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binunus · 4 years

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injury | cha eunwoo

a/n ~im a simp for eunwoo, you’re a simp for eunwoo, let’s be simps for eunwoo~

LMFAO anyway this is the first week w/o true beauty and yes as much as suho’s character was a bit toxic, he was end game and that’s it !! also eunwoo bb worked so hard :’) no one can deny eunwoo’s superb acting skills alright !! and if they do they boutta catch these hands. so here’s a cute little something of basketball player!eunwoo bc im in love with him

pls watch handsome tigers or this tik tok if you wanna indulge in basketball player!eunwoo bc everyone should at least once in their life

→ pairing: basketball player!eunwoo x athletic trainer!reader

→ genre: fluff, lil angst

→ word count: 5.1k ________________________________________________

Your POV

One thing you didn’t expect when you applied to be a student athletic trainer for the university basketball team was to end up dating one of their star players, but here you were: holding hands with Cha Eunwoo–the starting shooting guard–as you two walked into the basketball court.

He gave you a smile and a kiss to the cheek before going off to join his teammates in stretching. You let out a content sigh, watching as he happily greeted the other basketball players, and then went over to the other student trainers.

Usually, you wouldn’t have much to do since the boys were just practicing, but there was someone new joining today, so you and the other trainers had to give her a little rundown on what she signed up for.

“-mostly we just tape up and ice the guys if they have an injury or a muscle strain, but yeah that should be about it. Simple, right?”

The new girl nodded, eyes trained on the court as the team just started their warmups. “Who’s that? Number 97 is hot–”

“And dating y/n.” One of the male trainers, and yours and Eunwoo’s close friend, Rocky said, narrowing his eyes at the new girl as he rested his elbow on your shoulder. “So don’t even think of any ideas to–”

“Rocky,” You scolded hitting his stomach, “Don’t be rude.”

The girl gave you a once over, an uncomfortable smile on your face, as her eyes met yours. “Ah...well, you must have an amazing personality, y/n!”

You were taken aback, did she just call you ugly? You forced a laugh, trying your best not to quip back at her. Rocky, though, had no restraints, “Clearly a better one than yours.”

Before the new girl could respond, the head trainer called her over, a huge sigh of relief coming from you. Rocky clicked his tongue as he stared at her back, “She’s not going to last long with us. I don’t get why you’re so timid when others are clearly insulting you, y/n.”

You rolled your eyes at him. When it came to your friends, it was definitely Rocky and Myungjun who were not afraid to be bold about what they were thinking. “Eunwoo and I have been dating for more than a year now, you don’t think I’m used to people always saying that my boyfriend is out of my league? I just try to ignore it now Rocky c’mon, I know how Eunwoo feels about me and that’s enough.”

“Damn hyung’s handsome face.” The younger male shook his head. You chuckled, the two of you taking a seat on the bench and conversing as the basketball practice went on. During water breaks, Eunwoo would come over to where you and Rocky were sitting, chatting it up with you two in brief increments before resuming practice. He would always pucker his lips up for a peck before leaving, which you would definitely grant and Rocky would pretend to be disgusted.

By the end of their practice, you managed to successfully avoid the new girl, waiting outside the locker room like you always do after bidding Rocky goodbye. Eunwoo smiled once he saw you, immediately draping his arm around your shoulders as he kissed your temple in greeting. “Baby, I’m hungry.”

“Mmm, you want to eat out or order in?” You asked looking up at him.

“Order in, I’m tired.” He said, the two of you already making your way to his car.

As soon as you two arrived back at Eunwoo’s apartment, he immediately plopped down on the couch. You chuckled, lightly smacking his butt, “Baby, go take a shower first, you’re sweaty.”

“Wanna take one with me?” He asked blinking his big beautiful eyes at you. You grinned, the offer was tempting, but you already took a shower earlier today and you wanted to order this food as soon as possible. Eunwoo pouted as you shook your head in rejection, getting up to go the bathroom looking like a kicked puppy.

You turned on the television to whatever variety show was on at the moment, barely paying attention as you were looking through the food delivery app on your phone. You turned your head as Bin walked out of his bedroom, no doubt having just woken up from a nap.

“Oh? You guys are back.” He said sleepily, waving to you.

“Binnie, we’re ordering for dinner, do you want something?” You asked offering him your phone, a laugh leaving you at the boost of energy he received from the word ‘dinner’

“You know a way to man’s heart, y/n.” Bin said jokingly as he started looking through the menu. “By the way, Rocky texted me about that new trainer–rude ass bitch.”

“God you guys spread gossip faster than girls.” You said amused, “I told him earlier, I’m used to people saying stuff like that. It’s whatever.”

“I guess, but you know how sad Eunwoo will be if he finds out this is still going on?” Bin said handing you your phone back. “We’ve been telling you this since the beginning, don’t let other people’s opinions get to you. You’re attractive, y/n! And to Eunwoo, you’re the most beautiful person in the world.”

You smiled, touched by his words of comfort, “Thanks Binnie, ah where would me and Eunwoo be without all of your guys’ support?”

“Nowhere because he wouldn’t have had the balls to confess to you if it wasn’t for us.” He scoffed heading to the bathroom.

“Change your mind, baby?”

“You better stay in the shower! I don’t wanna see your dick while I’m peeing.”

You laughed at their interaction, your attention shifting to the television as you patiently waited for your food and company. Within 30 minutes, the three of you were happily stuffing yourselves full with the takeout, talking up a storm while watching tv. You leaned back against the couch when you felt your stomach capacity maxed out, hands perched on your belly as you groaned, “I can’t eat anymore.”

They looked at you in amusement, Bin laughing while Eunwoo rested his hand on your knee, a fond smile on his face as he told you he’ll finish up your leftovers. The two boys then got engrossed in their own conversation of sorts, you listening quietly to the side as the food coma started to kick in. Somewhere in the midst of their conversation, you settled behind Eunwoo, legs draped next to his body as you snaked your arms around his waist, resting your head on his back. He hummed, still chewing on his food as he took one of your hands and squeezed it.

You started to zone out, their dialogue beginning to sound like a bunch of nonsensical noise. Bin looked over to where you were laying, “I think y/n’s about to knock out.”

Your boyfriend turned his body to get a glimpse of you, grinning as you whined from the shift in movement. He changed your positions so that you were leaning next to his side, his arm around your waist as you rested your head on his shoulder. “Food coma?”

You nodded, snuggling into his side to get comfortable. Bin watched the two of you with a smile, scooping up the last of his food before clapping his hands, “Well! you guys being all cuddly is making me miss my bub...so see you lovebirds tomorrow!”

You snort, eyes still closed as you respond to him, “Aren’t they hanging out with Eunbi right now? I saw it earlier on their Instagram story.”

He shrugs, gathering up the trash, “I’m going to crash their hangout because I want to cuddle too. Have fun you two, good night sweet dreams, use protection...or not, be a little spicy!”

Eunwoo rolls his eyes as he picks up a throw pillow and chucks it at his roommate, “Alright bye Binnie.”

It takes all but five minutes before Bin leaves the apartment. The moment you two were alone, Eunwoo immediately tightened his hold, practically pulling you onto his lap as he laid you both down on the couch, spooning you from behind. You let out a smile, hands on top of his as he kissed your shoulder, “You ran a lot today baby, are your legs okay?”

He cutely nods his head, his chin lightly digging into your skin, “My calves are a bit tight, but I’ll probably just roll them out at the gym tomorrow.”

You hummed, rubbing his arm, “Do you want me to massage your legs?”

“It’s okay baby, we’re both tired. I’ll just do it tomorrow.” He said, not wanting to move from the couch any time soon. You chuckled, turning around so that you faced him, your eyes finally blinking open, “If you wait until tomorrow, your calves are gonna be stiff and sore, you might get a muscle cramp. C’mon baby.”

He kissed your nose in response, “You were literally about to knock out from a food coma five minutes ago.”

“The feeling comes and goes,” You grinned, moving to stand up from the couch. Eunwoo pouted at your absence, but followed your movement anyway, taking your hand as you led him to his bedroom. He obediently laid face down on his bed, waiting as you searched his room for the roller stick. “Can we cuddle after?”

“Yes,” You laughed, giving him a kiss before you sat down next to his legs. “Baby, this is your perk for dating an athletic trainer. I need to make sure you’re in tip top shape.”

“But rolling calves always hurt.” Eunwoo whined, already wincing as you started to apply pressure under the back of his knee. You tried to be gentle at first before really going in with stretching his calf muscles, “that’s because your calves are the tensest muscles in the body, they’re put under a lot of strain and pressure from walking and running so it hurts when you try to relax them.”

“I love when you talk medical to me,” He sighs dreamily. You roll your eyes, pressing down hard on the meat of his calves. You felt bad when Eunwoo started letting out complaints of pain, trying to talk him through it and distract him from the pressure on his legs. “Ow ow baby! It hurts!”

“I know I know, almost done baby, I promise.” You said gently, rolling the stick thoroughly over both calves a couple more times, trying to get rid of all the deep knots that accumulated in his muscles. After deciding that he’s suffered through enough with the stick, you put it to the side and began kneading the heels of your palms through his skin, stimulating his muscles gently after the harsh rolling session. Your hands slowly moved north until they landed on his shoulders, briefly massaging the knots out in his neck as well. You ended up laying next to him, cooing cutely as you pressed a kiss to his cheek, “all done.”

Your boyfriend smiled, pulling you into his chest as he kissed your forehead, “thank you baby.”

“You better not ask any of the other trainers to do this for you,” You pouted, a little bubble of jealousy coming up from the earlier situation at the gym. “Except Rocky, maybe.”

Eunwoo scoffed, running his hands through your hair as he met your eyes, “I would much rather have you give me a massage than Rocky. And hey, you better not offer this treatment to the other guys too or I’ll get jealous. You’re my trainer.”

“Deal.” You grinned hugging him tightly, all feelings of jealousy quenched.

Game days always had a specific schedule to be followed. In the morning, you two were free to do whatever you pleased, but it always ended up with the two of you procrastinating in bed until 11 am. Eunwoo always ate a high-protein high-calorie meal whenever he had games and today’s lunch was no different. After eating, the two of you began to get ready, which included showering and getting dressed.

Today you wore a simple set of jeans a black crop top, finishing your look with the university sports quarter zip, which you were required to wear for every game. After tying your hair up, you turned to your boyfriend who was just starting to dress himself. You took a seat on his bed, marveling at how attractive he looked as he slipped on his jersey and shorts. “I’ll never get over seeing you in your uniform, baby.”

He grinned, placing his arms on either side of your body as he hovered over you, leaning down for a kiss. You expected it to be short and sweet, but Eunwoo had different ideas, lips still working against yours as your back gave in, laying down on the bed. You whined as one of his hands took place on your waist, rubbing at the exposed skin, “Mm, baby, we have to leave soon.”

“I know,” he said moving his lips down your jaw, “I just wanted to kiss you.”

“You can kiss me all you want after your game.” You lightly chuckled, wrapping your arms around his torso in a hug. He nodded, face buried in your neck as he dug his hands under your body, hugging you tightly. You hummed, caressing his hair soothingly, “Are you nervous?”

“A little, I’m always nervous before a game, baby.” Eunwoo said pressing a kiss to your collarbone, “You’ll cheer me on, right?”

“Always,” You said patting his back, “C’mon, we should start heading out soon.”

He nodded, reluctantly getting off of you and pulling your body up with him. You offered your boyfriend a cheerful smile, reaching up to fix the bangs out of his eyes before cupping his cheeks, shaking his face in between your hands, “You’re going to do amazing today baby, as always.”

Eunwoo smiled at your action, pecking your lips again before the two of you did a last-minute search around his room for your belongings. After getting all that you needed, the two of you bid Bin goodbye, telling the swimmer that you’ll see him at the court later. You took your place in the driver’s seat, wanting Eunwoo to just relax for the short drive to the gymnasium. You dropped him off at the entrance first before going to find parking, having Eunwoo arrive early was more important than your arrival anyway.

As soon as you walked into the court, the players were already doing their stretches, your boyfriend in the midst of them all. You glanced at him briefly before greeting the other trainers, the group of you having a quick pre-game discussion of roles before being dismissed to do your own things.

You actively try to avoid the new girl as the time draws closer to the start of the game, not wanting your energy to get dampered. By now, the other team has already arrived and the stands were slowly starting to fill up. You were seated calmly behind the bench, trying to pass the time on your phone, before your boyfriend took the space next to you, hand automatically going on top of your knee. “You ready?”

“As much as I can be,” He grinned rubbing your kneecap, “Wanna come with me to fill up my water bottle?”

You nod, you weren’t doing anything anyway. The male immediately drapes his arm over your shoulders as the two of you walk to the water station, the two of you already getting excited about your dinner plans after the game. The rest of your friends would be joining you, no doubt, as you already spotted them near the front of the student seating.

You were in such a good mood, anticipating the start of what was going to be a good game. Your university was going against their rivals, so expectations for both teams were high. You and Eunwoo were leisurely walking back to the court, he still had a couple more minutes before he needed to join his team.

“Hey, you’re Eunwoo, right? I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Hana, the new student trainer. You’re really good at playing!” The girl said walking up to the two of you. You immediately felt your body stiffen at her appearance, trying not to let it show to your boyfriend. He gives the new girl a polite smile, “Ah thank you.”

“If you need anything, I’ll be more than happy to help you.” She said batting her eyelashes sweetly at him. You pursed your lips tightly, jealousy easily building up inside of you. Eunwoo only laughed awkwardly, “I appreciate it, but y/n’s got everything handled when it comes to me, right baby?”

You nod, trying your hardest not to punch Hana in the face at her blatant attempt to flirt with your boyfriend right in front of you. Eunwoo noticed your discomfort immediately, removing his hand from where it was interlocked with yours before slipping it around your waist, squeezing the skin gently. “Well, it was nice meeting you Hana, but I should go back to the team...I’ll look at you when I need good luck, baby, hm?”

You manage to crack a smile, a little laugh leaving you when he puckered his lips out for a kiss. You step on your tiptoes, granting his wish quickly, before pushing him out towards the court. You turn towards Hana and give her a forced smile before searching for Rocky.

You weren’t surprised to find him in the bleachers, sitting and chatting amongst your group of friends. You go and join them with a light feeling in your chest, greeting the other four of them with hugs.

“How are you doing y/n? You excited?” Jinjin asked as you take a seat next to him.

“Yeah! I mean the guys have a really good chance of winning this one, it’s gonna be a good game.” You smiled clasping your hands together. Rocky only scoffed as he pointed at you, “Bitch, I saw Hana approaching you and Eunwoo hyung, spill.”

You throw the younger male a joking glare, “Nothing gets past you, huh?”

Bin immediately cringed at her name, hand palming his forehead, “Oh God, what did she do?”

You shrugged passively, “She just introduced herself to him and said that if he needed anything, she’ll gladly help him or whatever.”

The boys groaned in response, Sanha reaching over Jinjin to tap your leg, “And? What did hyung say?”

“He let her down gently and said that he goes to me if he needs anything–”

“As he should!” Myungjun said indignantly, crossing his arms in annoyance. Jinjin only nodded, “Good boy.”

“If she even tries to homewreck y/n, just say the word and I’ll scream at her!” Myungjun said in all seriousness. You laugh at his claim, “thanks guys, but I think Eunwoo made it pretty obvious to her so it’s fine.”

The youngest sighed giving you a pout, “You’re too nice, y/n.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Rocky said agreeing with Sanha, “If I was you and someone was flirting with my partner, I’d clock them right in the face.”

“Hey, I wanted to–”

“You should have,” Bin sighed, “What a shame, maybe next time.”

“I usually don’t advocate for violence, but I’d turn a blind eye for this, y/n.” Jinjin agreed. You rolled your eyes at them, “You know, as much as I love to sit here and get lectured, Rocky and I have to go down to the trainer section.”

“We’ll see you guys later!” Rocky said as the two of you stand to go to the bench, taking your seats with the other trainers–and as far away from Hana as you could.

The game was already intense from the tip-off, both sides in a tight match to get a starting lead. The cheers from the stands were just as heightened, giving energy to both sides during baskets or free throws. Their plays started to get rougher from the beginning of the second half, more and more fouls getting called on both teams.

You and the trainers were busy as well, assessing each player during substitutions and icing whenever they came back to the bench. By the third quarter, your team established a good six-point lead, the energy of your section high from Eunwoo’s back-to-back 3 pointers.

You could distinctly hear Myungjun’s scream as he shouted Eunwoo’s name, a laugh coming from the bench at his volume. You hid your face in Rocky’s back, second hand embarrassment coming from the two of you at your friends’ loud cheering tactics.

You even spotted Eunwoo letting out a smile as both sides prepared for a free throw, your boyfriend giving a thumbs up to the guys in acknowledgement. His gaze then shifted onto you, your cheeks flushing as he shot you a heart-fluttering wink, a smile gluing itself onto your face.

You watched with pride as his concentration zeroed back in on the game, his team playing impeccable defense as they raced to your side of the court. After a couple back and forth relays, your team was on offense, trying to calm down the tensions as they strategized their next play.

It all happened so fast. The opponents stole the ball from your point guard, commencing a fast break. Eunwoo sped across court, the defense of your team depending on him and another player.

“Eunwoo–screen!”

He followed the instructions of his teammate well, placing his body in front of the opponent as he tried to defend your team’s basket. Unfortunately, the momentum of the other player was too much, both players roughly colliding and falling on the court.

You gasped in horror, immediately standing up from your seat as the referee blew the whistle to stop the play. Your teeth dug into your lower lip in worry as Eunwoo remained on the floor, clutching his waist in pain as some players and the referees surrounded him. The head trainer jogged onto the court, kneeling in front of Eunwoo to ask if he was okay.

The gymnasium was quiet, looking on to the scene that was unfolding in the center of the floor. Slowly, the trainer helped Eunwoo stand up, your boyfriend leaning his weight on the male as he limped off to the side, the coach substituting in the other shooting guard in place of Eunwoo. Both sides started clapping in respect, as they always do when someone gets injured during a play.

The head trainer looked to the group of you, “someone help me with Eunwoo.”

Before you could even respond, Hana beat you to the chase raising her hand, “I can help.”

“y/n,” Eunwoo said, eyes only on you. The head trainer looks between you and Hana, sighing, “Decide amongst yourselves, and fast.”

“It’ll give me more experience-”

“No, I want y/n.” Eunwoo said seriously, not even giving her a chance. The head trainer ushers you over, your feet finally taking a step with the help of Rocky pushing you forward. You accidentally shove Hana out of your way as you approach Eunwoo and the trainer, taking some of your boyfriend’s weight as the three of you walk to the locker room.

Once in the locker room, the head trainer immediately started assessing Eunwoo’s waist, trying to determine whether he needed to be sent to the hospital for a scan. Quickly and quietly, you follow the trainer’s lead, offering your assistance when he needed it. All the while, you hold Eunwoo’s hand as your boyfriend was trying not to think of the pain in his lower back.

“Do you think you can walk, Eunwoo?”

“I don’t know, there’s a sharp pain in my waist if I try to turn my body.” Eunwoo said attempting to rotate his upper half.

