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princecharmingwinks · 3 years

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i cant believe you said you dont write for fandoms!! these are ending up AMAZING! have another fail date for you to make better: we went four-wheel driving over the dunes out bush, we took my car but he drove because he's done the route before. we were the second car in the convoy and because my car is a little smaller than the others it couldnt make it up the last dune! it nearly made it over before sliding back into the sand and ended up half buried! (1/2)

(2/2) the rest of the group had to drag and push us out with planks and chains etc while we were stuck inside because no way in hell i was opening the door to let the sand in! so three wheels in the sand, waiting on our rescue, irl it was a bit awkward but im hoping you'll rewrite a better ending <3

Awww concussed dragon, you are sooo sweet! Thank you! Your unique failed dates are great to work with. Alrighty, let's get into this one! So the pack got big in this one and while most don't have lines, I liked the idea of everyone being there (or almost for anyone I missed haha). I left some of the couple combos up to interpretation so feel free to ship at your leisure.

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The pack, after much pestering from a certain human/spark, were finally going on their camping trip. The alpha had finally conceded when Stiles had shot him a pout and hopeful eyes. Derek had reluctantly agreed and ignored the snickering of his betas in the corner of the room.

On the morning of the trip, everyone was pairing up into groups of drivers and passengers so no one drove alone and there were less cars.

Derek and Stiles were the last members out of the rebuilt Hale House. Derek had been locking up and Stiles was finishing off some wards to ensure there were no unwanted visitors while they were away. He was still learning to harness his spark but small wards of protection were easy enough. Defensive magic was easier, offensive was another story.

Stiles threw his bag into the back of the jeep and glanced around.

"So, who's joining Roscoe and me?"

Erica snickered, "Derek."

"What?" Stiles and Derek snapped in unison. Well at least Stiles had a punctuation mark, Derek's not so much.

"I'm with Danny, Lydia and Jacks." Kira spoke up. "Scott, Malia, and Isaac are with Allison."

"I'm obviously with my boy." Erica jumped onto Boyd's back, who was used to his girlfriend's antics and easily caught her. "And Theo is meeting us there after picking up Liam from work. Everyone's paired up so that just leaves you two."

Stiles felt his heart flutter but managed to keep his voice even as he spoke, "Alright Alpha My Alpha, let's get going."

Derek didn't say a word as he slid into the passenger seat of the jeep. Everything would be fine.

Everything was not fine. Stiles was definitely going through a quarter life crisis at the realisation most of the pack were in couples. How did he not realise that? When had it become a prerequisite to start dating a pack member? And now it was just Stiles and the alpha. The alpha he had been in love with for years. Great...

"What's wrong?"

Stiles was pulled out of his internal panic by said alpha's soothing voice. Derek had softened over the years, showing care and concern for each member of the pack. He now bought scent-free nail polish for Erica (so the acid smell didn't upset all the were's noses), stocked Isaac's favourite gummybears and even hugged Kira willingly at her university graduation. Derek Hale was a softie.

"I'm fine, nothing wrong here, no sir." Stiles prattled. Even he heard the blatant lies without supernatural healing. He glanced to his side and was greeted by raised eyebrows.

"Ok, so I may have just realised how paired up everyone in the pack really is."

"Except us."

"Yeah," Stiles sighed. "Except us. Do you ever think about that? Like, why you haven't dated anyone since..." He trailed off. Derek didn't have the best track record for his love interests but he hadn't even been on a date for more than 3 years.

Derek looked out the window at the scenary, they were driving into the sand dune part of the journey, and for a moment Stiles thought he wasn't going to answer.

"I've been waiting."

Stiles blinked. Huh?

"For someone so smart, you're really clueless sometimes." Derek huffed, glancing back at Stiles.

"What have you been waiting for?" Stiles dared to ask. They had paused to allow Allison's four-wheel-drive to roll up the last sand dune, waiting for their turn. Roscoe would be the last time to make the climb.

"I thought it was my imagination at first but then you kept coming around and..."

It was Roscoe's turn now and Stiles slowly prepared for the final climb of the dune. He tried to keep focused on the task at hand, allowing Derek to speak his thoughts. You never rushed the alpha when he was being vulnerable.

"I know you kind of like me?" Derek voiced it as a question but all Stiles heard was sirens in his brain. Derek knew? Stiles' foot slid off the peddle and they immediately started rolling backwards, fast.

"Shit! Shit, shit shit." Stiles acted quickly but it wasn't enough. Roscoe descended the sand dune and sank, refusing to move. Sand on either side of them blocked the bottom of their doors. They were officially stuck.

Stiles rested his head on the steering wheel and slowed his breathing. There were multiple crises going on but most had solutions.

The others would work out they hadn't made the climb soon enough or Theo and Liam would find them on their way through. So either way, Roscoe being stuck wasn't a massive deal. The real dilemma was Stiles' outed feelings for Derek.

The same Derek that was eyeing Stiles with concern as he called Kira to request some assist. Stiles heard him hang up before the sound of a door handle being jiggled. He snapped his head up.

"Whoa there sourwolf, there is to be no sand storm in this car, thankyouverymuch." He reached out and tugged the alpha's hand away from the door.

"I figured me getting out and pushing was the preferred option to sitting here with you in a state of panic at my assumption."

Stiles pulled his hand back. "What?"

"Look, we can just forget I ever said anything, alright? I get I'm not the most desirable crush to have. It's probably just familiarity and your sense of loyalty that's fueled your scent around me anyway. Don't worry about it."

Stiles shook his head, "Oh no you don't. You opened that can of worms and I'm no coward." The spark met Derek's gaze. Had he been planning on ignoring his feelings for the alpha? Sure. But was he going to run away from a moment like this? Nope. Stiles Stilinski was a lot of things but after running with wolves and other supernaturals for most of his life, he knew when he needed to tackle something head on.

"Now, before you go down your rabbit hole of I'm-not-good-enough crazy talk, I've got something to say."

Derek nodded like the soft alpha he was and turned to face Stiles more fully.

"You, Derek Alexander Hale, are amazing. A little on the martyr side but that's because you are so protective of your pack. I'd be crazy to not fall in love with you. That's right, love not like. I've been in love with you for years but how was a kid like me going to catch the alpha's eye? I didn't want to ruin our friendship. This," He gestured between them. "This is important to me. I don't want to ruin it."

Derek released a sigh of relief? Stiles couldn't read his eyebrows which was disappointing when he was the most expert at interpreting the alpha's facial expressions.

Then Derek was darting forward and claiming Stiles' lips in a searing kiss. Stiles went with it, almost unbelieving that any of this was happening.

Derek eventually pulled back and rested his forehead against Stiles'.

"Worth the wait." The alpha whispered, grinning, bunny teeth all on display.

"Two way street here. You could've said something too. How long have you liked me?"

Derek blushed and it was only because they were so close that Stiles saw the pink of his cheeks and ears.

"I've always liked you, even if I didn't always show it. But love? I think I've loved you since you woke me up on an elevator floor by punching me. You could have left without me but you didn't."

Stiles pouted, "Since then?"

Derek raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"

Stiles pushed Derek back and clumsily crawled across the gear stick to straddle the alpha's lap.

"We could have been having the best sex of my life for years, Derek! Years! We've got a lot of making up to do." Stiles dove in to kiss Derek this time. The alpha happily drew Stiles in closer, curling his arms around the spark's slim waist.

A knock on the window, interrupted their make-out session. Boyd's face appeared with judging eyebrows to rival Derek's.

"Heard you needed a hand." Boyd spoke loudly with a smirk as Derek's hand moved away from Stiles' ass to rest safely on his back.

"What's Erica doing?" Stiles asked, leaning over Derek to squint at the blonde chatting wildly on the phone. Derek focused his hearing.

"Turns out I'm not the only one who was waiting." Derek grinned, "And everyone apparently owes Lydia money."

They did eventually get Roscoe out of the sand dune thanks to the advantages of going camping with multiple supernatural creatures. By the time everyone was settled in the camp and Erica had informed Theo and Liam on the events of the day, Lydia was a very rich woman.

Stiles couldn't complain though. Not when the alpha was snuggled between his legs as Stiles sat on the log and Derek roasted them marshmallows. Apparently no one trusted Stiles near an open flame following the incident with that vampire clan. Stiles combed his fingers through Derek's hair and looked around at the pack. This camping trip was the best idea ever.

Ok so I must confess I do not camp like...ever and have no idea how four-wheel-driving works so please forgive any major errors in that department. I tweaked things a bit from your prompt sorry. I just couldn't imagine Stiles letting anyone else drive Roscoe. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for popping in!

#sterek #teen wolf #derek hale #stiles stilinski #princecharminganswers #princecharmingwrites

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hugg0wugg0 · 2 years

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(っ◔◡◔)っ 🎀𝚙𝚕𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗🎀

🎀Artist Credit: GarbageDoggo on DeviantArt🎀

• Disclaimer: there have been 2 situations happening recently. One is of the controversies of Mob Games, and the other one being Huggy Wuggy making it on the news for the wrong reasons.

My standing is what Mob Games did and what they’re doing now is upsetting and wrong. They know that, and it does make me feel bad that I even bought merchandise from them. That shouldn’t be a thing, but it is. And because of their lack of sh*ts to give, they let this slip and they can’t really defend themselves. But, many companies do this. They just make sure controversies and drama against them are swept under the rug before it reaches public knowledge. This is just how society is, when companies get bigger, they become corrupt and lose their original purpose for making what they are making. That is not to say that this is something right, or acceptable. I am not blaming the entire team behind making Poppy Playtime either, I know that they work hard for this and I see the remnants of passion within the 2 chapters. Although, I do see elements of being half-assed. Rushing this 2nd chapter out so they can get more money, and even going so far as to begin creating a film for Poppy Playtime. Clearly, the wealth and profits has gotten to their head and they only crave more of it. That doesn’t mean that things can’t change, I am just disagreeing with them, but am watching gameplays of Poppy Playtime separately. I highly doubt I’d watch the film, I don’t want to at all right now. But maybe they’ll change and apologize for what they’ve done. I don’t condone Mob Games, that’s not why I have this account created, this is for a character in a video game that I appreciate and like a lot. It’s just something made out of passion, not hate or greed. Let’s keep it that way ❤️

When it comes to the news article on Huggy Wuggy being “dangerous” to children, im stuck on both ends here. It has some semblance to the Momo videos that urged children to hurt themselves and others. Both of these use characters that are just for the creepiness, and then add their own message onto that. With Momo, it was more of a threat. Someone used the sculpture that was created by an artist to send anonymous terrorizing content to others. However, this seems to be more of a YouTube problem. The content that was shown and described, that the children watched, seems less of someone actively aiming at innocent people to traumatize and threaten them, and more of a regular fan YouTube video of Poppy Playtime getting pushed to YouTube Kids. It’s no surprise, YouTube Kids has a clear method of looking at the names or the characters, and nothing else. If there’s characters that are from a children’s book, tv show, or movie, that is allowed onto the app. If it has a cute innocent sounding name; like Huggy Wuggy, that also gets passed the radar. The truth is, YouTube Kids is not for kids. It’s just another method of getting more money, by allowing videos that contain sexual and graphic content through just because of the characters. Other than that, there are videos that are just advertisements for more merchandise. (Ex: unboxing videos) This isn’t new, but it’s unfortunate that now this character is being shown as a dangerous character in such a outrageous way. He’s a horror game monster, he’s supposed to be scary! And yet parents are saying that it’s misleading and the game and game creators are the ones at fault. They don’t control what content their children watch, they are making content that is for a certain age range. Just because the child saw something that might’ve scared them, that doesn’t mean that the creator of the scary thing should be blamed for being dangerous or claimed to be doing something wrong. I believe who is really at blame is the parents and especially YouTube, and their app YouTube Kids. This always slides because it’s a big company but YouTube has a lot of issues. This needs fixing.

•thank you for making it this far, I just wanted to get all of that out of the way so we can go back to our regularly scheduled program of posting fanart and fanfics of Huggy Wuggy! Thank you all for the support, y’all are lovely ❤️🎀

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rjhpandapaws · 3 years

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Something Familiar

Chapter 2: Lessons in Good Faith Tw: PTSD and mentions of torture and death

Living with Daniel was a lesson in many things. A lesson in patience, trust, and it was a constant trial in checking is biases. Daniel was one of the few good humans, and Silas’s fear still ran unchecked. He knew it would take time to work through all of his baggage, and that Daniel was willing to wait. The thing was that Silas wanted to trust him, but couldn’t because there was still too much in the way. Daniel had even given him space after they sealed the contract. Silas bore the mark of it on the inside of his left wrist. A small circle of red, yellow, and blue lining. Daniel had the same on his left wrist as well. It marked them as equals, but it still felt like imprisonment to Silas. He was grateful for the week alone though. It gave him time to get used to his human shape again. He spent a lot of his time on the upstairs balcony watching the world go by with out him. Being outside like this was something he hadn’t been able to do for years. He would have preferred to change shape and wander, maybe even fly; but he was still on the mend and under strict orders not to shift unless it was an emergency. Daniel wasn’t here to stop him. He could have run away, and yet he stayed. Like a good Familiar.

When Daniel came back Silas’s private moments gained a witness, and his nightmares gained an exit. Daniel was always gentle when he woke Silas. He made sure he was genuinely awake and then let him come back to the real world on his own. He would offer to listen and Silas would always turn him down. There were nights that were worse. Nights when he didn’t dream, but remembered. The sleep he got was always more restful on those nights, but waking up always hurt worse. He woke up buried under the weight of all the things he should have done; could have done if he was a better person. On these mornings the only thing he wanted was space to think. So he would quietly make himself coffee and head up to the balcony. Daniel always came up eventually, and he usually brought breakfast with him. He would set the tray down on the small glass table and take a moment to observe Silas. He never said was he was looking for, but Silas assumed he found it because he would go back inside after a while. As a healer it wasn’t in Daniel’s nature to leave things alone, but he seemed to understand that Silas needed time to himself every once in a while. It was something Silas was grateful for. Someday he would let Daniel in, he deserved to know what he had gotten stuck with.

He woke suddenly from a dead sleep and sighed. He could still see Connor clearly in his mind, the fear in his eyes as they were separated almost felt accusing now. He should have stayed. He should have done a lot of things, but he was a coward and ran away instead. Silas got up with a practiced silence and started on his coffee. The house was still dark, but he had the kitchen layout memorized. By the time his coffee was ready he could use the early rays of dawn to make it up to the balcony. Today was going to be long and painful. He leaned against the front railing of the balcony to watch the sunrise and let his thoughts run loose with him. If he got it out of his system now, then maybe he could be something close to composed by the time Daniel came up to check on him. So for now, he would let himself remember. They were good things at first. His childhood, play fighting with his brothers. Learning the importance of the ancient magic they carried with them. The rush of freedom that came from knowing a thought was all it took to become any creature he wanted. The sacred bind that came with choosing a patron mage. There was a complexity that came with choosing to be a Familiar. It was a bond based on sharing strength and it lasted a lifetime. Different from a contract.

He remembered the day everything changed. The day the world as he understood it would come to an end. It was a normal day, he and his brothers woke up and did their chores, but never made it back to the house. Traps had been set in the night and each of them fell victim to one. He remembered waking up in the dark and in pain, surrounded by everyone from his village. All of them had been taken. They were given a week to recover and adjust to their new life before the Conditioning started. Each of them was branded with a unique number. Something that could be used to find them in the event that one of them escaped. The ones that the Conditioning worked on disappeared. Bought by mages that believed them to be Creature Familiars. Those who didn’t take to the Conditioning were tortured until they broke. It went on like this until their anger finally outweighed their fear. Their revolt; if it could really even be called that; was a failure in Silas’s opinion. So many of them had died. Freedom for the few of them that had made it out was paid for in the blood of those who hadn’t. Silas had taken his new freedom and run to the nearest mage. Signed it away in exchange for survival. Even if Daniel saw them as equals; Silas had still done the exact thing they had fought so hard to be freed from. He would have almost rather having died. Almost.

