#im proud of their bodies in general tho

[unidentifiedlyingobject]

Ineffable May Day Two: Naked Man Friend

Azi's always had naked man friends (gn) ever since the beginning of time

[izzy-b-hands]

prolific is slow, so more filming and posting it is for today (tho I'm making!! slow progress!! towards enough ad revenue for a payout, and i got like 100 views across all my stuff yesterday alone! which isn't a lot for most ppl but for me it's !!!! which makes it worth it to try and keep up the tighter filming/posting schedule as best I can)

[unholyeverything]

I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.

[yourlocalartsonist]

MONTHLY MFIP UPDATE✨✨

9/24 | Month 2 | Next Month | Month 1

Hey folks 🦐 I finally got the chance to make this month’s MFIP Update cuz god damn life was kicking my ass. College is fine for the most part tbh, just a lot of reading and writing cuz of the specific classes I chose. HOWEVER I have 💥FUCKING PMDD💥 so um skill issue on my part but it’s why I’ve been kinda exhausted as shit this week and was late with the update so my bad folks! (Also for more info on PMDD, click here! I don’t wanna spend this post yapping about it but wanted to leave a resource to spread awareness just in case :3). Also, Imma be tagging some of y'all who have been reading/supporting MFIP consistently just for this post, so yk you guys actually know these updates exist. I was gonna do that for the first ever update but as with many things, I forgor, so I'm doing it now! They’re supposed to come out on the 18th of every month, but yk sometimes life happens and I’m a lil late. It won’t be any earlier than the 18th tho so look out for these once it hits that date! Anywho, cheers to this month’s update!

Alrighty folks we be starting with the Art~!

Alrighty so obvious new thing, WE GOT RAPH’S REF SHEEEEEEEET TEEHEEEEEEE

BRO IM SO HYPE ABOUT IT! It turned out so genuinely amazing and I’m ridiculously proud of it! Especially cuz I honestly thought Raph was gonna be a harder design to figure out yk? I’m not used to drawing his body type, I wasn’t as familiar with his outfit, and even tho I’ve sketched him a few times before, I was just a bit nervous with Raph. Funfact, he’s also been the hardest to figure out how to write back when I was first starting MFIP. I genuinely don’t know why, but I got there eventually (I actually really love writing him now—) and same thing happened with his design!

Since MFIP’s taking place a few months after the Krang invasion, i’m able to take creative liberties and update the boys’ designs more! For some clarification btw, in my story’s lore, the invasion took place in September 2020, and MFIP starts on March 2021. Anywhizzle, my ideas for the boys’ designs is to combine their movie look with their show look, cuz while I do LOVE the black on them, it doesn’t feel right to me to not make them still unique in their own ways. These guys are all about authenticity, so why make their gear exactly the same, ya get me? I basically recolored his show gear to be black and red (and added a lil asymmetry on his legs) cuz I think it makes Raph feel older and more sure about himself, just feels right for him! I also just think the red fade on the black is hella cool! Fun lil color theory i think application, the black is more of a really dark, inky blue, so it makes the red pop out even more! I decided to make a bow out of his mask tails, too! I don’t wanna spoil the entire lore reasoning for it yet (it’ll pop up in the story), but I can indeed say it’s intentional that it looks a little like a lunamoth with damaged tails :3 I also took a BUNCH of creative liberties with his sais’ handles, since we haven’t really seen it much so like idk gaslight yourselves into thinking it’s always been this epic✨✨

Also I gave him his shorts back because FUCK YOU I LIKED THE RED TRIMMMM—

OH I ALMOST FORGOT yes he has longer eyelashes! I saw he grows to have really pretty eyelashes in the future cuz of his turtle species, and I wanted to lean into that by showing they’re starting to grow now :3

Bullshit Gag Because Yes‼️‼️

There ain’t shit to say about this, I just pulled a silly. I saw the fact Donnie was supposed to have a “Doctor Donatello” persona in the deleted episode where Dale turns into a werewolf. I’m really heavily on the train of Leo being the team medic and into medicine in general. I don’t think it makes sense for Donnie to be the medic judging by his sensory issues and this mf being as much of a germaphobe as my mom, and in my opinion it felt too stereotypical anyway to have Donnie be the medic. Ofc, to each their own, and this is just my interpretation of it, but I thought it’d be funny if Donnie still had this persona and was passionate about it, but was like horrifically bad at being a doctor. I made this dumbass sketch that I’ll finish sometime in the future (it’s gonna be a chapter in Arc 3 probably) and I just wanted to share it with yall~

THEY’RE HUMAN NOW⁉️

My ass wanted to show off cuz I’m sketching out some ideas of what my human designs for the boys culd be. I already did Leo’s like ages ago so he’s not on here but I’m realizing as I’m typing this my dumbass forgor to post it so um my bad I will do that in a few days—

But I wanted to design (or more accurately, redesign cuz I did draw em once a while back but I’m not satisfied with them) and I think I ate so far so uh yea. There isn’t any logic to sharing this, I just thought it was cool😭

And actually, imma share them here too just so y’all can see my boy ;w;

(A lil outdated cuz I didn’t give him lips at the time)

Okay there we go~

As you can see, I want all the boys to look kinda etherial and like they'd turn heads, and I think I am SUCCEEDING SO HARD SO FAR CUZ DAMNNNN THEY'RE ALL PRETTY AS SHIIIIIIIT TEEHEE✨ Also am tryna make sure they actually look Blasian since that's what the canon of my story says they are. I'll talk about them more another time when I have all of them on here~

But yea that's all for art this time folks :> ONTO THE NEXT THINGGG

Chapter Progress Time Whoop Whoooop‼️‼️

I didn’t make much progress on anything this month due to college—again, it’s fine, but there’s a shit ton of time management going on in my part to just manage everything and make sure I’m on track—BUT I am indeed still working on chapter 10. We’re up to 20 pages now which is only two more pages written from last month, but it’s kinda cool writing Donnie and I feel like I’m getting a better understanding of him! One thing I’ve been tryna do is understand autism better as a condition cuz I do wanna acknowledge and show bro’s autism instead of just ignoring it due to a lack of understanding. Donnie ain’t Donnie without it, ya know? I don’t know everything and tbh I would say I still have A LOT to learn on the subject matter, but I’m tryna expand my knowledge every opportunity I get and experimenting with how to better show it! This is to say tho, I’M NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, NOR AN EXPERT ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM. This is what I’m finding and comprehending via my own research, and can tbh end up being wrong so please don’t quote me as a reliable source, I’m still learning ;v;

I remember one of the things I kept hearing about was autism leading people to struggle with empathy. The best way I heard it being described was someone bringing the example of when their friend was upset. That person can’t truly feel their friend’s emotions because they’re not the one experiencing it, so can’t properly understand how it’s making their friend feel. But they can see that their friend is communicating their sadness, and they still try to comfort them and make sure their friend knows they’re there for support. I understood it as bringing logic to emotions in a sense; collecting data and figuring out how to handle the situation based on the data rather than using intuition alone.

