do they wear to bed?: both wear t-shirts probably Are either of your muses insomniacs?: don’t think so Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?: nopeDo they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?: side by sideWho wakes up with bed hair?: JettWho wakes up first: MayaWho prepares breakfast in bed for the other?: neither, or maybe Jett. who knows. What is their favourite sleeping position?: ?? we dont knowWho hogs the sheets?: bothDo they set an alarm each night?: noCan a television be found in their bedroom?: nahWho has nightmares?: maybe bothWho has ridiculous dreams?: Maya Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?: Jett (Maya’s too tiny for that)Who makes the bed?: MayaWhat time is bed time?: like 5amAny routines/rituals before bed?: noWho’s the grumpiest when they wake up?: Maya

WORK:

Who is the busiest?: neither lbrWho rakes in the highest income?: again, neither lmaoAre any of your muses unemployed?: no, but are they really employed anywayWho takes the most sick days?: u can’t take a sick day from artWho is more likely to turn up late to work?: MayaWho sucks up to their boss?: Jett What are their jobs?: Maya’s an artist, Jett’s a photographer (supposedly), and both students Who stresses the most?: they’re chillin Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?: they’re both annoying n passionate Are your muses financially stable?: i mean, their parents are 

HOME:

Who does the washing?: MayaWho takes out the trash?: JettWho does the ironing?: neither Who does the cooking?: its about the take out lifeWho is more likely to burn the house down just trying?: JettWho is messier?: MayaWho leaves the toilet roll empty?: neitherWho leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?: JettWho forgets to flush the toilet?: neitherWho is the prankster around the house?: i mean, Maya can’t take a joke soWho loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?: MayaWho mows the lawn?: whats a lawnWho answers the telephone?: bothWho does the vacuuming?: JettWho does the groceries?: MayaWho takes the longest to shower?: JettWho spends the most time in the bathroom?: its about the same 

MISCELLANEOUS:

Is money a problem?: some whatHow many cars do they own?: zeroDo they own their home or do they rent? rentDo they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?: neither?Do they live in the city or in the country?: cityDo they enjoy their surroundings?: sureWhat’s their song?: ill have to get back to uWhat do they do when they’re away from each other?: chill Where did they first meet?: on the streets How did they first meet?: Maya started painting him without asking #classis Who spends the most money when out shopping?: JettWho’s more likely to flash their assets?: hm neither Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?: both but especially Maya Any mental issues?: don’t think soWho’s terrified of bugs?: neitherWho kills the spiders around the house?: Jett Their favourite place?: somewhere annoying Who pays the bills?: bothDo they have any fears for their future?: probs about getting jobs idekWho’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?: good questionWho uses up all of the hot water?: MayaWho’s the tallest?: JettWho’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?: Jett Who wanders around in their underwear?: MayaWho sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?: neither smhWhat do they tease each other about?: she teases him about everything Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?: bothDo they have mutual friends?: do theyWho crushed first?: hmAny alcohol or substance related problems?: nah we’re good Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?: Maya Who swears the most?: Maya

[katzirra]

I think you are great and ypu are doing a good job! No matter what the other people said you are awesome! Keep doing hard work! Slow progress is still progress! 🙌

[suzyqrara]