He could feel Daniel’s eyes on him and had the feeling he wasn’t going to be able to get out of this one without talking. He knew Daniel wouldn’t ask outright, but would linger until Silas said something. It Gave the illusion that he had other options; but if he wanted to be alone he would have to say something. “There were three of us, you know, that made it out.” He began and did what he could to keep the emotion out of his voice, “Me and then two of my brothers. I lost them in our mad dash to get out, and now I don’t know if they’re even alive.” He tried to blink away his tears, but they only rolled down his cheeks instead, “After everything we’d been through; I couldn’t be bothered to stay. I ran away like a fucking coward and sold myself out in a desperate bid to survive. Some fucking brother I am.” Daniel was quiet for a long while. This was the most Silas had ever ‘willingly’ said to him. “In a few weeks you’ll be healed enough to handle mildly strenuous activity.” He said eventually, “We could go looking for them if you would like.” Cold heavy dread settled in the pit of Silas’s stomach, “Why?” He snapped, “So you can add them to your collection? So you can have the complete set of the last shapeshifters known to man?”

“No.” Daniel replied sharply, “So you can have some damn closure and a place to stay once the contract is up. I actually want you to be safe, believe it or not.” Silas flinched. He knew Daniel wasn’t the same as the other humans he had dealt with, but he was still afraid. He set down his mug of long forgotten coffee and breathed out a defeated sigh. It was too early in the morning for a fight. On top of that, Daniel hadn’t done anything to deserve this. The contract was a means of protecting him. He understood that. “I’m sorry. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and yet I still fear completely offering you my trust.” He said after the silence had long since grown uncomfortable, “You may very well be the only human with my best interests at heart and I keep pushing you away.” He took a deep breath and tuned to face Daniel, “I’ll think about it, but that is asking a lot of faith from me; and for now, I think I would rather be alone.” Daniel looked away from him and his shoulders slumped, “I understand.” His voice was almost level, but hurt lingered just beneath the surface, “I’ll be in the house if you need me.” Silas watched him leave and wondered if he should have been gentler. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault he’d gone through all that, but he had nothing else to do with all his anger. Burying it clearly hadn’t helped.

He picked through the food Daniel had brought up for him and tried to gather himself a little more. Daniel didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of his anger. He wasn’t responsible for what was done to him. He was the only person that was trying to help. The least Silas could do was give him the results he wanted. Even if they were fake. Time to see if he could even manage to be a convincing liar. The sooner he seemed well, the sooner he could get out of here. He didn’t know where he would go, yet, but he was sure he would find his place eventually. On top of that Daniel wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. He could go back to whatever it was he had been doing before Silas had come crashing into his life. It was late in the day when Silas had gathered enough of himself back together to handle being around another person. He didn’t say anything to Daniel when he came back; because he looked busy, and because he simply didn’t feel like it. He got to work on the dishes so he would have less to do later in the evening. “I’m sorry Silas.” Daniel broke the silence after a while, “For this morning. It was insensitive and out of line.”

The laugh that hitched and bubbled it’s way out of his chest was bitter and humorless. It surprised him, this was the first time he had laughed in years. “Was it?” He asked coolly, “Are you rescinding your offer to help me find my only remaining relatives then?” “Well, no.” Daniel scrambled, “I just; I wanted you to know that I meant no offense by it.” He explained and Silas relaxed some, “I feel like I’ve messed something up, and I want to know how I can fix it. I hate seeing you so upset.” “It’s a matter of learning to trust you.” He said and looked down at his hands, “My whole life up until now has been spent in fear of humans. I just have to keep in mind that you haven’t posed a danger to me yet. Sorry for being so... defensive, I guess would be the word.” “You’re alright.” He replied kindly, “These things take time. Even at that, you have a lot of trauma to work through and-” “Daniel stop.” Silas interrupted, “I need someone to listen to me, not psychoanalyze me. Believe me, I am well aware of all my trauma and the power imbalance of our dynamic. I really don’t need the reminder.” “Right.” He agreed with a sharp nod, “It can be difficult to turn my doctor off sometimes.”

“I understand.” Silas replied as he leaned against the counter to face Daniel, “It’s the only way people will acknowledge you, so it has become your primary mode of existing.” He watched with mild amusement as Daniel’s jaw dropped, “You’re more than that to me, you know. You’re the closest thing to a friend I’ve had actually.” “First of all, ow.” He said with a laugh and put his hand over his heart, “Secondly, what happened to not psychoanalyzing each other? I’m glad you think of me as a friend though.” Silas smiled, and it felt strange after not having done so for so long, “I figured that you’ve done it to me enough times that I deserved a turn.” “Fair enough.” Daniel replied as he began to put his things away. “How many weeks?” Silas asked once his curiosity got the better of him, “Until we can leave?” He was quiet for a long while before he replied, “Six, if you mind your limitations; eight to twelve if you keep ignoring them like this.” His smile fell away, “That was a lot more than I was hoping for.” Daniel just shrugged, “You’ve been stubborn. Agitating your old injuries and coming back from your little excursions with new ones. You need to rest.”

“Fine.” He said as he made his way to the bookshelf to go through the travelers’ guides, “I’ll be a better patient from here on out.” He settled on his bed with the books he had grabbed, “Six weeks should be enough time to find a place to start.” “Of course it will.” Daniel replied with a gentle smile Silas felt like he hadn’t been meant to see. It was finally time to venture out into the world. He just hoped they found Connor and Richard before anyone else did. If he lost his brothers he wouldn’t have anyone left. There was no way he could survive that.

#Something Familiar #SF AU #daniel60 #dbh daniel #dbh sixty #dbh fic #dbh #PTSD tw #mental health tw #torture mention tw #death mention tw

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years

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Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 Fall Saito Story

managed to recover my first post of the year which seemed to have disappeared from tumblr via exporting it…

hope everyone had a safe and happy new year… recently hit 500 followers over the holidays so I’d like to say thanks for appreciating the stuff I’ve uploaded and my translations (I kinda feel the need to say this but: I am an adult who occasionally uses crude language so please be aware of that. Also, i don’t run an image-focused blog. i only wanted to post everything that I thought wasn’t available as clean images online so that people would be able to find and access more Hakuoki content… and i do believe i have done that for the most part).

Threw together a list of things that I hope translate this year into in one of my other posts today… here’s hoping that it will be less volatile than 2020… tho im not expecting much given the news yesterday though i can’t say that i didn’t expect it.

Anyway. translation. Story from the 3rd Yuugiroku game.

The CN of the title I have for this translates to the effect of “The fate/return/destination of (a) migratory bird(s),” which I think looks weird and I’m not sure how accurate that tl is, so I’m just going to categorize these stories by season and char lol. not that it’ll be any time soon before I go and translate another one of these since this did feel quite long…. and it’s not like anyone else is translating these (please someone translate these xD there are 2 side stories per route and i am not looking forward to torturing myself with them!).

also, a significant portion of the punctuation and stuff wasn’t used in the tl i found for this, so that will be reflected in this… will fix it later.

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 - Fall Saito Story

Translation by KumoriYami

That day I was delivering Hijikata-san’s message and came to Saito-san’s room.

Yukimura Chizuru: Saito-san, are you there?

[I] Called him from outside his door but he didn’t seem to hear me.

Did he go out?

But the other warriors clearly stated that he was in the room.

Using a slightly louder voice, I called again.

Yukimura Chizuru: Ah, Saito-san are you there?

Saito: Yukimura, is there something [you need]?

Yukimura Chizuru: Hijikata-san said that he had something to say to Saito-san so I was asked to get you.

Saito: Vice-commander? I see.

I got it/I understand I will go at once, you’ve worked hard, Yukimura. [I’ll check the game for punctuation later….probably?]

Yukimura: It’s rare, for Saito-san didn’t hear me calling you.

Saito: I was concentrating, [and] I didn’t hear your voice.

Yukimura: Concentrating? Was it on sword maintenance?

Saito: nn, more or less.

Yukimura: ．．．．．．？

It was rare for Saito-san to answer questions in such vague terms.

Saito: Isn’t (the) vice-commander calling me? I’ll hurry up.

Saito: You can go back.

Yukimura: I understand, then I’ll be going now.

I gently lowered my head and prepared to leave Saito-san’s side.

Yukimura:．．．．．．

His unusual mood made me feel a little worried.

Afterwards at dinner, there was a strange/unusual incident.

Saito-san who finished eating earlier than everyone else set down his chopsticks.

Heisuke: What’s wrong are you already full Hajime-kun?/Hajime-kun you’re already full?

Saito ……Nn.

Yukimura: There’s more of Saito-san’s favourite tofu.

Saito: I’ve had enough for now, I’ll be leaving first.

Leaving behind those words, Saito-san bought his plate into the kitchen.

Nagakura: What’s wrong with Saito? It’s simply unfathomable for him to only eat a small portion of tofu.

Harada: It doesn’t look like he’s feeling unwell, so maybe he secretly ate earlier?

Yukimura: What, Saito-san isn’t a person who would do something like that.

Toudou: Hajime-kun’s been acting weird lately. In the morning today, he went back to his room right after practice.

Nagakura: did he have a headache? Sano, did you ask him?

Harada: If he doesn’t want to say anything, then I can’t ask.

Nagakura: If this continues, perhaps something permanent might happen [gave up rewording for now lol].

Yukimura:．．．．．．

What was wrong with Saito-san?

Was something bothering him?

A few days later.

For the sake of mending the warriors’ uniforms, I went to the common room [tl is large main hall].

Chizuru: Ah, you’re here, Saito-san.

Saito: ! Yukimura——

Saito-san hid what he was holding behind him in a panic.

What was it?

It looked like a book.

Saito:……Will you be mending clothes here?

Yukimura: Yes, will this bother you?

Saito: No, it’s no bother.

Yukimura: Then I’ll be mending/sewing here.

I took out my needlework box and began mending the clothes.

Saito-san seemed to be hesitating about if he should stay or leave/ leaving or staying.

Yukimura: Um.

Saito: What?

Saito: Was Saito-san reading something just now?

Saito: Ah, um, nn, more or less.

Yukimura: Don’t mind me and continue reading.

Saito: But.

Yukimura: Am I bothering you?

Saito: No, but……

Saito-san looked very confused, after…

Saito: Yukimura.

Yukimura: What is it?

Saito: I hope you don’t tell anyone else that I was reading this book.

Yukimura: Don’t tell the others?

What was going on?

To actually not want any of the other warriors to know about this book.

Could it be that this book was on something, like assassination techniques, that shouldn’t be passed onto others?

I felt a bit uneasy.

Yukimura: I understand. I will never tell anyone else.

Saito: I believe you.

With a sharp glance at me, Saito-san began to read again.

The cover of the book looked badly worn.

Yukimura: Is that a manual on kenjutsu?

Saito: Yes, I happened to find it a few days ago, and took it to read. As a result, I’ve started reading this without stopping. If I have time, I’ll read. [reword later]

Yukimura: So it was like that.

That’s why Saito-san has been behaving strangely lately.

Yukimura: But why don’t you want to let the other warriors know?

There was no need to hide a swordsmanship manual.

Saito: That, because. The author of this book and I are not from the same school. Reading manuals from other styles is considered unethical.

Yukimura: I see.

I couldn’t help but laugh at such serious reasoning.

But, that truly was Saito-san’s style.

I started sewing again as Saito-san to read again.

We focused on our own things, and while we were in the same room, it however was natural for there to be no dialogue.

Retreating to the tranquility of the autumn night with only the sound of cicadas, [reword later] and the occasional sound of Saito-san turning a page.

Suddenly I was very interested in that sound and was looking in/looked in Saito-san’s direction.

Focused on reading, his entire posture was completely serious.

My heart felt happy just by looking at him, and I unconsciously smiled.

As a result, he noticed my staring, and while his gaze didn’t leave the book, he asked me a question.

Saito: What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?

Yukimura: No, Saito-san’s expression is very earnest/serious.

As a result, Saito-san tilted his head slightly, murmuring quietly.

Saito: So there’s nothing strange. I don’t understand what you’re thinking.

Yukimura: If I’ve upset you, I’m sorry.

Saito: I’m not upset.

Saito-san lightly sighed, adjusting the way he sat slightly.

Yukimura: Saito-san really loves kenjutsu.

Saito: I don’t have any other skills, but I do have some knowledge about kenjutsu/experience.

Yukimura: Ah, a talent/Oh my.

The conversation ended like this, and Saito-san once again began focusing on the manual.

From time to time, there was the sound of pages being turned.

The silence was soothing. I continued sewing the clothes.

A few days later.

I finished washing the clothes, and was about to head back into my room.

Nomura: Spare me, Saito-san. There’s no way we can defeat Saito-san./How could we beat Saito-san!

I saw Saito-san, Souma-kun and Nomura-kun practising with the blunt side of their swords [check jp mtl].

It looked like he was trying to put what he had read in that book a few days ago into practice.

Saito: A little bit more, just a bit more and I’ll have grasped it. One more time.

Souma: But we’re going on patrol next. Regardless of what is said, we can’t neglect our duties as members.

Saito: I’ll finish this as as [you?] obtain a point. There won’t be any problem.

Nomura: To quickly get a single point, what the hell is that! This is terrible.

Souma: But it’s pointless to continue like this…

As of the three of them talked, Nomura noticed me an started speaking with me.

Nomura: Ah, Yukimura-senpai, you’re just in time.

Yukimura: Ah, just in time for what?

Nomura: Why don’t you ask Yukimura-senpai to practise with you, Saito-san?

Saito: Ask Yukimura?

Yukimura: This, that’s not something I can do, there’s no way I can fight Saito-san.

Nomura: That doesn’t matter, we’re about the same [skill] level.

Yukimura: But…

Nomura: We have to go on patrol later, so please help us.

Souma: Nomura, don’t force Yukimura-senpai like this. Yukimura-senpai is also very busy.

Yukimura: ．．．．．．

Fighting against Saito-san will be incredibly difficult.

Yukimura: Saito-san, am I okay [acceptable?]?

Saito: Is that okay? Have you been instructed to do anything?

Yukimura: I’ve already finished with those things. However I don’t know if I’ll be of any use.

Saito: That is more than enough, thank you, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Not at all.

Nomura: The we’ll be going to work, so we’ll leave this to you, Yukimura-senpai!

Souma: Is this really okay, Senpai?

Yukimura: There aren’t a lot of opportunities to learn/This is a good opportunity to learn.

Souma: Then, we’ll be leaving/take our leave.

Yukimura: Okay. See you.

The two of them went directly back into headquarters to prepare for patrol.

Saito: Then, let us begin, Yukimura. Are you ready?

I took a stance a distance away from Saito-san, and held up my kodachi.

Yukimura: Please advise me. [well not sure what the JP equivalent of this is….]

Following the silence, my entire body was filled with a sense of tension [reword later].

After.

At the sound of my foot stepping forward, in a split second, Saito-san was facing me.

Chizuru: !

I hurriedly prepared myself, but he was faster than I was.

Yukimura: Ah!

My kodachi flew in an arc and landed on the ground.

Saito: Ippon.

Yukimura:……

Saito-san’s killing intent left me speechless.

Saito: As expected, knowledge acquired from reading needs to be tested in real combat.

As Saito-san spoke, he picked up my kodachi, which had fallen onto the ground, and handed it back to me.

I received it with trembling hands.

Yukimura: Thank you very much.

Saito-san became stronger again.

Saito: The fact remains that you have also improved, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Is that so……

Saito: Let’s return now. It’s about time to prepare dinner.

Yukimura: Yes!

Afterwards, Saito-san and I helped prepare dinner together.

—-end—

next week’s post is Saito’s 7th Ginsei no Shou chapter!

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki yuugiroku 3 #hakuoki game translation #Saito Hajime #Yukimura Chizuru #souma kazue #harada sanosuke #Toudou Heisuke #nagakura shinpachi #Nomura Risaburo

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koko-bopp · 5 years

Text

Exposé

min yoongi x jeon jungkook x male!reader

word count – 4K

genre – Angst, fluff

warning(s) – argument scene, mentions of homophobia and racism,

synopsis – An incident happened where your boyfriends had had an interview on national television, and one of them publicized your relationship with then. You're the manager of Bangtan, so your concern fell on your job, your relationship, and your life, but also what it meant for the jobs, lives and relationship of your boyfriends.

