#im most comfortable with aromantic so thats what i go by

[glitchdollmemoria]

once again beginning this with a disclaimer that i experience disorganized thinking and i dont think my wording really does justice to the thoughts i have on this topic, but im doing my best here, so my hot take of the day is i dont think its the most important thing in the world to tease out aromanticism and asexuality from trauma responses, and i think that trying to fit everything into boxes can cause more distress than it soothes.

i am NOT saying one shouldnt address trauma and work to heal from it. that is incredibly important and i will always be a loud supporter of healing from trauma and supporting trauma survivors. i am ALSO not saying that being aspec is inherently tied to trauma - aromanticism and asexuality are completely normal aspects of existence and they dont need to be tied to a "reason", just the same as any other queer identity.

personally speaking: i have a lot of trauma around intimate relationships. i am also on both the aromantic and asexual spectrums. looking back at my childhood, i think those aspec identities have always been a part of me, but i also have no way to know for sure if my trauma has amplified them. am i (usually, not always) deeply uncomfortable with and even afraid of people being attracted to me because of my intrinsic lack of reciprocation, or is it because of the way ive been hurt by people who were attracted to me? is my degree of romance- and sex-repulsion inherent to my being or a result of trauma? trick questions! the answers are unknowable and i dont have the time or energy to keep trying to know.

the unfortunate truth of trauma is that no matter how much you heal, no matter how far past it you move, traumatic events will always be a part of your personal history. i dont know if ive ever heard of a single person who can go back to who they were before a traumatic event. and especially when that trauma occurs during youth, its going to have an impact on the way your brain functions, the way you maneuver through life, and that includes intimate relationships. and thats okay! the goal with trauma treatment shouldnt be some lofty aspiration of forgetting what you went through, it should be learning how to manage the effects of your trauma, learning how to continue to find joy in life and minimize the hurt from what happened to you, and learning how to handle the situations when you DO feel that hurt.

and personally, it helps me more to embrace my aromanticism and asexuality and celebrate those parts of my identity, rather than treating them as symptoms of trauma and trying to force myself to engage in relationships that only end up hurting me worse. it does not serve me to constantly question whether my feelings on romance and sex are intrinsic or caused by external factors, because that isn't going to change those feelings and i dont really WANT to change those feelings. if treating my trauma leads to me no longer identifying as aspec, then thats cool, but its not what im seeking out. if i try to force myself to be allo, i will only further traumatize myself.

its okay to be traumatized. its okay to be aspec. its okay to be both. its okay to not where one ends and the other begins. its okay if you dont CARE where the boundary lies, as long as youre doing what you need to to take care of yourself. its okay to use aro and ace labels if you feel like they describe you, and its okay to stop using those labels if they stop benefitting you. its cool. its chill. focus on your own comfort and boundaries and happiness, and do what you need to do for your own wellbeing.

[pyonzzz]

now i feel like talking about my experiences which makes me think im aro okay so uhm

1 ) yeah i toss around the word love pretty freely because to me love is just a feeling . its a concept . an aesthetic maybe even ? i love everyone the same and even if im in a relationship i wouldnt say i love my partner more than anyone else , i just like to be around them more . love to me is just a feeling of attachment and endearment , to " love " someone is just to care deeply for them and want to be near them .

2 ) the physical intimacy that people ( speaking as an american ) view as locked behind relationship boundaries is just . affection to me . kissing cheeks / the top of the head , hugging , cuddling , even like . laying between someones legs or completely on top of them . just swallowing another person in your presence . thats all normal to me . the only way it gets more " intimate " to me is i tend to get closer to people the more comfortable i am with them . it wasnt until i was around 14 when i learned that most people view these actions as romantic . to this day i really just dont get it — its like " why wouldnt you want to cling to that person ? its not a big deal " but other people tend to make a really big deal out of it

3 ) because i call myself " the embodiment of lovecore " and im a really clingy and affectionate person , people tend to think that i want to rush my relationships and make things super serious all the time . theres a certain way people treat you in relationships when they get really into it thats hard to explain and it gets scary . its not a fear of commitment that i experience , but more of the discomfort of being treated in a different way than what feels right . the closest way i can explain it is when you want to go left , but someone pulls you to the right and starts taking you towards whatevers on the right . ( THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL METAPHOR think like forest path )

could i be overthinking ? maybe . but after a dozen ( not exaggerating ) relationships and none of them working for one reason or another , im noticing a common thread with the pattern of breakups where theres just a fundamental disagreement . the idea of me being aromantic never occurred to me before because of my self proclaimed lovecore embodiment status , and the intensity of emotions i can feel for someone . but now that im older it just really makes sense

this may be poorly worded , im really tired www

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary + snake secondary (bird model)

hi! apologies if this is all over the place, im going a little crazy. so, i am going absolutely crazy trying to figure out my primary and secondary. i used to think i was a snake bird (modeling badger snake), but then i started thinking about it and went “hm. maybe im actually a double snake?” and now im thinking i might be a lion snake or . something. i have absolutely no idea. i do know ive either exploded or burnt both primary and secondary at some point though.

So some Exploding or Burning, probably an Internal primary (Snake or Lion) with an I Move secondary (Bird or Snake.) Let’s see what we have. 

so, ive always thought i must be a snake primary because i’m very people-oriented (and i regard people with a certain type of possessiveness), but thats mostly because like… i have an intrinsic fear of being alone thanks to lgbt things (im aromantic - so the internalized arophobia and fear of dying alone is REAL big, esp considering my ex was just straight-up an arophobe) and mental illness issues (i have autism and ptsd that both mesh together to create my being incredibly anxious when around new people/situations - which doesnt lend itself well to interacting with others, so when i do latch onto someone, i latch on HARD). 

Just breathe. It’s okay. But yeah, that’s survival mode human stuff. We do have Burnt secondary language “not good at dealing with new people/situations” etch. And you *did* apologize to me first thing, which is my favorite litmus test for whether a secondary is burnt or not. 

i would not feel bad dropping each and every person in my life for literally zero reason other than i didnt like their vibes. in fact, i really wish i felt comfortable enough to do that! 

Cool. That’s kinda badass. Make me think Idealist primary... and probably Lion, who are classically the most comfortable being loners. 

im so tired all the time, and being the resident mom friend doesnt help that at all. 

ooooh we’ve got a burnt secondary, compensating Badger secondary model. (Or possibly just badger secondary.) 

ive honestly started getting a bit resentful of my friends bc i feel like theyre making me take care of them (though i know they arent).

That’s a common problem with Badger secondary people who aren’t *really* protective of their boundaries. 

so… i guess it would be helpful to explain my morals and motivations, huh?? to be blunt, i really dont know what they currently are. ive started pulling away from relying on other people. which is really healthy for me i think. i used to rely on my ex in particular to handle all of my morals (with them convincing me i was actually evil in the process - they were abusive) and im really glad that im healing enough to stop outsourcing at least that, but im still trying to build up… something to rely on. 

You’re the second SortMe post in a row that to use the specific phrase “outsourcing my morals,” but I don’t think I’m going to sort you the same way, and I’ll tell you why. 

Mainly what I am doing here is making what I consider to be statistically likely guesses. I’ve read a lot of these, and it’s enough to start seeing patterns. And I can tell you that “gaslighting ex” is MUCH more of Burnt Bird primary story, than a Burnt Lion primary story. Put that together with “I’m trying to build up... something to rely on”... and I’d be very surprised if you weren’t a Bird, friend.

i really dont ever feel quite secure. especially not enough to actually express myself as myself. hopping from relationship to relationship has been my stand-in for support up to now, but relationships are just … augh. i dont like them. ive always also felt a drive to protect and care for people (and animals! i wanted to do wildlife rehab growing up, and on the people side ive been interested in anthropology) in need

Sounds like a pretty good start to building a system. 

which sounds very badgery on paper, but honestly i cant relate to badgers really at all. something about it just doesnt really fit me, i guess? i cant relate to the community aspect of it. like yes, every person is a person, but also like. thats not whats important to me. i want to do good things, and be good, or at least better than i was before, and yes that involves taking care of those in need (to me at least), but its not… like how badgers are typically described. i dont even have anything against badgers, i really like them, but im just. not that.