“No no no, don’t move. Let’s get you to the hospital to make sure there isn’t anything broken.” He sighed taking out his phone to call the medical team, “y/n, I’m sure you’ll be accompanying your boyfriend. Text me Eunwoo’s updates, okay?”

You nodded, briefly leaving Eunwoo’s side to gather both his and your things. Within the next five minutes, a group of EMTs entered the locker room, lifting Eunwoo onto a stretcher and rolling him to an ambulance, you following closely behind.

You didn’t say much on the way too the hospital, your mind too preoccupied with worry and thinking about the worst-possible scenario for your boyfriend. Even when you arrived at the hospital, Eunwoo was immediately whisked away to get some scans and X-rays done, you being escorted to the waiting room in the meantime. It seemed like forever until a nurse approached you, leading you to the room where Eunwoo was being held.

You let out a sigh upon seeing him, almost being moved to tears as he offered you a smile, “You’re smiling? Cha Eunwoo, I oughta–”

“Baby, I’m okay.” He chuckled lightly, hand outstretched to meet yours. You frowned, putting both of your bags down to the side as you took a seat by his bedside, “Are you okay? What did the doctor say? I need to update the trainer and your coach too.”

“Nothing’s broken,” He said first, attempting to ease some of your anxiety. “The doctor said I had a nasty fall that bruised my coccyx so there’s a lot of inflammation to the area. They gave me some pain medication so I don’t really feel anything right now, but I should be discharged tomorrow. And then he gave me a referral to a chiropractor who I’ll see in about two days. But baby, I’m okay, promise.”

“You can’t play though,” You said softly, hands fiddling with his fingers, “I feel like I’m more upset than you.”

“I played hard today so I don’t regret anything.” He said simply, “it sucks that I couldn’t finish the game, but injuries are a part of being an athlete, you know that baby. Besides, from what the doctor said, I shouldn’t be out for too long, maybe just a game or two. I told him I’m in especially good hands because you’re gonna take care of me.”

You said nothing, still not fully believing that he’s taking this situation so well. “Baby...give me a smile, hm? I’ll feel much better if I see you smiling.”

Mustering up the brightest smile that you could, you finally looked up at his face. His features only softened, knowing that you were trying your best to stay strong for him, “Are you still worried?”

“Baby, you’re in the hospital.” You said as if stating the obvious, “How could I not be worried?”

“You’re so cute being all worried about me,” He teased squeezing your hand. You scoffed, finally easing up a little at his flirting. “You laughed! I heard you laugh just now!”

“You’re annoying,” You said as you took out your phone to give the head trainer updates on Eunwoo’s condition. After you pressed send, you immediately received a call from Sanha, “Hello?”

“Is Eunwoo hyung okay?!” “Is he dying?!” “Eunwoo no he’s too young to die!”

You flinched at their loud volume, turning your phone on speaker so that you and Eunwoo could both respond to their chatter. “Guys, he’s not dying.”

“I’m okay,” He laughed taking your phone. “Hold on, did we win?”

“Are you fucking serious? That’s what you wanna know?!” Myungjun scolded into the phone. You chuckled, the guys talking over each other again as they announced they were on the way to the hospital. “They never said if we won or not.”

“I guess you’ll find out when they arrive.” You said, patting his cheek as you stood, removing your sweater. “Do you want some water, baby? I could go get some.”

He shook his head, puckering up his lips for something else. “Please? I’m injured.”

“You’re going to use this to your advantage, aren’t you?” You asked leaning down to grant him a quick kiss. “Maybe.”

After handing Eunwoo his phone, you went to the bathroom for a little bit before coming back and taking a seat on the hospital bed that he so highly encouraged. “If we get scolded by the nurse, I’m blaming it on you.”

“It’s not like you’re laying in bed with me, baby. We’ll be fine.” He said putting his hand on your thigh. He rubbed your cloth of your jeans gently, thinking to himself as you responded to messages on your phone. “Baby, you know I love you, right?”

You made a sound of confusion, looking up from your phone and meeting his eyes, “Hm? Of course I do. I love you too. Why, all of a sudden?”

“Just, when Hana was talking to us earlier and when she volunteered to try and help, I could see that you were uncomfortable.” Eunwoo said gently, “It annoyed me too, to be honest. Like what else did I need to do to show that I’m dating you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” You said stroking his hair, “I’m used to people thinking that they can steal you away just because they’re prettier than me or more handsome than me or whatever. It doesn’t bother me that much anymore, baby––and it shouldn’t bother you too.”

“That’s so fucked up, y/n, how can that not bother me?” He frowned. “You are the most attractive person in my eyes, baby. If anyone pulls this shit again, I swear I won’t let it slide.”

“I know,” You said quietly, kissing his cheek. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Eunwoo said, “I don’t want you to ever forget that y/n, you’re mine and no one can do anything to change that.”

“Mmm, I’m lucky that you and the guys always defend me, aren’t I?” You lightly smiled, “God, you have no idea how many times Rocky cursed Hana out in the past week.”

“As he should,” Eunwoo nodded kissing the back of your hand, “see, this is why they’re my friends.”

“Speaking of our friends.” You said looking at the door, “I can hear them coming.”

Your boyfriend chuckled, both of your attentions at the door, which shortly was opened by five boisterous guys. The sound in the hospital room suddenly increasing tenfold at their appearance, all five of them crowding and fussing around the bed. You giggled, sharing a look with Eunwoo as the guys started talking all at once. He grinned, listening until the end of their rambles. Although he was injured, Eunwoo noticed that he couldn’t be feeling any happier. He had no doubt that he would have a speedy recovery, especially if you and his best friends were right by his side. _______________________________________

2-12-21

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xsarcasticwriterx · 4 years

Text

Wonderwall-part 3

Summary: While all of the avengers facility may be aware of your pregnancy there's someone else who also needs to know.

Pairing: Tony stark x reader x Bucky barnes

Warnings: swearing, Pregnancy shit, angst,

Wonderwall masterlist

It had been 2 weeks sense everyone found out you were pregnant including yourself. things were back to semi normal. Everyone was treating you like you'd break if things happened to fast and bucky and tony hadn't said a word to each other. Not that they ever actually did speak to each other but now its less than usual. Bruce banned you from going on missions which everyone agreed to. It was the only time tony and bucky had agreed on something so you grumbled and accepted it.

You were currently sat in the main lounge watching tv with your feet up on the table. You had to admit a 9 month break was awesome. you heard the door open and close. “Y/n?” you heard tony call for you. “over here” you yell back. you see tony round the corner. “hey how are you feeling?” he asks sitting next to you. “mmmmmm” you grumble closing your eyes. your head falls onto his shoulder. he laughs and you move your head to his lap putting your legs on the side of the couch. “hey so uh I was thinking.” he starts. you tilt your head looking up at him “wow that's a first you say.” you say laughing.

Tony rolls his eyes. “sorry sorry go ahead what is it?” you ask. “Well sense things have calmed down here for the most part I was thinking of telling pepper. your going to be showing here soon and I just figured ya know” he says. you sit up “uh yea i mean obviously you'd have to tell her and sooner than later makes sense.” you said. “How and when you gonna tell her?” you ask. “Not quite sure. was thinking of taking her out ya know have her mood up before...” he trails off.

“before shattering yalls whole world?” you say blatantly. Tony makes a face of nervousness. “sorry...just...honest when nervous.” you said messing with your fingers. “I’m sure it'll be fine...right?” you asked. tony shrugged. to be honest he wasn't sure of anything. He hoped she understood this was never intended and that the cause of it only happened because they felt so alone and hopeless.

You already felt sick but the nervousness of how pepper would react made it worse. You launched up running to the restroom hunching over and puking your breakfast out. you groaned and tony came over. he rubbed your back calmly “shh shh its ok” he said softly. you sat back looking at him “ugh i know im gonna love this little one when their born but my god does this suck” you grumbled. tony laughed and pulled you towards him. you laid your head on his shoulder.

“hey i have an ultrasound next week they'll tell me how far along i am and we’ll see if the baby is healthy.” you said smiling. “that's amazing i'll definitely be there. Is bucky coming?” tony asked. you nodded “yea he's been really supportive actually i'm so happy he's been so ok with it” you say with a smile. “I hope pepper reacts similarly. you got lucky ya know with buck and all.” he says looking down. your smile fades “i know...really fucked this up...Bucky still loves me and I still love him its just....different, hes different.” it was true ever sense you told bucky he had been off. He cared for you and still held you close and kissed you but everytime he left he used to kiss you but this time he just says bye. Its usually in a neutral tone and anytime Tony comes around you can see him become pissed off.

He cares for you and helps you with the side effects. Helps you with the morning sickness and cravings, dosent get angry when your mood changes every 2 seconds or when you watch sad movies and immediately fall apart. But hes still just...off. You knew he would stay and help but you wondered if things would be good again or if it'll only get worse when the baby is here.

“ok now” you start sitting up and walking to the bedroom, you sat on the bed and tony followed after. “tell me about the missions you know i gotta live through you now that i'm on house arrest” you say as tony sits next to you. “your pregnant not on house arrest last thing we needed was some dude giving you a sob story and you falling apart.” he said with a laugh. you hit his chest “uh huh sure that was why” you said. you moved and layed on the bed, tony laying next to you. “ok ok, the most recent a group tried to pull a major hack into a major bank” he said as you curled into his side. He spoke of how amazing it was to take them down. How steve and hom fought for control as usual. you laughed and smiled but over all you missed your team.

You missed being on missions, missed feeling included and missed the jokes and laughter and overall just missed being with them. you slowly fell asleep during his story. It was just so peaceful and nice you couldn't help it he was so warm and he was rubbing your back. Tony looked down at you and smiled, you looked so beautiful and at peace. Most days you held your guard up though it was falling more and more from your pregnancy. Moments like this you looked so vulnerable and at peace, he loved to just see you so...calm.

Tony looked up as the door opened and bucky came in. Bucky saw you curled into tony's side and straightened up. He closed the door and looked back at you two. “hey” bucky whispered “hey” tony said back.

“I guess i should go” tony said ready to leave this awkward situation. “no no stay she hasn't gotten much sleep recently with worrying and ya know puking” bucky said walking to the couch and sitting. “im sorry” tony said “Really i am” tony wasn't sure on what to say but he knew he needed to say something, anything to fix this.

“I’m going to tell pepper tomorrow” tony said trying to make conversation. “Y/n tell you she has an ultrasound next week?” bucky asked. tony nodded “I wanted to come if thats ok” tony basically asked for permission. This was new for him he never asked to do anything but he felt like he was overstepping. “their your child of course its ok” bucky said. And with that it was back to silence

“Tony I’m going to ask you this once and i need you to be honest. Do you have feelings for her?” he asked. Tony was taken back by this. Did he have feelings for you? “no no of course not shes your girl.” tony said. bucky shook his head “not what i asked” bucky said. “No i dont i promise” tony said. bucky nodded with a small smile “ok, now on with that, how do you feel?” bucky asked. He felt relieved that tony didn't have feelings for her and it made it much easier to be around him knowing this.

“how do I feel? uh strange i guess. It's strange to look at her and know there's a human growing in there.” tony said. It was strange because she was starting to show slightly and knowing it was the start to a human a child that was his was strange to him. “yea i get what you mean its like you know there was going to be a child there but to see it happening is just something else.” bucky said.

“yea...i also feel nervous you know, nervous of being a good father. My dad” tony started before looking up at bucky who had straightened up. They never talked of tony's father after word came out of bucky killing his parents. Not that tony talked of them much but it became nothing after the incident. tony looked at tony before looking back down at the bed. “anyways i guess over all else i'm happier than ever. I know i'll love this kid more than life itself so im just...happy.” tony said.

“how about you how do you feel?” tony asked. “happy i guess we talked of having a family before” he said. “what stopped you two?” tony asked hoping he wasn't pushing it. “Well being in the avengers and nearly dying on every mission mostly. then just us not sure on parenting not exactly like she had the best father and I was born in 1917 then when we finally decided to just do it....she went to space” he said looking up at tony. tony avoided his gaze looking anywhere but at bucky. he felt you turn in his arms and looked down seeing your eyes flutter open.

You looked up at tony and gave a soft smile before sitting up and seeing bucky. You looked between the two contemplating how no one got killed in the time you were asleep. “I should go now um guess i'll talk to you after i tell pepper” tony said to you. you nodded and smiled “sure don't get killed” you said before tony gave a small laugh and left. you looked at bucky “no one died” you said with a small smile. he laughed and nodded “nope no one died.” he said. “so does that mean things are ok again?” you ask. bucky nods “things are ok again” he said. you smiled “good” you wanted things to be the way they were where everyone could at least stand one another. where it felt like a family for those without one.

Later that night you sat on your bed watching tv while bucky and a few of the others were on a small mission. Anyone who wasn't on the mission was crashing from the last mission. You knew tony was going to tell pepper today which made you keep your phone on hand just in case. your phone dinged and you looked seeing a text from tony. “hide” was all it said. you of course not one to not listen when something says hide, hid in the secret spots you each had that no one other than you knew. It was originally in case bucky went all winter solider again but after that got fixed it simply became a spot incase some people attacked.

yours was a spot in the bathroom, figured it was least obvious, behind the toilet there's a small hole leading to a whole other room prepared with food and water and a bed that could last up to a month. you climb through still with your phone you text back “got it” and sat on the bed. Guess pepper didn't take it well.

You heard the front door slam and yelling. there was the sound of things being tossed around and door opening and closing, probably those who were sleeping and going to find out what the fuck was going on. You sat on the bed waiting and listening to the voices though it sounded like charlie brown teachers you could kind of tell by tone what was going on. Then you got a text from tony saying “come on out, don't worry steve and vision are down here so she won't kill you...or if she does you got back up” you sighed standing up and walking out.

You walked to the living room and saw pepper,tony,steve,vision all standing there pepper looked and stared you down. you slowly walked in “you” pepper said starting towards you. Steve moves in front lighting pushing her back. you hid behind steve “your ok” he whispered to you. “you absolute whore!” pepper yelled at you throwing glass at you. you screamed hiding behind steve fully. “we didn't know we'd be back!” tony yelled. “Pepper-” you wanted to apologize fix everything “No you shut the fuck up!” she yelled. you jumped back and steve put a protective arm around you.

“I don't want to hear it! Were done” pepper said “pep” tony said and pepper turned around slapping him. you moved from your spot by steve to tony. Pepper took the chance and slapped you. you stumbled back and tony grabbed your arm. “done” pepper said walking out slamming the door. steve moved to you “you ok?” steve asked. you felt tears brewing in your eyes. “guess its over” tony said. you pulled away and walked to your room curling up. A few minutes later there was a knock. “mmm” you grumbled. the door slightly opened.

steve came in and sat next to you “you ok?” he asked. you looked up at him and put your head in his lap “I just want to sleep” you grumbled. steve nodded and stroked through your hair. You fell asleep quickly and soon bucky came in. His face was washed in panic. “you heard?” steve asked. bucky nodded “is she ok?” he asked. steve shrugged “said she just wanted to sleep” he said. bucky nodded and sat next to you. “pepper broke up with tony” steve said. “figured” bucky said rubbing your arm. you curl up between bucky and steve. bucky's head rested back against the headboard and slowly fell asleep. steve wasn't sure on what to do so he just stayed stroking your hair as you fell asleep and looking at how at peace his best friend seemed for the first time in his life.

Tig tag list: @vicmc624

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Ocean Eyes - Part 10

A/N- Another update??? What is going on??! hope you all enjoy this part 💕 Please like/share/reblog.

Within days of being back home from our weekend at Chris's the lockdown was announced and I spent a day packing up some of mine and Masons belongings that we might need while staying with Chris. While i was feeling very nervous about having to spend this time with Chris, Mason was over the moon! He was so excited that we had to go stay with Chris and Dodger.

Chris arrived early with Scott and they loaded our things into Chris's car.

"This is gonna be so much fun!" Scott said happily.

"Are you staying at Chris's too?"

"I am!"

"Oh god that means you're gonna be trying to get me drunk!"

"Well duh!" He laughed shrugging like it should have been a given.

"God help me you two are gonna be trouble" Chris said shaking his head as he helped Mason into his carseat.

"You knew what you were getting yourself into".

While Chris and Scott started bickering i turned and saw Brian coming out of his house, he stood and watched us and then started to walk towards us.

"Oh shit.... quick lets go, Brians coming over!"

"This guy!" Chris said through gritted teeth shaking his head and looking a little pissed off.

"Morning neighbour!" Brian called out, i turned and gave a quick wave.

"You and Mason leaving?"

"Yep, we're gonna ride this out with family" i nodded and felt Chris wrap his arm around my waist and pull me closer to him.

"Come on sweetheart we should go"

"Yeah sure, take care Brian"

"Wait, you look so familiar...." Brian suddenly said looking more closely at Chris "where have i seen you before?"

"I just have one of those faces, i get that a lot" Chris shrugged casually opening my door for me.

"Yeah maybe..... hey Y/N, i was thinking after this lockdown is over maybe you and i can get dinner...."

Was he serious right now??

"Dude really??!....." Chris snapped looking at Brian shaking his head.

"What?"

Chris closed my door and stood towering over Brian as they exchanged words i could no longer hear. Chris was soon strutting round to the driver side of the car while Brian stood there looking pissed. I turned to look at Chris as he got into the car, he was fuming. He started the car and pulled away onto the road, his grip on the steering wheel so tight his knuckles went white.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked him quietly.

"I will be knowing you and Mason are away from that creep"

"What did you say to him?"

"We'll talk about it later, i don't want Mace to hear"

"Okay, but can you please try and calm down....."

"Im Fine"

"Tell your face that, plus you're kinda white knuckling the steering wheel there....."

"Sorry.... sorry. Im fine really...." he loosened his grip and gave me a tight lipped smile.

"Always so protective" Scott chuckled from the back seat earning him a glare in the rear view mirror.

"Scott i swear to god...."

"Come on boys behave, this lockdown hasn't even started yet and you're bickering"

"You sure you don't wanna go stay with Ma....." Chris muttered at Scott making us all laugh.

The first week of lockdown quickly passed, there was no news on when the lockdown would let up so we were all just enjoying our time together.....It was just like old times. I called my mom and Hannah everyday just to check in and have some female conversation but other than that it was just me and the Evan's boys in our little quarantine bubble.

I was in the kitchen making breakfast when Chris walked in sporting a new haircut..... the buzzcut was back!

"Wow...... you've shaved your hair...."

"Yeah" he run his hand over his head blushing a little "fancied a change, its been a long time since i can just cut my hair when i want"

"Right, Marvel owned it before"

"No...."

"You know i'm right" i shrugged "i always did like the buzzcut look though"

"Yeah i remember....." he smirked.

"Morning family!" Scott said loudly walking into the kitchen "What happened to your hair??"

"Fancied a change, plus now i haven't gotta worry about my hair everyday"

"You know that actually sounds kinda smart..... have you seen my bed head??"

"Kinda hard to miss Scotty" i snickered behind my hand looking at his hair that was sticking up left, right and centre.

"Maybe i should do it too"

"And me!" Mason said smiling big at us "i want hair like dads too!"

"Oh my god Chris what have you started..."

