#im not out as queer or neurodivergent at school

[sitdwnandstudy]

After my qualitative methods class today I'm just increasingly convinced that the boundaries between qualitative and quantitative methods are blurry to nonexistent. I'm not saying that some approaches aren't one thing or the other but literally none of the differentiating aspects listed can be said to only apply to one method or the other. I just think we'd be better off considering how to make sense of our results rather than making statements about how qualitative researchers make conscious choices that produce their results as if quantitative researchers don't literally also do that.

Anyway, I continue to be very interested in the ways that we convey authority in our research work, whether through methodological rigor, the appearance of methodological rigor, or some other way entirely.

[shepherdingthepie]

ok I know these posts are like bait but my neurodivergent ass really needs some motivation on this one

I’m currently closeted as nonbinaryand im like sick of it but im really scared to come out

50 notes and I’ll come out to my trans friend

200 notes and I’ll come out to my whole (lgbtq) friend group

500 notes and I’ll come out to my friends who aren’t queer

750 notes and I’ll start using my real name and pronouns at school next year

3000 notes and I’ll come out to my parents who I’m like 75% sure support trans people

5000 notes and I’ll come out to my extended family

10000 notes and I’ll come out to my racist, homophobic, transphobic grandparents who live in Indiana(no hate against Indiana I just felt the need to specify)

Edit: I came out to my trans friend!! He took it really well and sent me a screen recording of him changing my contact name in his phone:)

[mueritos]

trying to be more accepting of the likelihood I am autistic, I feel ive been having this constant back and forth conversation with myself for the past 2 years about it. "you can go to school, be a therapist for people, run errands, win awards, and somehow fit 2 jobs into all of that" and I use that as proof that I am NOT autistic...however, realizing i lose an entire weekend for a trip? distress. fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and leaves me trembling, crying, and forced to recover? oh boy i wonder why that happened. feeling confused and like i'm constantly missing something when people express themselves in class or in the workplace? hm, it's almost as if I struggle to not take their language literally.

i don't think i've ever been allowed to be "disabled" by whatever neurodivergency and its symptomology, like, ever. god speed any other neurodivergent children of immigrants, but i don't feel allowed to let any cluster of disturbances or schedule changes or social conundrums disable me. I mean, they can affect me privately, where I am forced to stim and cry and process all on my own. But unfortunately i cannot look like the misshapen freak I feel I am, or well, as least not appear so in a socially unacceptable way.

it's funny i carry so much shame. i am unmasking in ways i never thought i could. i am allowing myself to take things literally with people, and I am allowing myself to ask more questions. "what did you mean by that?" "why did you use that word to describe that?" "can you rephrase that?" it's funnier that I am at such a queer and neurodiverse internship; nearly all of the other clinical staff have some sort of diagnosis (usually adhd/ocd/with flavors of trauma), and we all serve a population of the queerest and most neurodiverse students. i feel SO happy when I see a student and they refuse to make eye contact with me, because I take it as an invitation to NOT look them in the eye too! i tell students during our sessions feel free to stim, here's a weighted plushie you can hold, sit where you like, would you like to pace, should I dim the lights? it is even funnier that i am a neurodivergent clinician working with neurodivergent people, and half the time I dont even follow the same advice I give my clients!

i worry about what my life will look like when i've graduated. my master's will say, "hey, this guy is a clinical social worker and is now ready to be your therapist! or caseworker! whatever they have you people do nowadays!" and I don't think i feel ready to enter any workforce. how on earth will i manage my life and wellbeing doing this 40 hours a week? like wtf? ugh.

i dunno. these r just rambles and perhaps im just seeking some sort of comfort from other autistic people, especially because it feels like i have very few autistic people in my life. i know a lot of the validation i seek will be "resolved" if i seek out an official diagnosis, but I don't have time or $ for that. nor do I think I want one for a number of reasons. I should just continue working on my own self-esteem when it comes to most likely being autistic.

oh well

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AMITA for lying to everyone I know about my identity’s as a queer/neurodivergent person?

I (18M) am a bisexual, transgender man who is also autistic, ADHD, and OCD. When people hear this about me, even if they know me, I feel like they build up this image of me as an awkward, “cringy” 11 year old who’s obsessed with “cringy” fandoms. And while i have a qualm with this because I know they are looking down on people who are just less masked/higher support needs, I also dislike that they do this because it’s just not who I am. Without the labels, I mostly seem like just a normal dude, if not a bit nerdy.

I also used to be extremely bullied as a kid (7-12) to the point of a suicide attempt, mostly due to homophobic, transphobic, or ablest remarks about me. Since then I’ve completely changed community’s and do not talk to anyone i knew before high school.

When authority figures (Teachers, Show Directors, Investors of the teen programs I lead) apply ablest/transphobic stereotypes or prejudices to me, they also tend to be less,,, normal? around me. Less kind compared to other kids, call me an “inspiration”, or they’ll coddle me when I’m incredibly capable. I do a lot for someone my age- and I know the connections I make now at conferences and whatnot will help me in the long run. My dad’s family is poor, and my immediate family is more comfortable but not that much. I know I’m smart, and I can weaponize that to get a better life for my family by getting good scholarships and jobs in good fields. I can’t just let people who could be very important to my goals look down on me. So i just.. don’t tell them anything about me. They might assume Im odd or “not normal”, and for the most part I let them assume whatever, but if i’m ever asked directly about anything I deny it. Especially in relation to me being transgender; I have the very privileged ability to pass without any medical intervention, and I use that to pretend to be cisgender. Living in the deep south of USAmerica, most of who I am could make my social life very uncomfortable to downright miserable.

Here’s where the problem starts happening. when my social and (what i consider to be a) “professional” life occasionally touch, I wouldn’t be able to be out everywhere socially without someone I don’t want knowing finding out. So i don’t tell any of my classmates/friends/peers about any of my identities either. I hang out with queer and straight people, never be actively homophobic/ablest, and will be very vague about the two questions i’ve ever received about any of that stuff. It’s very, very exhausting to pretend all the time, every day, especially pretending that I’m cisgender because it’s a tricky game, but I can’t really back down and I’m afraid that I might get bullied again if I was ever open about it with classmates.

A few months ago, I was dating this guy, who i’ll call Kai (17M) Kai is also a transgender man, but does not pass at all and is comfortable with it. He’ll get shit sometimes, but also has essentially no straight friends. I told him I was queer when we became good friends, and then told him I was trans after we started dating. I also told him why I lie about being cishet or neurotypical, and while he didn’t seem happy he didn’t push it at first. I told him that I understood if he didn’t want to be in a secret relationship, but because of where we live and what I want to do I wasn’t comfortable with being out again. He said he still wanted to date me, and claimed he would support me, and we had a pretty good relationship overall.