I’ve been using that to figure out how Donnie might handle more emotionally subtle situations, where he might try to rationally work through what’s happening and kinda substitute it in place of natural empathy. Like the little tidbit I gave above! Instead of just automatically being able to get vibes that the other person is upset, I felt maybe Donnie would instead notice the fact their tone is kinda different from before; it’s basically a data point. With that data point in mind, he could connect it to past experiences where a tone change could indicate a mood change, and as a result he might conclude that Salena’s tone change means she’s upset. I comprehend it as manually working through empathy rather than it being second nature, if that makes sense. Obviously and thankfully Donnie isn’t gonna spend the entire chapter playing a guessing game or anything with Salena’s emotions, it’s just one lil moment that I thought was cool challenge to myself with when writing him! I really love putting myself in the characters’ shoes when I’m writing them or their dialogue. I highly recommend it as a tool too, since it's helped me a lot with staying in character!

Last Lil Segment Y'all

Aight so, I wanted to try doing something cool if y'all are up for it. I really love rambling about my story and lore and characters blah blah blah, but I don't really know how to do so tbh. I'm not that familiar with how social medias work cuz I just never took it seriously, and I don't wanna just keep being like HEYYYYY ASK BOX IS OPENNNNN like I'm screaming from the top of the hill either. Sooooo insteaddddd

I think it'd be fun to do Q&As here! Or at least something similar. I'll open my ask box again and feel free to send any questions you want; it can be about the story, past lore, design questions, getting to know the characters, absolutely anything! Then when I'm gonna do my update for the month, I'll compile all y'all's asks, (prolly will have to tag to make sure you guys know I answered it, or if you ask anon then uh idk look out for the monthly update) and then answer them during the monthly update as the last section! I think it'll be a cool way to make this feel more interactive, and gives me an excuse to ramble. Don't be afraid to ask potentially spoilery questions either! If it's something I can't spoil yet or even give hints or vague answers about, I'll just say so in the update!

Anywhizzle, That's All Folks~!

I'm glad there was so much to talk about this month! I actually deadass thought it would be short but I should know better with my yapping' ass💀✨ But yeah, thanks for reading everyone! I hope y'all enjoy the rest of your days, and I shall see you next month~ Bye :D

Tageroonies:

@yosajaeofficial @chaoticspeedrun @ramblehour @randomcerealbrand @goldanrabbit @m1sf0rtun3 @foundthethief @ackalice @jellyfishheartsss @dollyrin @harukonene @iieieiw @mwantstossleep @zipzaizen @hypocriticaltypwriter @lordfreg @rainbowpr1sm @idioticsky @oleander-nin @cheeselord-official @skittlesqueen101

By the way, if you guys think you’d like to be tagged whenever an MFIP chapter is posted, lmk in a reblog or comment (no asks or dms plz, too inconvenient) and I’ll be sure to tag so it’s more reliable than tumblr notifs :3🫶

ROTTMNT: Moths Fly In Packs

[crushingonevery1]

Im okay (part 1)

Warning: nothing really, slight mention of anxiety, reader has a chip in her body, i think that's it

Pairings: Peter Parker x girlfriend reader

School just ended and Peter and you were sitting in detention after being caught talking in class. You were both guilty of getting detention on purpose more times than you would like to admit. Your uncle and aunt were never home during this time so you got the most freedom to spend time with Peter. And currently, they were both on a business trip and had locked the mansion basically leaving you on the streets to fend for yourself for the week. You weren't complaining tho May and Peter had very generously offered for you to live with them whenever that happened, cause it happened way too much. Your uncle would come to find you through the tracker installed in your shoulder once they were back. You were sure he knew about Peter but just didn't care or didn't find a 17-year-old too dangerous for his "asset".

You were both just exiting school and going back home when Peter got a call from Mr Stark of course you knew about him being Spiderman so after reassuring him that you will be fine and that he should hurry up, you made your way towards Peter's while he left for the avengers tower.

-------------------------------

At the tower, it had been a few minutes since the quinjet had landed and everyone was scattered in the living room and kitchen filling up. Peter was texting you every detail of his mission and happily smiling when you told him you were proud of him. Obviously everyone noticed that the usually talkative teen boy was smiling and blushing towards his phone and not talking to anyone or even replying when Tony called out to him. so Tony after getting ignored for the second time finally pulled out Peter's phone out of his hand looking at who he was texting.

"TONY!!" Pepper shouted clearly unimpressed.

"Relax pep I'm basically his dad" he replied very confidently looking through the texts before finally clicking on your pic. All the while Peter just sat quietly trusting Mr Stark with anything and deciding it was about time he told them about you despite you saying no.

"Who you texting kid??" asked Sam all the way from the kitchen clearly entertained knowing Tony was in for an ass-whooping later.

"umm... my girlfriend..." that got everyone's attention. It was TOO quiet for a good 2 mins before Tony finally pitched in.

"She's cute. Although I'm not sure telling her every detail of our mission to impress her is a good idea, you are not THAT ugly kid."

"WAIT WHAT!!!"spoke the one and only captain america " Peter how could you be so reckless!!". He was clearly disappointed and usually peter would instantly apologise when he saw someone upset. not this time tho, he felt the need to defend you.

"no shes not like that i swear, she would never... She's already got so much of her own stuff going on she can't and she won't."