August 5, 2019

Its 11PM and I am having anxiety.  First off, I woke up this morning thinking about jobs.  I applied to Bonnie Brae and I got really upset because it was an overnight job and I was upset that if they called me, I would be going back to overnight work.  Sometimes I wonder if I will get anywhere in life if I am motivated enough to reach my potential.  I think sometimes I am not goal-oriented as I would like to be because if I was wouldn’t I be doing something that helps me to work towards my career goals, wouldn’t I have been moved out already.  Now that I know that I know it wouldn’t be a good idea to move out with mason to a far location I feel more stuck than ever.  Schools are not calling me.  I paid 200 to get my resume to look sharp and wonderful and it looks soo good.  Yet I am getting no phone calls and I am starting to not want to apply for schools anymore.   But I will because it is what I went to school for and I can’t let it not be used.  I know it is my mind that is keeping me from enjoying life.  I’m scared I will be in my mom’s house and as someone who is unemployed…I’m even more terrified.  I’m scared I will be single for an even longer time and I don’t want to be alone…not right now…not while unemployed.  But one influences the other.  I won’t find anyone while unemployed because it is a huge red flag. I have my hopes on one guy, but we haven’t talked all weekend, so I am left to try to forget what he looks like until he contacts me again. I wanted to stop my anxiety before midnight so I will start writing down things I will tell myself to keep my spirits high. Alla, you are a fighter and you have a wonderful work ethic.  You are persistent and you are doing everything you can possibly do to live a successful life.  So far your life has been generous to you.  You have both parents alive; mom is allowing you to live with her, you have your masters, you are academically talents and you can easily get another degree. The only thing that is stopping you is the fact that you will need to depend on your mother for three more years since the program you are considering required internships.  Since my entire resume is all internship and volunteer work that shows your passion. You are lucky enough to get your experiences and not be homeless.  The thing you need to do which is set for you in a few hours is to get your mind and body straight.  Though it may seem like it is a poor decision, it will only be a poor decision if you get nothing out of it.  You are tired of being the fat mother…the fat single mother.   You are tired of people being passive and rude to you just because you don’t look like what they view as beautiful.  It's not that you are not beautiful it is because you don’t think you're beautiful.  Confidence plays the biggest role in life. It is what gets you a man you want, a job you want, the support circle you want and the experiences you get.  The first thing you do that you have already invested in is work on what will make you confident.  This is to lose the baby belly weight.  Once you start losing weight and feeling the confidence that you have, you will see the man you want will want you.  Once you get the interest of the man you want you will be enjoying that moment while working your two part-time jobs and applying you will begin to get interviews of all sorts.  You will not be employed forever.  You have 2 interviews coming up that will allow you to focus on going to your future interviews while getting paid and continuing to work out.  You will be working on crisis experience by volunteering as a suicide crisis hotline counselor and you will be working with youth.  So, both experiences will look good on your resume. As long as you keep applying, you are bound to get something.  Nothing is happening now because you are feeling the pressure of getting a job since you don’t have one.  Your mom is pressuring you with rent, your credit cards are through the roof, your dipping way into your savings.  All of these are reminders you need a job and the more you want something and fixated on it, the less likely you will get it.  The first thing you need to do is work on this workout program that you invested in to build your confidence and a potential path to finding stress-relieving activity with a man.  Focus on the upcoming interviews and make sure you do well so they can hire you. That way you have lost a few pounds and you have income coming your way.  Once Mason goes to school, you will have less time with me, and you won’t be spending as much money.  You will continue to look for jobs.  You are thinking that it would be a huge relief for you if you did not work in a school. It's ok if you don’t work in school. You need to find jobs where you see yourself doing a good job and if schools intimidate you know which you have every right to be intimidated considering your negative experiences. You will find a community job and you will enjoy it.  Not dread waking up to every morning.  Take things one by one.  God has blessed you with 2 interviews, 1 volunteer position, and a healthy body.  Once you start working you can get mason insurance…that leads me to another stressor will my two part-time jobs be enough for Mason to get insurance?  I think so because the BA is as many hours as you can do and then the DDD specialist is …that the thing the contract say per diem… if it's per diem... that’s not good.  I can take it though so at least it's something to add to my resume.   You just must keep swimming.  Take things one by one. You have 2 opportunities to learn about this week, you have your healthy body to work on with an actual trainer and there is a small possibility you will see your future boyfriend this week. There are so many bright things happening this week.  Plus you get some time to yourself this upcoming weekend…Thank goodness because Mason has been a trip lately.  You still have savings you can take out and you have the hope that income will come soon. Stay focused on the positive things in this week.  You have a body trainer, you have had phone calls in the past..2 offers you declined because it wasn’t the best for your situation and you have 2 potential jobs waiting to meet you. Since I declined those offers I am more careful in where I am applying.  I make sure it is doable for me to either drop mason off or pick him up and I see myself working in that place.  For example, with Bonnie Brae, I applied but there is no way I would like to do overnight again.  Though it would ideal.  I would be able to pick Mason up from school every day.  I just know I don’t do well when I can't sleep and the last job I did overnight left me super tired and miserable. So I probably won't take this job if they call me. I declined a Trenton job as a career advisor because it is a charter school and they open 730 to 345.  Trenton is 1.12 hr drive so that means I would have the same schedule as northstar. no thank you.  I didn’t decline an offer but I declined an interview.  So interviews are coming but you are weeding out what you see yourself doing.  I think I should still continue to apply to all that relate to my degree just in case so when I get an interview I can actually envision what it would be life to work there.  You are not a lost cause.  You are working hard.  You are trying every day.  When you try, you will one day get what you want.  You need to just continue to be persistence and know that you have amazing potential. My co-teacher from last year is in the same place as me but she actually did not get an offer to sign for the next year. Can you imagine having that on your record that the school your spent the last year in does not want to rehire you. Applications ask you if there has been a time where you were not offered to renew your contract.  She also had a child abuse allegation against her so she will need to put that in her applications as well even though it was a case that got closed.  She said she turned down offers because they were too low…But I’m sure she is having an even hard time then me. Well…She is a teacher and there are far more command for teachers but with that in her application ‘Im sure she is struggling.  You have nothing like that in your record.. you have volunteer experience and “accomplishments” and you have references.  You will get more references with the crisis volunteering and the part-time jobs that you WILL be offered to have.  Take it one day at a time.  Right now you need to focus on your involvement in the workouts for your program, seeing your man hopefully and the 2 jobs that have lined up for you.  You got this.  You always get what you want because you never give up.  You live with your mother because you’re a single mother. Now he is going to kindergarden and you will find a job that will allow you to finally move out.  But first…get the ball rolling by meeting new people in interviews and getting your body the way you need it to look to boost your confidence because confidence is the missing link to getting the life you have dreamed about since graduating from college.