A month after that, he started bringing it up again. He told me that I was more than my identity, and if people didn’t see me for who I am instead of stereotypes, it isn’t worth talking to them at all. And while I agree with the sentiment, it’d never be possible to just not hear someone if they were harassing me, and while I truely dislike a lot of the authority figures that I engage with, they are in the professional fields I’m interested in, and I’m incredibly lucky for getting where I am so early. Kai also said that since I am well known in our very small school (only 300 kids), being out could be a positive influence on what people think about autistic people or trans people. In a particularly heated fight, he even said I was doing a disservice or betrayal to my community by not representing or being proud of being apart of them publicly.

We broke up pretty soon after, but I think about what he said a lot. I know that I wouldn’t be the only out person at my school, and that my school is actually a lot better compared to most local schools, which are a lot larger and… dramatic, but I just don’t think I could be out without going back to how I used to be mentally. And Kai was right about how I could be a good influence on some of the meaner classmates- I do think some of my peers who I ingenuinely connect with might reconsider their prejudices if they knew I was transgender.

I’m intentionally choosing not to take the opportunity to do better. It wouldn’t ruin ALL my relationships with the authority figures I consider to be important holding, since it would just be my school, It might dampen one or two of them. Plus, I’m lying to pretty much everyone who knows me. They build relationships with a false idea of me, and I feel like an asshole sometimes because I’m not honest.

TLDR: I’m a transgender, autistic guy in a very bigoted community. Everybody thinks i’m cishet and neurotypical. AMITA for not being proud of who I am because of potential social losses, and AMITA for lying to people and giving friends/peers false ideas about who I am even if they would not be friends with me if they knew?

What are these acronyms?

[thebearme]

i feel nothing, and not that im unfeeling but i genuinely just cant feel anything feels.

i guess theres a reason i could never think how my life would be in my 30s.

middle school me would be so confused, "why couldn't they just vote for the woman?"

like bruh idk! all i know is democracy been fucking dead and now we're going to the dark ages.

worst thing is just a few hours ago i told my mom to stop constantly watching the news, the results won't come in till atleast a week (cuz that LITERALLY what my sister and mom said to me earlier just this is my first voting year)

i swear my mom years got taken away by the minute watching the news during 2016-2020

i was hoping this year would be different

i guess im gonna start writing/journaling every day of trump presidente cuz back in middle school i said to myself if the world gonna end to a orange mf then it better be known in the fucking history books

might make a different blog for that tho, after all of this i NEED to make this account something that people can escape to for comfort, laughs and shit like that

this was first a vent post but quickly became a update post or sumthing...

anyway PLEASE, ALL OF YOU, especially my POC, queer and neurodivergent brothers and sisters. Be safe, go outside only rarely unless you have too. Don't stay out at night. We've made it through before and we can do it again. We can pull through just like our ancestors. Never forget the past and keep moving forward.

[cheap-jumpscare]

ranting abt being kanade yoisaki.... if ur uncomfy with doubles, scroll away !!!!!!!1

raghhhhh i need white hair and my hair needs 2 be straight n long...... sighs. i already have blue eyes n im already extremely pale so thumbs up but ugh. i shld be skinnier too and that is related :|

i cant tell if im fickin or not but i rlly do wish i looked like. me? ive even always ACTED like me. im just. Kanade Yoisaki. this is the one "just like me fr.." character that's been CONSISTENT.

i was watching a video essay my meowtual Vriska made and SIGHS yeah. its >here< btw pls watch it. very good art and a very cool survey !!

^ but in relation to that I had a mini realization sorta. if i am a kanade fictionkin then i AM just Kanade. there would be no seperation between me and Kanade Yoisaki. if i AM fictionkind then I wouldn't be a "kanade kinnie" id BE kanade. just like how Vriska's whole video is about how fickind tend to suppress their identity to be more palatable. its just so hard to figure out if i AM fickindddd :|

and even then i dont feel like id be exactly like 'canon' me. id be different. id have several traits and such that i always have said I 'headcanon' Kanade with. maybe thats just me bein a bit Sillymode but urghfghg.

im just like i am in the game. i dont go outside regularly because the sun hurts my eyes, bright lights in general suck (though this may just be because my eyes are a lighter color- qwant it its weird), im very serious about music and i do believe it CAN save people, im not very good at personal hygiene and yet inexplicably im considered ~generally~ attractive by, at the very least, my parents. I've mentioned all that before, though. Plus preferring online school.

another thing i want to say bc i feel like it. everytime i see anyone else who's also a character i Am (ex, someone else who's Kanade) i dont ever get bothered. bc my brain rationalizes it through 'multiverse theory.' TL;DR 'doubles' dont bother me because i believe in infinite alternate realities and that if someone else is also kanade then they're just a kanade from an alternate reality. does that make sense?

i still feel a disconnect between the kanade in prosekai and myself- the kanade i am. enough to where i can refer to her in the 3rd person comfortably. im not the same as her. there's differences, I can feel them. ill just refer to Kanade in the game as 'canon!kana'/'canon!me' because that's easiest;

the biggest difference between us is that, well, canon!me is human. she also isn't explicitly trans in any direction, and is also a hard worker. all of that is stuff that doesnt apply. im trans- im queer in every sense of the word. every inch of my identity is a little weird, a little 'out of the norm.' No part of me can be easily described to a lot of people. I do know, thankfully, that people in the real world can be accepting. My Nana supports xenogenders and she's in her early 70s. Granted, I am her main source of information on neurodivergency and queer identity, but I'm able to unbiasedly explain terms and gently guide her in the right direction. I would feel safe in admitting I am not human, and do not like physically being so. I'm lazy- admittedly due to depressive symptoms, but I do not like work. I generally just hate having to do physical activity- even just in-general work. The reason I'm almost-failing all of my classes in highschool is because I hate working for more than a few minutes at a time, especially consecutively.

