#im so hurt and sad and i just really hate myself right now

[fuwushiguro]

having a breakdown so im thinking im gonna delete all of my socials forever, i absolutely hate myself and found out someone i trusted to be kind and honest to me hasnt been kind or honest at all. ive been betrayed massively and i hate everything i am and everything ive created. im so ashamed of myself and i am genuinely sorry to you all, to any of you who have ever read my fics im so sorry that ive put you through reading literal garbage. ive tried so hard my entire time here to make quality content and things i can be proud of and things i can share with you guys but thanks to my "friend" it has really hit me like a ton of bricks how worthless i am and how horrible my content truly is. im just so sorry i couldnt be better, im so sorry im me and not somebody more talented. i love you all very much and despite my poor writing quality im so genuinely happy to have made some amazing friends and created some great memories. im really sorry for everything.

[iwakuraz]

it's not going too well

[sensitivegoblin]

AHG!!!!!!!!!!!

Im screaming until my throat hurts in my mind

[byunsole]

im the worst bbhl ever

[quillandrapier]

Venting a bit again

[81folklore]

heaven - PIASTRI - part 2

pairings: oscar piastri x private!secret!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

summary: a very sweet softlaunch ends pretty quickly

authors notes: first of all a huge thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and taken the time to read my works it means so much to me and im so so grateful!! next, this is something i made at 1am so please bear with me😭. i am working on the lando and charles stories i PROMISE but i want them to be special and i currently have zero thoughts about where to take them so it might be a while🫣 also i almost finished this when tumblr DELETED IT?? i want to cry😁 ALSO i started this at like 1am and i cant be asked to do tweets rn so insta smau it is

masterlist heaven masterlist

yourusername

liked by yourfriend2, user7 and 583 others

ahahah i love the beach and my friends

view comments

yourfriend2: dont be fooled she called me crying after the fourth photo bcs she lost 5 games of uno in a row

yourusername: i called you in confidence and this is how you repay me??

user6: its fine we know how emotional uno can get😁

yourusername: ??

user7: im so single hahahahhaa (im dying inside)

user10: is it confirmed that this is oscar?

user9: im not being funny but oscar doesnt even follow her so i think yous are just reaching

user10: …they have the same dog??

yourfriend6: might aswell post his face at this point

yourusername: leave me aloneeee im having fun!!

oscarpiastri

liked by clementnovalak, paularon_ and 93,357 others

second part of the season incoming 😁👊 (after a very competitive round of uno)

view comments

user7: ready to see you up on the podium🧡

user10: uno you say?

user3: right could they be more obvious😭

yourusername: its race week babyyy

*liked by oscarpiastri*

user17: literally what is happening why are all of the grid softlaunching😭

user8: and why does it always end in the hardest of launches

yourusername and oscarpiastri added to their stories

yourfriend2: 😭😭

yourusername: i am sick and tired i just want to POST him but softlaunches are so fun😔

yourfriend2: its really fun when everyone already knows?

yourusername: no but we are in too deep now☹️

user6: god you guys are insufferable

user23: JUST POST THE CUTE COUPLE PHOTOS ALREADY

user23: i lied please dont im so single it hurts

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 6,572 others

the world through my eyes☀️

view comments

oscarpiastri: i love you sososo much

oscarpiastri: my favorite person in the entire world

yourusername: ur literally my sunshine🫶

yourfriend1: god you make me SICK

yourusername: ..okay😁 oscarpiastri i love youuu🤭

landonorris: i hate people in love (you guys are very cute)

user10: THE NOTE OH

user18: THE HARDEST OF LAUNCHES HAPPENED

user7: he is her world oh my lord

user63: and the fact that hes her sunshine too😭😭

user63: literally crying myself to sleep

oscarpiastri

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 143,572 others

my happiness

view comments

yourusername: teheehee thats me🤭

yourusername: i LOVE YOUUU

yourusername: i didnt know you took photos of me like this☹️

oscarpiastri: of course your my favorite🧡

yourusername: oh could you get any cuter🫠

yourfriend4: thought you should know yn is currently jumping up and down and giggling while looking at this

user23: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO POST THESE?? I CANT HANDLE THIS??

user8: god really saw me sad and said ‘heres the happiest and best couple, wallow more’

user16: YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST?? THE NOTES?? THE POSTS??

