#im simply going to die me thinks
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I JUST GOT CAUGHT UP WITH THE BSD MANGA AND IM ACTUALLY FUCKING EXPLODING-
#im a black hole#this fucking manga has spaghettified me#im simply going to die me thinks#they better bring Ranpo back#bungo stray dogs#I don’t know what to do with myself right now#im actually deceased#I’ve exploded#30 dead 167 injured#it’s me#im 30#bsd manga#bsd manga spoilers
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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i feel like a major piece of shit 👍
#my friend is having her bday party later tn (at 10pm which is insane)and i said id go bc i miss her so bad n want to see her and celebrate#but the snowwwwww i dont think i can drive in the snow at nighy thats simply a bad idea#but then she just texted me saying she cant wait to see me and i feel so bad bc im gonna cancel on her and i just should have earlier i feel#like such a bad friend for waiting but i was hoping for a weather miracle + doing math hw and didnt get around to it.#guess ill die simple solution#h
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thinking about the several month period where the survivors (plus the two who are already awake) work to 1) wake up mahiru 2) support her through healing and then 3) wake up peko
and how utterly Miserable that period of time has to be for fuyuhiko
(more under the cut because its another long one babey)
like. okay. heres a couple of disclaimers: this is a repeat, but i have not watched the anime. so if the character dynamics from it are your canon, just know i may not follow that. second, i… dont really think about mahiru that much. shes not really that much of a character to me, given what were given in canon, and the Casual Man Hating Mom Friend Lesbian (and i know she canonically has a crush on hajime so shes definitely bi or pan dont yell at me) trope just does nothing for me im sorry HOWEVER. in contrast to fuyuhiko, and in terms of what, in my brain, she does during the tragedy (which will probably WILDLY contradict literally everyone else’s opinions), there IS something in… her* arc post sim (that * will come back) that DOES interest me. bear with me
fuyuhikos ingrained belief system revolves almost entirely around the phrase ‘There is always a bigger fish.’ there is always going to be someone stronger, bigger, and more dangerous than you, so you have to work to be the strongest, biggest, and most dangerous you can in order to stay alive. along with that, he’s had very strangled views of what it means to be a Man shoved down his throat by most likely his father, so to him, being a man means being Big and Strong and Dangerous. but at the same time… he knows thats all bullshit. hes had other influences in his life, peko, his sister and, in my mind, his mother and other strong women high up in his clan, that have shown him the falsehoods of a lot of those claims. at the same time, he also knows, in the back of his head, that he physically can not meet those expectations for being a man. but… he is one. i think hes Solid in that. so it ends up all conglomerating and fighting in his head in a very confusing mess, which honestly has to be exhausting.
mahiru, by contrast, seems to have this very odd two-part system of beliefs, where being a man means being Confident and Strong and Protective, but at the same time, men are fundamentally Lazy and Stupid and Uncaring. women need to be protected by men, but also men are unnecessary. its… yeah its honestly familiar lmao. and some of this is the writers’ beliefs seeping in and some of it is bad writing but at the end of the day its what weve got.
so, to me, it really feels like the two of them would have absolutely hated each others guts during school. fuyuhiko is neither Big and Strong and Caring, nor is he Lazy and Stupid and Uncaring. he cares a lot, but not openly, or in a way that mahiru would easily recognize. hes an enigma in her eyes. and to fuyuhiko, mahiru is stuck in a frame of mind hes been fighting since he was a child, and as much as he’d try to be sympathetic, his anger has a tendency to get the better of him.
so… sato’s death would only have made this situation worse.
i dont think any of them knew he was responsible for her death. i dont think fuyuhiko told ANYONE aside from peko, especially since this would have been in their second year, after junko had begun sinking her talons into the entire class. how could he trust any of them? and he has to have known about her connection to mahiru, its the only way he could have found out she was involved in natsumi’s death. he kept it from her in particular, knowing she wouldn’t understand, knowing she would blame him, knowing it would just make things worse.
she probably doesnt realize the full extent of everything until… until after she wakes up.
