#im not okay because SA is life changing

[eponastory]

So, I've been debating about posting this because... well it isn't exactly pleasant for me to talk about.

But I've been wanting to share a little bit of why I don't like Aang. I know in the beginning I said I could like him because he was (at the time) a character that I felt was well written.

But then I realized I had the wool pulled over my eyes. And that is because of some trauma from my past I avoided talking about for close to 12 years now. Now that I'm able to address that trauma, I also realize that when that part of my life was going on, the show was also airing.

So let's talk about those two non-consensual kisses from an SA survivor's POV.

Without going into too much detail, throughout my teenage years, I and two other girls were consistently singled out by a group of boys. This is back in the early 00s, so the consensus was to completely ignore SA and SH. So, when a boy casually shoves his arm down your shirt and squeezes your breast, what do you do? Well, going to the people who are supposed to protect you doesn't work because 'boys will be boys' or 'I know his dad and he would never do a thing like that so you must be lying' so no one gets in trouble. It gets ignored. And it wasn't just the breasts. I can't tell you how many times my ass was squeezed on the way to my next class. During recess or lunch, I hid in the girls' bathroom because this went on for years. It was boys in my own class.

But regardless, it was blown off. This really affected me all the way into my adult years, where it still continued with some of my relationships. One of them being so toxic that I almost didn't make it out.

But back to the point...

The framing of Aang kissing Katara, not once, but twice and never bringing it up again... that is what gets me. The first kiss I could see as, yes, they are going into battle and could possibly die before confessing their love. But that doesn't mean that had to happen. It's what happens after that also drives me crazy.

Aang automatically assumes that because he kissed Katara, that meant they were together. This is a 12 year old boy. I get it, but that still doesn't make it right. I've been kissed like that before by one of the boys that thought it was okay. It's not. Actually, most of the time a girls/woman's reaction is to push the offender away.

This is never addressed after EIP either. Katara absolutely refuses, but we are supposed to feel sorry for the offender in that situation. Imagine being someone going through that at the very same time the show is airing... it sets a sour taste in the mouth, doesn't it? It's the same thing as saying 'boys will be boys' or 'that's what boys do' and completely ignoring it or the consequences. This is what happens all the time to women, and if it didn't happen to you, that's wonderful.

Which is why I have a problem with Katara still choosing Aang. More like Bryke made Katara choose Aang. Who assaulted her, but we are supposed to feel bad for him for being an idiot. No, that's not how this works.

People who defend that are not okay in my eyes.

[aimfor-theheart]

Why is it that dc such as r@pe, sa, and incest is totally okay to write about and romanticize but y’all draw the line at racism, fat phobia, and homophobia *talking about the writings creators make, not personal beliefs*? Whats the difference between these things? All of them are hurtful and affect people in real life, so why is everybody on here choosing and picking one and not the other? Do writers on here think that they are not comparable or that one is okay to romanticize and the other is going way too far?

Im just genuinely curious as I have seen this topic be brought up again and again, which has made me realize this and Id like to see it from someone else's pov.

hi! there is a lot to answer and unpack here and i have every intention of doing so underneath the cut. forgive me if this gets long, but you’ve asked me 4 very massive questions that i think warrant detail, nuance, and thought. there is a lot i’d like to say here.

that being said, mind the content warnings and protect yourself.

cw: mentions of rape, incest, racism, homophobia, fat phobia, discourse in general

firstly, i am going to choose to give you the benefit of the doubt in assuming you are actually curious in hearing another side and you are not simply looking to stir a pot or pick a fight with beliefs you have no intention of changing or having an open discussion on. your accusatory tone in the first half indicates otherwise and kindly, i am not an idiot. but i want to earnestly talk to you about this and again, will think better of you than you perhaps have indicated you think of me.

secondly, you do not have to censor words like rape in my inbox. that sort of censorship has become wildly popular because of tik tok and other money-hungry social media that also desperately want to silence people. do you know why you have to censor words like that on tik tok? or words like genocide? suicide? racism? 1. so that they can make money and market and push their squeaky clean algorithms but 2. and perhaps worse, so they can silence victims. if social media platforms and capitalism and the systems of powers had it their way, you would never utter these words again—whether to call someone out for justice or to have an open discussion like this one. i encourage you greatly to think critically about this and how you choose to use censorship and why.

now, to your questions.

to preface, i am interpreting this ask as being anti-dark content in fiction as you state that ALL these subjects harm people in real life. or at least, you are being critical of all dark content in fiction and the way writers engage with them, effectively ‘picking and choosing’ which are deemed acceptable and which aren’t, when they are all hurtful. i apologize if that wasn’t your intention/what you believe, but regardless, i’ll endeavor to answer you.

i personally have drawn no lines about dark content nor spoken about any of these topics specifically really, which indicates to me you have a different narrative and/or are coming from more inflammatory arguments that are always circling fandom lately. in the post i most recently reblogged, i spoke mostly of violence. which, of course, all of those things can be. but i didn’t name one of those topics in particular.

regardless, i don’t believe in the censorship of any dark content in art, but rather advocate strongly for critical analysis on a case-by-case basis. in general, i encourage thinking critically about every aspect of the world around you.

i do not believe that rape, incest, and sa are okay to write about or create art about but racism, homophobia, and fat phobia are not. i believe all of those topics are ones that can, should, and will be explored in the safety of art. all to varying degrees of success, earnestness, impact, and intent. you’re right that these are real things, that can hurt people, and the fictional work about them can have impact on our society that is tangible but the actual art or fiction created is not real. and again, this is all to varying degrees on a case-by-case basis.

art and fiction also historically and massively do discuss these dark content topics and have actively swayed the public’s opinion on matters, whether for better or for worse. throwing away all dark content in art and fiction because it is ‘harmful’ is deeply, deeply dangerous and reductive. a lot of art that engages with dark content actually makes very succinct points about it—i think of vladimir nabokov’s lolita or octavia butler’s bloodchild or speak by laurie halse anderson.

this is where we must exorcise critical thinking. some pieces of work will handle dark content poorly—white saviors making art on racism. men making art about a woman’s experiences that (as you are so interested in) romanticize her pain. etc. etc. and some art will handle it’s dark content incredibly and be transformative, perhaps even revolutionary in how we talk, perceive, or acknowledge systems of oppression, violence, and dark content in this world. some dark content in fiction will have damaging beliefs and effects on society, some will not—we must also look at scope for this, at the writer perhaps, the historical moment, their audience etc.