user1: i cant stand people in love (i want to cry and drown in my tears)

yourusername: oh my god im so obsessed with you

oscarpiastri: i loooove youuu

oscarpiastri added to their story

yourusername: ahhhhh im so☹️

yourusername: osc☹️☹️ur literally the cutest thing to exist

yourusername: my boys🫶🫶

yoursusername: im so in love with you sunshine☀️

oscarpiastri: love you, thank you for showing me happiness🤍

[lacucarachapisser]

sad to say i’m already yours colin zabel x gn!reader

a/n : okay omg it’s happening. beware of the cringe conversation and pathetic angst i really wanna punch myself in the face. no warning, this just too rush and lame and pretty basic also apologies if its weird cuz english isn’t my first im so so so so sorry. i just love colin sm.

this wasn’t the first time colin shut one's eyes to your presence. you’ve grown very used to his demanding job that takes energy, time, and even attention, which often makes you feel like you’re just a second priority. or perhaps not even counted. you think these all are pretty normal because colin is a very capable and responsible when it comes to work. and you get it.

you frequently texted him asking if he’s working late again. the dinner you’d prepared often ended up in the fridge. you waited for him with the light of the television or with an open book on your lap, while your eyes close from weariness. alone. his reply always comes with an apology buried in his deep voice. you get it.

sometimes you choose to sleep first, only to be awakened by the creaking of the door. your man, with his tired face, throws himself onto your shared bed.

"rough day?"

colin just nods, burying his face in the pillow with a long sigh.

“wanna talk about it?”

“can’t.”

he clearly didn’t have much contribution for the conversation he’ll just kill it. also, colin would likely act as if you weren’t there, so you just smile at his brief response. you actually not sure if you want to cry or laugh at that. the cases that colin handles are sometimes too horrific to share. besides, they’re confidential. you genuinely respect how dedicated your man is to his job. you get it.

colin turns his head slightly toward you, his eyes half-closed. you move closer, give him a quick kiss on his cheek and say goodnight. colin, already asleep, faster than you thought, doesn’t even flinch, nor does he say it back.

for days, communication between you two hasn’t been that intense— no dinners together, no movie nights like you used to plan on weekends, no dates. when was the last time you became intimate with each other? probably two weeks ago. or three? four? you get it.

“want me to make you some snacks?”

“no, that's okay baby.”

his voice was soft, and somehow, ironically you miss him so bad even though he was right next to you.

“i heard there’s a new coffee shop and they have like bunch of pet inside, interesting 'right?”

"uh-huh"

"yeah they have puppies! i really wanna go there,”

“sure. can we talk later, baby? i’m busy right now.”

although he comes home every day, sleeping in the same bed with you, his presence just clearly made you felt nothing but more alone. it hurts to see him come home every night as if you’re just a place to stay. never home, probably just a hostel. how cruel if he’d forgotten your efforts, how you filled his empty cup after what his ex did to him. you didn’t take the easy route to win him over. or maybe you were never capable to replace her in the first place? where did you went wrong? isn't it ironic to think how heartbreaking and sad that you already belong to him?

that day, he forgot his breakfast, and even the coffee you have made remained untouched. how long this has to continue? you don’t hate him, not for a second. it’s just that your efforts to make him happy always seemed to fail.

“colin, we need to talk.”

“about what?”

it takes courage for you to start this conversation. you’re actually scared to bring it up because colin might think you’re overreacting.

“i always tell myself that you don’t mean to hurt me— which makes it less painful. but you know what? you never really see me.”

you slowly touch his hand, feels the veins through his skin, strong beneath your fingers, firm and solid.

he gives you a crooked smile. “what’s wrong with you? of course i see you,”

“no. i know you’re busy with work, but… col, i’m right here. how long do i have to hold on to this if you keep acting like that? i can’t take it anymore,”

“baby, i have work to do,”

“oh can we talk later? we never really talk later. why can’t you at least recognize my existence that i’m here? talk to me,”

a bitter taste filled your mouth. it hurts to face colin's expression, one that looks disgusted with you—at least, that’s what you think. now he’ll even hate you because you crave his attention.

“okay, i’m sorry i’m always busy, it’s not my fault it takes up a lot of my time as if i have choices. but i promise—“

“no. stop,” you shook your head, protesting with what colin said.

“stop what?”

“you talk to me like i’m stupid. i’m not stupid. i didn’t blame your job, i would never,”

“i know you’re not stupid, but you did blame me for a stupid reason,”

there his classic maneuver. his words seem like a clever observation to shift the blame, but it's all wrong. that’s not the issue, it never was, and you’ve never blamed his job. your eyes start to fill up with tears, and soon they’ll spill over. the lines on colin's face looks vividly serious, gazing you with intense look.