Of course, I will say I am not a person who really experiences delusions. That isn't to say those who do are lesser or that I'm better- it's just a simple fact. I specify that because this is the 'piss on the poor' website. I can seperate my physical body right now as I physically am from my possible fictionkinnity- at this current moment I am (at the very least biologically) not a shapeshifter like I often call myself. I am human, I am biologically a perisex female, etc. I don't like to see myself like that. I am Uta, yes. But Uta isn't a human. Uta is Kanade Yoisaki. Uta is a shapeshifter. In some way or another, I am nonhuman- or otherwise 'different.' I always have been.

idk. im just kanade. i dont properly know what i mean by it, other than. well. I Am Kanade. and that's really all there is to it.lon

[yonpote]

also some ppl asked me abt what i was talking about w like. SOME fans' perceptions toward dnp's early relationship. giant nonsense under cut :3

essentially it was about like, i guess we have an idea in our heads about what a parasocial relationship between a celebrity and a fan looks like right. and there can be issues there when boundaries are crossed, particularly when the celebrity is the one to cross that boundary without acknowledging the inherent power dynamic that they hold. this is still an issue that can happen with youtubers to this day ESPECIALLY because the line between creator and fan is so blurred.

when we hear about how dan and phil's relationship started out, from the current perspective we have towards parasocial youtube relationships, it can look a lot like that power dynamic. i mean for the most part, its something that's joked about, but specifically from the view of a "crazy fan". dan is phil trash, hes the ultimate phillie, he's the parasocial fan who won, i mean even HE joked about it back in the day (in a much edgier way) with his video about befriending internet stars by doing all these horrible things.

but it's important to remember what youtube was like in 2009, and what youtube culture specifically in the UK was like in 2009. those old halloween gathering vlogs and old sitc vlogs are all still up on youtube, and you can see it really was just. 50 nerds standing in a field huddled around doing whatever. the only thing i could compare it to in my personal life was going to facebook group cosplay meetups in washington square park in nyc, just a bunch of nerds wearing horns in a park and then going to get mcdonalds afterwards lol.

a youtuber wasnt even a real thing at this point in time. there was no money to be made really, just internet clout. cant remember who said this in a call recently, but someone made this comparison: dan and phil meeting each other was less like a modern day youtuber meeting a fan and more like a tumblr user with several thousand followers meeting a tumblr user with a few hundred followers. like in terms of a dynamic, sure phil was a few years older and had some internet clout, but that didnt have nearly as much weight back then as it does today. also fine lets talk about the age gap.

dan was 18 and phil was 22. a lot of (american) people talk about this and are like "oop red flag!" and im american so i kinda get it. especially when you know about how college dudes can and do prey on girls fresh out of high school like that. but a couple things to remember.

there are different standards for age differences in relationships everywhere around the world and we cant just view everything from the one mindset we know, and in terms of mental differences, 18 really isnt that different from 22 (frontal lobe aint done developing just yet yall)

they are two queer guys. and im not saying whatever isnt possible but like its something to take into account that queer relationships are just not going to be in the same framework as het ones.

they are two neurodivergent guys. a common thing w neurodivergence is feeling like youre being left behind by peers.

alright lets focus on that last point shall we? think about it this way. dan had just finished [UK equivalent of high school SORRY FOR BEING AMERICAN] but he is taking a gap year. from what hes said and what we've seen of this time, it seems like his friends have gone off to uni and he was kind of alone and figuring out what he should even do. idk if he even decided on studying law yet by the time he started talking to phil.

speaking of whom... phil had also just finished school, he finished his masters at uni! i posted a clip on here that i found really interesting from a (pre-dan) 2009 vlog of phil being open about like, feeling scared about what to do once school was over. he had to get a job and move out of his parents house and become a Real Man.

if you think about it, dan and phil were in much more similar boats than you might think at first glance. they were both extremely internet queerdos who were being forced to "grow up" and felt kind of isolated from their peers who seemed to have their shit together in comparison. there was a lot they could relate to even outside of common interests or anything like that.

its not a lie that there was some parasocial nature to their relationship at the start, but it's not nearly the same as other later cases of youtuber-fan relationships. but also! maybe im only saying all this cuz it worked out right? what abt [redacted] and [redacted]? two queer guys, similar ages to dnp, similar amounts of internet clout, but they didnt work out. so maybe it really is just bc its dan and phil specifically that it managed to work out.

[curvylizzie]

Im not sure if I have said this in here or not (maybe I have and it’s related to what I’m about to say 😅)

Earlier this year I decided to go back to college and get a degree in order to pursue a new career! It’s all fun and nice! Unfortunately with a new education came new burdens and I realized something.

Reading was a huge task, writing was difficult, focusing in class was hard as well and i would easily get distracted on things. I was not organized and I was having a hard time in school even tho as a younger person I never had that much difficulty

I used to go to this group for queer people as well, In there I met a person who is just like me, they were diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). A lot of their symptoms resonated a lot with me, such as my inability to stay still or focused, my squirrel like mind (ei. I could be mid sentence when my mind jumps to a whole different thing altogether 😂 it happened while writing this, I heard my cat and I stopped writing)…… overusing f***king parentheses like I just did 🤣 (because every thought of mine comes with added bonus) ANYWAYS!

I got myself checked out, and turns out to the surprise of absolutely nobody that yes! I am neurodivergent, I have adhd (and a touch of tism *COUGH COUGH*) but not only that, aparently I also show signs of OCD.

And it’s funny cuz my brain is CONSTANTLY ON FIRE unfortunately, I can be like “I gotta get stuff done, the room is messy and I need to make content and shit and omg I told my mom I would visit her and aaagh!! The dishes need to be….oh look a bird 😃” and this is exactly what everyone around me sees 😂. I didn’t know until someone pointed it out

There’s a lot more things that point out towards all this, and it’s nice to know this about myself. Because it makes it easier for me to manage my time for one (I am notoriously bad at doing that) and it helps me not be as hard on myself

I am trying to get better, I am working on myself, trying new strategies to get done what I need to get done

Anyways that’s it, that’s the post, if you got all the way here, have a cookie 🍪

[justletmereadmycomics]

hey, Im a queer with ADHD and my relationship with my parents and family is amazing! I’m so lucky to have-

*realizes I only truly relax around 2 people (neither of them are related to me), I will probably never come out to my family, I don’t know if I’m masking or not because I’ve just accepted that I’ve failed at society, and school has gone from ‘hah this is easy :)’ to neurodivergent burn out + anxiety*

well shit

[help-is-on-the-way]

Ive finally reread the Lemonade Mouth book and i have feelings. This may be long.

Ive watched the movie countless times since i was like 12, it has always been one of my favorite disney movies. I had their songs in my mp3 and at school i liked carrying my house keys around so i could pretend i was Wen in Turn Up The Music. Anyway. Ive always known it was a story adapted from a book. I remember buying it when i was like 16 after watching the movie for the bajillionth time. I never finished it. I remember the different POVs threw me off a bit and the language didnt make it any easier (english isnt my first language and the book has never been translated). My bookmarker said i made it to page 152. But i honestly did Not remember at all like 90% of the changes. So im like pretty sure i read it without Actually reading.