(for example, there is a significant difference in a main stream male writer, writing of a woman’s experience with rape in a published book in a way that makes it sound romanticized, sold to thousands and thousands of general public vs. a woman using fanfic to explore rape, take control of it, or whatever in a fanfic for a small online community where there are warnings on it. indicating she is aware of its potential damage in a way her male counterpart is not…)

but i still believe in dark contents’ existence in art. of course there is differences between all of these topics you brought up, but i don’t think their differences matter in this answer. i believe in their right to be explored in art. i am talking broadly of media/art here, which i think is the more relevant conversation, but i think you are actually more interested in a much smaller scale of people. ie. fandom. ie. mostly marginalized people in small communities online writing and creating dark content.

people will choose and pick which ones they’d like to create art over and which ones they don’t, which ones they read and which ones they don’t. there’s no ‘hard line’ drawn anywhere. and i can’t control it and neither can you. perhaps you think violence is okay to be explored in fanfic, but racism isn’t. someone else will have different preferences. i do not believe in its censorship.

now, let’s move onto your interest in romanticization and what i think you are more pointing to, which is fandom. you are specifically referring to people in fandom who write about rape, incest, etc. and ‘romanticize’ it—ie. they write about it in a way that is a fantasy. it is perhaps supposed to be horny or sexy. so let’s talk about it.

i must remind you that these topics you’ve brought up (rape, incest, sa) being written are fiction and it is (most often) done by someone marginalized who has either experienced this or is in threat of experiencing this under a patriarchy. i assure you, they are aware of its harm. hence the copious warnings in fandom spaces.

if i can be candid, sometimes i think that people forget how systems of oppression work when discussing fandom and whether dark content being created should be allowed or not.

for example, i sometimes think people who are anti-dark content in fandom believe that a woman or afab person writing a fictional fanfic about rape or sexual violence then influences people to go out and rape people or that women actually like it. when the reality, in fandom spaces, is that rape and sexual violence happen frequently under the patriarchy and then these women in fandom write fictional fanfic in response to cope, explore, take control of, etc. etc.

to insinuate that women or afab people (which fandom mostly is) exploring dark content safely in fiction then causes their own oppression and harm or trauma is rather victim-blame-y to me. fandom exploring dark content does not cause these things to happen in our society….these actions (rape, incest, sa) happen in our society or systems of power and fandom reacts to them in their art by exploring it in dark content. do you understand what i’m trying to say?

it’s not a matter of what is ‘okay’ to romanticize and what isn’t. i do not think the romanticization that fandom does with dark content (ie. my kidnapper actually loves me! or this sexual act that i did not consent to…maybe feels good) is not actually romanticizing but coping because of the systems of power that i described above. and this can be coping with anything—shame of sexuality, shame of fantasies, trauma, fear, etc. etc.

as i said in my tags in that post i reblogged and as plato said, dark content in art is a safe place to explore what would otherwise be harmful and dangerous in real life. it is cathartic. potentially even, a purging.

and even if it isn’t all that—maybe it just is trashy fantasy. it is still playing pretend. it is still fiction and in fandom spaces, it is still most likely being created by a marginalized person. and again, even if it isn’t, we don’t get to censor it. we can be critical of it or wary or whatever, but to censor it, is a slippery, slippery slope. do deem some topics as “acceptable” and others as “unacceptable” is dangerous.

just like kids play pretend where they ‘fight’ or ‘kill’ or ‘kidnap’ or ‘shoot’ each other in games of cops and robbers or heroes and villains, they are safely exploring adventure, dark content, fantasy, tragedy, and higher emotions. adults can do the same in fiction and with adult topics like sex.

and at the end of the day, we don’t get to demand the credentials to do so either. we don’t get to censor them or control them and nor should we be allowed to. i cannot stress enough that i encourage you to be critical of censorship or the absolute disgust in dark content and at those (again—often marginalized people) who engage with it in fandom. i believe it is deeply puritanical, conservative, and dangerous.

you don’t have to like dark content or consume it at all and fandom makes it easy not to with all the warnings and tags, but you cannot control others or police them. nor should you want to.

and at the end of the day, i have some questions for you. you don’t have to respond to this, perhaps they’re just things to think about. what is the end goal here? what is the point in harassing, shaming, attacking, criticizing, or interrogating people in fandom spaces who create or support dark content? do you believe that if it is purged from fandom, it will be purged from our society? if you want it purged from society—shouldn’t you start there rather than in the inbox of marginalized writers in fandom? people in fandom did not create rape, incest, and sa nor do they in their exploration of fiction…they are merely reacting to a world that did create it.

i hope at no point i came off as rude to you, as was not my intention. i intended to stand up for myself and respectfully state my opinions and thoughts on this matter. i’m sorry it got long, but also i don’t believe in being brief on such complex matters. i am a writer who engages critically with the world around me and sometimes, things cannot be made into short, snappy answers. sometimes, we must unpack.

genuinely wishing you well.

[nightcolorz]

woahh okay first time i attempted to send this ask my tumblr glitched and deleted it. idk if it sent but ignore it if so i wanted to reword it anyway. (tw for sa discussions and sexual abuse/trauma)

either way ive been thinking a lot about the post you wrote about armand’s (or amadeo’s) hypersexuality in venice and i saw a very similar post on twitter, essentially saying armand was so confused and horny in venice and ended up going to bianca for solice (then feeling incredibly guilty about it) and then later harlech as he weaponised his sexuality as a form of revenge on marius “ignoring” him (eventually tragically leading to his death)

it just puts such a tragic image into my head of amadeo in bianca’s bedchamber, crying and crying after having sex with her because he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, why he desires sex so much after all he’s been through, and not realising it is a trauma response, a last ditch effort to keep himself alive by acclimatising to his environment of sexual abuse, and then it later killing him anyway.