“t-this is why your ex—"

colin’s hand quickly grabs your jaw. it’s not rough, but enough to surprise you and make you stop your sentence. you gasped at his furrowed brows, his expression so tense with his wide-open eyes.

“don’t.”

you immediately regret it. you didn’t mean to brought up his past, you truly didn’t intended to hurt him.

“please, don’t.” his hand is still gripping your jaw, but his fingers start to loosen, and his thumb gently strokes your cheek. your eyes are still locked with him, and then you realize that what you see in colin’s eyes isn’t anger. it was fear.

you throw yourself into his arms, burying your face in the crook of his neck, muttering apologies between soft sobs. colin wraps his arms around you, holding you tight by the waist. he hides his face on your neck, pressing his body into yours with all his strength.

“colin, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry…”

for a moment, he becomes a complete silent. letting you stay in each other’s embrace. then he finally speaks.

“don’t leave me. please, not again.”

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[jqmalikhsgib]

sea view

five

you were very irritated. you couldn’t believe that she has the audacity to comment on your sons post. after harry blocked kendall, along with her family, you’d blocked her from your socials as well. you just never let corbin know. in fact you and harry never told corbin who he’d had affairs with. it wasn’t like you kept the affair a secret.

corbin was old enough to know his dad wasn’t faithful in the past. part of him resented harry for it for a long time. he couldn’t believe his father would hurt him mother like that.

over time though, corbin forgave his dad. he made a mistake and got his shit together. harry made it up to them every single day, he’s still doing everything in his power to prove he’ll never make that mistake ever again.

you were currently on the phone with harry, crying. you were so sick of harry’s past trying to bite you in the ass when you’re trying to move on with your life.

“i know baby. it’s not much we can do though. i mean, we can get corbin to make his account private.” harry sighs.

“i want him to live life like a normal teenager, harry! he shouldn’t have to censor himself because one of your ex bitches are harassing us!”

“honey—”

“no, i know. im sorry. it’s not your fault.”

harry knew that wasn’t true. if he’d been a faithful husband to begin with, none of this would be happening. you wouldn’t be crying alone in your bedroom.

“it is though, baby. i fucked up! that’s gonna haunt me until the day that i die. i—fuck! if you want, i’ll talk to kendall,”

“absolutely not! i don’t want her anywhere near you or the kids. just—set up the meeting and i’ll show up. im gonna handle this once and for all.” you state angrily.

“baby, that’s not a good idea. listen, ill unblock her, text her myself, let her know stop fucking with my family, okay? no need to meet up with her or anything.”

you sigh.

“fine! but harry, i swear to god if she—”

“i know, honey. now, is my girl calmed down a little?”

“stop! you know i hate when you talk to me all sweet and cute after ive just been pissed off.”

“mhm, i know you like it thats for sure. how are the kids?”

“corbin and the girl he was dating broke up. he’s been a bit depressed.” you pout at the thought of your oldest experiencing his first heartbreak.

“is it bad that im kinda happy?”

“harry!”

“what?! im not happy he’s sad. im just relieved he’s not dating anymore. he has his whole life to date, angel. he should just be a kid for right now.”

“i think next year he’s gonna try out for soccer!”

“you mean football, baby.”

you playfully roll your eyes. “whatever you wanna call it, babe. im just worried he won’t do as good as he wants. he really wants to impress you.”

“he’s half english, love. it’s in his blood to be an amazing football player.

“promise you won’t make it a huge deal, harry? if he doesn’t get in he’ll think you’re disappointed in him if you show any sort of excitement.”

“i swear, baby. how’s my princess doing?”

“payton sorta got in trouble in art school for saying a not so nice word today.”

“no?! not my baby girl! she wouldn’t.”

“mhm, she did! apparently she asked her teacher what a dirty little slut meant.”

“what?! where did she,”

“where do you think, harry! when the teacher called she told me she heard it from our room one night. i was totally embarrassed.”

harry laughs loudly. he couldn’t believe his little girl over heard the two of you in the middle of sex. obviously a bit traumatic but, hilarious. he could only imagine what you looked like as the teacher tells you what happened.

“harry, it’s not funny! our seven year old daughter heard us having sex.”

“it’s your fault!”

“my fault?!”

“yes! i recall you being a brat. had to put you back in your place, baby.”

at this point the conversation shifted. you squeezed your thighs together, trying to create some type of friction.

“you can’t say shit like that when you’re gone. it’s not fair!”

