#im officially losing it ladies

[kateubanks]

happy Halloween gang. Going to spend the night getting zooted alone and playing gta. If anything interesting happens you’ll get a poem about it dw

[lovedrruunk]

Hii! your vi and jinx headcanons had be dying laughing like i was actually in tears, any chance you could do Sevika or Caitlyn ones? :3

feel free to ignore this!

Random Sevika headcanons…

HIHIHI !!! Finally working on requests !! I'm actually in the middle of writing some cait ones which I'll post SOON... ILYYY HOPE U LIKE THESE!!!!!

Public nightmare. Going out with her is so humiliating but unlike Jinx it's not because she's weird it's because she's a FUCKING BITCH!!!!!! She's so incredibly full of herself. Walks the streets like she owns the place and will randomly get in fights just so she can win and impress you. Like it'll be some poor guy just minding his own business and she'll walk by and shove his face into the wall while staring at u intensely... it's actually really scary. She is a customer service workers #1 fear, the second you two walk into a store or a restaurant suddenly everyone's on lunchbreak. Never tips. One mean mug from her could make a gay starbucks barista cry.

Constantly grumbling about something. Loves to complain about EVERYTHINGGGG. The line at the bar, the weather, her shoulder pain, it never ends. Sometimes you can't tell if she's actually upset or just grumpy for fun. "Why is this drink so weak? It might as well be water." Ok then why did you CHUG THE WHOLE THING AND ORDER 2 MORE???

Randomly puts stuff on high shelves just to mess with you. This lady is huge so if she knows you can’t reach something, she’ll put it on a higher shelf on purpose just to watch you struggle. This stems from 2 things. 1. Her being a bitch that loves to mess with you and make you mad because she thinks it's funny, and 2. her constant need to be the one to "save" you.

Loves being your dyke in shining armor LMAOOO. Like I said she likes being needed in a sense. If you have a problem or need something done and she isn't the first person you ask for help she'll genuinely get offended. Like how dare you not immediately come to her for help knowing she's always down to help you (when she feels like it)

Always wins arguments (not because she's right). Sevika never loses an argument. She’s too good at staying calm and turning things around on you, even when she’s clearly wrong. The way she knowingly and shamelessly gaslights you just makes you let it go in the end. "I can't understand you when you're being this emotional." while she has this shit eating grin on her face oh my god.

Has a short temper... She holds the world record for most pet peeves ever. Dumb questions, pointing out the obvious, snoring, just to name a few. I said this in my red flags post but genuinely dumb questions will PISS HER OFF SO BAD... Asking her "Are you awake?" when she literally got into bed 2 minutes ago and her eyes are OPEN. Walking in like "You home?" when literally WHO ELSE WOULD BE THERE??? She'd rather just kick you out honestly.

(TY @maneskinwh0re for these examples <333)

my requests r officially open btw so feel free to ask for something (^_−)☆ BUT PLEASE KEEP IN MIND IM ACTUALLY A RLLY SLOW WRITER....

[sunsetkerr]

THE TRADE | s.kerr

summary: as your afl season ends, your contract is up- leaving you, the hottest player in the aflw, up for grabs.

pairing: aflw!reader x sam kerr

notes: part one here!

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, crowsaflw and 18,398 others yourinstagram our third flag, so proud to have spent the last five years with this team. ytfg 💪💪

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samanthakerr20 the only time I will accept you not wearing a west coast guernsey is now ❤️❤️ so proud, go the crows!! ↳ yourinstagram screenshotting this and sending it to west coast right now

crowsaflw we love you #1 ↳ yourinstagram ❤️

user no because im so happy

user they need to resign her ↳ user shes a free agent, meaning whoever bids the most is most likely where she will go ↳ user she can't leave the crows 💔

alannakennedy casually winning flags ↳ yourinstagram its a constant tbh

alexchidiac10 loving the hat in the second pic ↳ yourinstagram its sam's dads 💪 ↳ samanthakerr20 roger was robbed

aflwupdates

liked by user, caitlinfoord and 7,281 others aflwupdates BREAKING NEWS: Adelaide Crows star, Y/N L/N, is officially a free agent. After winning her 3rd flag with the southern club, L/N's contract has not been renewed and she is rumoured to be looking for a new club. It is unknown whether Adelaide is negotiating a new contract with their star forward.

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user im losing it, she can't leave ↳ user I wouldn't be surprised, she doesn't live in Adelaide so it might be easier to go to a club closer to home ↳ user where does she live? ↳ user y/n has a home in perth with her wife sam and their daughter, but flies between perth, adelaide and london (where sam and y/n also have a house) for sam's football

caitlinfoord sick pic though @yourinstagram ↳ yourinstagram ffs caitlin ↳ user caitlin can't resist putting her foot in it 😭 ↳ yourinstagram literally this is my life, come get your dog please @mackenziearnold @alannakennedy

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, maryfowlerrr and 26,387 others yourinstagram in the off season we party (tillies style)

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mackenziearnold matildas 🤝 the crows ↳ yourinstagram party animals

user SAM AND Y/N HAVE MATCHING TATTOOS??? ↳ samanthakerr20 disgusting really

user seeing the girls let their hair down is so refreshing

user y/n looks in no condition to have caitlin foord on her shoulders, that is one expensive woman y/n- don't drop her please ↳ yourinstagram if I did it wouldn't be an accident

matildas see you at training tomorrow morning ladies!! ↳ maryfowlerrr I can't go out.. I'm sick

samanthakerr20 you little rager, you look so good in that shirt ↳ yourinstagram its 100% off (a sam kerr exclusive discount) ↳ samanthakerr20 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

user we are all freaking out about her trade and she's out here getting off her face with her wife's team mates 😭����

crowsaflw

liked by yourinstagram, samanthakerr20 and 9,290 others crowsaflw it is with great sorrow we announce the departure of our superstar y/n l/n. five long years with the best, she will be missed on and off the field. truly a force to be reckoned with ❤️ we will miss you, forever our #1.

samanthakerr20

liked by yourinstagram, amysayer_ and 739,298 others samanthakerr20 she's off to continue to do great things ❤️ proud.

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user its so weird seeing them all lovey and not all I hate you ↳ yourinstagram dont worry its weird for me too

crowsaflw our girl! ↳ user but like.. not anymore... ↳ user too soon

kyracooneyx my lord and saviour ↳ charlotte_grant all hail mrs l/n-kerr

samanthakerr20 realising this photo kinda makes it look like you're dead xx ↳ yourinstagram sometimes when im with you I wish I was xxxxxx

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, aflw and 18,388 others yourinstagram the new diggs

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user STOP ITS OPTUS, SHE'S GONE TO WA

user omg shes going to west coast or freo

optusstadium so happy to have you!

samanthakerr20 who says diggs? ↳ yourinstagram literally shut the fuck up

mackenziearnold physically cannot sit still right now ↳ yourinstagram right now or ever?

user y/n literally tell us, tell us right now

westcoastaflw

liked by samanathakerr20, yourinstagram and 11,938 others westcoastaflw welcoming our new #1!! @yourinstagram blue and gold looks very good on you, don't you agree @samanthakerr20?

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samanthakerr20 DAMNNNNNN 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

samanthakerr20 can finally watch one of your games without wanting to vomit looking at your guernsey 🤤🤤🤤🤤 ↳ yourinstagram 💙💛

user I cannot breathe

user sam got what she wanted 😭😭 ↳ yourinstagram she always does unfortunately

roxykerr20 thank goodness we didn't invest in any crows merchandise 😂 ↳ yourinstagram you never would roxy 😌 I did this solely for you and roger ↳ samanthakerr20 I'll just jump off a cliff then x love you babe

[anshares]

Renheng- Xingyue Apocathery Diaries Au anyone? 👀👀

Click read more for a little bit of plot brainrot

Renheng part:

Jinshi = Ren

Maomao = Dan Heng

Lihaku = Jing Yuan

Gaoshun = Kafka

Basen = Silver Wolf

Xiaolan = March and Stelle

Dan Heng entered the imperial palace to work as an archivist/Record Keeper

Ren and the rest of the Stellaron Hunters work in the internal affairs department/ spy network but are posing as a minor palace department on the records.

Ren hires DH after witnessing his talents and him preventing a disaster that might shake the imperial palace. Dan Heng hates working for Ren.

He finds him annoying while Ren is amused because most people look at him with fear but Dan Heng reaction is new to him. It's not fear but mere annoyance and disgust he finds cute.

March works inside the inner palace as a court lady to one of high ranking consorts

Stelle works outside the palace and is sorta affiliated with the spy network department but not directly.

Her infos is more on the underbelly side; both of them will be very good in hearing the gossip and various wealth of info in the palace.

One time during one of their investigative missions, they were running away from an assassin with a gun and jumped down a waterfall to escape.

When they are trying to find a way out of the cave behind the waterfall Ren carried Dan Heng on his shoulders to give himi leverage since there was a hole above but then an actual frog jumped on his head startling him which made them lose balance.