im not gonna go too much into them as despairs, but lets just say that fuyuhiko… is responsible for a lot of bad things, even ones that happened to his fellow limbs. mahiru also did a lot of shit, but hiko i think is one of the only ones who hurt his so-called allies. and her cheery, fake, influencer-like attitude absolutely grated on him like crazy, resulting in a lot of screaming matches and even physical altercations.
so, when mahiru wakes up, her opinion of fuyuhiko is the lowest it could possibly be. hes an enigma, a stick in the gears, a man who hasnt yet shown his true colors and yet is also a violent, cruel dictator, fulfilling every expectation she has for the kind of man she expects the Ultimate Yakuza to be.
except he isnt. because by the time she wakes up, its been over a year and a half since the program shut down, and fuyuhiko is a very, very different person. and he doesnt have a low opinion of her at all. hes incredibly sympathetic to her situation, understands how much pain shes probably in, understands theres definitely a lot more under her surface beliefs that he doesnt see or know yet. thinks it was incredibly brave of her to stand up to him despite knowing he could be violent and dangerous.
and as the days go by, she sees that. sees him interacting with the others, sees him laugh at one of hajimes stupid jokes, sees him smile and roll his eyes at kazuichi’s physical affection, sees him lean on his cane when his leg flares up, sees him rubbing at the scars around his eye when they ache. sees how much respect he treats her with, how much space he gives her while not avoiding confrontations, because hes done running. hes been running for far too long, and hes done with it.
i think it takes a long time. weeks, maybe. months, possibly. but i think it starts to weigh on her mind, that she cant keep treating him like a criminal. like a weapon. cant keep ignoring his humanity in favor of the label of Violent Man that sits in her brain. and, additionally, interacting with the others, with hajime, with sonia, with kazuichi and sagishi. she starts to realize how utterly stupid the rigid gender structures that exist in her heard really are.
basically what im saying is i think mahiru is a he/him butch bi woman because i love to hit characters with the Cool Ass Gender ray. this is where that * comes back by the way thats why thats there because mahirus not a girl but also he is a girl but also hes not. hope this helps <3 also he and fuyuhiko are Worsties. they should eventually get to a point where they can both make jokes about the fact that fuyuhiko tried to kill him and can also have serious conversations about the sato and natsumi shit without devolving into unproductive arguing.
AND THEN PEKO WAKES UP FUCK THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT—
#personal#meta#danganronpa#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#mahiru koizumi#yeah im character tagging its about them. whatever#sorry to all the mahiru fans out there but his canon shit is just sooooo boring to me#i have to do something interesting with him or ill simply die#and hes too entwined with fuyuhiko and pekos arcs and storylines for me to allow myself to ignore him entirely so. here you go.#this is me trying really really hard to find something to grasp onto in him#i guess the ‘and then peko wakes up’ post is gonna have to be another one#i just think about mahiru waking up and asking coldly if fuyuhiko made it and he from out of her line of sight goes ‘im right here.’#and she just goes RIGID.#the angst i gobble it down out of my hands like a fucking animal
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One day im going to fuss out the theological like. Assignments structure whatever of the emblems in the divine dragon church (i guess like sorts of guardian spirits or angels or some sort of equivalent that i dont have the vocab for) and also fuss out how at least the royals end up when folded into the faith as saints, part of a semi-desperate bid by alear to immortalize what he can of his friends
(it only partly works because in canonizing them they are forever part of the faith but they are aggrandized and sanctified and thus stripped of some of the human flaws and quirks that made alear so fall in love with them in the first place and so their memory is forever and forever it is tainted)
#katie rambles#needless worldbuilding? yeah. always.#anyways i get sad thinking about this so much that like#one day it really hits alear that his friends are growing old. they're going to die one day.#and he rushes over to his church like 'im god right i can do what i want right then everyone who fought with me is getting sainted'#he doesnt like flexing his title or abusing it but this is an exception#because this way there's always going to be a record of them right he can always keep some memory of them right#and then years down the line having a second realization that they are preserved#but they are perfect. too perfect perhaps.#and they are slipping away from him still#and now he's simply made it worse by clinging to the icons made in their image and the prayers that catch in his throat#(be sad with me damn u all)#fe engage#fe17