“you know i love teasing you, baby. but i miss you too, love. you have no idea how many times ive got a hard on, on stage. it’s not easy hiding it either. with these outfits lloyd has me wearing, i can’t move around too much.”

“what song turns you on that much when you sing it?”

“baby, it’s not even the music. the energy i put out, i give the crowd a show. sometimes you just pop in my head and im gone! fuck, i miss the taste of you.”

you whine. “can’t wait until you’re home. then this problem will go away. i can finally get fucked properly. this vibrator isn’t doing me right, harry! it’s not big or thick enough!”

“need my cock that much, huh?”

“mhm.”

“promise you, baby. when i get home, im gonna fuck you like you need, yeah? gonna make up for all the time we lost, love.”

“promise?”

“one thousand percent.”

you smile at the thought. your youngest son interrupted you right after. you sigh before letting harry know you’ll call him later. you end the call before getting up and going to hayden’s room.

“hi, baby! what’s wrong?”

hayden sniffles as he lifts his arms out. you giggle before picking your son up. “you just want cuddles from, mommy, yeah? im here baby. i love you so much.” you begin to kiss his cheek as he giggles. “you love mamas kisses don’t you, baby!”

you kiss his cheek again as he attempts to clap his hands. “god, you’re the cutest six months old in the entire world! aren’t you, baby?!”

you set up a few toys on the floor and set him down so the two of you could play. you couldn’t wait for your other kids got home from the park and your husband came home from tour in a few more weeks.

[bonesandthebees]

Selfishly, the thing I hate the most (besides what Wilbur actually did to Shubble and others) is the loss of a good chunk of the fanfiction/fanfiction authors in this community. Like, do you know how hard it is to find platonic content? It’s almost all exclusively romance! And don’t get me wrong, romance is fine everyone once in a while. But it’s literally just everywhere’s you look. This was the one place I could come to find platonic found family content, and now so many of the authors have just discontinued their works. The discord servers I’m a part of to follow authors for updates are opening up for romance/NSFW content. And I know, I know this was going to happen eventually. People had slowly been loosing interest in the dsmp anyways and it was bound to happen. But this just sped that process up. I just hate it. It’s sad to say, but this online space is the only safe space I had left and now it feels like it’s disappearing. I scrambled at the beginning of the announcement to download as many of my favorite fics as I possibly could before they got deleted. And it’s valid as hell that people don’t want to be associated with this fandom or Wilbur anymore. But like damn. Damn. Im so angry about this. Is it that hard not to be just a terrible fucking human being? I’ve already had abusers steal so many good things from me in the past, and now it just feels like it’s happening all over again. It’s just frustrating. Anyways, selfish rant over I guess. Feel free to just ignore this if it’s too much or whatever. For what it’s worth, thank you for what you did write for this fandom. “The stars and their children”, and “through a glass divine” are especially favorites of mine. I remember being so excited every time I saw new updates for them. Thank you for the good memories.

yeah believe me this was one of the things that hit me really hard. as a writer I've found so much inspiration from c!wilbur as a character for so many years now, and I've loved reading crimeboys fics for so long. the dsmp fanfiction community left such a lasting impact on the fandom as a whole and I'm so honored that I was able to make my mark on it while it was around. but yeah, while I myself had been shifting towards wanting to write romance again, I genuinely had grown to love writing found family so much and it really sucks that we're likely never going to see a fandom so heavily built around found family like that again

overall, yeah, the fandom was already dying. I've been aware of that for a long time and knew it was inevitable. but it feels cruel to watching the dying community crawling along on the ground get shot point blank in the head like this

I also get feeling selfish for feeling this way. I do too. but we're allowed to be upset, and I truly mourn all the wonderful stories that have been deleted because of this. I fully believe it's within the authors rights to do what they want with the story, it just sucks that they were so hurt by this that they felt they had to completely erase something they put so much love and effort into

I'm so glad I was able to provide good memories here, and like I said, I'm honored I was able to leave a mark on things. I won't delete my fics as I've said, so at least anyone who wants to reread them will be able to go back and revisit those memories

[webslingingslasher]

GIRL GAVE US A SNEAK PEEK TO THE NERDY PETE FIC ANYTHING IM STARVING

which one?

the one with mean reader, who really can't stand peter and his optimism?

-----

Peter looks at you, he seems almost hopeful and you have to settle the urge to toss the plate to the ground. “You talk about me?” 

You cross your arms and sneer, “don’t worry, nothing good.” 

His smile drops, “yeah, sorry. I don’t know why..” his curls bounce as he gently shakes his head before pushing the glass into your chest. “Here, eat as many as it takes to feel somewhat okay again.” 