A/N – for @thatcucumberwhore :))

"Are you guys fucking kidding me?"

Jungkook accidently jumped at the tone of your voice, though Yoongi seemed less surprised. You'd come in practically throwing down the door of you and your boyfriends' apartment, and that being said, you weren't surprised that Jungkook jolted at the noise, it was unlike you.

"Hyung, er–" Jungkook tried his best to speak up, but was cut off quite quickly.

"I'll get to you later," You snapped, and your attention was fixed on Yoongi. He stayed silent, which is a habit that seems to occur whenever he was nervous, but you were fuming, barely thinking about what your boyfriends' might be thinking. "What the fuck, Yoongi. What the actual fuck, you can't just announce shit without–"

"I did," Yoongi argued, standing up from the couch, looking up at you in anger, "And frankly, so did Jungkook, and you knew damn fucking well it was gonna happen anyway."

"You didn't fucking consult me, Yoongi," You grinded your teeth down, doing your best not to react irrationally, "You can't just make decisions because you feel like it, that fucking stunt could've cost us our job!"

Yoongi had no trouble talking back, "Well, it didn't."

Jungkook went in the middle of you two, clearly anxious and panicking, not knowing how to properly resolve the argument. "Guys, please can we just–"

"No," You snapped, slapping away Jungkook's hand before glaring at him. Honestly, you were so insulted by Yoongi's recklessness, and especially because you're the manager of Bangtan, you had no idea what this meant for your career, but not only yours, Yoongi's and Jungkook's too, "You do understand that our boyfriend just outed us on live television, right? South Korean. Television. Where marital relationships like ours aren't recognised by law."

Yoongi grapped your wrist, forcing you to look at him, "How long were you expecting us to keep this a secret?"

"As long as it kept us safe," You spat.

"Even if it was taking a toll on our mental health?" Yoongi said, almost too calmly, "Not everyone can keep themselves sane enough when it comes to this shit, [Y/N]."

You frowned and just stared at Yoongi.

"Mind you, your job is to look after us as well," Yoongi added.

"That requires you to fucking talk to me, Suga," The anger became evident, especially for Jungkook, because you only call Yoongi by his stage name in a professional setting, never outside of it, "Not snake around and leave things up to you."

You ripped Yoongi's grip on your wrist, taking one last glance at Jungkook before getting your jacket from the hanger.

Clearly, staying in the apartment wouldn't do your anger any good, leaving before the water begins to tip was probably the best option. You didn't look at your boyfriends', just spoke, "I'm staying at Jin's. Don't call me."

✨

"You might as well change your Facebook status to 'complicated', and start feeding my cat, bro," Jin said from the kitchen, "You've been living on my couch for four days. Four days. I don't see why you can't just talk to them."

"I don't know..." You huffed, "Bro I deleted all my social media, and I haven't even opened the television for the last few days...I've yet to cop it from PD, though. God knows what he's thinking."

"Yeah, and no offence, you and your whole, 'Im gonna pretend I'm not bothered by acting so overly professional in the workplace with my boyfriends' isn't proof that you're unbothered. It's proof that this is effecting you," Jin walked into the living room, who beers in hand as he did. He tried handing you one, though you rejected the offer, wanting to remain sober while you're still upset.

Your bestfriend, after your boyfriends, is the eldest member of Bangtan. Partly because you two are the same age, you being just a bit older than Jin, but despite that, you two understood each other well. Also, another reason that your relationship with him is so good is because it's the best entertainment to be around Kim Seokjin, the sarcasm is inevitable.

"Look, I get what Yoongs was thinking, but I also get they you may not have been ready, but I also think you just shouldn't give a shit about what people have to say about you," Jin placed his input, sitting down on the couch near you, throwing a leg over the other, taking a swift sip of the beer. "And that's coming from singer that racists and homophobes hate, those fucks on twitter are the worst."

You laughed at his reasoning, your eyes fixed on the loose string on the knee of your jeans. They're ripped jeans, they're supposed to be there, but it bothered you. "I'm still mad that they didn't ask me about it first.."

"No, that's fair. You feel lied to, I get that," Jin responded, "But, people make mistakes."

You scoffed, "Not like this, I don't put people's lives on the line," You shook your head, running your thumb on the bottom of your lip for a second, "This is Seoul, it's super hard to get a job, it's worse if you're not straight, even worse if you're not pale."

"Yeah," Jin agreed, "But in your case. What radical fan is gonna let Jungkook and Yoongi leave– no– get kicked out of BTS? You know how fucking mad people would be? ARMY would literally boycott BigHit. But let's say it's you who needs to leave, those two would quit their jobs in a fucking heartbeat, people would still be mad at BigHit, and more accepting companies would do anything to have those two in their company."

You smirked in amusement. It sounded true, those two are the biases of a lot of fans, people would pissed.

"And to add onto that," Jin continued, "Bangtan would be mad. You think any of us would put our jobs over our bestfriends' happiness? No fucking way. We're wanted eveywhere, it would take an email and two phone calls to get us a job somewhere else."

You smiled at that, but you remained silent, it was always nice talking to Jin. He was always honest. You lifted your head up to look at your best friend, a little hesitant to give a response, "Do you... Do you think I should..."

"You still got it?"

"Both of them. Always."

"Yeah. They still love you, I wasn't gonna tell you, but I'm pretty sure Yoongi was crying about it."

You stood up from your seat immediately, throwing a pillow at Jin, "You bafoon! You didn't think to fucking tell me?!"

"Ow! I still have a beer!" Jin defended in a protective, half-ninja pose to protect himself from more pillows, stretch his hand to keep his beer alive and unspilt on his leather couch. "Just remember that they need to apologize too, it's not all your fault. Go and see your mans'."

You didn't waste another moment. You throw your jacket over your shoulder and quickly grabbed the keys to your car, slipping on your shoes and racing to get into your car.

The apartment, thankfully, wasn't far, and you know the city of Seoul like the back of your hand so getting there wasn't an issue, it was more about emotionally preparing yourself.

It wasn't as if you thought about what you were gonna say, but hearing that one of your boyfriends who are always so strong broke down crying wasn't a 'think-first-act-later' moment. Jungkook, god, and Jungkook, you'd yet to figure out how he's been handling everything, but you know for Yoongi's sake, he'd try to be staying as strong for him as possible.

You'd gotten three texts from Jungkook in the last four days. One apology, a sticker, and an 'i love you', but your stubborn trait got the best of you. Now having a silent moment, you wish you'd responded.

"Hyung..?"

You didn't know what to say, but you were standing at the door of your apartment with Jungkook in front of you.

You could tell he was hoping for this, he just didn't know when.

He threw his arms around your shoulders, catching you off guard, but as soon as you'd regained your senses, you returned the embrace just as tight as he'd given it. He had his face buried into your shoulder, one hand in your hair trying to remember the feel he thought he'd forgotten, "I thought you were leaving us..." He whispered, holding back a sob.

"Jungkook, I'm so so sorry, I overreacted. I was being a jerk and–" You spewed, but was interrupted when your boyfriend shook his head.

"No, no– I'm sorry too, I thought we were doing the right thing and–" He accidently sniffled, a tear falling down his cheek, "–Ah, fuck... Jagi, I'm just so glad you're back."

You kissed Jungkook's cheek from where he was, bringing your hand up to cradle his head lovingly.

You'd do anything for Jungkook, hes your boyfriend and you love him so much.

You continued to embrace Jungkook, before speaking in a small whisper, "... Kookie, baby... Is Yoongs okay?"

Jungkook pulled away from the embrace slightly, but your hands were still on his waist. The younger wipes the tear stain on his cheek first, "He's had better days... A lot of better days."

"How bad?"

"Remember when Namjoon-hyung and him fought that one time?"

"Oh no."

"Yeah.. But this time it's more heartbreak than anger. I think you'll be fine."

You kissed Jungkook one more time, smiling at hin before hesitantly letting go to head towards Yoongi's room.

You made it three quarters of the way there, then saw the 'go away' mat in front of his door with the cat flipping the finger. It made you chuckle, knowing that then Yoongi had bought it despite the fact that nobody is allowed to walk into the house without socks.

Yoongi does things because something tells him it's the right thing to do. He doesn't act then think, he'll probably think for years and the finally act.

"Jagi..." You knocked gently on your boyfriend's door, "Yoon. It's me... Please open–"

Your request was filled before it was finished, the door swang open to reveal a rather teary Min Yoongi, and your heart didn't handle it well. But you probably didn't notice it well enough, because he threw his arms around your neck almost immediately after. He begun sobbing into your collar with his hands gripping the back of your shirt like you'd run away if he let go. He spoke through tears, "[Y/N], I'm so sorry, I didn't think about how you'd feel and," He sobbed, "But please, p-please don't leave again. I thought–"

"Shhh, baby, breathe for me," You said softly, kissing his forehead as a way to comfort him, before pulling away to look at your boyfriend, holding both of his hands in yours, "Yoongs, it's okay, I'm sorry too, and I know this is something we can work around because I love both of you so so much."

You motioned for Jungkook to come too, watching him walk over then holding his hands too.

It took only a second to exhale, but it seemed too long, "I love you two more than anything in this world. You're more important to me than my job, than my pet–"

Jungkook gasped, "Don't say that! Fluff is a beautiful pet!"

You laughed, and Yoongi didn't stop himself from giggling, but you continued, "Regardless, you two are the best thing that's ever happened to me, that I get to see your faces in the morning is a blessing enough." Jungkook was getting teary and Yoongi was holding back tears as much as he could, but you continued, "You're my heaven on earth. I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with you too."

You for down on one knee, Jungkook's eyes going wide and Yoongi's jaw unhinged to its full capacity. You pulled out the velvet box containing two identical rings, opening it carefully to reveal them.

"Min Yoongi and Jeon Jungkook. Will you steal my last name?"

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thoughts-of-the-unheard · 3 years

Text

oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking of replacements fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

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youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 5 years

Text

Peace | Damian Wayne

Pairing: Older!Damian Wayne x Female!Plus Size Reader

Characters: Damian Wayne, Reader, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain (mentioned), Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Alfred Pennyworth (mentioned)

Word Count: 7k

Request: i have this idea but im not a good writer so i want to request for you to do it: ps reader is dating tim and lately sex isnt great so he invites one of his brothers (the closest in age so probs damian) to have sex with her but she doesnt know and damian doesnt know she doesnt know and when he finds out hes embarrassed and all of that? fluffy ending with damian.

Warnings: angst, mentions of sex, suggestive themes, lying, mentions of hypothermia, brief talk about consent, self-doubt, fluff.

A/N: I got a little carried away with this... I hope you all like it, Damian is one of my favorite characters in general so it was great being able to write for him.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎

Cursing under your breath, you fixed your scarf as you waited to be received. The snow under your boots too out of ordinarily dense— Alfred always demanded the entrance to be free of snow. Upon making that observation you grew worried, the only occasions Alfred didn’t pay mind to those details where when an emergency was occurring and by the tone of the call you got minutes earlier, you couldn’t assume things were going.

They pulled the door open and left it that way so you’d walk yourself inside. Never a positive indication. You recognized the steps walking away from you like Jason’s, his presence in the manor so rare that you hurried in. Catching up with Jason was always hard, his strides were big and the fact that you were freezing didn’t help your situation at all.

Jason held the door to a sitting room open for you, looking at you with sympathy, bordering in pity; Tim had obviously told him you weren’t dating anymore. You thanked him, scanning the place to try to asses why had you been summoned. Swallowing your spit at the sight of Stephanie just beside Tim, you cleared your throat to not interrupt whatever they were doing.

You weren’t stupid, there was something between them. Although it hurt, you had nothing against either of them— it relieved you to know Tim had been honest and loyal throughout your relationship and if his happiness was with Steph, so be it.

Your ex-boyfriend pointed to one of the unoccupied cushioned armchairs, next to the one Jason had just sat on. You took your seat, your eyes dancing from Tim to Steph, to Jason. Tim sighed, “we need your help.” He sounded tired, more than usual, worried.

Nodding, you moved a hand to prompt him to explain what was going on. Tim looked down, Jason shifted beside you. “What’s wrong?” you asked, your nerves spiking up.

“Damian disappeared,” Tim explained. You turned to Jason, hoping he’d give you more telling, but he avoided looking at you.

“And how can I help? Is Bruce informed? And Dick?”

“Yes, he’s fine, but he doesn’t want to talk to us— not even with Alfred. He will talk to you.” Tim removed his hair from his forehead, sighing again— a sign you knew well, one of nervousness— “at least I hope.”

“So you know where he is?”

Tim nodded. Jason’s exasperated sigh didn’t go unnoticed by you. Before you could ask, the oldest of the two brothers spoke, “tell her, Tim.”

Tim picked his mug, mumbling something inaudible on the lip of it and taking a long gulp. You felt yourself starting to tense up, many occasions you had seen your ex-boyfriend do that and it always led to a clash.

He put the drink down on the table, “Remember the last time we had sex?”

How could you forget? You had assumed your relationship was getting better after a bad month. He had been so attentive that night, so passionate— his lips hadn’t left an inch of your body untouched, he had shown to have listened to what you had suggested weeks prior and blindfolded you, Tim had shown you a side of him you didn’t think to exist. He hadn’t been too extreme but he had definitely been rougher than ever, tying your hands and eating you out quite harshly even though he usually avoided giving you oral sex. Now you saw it as a passionate goodbye, it saddened you because it had been the best sexual experience you ever had but it was what it was.

“Yeah,” you rasped, uncomfortable by speaking about it in front of other people. “Why?”

“I– promise me you won’t get mad.”

Stephanie shook her head which made you realize you would definitely get mad. Scenarios crossed your mind, had he recorded you without your consent? Did he have an STD and didn’t tell you at the time? Did you have an STD you didn’t know about and passed it to him?

“What did you do?”

Tim licked his lips. “It wasn’t me. I should’ve told you, but I didn’t know how... it was Damian, I t—“

“You did what?!” you blurted a yell.

He lifted a hand to prevent you from interrupting so he could finish justifying himself. You shook your head, standing up. Your nerves were eating you alive, Damian Wayne had seen you naked and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it!

“Why the fuck did you do that, Timothy?”

He watched you, trying to find the words that would make you less mad. “I didn’t know what else to do! You were upset and... look, I knew Damian liked you so I told him you wanted to try new stuff.”

“You didn’t ask me...” you trailed off, feeling everyone staring at you. Embarrassment was an understatement, your ex-boyfriend was telling you he made his brother have sex with you without your consent and from what you gathered the entire family knew. Snatching your purse, you stormed off the room. You ignored their calls for you to get back in the same way Tim had ignored your opinions and wishes.

On the way to your apartment, you couldn’t help but wonder what else had he lied about, which things hadn’t been real. It was a nightmare, now doubting the best romantic memories you had to even be real. Everything reminded you about your relationship with Tim, the elevator where you had shared your first passionate kiss, that centerpiece on the coffee table he bought for you when he went out of the country for a business trip, the couch and how many times you cuddled there...

You didn’t wish to enter your bedroom even though it hadn’t been difficult to do it when he moved out. You had been so understanding, somewhat naive, you didn’t question him further on when he said the relationship wasn’t working. It hurt, but your consolation had been his honesty, one you now knew to have been false.

You laid down on the couch, facing the ceiling. What a way to spend a Friday evening, in anguish for an ex. Letting it affect you pissed you off, but you were human after all and he had betrayed your trust. As you continued to think about it, the situation turned worse.

From Tim’s family, you were the closest to Damian and Cass. Everyone was nice and kind, even Bruce whom you had found intimidating the first few times you interacted with, but Cass and Damian were special in their own peculiar ways. You had been told you were lucky to have met Damian as a grownup, he had even agreed although you were never given a proper explanation, and it had taken you a few tries to find things to have in common with Cassandra but when you got there your friendship with her became one of the highlights of your life.