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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long ramble in tags tldr: kindness rules
#was it genocide that got them to the human world or was it her kindness and promise at the expense of her past#who was ultimately the reason the goldy pond kids were able to survive and escape#who got stabbed by a demon and was in a coma for four weeks trying to protect her newfound family#ultimately shifting his perspective on humans and hunting in general and becoming a driving force in their efforts for freedom#who became best friends with the literal ''evil blooded girl'' and was able to come up with a sound solution to demons needing human meat#in order to maintain their forms#do you think norman would be happier knowing he had to be the sacrificial lamb killing children with his bare hands and fully executing it#do you think ray would be happier if emma had simply let him die instead of giving him a firm dose of reality and helping him to#live a life full of love and support and kindness#of course she isnt perfect and i most definitely would change a lot of things if i could but this is just one of the many comments i see#when youre blinded by hatred you cant think objectively#i understand that norman went through freakish amounts of hell but to put it in my perspective: if i were a demon#i highly doubt that i would fully understand how intelligent humans truly are#you know those videos of people boiling crabs alive and saying ''it doesnt hurt them''#there would probably be a lot of rhetoric around that nature and all i would know is eat human fingertip = go play tag#so why would my parents deserve to die? what difference is there between cattle like pigs and cows in our world to humans in theirs?#anyways. im sorry for liking stories where kindness prevails and opens doors to opportunities previously thought imaginable#i hate constantly seeing this stuff when looking up tpn and it irks me it really does
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when i see people with the same ugw as me but theyre taller i feel so bad about myself
#idk i just. a bmi of under 15 is considered where its far more dangerous#and im already very unhealthy so im just not sure i wanna go below that. i guess 5 more pounds would be that big a deal#ugh. my ugw was less than that before when i was younger bc i was shorter. ive been doing this so long ack#i used to wanna be 70 but i was shorter then and alwo didnt understand the danger as much and also didnt care as much#but at this moment i dont wanna die and u less i suddenly lose all my free time to do what i 3njoy i dont think thats gonna change#ugh. 80 wouldnt be that bad would it. ill see how i look once im 85 and then ill put effort into gaining muscle wnd losing fat before i#go qnd lower my ugw. previously when i weighed 105 my ugw was 90#part of me wants to lower it way more into the dangerous zone bc i know im never gonna look like a lot of the insanly thin ppl in thinspo#unless im very dangerously underweight but also.i will be so tired if i do that. and ill be too tired to do my favorite thing. and as much#as being skinny is important to its not the most important thing. simply being skinny usnt gonna make me happy and fix my problems#i wont be able to just look in the mirror and feel ok. but my fav thing does do that. and its always my top priority to keep that available
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Daytime Star is living in my life rent free since I read it
#daytime star#manhwa#i simply cant stop thinking about ut#its too good#im going to die i want to read it again fkr the first time#me daytime start#me daytime star
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Okay so something dawned on me tonight. I've really been pondering ep 49 and now that I've calmed down from my initial state of being very upset (because I got triggered by it lmfao) I've come to realize. It's literally just pretty wrapping paper on what's really a tragic ending. It's literally like any other gundam in the sense of, at its core, it's a story about the trauma we face and cycles of violence. I feel like I was lied to by the Fandom and went into it expecting a truly happy or at bare minimum HOPEFUL ending. Boy was I wrong. I didn't pinpoint why the first time and assumed it was just the me not liking rain. But this time I've come to realize exactly why it gets me feeling the way it does. The fact that the last shot is an announcement for the 14th gundam fight is really like... something. It's so blatant that it went right over my head. Everyone has suffered SO MUCH all for the cycle to repeat once more. I hate watching the episode but I can't deny, it ultimately IS fitting.