You’re not a Badger. You like some of the values, but your life is not built out of communities, and you seem to like it that way.

i have also almost never forgiven anyone in my life. the few times i have ended up being mistakes, so never again. 

There was another Bird primary post that made the important distinction that there’s forgiving someone... and then there’s letting them back in to do the same thing again. 

on the snake side, i feel like i might have used to rank people according to how important they are to me, but i think that was more of a learned thing than anything else. i really admire snakes, and i want to be one, but i feel more like im just . not being genuine when i think of myself as one, even though thats what i get each time i take the official shc test (which i have recently taken the 2.0 one) and what ive considered myself to be for years now. its stopped fully fitting (unless im somehow gaslighting myself here) and i really dont know what to do about that. 

You also weren’t in a very healthy place recently, and it’s a lot harder to get a read on yourself when you’re not doing okay. (Not impossible, just... harder.) 

like, ill live, its really not that big of a deal, but i still have emotions and its still difficult. i dont like being wrong.

That’s also sounding pretty Bird to me. Both “I don’t like being wrong” and the “my emotions are difficult.” If you were a Lion, those emotions would be your compass, but Birds don’t work that way. 

on the how i do things side - i tend to react very aggressively when what/who i care about gets fucked over, and see no problem with being vicious or lying, acting, whatever i need to do to get my point across. i dont view it as bad. whatever works, works yknow? 

Okay, so you’re probably a Snake or a Bird secondary (which you knew.) And I do see where that Snake primary false positive is coming from. You have some Snake values in your system for sure, but you don’t sound like a Snake when you talk. 

i do like planning at least an outline before things, but im also perfectly content throwing it out the window. though i do enjoy collecting little bits of info i can use later! and learning! and using what i learn! but its very much a “oooohhh this is fun!!!” type thing. 

So that’s at least a fun Bird model (and it seems like every single neurodivergent person has a Bird model, so that’s not all that surprising.) 

i am not a hard worker. at all. i HATE doing things the badger sec way. it sucks and i hate it and i just want to get things done with immediately right now.

Hmm. Now that sounds very In-the-Moment, doesn’t it? I’m starting to lean Snake. 

one thing i very clearly remember from childhood is that once, in middle school, i hung out with a group of mostly boys and we were like. the loner weirdo kids. and one guy smacked me across the face for whatever reason and i immediately went “if you do that again, i will kick you directly in the crotch,” and then he went “i like you!” and we were. ig friends? from then on. Guys.. idk 

Guys are known to socialize like that sometimes. 

i didnt really have that much of an opinion on him that i can remember. i thought i was a bird for a while because of the aforementioned “oh learning fun!” thing and my reliance on at least a light plan, but then i thought about what i do under pressure. and i realized that i go fully improv, and that i feel better doing that than planning. 

Yeah, I bet it does. 

because planning also sucks and i dont really like it. ive tried using planners before and its…. so hard to keep up with….. now, my mom is a lion sec and i dont understand her AT ALL. like yeah, i can imitate her and also push through things directly, but my god is it uncomfy. id prefer to poke around and get a handle on things first, so i can have more of a finesse to what i do. 

Oh this is such classic Snake secondary stuff. Right down to the way that Snake Secondaries do not get Lions, and vice-versa. Also, I dunno, from all the examples given, I would not describe you as “not good at interacting with others.” 

i tend to favor seduction and assassination or rogue-ish routes in games, if that helps any. 

It does. (Snake.) 

sometimes my mom will be set on doing things a certain way and will be metaphorically banging her head on a wall, 

like a Lion 

and ill be in the corner desperately just like “mom please let me do this please let me hand you a different way to do this oh my god you are killing me here that isnt going to work”

Yeah, that seems like a pretty clear communication disconnect. 

[transmasc-wizard]

Random things I thought were true about you but it was probably actually someone else and I forgot:

- thought you were aro, still don't know if that's true/why I thought it was true if it wasn't

-one I thought but now no is untrue: I thought you were like an adult....like 20 something. Ur description now says teen writer so I know that was just wrong

-i thought you lived in France for a bit?

-also thought I annoyed you but that one happens with a lot of people

skjdhasjdhaksdjjskdhaksjdhkasjdhkasjdhkasjd dying

1: i am, in fact, aromantic! Oriented Aroace, specifically.

2: definitely not an adult. sad teenager who has too much school.

3: i have never in my life lived in France! I learn French in school because it's the official language of Canada, alongside English. Hence, I know some French. (I also know random shit about various countries I've never been to, which seems related.)

4: I thought I annoyed you, so. same hat

[warby]

navigating life as neurodivergent and aromantic puts a unique lens on how i perceive and express affection. with my specific flavor of neurodivergency (AvPD, PTSD, etc) im incredibly uncomfortable around most people because i instinctually believe that they are untrustworthy/going to hurt me in some way and so i really only ever show affection to those im extremely close with or family (and even then, thats still only with specific people). being aromantic, ive never felt truly comfortable in romantic relationships, and it felt as though i was never good enough/always had some sort of pressure on me to do... something (again, likely in part of the AvPD). so combining all of this, my trust issues, my avoidance, and my lack of romantic love, its hard to navigate relationships, platonic or otherwise. i often wind up pulling away even when i really do want to get closer, or confusing platonic affection and a want for a qpp as “oh i guess this is what romantic interest is”. queer and neurodivergent attraction and affection are so different from how ive been taught to understand and see attraction growing up that its incredibly hard to put into words. 

[lux-has-too-many-fos]

🌈🌈🌈 for whoever you'd like to share, please!~

Okay okay okay

Imma just... Do all my Brawl Stars f/o's :)))

Belle

Pansexual, Aromantic and Transfem

Tbh thats just me projecting and the fact that she just has massive pan vibes. Idk how to explain them lol

Also shes canonically a single mom, that always talks about her son, but never about the parents

Sounds like a "I thought I had fallen in love but then I realized I had just forced myself to do so due to amatonormativity and I had to end the relationship cuz it was just not good for me, but they didnt take it well and I had to run away"

Or maybe thats just me lol

Byron

Aromantic and Homosexual

Like

Look at this man

Does he look "Straight" to you? Does his super exagerated theatre kid wannabe voicelines sound "Straight", to you?

He litteraly has the aro flag in his color palette like kxkdkskks

Also, He has a white ring, Aka an Aro ring, has spent most of his life traveling along, and loves reptails and anphibians (Aka frogs)

DOES HE SOUND STRAIGHT, OR WORSE (J), ALLO TO YOU?

Anyways

Piper

Aromantic Lesbian

You see, Piper had a role in the game where she was a "Heartbreaker". Men came in hoardes to try and "conquer" her, but she always ended up rejecting them

That doesnt sound very straight or allo to me sis

Bo

Queer

I just think he doesnt really care. That kind of stuff is trivial to him, so he just uses the most comfortable and broad label he found. And hes pretty happy like this!