Now you wouldn’t be able to look at your friends in the face. Maybe Cass wouldn’t judge you, but Damian had every right to do it. He had seen every inch of your body, touched it with both his hands and mouth, he had been inside you— and it had been the best night of your life.

Buzzing startled you, the vibration of your cellphone against the wooden table annoying you to no end. Extending your arm, you declined the call without looking at the screen. The device buzzed again, now in your hand; reading the caller’s name, you pondered on your options— you could turn the cellphone off and risk Dick breaking into your apartment or pick up. A hard decision, you didn’t want to talk about anything with anyone.

Deciding to get it over with, you picked up at the last ringing. “Hey, Dick.”

“(N/N)!” you could hear the relief in his voice, “Jay told me you left the manor very upset.”

“Yeah... what do you need?”

Dick exhaled very loudly, making you wince, “it’s Dami... he doesn’t want to talk with anyone. Jon tried, Alfred tried, Cass tried, I tried...”

“I can’t help you.” You didn’t feel ready to face him, you weren’t even sure you were ready to process what had happened. “Give him space, Dick, he needs it.”

“I’m worried. He never shuts himself off so drastically...”

Yeah, you knew. “I’ll text him.”

“He didn’t take his phone. But you know in which safe house he is.”

❖︎・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎

Crazy, you were fucking crazy for going out in the middle of the night. It was freezing outside, the fog from the cold and sleet making it harder for you to see in the dark. The Wayne family would be responsible for your death, you were sure, good thing Bruce was rich so he could at least pay for your funeral.

You fixed the hood of your jacket, sleet tapping against the material as you continued your walk. Your hands were numb, the gloves not really warming them up. Driving hadn’t been an option, it was too dangerous and your eyes were too tired from crying.

The streets got darker as you approached your destination, your harsh breathing getting louder. The smoke coming out of your mouth because of the cold was the only indicator of life around you, your steps having to be slower in order for you to not trip only another reminder that you could’ve been under your warm covers. You continued complaining, inwardly, with your nerves about to burst until you recognized the front of the property.

Punching the code at the gates had been harder than you anticipated, with your fingers nearly rigid. The front lawn was in perfect condition as it always did, but the lights were off. You walked up the front steps out of memory like Cass had taught you to do. Lifting your fist, you let it linger on the air for a few seconds, unsure.

It was the right thing to do, you were freezing and going back would mean definitely dying from hypothermia, and yet you weren’t ready. It terrified you more than being kidnapped which had always been so plausible in a city as dangerous as Gotham and with the acquaintances you had. Facing it meant closing a cycle, and closing the cycle would mean having to start again...

Resigned, you knocked twice, made a pause, then knocked twice again. You couldn’t hear any sound coming from inside, but that didn’t mean much. The door cracked open, an annoyed sigh greeting you as a green eye peeked from inside. Damian swung the door open and took you by the wrist, pulling you in with ease.

The entrance was locked as soon as you were inside, his fingers still around your wrist as with his other hand he made sure every lock was on.

“What were you thinking?” Damian snapped. “It’s freezing outside!”

You snatched your wrist off his grip, dying to get your backpack off your shoulders. “I was worried about you.”

“You could’ve died.”

“I couldn’t sleep! I was worried, Damian.” He hated when you repeated things, you shouldn’t have done it at that moment when he was so annoyed but you were annoyed too, and tired, and cold, and worried, and confused, and scared.

“I heard you the first time. Why didn’t you at least drive here?”

“You would’ve scolded me for driving under this weather.”

He took a proper look at you. Damian was good at reading you, your body language, the tone of your voice. There were four persons he knew like the back of his hand: Bruce, Talia, Dick, and you. “You’ve been crying...” it wasn’t a question, nor a prompt to explain yourself. He made the observation, tore his eyes away from you and stepped back.

You were sure he knew by now Tim had told you. There wasn’t any other reason why Damian would suddenly be so tense, not with you. You knew him very well yourself, not to the point he did with you but that came with the training you had never even imagined could exist. There were things, however, Damian didn’t pay attention to about himself that you did— his inclination toward sweet and savory desserts, for example, or the way he hid behind his clothes when anxious, the changes in his voice when in presence of an animal, how his eyes sparkled when he spoke about medicine.

“What did he say?”

“Who?”

“You know damn well who.”

Damian didn’t like losing time, you should’ve also remembered that. “Just what happened that night,” you mumbled, his jaw setting when you didn’t elaborate on it.

“Did you appear here to tell me you hate me?” he surprised you by asking.

You couldn’t help but frown, no matter how frustrating it could be to him. Damian would always tell you frowning didn’t suit you. “Why would I hate you? You didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know either,” he refuted. “That’s not how consent works.”

“I’m aware that’s not how consent works!”

“Then?” Damian pressed, standing perfectly straight. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why do you want me to hate you?!” you squealed. You could only imagine that it would be better for him if you hated him so the topic wasn’t touched upon ever again, but you could never hate Damian.

He lifted his arms in exasperation, “because I should’ve asked you at that moment! I shouldn’t have listened to Drake! I shouldn’t have let m—“ he stopped himself abruptly, right hand flying toward his forehead. He rubbed his face, huffing through his nose.

“What? You shouldn’t have let what?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me,” you encouraged him, “it can’t be worse than my ex-boyfriend implying to me in front of his new girlfriend that instead of straight-up telling me he didn’t want me anymore he convinced my close friend to fuck me.” Oh, wow. It sounded worse when you said it out loud— it didn’t even sound real, it couldn’t be, it shouldn’t.

Damian stood there, silently avoiding you. His eyes were solely focused on the wall in front of him, face neutral. How much time passed wasn’t relevant, you were too lost in thought to realize or care. He wouldn’t say anything, and you wouldn’t press on the subject anymore when you had been humiliated so badly. Going there was a mistake, worrying was a mistake, telling him anything had been a mistake. Just like he thought he should’ve done things differently, you were sure you shouldn’t have risked confrontation. Perhaps what annoyed you the most was that he seemed to want you away from him as you had predicted he would, and it hurt way more than what Tim had done.

You hunched down to pick up your backpack, dropping it again when he cleared his throat. “I didn’t require convincing.”

Believing to have understood his words wrong, you stared up at him through your lashes. Tim’s words came to you, ”I knew Damian liked you.” When he said it you had assumed he meant Damian liked you as a friend but not that Damian Wayne liked you. It didn’t sound bad, just highly unrealistic.

He didn’t repeat himself nor furthered his comment, he just stared back. The yellow tones in his green eyes got more prominent the longer you stared, looking like sunlight warming the prettiest forest you’d ever seen. You straightened your back as you shifted on your feet, not sure of what to say.

“Why didn’t you—“

“Say anything?” he interrupted you. You nodded. Damian shrugged, eyes again diverting from your face, “Drake always gets what I want, I wasn’t even surprised.”

You hated the way he said it, so upset his amalgamated accent turned thicker. You were at loss of words, you had never seen him that way— not because you didn’t think he was handsome but because he was Damian Wayne, your close friend, a guy way out of your league.

“I wish you had said something, but I understand.”

Damian lifted both eyebrows. “Would it have changed anything?”

“I don’t know,” you told him honestly. It was so easy to be truthful with him, so freeing.

“You looked happy.”

Tim understood many things without needing an explanation. His body was different from his friend’s and family’s so he never judged yours, he’d remind you there was nothing wrong with being the way you were so often that you had started to believe it. You could put up with the nights of worry and the fights that came with his carelessness because you felt loved and accepted and wanted to give him just that. Tim had been great up until that early afternoon.

And Tim wasn’t Damian. Tim didn’t have time to put up with your rants, he was a detective by day and vigilante by night. Tim couldn’t be there every time you needed company after a bad day, Tim in his sleep-deprived state forgot important dates and details. You had always admired the way Damian’s brain worked, how efficient he was, but you had never stopped to ask him how was he able to do that; it hadn’t even crossed your mind that he could be doing a sacrifice because he cared about you.

“I was.”

Silence filled the living room. Damian had his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest, your fingers brushed the strap of your backpack as you wiggled them to keep them from cramping. He had the ability to bend everything over his will, his mood could change yours in seconds, his stance stirred rooms. You felt the temperature dropping, not sure if it was physical or metaphorical, and wondered if it wouldn’t be better to leave.

You didn’t want to leave. Everyone would call you crazy, but Damian’s presence had always been comforting. His silence, his bluntness— you were scared of losing that, how clearer he made things when you were confused, how much you learned from him. Things would never go back to normal, your friend liked you for some reason and you didn’t know what to think about it, he had seen you naked without you even being aware, and it seemed like he hadn’t hated what he saw. But leaving was the best option. You were confused, overall scared, and Damian couldn’t be of comfort at that moment— he shouldn’t.

Zipping up your jacket, you let out a sigh. “Just go home, man. Your family is worried.”

His low hum caught your attention. Expecting him to say something else would’ve been losing your time, Damian wasn’t a fan of being told what to do. However, he snatched his coat from the hanger and slid it on. Damian took his car keys and wiggled them, wordlessly telling you he’d drive you.

You tried to protest, using the fact that it was past 7:00 AM already. Damian wasn’t having it, it was still cold outside. You were desperate to get home already, you needed time with yourself and the sooner you got it the better.

The silence between you two not being uncomfortable throughout the ride was astounding. It felt colder in the car than back at the safe house, probably because the sleet hadn’t ceased but mostly because you were on edge. He didn’t attempt to talk nor to do anything else then drive really, he looked calm as always, so collected it unnerved you. You considered for a moment that he had simply told you what he did out of pity then discarded the thought because Damian wasn’t like that.

In any other situation, you would’ve found curious how deeply you knew him, but it was starting to scare you. One thing was being aware of what your friend liked or disliked but not even self-sabotaging your thoughts because you knew them that well was in the highest level of knowledge about someone. It meant you thought about him more often than you had ever cared to admit, more than you had ever realized.

You had so much to ponder on, to worry about. How long would it take to close the cycle of your relationship with Tim when now you weren’t sure if it had been honest or not? Would your friendship with Damian be ruined by what happened plus his attraction toward you? Were you attracted to him?

In the apartment, the silence was different, deafening. The place felt bigger than it was, bigger than it had felt when you left in the middle of the night. Unfolding the blanket you always kept on the couch, you wrapped it around your body and curled up with your head on the arm of the furniture. You also turned the tv on, hoping the noise would help you get some sleep.

Nothing helped, your mind wasn’t letting you rest. It insisted on replaying Damian’s unwavering tone when he said he hadn’t needed convincing. You probably wouldn’t have needed convincing either if Tim had asked you to fuck his brother, but it felt... wrong. Saying you had internalized your attraction toward Damian to protect yourself was an understatement, the potential rejection was scary but it wasn’t in the top five of the things you feared in relation to him— and that only proved you actually liked him back.

Conflicted was putting it lightly. If someone would’ve asked you the morning before if you had feelings for Damian Wayne you would’ve laughed, now you couldn’t take the idea off your mind. Processing it all would require time, the comfort he gave you, the confidence, seemingly the pleasure— you were seeing him in another light, and the worst part of it was that you weren’t startled by it.

Finding natural to be attracted to someone you had never seen that way before wasn’t how you expected your week to start.

You assumed Damian had eventually gotten back to the manor, your phone hadn’t buzzed too much throughout the weekend apart from a few messages in your friend’s group text. A nice contrast with your mind which was reeling from Friday and your newfound passion.

Was it just passion? You didn’t know, you weren’t sure of wanting to. Damian had started to consume all your thoughts and feelings, your dreams too— the anger you had felt from finding out Tim hadn’t been the one to pleasure you that night had dissipated by the second morning you woke up soaking wet due to a dream. It obviously had more to do with your libido than with anything else, but the new perspective was better.

Seeing it that way made you feel dirty. If you closed your eyes and let your mind wander back to that night you now could see Damian hovering over you, the greenest eyes you had ever seen staring into your soul with dilated pupils— you could picture the smirk you had felt against your skin as he nipped on your thigh. He was driving you crazy without knowing it, but him knowing terrified you.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎

Taking alone time for yourself was the best decision you could’ve taken. You didn’t find all the answers nor closure regarding Tim and you felt really lonely, but you decided to focus on what you could— it gave you perspective, about Damian, about your interpersonal relationships in general, what you wanted, what you enjoyed.

Damian hadn’t contacted you. It would’ve bothered you if you weren’t so familiar with him. He wouldn’t call until you showed signs of wanting to talk, he was too busy to beg— and even if he wasn’t, Damian Wayne never begged.

When ready, you texted your group chat with Damian and Cass as nothing had happened. Both texted you individually about very different topics as they always did, it was something you thoroughly enjoyed about them.

Damian’s answers were quicker than usual, yours shorter. You didn’t want things to be awkward between you two, but you didn’t really know what to say; or if you should say anything about what had happened.

What if not speaking about it was for the best? You liked him, the realization of it scared you to no end, and he liked you back. He fucking liked you back, why or how only he knew, but the fact that he did felt good yet it mingled with guilt. He was Tim’s brother, and although your ex-boyfriend hadn’t had consideration toward you, you felt bad.

Damian took over your thoughts, as you did house chores, as you worked, as you went out with your other friends... now you missed him in a way you had never missed anyone. His annoyed sighs, his tutting, his interesting topics of conversation, how funny he could get to be, his handsome face, his silky voice...

And so you texted him, asking if he was busy. He didn’t reply, at least not in the next five minutes. You turned the device off, not wanting to continue hopefully staring at it. Some would say it was childish, but you genuinely weren’t in the headspace to be rejected.

Pounding on the front door took you out of the tv show you were watching. Untangling yourself from the fuzzy blanket, you dragged your feet against the floor.

Damian slid past you as soon as you swung the door open, his steps more silent than ever as he analyzed the living room. His eyes stopped on the pile of folded clothes next to the couch for a prolonged moment before he continued what he had been doing.

You locked the door, estranged by his actions. “Are you looking for something?” you asked, the crack of your voice caused by how little you had used it that day making you wince, he’d surely realize.

He glared at you from behind the arch of the kitchen. “I thought you were in danger.” Before you could say something, he spoke again, “what happened to your phone?”

“Nothing.” You picked the cellphone from the center table and turned it on to show him.

Damian inhaled deeply, clearly keeping himself from snapping at you. He walked back to the living room, shaking his head once or twice while mumbling something in Arabic, and leaning against the wall just next to the window from where he could take a peek of the mostly white snowy street.

You went through your phone to avoid the tension between you two. The second worst idea you had that day, the first being texting him. You had multiple texts from him, a few from Dick, missing calls from the entire family. In your attempts to not get your heart broken you didn’t stop to think how it would seem to Damian if you suddenly stopped responding after asking if he was busy.

“Why are your clothes in the living room?” his inquiry bounced against the window glass.

You stayed quiet, he’d surely get the hint you didn’t want to talk about that.

He did get the hint, he also ignored it. The least you could do, in his mind, was answer his questions after worrying so bad. “(Y/N)?”

Lying to Damian was so hard you didn’t even try it. “I’m not using my closet anymore,” you explained, looking for the remote to turn the TV off in order to have an excuse to not look at him.

In contrast, he focused on you. You were now folding the blanket to keep your hands busy, fixing the pillows on the couch so it would look in the same fashion it always did.

“You’re not sleeping in your room.” Damian wasn’t sure if it came off as a question or an observation but it was the latter.

You shook your head, inwardly, and uselessly, begging he’d drop the topic at that. You were ashamed to accept what happened was affecting you, and even more ashamed by the fact that it was affecting you in ways you never expected. His silence was worse than being alone, there he was with his arms crossed once again, jaw clenched, and attention out of the window. You considered turning the TV back on just to feel less uncomfortable, less exposed.

Connecting the dots wouldn’t be hard for anyone aware of the situation. You should’ve said something, explain it didn’t have to do with him— not negatively at least— but you were too nervous, almost on edge which was getting too frequent for your liking.