#watching my fave die in an attempt to put an end to it 4 eps prior only to have everyone act like everything is peachy#when in reality.......#its harsh and it feels genuinely painful to me#i still think allenby shouldve been endgame for domon simply bc id at least be able to say hes with someone who would treat him right#but thats not what happened.#i think its really like a personal issue as to why it hits so hard in a negative way to me and that is#when i got with my ex and moved out i thought id leave trauma in the past only to end up experiencing the worst 5 years of my life#and uh domon spends the whole series going through trauma only for the ending to be what it was and so ig im kinda like#ah its like my life path but grander scale and a potentially worse outcome#genuinely its just really depressing imo
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currently.
#purrs#what if i was experiencing ordeals so mortifying and horrors so horrible i could not talk about them to anyone in full honesty and truth and#transparency not even the dearest people in my life who love me and actively want to support me and listen to me or my tumblr mutuals who#are literally my bestest friends who live in my phone and in some cases outside of it so instead i locked myself in my rapunzel tower and pr#proceeded to cut off my hair and then cut off my dress and then cut off my brain so it could stop perceiving stimuli and reacting to it#despite wanting to get better and thinking it’s getting better and i couldn’t even tell my therapist because he doesn’t get me but it takes#too long to find a new one and i don’t have time and also my tower was getting renovated and also i was a little bug who was getting.#crushed by giant rain drops falling on my shell and bending my antennae so im dizzy and also it’s as almost midnight and i had to be up at a#work awake in 6 hours and ready to fscilitwtbeblike 3 things but i was screaming and howling and pounding on the floor over the dumbest most#normal sjit in the entire world that i couldn’t tell anybody i was struggling over because it would make everybody in the world blow up and#die and explode. what if i had to communicate the horrors through memes and vague posts every single day and that was all that was truly at#my disposal and everyone thougut i was being weird and standoffish and mean but really i was pulsing hurt like a strobe light every second o#of every day. becaus ei think if all of that was true i would simply go to sleep without doing the dishes and redacted redacted redacted red#redacted. and i wish i could. but i can’t. I’m just a little beetle and the rain drops are so huge. lol#delete later#puslng INCOMMUNICABLE hurt *. like morse code. like fire flies. Because literally… 💡💡💡💡💡#<- girl who has had separation anxiety since the day she was born. but also girl who never texts anyone back. girl who is a hypocrite 🥰
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fuck i should go to sleep cause ive got school in the morning but. listening to 30/90 by andrew garfield got me fucked up
#i first heard the song from the greatest showmen kareoke.. i still remember that day vividly#it was the only one of the offcollab week streams i was able to catch and i was listening to it while going to the doctor w my father#shit man..#not to mention that one of the last magni streams in was able to catch was the kareoke w bettel after his 1.5 debut#that stream helped me calm down abt my finals#then the final magni stream i caught was his turning lines into drawings stream#and i watched that during the lunch break on the second day of my finals#its been 2 weeks since their graduation announcements but i still cant let go i think#cant fully comprehend it#like. sure i can watch their PLs but their content there simply isnt for me. it feels different ykno#im still mourning the loss of what couldve been and all that#i wish the both of them the best but i cant help but feel conflicted and bittersweet abt it#i dont feel like going further on my thoughts#but know that i will support holostars till the day i die. i swear on it#edit. not to mention how earlier this year i had to go through some of the most stressful dance practices ever#and during the breaks i ended up watching a couple vesper clips to calm me down. like that one staz clip where he#talked abt his uncle and brother
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Im gonna explode actually
#I think its just the CloverStress#but I actually need to bite full force into someone#Im tired of looking at my horrible face#and im tired of looking at the dishes#and im tired of the dogs making noise#and im tired of the shitty weather we've been having#and im tired of not being able to simply do things#and im tired of working for barely more than minimum wage#and im tired of being home in the cramped office#AND I JUST ALMOST CHOKED WHILE WRITING THIS#well I did choke#but I didnt die from it#im tired of being mid at everything I do#side character ass motherfucker (me)#jen rambles#more like jen whines#(I swear my life is actually going well. I just literally dont have any coping mechanisms for stress)