Armand is so Sad. im so sad.

any other thoughts from you?

doooonttt worry lol ur previous ask didn’t send haha (I’m sorry stinky tumblr deleted it tho damn) but I LOVE this ask so thank u sm for resending it!!

omgg this makes me so sad holy shit 😭 I never made the connection that Amadeo’s hyper sexuality reaction to sa trauma led to his death but ugh, omg, ur so right that’s so tragic. It’s also specifically Marius abusing him that leads him to his death, bcus Armand feeling the massive loss of agency and control over his life and sexuality cuz of Marius causes him to get with harlech (someone he knows is dangerous) bcus he wants to make Marius angry and to distance himself from his perceived control by self destructing. Marius starts having Armand go to brothels against his will, Marius resents Armand for doing the thing he told him to and starts “ignoring him”, boom harlech boom death

the Bianca thing is so interesting, especially Armand’s guilt and perceived lack of control of his actions. It’s like, he is realizing that for reasons he can’t understand he isn’t able to control his sexual impulses and he is consumed by them in a way that dictates his behavior, which is scary as shit especially for someone who has been taught to be frightened of sexuality for his entire life. Armand seems to perceive himself being hyper sexual as akin to being like his abusers, where he seems to think that since he can’t control his sexual urges and makes poor decisions bcus of horniness hes akin to a rapist which 😰💔 that type of guilt is rlly common for sa victims who experience complicated reactions to trauma unfortunately. But ugh.

slight change of topic, but I always think about how hard and strange it must’ve been for Amadeo to go from 24/7 sex and sexual urges to sexless being thrown into catholic cult where u can’t bathe urself let alone fuck. Like that’s the kind of whiplash between two harmful extremes that makes someone into a person like Armand, lmao

[catboymoments]

The Kikuo anon here!

If it’s plural, that’s fine! Only shows how much he’s changed over the series and could continue changing!

okay so. the kikuo songs that remind me of hunter arent necessarily abt him per se but about the people around?? him?? "you are a useless child" is very "growing up in the ec" to me. and I know "gomenne gomenne" is scary and disturbing but given that I hc him to be a victim of csa and belos literally consumed him from the inside out. yeah. my brain always goes to the Kyo cover by MioDioDaVinci bcus I love the tuning and Kyo is in his vocal range, however Mio took it down from yt because people kept harassing them over it for no reason besides "scary song about c/sa" when they didnt do any harm with it. theres a reupload of the audio but no video!

however on the topic of kikuo songs that give owl house characters. Im really love the association of "Aishite Aishite Aishite" with Amity because its literally about a controlling entity (read: mother) taking over the life of a "perfect student/perfect girl" with NECKLACE SYMBOLISM?????? THATS AMITY!!! I drew smth for it even!

[hornyfor-redacted-onmain]

I’m interested!!!

Say less.

You were running.

You weren't running away from anything, but you imagined that the sight of a person sprinting in the streets in the middle of the night would be unnerving for anybody who happened to catch sight of you. But you didn't have time to care about what anyone else lothought. You had places to be, shows to catch. Specifically, the season finale of your favorite show, set to start any minute, and you were running in the opposite direction to your apartment.

If only you hadn't been hit with the cravings for snacks. You should have just stayed home

and gotten your snacks another day. But foolish past-you from 15 minutes ago thought they could make it to the store and back before the show started, and current-you had yet to even get to the store.

You were on a time crunch.

It was because you were running full speed that you didn't have enough time to slow down when the store doors came into view, convinced you were about to slam into them and bracing yourself for the impact, only for the doors to slide open last second. It would have been perfect timing if you didn't end up slamming into the person leaving the store immediately afterwards.

They managed to catch you, only stumbling back a few steps from the momentum.

“Sorry!,” You yelped, eyes already drifting to the selection of snacks you could see from the entrance. “Im so-”

You inhaled again, your nose being assaulted by one of the best smells you had ever experienced. in that moment, everything from your snacks to your show to the very world spinning beneath your feet seemed to disappear from your mind, so completely unimportant in the face of this smell. It made you want to bury your face in the source. You wanted to suffocate on the smell. You wanted it to wrap around you and coat your tongue, to seep into your skin and become a part of you, to feel it deep inside you-

You almost choked on your spit from how quickly your alpha flew forward. You wouldn't have been surprised if your eyes were glowing red, and it took everything you had to keep yourself from pressing up against the stranger who was still holding you. Said person seemed just as affected as you, a small gasp leaving their lips, hands bunching up on the sleeves of your hoodie where they had grabbed you to keep you from falling. now, they used the fabric to pull you closer, your eyes meeting bright gold, head spinning.

MATE. MATE. MATE.

“Felix?”

The sound of another person made you close your eyes, forcing your alpha to. calm. down. You took a deep breath, and then a step backwards.

The omega let out a whine, and you opened your eyes, finally taking in the person who had just changed your life forever. Long blonde hair, soft defined features, an array of freckles dusted across their face. Their eyes were still gold, showing their omega was in control at the moment, trying to pull you back like they were scared you would leave.

You reached up to hold their hands in yours, letting out more of your scent to reassure them. “Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere.”

The other person, the one who had spoken earlier, was making his way around his buddy

He looked confused, and slightly worried, but there was a hard glint to his face that promised he wouldn't hesitate to react if his friend was in danger.

“Sorry, I think-” You glanced back at your fated, and yup. His eyes were still golden. “He might need a minute.”

The other guy, close enough now that you could make out the soft planty scent of a beta, took in the omegas gold eyes and let out a swear. He was up in your face then, hands gripping your arm like he was ready to pull you back, but focused fully on his friend.

“Felix? Can you hear me?” The omega let out another whine, finally letting go of you to wrap his arms around the beta. “Hey, you're okay.”

The omega let out a shudder, and you took a step back, hoping the new scent would help ease his omega back.

“What did you do to him?”

“Nothing, I just … he's my fated mate,” You said. For the first time, saying it outloud made you finally realize just how big of a deal this was.

“What?”

The omega, your mate- Felix- pulled back from his friend to look at you with so much hope and awe, eyes finally losing that familiar glow and settling somewhere around dark brown and black.

“Your really-” He looked at his friend, shaking the mans shoulders gently. “Its true. I felt it, Minnie."

Said ‘Minnie’ glanced back at you with a weary look. “Not that i don't doubt you two obviously felt something, it doesnt mean its … fated mates.”

He said the last part the same way someone would talk about unicorns. Something everyone knew about, but also something that was so obviously a fantasy. The idea of fated mates felt like talking about dragons and vampires, the kind of thing only kids would believe.

But you knew there was no other explanation for what you felt. It wasn't like there hadn't been cases before, but they were so rare (like once every hundred years kind of rare) that you knew there was no way anyone would believe the two of you without some sort of vigorous testing or proof.

“I know it sounds insane, but there's no other way to explain whatever,” You waved your hands at Felix. “That was. Is. Even now …”

You trailed off, unsure how to explain your emotions to the other, and Felix nodded his head in agreement.”

“This is real, Minnie.”

‘Minnie’ let out a sigh, shaking his head. “Right. Okay. This is complicated, but I believe you. What now?”

“I dont know,” Felix admitted. “I mean, I dont even know your name!”

The three of you got properly introduced, and you learned that the betas name was actually Seungmin. Felix repeated your own name under his breath a few times, first time to test it out, and the second with a smile. It made your heart flutter.