[alexj730]

alex update

so sierra this is an alex update. this weekend i went to yosemite camping, it was fun i really liked it a lot, it had been a very long time since i had fun like this. i saw my mom today, she cried, she said that she does not want to see me like this. after that i realized that i was not ok, i though i was ok but I��m not. i though i was ok with the life i was living but I’m not, i hate it, i hate my situation, i hate that you left and what you and i hate that I’m alone. I hate the fact that i will still have to be a waiter for the next year, that im still paying ucsd more than 1/3 of what I’m making, omg they are like your typical tv debt collectors. idk how i ended up owing them this much, they are leaching on my life and the sad thing is that i have to pay them back in full if i want to go back to school, i still have like 3 holds on my account. I hate that i never have any money, that every month i struggle to pay rent, that i can never eat out, that i can never enjoy myself. every aspect of my life reminds me of what happened, it might be over for you but im still living it every day. i hate that i love you, that i let you do this to me, idk what i let this happen to me, i still don’t understand why it happened. This was not suppose to happen sierra, i was trying very hard to keep this from happening, you actually did take everything away from me, you took away my motivation, my goals, my determination to my career. And you know what, i don’t care about those things anymore, i just want this to end, i want to be ok, i don’t want to continue worrying about you, to love you. I know that you are with someone else and im ok with it now, if that is what you want than im ok with that, but still fuck you when you say you are over it. you dismiss me, what i feel for you, what happened, what im going through in such a shitty way that it makes me want to hate you. it might be over for you but its not for me, i still have to live this life, i still have to worry about paying ucsd back, i still love you, i still worry about you, i still dream about you. its so weird because in those dreams things are ok, like i don’t feel the hatred from you, you just talk to me and i touch you, in those dreams im not living this life, i am actually happy with you. anyways that was my alex update and i hope you are ok, i want to be ok, its like im tired of being sad now so now i don’t feel anything or if i feel anything i just feel anxious, emotions are weird you know, maybe they are there to tell you something, they are you telling yourself something. these are just my random thoughts, i haven’t though straight in a while, you were so terrible to me, i hope you are not to the person that you are with now. i really wish you the best, i love you a lot and i don’t want to anymore but i guess it does not work that way.