So the two fell down into a suggestive position and Dan Heng’s hand was in Ren’s crotch that;s how he found out how BIG his weapon is, but Dan Heng pretended that nothing happened and just said "im sorry i may have crushed a frog"

Good luck to his forbidden archives that Ren will explore someday

Xingyue part:

Lakan = Yingxing

Fengxian = Dan Feng

Dan Feng is the highest ranking courtesan in Verdigris, he doesn’t sell his body but his art and he is a master of poetry, dance, singing and strategy games. That’s why his bidding wars reach astronomical prices.

Dan Heng is Dan Feng’s son with a court official, Yingxing

Yubie = Madam, Dan Feng’s biological parent and Dan Heng’s grandparent

Yingxing and Dan Feng met in Verdigris when one of his co-workers invited him to get a drink at one of the famous brothel houses in the capital.

Dan Feng is the most sought after cuz let's be serious everyone digs that stare he gives also Yingxing thinks he has beautiful eyes. Dan Feng is untouchable,unlike other courtesans. He is more of an intellectual person and Yingxing fell for that beautiful mind of his.

Yingxing is a low rank government official in the manufacturing/crafts department; at the beginning his salary couldn't afford frequent visits but over time he proves himself capable with his weapon crafts.

Yingxing worked his way up and saved a lot so he could get to spend precious hours with Dan Feng, he isn’t very impressed at first because a lower ranking official that couldn’t ever be a regular to suck money out of, but the passion that Yingxing has for craftsmanship and the desire to use his skills for some greater purpose—far beyond what he sees in most jaded clients—made Dan Feng fall for him.

Sometimes Dan Feng is by the window waiting for when will Yingxing come back but tries not to show how happy he becomes when Yingxing does.

Yingxing may be a formidable opponent in games but he can’t ever really beat Dan Feng in them since Dan Feng wins most of the time he doesn't mind at all! enjoys it even and most of the time he makes it up with his charisma and charm.

Yx: says something witty or flirty to df while making his next move

Df on the outside: hmph

But on the inside: *is melting*

As the two grow closer, they will be distraught on how quickly their time together passes by each time. Around the time Dan Feng price went astronomical and rumors were being bought out so they did the baby trapping that horribly backfired.

Yingxing was sent to war and was gone for a long time for a few years. He got what he needed a high enough salary to buy out df but it was too late seeing the state the house is in and how yubie is chasing him away make it seem like Dan Feng died.

Yingxing was in despair and blamed himself for everything he wished he could turn back time. when he found out but got hope when he saw his son Dan Heng with his adoptive mother Baiheng who took care of Dan Heng in the years both parents were not available.

Time skip to present with him redeeming a courtesan cuz he lost a bet with his son. He got a lotus flower as clue from Dan Heng that Dan Feng is still alive but like lost his mind and sick.

When Yingxing found out that Dan Feng was hidden in one of the sick rooms of the brothel, he immediately ran toward it.

He opens the door and sees Dan Feng still as beautiful as the day he met him.

He chooses to redeem Dan Feng no matter the price. They got married but sadly Dan Feng died a few months after.

[eeulysian]

ha. ha. ha. since ur requests are open.. I'll be requesting a fic for my beloved, chelsea from path to nowhere. writer!reader who makes novels and chelsea is interested in reader's works hehejwheueh.. he.. heh.. ok neways ^_^ chelsea then gives reader an opportunity to make their works more popular!!!.. if tjat makes sense idk but!!! in exchange, chelsea gets to have reader for herself! then reader is tempted but they'll make money from it so.. yah. in other words, this is kind of like idk prostitution— but i promise if u word it in a different way, it's ok... this happened to me in a dream btw

(heh.. nsfw.. if that's ok.. idk im kinda down bad for chelsea since shes my gf)

⟡ . IRRATIONAL COMPENSATION

summary: all in the request above!

cw: afab!reader, developing smut, oral and fingering (f!receiving), dom/sub dynamics, chelsea is a flirt, did i make it too long... chelsea is a squirter change my mind

a/n: i wouldn't call it prostitution? maybe compensation is a better word!! and i'm sorry if this isn't good enough, its my first time making smut 😞 and i think i went overboard and made it too long... soz i was too into it 💔💔

WRITING used to be a hobby for you, you used to be that wattpad kid that would make those alpha vampire boyfriend and the sheltered white girl kind of fics. but as you grew older, you began to take your hobby seriously, and it became a dream for you to become a novelist. so of course, you were able to get yourself into a publishing house, making yourself an official author. the only problem is, the publishing house is really unknown, so none of your works were able to make it big. you only had about like what — 50 or so fans/readers? yeah, even though you were grateful that they read your works, a part of you still wishes for the numbers to magically increase by the coming days.

you thought there was no hope for you, your works and your dreams, so you decide to drown yourself in alcohol, hoping to forget all your worries. so you went to a bar to get yourself a drink. then a second. then a third. then a fourth. then a fifth.

when is this going to end?

oh you were soooo depressed, no matter how many shots you took, your worries couldn't get out of your head. "i'm about to lose it," you think. not until a sultry voice called out to you from your right. "hey cutie, you seem to be stressed. what's the matter?"

you hastily turn to your right to find the source of the silky voice, and your (e/c) orbs meets with ones that are as red as wine. not to mention, her hair was pink. oh fuck. pink. pink hair??? you had a thing for pink haired girls. and this girl made you weak to the knees. it's probably because you're a little tipsy, but right there at that moment you wished you could kiss her oh so annoyingly, attractive red lips. this woman was downright beautiful and it's amazing how only her voice made you forget your worries.

she waves her hand infront of your face, trying to get your attention "hello? earth to... what's your name?" she chuckles, and at that moment you realized you've been too lost in your thoughts so you look like you've been staring at her for quite some time now... how embarrassing. "oh, m'sorry i think i'm just a little tipsy right now hahaaa... i'm y/n. andddddd you? beautiful lady?" what the fuck y/n why did you say that you're WAY too drunk to be flirting with gorgeous ladies right now you could trip and laugh it off like it's nothing in this state what is wrong —

your thoughts were cut off by her honey voice yet again once you hear her laugh ring in your ears. she laughs at your attempt to flirt even in such a state, but she replies nonetheless. "just call me chelsea. so tell me, what has made you so stressed, that you have to take about 5 or more shots of alcohol at once? are you a divorcee or a widow? work problems?", she asks you, curious to see if she's able to help you. what a kind beautiful lady. "the last one you just said", you managed to let out, and averted eye contact to not look at her. "i'm a failed novelist... ugh. i can't even get any of my works to be a hit. it's always just a 2-digit-amount of people reading them. i'm not saying i'm ungrateful, i just wish it was more popular." you sounded so exhausted, so worn out, and so stressed. chelsea felt bad, and she was trying to think of a way to console you.

then an idea came in. "how about this", you turn your head around to look at her again once she said that. "i'm quite rich, and i have a big social media platform as well. i could promote your works for you so your works can do numbers", your eyes lit up at that sentence, "but in exchange, i get you." then your eyes widened. confused on what she meant. "you get me in exchange...?" you were baffled. "yes, meaning i get to have a one night stand with you... or you can even just be mine straight away~" she smirks, looking at you dead in the eye. at that moment you noticed her eyes are filled with lust and desire.

oh that sentence, that smirk, the way those eyes look at you, you were sobered up. the bustling sound of chatting and laughing of other bar customers goes deaf in your ears, you're only focused on this pink haired woman and the loud beating of your heart. why is your heart beating so fast do you have arrhythmia? "so, what do you say?", she asks you again, and all the thoughts are running in your head. this might be a bad idea... but your co workers don't have to know, right? i mean, you're tempted. tempted to make your works a hit, and tempted to spend a night with this beautiful, enchanting woman.

at last, you decided to go with the latter, and accept her offer. "... okay. i'll accept that exchange." you hesitantly said, and all you see is a wolf-like smile infront of you. you can't deny that the way she looks at you is kinda... turning you on. "good girl." you flushed at that sentence. you look like the equivalent of a tomato right now. she called you a good girl? oh fuck you could even get on your knees for this woman.

