#im so paranoid dude
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Anyone else wondering what's up with the constant mentions of 57 in tadc, and what it means? In the pilot, blocks saying "57" are in the cave. In episode 2, Caine is talking about the new Ai and says "It should be 57 times more immersive". In episode 3, Martha Mildenhall says that her husband could "turn a 57 second story" into wtv she said (sorry I forgot). Maybe someone in episode 4 will have to pay 57 dollars or 57 cents for something? Idk what it could mean tho. Is Pomni the 57th person in the circus? Were there 57 headsets in total? Were there 57 exit doors that led to the void? idk if this sounds stupid or not but it might mean something. I could be over analyzing it, it might just be a little easter egg to keep up with or smth but its still interesting.
@gooseworx YOU GOT ANYTHIN TO SAY ABOUT THIS OR IS IT A SPOILER???
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PART OF A BIGGER DOODLE PAGE. WHEN ITS DONE ILL TUCK THE LINK INTO THIS LITTLE X RIGHT HERE ----> [X] I REALLY REALLY LOVE THE TOM N JERRY DYNAMIC W EMIZEL N VEX. IMAGINE BEING SO SO HAUNTED BY A LITTLE GUY THATS JUST SSSSOO FUCKING ANNOYING.
#CW GORE#HEHEEH WEEEEEE I LOVE THEEMEMM#VEX JUST HATES EMIZEL SO SO SO MUCH AND I LOOOOVE IT. EVEN WHEN WORKING TOGETHER EMIZEL JUST FINDS THE PERFECT WAY TO#GET UNDER THIS DUDES SKIN. A VAMPIRE WHOS BEEN AROUND A LONG LONG TIME.#A VAMPIRE WHOSE COMMITTED COUNTLESS ATROCITIES AND SEEN MANY MANY TERRIBLE THINGS W A SMILE ON HIS FACE#HES A PROFESSIONAL!! HES AN ARTIST! HES A GROWN MAN THAT CAN HANDLE A LITTLE MISTAKE HERE N THERE!!#BUT THEN THIS LITTLE FUCKIN. WEIRDO. W ITS ILLUSIONS. AND TRICKERY. AND STRANGENESS. AND EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS SO SO STUPID#HES WACKY. EVERYTHING HE SAYS MAKES NO SENSE AND YET. AND YET. HE HAS FOILED EVERY PLAN. CAUGHT YOU OFF EVERY GUARD#HE'S MADE YOU PARANOID!!! CAMERAS EVERYWHERE. WE CANT LET HIM GET THROUGH OUR DEFENSES. LEST HE FUCKS UP MORE SHIT#HES JUST A REGULAR BABY VAMPIRE. THERES NOTHING INSIDE OF HIM THAT GIVES ANY CLUE OF HIS STRANGE MAGICAL ABILITIES. SO WHAT THE FUCK??#HES LITERALLY A MOUSE. MAKING YOU SHRIEK EVERYTIME HE SKITTERS ACROSS THE CORNER OF THE ROOM W HIS AWFUL LITTLE PITTER PATTERING. FUCK!!#HES SO SMALL AND SO AVERAGE AND SO SO STUPID AND YET. AND YET HE HAS UNRAVELED EEEVERYTHING AND TOOK DOWN THE STRONGEST VAMP YOU KNOW#SO WHAT THE FUCK????#I LOVE IT WHEN A SCARY VILLANOUS CHARACTER IS REDUCED TO SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS THE PROTAGONIST TO LEAVE THEM ALOOONE. TO GO AWAYYY. PLEASE#HEHEHE WEEE ILL POST THE FULL DOODLE PAGE LAT3RRRR I GOTTA FUCKIN UHHH FIGURE OUT WHEN IM CATCHING THIS STUPID GAY BUS#I ALSO NEED TO FIGURE OUT HHOW MUCH ALCAHOL IM WILLIN TA DRINK B4 I GO HOME. I HOPE YALL ENJOY THIS ONE. I LOVE U GUYS
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yknow that one pixar animation with all the round birds on the electrical wire. i had a vision during class the other day that suddenly spiraled out of control. have some guys
#slay the princess#art#stp voices#stubborn has no blood on him bc he is just silly like that#also stubborn has his wings in a ponytail bc i think thats funny#and opportunist is holding up that suit with safety pins wings and a dream#skeptic looks a little nerdy but i think that is my vision. he is just the guy who debates everything for no reason#and that is so random smart kid core to me#cold is like an aluminum ball#with shiny ass wings#contrarian was slightly inspired by wobbledogs. esp the wings they are very wobbledogs#hunted is a bush. paranoid is a little shadow dude.#hero is just a guy#and narrator is just a fly sized bird bc i think its funny if hes really small#anyways im done yapping#lagtrained is silly
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character designers when they need to design a mascot for a masculine vocal synthesizer: and i will put a mole. under his LEFT eye
#its not a problem i love moles but it is funny. its always the left eye#i have a theory. i have a theory based purely off my own drawing habits. so take it with all the grains of salt#but i wonder if its because a lot of people are right handed and right handed artists may be inclined to put design elements like that#on the left side of the character (right of the page when the character is facing you)#that is. why i as a right handed artist puts stuff on the left all the time. its my hashtag drawing theory#but yeah it did make me laugh when like okay frimomen was released and i was like ooh he has a little mole and then i looked closer at#soyogi's design and i was like oh he has a mole too and then noa hex showed up. and then i looked back at#genbu and looked closer and realized he has some manner of THING on his eye that might be. a mole#i think its supposed to be a mole or some kind of birthmark. it has a line. im just always paranoid now because of#amnesia ikki drawing on that spade every day. what if he draws it on. what if he draws it on#but yeah. masc voice synths like to have stuff on their cheeks. if we go outside moles we have the voisona guys with like#mykiv having like. a circle. the target logo. i dunno. and kirune having his name <3#maybe theres also a connection to why so many dude vtubers have random stuff under their left eye or on their cheek#i think it probably comes from similar design philosophies. we need something on their face to stand out but not be too complicated#put a mole on that bad boy. or write his name there. either way works
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hi small vent
but like i went 2 get soda bc sugar & i just step on glass??