-0-0-0-

There you have it. the very first rough draft to secret secret. obviously I made quite a few changes to it. I ended up changing some of my original ideas simply because i didnt know where to go from here :/

Anyways, to anyone who wanted this, i hope you enjoy ^^

[lockandkeyhyena]

Hi! Just wanted to say you're a huge inspiration of mine, I absolutely love the way you deconstruct/dissect complicated (and often uncomfortable) concepts/topics, if that makes sense,, and I'm especially invested in the development of your Hell story :3

Intersectionality has always been fascinating to me, and I really appreciate your portrayal of both male and female abusers.

That being said, I would be really interested in hearing your answers to a couple of questions, if you don't mind:

Will Anne be presented as a "redeemable" (as in "able to improve herself") character, similarly to her son?

Would you consider her a "worse" person than Alvin? Or rather, will she be presented as a "worse" person than Alvin in the story? tbh (to an extent) can actions like this even have a measure of better-worse? im not certain

Will Anne have a backstory? If so, will it be "sad", similar to Alvin's?

What was Alvin's father like?

And on a much lighter note, I would love to hear some fun facts about Wendy :3 wonderful amazing fish lady

Sorry if i phrased any of this poorly aaaa

thank you sooo much that means a lot!! this story is very important to me, it’s one i’ve wanted to tell for a while.

answers to your questions!

all characters have the possibility to be redeemed in my mind, that’s generally the whole idea of the story. however, the thing is that characters need to *want* to be redeemed and anne is a character who fundamentally will never see what she did as wrong, at least in the context of this story. i’m certain you could manufacture circumstances to redeem her (i’m of the mindset that everyone can better themselves given enough time) but for the context of alvin’s story, she simply doesn’t view herself as in any way in the wrong, and thus can never change.

when it comes to csa or sa in general i’m extremely cautious as labelling anything as ‘worse’ or ‘better’. such actions are so monstrously inhumane that it’s hard to view them in any way as comparable, especially considering the effect they have on real people. i think that’s a question i would leave up to the audience. all i’ll leave you with is that anne abused alvin while he was younger than ethan, so if age is something you take into account in regards to abuse being ‘worse’ or ‘better’ that might be relevant.

i haven’t decided if anne will have a backstory yet! we’re viewing her solely through alvin’s perspective and she comes across as something not human to him. not *monstrous*, per say but moreso *alien* and *incomprehensible*. that being said she likely does have a ‘sad’ backstory given the themes of the cycle of abuse present in the story.

alvin’s father was your stereotypical stoic sixties-era dad. very emotionally absent and distant.

wendy!! wendy my love wendy my life. she’s simon’s mother and pretty much acts as an adopted parent for ethan after the abuse comes to light. she’s a single mother and excels at it. she does have a bad case of ‘cool mum syndrome’ in that she’s the sort of parent to go ‘okay you can smoke weed but only in the house because i’d rather you do it here than somewhere unsafe’ and have nicknames for all your friends. she’s pretty young and got pregnant when she was nineteen but genuinely loves being a mum even though it’s exhausting.

[mockerycrow]

if you’re comfortable, could you dive more into your military family/background? like just lil facts or something, whatever you wanna share! i just love learning about stuff like this, learning about other peoples lives, especially because im a huge maladaptive daydreamer and into creative writing, n my current obsession is the military / SAS and im just curious about what things are actually like, from a personal perspective.

and if not that’s perfectly okay!! ❣️❣️

i cant say too much because the family members that have served, many of them have signed different kinds of NDAs (non-disclosure agreements, so i haven’t been told too much) but I can talk about some of my dad’s experience. My dad was in the Navy and he was a machinists mate nuclear. He worked on a submarine and worked on some things and witnessed some things he had to sign NDAs for. He managed to meet a couple of SEALs and had in depth conversations with them. My dad easily dehumanizes folks due to his time in the service, too. He was never special forces, but it’s very important even basic bootcamp teaches you to dehumanize folks. that’s the point of it!!

My dad’s dad was also navy, although i don’t remember his specific rate (rate = job, it’s the navy version of job/MOS or “military occupational specialty”) but i do remember it involved fighting, he was a ww2 if i remember right. My mom’s dad was air force, also a ww2 vet, he was a pilot of some sort, retired now. old bastard is somehow alive 😭 (my parents were born in the 60s).

a hard topic.. one of my babysitters (who is a family friend) is a veteran who went to afghanistan. (reminder im american). he didn’t come back the same and not all of him came back.. and he came back very.. violent if that makes sense?? he never hit me, his wife, or his kids, but he is very dehumanizing. he was some sort of special forces and this guy is messed up.

growing up, my dad wasn’t like.. strict, he wasn’t around too much, but you could tell the military changed his life. he always refers to the family as a team instead of individuals (the military does that to you, strips you of individualism and gives you the team mindset). he’s a great leader and he’s one of my role models as a human being in the real world. i grew up and got educated by him and the internet about the military, so i know quite a lot. if you have any specific questions about literally anything, i can try my best to answer!!!

i’m also going into the military and i’m open to questions abt that :-)

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

Categorizing Parent-related Trauma for male and female leads in Kdramas:

Orphans: Lee Hong-jo (Destined With You) Moon Gang-tae (It's Okay to Not be Okay) Moon Sang-tae (It's Okay to Not be Okay) Ha-ru (Extraordinary You) Naksu/Cho Yeong (Alchemy of Souls) Tak Dong-kyung (Doom at Your Service) Nam Ji-ah* (Tale of the Nine Tailed) Cheon Sa-Rang (King the Land) Jang Man-wol (Hotel del Luna) Yoon Yi-seo (100 Days My Price) Kang Young-hwa (Moon in the Day) Kim Do-ha (Moon in the Day) So Mun (The Uncanny Counter) Do Ha-na (The Uncanny Counter) Kang Tae-moo (Business Proposal) Kang Tae-ha (The Story of Park's Marriage Contract, present version) Lee Heon (The Forbidden Marriage) Do Do-hee (My Demon) Ji Eun-tak (Guardian: The Great and Lonely God) Na Bong-seon (Oh My Ghost) Kang Cheol (W: Two Worlds) Do Da-hae (The Atypical Family) Yeom Hae-sang (Revenant) Jeong Ji-an (A Shop for Killers) Shin Jae-rim (Dreaming of a Freaking Fairytale) Kim Ji-uk**** (No Gain No Love)