"give me a copy of one of your best works, and i'll read it when i'm home. after that, i'll tell you if i like it and promote it for you. but you'll have to give me your number first so i can let you know how it goes," she winks, she is a woman of her word indeed. "if it turns out to be successful, then i can give you my address and you can come over... after all, our exchange can't be one sided, right? ♡" you were still blushing, but i mean... popular works? money? pretty girlfriend? you were more than happy to comply. you two exchanged numbers, and luckily you coincidentally brought your best work in your bag to read it when you get home, so you gave her your book, which was about a highschool slowburn romance, the characters are too happy so expect them to be doomed by the narrative because you're evil just like that lmao. you told her she didn't have to worry, as this is just a copy and you have all your original works at home.

she took the book, and you said "i'll be waiting for the results then, tell me if you like it and if you're able to promote it", you laugh sheepishly, kind of embarrassed how a beautiful woman is helping you and not you helping the beautiful woman instead. "of course, i'll read it in my free time and tell you how it goes~," she says in a sultry, flirtatious tone. you could only laugh nervously. "get home safely now," she leans in close to you to give you a peck on the cheek, and it left a faint red lipstick stain. you couldn't even talk at all, you were left shocked, baffled, flustered, shy, embarrassed, confused. girlfailure moment

✧༺♡༻✧

almost 2 weeks have passed, and you were procrastinating in your room because it was your day off. you were playing games, reading books and eating. at this moment you're watching a show of your choice on netflix on your laptop, but alas your peaceful moment was disturbed by a loud buzzing from your phone. "who the hell is calling me?", you said, clearly annoyed because whoever is calling you just ruined your netflix and chill time. probably your best friend or a co worker ready to bother you.

but the name you see on your phone is "chelsea", so you just had to pause your show because you just knew it was about your novel. you hesitantly answered the phone, and the first thing you hear is "hey cutie, i just finished reading your book", she says through the phone, and you swallow, scared of how she thinks of it. "... and i have to say, your writing is quite impressive, the way you organize the storyline and give your characters so much personality," you smile at the compliment, though she can't see it, so you say "really?", hoping she hears how happy you are.

"yes, so it's safe to say i can promote your name and your work on my social media. but even so if i ended up not liking it, my interest for you would have not gone away anyways." she says, followed with an attractive giggle that has your heart going crazy. but you're very ecstatic nonetheless, because you know your works are about to get popular after she promotes it. yes bitch get that bag

"thank you for helping me, i really appreciate it. i'm sorry i had to trouble you over my own work problems." you answer her, apologetic for dragging her into your personal matters. "don't worry about it baby, i'm happy to help. but please do remember..."

"that if you want to pay me back, then you'd have to pay back with you, and only you."

you remembered the exchange you had with her. and you become red, whether it's about the pet name, or the agreement you guys had. "oh, right... uhm, what do you want me to do then? come over?", you asked. "yes. that's exactly what i want. i'll text you my address. i'll be waiting, hot stuff~", and that's where you know you're going to have the time of your life. whew

✧༺♡༻✧

you finally arrived at her house. damn it was a nice house. 2 storey, clean, shiny and modern, and you can tell theres a pool in the backyard. you check your phone, it's 8:32 PM right now. you knocked on the door 3 times, no answer. you knocked again, another 3 times. then the door swings open, and you're met with those red wine eyes and luscious pink hair again. and you notice that she's wearing one of those... dress-type lingeries. you were sure you were at your last percentage of sanity because of it.

"hey, it's been a while." she gives you a silent giggle. "it certainly has been. well uhm, how have you been? did you post anything about my works?", you asked her, i mean you were eager to know if your work is gonna do numbers and hoping you'll wake up to your works getting sold out by tomorrow. "oh, straight to the point... is your work more important than me?", she answers, clearly sarcastic with the way she immediately laughs right after. you panic slightly, but before you could protest, she talks once again. "don't worry, my post about your book is already going viral, so expect all your works to get sold out tomorrow and your publishing house flourishing overall~"

once you heard that, you were glad you met this woman by a miracle. but oh, you shouldn't forget the deal you made with her. "thank you so much, really. i appreciate it. but so um, about the deal...", you say weakly, heart beginning to pound fast in your chest and you try to avert eye contact with her. but yet again, she always manages to catch your attention, and she pulls your face closer to hers, making you look into her eyes.

"mhm, and you remember what you have to pay with, right?~", she says with her red blood pupils looking right into your (e/c) ones, by now it's obvious how eager she is to devour you whole. you swallow, sweat falling down your neck, and you look flushed. "yes... i guess i shouldn't make our exchange to be one sided."

and with that, she pulls you inside her house, shutting the door and crashes her lips onto yours. she pulls you slowly to her kitchen while sloppily making out with you, and you feel like you're on fire. you want to please this woman, and make her feel so good. you start taking the lead for a bit and push her onto a counter, continuing to make out tongue to tongue with her. she wraps her hand around your shoulders and hair, moaning in between your kisses and grinding on your thigh... and that was when you can tell that she's quite... damp.

"mmhh hah~", she pulls away from the kiss to look at you with hazy eyes, "i want you to... go down on your knees, and eat me out." she manages to let out breathlessly, "i want you to please me, and be a good pet for me." you could only nod quietly. even if it means getting on your knees and barking like a dog just to marry this woman, you would do it anyways.

you slowly get down on your knees while she sits still on top of the counter, spreading her legs to give you easier access. you reach out for the hem of her pantie lingerie, slowly pulling it down. by the moment her pantie reaches her thigh, her pussy juices made a thin bridge with the inside of her pantie, which was an erotic sight for you and turned you on even more. that thin bridge was cut off the moment you pulled her pantie down completely and threw it onto the floor. gripping her thighs and spreading them a little wider, you lean it to give her aching clit a kiss. you earn a shocked gasp from the pink haired woman above you, shuddering the moment you made contact with her pussy.

you lick her slit, going down then up to her clit again and start flicking your tongue on it at a pace that's not too fast, but fast enough to make her throw her head back. she takes ahold of your hair and grips it slightly and whimpering your name, letting you know how good you're making her feel. you decide to push your tongue inside her tight velvety walls, and she almost puts you into a headlock with her milky thighs all because it was too sudden. you thrust your tongue into her in and out, constantly hitting her g spot. "ahmm...! ughmnggh... y-you're doing so good, hah! keep goinggghhngg..", she manages to blurt out weakly, mindlessly grinding her hips to meet your tongue, you can tell she was close from the way her moans started sounding more louder, the grip on your hair tightened and her walls started spasming a lot more than earlier. but you only ended up pulling your tongue out last minute and you were greeted with a disappointed whine. "why did you do that?", she looks at you, face so fucked out, but she's still a little angry even in a state like this.

you smirked at her, and went back down to kiss her clit and flick your tongue on it. she went back to moaning and whimpering, but what she didn't expect is you shoving a finger inside her and slowly thrusting it in and out, receiving a choked moan from her. you added another finger inside, and curled them. chelsea lets out a loud cry and her breathing starts getting more ragged and unstable, her thighs starting to shake uncontrollably. "ah! mmpleaseeee pleasepleasepleaseplease— fasterrrrhngmnhhh...", and the constant chanting of your name was all you could hear until she started squirting all over, onto your face and to the floor. at this point, the countertop was dripping wet with her juices, and it's slippery. one wrong move, she could accidentally fall down and injure herself. you wait for her to calm down from her high, getting up and holding her by the waist to stable her.

leaning into her neck and giving her kisses, relishing in the her rose scented perfume, mixed along with the smell of sweat and sex. she snakes her hand up to your neck, and kisses you, soft and chaste. pulling back, she could only say "i didn't know you were skilled like that... you really did good, cutie ♡", and you give her a promising smile, one that made her heart flutter and look at you with hearts in her eyes.

© 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗲𝗲𝘂𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗮𝗻. 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗹, 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁.

another a/n: finally i'm done!! one of my longest fics yet... let me know if i made any mistakes or my writing was too long, sloppy or rushed. once again it's my first time making smut, sorry if i disappointed you! :( i'll do better next time ❤

[svttingz]

Leave her alone.

pairing: Bernard x fem reader

summary: just toy Santa treating you bad

warnings: none

A/N: MY LAST STORY DELETED ( also writing part 2 of this ) i also dont own this gif

-

-

last Christmas, your life changed forever. 

your dad is Santa Claus.

he made Santa fall off a roof, on accident of course. he put on the coat and delivered the rest of the presents to the children.

there was a certain little elf hat next to the Santa outfit that you tried on. and lets just say. never in your life has something felt so right. it was the same when you met Bernard. the cute head elf that had stolen your heart. 

he trained you everyday for the last year so you could become an elf. when one of those lessons led to you going to kiss him on the cheek then him turning his head on accident causing you to kiss him on the lips. you both immediately pulled away, but then you both leaned in again and kissed once again. thats when u guys started seeing each other.

he would visit you everyday after that till you moved to the North Pole to fully commit to being an elf, thats also when your age stopped.

fast forward a year later officially 3 days till Christmas. and there is a new clause. your dad has till Christmas eve to find a wife or you cant be an elf anymore and he wont be Santa anymore.

so you and Bernard have been spending a lot more time with each other since ‘the desantafication process has began’ according to Curtis and so has the delfication. your ears are going back to normal by the day.

so while your dad went out to find a wife, you, Bernard, and Curtis were stuck to deal with toy Santa. 

oh did i mention how they made a toy Santa to impersonate Santa while hes gone??? 

yeah you heard me

“you know this book is very interesting reading, theres a lot of rules right here at the North Pole they're not following” toy Santa says looking at the book

“Thats what ive been saying all along, every since mr elf number one here got all lovey dovey with miss Y/N, things have gotten a little to sloppy” Curtis says

“excuse me?” you and Bernard say at the same time

“yes and sloppiness means mistakes, and mistakes arent a good thing! i think i might need to make some changes around here” Toy Santa says

“what’d you have in mind boss?” Curtis asks

“well let me show you” Toy Santa says as they began to walk away, 

“i really hope my dad can find a wife, i dont want to leave here” you say looking at Bernard as you guys were walking behind toy Santa and Curtis.