Brock

Transmasc, Pansexual and Demiromantic

The trans part is almost canon at this point. His old design used to be a girl (He was called "Rocket girl* on his concept art) but he ended up being a man

So I took him with my filthy trans hand :)

The pan part? Again, just the vibes :D

About the demi part, again, he is currently living with two robots, only has friends, and shows very little interest in other people in general

Not very allo to me, no sir

Jacky

Agender, Aromantic and Asexual

She just doesnt care

She can say and do anything, and never cares for what others may think. And she just seems so happy and free

And thats how the aro label made me feel to some extent

So to me, that freedom translates to "I dont feel it, so I dont care about it"

Shes just doesnt care about Gender, or romanticism, or Sex. And thats how she is so happy and free

Well that got personal

8bit

Aromantic, Asexual and Agender

Its called projecting sweaty :)))

Rosa

Lesbian Demigirl or Pansexual Demigirl

Its just that she was released in Lesbian Visibility Day, and for some reason I associate demigirls with Nature?

The Pan part is me projecting again lol

Nita

Aromantic and Asexual

Again, spent most of her life with just her family and some animals. Never showed any urge to go find anyone else. That does not sound allo in any way

Crow

Aromantic Asexual

He has many lines and moments where he reffers to his friend (Or his crew) as the most important part of his life. For fucks sakes he lives with them, and the only moments we se him smiling is when he is with them.

That aint very allo of you Crow

Bull

Biromantic Asexual

The vibes are strong on this one

Plus im 99% sure he paint his nails black, and thats just Bi Ace culture

Bibi

Homoromantic Asexual Demigirl

Do I have to say anything else?

Emz

Bisexual Demiromantic

For the demi part its just me projecting

But for the Bi part

CMON

My beautifull wife, aka Tara

Bisexual Aromantic and Bigender

I feel like the only way I can truly feel comfortable in a relationship like the one I have with Tara is if I share those parts of me with them, because im still insecure about them.

Ive seen and experienced aro, trans and biphobia so many times, from people Ive concidered friends or family, im just so afraid of finding someone, caring for them that much, and then being so dissappointed.

Also she has the Bi Flag on her color palete

:D

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies,

Another fic... This time its a Beetlejuice x reader. Actually i was planning on a quick drabble but got sucked into it. 😅

Reader is coming out as not-straight to Beetlejuice. Either bisexual, lesbian, asexual, tanssexual, pansexual, aromantic, gender-neutral (or any i've missed)...

Any 🏳️‍🌈single one of you... i love you and you are valid as hell. 💕

Thanx for reading. Hope you enjoy.

@paxenera @demonwifey @hoodoo12 @ironmansuucks @stranger-strings @vicunaburger

You were lounging on the couch with your favorite ghost-with-the-most, laying on your back with your head on his thigh as he gleefully chatted about the last scare he gave Lydia 10 minutes ago. You chuckled as Beetlejuice tried to reproduce the scream of terror Lydia had made when he jumped out of her mirror. Again. For the 4th time this week.

The vibe was relaxed and happy, his hair was vibrating-neon-green because of the joy he just had pulling a scare on Lyds. Sometimes you felt pity for the goth teen, but then figured that she would get back to him the same way soon enough. It was often only a matter of time untill she figured out a plan to scare him back.

A smile creeping up your face as you praised yourself lucky to be part of this loving odd family.

As Beetlejuice stopped talking, you noticed him looking at you as you were laying on his lap. His eyes narrowing as he thoughtfully scratched his scruff. You got uncomfortable at his stare so you blurted out: "wha-... whatsup BeeJ...? Do i have someting between my teeth again?" He rolled his eyes saying: "No babes. You look as pretty as always... its just... you dont have the mood-ring-hair-awesomeness going on like me. But i can tell that you're upset about something lately."

You took a deep breath. Of course Beetlejuice would notice. He was your best pall.

"Yeah... i uhm... did some thinking recently and erhmmm..."

He was looking at you with kind eyes as you stuttered through your scetence. "I... want to tell you BeeJ, i just can't... quite... say it."

Beetlejuice nodded quickly, understanding where you were coming from. Far too many people could hear you around the house right now.

His eyes glinsetered and his while body perked up, smile forming on his lips as he started to yell at the top of his lungs: "Hey Babs...?! Uhmm....I think i set the stove on fire AGAIN!!!" He winked at you and clipped his fingers, wicked smile on his face as even more neon green appeared in his hair.

Whitin seconds you heared everyone running through the house towards the kitchen, a swearing Charles rushed past the living room first, with a fire extinguisher in hand. Lydia right behind him, scolding Beetlejuice as she ran after her dad. Barbara and adam following suit trying to calm Charles and Lydia down. Delia followed quickly behind mumbling something about bad karma, also rushing towards the kitchen.

Your eyes went wide as you looked at the demon you were still lounging on. His eyes smirking as much as his mouth did, and you smacked his arm. "Ouch! Hey!! Gimme a break babes... i got you some nice and quiet talking-time!" beetlejuice defended himself.

"Yeah... well... you could have just poofed us away youknow?" you mumbled, but had to laugh at his antics anyway. A smirk was creeping up his face as he hummed: "Its more fun this way! Now... im all ears doll... you were saying?"

You sat up next to him and pulled your legs under you, so you were sitting cross-legged beside him. He was once again looking at you intently.

"Well... the thing is... i think i... might not... be... straight?" you winced a bit at your own words. Watching his face closely, expecting him to do the same. He never did. Instead he frowned a bit as he started to speak: "Babes... you do realise that i am literally attracted to every human being, regardless of whats in their pants... right?" You nodded. "Then you do know that that shit is NOT what makes you less then the awesome breather you are."

You felt tears pickling behind your eyes as he said so. Swallowing thickly at his kind words. "If you ever want to talk to me about how you feel, im here for you babes. And i am the last demon around thats going to judge you.... Besides...." he clipped his fingers again. Bouncing with excitement as he did so. The green smokenaround you dissapeared you were both wrapped between a rainbow flag together. "...we are both KILLING the rainbow look, babes." You chuckled, feeling happy and relieved your bffff foverever accepted and supported you.

He went to lay his scruffy cheek on your shoulder as he tugged the rainbow flag closer around his shoulders, getting comfortable next to you. He purred softly: "... now... tell me all about it babes... im listening."

[olaf-likeswarmhugs]

A Word For Us || Soft

Summary: June 21-22: Olaf comes out to Sindri! And then Sindri starts to learn more about himself too! Good golly gosh, we love kids figuring it out. 

@huldufolk-hjarn

June 21, 2020

Olaf [deleted]: hi sindri u can ignore this since ur working but um hi!!

Olaf [deleted]: HI sindri do you have some time to talk about someth

Olaf [deleted]: HI sindri so i was googling

Olaf:  👋 ☃️ 🤗

Sindri: olaffffff

Sindri: hi

Olaf: hi!

Olaf [deleted]: wow ive forgotten how to talk to u like a normal person loooosflkj

Olaf: how's pixie's! is your shift going well? :)

Sindri: it's kinda slow right now

Sindri: im sitting here on a stool drying glasses lol

Sindri: so fun

Sindri: how's your day

Olaf: ah i know you're kidding but i love drying glasses

Olaf: i like the sound the glasses make, the little rubby sound? from the towel

Olaf: squeaky clean!

Sindri: like the squeak

Olaf: yes exactly

Olaf: and then arranging them in rows

Sindri: i had one that wasn't squeaky i should wash it again

Olaf: you should, customers deserve squeaky clean glasses

Sindri: yeah they do

Sindri: i was thinking about making myself one of those sodas we discovered last time

Sindri: like the regular soda water with the grenadine?

Olaf: ooooh

Olaf: yeah thats delicious

Sindri: i think peri might be starting to wonder where all her grenadine is going haha

Olaf: oh well dont have too much now

Sindri: i've had like three

Olaf: hmm that seems like enough

Olaf: though maybe we should get a soda water maker

Olaf: then we could make our own, they sell those you know

Olaf: we can order it online

Olaf: we can soda-fy any drink then, i think it'd be great for parties

Sindri: really?