"Sorry...."

"No its fine, its only hair. It'll grow back right.... i guess now is as good a time as any for a haircut".

After breakfast Chris took Mason for his hair cut while i showered and dressed for the day. The next time i saw them all three were sporting buzzcuts and i had to admit it was very cute!

"Let me get a photo of you three, this is just too cute to pass up" i smiled grabbing my phone. I snapped a few photo's and forwarded them to Chris and Scott before setting one as my lock screen and slipping my phone back into my pocket.

"Oh my god i love this.... i'm gonna get this blown up and framed on my wall" Chris smiled looking at the photo.

"Let me get one of you three" Scott jumped up and pulled me towards the sofa where Chris and Mason still sat.

"Oh.... we dont have to do that....."

"Come on, it'll be nice to have at least one photo of the three of us" Chris said looking up at me with those damn ocean eyes of his that always made me week.

"Okay, sure" i nodded taking the seat next to Mason.

"Move in a bit closer....." Scott said trying to get us all in frame, we both leaned in closer to Mason and smiled while Scott took the photo.

"Oh i'm good..... this is great you guys" Scott said before both our phones were receiving photo's from Scott. I couldn't help the smile on my face when i saw how lovely the photo had come out.

"Okay you did good, i love this"

"This ones going up too by the way" Chris looked at me with a huge smile.

"You don't have to do that...."

"You kidding me? I want to"

"Fair enough, its your house. I just don't think your girlfriend will appreciate it much".

"Okay..... who wants lunch??" Scott asked loudly interrupting, it had suddenly got a bit awkward at the mention of Lindsey so i just got up quickly and followed Scott into the kitchen.

Once Mason was in bed for the night the alcohol came out. We watched some old movie (that Chris found hilarious) played some card games which somehow led to childish drinking games and before we knew it we were all pretty wasted!

"Right you guys i'm going to bed, i physically can not drink anymore" Scott said getting to his feet and stumbling making Chris and I laugh.

"Dude you're such a lightweight" Chris rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Shut up. Goodnight.... love you both"

"Night Scotty, love you" i smiled up at him from where i was laying on sofa.

"Night bro, love ya".

Chris and I sat in silence for a few minutes, just the sounds on the TV playing in the background.

"You want another beer?" He asked getting up from the armchair he had been occupying all night.

"Sure, i'll have one more before bed".

While Chris went to grab the beers i sat and reached for my phone to make sure i hadn't missed any messages from my mom or Hannah. There was a photo from Hannah that made me laugh just as Chris walked back in with the beers.

"Hannah just sent me this photo..." i said to him turning my phone to show him a photo of Lucas who now had a buzzcut.

"Haha! Oh god i really started something didn't i?" He laughed looking a bit guilty.

"I sent her a photo of Mason's new haircut earlier, she said Lucas wouldn't shut up about wanting the same.... looks like he got his way"

"You gotta admit it looks cute though?"

"Yeah okay i'll give you that. Mason is like your little mini me, even more so than usual"

"He’s just missing the beard"

"I think we've still got some time until that happens" i laughed "you definitely have strong genes Evans.....that boy literally inherited none of my looks"

"No but he's got your attitude and sass"

"Hey!"

"Im kidding.... mostly"

"Ass" i muttered shaking my head at him before taking a mouthful of my beer.

"He might look like me but his personality is all you sweetheart... he's an amazing kid"

"Yeah he is, id be lost without him"

"I kinda love having you both here" Chris added avoiding eye contact with me.

"Its been nice, just remember its not permanent...."

"I know, i know" he nodded quickly "you know when i came in and saw you laughing at your phone, my first thought was that it might've been Derek.... i hate that guy and i don't even know him" he scoffed "how sad is that?"

"Chris....."

"I know, its none of my business who you date or whatever"

"You're right it is none of your business. But just for the record, there's nothing going on with Derek, we were gonna go for dinner before this lockdown stuff but i haven't spoken to him since"

"Oh...."

"Can i ask you something?" I turned to face him, he looked up and nodded finally looking at me.

"Why isn't Lindsey here?"

"What?...."

"Why isn't Lindsey staying with you? I mean you guys are obviously serious if you came looking for that divorce but she isn't here....."

Chris looked away again coughing to clear his throat.... was he nervous??

"Lindsey isn't here because i ended it"

"What?... when?"

"When i found out i had a son. When i saw you again and realised anything i thought i felt for her was a lie"

"Are you fucking with me right now?"

"No. Im just being honest. Y/N, i know i fucked up when i ended things with us.... it was the biggest mistake of my life and i regret it everyday.... but i never stopped loving you. Not for one god damn second...."

I suddenly felt very sober, my heart pounding in my chest.

“You’re just saying this because you’ve had too much to drink...” i muttered shaking my head.

“You’re probably right, doesn’t mean its not true. Ive just been keeping it to myself” Chris suddenly got up and came to sit next me taking hold of my hand “i know my timings sucks but i just needed you to know..... and i just need to know if there is any chance at all that you’d give me another chance.....”

“Chris i really don’t think now is a good time to talk about this.... we’ve both had too much to drink..... if you’re serious about this i think we need to have this conversation sober”

“But you’re willing to have that conversation?”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow” i nodded pulling my hand free and standing up “i’m gonna go to bed.... goodnight”.

I had to put some distance between us before i did something id regret in the morning.

It was safe to say i wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave

@jakiki94 @torntaltos @buchanansebba

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #reader insert #ocean eyes #steve rogers x reader

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shanaraki · 3 years

Text

OCTOBER 2TH, 2021.

DAY ONE.

—— I've decided I'm starting a journal. ——

I have never been that good in keeping track or stuff. I get bored, I abandon what I start so easily. It is hard for me to push myself into doing something I don't have the motivation for.

However, I've decided I'm starting a journal. This journal. I feel better writing it online than in paper. When I'm forced into writing it in slow motion with my own hands, I get desperate sooner or later. My mind rushes and the words speed up while my hand is still struggling with the first lines.

I do have a lot to say. About so many things. There are things I'll never write or speak about. The belong in the silence between God and me, the empty spaces where the human mind can't go, that secret and non existence place.

I'm better now.

This imply that I was bad, of course. It's a cycle. I know the bad things won't stop coming, but I like to think that's no reason to stop working on myself. More than a circle this is... A spiral. I'm trying to make this spiral going up. It's hard. Humans can so easily die. It's so simple, so effortless to give up on myself and let the pull of the Earth take me underground. And yet...

I'm better. Not physically. I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water or eating like I should. It's not my body that it's better, it's my mind. I don't disassociate as much these days. I feel present. I feel like I'm my body and not just in my body. I have more energy. I want to do things like clean my hair often and take care of my skin. I want to do exercise, to eat healthier. I feel calm, in my mind, in my thoughts. I need to keep meditating and doing my breathing exercises. They do help a lot.

There are many things I need to work in. My physical health is one of them, but also I need to practice using my phone less. I need to find other things to calm me. I have my paintings, I could practice with them. Or maybe drawing. And of course, there is my thesis.

I've been avoiding my college duties. Again.

I fear the stress or the semester. There's something that's very frustrating to me, and it is feeling like I'm failing at some task while everyone is already many tasks in front of me. Like,,,, hmm,,,, it's like trying on your shoelaces while you're on a marathon. You need to stop and tie them, but if you do you're gonna lose time and they're going to get even farther away, and you're so stressed over it that you're losing concentration, and the shoelaces, and the competitors, and your stress, and— there it goes. It gets worst and worst until you kinda resignate and think "I just need to finish this marathon, just it. I don't want to compete anymore".

There's also the fear of what I'm going to do after I graduate. Work is the obvious answer, right? I should. I want to work. But there's this idea,,,,, listen, sometimes I don't understand people. I'm smart, but not when it comes to normal things or daily skills. The other day I put a candy on the microwave for a minute and I almost burned the microwave.

I don't know how to do any house choirs. Why? Well, because my family tells me I should do them, but the minute I try and do them, they appear and tell me to go away because I'm doing everything wrong.

How am I supposed to learn if I can't practice? But there's still some sort of trauma reaction in me. I fear doing something that can't be fixed while practicing. That's the reason why I fear driving, because I'm terrified of damaging the car (mostly because I don't want to cost extra money to anyone, and I don't have money to buy and less alone fix a car).

So I should work. To gain some money. But let's not talk more about that because I got nervous just by thinking of it.

Aaand I lost track of what I was saying. I'm sleepy. I was supposed to write how today I was better. I downloaded some cool apps, I want to learn how to play the kalimba, I felt pretty today, comfortable, safe. I shouldn't be writing my problems on an online diary but oh well.

This is exactly how my mind works. Now it is bored of writing this and wants to close the tab. I wants to change the song. Meditate. I get bored of things so fast this days. I'm not able to end a whole task if I don't pressure myself for HOURS. I'm better but there's still a long way to go.

I wish I could go to a psychiatrist and finally see if I have anxiety or adhd or if im just overreacting. When I told my psychologist I thought I had anxiety, she told me she would not give me any labels to use, only treat me. I suppose that is good, but a part of my does wish I could know the labels. I don't like when I don't know what is happening. I don't like when I don't have control over the stuff that surrounds me. I don't like being vulnerable or deadly curious.

I haven't been praying that much later, either. I miss my regular contact with God. It makes me feel very lonely and afraid, and very guilty and ashamed. I know many people hate Christians and for a good reason, because many have hurt the whole world with those ideals. And I know for many the way I feel would be silly. I just........ I can't stop believing in him, feeling this way. I want to help others, not by hurting them, but by just standing in silence in the distant with my silly words and silly presence, so if they ever feel lost, they can always find me and sit, talk with me. I love them all. I love humanity so much. It makes me sad. I see the killers and the politians, I see the worst human beings and I think, "I wish you some clarity, I wish you some joy, I wish you to be so full of good things that there's no more evil feelings, just the ability to feel guilty and change, to become a better person".

I'm tired of seeing people dying. Suffering. My grandpa E (the biological father of my mom) is dying. His lungs are collapsing, slowly but surely. We lost my grandma some two or three years ago. I don't think of her as much as before, but I feel it, her absence. I miss her voice and her hugs. I miss the people we were when she was alive. I miss my grandpa H (the step-father of my mom) happiness, I miss the time where my mom's face was not so gloomy and sad.

I'm tired of hatred and anger. I see it everywhere and many who feel it are just sad and hurt. Like wounded animals, they lash out when they are in pain. And I wish I could cure them. Yes, I guess I have a Saint complex or whatever. I feel bad for speaking about how I wish I could save the world, love every human enough for them to feel better. I feel bad for not being capable of doing more.

And the worst part is that I feel like I'm capable of doing more, but I don't do it because I'm afraid. If I wasn't so shy or anxious, if I wasn't so selfish, I could be out there traveling and saving lives. I look at my ceiling in the dark and think if I'm gonna die paralyzed by fear. Or if I'm going to die fearing dying that way, and asking to much of my body and soul and mind, enough to destroy myself.

I don't want to sound self-centered, damn. I am anxious again. You see, I'm better, but it is hard. It feels like my limbs need to move because it is a physical discomfort. It feels like I need to do something, to shake that feeling.

This is a lot for a first day entry. No one is going to read this, just me. And if there's someone reading it, then... Know you're walking over my heart. Every word is war, every emotion written in the moment. I'm laying in a couch with red led lights in a white room. There are some dark brown furnitures, the room is tiny. There's a giant TV on the floor, there are plants on shelf next to the ceiling. The plants are tiny and fake. There's a big window, closed with curtains. There's another high tiny window, and a mini desk that goes into the wall in a sort of hollowed square that there's in the room. There are two posters on glass frames, they are big, they are by the wall.

It's almost 2AM. I hear some cars passing by. It's neither cold nor hot. There's a constant sound, like the one electric devices make. It's kind loud. I don't know if it's the nature or the electric devices. I'm on an apartment. The town I'm in is in the mountains, but a few minutes from a big city.

I'm calmer now. It's feel a little lonely in this room because I'm on my own. My family is on the apartment, but there's no sound to be heard of them. At least the acoustic in this neighborhood let's you hear even when the person some building away is coughing. Yeah, crazy.

I think I'm going to be now. I'm tired. I want to be more online, write on my other blogs, do some rp, work on my thesis, clean my room, read books, watch TV shows... But even when I'm better, I need to be careful to don't pressure myself to much. Too many stimulus and I'm gonna be avoiding everyone again, until I feel less overestimulated.

No more worries. The day is over. I need to sleep.

Goodnight, mysterious person. And if no one ever reads this, goodnight to the absence of and the empty and the memories.

#Shan's personal diary

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 23

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: its a bit longer. and i hope its not too much or too exaggerated? anyway, you tell me. i really want to know what you really think, thank you!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : only one, no spoiler :)

Chapter 23 : His chapter

NIALL

I woke up with dried tears and the sun peaking through the curtains. I had no idea what time it was but Olivia was still pressed against me and I was holding her close, as if we hadn't moved at all during the night. I moved my face in her hair, smelling the honey and vanilla scent, before leaving a kiss on top of her head. She moaned low and moved closer, rubbing her nose on my neck.

"Mm, Niall." she whispered, making my lips curl.

I didn't know how she'd ever marry an other man after everything we went through and I didn't want to believe I was just some sort of friend with benefits that she used to have a 'fun time' before marrying someone else and spending her life with him. That was not the type of things she did and there was no way this made any sense. She didn't mention it, though, and didn't want to put any kind of pressure on her. She knew how I felt and I'd keep telling her until she'd make it clear she didn't want to hear it anymore.

"'Morning, petal. How did you sleep?" I asked, keeping my voice very low.

"With your song in head." she admitted just as low, leaving small kisses on my neck. "You really wrote that for me?"

I opened my eyes and pressed my cheek on top of her head. "I was not expecting to see you at the bakery that day, but if I had known, I would have expected my feelings for you to be exactly that. I knew I was still in love with you, Olivia. I knew when I broke up with you, and I knew all the time we were not together."

We remained quiet and I felt her fingers on my back, holding me against her, as if i wanted to move away anyway. Her warm and naked body against mine felt so good I could have stayed in this position all day.

"If you were always in love with me, Niall, why did you leave me?" she asked low, her voice almost cracking. "Why was everything else so important? Why did you need to be single and fuck around? Why wasn't I enough?"

I closed my eyes tight again and swallowed hard. Her questions were legit and my answers were sad. I squeezed her harder against me and licked my lips, trying to find the right words.

"I was selfish, and stupid. Honestly, Olivia, a big part of me knew you were unhappy. You were always hurt by stuff online or by the things I did and said. I felt like you wanted out and that eventually you'd end up hating me and leaving anyway. I left because your heart was in this relationship but your head was driving you insane."

She pulled away and her eyes met mine. She was frowning, her lips parted, and she shook her head.

"What?" she whispered, making me close my eyes again and sigh. "You're either trying to put this on me or you're literally telling me that you left because you thought that's what I wanted. I mean, you don't get to make that decision for me, Niall."

"I know, I mean I should have told you but-" she pulled away from me and sat in bed before rubbing her eyes. "I mean, Liv, It's true, you were miserable with me."

"Maybe because you kept flirting with every fucking girl you met!"

She got up and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt and something twisted in my stomach when I realized she hadn't picked the one I was wearing the day before. She was pissed, or hurt... or both.

"I know, I know I was wrong. I would never do that again."

"Well, I don't know if I believe you." she let out, grabbing her phone and getting out of the room.

I sighed and got up too, putting pretty much the same outfit as her and following her to the kitchen as she grabbed a water bottle in the fridge and started drinking from it.

"Olivia, I haven't flirted with anyone since.. I can't remember, but it's been months."

"What about in a year, Niall? When you'll be tired of me. When you'll be tired that I'm the only one you get to see naked, the only one you get to fuck. What will happen, then?"

Her tone was harsh and I swallowed the lump in my throat as I stared at her. I could understand how she felt, and at the same time, I knew she was aware that I was not the same man than I used to be.

"That will never happen again. Never." I let out seriously. "I will never get tired of you."

Her eyes softened for a few seconds but she quickly frowned again.

"Anyway that's not the point, you took a decision for me and you should have talked to me about it instead. You can't decide what I want or what I should do!"

"You're right, I can't. But don't you feel better now? You worked so much on yourself, you grew up and matured for the better, and I did too. I love to see you so confident about yourself, look what you accomplished! You have your own tv show, you do something you love and you get paid for it. You're so balanced and you look so happy and you love yourself!" I argued, taking a step closer.

"Okay, do you want me to thank you for it? Thank you, Niall, for breaking my heart."

Her voice was not as harsh and I felt like she knew I was right. I shook my head and sighed, daring to take an other step closer.

"No, you have only yourself to thank. You're the one who did all that. You owe it only to you. And you're right, I was a selfish prick and the fact that you weren't happy with me just comforted me in choosing my freedom over you." I explained gently. "But I love you. I changed. I want to show you that I changed."

She sighed and I was getting mad. I was not really mad at her, I was more mad at myself for not being able to express myself properly, and for the way I acted when we dated. I was pissed because she was right, and because her pain was legit. I was mad because I wanted her back and because I was scared our day was ruined.

"Well love is not everything, remember? It takes more than that." she pointed out roughly. "A lot more."

I felt something explode inside me, like a mix of anger and pain that I was unable to keep inside anymore and I shook my head roughly, throwing my arms up.

"If I could I'd take it back okay!" my voice was loud but I could feel sobs threatening to come out.

"Take what back?" she asked with an annoyed tone.

"That stupid break-up!" I admitted just as loud. "That fucking ridiculous break-up! I'd take it back in a heartbeat if I could! I'd erase it from our history forever! I regret it! It's the biggest regret of my life!"

Her eyes got bigger and her lips parted slightly. She seemed so surprised by my words that it calmed her immediately. I watched her lick her lips slowly, trying to keep my own tears in.

"If you hadn't broken up with me, Niall, you wouldn't know that." she started, this time in a low and soft voice. "You'd still be unsure of what you want, you wouldn't know if you really loved me. You had to lose me to realize that you actually wanted me. Do you see the irony, Niall? Do you realize how fucked up it is?"

I sighed again and walked to her, grabbing a chair and sitting down at the table, my elbows on the table and my face in my hands. I didn't want to fight with her, and I knew we could have a discussion without fighting. I breathed in and out a few times and when I felt calm, I opened my eyes again. She was sitting in front of me and she seemed calm too now.

"It is. It's fucked up." I admitted, staring at her. "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am, Olivia."

"I already forgave you for that, Niall." she pointed out gently. "I'm sorry for bringing it back."

I let my arms fall on the table and opened my hands, palms up. She looked down and nibbled on her bottom lip for a few seconds before placing her hands in mine.

"Heidi sent me that picture of you in a wedding dress to make us fight but we did it by ourselves." I just said with a sad chuckle.

"It's normal to fight, sometimes, as long as we know how to make up, too." she explained. "We're better at this, aren't we?"

The left corner of my lips raised up. "We were never bad at it, but we're even better now, it's true."

I squeezed both her hands before letting go of one and grabbing the other with both of mine. I turned her hand so her palm was facing up and ran the tip of my forefinger on it gently. After a few seconds, she quivered slightly and my lips curled more. I loved having an effect on her.