“me too, i cant lose you” Bernard says while grabbing your hand

“whoa whoa whoa, what is this” Toy Santa says referring to me and Bernard holding hands. “it clearly says here in the handbook, “elves should not have any romantic relationship with humans” 

“oh no sir, im an elf” you say with a smile

he glares down at me and bends down to my height, “Y/N was it? you young lady are no elf, all you are is a sad, strange little HUMAN girl who wants to be an elf but will never be one.” he says

“hey. Leave her alone. dont talk to her like that.” Bernard says while getting in front of me 

“and you Mr elf number one, need to set an example for these elves that arent following these rules” Toy Santa says turning to Bernard then walking off.

“im sorry about him Y/N that was a really horrible thing he said” Bernard says turning around and rubbing my arms.

all you could think about after Toy Santa’s words were, “hes right you know, technically right now im not an elf. im just a sad strange little human girl.” you say with a sad face

“no hes wrong.” Bernard says, “i dont care what he says, i love you as an elf or no elf. you'll always be my snowbell” he says with a smile.

you smile, “thank you Bernard, i love you too” you say as he leans down to capture your lips with his. you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer. when u parted he placed his forehead on yours

“Get a room, lovebirds” Curtis says with a disgusted look on his face

you and Bernard both let out a laugh.

poor Curtis.

-

[marymary-diva17]

my captain

Rex x reader

Star Wars masterlist It was against his oath for to the republic and what he had bene made for, he had always bene a soldier for the republic but that all changed when he meet you. Since the day he had meet your his life has never been the same, you really did care for him being there for him when he was down and giving him some encouragement. The two of you really balanced each other out, and brought harmony as well in your guys lives.

Y/n “ ……” Your are walking around your home, on the planet if corustant after getting done with a long day at work. Waiting to hear a call from your brother Anakin and Rex. As they were in far reaches of galaxy right now fighting for the republic. 

3cpo “ my lady everything will be okay master anakin will be fine, you have nothing to worry about” 

Padme “ they will be okay I know they will be home soon” 

Y/n “ I know 3po and padme but I still worry about him”padme knew you didn’t want to lose anymore family, and any more close relationships since the war started destroying many lives. 

Padme “ 3po why don’t you have some tea prepared for us to will help clan nerves”

3cpo “ yes my lady”3po had soon walked away soon a beeping sound had been heard, as you raced those the hologram projector. 

Y/n “ anakin”

Anakin “ hello baby sister I came to call I know you have been worried about me and my men, we are able safe here”

Y/n “ I’m happy to hear that brother i thought something bad happen to you” 

Anakin “ I’m sorry for not calling soon”

Padme “ don’t ever scar us like that again anakin, we didn’t know if you are alive and dead”

Anakin “ I sorry I’m here now” 

Y/n “ how is everyone else”

Anakin “ Ashoka and the troopers are doing well not loses since time, just some injured” 

Y/n “ good” 

Anakin “ oh yes there is someone who wishes to speak with you” soon Rex had came into the frame and you had started feeling better, seeing that Rex was now okay. 

Anakin “ Rex I’m giving you some time to speak with my sister, I will cover for you”

Rex “ thank you” soon padme comlink had started going off, it was some bail and it seems like it was important. 

Padme “ I will see you later i will cover for you at the senate if anyone asks”

Y/n “ thank you” soon anakin and padme were gone and you, were now with Rex. The man soon removed his helmet and looked at you. 

Y/n “ hello my captain”

Rex “ hello my love Im sorry if I worried you,

I tired to get in communication with you but it failed”

Y/n “ I understand Rex you don’t need to explain anything”

Rex “ how are you my love is everything ojah on your end”

Y/n “ it Bebe good but there is a war going on here with the senate, as there are debts on how to deal with everything”

Rex “ well it seems like we are both fighting our own battles” you soon giggle and smile at Rex comment. 

Rex “ that the beautiful smile I love so much”

Y/n “ hey I’m happy to see your handsome face”

Rex “ oh you think I’m handsome” you giggle once again and shake your head, making Rex smirk as well. 

Rex “ once this mission is over I don’t know if I will be home or else where so it might be longer until we see each other again”

Y/n “ I understand I will love you no matter how far you are from me, and when the time comes we will see each other again” 

???? “ hey Rexster we have an important meeting with officials sky guy told me, to come get you” Rex soon sighed knowing his time with you has been cut short, but he had his duty to the republic right now.

y/n “ go you are need right now we will talk again”Rex soon looked towards you know it will be a long time until you spoke with him again.

Rex “ thank you my love I will see you soon”

y/n “ I will see you soon as well”

Rex “ I love you”

y/n “ I love you as well my captain” rex soon place his helmet back on before the call end, the both of you looked at each other before the call officially ended. You sat there for a while before you got back to reality, you knew you will see Rex soon even though it might take a while he will be home soon.

[lyss-sketchbox]

if u saw the new trailer whats ur opinion?

im very excited for skirk,,,,

OH BUDDY YOUVE OPENED THE FLOODGATES CUZ IVE BEEN SPAMMING MY FRIEND WITH THEORIES LIKE HFJDJDJDJ I WAS SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME

Obvious spoilers for the fontaine archon quest in general for my thoughts and interpretations

Okay FIRST OF ALL NEUVI SENTENCING FURINA TO DEATH.

Okay so refer to what neuvi said at the end of Act 4 where 'all sovereigns are not im full dragonhood and it can only happen IF THEIR ARCHON DISAPPEARS'. I was hoping that Furina would somehow relinquish the gnosis or her godhood to Neuvi to let him be full dragonhood and stop the flood and WELL THIS LINES UP.

1) arlecchino did say furina was not archon like or has something wrong with her, 2) her playable character model HAS A VISION!!!!!!! 3) Iirc but her promo art, the one with the white bg with nation symbols on it, people say that it didnt have the symbols an archon would.

She's DEFINITELY losing her godhood here somehow and man. MAN IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT

Second of all FURINA or should i say the HYDRO ARCHON as a whole

She sounded MAD when she stated she wanted to use her own trial to show the world the true meaning of justice. This leads me to believe that focalors DOES have some sort of multiple sides/personalities to her. Especially with her announcing HER OWN TRIAL through the 3rd person.

And well one of these sides is either Egeria's manifestation or furinas actual 'TRUE lady justice' side. A bit of a stretch but one of the official art in the livestream is multiple depictions of furina so it can be a lil nudge ya know.

NEUVILLETTE!!!! NEUVI NEUVI NEUVI!!!

MAN ID KILL TO SEE THIS MAN IN ACTION FULLY ANIMATED, LET HIM BE FULL DRAGON AND KICK ASS!!!!! IM BEGGING YOU HOYOVERSE LET HIM BE MORE AWESOME!!!!

Okay this man definitely was acquainted to Egeria in some way and this extends to Furina as well (BECAUSE HE LOOKS SO SAD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO CRACK THIS MANS FACADE). I like to believe that Egeria and Neuvi might have a sort of Mentor/mentee/passing of the torch relationship. Because in so far everytime we hear Egeria, she talks to neuvi as if to hope that he will learn to understand humanity or learn his purpose or find SOMETHING (i forgot exactly what she says). But yeah he clearly holds her to high regard and that sentiment might extend to furina either because Egeria entrusted Neuvi with Furina, his loyalty to Egeria and Fontaine, or Furina just reminded him of Egeria and regardless of the trial still didn't want harm to come to his archon.

Okay a step back, we know that neuvi has holes about his past when he came to the world as the sovereign successor. And his line (i think its his idk) 'i seem to remember now... this trial is...' could be a call back of something Egeria told him from the past.

I firmly believe that this prophecy was actually a trial for NEUVILLETTE and not FURINA. It could be a final trial for him and his understanding of his position as chief justice and humanity. WHICH would tie into Egeria's line

and neuvi's line

Finally the GNOSIS

Okay the most obvious place is in the Oratrice. I feel like because Egeria isn't truly dead (from the who Amrita thing), it's possible that she lives in the Oratrice where she guides Neuvi and Furina. That's why it seems like it has its own conciousness and agenda. It's why it falsely accused Childe (and presumably Furina too). It might be why neuvi i think says this.

Anyways theres NO WAY the gnosis is staying in the oratrice lmao. There's bound to be a power transfer, the oratrice might be dead or dismantled because of its previous 'wrong' accusation for childe. And well im very much hoping it goes to Neuvi where he'll finally have his own meaning of Justice and no longer needs the assistance of the Oratrice to make judgements

I dont have much to say about Skirk, im most certainly looking forward to skirk childe interaction. Im guessing shes there at the abyss side either for the Narssizkruenz (fack spelling) ordo relation or well.. the gnosis. Im taking a random guess that she and the abyss might take away the gnosis to prevent celestia from descending early because fontaine is giving back the power they stole from a sovereign back to him.

