#im really going through it rn i guess
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Linktober Day 3, Zelda
Oot Zelda hit the gym and you cannot convince me otherwise
#i think a few would have#but her especially#i realize this is also the 2nd time ive drawn a damsel throwing hands#i think its therapeutic#you go girl#you dont have to put up with their bs#im really going through it rn i guess#the legend of zelda#loz#zelda#linktober#linktober 2024#oot zelda#princess zelda#i would kill for a zelda boxing game
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uhh very quick alternate graphic novel clothing design ideas for sophie.
@skylilac @callas-pancake-tree @arson-anarchy-death @steal-nightmares-leave-dreams @neverseen-nevermore @abubble125 @purplesoup-lad-le @gay-otlc @thefoxysnake @keeper-of-the-lost-dadwin @ravs6709 @did-i-say-you-could-get-up @kamikothe1and0nly @that-glasses-dog @presidentroarie @even-if-in-another-time @nyxpixels @slozhnos @katniss-elizabeth-chase @sofia-not-sophie @moontoastt @lemon-girl-in-devil-town @three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat @purpleunicycle @just-a-honey-badger @loverofallthingssmart @antisocialdork @tamsong @cutebisexualmess
#these arent very well thought out but still! not that ugly!#i do kind of get the gn artist now though#she wants to blend into the background and she has little to no experience with elven clothes#she doesnt like fancy things but she also has a certain weird girl charm that needs to be kept#all while keeping things simple enough to draw over and over#overall i dont think mine are bad but! would def have to go through more drafts that i dont feel like doing rn#im guessing the bird dress from the last scene in the book#and the weird greenish orangish dress from everglen#came from the desire to make her a bit weird and out of place#this girl wears gray her whole life! shes suddenly tossed in a world of bright colors and fancy clothes!#ofc shes struggling#i think dellas really the one to blame. for buying her those outfits in the first place.#kotlc#kotlc fanart#sophie foster
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#okay sorry for venting but i’ve been processing that session for months#like im the one who fucked up that session because i couldnt make myself say anything and actually naming any problem i have#felt like im begging to have a bunch of excuses#and god that paychologist really made me feel like i imagined all of that for attention and now im back here again and im once again#realizing my brain is just fucked up and what do i do now because if i went to a session now#i would be in the same situation where i can’t say anything that actually bothers me#so i guess im in deep shit forever or at least until i stop having some fucking mental block or whatever#im just fucking tired bro…….#she told me everyone is a little bit autsitic and that’s it WHAT#bro if i had little enough symptoms of whatever that i could do stuff by myself anyway i wouldnt fucking be ghere paying 200zł for the most#ruining hours of my life thank you so much.#instead i have to use everyone in my life as a crutch because i literally just can’t function without help IUOUOUGHHH#god im so sorry okay im gone im just really going through it rn#vent
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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I really need some gravity falls friends I think :(
#idk im feeling annoying about talking to non gf friends about it again.#i just said a lot of stuff about stan and his memory loss in multiple discord servers im in today and nobody really. interacted with it in#any of them so i kinda feel stupid for wanting to talk about it ?#any time i feel like this i KNOW its because of how my ex treated me regarding it (can elaborate if asked) and its been hard to...#deal with on my own really.#ive been going through old gf content and such that ive forgotten about in the like? 6 or 7 years i kinda strayed away from it#BECAUSE of that one ex i mentioned#i tend to get on little tangents and talk a LOT about specific gravity falls things for paragraphs accidentally and... nobody who isnt into#the show rn like me isnt gonna like. read that. and respond to it.#i guess i need. conversation? instead of feeling like im talking AT people who just arent as interested as i am.#i think something that really got me down about how much i typed put earlier today is that in one server someone completely changed the#subject about it and the topic got changed without much interaction or discussion at all and in another it was kinda completely ignored#nobody talked over it or anything but nobody has said anything about it at all either. that channel has just kinda been dead and silent#since i stopped sending messages in it. its just#sad? i guess? disheartening.#to be super enthusiastic about something and just not have that enthusiasm met by anyone else. or even like. vaguely hyped up by anyone else
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it’s not funny anymore. i need xander and spencer’s book
#like it’s serious.#how did they become my vacation couple?!#like i’m on vacation imagining what fictional characters would be doing in this scenario AND THEY ARE MY BRAIN’S GO TO?!#i can’t remember the last time i was this invested in a couple before their book even came out#mine#like us series#i guess technically not? but i don’t have anything else to call it rn#and also i can’t remember if i ever brought this up here but it seems obvious that we’re getting easton / vada and im here for it?#like we don’t know super much about either of them but i obviously like easton due to his friendship with xander#and vada is gillow’s child which automatically qualifies her for national treasure status#and i think it was clever of them to pair them off that way#bc otherwise even though easton is well liked he wouldn’t really qualify for a book as just a side character#(not that they didn’t do that for oscar / jack and are obviously angling for a frog / quinn book)#and vada needs someone trustworthy from outside the families#anyway. THEY ARE ALL I THINK ABOUT#YOURE TELLING ME I HAVE TO GET THROUGH ALL THE COBALT BOYS BEFORE THIS?? WHEN THE NLU SET UP WAS THAT PERFECT#like as happy as i am to get ben’s book in my life it just feels wrong that his and xander’s books won’t be back to back idk#🏆 this is for anyone that actually read this deep into the tags you are a warrior
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DAY 1
I like it when they homosexually fight each other
#shin soukoku#bungou stray dogs#sskk#akutagawa x atsushi#akuatsu#bsd#atsushi nakajima#ryuunosuke akutagawa#art challenge#drawing challenge#guess who didnt know wtf to do w the background and added checkersss#“ill kill you!” “do i know you?!”#alternatively#“ill kill you!” “damn bro why're you pulling me close rn.."#suffered so much w this cause im going through artblock real bad#i legit almost lost this drawing because my program fucking crashed right when i finished but hadnt saved yet#also what the fuck is atsushi's hair am i really gonna have to draw this for 7 days bro how tf did harukawa do this for 105 chapters#expect the captions and tags to get longer from this day on
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anyone else finding it really, really personally nauseating that the pjo show would remove gabes entire character and replace him with someone less abusive to make sally a Strong Female Character. like wow, im sure glad that youve proven that women who are abused are the REAL threat to feminism, and they should just try talking back more!! what a good message to send to abused kids. sorry, kid. i guess you just didnt argue hard enough and #Own your abuser into seeing how cool and strong you are. what do you mean that arguing with an abuser will only make them hurt you more? but look how snappy and cool and feminist sally is now!!! youre clearly just being abused wrong.