You grip the plate and look down, they’re your favorite. 

“We, um. We have more over here, so if you want more. Or if you wanna hang out or something I’m here, so…” 

Peter’s never been a friend like this before, and it was some pity party you wanted no part of now. 

“It’s a breakup. I’m sure I can manage without you just fine.” 

His eyebrows turn in, “right. I just thought- nevermind, enjoy the cookies.” 

As you’re about to retreat he stops in the doorway, “for what it’s worth, I think he’s stupid and he’s gonna realize what he lost when it’s way too late.” 

It’s almost nice, sometimes it sucks when the person you’re supposed to hate has human peek through their armor. 

Too bad you’re more guarded than ever. 

“Well, then. It’s a good thing you’re not worth much.” 

Maybe it’s his resilience that troubles you, no matter how hard you push him away or beat him down with words he’ll pick himself back up and hand your words back in a package of self reflection. 

Today is no exception, Peter flashes you a sad smile, this one actually is filled with pity. 

“I’m sorry you’re hurting,” you didn’t have a chance to fire back. His door was already shut.

-----

or do we want the virgin peter?

-----

Peter’s head is spinning, you’re in his lap and your bra’s about to come off. 

“I’m giving you a clear warning here, when that comes off, I’m going to objectify you for at least two minutes.” 

Your movements pause, “have you never seen boobs before?” Pink cheeks, “yes. It’s why I said I’d objectify you. When I was twelve some college girl's top came off at the beach and I thought about that for like, three years.” 

“Promise you’ll only think of mine from now on?” What a dumb question. But he wouldn’t tell you that, at least not right now. “I kind of have been, but I promise.” It’s all it takes, for the first time in his life, Peter Parker has a bra on his bedroom floor. 

“Holy shit.” His entire life just changed. A winded gasp leaves him when you move your chest, he’s never seen such a beautiful bounce. “You’re…” You perk up while waiting for the release of a million compliments, you know he has them loaded. 

“Boobs. Right there. Holy shit.” 

You giggle, “wait until you find out you can touch them.” Babmi eyes take over, Peter’s voice pitched. “Touch them?” You puff your chest out and grab his hands, guiding his touch, Peter squeaks when he makes contact. 

“This is amazing. You’re amazing.” 

“Thanks, I grew them myself.” Peter hasn’t looked at your face once, his opinion still stands. “You’re amazing.” His brain clicks, eyes shoot to yours. 

“And beautiful! You’re super pretty and beautiful and you’re letting me touch your boobs and that’s really awesome.” 

“I’m glad you like them.” Because you are and his adoration has you leaning down for a kiss. 

Peter’s curious touches leave you moaning into his mouth while you grind against his beltline, this was slightly new territory. First time Peter’s touched your chest without a bra, not the first time you’ve grinded on him, but the first time you went past a few teasing brushes. 

A sharp groan leaves his lips, it sounds slightly painful. Delicate hands push you back before doing his best to ease your settling. “You gotta move, you’re digging in.” Unsure of where you’re digging, you shift around in his lap. Right then, you feel something poking your left thigh. 

You look down, it’s exactly what you thought. “Oh, wow.” 

Peter’s sheepish, “yeah…” 

------------

[helplessautomaton]

My Bloody Valentines ‧₊˚☁️⋅♡𓂃ִֶָ࣪☾。

-Writing event (CLOSED)

EDIT: added more prompts! go wild

hello!!, figuring since valentines is coming up i wanted to do something along these lines and this is what i came up with. all of these will be gender neutral when it comes to the reader. do feel to request multiple (max 2) prompts in, thank you!

Edit: for posting, they will be posted one every day, may do two post one day but dont count on it.

Characters im doing for this: Jouno, Tecchou, Nikolai, Chuuya, Ranpo, Tachihara, Poe, Sigma, Atsushi, Mushitaro, Akutagawa, Lucy.

just going small for now cause i dont want to overwhelm myself, have fun!

Prompts:

1, “you know i wasn't lying when i said i'd kill for you” 2, “even if you do hate me, it doesn't matter, i really love you” 3, “don't you see? I'm the only one who really cares for you”

4, “i'm so glad you feel the same cause i refuse to leave you” 5, “you're my only reason im doing this” 6, “I love it when you scream and it's all because of me!”

7, “don't you see the lengths I'm going for you?” 8, “someday i wish to eat your heart and maybe then we'll be together in eternity.” 9, “I hope you know, we will die together and there's nothing stopping that.”