"We're gonna have to talk about what we did when we were apart." I finally said, still staring at her hand.

I couldn't help but think about what Heidi told me and for some reason, I wanted to prove her wrong, even if she would never know. Olivia was not the kind of person to push me away for my mistakes. She never did it, and I felt like she never would. She didn't judge anyone and she always tried to make you feel better when you felt at your worst. I didn't want to believe that the bad decisions I took while we were apart would just ruin what we could have now and at the same time, I felt like she deserved to know before anything serious happened between us, if it was ever going to happen.

Her fingers slipped out of my hands as she brought her arms back to her and it made me look up. She was avoiding my gaze and it made me frown. Didn't she want to know what I did without her? Or was she just too scared to be hurt by my behavior that just thinking about that discussion made her feel bad?

"Not now, okay?"

I frowned, a bit surprised by how she literally closed up completely in front of me. It was so sudden that I realized maybe the problem was not what she was going to hear, but more what she was going to say.

"It's important, you know."

She shut her eyes tight and nodded. "I know."

I waited for her to open her eyes again but she didn't and I reached for her wrist over the table. "There's a fair in town, you want to go?"

Her eyes finally fluttered open and her lips curled a bit before she nodded. I realized she was uncomfortable with the discussion I wanted to have but I couldn't help but think it was needed. I was ready to wait but we couldn't push this discussion back forever, and I wanted her to hear it from me and not from anyone else.

"Okay, let's get ready then."

Her smile got bigger and she nodded again before getting up and going back to my room. I got up too and watched her leave, taking her water bottle and swallowing what was left it in. I was not the type to worry but this time, i felt curious and a bit scared. I was nervous to tell her about what I had done but I felt like she was keeping some things to herself too and although she didn't have to tell me what it was, I hoped she would.

When I got back to my room, I heard the shower and smiled despite myself. Without thinking, I took my clothes off and joined her quickly. She chuckled when she saw me but didn't tell me to leave and I quickly took the shampoo, rubbing it in her hair as she closed her eyes, a smile still gracing her lips.

"Your hair's gonna smell like my shampoo now." I said in a low tone. "Makes me sad. I prefer the way it smells normally."

She laughed and her eyes met mine when she opened them before shaking her head.

"Here's a secret I can tell you, Niall James Horan." she started, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "It's not my shampoo that has that smell."

My eyes opened wide and I chuckled low. "It's not?" she shook her head more. "What is it, then?"

This time, she just raised her nose up and took some foam from her hair only to wipe it on the tip of my nose. I raised it up and groaned, making her burst into laughter. She took a step back and let her head fall back to rinse her hair. I stared at her wet body for a few seconds before taking the shampoo again and washing my own hair.

We got prepared and left and this time, we took my car. We stopped at a restaurant to eat even if it was in the middle of the afternoon and ended at the fair a bit after 5. We could already see the sun setting and I realized time always passed fast when I was with her. I motioned to grab her hand without thinking but stopped right on time. It made my heart jump in my chest and I just turned my face to her to send her a smile.

"I like when you wear a cap." she just said, grabbing the front and pulling it down.

I took it off to put it back correctly and she laughed right before apologizing. I was happy to be there with her and I just hoped I wouldn't be recognized. It would just be incredibly nice to walk around holding hands and not holding inside all the affection we felt for each other but at the same time, I knew it was risky for her. Anyway, I was never the one who enjoyed PDA, even if I had derogated from my own rule a few times with her.

"I like when you wear a smile." I replied.

Her traits softened and her head tilted. Her smile turned into a fond one and just for that look, it was worth saying that cheesy line.

"I almost forgot how well you can sweet talk women."

This time, I laughed. "You know that's a lie."

"You're not as awkward as you think you are, Nee." she pointed out with a laugh as she walked towards a booth. "But I admit that your good look helps a lot."

This time, I laughed louder. "Glad you finally admit it." I joked as she quickly ordered cotton candy.

I reached for her hand with one of mine while the other searched through my pants. I handed the guy a bill and didn't send a glance to my ex girlfriend. I knew she was staring at me but I just thanked him and turned around as she followed me.

"I can pay for my own shit." she pointed out as I saw her lick her lips from the corner of my eyes. "But thank you. I also almost forgot how much of a gentleman you are. Well, in public, because in the bedroom you're-"

"Oh god stop!" I laughed, turning to her this time and noticing the large smile on her face.

She laughed too and I rolled my eyes as we walked to an other booth. No matter what we did together, it was always fun and it made me realize just how bad I wanted to really be with her again.

"So if I win you this pink bear right there, are you gonna sleep with it?" I asked with a smirk.

She tilted her head but moved her chin up and I kept looking at her as her eyes got smaller. She brought her finger and tapped her chin a few times, pretending to think and I rolled my eyes again at how dramatic she could get. I should have known she'd be a good actress.

"Yea definitely." she finally replied with a nod. "He'll sleep right between us so I can cuddle with him."

I raised my eyebrows and my head moved back. "Well in that case, I think we're just gonna try a few rides and leave him here."

I put my hands in my pockets and pretended to leave until she reached for my arm. "Noo, no, I will leave him on the nightstand when I'm with you."

I stopped and smiled big, amused by her behavior and finally turned back to her before nodding slowly. "Alright."

It took me 3 tries but I finally got it and handed it to her. Her smile got bigger and I could swear I saw a hint of red on her cheeks but I didn't mention it. She grabbed it and held it close to her as she was nibbling her bottom lip and she mumbled a 'thank you' that made me chuckle.

"You could have just paid to get it you know." she pointed out after a few seconds. "It would have costed you a few dollars but you didn't have to really play the game."

"Wouldn't have been the same would it?" I shrugged, sending her a wink. "Wouldn't have been as romantic." I made a pause. "And cheesy."

She laughed and my heart jumped in my chest, almost escaping from my throat. She kept the damn bear with her in all the rides, holding it between her thighs and even if she was not a big fan of rides, we did a few gentle ones. It's only when it was really dark outside that I noticed how she was looking at all the lights. She grabbed her phone and started taking pictures before turning to me and snapping one of me. It took me by surprise but I pulled her closer and grabbed her phone before taking a selfie of us. I took a look at it and held my breath when I looked at her. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were shut tight and her nose was up, and it reminded me of a selfie she had sent me when we were dating and I was traveling Asia. I quickly sent myself the picture from her phone and handed it back to her.

We remained in silence and kept walking. I had to leave my hands in my pockets to make sure I wouldn't just bring her close to me and when she pointed the ferris wheel, I raised my eyebrows at her.

"I thought I was cheesy but you're the queen."

"How about you be me king and come with me? I'd love to kiss you without anyone seeing." she admitted in a very low tone. "You in?"

"People normally go there for the incredible sight we get at the top."

"I have an incredible sight right here, in front of me." she confessed, making me chuckle. "Please, Niall."

I was just playing with her, there was nothing I wanted more than to kiss her at the exact moment, and it seemed like it took forever until we were at the top. I watched the dark sky and all the neon lights around the fair for a few seconds before turning to her and quickly kissing her. I felt all my body relax, like I had been waiting for this moment all day, and when she whimpered in my mouth, I groaned too, holding her cheeks with both my hands. When we started going back down, I stopped kissing her but leaned my forehead against hers, still cupping her face. We finally got out of the ride and that's when trouble started. I noticed someone take a picture and my heart skipped a beat.

"What the..."

"What's wrong?"

"Fuck, Liv, we have to go." I whispered, grabbing her arm gently and leading her to the exist as quick as I could.

I glanced behind us until we were in my car and started it, driving away from that place and looking in the rear view mirror a few times. I only relaxed when I was sure we were not followed and noticed she was staring at me, her head leaned on the seat.

"I'm sorry." I let out with a sad smile.

"Are you doing this for me?" she asked, blinking a few times and ignoring my apology. "I mean I know you don't like to be seen in public and pictures being taken and all, but did you leave quickly like that because I'm supposed to marry someone else and you were scared people would talk shit?"

"Mostly, yea." I just admitted as I brought my eyes back on the road.

We remained silent for a few minutes and I had no idea what was going on in her head until I heard her voice again.

"I love you, Niall Horan."

----

We were exhausted when we came back to my place and I just rushed to the kitchen to pour us two glasses of white wine. She followed me, putting her pink bear on the table as I handed her a glass. She drank half of it but she weirdly seemed serene and calm. I thought she'd go crazy knowing that someone had taken a few pictures of us but she didn't seem to care at all. It's not like she was not used to it but at the same time, she never liked it and it always bothered her, making her current behavior even more intriguing.

"Okay, tell me, I'm ready." she just said after exhaling deeply. I frowned at her and she pressed her lips together. "Tell me what you did that's so horrible while we were away from each other."

In the morning, she was the one who didn't want to talk about it and now, it was me. Perhaps I just didn't want to ruin such a perfect day. I pulled a chair and let myself fall on it but instead to sit in front of me, she sat at the end of the table and turned her chair sideways to face me. I took my glass and moved it a bit only to watch the pale liquid move in it.

"I slept with some girls before I started dating Heidi, but I couldn't find what I was looking for until I met this girl at a bar. She was shaped like you, had your hair color and your smile and in the dark, she could have been you, you know? I just... I let out your name while we were fucking and maybe I had to pay her to keep her mouth shut."

"Are you... sure she was not just a prostitute?"

I looked up at her with a small smile. "No."

"Oh." she pressed her lips together. "Was she as good as me?"

I chuckled sadly and shook my head. "No one is."

I remained silent for a minute or two, trying to make sense of my thoughts before continuing.

"I tried a few drugs. You know it was never my type but I needed to sort of... get away. One time Heidi had to pick me up at your old apartment because I was hitting the door and screaming your name in the middle of the night but you had already moved out." I scoffed at myself, I couldn't believe how pathetic I had been. "I'm not gonna get into details but I also started a fight in a pub. Just hit some arsehole that said something about you."

"What about me..."

"Something sexual that's clearly not worth repeating."

"It seems like you did many things that were out of character." she said cautiously. "But that's what you wanted, right? Try new things and just live your life? Why do you regret it?"

"Because nothing was worth losing you, Olivia." I admitted a little louder, looking up in her eyes as her face softened again. "I was miserable. I was a pathetic piece of shit. I know you probably think low of me now but I just, I had to tell you."

Her eyes dropped slowly to her lap and she nibbled on her bottom lip nervously. I waited, feeling suddenly anxious, scared that she'd just get up and leave, or tell me that she couldn't go on with me, but when she sniffed and rubbed her fingers on her nose, I realized she was crying.

"I remember when I saw the first picture of you and Heidi online. The article said you two were dating now and she was kissing you." she let out in a very low tone without looking at me. "I was alone at home and I started crying. It made me realize that it was really over, it made me believe that you were over me, that the problem was not that you wanted to be single, but just that you didn't want to be with me. I cried so hard I couldn't see straight and I just... I went to the bathroom and I..." she sighed and swallowed again, closing her eyes this time. "I just swallowed all the fucking pills I found. I swallowed them all and lied down on the floor for so long I couldn't keep track of time. All I can remember is the tiles being very cold and the stomachache. It was so intense I couldn't move and It was literally the only thing that stopped me from falling asleep."

I listened to her as my eyes watered. I felt nauseous but I just swallowed hard, feeling a big lump on my throat. I could barely believe what I was hearing. I hadn't heard anything about that and to me, she always seemed so happy when she was out with my friends, even after we broke up, it was hard to believe she was sad enough to do something like that.

"Louis found me. I remember he let out so many curse words, even for him. He searched for something but couldn't find anything to make me throw up so he just sat me up in front of the toilet and pushed his fingers down my throat. Nothing had ever hurt me like that. I think I threw up for a solid ten minutes." she added, shaking her head, her eyes still closed. "Then he called his doctor and he drove me there."

I was crying. I had actual tears rolling down my cheeks but I couldn't move. I felt angry and hurt but also extremely guilty.

"Why the fuck did you do that, Olivia?" my voice was a simple murmur and I swallowed again. The lump was so big that it hurt. "Do you... did you think about how sad everyone would have been, including me? You would have left me alone in this stupid world without you?"

This time, she looked up at me and I noticed she was crying too. When she saw my tears, her face changed but she just licked her lips and sniffed.

"You left me first."

Slowly, I got up, feeling very weak, my legs wobbling slightly. I knelt in front of her and put my hands on her knees, looking up in her eyes. I had been so close to lose her forever and I didn't even know. Why didn't anyone tell me? Why didn't Louis tell me anything?

"I don't want you to ever do that again, you hear me?" I tried to be firm but my voice cracked as I kept crying and suddenly, I burst into tears, leaning my forehead on her thigh. "Don't you fucking do that ever again." I added, my mouth pressed on her jeans.

I felt her hand slide gently in my hair and the contact of her skin with mine was soothing. I turned my head to lean my cheek on her thigh and catch some air as both of my hands gripped her tight.

"I'll never do it again, Niall. I was depressed, I took antidepressants after that, and I survived this." she explained low.

"Promise me, Olivia." I asked before looking up at her. "Look me in the eyes and promise me you will never fucking do that again, no matter what happens."

She held her breath and I knew she was on the verge of tears too. She finally nodded and I gripped her thighs harder.

"I promise, Niall. " she breathed. "I swear on my love for you."

#niall horan #niall horan story #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #im stressed i hope its not too much

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randomfandomimagine · 5 years

Text

Kind (Jesse Pinkman x Reader)

Characters: Jesse Pinkman

Fandom: Breaking Bad

Tags: Reader Insert, Female Reader

Warnings: Sad, dark, mature, drug mention, swearing, abusive home

Word Count: 1,5k words

Requested by @im-just-star-dust: Hi, could u write about how Jesse finds a girl while at the methheads house from season 2? He befriends her and the little boy, and takes them to his house. Both children are almost mutes, so jesse teaches them how to speak, write and read. The girl trusts jesse since hes the only one whos nice to her other then her brother. The two form a close friendship, and soon a sort of unspoken romance.

A/N: This is my first BB/Jesse writing, yay! I shortened and changed your original request a bit to fit, but I hope you still like! Thank you again for requesting :)

A knock at the door interrupted your crying. Looking at your little brother, you waited and listened. The knocking continued, so you stood from the bed. Trying not to scare him, you smiled and stroked his head.

“Stay here, sweetie” You whispered, to which he only nodded. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to talk after that long.

Silently leaving the room and closing the door behind you, you stood in the livingroom. A figure moved slowly amongst the mess that was the floor. You were done trying to tidy it up, because the next day you found it worse than when you started.

“Yo!” The man shouted, and you sneakily moved to grab the bat leaning against the door. “Anybody home?”

You noticed he wielded something in his hands before him, so you tried to take him by surprise. Emerging from the shadows, you swung your bat and knocked the gun out of his hands.

“Shit!” He muttered, covering his head once he was left unarmed.

It wasn’t the first time someone broke into your house, and while sometimes they would just get whatever they wanted and run, they had never blatantly called out asking if someone was home.

“Wait, wait!” The young man begged you. “I wasn’t gonna use it! Yo, drop the bat! I’m not gonna hurt you!”

You breathed heavily, but decided to leave off him. Not that you liked hurting people anyway. You backed off, still kicking the gun away from his reach. He didn’t try to retrieve it.

Taking a better look at him, you realized he wasn’t that much older than you. He wore lose clothes and a beanie. His fair blue eyes studied you, and you averted your gaze, uncomfortable with his scrutiny.

“Uh...” He rubbed his shoulder, there where you had hit him. “Your folks home?”

You shook your head, still glancing at the ground. Honestly, you preferred to be home alone. At least that way you could have some peace and quiet. Even if the overwhelming helplessness never left you.

“When will they be back?” The young man tried again, but you only shrugged. “Okay, uh... Yo, what’s your name?”

You didn’t reply, holding on to the bat so tightly that your hands hurt.

“I’m... My name’s Jesse” He awkwardly told you. “Mind if I wait here?”

He got no reply from you, not even a gesture or a glance. Jesse sighed.

“You, uh...” Moving slowly, he reached out to take the bat from your hands. “You won’t need that, I promise”

You whimpered as soon as he came close, so he immediately backed away again. Holding his hands up, he apologized to you.

“Sorry! Keep it if you want, you...” His eyes looked you up and down again. “Jesus...”

When you looked up at him to see what had alarmed him, you saw him taking his hoodie off. When he handed it to you, you were reminded of the clothes you were wearing. Old, tattered and literally falling to pieces.

“Take it” He insisted, still not walking any closer. “It’s okay”

Timorous, you reached out to take it, being careful not to brush your hand against his. You put the hoodie on and found a great comfort in it. It was too big for you, but it was almost new. And it was warm and cozy.

“I’ll just...” He awkwardly fixed his yellow shirt, which was also big and loose. “I’ll sit over there”

You watched him as he went to sit on the couch. Just then, the door to the room opened and your little brother came out. Instinctively, you went to hug him against your stomach.

“Man...” Jesse mumbled with a sigh. “Want me to call someone?”

You could read it in his eyes, the meaning behind his words. He didn’t really want to say it in front of the kid, but... He didn’t mean just someone. The cops. He was already pulling his phone out of his pocket when you loudly whimpered.

He immediately looked up at you, noticing the panicked expression in your face. Pressing your brother tighter against you, you shook your head at Jesse.

“Oh” He muttered, peering at the two of you. “Right... I... Shouldn’t do that, huh?”

You nodded, slightly calmer seeing as he didn’t want you to be apart either. If the cops came, you would be put in a foster’s home. And they would separate you. You didn’t want to leave your brother alone after everything your parents put you through. He was too little anyway.

Gasping, you felt your brother escaping out of your grasp. However, instead of trying to hurt him, Jesse just curiously watched him as he went to turn the TV on.

That stupid knife program was on again, like always. The only thing you could ever watch. Your brother walked to the couch, too naive to be scared of a stranger. Hurrying to protect him, you sat down in the couch and put your brother on your lap. Your arms protectively fell around him.

Jesse, at the other end of the couch, stared at you. With the corner of your eye, you recognized the empathy in his gaze.

“Yo, I, uh...” He began to say. “I just have some stuff to sort out with your folks, and then I’ll go”

Still wary about him, you eyed him carefully. A friendly smile appeared on his face. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw someone genuinely smile, let alone yourself. It was... uplifting.

“I know you don’t even know me, but... You could come with me and I’ll try to help you out” His voice was so kind and gentle that it brought tears to your eyes.

Only bad people had ever come to your house. Thiefs, addicts, dangerous people. Ones that didn’t want anything to do with you, and if they did it was to get a hit. To make a deal with your parents.

“I mean, I get it if you don’t want to” He continued, still keeping the distances. “But man, fu... eff your parents”

You continued to be quiet and check on your brother. He didn’t pay attention to the conversation, absently watching the TV.

“No?” Jesse gently insisted. “That’s okay... I get it”

Tears suddenly welled up in your eyes. You couldn’t exactly tell why, you were just overwhelmed.

“I...” Jesse’s head whipped towards you at the sound of your voice. “Y/N”

“What?”