Seeing the usually too obedient kid argue against cap everyone understand whoever you were, you were important to Peter and they will figure out whether you were a danger or not before passing anymore comments to hurt the kid. They all kept quiet and Peter was about to apologise for being rude when Scott spoke up from the couch next to him. "so hey, when do we get to meet her?? How long has it been? How'd you meet? Give us the deets kid."

Seeing all of them waiting impatiently for his answer made him a lot more calmer before he decided to answer a few questions they might have.

"Her name's y/n. She's in my maths class, and she's like super smart, like more than me. We started officially dating like a month back but we were best friends before that too. She's really close with Ned and MJ too!!" He was practically shouting out of excitement by the time he finished. They smiled widely at the whipped teenager remembering their own first loves and congratulating the spider. When everyone was done sharing their first love experiences Tony finally spoke "As much as I loved hearing about Manchurian candidate being a complete chick magnet, circling back to the exciting part of today, Underoos,when do we get to meet the spider girl?" This made Peter blush profusely before he finally spoke

"Mr stark, you know how my birthday is next week ??" At this tiny doubtfully nods, clearly dissatisfied that his question was ignored. Ignoring the expression on the older man's face Peter continues "Do you think you could throw me an early birthday party...like today?"

Completely forgetting everything at the name of a party Tony very happily replied "You got it Underoos, EVERYONE!! TONIGHT AT 8!! MY KID'S TURNING LEGAL!!"

"next week stark, the kid turns legal next week, you're not letting him drink today"

Ignoring the fight in the background between Tony and Steve everyone went back to whatever they were doing while Peter made his way to the kitchen where Sam, Bucky, Pepper and thor and loki sat. He quickly took a seat at the table dialing your number extremely excited to hear your voice.

"hey honey, did you reach home safe??" "Yes I did Pete I texted you remember?"

"Right!Is may home?" "No she went to help aunt Betty she told us yesterday at dinner"

"oh that's even better! Hey Mr stark is throwing me a birthday party tonight can you please join us it would mean the world to me" "ofc Pete anything. But...your birthday's next week isn't it ?"

By now the convo between Bucky and thor had calmed down and they were all very much listening to your conversation with zero shame.

"Yea! Yea ikr! I told Mr stark but you know him, he's so ...extravagant!!so he just wanted to have a early celebration" the lie made everyone hearing cringe very evidently but they awaited your reply not expecting you to buy that.

"right... I'll be there ofc but umm...you think u could meet me at the gate...I don't want to have to walk in among all the supers completely alone... actually nevermind I'm being a baby I'll be there, you enjoy with your frien-" "hey relax, breathe for me, I'll be coming home in a bit we'll get ready together and come to the party together don't worry, okay ? Rest well honey I'll be home in an hour"

They were superheros for godsake your unusual anxiety instead of excitement over your boyfriend's birthday was wayyyy too obvious in your voice, but there was currently a bigger issue at hand...

"YOU'RE LIVING TOGETHER?!?"

------------------------------------

[nomairuins]

ok well whatever. under the cut Because you wont believe it yes. im shy.

^ only for scale (she is the size of ONE only) . anyways scientist true form honestly very eu holdd on caption cancelled i need to go fix her FUCK ass hands. I accidentally had them skintone instead of her blue glove realness. ANYWYASS as i was saying honestly very euphoric to draw scientist with my body type (well like. with literally my body. lol) bc i think scoentist is hot so i caught myself looking at the drawing like HI HOTTIE HI HOTTIE and then remembering its literally me NDNFJFNF. anyways u probably can see where i changed things like i didnt have socks nor slides KRNRJF + i changed her node to look more like her awhile being awful at drawing noses and umm my cameras bad so my body hair didnt pick up + hers is more prominent than mine so i did my besties. and her freckleness. i hate the lips on this so bad why r lips like impossible even while fr tracing an image Devils body part. anyways aside from those differences it was judt coloring and i modtly colorpicked from the reference (aside from the lines and her gloves). umm except i did swapped the tanktop and coat color bc i dontttt have a labcoat so i was just wearing my old trenchcoat that is dyed Ugly green for an old halloween coetume. sort of a gumshoeesque coat. the costume wasnt gumshoe. you must guess. if the fold pattern on the coat looks wrong its bc its a way thicker material than what labcoats r made of What r u gonna do? sue me. i dont have a labcoat on hand. sorry. ANYWAYS ive rambled now this hopefully goes without saying but plzzzzzzzz dont say anything like. rude or mean abt her body bc that literally is my real life body . thankkk you. thank you.

ok sry i rly will sleep i just realized my outfit was SOOOO scientistmaxxing so i took a reference picture with my coat and so i Basically traced that abd now im refjning it a bit . but i just realized bc of her gloves i have to cover up her knuckle hair. which is horrible for me bc i find it charming

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Im urging for Duke content soo if its okay, can i request Duke x gen! Reader on what they do on a daily basis in nevermore? Thank you!!

A/N: Hi Anon thank you for your patience! I'm extremely bad at acronyms and shit but I've been told gen is the same as gn so like gender neutral, or it means generic, so I'm going to go with that and if you meant something else then, have an extra hour in the ball pit I guess.

Duke x gn!reader general headcanons

Please reblog to show support! Likes don't boost posts on Tumblr :(

Masterlist

Troubles.

Lots of troubles.

You probably skip classes any occasion you get just to hang out together

Mainly I think Duke would love to explore the Academy with you

He'll point out every weird or unusual detail about the place just to make you laugh

Please laugh at his jokes he'll be delighted if you do

Mfer grins so wide it practically split his face in two every time you find one of his jokes funny I swear

If you do not already speak French, you'll probably learn a few words over time

Duke likes to hide around corners just to spook you

He loves to show you his magic tricks too

Any chance he gets, he's making you pick cards, watch coins disappear and so on

But he'll never teach you

I'm not kidding, when I say never I do mean never

Duke is too proud of your reactions to ever risk making you lose this magical spark in your eyes every time he performs just for you

He would rather die than to explain the trick

Even if you beg him for it

Also, calmness is never an option

Even if you just want to search for a book and lay down for a bit

He'll end up disorganizing the shelves and poking at you the second he starts to get bored

I mean come on there's far funnier things to do around here don't you think?