Half Orphans with loving remaining parent: Eun Dan-oh (Extraordinary You) Koo Chan-sung (Hotel del Luna) Ye So-ran (The Forbidden Marriage) Nam Ha-neul (Doctor Slump) Yu Ji-hyck (Marry My Husband) Kang Hee-soo (Captivating the King) Choi Yi-jae (Death's Game) Im Sol (Lovely Runner) Ryu Sun-jae (Lovely Runner) Lee Chang (Kingdom) Lee Geum, Prince Yeoning (Haechi) Gu San-yeong (Revenant) Son Hae-yeong (No Gain No Love)

Half Orphan + Remaining Parent is THE WORST: Jang Uk (Alchemy of Souls) Kim Do-ha (My Lovely Liar) Lee Yul (100 Days My Price) Ahn Min-hyuk (Strong Woman Bong-Soon) Seo Mok-ha (Castaway Diva) Gong Tae-seong (Sh**ting Stars) Kang Tae-ha (The Story of Park's Marriage Contract, past version) Yi In (Captivating the King) Kang Ji-won (Marry My Husband) Kang Sun-woo (Oh My Ghost)

Parents (at least one) are THE WORST but Both Are Still Alive: Jang Shin-yu (Destined With You) Han Yi-joo (Perfect Marriage Revenge) Ko Mun-young** (It's Okay to Not be Okay) Mok Sol-hee (My Lovely Liar) Gu Won (King the Land) Crown Prince Lee Hwi/Dam-yi/Yeon-seon (The King's Affection) Do Bong-soon (Strong Woman Bong-Soon) Woo Young-woo (Extraordinary Attorney Woo)*** Jung Ji-woon (The King's Affection) Kang Bo-geol/Lee Ki-ho (Castaway Diva) Yeo Jeong-woo (Doctor Slump) Hong Hae-in (Queen of Tears) On Eun-yoo (Twinkling Watermelon) Oh Yeon-joo (W: Two Worlds) Yoon Ji-ho (Because This Is My First Life) Nam Se-hee (Because This Is My First Life) Bok Gwi-ju (The Atypical Family) Moon Cha-min (Dreaming of a Freaking Fairytale)

Immortal Being that Still Somehow has Parent Issues: Myul Mang/Doom (Doom at your Service) Lee Yeon & Lee Rang (Tale of the Nine Tailed) Jeong Gu-won (My Demon)

Added trauma flavour: Parent was murdered in front of them (**Still counts if they survived the murder Parent tried to murder them Dying from seemingly incurable disease which makes their parents/guardian sad (If your parents are alive, you must pay for it by dying yourself) Adoptive parent/stepparent is THE WORST

Somehow has normal, alive parents: Lee Jun-ho (Extraordinary Attorney Woo, Has no backstory at all. We only meet his older sister and hear nothing about his childhood.) Shin Ha-ri (Business Proposal, her family is refreshingly normal, right down to her brother being sent out to find her when she's drunk) Oh Han-byeol (Sh**ting Stars, Again, we know almost nothing about her family, only that she has twin sisters. But she doesn't appear to have childhood trauma.) Park Yeon-woo (The Story of Park's Marriage Contract, her mom being annoyed at her for something that is a crime doesn't count as bad parenting) Lee Young-joon/Sung-hyun (What's Wrong with Secretary Kim, his trauma comes from a kidnapper, his parents faced a pretty impossible situation and did their best. They clearly love their kids) Baek Hyun-woo (Queen of Tears, nothing wrong with them out of the ordinary and they are in the drama a significant amount.) Ha Eun-gyeol (Twinkling Watermelon, very loving parents and the deafness and their reliance on him is not anyone's fault)

*Counting her as an orphan even though she gets her parents back after 20 years, she spent her childhood orphaned. ***This character is tricky because I understand why her mother wanted nothing to do with her, but her trying to manipulate the dad and also saying he didn't raise her properly made me so angry. ****This character is tricky because he was explicitly raised as an orphan by his grandma, his father didn't sign his birth certificate (Korean equivalent of this), and he's registered as the child of his grandmother, not his actual mom. His grandma is dead by the beginning of the series and he is living alone without family, so I think he counts as an orphan.

Uncatagorized due to lack of clarity on parents: Soundtrack #1, Hospital Playlist, Happiness

[dandydanthelion]

Hii i love your apprentices :00 can you tell me more about them if you don't mind? Or link me to somewhere where you've talked about them ? :]

oh god i am not good at writing but i'll try my best

i have 3 apprentices and not all of them are equally fleshed out and the ref sheets are old, sorry about that

First up is Zaire! i use him mainly for julian's route (and muriel too sometimes). he grew up as the eldest brother to his 3 siblings. he was the golden child and he never really grew out of his need to be "perfect" and great at everything. so he sometimes overwork himself. his father is a magician, mainly uses his magic in culinary (like mazelinka), and thats where zaire learned his magic from. his mother was a merchant and both of his parents weren't home for much so zaire had to take care of his siblings. and that made him a great cook and an even better caretaker.

he has a journal and has a beautiful way with words so he occasionally write poems here and there. his sense of fashion is anything that is black gold and red, refuses to wear other than those colors. hes quite high maintenance and spends way too much money hoarding jewelleries.

for his overall personality, he could be quite the intimidating one at first glance because he has a resting bitch face but he's actually pretty good at socializing and he's pretty charming once you actually get to talk to him. once you know him well enough, you'll find out that he can be snarky and smug. hes pretty confident in what he does and how he carries himself.

like asra, he mainly uses water magic. his fursona is a wolf (the Alexander archipelago wolf to be exact) and his familiar is a flying fox. this is not in his reference sheet but hes an ENFJ.

heres a lil bonus design i made for julian's reversed ending

next up is Aries!