[blogdangerousobjectcollecto-blog]

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

"pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

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""Insurance,life?

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I totaled my 2009 pontiac G6. I was the only party involved. I was going about 30 in a 25 zone and the road was snowy. I hit ice and slid up over a curb. I had previously been in an accident in 2009 in my moms vechile. We share insurance and i am 19 soon to be 20.

Car insurance question?

i had a non fault accident for which the claim is still ongoing as the 3rd party is not admitting liability and we both are with same insurance. The problem is that our car is booked in for repairs but and we have fully comprehensive insurance but the insurance is saying that they cannot guarantee us courtesy car as no one is admitting liability??? and they told me to phone hire company to ask them if they can provide one, i have always thought that with fully comp you are guaranteed courtesy car but i do not understand what they are doing.""

What is public liability insurance? where can i get one?

im applying for business permit and one of the requirement is public liability insurance.

""At age 60 without employment,i need affordable insurance please help.?""

At age 60 without employment,i need affordable insurance please help.?""

Car insurance for teen?

I'm 18 and only had my license for 4 months. I can afford monthly car payments but insurance is over the ceiling, the cheapest policy I got was $270 from geico w/o collision. One with collision is $371 - month w/$500 deductible. My mom had an accident so itll be cheaper by myself. Any suggestions? It's so frustrating!""

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

How much will a careless driving citation affect my insurance rates?

I got both a speeding ticket and a careless driving citation for going 82 right after the speed limit went down from 50 to 45 mph. When I signed up for insurance, the entered in one ticket just to see how much my rates would be affected and they barely went up. This is my first ticket ever, but since I got a careless driving citation too, will my insurance view that as 2 tickets?""

Health insurance question?

My husband and I want to have a baby. But we do not have health insurance. Can you give me any links or names of good companies that you have heard of or that you have used before that would be good for a 3 person family?? thank you!

Need advice on qualifying for subsidized health insurance?

I'm an older full-time college student and my husband works full-time at Walmart. In the past three years, I've been through 4 cancer related surgeries, which were paid for by the breast/cervical cancer Medicaid program. Unfortunately, follow up care and monitoring aren't covered and I was dropped from Medicaid. I'm now on my husband's health insurance, which is basically worthless because our income is under $20,000/yr and the policy has a $4500 deductible plus 20% after. I haven't seen my oncologist for over a year because we can't afford the expensive scans, biopsies, and lab work associated with cancer follow-up with a deductible that high. I thought my situation would change in 2014 with Obamacare. I recently learned from the healthcare.gov website calculator that our income is low enough to qualify for expanded Medicaid (which our state decided not to expand), but I don't qualify for the health insurance subsidies I desperately need because the outrageous deductible health insurance from my husband's job covers spouses. How can a couple with an income so low they would qualify for expanded Medicaid be ineligible for subsidies? I am completely devastated over this and I don't know what to do. Not being able to afford cancer follow up care is putting my life in danger. Even if my husband's employer (Walmart) quit covering the spouses of full-time employees, I think that would only apply to new hires because of the grandfather clause. If getting subsidies was based on income alone the way it should be instead of access to employer provided coverage, I would qualify for a zero deductible policy and $3 co-pays with a monthly premium of around $60. I could then afford the expensive health care I need. We live in a college town so if my husband got a different job, he'd make even less than he does now and we would probably end up homeless. If my husband transfers and we move to a state that's expanding Medicaid, I'll have to quit school and get rid of my German Shepherd and Siberian Husky since it's almost impossible to find a landlord that allows them. We thought another option might be to get a divorce on paper and co-habitate until our situation changes (completing my degree and getting a good job so I can afford the deductible), then re-marry. When I asked about that, someone actually accused me of wanting to commit fraud! How can anyone think of something like fraud when a situation is endangering someone's life? I am desperate to somehow qualify for health insurance subsidies without lying, which could get us in trouble. Any ideas?""