theres just glass on the floor no1 told me about
i didnt step 2 deep so im FINE BHT JUST
i was complaining how “not asking 4 help will make us end up walking on the broken glass u leave bhind” earlier & it came true i dont get this
also theres more blood but its on concrete so its fine but like cmon
#i did get my soda but in also rlly annoyed#i moved the big chunks of glass while wearing shoes so niko thought we were going on a walk#FREAKED ME OUT HE STARTED FOLLOWING ME CLOSER#I DONT THINK HE STEPPED ON ANY GLASSS HES FINE#but like heart attack#my dad has been sayong all day how hes a bad dad & abusive & neglectful but dude stop?? yk u r so like stop?#he says hes not embarrassed 2 ask 4 help but he never does even when i fucking beg him#BC IT ENDS W/ME STEPPING ON GLASS#THIS ISNT THE 1ST TIME RAAAHHHHH#im vey annoyed & now paranoid theres glass in my foot#im gonna die from glassy foot :(
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So ummm.... *taps mic* I've finished college! ::3
My thesis project has been approved and technically speaking I'm already a bachelor of fine arts hihi
It's been fun learning and growing, and god this was so much but I managed, and now is the end of one cycle n the beginning of many others ::>
I can finally have free time to do all the shit i wanna do lmao
#my art#artists on tumblr#traditional art#digital art#z talks#godddddd my dudes#it's crazy thinking about this tbh#i got so many plans too#I CAN FINALLY RECORD MY DND GUIDE VIDEO I PROMISED MYSELF#will do that in the future stay tuned#the video is the gallery with all my artwork from the thesis#can you believe i had to take it all out in the same day after i presented?#cuz i had to#next day there would be another fine arts thesis presentation so it was there for such a brief time#but some of it will come back in the future on the graduated exhibition they do next semester#anyway#hid my face cuz im paranoid
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Not the one other exmormon member of my household getting back into Christianity and specifically REVELATIONS of all things 😭 thankfully we are not the only family members who’ve left the church, but the other exmo sibling doesn’t live here. Now he’s talking to my dad in the other room and I just keep hearing “obedience,” “repentance,” “severely persecuted”, “anti-Christ”, “can’t deny your faith.” Like homie. Bestie. Buddy. Stop
#he’s super paranoid about societal collapse so of course he picked revelations to obsess over#tbh im not even sure if he’d consider himself exmo or just less active#dude is also far right so that’s great#anyway. obedience is a MASSIVE trigger for me. the whole household knows this#so i do not expect them to involve me in any such convos which is good#but it’s stressful to hear
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i have to call medicaid so i can change my insurance to something that accepts my therapy office and then i can go to therapy weekly and i can stop having the most bizarre breakdowns imaginable. i want to be offline so bad fellas.
#gnashing of teeth#its hurting my art and writing and school#i cannot look away. i cannot get myself to do things half the time#i miss being able to do things. im so fucking paranoid and overly critical. girl help#it doesnt help that since the move i literally do not have anyone to hang out with#+ very little money after bills#im like in this weird little hole and every single thing is so. hard.#girl i have. got to get screened for ocd#bc genuinely. what the fuck#immmmm better??? than i used to be?#definitely not having panic attacks every other night over like#liking the wrong thing. but oh my god#i said it last night but im glad that guy blocked me bc its a like#hard cut off for the compulsive checking. albeit i had to tell my friends that theyre reblogging his art. bc. yk.#but like. cool i can move on now. grips my brain#focus on the degree now. im begging you#......idk if youre block evading dude but like if you see this i only ever sent you one anon#and it was the one saying to turn anon off. idk if you believe me but i genuinely only ever did that#anyway. therapy this week so i should hopefully be able to uhhh recollect myself#we all should frankly. jesus christ.