Anyway. Now im 24 and i rewatched the movie 3 nights in a row this week. And im way more well versed in english nowadays. So i decided to give the book another shot. Now, like i said, i have feelings. I read the whole thing in 2 nights. Im not sure what im doing right now and im sure im overexplaining things, as i usually do. But well. I think i wanna say some stuff.

First of all, after reading the book i can confidently say the movie is a pretty amazing adaptation. Ive always known that, but like, now i have undisputable proof. The way they made the story flow in just under 2 hours always baffled me. They got like 7 character stories going on and it never feels too much. And the changes from the book are mostly all understandable, and some of them i even like way better in the movie in my opinion. I mean. Except their appearances changes. I love Bridget Mendler as much as the next guy, but .. Fat Olivia wouldve been so cool to see. Especially considering the movie/book themes.

I remember whenever i rewatched the movie as a 18 year old and onwards, i always thought something along the lines of. Wow. For a movie all about revolution, and being a freak, and not conforming to the social mold, and being a minority in an elitist society - the lack of queer related stuff is so Loud. I guess it always disappointed me. Not that we are necessarily freaks, but well. Im sure we all felt like it at some point. I remember being angry about it, then. But i get it. Of course i always did, in a way. It was 2011 and it was disney. And im not stupid either. Stella is a glaringly obvious lgbt subtext allegory - maybe its the Hayley Kyoko in her, but they all knew what they were doing, i think. I can see that. Its subtext. I just cant help it but feel a bit disappointed that it isnt text too. I kinda always secretly hoped the book had something more in this subject. Dont get me wrong. Stella's character in the book manages to be even more marvellous than in the movie (an impressive feat). I was in shock that she was written explicitly and diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. Being a different but similar kind of neurodivergent myself, that was really cool and genuinely surprised me, as ive always related to the feeling dumb sentiments she has. But, you know. Still kinda made me sad. You could make the argument that she didnt need a romantic arc or whatever, cause she was going through a lot, blablabla. And, yeah. I agree with you. She was going through a lot. Thats kinda the point though. All five of them were. Its the whole point of their characters. Theyre all going through their own personal stuff and they got school problems on top of it - the band and their music is an answer to all of it. Im not saying she needed a girlfriend or anything. She didnt, and her character is one of the most fleshed out ones. I just cant help but wish.

Which then brings me to my next point. Honestly. I feel like the book had a lot more romance going on than the movie. In parts it was really sweet, and in others kind of annoying. The movie always made it very clear that Mo and Charlie wouldnt be a thing, and i come from that reality and mentality. So imagine my surprise when they are actually a thing by the end of the book. Idk. Ive always disliked Scott, and hated that he got in the band and played with them at the Madison Square Garden by the end. He never felt like one of the band, he never felt like a lemonade mouth. I dont think he ever really understood their struggles as freaks. At least not in my eyes. So he always felt a bit undeserving of his spot. He's there because of Mo, for Mo and Mo only. He's even more of an asshole in the book, so im glad hes not really brought up again after he tries to apologize and Mo says she isnt interested. I really like that this is what happens in the book. I might be too much of a Scott hater, but, yeah. I do like it. I dont think Mo shouldve gotten with Scott in the movie either. But i also dont think she shouldve gotten with Charlie, is the point. Sure, Charlie's character in the book actually puts in the effort to get to know Mo, he is sweet, he makes her feel listened to, and he tries to learn about her heritage and culture. He does not feel like hes in love with the idea of Mo (aside the first few POVs of him) (he quickly grows from that when they become proper friends). He loves her for her. And thats something i dont feel like it happens with movie-Charlie.

In fact, im gonna go in a bit of tangent here, i feel like movie-Charlie is the most not-book character of them all. Hes got the most background change, and most of the time he isnt seem doing much (most of his scenes were passed on to Wen - going with Stella to ask about the lemonade machine, being the one that's approached by Lyle when he sells the Lemonade Mouth Live at the Bash CDs, etc). When theyre deciding if they should become a band or not at the pizzaria, his coin flip in the book matters because thats heavily tied to his way of seeing the world and the universe. Tied to his belief that hes the wrong brother to have survived, so Aaron (heads) also deserves a chance to choose his actions for him, just as much as Charlie himself (tails) does. And thats explored time and time again over the pages. Its incredibly interesting and original. When they get rid of his dead twin brother, and build up a living-in-the-shadow-of-a-perfect-older-brother backstory for him, the coin flip just seems like hes an undecisive guy, who doesnt have a good reason to say No, but also not to say Yes either. And while thats fine, i guess... it just doesnt hold the same value narratively speaking. It just feels more shallow, like hes simply a more laid back guy - and although that is consistent, it just couldve been so much more. I do like movie-Charlie, but book-Charlie is way more interesting. His book appearance is more fitting too. Hes described as a regular chubby guy with unruly hair. I like that.

Anyway, back to the romance thing. Its fine i guess. Im mostly against Mo x Charlie in the book because it just kinda feels weird after watching the movie for 12 years. I liked the "friendzone" arc. Its nice when a boy and a girl can just be friends in media, no ulterior motives behind it (though that doesnt really happen between them either) (we see that more with Stella and the boys). Also because idk im not a huge fan of how Mo eventually came around and confessed to Charlie in the book. I know that theyre 14 but Charlie was still hurt by what she had said, and though she did apologize and admited that she screwed up, i feel like i wouldve liked it more if she explained to him what was going on through her head better. Like if she had explained to him what she had explained to the reader, that she was too preoccupied desesperately chasing after a future that doesnt belong to her, it kinda wouldve made it a lot better for me. Cause Charlie said multiple times that he was confused by the whole thing, and still hurt, but they kinda ignored that and kissed twice. And that was it, they were dating now. But then again, if they were able to express themselves that well, they wouldnt be 14 year olds.

And then on the other side of the romantic things going on theres Wen and Olivia. Ive always liked them as a couple since i was a kid. And their moments in the book were pretty fucking good. I love the subtle ways in which Wen slowly begins to pay more attention to her, and notice how his feelings toward her change, even though he doesnt really understand what they are. I lost my mind when in the beginning he described her eyes as a simple brown, but the next time it happens he sees that it has hints of yellow as well. And their fight scene ?!?!??!! Bro !!! The peak-ism of it all..... the way Wen crosses the street without Olivia, and theyre shouting while on different opposing sidewalks, with cars going between them, a clear and visual indication of this rift they suddenly found themselves in, and how sometimes they can think in opposite ways. Its so good. Hurts so well. And it gives more of a reason for Olivia to lose her voice as well, cause she had to yell over the noise and stuff. While in the movie she lost her voice over yelling two sentences while they were 2 meters away from each other, which always striked me as odd.