10, “i.. i promise there is nothing in the candy.” 11, “all my dreams are full of you.” 12, “please.. just let me hold you.”

13, “Keep looking at others and I will gift you their eyes.” 14, “you’re gonna love me back.” 15, “stop crying, please stop crying, you’re ruining our perfect day together..”

16, “don't worry, this blood isn't mine” 17, “your tears are because you’re happy right? 18, “you don't get it, i'm the only one who understands you!”

19, “I'm gonna find out about them eventually and when I do they will be out of the way and it will just be us.” 20, “why are you sad? Did someone hurt you?, i’ll get rid of them for you” 21, “I don't regret any of the blood I have gotten on my hands, it's for you and only you!”

22, “why can't you accept that you’re mine and everyone who gets in the way will end up dead?” 23, “I warned you, now they’re dead and it's all because you didn't listen dear.” 24, “sorry for the mess! Red looks so pretty on you anyways”

25, “stop calling me those names, i understand you’re still in shock but i'm not a monster, if i let things continue who knows what would’ve happened to you!” 26, ‘you don't understand the lengths I'm willing to go through to keep you safe, even if it means going against what I think is right. 27, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you’ll understand eventually why I had to do this.. Stop it with those eyes and tears please..”

[lipstickandfrenchfries]

I can’t believe you feel confident enough to put pictures of your face on here let alone your body lol!! I guess good for you for looking the way you do and still putting yourself out there!! If I were you I don’t think I could even have mirrors inside of my house!! 🥴

I guess being a pathetic attention seeking whore and being not remotely attractive can go hand in hand!!

okayyyyyyy. so i woke up to about a dozen of these types of asks and this one is maybe the tamest. i am honestly unsure of who this could be or if there’s more than one anon sending them. i also have no idea what i did to receive these or who i may have interacted with or who you think i may have interacted with that made you decide to send me hateful and hurtful asks.

trust me when i say you do not need to tell me that i am unattractive or that i look gross or fat or that im repulsive or that i am old and embarrassing myself. you don’t. anything you say i have said worse to myself for countless years.

however with everything that has happened in the world this week i really don’t have the bandwidth to deal with receiving these types of interactions. i honestly just don’t have it in me.

my asks will be turned off for now and i will not be responding to any DMs currently. i’m really tired and i’m really drained and maybe any other week I wouldn’t allow this to sit inside of me and be clawing away at me on the inside but i don’t have it in me right now. i am already sad and i am already hurting and i am going to be taking a little break.

i haven’t received negativity on here through the asks since maybe 2013-2015. i also usually never acknowledge when someone is being negative to me and i do not engage which is normally what i would have done but today i don’t have it in me to ignore it.

if you are reading this do not do this to other people it is so weird and rude and i can’t imagine it makes you feel good/better except maybe a total of 2 minutes from that rush where you just hit submit. also just unfollow or block or don’t go looking at my blog or other people who cause the reaction of wanting to send these types of messages. i also know you don’t care and won’t listen but truly me or this blog is not worth anyone’s time let alone worth you doing this type of behavior.

[theneighborhoodwatch]

uhhh wally/barnaby for the ship thing?? idk if you ship them im just guessing because youve rbed some art for it lmao

(send me a character/ship to hear my thoughts)

when or if I started shipping it: [friendly shrug that communicates absolutely nothing]

my thoughts: IT'S FUNNY, I... I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD FEEL WAY MORE STRONGLY ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BEING ROMANTIC THAN I DO? especially considering that "eccentric and traumatized manic pixie nightmare guy obsessed with fulfilling some fictional archetype x his more cynical and worldly friend-slash-colleague who starts out supportive but eventually finds himself way out of his depth" was pretty much the Exact dynamic of the last ship i was invested enough in to call an otp. so far though, any moments they have together don't get much more out of me than "ooh, interesting, i wonder if/how that's gonna come into play later," or "oho, i think my friend who ships barnwally will get a kick out of this," or "aaaghghg fuck.... buddy comedy angst...." i think my thoughts on them right now can be best summarized as ... i am excited for when there is enough About them in canon to finally make me as emotional over them as i am about, like, franklydear or wally and home. but also even if their relationship is never explicitly or even implicitly romantic then i have more than enough reason to believe it will still be just as emotional and rich with Themes. TL;DR: i know they're gonna fuck me up Some day, but that hasn't happened yet.