ANYWAYS IM HYPED IM SO INSANE WAAAAAAAAAA

[carpisuns]

sjdsjsd sorry to be that person but what are your thoughts on adrinette's development throughout the season?? it's so wild to me how their relationship evolved sm in just 11 episodes

it IS wild!! Especially after watching them just make insane heart eyes at each other for 4 seasons before this!! Im proud of them. look how far they’ve come :’)

I’ll admit tho that I do have some mixed feelings lol. Because tbh I actually really love the status quo of miraculous ladybug. I know everyone has been itching for adrinette or another side to officially get together for years, but I always just loved the dynamic of each side as it was originally. dont get me wrong, im Thrilled to see adrinette saying I love you and holding hands and being the cutest couple ever 😭 and it always made the most sense for adrinette to be the side that dates prereveal. Im happy for the development! But at the same time I do miss adrien pining for ladybug. When I see ladynoir onscreen together now they’re just so cute and theyre great friends and partners and they’ve left the drama of s4 behind which is nice bc that was hard to watch dhdnd. But at the same time im like aw I want him to be in love with his lady! </3 and ive been waiting for a ladrien interaction to no avail 😔

It’s really interesting how they flipped/reversed the love square briefly to have marinette pursuing chat noir and then she flipped back pretty quickly while adrien continued to pursue her as marinette. There’s been so much love square development this season that it gave me a little whiplash in the beginning lmao. if u have been following me for a while h probably know im a big marichat fan. So obviously I was losing my mind over all the marichat this season. I was always rooting for marichat interactions but I was never delusional enough to think we’d get THAT lmao. so ofc I was ecstatic! But at the same time I was like wait! No, not like this! Bc I was never rooting for a love square “reversal” so much as a LS “expansion,” if that makes sense. Like I wanted marinette to fall for chat and adrien for marinette, but I didn’t want them to fall out of love with OG crush. I was hoping for the dramatic “oh no, im in love with two people!” thing and them having to reconcile those feelings and then at the reveal they’d realize they’d fallen in love with the same person twice. I’ve just always thought of adrien being in love with ladybug as kind of a defining character trait for him, so it’s sad for that to be seemingly gone, but also i dont really believe it is? maybe just suppressed atm bc his love for Marinette is taking priority.

Man I probably sound whiny and entitled rn complaining that my favorite side of the square got so much attention and that adrien is openly in love w marinette now, which ive wanted for a long time lol. I dont mean to come off that way!! Im really enjoying the adrinette and the love square development! it’s just going differently from how I imagined it would so im trying to stop pushing my expectations on it and just enjoy what the writers cooked up for us. im excited to see what happens next!

[mindfxckd]

My grandma yesterday told me it looks like ive lost weight after nit seeing her for 4 months. also officially hit my FGW! I set this goal of 20lbs because I wanted to see if I could dedicate myself to this and stick with it. I started at 263 and ladies and gents 2 months later i hit 243. I know im still fat as fxck but at least I know I can do this. 44lbs until my next GW and im hoping if i go twice as hard ill lose it twice as fast. Might start posting WIEIAD to hold me accountable!

[snalsupremacy]

2023 events

2022 events list

Again, these are not all of the events, just the ones i happen to come across with

- All of Sherlock Holmes is now officially public domain - Lil Nas X back at it again with... THE WIGGLES?! - Noah Schnapp, who plays Will Byers in Stranger Things, comes out as gay - US gov can't vote for a speaker of the house - McCarthy wins speaker of the house after 15 votes - Bolsonaro supporters storm the Congress and vandalize the whole place, are arrested on location -golden globes n stuff -JOJO LEAK JOJO LEAK ITS A BOY ITS A BOY -Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis Presley, dies at 54 -M3gan is a gay icon pass it on -AO3 down, 40 injured 15 dead -New FOB album - Velma show unsurprisingly sucks - Pink Sause on wallmart -Paramore back & new album coming soon - UK blocks scottish law that helped trans people and this might lead to their independence (pls) -TUMBRL ADDED POLLS! TUMBRL ADDED POLLS!! - #team snail worm deserved to lose the centopéia or however you say in english winning was RIGGED AND I CAN PROVE IT - Pete Wentz leaked Brendon Urie’s oncoming baby which leads him to breaking up Panic! At The Disco. Finally. - Holy fucking bingle! Trans Bi Lesbian It/She pronouns swiss hacker just leacked the US no-fly list, and plot twist, its very racist, what?! :3 - Justin Roiland is fired from Rick and Morty for being a bad person - Cecil from welcome to nightvale defeats Reigen in the Tumbrl Sexyman rematch pools! Idk who he is i just voted him bc i dont want reigen to win. -CECILSWEEP IS EVERYWHERE THE FINALS ARE SANS VS CECIL WHO WILL WIN - CECIL PALMER WITH THE STEEL CHAIR BEATS SANS TO PULP AT THE BACK OF PAPA JOHN'S!!! -The last of Us everywhere, seems to be a good game adaptation! glad to see more of those!

-Toby Fox scores the very first interview with creator of Yume Nikki, kikiyama with 9 yes or no questions and 1 "free response" question asking what they would get at a Denny's -FNAF movie officially starts filming - Marceline wins tumbrl woman - Just vote for vanilla extract and waive boys, just vote for vanila extract and wave - 7.8 earthquake hits Turkey and Syria, thausands of casualities - Spotted chinese (?) spy baloons (?) in America - Now theres a Tumbrl vanilla extract bottle, awesome - Hogwarts Legacy release discourse follows - Tear of the kingdom trailer out this is the most emotion link has shown in canon in 36 years - Youtube channel schaffrillas productions gets involved in car accident, Christopher Schaffer and Patrick Phyrillas pronounced dead on site while James Phyrillas in critical condition - Italian manwhore summer (Sanremo) - Netflix creating something thats gonna ruin password sharing people and everyone is mad - Brianna Ghey, 16 yo trans teenager, is stabbed to the death at a park -THE JOJOLANDS! AMAZING! MINDBLOWING! LIFE CHANGING! NEVER THE SAME! 10/10! -Succession will end in S4 -NEW MAGNAPINNA SQUID FOOTAGE HUNTING??

-New gen of TMNT (Mutant Mayhem)!! -Minesota lagislature makes trans health care (wait for it) LEGAL! - New mario movie trialer the babygirlification of Luigi continues -Willow project approved ‘_’ - More anti trans legislation. whats the news - Esc songs dropped the guy w the green top is already tumbrl’s top 1 jenn should have won etc etc -Gerard Way presenting in full office lady style. Tbh im just more impressed he did a show in tights. - Jojolands #2 out! Hot dog guy has a name now and Rohan canonically transcend the multiverse! - Taylor Swift eras tour congrats swifties - ICC issues arrest warrant to Vladmir Putin for war crimes -Trump to be arrested -Arab Cartoon Network hacked (Update: hacking was fake) - Tik Tok banned on government phones after spying accusations -New FOB album - The ladies from RWBY just kissed! mazal tov! - Justin Roiland case dropped - Kid in brazil attacks school teacher with knife - School shooting in US - Resident Evil 4 remake - Dobi dies in a glue trap -Trump got indicated, idk what that means but seems bad for trump which is good

-10 year anniversary of the Mishapocalypse - Ofc all your fave properties do an April fool’s special,, most notably Toby Fox’s “accidental foam pic” and Sonic The Hedgehog free murder mystery game that looks gorgeous?? they take the trophy this year -Kasane Teto gets her official voicebank for her 15th anniversary -wait... the DSMP is over..? it ended..? for real..?? WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!1!!11!!!!!11 - Dalai Lama [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] - Harry Potter HBO series... just what we needed ‘_’ - Misha Collins reveals Warner Brothers wanted him to stay out as bisexual after that one off joke last year - Out of touch thursday on 4/20 we did it boys - We DOUBLE DID IT BOYS! Elon Musk’s rocket explodes because he forgot to build a flame diverter?? Or did he not build one on purpose? Anyway no one was inside THANKFULLY - Movie markplier is working on is revealed to be..IRON LUNG?! - Elon Musk takes out all the unpaid blue check marks expecting the celebrity accounts to pay for them, instead #blocktheblue movements started in which you block all users with blue check mark, Musk then responds to this by awarding random popular users with check marks -Tucker Carlson fired, ill b real, I have no idea who he is -Don Lemon also fired, again, idk who he is - Ray Toro and Gerard Way on fnaf movie soundtrack?!? -Disney sues Florida governor Ron Desantis, woag.. I cant believe im saying this but it’ll be easier to make the governor leave than the rat theme park