“Name’s Y/N”

“Yo... Good to meet you, Y/N”

He offered his hand, still bearing a smile. You dared to take it. Gently, he shook your hand. He didn’t hurt you. You tried to hold back your sobs, not wanting to worry your brother. It was difficult, since you had been holding in for literal years. And now that someone showed you a hint of compassion and kindness, you crumbled.

“Hey...” Jesse whispered, gingerly putting a hand on your shoulder. “It’s okay”

You sniffed as silently as you could, being strangely comforted by his hand kindly rubbing your arm.

“Y/N” He softly told you. “How ‘bout I buy you a burger after, huh?”

You gawked at him, the tears freezing in your eyes. Was he really that nice?

“Yeah! As soon as I talk with your folks, I’ll take you and your lil bro to have a bite” He smiled to reassure you. “Whatcha say?”

You nodded your head, feeling excited for the first time in forever. Going out, eating a warm delicious burger. It sounded so good.

“Yeah? Cool” Jesse squeezed your arm before letting go of you, and you found yourself missing his comforting touch. “We’ll just-”

He was interrupted when the door opened. The noise, as usual, brought a pit in your stomach. The loud voices had returned. Jesse tensed up as well.

“Hide in your room, and take the kid” He urged you, kindly tugging at the fabric of the hoodie. “Trust me, c’mon”

Knowing what business your parents got up to, you stood from the couch, carrying your brother. Not entirely sure what would happen, though, you lingered.

“Go, I won’t hurt them, I promise” He nodded his head to the side, and you knew that’s where the gun was left forgotten. “That thing’s empty”

“J-Jesse...” You stuttered, hesitant to leave.

“Wait for me, ‘kay?” He warmly smiled. “I owe you a burger”

You nibbled on your bottom lip, truly hoping he was as kind as he seemed to be.

After all, he had respected your space. Didn’t force you to talk, avoided swearing in front of your brother, gave you his hoodie and even tried to comfort you. You really wanted to believe in his kindness, so you did as he said and returned to your room.

If you want to be added to the tag list to be notified when I post for these fandoms or characters, let me know!! // Reblogs and comments are appreciated!

#rfi writings #breaking bad #jesse pinkman x reader #bb #jesse pinkman #reader insert #requested #ficlet #breaking bad ficlet #bb ficlet #jesse pinkman ficlet #jesse pinkman imagine #faves

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iridescentides · 4 years

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hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity.

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

#this took me embarassingly long to write #i cant help myself i literally think about this all the time #youre doing a great job with these questions secret santa!#dcoms #disney channel #answered asks #anons #gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

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howlsentiment · 4 years

Text

Chapter 1 - Another Day

*buzz buzz*

“Wake up buddy, it’s time for a new day” a dark sullen voice said.

*buzz buzz*

“We have business to take care of”

*buzz buzz click*

“I just need 15 more minutes, after fifteen more minutes exactly i’m sure I’ll wake up reinvigorated with the energy to start my day” the boy thought to himself. His world was now fading into a dark cloud as he started to doze off.

*buzz buzz*

“Breakfast is ready sweetie come and get some!” This time it was a much softer, kinder voice that greeted him. “If you don’t come down soon it’ll get cold!....or I’ll eat it all”

“Mmkaaay I’l be daown in won minet” the boy replied sleepily. He wasn’t going to be down in one minute. The boy wasn’t a spry one, but he wasn’t particularly lazy either. He just always had a hard time convincing himself that his bed isn’t where he should always be. He lay in his dark room which wasn’t of much note either. A computer and a few books is all that could really be seen around and a messy desk where rarely any time was spent because he much preferred the bed. He was a college loner, not because he was particularly awkward or because he was particularly ugly, but instead by choice. He was actually particularly liked by most people, especially it would seem so by the man sitting in his room with him.

“Get good sleep sleepyhead?” The boy nodded

“Alright good, you have another long hard day of work today, these spirits aren’t gonna pass on themselves”. This man was no man, he was death incarnate, some would say a grim reaper. It would seem this boy had a gift, ever since he was in middle school he started noticing that he could see the dead, and all at once he started noticing the strange man too. He didn’t know really what he could do with his power other than get picked on at school for being scared all the time. This made him become distant with his fellow classmates and thusly he started attending school alot less just to avoid interaction and found peace within himself...and this man

“You haven’t found me many ghosts recently i’ve noticed, have you been getting lazy ? If you get lazy you know I’d get angry, and you know what happens when I’m angry right”

The message was coming across loud and clear, his tight grip on the twined scythe and sunken eyes would strike fear to anybody in the world and fear that this day was his last, but to him, it was a wednesday.

After a good 5 or ten minutes he heard the voice come from downstairs again,

“I made chicken porridge!”

This time he did not hesitate. He hastily rolled out of bed, put on one of his 3 outfits that he cycles through and ran down the stairs. But as he approached the stairs he noticed he might’ve seemed too excited so as to not show how happy he was, he slowed down his speed as he descended the stairs.

“Good morning mom.”

“Good morning Sol, how come you couldn’t greet me with the same enthusiasm i heard when i told you i had chicken porridge for you?”

His mom was a kind soul, with nothing but love and warmth in her heart. Even though they wouldn’t always get along, she would always prioritized her son's happiness and safety in every situation. He’s always relied on her whenever he felt down, and even though there were times where he felt that he was taking advantage of her and maybe he hurt her feelings, she would never take it out on him, she would always just smile and tell him that everything was alright.

“Sorry” he smiled with the might of his 8am energy and repeated himself with a chuckle “Good morning mom, I hope you didn’t wake up too early to prepare this”

“Don’t worry about me sweetie, I never get sleep anyways” she smiled and snickered over the sink continuing to wash the dishes. “I’ve been noticing that you were feeling down so I wanted to surprise you with something nice this morning, you know, to kickstart your day a bit!””

He knew that was exactly what she was doing, and without a secondary motive to been seen from miles away. He knew by the way she prepared the meal. Rice slow cooked in the broth from the chicken in a boil with alot of nice chopped garlic with eggs salted perfectly finished with green onions. Everything he loved and nothing he didn’t. She didn’t even mention the lil sausages she prepared on the side to pair with the meal.

“You didn’t have to mom, I’m feeling alright. It’s just...you wouldn’t understand.”.....

….

Sol’s mom continued to stare at him as if she was waiting for something to emerge out of this awkward pause. Her kind eyes piercing through him as if they were daggers.

“...thank you mom”

“You’re welcome honey, and yes I wouldn’t understand what you’re going through, but I can still try to cheer you up” Her smile glowed even warmer as if otherworldly. “How’s school been for you hun?”

“Oh you know, math and books, and writing and pencils, oh and im drinking ALOT, like a WHOLE TON, and I’ve been partyiiiiing and oh yeah a whole bunch of drugs too”

“Ooooh no im sooooo scared, I would say that if I wasn’t happy that if this were true, you’d at least finally have friends to be doing the drinking and the drugging with”

“Well I have-”

“She doesn’t count” She said sternly, ending with a smile. Sol has had only one friend his entire life. Her name was Madison and they met at both of their lonely spots they would have throughout the school. At first they would just eat lunch silently distant from eachother, but one day when Sol noticed Madison didnt bring lunch, he offered part of his food because his mother would always overpack his lunches. And just like magic, a friendship was born.

“You have to get new friends, its not healthy to only have one friend, and you’re such a sweet person, I’m sure if you had the chance to talk to anyone they would become close to you immediately.”

“Oh sure here let me just get new friends, easy done, all I have to do is get over my crippling social anxiety and I’ll just BAM super popular kid COMING THROUGH” He said this a bit harsher than he intended mostly fueled by the anger he felt from feeling like such an inept person and as he looked over at his mom, he noticed her weakened disheveled look.

“I’m sorry mom, I promise I’ll try harder okay?”

“That’s my boy” She smiled and continued her work

Sol finished his and went over to put the food bowl away and help his mom.

“What are your plans today mom?”

“Oh the usual, clean, watch some TV, go on a walk, maybe spook a few neighbors along the way oooOOOoOOoooo”

Sol chuckled, “Don’t spook them too much, they’d want you to keep ‘haunting’ them instead of me” A big grin spread across his moms face and she just said

“You know I’d never leave you, you’re my precious child”

“I know mom, I know”

After they finished washing the dishes he went upstairs to pick up his backpack and the man was still there waiting patiently.

“Did you save me anything?”

“Fuck off”

“Woah woah woah language mister. I don’t know how you think you’ll help all these spirits pass peacefully with a mouth like that. Tut tut, did your mom teach you those words?” The man said.

“Yes actually she did” The boy continued the get together his things to get ready for school. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone.”

“Why do you insist on helping these people? They’ve never helped you”

“I’m not Helping anyone, it’s just easier not to deal with people’s sad emotions...and ghosts are annoying”

He finished packing up his bags and ran back downstairs.

“Goodbye mom ! Don’t spook the neighbors too much!” He said hurriedly running through the door.

“Sol you forgot this !” His mom runs out to the half indoor sol and hands him his lunch.

“Mom I’m an adult, you don’t have to pack me lunch all the time I can just buy it” He looked embarrassed at the school lunch with a big heart drawn on top of it.

“Once you have friends to get lunch with we can talk.” She said with another one of her smiles. She leaned over to give him a kiss on his forehead but as she went for the kiss,

She passed through him.

“Oh right, I forgot that I can’t do that anymore” She looked as if all her strength was sapped out of her, and joy leaked out of every crevasse in her body leaving just an empty husk.

“Yeah, if you keep doing that you’re gonna undo all the dak-juk did” sol said light heartedly to lift the mood. This did not work.

“Sorry” She looked sadder than ever, that bright beautiful smile was not replaced with a grey and muted one as if she was seeing her whole life work collapse infront of her. Seeing how upset she was, Sol kissed two of his fingers, and placed it on his forehead. This did seem to work and some of her glow was restored in her eyes.

“See you mom” He said with a grin, “Spook the fuck out of our neighbors for me”

“Language!”

#light novel #story time #writing #death #nothing gold can stay #original story

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imaginariumrpc · 4 years

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okay so the lovely @imbicilite / @whitrph and i were talking and it gave me the idea and we thought it was a great idea to spread it around so here’s how it goes: when talking with someone about pretty much anything tbh, but especially for something that could potentially be triggering, communicate with color codes based on city traffic lights ! GREEN means it’s good to talk about these things and you’re not feeling triggered by the topic, YELLOW means to slow down or stop talking about the topic at for now while RED means to stop the conversation about the topic immediately until green again where the conversation can divert into another topic or they feel safe to talk about it again !! this is EXTREMELY important, because it’s a way to alert others that you’re going to be talking about something that could possibly upset someone because of the subject matter, especially for those who may get triggered by a certain topic - even without you realizing it because squicks and triggers can honestly be anything, it could be different words or phrases or certain topics - and can cause severe anxiety in those affected, even panic attacks or flashbacks, and because we want to be considerate and respectful towards one another, it’s important that we use these to help our friends and fellow rpers know that we’re going to be posting or talking about something they might not want to see or talk about, and it’s of utmost importance to make them feel safe, it’s best to use this to be a more supportive friend and a member of the rpc!!

on a sidenote, i’m also here to tell you about tone indicators !! keep in mind that i didn’t come up with nor invent the concept of tone tags itself, but it was being spread around for a while now and i’d figured i’d talk about it !! essentially, tone indicators are used to indicate if the person is joking, being serious, etc., neurodivergent people often have trouble conveying and understanding emotion and tone through written text, using tone indicators is really helpful for neurodivergent people to make it easier for them to read/convey, it is also very helpful for people with anxiety. i encourage anyone who reads this to also type the meaning of the tone tag ( i.e: i love you !! /p for platonic ), so it is more accessible for neurodivergent and disabled people, like those who use screen readers.

“why should we use tone tags?” one might ask, but as an autistic, disabled and otherwise neurodivergent person myself, sometimes i don’t always get my friends and fellow mutual’s tones by their message but when they use tone indicators, it helps me understand and, not to mention that it can be really helpful and avoid misunderstandings. i would also like to note that NOT ALL neurodivergent people want you to use tone indicators on them, so if they don’t want you to use tone tags on them, please respect their wishes.

“i don’t like tone tags!” one might add, well, okay... but don’t make fun of the people that use them, it’s not a big deal, and if you’re a neurotypical who insists on not using tone tags when a neurodivergent person clearly asked you to, get your head out of your ass.

“using /j at the end of a joke ruins it!!” one might bitch, and okay but... it might be ruined for you, but it still makes me laugh, personally, so please try and get used to it, and not to mention, what’s more important: making sure you’re clear with your tone so that there’s no misunderstandings or throwing a fit just because the joke’s ruined for you?

additionally, some other things to keep in mind !! please do not mock the use of tone tags, you may not need them but some people do, not everyone can tell when something is a joke, when someone’s either being platonic, romantic or sexual in intentions, etc.,, especially when there’s no visual cues or tones of voice to help us, just be nice about it, it’s... really not hard, man. if you don’t use a tone tag and someone reads the tone of your statement incorrectly, do not get upset with them or laugh at them for not getting it - that is perpetuating ableism and/or sanism, whether you intentionally intend it or not. just kindly clarify and next time, keep in mind that tone tags are very helpful for neurodivergent, disabled and people with anxiety disorders. using a tone tag isn’t an excuse to be mean either, you can’t just say something mean or not cool and then put /j ( “joking” ) after it to get away with it, don’t be an ass. if you’re saying something that could be anxiety inducing for others, i would highly recommend putting the tone tags at not only the end but also the beginning of that post. do not intentionally use tone tags incorrectly “as a joke”, to confuse people, etc., the entire point of tone tags is to clarify, not confuse people, if you intentionally use them incorrectly, you’re an ass. keep in mind that no one has to use all the tone tags, use what you’d like, respect others who use what they would like, use them however feels rights to you. for me personally, sometimes i use multiple, sometimes only one, or sometimes none at all, just do what feels right, depending on who i’m talking to and how long i’ve known this person or group of people i’m speaking to, it’ll be fine, and if someone asks for clarification on what you mean, that’s okay, kindly clarify for them. additionally, please be patient if people don’t know what tone tags are, someone might not even be aware of what they are and that’s not their fault, just patiently explain it to them or link them to a source !! education always helps !! please don’t use “/srs or serious” as a joke, some neurodivergent and/or disabled people don’t need you to use three tone tags, and in my case, i’m presuming you’re neurotypical if you’re doing that when conversing with me, but what i’m trying to say is it looks like you’re babying us neurodivergents / disabled folx, so try to use only two tags ( that is, if that person is okay with it !! ), because some people don’t need you to use three tags.

please note that the following aren’t every single example out there and there are different terminologies in different languages, but they are important, a few examples of these are:

“/j = joking / used when saying something in a joking manner, “so im pretty much the president of oreos /j”,

“/hj = half joking / used when saying something that’s kind of a joke but kind of serious / “well,,,,, im usually right /hj” /

“/s or /sarc / refers to the opposite of what you really want to say / “i just [clenches fists] love...... being sad..... /s”,

“/srs / used when saying something you really mean / “i really appreciate you /srs””,

“/nsrs = not serious / used when saying something not too seriously / “you’re the worst /nsrs”,

“/lh = lighthearted = used when something’s said lightheartedly / “hEY LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS /lh” / i’d say something like this when me and my friends would get into a silly argument and they’re trying to ask my opinion on a topic”,

“/ij = referring to something that’s only understood by people with special knowledge about something, typically only a small group of friends or a group of people would be aware of, those outside of the group would most likely be confused by it or not find it funny in the same way people within in the group would / “aAAAAAAAAA MY NUGGIES!!!!! /ij””,

“/ref = a reference to media, usually movies, tv, music, etc., “yOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAASSSSSSS /ref”,

“/t = teasing, use when teasing someone or provoking someone, often playfully, “aiight sure mx idk wtf im doin /t”,

“nm = not mad, to indicate you’re not actually mad or upset about something / “ow... i felt that /nm”,

“lu = a little upset / used when about about something or someone, but not too upset / “oh... that sucks /lu”,

“/nbh = “nobody here” = often used when talking about something vague to ensure your friends it’s not indirectly to or about them / “sometimes i just wanna..... tell someone to shut the fuck up /nbh”,

“/nay = not at you / used when saying something but not meaning it at the person you’re responding to / “god i can’t stand lame people /nay”,

“/ay = “at you”, make the person aware you’re addressing them”,

“/g or /gen = used when saying or asking something for real / “i’m proud of you /g” or “have you watched the news?? /gen”,

“/th = threat, used when giving a genuine threat / “if you don’t stop, i’ll block you /th”,

“/p = platonic, a friendship type of love, used when saying something with platonic intentions / “i love you /p”,

“/r = romantic intentions, typically of partners when saying something with romantic intentions / “i love you /r””,

“/a = alterous, an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being at all or entirely platonic and/or romantic, used when saying with alterous intentions / “i love you /a””

“/m = metaphor / used when saying something metaphorically / “god you’re a shining star /m””

“/li = literal / used when saying something literally / “i hate pears /li””

“/rh = rhetorical / a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer / used when saying or asking something rhetorically / “who cares? /rh””

“/hyp = hyperbole, exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally ; “i have a million things to do today”

“/sx = sexual intent, used when meaning something in a sexual way”,

“/nsx = nonsexual intent, used when meaning something in a not sexual way”,

“/pos = positive / used when saying something and meaning it in a positive way / “omg im gonna cry /pos”, implied they’re crying for a happy reason”,

“/neg = negative / used when saying something and meaning it in a negative way / “omg im gonna cry /neg”, implied they’re crying for an upsetting reason”, and

“/neu = neutral / used to show that what you’re saying is neutral or that you feel indifferent about it / “yeah i don’t care man do what you want /neu”, you don’t care about something but not in a mean or a negative way, you’re just indifferent”.

on a final note, HERE is a list of tone tags both in english and in other languages ( namely italian, spanish, portuguese, french, polish, german, lithuanian, serbian, dutch, indonesian, romanian, bulgarian, russian, hebrew, japanese, mandarin and korean !! ) and HERE are the list of sources about the content of tone tags !! i wish everyone reading this a lovely day !!

#** blog; mod angie.#** blog; mod post.#** blog; okay to reblog.#tw; long post #tw; sex mention

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stoopsbookstore · 5 years

Text

The Wolf (Chapter 4)

Warnings - Vomit, Attack on two characters, Death, A single gunshot

“The Alpha?! What do you mean the Alpha? I’m the Alpha.”

Taeyong watched the guardian pace around the room, her robe swishing in her haste, Yuta throwing up onto the floor. The guardian searched for a book, her silence freaking Taeyong out. She spotted the bounded papers in a dusty corner of a shelf that hadn’t been touched in centuries. The covered lady signaled for Taeyong to come over to the table in the middle of the room.

“You may be the Alpha of your clan, but you are just a bunch of misfit wolves, thrown aside when your pack thought you were good for nothing, horrible ner-do-wells. This is the Alpha of the Indigo pack,” she flipped the pages, “this book says he’ll be back if someone summons him. He will very difficult to kill, he can survive stabs and shots. You’ll need a rare form of wolfs bane and a special silver, but I will tell you more later. You two need to go back and move your pack as soon as possible.”