TW: mentions of SA and abuse!!! (in the indented paragraph)

they were actually my first apprentice back in 2020 and i originally used them for julian's route. tho i basically changed their whole personality from their 2020 version. i love to switch up my apprentices for different routes but aries is mainly for lucio's route for now.

in my previous post of their dynamic with lucio, as much as a shitpost that was, its still pretty much accurate for their personality. they can be quite dense but yk thats okay. they're optimistic and easy-going. everyone assumes theyre a cinnamon roll and could never do anything wrong but theyre that knife cat meme. kinda like asra but more chaotic and just a lil morally grey (be gay do crime). also theyre unhinged when theyre seriously pissed off.

now im gonna talk about heavier topics (that i mentioned in the tw) in this next paragraph.

growing up, they didnt really have the best childhood. when they were a child, they had to witness their adoptive parents fight and it was because of their mother. in their previous life, they had a (supposedly) romantic relationship but their (ex) boyfriend was abusive and aries had a hard time learning that those abusive behaviors werent normal (they did grew up with a mother who was an abusive wife). unfortunately, those abuse led up to SA and much worse.

even in those first 3 years after being resurrected and them not having their memories from their previous life, traces of their insecurities that were caused by their past can still be seen.

they were originally a gardener that also sold their plants, and one magic plant after another is what got them interested in magic. though their magic is actually fire related. their hobby is tailoring and they actually embroidered the flower pattern on their white shirt.

i didn't write it on the ref sheet, but i do intend on making them arospec! lucio (or any other m6, depending on the route u choose) is actually their first love.

their fursona is a rabbit (the lop rabbit to be exact) and their familiar is a draco aka the flying lizard.

i havent drawn their Lucio's upright ending design and their devil design yet but i'll do it... eventually.

and lastly, is dahlia!

now im so sorry for this but i dont use her that often (you can probably tell) because lucio refuses to leave my head and julian doesnt know how to get out so they're both stuck there. i use her for asra, nadia, and portia's route.

i havent really thought much about its bg story but anw here's what i got

out of the three apprentices, dahlia had the best childhood. it used to travel a lot in its early 20s, occasionally performing in taverns. she plays the lute and has a low and beautiful, warm voice which she only uses sometimes because shes shy. she doesnt perform in her first 3 years after being resurrected because of her social anxiety which the whole resurrection and amnesia thing dont help.

it is very smart and quick-witted but oblivious social cues. she keeps accidentally getting herself into trouble which she has no struggle getting out of. in her previous life, she got interested with magic from all of the magicians she met during her travels then she ended up dating one but thats another story. her magic is mainly water related.

her middle name means "full moon" and her moon earrings actually match up with the current phase of the moon. she doesn't really know how to... fashion so she just tends to wear a lot of black. its quite messy and unorganized so basically that combined with asra's messiness is just not good. overall shes very sweet, quite reserved, so easy to fluster gal. shes gremlin coded but has the opposite personality of a gremlin.

i didnt put its mbti there, but its an INFP. both her fursona and her familiar is a rat.

okay i think im done, i hope this isnt too much but

@sasha-is-annoying, tysm for the ask!!

[comorbidityqueen]

071024

Understanding the importance of identity has never really occurred to me. When my psychologist told me "am i right to assume you struggle with identity because you had a significant trauma in your formative years of life", i didn't know how to react. I had no idea my brain injury was a trauma, i was never told that, and the relentless bullying and ableism after my stroke at school, whilst in a wheelchair relearning how to walk again only reiterated to me, that my self worth forming at the start of adolescence was nothing short of teaching me to hate myself. So when i spent a decade of my life self harming, using drugs and alcohol, creating trauma by submerging myself in toxic relationships and situations, i never took the time to understand the lack of identity i formed. I was put on medication after medication that changed my brain more and after multiple overdoses, unaliving attempts and psychotic episodes and a bpd diagnosis, i was growing tired of trying to erase something that couldn't be. I tried hard to move into acceptance. I got sober, i focused on my stroke rehabilitation, and i learnt the self love i was so desperately seeking to have when i was younger, and that looked different than i thought. I had to learn to love a version of myself, my now authentic self, that not only was i taught to hate, but something i never anticipated living with. The grief was endless, the process was and still is incredibly difficult, but im learning to love myself regardless of the physical body i live in and the complexity that is being me.

a few days after my last physio session its afternoon. i'm having seizures, im dissociating, zoning out, barely comprehensible. This is what it looks like to rewire my brain.

I learnt how to walk again for the 3rd time in my life at physiotherapy and after i joke with my student physio that only having knives left means eating cereal is hard she demonstrates to me how my walking looks without my new foot drop AFO. After telling her wow that was dramatic and laughing with her i realise that in fact how i learnt (or adapted to walking) was not correct, and it's caused quite a lot of dysfunction in my hip, knee, heel and toes. So after coming up with the HKHT acronym and also laughing about that i spend almost an hour and half learning how to walk again. I think to myself at the time oh this is nice i wont be in pain the next day from doing the reformer or weights yet that afternoon i had never been so cognitively and mentally fatigued in my life. I had disordered speech, i could barely walk and i couldn't even concentrate enough to wind down and sleep or play animal crossing. I had seizures, and i couldn't leave my bed.

When i had an assessment for a new therapy program the next week the psychiatrist told me it was okay to be different and i replied with "is it", because despite the days where i feel like i have purpose in this world i have plenty more of feeling like i'm tired of fighting. He re-diagnosed me with bpd and told me see a neuropsychiatrist to help me navigate the correlation between my brain injury and psychiatric symptoms.

The week that followed i had some of the worst mental health episodes and when i realise the link between my brain injury and my mental health, i spend every waking moment focusing on not relapsing and staying alive. I go to AA, and visit the urgent mental health care centre, i spend time feeling safe in my partners arms. someone i never anticipated meeting yet after all the years of me feeling like people's safe house, i'm very grateful to have found the person that makes me feel safe, and at home.

I wake up in fight or flight over the next two weeks, start group therapy and go to AA, as well as spending time with my partner. I go to a brain injury SA social event, and work hard on processing trauma in a healthy way in sobriety. Sometimes feeling safe is hard yet at the same time i am very grateful to be here.

Here's to hoping the pain eases.

[akonaman]

FGD malala pero ang ganda ng feedback nila about me kahit madami din akong sama ng loob sa kanila. They feel na gusto ko sila mag grow and it should be a two way street eh kaso how can i help them if im not seeing an effort magbago. Tuloy disburse uli. I would say na this is the worst batch that I've handled. Lahat ng sungay na try ko putulin. I even suffered mentally because of too much stress from unrealistic demands. I was being nice for the sake of not passing the burden and kahit gaano pa ka shitty yung behavior, pero I have my limits pala. I've learned to let go of things that are hopeless. I cared too much for ppl who didn't even care if they would lose their livelihood.

I even volunteered to handle one of the toxic workgroups pero di lang ako pinayagan. But i am thankful kase may changes na and maybe kailangan na nila ng kamay na bakal para tumino. It's lonely here and im not gonna blame anyone. I only blame my ambitious self and that's okay.

Sana may compensation lahat ng trials sa life. im hecking tired buti na lang may SOJU! 🤍

[hxoyl]

Its been a while since i posted, and even tho i mostly talk about the triplets but im going to vent a little, im not even expecting anyone to read it or anything, im just wrtiting to feel better and vent, and im trying to improve my wrtiting style and im using my trauma as a topic lol, so if you're not intrested scroll!