What makes me happy about them: they genuinely like each other! i feel like with welcome home's whole Thing of its characters' predetermined roles coming into conflict with their reality it'd be really easy to have one of them secretly hate or resent the other from the get-go, but - no, wally trusts barnaby to always have an answer for what he's feeling or experiencing and barnaby is gentler and more upfront with wally than he is with almost any other character (although considering his general personality that may not be saying much HAHA.) it makes it a lot easier to get invested in them and subsequently dread what effect The Horrors will have on their relationship.

What makes me sad about them: so, like. wally probably knows why he and barnaby are friends to begin with, i.e. he probably knows that A Higher Power decided that they should be friends, and so it was done. the possibility that wally can exist beyond what his audience/creator(s) expect of him does not seem to have ever occurred to wally himself. what i'm getting at here, is that. wally may genuinely like being friends with barnaby, yes. but liking something because you chose to seek it out and liking something because you are under the impression that you will somehow cease to exist without it are Two Very Different Things, and the latter is. very dangerous for any kind of relationship. and, fuck, barnaby - if i was barnaby and i found out that that was how my best friend (who i may or may not be in love with) saw our friendship the whole time - if i found out that was the truth and i never noticed it? i would never be able to forgive myself. even if that friend ended up doing things that hurt me or other people or themselves and i was rightly upset with them for that, there would always be that little voice in the back of my head telling me that if i had just looked closer for two seconds i could have fixed it. i could have helped him. i could have shown him i was a real friend.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i don't seek out WH fic all that often, but i remember when it first became a thing a lot of explicitly romantic barnaby/wally fic made barnaby a little too earnest/mushy for my liking? like yeah, he cares about wally and is gentle with him and everything, but he is also very quick to tease wally and to dress up pretty much everything he says in at least on layer of irony/clowning around. this pooch does NOT have the emotional self-awareness for the things you want him to say!! i also dislike when authors make another character (usually home or. howdy?) like, over-the-top abusive towards wally so barnaby has more incentive to get with him, but i just don't like character assassination/flanderization in general, so.

Things I look for in fanfic: honestly, just, like. more stuff that actually interacts with WH's canon. i feel like a lot of the stuff i see for them is either AU fic or smutty oneshots that don't do a whole lot to incorporate canon elements. which, like, do whatever you want forever, but i'm Starvin' over here.

My kinks: y'know i was gonna be like "teehee, wrong blog! you're not getting that here, silly!" but. i actually have no idea what kinks i would consider Only in the context of wallaby. uhhh. ask for my nsfw blog if you wanna hash that out i guess.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i'm very curious to see if canon is going to end up making a case for laughingstock. i don't know if it will but i think it would be very funny. as for wally... [looks at his relationship with home] uh. [looks at his relationship with W/the WHRP] umm. [looks at his relationship with the audience] fuck. maybe work on yourself a little bit before thinking about sharing your life with someone again, buddy.

My happily ever after for them: an animated music video set to on melancholy hill by gorillaz. it opens with wally sitting in front of home's burning remains at night, gazing mournfully into its eyes one last time. the only sound we hear is the crackling of the fire. we smash cut to black for a split second before the song begins to play, paired with the visual of wally driving down a long highway at sunset, in what is very clearly a hastily painted over mail truck that used to belong to eddie's post office. after the opening instrumental of the song, the footage alternates between three perspectives: wally traveling to his unknown destination, complete with all the hitchhiking, gas pumping, pit stopping, and otherwise less glamorous parts of road travel; the other neighbors trying to put their lives back together after The Bullshit, in particular following barnaby's melancholic point of view as he visits each one/attends their various get-togethers; and finally, the neighbors Braving The Horrors back in the day to fight for a life that best fits their needs rather than that of their long-dead makers. as the song begins to roll to a close, we see the mail truck pull up to an unfamiliar looking house, with a handful of neighbors hanging out on the porch and barnaby leaving out the front door to grab something. the entire scene takes place at sunset once again, meaning everything in is in silhouette. barnaby stops dead in his tracks when he sees the truck, and the others soon follow his gaze. wally opens the door and steps out, his body language hesitant as he takes one step towards barnaby. barnaby begins to walk towards him. we smash cut to black on the final note of the song. the end.

[v-anrouge]

Addressing and apologizing for the mistreatment and harassment i caused for @twstchatterbox

Long post under cut.

i’ve recently reached out to someone i have hurt a lot continuously due to my own selfishness; Rubia. i’d like to apologize to her. to make things brief we dated a system's alters and would all talk to each other multiple times a day because of it. Everything seemed to be going fine until one day Rubia reached out to me with a text warning me about the fact she'd be taking a mental health break due to her social battery being low, of course seeing that my first thought was panic and that surely ive done something terrible, despite her attempts to assure me that it wasn't the case. i blocked her because seeing her hurt me, and i was convinced i was right in the situation, and that Rubia was some heartless monster. i have gone out of my way for about two years now to spread rumors about her, participated in a hate club, went out of my way to ruin her friendships and isolate her, I was ruining her social life and it made me happy. It doesn't matter how I feel anymore because this is all my fault and I was disgusting.