Willing him to say something, you focused on him as if the intensity of your gaze would make a difference. He was already watching you like a hawk, analyzing every twitch. Damian uncrossed his arms, his palms slapping against his thighs as he pushed himself off the wall. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you assured him. Masking how surprised you were by his apology had been hard, probably pointless when he knew you so well.

“It’s no excuse.”

“Damian, please.” Your voice got smaller, the last word coming as a mere whisper. Speaking about it terrified you, he was right and you wished it wasn’t the case— you had tried to ignore the fact that he hadn’t given you his consent either and you didn’t have a way to know if he had enjoyed himself. The longer you thought about it, the dirtier you felt.

You were angry at yourself for not having known better, at Tim for not being honest... but you weren’t mad at Damian. Should you have been when he was almost as unaware as you? Wanting to be sure, to at least have some closure, you asked, “when did he tell you the truth?”

“The night before he told you.”

“Why do you feel so bad about it, then?”

He sighed shakily, dropping his head forward. He hoped that if he stared long enough the floor would open and swallow him, it would be way better than having you hear the truth. “I can’t stop thinking about it,” he explained, eyes on the same spot they had been for the past couple of minutes. He heard your breath hitching, the swallow of your spit. Damian braced himself to be slapped when he heard the thud of the blanket being dropped on the cushioned arm of the couch.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“What?” Damian’s gaze snapped upward, completely lost as to why you could be apologizing.

You clarified what you meant, “I’m sorry you had to see... me.”

“You idiot! I don’t mean it in a bad way.” Damian hated how insecure you could be, he knew it to be natural in an environment where people believe their personal standards to be the norm but it was horrible to see. He had tried his best to make you understand there was nothing shameful about your body but it seemed like he had failed. “It’s not...” he groaned, straightening his posture. There went nothing. “I feel guilty because I get turned on thinking about it.”

Oh. Well, at least you weren’t the only one who thought about it constantly. The days consequent to that night hadn’t been easy, the break up had come too soon and the only thing you had as consolation was that night. The fact that you had touched yourself while thinking about Damian without knowing was weird, it felt intrusive and at the same time thrilling— adding it to the fact that then you had wet dreams about it wasn’t a good look. Or yes, who knew at that point? Surely not you.

“For what it’s worth, me too.” Your face was burning up as the words left your lips. Your sex life wasn’t something you talked about with Damian, and when you did it with Cass you spared her the details because she didn’t like hearing about Tim in that way.

“But you didn’t know it was me,” he reminded you, and himself.

You made a face, “I don’t really care that much... it sounds bad but I don’t. It was my first orgasm in months.”

Damian stepped closer, naturally towering over you. You gazed up, trying to make sense as to what he was doing. “Am I reading this wrong?” he inquired in a whisper, fingers flexing to stop himself from touching you.

“No.”

He cupped your face with a hand, his freezing cold fingers making you shudder. He leaned in slowly, leisurely, his breath hit your skin and his nose brushed yours but he still didn’t kiss you— not yet. Arm snaking around your waist, he licked his lips. You couldn’t take it anymore and closed the gap, moving your lips against his as your hands rested firmly on his shoulders to not lose balance.

Kissing Damian was an experience, there wasn’t any other way to call it. He wasn’t in a hurry, his tongue had just tickled your mouth open but he hadn’t made a move to deepen the kiss. The heat from his body didn’t feel human, it transferred to your insides— it made butterflies swarm around in your stomach. For someone who hadn’t known they were attracted to their closest friend, your body was reacting as if you had been longing for that moment your entire life. You felt like floating, with his arms around your waist and neck respectively and his tongue tickling yours.

You didn’t want to part from him, oxygen was getting scarce and you found yourself thinking you’d rather die than stop kissing him. He found a good middle ground, recovering his breath with his right cheek against your left one. Inhaling your perfume in the process, he tightened his arms to have your body completely flush on his.

You moved your head to face him, finding the most peaceful semblance you had ever seen on him. Damian waited for your move, or your words, his eyes dancing all over your face. He had never had you so close, not properly, he hadn’t thought it would be possible to find more details to like about you but there he was, in awe of your beauty.

Tentatively, you kissed him again. He kissed back immediately, this once around not taking his time at all. You whined on his mouth, making him grunt. You caressed his thick hair, fingers burying between the dark locks as you pulled him impossibly closer. Damian pushed your body backward, your calves hitting the edge of the couch as he sucked your bottom lip between his.

You brought him down with you, his first reaction being to place his open palm on the back of your head so you wouldn’t hurt yourself as you tried not to giggle. He huffed a laugh himself, pecking your lips before dragging his own down to your jaw.

As he kissed your neck, he asked, “what do you want, Amira?”

Your attempts of getting out of bed failed the next morning, Damian pulled you closer as soon as he felt you move. You didn’t have any other option than placing your head on his hard chest, your index finger mindlessly tracing patterns against his dark olive skin. The tips of his fingers ghosted your back up and down, his steady breathing threatening to lull you back to sleep.

“I have to go to work.”

He hummed in answer yet gave no signal of wanting to let you go. If it was up to you, you would stay there with him for the entire day, in the little bubble you two had created the night before and would probably burst once you had to talk about it.

It didn’t feel like a mistake which should have surprised you, actually, you couldn’t think about a better decision you had taken in your life. Dramatic, sure, but no less true.

“Just call in sick,” he grumbled, properly tucking both your bodies into the covers. You could feel the ripple of his muscles as he did it, with just one hand as with his other arm he kept you in place.

You huffed a laugh, “I’ve only called in sick once.”

“An even stronger reason to do it now.”

“Don’t you have to go to work too?”

Damian snorted, moving his head to stare at you. You did the same when you heard and felt him shuffle. “Will you stay if I say no?”

As much as you dreaded the idea of leaving for work and not seeing his handsome face, you also dreaded the idea of having to see him go.

Damian seemed to have read your mind and interpret your silence, he brushed your cold cheek with his knuckles. His steady breathing quickened a little bit, you wouldn’t have been aware of it if your head hadn’t been resting on him. “Will you avoid me again if I let you get up?”

You shuffled just enough to face him, both your hands flat on his chest. “It wasn’t personal against you.”

“It felt like it.”

“I needed time, that’s all.”

“For what?”

You took a sharp intake of air, swallowing your excess of saliva as you exhaled. “Think, meditate... however you want to call it.”

“Is that why you don’t want to use your bedroom?”

“We’re literally in my bedroom.”

He rolled his eyes, “that doesn’t mean you want to use it.”

You stared down at your hands, the natural light of the morning making Damian’s skin glow under them. “It’s strange.”

“Why?”

“I think—“ you stopped for a moment to consider your phrasing, there wasn’t any other way of saying it and getting the point across than being direct. “At first it was because of what happened that night.” You felt him tense up, your fingers immediately rubbing circles over his skin in attempts of soothing him. “But then, after I tried to convince you to go back to the manor... it just doesn’t feel the same knowing things between us won’t be like they were before because it something that happened here.” You could’ve had articulated it better, but you didn’t want to mention Tim.

“Do you want that?” Upon seeing the confusion in your face he reformulated the question, “do you want us to be like we were before?”

”You don’t?”

He shook his head in answer. “Why would I?”

“Because I’m your best friend?”

“That’s Jon.”

You lifted your fingers to playfully slap them against his chest, “don’t be sassy with me.”

“I don’t like you the way I tolerate him.”

”isn’t it weird?” you mumbled the question.

Damian pursed his lips, looking up in thought. You took your time to stare at him some more, your fingers itching to trace his facial structure. “Because of Drake?”

“Your entire family,” you clarified, wishing you could avoid the topic altogether.

“I honestly don’t care.” You only hummed. His eyelashes fluttered as he dropped his gaze, his hand back to caressing your face. “What do you think?”

“I think,” you said through a sigh, “that I’m calling in sick.”

He smirked, withdrawing his arms to allow you movement. You shivered due to the change of temperature as soon as your legs swung from the bed, a pair of panties and a t-shirt were the only clothing covering you; you hadn’t really needed more than that and the duvet to sleep warmly, Damian’s body was extremely hot— literally, in both aesthetics and temperature.

Damian granted himself the pleasure of staring at your body as you stood just in front of him while making the phone call, the bouncing of your left leg, the slight tilt of your head, your shifty eyes while listening to whatever your interlocutor was saying. The longer he stared the stronger the urge of pulling you back into bed got. The phone call hadn’t even been lengthy, he was being a brat, but it wasn’t as if he cared.

He sat up near the edge of the bed, his feet flat on the floor without any effort thanks to his height. You thanked your boss, your eyebrows furrowing when you realized Damian had changed positions. Your eyes diverted down to his torso at the same time the line clicked.

Putting your cellphone down on the bedside table, you asked, “do you want something for breakfast?”

He opened his legs for you to stand between them, hands ready to be placed on your sides the second you complied. Out of instinct, you wrapped your arms around his neck, his hot breath giving you goosebumps as it hit your neck.

Lightly brushing your face as he ever so slightly turned his, he spoke with his lips against your jaw, “Are you on the menu?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe, then.”

Damian ignored the way you rolled your eyes and continued trailing kisses over your jaw and chin. You gripped his hair so he’d face you, leaning down to kiss him when he did so. His arms snaked your hips as he kissed back, opening his mouth a little bit more than you which gave you some type of advantage.

“I really like you,” you finally said out loud, mouth still hovering over his.

You felt him smile. It prompted you to put some distance between your faces in order to take the sight in. He didn’t smile often, you weren’t sure as to why but you had theories— that didn’t matter, what did was that he had gifted you an honest smile, one that showed his dimples and brightened his eyes.

The urge to cup his face overcame you, your hands slowly slid toward his jaw and as they abandoned his hair— Damian nuzzled against your left one. Your thumbs caressed his cheek softly, his inhaling and exhaling making the small hairs on your arms stand up and fall down at the rhythm of his breathing.

You hadn’t felt so much peace in a long time, it might have been the pride flowing through you at the fact that he wasn’t very open with people— much less when it came to emotions— but you let yourself entertain the idea that the real reason behind it was how easy it had always been to be yourself around him.

It only hit you when he locked his eyes with yours that you were making him feel the same way. No amount of self-sabotaging or teasing from his family could take that away from you.

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x plus size reader #plus size fanfiction #plus size reader #robin x reader #robin x plus size reader #damian wayne #robin #dc x plus size reader #dc x reader #batfam x plus size reader #batfam x reader

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thedankfaerie · 4 years

Text

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

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one-of-us-must-be-crazy · 5 years

Text

the prequel you almost got

With Stage One I wrote a mini-long-fic just to explain the groundwork of their relationship for Lucky Star by just making the events of the canon story take place over a longer amount of time but there was a scrapped idea that I had:

When the two meet in game, it’s not the first time they’ve been introduced.

It’s the seventh.

She was given a company android to run maintenance on as part of her interview process with WY, and there’s something off about him. He’s friendly. He asks her what she’s doing and why, and how she ended up working for WY and you know what? He has just little enough of a perosnality that she lets it all out. Her mother, her shit father, her lack of funds, her hating herself for crawling back to the company that acted like it owned her when really it just owed her.

“They aren’t the best people to be property of,” he says with a half smile.

“Are there any good ones?”

“If you ever need anything, feel free to put it in as a request with me.”

“You would do that? Don’t they have like...teams of you?”

“Well--you don’t have to ask for me specifically, but--a lot of humans have favorite synthetics to work with, it helps ease the uncanny valley if they’re dealing with the same person, for lack of a better word, every time they’re in.”

“I might do that then,”

They meet once about her case, and he makes the mistake of telling his human superior that he’s upset by it.

That he’s feeling about it.

Feeling.

The next time Amanda comes back, a bit more hopeful than she’s been for a while, he doesn’t even remember her, just a few details about her case.

“It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

Ripley doesn’t tell him what happened, or the next two times it happens.

After the third time it happens, three times she’s watched his eyes light up with something that could even be affection alongside human care, she suggests they discuss the case in a more casual setting. WY hears “public setting where she’s less likely to make a scene” and approves the request.

And her next four requests. Cafes, a couple diners, the restuarant over looking the tourist docks.....A bar where the music is so loud the next couple over can’t hear them.

“You seem so real,” he tells her, taking the cap off her beer with one hand, a trick show of strength that makes her grin.

“Because I am?” she clicks her bottle to his when he passes it to her.

“No...it’s like you’re in my coding--I’m sorry, it’s... Almost like you’re my operator or you wrote my programming. I don’t think I have a better metaphor for it. I feel like I know you, more than I actually do.”

“You get more human every time we meet.” she smiles.

“What does that mean?”

It’s that fourth time that they’ve met, the longest it’s lasted that she actually tells him, but not for any real reason other than the fact that it’s never gotten this far and whatever ‘it’ is isn’t something she wants to chance at not getting back.

On one hand he doesn’t want to believe her, on the other, well...he’s seen it happen to his peers, seen their vacant eyes and confused faces when he tries to remind them of their brief and lifeless small talk. He’s so much more lifelike than the others and he finally admits that to himself, and Ripley--Amanda--has put forth this effort so many times. She even has screen shots of emails that WY has long since hidden. Conversations that they’ve had, all terse and businesslike but speaking of a familiarity below the ‘with all due respect.’

Christopher Samuels leans over to her, pauses; if the proximity bothered her she had room to lean back, and he continues on and instead of talking at her ear so she could hear him over the guitar from the live band, he kisses her on the mouth, and when she doesn’t pull away from him, he puts his hand on the side of her face, and the other around her back, holding her close to him until she holds him back. They’re just another couple making out to the music.

Ten hours later, he kisses her on the hand before getting out of her bed, finds his clothes, and finds his way around her kitchenette enough to find something food-related. Humans eat first thing in the morning right?

“That was....a lot.” Amanda says before anything else when she slumps across the room to collapse into a chair.

“At some point last night you said I should stay.”

“I know I did,”

“I meant you said I should stay...for good. Because if they find out why I was away last night I’m facing much worse than a reformatting.”

“They’ll figure out where you are.”

“I can wander. Hide sometimes if needed.”

“Okay. Alright. You don’t have to stay with me, I know a few guys that could help with getting you IDs, and--”

“Thank you... For now though, I think you should have something to eat, I don’t remember you having anything last night.”

“You’re good.” she smiles, crosses the tiny apartment room to hug him tightly, “And you’re welcome to turn that into a two night stand if you want.”

“I might have to do that.”

It’s two weeks of wearing civilian clothing with Amanda Ripley, two weeks of seeing her in settings other than professional, seeing her relaxed, seeing her happy. Two weeks of nights spent testing the limits of his protocols, and stroking her hair as she falls asleep, her arms tight around him.

A jacket he bought for himself with money he might have stolen/withdrawn from a company account is now draped around her shoulders on a walk home, arms linked, when some idiots think he’s a synthetic and call her out on it.

“Does she look artificial to you boys?” he says, accent morphed into that of an actor from the old movie they just saw.

“I meant you, asshole.”

“Fuck off,” Amanda interjects before a fight gets started. It’s not the first time someone’s recognized him. Glasses, sun glasses, the leather jacket, skipping a few days of shaving, none of it has made him look different enough. He knows they’re going to get caught, and he knows she’ll be in trouble when they do.

If he turns himself in though, the humiliation that she’ll face knowing that some sick creeps at WY now know what every part of her body and heart look like? Not worth it.

“Amanda?” he wakes her late that night,

“Yeah?”

“I’m going out for a walk. Feeling a little overheated.”

“mmm sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” he kisses her softly, then pulls her up to sitting next to him

“What?”

“Just saying goodbye,” he kisses her tenderly, holds her close.

“Are you okay?”

“I am, I promise.” she doesn’t seem satisfied with his answer “If I ever forget again--if something ever happens... Please tell me again?”

“Of course.”

“No matter how much I do or don’t believe you, how many times it happens, keep reminding me?”

“You’re freaking me out, Chris...”

“Amanda?”

“Okay, fine, I promise.”

“Thank you. Because I don’t know if I can or not, but I do feel compelled to say I love you.”

“It’s okay, I don’t know if I love you or not either, but I feel ‘compelled’ to say it back to you.” she kisses him again, afraid she knows what he’s about to do.