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#it's fine i'm just having another meltdown about surgical menopause#this is hell this is hell this is hell this is evil hell i cannot over state how this without informed consent makes me wanna die#i would never have agreed to this if there was informed consent and the doctor even put he didn't know about surgical menopause in the chart#when i grilled him after and told him i never would have agreed with i formed consent and he REALLY SAID THAT INFO DIDNT EXIST#my voice is stuck like this my teeth are going bad my bones are degenerating and so is my brain i just want to lay down and cry#there's nothing i can do about this and this is what im stuck with as my life now#i would give an arm and a leg to extend colorados medical malpractice statutes of limitations theyre so short#i seriously would pursue legal action against this doctor#nothing would make up for this though i constantly feel like screaming and being absolutely violent because i don't know what to do with#how upset i am maybe i should go to a wreck it room or something lmao i simply do not know i'm just trying#trying not to take it out on myself even though i want to#if i start i won't stop and that's a deep hole i don't think i could get out of if i do#which is why im avoiding it as much as possible#it's called ptsd sweaty
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You know what hurts? Listening to "All Eyes On Me" By Bo Burnham, and thinking about a confrontation between Beast Guda and their human self.
A Guda who died to remain human, and another who continued to live and become an evil of humanity.
#fate grand order#idea dump#ramblings of a sleep deprived girl#sad songs#song mood rec#Guda's story is gonna end in tragedy and you can't convince me otherwise#you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain#that's basically what their story is going to turn into#angst#im sad okay#i'm crying#thinking about a guda who remained human because they died#And an alternate version of themselves who became a beast simply because they manged to survive and live#them just meeting and comforting each other because they realize there was only two ways their lives were gonna end up and it isn't fair#it hurts man it hurts#just add the song and everything hits different#merry christmas have some angst
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this would be so funny to send as a middle-aged wife whenever your good for nothing husband who fell either into addiction or abusiveness when he got laid off in 2008 starts acting up but you’re 55 looking 45 and he’s ambiguously in his 60s and unlike him you didn’t age out of your sense of humor and ability to socialize so he just has to humble himself and shut up
image found while on google images ©
#DONT come at me like UMMM he’d just kill her!!!#i’m gonna be the one calling not all men on that#not because soo many of them would draw the line at violence obviously that’s untrue#but because some of them are aware that going into their mid 60s mildly obese with a spending habit and unfortunate disposition…#doesn’t exactly make them a hot prospect for any woman who isn’t tied to him by finances and familiarity#and not all of them are willing to kill themselves too and the ones who know how pathetic they are also know how they’d fare in prison.#anyways. RIP to my mother and aunt whose husbands im talking about#altho my aunts husband is a piece of shit and he can’t die soon enough#he’s not strictly an abuser to my knowledge but he’s a parasitic piece of shit#who straight up did not care when his wife was dying did nothing for her n o t h i n g my mom & her sibs took care of her#he didn’t even do like whatever couple of things mightve gotten her insurance and kept them from bankruptcy#refused to try.#now he’s got ass cancer and was disabled by an ass cancer induced stroke and she is his sole caregiver#vermin. vermin. vermin.#i went to more of her chemo infusions than him. i was 12.#my father is not that bad he’s just generally unpleasant like many men#people who have strokes/other disabilities sudden or otherwise requiring care are not vermin. to clarify. unrelated thoughts.#men who literally wouldnt lift a finger while their wife dies a slow and painful death but actually miraculously survives and#he continues to not give two shits about her or his family until he too is facing death and finds jesus and thinks because jesus forgives#he’s deserving of forgiveness from his wife and can live with himself having her wipe his ass when her kids had to bring her her meds#when she was vomitting for hours and near dead on the bathroom floor because he simply couldnt be bothered to get off his ass#and stop watching FOX news convincing himself that he’s part of the ‘elite’ despite being a nearly destitute man#who came from nothing knocked up his college gf had a meagerly successful career the earnings of which he lost in the stock market?#vermin!!!!
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