(tw: sh, SA, mommy issues, mental health? + guys i know it might seem traumatizing but im okay, i guess.. 😭)

Im always thinking about it.. That line she said, the way she sceared it in my face.. I felt in that moment that my world ended, i knew that im not going to be the same again, ever

She acted like it was fine after a few hours, and i had to play along and push it under the rug, put on a smile and act like it didnt hurt.. For my mom its propably a random friday, but for me it was what changed my self esteem and my whole mindset..

"stop whining about it already! How many times do you have to cry about it!? You're so senstive and you make it bigger than it is! Stop trying to play the victim!! I swear if you say one more word im going to beat you up, just shut up and get over it it was years ago!!"

This was my moms words after i vented for her for the 3rd time in my life after years of being sexually assulted by my older brother.. Weird right? All i did was to go completely silent, not even sobbing.. Just tears running down my cheeks from my widened eyes, my body shaking slightly.. My first thought was (im never going to heal from this).

It was two years ago and a few months.. Since that argument i dont think i went one single day without it being on my mind, it was a literal stab.. I started feeling so unvalid, so unworthy, like im not sick enough im not hurt enough, like i went through nothing for years when i was fighting everything alone!

And that was how one day in 2024 may, during an overwhalming break down in the middle of the night about this topic, i was fighting myself and beating myself up because what if im actully "too senstive"? What if im actully "not hurt enough" and "not in pain" , i asked myself how to prove being hurt... How to get even more sick ? The answer was picking up the blade in the bathroom.. For months.. I stopped and im clean for 5 months now, but i still think about it every day..

If i didnt go through this since i was 11.. Would i be better? Would i be healthy? Actully living my teen years? Loving myself? Maybe.. Maybe not.. No one knows.

Will i ever change and feel better? Its been almost six years since everything started.. Its not ending.. But i really hope i get better when i grow up, and ofc im also hoping to get as sick as possible so people believe my pain.. Weird right?

Hope you guys are Okey, and im okay dont worry

[hamausagi]

it’s midnight and i’m having a meltdown over the religious trauma my ex caused me lol (i continue to have my meltdown below) tw for mention of sa kinda idk anymore

i literally cannot look at religion the same anymore lmao. it’s ruining my life still. i hate that now i feel differently about all religions after being forced into islam for a year and now im extremely anxious and uncomfortable around religious people. like i never ever want to go back but the guilt and discomfort i get from seeing islamic posts is crazy bc it makes me hate myself bc i feel like an awful person for feeling like that

my ex was extremely religious. he lied to me when we met and told me he wasn’t and then a month later told me that we couldn’t date unless i converted. but i didn’t want to convert. (which he made me meet him when i was leaving for the MCR concert and made me late picking gin up to tell me this which almost ruined my day with gin and i cried the whole drive to get dust) it’s a long story but we decided to give it a shot and i would learn about the religion over time and see if it was what i wanted. but instead of letting me learn slowly and believe in it when i was ready, he literally forced it down my throat from day one. which is an insane red flag. but i ignored it bc i wanted to be with him. it literally caused me so much anxiety i couldn’t take it. i would have panic attacks daily, i would suffer from extreme derealization bc i genuinely didn’t know what was real and i have never been religious so suddenly being forced to accept that god was real out of the blue and being forced to change my whole perception of the world was so jarring and hard to understand. i was being told that if i sinned i was going to go to hell. i was being told that i needed to constantly repent. i was being told that everything i had been doing was wrong and everyone i knew was leading me astray and i needed to get rid of them.

he forced me away from my friends and family, telling me they were bad for me.

he started forcing me every day to tell him i was straight, since he believed that being queer was a terrible sin and i needed to repent. he new i was bi, and every day he would ask ‘what are you?’ and wouldn’t be satisfied until i told him ‘im straight’. he told me to stay away from my queer friends. he told me they were all going to burn and that i would too if i associated with them. he viewed us as less than people. i can’t even tell people my sexuality now. i’m too scared. my current bf doesn’t even know, not that i think he would care but im way too anxious to even bring it up.

he policed the way i dressed. he made me get rid of anything too revealing to him. he told me that i needed to start dressing like a hijabi, even though i wasn’t ready. he only spoke about religion. he told me that the only thing i needed to care about was religion until i died. that it was more important than life itself. he would call other people, atheists and followers of other faiths, stupid and he would shit on them constantly since in his mind. the only true religion was the one he followed.

he wouldn’t touch me unless he was horny. he would make me suck him off, even when i resisted and asked him if it was okay because before he vehemently told me we couldn’t touch or have sex (after we did already multiple times, which after he told me we couldn’t do anymore, made me feel like shit) and he would say it was okay in the moment and then after make me feel awful for engaging with him even though i only complied bc i was desperate for any sort of touch or physical validation from him that he even loved me anymore. whenever we touched or engaged in that stuff, it was always for his benefit. he would make me suck him off or do other things i didn’t want to do.

he rushed me to convert bc he told me he would only touch me again after we got religiously married. so i rushed to convert and we got married a day later over the phone, which wasn’t even real. the imam turned out to be a scam, and i was scammed out of 600$ bc my ex asked me to pay for the marriage license which turned out to be invalid anyway.

he went away on a trip for a month overseas to visit family. after telling me no matter what his family said he would choose me. he would stay with me. he broke up with me over the phone a week into his trip. my world fell apart. i didn’t know what was real again. was god even there? why did god do this? why was he acting like this was god-willed? he didn’t even care. he acted like it was all foretold and pre written. everything shattered around me.

i literally don’t know if i will ever view religion the same anymore. my experience felt so suffocating and i don’t know how to look at religious people the same anymore. i don’t know how i stayed with him for so long looking back on it. i felt so trapped and im so glad im free from him. but i don’t know if i will ever be free from this fucking religious guilt and turmoil

[mightbeorphanedidk]

I write such serious scenes and this will be what my draft says

im so funny

Obligated life update: Chapter 8 for the hypnosis fic is in the making! Sorry I haven't been online recently-- I've been focussing on some tests I have this week. Fortunately, this coming week is the last week of exams for a long while im actually so hyped. I've been stressed af and... terrifyingly... science is starting to be.. FUN. IK ITS SO SCARY. I'm turning into the thing I hated the most-- A SCIENCE STUDENT

what else hmmm

My bird named "Fat" (He was bigger than the other birds, also hogged the food tray) was released by my mother because she got bored of him. Me and her watched as he took off into the sun

and then proceed to get eaten by a magpie.