You will never be free as long as he's anywhere close to you

Unfortunately you're also one of his favorite humans which means he's almost constantly close to you

He doesn't like leaving you alone because he genuinely thinks you'll get bored without him

When you're together with the rest of the Misfits

Duke's practically always by your side

Except when he's trying to get everyone's attention

But outside from those moments you can be sure he'll always match your pace just to be by your side

I like to think that once he's familiarized with you, he learns to read your body language pretty fast

He knows what you look like when you're lost in your thoughts, when you've got a new idea, and when somethings weights you down

And whenever he sees you like this, he always asks what's on your mind

If it's a dumb plan to cause troubles he'll absolutely follows you

I'm honestly pretty sure it happens almost every single day you spend together at the Academy

You guys are probably famous (and feared) for your pranks among the other students

He's delighted every time you actively participate in his deeds what can I say this man's love language is tomfooleries

Duke also can't resist you if you ask him to pick you up/carry you/give you a piggyback ride

He'll groan and pretend to be annoyed about it (he really isn't that much) but he'll comply anyway because he just can't refuse when it's coming from you

He will tease you about it tho

To be honest teasing you probably also is one of his main activities

You can never escape his teases and flirts I swear

But the second someone else than him tries to tease or mock you he's shooting them death stares

Man is the only one authorized to (playfully) make fun of you

If he makes you uncomfortable with one of his jokes he'll immediately feels guilty and mutter an apology before changing the subject

[iicha-0s]

Kissing Contest| !vminkook×reader

A/N: hey guys this is a new series! this is the first part. lmk what you guys think! hope you enjoy it! :D

Tags: !drug use (alchohol, weed), !very cocky behaviour, !mentions of masturbation, !kink, !mentions of sex, !all four of you are hard-core party people, !smoking, !alchohol consumption, !flirting

"please no guy knows how to kiss." You wave your hand in the air.

"You're just saying that because you haven't kissed me." he crosses his arms over his chest acting proud of his supposed kissing skills.

"please when i say guys, i mean all guys in general. it's like you're tryna slop up an ice-cream when you try to kiss someone."

"puh-lease. don't count me in amongst these numb skulls. i've had a lot of ladies tell me about my amazing tongue skills."

"uhuh, and how many of them were drunk out of their minds?" You roll your eyes and stand up, pushing past people to go to the kitchen. you pour yourself another drink and chug it down before refilling your glass once again.

*the next day*

Jimin sits down opposite to you and next to Jungkook while Taehyung sits down next to you.

"whatchu guys talking about?" he takes hold of a fork and digs into his burrito bowl.

"I just don't get why you said that to me yesterday. like you haven't kissed me to know about my kissing skills!" He brings up last night's topic again while stabbing a piece of fried chicken with his fork.

"ugh! im not doing this again." You roll your eyes.

"What! its true. stop normalising everyone else's behaviours on me. i'm not like everyone else."

"yea yea. you're the golden ball or something, aren't you?"

"egg. im the golden egg."

"tomayto, tomahto." You roll your eyes again.

"Stop it would you!" He groans and packs up his takeout box and stands up frustrated and walks away.

"what! is this your way of saying you wanna kiss me!" you watch him walk away angrily.

----×----×----×----×----×----×----×----×----×----×----×----

you tilt the bottle of Gin more, adding more alchohol in your glass than you normally do. you take a sip from it and turn to all the kids from your college who were dancing, making out and grinding against each other while being drunk out of their minds.

maybe it was the amount of times you've chugged down glasses of tequila, vodka and Gin but you were starting to feel the hit a little. you walk over to the other living room and drop on the couch next to Yoongi as he passes you the joint he was smoking. you hold your glass on your lap while taking a puff from the joint and blow it out, repeating the process a few times until you start feeling the high.

the couch dips next to you and you look to see Jungkook sitting down next to you. he takes the joint from you and takes a few puffs and leans his head back against the backrest of the couch to feel the high coursing through his body better.

"hey." He says when he feels you leaning against his side and extends his arm over the backrest to let you get comfortable.

"hey." You take the joint from him and take another puff before taking a sip from your drink and passing the joint to Yoongi.

"and the love birds are back at it again." Taehyung says entering the room with Jimin. he goes and takes a seat next to Yoongi while Jimin walks upto both of you, sits on Jungkook's lap and leans in against you to whisper some things in your ear.

"You know, I heard our little Kookie moaning your name while jerking off last night after the fight between you two. maybe he's got a kink for hate-fucking. think about it." He says even tho he knew Jungkook was listening.

"shut up hyung. it's gross of you to listen in to what I'm doing in my room." he pushes Jimin away from you.

"you were being too loud even after i asked you to shut up." he looks back at him while turning to sit sideways on his lap, his legs now laying over yours and Jungkook's legs.

"this is too much TMI for me. i don't wanna know about anyone's sexual adventures. especially not of the people I hang out with on a daily basis." You take the joint from Yoongi and take a few puffs before passing it to Jungkook.

"Why? is it because you'd feel jealous you're a part of them only as an imagination and not in reality?" Jimin chuckles ask Jungkook snorts while passing him the joint.

"You're disgusting. you wish i'd wanna have sex with any three of you fuckers who always sweat like a heroine addict." You chug down the last sip of alchohol left in your glass.

"now now don't get all defensive, Y/n. we know how bad you want us." Taehyung pitches in and you flip him off before holding your glass out to him asking him to get you a refill.

he laughs softly and takes your glass before standing up and asking around the room if anyone else wanted a refill too and left the room with their glasses.

you guys continue drinking and smoking, cracking weird jokes that unnecessarily make you all laugh too hard due to how buzzed you guys were but noone cared.

as the night went on, some people left the party but a lot of them stayed and now you were left with Jungkook on the couch you curled up into his side while Jimin and Taehyung went out to busy finding themselves girls to have a different type of fun with.

"about what you said the other day.." Jungkook starts causing you to sigh and pull away to sit straight. "no. listen to me." he pulls you back against him.

"about what you said the other day, I was offended because you're really judging a book by its cover. that phrase is something you say all the time so why aren't you following up with it now?" he wraps his arm around your neck to keep you close.

"thats what literally every guy says, and you all turn out to be the same." You snort and start laughing.