Speaking of which i feel like i have so much to say about Olivia, and at the same time so little. I honestly dont know which i prefer better, movie-Olivia or book-Olivia. From a poetic and creative standpoint, i really like that Olivia's POV throughout the book is told solely through her letters to her dad (+ Naomi at the end). Its very charming. But at the same time it also kinda feels like it hurts her characterization a bit in places. She tells stuff through a letter format to her dad, so at times it feels like she is withholding stuff while at the same time saying Much More than a 14 year old would say to their dad. And, granted, that does say a lot about her as a character, but you know. The point of different POVs is to explore the characters more. But because shes stuck telling the events to her dad, i dont feel like shes explored enough, it almost feels like shes only allowed to be his daughter - and it also feels forced at times when she tells stuff to him that i know just needs to be said for plot reasons. Which is a bit sad. I have the feeling that it is intentional, but idk. I feel like after 336 pages i still barely know her. We mostly get to know about her through other people - we basically only see Olivia [daughter] and Olivia [quiet friend]. I wanna see Olivia, dammit!!! It kinda sucks cause i love her and the book did not answer the questions i had about her. Shes the main singer, for goodness' sake !!!! And in the book nobody else sings besides her too.

This paragraph from one of Mo's POV kinda sums it all. Im stuck in a fence trying to understand if thats a good thing or not, when shes still a mystery even to the reader, only a 100 pages away from the end of the book. I want to know whats going on in her head so badly.

The exerpt kinda brings me to another point, slightly connected to the romance thing. The girls barely interact with each other. Of course we know they all become friends, and by the time the Halloween Bash is over and Nancy dies, Wen is already describing them all as a family in his POV. So we know they are all closer than they were before. From this point on they always describe themselves as friends, when before there was always an uncertainty over their relationship. But like, getting to my original point. The girls' interaction is scarce. Mo and Stella have the fight scene in the beginning, when the band first tried to make things work and they butted heads during practice. And then they get a descriptive paragraph soon after of the two of them having fun while reading a magazine and coloring the pictures with a pen after practice. After that, all of Mo's scenes are with Charlie, Naomi, or the other 4 as a band (or her dad). At the end Wen mentions that Mo gives him the "shovel talk" so he doesnt hurt Olivia by dating her. But we never get to see Mo and Olivia properly interacting one on one. The shovel talk isnt effective if i dont know the lengths that Mo would go for Olivia. I guess its fine narratively speaking, but like. I wanna see, you know. Olivia's scenes are even worse, theyre all either with Wen or the whole band. Olivia has more scenes with Sydney than with the other girls in her band. And its not just the girls, Wen and Charlie also never interact with each other. I feel like the focus in romance is greatly to blame for this. The movie lacks on this too, dont get me wrong. But its easier to convey their closeness to each other when there's a visual representation of them happening in front of my eyes and i can See them all interacting in between themselves without dialogue. Like Wen and Charlie singing the jingle of Rising Star together when they were in detention, or later on the two of them walking around school together. Or Mo hugging Olivia and standing close to her after Nancy died and More Than a Band happens. The whole More Than a Band scene actually, cause it kinda becomes a "silent" montage of them having fun together. Or having Wen with Stella when she realizes the actions of her consequences and suddenly the whole school knows shes the one responsible for cutting Mudslide Crush's set for the Bash in half. You know what i mean ?? As a big fan of found family i just kinda wish there was more of the rest of the relationships between the 5 of them. And in the book thats especially jarring. Which kinda goes back into the thing i said about Olivia's POV.

She wont write about these details to her dad. The only time she wrote in detail about a conversation was when she fought with Wen, cause she was venting about it to her dad. So we're kinda missing out on a POV that Could help bridge the band together in a way for the reader to see more clearly. Cause its obvious they love each other and theyre family, but we dont get to see much How exactly that happens. The cloud watching scene is like the main bonding moment in between the group and practically the only one we get to participate in. And it's not from Olivia's POV, it never is. Her cat died and we're told what happens through Wen's eyes. She has a "nervous attack" before the Halloween Bash to the point of puking and we're told what happens through Random Girl #6 That Just So Happens to Be Hiding and Eavesdropping in The Next Stall Over. She takes the band to see her dad in prison (a pretty big deal to everyone envolved) and, again, we're told through Wen's eyes. I wanna know what she was thinking !!!!! Cause its obvious it was hard for her to do that, and she had to prepare herself before even telling them where exactly they were going. What was going on through her head, then ?? Was she scared ?? Was she nervous ?? Was she thinking that maybe they wouldnt be her friends anymore because of it ????? We will never know, i can only assume stuff !!!!!!! And its really kinda frustrating. I wanna know for sure.

In the movie, Olivia's mom died when she was really young (young enough to not remember her face), and her dad "made bad decisions because of it". The way she talks about it makes it seem that immediately after her mom died, her father got into trouble with the law. So like her dad has been gone idk 12 years or something. She doesn't know him, doesn't know her mom. We're never told what exactly he did, and i kinda always got the impression that it was something bad, something that Olivia kinda resented him by, at least a little bit. I know she simply stated that she never wrote him back cause she didnt know what to say to him, cause he was basically a stranger to her. But you know. I feel thats enough to resent somebody, cause maybe she doesnt even know what he did either. If something like this happened in my family, i probably wouldnt know either. Not until i was like 22 and my aunt spilled the story while drunk during Christmas. The point is: its not the type of thing you tell a child - it's the type of thing the child quietly accepts as just a part of their normal life. So, at the end, she decides to give him a chance by writing a letter to him. I quite like that cause she was kinda doing the same thing that she fought Wen about. He never gave Sydney a chance, and she had never given her father a chance either. I like hypocrisy in characters cause it makes them complex. It makes the fight more interesting as well, cause otherwise its just suffering Olympics. And it hurts Olivia's character in my eyes cause thats really annoying and pointless. But interpreting it this way i can make more sense of it.

Book-Olivia, on the other hand. Her mother didn't die, she simply left. Olivia also does not remember her face. Her mom and dad had a teen pregnancy, the mom had drug problems and the dad already had minor criminal records. Mom left when she was 1. And her dad was a good father to her until she was 8. And she remembers that he was a good father. He had dreams of being an english teacher. And then he got fired from his taxi driving job, couldnt get another because of his past felonies, fell into old habits, and accidentally caused an old man to have a heart attack while attempting robbery with a toy gun. So he's in jail. And Olivia knows this stuff because she remembers. She was old enough to ask questions, to demand answers when her loving father suddenly wasn't coming home anymore. So she writes letters to him all the time, she keeps him updated on her life cause she knows he would like to be present, but can't. She also knows he made mistakes, and isnt looking for excuses for him. But he's a good father too. And she trusts him a lot. He's the person she trusts most in the world. So when she invites the band to visit him, she's trusting them as well.