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every time i say i want my septum pierced someone says id look bad with it so now i’m sitting in my bathtub crying over other things and being upset that i’d look ugly with the piercing i want really bad
#taylor.txt#i brought it up again and the person i said it to was like ‘i don’t think it’d look good on you’#and then said i’d look good with an eyebrow piercing instead#and like. it’s not like i don’t want my eyebrow pierced i think it’d be fun i guess#but i wear wigs and i get my eyebrows waxed and i have two young nieces and i’d be scared of it getting pulled out somehow#like there’s a lot of risks that i’d be paranoid over#i already had to get my helix taken out because of my wigs and i’m still sad about it#i don’t want to do that with something that’s literally on my face#plus (and this is stupid) but three of my brothers have had eyebrow piercings#and i’ve always associated eyebrow piercings with like. dudes#just because my brothers have had them and i know that’s a dumb reason#and given i already feel like im not feminine enough and like everyone thinks i’m a guy no matter what i do to look girly#i just. this is entirely my issue and it’s not like. a valid thing to be upset about#but i just wanted a cute little septum piercing i could put cute jewellery in and feel cute#and i just. i know it’s so dumb but now im just kind of sitting here sobbing
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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i think if i was 19th century royalty and people kept trying to assassinate me, i would feel sooooooo insecure. like what if theyre right to want me dead, yknow
#playing another fun game of 'would i have a good time if i was in rudolfs place or would i kill myself even sooner'#and good god the more i think about it the more im like. dude that lifestyle would trigger my intrusive thoughts so badly#for reasons i dont know i was insanely paranoid and constantly felt like i was being watched by something#for much of my childhood but it ended up going away eventually#can you imagine if i actually was constantly being watched by people? AAAAAA NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE#some personal shit
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its like so embarrassing dealing with paranoia like my brain's going Things are going to get you if you turn around and its like . Bro the things arent there you stupid fuck....... but actually they could be ..........
#that post thats like 'five nights at freddys will be at the fridge' but like 24/7#i put youtube videos on to sleep and last night the one i had playing had like weird ambient noises behind the narration/music and it was#making me FREAK.#this is a rare vulnerable post from me . i hope we can still be oomfs#like it is genuinely so embarrassing though . a bookshelf will turn into a giant evil thing as soon as i turn a light off. like dude ......#its a SHELF !!!!#its worse when you are actively aware that youre just being paranoid but its not enough to like. rationalize anything LMFAO#anyway im done talking . Gootbye
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have a short reading im stage managing starting tomorrow.....first time they are sending me to a school rather than just working out of the theatre.....
#beautiful email instructions telling me where to park and then just Find us in the drum circle like ok. couldnt give me anything more.#so that im not just some guy wandering around.#well. i mean obviously im expected to come and therefore someone will be able to point me in the right direction.#dude who is just constantly paranoid.#news with isaac
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oh girl im spiraling again 👍
#dude my art is shit and no body fucking likes me im weird and probably have ppl talking about me behind my back im so paranoid bc of how#many times this has happened to me#every time i speak i can feel the like collective sigh grimace glance side eye#my self worth is placed on my art being good and others liking me and when i feel like ive failed both categories im just like. welllll
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idc if this is like judging homeless men but almost every one where im from they're fucking weird and always try talking to me and just being weird like this is why i could never live in a city but they're like all migrating here from the city
#yes there are lots of drug problems out here 💔 ig its getting worse yayyyyy#like im so paranoid already i dont need these dudes yelling at my car get the fuck out of here
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Is anyone experiencing a tumblr glitch that's causing them to randomly follow people they've blocked, or did this just happen to me bc my phone is breaking??? 😭
#ngl i kinda hope it's the latter bc as cringy as it is for this to be an ''I took *awful* care of my phone'' problem...#the thought of there potentially being a BUNCH of people on my blocklist suddenly in my followed blogs list bc of a glitch is. kinda scary#i'm kinda paranoid abt being perceived by certain pr0sh!ppers Ever (woy mutuals iykyk) and uhh.#yeah a lot of blogs i block over squicks at best & lowkey triggers at worst (not counting like.. occasional bigoted freaks i block)#and uh. also literal predators bc that was A Thing once so uh. ok fuck now im fr starting to worry if this is a glitch that's happening uh#fuck dude please tell me this is smthn my breaking touchscreen somehow??? did h#i was on twitter earlier scrolling some random tweet replies and my touchscreen started wigging out and#kept forcing open some random person's following list???? even tho there was NO link/button to view that ANYWHERE ON THE PAGE#SO#please tell me this is a phone broken thing PLEASe 8')#only found out bc someone i have blocked popped up in my DMs and i was like. . ????? ?? What. AND APPARENTLY I WAS FOLLOWING?#which is way better than somebody u blocked finding a way to circumvent it & dm you bc that freaked me out for a good 2 secs but#yeah fr pls tell me tumblr isnt randomly unblocking and following people for you bc DUDE? DUDE?????? 😭#my go-to reasoning for all weirdness on tumblr is the fact that this site is held together by gum but pls lord tell me tHIS is my bad#AOUGH..
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