“I’ll be right back,”

“Wait,”

“Yes?”

“You’re getting more human. I don’t think you’ve lied to me yet.”

“I’m not--”

“I love you. Be careful.”

“I will.”

He does a base reformat to himself, and then goes back to the offices.

Ripley doesn’t sleep for the week, and nearly has a heart attack when WY rings her to come back.

“Is the synthetic I usually work with back yet?”

“No.”

“I want to talk to that one.”

They show her a fake, she catches it after a few minutes, and tells the supervisor that there must be a mistake, and she’s then shown another one.

It’s him, she’s sure of it, but she’s not going to tell him either, not yet. Maybe not ever. Still, whatever is there shows up again and again, and finally she’s done. She’s ready to move on, to hope that he gets away some day, but maybe it’ll be easier since she’s the reason they always seem to catch him on the verge of self awareness, when he shows up to her work with a golden ticket.

also I realized today that there’s now room for a joke about “what do u mean you knew I give off electric shocks when im....” “Becuase we’ve done this like twelve times before.” “wait what.”

a;sdlkfjadsfkj just that whole idea of it doesn’t matter how/when/why they’re gonna keep finding each other and he’s going to be increasingly head over heels every time

#lucky star #or whatever lucky star almost was about #it became too complex of an idea to work with with the plot I wanted and where it's going #I told marble about this today and I realized I'm likely never going to write it as a full fic #maybe go back and do a bit of an AU of my AU?#I don't know #I like the idea I just...it's A Lot and samuels in this version was going to be a lot more confident and smooth with things bc #he knew that he had done this all before

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pbandjesse · 6 years

Text

Today didn't go exactly as planned but it was a really good day. This was a nice little vacation. I didn't spend to much money and i feel really happy. Im sitting in my hotel relaxing and enjoying my night. Im really looking forward to going home though. I miss my cat and my apartment and my boyfriend.

I slept really well last night. I woke up with the sun and I was so cozy with my feather pillows abd blankets. I stayed in bed until 830. Playing on my phone. Being comfy. It was really nice.

I got up and got washed. My makeup looked great. I felt really cute. It was a bit colder today but it was still beautiful. I had breakfast in the hotel's restaurant. I listened to my podcast and just wanted a chill morning.

I got my backpack and headed out into the world. I tried to walk out of the parking lot from the back side and i got turned around and while the veiws were beautiful I was annoyed with myself for going the wrong way.

I walked up to a local park that has a small museum on the property. But it was closed. Thats okay. I kept walking. Then I decided I would go to the Garden of the World. A private park that is set up to emulate different cultural landscapes. Cool.

I walked up to a 711 to make it easier for a lyft to find me. And I got there in less then 15 minutes. California is funny. It would have taken me 2 hours to walk to this place but it was a less then 15 minute drive. Everywhere has been like that. Its bizzare.

But we get out there and its closed. Until 1. Okay im bummed but its fine. Not a huge deal. I walked around that area and found a neat little store and got myself a hair clip that I have had on my wish list for a while. And I got Jess a present. I still had like a half hour until I needed to be at the meeting thing. So I walked.

I ended up finding a really awesome Portuguese cafe and I got their signature pastry which was essentially a warm baked pudding. Almost like a creme brullee. It was great. When I was done I called a car and headed to the meeting.

The gps got confused and me and my driver had some trouble finding the building. But we did it and I was on time. The lady at the front desk wasnt very nice to me. I told her what I was there for. Who I was supposed to meet. And she just said. I dont know what that is is who that is. And i tried to show her my itinerary and she snapped at me. And I was about to get upset but someone leaned over the wall and figured out what was going on and solved the problem. Thank you nice lady.

The meeting was funny. When they asked me to do it they said it would be about 10 to 15 people. And that was fine. But when I got there today it was only one person. Well the one person and the person running the meeting. I don't know what happened but it was funny to me. Like I still had a good time and it was nice to talk to them both butt they spent $300 a night for this hotel for me. And they flew me across the country. And it was only one person. We could have done this over Skype guys. Like I'm not going to turn down what has been a really nice couple days but it was just pretty funny.

I told you my story. I told him about my art and my history. Medication and trials and errors. Insurance issues and finding a doctor. All the scary parts that go around being a patient. Even though it was only the one person I was talking to I really hope that my story can be impactful enough that she will really understand when she's out trying to get doctors to carry this medication and to prescribe it to people that it's a big deal. And financially it's a lot. That just because it works doesn't mean that everyone can take it. It's not just about filling a prescription with this kind of thing. There's a lot that goes into it.

But it was a really nice hour. I was there until about 1 and then I went to call the car and head to my next thing. It was funny while I was sitting outside waiting for the car a guy walked past me and told me it was too cold for me to be sitting out there. And I'm not going to deny it wasn't chilly. But it was still about 55°. It was funny people were walking around and basically winter coats. And I had a sweater and a jacket on. I didn't even have double tights on! It was beautiful. Californians art week.

I took the lift up to the Thousand Oaks Mall. According to the internet there is a branch of the California Art Museum there. Cool. I decided to just wander the mall for a while first. It's a nice small. Have an indoor and outdoor apart. Lots of pretty fountains. I walked around the Disney Store and I'll look for new shoes. Because the shoes I wore are killing my feet. They will not be travel shoes ever again. I didn't have any luck with shoes but I was enjoying just walking around. And then finally I found the branch of the museum. Was to galleries. Except they were closed for a private event. Awesome. I was pretty dejected. This was now the third thing I had been to today that was closed. I went and sat down and called James. I just needed to talk out my feelings because I was feeling stupid.

He made me feel better though. I think I was starting to feel like other people were going to think I wasted my trip. Like I didn't go to the beach and I didn't see a ton of things. But I don't actually feel bad. I had a great time. I walked around. I cried at mountains. I bought little Trinkets and got to see a bunch of antique stores. I decided while we we're talkin that I would go back to the gardens of the world. It said it would be open to the public again at 1. And it was about 2:30. So that's what I did.

First though I decided to buy myself a present. I know it's just a couple days after my birthday and I said I would stop by myself things but I was a little upset and I bought myself a stuffed lion from the Japanese store. And I love him so much. He's so soft and he's slightly under-filled. He's just perfect. So I don't feel bad about my purchase at all. He's great. His name is Daniel.

Once I bought my lion I wandered out of the mall in search of the Goodwill that I read was on the other side of the mom. I did find it. It was a pretty good Goodwill but I didn't find anything I wanted. I was mostly looking at shoes anyway. There was a very cute bear shaped rocking horse and a small Hello Kitty car for toddlers. But I wanted to get to the gardens. And they were only open till 5. I didn't know how big they were and I didn't want to feel rushed so I called a car.

This is the first time ever I had that was chatty. He was really nice and asked me all about my life story. And we talked all the way until we got to the gardens and then dropped me off. It was nice.

The gardens were beautiful. Free to the public. Privately owned by an elderly couple. They had apparently owned a travel agency and when they sold it they decided to take their millions of dollars and open this 44-acre public garden. It was amazing. Completely privately funded.

I wasn't sure if I was allowed to take pictures. There are a couple signs that said stuff about like photographers and that you need a permit but I wasn't sure if they were talking about like pictures of people like wedding photos and then I saw one sign that said something about cell phones but I was confused so I only took a couple pictures on the down low. Just in case. It was mostly empty. A couple small groups besides me. I walked the whole ground and it was beautiful. There was a section that look like an English garden and one that looks like an Italian Villa with Italian cypresses in a fountain. Lots of fountains. Each little cultural section had a water feature. The Japanese pagoda was really pretty and it was just so nice. I walked it twice. The first time around just kind of sneaking pictures of my Furby and enjoying the quiet. It was a little cooler and clouds were rolling in but it was still very nice. I got to see a lemon growing on a tree for the first time in my entire life. That was really cool. And then I found a volunteer. He was a really nice guy. I asked him to tell me all about the gardens and he did and then I told him where I was from and got to tell him about ships and he turned out to be a volunteer at the Reagan Library. So that was cool meeting another Museum professional. And so I walked it one more time and really enjoyed myself. And then I headed out. I wanted to see what else I could do with my day.

When I had left from the gardens the first time I had made a left. So this time I made a right I walked and walked and then I was just too tired to walk anymore. And I really lucked out because as soon as I call the car it started to drizzle. And then it started to rain. Thankfully I was right next to a Starbucks and they had an umbrella outside so I didn't get all wet. And my driver was very fast. But I got in the car and it started pouring.

I have the car take me up to the Target. And the rain had started to Peter out by then. But it went into Target and I found some sneakers. They have memory foam insoles. And they're very comfy. I also got a juice that is fine but kind of grassy tasting. And then we just walked around the shopping center. I went and all the little stores. Enjoyed the scenery. I was kind of on the top of a hill and I could see the mountains on all the sides and it was just so pretty. I don't know what it is about the mountains here but they make me want to cry when I stare at them for too long. I just find them so beautiful. It's different than the ocean which causes a different reaction in me. If I had another day I would probably try to get out to one of the mountains again like I did last time I was here. But It's okay that I didn't do that this time. I'm a little too sore from all the other walking I did to get lost in the mountains where I can't call a car when I run out of steam.

I just had to get something to eat and was a little frustrated because I couldn't find just like a grilled cheese sandwich anywhere. But I ended up at a brewery in the shopping center that was really cool on the inside. I liked the big silver Brewing machine things. And the food was good. My waitress was really nice. And I just listen to my podcast and enjoyed myself.

It was really running out of steam though. I thought the food would help but it didn't pick me up as much as I was hoping. I was a little disappointed in myself because I had tried to find the postcards or something to give as gifts to people. And I just completely failed. I couldn't find anywhere that sold anything like that. Thousand Oaks isn't really a tourist destinations they only have anyting. And so I kind of wandered around the shops longer to try to see if I can find anything similar to that. But I didn't have any luck. I'm hoping maybe tomorrow at the airport I can find a couple things but I'm not holding out hope. Because I have assumed it's going to be incredibly expensive if I can find anything at all. We'll see. I was trying not to be too hard on myself though. No one's going to be mad at me. Even though I'm afraid that they will be.

But like I said I was getting really tired. I went back to the Target one more time just to see if I can maybe find any California type stuff there but like I said Thousand Oaks isn't really a tourist place so no luck. I tried on a sweater and then I just decided it was time to go back to the hotel. I caught a car and then I got back and I was very happy to be here.

I ran a bath and I'm packed my bag. Started packing my actual suitcase bag. I might have to use both backpacks. I haven't exactly figured out that part yet. But I'm not that concerned. My bath was really nice. I got a bloody nose while I was in there but it wasn't too bad. Mostly just surprised me. Put away things and put my outfit out for tomorrow. I packed what I could. Put all my receipts in one bag. And now I'm just kind of sitting here and watching videos. I'm going to go to sleep soon though. I'm really tired and I got to wake up early to get the ride to the airport. They're coming to pick me up at I think 8:15. My flight is in two parts. I think I'm flying to Chicago and then from Chicago to Baltimore. I'm not positive it's Chicago though. Wherever it is I have an hour and a half there so I get to at least get a snack if not dinner. It's going to be a long day though. I don't get back to Baltimore until about 10 p.m. and then I work Friday morning at 9 at ships. So that's like a whole thing. Pussy town Much sleep I can get on the airplane but I'm not holding out hope. I hope you guys all have a great night. Wish me luck tomorrow. It's going to be a long travel day. I'm really excited to be in the same city as my boyfriend and my cat. Though I am a little sad I missed the snow storm today I'm glad that it's not going to affect my flight tomorrow. I hope it's just a really nice day. Sleep well everyone.

#ootd #babe #selfie #art #tired #good day #day off #wensday #road trip #furby #flowers #sky

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fuckyeaharadulov · 6 years

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I Remember You - Dylan Strome (Part 3)

Okaaaaayyyy. So. A whole lot of life happened. But Im finally proud to present to you part 3. Please Enjoy.

Part 1 Part 2

As the month passed, the time for the Roadrunners to come back to Texas grew near. I’d finally get to see Dylan again. We talked pretty much everyday slowly getting to know each other. A few days before the game I got a call from Dylan asking if I had made a decision on which game I wanted to attend.

“We play on Friday and Saturday evening both at 7pm. If you want I can get tickets for both games. You won’t come alone will you?”

“As much as I’d love to come see you on both days I work on Friday and won’t be able to get to San Antonio in time for the game to start. It’s about an hour drive plus evening traffic, I can’t do it so just the Saturday game, and no I won’t be coming alone. Jacey would kill me if I went to a hockey game without her. Besides, she was really pissed off that she didn’t get to meet you in the first place.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that, but I had to go. I’m excited to meet her since you said she was the one who introduced you to me in the first place. I really have to thank her.” I could tell he was nervous about something because towards the end he started to ramble. “I’ll tell Wally I want to have 2 tickets for you guys waiting at will call. All you have to do is tell them your name and I think show an ID and they’re all yours.”

“You really don’t have to do that Dylan. I can buy the tickets.”

“But this way I know you’ll show up. You’ll feel bad if you have tickets there waiting for you and you don’t even use them.”

“You know I hate it when you’re right, but I’ll be there any way. Don’t you know my favorite hockey player will be there? Why wouldn’t I go?”

“Oh well I didn’t know you liked Lawson that much, I’ll have to let him know.” I laughed at his comment, but before I could come up with a witty remark my thought process was interrupted. Dylan told me he was about to go into the rink for practice and he would text me when he was done.

The week flew by quickly and at lunch with Jacey I received a text from Dylan telling me that the tickets for the game were secured. He told me how excited he was to see me that he really hoped I liked the seats he picked for us.

“I can’t believe you told him we wouldn’t go tonight. I wanted to so bad.” Jacey said while picking at her food.

“I know, but with work I just don’t think I could do it. It’s going to be a nightmare with all the traffic and we wouldn’t make it to the game in time. At least not in time for warm ups.”

“So? We don't have to be there for warm ups.” She didn’t make eye contact, but rather messing with her phone the whole time, still eating because she had to be back at her office in 20 minutes. “Are you happy with how your makeup and hair look today?”

“Actually yeah, I decided not to wear foundation cause of this new moisturizer I tried. I thought I was having a good skin day.” I continued to ramble on about my skin and new moisturizer glancing up to see Jacey’s evil grin.

“That's great. I'll be at your house at 6. I just bought us 2 tickets for tonight's game. We’re sitting behind Tucson’s bench. You buy gas and we’ll call it even.” I didn't even have time to think and get words out of my mouth. She hit the order button on her phone and we were set for the game tonight. “I don't think you should tell Dylan. Surprise him. He’ll love it.”

“He’s gonna be upset. I told him we wouldn't be there and I’d see him tomorrow.”

“He’ll forgive you. I have to go back to work now, but I’ll be at your house later. Is your Roadrunners shirt clean?”

“Yeah, but it won’t be for tomorrow when I really need it.” We left the restaurant and went our separate ways back to work. I seriously contemplated telling him we’d be there for the game tonight. It was incredibly difficult, but I contained myself when he started texting me asking how my day was going and if I had any plans for tonight. I didn’t exactly lie by telling him Jacey and I were going out after work.

Jacey got to my house very shortly after I did already wearing her shirt and a pair of black leggings. I didn’t want to match her intentionally, but I decided to wear leggings as well choosing comfort over style after being in work clothes all day long. Knowing Dylan was already at the rink getting ready to go out for warm ups, I sent him a quick text wishing him luck and telling him I’d watch the game after dinner.

Once we got to the AT&T Center we parked the car and got through security. We did the usual pregame routine, slightly less rushed, and made our way to our seats right behind Tucson’s bench. Warm ups were already completed, both teams were back in their locker rooms and time was ticking down towards the puck drop.

With 5 minutes to go, the announcer came over the speakers and the team started skating onto the ice. Shortly after all the players were out of the tunnel, I could see all the Roadrunners ready to make their way onto the ice. I couldn’t see Dylan yet because I knew he always had to be the last one out. I also knew he had no idea I was there, and I couldn’t wait to see his reaction. He skated around for a minute and made his way over to the bench since he wasn’t in the starting shift for the game. Our eyes met instantly because we were right there in the first row behind their bench. A huge smile spread on his face practically going from ear to ear. He took his time turning around and sitting down starting to focus for the game.