Theyre similar backstories but also so different. Theres things i like about both. The Sydney-dad parallels in the movie are pretty good. Its what really sells it to me. The book's scene of the band visiting dad in prison is fantastic. I feel like the movie did a good job translating the book and adaptating Olivia's backstory. I quite like that the whole movie is Olivia's letter to her dad, telling him about her band. It's a pretty good way to tie her to her POVs from the book. ..I dont remember where i was going with this, honestly. I like Olivia. I may like movie-Olivia more just because, like i said, the hypocrisy makes her more complex. And book-Olivia is unfortunately a mystery i cant solve.

Mo's story is also pretty good in both. I feel like the only significant difference between book-Mo and movie-Mo is that Naomi's whole character is gone. So is her family owned store and the obvious religious references and practices, and Mo is seen doing less extracurriculars. So the illness she contracts before Rising Star in the movie feels less like a burn out and more like a really unfortunate coincidence - which lowkey sucks cause the burn out she feels is essential to Mo finally understanding that she cant keep overworking herself like this, which ultimately results into her coming to terms with the fact that she cant plan her whole future and expect it to not go wrong at some point. Cause that burned out Mo isnt the real Mo. Which then leads her to her confronting her dad. I understand why they cut Naomi out, but the fact that Mo had a pretty good friend before the band makes so much sense. She doesnt really struggle socially, its more that she has a family influenced plan for her future, and doesnt have time for other stuff (doesnt let herself have time for other stuff, especially after Scott). Mo in the book and in the movie do not feel like two different characters, it's more that the book has bonus content of the same girl. Its nice. Same thing with Stella and lowkey Wen, i think. And because of it i dont have much to say about Mo. Shes like Stella in the way that shes a very fleshed out character. Everything she does make sense. I highly recommend the book only for her POVs cause it touches her religion, faith and heritage in ways disney could never do cause theyre cowards. It really enriches her character. I love that even though she doesnt see eye to eye with her father, she still went and prayed with him. She doesn't hate her culture nor her religion. She values her family a lot and its especially telling in the book. I feel like thats a bit harder to see with movie-Mo.

Wen also feels like pretty much the same guy. In the movie they cut his pointless popular social hierarchy chase and replaced it with self absorbed jokes, which is important characterization nonetheless cause it tells the viewer that Wen isnt really insecure. In fact, id say he is very confident in himself. If he could, he wouldve named the band Wen. I dont think he is as confident in the book, but he also isnt trying to be someone he isnt, and you gotta be confident enough for that. He never tried to change who he is; he knows he is a weird guy but he thinks he still can be popular and That could work in his favor if he plays his cards right. But, through no fault of his own, he couldnt play them and thats why he fell so hard down the social hierarchy ladder. And he isnt happy about that. The Sydney situation in the book is a bit different from the movie, and way more awkward. Wen is described as being in love with her and the photographs he accidentally brought to school with him were Sydney's self portrait nude drawings. Its a very uncomfortable situation to everyone involved, including me that had to read and imagine it. I personally prefer the movie version of this cause it minimally touches Wen's problems with his mom leaving them behind and the impact it had on him. Sydney bothers movie-Wen so much because her presence is sudden, everywhere, and to him she's trying to replace something she could never be - his real mom. So he's angry and he lashes out. Thats way more interesting to me than having a teenage boy crush on your dad's 26 year old girlfriend. But i do like that he eventually realizes he grew out of it when Sydney starts treating him more "motherly" - fussing over his injury and offering him leftovers. It slightly-but-not-really touches the 'replacing his mom' role Sydney could have. Idk. Again, i like my characters when theyre more complex. Sure, the crushing on your dad's girlfriend brought him quite a lot of guilt, and that was a positive to me for his complexity's sake, but i feel like we already know so little about Wen's biological mom and how that affects him as is. Both in the movies and in the book, we're only told that she left them. Literally only that. I guess one could interpret it as she leaving them cause of a potential death, but i personally always saw it as abandonment. And something like that is ALWAYS gonna affect a child. At least movie-Wen touches a bit on how that affects Wen, and i like that.

Also wouldve it killed disney to give Wen his fucking glasses ?! Thats literally all thats different from his movie and book appearances and that kinda hurts a lil bit. Well, despite that Adam Hicks is kinda ginger and Wen is described as blond. But i dont think that matters much.

I guess to sum all this "character study" stuff up.

• Same character as in the movie but with bonus content: Mo and Stella.

• Movie has a different interpretation of the same character: Olivia.

• Movie and book got completely different characters they might as well have different names: Charlie. (and they do have different last names)

• Wen: Wen.

I do love the movie's songs cause theyre all a BANGER and i grew up listening to them. I just wish the book somehow had a CD built-in with their songs. Just so i could know what they sound like cause its REALLY hard to imagine. Especially cause the book gives us some song lyrics as well.

Anyway. Now to talk about the band itself. The book is interesting cause they all use unusual instruments: Stella plays an ukelele (she does know how to play electric guitar, but she ditches it for the sake of the band); Charlie's got a bunch of bongos and im-assuming-at-least-some-drum-plate-thingies; Wen plays the trumpet; Mo plays the big bass instrument that i forgot the name of; and Olivia sometimes plays an accordion + her voice. Olivia is also the only singer. I really like this cause its yet another reminder that those kids are weird. And thats CHARMING as hell !!! It kinda makes me sad that the movie didnt embrace these instruments cause im really fucking curious to how theyd sound together. Like, really, thats a big complaint of mine. Its such a weird mix of instruments that i really wish i could listen to them - its frustrating, even. I feel like that could change me as a person. Cause thats what so magical about them as a band. By all accounts they should not work well together, but they do somehow. Their instruments are a visual and soundful (?) (thats definitely not a word) representation of their weird friendship, its a reflection of it. Theyre all really different people but they somehow work well together. Theyre a family. And you cant separate them cause together theyre an unstoppable revolution.