-JASON DERULO JUST FELL OFF THE STARS AT THE MET GALA! 😱😱😱 - WGA on strike! -And may Eurovision posting begin! Im rooting for finland what ab y’all - Tony Hawk and chocolate guy collab?!?!?!?! -ABSOLUTELY BULLSHIT EUROVISION RESULTS KAARIJA IS THE REAL WINNER SWEDEN BE DAMNED -FNAF trailer drop -Barbie Movie trailer drop -IDubz apologises for content cop, better late than never ig -Succession finale - I saw that execution clip from generation loss cuz it cant be thaaat fucked up right? haha.... im traumatized -Seth Everman announces he will leave the internet in 200ish days -Ted lasso ends, and so, pride month begins.... -Hank Green got cancer

-Happy pride month guys! - Jojo musical adaption of Phantom Blood confirmed - Russian occupiers in Ukraine blew up the Kakhovka Hydroelectric Power Station -Across the spiderverse takes the internet by storm AS IT SHOULD - Fires in canada kinda spreads the smoke like all around and its all a gray haze over there -Kaarija and Bojan concert together doing a shit job at beating ther allegations happy pride month kings -Hank Green is bisexual, likes Brennan Lee Muligan, and found that out because of wreck it ralph cosplays i can’t believe this is real -Redit blackout? 196? im very confused, but the redditors are here and tumbrl are welcoming them WAY better than we did twitter users which i find fitting lol -Adrien and Marinette from miraculous lb finally kissed omg its been like 8 years?? insane -The Idol sucks - Shit submarine w 5 people goes missing and the more we find out the more inevitable it felt       • Oceangate...gate brings awareness to migrant ships who drown and kill hundrents of migrants       • Iron Lung game sell suddenly spikes       •Submarine found, it imploded, all passengers dead - Joes Biden (US president)'s son committed tax fraud -Mark Zuch and Elon Musk are going to fight?? -Military coup in Russia (failed) -Miranda sings revolutionizing the YouTuber apology genre by apologizing for groomer allegations via ukulele - wtf is a grimace shake - Happy pride month! US overruled law prohibiting homophobic discrimination based on religion!

-Nimona is out! I haven’t watched it yet but the reception is great! (Edit: watched it, its good) -Superman finally got his long deserved sailor moon style transformation. good for him. -AO3 down, 500 dead 756 injured (Update: AO3 is down due to DDOS attack, which is when a group overwhelms the website with requests. This seems to be made by a group who claims to be doing it for homophobic reasons tho they likely have uterior reasons) -SAG-AFRA joins WGA strike - Universal prunes trees outside their building to try and prevent WAG/SAG-AFRA picket line. However, these trees are city property and "tree law" (heavy fine for destroying gov owned nature) might be called into action - Happy Barbenheimer tho all who celebrate - MITSKI ALBUM ANNOUNCEMENT?! - Fnaf DLC smth smth eclipse - Elon Musk tries to change twitter to X ? - Good Omens season 2 finale so tragically good it re animated OFMD SPN and Hanibal into trending page

- Tik tok parody of every 90's euro disco song goes viral - New James Webb telesc ope picture shows a giant ? in space. poetry. - Forest fires in Hawaii destroying homes -Anti semetic hate crime against USP teacher in Amazonas - Tik tok tried to create their Goncharov (Zepotha) and it turns out to be a plot to promote a musician's new song - Planet of the bass music vide out!! - Trump might actually get arrested, mugshot and all - Who thought it was a good idea to make the actor portraying Bernstein in the new biopic wear a PROSTHETIC NOSE?? - India first country to land on south pole of the moon! - Someone tracked down spanish spn’s rogue translator, who claims he did not add that in, meaning in some version of spn destiel was canon - Riverdale ends with all of them in a polycule. Which honestly is the best possible ending - TRUMP MUGSHOT TRUMP MUGSHOT

-That mole do be interesting -Castiel 15th birthday WAIT 15?? A DECADE AND A HALF?? - Ladybug and Chatnoir are emo now. Like, literally. - WGA strike succesfully ends -The Pokemonx Miku collab is everything actually - WGA stricke officially ends wed 27/9 12:01 AM, the deal is finalized and the writer’s guild got most of what they wanted! yay uniuns!

- Israel-Palestine conflict breaks into full on war with many casualities on both sides -NOOOOOO BAKUGO IS ALIVE PUT HIM BACK IN THE GRAVE!! KILL HIM AGAIN!!

- Spock wins the AO3 polls unsuprisingly - youtuber SSSniperwolf doxxes youtuber JacksFilms -Merlin twitter account is active...why? -Mathew Perry, Friends actor and advocate for alcoholism and drug abuse issues dies at age 54

-Happy 3 anniversary to Nov 5th -THANK G-D ATTACK ON TITAN IS OVER ITS FINALLY OVER FUCKK YES FINALLY -NOOOOO LIVE ACTION ZELDA CONFIMRED WHYYYY - Actor strike is over =D - GTA 5 anounced - SHREK 5???? - Omegle shut downs for ever - Zack and Cody’s restaurant reservation is today - Dream and the voice actor of Gumball beefed and tbh it was hilarious - Russia declares LGBT groups extremists organizations - Henry Kissinger, american politician, dies at 100 - SONIC 3 DATE REVEAL YEAHHH

-Hbomber guy DESTROYS James Somerton and Internet Historian’s career with his new video on plagiarism - TODD IN THE SHADOWS COMES BACK WITH THE STEEL CHAIR IN JAMES SOMERTON!! - BG3 Game Awards Sweep including GOTY

[notallwonder]

Okeydoke. CM 16x09 "Memento Mori". What delights and disappointments do you have in store for me...

Spoilers etc etc etc under the cut.

I've been rewatching season 3. It feels like such a different show. I think the impact of the shake up of producers and cast that happened in season 5/6 cannot be overestimated. And of course with this new season they've actively tried to make it a different iteration. But yeah...the creative vision or whatever shifted a lot over its original run.

Anyway.....back to the matter at hand...

oh no...Rossi flashback. :/ oh buddy. ngl hearing Rossi break up like that makes me very sad.

(Emily you look fabulous in your funeral dress)

I do appreciate the time they've given to Rossi & Emily's relationship

also it just makes me uncomfy that Rossi's doing his canvassing all alone. Even the Mormons don't do that.

OH SHIT is going down!

Emily is your blazer sparkly? no no it's like some kinda tufted wool pattern. (Cute)

JJ your hair looks great

Tara you must be right, "it's hard to be a new dad and a psychopath at the same time" (also you look great bb)

OH SNAP he walked right in??!! with a lil smirk??!!

Okay okay okay TARA / REBECCA FLASHBACK. Aw, Tara that look on your gorgeous face. 🥰 I am not intimately familiar with Al-Anon but I can see how Rebecca's history might influence her tendency to go scorched earth/go to extremes in her reactions.

I wish the flashbacks were in color though. The black & white photography is pretty I suppose, but I wanna see their beautiful faces in full color.

Urgency!! Rebecca coming thru!! (in her fire burgundy suit btw)

this Sacramento offer is all she's got?? I know she's under review, whatever that entails, and presumably thus no longer in line for an associate atty general job (is that actually a thing??) but she's... still actively working in the DOJ in Washington DC hence why she's even plausibly (lol) in this room. Why would this Sacramento job be the only option left to her? This does not make sense.

Tara looks so beautiful, GOD. but also too sad.

Ugh back to this bitch (Elias)

This little tete-a-tete w/ Rossi is...intruiging. Ooh twist that knife sir.

LOL the very subtle sound cue/background music they put on Rossi's grin after he says "Almost." God that was perfect. Like the cartoon sparkle on a smile. Like the Schitt's Creek chime.

Wow this guy has plans on plans on cojones. I like him. He's bad news.

Side note: it annoys me that they keep calling Sicarius the "most prolific" killer they've ever seen. Didn't they estimate Frank's body count in the 80s or 90s?

Oh....our favorite asshole Tyler Green. Oh and our other favorite ah Will - here in an official non-husband capacity. Neato.

The question remains....is Tyler Green a bad guy? He's clearly taking PG for a ride, but what that fully means I don't know.

OOooooh big drama betw Tyler & Luke. That stare down!

Does PG see it now? She might.

F U C K. Suspicions (Apparently!) confirmed ! !

Rossi you in danger girl.

this could still be a vigilante type situation...but they're leaning hard on making Green seem sus and at the very least he's an uncontrolled quantity. He's gonna get in the way.

ok another flashback. this one im categorizing as dumb bc it's about Tyler. Honestly I'd rather have an Emily flashback. Even if it's just her like...loading her dishwasher. God, what I wouldn't give.

cute baby tho. Tyler has baby-related ptsd

This angst filled grocery shopping RULES!!!!! Rolling Stones babey!!!

Rossi, stalking people while they are grocery shopping is not nice. I get it, you have a job to do blah blah. But coming up on ladies in the cereal aisle is just annoying as hell.

OH MY GAWD. Rossi talking serial killer with the wife in the CEREAL AISLE?!?!?!!!!! only god above and people I'll never speak to know if this was by design but I am LOSING it over this stupid visual pun.

Sydney! You left your toilet paper! Don't you remember how hard it was to get toilet paper just a few short years ago?!

LMAO Rossi you got played buddy.

It does feel odd given recent episodes that Bailey isn't in the middle of this fray, but I'm so not mad he's not there.