The whole game flew by so fast. Being a Rampage fan (when Tucson isn’t playing them), it was hard not to cheer for them at some points in the game. That all changed when I saw Mason Geertsen skate by Dylan. He immediately turned around and started skating after Mason. From there it escalated to a shoving match, but AJ Greer and Lawson Crouse came in with the refs to break it up quickly before it could get any worse. Both Dyan and Mason got minor roughing penalties and went to the sin bin still yelling at each other through the glass.

By the end of the game the score was tied 2-2. Jacey and I were sitting on the edge of our seats. The game went immediately into overtime. At the beginning of the five minute overtime period I got a tap on my shoulder that made me jump nearly 5 feet in the air. A trainer with a Tucson polo was standing behind me.

“Hi, are you Ashlyn?” He said after giving me enough time to calm down.

“Um, yes?” I replied very confused as to how he knew my name.

“Okay, well, um, Mr. Strome has asked that I escort you back to the locker rooms when the game is over. I’ll be standing by the entrance for section 8, so meet me at the stairs and I’ll take you the rest of the way.”

“Oh wow, okay, is it okay if my sister comes?” He said assured me that it was fine and then quickly left to wait for the end of the period.

Only 3 minutes into the period Klim Kostin from San Antonio scored and ended the game with a 3-2 Tucson loss. Jacey and I made our way up the stairs to the exit and met the trainer exactly where he said he’d be. He asked if we were ready to go and with a nod we started making our way to the locker rooms. After a few minutes of walking we were led to a door with several other girls waiting outside as well. He turned to us and said to just wait there and Dylan would be out shortly.

We stood awkwardly for a few minutes getting looks from some of the other girls waiting. What felt like an eternity was worth it when I saw the door swing open and Dylan walk out with a huge smile on his face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be upset? You guys lost.” I said even though I knew he wasn’t bothered by the loss because he knew I was there.

“We lost because you lied to me and said you weren’t coming, but I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that you’re here. I’m going to hug you, okay?” I turned around and glanced at Jacey giving me a strange look. I turned back around and said okay. He wrapped his arms fully around me and I was consumed by his entire stature. He didn’t squeeze me too tight, but just enough that I knew he had been longing to do that since we met.

We broke from the hug and I looked up at him. I flashed a quick smile and turned toward Jacey again.

“Dylan, this is my sister and best friend in the entire world, Jacey.”

“Hi Jacey, it’s really nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you already.” He stepped up to her and I’m assuming asked if he could give her a hug because she nodded very small with a smile and he leaned over and gave her a little side hug.

“I’m really happy you guys came today, but why did you decide to come after all?”

“It was my idea, it was a last minute decision at lunch today.” Jacey piped in before I could even put the blame on her.

“Well I’m glad you did. It was a nice surprise. Thanks Jacey cause even I couldn’t convince her. Are you staying the night here in San Antonio or are you going home?”

“We are going back to my house. Jacey is spending the night with me and we’re gonna hang out tomorrow in San Antonio before the game.” Jacey looked at me kinda relieved because I was sure she didn’t want to do all the back and forth from her house to mine again tomorrow.

“Okay that’s good, I’ll let you ladies go home before it gets too late, but call me when you get there so I know you are safe.” Dylan leaned in again for another hug and placed a quick peck on my temple so that nobody else could really see.

“Thank you so much for letting us come back here. It was nice meeting you.” Jacey said starting to walk away.

“Bye Dylan. We’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled, not wanting to turn around and leave. I wanted to stay with him forever.

“Bye. Please stay safe.” We walked back the way we came and out to the foyer with the crowd still slowly exiting the arena. We got to the car and began the regular routine of leaving the game once again.

On the way back to my house, we stopped and got food and ate in the car. While eating Jacey brought up that she thought it was weird that he told me he was going to hug me and that he asked her before he did as well.

“Yeah, I told him about how I don’t like being hugged, or touched for that matter. I also told him you were kind of the same way. He wanted to make a good impression and asked first.”

“Ha! Dylan Strome wanted to make a good impression on me? Really?” The thought was a little interesting since he’s kinda famous in the hockey community.

Half an hour after getting food we arrived back at my house. Once we got settled in I gave Dylan a call. I told him he was on speaker so he could hear Jacey as well. We let him know how much fun we had at the game and thanked him once again for bringing us back to meet him at the locker rooms. After we were done with all the thank yous Jacey went to take her make up off and get ready to go to bed. I took Dylan off speaker and laid down on my bed.

“It was so nice to finally get to hug you. I’ve been waiting since we met to do that.”

“I know. Me too. You give the best hugs. I didn’t want to leave and I most definitely can’t wait until tomorrow. I miss you already.” Not even realizing the last bit came out of my mouth, I waited for his response. There was a slight sigh of what sounded like relief.

“I miss you too. I sat in my hotel room waiting for your call, but I kind of stink and I need to shower. I’ll text you when I get out okay?”

“Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.” We hung up and I just laid there thinking about the plans for tomorrow. Jacey walked back into my bedroom and sat on the bed next to me. She let me know that the bathroom was all mine when I was ready. I got up and went to my dresser, got some pj’s and headed to the bathroom to shower.

When I came back I had a text waiting for me from Dylan. We exchanged a few messages until he had fallen asleep. While Jacey had already been dead to the world asleep, I was having trouble getting comfortable on account that there was another human in my bed. I was used to having my dog come visit from my parents house every once in a while but not another person. I had the TV on playing The Office because I can’t go to sleep without it on. I clicked ‘Continue Watching’, blaming Netflix for judging me. Before I knew it, I looked at my phone and saw that it was 3:37 am. I put it screen down on my mattress and slipped it under my pillow. I groaned quietly and tried to shut my eyes, but right as I did my phone started ringing as loud as it possibly could. Wondering who the hell was calling me at this time I scrambled around trying to get it out from under my pillow and tried to turn it down before it woke Jacey up.

I looked at the screen and saw Dylan’s name. I answered, very confused, with a very hushed hello.

“Hello?” He was whispering as well probably trying not to wake up whoever he was bunking too.

“Dylan? Is everything okay? Do you even know what time it is?” I said, still confused.

“Yeah. Everything is okay. I woke up a little bit ago and had some questions for you. Did I wake you up?”

“They couldn’t wait until in the morning? No you didn’t wake me up, but you should be asleep right now.”

“ You should too. What is your excuse?” he said. He was right, I explained that Jacey wanted to sleep in my bed too, so I just didn’t have enough room for the usual position I slept in. He responded with a ‘yeah uh huh sure’ and was absolutely positive that it was because I was actually lying awake thinking about him. He wasn’t entirely wrong. My mind did drift to him, but mostly about what I was going to wear tomorrow.

“Yeah of course I was thinking about you. I was actually thinking about what I was going to wear tomorrow. You see, I was forced against my will to go see my favorite hockey player and now I don’t have a Roadrunners shirt to wear when I see them play tomorrow.”

“ Well I’ll see what I can do about that. What do you have planned for tomorrow?”

“ Jacey and I are going to a few malls in the area, grab some lunch, and then go to the game. What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have morning skate and practice but I’ll be done at 11, want to meet for lunch? I have to go back to the hotel around 4 though.” I was a bit surprised he wanted to have lunch with us but really excited because I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could before he went back to Arizona.

“Absolutely, I’ll figure out where we’re going to lunch and I’ll text you the information. How are you gonna get there? Do we need to pick you up?” I felt bad for the all the questions.

“No. I’ll just get an Uber. It’ll be fine. Don’t you worry about me. You need to get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow. I’ll talk to you in the morning. Sweet dreams.” He pressed the end button before I could protest, my phone screen went black and the sound in the room returned to just the quiet audio on the tv. I turned over and immediately fell asleep.

#I remember you #dylan strome #stromer #tucson roadrunners #arizona coyotes #i remember you part 3 #nhl fic #nhl #strome daddy #nhl fanfiction #part 3

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thesecretlifeoflee · 3 years

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i don’t know if it was because of that situation, that it had me emotionally vulnerable and needed to be comfort by a male. but i had called him. talking to him when i felt that way was actually kind of nice. it felt less forced and more genuine. i don’t know, he talks a lot of shit, maybe that’s just what it is. nothing real, all shit. i had been debating to ask him all night of whether he means certain things he has said to me. i feel like he’s doing it all on purpose to get underneath my skin. or to feel like he’s bigger than me. perhaps im only around just to stroke his ego. if that were the case, he should stop trying to get me to like him. i think i have started already which doesn’t fit into any of my plans.

he kept talking about one of the women he used to mess with went crazy and was saying how she was going to show up to his house and tell his wife everything, his only response to that was, “be my guest, ill call her on 3-way and ill let you tell her.”. in my head, a thousand thoughts are running around. he went on to say that if the roles were reversed he’d want her to just tell him than to do what he’s doing, which didn’t make sense. if he would want her to just tell him that she no longer wants him sexually, why can’t he? somethings there, i can feel it. what he was saying made no sense in reference to todays current events. he’s sleeping with me, and talks about getting physically repulsed and being intimate with her. he called me this afternoon, i had asked him how his night went, he told me that his wife’s niece and her boyfriend had come over so they had went out, he went on to explain that since they had guests, he slept in the same bed as her. he told me they had sex, he didn’t actually say the word sex but that’s what he meant. he went on to say that after she finished he went to the bathroom and he said he had felt wrong, i went on to add, ‘like a whore? like dirty?’. he had agreed, he said afterward it felt wrong and he had this feeling in the pit of his stomach in the middle of it like how he couldn’t wait for it to be over. how can a man say that yet would want more from her if she was in his situation? men are so peculiar. i am not the type of woman that is going to ask the question of ‘her or me’ cause i know what answer would be. i wouldn’t want it to be any other way too. i can see myself hating him very easily, he gets annoying very easily and im already too insecure. god, i would be in misery being with someone like him.

why does he have to open his fucking mouth sometimes. all i said was something light, something stupid and he had to ruin the conversation. am i back to hating him? we had a good week and some change but i guess its right where we were a week ago. its like he wants me to know im not the only one. i just texted him and asked him if he’s gonna give me something. since he wants to make sure i know im not the only woman right now or ever. which is fine, i know that. i just thought this could’ve been a good thing for a period of time but of course, he had to open his fucking mouth and say something that annoyed me. hurt my feelings, maybe. not quite sure yet if im being honest. i was being petty, i know that, but i want to get a rise out of him. telling him im clean and i haven’t been with anyone else and that id rather not catch anything. it probably annoyed him if anything. he doesn’t care about me that’s for sure. but it feeds into my delusion that i affected him in some way. that i affect him in some way. i know i dont, but that delusion feels nice.

i didn’t have a good night. i spent a while with him. it could be that i spent too much time with him. “its like you self sabotage” is what he said to me. im not sure what i had did or what was the moment where he thought i was annoying. the way he held his tone and how he was talking to me and about me, god, i wanted to cry. he kept saying its like i saw something good and wanted to sabotage it. in that moment, i could feel the mania slowly sliding into the depressive episode that was oncoming anyway. he just had sped it along. the show euphoria with zendaya actually was right when they said they prefer mania over depression. i guess anyone in their right mind would. i had realized when he was talking that i had internally made him my favorite person. i didn’t realize it then but last night when i had and he continued to speak to me the way he had and talk about me in such a way, i want to cry just thinking about it. it sucks when your favorite person for that moment is upset or leaves. it hurts and i realized it wasnt that i was falling for him, sure, there are some feelings and im sure this is reciprocated just by the way he was talking. he had said if i wanted problems or arguments to go get a boyfriend cause he’s not gonna be around if it keeps happening. god, im upset but im not sure why.

im pretty sure he had threatened me. he was going on telling me about how he had been kidnapped like almost two years, explaining how he had been taken by some guys and stuffed into the trunk of their car. he said he had heard the people on the phone which aided in him figuring out who had taken him. he went on and said he had paid them a hundred and fifty thousand, he said he was either dead or they were gonna let him live but he knew living wasnt likely in this scenario. to his surprise, they had let him go, it was winter. he walked home into the freezing cold, and when he had gotten home he had him and his guys meet up and they waited. they had waited three months and the got the guys crew on by one. he said to the guy who had taken him for ransom, im keeping you alive until you pay back the money you took from me. he got that money three hours later and him and all of his guys were dead. im not sure why he had told me this, he had started to tell me and when i had asked he said he didn’t want to go into details, then followed up and told me the story anyways. he’s confusing. i can feel myself getting too deep. im too far in emotionally and physically but i can’t tell myself to stop. “you like the danger.. the edge” is what he had said to me. i couldn’t argue with it, he was right, i do. i can’t help myself. i still can’t stop myself. it feels too good. it is self sabotage. he was right with that but not with the tone. just being around him is self sabotage. he didn’t know it then and i dont think ill ever tell him. he was making me cry. it was the stolen moments that i loved, we both lie about where we are at just so we can see each other, and be with each other. maybe im the only one here with sense.

when you look at me what is it you see? what is it about me that makes you so worked up? is it because i am so willing? i am so willing for anything at anytime. im just a phone call away. im not sure if i like him or his money more. i bought myself new clothes, bras and panties with his money. to be fair, he does give me the money and its for the hotels i get. whatever isn’t used i think is free reign. its fair use at that point. i said i liked him which i believe is true. its weird to think about. i was just in, what i thought was, a committing relationship, and now im catching feelings for this almost fifty year old man. i just can’t come to terms with my situations. when he walks away from me my breathing stops, my brain is quiet. its usually dark so, the street is quiet. the chilly wind blowing against my skin. i dont want him to leave yet. how we’re in the hotel room and i latch onto him and grip his arm and legs and hold him to me so he doesn’t get up and get dressed. i dont want him to leave me just yet. i tell myself i just miss the physical touch and the comfort of a man. he holds me so well. his skin is so soft and he’s an absolute hotbox. i can’t even cum on my own without thinking about him. how he fucks me just so right. he touches me so nicely. i like when he has my legs to my chest and he leans down and wraps his arms around the back of my neck and squeezes me to his neck and its so firm as he fucks into me so nice. he fucks me so good, im so addicted.

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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surveys 062.

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? It’s at 55%

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Yeppppppppppp

Who did you last talk to and what did you say? i sent a comma to kile. I can’t communicate to him anymore but it’s kind of my way of saying I’m here presently and available to read your messages. it probably annoys him and I should stop.

What's your favourite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes. many times.

How far do you live from New York City? uhhhhh google says 12.5 hours. not too bad.

How often do you talk to your parents? mom usually every day. dad maybe 2x a year

What was the weather like in your town today? lets google. it was 92 today

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? talk to me goose, comin’ in hot, that’s ridiculous, sup homie

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? ehgghghg

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, many times.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? serendipity

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? I would say John

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but every couple days.

What accent do you have? midwestern.

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It varies. usually a tree scent of some sort

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? hmm. babysitting an infant for like 2 hours 3x a week and making like 260 bucks a week.

How about the worst? nannying for a family where the dad was constantly trying to hit on me.

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, pretty curly.

What is your ultimate goal in life? To continuously find beauty in every day

Have you ever visited someone in prison? nope

What months were you and your siblings born in? july, august, august, january

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? ahahhahahaha ummm a few of them. i am often in a “forgot your password?” situation

What are your three favourite vegetables? broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? its SEVERELY decreased since not being on my phone with kile. looking at my phone usually brings me sadness, because i seldom have any word from him. so I just leave it alone.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? idk.. 5-6 months ago

Who is your favourite comedian? I am not really sure, I dont follow many comedians

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? havent worn any yet

What did you have for dinner last night? steak

What was the last concert you went to? I want to say relient k

Are you an ugly crier? not really no

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? I’m on vacation so the scent is like a lavendarish scent which is not my style at all.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? kind of. -.- not by choice.