One thing i really did Not like about the movie after having Book Hindsight, is the way the band reacts to Stella and the lemonade machine situation. In the movie it really feels sometimes that Stella is the only one that cares about that. Especially during the jail scene. I do love the Turn Up The Music callback but i HATE that they all blame Stella so blatantly and they never properly apologize. While in the book theyre ALL in this together, theyre fighting for what they believe in, and they never fault her for calling them and making them come to the school. Cause they all know its not just about the lemonade machine. Charlie does say in the book that "its just a stupid lemonade machine, Stella" but we know he doesnt really believe in that because of his thiughts. Its a half-hearted statement cause he might know its a lost cause but we Know he's worried as well, we know he doesnt mean it. But, at least to me, in the movie when they say stuff like that it really does feel like they dont care, sometimes. Especially when theyre in jail. And it kinda really fucking sucks. Its the main fucking theme of the book/movie !!!!!!! The lemonade machine matters cause it symbolyzes THEM !!!!! Its in their band name !!!!! And when they lose the machine they dont even feel like fighting for the band anymore !!!!!! Thats how much it bothers them that the machine is gone !!!!!

I think im gonna reread that part and rewatch the movie and come back to this actually. So i can judge and hate on this particular movie choice with more arguments.

[annotated-catastrophe]

OKAY WAIT LMAO I DONT KNOW IF I ALREADY SENT THIS AS AN ASK I MIGHTVE OR TUMBLR ATE IT OR I STRAIGHT UP FORGOT BUT HERE IT IS! THE GREAT PAPER BOAT ESCAPADE!!!

In my eighth grade year, I was both very popular and very unpopular. I was popular because my mom was the science teacher for the middle school during my 7th & 8th year, so people came to me with all sorts of proposals, questions, offers about homework, classroom, and such. Unpopular for the reasons you’d expect, huge nerd, neurodivergent, really into childish material, queer, you get it.

One perk of being “popular” (in the can-help-you-with-your-grades sense) is that you can convince others (who are far cooler than yourself) to do things for you, like, say, help you hide paper boats...

I did not like my school. It was your average, private, catholic school with conservative teachers who would hang me for being myself and students who would torment me for being weird. I did, however, enjoy causing chaos.

Despite being a weirdo, I was well-liked among teachers because I was quiet, polite, and mature (code for neurodivergent and bullied into shutting tf up but we ignore that.) So none of the teachers ever expected me or my best friend (also a well-liked student among the staff) of pranks.

At some point, around the middle of the year, I got really into origami because it was a good way to fidget and then get something out of it. It was like micro-dosing dopamine whenever I wanted. I really liked making boats because it was easy to do small-scale, and I had a shit ton of sticky notes that weren't actually sticky, so they were just small pieces of paper. A bit after I started doing origami, my mom, who, you remember, worked as my science teacher, started hiding googly eyes around my house, and eventually, the school. And thus begins my quest.

I would make tons of boats during the school day because (im talking like, tens and tens of them, which is quite a few, when you think about it) and it started as me just giving some of them to my best friend, which led to me giving them to whoever asked (for a price, of course). And after i was giving them out, i realized, at that point, if paper boats started to, say, appear around the school in random places, the staff wouldn't be able to tell who was putting them up, and they'd never expect me or my bsf of it (goody-two-shoes rep, and such.)

Every day after school, I had to stay anywhere between ten minutes to an hour and a half, depending on how much extra help my mom had to do, and how many googly eyes she wanted to hide. I, being the stimulation-deprived teen I was, decided this was a perfect time to hide paper boats.

It started small, one on the shelf of the whiteboard, one on a bookshelf, maybe one or two on the walls’ ledged trimming. Nobody seemed to notice, so I started hiding more. Lockers, halls, desks, chalk boards, the fire alarm, the tops of paintings, the overhang above the stairs even. And at this point, i had my younger sister and bsf helping me, too.

Eventually, no matter where you looked on the top floor of my middle school, there were at least five paper boats visible (which is saying something, considering how small my school was). Some were well hidden, a surprise in a drawer or in the cap of a marker for a teacher to find.

By the end of the year, my friend, sister, and a few others whom I had convinced to do my bidding had successfully hidden like, two hundred paper boats all over the school. Most were on the top floor, since that was where 5-8th grade was, but there were boats everywhere-- the bathroom and main office (which were on the bottom floor), the lockers of the elementary schoolers, the pre-k and kindergarten classrooms, the main hall, literally everywhere, combine that with the googly eyes my mom had been hiding, and you had the staff baffled.

I had never even been considered as being the culprit of the boats, even with my avid boat-making during class, and I graduated surrounded by my proudest achievement.

As far as I know, there are still boats hidden around the school to this day.

First of all, you have an AMAZING storytelling voice. It draws me in and holds me captive as if it was whispered in the dark beside a fire. I love it. Write a book.

I want to learn to make something like this. I want to make you a paper boat and color it, maybe a bunch in different colors and patterns. Origami sounds like an awesome way to fidget! I should start doing that.

W H A T P R I C E?? I know, I know, I just immediately imagined a mighty queen sending knights on quests in the ships and if they succeed, they keep the ship. Creating, eventually, either an amazing trade system or a massive viking/pirate nation to scourge the seas.

FLEETS of boats. I love this. Googly eyes on the boats. Googly eyes and colors and scales and all kinds of decorations. Organized by color and stuff. This is awesome. Hang them from the ceiling in strings. Wax paper ones to float in the bathtub or sink.

I wish I could be your accomplice.

Or rival. Maybe my goal would be to find EVERY LAST ONE and tape a drawing of Pac-Man coming to eat it. Who knows? >:)

I would find places you wouldn't DREAM of. I'd be balancing them on top of doors, stringing them into the ceiling tiles, paper clipped to the curtains, IN the curtain rod (if it's hollow), rigged with string to jump out at people when they opened the storage closet, flattened in between pages of books, staring longingly out the window with badly drawn marker eyes. >:)

You. Are a legend.

[our-neuroqueer-experience]

i feel that an interesting neuroqueer experience to talk about is whether you found out you were neurodivergent or questioning your gender identity first lol, just an interesting topic!

personally i questioned my gender first 😅 and it's been very very confusing until i started to find out more about autism. did a lotta research, did a lotta professional tests, did a lotta "Hey, that sounds like me!" "That's EXACTLY the thing I go through!" watching Those Signs of Being Autistic videos, general Lists of Signs, neurodivergent people Talking About Their Experiences etc. after all that which made most of my thoughts and feelings make sense, i eventually found out that, hey, being neurodivergent can affect your gender, sexuality, attraction, monogamy, etc etc, all of it! and then everything sort of... came together? it felt almost like i finally became the one whole person i'm meant to be after being completely confused about myself for many many years lol. it was eye-opening and i couldn't be happier that i understand myself now. i think there's still more to learn but that's what life is! and i'm excited for the rest of this journey :)

anyone on this journey, you got this!!! and anyone who's been on the journey, you're awesome and i hope you're happy & proud of YOU!!!