ANYWAYS

The poll for the hypnosis's fic has ended! It was #5, Plastered Smile. #6 (Breaking Instinct) was a close second I believe. So I guess I'll be changing it to Plastered Smile. Now I just need to focus on refining the summary + adding a few things to the tags.

I changed the draft up so it's gotten a bit more intense. Searched, what was perhaps common knowledge, the difference between r4pe and SA. So there's SA, but no r4pe. Filtering it because idk if Tumblr is okay with it. There'll be TWs for each chapter where needed, so dw. They'll be in the top notes, idc about spoilers as long as you guys know what you're getting into.

Debating whether to change the ending or not. I'll probably leave it ambiguous >:)

okay bye

Plastered Smile

Ao3 Account

My dad nearly saw me writing this oh my god my career was nearly over

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

did not, in fact, get the rest of the movements of the original piece before the end of term. did, in fact, get buzzed by a camera drone, show my gratitude to my conductor for the past term in the most truly cringeworthy way, and discover that the quartet has an affinity for mozart

the (complete) new movement we read is accompaniment for a song with a lot of pop rhythms and a modulation into a new key. but the funniest thing is that i swear to god it sounds like old school opm. i couldn’t describe how for the life of me. but i know my dad will start making up words to it when i practice at home.

other modern piece comments:

‘you are a ruminating beast from siberia, and we all know that’s how they are’

‘the spirit is willing but the notes are wrong.’

me: ‘wait, there are catholics in this?!’

honestly though the real star of rehearsal was the brief interlude in which we were videotaped playing the finale to haydn 104 for inclusion in a promotional video for the college of humanities and arts via, of all things, a small camera drone.

tita conductor to the drone operator: ‘and let us know when you are ready… to fly!’

also tita conductor to the drone operator: ‘will you please try not to chop my head off?’

something about the presence of the camera got her hamming it up it was SOO FUNNY 💀💀💀 she did a little hair flip before we all prepared to play. and when the drone came whizzing around the strings she was cuing me like she’d NEVER cued me before. like girl was just like. 🫵🏻😳

you did not make eye contact with me like this and point for that One measure during the concert 🤨

during the drone’s first pass through the room the breeze knocked the associate concertmaster’s part off the stand and i managed to nudge it back over to the firsts with my foot without looking off of my music 😭 i hope it was the right way around

i was actually grinning through the whole thing for once, mostly because i thought it was the funniest shit that i’d ever been put through in this orchestra

we then recorded an audio-only version of the finale and i really just told myself to let go and have fun with it. then tita conductor waited for the audio person to lower the mic before joking brightly, ‘okay! let’s do it all again!’

(we did not. thank god because i was tired.)

now remember how i’ve had a little affirmation/reminder to self stuck onto the top of my folder so i will always see it when looking over the stand? at the beginning of the school year it was ‘huwag kang matakot’ (don’t be afraid) but around january when i was going through a bout of imposter feelings i changed it to ‘magtiwala sa kanya’ (trust her)

tita conductor asked everyone to turn in their folders on impulse and i collected everyone’s but didnt realize id forgotten to do anything with the note to self so (equally impulsively) i wrote ‘thank you for this term’ on the note, stuck it to the front, and handed it in to her with the other folders and a brief explanation.

it was cringe of me lol. but she’s really done a lot. im so grateful. and she was touched.

then she lowkey forgot to open the usual classroom for me and the quartet so i had to go back and ask again and she told me ‘my mind is like a sieve. you have to remember to hold on to me.’ girl please lmao?

anyways we closed the night reading through eine kleine nachtmusik together. which we sound pretty great at considering we were reading. i wish id recorded it

and there ends another term with orchestra. it was a good one. one more for the year (and possibly ever with this group.) can’t wait to make the most of it :)

[separatist-apologist]

i know you said you stopped reading them, but were there any dark romances that hit just right for you? i also struggle a lot with liking the idea of a darker romance, but not wanting to read about the mmc assaulting the fmc and they just fall for them anyway. seems like too many dark romance fall under that and i'm left there like... where was the romance in this??

the only one i read recently was twisted emotions by cora reilly which is a mafia romance/arranged marriage. it's dark-ish? like *trigger warning* the fmc was abused as a child, but the mmc had zero to do with that and instead helped her heal. not a great difference, but considering the mmc wasn't the abuser i guess that's a win? i will say i did enjoy this book, but it's one of those MY GOD HIRE AN EDITOR books because i believe the author is german and there's some major spelling/grammatic errors. it was pretty blatant so that sucked, but i did enjoy the characters and i thought she did a good job (as a survivor of child abuse/SA myself) writing a survivor healing and dealing with their trauma and trusting their partner to bring them joy during sex and intimacy.

Again, beneath the cut

I have such a love/hate relationship with dark romance because I'm not opposed to dubious consent (obviously). I think my issue is a lot of dark romance thinks it can only be dark if there is this element of emotional abuse that I find difficult to deal with, especially if its not resolved.

So like, the MMC kidnaps her, or he won't let her leave his home without watching her 24/7 because she belongs to him, to the point that he controls her phone, her finances, her friends and everything else. And I think a dark romance book could start that way but there should be growth, you know? You can be possessive and also trusting? Like why CANT she leave without an escort, why do you need to watch her 24/7? Why can't she work if she wants to, why does the FMC have to give up her autonomy entirely in order for the romance to work. I don't like that and I know a lot of people do which is fine, but it doesn't feel like a happy ending.

I also don't like the arrogant "im so hot i could have anyone i want and youre lucky im even looking at you" MMC that seems so popular in dark romance. What happened to being pathetic? What happened to being down bad for one woman to the point youd ruin the world for her, you know? You can be a piece of shit and still wet and pathetic, like sir you can really have it all.

I think my issue is the MMC is never required to grow or change and its the FMC who accommodates him and in the end decides she actually likes this/prefers it and so he is never required to compromise or alter his life for her to prove he loves her. Again. Bring back sopping wet men.

And finally, I wish dark romance would center on themes outside of just sexual assault. I am weary of the "hes so hot that sexual assault is forgivable" like girl c'mon. What if we just leaned into the murder, example, you know? That's enough to give ANYONE pause, if I was dating a man and found out he was killing people regardless of the justification I might have some thoughts like "what the fuck" and "hello 911?"

And if he is murdering its always this backflipping justification for why thats okay like i don't know, maybe we just. Call it what it is, ya feel? He's killing people, thats wild. No need to add morality to it, maybe he just likes to blow off steam by killing strangers.

Anyway all this to say no, I haven't read anything I really liked outside of fanfiction. Maybe I'll give your recommendation a shot and see how I feel about it.