Taeyong thanked the lady, helping Yuta to his face before heading home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day at classes, Jisung and Y/N were inseparable, to the point where Y/N actually skipped her classes to wait outside her step-brother’s classes. In her English class, Yuta had noticed she wasn’t there, concerned about the girl.

“Yuta, what’s up?” Jaehyun nudged him, breaking out of his trance of looking at the empty seat.

“That girl I bumped into isn’t here.”

“Didn’t she give you her number?”

Yuta mentally punched himself, he completely forgot about that. He flipped through his notebook to find the small piece of paper, dialing the number into his phone and texting it.

is this Y/N? please tell me this is Y/N

Yes... who’s asking?

Its Yuta, the guy who bumped into you. Im sorry for just texting you, my life is a bit crazy right now lol

This is going to be insane but can we hang out??

Umm... yea, sure I guess. You know my step-brother Jisung right?

He’s your stepbrother?! oh wow... he’s a really good kid

so that means Mr. Shindong is your stepfather

yea. Do you think you can get me the notes for today?

Im also having a bit of a crazy life, I had to skip to watch Jisung

Cant get them from Mr. Shindong?

No, because it would possibly show favoritism if someone called foul

Alright no problem are you busy tonight i could bring them over and we can hang out then

That would actually be perfect, you have no idea

cool, ill see you then. I have to go, cant get in trouble or else Mr. Shindong will get mad at me see you later tonight :)

Y/N looked up from her phone, Jisung in front of her holding a bunny in a cage. The bunny was asleep, the boyish smile emitting from Jisung was contagious enough that anyone who walked by would smile along with him.

“Jisung, what the hell is that?”

“‘I’m in charge of watching the class pet this week,” Jisung announced, “I figured it would be a great distraction from everything that’s been going on. His name is Bambi.”

“Your class realizes that Bambi was the deer and Thumper was the rabbit, right?” Y/N stood up, throwing her bag over her shoulder and walking with her step-brother, “since you had a surprise, I have one. Yuta’s coming over tonight.”

“Really? Why?”

“There is a chance we may be mates and we’re just going to see if it’s true. You have to remember, just because you’re three quarters of a wolf, I’m only a fourth. I don’t get any signals to who my mate is, I just have to try according to my mom.”

“Our mom.”

“Yes, our mom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N! Your friend’s here! Just one moment.”

Leann stood at the door, Yuta holding his hands behind his back, waiting for his classmate to greet him.

“You must be the Yuta Y/N talked about.”

“Did she tell you?”

“Yes. My mother was a part of the Indigo clan so I knew it was just a matter of time before this would start happening. Are you and your friends okay?”

Yuta realized she must not have known that Jisung was taken into the pack, assuming Shindong tried to suppress the wolf urge, “yeah, we’re fine. It’s a bit hard to keep track of all of us, but we’re managing to stay in touch, calls every morning and night to make sure we made it.”

“That’s goo-”

“Yuta, hey,” Y/N appeared in the hallway leading to the door, “thanks Mom.”

Leann walked away, Y/N shutting the door behind her, leaving the two on the ornate porch.

“Mr. Shindong, I guess, doesn’t want me inside?”

“Even though he’s half wolf himself, he doesn’t want to possibly attract the Indigo clan.”

“He’s half wol-”

“His mom. He doesn’t like to talk about it, he only told me because of the poten-”

“Potential of us being mates?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, Yuta looking at the ground, feeling uneasy. The breeze flowing between them cool, the night starting to darken the sky. They didn’t see Leann, Shindong and Jisung sitting at the window, watching the uneasy interaction.

“Should we go for a walk?” Yuta suggested.

“I’d like that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuta and Y/N ended up walking through the nature park about 2 streets down from Y/N’s house, the pair avoiding talking about the possible relationship. They had only been classmates, just realizing they could be soulmates was an extreme jump to make. Yuta was the first to say anything, his attempt to ease the elephant in the room.

“My jackass of a friend, Ten, said if we were mates, he’d be sad because he thought you were really pretty.”

Y/N hid her laughter in her sweatshirt sleeve, “I thought he was dating Sorn or Lisa?”

“If by dating, you mean hooking up with them. He’s actually found his mate, that girl from Psych 221, fuck what’s her name? Umji?”

“Oh yeah, I know her. She’s a wolf?”

“Heads up,” Yuta leaned closer to Y/N for dramatic effects, “like 90 percent of this town is a wolf or has wolf blood in their veins.”

“Well, excuse me, I’ve only lived here for a year, I wasn’t expecting to find out all of this information. I figured I would get my degree, travel the world, have a few affairs and die in a sewer like Poe.”

Y/N and Yuta’s laughter was cut off by a growl, a pair of red eyes staring them down. Yuta’s ears popped out of his hair, the same grey from Y/N’s dream.

“Get behind me,” Y/N followed the boy’s instructions, his eyes turning into a vibrant green, his voice dropping into a husky roar, “You’re outside your bounds.”

The monster just kept stepping towards them, Y/N grabbing Yuta’s arm, another shock between the two seemed to make the wolf bark at them.

“Fuck! Run!”

The couple took off running, Yuta pulling Y/N with him as the outsider ran after them. They threw sticks and pinecones at it as often as they could, trying to keep the predator away from them.

“My house, it’s just up the street!” Y/N pointed to lit structure.

They ran up to the porch, the door opening to Jisung and Leann yelling at the two to come inside. Once they were in the safety of the mansion, Shindong came out from the dining room door, shooting the wolf point blank in the stout. Yuta shielded Y/N from looking at the bloodied canine, Leann pulling Jisung into the living room.

“You two, her room. Stay there.”

Shindong ordered them into Y/N’s room, Yuta walking up the steps behind Y/N, the stairwell quiet except for her stepfather’s grunts of struggling. Opening the door to her room, Yuta was surprised at how much it looked like a small apartment. A mini-fridge, a table, some counter space, a small living room and then through a half wall, her bedroom with a bay window.

“Y/N, are you alright?”

“Would you like some tea?”

It was like the past hour didn’t help, Y/N went quiet, walking to the small kitchenette and putting some water in the teapot. Yuta reached out to Y/N, touching her arm and getting a small shock. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, but he knew the truth now. They were mates, and it seemed like she knew as well, aggressively turning on the oven top, a black cloud hanging out her head.

He engulfed in a hug as she began to sob, the weight on her shoulder crashing down and turning around in Yuta’s arms to cry. The wolf boy picked Y/N up like she was a piece of paper and walked her over to her bed. Yuta rubbed her back, her cries filling the room. Leann had walked in, noticing the teapot whistling, checking on the lovers, her heart breaking at the sight of her daughter in emotional distress.

After Leann left, Yuta tilted Y/N’s head, staring at her bloodshot eyes. They could feel the other’s emotion, Yuta felt pissed over the betrayal, Y/N felt anxious over the sudden changes. Yuta noticed Y/N had started to fall asleep, her breath stabilizing as he reached for the clicker on the nightstand. Turning on the TV, he kept repeating four words into Y/N’s ear, hoping that she’ll hear it in her sleep.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

#yuta #nakamoto yuta #nct #nct au #nct 127 #nct smut #nct imagines #nct scenarios #the wolf #halloween series #my writings

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ambitionsource · 5 years

Note

001 for dasher!! :)

oh boy....... hoooooo boyyyyyyyyy

Dylan & Asher

When I started shipping it if I did: so if i were a viewer, i think i would like ship them from basically the moment it was made pretty clear on the show that they were romantically linked rather than just Good Pals Being Pals (i.e. “LOVE OF MY LIFE” in 103). but for a majority of s1 i think it would be a passive shipping sort of thing, like i’d love their moments and enjoy watching them, but things wouldn’t really Click into place until s2 when we really start to actually dig into them and their dynamic / their individual struggles (i.e., their promotion to regulars in s2). around 203 + 204 i’d be so locked in though, that’s probably when i’d start making fandom content or digging around for fics, and then by 207 / 208... whew y’all. whew!

My thoughts: okay so like not to be dramatic but like. im really kind of obsessed with them doe GJDSGFDKJHLFKDH. like i’m really chill about it on here for the most part, but i have not shut up about them in my gcs since quite literally like. august. there’s kind of like this whole timeline for them that doesn’t exist on the Show because its just not relevant to the story, but there’s a lot of their development as individuals and a relationship going on in the background of s2 that really informs how i write them and is really quite elaborate FDSJGLKDSG. i have an entire drive folder that’s dedicated to screenshots of the conversations we’ve had in the discord that chronicles some of this stuff. like what we fondly refer to as “4 days” which is this period between 203 and 204 in which asher became so overwhelmed with everything going on with lucas that he just dropped everything and isolated for a few days -- including closing the window on dylan; and that really has a major impact on their relationship and sort of leads to this Relationship Upgrade in the sense that they go from having the fun and easy going relationship they have in s1 to really like... committing to one another and stepping into this deeper Partnership. i can’t do it justice just talking abt it but like. again to keep it concise, i’m obsessed

What makes me happy about them: literally... so much. i will say that i think what’s really important to me about them -- as well as on the show and what they represent -- is that they really do demonstrate this like... Healthy relationship. and they don’t realize it, but they are one of the only examples of a healthy, committed, equal partnership that many of their friends have in their lives (lucas and isa, specifically). so they’re leaving this impact on people just by leading by example and just living with their hearts on their sleeves and being so unapologetically loving, and that is just... a message i want to spread far and wide. dylan and asher definitely both have their quirks and flaws, but they’re two characters who are so fundamentally driven by compassion and love in their own ways -- and then its really beautiful to watch them share that energy with one another at the most devoted level

What makes me sad about them: i mean like.......... honestly? not much. how wild is that. a pairing that doesn’t make me wanna kermit bc there’s so much angst riddled throughout.......... unreal..........

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i firmly believe that da would be such an interesting fandom to analyze. this is because they would definitely have a strong fanbase of their own (especially post S2), but also i bet they would be victims of the “supporting pairing” in a lot of fics -- i.e., they get tagged as a pairing on ao3 but then only are featured in like 3 scenes out of a 220448328 word fic. you know, that tragedy. also annoying would be 1) dumbing down dylan or focusing only on his naivety / simplistic nature and stripping him of his incredible emotional literacy and lowkey wisdom 2) babying either of them and again stripping them of their nuances and complexities 3) exaggerating some of asher’s shrill qualities to the point that he’s just unbearable 4) ANY sort of obvious attempts to Gender their relationship -- i think zc would be able to avoid this for the most part, but i get the feeling it would be a common annoying thing in da portrayals 5) taking asher’s external hesitation towards pda / being too overtly emotional in public and reading that as either him being unaffectionate towards dylan in general or casting him as some sort of prude when in actuality i think asher is more instrumental in their Physical Relationship than one would think on the outset 6) fics where da is tagged but then its like. one of them leaving the other for lucas fDJSGDKGLFD LIKE BYEEEEEEEE

Things I look for in fanfic: on the flip side of my earlier answer, i really do believe that there would be a beautiful and dynamic da writer cohort. i think there would be some REALLY cool and lovely works out there for these two, because i know how much they’ve inspired creativity and excitement for me. i would love fics that are just about filling in missing moments to their relationship that we don’t get to see on the show just due to focus and time; i would be keen for any sort of au with them; i’d want to see portrayals of them that really highlight the balance they bring out in one another and how well they complement one another -- the ways that dylan makes up for asher’s emotional literacy and even a focus on how asher can sometimes struggle to grapple with his emotions despite being so put together in public would be A1; anything that highlights the utmost respect and adoration they have towards one another; always stan representing how touchy-feely dylan is with small affectionate touches; gold star fics would highlight their other relationships as well, both as a duo (the techie crew, dylucasher) and individually (jade x asher, dylan x isa, dylan x dave x nate, their dynamics with riley). i just..... i’m really aching for this fandom rn i tell ya!!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i.......... there’s honestly not an answer. they’re asher and dylan. dylan and asher. they’re literally multiverse endorsed soulmates. there’s a mental block for alternatives sorry!

My happily ever after for them: i don’t have to worry about them so i know i’m gonna get it fDSJKGLFDG but just them continuing to have their deeply committed and supportive and emotionally healthy relationship and be there for one another as they continue to grow as people! can’t wait for them to live together college and beyond and just... thrive. i love them dearly

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: oh this has been well established. asher is the big spoon. there of course are OCCASIONAL days where it shifts (more likely during naps, for example), but when it’s time for bed they will fall asleep with asher hugging dylan and resting his head against his back. that’s The Move. it’s set in stone!

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: they spend so much time together i genuinely could say that just existing together is their activity fDJSKLGJFDKLHDh. but um they like to go on adventures with lucas; dylan will bake and asher will “help” i.e. just keep him company and steal dough; they like watching tv together (wide range from like true crime documentaries to Good TV to the classics like Spongebob to hgtv and chill fdkjhgkjdhg like. Cultured palette here folks); just spending time together but doing their own thing i.e. asher might be reading while dylan is playing nintendo switch but they’re like reclining against one another; they often take drives together and get out of the city just to listen to music and like escape the pressure of that environment; they go on trips with their families and their families even take trips together sometimes once they realize that dasher are basically tied for life (shoutout to the upcoming new years ski trip of 2019... Romance)... i could go on. there’s always much to say. i love them that’s it that’s it that’s it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

send some winter hiatus asks !! or try this one

#she's Obsessed... bet y'all didn't see that one coming did ya #the aaagc knows all too well but i maintain a calm stance fairly well on here #now y'all know !#dylan x asher #winter hiatus 2019 #Anonymous #answered

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plounce · 5 years

Note

god ik its a wm au but I would Love to hear more about beauyasha in this au.. also like what has yasha been up to on earth? how does she interact with beau and caleb before molly arrives? 💜🕊

>:)))! i can absolutely do so!!

so in the first two or so seasons before all the heaven/apocalypse stuff, beau and caleb met yasha in an episode. she never SAID she was a valkyrie but that’s what they assumed she was, since she had a lot of viking stuff on her and the accent and she sort of implied that. it’s what made sense at the time, especially because they had no signs that angels are a real thing.

then molly happens, and then when yasha shows back up again they recognize each other and WHAT! YASHA’S AN ANGEL ACTUALLY?? crazy.

basically what happened is that at around 200 bce or so, yasha fell in love. i’m gonna say that zuala was another angel in her garrison, and angels aren’t supposed to fall in love. they’re supposed to be conforming divine warriors who don’t have all the flaws (or strengths, or texture, or spark) that humans do.

zuala was painted as the main culprit in this transgression. rather than making her Fall (les mis voice) as lucifer fell (because by that point they didn’t want to add any more True demons to hell’s side) for punishment, they decide to just obliterate her a la the hellfire in the last scene of the good omens tv show. it isn’t pretty. yasha is made to watch. she screams, and it makes the sun flare.

the rest of the angels are going to have their memories wiped of her - including yasha - but she learns of this in time and breaks through the floor of heaven and plummets to earth. molly helps her escape, but manages to avoid getting caught doing so.

molly was in the same garrison as them, and his memory of zuala was wiped with the rest of them. he remembers yasha, remembers being fond of her, remembers that she left heaven voluntarily and that he helped her, but there’s so many blank spots. they have him move garrisons to the tomb-takers after that, who are very elite and militant, and he becomes a demon-killing expert. it’s meant to drown out all that. and it kind of works; molly remembers more of yasha when he sees her again on earth.

yasha falls and falls and her angel blade slips from her hand as she dematerializes. it plummets and falls deep into some wilderness. a glint streaking down from the shooting star in the sky that night.

what happens next is the thing that happened with anna - yasha has no vessel lined up and she wasn’t given permission to leave, and is swiftly getting her grace cut off by heaven, and her being is transformed into a human baby. she is born, and grows up in a little scandinavian village a little bit strange. her parents tell her how there was a huge shooting star the night she was born, how they think it’s a good omen form the gods, and she has a sense that she’s different - special. she’s strong and naturally gifted with the club and the axe and especially the sword - anything they put in her hands.

when she’s old enough, she’s chosen to go on their clan’s raids. she excels at getting the resources her village needs from the southern peoples. she’s a terror, and everyone knows that she’s blessed from above.

then one year, she gets separated from the raiding party and is making her way through the forest trying to make it back to the coast so she can find their boat. and out of the corner of her eye she sees a strange glint, and something in her pulls her to go to it. it’s a strange sword embedded in the rock, and she puts her hand on it, and pulls –

and memories and power flood into her. memories of zuala, of creation, of molly, of heaven’s gleaming pathways, of zuala, of the first things that crawled on land, of zuala, of the face of god, of zuala, zuala, zuala. smiling, flying, fighting, touching, burning. she screams. her howl echoes through the woods.

her people have been waiting for her back at the boat, because they can’t leave their best warrior behind. when she strides out of the woods, she’s different. she walks different, and has this power radiating from her. she climbs on the boat, tells them to go. she’s almost glowing a little bit. they row away, and yasha spends the entire journey staring up at the sky, out at the horizon.

after that day she’s different. even quieter. everyone assumes she had a holy experience that day, and she doesn’t disagree, because, well. after that day she’s keenly aware of the norse gods’ presences, and doesn’t age. when she realizes that everyone is moving forward towards death without her (humans seem so small now - she loves her human parents, she does, but remembering what the sun looked like in its infancy changes a viking), she leaves, and goes to asgard, and pledges herself to the ranks of valkyries. she’s not nearly as strong as she once was, but she’s strong enough to fit in with her new people, so she finds herself a place there among the aesir.