"not with mee~" He whines softly. "give me a chance and you'll understand."

you raise an eyebrow and look at him only to realise he was being serious.

let's take chances tonight then.

[raeygina-george]

All the questions you wanna anwser

(this is from an old ask game)

1. When did you start creating art?

erm idk.... 2019 or so?

2. Do you do art in any professional capacity? (Graphic design, commissions, animation, etc.)

not yet but im planning on being an art teacher

3. What are your favorite subjects to draw? (OCs, your fan faves, etc.)

anime characters..........

4. What's your least favorite part of the body to draw, if any?

hands or really any part of the body that's in perspective

5. What piece of art are you still proud of to this day? (Show or describe)

i'm not particularly proud of any of my pieces but here are some that i still really like :) (i also really like that one mari & sunny lily of the valley piece that i'm not attaching directly bc i don't wanna trigger tag)

6. Favorite and least favorite angles/perspectives to draw?

i don't really have any... what's easiest is just straight-on, but that looks boring, so I can't realistically say it's my favorite... but if it's hard then I don't like it either.... sigh

7. Who are some artists that have inspired you?

see okay the thing is. artists that inspire me seem to always have an art style that i Can't Really Replicate. like i've seen so many of those painterly-style ethereal anime girls and pieces with the most gorgeous fucking colors ive ever seen in my life and they look SO PRETTY but i just Don't Understand Them At All 😭😭

so i'd say rixypill because recently i saw one of their art pieces and the amount of relief it brought me was insane. it was a gorgeous gorgeous art piece AND it looked like something i could realistically achieve. i didn't even really realize it but for such a long time i was trying to turn my art style into Something Completely Different and idk it just made me realize that i could make beautiful art Without having it stop being My Art

8. How would you describe your art style?

pink (with guest appearances from purple, orange, yellow, and blue)

9. What's the longest you've ever suffered from artblock?

several months

10. How do you deal with art block?

i don't <3 (I do challenges with predetermined prompts, and you can add deadlines if that helps you)

11. Have you ever drawn a meme with your OCs or canon characters from a fictional media?

yeah, i think i've made mini-animatics for like 2 vines. i don't do enough art shitposting tho

12. Ever participated in a multi-artist collaboration (3 or more) such as a multi-animator project?

i mean i did like 2 meps when i didn't understand what the fuck I was doing but i don't think those can really be counted........ i've done like art telephones and 3-person art trades but nothing really outside of that

13. What kind of art do you personally not see the appeal of, and why?

i think all art has appeal if you look hard enough

14. Do you prefer to make fan content or original content?

fan content

15. Do you/have you participated in Artfight or art trades in general?

i've done artfight in the past but i don't think i'll do it again because i'm usually really busy in july and even if i'm not i really struggle with doing anything for artfight 💀 i've done a good amount of art trades tho and if any of mutuals are interested in art trading with me feel free to ask :D

16. What was something you used to struggle to draw with confidence/ease, but have now mastered?

i don't think i've mastered anything really 😭 but i'm definitely a lot better at eyeballing colors than when i first started!!

17. Your personal favorite works of art (not made by you) are...?

there are lots of really awesome works in this world that i really like and if i didn't list like 500 different artworks i wouldn't feel like i'd answered properly so im gonna sit this one out lol

18. Do you typically use filters on your art?

yeah, i use saturation filters + gradient maps + blending modes at the end of every piece

19. What's your biggest insecurity when it comes to your artwork?

i have so many 😭 i'm in the "i hate all my art" stage of improvement rn..... aside from that, i hate that a lot of my art is so boring.... like there's not a lot of interesting perspectives or actual Meaning... that's the main reason why i made ychallenge! i want to make pieces that invoke emotion & mean something to me and aren't just there to look pretty

20. What motivates/inspires you artistically? (topics, emotions, etc)

fandoms mostly! if i was doing solely originally art i'd make maybe like one thing a year

[trickstarbrave]

heyyyy im making a pinned post as that is a feature and seems good to keep info all in one place esp for ppl on mobile

❤️im brave!! or rua works if u want to but brave is by far the most popular name i go by. he/him pronouns

❤️art commissions/art trades are NOT on the table rn sadly. i used to offer commissions and did art trades with friends but for the most part im really busy with work/health conditions. if i have a bit of free time i may change this or make a few exceptions on a case by case basis depending on my schedule. for the most part tho i just want my art to be a stress relief activity

❤️art requests i do take from time to time now, but there is no guaranty i will take it. please do not spam requests hoping i’ll do it and please do not get mad if i don’t do it. they’re requests for a reason. if i am particularly inspired i’ll be happy to get around to it if life lets me

❤️technically multifandom blog i would say, mostly i have been focused on the elder scrolls series lately. you will probably see me rb stuff from like, a bunch of series. if this changes i’ll prob edit this post LMAO (i do not control the special interest)

❤️not just an art blog but also personal. my art can be found in my #my art tag. wips can sometimes be found scattered on my twitter if they arent on here. and writing that i publish can be found on my ao3 (though i have like a million wips that dont get published and be warned much of my ao3 is rated E and not for everyone)

❤️ been doing a lot of oc posting so i can do a run down of them currently for anyone that wants to follow along/know the lore:

/// OCS ///

(under cut)

🌟 Eyja: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, she/her. past life incarnation was konahrik, alduin’s head priest, murdered by miraak. uses a bow and magic primarily. story can be found here

🌟 Senna: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, she/her. proud two handed weapon user and leader of the companions. fought and lost to the world eater who took her back to his den and make her his partner. proof prophecy can be a complicated thing. story can be found here.