#pjo#gabe ugliano#any other kids who related to percy feeling a bit uhhhhhhhh like shit rn#saw a post saying how sally being 'less simpering and helpless' is a good thing#like fuck you. jesus fucking christ.#can you think about what youre saying for 2 fucking seconds.#lemme just go tell my mom that she needs to stand up for herself more brb#oh wait i tried that as a kid and guess what it got us. more abuse!#changing sallys story for the purpose of making her a 'stronger' character is disgusting in ways that i cant put into words#women dont have to be abused Well to be worthy of sympathy#and getting angry didnt fucking help me get out of being abused#this was the only story where my sister and i felt seen and were DEFINITELY not the only people who related to it#taking that away from kids who went through our situation is awful#and the fact that anyone would consider it necessary to... idk. fix how the book portrayed abuse? it hurts more than i thought it wo#fluffle talks#negative#personal#sorry im not tagging this post very well#i dont really have the energy to find the right tags rn
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...
#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
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ughh my anxiety got so much worse recently and idk what to do about itt sorry I gotta vent in here cause google ain't helping horrible amount of tmi warning ig....
#im like constantly entering rooms and scared I'm going to find someone died or inkeep thinking someone has killed themself and it's fucking#exhausting and it's just so scary like i can barely enter a room or walk down the stairs without bracing myself for like#the sight of someone lying on the floor or whatever it just brings me so much distress#and i guess it's just like a sick combination of my intrusive thoughts too cause#i have thoughts of this as well as someone trying to kill me or attack me so im just going through world#getting random thoughts that someone isbgoing to suddenly drive their car into me or jump me or whatever#nad godni knowww it's not real but it's just fucking so much with my brain im literally exhausted from the amount#of distress im going through#and it's not like anything has happened recently that's related it's just that my brain is fucked I've always had these thoughts like for#years and years and years it's just worse rn ughhhh#like I feel like this is such an exaggerated fear it's almost comical like i would really open doors to rooms#and think members of my family would be dead and dangling off the ceiling -_-#yeah alright I feel bad even posting this but I can't talk about it to anyone so. uhh
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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clip studio kept giving me a license verification failed screen and nothing i was doing was fixing it so after some googling i thought "let me just uninstall and reinstall the app and see if that fixes it" but in my haste to fix the problem i failed to realize that doing so... would delete all my drawings... so guess who just totally screwed himself over!! hint: it's me
#wynnposting#this all happened last night so i already spent several hours crying over it#maybe i should go back to procreate. it may not be as professional but at least i never had to deal with licensing bullshit -_-#and before you ask i didnt have anything backed up. i already looked through my icloud#im going to try and contact apple and clip studio support#but its unlikely there's anything i can do#which sucks. really fucking hard.#but i think all i can do rn is just re download my assets and keep pushing#so. starting from scratch i guess#at least i had a lot of that art already saved as PNGs and the like on my ipad#but a lot of my doodles and wips are gone :(
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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after all these years of just trying to accept my body the way it is there's still a part of me that thinks no one will ever love me bc of my physical appearance
#this is what being made fun of for being fat and ugly as a kid will do to you i guess lollllll#like cmon girl we've been over this beforeeeeeeeeee#but idk its just like. every time i like someone im always like theres no way theyd go for someone like me.....#like ofc they're gonna go for a pretty and skinny girl yk.....and that aint me#cause like yeah my body is the main issue here but i think in other ways im not conventionally pretty#like i have acne and my teeth are really crooked and ~ unique ~ lmfao#gotta keep working on it ig.........but boy is it hard. most of the time i wish i wasn't me 🫡#anyway i know ive been talking too much abt this but im going through it rn (like every other day tbh) and i need to vent 😭😭😭#raquel speaks#// body image
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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