(side note im keeping my distance from how this world interacts with non-abrahamic religions - thats SO not my business - just know theyve got their own power and their own places that aren’t like. Beneath that of abrahamic god. because iirc spn was terrible about that) (also i say abrahamic bc iirc islam has a lot of angels and demonology in its culture but thats all im gonna say bc again: i am not a theology major, and this au is much more about the surface fun of it all rather than making any statements or assertions about ACTUAL religions (past or present) obviously) (also i’m never gonna mention jesus or the antichrist or whatever)

the angel blade is tied to her grace. her grace still exists up in heaven, locked away in the archives, so the blade still has its source. it also contains her love for zuala and molly and - and all that she loved before she was torn apart - and that fuels it, connects it to her. gives her access to its power. she’s mostly just sort of supernaturally stronger and can take more of a beating than a normal human, and on certain days/times of year she can fly short distances. days that were holy to her. she carves norse runes on her blade, because it’s hers now. she can’t age or die of old age, but she still does have human needs - food, water, sleep. she’s tough, but if she’s unlucky then she can be killed. luckily, she’s very good at fighting.

her wings… they’re not like they once were. being with the valkyries makes humans see them like other valkyries’, but the aesir can see them for what they are - decayed, fragile, skeletal things, with what remaining feathers there are barely hanging on. like her feathers in cr proper.

after ragnarok, when the surviving aesir meet in the fields of asgard, yasha thanks them for their hospitality, and returns to midgard. she wanders for a while, mostly by herself. she helps when she sees people who need her help, but mostly she just keeps herself alive and moving. quiet, contemplative. loving god’s creation even though heaven hurt her deeply. she spends years not speaking to anyone. what happened to the aesir was traumatizing to her, and she’s secure enough that she doesn’t need what they gave her when she was “younger.”

at some point she makes her way to north america. she wanders, builds cabins, and when she stumbles upon the opportunity she watches over what she once watched over. she’s aware of Hunters but is uninterested in them - they’re not hunting for food and while they help widows and the grieving that’s not their Business. not her business.

flash forward to early season 2. we know beau and caleb by this point and the basic premise of the show and the world. on a hunt in montana beau and caleb take shelter in a cabin during a snowstorm, and in the middle of the night the door opens. beau is taking watch and shoves a gun up in the intruder’s face - but it’s just yasha, holding a deer carcass and looking distinctly unimpressed. “you’re in my house.”

beau stutters an apology, caught entirely off guard by the 6′5″ mountain of a woman, and yasha shoulders past her to the table to stoke the fire and clean her kill. it’s her dinner for next month, yasha gruffly explains when beau asks what she’s doing. don’t like supermarkets.

caleb wakes up to beau helping yasha cut away the entrails. he is very frightened and confused, but when beau gives the all-clear he calms down a little. not entirely, because he knows this woman is beau’s type, and they’re still on a hunt.

they explain what they’re up to to yasha, who nods. says she’s noticed things have been strange. and beau helped her, so. she’ll help them. she’s also bored, and has a good feeling about these two.

so she helps out with the hunt, and throughout the episode beau clumsily flirts with her and yasha never turns her down but also never Flirts back. there’s a tension that’s mostly powered by beau but isn’t shut down by yasha (yasha thinks beau’s sweet and attractive, and she’s taken some human lovers over the last two millennia, but is still devoted to the memory of zuala. the audience doesn’t know that thought). she and caleb connect on a We Are Both Quiet Introverts level, like they do in actual cr (reminiscent of the shaving scene after bowlgate).

it isn’t until the end that caleb and beau think she’s anything but a mountain lady. then she pulls out a HUGE GLOWING SWORD carved with RUNES and THERE’S SOMETHING BEHIND HER THAT LOOKS LIKE WINGS? and then she nods, says goodbye, and walks away into the woods before caleb and beau can pepper her with questions about what the fuck just happened.

they run after her, but can’t find her or the cabin again. in the car ride back to civilization, caleb theorizes that she might be a valkyrie, and beau’s like yeah that sounds appropriately sexy.

yasha is a fan favorite. she had a whole focus episode and she was so mysterious and cool! the audience clamors for her to be brought back, and are sad when she doesn’t show up for the rest of season 2. beau and caleb mention her a couple times, so it’s made plain that she isn’t TOTALLY a one-off, but… hm!

beaujester shippers already existed by this point (jester was in season 1 and again in season 2), and beauyasha gains some popularity. beau having attractions to both of them is present in the show, but she isn’t dating either of them. there’s significance to both of them - they’re both people beau thinks of when she thinks of having Somebody.

a lot of fic about yasha is written between seasons 2 and 4, theorizing about her life as a valkyrie and what her and beau meeting up would be like… which is all then jossed when angels happen in season 4.

caleb gets taken to hell at the end of season 3 because of ikithon and for beau. during his last couple days on earth, he begs beau to find jester. or hell, yasha. don’t be alone, please. live and be happy. go get - go get powerlifted by one or both of them. i heard you sleeptalk enough about that. and beau tells him to shut up, don’t talk like that, i’ll - i’ll find a way to bring you back. and then you can see me get gay married or whatever it is you want me to do. because i’m gonna get you out of there. and caleb smiles, and his eyes say we both know you won’t.

there’s a whole genre of fic about jester or yasha (or both) comforting beau and settling into hunting/domesticity with her or helping her rescue caleb after caleb gets dragged away btw. idk why im making up fake fic about this au but you know what. i deserve this.

yasha is sort of put out of mind in the heaven excitement of season 4 and the arrival of molly as a third companion, turning their duo into a trio half the time. the apocalypse stuff isn’t quite happening yet btw (this is where i start diverging from the seasonal structure of spn), it’s just angels being real and caleb and beau being mysteriously important to them.

there is one point where during the beginning of an episode about halfway through the season where they’re regaling molly with a story of one of their hunts - beau is trying to embarrass caleb with a time he got enthralled by a siren, and caleb bats back with well, at least i didn’t let a giant woman with a dead deer push my gun aside so she could skin the thing with no enchantments on me at all. and beau’s like AW CMON DUDE DONT BRING YASH INTO THIS.

then there’s a shot where their bickering dialogue continues but the camera is focused on molly, who tilts his head a little, considering, then takes a sip of his orange juice (he hates coffee - too bitter! if he’s going to consume something to keep up the idea that he’s human, it’ll be something that tastes good!). then it cuts to the car.

it’s intentionally ambiguous if that’s about caleb getting seduced by a siren, beau being embarrassed, or whatever - it’s just an odd little moment. which is significant when they’re up north again, four episodes later, in a little restaurant off the highway, and they’ve just finished their meal and talk about the season plotline is happening when the door SLAMS open, and booted feet stomp across the dirty tile, strong legs in worn jeans, a huge backpack - beau’s eyes widen - and there’s yasha, striding directly to their table with a look of utmost focus and determination.

beau goes to stand, caleb’s brow furrows - yasha, what are you doing here - what’s going on - when, before they can act, molly stands up, causing the table to rock and their cups to slosh over. yashael! he exclaims, his face split in incredulous delight. you’re alive! you survived! you’re okay - it’s been millennia! what are you doing here?! oh, i don’t care, get over here. and he goes to her, and she hugs him, and beau and caleb are standing there, slack-jawed, as stony stoic yasha cracks a wide smile and hugs molly and lifts him off the ground.

did… did mollymauk just say ‘yashael?’ caleb says, stunned. molly is cradling yasha’s face in his hands, and her cheeks are round with joy. beau’s imagination could never have given her this smile, and she’s jealous a little bit, but also in awe, but mostly also trying to process the two puzzle pieces that just locked themselves together that she thought were totally separate from each other.

(relevant posts to their reunion: art, text, text)

from then on yasha is part of their group, at least for that season. there’s a lot of caleb and beau commiserating over their attraction to two LITERAL ANGELS - especially when the truth of yasha’s fall is revealed. beau is torn up inside about all of it - an ANGEL, for the first part, and her dead angel lover (how could beau ever compete with an ANGEL) and, oh christ, molly’s odd humoring of her crush on yasha is cast in a new light now.

and then jester comes back and… well, now beau’s torn between two hot girls who are both important in the grand scheme of things! yipes!

it takes a long time and there’s probably also some romantic drama in that triangle etc, but beauyaster is endgame. because i have a huge fucking brain.

#chirps #wmspn au #HOPEFULLY THAT READMORE WORKS ON MOBILE BC THIS ONE'S A LONG ONE!#long post #robcr #qll #thank you for the ask!!#autisticbillpotts

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brilliantfantasticgeronimo · 5 years

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ive been struggling to be more open about my life over here... beyond the sporadic gifsets of things im watching i cant really say ive shared much. but like, i cant keep on avoiding the mortifying ordeal of being known forever (also so much is going through my head all the time and i dont got anyone irl to vent so i gotta do it somewhere, even if it’s 2 the void) so here’s some life updates:

ive got a bunch of unfinished art i owe ppl so that’s what i’ve been trying to get through this past month....

...without much success, usually i come home so tired from school + work i cant be bothered to draw. this is the main thing im working hard about fixing rn. i have doodled more and have done some studies (haven’t posted them tho because i don’t feel great about them ugh)

one thing i’ve decided to try to see if it helps is regular exercise (in the form of solo capoeira training and trail running) + biphasic sleep schedule. in theory both of these things will give me the energy needed to draw...

after / meanwhile tho, the fancomic project that ive been cooking for about a year-ish is still, at least, slowly progressing... i haven't posted anything about it (tho i have talked to some ppl about it privately ) but i might have to bc i know it’s only a matter of time before someone else does this idea, and i will be v pissed if that happens after i have spent so much creative energy on it lol

im currently on a research + outlining step of said project... these are the books i’m plowing through, to give you a little idea of the (ridiculously bitting-more-than-she-can-chew) scope of the story sklajdksad)

national/regional/international politics are exhausting and draining as always (more than usual?) and tbh im sort of... actively tuning out of them atm. im trying to focus on “the big picture” so that means less time and mental energy for keeping track of whatever new apocalyptic headline crops up on the news. literally all my time reading, reflecting and studying is going toward collapse(tm) related literature and focused more on deep global issues and it is quite a lot of stuff to study, reflect and read,

(am i using all that as an excuse to not deal w/ the immediate surrounding? that might be part of it, perhaps... this is the only workable solution i have found that doesn’t involve weekly emotional breakdowns tho)

on that note, ive been using the ashes ashes podcast as a guideline for those studies. it’s great stuff and i highly recommend. the guys in charge of it are really nice, and the scope+breath of their research is impeccable. i’ve been telling everyone i meet about it bc it really has been a game-changer of a resouerce.

have felt very depressed at times for various reasons. some new, some not so new... not much to say in that area. v loneliness. much sad. whatevs

university and work were kicking my ass a couple weeks ago, but im getting them under control now (...i think). im getting a kind of ~synergy going too where im using knowledge learned in one place and applying it somewhere else

(like im learning sketchup for design class, but im hoping to later use it for making assets for the graphic designs at work. and the visual + communications stuff i have had to research for work is helping with both uni and my personal projects...)

arrowverse rewatch however is kicking my ass. and im only rlly watching supergirl + flash + batwoman ! but god. it’s literally.... endless... episodes.... if i have to hear another character say “no more secrets!” again im gonna flip

my enthusiasm for crisis and stuff is making me soldier on tho. (as is my hyperfixation w/ supercorp that has even managed to lure a fellow nerd coworker into it lmao)

while on the topic of tv: i *am* keeping up with the last season of the good place... i haven’t felt the need to talk much about it tho bc i mostly just discuss it with one of my cousins (who is also watching ) and we got our own like little after-show routine where we discuss theories and stuff :)

im watching hdm when it repeats on hbo latam. it’s nice to watch on hd for once rather than crummy 120p streaming sites...

havent sat down to watch 7 worlds 1 planet fully yet but i did watch the first 10 minutes of ep 1: antarctic and predictably cried

#anyway thanks @anyone who reads this and my mutuals in general lol #u are all troppers #personal #edit: incomplete ideas and typos

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loveseungs · 6 years

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better better

➳ pairing: kim seungmin x reader ➳ word count: 7.0k [ 7056 words ] ➳ warnings: bulletpoint scenario ➳ genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers, band au ➳ a/n: two words, stan day6 ➳ summary:

in which your life is a sad music video revolving around the world’s most famous sad music video concept: unrequited love.

❝ because of you, i’m better, better, better baby.❞

- you always knew that it was jisung’s dream to be in a band - i mean, of course you knew,,, when you’re neighbors with a schoolmate for years, you kinda get close - funny story, you and jisung actually used to bicker all the time when you were little—you weren’t always on the same page - it started when he, your neighbor (who was also seven-years-old like you at that time) mocked your favorite t-shirt -“eW what ARE YOU WEARING!!!! WHO WEARS A CAREBEARS T-SHIRT AT OUR AGE!!!!” - U WERE READY 2 THROW HANDS - WHO WAS THIS SQUIRREL-LOOKING BOY WHO WAS MAKING FUN OF THE T-SHIRT THAT BROUGHT U LOTS OF COMFORT - ??? it wasn’t UR FAULT THAT CAREBEARS WAS THE SHOW YOUR PARENTS MADE YOU WATCH WHEN YOU WERE A TODDLER - IT GAVE U STRENGTH OK,,, - unable to come up with a coherent answer, tears began to fill ur eyes and u began to sniffle - “YOU’RE MEAN!” - from that moment on, you never got along with your neighbor - it was really to your surprise that you went to the same school - but whatever, right?? u decided to avoid him like the plague for YearsTM,,, and he did the same to u - idk u just,,, yall didn’t vibe with each other - anyhoozle, when you turned 12, you began to take interest in music - there was smth u just. really liked about it. and u wanted not just to be a listener but to actually make some of ur own - so, you did what every other 12-year-old would do when they found smth they were interested in - that’s right friends and family - u begged ur parents to allow u to take guitar lessons at a nearby music school !! :DDD - u thought guitar was a good place to start learning music, and plus, someone was offering lessons for really cheap so why not - and this made u real excited!!! Bc wow!! Ur finally!! Gonna learn how to make music :000 - it was all sunshine and rainbows until u walked into the practice room and there sat - han jisung - at that moment, u turned around and slammed the door bc Nope,, u were NOT dealing with that today - sike, u didn’t, bc if u did, ur mom would beat ur butt with a broom - u had to. Sit. And go through weekly lessons. With Jisung. - twas hard not to argue w him all the time :/// - “stop hogging the tuner, freak!!!” - “get your own tuner, dummy!” - but ur teacher had enough of that щ(`Д´щ;) - for ur first showcase, u were partnered up together for the performance - when you look back, you suppose that you owe it to your teacher and that performance for bringing you and jisung together because hooooo boy, after that, u and him were practically unseperable for the many years after - ok fine 👉👈 so u had to admit… jisung became one of ur closest friends… - if not… ur best friend… - he was ur go-to as u went through ur school years - and oh boy,,, y’all would talk about everything under the sun, really - new shows? Check - cool jams?? Check - how it was jisung’s dream to be part of a band one day? Check - so one day, when one of jisung’s senior friends held an audition for band members, it was only natural for him to drag you along - u weren’t as hyped as he was, but u sure were interested. - you both, of course, auditioned for guitar positions (yours being rhythmic and jisung’s focusing more on delicious riffs), but jisung also showcased rap and you showcased some vocals in addition to being able to play an instrument - U didn’t really think u’d get in but - results came out and sksksk u BOTH GOT IN - TWAS A SIGN - and that, ladies and gentlemen, - was the start of one of ur rollercoasteriest rides you’d ever experienced - in the band, there were six of you: - chan, the leader, who produced most of your songs and played the bass - woojin, the talented lyrcist with honey-like vocals - felix, the dorky drummer - you, the rhythmic guitarist - jisung, who was in charge of rap and also played the guitar - and lastly, seungmin, the pianist - That was how it all began, really, with the meshing of different instruments and voices coming together as one. - If anyone asked why you’d joined in the first place, you’d say that it was because your best friend egged you to audition with him for this band - But, deep down, you knew a slice of you wished for this too, to be able to be part of a group where you could freely express your love for music.

- OK SO THAT WAS HOW IT STARTED - BUT, AS FOR PRESENT TIME,,,, - you were in the practice room, looking forlornly out the window, earphones accompanying your tired frown - the sky was grey and you were having a momen— - “why do u look like a typical sad music video??” came a voice, snapping you out of your trance - you paused your music. “shut up, seungmin!! im listening to day6!! Look at me straight in the eye and tell me that ‘Goodbye Winter’ doesn’t want to make you think of your sad love life !!” - he rolled his eyes - EXCUSE HIM??? WHO WAS HE, THE LITERAL MYDAY PRESIDENT, TO JUDGE YOU??? - “yeah but you don’t need to be so dramatic about it!” - “says the guy who started crying on the bus listening to ‘I smile’!!!” p(●｀□´●)q - “OKAY, FINE !! let me listen” - “whatever, dork” - that led you to hand seungmin your right earphone before you started up the music again, wonpil’s honey vocals once again sounding out in your ears - he plopped down on the chair next to you and in that moment, - it was just you, seungmin, and the serene melody of day6 - … - it didN’T REALLY HELP HOW UR PROXIMITY WITH HIM WAS LIKE,, KINDA CLOSE - BECAUSE UR HEART WAS BEATING AND IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF DAY6 - hell, why did u have to have this stuPID, PHAT CRUSH on kim seungMIN - CHIEF CALLED AND SAID THAT AINT IT - HHHHHHUUUURGHHH - just then, felix and jisung burst into the room, laughing about a topic you didn’t really care to find out. it wasn’t your concern - what you WERE concerned about, however, is that when they entered, seungmin threw off your earphone and flung himself to the keyboard like he was caught red-handed with something. - “o-OH HI FELIX! JISUNG! WHERE’S CHAN AND WOOJIN?” - “I DON’T KNOW!” - “STOP SCREAMING, FELIX!” - “HE STARTED IT!” the freckled boy pointed at seungmin, who was awkwardly fiddling with the keyboard’s buttons - hhhh wait what did that mean?? Did he not want to be seen close to u or something?????????? - HNGHHHGHG SAD HOURS o(╥﹏╥)o(╥﹏╥)o - oh well - you got up and reached for your guitar, since you supposed your day6 session needed to come to a close with the start of practice - “Hi guys! Sorry we’re late. We picked up some chicken after class! Let’s eat!” Chan announced as he entered the room with Woojin, who only waved amiably in greeting. - Felix began to scream in excitement again, to which Seungmin sighed at - so there you have it, ladies and gentlemen - that’s it - that was pretty much your life now

- it was a sad music video featuring a big crush on someone you knew didn’t feel the same way you did. - oh well, right? it didn’t really matter. what was important was that you were both friends, bandmates, and made music together. - so as long as you would still be able to have that, you didn’t mind.

- Saturdays were the self-proclaimed ‘Jisung and [y/n] Day’ !!! - they were a tradition that started ever since yall began to get along bc !! - Saturdays were boring and who better to spend it with other than ur bff?? - what possibly could be MORE fun than beating jisung in mario kart, huh?? - “STOP PICKING WALUIGI!” - “I DON’T SEE WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT, T O A D” - so when jisung appeared at your front door with an extra guest on YOUR day, you couldn’t help but raise a brow - this was the first ever guest to barge in ‘Jisung and [y/n] Day’, and you would have appreciated some sort of heads-up from ur neighbor slash bestie……,,,, - “[y/n]!!! seungmin wanted to hang out today so I brought him along~ let’s go play some smash!!” jisung announced, dragging the other boy in as he kicked off his shoes - what the MCFRICK - U DIDN’T EVEN FIX UR HOUSE - HOLY CHICKEN NUGGETS,,,,, WHAT WAS SEUNGMIN GOING TO THINK OF YOU AND YOUR HOUSE - AAAA - screw YOU HAN JISUNG - “uh, I hope u don’t mind,,,, I didn’t know jisung practically had a second house…” seungmin smiled sheepishly, bowing in respect to u “also, i didn’t know you were neighbors.” - “nah, it’s okay. make yourself at home, but please fix your shoes as you take them off. Jisung always leaves his lying around here and it doesn’t look nice,” you sighed, fixing jisung’s nike slides - “please take care of me,” seungmin mumbled as he arranged his sneakers to be neatly aligned with your slippers - you let jisung show seungmin to the living room, where he started to fix up the console so you could all play - meanwhile, you prepared some unhealthy snacks consisting of chips and soda - “I swear, [y/n] always picks metaknight and it’s so annoying,” jisung rolls his eyes, taking a chip from the bowl you put out on the small coffee table in front of the tv. - “you’re just salty that I’m actually good at the game,” you fire back, hitting him. The three of you settle comfortably on the couch and pick out your characters. To your surprise, Seungmin picks Peach and all you can do is laugh. - “really?” you snicker, picking metaknight like usual. - “princess peach? wow, seungmin.” Jisung chooses Samus and joins you in poking fun at Seungmin’s choice. - the boy stays silent, only pulling out his glasses from his bag. In moments, the game starts. - It takes only mere seconds for Jisung to let out an ungodly scream as his character gets thrown off the map by a certain pink princess. - “SHUT UP SEUNGMIN! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?” - “I didn’t say anything,” Seungmin responds non-chalantly and begins to chase you. - The game session of Smash continues in this manner: Seungmin targets Jisung, Jisung screams, and you avenge the poor squirrel boy. Occasionally, Jisung fights back. There’s a lot of screaming, but you know from which single mouth it comes from. - When you get tired of playing, the three of you stop and take a break to jam. Jisung borrows your guitar while Seungmin plays on the living room piano. You sit on the cajon and cook up a steady beat for the others. - It’s no surprise to you when Seungmin picks a song from Day6 and starts belting out the chords on the piano. Of course Seungmin would pick a Day6 song to play, because that’s so Seungmin of him to do. But even if you’ve heard ‘When You Love Someone’ a million times, you’ll never get tired of it, most especially because it’s him who’s singing it.