🌟 Baldur: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, he/him. grew up on the streets stealing to survive, and certified trans of gender. fought and lost to the world eater who decided to force baldur to be his champion. helps him take over skyrim. story not yet published but will prob contain a lot of mentions of transphobia as a cw :(

🌟 Ansa: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, she/her. orphaned at a young age, and just a weird, feral child. learned to steal, and ended up joining the thieves guild. killed mercer and turned the guild over to karliah and is helping rebuild it when she finds a weird rock that turns out to be a dragon egg. story not yet published

🌟 Ahkrinaak: general elder scrolls oc, he/him/any pronouns. he is based off me as a sort of self insert/persona character purely for comedy, not a serious au. dragon/god who was corrupted in the war with lorkhan/shor and became more so an agent of lorkhan. he spends most of his time pretending to be a mortal and causing problems. he’s just sillay. looks like a falmer/snow elf and nord hybrid making pretty much everyone just in general uncomfortable. dragons dont have gender he just likes tits. divorced with alduin

🌟 Lyre: not a skyrim oc (yet) but my beloved dnd character i have made a million aus for, including one that has turned into a full on novel lmao. will update everyone when i start uploading the novel (its not gonna be too serious just a fun lil webnovel that is pg rate) and you can see me post illustrations for. depending on the AU uses either he/him or she/her. i just think theyre neat

🌟 Anthial: nerevarine bosmer, tired, angry, nb spellsword. he/them pronouns. just wants to cover their entire body until you cant tell what gender they are. vivec never got them the drink he owed them. was convinced as nerevar that voryn never liked them back all that much. had an open marriage with almalexia. this incarnation was emotionless and lacked a moral compass due to the betrayal in their past life.

🌟 Steren: nerevarine, technically. not actually the reincarnation of nerevar, but the reincarnation of nerevar’s son. nerevar never reincarnated bc he was too busy haunting his descendants, too upset to move on. steren has a couple of aus but mostly its him with vivienne the dragonborn who belongs to @mulberrycafe. calls voryn “ata” and nerevar “dad” because he technically grew up in cyrodiil but remembers his first lifetime in bits and pieces where voryn raised him for the first few years.

feel free to send asks abt my ocs i love answering them

[fictionkinfessions]

listening to glass animals on loop yearning for Some Guy......... yeag

fuuucking Pesterquest/Friendsim. homestuck/hiveswap. beforus also even tho thats fanmade, my canon is fucked /silly

anyways here's some random thoughts;

charun was so fun where is my buddy

I was not an artist then but i became one. i blame charun AND amisia AND remele but mostly charun.

im going in trollcall order. or at leasy trying to.

tagora was a bitch but he was FUN and had GOOD INTENTIONS PROBABLY. i dont drink coffee anymore but now im making myself wanna try it again

tirona was. certainly someone (i will not write characterhate. daily affirmations.)

skylla gave such good hugs i miss her

I WAS A SOUTHERNER THEN AND I AM A SOUTHERNER NOW SKYLLA WAS HOOOME

konyyl looks intimidating. i promise she is nice.

source; her route in friendsim i forgot the volume name. also me mems.

fozzer. fuck doc scratch.

bronya was my mom. bronya was great. i wanted to bake her cookies.

DIEMEN WAS ALSO GREAT I WANTED TO TAKE HIM TO THE MEAT ISLE OF ANY GROCERY STORE

cirava. i wanted to introduce them to glass animals. genuinely so cool also what. give me ur cool. im lacking.

TYZIAS. MY MOIRAIL. I MISS YOU. SHE WAS SO COOOL :( <>

lynera fucking scared me but she was COOL

vikare. he would be so obsessed with how i have a stepdad that flies airplanes in this life. i would take him to this flightschool

azdaja is fucking funny to just. watch. hes like a bug in a terrarium to me [with love /p]

REMELE KICKS ASS I LOVE HER /p one of The Friends ive ever made. would join in a heist again.

folkyl gets a fucking generator. i dont know if that would work. but i wanted to give her one back then and i still do.

i swear to arceus if i showed kuprum 4chan hed love that shit. immediate;y. HE TYPES LIKE A GREENTEXT TJAT IS HIS TYPING QUIRK i am so tired

zebede. (i will not write characterhate. daily affirmations. part 2.)

amisia i miss you i want to see your art again i can do anything in regards to advice now

also i fucking feel you, girl

daraya. i fucking feel you. i was worried then and i am worried now. i hope u and tyzias stayed friends also

BARZUM AND BAIZLI GAVE ME HEART ATTACKS EVERY FIVE SECONDS BUT I MISS THEM SO BAD. the fuckin goobers. they were so silly i think they should be able to do whatever they want

me too marsti me too. i miss talking abt nothing with her

nihkee was fucking terrifying and the only solace was that i too drank so much milk. not with PROTEIN SHAKES IN IT BUT YOU GET THE POINT.

boldir i had no idea what your deal was in that life but now for some reason you're just like 500% Neater. i dont know why

CHIXIE ONE OF THE FUCKIN "COUNCIL OF BESTIES" CHIXIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH /p I HOPE YOURE GETTING ON WELL

mallek. this mf is the reason that, after pesterquest memory rememberance, i got snakebite piercings. in cerulean. in other words im fucking gay. matespritcore. I MISS MY WIFE TAILS I MISS HIM A LOT /ref (p.s. i cannot apologize for being weird abt Mallek xoxo)

tegiri I MISS YOUUUUU NUMBER TWO IN THE COUNCIL OF BESTIES. chat everytime i watch anime i remember his fucking face. WHY are you in my HEAD you stinky man /lovingly. i watched kamisama kiss and i think if id watched it in my past life i wouldve showed it to him. pensive emoji. also i was still autistic abt miku back then, and i really wanted to show him vocaloid

elwurd go to therapy /lovingly

MARVUS NUMBER THREE IN THE COUNCIL OF BESTIES. i MISS you you CLOWN. you funny stupid goofy ass rapping CLOWN. i can rap just a little bit and i keep hoping he'd be proud of me. friendship

chahut the Unofficial member of the council. girl i remember having an axe you gave me and i miss that shit I LOOKED SO DUMB HOLDING IT. SHORT ASS PURE WHITE GOBLIN HOLDING AN AXE ABOUT THE SIZE OF MY ENTIRE BODY. THATS WHAT I LOOKED LIKE. i want this energy again. come back and give me an axe COWARD /silly

polypa....... i-have-two-hands-moirailliegance ass situation. tl;dr moirail polyamory. I MISS YOU. i want to sit on a pile of pillows again and ramble about my feelings i cannot describe how bad i miss that. its embarrassing

lanque got grounded for a solid month when we met and i found it fucking hilarious and i still do. me and my new friend who i DEFINITELY did not become friends with because of my MOM. /silly

wanshi HELLOOOO HIIII I MISS YOUUUU :( I MISS SOLDIER PURRBEASTS TOO WE HAD SUCH A FUN BOOK CLUB. reading warrior cats in your honor. watching moonkitti in your stead. etc. etc.