Sindri: i thought it was a thing only bars had and like also places that make soda obviously

Olaf: no, you can get one for your home! and an espresso machine

Olaf: we should get an espresso machine too

Sindri: we should because then we wouldn't have to spend so much money on coffee

Olaf: well we would still have to buy the coffee for the machine but probably cheaper in the long run!

Olaf: really there are a lot of fun kitchen appliances we could get

Olaf: a waffle maker for example

Olaf: oh i saw a donut pan that was very cool

Olaf: there's a handheld smoothie maker but i think its better to just use the blender so you can make more smoothie

Sindri: i watched a video that showed how many soups you can make when you have a food processor which i think is just a bigger fancier blender but i like soups

Olaf: i saw a special kind of cutting device that slices an apple though into six equal pieces!

Sindri: i think my favorite food is soup

Olaf: soup is very good

Olaf: soups and stews

Sindri: yeah they remind me of home

Sindri: but waffles are good too

Sindri: if we made waffles we could decorate them

Olaf: yes! i love waffles because each hole can have something different

Olaf: like a little presennt

Olaf: likea  jellybean, or a peanut

Sindri: you want to put jellybeans on your waffles?

Olaf: well that was just an example but im sure it would taste good

Olaf: i like jellybeans and i like waffles

Sindri: jellybeans get stuck in my teeth

Olaf: sindri i also like you as a friend

Olaf: my best friend

Sindri: i like you as a friend too

Sindri: yeah you're my best friend

Sindri: are you okay?

Olaf: yes

Olaf: i was just doing some googling

Olaf: Google as you know is very useful. It answers almost every single question ive ever had since moving here

Sindri: yeah i love google

Olaf: yeah

Olaf [deleted]: i don't know if ive ever really told you but i think i worry about a lot of things. i dont like talking about it because i dont want everyone to worry about /me/ because then id just worry more about how im worrying everyone else but wow this is nonsense ANYWAY i have been really worried about...myself and feeling like something is wrong with me because

Olaf: i dont know if i ever told you this but for a long time, ive sort of felt something was wrong with me. it started when we began to date, but not because of anything you did, i think that was just the first time i realized i really wasn't like everyone else. at least i didnt feel the way everyone wanted me to feel or expected me to feel. and it was really awful, i just thought i was a big fake the whole time, like a liar almost, and then of course we broke up because i was so bad at it and everything but i still felt that awful feeling anyway.  and i just didnt know why and its never gone away  so i googled it today and googled and googled and i think i found the thing that explains me better than anything else and i think its important that i tell you what that is and im really nervous!!!!!!! look an emoji  🎈

Sindri [deleted]: we didn't break up because you were bad at anything

Sindri: there are a lot of things i want to say but im going to wait until you say your thing

Sindri: also i love emojis :)

Sindri: 🦆

Olaf: right, they're very comforting 🐭

Sindri: oh and please don't be nervous

Sindri: you can tell me anything

Olaf: im very nervous

Olaf: im even texting u and i know thsi should be an in person conversation ahha

Sindri: i think sometimes texting can make things easier to say

Sindri: it isn't like you're avoiding an in person conversation either because we live together lol

Sindri: im sure we will also talk about whatever it is in person

Olaf: right yes probably

Olaf: okay!

Olaf: so um yeah! humans have a lot of words for things and i think the word that fits me best is aromantic....ta-da!!  🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉

Olaf: it means i dont experience romantic attraction. because i never have, never, i dont' know why and i dont like dating like, i dont want to be anyone's boyfriend it makes me feel gross

Olaf: but i do want to be your best friend

Olaf: i was talking to finn and i said something that felt true but also kind of like i was contradicting myself? i dont know, feelings are very confusing but basically i said that you're my right person

Olaf: and i think thats still true even tho i dont want to date you and i dont mean that like i am in love with you or anything because im not and egjaldkf that feels mean to say but im trying to say that i really love you sindri and i never want to date you but you are more special to me than my other friends

Olaf: see it sounds like im contradicting myself

Olaf: also like im rejecting u when u didnt even ask me out so!!! sorry oh frosty

Sindri: i love you too olaf

Sindri: you'll always be my best friend

Sindri: always no matter what

Sindri: you're my right person too and i think i kind of get it

Sindri: not completely but i want to learn and i will look up that word but i don't think you're mean or fake or anything like that

Olaf: are you sure because i just read over those texts and it felt mean

Sindri: i don't feel insulted or rejected really

Olaf: I just want you to know it isnt you

Olaf: i used to think i was just rejecting you or something but the idea of dating anyone really is gross for me. like i dont want to ever stop being your roommate though iknow we probably will stop eventually

Sindri: im kind of sad you felt like a fake and a liar though

Sindri: why would we stop

Sindri: i don't want to stop being your roommate ever either

Olaf: well if you ever enter into a promise with someone

Olaf: you know, if you fall in love

Olaf: i probably wont be yoru roommate then. which is okay!

Sindri: but you're my right person

Sindri: when we were apart i was really sad a lot because i missed you

Sindri: and now that you're here im happy a lot of the time

Sindri: i don't want to be somewhere you aren't that sounds stupid to me

Olaf: i dont either. though we wouldnt be far or anything i mean if we stay here in swynlake we'd probably still be in the same town. i just dont want you to... um...not move on? I dont know if thats what you're doing idk sorry i feel like im making a lot of assumptions right now

Olaf: i dont want to hold you back if you fall in love with someone else

Olaf: thats all

Sindri: can i ask u a question

Olaf: yes

Sindri: is it okay if im a little bit in love with you? i mean..i'm not saying i want to date you or be your boyfriend because i don't want to do anything you don't want to do and i want us to be us and honestly im not even sure what being in lvoe is i guess except that i like you most and i like everything we do and that's the way i know how to say that

Sindri: i just say that with like

Sindri: zero expectations from it except you just being my friend for as long as you want to be

Sindri: sorry

Sindri: i probably shouldn't have said that

Sindri: i hope it didn't make you feel gross

Olaf: it only makes me upset if i think about somehow letting you down which i think is sort of my problem not your problem, which i realized recently too

Olaf: i just worry about a lot of things sindri

Olaf: i worry more than you might think i worry haha, i just worry that one day you'll decide that being my best friend isnt enough for you

Sindri: i will never decide that

Sindri: i love you as a person way more than i am "in love" with you which the more i think about it is a stupid concept anyway like what does it even mean

Sindri: when i say it it just means you are my favorite person

Olaf: i mean i mean that too but im not in love with you

Olaf: i dont know bc i dont feel it

Olaf: so maybe what you feel is or isnt love...i dunno sometimes i think romance is a game people play ahha i dunno

Sindri: i don't know how people date people they don't really know

Olaf: well i dont get what makes it a date

Sindri: ....wow

Sindri: me either

Olaf: because i could go out with lots of strangers and get to know them but i wouldnt call it dates id just call it...uh...getting to know a new friend haha

Olaf: like you went on dates with nemo when you moved here if u think about it

Olaf: except you didnt

Olaf: i dont know

Sindri: yeah

Olaf: i guess if people want to kiss at the end

Sindri: yeah maybe

Olaf: i just dont want you to lie to me

Olaf: like i did sort of lie to you for a little sindri and i am so sorry i did but i dont want to lie anymore so if you say that you're in love thats okay it is

Sindri: yeah i think maybe being honest about feelings is a really good idea for us

Sindri: because i don't want you to feel uncomfortable ever

Olaf: and i really dont want to hurt you

Sindri: i don't think you will but i will let you know if it ever happens

Sindri: im being really honest when i tell you that i only want what you want i will never feel like i'm missing out as long as you are my best friend okay

Sindri: i don't want dates and a boyfriend i don't feel like im missing out on that stuff

Sindri: i mean i guess i could theoretically want it but i don't miss it

Sindri: i feel complete without it

Olaf: okay. im gonna work really hard to believe that

Olaf: it might take me some time but thats because i think i still dont feel uh... enough i guess

Olaf: but we promised we wouldnt lie to each other so if you tell me thast what you want i believe you

Sindri: also i know it's not my place to say but you are enough i promise you are so great and anyone who knows you is lucky to have you in their lives. i'm so lucky you are my best friend olaf.