I know i already sent you an apology but ill gladly do it again, even if you do not forgive me, because it's a totally understandable thing to do. Back when this happened all i could think of was myself, how sad i was how hurt i was and looking back on it i really feel just disgusted with myself and how i dared play victim when your note clearly showed you were not okay mentally, instead of being a good friend and wishing you a good recovery, i immediately treated you like you had betrayed me and completely disregarded everything you told me in that note. None of what happened was your fault, clearly if i had been cut off it was because i was also doing damage, and instead of apologizing i decided to treat you rudely, and i really truly do regret my actions. It's even more disgusting to take in the fact i continuously painted you as a terrible person when i check the way i answered to you reaching out and trying to be friends again, instead of asking for an explanation instead.

In the server i was in had two people who also constantly insulted and painted Rubia as a monster, one of them being the person she considered her internet little sibling at the time; hikaru and the other one is our ex, which id rather not mention. In that server we'd constantly talk about Rubia in a negative way that only served to make us dehumanize her even more, it started at first with simple venting made by hikaru because of the way they felt betrayed and hurt by being abandoned when they genuinely considered themselves siblings, then i joined in where we'd blame and insult Rubia for cutting us off completely ignoring the reasoning behind her decision, the system, who created the server then joined in, at first only expressing how they felt rubia didn't see them as a system but rather just as the alter she dated, painting their relationship as abusive and saying Rubia was causing the alter to almost go dormant. with our constant slander i only started to hate and see rubia in an even more negative light, which only made the way i talked about her with my friends worse. In these almost two years, ive demonized rubia in many ways, all because i was desperate to seem valid, ive hurt her in ways i know i will never be able to make up for, and any backlash i receive for this is more than deserved. Im posting publicly with her permission and supervision both out of respect for her, but also so you all can see the type of person i am, you can all feel free to block me and cut me off if you see fit, it was my own actions that brought this after all. And to Rubia; i know no matter how many times i say this that it'll never fix the ways i hurt your social life, but im truly sorry, i hope that one day you're able to get help and heal from the damage i've caused.

[yumeyleo]

i want to die cause im terrified of aging, im scared of getting older, We're dying anyways, everything we do will be pointless in a few several decades. And in the past i would take that as a sign to live life as i want to, but i want to be remembered. But i wont be remembered because i wont make some uber big discovery or write an awesome book or do anything impactful. and im fine with that, ive accepted it. Life is pointless, joys are fleeting, all this world is is a tragedy, that sounds so emo and edgy but fuck itim alwaedy writing so many emberassing things today, im gonna hate myself in the morning ;-;. most of us, we're all dying anyway, some of us faster than others. I wanna die cause im sick of having to do stuff... cause im lazy, basically. i think death is both punishment and a gift. I think i deserve to die for all ive done on this earth, but it'll also be a treat for not being too unaware of my actions. (teh slef awareness makes me better, but also makes me worse) Theres also just this deeprooted (maybe rooted in my soul) (i dont understand souls, i want to, though) need in me to die, to feel death. its been there since day one. i sound so ew omg...i was too busy trying to comprehend how to tell left from right and how to tie my shoelaces to realize it. But anyways, the need in me to want to be hurt worse than all those around me has always been obvious. ive always been a bad person for that. actually, i never comprehended death for a while. when i did i didnt think much of it, until i thought of whats after. I was scared of death because of that thought. Maybe i still am, but now i am okay? to die. i want to find out whats after. why i want to die is something i cant understand myself most of the time, this is the basics. Sometimes i wanna live. I actually hate that i idealize about suicide, id rather just live. i know i have no future though, so ive given up on mostly everything. Its obvious in my academic decline. i wouldve been a smart girl if it werent for all of this, i mourn that i guess. i like my friends, i love them. and i want to live to have more happy and silly moments with them. The happiness i get from them never overpowers the other stuff, i wish they could. Im sad i dont want to live. id really like to live sometimes. its actually frustrating why cant my emo ass just want to LIVE??? i really wish i hadnt stopped being friends with him, but i know what he said wasnt right. im certain he wouldve made fun of me for this