i do not miss zebruh (this dislike does not extend to zebruhs here. hi. he was literally identical to canon in my canon and. i did not fucking like him DKNSLM.)

galekh. im so sorry for the you-know-what-list incident but i was cLUELESS and looking back it is SO FUCKING FUNNY IM SOBBING. you were great i hope you and tagora had a wonderful kissmesisitude idk

i do not miss ardata sort of. yess she locked me in a basement and kinda tortured me but. first friend :(

KARAKO'S TROLLCALL IS JUST "WHO IS THIS?" IM FUCKING CRYING /silly

KARAKO my favorite fucking FREAK. this mf climbed up to my watchtower-hive instead of using the door. this mf scaled FLATT WALLS and I NEVER LEARNED HOW. idek if he can read but i miss him. feral creechur /loving

last but not least; Stelsa. ohmyarceus STELSAAA :(((

emotion.

Stelsa was so fuckin fun she MADE ME GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!!!

so sorry. my shit is not together anymore and it stopped being that way when doc scratch Yoinked my ass... apolocheese.

i try to take care of myself mostly bc Stelsa Would Want Me To shes like the angel on my shoulder /silly

tl;dr um fuck doc scratch i miss my friends and moirails and matesprit :(

~ [#❤️‍🩹💤]

x

[kissabledyke]

when i read smut i love when the girl with a dick is a tgirl who loves herself, sometimes i like it when there is some doubt and introspection and the story ends with her being happy.

but sometimes i also love the subversion when someone is really evil and is/isn't punished by the end, like when a futa impregnates a bunch of people and then shows up to do it again a year later.

i love smut narratives like that, which is why i read smut fics instead of watching porn, porn just doesnt go at a pace i can comprehend, or it goes too slow.

also im asexual and amab but i just... dont feel gender? i hate my body hair but it doesnt cause me any dysphoria, i hate my face-hair and sometimes i wish my penis could just stop existing. but at the same time i dont want to be a girl, i just love it when girls are girls.

i just want to renounce all of these manhood things, i hate it when my dad or uncle says something about my body is 'manly', when i try to articulate what i want they get confused because i practically want nothing, i dont want to twirl skirts (though id like to try) or do makeup or be referred to in any hyper-feminine manner.

also i think im masturbating wrong? im constantly hurting my penis to the point of bleeding, am i supposed to use lube? i never learned how to use lube and i dont know how to learn now tho i am very (privately) proud of my ability to do it in the work bathroom, its satisfying to know that im being paid for time i spend jorking it to gay smut

ok this is kind of a lot. i'm going to respond to all of this as kindly as i can but you should know that this is like. A Lot to send anonymously to a stranger. like i know that i reblogged this post but this is a bit beyond the scope of the implied social contract

anyway, again, responding to all of this point-by-point in the best of faith:

yessss i love gender affirmation and a happy ending. i listen to audio porn a lot and my favorite genre is "mushy romance (and sex 😳) for trans woman listeners"

please don't use the word futa around me, and also i would caution you against using it in general. it's a gross derogatory term born from particularly dehumanizing pornographic caricatures of trans women. that said though i do like an evil woman. that particular scenario is darker than i'm generally into but i see the appeal

i totally agree, your typical mass market video porn is intensely uninteresting. yawn

i don't mean to speak over you but "i hate my face-hair and sometimes i wish my penis could just stop existing" sounds a LOT like dysphoria to me. "binary trans woman" is not the only other option you have available to you, and in fact i would argue that "binary trans woman" is an oxymoron. enjoy women (god knows i do) and explore who you are and who you could be. i too had to suffer through years and years of being reassured that i'm so manly and tough and boyish but as much as that sucks you can't let that stop you from being the person you wanna be. also spinning in a skirt is absolutely worth giving a shot at least once, go for it

yes you are masturbating extremely wrong, please please please stop doing whatever it is you're doing. go to the grocery store and buy some ky jelly or something and when you get home squeeze a generous amount on your favorite hand before trying again. for the love of god just do anything other than your current technique

lmao nice #quietquitting

[gxilgramore]

I Think My Musicals Hyper-fixation is Coming Back!

This is going to be sort of an aimeless post celebrating a form of art that i like, so keep that in mind while reading

I'd treat this as a negative thing, because y'know, musicals are not a popular form of telling stories so i'd be really afraid of caring about them again, but nah, if it comes back i'm fine with it.

A bit of context, it was in 2019, one of my favorite youtubers at the time jacksfilms made some inside jokes of 2 videos he had done some years prior, some videos about Alexsander Hamilton, i was curious and watched the videos and then discovered they were based on a broadway musical, at the time i didnt watch musicals so i didnt care at first, until i wacthed it and fell in love, that was the start of a 3 year hyperfixation with musicals, mainly hamilton but musicals in general, and in that time i discovered some of my favorite stuff ever, In the Heights, Book of Mormon, Avenue Q, Beetlejuice, it was great, of course with some bumps since wacthing broadway musicals is hard when you don't even live in the US (thank god), and by being a hyperfixation it was a nightmare for my friends that dont like musicals to listen to me yapping about them for hours.

The fixation was falling in 2020 but a thing, a tragic tragic thing happened, Hamilton on Disney+ happened and my musicals fixation was back at full swing, i don't like Hamilton anymore these days, my opinions on politics evolved to the point of seeing this musical as just a jerk-off for a friend (a right hand man if you will) of a guy who had a shit ton of slaves, and i cant accept this a progressive statement anymore, i just see it as a united states legacy jerk off, and nedless to say i dont like the united states very much. But yeah, because of this my musicals fixation insisted until 2021 where i did a video of one of my favs, the SpongeBob musical, a video im still proud of to this day.

Fast-foward to 2024 and my Doctor Who and videogame soundtracks came back without a warning and i feel like slowly my musicals fixation is coming back, probably because of some Musical Hell videos, i love Diva so much, im sad she abandoned the reviews, im watching them once a day for a week now and it has being a blast, she is funny and her videos are thoughtful, they are not Nostalgia Critic style, where he just complains about the movie with shitty jokes, it sparked my interest again a little bit.