Emily's "yes ma'am" reminds me of her very flat "ma'am" to Strauss in "100". Very different (this one contains no venom), but I just have not been able to get Strauss out of my head while watching Prentiss this season.

ZOMG LUKE & PENELOPE. Pen, why are you oversharing with him???!!!! Oh honey. You really think he's just your friend. Can't talk to Prentiss bc you already fucked that up, can't talk to JJ bc JJ will call you out on your shit, can't talk to Tara bc she's in her own world of hurt... you friend zoned Luke and are about to find Out!

Oh GOd PG! Like... I know you sometimes lack a filter but c'mon. 😬

FUCK Rossi WHAT are you DOING. This man who has been marinating in grief for years is about to lose it all

The only one who we know knows where he is is Tyler Green (awful sentence so sorry)

I'm getting tense

The Two Devolvers

AAAGH I just LOVE when an intense moment goes straight to psoriasis drug commercials!!! Fuck!

Is the Dan & Sheila thing a reference to a real podcast of some sort? Who are Dan and Sheila.

I do like when the show seems to acknowledge the shortcomings of profiling as an endeavor

Rossi rounding out the Brown Jacket Brigade

Oh. Emily.

Oh. GARCIA. Chickens....roosting....etc

i am just dying, Dying for Emily to completely Lose Her Shit. i doubt she will get the opportunity. But I want it.

JJ getting the lay of the land watching Emily's reaction. Tara getting the lay of the land watching Penelope.

I want Rossi to pee in the car, and then say "it's just a rental".

A favor from DC Metro? For when they are in the field in SEATTLE? I know this is just to get Will into the mix but it's annoying.

Garcia! Um, the implication that you think avoidant-attachment style folks are like...better at or predisposed to lying? Fucked up. I think you have not been getting an A+ in therapy (thing that's normal to want, etc...). All this "Penelope has thrived during the pando / been getting so great at self care etc" seems to be revealing itself as a front of sorts. Kinda feels like a third, smaller, devolution.

The Will stans of the world will rejoice - he's on the jet

For the record, I think Emily made a calculated risk/decision to send PG into the field with the rest. Perhaps thinking she would be uniquely situated to convince/keep Tyler out of the way. Meta-wise, it was necessary to then place JJ/Will and Luke/Garcia in the same frame on the jet. I'm sure that was no accident.

Ugh. Do we think Rossi's out? Is he gonna be dead when this is all said and done? I hope not. He's still got lots of grandparenting to do. But he really should fucken retire.

OOOOHHHHH. THE GARVEZ DATE. Again...I wish they gave us these flashbacks in color.

Oh, handholding!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it's not the specific handholding I wished for, but it's the handholding I absolutely needed!!!!!!

Luke, my man. I love ya. I feel for ya. God. I'm sorry things went this way. Honestly, PG, if you have trouble conversing in a non-dunking way with someone you consider a friend...like maybe I'm being judgmental here but that sounds like a you problem that you might want to figure out babe.

Thinking about Luke compared with Derek. Derek would have pushed back on a statement like that from PG. Luke, bless him, does not push back because he's got more at stake emotionally / is wounded by it. But a statement like that from PG needs pushback, especially if you're trying to redefine the relationship.

I feel so bad for Emily. She has to keep it together but you know she's furious and deeply worried about her kidnapped work wife

Now we've come back around to Rossi's flashback pain. He didn't want to watch his wife be closed up underground. I see.

Zomg. I wonder if they are gonna cliffhanger the season with Rossi still trapped underground.

AAAAAAAAAAAH

I quite enjoyed this episode. I liked the directing, though I would have preferred the flashbacks in color. There were some really nice shots in there. A lot of backstory snippets. I wanna know more about Tara. What prompted her to go to Al-Anon, years after her marriage broke up? Does that have anything to do with the toning down/disappearance of her swagger? As for Garvez - I don't feel the same level of upset over how this has played out, but I think we're headed toward a reveal of Luke's deeper feelings and some kind of reckoning. And while it's not necessarily *fun* to watch Garcia make these choices, I am not convinced this was a completely bad decision storytelling-wise. I know, I'm in the minority there. Let her fuck up! Let her be unlikable, selfish, blind. I guess what would disappoint me the most is if there's no turn in this story, no real consequences or accountability. We'll see.

Favorite scene hands down was the angsty grocery shopping. What can I say, it gave me life.

[khodorkovskaya]

20.02.23

first day of uni today!

yesterday i went skating with my zurich friend and my oxford/france bestie and my student and his wife. it was lots of fun! then my zurich friend and my bestie and i went for a walk. to my surprise my zurich friend and the greek girl he's been going on and on about aren't like together together! i thought they were like officially a thing but "it's complicated". idk i like my zurich friend and he has potential but he's such an ugly duckling now lol. in the sense that in a couple of years time he's gonna be a beautiful swan like he's gonna be husband material bc he's not bad looking and he's well raised and he's like very intelligent. but right now he's so awkward! and the thing with the greek girl like come on... the man has no experience and it's sad. i mean no, it's not sad. it's just like oh you're young and awkward. anyway, im really excited to see the man he's gonna become in like five years.

anyway i really wanted more gossip on the greek girl bc im a libra rising. and i wanted to talk to my zurich friend like one on one and i felt bad about not staying with him for longer. but i felt so guilty about just like doing nothing the whole day and not working. it was driving me nuts.

my parents went to visit this old lady who lives in a beautiful mansion who has a bunch of vintage clothes. and her story is kinda sad bc her husband passed away not long ago and she has no family left, no kids, nothing. all she has is this huge mansion with a beautiful view on the lake and tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of clothes she doesn't know what to do with. she's a prisoner in her own home basically. bc she's so attached to all of her stuff but it has to go bc she sold the mansion and has to move out in four months. but where is she gonna put all this stuff? what even happens with your stuff once you die? where does it all go? my cousin and i were wondering what we're gonna do with our grandma's cat collection when she passes... what are we gonna do with all those cats? (precision: not actual cats!!! like figurines and stuff!)

my stepdad and i have been losing our minds over the last email we got. like it's pure délire. i can't tell you guys what it's about but we can't sleep because of it lol. it's crazy. one day im gonna write a book about everything that's been happening, it's insane.

anyway, i really miss B these days. more so sexually than anything. but then i think about our actual sex life and it was so awkward... there were good moments for sure but i was so like... not good with myself and my body. but then i can't imagine sex with anyone else. just the simple thought of like using a condom during sex with someone makes me so sad. im like shit, i should call him. but then i think about the potential consequences of caling him... like fuck. i don't love him anymore. what do i do now? how do i exist without love?

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

nart ships: a (very long winding tangent-ed) summary

danzen: hiruzen and danzo. they are not officially together and they never will be because of the nationalism. hiruzen is selfish and doesn't want danzo to die because he loves him. he would much rather sacrifice himself for his sake so that he doesnt have to live with the aftermath of losing him. classic hiruzen trait!!!! doesnt make moves because he also loves inaction. danzo is selfless to a fault and also applies this selflessness to everyone else whether they like it or not. the ends justify the means!!! (he has forgotten what the ends were). he doesnt make moves because of the catholic guilt. they pine after each other silently and occasionally send assassins after each other and then feel bad about the indulgence. fascinating.

the kakashi polycule: kakashi is a sex-repulsed gay demiromantic but he feels most comfortable not referring to his relationships in romantic terms regardless of whether or not the involved parties reciprocate romantic feelings. qprs for life baby!!! obito gai iruka and zabuza are usually my go-tos. all of them are desperately in love with him (the sad wet horse appeal. you know how it is.) but through sheer proximity they also get entangled with each other. mostly sexually. every single possible combination is terrible and everyone is aware of this and it is funny as hell. gai cant remember anyone but kakashis name but he objectively the best one in bed so thats just something they all have to live with. iruka wants to leave but he never does. he never leaves. he has no one but himself to blame.

tenzo: hes transmasc hes so transmasc and he's also gay and demiromantic and asexual. but i think he's pretty sex-positive and doesnt mind participating, even if he doesnt really get anything out of it. he and kakashi are also in a qpr but tenzo is not touching the rest of the polycule with a ten foot pole <3

minakushi: saw a post last week suggesting transfem 4 transfem minakushi and ive been obsessing over it ever since. the vibes are impeccable. war criminal no thoughts head empty minato and girlboss lying to herself to get through the week kushina and they were BOTH GIRLS???? that being said im also a big fan of malewife minato so idk. i go back and forth. any way you spin it kushina HAS to be transfem though i just. need her to be. these guys are one of the healthiest couples in the series i think. which says a lot.

kagurin: KAGURIN KAGURIN MY BELOVEDS!!!!! kind of like narumitsu except rin is literally nothing like edgeworth its just that kaguya has that "i can fix her" vibe that phoenix has (she is just as bad). absolutely impeccable. they have the symbolism. they have the chemistry. toxic yuri forever!!!! rin is aro but in denial and so she Decides to fall in love with kaguya because Moon Lady you know and kaguya tries to fix her and then they both die after a week because they are trying to destroy the world at the same time <3 women <3

tsunade: aroace romance repulsed sex repulsed touch adverse QUEEN!!! she and orochimaru meet up to bitch about everyone else's drama. (orochimaru is allo its just that he doesnt date because no one meets his standards.)