Can I have two Health Insurance Policies from different states?

Before you answer, please read this thoroughly. I am a student and Illinois Resident. I have PPO health insurance in Illinois that I pay out of pocket for. $1000 deductible, 100% covered. I go to school in Florida and have employer insurance in FL (ever since Sept 2008), but it's an HMO. The PPO my job offers has no deductible but is 80/20 coverage, so I opted the HMO. For the average person, it would make no sense to have 2 policies, but I'm not ordinary. I have many pre-existing conditions (some I was born with), hence the Illinois coverage. In Dec of last year, before my FL insurance kicked in, I had a multitude of issues which caused me to have to use my BCBS of IL in Florida where I'm attending school. Many of those things are at bay now, but for doctor visits, exams, etc to arise other than routine check ups, should I start using my FL HMO insurance and just use my IL insurance for when I visit home during breaks? Or should I just drop my FL insurance altogether? The reason this is an issue is b/c I am afraid I my rates will go up or they drop me if I continue to use my insurance which was meant to be for IL, but I have been using it in another state. Yes they will cover b/c it's PPO and it falls under the BCBS umbrella, but this is the risk I take. I will NOT drop my Illinois insurance because I have pre-existing issues that is NOT covered by my FL insurance, so switching isn't even on option. Plus they keep doing layoffs and my certainty at this job isn't guaranteed. Furthermore, I keep reading about fraud, this is not my intent. I am just trying not to have my rates rise anymore b/c I am a student and not making much as it is. I am looking for the best coverage because good health care is my primary concern. I am NOT trying to file a double claim with both insurances, and I am NOT trying to collect any money out of this. Things happen like the flu, ER visits, and any other reason to visit the doctor when you are sick or injured. I have a 2 week window during open enrollment to drop my coverage thru my job. I pay only $20 per paycheck for my FL HMO insurance. So the little amount really isn't that much to fret over, but I need to know b/c I don't want my IL insurance to go up or to be denied covereage b/c I have two policies out there. Someone please give me some guidance. :) I have called my insurance company on both ends, but I can't get a straight answer from either. It's always the you need to contact the other company for the answer . So I am running around in circles. I was even told to just find out after I use my FL insurance to see. I'm afraid to take the gamble.""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

What is the cheapest car insurance?

Estimate how much it cost to add an additional car to insurance plan?

For a teens car. I know it is about sixty extra dollars just to add a teen to my car insurance. Can you estimate price for putting a whole new car on our plan for my teen?

Insurance for international trip?

I purchased an international airline ticket. In case anything happens I am thinking to buy a travel insurance to protect me from canceling the trip. Is there reliable insurance company have this service with a reasonable price? Appreciate your valuable information. Lucy

Auto insurance cost for 2007 toyota camry?

Auto insurance cost for 2007 toyota camry?

Poll: Do you have health insurance?

Do you think you have a 'good' insurance plan?

No insurance. Can I get temporary insurance so I can have surgery on my wrist?

Hello thank you for viewing my question and I appreciate any help.. I fractured my wrist a few years ago and never went to the doctor until recently. The doctor told me that my wrist was screwed up and I need surgery, but I don't have insurance and was paying him cash unfortunately He told me surgery would be like $15,000 and I think he was telling me that I can't just go get insurance now, because there is an injury on file so they won't let me. My sister who is a nurse told me to get temporary insuracne just to get it fixed, and she said she didn't think it would matter that the injury is on file. Does anyone know if I am able to get insurance at an affordable rate to get fixed or did I screw up by visiting the doctor already? Thank you very much""

""Any companies you would recommend for cheaper car insurance rates (in Ontario, Canada)?

I've been calling around some of the major companies and the quoted rates have been sky high despite my spotless record. Maybe there's some hidden gem companies out there? I hope!