- 🐊

hi 🐊 anon! you're always so positive and supportive when u pop up in my inbox, your energy is contagious :p. yeah, personally i started questioning both at the same time, because i had had my doubts about both when i was really young (six or seven) but had just sort of ignored it right up until middle school, lol. i think it's probably a very common experience in a society that constantly gaslights both gender-diverse and neurodiverse people to be unsure of or questioning your experience for a long time without really doing anything about it for fear of being discriminated against. finding that community of neurodiverse queer people really was my lifeline back when i was first questioning myself and im sure it was for a lot of other neuroqueers too :p

[br1ghtestlight]

hi! if you were able to write one gene centric episode of BB what would it be about?

THIS IS SUCH A SELF INDULGENT ASK THANK YOU :)

music episodes are very common for gene-focused episodes (for good reason. he is a musician) but i dont think i would go with that personally. maybe an episode focused on his adhd where gene is struggling with keeping focused and doing his homework and gets frustrated at himself. bob could try to help him using different methods but none of them really WORK and gene feels incredibly stupid. something where he realizes that he is talented and good at things (like music and performing) and not everybody's biggest strength is school but there are supports out there to help him (or maybe this is too similar to s12ep19 ???)

would also be REALLY interesting to have a deeper examination of gene's negative self image and how he imagines himself in a world that punches down on neurodivergent fat gnc people. he is very happy and confident thanks to his family but an episode focused on his deeper issues and how people don't really seem to?? like him that much and how that leads to a negative self image bcuz he views himself as annoying and talentless. maybe about how he projects his own insecurities into hatred of people who remind him of himself like in s13ep18 but more fleshed out and focused. maybe his sisters behind invited to something but him being excluded because he's considered too annoying or distractable to participate (projecting middle school experiences here lol the AMOUNT of group projects i wasnt allowed to work on because they assumed i would be useless or terrible) also maybe about how unlike tina or louise gene doesn't really seem to have close friends his own age.....

or an episode focused on how gene is gnc in the same way that s12ep1 was for louise where he worries he isn't masculine enough or that there's something WRONG with him. not sure how that episode would play out without being explicitly queer due to the genderfluid coding but it would be an interesting episode to watch

these are all VERY lose concepts lol but there are a few different gene focused stories i think could work (and some have already been in actual episodes!!!) im also excited for the s14 episode where he joins a songwriting compeition i think that will be very interesting

also ANY episode focused on tina and gene's relationship to each other would be amazing. working on a fanfic with a somewhat similar concept right now

[simarcana]

What if I say all the questions?? Ok ok I won’t, but how about all of symbols and nature questions :3c

IM- I was SURE i posted this one but it was in my drafts?? I hate everything

🌈 RAINBOW — what is your oc's sexual orientation/gender identity? what pronouns do they use?

Alika identify as an homosexual, homoromantic cis man*, his pronouns are he/him! This is a prickly topic for me because I ended up "arguing" about his gender identity as he often wears clothes designed for women and doesn't always fit the image of what is expected of a cis man OR a "gay man". I'll be completely honest I just think he's living his best life?

🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your oc's favorite holiday? Here!

🐶 DOG FACE — does your oc have any pets? YES! A rat called "Bionda" (Blondie). She's basically immortal since I can't stand the idea of her not being with him anymore. He found her in the Taco Bell's trash and it went excatly like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rd7erzIT8s 🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends? Alika is the most extrovert small (6ft tall) creature you'll ever meet and he has WAY TOO MANY FRIENDS. Still, he has a very small "inner circle" of close friends and many more superficial ones 🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal? That's a difficult one?? I think it's turtles and tortoises but he likes pretty much all the sea animals, rats and snakes too. He's not very fond of dogs tho.

🐉 DRAGON — what is your oc's favorite mythical creature? DRAGONS. Like all the neurodivergent/queer kids he had this book when he was little and devoured it

🍃 LEAVES FLUTTERING IN WIND — what is/was your oc's favorite subject in school? P.E. and Music :>

🌴 PALM TREE — does your oc have a green thumb? do they enjoy gardening? It depends on the universe i'm writing him! Alika always loves plants but usually he's not very good at keeping them alive.

🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace? Speaking of his OG universe, Alika was born in Milos, Greece! They moved to Yarmouth (Isle of Wight) when he was 11 years old, but the whole family visited Milos every summer! I don't know where he lives now in the OG world tbh because the "OG universe" is the one without a real plot where the characters pretty much just hang out.

SPEAKING OF THE SIMS: Alika is from Tartosa and his family moved to San Sequoia as a child. He then moved to San Myshuno with like 50$ to his name to follow his maniac band dream like the king he is.

[noreatriplea]

CW: some weird unfiltered post, nothing positive beyond this point

I feel pretty... void? right now...

Maybe is dysphoria, or the autism, idk. I just feel so devoid of energy.

Im probably just being non sensical.

Nothing i make feels done with emotions behind it. It all looks like all technique with no intention. Even my class project looks like its just meeting a quota of points instead of something i would have made.

Nothing i watch or play feels fulfilling either. I feel so bad for my partner. They care so much about me, but right now im unable to do the same for them.

I wish the world would stop for a week. I would even take a day. I just need to slow down. But the world just keeps accelerating. I want to perform well in class, but i also want to hang out with my queer and neurodivergent community, and i want to keep contact with my high school freinds too, and i also want to love my partner and give them the time they deserve.

But everything wants my constant attention. And i just cant keep the rythm.

[c-kiddo]

about ùna and ava! sorry if this has been covered already but what was growing up like for them? like family n growing up bein queer + neurodivergent and all? (that's a very broad question ik, but just like, a random short info about their situations I guess?) :3

oh ye :-o i haven't covered this before since i still need to figure it out, mostly for ùna because ava right now has a story that she just kinda, exists now, and didn't really come from somewhere. she has caregivers (ornithologist + partner) who help her out and basically are her parents in a way, so thats just kinda that.

ùna comes from somewhere, grew up in a city and probably is in art school or something, or had been. also likes music so probably has had wonky queer bands that kinda fall apart n stuff. she probably has brothers or something and im not sure what her parents think about stuff, at least one of them is v much supportive of her because she's been transitioned for a while and pretty comfy with it. hmhmhm.. need to think about it more. she probably got put in a bunch of patterned pinafores as a young trans kid or something lol . and now she's a little bit more masc leaning (as in short hair and jeans and doesn't wear skirts lol) but she likes that ava wears skirts and patterned things because it suits her and her scraped-up knees. ùna has sorta lesbian vibes 2 me, also.. so that could be part of her backstory, past girlfriends when she was a teenager n stuff.. i need to keep on thinking about it to figure out more :-3