poly team 7: i will die on this hill. all of them are bi and they have a beautiful toxic codependent relationship <3 sakura and ino have flings every once and a while, same with naruto and gaara. the good ending in my head is the one where the three of them run off into the hills to live on a little farm as civilians after the war arc. the canon arc where they trudge back to konoha to drown in bureaucracy as they slowly drift apart from each other and the vision of a better world they once shared is kind of fun too except for the fact that thats DEFINITELY not the intend reading

rock lee: he is the perfect man. i believe he is straight as a ruler and the best guy you could possibly meet and incredibly unlucky. every girl he dates for longer than a week finds out that shes a lesbian. he has an army of lesbian best friends. eventually he had to result to mitosis to produce offspring. this is the only thing i know about boruto canon.

ankrin: yes rin gets two ships this is because she is my favorite. anko and rin happens in the timeline where she is the sole team minato member to stay in konoha and they meet and bond under orochimaru's tutelage. he ends up becoming hokage after minato is drawn and quartered by iwa for his crimes (<3) and they just kind of chill. both of them are aro and lesbians so this arrangement is GREAT for both of them. friends with benefits type of thing i think.

kisita: kisame is a mom friend. that being said i do not think he enjoys mothering itachi all that much. itachi is the exception to the worrying. kisame does it anyways. fascinating relationship. closer to that of a plant that produces flowers to attract an extinct species of bee and the fruit fly that has not adapted to co-exist with the plant but keeps it alive anyways than anything romantic i think.

[nel-world]

hi

BILL: (muttering lines) All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players…

(He loses himself in the lines, his voice rising and falling with the cadence of the verse.)

BOSS (O.S.): (gruff) Hey, Shakespeare!

(Bill startles, nearly dropping the script. His BOSS, a burly man with a scowling mug, leans into the open cab door.)

BOSS: (continuing) Cut the much ado about nothing and get back to work! bring those boxes… I spoke to your previous boss.

BILL: Oh, my previous boss.

(Bill holds up the script defiantly.)

BILL: (quoting) "As You Like It."

KWAMI: Sorry, no one told me. I'll go get him now.

BOSS: No, don't worry. I brought him in.

KWAMI looks relieved but apprehensive.

BOSS: But you know this isn't the first conversation we've had. Yeah, it's your client, it's your responsibility.

KWAMI nods, taking the reprimand.

BOSS: So how's the presentation coming along for Thursday?

KWAMI: Everything's set.

KWAMI: Good, yeah, I just have a few things to tweak.

BOSS nods, showing confidence.

BOSS: Counting on you. See you then.

KWAMI gestures for the clients to take a seat.

KWAMI: Please don't misconstrue my 10 previous jobs as job hopping.

The clients exchange curious glances as KWAMI rushes off, trying to maintain his composure.

/// How are you feeling today, Kwami?

KWAMI Yeah, much better, thanks.

BOSS Did you go to the doctor?

KWAMI I just stayed in bed.

BOSS You've been coming in late a lot recently, Kwami. And looking at your KPIs from the last quarter, they are below target. I'm going to have to give you an official warning.

/// SUPERVISOR: Alright. Got a big haul for you.

(He slides a form across the desk toward Bill, tapping it with his pen.)

SUPERVISOR (CONT'D): Cross-country run to Cali. Goods gotta get from here to LA, no delays.

(Bill feels his heart rate pick up at the prospect of such a long-haul job. His acting dreams flash before his eyes.)

BILL: (hesitant) But sir, what about my auditions? I can't be gone that long…

(The Supervisor fixes Bill with a steely glare, daring him to object further. Bill swallows hard.)

SUPERVISOR: (flatly) You want this job or not? /// supervisor im glad you r back

SUPERVISOR: Alright. Got a big haul for you.

(He slides a form across the desk toward Bill, tapping it with his pen.)

SUPERVISOR (CONT'D): Cross-country run to Cali Whoa, wait!

Bus Driver: Where are you going? Rudy: I'm going to see Notre Dame. Bus Driver: Do you have some friends in South Bend? Rudy: No. Bus Driver: Then there must be some other reason. Teacher: When you announced it in class, I thought anybody could go. Bus Driver: I'm sorry. This bus is for students who want to attend the university. It's not a sightseeing tour. Rudy: Maybe someday I'll go to school there. Teacher: Father Joseph, take over for me. Father Joseph: Of course. Father Joseph: Rudy… Father Joseph: …you don't have the grades for Joliet Community, much less Notre Dame. Father Joseph: The secret to happiness in this life… Father Joseph: …is to be grateful for the gifts the good Lord has bestowed upon us. Father Joseph: Rudy… Father Joseph: …not everyone is meant to go to college.

Boss: Hey, Rudy. Rudy: Yes, Boss? Boss: You were late again today. Rudy: Oh, um, yeah, I had some car trouble. Boss: You were late? This is the third time this month. Rudy: I know, I'm really sorry. Boss: Get serious, Rudy. We have no special days here; every day matters. Rudy: I understand, Boss. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. Boss: What is today? Rudy: Uh, Wednesday? Boss: Exactly. It's just another regular workday, and I expect you to be on time.

What are you doing here? You can take a couple of weeks off.

Father Joseph: If I were giving out grades for daydreaming, you'd be getting an A. But in civics, you're failing. You see, ladies and gentlemen… the problem with dreamers is, they usually aren't doers. Their achievements are grand up here… but here where it counts, they fall short.

Rudy: I hear you, Father. But I'm ready to prove you wrong. I'll turn this dream into reality.

Father Joseph: Rudy, I hope you do. But remember, hard work and determination speak louder than dreams alone. Father Joseph: Rudy, I've seen many like you come through here with big dreams. Most of them end up disappointed.

Rudy: I know it's a long shot, but I can't ignore this feeling inside me. I have to try.

Father Joseph: I respect your determination, Rudy. Just make sure you're prepared for the challenges ahead.

Rudy: I've been preparing my whole life for this, Father. I won't give up.

Father Joseph: Good. Just remember, success isn't just about talent or hard work. It's about timing and luck too.

Rudy: I understand. But I believe in making my own luck.

Father Joseph: Well then, Rudy, if anyone can defy the odds, it might just be you.

////

ather Joseph: Play football at Notre Dame? And I'll buy a mansion on Lake Shore Drive. Rudy… Rudy: I know it sounds crazy, but I just want to prove that I can do it.

Father Joseph: Rudy, dreams are fine, but you have to be practical. Football at Notre Dame is a long shot.

Rudy: I've been working hard, Father. I know I can make it if I try.

Father Joseph: It's not just about trying, Rudy. It's about talent, grades, and a lot of luck.

Rudy: I'll do whatever it takes. I won't let you down.

Father Joseph: I'm not saying you can't do great things. But sometimes, you have to adjust your dreams to fit reality.

Rudy: I understand, Father. But this is something I have to try.

[astrologista]

disney movie idea:

fairy tale kingdom with king, queen and princess. the love interest for the princess is a guy who comes up with a new thing called the printing press to make newspapers for the kingdom. he sets up an official newspaper with editors and journalists to report the news and everyone agrees it's great. then evil guy shows up and creates printing press that allows anybody to make their own newspaper and pass it off as an official one. people that pay (him) more get a more official looking newspaper and can put anything they want in it and send it out. this causes people to lie, and pass off their opinions as fact. like one guy just publishes straight up conspiracy theories which is played for laughs, another lady is obsessed with aliens and claims ufos are found every day. people start arguing over what the news actually is. the first, official newspaper loses subscribers and has to shut down. it's up to the princess and the journalist love interest to help people realize the value of the news and what are facts vs what are opinions. the solution ends up being creating a modern "forum" where people can meet and debate and talk about their opinions and actually compromise for once. that way everyone is clear on what are facts and what are opinions and you don't have to censor peoples opinions, actually, just distribute them through the appropriate forum and stop passing off peoples opinions as facts please. it goes over really well and the evil guy gets sucked down a sewer pipe. the end roll credits.

i feel this is a message kids (and adults) should really hear. im imagining a song where like it's raining and we're like ok it's raining and that's a fact. saying that it's not raining wouldn't be true, and we can all see the consequences (person with a picnic basket leaves their house and gets rained on)

yea, i'm sick of the status quo, can you tell? by the way internet journalism needs help and the people who are yelling that it's "censorship" to have editorial standards don't realize that social media has made journalists out of everyone. but the people who are favored by the algorithm are paid. to. lie. and pass it off as news and nobody ever stops them or corrects the record or fines them anything for it because "oh but you're censoring them" they are paid to tell you vaccines cause autism, gladys. they are paid.

i'm sick of the status quo or couldn't you tell.