Olaf: well i dunno why you wouldnt think its your place to say as my best friend you should compliment me thank you  x3

Olaf: but i know you mean that

Olaf: and im lucky too

Sindri: thank you for telling me all this stuff

Olaf: thank you for listening

Olaf: and not hating me haha

Sindri: lol peri might hate me because i took a long break oops

Sindri: but i'll see you in a couple hours okay?

Sindri: i'm going to give you the best hug ever!

Sindri: it'll be almost like an olaf hug

Sindri: maybe

Olaf: oh oops

Sindri: idk i'll try

Olaf: haha im sure it will be even better than an olaf hug

Olaf: it will be a sindri hug ^.^

Sindri: :)

Olaf: we can maybe talk more when you come home too, if you want

Sindri: okay

Sindri: i think i'm going to look stuff up too when i'm drying glasses

Sindri: just so im prepared

Olaf: yeah! you can ask me questions

Olaf: though im still learning too haha

 June 22, 2020 

Olaf: hi sindri, i found more words!

Sindri: haha yeah?

Olaf: yeah xPPP

Olaf: there are lots of fun ones humans have a great sense of humour

Olaf: like wtfromantic ahha that made me laugh

Sindri: what does that mean

Olaf: WELL

Olaf: "a romantic orientation in the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate platonic from romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore aren't sure if they experience it"

Olaf: im glad there's a word for it and that word isnt stupid haha

Sindri: oh hey i like that one

Sindri: i think that one makes a lot of sense

Sindri: i've been thinking about like

Sindri: the line or whatever and it feels really arbitrary to me

Sindri: like what makes something a date? or not a date? you know

Olaf: exactly!!!!

Olaf: tho ive never felt any um, i dunno anything different for anyone so

Sindri: oh like where you want to "date" them

Olaf: right or like

Olaf: butterflies

Olaf: people talk about butterflies and i never get them for other people. i get flutters for other things

Olaf: like when im excited for an event you know?

Sindri: yeah

Sindri: i've been looking at stuff too

Olaf: oh have u also found words i have a list of words here but you can go next if you want

Sindri: no i want to know what your words are first

Olaf: well this next one is fun, it's squish

Olaf: guess what that means

Sindri: is it like a crush

Sindri: it sounds nicer than a crush lol

Olaf: yeah!

Olaf: its wanting to be friends with someone i guess, like, really badly

Olaf: i actually dont think ive had squishes either haha

Olaf: i mean! i want to be lots of people's friends but

Sindri: oh that's cool

Sindri: wow i love my new words so far

Sindri: squish is just a really cute one

Olaf: yeah i think its a very cute word x3

Olaf: There's also aesthetic attraction! which just means liking how someone looks, which is different than romantic or sexual attraction

Sindri: i found that one too

Sindri: i've been trying to figure myself out actually

Sindri: and that one was something i think i relate to a lot

Olaf: oooh wow im glad these words are helping you too

Olaf: yes i think i definitely understand aesthetic attraction.

Olaf: i actually think i might be asexual too? which is pretty crazy because i like sex but apparently thats not mutually exclusive!

Olaf: people shoudl really teach a class on this stuff

Sindri: it was also weird because it made me realize that when people say they are attracted to other people it means they actually want to have sex with them

Sindri: a lot of the time

Olaf: i KNOW

Sindri: that's CRAZY

Olaf: i dont not want to have sex with people? i dont know, i just dont think about it

Olaf: but if i think someone is pretty my first thought isnt oh lets have sex

Sindri: i never mean that when i say someone is attractive like i never look at a person and like want them to YES

Sindri: wow

Olaf: wow frosty!

Olaf: we have that in common haha

Sindri: i'll tell you one of my words

Olaf: yes! 

Sindri: demisexual

Olaf: oh i saw that one!

Sindri: it's where you only feel sexual attraction to someone you have an emotional connection to already

Sindri: i think that's me

Olaf: ah that sounds like you

Olaf: what a beautiful sindri word

Sindri: thank you

Olaf: i think i read another word for us

Olaf: did you come across queerplatonic?

Sindri: no

Olaf: oh!

Olaf: its a good one haha

Olaf: i mean i think so

Olaf: its kind of hard to describe exactly im still reading about it but uhhhh okay maybe i'll just link you

Olaf: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic_Relationship

Olaf:it kind of sounds like some promises, you know? though most promises are romantic

Sindri: oh hey

Sindri: wow this really does seem like an us word

Olaf: yeah doesnt it!

Olaf: like how everyone thought we had to be more than friends

Sindri: yeah which is dumb

Sindri: i really like this one

Sindri: this one makes me feel like

Sindri: idk if feels right

Olaf: yeah i dont feel as stupid anymore haha

Olaf: if other people are like us, i mean

Olaf: maybe not exactly like us

Sindri: well it even says there are lots of ways they can be

Sindri: which is cool

Sindri: like if it makes sense to the people in the relationship that's how it is it's about being open and being comfortable

Olaf: yeah each one has different rules apparently

Sindri: i also think it's kind of silly that like friendships are apparently "not as intense" as romantic relationships which i guess is why this exists right

Olaf: yeah i think so

Olaf: though its confusing still because some articles say its asexual and other ones say that there can be sex

Olaf: but that goes back to teh different rules thing

Olaf: i think each one must be like a snowflake

Sindri: yeah i think it is about what the people in them want

Sindri: are we

Sindri: or like

Sindri: i don't know i think maybe if i wanted to define our relationship i might want to use that word

Sindri: which is something we would totally have to talk about

Olaf: i think id like that

Olaf: i just have always wanted to be your best friend forever which sounds so silly and childish but i dunno

Olaf: maybe we dont need all the words for it but maybe we do?

Olaf: or not!

Olaf: haha

Sindri: i want to be your best friend forever too olaf

Sindri: like i mean it

Sindri: i don't ever want to stop being friends with you and when i think about what i want my life to be like you are always in it

Sindri: and maybe having a word would make that easier because we wouldn't feel like we are doing things wrong?

Sindri: even though there isn't a right way

Sindri: but just in terms of other people and maybe feeling pressured to be different? i dont' know

Olaf: i think it would make me feel better about not leading you on or disappointing you and i know you say i dont do those things but it makes me nervous

Sindri: yeah and i would feel better about feeling like i'm accidentally pressuring you

Olaf: yeah

Olaf: we should definitely talk about it

Olaf: there are actually checklists and sheets and stuff hehe its kind of cute

Sindri: aww really?

Olaf: yeah :3

Sindri: when do you want to talk about it

Sindri: do you want to like plan a time

Olaf: oh i was just going to do it whenever you wanted to?

Olaf: if you want we can plan a time

Sindri: i think i would like to talk about it when i see you next so probably tonight haha

Sindri: it feels really good to maybe have a word

Olaf: oh okay! I can print out these worksheets if you want

Olaf: i'll make snacks hehe

Sindri: okay lol i can bring home some of that soup from remys too because we can't just eat SNACKS

Olaf: i do like that soup!