Does anyone know where I could get some affordable dental insurance?

I'm on disability and my job doesnt offer benefits.

Car insurance.......?

I'm 25 years old and a first time driver and I am currently looking at car insurance and have some questions: SKODA FABIA 1 (60) 1198cc What does the (60) mean, is that the top engine speed? Also I was on Gocompare's car insurance website and I was wondering if the 'Proposer Excess' was added into the Annual Premium price or if it is to be added on top of it. I know these might sound like silly questions but I am new to this and any help would be appreciated. If you need more information just ask.""

""What can i do? i am a 20yr old male, living in southern california with no job or insurance?""

i went to the hospital a couple days ago for chest pain, ended up being fine. i got the bill today for 15,000 dollars. like i said i have no insurance or job and currently living with a friend. i do side jobs to pay a little rent and for food. do i qualify for medi cal or CSM? i move from friend to friends house. parents live back in Illinois i have only a brother that lives out here. is their anything i can do to get this bill to go away? i also have no car or own anything of significant value.. no bank accounts.""

Can someone explain health insurance to me?

We have never had health insurance. We really need to get it but cannot afford it. However, we are going to spend every dime we have to get it so we can go to the doc. Problem is--isn;t it more costly to get it because you have to pay the monthly fee plus atleast 80% of the bill and the doctors jack the bills up if you have insurance? Also, what would u estimate it would cost for a family of three(2 adults with one baby) no problems in the past, healthy, non-smokers and any companies you would recommend?""

Start up restaurant in chicago need insurance.?

I'm looking for affordable insurance that want break the bank.

How much is non onwers sr22 insurance in illinois?

I dont have a car and my license has been suspended.

Truck Insurance CHeaper then car insurance for a male?

is truck insurance cheaper then car insurance for males, and why?""

How to calculate insurance quotations?

i want to know how insurance quotations are prepared?is there any software to prepare such quotations?what are the factors to be taken into account to prepare such quotations?

Who has the cheapest auto insurance in California?

I have a second car that has been inop and I want to sell. I only need insurance for about a month.

How much would insurance cost for a 98' 4x4 Z71 Extended Cab.?

I am 15. Been driving since like December. No tickets or wrecks. I have a 01' Silverado Extended Cab 2wd would it cost the same? Also we have safeway. I am on libiaty or w/e it is.

""If i have insurance for my car, how much more will it cost to own a motorcycle?""

If i have insurance for my car, how much more will it cost to own a motorcycle?""

Yes/No: Do you have health insurance?

Yes/No: Do you have health insurance?

95 Jeep Grand Cherokee insurance Cost?

New driver, just got my licence at 18 years old.""

Car insurance help for a young driver?

I'm looking to buy this 2002(51 reg) 1.6L Volkswagen Beetle Hatchback. I'm a new driver and have looked everywhere for a cheap insurance quote. I'm just wondering whether the insurance will go down by much after my first year driving? thankyouuuuu x

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

Average house insurance in Canada?

What is the average amount of money you pay in house insurance in Canada? It would be nice if you have a site link, because this is for a school project. Also, how much do ...show more""

HELP! I cant affored insurance...what an i to do???

I cant afford insurance is there anything thats cheap? I need to get it legal ASAP!!!!!!! Its the only car i have PLEASE I NEED YOU HELP!!!!!!

""I Bought my first car, Its a 2004 Honda Accord, i need information about insurance.?""

I need some info. about the best and the cheapest or the most reliable one i've never had insurance before..pleaaasee tell me where to go, please help.""

Can one not tell the truth when getting a car insurance quote?

i got a violation on a previous occasion, and i can get like 40$ off with not telling them this, will it cause problems? also where can i get some accurate insurance quotes for my car?""

Car insurance for teens?

I'm 17 have had my license for about 8 months and hit a car in a parking lot. my car has no damage, the other car has damage to the side. any idea how much my insurance would go up? i know it depends on a lot of factors but in case someone has experienced something similar and can give me an estimate that be great""

Is a 2006 Hyundai Tiburon GS a good first car for a 16 year old male and about how much would insurance cost?