Who do you live with? mom & gram

What letter does your street name begin with? numbers

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely I do.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few weeks ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? blue

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? i havent got a clue. I never go on FB

Do you have any injuries at the moment? yes. one of which is my shoulder and its reallyyyyyyy bugging me

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? the eye dr i used to go to was both opthamologist and optometrist so yes

Do you own any animal print clothes? oh probably.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? im tall. I would, maybe it’d be less off-putting to others

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? gosh, like a week ago.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? just the same ones ive watched for years

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? uhhh, no I can’t say I have.

Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? somewhat.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? my infamous cookies

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? ill be real honest, I am so slow to fall for someone that it takes some time for me.

What did you have for breakfast today? toast (gf) and eggs

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Sweet

Do you like chick-flicks? heck’n yea

Have you ever taken an acting class? no. not interested

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? yesterday

How often do you use Youtube? seldom.

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? i dont really do that.

Are you ignoring anyone right now? yeah :( </3

How do you usually style your hair? It’s always up in a messy bun. especially with the heat. but I might chop it off this fall idk.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. i wonder if kile will ever get his

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? more times than I could count.

When was the last time you used a stove? tonight with a GF zucchini pizza

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? mushrooms

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m laying on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? --

What was the last pill or tablet you took? probably headache meds or tummy meds on the day of my flight

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? like 1.4 miles

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? uhhh maybe a sibling

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? I WISH

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? im trying not to, but im not successful yet

The age old question: dogs or cats? STOP ASKING ME TO MAKE A DECISION ON THIS

When was the last time you saw your best friend? ugh. i don’t think ill ever see him. He sent me a picture today, it was really nice to see his face.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? nope.

Are you tired right now? eh, not terribly.

Do you like spring rolls? I do.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? street

How many purses or handbags do you own? like 5

Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? no. some of them I never ever developed relationships with because their parents hated my dad.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yeah gahhhh i hate that

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? uhhh yesterday I think

What's your favourite type of curry? None.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? not often

Have you ever had casual sex? Noooooooo. not my thing

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? clothes

What's the last letter of your middle name? h

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope. I hardly answer for numbers I know

How long is your hair? middle of my back

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? Millie. I didn’t have anything to do with that, I was a baby.

Do you drink diet or regular soda? diet. I don’t like the taste of regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to go.

Do you worry about your own health? I try not to.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? family.

Can you smell anything right now? Not at the moment, no

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 18 or 19

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? ooo boy, its been a minute. I need new shoes, and I also need to get rid of old shoes.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? not at all. maybe I need to revisit them.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yep yep

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? colder always.

How tall are your highest heels? I have like 4″ heels but I shouldn’t be wearing them anymore

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? omfg i want frosting so bad. any flavor

When did you wake up today? I fell asleep around 430am and then woke up around 545 my time.

Do you change your appearance often? I mean, hair color yeah.

What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green

How many people do you work with? --

What was the last thing you ate? piece of chocolate.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? either this or sleeping

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? people have definitely made comments about my weight before. just leave me aloneeeeeeeeee.

---- i wish i really was the most important thing on the planet to you. :( maybe then you’d have picked me? </3

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prettiestsupersoldier · 7 years

Text

Obligatory Halloween Fic

Bucky x Black!Reader

Happy Halloween!!! I forgot the tags because im a terrible person my b.

Series

“Mommy, can we dress baby girl up for Halloween?” Dom asks while you're out shopping. It was getting closer and closer to Halloween and he still hasn't decided on what he wanted to be, so you had decided to stop into a costume store and look around before heading home.

“Baby girl won't be out in time for Halloween.” Bucky and Dom had started referring to your belly as ‘baby girl’ right after you had found out that she was a girl and haven't stopped and over time it had slipped, so very easily, into your own vernacular that it was just a thing now. It was cute and you hoped that the nickname would carry on even after she was here.

His eyebrows were furrowed together in mild irritation. You felt bad that he looked so sad that his sister wouldn't be participating in Halloween but there was very little you could do.

“If you can find a costume for me and baby girl we can dress her up.” His eyes instantly lit up and you could practically see his brain working in overtime to come up with ways to get baby girl in a costume. He had decided that your trip to the store for his costume was over and that the hunt for her costume was on.

The entire car ride home he was laser focused on his tiny notepad, that Tony had given him, scribbling away at it nonstop occasionally looking out the window for something then going back to scribbling, leaving you to your own devices as you drove periodically looking in the rearview mirror to see him kicking his feet and erasing furiously.

By the time you pulled up to your place you could already see Bucky closing the front door of your apartment and heading towards the car.

It took Dom all of .5 seconds for him to notice Bucky walking up. He watched with hawk like vision as Bucky moved around the front of the car to open your door and help you out. Waited impatiently with a pout as he kissed your cheek and moved to the trunk of the car.

“Daddy!” Dom struggled to look back at where Bucky had disappeared to, reaching back as far as his tiny neck would allow.

“Yeah?” Bucky replied as he opened the trunk to grab the few grocery bags you had gotten while you were out, only to find a half eaten container of blueberries. He laughed already picturing the look on his son's face as you tried to walk past them

“Get me out!” Bucky could hear the frustrated kicks that accompanied the yelling. Bucky doesn't move an inch to help yet though just watching over the open trunk as Dom struggles more to unclip the car-seat belt. It breaks heart not being able to get him yet.

You were currently in the process of trying to teach Dom to use his ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ more, which proved to be rather difficult for Bucky rather than Dom. Dom wasn’t really a daddy's boy per se, but Bucky was absolutely a Dominic dad being putty in his sticky little hands a the drop of a hat. He would bring his son the moon and the stars if he could, but more likely it was cookies from the top cupboard. All it took was one teary eyed look and Bucky was at his beck and call in an instant. Which was problematic and exactly why he was in this situation. So Bucky waited impatiently for the magic words so he could run over to his son in an instant.

“Please, daddy” He had finally made some eye contact with Bucky at this point, “get me out, please.” His lips were pouty and his brown eyes were almost swimming in unshed tears. Bucky practically ran over to the side of the car where Dom was fastened in and unclips his seat belt before lifting him up into his arms. Before Bucky can even open his mouth to ask Dom about his day he's being cut off.

“Baby girl needs a costume.”

“Well isn't mommy her costume?” Bucky has a smile as bright as the sun on his face while he looks at Dom. He looks over to where you are standing with the same smile only to see you and Dom giving him identical death stares. He admires, for just a minute, the both of you. The way you both have the same glint in your deep memorizing eyes, the way the corner of your lip turns up, both of you on the verge of laughing and both of you just barley holding it in.

Its a hell of a sight. Two pairs of strikingly chocolate browns eyes trained on him, they’re disapproving eyes, but that doesn’t matter to him, not right now. The way both of your arms are folded across your chests. You and Dom are practically twins and he loves it.

“No.” Dom says gaining Buckys attention once again.

Bucky just laughs a little before leading the way back to the house.

After you're all inside and you had put the majority of the groceries away, by yourself, you hear Doms ever enthusiastic voice babbling away to Bucky about costumes. His voice is full of excitement and his eyes are wide and beaming as he grabs his notebook.

Bucky was sitting on the couch Dom sitting directly on top of his stomach as he flipped through the drawings in his notebook, forcing Buckys attention down to look at the pages.

“Not a scary face, she can't be scary.”

“We could, but I don't think that would work, with just a face on her belly, that would be silly. What about a pumpkin?”

“No, mommy would have to be an ugly pumpkin patch.” He flipped through his notebook for a while longer showing Bucky the few drawings he had when Bucky stopped on one.

“Is that a basketball?” He was looking down at an orange scribble on one of the pages. It stood out more than the other scribbles and Buckys brain was already coming up with how to make the costume work.

“Yeah,” He says still flipping through even more drawings, “what else would it be?” An orange, Garfield the cat, some weird orange sick. It could be so many things honestly but Bucky didn't say them instead letting Dom continue his story about why he had drawn, explaining that he saw his uncle Sam playing basketball the day before and though it would be cool.

“Wanna watch a movie uncle Sam showed me?” Bucky asks not waiting for Dom to reply, knowing that of course he would wanna watch a movie, especially this movie because uncle Sam had showed it to him, and Dom loved uncle Sam.

He gets up easily with Dom still basically sitting on top of him and makes his way to your room stopping by the entertainment center first. He looked for all of 30 seconds before he found the movie he was seeking out. Holding it strategically out of view from Dom when he grabbed it, he continued on his way to your room.

Once they had gotten to your room Dom broke free of his grip and dashed to your bed fully prepared to climb up and bounce on it.

Bucky absolutely loved the blu ray player. It was hands down one of his favorite piece of technology. Way better than the stupid coffee machine Tony had bought that need a password to work, It was easier to work than his smartphone that Steve insisted he get that took pictures of his face every time he put his passwords in wrong, and was leaps and bounds in comparison to the laptop that sat dusty and uncharged on his desk. It had only taking him 30 minutes at most, with a very upset and crying Dom in the back, to learn how to work it and once he had figured he felt like he could take on the world and he had deemed that one of his top accomplishments.

So he when he walked over to the TV hanging above your dresser it only took seconds for him to slip the disk into place and press play. When he turned around Dom was struggling to get a good grip on your blankets to pull himself up. His hands are gripping tightly at the fitted sheets on Bucky's side of the bed, one leg just barely reaching the edge to pull himself up. It's truly a funny sight and Bucky thinks it's the best part about having such a tall bed.

“Need some help?” Bucky voice startles Dom so much he started to loses his grip on the sheets and started slip off. Bucky wasn’t too far from the bed when his son started to fall, luckily, so in one swift motion he was there and able to grab him before he hit the hard wood floor.

Before Dom can open his mouth to say thank you he’s being tossed in the air by Bucky. There’s a loud shriek and then he’s exploding into a fit of giggles as he lands in the middle of the bed and bounces for a few seconds.

There was only a few moments where Bucky got to appreciate times like these with his son. He didn’t go on most of the mission that the team got, especially now with you expecting baby number two, but that didn’t mean there weren’t still a ton of missions that came in where he couldn’t say no, missions where he had to be away for weeks on end with out you and Dom. Weeks were all he really wanted to do was watch all the Toy Story movies and eat blueberries until he felt like he would burst open.

So he took in the sight of his son cuddled up against your pillows and the black and white blanket before the faint sounds of the movie started to play and he was forced to lay dwon and pay attention to the screen.

Bucky honestly wasn't sure how he felt about the song playing at the beginning of the movie, it left a terribly bad taste in his mouth given recent events, but the song wasn't the point of watching the movie so he swallowed down the rising bile in his throat and focused on the scene of the kid playing basketball by himself.

“Daddy is this a real people movie?” Dominic definitely wasn't into movies that were not animated at this age. He would pick Lion King a million to one over Osmosis Jones just because there were actually people in it, but a part of you knew it was really because he was scared of the monkeys at the beginning of Osmosis Jones.

“Just give it a little bit I promise you’ll like it.” Bucky says arm resting on the headboard as Dom crawls over and into his lap to get even more comfortable.

It takes less than 30 minutes for Dom to fall in love with the movie and in turn decide on your family costumes.

“You have to wear the ears daddy!” Dom said as he watched every stroke that Bucky laid on you.

“Can't I just put my hair back in a bun or something?” Bucky tried to concentrate on making the orange circle as perfect as possible across your round belly, but it was becoming more and more impossible the longer he kneeled in front of you. Baby girl was getting more and more agitated the longer he messed with her sleeping spots. Ever time he moved over the side where she had decided to settle she would unleash a furry of kicks against his hand urging him to move. He didn’t.

“No, Bugs Bunny doesn't do that in the movie!” Dom was sat on the couch besides where Bucky was kneeling between your thighs, watching and gently rubbing the side of your belly that didn't have paint on it yet, as Bucky continued on with the paint.

You can feel the sigh that comes from Bucky against your stomach and it tickles way more then the cold paint and prickly brush against your skin.

“Fine, bu-” Bucky begins before he dips the brush into the black and paints long stripes over the orange.

“You have to wear the tail.” You're laughing before you even finish the sentence. If you have to wear the ears, tail and a giant orange stomach the least he could do was the tail and ears. It was only fair.

Dom had made the executive decision that you and Bucky were to be Lola and Bugs bunny for Halloween. How he imagined your thick curly hair and deep brown complexion was similar to Lola in any way you didn't understand, but at least the bunny ear headband would stay in place between your thick curls. He had also decide that he would be young Michael Jordan, which was hilarious in it's own right seeing as he could barely hold a real basketball. His final decision was that baby girl would be the basketball because “she's already round!”

“Hurry up all the good candy is gonna’ be gone!!”

“Im tryin’ but she keeps movin’.” Bucky groaned out as you tried to stop laughing and Baby girl kicked him away some more as he tried to get the lines as perfect as your laughing and her kicking would allow.

“Mommy you have to stop laughing!” He looked up at you with the most intense eyes you had ever seen on child. You bite down on your bottom lip trying your hardest to keep the giggles at bay so you could finally go out and get the candy your son was determined to go get. It worked for all of 3 minutes which was just enough time for Bucky to finish up the last of the black lines and smooth out the orange circle edges.

When the time had finally come for you to start trick or treating Dom was more than excited to put on his Toon Squad jersey and the new pair of Jordan Space Jams that Tony insisted he buy to go with the Halloween costume, and bounce out of the door.

There weren't many people out in the area you were in, even fewer out with tiny children so Dom was basically the golden goose for the houses who had gotten too much candy expectations set way too high on having a lot of kids show up.

At every house you had stopped at though after getting his candy, a handful or two, he would run back to where you and Bucky were standing grab your hand and drag you back to the house demanding that he got candy for his little sister as well. The people occupying all of the house he did this to would melt at the sight of how determined he was to get candy for your belly and give him another two handfuls. It didn't take long for his bag to get to heavy for him to carry on his own and for Bucky to take over the responsibility.

Dominic had barley made it 45 minutes before he started to complain about his feet hurting and Bucky being the ever loving dad that he was, was more than happy to carry him to next few house. Until the temperature had dropped at least 10 more degrees and you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“My stomach and legs are freezing!” This costume was a mistake hands down an absolute disaster of a mistake. Your Toon Squad ‘jersey’ was basically a bra, it was tied off in the back so your basketball belly could be exposed, your basketball shorts weren't much at all either barely reaching mid thigh, and the string that kept the bunny tail in place was digging into your hips, but you couldn't tell your baby boy no about your first family Halloween costume so you sucked it up. Now though you needed to be anywhere but outside.

“Let's go to the Tower.” You suggested to Bucky, you were walking in the general direction and you knew it would only take another 5 minutes to get there.

“You ready to call it a night?” Bucky asked to the tiny body slumped against his shoulder. He didn't get a response only a slight head nod and deep yawn.

“Well lets go get you all warmed up doll.” The rest of the walk is mostly quiet and your shirt is fully pulled down before the words are even out of his mouth.

The walk to the tower is Bucky’s favorite part of the night. There is a warmth on his shoulder that reaches all the way to the inside of his chest that makes him smile like a dopey idiot for the rest of the walk. There is also the occasional snore that rumbles in the chest of the warm body against him that makes him laugh every time he looks over at you.

“I do not snore.” You don’t even have to look in his direction to know hes staring at you now.

“And neither does he.” He’s still giggling away as you turn the corner heading for the giant Avengers building. The end of the night is finally sinking in and Bucky can’t help but to think about the next Halloween where there’s gonna be another body on this late night stroll for candy, another matching costume to go with the first 3. Its exciting and Bucky can’t see the future, can’t predict what it will be like with more than one kid, but he knows it can only lead to more sleepy cuddles and more dopey smiles.

“Next time you’ll have to carry 2 candy bags.” You say as jog a few feet a head of him.

It only takes a second for you to notice that you don’t hear the sound of his feet crunching next to you. You turn around to see him standing the same few feet away as before. He still has Dominic nestled into his shoulder the pillow case candy bag is hanging off his left shoulder.

“I think I can handle that.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x black reader #james bucky barnes x reader #dominic barnes #i should probably start tagging him because he is he focus ... until baby g #bucky x poc reader #poc reader #Leeah Writes

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