Sindri: good we have a plan then!

[hjaltemod]

Name / Alias:  stardust (or wars)

Are you over 18?  Yes  /  No Is your muse over 18?  Yes /  No

When was your blog established? ,,,,,was it jan 2020???? LMAO?? it was wasnt it the fks time

WRITING

Are you selective about who you write with? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people - mutuals preferred) / Private (mutuals only)

Are you selective about who you follow? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people) /  Yes (some people)  /  Highly (few people)

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon? Not at all  / A little  / Some  / Mostly / Strictly /  Not Applicable

note: i’m mostly up to date with gbf & a3 stuff, hence the some on the rest

What post lengths do you write? One-Liners  / Single-Para /  Multi-Para  /  Novella / All of the aforementioned

Do you use icons and/or GIFS? No  /  Gifs  /  Icons  /  Yes  /  Sometimes

Do you write on other platforms? No  /  Yes

note: always subject to change. i check out forums every once in a while (i!!! grew up on forum threads with ocs i!! miss that okay!!! elaborate plots!! that stop after a month LMAO), and i do want to get back into swedish stuff too,,,as for stuff more common like disc/twits/chats i dont do chatrp & im selective with group stuff due to general assumption that disc stuff is very fastpaced, but for that & 1on1 im selectively up to it on the notion that i wont be rushed (which has happened the times ive done it so LMAO its why i very rarely suggest it, but its not completely out of the picture, i just need understanding that i write slow and cant dedicate myself to writing an entire afternoon. theres a reason i prefer i forums/tomblr)

What level of plots do you write? Unplotted  /  Open-Ended Plots  /  Semi-Plotted  /  Fully Plotted Epics /  All of the aforementioned

How quickly do you usually respond to threads? Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks)  / Average (1-2 weeks)  /  Fast (less than one week)  /  Very Fast (less than three days) /  It depends

What types of themes do you like? Adventure / Romance /  Fluff /  Angst  / Smut  /  Violence /  Tragedy  /  Domestic  /  Family

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? ( Feel free to add! ) High Fantasy /  Supernatural / Science Fiction /  Historical  /  Horror  /  Comedy  / Romantic  /  Drama  / Action / Adventure  /  Espionage  / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you’re uncomfortable writing on your blog? (Not triggers) No  /  Yes  /  Sometimes (the usual no-go’s)

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged? -

SHIPPING

What types of relationships are you open to? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial  /  All of the aforementioned

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial  /  All of the aforementioned

note: i tend to favor romance happening through ic interaction, or/and thorough talking about the charas, because theres always the chance that ill sit down to write and it just. wont work. so ic is reccommended! even if its short asks and not 40 threads ykno. i just need yall to know my muse and me to know ur muse !!

Do you have OTPs? No /  Chemistry Only  /  Yes

Do you have NOTPS? No / Yes

What is your muse’s sexual orientation? Heterosexual  /  Heteroflexible  /  Bisexual  /  Pansexual  /  Homoflexible  /  Homosexual /  Demisexual /  Sapiosexual  /  ( Grey ) Asexual  /  Still trying to figure it out.

What is your muse’s romantic orientation? Heteroromantic  /  Heteroflexible  /  Biromantic  /  Homoflexible  /  Homoromantic   /  Panromantic  /  Demiromantic /  Sapioromantic  / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out.

Are you comfortable writing smut? No  /  Selectively /  Yes

note: in the form of general outside-rp talk & hcs YA, but i dont do threads. that said, i would do one-shot asks about it (but i tend to write it either heavily implied or emotionfocused LMAO), i just struggle rping it

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically? Autoship  / During plotting  /  After a couple IC interactions  /  Several IC interactions  /  Slow burn  /  Plot dependent  /  Never  

Are you open to toxic ships? No  /  Selectively  /  Yes /  I am not sure

Are you open to problematic ships? No  /  Selectively /  Yes

note: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO ADKBJADBJKAKJDB its like this: would i write a drabble about it? yes. would i rp about it? not sure honestly. because my rp blogs are slightly different from what i do in private stuff, so just because i say “oh i like hero/enemy fking” doesnt mean ill necessarily write it here??? so uh. idk !

Are you open to polyshipping? No  /  Selectively  /  Yes  /  I am not sure.

Are you an exclusive shipper? Never /  Sometimes  /  Yes

note: assuming exclusive mean if i ship with chara x thats the only chara x ill ship with

Does crack shipping ever happen? No   /  Yes

TAGGING!

tagged by : @angereve ♥♥♥ tagging : TAKE IT FROM ME

[newgameplus]

3, 6, 7, & 9 for the asks!

3.What pronouns do you use?i use he/him and they/them pronouns fr the most part! i dont usually have specific “he” days and “they” days, i usually just let a chat decide what they’ll default to, and its a coin toss to which one they’ll choose ahahaha, so i get good mileage out of both of them. i’ve considered using neopronouns or such but i havent found one that feels right to me, so im happy w the ones i have ehehe6.What is your sexuality/romantic orientation?shrugs! im aromantic and asexual, but im also gay (or mb bi!) i dont really sweat it though. i feel what i feel for whoever i feel it for, and thats good enough for me7.What labels do you use for your gender?transmasculine nonbinary boy/demiboy! when talking to cis ppl or when i just dont care abt nuance i dont mind calling myself a trans man, because im not.. not! im defs that! but im also nonbinary too! i contain multitudes9.What previous labels did you go by when you were questioning?oh i’ve been many things... pan+genderfluid...agender+aro+ace, gay+nb... truth be told i found the aro/ace label comfortable pretty early on (mb 16? 17? i have no concept of time) and while it took me ages to figure out lables that made me comfy re: gender, i just generally go w/ the flow. i dont have a strong sense of gender, and it took a lot of waiting and experimenting and just going w the flow to realize nah, yeah i Do like existing in the boy-space and the general void around that, so that’s were i’ve stayed fr the last several years

[tigris-types]

I told my boyfriend I love him for the first time, full story under the cut. Be warned, its long and I discuss how I came to that conclusion.

So i never thought that I would be in a relationship. I dont have any interest in kissing or sex, and since that's what everyone kind of pushes as the selling points of being in a relationship, I didnt want to be in one. I'm also asexual, )which I didnt figure out until someone suggested it to me, since I didnt even know that was an option) but I wasnt sure where I fell on the romantic side of things.

I thought it would be nice to be close with someone, but I can just get that through friends so did it even matter? I wasnt sure if I was grayromantic or aromantic, but its not like I was really under any pressure to define it either.

Then I met my would-be boyfriend, becane friends, thought he might be into me, and was once again, very confused where I stood on the romantic side of things. Eventually, I decided that I did like him, but I was unsure what a relationship would mean for me.

For the first few months, it was weird to say that I had a boyfriend. I couldnt believe it. I was wrestling with how I saw myself, because I never imagined I would be in a relationship and I kind of never wanted to be in a relstionship so I could be the one that defied expectations, amd show that I wouldnt follow society rules, and show that I didnt need a significant other. It wasnt important to me and i hated that my relatives would always ask "How have you been? How is school? Do you have a boyfriend yet?". And I hated it. I nrver wanted a boyfriend just to spite them all. How dare they place my value on good grades and eventual mother potential instead of getting to know me as a person. I hated it.

But as they (unfortunately) say, I met someone. I struggled with this idea, but i came to the conclusion that I didnt need him. I was fine without him. And if we eventually broke up, I would be fine then too. But being in a relationship isnt about needing someone, its about wanting to be with them. Wanting them to succeed and wanting to be with them every step of the way. (I also hate how corny that is)

I'm not a very emotional touchy-feely person, but I did feel comfortable being open and vulnerable with him. I like his hugs, and I like snuggling with him. And he's really sweet, but inthe interest of not looking through rose-colored glasses, I do have a list of thingd he does that annoy me(he doesnt know this). But we've talk about a few of those things and he has made an effort to change.