But some things have changed, im not interested in broadway anymore, maybe on off and off-off broadway but not broadway, the more i stared at the current state of broadway it just feels like a tourist spot instead of a place for artistic expression, i may be wrong but thats how i feel, but theater as an art form is more interesting to me, if it actually comes back full swing ill be focusing my energy on finding more experimental, left field or independent shit out of the broadway end, im not saying all broadway is bad tho, we still have great art there, im talking more of broadway as a capitalist institution instead of a creative body, the soul feels like it left the body ages ago somewhere more interesting, im excited to find new stuff that shows me why theater is great again, if you read this to this point and have any recommendations im really willing to listen, mainly if they have a proshot.

I love art in general, try to see everything i can and i hope i can see more musicals, and plays than ever.

I told you it was pretty aimless, writing things in boredom does that to you, but hope you liked it if you read all the way through, and if you want to write an aimless comment about your love for musicals you can talk about it, i will answer everyone, bye for now

[quodekash]

im exhausted and could very easily pass out at any point in time, but it’s our skyy and it’s 11:30pm so here we go again

(because I’m so exhausted my commentary will very much be either very incoherent or there won’t be much of it at all)

theyre so cute omg

AYO THAT WAS UNSETTLING

IM SO USED TO HEARING THE ICONIC WOMAN SAY 'viewer discretion advised'

IT WAS WEIRD TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE SAY THAT, JEEZ

maybe not QUITE like you love him, i think you'd get jealous

I FREAKING KNEW IT

DID I NOT CALL IT??

I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN THEM, HUZZAH I AM A GENIUS

does this mean phum also likes men?

cos if so... my man had a lot of internalised homophobia going on, jeez

its okay, you dont need to come out to anyone at any point in time ever. but telling nueng took some real guts, that was really brave of you, and im proud of you

WU AND DAVID

WU AND THE-ONE-WHITE-GUY

I LOVE THEM

im pretty sure i cried when he proposed to him

it makes me happy to know they remember them

EJRHDFBKV

ITS ALREADY WORKINGGGG

EYE CONTACT LETS GOOO

am i about to cry? are my eyes welling up with tears this very moment as i type this? we may never know.

but the answer is yes

AAAAAAA

THEY MADE IT TO 7 FREAKING HELL YES

THEYRE SO EXCITED FOR THEM

to the surprise of literally no one, i am quickly becoming more obsessed with the side couple than i am with the main characters

AWWWW

theyre back now yayyyy

my bro now has ✨visual impairment✨

but... if he's his ancestor... then petch had sex with a woman?

i guess they had to

as long as they were together and happy tho, it's alright

and as long as the woman/women were aware that like. the guys didnt love them like that.

HOLY QUACK

HELL YES

FREAKING HELL YES

THEY ARE WONDERFUL

THEY ARE PERFECTION

THEY ARE HAPPY

I AM OFFICIALLY OBSESSED WITH THE SIDE COUPLE

everyone act surprised

the letters are so cute

WHAT THE HELL FLASHBACKS???

IM CRYING AGAIN

i aspire to one day have a hawaiian shirt collection as plentiful as palm's

THEY HUG

THEY KISS

THEY FOREHEAD TOUCH

i strongly believe that forehead touching is more intimate than kissing and i will die on this hill

but. why. life in modern times is just generally better for literally at least two reasons that i can think of off the top of my head (shut up its nearly 1am im not thinking properly rn) 1. gay tights, 2. health

i meant to say gay rights but honestly gay tights is also a plus

so theres three reasons

1. gay rights

2. health

3. gay tights

OHHH, THAT ONE

YOU WANNA ENEMIES TO LOVERS YOURSELVES??

thats it. that's the only reason.

palm, you astound and confuse me (in a good way)

wHY

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR

WAR IS BAD FOR AT LEAST 6 REASONS

1. death

2. sad

3. i think lots of dead bodies are probably bad for the environment

4. none of the wars in the past are cool. id wanna see a war like 50 years into the future, what if there's like space lasers or something

maybe i should just watch star wars instead of time travelling

5. killing people makes you feel like a mean person

6. picture this scenario: you really want a snack, your favourite snack, whatever your favourite snack is, you're just really craving it. but you cant have it, because you're fiGHTING IN A FREAKING WAR

GERIKJDBF

i was right

IM FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS

AND NOW THEYRE PLAYING IT IN THE BACKGROUND AGAIN???

I AM DEAD. DECEASED.

THAT WAS FREAKING LOVELY

hey, you were just here!

^D^ i am excited for simm

my final thoughts: GUJERKDNGREJKVDBNREUJDFLGHNEOIRLHGPI34EHRNGP9O34EJTPGOJ34ERPOTGJ3P4IERHTG9P34HEJ9TGFH34EI0RHOTGF893UOWB4E0TIOFHJ3490WEIHGUVIBERNDGOIVHEROIDSUFJ390I4OWEHCUOBJREFDNICGOBVPREIODFN

thank you and goodnight

[prozac-shaped-urn]

GIRL WHO THE FUCK TOOK OVER MY BODY IN JANUARY 2022 ???????

im sittin here reading my fic thinking "oh yeah i've read this chapter since i wrote it nbd"

NOPE!!! I SURE HAVEN'T!!!!! I WOULD REMEMBER THIS!!!!!!!

under the cut for not safe for public consumption reasons

you'll have to the read the rest in ch 19 holy god .....

i do have to pat myself on the back for the smut tho. it's KILLER. it is pure and t DIABOLICAL smut.

the whole fic in general is very good! i'm extremely proud of it. the psychoanalysis is pretty spot on -- especially the stuff about deborah's age and ava's continued social justice warrior rants -- and the dialogue is almost verbatim to dialogue that appeared in S2. i only had the first season to work with, so i'm thrilled that i was able to lock in their voices so clearly and follow the projected path the writers set well into the third season.

anyway. read it or not idc either way, but if you do read it lemme know your thoughts! i haven't had anyone comment in like 2 years, so it would be fun to chat about the new seasons and what links y'all make to the fic (there are manyyyyy to be made, i assure you -- i've counted them).

[vtoriacore-rbs]

tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.

me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.

had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).

ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.

if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).