It is a V4. I have taken Driver's Ed. I have taken Defensive Driving. Taken the State Farm test thing. The car is dark blue.

The insurance company put my name in wrong would i technicly now not be insured?

My name is Jonathan capital J! to cut a long story short i was with one insurance company phoned up for my renewal quote they did the renewal over the phone with their sister company who was the cheaper one and said they would deal with it all for me and just swap all the deatails to that insurance but they got my name wrong. On last years one it was correct ''Jonathan'' now its been sent to them someone had typed in ''jon'' not even a capital letter for my name! Would the police now be able to stop me and say well your technicly not insured because thats not your name? thanks in advance.

""Why am I paying for Car Insurance, and why is it the Law?""

Okay, I can see having a mandatory policy, or coverage plan in the event there is an accident, and someone gets hurt. That, I understand. Even though I already have health insurance, and the person that (may or may not hit me) may too have it, I still understand. But here is my real question: Every month, every year, we all pay into somthing called (car insurance), we pay, we pay, then we pay some more. So when its all said and done, and after a month, a year, whatever, why dont we get ANY of the money back that we paid, seeing as how (WE NEVER HAD AN ACCIDENT)...... I know that there will be a slew of morons who say its the law , or its to cover your butt if you get hit , and so on, and so on. Duh.... But no matter how you swing it, I've paid into it for the last 7 years, never had an accident, and I've paid thousands, so why dont I get any of that money back, what did I pay for? I can even understand a situation where we all paid for auto insurance but get a certain percentage back, but to mindlessly pay money into a machine and get nothing in return, how is this not giving money away.. Oh, and when its all said and done, imagine you pay for coverage every month, 200+, then some (fill in the blank) who dose not have insurance smashes into your car at night because he or she was drunk, you wake up in the morning, report it, your rates go up. Get hit by someone who dose'nt have insurance, your screwed, so in all honesty, whats the point. Have you every been in an accident, then tried to file a claim, its like pulling teeth. Investigators and claims agents come out of the woodwork, and did you know thier job is to find a reason to deny your cliam?""

Why did my insurance go up for switching cars?

I have liability insurance in the state of California. The company is multi state. Recently I switched the vehicle I have on the policy from a 2005 pontiac GTO to a 1995 lincoln town car. I am wondering why my monthly actually went up, vs going down. When I spoke with a representative they explained to me that the GTO is a level 21 and the town car is a level 26 . Was this true? I hardly understand how a 1995 4 door sedan is more costly than a 2005 400hp 2 door. I have had no accidents or tickets hit my record, in all, it only went up $15, but I'm still at a loss about why it went up. Thanks.""

Changing Insurance Carriers (auto)??

Hi! I've been insured with a well known company for 8-9 years. I have a clean driving record, and need to cut some costs. The gecko got to me! I recently got some new quotes, which are cheaper than my present carrier. I called my company and they will not lower their rate, so I'm thinking about changing to another company. Is there any loyalty factor at all, or should I just go ahead and change carriers? I was careful to be sure that the bids I got were for policies that exactly match what I have now...but I'm afraid of starting new, I guess. And, is there anything else I need to be concerned about? What do you think?""

Where can I get a great health insurance for a student?

Where can I get a great health insurance for a student?

Why is car insurance so expensive of or young people ?

I don't think it is fair it seems like a lot of things are expensive for young people I mean it is even unfair when your in a job and you get paid less becaues your young

AFTER BUYING A CAR..INSURANCE? HELP?

I just bought a car (used). bought from the previous owner. AND NOW IM STUCK....? i dont have my licence yet; i am 18 though. im going to register the car in my name and the title and all that stuff. i also need to do emissions testing. I know i need to do all of that be for i take my drivers test. My thing is with the insurance. The car needs to be ensured for the test. Q: can i get insurance with out a license?