And hes told me what I do that annoy him too, like calling him dude. So we talked a little about what nicknames we would be comfortable with over the past few weeks, and i realized I wanted to call him love.

But that name wouldnt work unless I had told him I love him. So I came up with a plan. We were going to see Endgame this weekend, anf most likely eat dinner, play pokemon go, and snuggle afterwards. At someone I woukd say "I think I love you" becaus ei wasn't sure if he felt it back and ssying "I think" gave me the opportunity to retract that statement if he didnt feel the same way.

But over dinner, (we had gyros) we talking about frozen because sandwiches and Love is an open door and so I said, "To quote a Thomas Sanders vine, 'I love you, but this is mine!'" He looked away, I looked down, just waiting for a response, not trying to appear any particular way, like I'm expecting him to say it in return.

Then he looked back at me and said, "I love you too." And I just smiled, I was happy that he said it back and that I managed to say it smoothly. He continued, "Sorry it took a moment to repsond, I wasnt sure if it was sincere or not."

"It was, but I wasnt sure if you felt the same so if you didnt then it could be treated as a joke and no worries."

"I'm glad, because I love you."

"I love you too" Then we kept eating and talking about other things. But it was nice, and when we did get to snuggling, I was a little afraid it would lead to kissing, since I still don't want to (although I am slightly warming up to the idea, which is weird), and it didnt, which I was glad for.

It was nice, weve been together for about 5.5 months and I just got comfortable enough to kiss him on the cheek and he hasnt pressured me to do anything I dont want to. Which i think is great for an asexual-allosexual relationship. We did talk about how he feels, and that he does find me sexually attractive. (Which I kind of suspected, but really, thats something people actually feel? Thats not made up?) I said I couldn't relate, but I appreciate him telling me, and it was nice. Im not sure what to do with that information, but whatever.

But yeah, 5.5 months as being boyfriend and girlfriend, on top of about about a year of being friends, and we said exchanged "I love yous". Quite a few times actually, I kind of wish I had taken tally because we said it so often, but it was probably at least 10 times.

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

[blackpink]

(1) hey suzy i see you always giving great advice so i would like to ask you smth. i'm 23 years old and i haven't even had my first kiss yet. no dates, no relationships, no sex. i've never been asked out by anyone either & i'm just thinking that smth is inherently wrong with me. nobody shows any romantic interest in me & tbh i'm not interested in anyone either & i just feel like i'm missing out on a big part of my youth. i'm embarrassed that with 23 years i haven't even had my first kiss yet.

i fear that i will forever be alone & never meet anyone that i truly fall in love with & who reciprocates my feelings. my family also keeps pressuring me, telling me it’s not normal that i haven’t been in a relationship yet even tho i’m already 23. i ignore these comments most of the time but sometimes it does get to me & i just feel like such a loser & loner. what’s wrong with me? why can’t i form meaningful relationships? i know you can’t answer this either but i just needed to vent. sorry

first of all, there is nothing wrong with you. yes, your situation isn’t that common but that doesn’t make it weird or wrong by any means.

i can totally understand that you feel pressured and that you feel like you are missing out on something BUT are you even craving a romantic relationship or sex at all? if not, maybe you are aromantic or asexual, which again: is also perfectly okay and normal. 

i have a friend who’s also our age and she has never had a relationship either. guys barely hit on her and she keeps asking herself if she’s not good enough etc. and im not just saying that bc shes my friend but she looks super pretty! shes tall, blonde and has nice curves. her face looks like kirsten dunst ok and yet men are scared to hit on her, i think?? 

she did have sex etc with two guys she once met when she went out but thats it and you know what she tells me? she doesn’t regret doing it BUT she wouldn’t do it again simply because there is no “use” in hooking up with someone you have no feelings for.

personally ive only been in a relationship once and after that, i haven’t slept with anyone either. i made out with strangers a couple of times but let me tell you: when you’re not in love with someone, it’s just not the same. kissing someone i had no feelings for was almost boring, to be honest and i only did it because i was extremely drunk.

so if you think about “just getting it over with”, i’d advise you to just wait a little longer as you will be wasting your first times. my first kiss was with an engaged guy who stuck his tongue down my throat and i ended up crying in the bathroom afterwards. i regretted it so much and when i met my ex bf it was completely different and so so nice. i wish i had waited tbh. on the other hand, i could also understand if you want to experience all those things and dont want to wait for the perfect one to come along, though. 

my advice to you would be to give dating apps a try! go out on a few first dates!! i mean dates are usually innocent so just get out of your comfort zone, see what its like and who knows, maybe youll meet someone who makes you want to go further! and if not, youll still have new experiences which will benefit you. put yourself out there, that’s the first step! 

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[heulheul]

Im actually INFURIATED (i always am)(but now even more) my „friends“ who are „gay and aromantic“ ALL HAVE STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS?? It would be ok if they werent so prideful and use their queerness as their whole fucking personality trait. HOW THE FUCKING DARE YOU TELL ME YOURE QUEER WHEN ALL YOU DATE ARE MEN AND ONLY LIKE FICTIONAL WOMEN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. How fucking dare you tell me „im such a loner uwu potato and i dont do all that gross dating stuff bleghh ew“ THEN PROCEED TO DATE??? How dare you make me feel safe and comfortable around you when youre not even NEAR worthy of my trust FUCK ALL OF YOU. My „lesbian 😐“ friend has a male crush and makes it her entire life like SHUT THE FUCK UP OK SHUT UP YOURE SO ANNOYING I HOPE YOUR VAGINA LIGHTS ON FIRE. My 2 „aromantic 🫤“ friends are dating EACHOTHER and they think noone knows but its sooo obvious and i think the only reason theyre sneaking around is bc they flexed constantly how dating is not for them and only hopeless lonely loners do it, but guess whos doing it now you stupid stupid FUCKS. My other friend is ig the most true to her word. Shes actually into women but omfg she tries so hard to „hide“ her crush or whatever but its so obvious it makes me cringe and repulse on how she acts like a >_< potato when mentioned about her admiree. Like… we all know calm tf down. My other friends is also kinda true to her word. Shes „aromantic“ or somewhere in the umbrella but she has rizz and pulls. But thats bot her fault ok, what i have a problem with it id that she tried so hard to seem emo edgy mysterious harem senpai but tbh shes so annoying. I find it annoying how she acts like a baby and ive grown with her since were young so i thought shes outgrow it but now that were grown girl CUT THAT SHIT OUT shes a tall child like go take off ur diaper and stop sucking on ur moms tit AND THEN lets be friends. Gosh its so annoying bc shes so self centered. She wont be in a convo if it isnt about her or talking shit abt someone. Like kys u absorb drama like a parasitic sponge fuck off little shit, im so close to stop playing friend with her and just beat her the fuck up and leave her to bleed out or sth but im calm im calm ok. And i cant just cut these people off, i mean emotionally ill be ok but ill see them everyday at campus blablabla U get it. Im so fucking ashamed my life has gotten to the point im tolerating being friends with immature baby queerbaiters. Sad thing is ive grown fond of these people and have bad attachment issues and im just so sick of cutting people off me randomly and never wanna do it again but i swear theyre so ☠️ also do i just ATTRACT fake queer people?? My ex friend was … questionable. Pretty sure she had bpd and those people were just her fav persons but idk. Maybe its internalized homophobia thats why i have sm self hatred but the fact that i thought i had people that can relate to me and share the same feelings but NO you fuckers were never gay/lgbt and never feel the things and think the thoughts i do. NEVER. And ig thats my big problem abt it. Im ok with people experimenting and exploring their sexualities (aldo none of my business) but in this case, they had no reason to call themselves queer in the first place (ex. Never having feelings for opposite gender, etc.) so ifk where they got that but ok? The 2nd thing is they r HIDING the fact theyre not actually lgbt and keep queerpersonifying just to yk… talk about being queer. BUT THE FUCKING THING IS I HAVE DO MUCH HATE WITH WHO I AM AS A FUCKING DYKE AND YOURE JUST HERE SAYING „being part of the ögbt is so hard uwu huhu 😿😿“ WHEN YOU DONT THINK THE THIBGS I DO. YOU DONT EXPERIENCE THE THINGS I DO. Did you ever think of harming yourself since noone around you said that the things you like are ok, therefore making you feel like a shitty freak? Did you ever get so scared of your own feelings to the point you lie in bed like a paralyzed vegetable just crying inside and outside? Do you ever wish you were just created normal so you dont think about shit you have to? Fuck you quuerbaiters

[anti-mistajules]

For the aromantic asks, would you pick which ones you want, or if you could do all of them? I’ve never heard about it before but I’m really curious and would like to know more from your point of view

Well bc you’ve never heard of it before here’s a little definition I got from here (if u wanna read more about it):

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

What arospec label(s) do you identify with?

I’m just plain ol Aromantic

Sexual orientation?

Bisexual

Are you romance-repulsed?

To a degree? I don’t usually mind seeing romance in media, I just get a little uncomfortable with seeing PDA and when people view me in a romantic way I feel like physically sick.

Do you relate to voidpunk?

Do I relate to what now?

What kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, etc) do you experience?

Sexual, aesthetic, and platonic definitely! Im not too big on sensual attraction and I don’t feel romantic attraction at all.

How do you like to show people you (platonically) love them?

I’m a huge ‘acts of service’ and ‘gift’ person! I do whatever I can to make things easier for my friends and try to give them gifts they love and deserve! I also like to spend time with them when I can and talk about whatever! Basically if I can talk to you on the phone or in person past 12am, I love you friend!!

Do you want to remain single all your life or do you want to have some sort of life partner?

I wanna remain single, I really need my alone time I couldn’t imagine living with someone for an extended period of time.

If you want one, what is your dream partner?

no! 

Which is your favorite of the 3 aromantic flags?

Uhhh fuck im not too flag savvy??? I like this one:

Your opinion on soulmates?

allonormative as fuck and perpetuates the idea that you need another person in your life to ‘complete’ you which is complete garbage!

Your opinion on shipping?

Shipping is fun but I don’t get too into it.

Do you ship characters in romantic/sexual relationships, or do you only ship characters in familial and platonic relationships?

Honestly all of the above but mostly platonic and sexual.

Are you out to anyone in real life?

My close friends and my immediate family. Or at least I tried to come out to them but they were just like “you won’t get married?? Ya right lol ur stupid” and I didn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ so I guess technically im not out to them?? Its not something I hide, but when explaining it to others I don’t use the word bc I don’t wanna explain or want people to think im one of those “tumblrinas’ who ‘make up orientations’ bc there’s a lot of negativity to unpack there so I just don’t bother

How did you come out?

Once I found out what aromanticism was I immediately related to it so I told my best friend first and we had a conversation about it and then Id just be like “hey I don’t get why people date people…I don’t wanna do that” to everyone else.

Do you know any aromantic people in real life?

Nope! I would love to meet some!!

How do you feel about your aromanticism?

Honestly its so freeing…I feel very validated knowing there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way I do about romance. Im pretty proud to be aro with my friends and online but irl to my family and acquaintances Im not as open with it.

What is the worst part of being aromantic?

The lack of representation and the constant erasure. I highkey hate being grouped with asexuals so much bc not every person who is aro is ace and vice versa! They’re separate orientations but they are NEVER treated like it and its so annoying. (THIS IS NOT ACE HATE!! I SUPPORT ACES WITH ALL MY ARO HEART!!! LOVE YALL!!)

Also the constant fear that you cant be friends with the opposite sex bc they’ll always want to be romantically involved and that your allo friends will leave you for their S/O lol

ALSO WHEN UR PHONE CHANGES AROMANTIC TO AROMATIC >:///

What is the best part of being aromantic?

Not being in a relationship lol people complain so much about their relationship troubles and im like ‘damn COULDN’T be me’

How did you find out about aromanticism?

I found out through either Tumblr or google I cant remember which??? Or maybe I saw it on Tumblr and googled it? Either way Tumblr was a factor

When did you know you were aromantic?

I tried dating my best friend and ended it in like 3 days bc I felt so fucking weird about the whole thing like very uncomfortable??? Like I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about certain stuff anymore and just being called someone’s “girlfriend” makes my skin crawl. I always had some weirdness around romance but I thought it was just bc I haven’t “found the right person yet” but if anyone was the “right person” it was my best friend and I couldn’t do it. So I did some research and found out about aromanticism, related so hard, and have been very happy with the label ever since.

Do you have any aromantic headcanons?

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND BRUCE BATMAN WAYNE ARE AROMANTIC AND YOU WILL PRY THOSE HEADCANONS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS YOU COWARDS

What would be your dream representation of an aromantic/aro-spec character?

An aromantic character who is allosexual (preferably bi) who loves their friends and family and would do anything for them! Doesn’t go “EW!!! GROSS!!” At romance but is just like “nah ill pass, loving my friends is all I need!” and isn’t super oblivious to romantic gestures or infantilized/made into a joke for not being interested in romance. Also if they call out allonomativity that’d be tight

Who is your aromantic icon/idol?

NOBODY BC THERE ARE NO AROMANTICS IN MEDIA

What is your favorite song that relates to aromanticism, or is simply not about romantic love?

Analysis Paralysis by Awake at Last (At least I don’t get a romance vibe off of it??) and Sonic Youth by Crush 40 for all you Sonic fans out there. (And honestly most sonic songs are aromantic BANGERS)

What is your favorite movie that is not focused on romance?

BATMAN V SUPERMAN !!!

What is your favorite tv show that is not focused on romance?

POKEMON !! Im gonna be honest with y’all I think the reason Im aro is bc I watched nothing but Pokemon until I was like 10 (I didn’t stop I just also watched other things) and it is the least romance oriented show ever like….while y’all where out watching Disney princesses ‘fall in love’ or whatever I was crying over Pikachu’s Goodbye so don’t talk to me about heartbreak. Also Ash and Pikachu’s friendship (and of course his friendship with all his traveling partners) really fucking resonated with me and I think thats why I hold my friends above all else.

What popular romantic pairing do you see as only platonic?

SONAMY

Do you experience squishes?

I think I’ve had maybe one or two but they went away quick once I realized that I just like this person bc I think we’d be good friends and I get excited at the thought of making longterm friends.

Do you own any aromantic pride merch or outfits? What are they? If not, what would you like to own?

I do not but id love to own a flag or two

Do you have any advice for anyone who may be questioning if they are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?

Just own it. I’m actually actively trying to take my own advice bc like I said I don’t use the word irl but like,,,if you think you’re aro or somewhere on the spectrum, find a label that speaks to you and just own it. Being Aromantic isn’t cringey, its a valid orientation just like any other and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Ive spent too much time pretending to be alloromantic just to fit in, I’ve embarrassed myself too many times by pretending to be allo, Ive gone too far into my life pretending to be something im not just because its easier for others to understand. Ive gone through too much to discover my orientation to have some fucking losers on the internet tell me that its ‘not a real orientation’. Im aromantic. I feel comfortable in that label and no one can take that away from me.