Anyone claimed their Car a Wreak through their insurance before? what happens exactly?

Ok, so my car has Hail damage ALL over it from a recent storm. I am covered for insurance but i wanna know what to do?! i can't call them at this stage cos they call centre is down :( SO, if my car is worth $30,000 & the damage is worth about $5,000 - $7,000 how do they work out if it's considered a wreak or not? My premium is about $1000 (cos i'm under the age of 25) so what happens if they declare it a wreak? Do i just get a cheque and then they take the car? or what? If anyone has had their car considered a wreak through insurance before, please enlighten me :) Thanks x""

How much do you pay for motorcycle insurance?

I would like to know how much you pay for motorcycle insurance. If you could, in your answer, please state how much you pay, how old you are, and what size you bike is. Also say if it is a crotch rocket a cruiser....etc. I am seventeen and wondering what a roundabout insurance quote would be for me.""

Why doesn't car insurance go down every year since I owe less money to the dealer?

Every year my car insurance goes up and I am just 10 months away from paying off my car, I have never had an accident or a claim and been driving for 10 years. I have been with many car insurance companies but they do the same scam after few months.The insurance representatives don't even know why it went up, they just say theirs went too. WHY ISN'T THE GOVERNMENT BEHIND THIS SWINDLERS? It's been going up for the four year, haven't had a relief despite I just owe 4k.""

Inestment in Gold or Life insurance ?

it is better to invest in gold or invest in life insurance / same amount

What would have a more expensive insurance a 2007 accord or an 1998 nissan 240sx?

What would have a more expensive insurance a 2007 accord or an 1998 nissan 240sx?

2002 corvette insurance?

Ok i'm thinking about buying an '02 corvette and was wondering how much the insurance on the car would be. Anybody have one or know anything about what the insurance on the car would be? Thanks.

Car insurance.......?

I'm 25 years old and a first time driver and I am currently looking at car insurance and have some questions: SKODA FABIA 1 (60) 1198cc What does the (60) mean, is that the top engine speed? Also I was on Gocompare's car insurance website and I was wondering if the 'Proposer Excess' was added into the Annual Premium price or if it is to be added on top of it. I know these might sound like silly questions but I am new to this and any help would be appreciated. If you need more information just ask.""

If i were to drop my car insurance for a few months can i get it back when i want?

basically my car sucks in the winter (i.e. the snow lol) so i havent been driving it for like 3 months now, and it will prolly be another 2 months till i begin driving it again, and im paying my car insurance on it but really im not using it lol, and moneys a little tight, so i was wondering if i were to drop it for a few months, can i jus call back up or w/e and get my insurance back on it with no problems, or fees or anything, or should i jus continue paying the remaining months, im 19 so my rates arent cheap lol (even tho ive had no accidents)""

Where is a good source of life insurance sales leads.?

I am a new life agent and I am trying to get started in the insurance industry. I am looking for more sources of leads other than my family, friends or the local chamber I've joined. Does anyone have any ideas??""

Car Insurance?

......bought a new car............still got the old one......transfered insurance from old to new..........want to sell old one, so if someone wants to test drive it, presumably its on their insurance????""

How can I get the best quote for a car insurance in the UK?

I have just bought a car, but I haven't driven since I moved to London, 5 years ago. I am doing a research on-line to get the best quote, but they all seem to be a bit pricey. Does anybody know a telephone number in the UK where a person (rather than a machine!) can find the best deal? I am tired of websites such as moneysupermarket, as you end up having to contact companies individually... Any help would be greatly appreciated as I would like to bring the car home today!! Many thanks in advance!!""

Health Insurance question?

I live in California and I will be 20 years old when I have my baby. I am currently still on my parents health insurance plan and all of my prenatal visits are covered and I believe my hospital stay is also. My boyfriend and I are not married yet and we live together I am not currently working. And I am aware I need to get insurance for my baby from her being born on but does anyone have any suggestions of what company to use? Could I still be approved fr a low income plan?

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

pennsylvania health insurance exchange plans

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