- The first time you realize that okay, maybe you’re starting to have feelings for your band member, was during your first performance together as a band. - At first, you were opposed to it. When Chan burst into the practice room one day with a flyer for the school talent show in hand, you didn’t hesitate to express your disapproval towards it. Honestly, you weren’t even sure why you were so against it, because you knew that on any other day, you’d welcome the opportunity with open arms. - But of course, overridden by the majority decision, you had to do the performance anyway. - It was only during the performance day itself that you finally figured out the reason why you didn’t want to do it. - When you saw from behind the curtain all the empty seats that would later be filled, something inside you erupted. There were now going to be a million people watching you. Every note, every strum had to be precise— - two hours before the performance, your members had gone into a frenzy. - two hours and you were missing - you weren’t in the practice room, you weren’t in the backstage, you weren’t anywhere - jisung was FREAKING out because he knew you didn’t exactly love performing in front of people, so he told everyone to start finding you immediately!!!!!!!! - chan was also extremely worried bc hhhh you should have told him, the leader, about ur concerns - aghh chan felt bad for not realizing it - but despite everything, it wasn’t jisung or chan who found you having a nervous breakdown at the back of the canteen, it was seungmin - and when he found you crouched down, sobbing quietly, he didn’t go on a long and crazy rant about how he was really worried for you - he didn’t give you a long speech of encouragement - no, when he found you crouched down and sobbing, he simply crouched down too and wrapped his arms around you - no words, just a very tight hug - which is funny because like - a minute after seungmin hugged you (which by the way, he hadn’t let go), your hiccups died down and… - u stopped crying,,,, - omg seungmin a sweetheart - strangely enough, you…you really just stopped crying for the first time in like,, 30 minutes - and even when seungmin couldn’t feel you shaking and hear you sobbing, he continued to just hold you - in fact, you were the first to break away, when you started to apologize for disappearing so suddenly - you started rambling about how you were justreallynervousandyouwerejustsosososorrysomethingcameoveryouwhenyousawtheseatsofthetheatre - and when you were done, seungmin offered you a warm, genuine smile, gave you a quick hug again, then said, “it’s okay!!” - on your way back to the others, he told you, “hey. if you feel nervous onstage, just look at me, okay?” - when you came back, jisung STARTED GOING ON A LONG AND NERVOUS RUN ABOUT HOW HE WAS SOSOSOSOSOSOSO WORRIED and you BET that squirrel boy squeezed u like there was no tomorrow - the rest of the members gave u some words of encouragement, too!! - so in short,, u were able to perform :>>> u were able to get onstage !! - and like !! seungmin kept his promise :DD - when you felt a pang of nervousness mid-song, you whipped your head to look at seungmin, and he indeed give you a smile before he started singing his verse - it was then that it hit you. - you knew, by the suddent skip in your heart, that it hit you. - oh no. you liked him.

- so when seungmin starts singing ‘When You Love Someone’ while playing on your old, beat-up, living room piano, you’re immediately reminded of why you started liking him in the first place. - maybe it was the way he smiled at you that day, maybe it was the way he hugged you like you were the only thing in the world that mome— - RRRRING!!! RING!!!! - holy mcfrick u were having ur Thoughts! And u were having a jamming sesh!!! Who could THAT BE,,, SIGH??? ＼`•̀益•́´／ - Ring… leader bAnG cHaN is calling…! - o shoot it was chan - “hello?” you spoke into the phone, halting your music-making - “Hello?? [y/n]?? I have news. I’m setting us up to go on Battle of the Bands! Sign-ups just opened!” - “O SHOOT HELLO?? THAT’S GREAT!! Hasn’t that been our goal since we started! We finally get a shot at winning the trophy!!!!! I’ll go tell the others. Jisung and Seungmin are with me,” you grinned, beaming. - Jisung mouthed a “whos-that” and you mouthed “chan” back. - “Okay! Just wanted to let you know. See you on Monday!” - beep - “Well, what’d he say?” Jisung asked, on the edge of curiosity. - “Battle of the Bands! In! Our band! Chan signed us up!” you smiled, hopping up. - “WHAAAAT?! WAH, NO WAY!” Jisung screamed, and he rushed to you to give you a big bear hug. - Seungmin stood up as well. “Hey, that’s great! I’m proud of us!” - guess your ThoughtsTM were gonna have to wait until after the event. - “C’mon! Let’s practice something! And later, let’s order something nice to celebrate!” you suggested, sitting back down on your cajon.

- “oh frick!” you exclaimed, setting down the banana milk on your usual cafeteria table - jisung jumped in surprise, felix waved, and seungmin looked up from his triangle kimbap - “what’s up with you?” seungmin questioned, wiping his mouth - “i forgot to do our math homework! do you have a copy of the questions? guess I won’t eat lunch now,” you groaned, shoulders slumping. - jisung shook his head. “sorry, our class already submitted that.” - “holy heck dude, our class submitted that already?” felix gasped. - jisung narrowed his eyes. “uh?? Yeah, dude. Like, last week.” - “OH SHOOT I DIDN’T DO IT” - “felix—" - “sometimes I wonder how I’m friends with such an idiot,” seungmin sighed, handing you a bright, red notebook. “here. you should be glad you’re classmates with me. questions are on the page with the pink sticky. DON’T flip the page because the answers are there, and I’m not having you leech off my perfect grades.” - you let out a ‘tch’. “who says I can’t perfect math without your answers? Besides, I’m betting it’s not even perfect.” - “thank you seungmin for lending me your notes!” seungmin imitated in a high-pitch voice before taking another bite from his triangle kimbap. - “whatever. Thanks I guess,” you retorted, copying down the questions and answering them one by one. - it was times like these when you were grateful to have such a competent classmate, even if he was really hard to ask notes from. now that you thought about it, there was no other person seungmin would lend his notes to except you. - you tried your best not to make any sort of expression, but inside, you were leaping for joy. who knows? maybe the tyrant-in-academics kim seungmin had a soft spot for you ???? >:DDDDD - lucky for you, you were able to complete the homework before class started. Unfortunately, you needed to start walking back from the canteen to avoid being late, so you didn’t have a chance to grab a bite. - once jisung and felix left the both of you (they had PE next and went towards the gym), seungmin shoved a triangle kimbap in your hand. - “finish it before we go inside the building,” he mumbled, halting just in front of the doors. - OK WHY WAS HE BEING SO NICE - U WERE KIND OF CONFUSED - AND ANGRY BECAUSE - STOP!!!!! HE WAS MAKING U BLUSH N STUFF - NONONOONO - in attempts to hush ur red cheeks, u scarfed down that kimbap like it was nothing. U inh a l ed that thing - anyway, after that whole thing, you guys went back to your classroom and waited for your teacher to come. - you were really happy bc of that whole cute thing with seungmin, but your happiness didn’t last long as your eyes trailed off to see seungmin handing his red notebook to some other girl who’d asked for it - you buried your face into your arms. - of course. there it was. - there was that constant reminder that okay, you weren’t really special to seungmin. in that moment, when he lent you his notes and gave you something to eat, you were just a friend, a bandmate, who needed help that he could give. - he didn’t like you back like that, he just had a big heart. - it was probably the same when he hugged you that time before your first performance. he was just… being nice. - it was okay. you should have been grateful to have such a good friend who was always watching out for you. - you shouldn’t be selfish and want more than that.

- k so at this point it wasn’t even ur sad, fat crush on seungmin that was talking - u were genuinely worried as a friend as to why seungmin didn’t come to school the next morning - ok, so u texted him, but to no avail??? - WHERE WAS THE MAN???? - during lunch, you tried asking jisung and felix but they didn’t have a clue either - after school, you rushed to the practice room and asked chan and woojin if they knew anything about the missing guy - chan nodded. “oh, seungmin texted that he won’t make it today. he’s sick. Like, bed-ridden sick.” - u gasped - :00 oh no ((o(;△;)o)) - u asked if u could leave practice early so u could visit seungmin - and ofc chan said yeah bc umu he’s worried too,,, - it was all fun and games until u realized u didn’t know where seungmin lived so jisung offered to come with you to show you - WHAT WOULD U DO W/O UR BEST FRIEND - “u,, complete me,,,” - “ofc I complete u [y/n] wth if I didn’t then we wouldn’t be bffs” - “｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡ I lov u bro” - “ilu too fool” - anyway, the walk to seungmin’s was fun !! u knew u could always count on jisung to give u a good laugh - u even stopped by a store to go grab some chicken soup and medicine - when jisung led you to a certain tall building, you g a s p e d - WTH - IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE LUXURY APARTMENTS???? - “HE LIVES HERE??????” - “twas what I said when he first invited me over. come on” - u were shaking - there was TOO much u DIDN’T KNOW - SKSKKS U WERE SCARED - WHAT ELSE COULD HE BE HIDING - OMG WHAT IF SEUNGMIN WAS A RICH HEIR OR SMTH SHBFHBDHSDCHCW U FELT LIKE A SLOB - “RELAX THE HECK UP MAN!!” jisung rolled his eyes, watching u freak the frick out - ding dong - “com—cough—ing!” came a voice - “hi, how can i—oh? What are u two doing here???” a sick seungmin spoke, hair sticking up in a million different directions, face flushed, and lips dry. - “it’s—” jisung did a little dance, “NURSING TIME BABEY!!” - “omg stop im not a kid its ok I can take care of my—COUGH” - suddenly seungmin started having a bad coughing episode and u and jisung looked at each other like - ‘what is this idiot thinking’ - anyway u both dragged him back inside his apartment - jisung volunteered to go make the soup, and you decided to help seungmin get back into bed and give him medicine - after checking seungmin’s temperature (he was hot) - (NO NOT THAT HOT, I MEAN HIS TEMPERATURE OK) - you gave him his medicine and went to the kitchen to prepare a basin with ice water and a towel - u came back and wiped his face and neck with the cold towel, wet it again, then placed it on his forehead - just then, jisung finished making the soup and came back with a bowl of it and a jug of water - “here, seungmin. make sure you drink lots of water even when we leave, okay?” - the sick boy just nodded and grabbed a spoon to eat the soup - ok so yall underestimated his sickness bc he literally dropped the spoon and spilled some burning soup on himself - “OWIE WHAT THE HELL??” he screamed, dunking his hands in the ice water basin on the floor - “careful!” you insisted, “that’s it, let me help you with that!” - “I’m not a kid! I can feed myself!” - “yeah? tell that to me when you don’t burn urself, dummy” - you grabbed the spoon from him, got some soup, blew it a little so it wouldn’t be so hot, and gestured for him to open his mouth - “you’re like my mom.” - -9000 HP - u mentally clutched ur heart - #momzoned - “shut up and eat the soup.” - once he took a bite, he beamed - “I’m surprised it’s good! I didn’t know Jisung could cook!” - “whaT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, PUNK?” - you fed him like, half the bowl, helped him drink the entire glass of water, changed the towel on his head, and tucked him in again - “im going to the bathroom. Im still mad that u thought I couldn’t cook,” jisung announced, huffing and leaving the room - … - … - ok so it was u and ur sick crush - ambulance NOiseS - WEEE WOOO - “hey [y/n]?” - “mm?” - “can you play some day6? my phone’s on the desk and the password is w0npil, with the ‘o’ as a zero.” - “nerd” - “shut up I know ur password is dowoon” - “DO U WANT ME TO PLAY UR MUSIC OR NOT” - “play the moonrise album” - “fine.” - the first song of the album, ‘Better Better’, began and you went back to your spot beside seungmin’s bed - he turned around so he could face you, and in moments u could already feel your cheeks heating up with his gaze suddenly on u - HNNNNNNG HIS EYES WERE REALLY PRETTY EVEN IF THEY HAD EYEBAGS UNDER THEM - ://// - ://////////////////////////// - “[y/n]?” - “what?” - “I guess because you’re helping me now, you can say that because of you I’m getting better, better, better, baby~!!” - “seungmin u big dork” - “[y/nnnnnn],,,,” - “yes, what do you need now?” - “I’m getting sleepy.” - “then rest.” - “wait, I want something, can you come closer? I don’t want to yell.” - “what is it?” you asked, moving closer as instructed until-- - he pecked your lips. - WHAT - WAIT - WAIT W H A T - YOU WERE ERRORING - IM SCREAMING - ALSO, THE IDIOT PASSED OUT - WAIT - “WHAT?!” you heard a voice come, but it wasn’t yours - from the doorway, jisung was pointing at you, whose eyes were REALLY big - “WAIT, I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE THAT SAW THAT, RIGHT?” jisung exclaimed, to which you put a finger to your lips - “shut up!!! He passed out!!!” you whisper-yelled, hobbling over to your best friend - “wait, he kissed you?!” - “i-I don’t know! I think it was a feverish mistake! oh my stars, ‘sung, that was my first!” you panicked, burying your face into your hands - holy mcnuggets, kim seungmin had KISSED you - “o-okay, okay, calm down. Maybe you’re right, he did pass out.” jisung reassured you, patting your back - “wait, I think we should stop his day6 music,” you said, turning off the speaker so soon. - “okay. wait, what now?!” - “I don’t know! I’m in shock!” - “it’s okay,” jisung breathed, “I won’t tell anyone, I swear. Not even him.” - “we’re never bringing this up again, okay?” you told him, completely exasperated - jisung nodded frantically, equally as spooked as you were - and just to absolutely make sure, you made him go to seungmin and check if he was asleep - “yup. knocked out.” - “honestly im kinda glad u saw it for urself instead of waiting for me to tell u bc I don’t know how I would” you admitted, fumbling with your hands. - “id be mad if u didn’t tho” - “HOW COULD I NOT TELL U?? ID BE TOO PANICKED NOT TO!” - “let’s close the lights and go home, okay? it’s been a hell of a day.” - on the way home, jisung helped u cope with the sitch by talking about other things, like band - u were really grateful,,, - as much as possible, u didn’t even wanna THINK of seungmin - hell it was gonna be so awkward when he’d come back from school…

- seungmin was back 2 school babey!! - great : ))) - yeah maybe for the rest of the world but like - NOT U LMAO - the frick - the frick would u even say to him if u saw him huh?? - “hey we kissed”??? - “ur lips were really chapped bc of dehydration”???? - “I have a phat crush on u???” - n is for NO - u weren’t gonna say ANY of that - which is why - you guessed it - interactions with seungmin were kept at a minimum B) - ‘only interact if absolutely necessary’ - and u got jisung on it too - so u wouldn’t feel so lonely not sitting w felix and seungmin during lunch, jisung offered to hang with u from time to time during ur Stage of Awkward Avoiding - “dude its ok I totally get u idk how id approach him if I were u” - “riGHT?????” - but like - u couldn’t avoid him forever - chan changed practice times from every mwf to every d a y after school so u could prepare for battle of the bands - and oh heck was practice the most awkward thing in ur life - like ofc not while u were playing bc music is a medicine that fixes all - but like during the idle moments u weren’t playing, u didn’t even know how to act - “hi [y/n], did you see tha—” - “HUH what excuse ME I NEED TO PEE BADLY BRB” - ok talking to the others were ok ofc - u still goofed around w felix etc - but u just - u couldn’t talk to seungmin - u were really afraid he’d remember the thing - actually more than being afraid of remembering the k@#$, you were more afraid that he knew and didn’t mean it - BUT ANYWAY - woojin took notice of this Immediately bc he’s just great at noticing things like that - not in a creepy way, but woojin always watches - I’d go so far to say he knew more than chan, simply by observing life around him - everyone has their own way of watching out for each other - jisung’s a companion. felix says. seungmin does. chan listens. - woojin watches. - so after noticing your peculiar exclamations and jittery fingers (he sees you rubbing them together as if they’ll break if separated), woojin does what he does best - he finds out what the frick frack paddy whack is wrong - after practice, he slings an arm around your shoulder and says one magic word - “chicken” - and also another magic phrase - “I’m paying” - so whO ARE U TO REFUSE THIS FREE CHICKEN HUH - the rest of the band members are kinda confused like - ok we get that woojin’s having a random chicken craving but why wont u bring us why are u only bringing [y/n] - and to that he can only say - bc [y/n] is the only one who will finish one whole chicken if I order it - we stan some hungry fellows - anyhow - after arriving at woojin’s favorite chicken place (some place called hwang’s chicken or smth) and ordering, you finally break the beans - “uhh,, woojin, so why did you bring me out?” - a magician never reveals his secrets - “you seemed kinda troubled during practice, so I thought you could use a good meal. eat well, okay?” he smiled warmly at you, making u wanna cry - omg what have u done to deserve this Angel - “how’d you know?” - “well, your guitar was kind of out of tune and you didn’t tune it to perfection this time.” - “HOW DO YOU KNOW I ALWAYS TUNE MY GUITAR TO ABSOLUTE PERFECTION” - he sweats - “I-I JUST DO!!!” - ok so you had a feeling woojin already knew what was up so why not tell him right - “anyway, thanks for this, woojin!!” you told him, bowing. “i’m actually, yeah, kind of in… a predicament with seungmin.” - “oh?” he asked, sipping his water. HE WAS RIGHT BEAT THAT CHAN - “so you know how jisung and I visited him when he was sick, right?” - “I’m listening” - “well,,,,, truth be told, we took good care of him… we gave him medicine and all… but when jisung had to go to the bathroom, seungmin had a feverish episode and um… he uh,,, h-he, well… leaned in… and stole um, something from me.” you fumbled with your words. - woojin’s eyes widened at the choice of words. “ah,” he nodded, as if he was solving an intricate puzzle. “i see…” - “Anyway, I don’t know if he remembers it or not, but it would still make an awkward conversation topic. Man! I wish it never happened!” you sighed, taking a swig of cold water. - “Do you mean that?” Woojin raised his brow. - absentmindedly, you slammed a fist to the table. “NO! I mean, I don’t mean that! Of course I don’t! I mean—wait—NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, I JUST, WELL—” - U JUST EXPOSED URSELF TO WOOJIN SOMEHOW ,, READER what did u dO - woojin just narrowed his eyes at you - “okay! fine! you caught me! I like seungmin, okay? and it’s really weird to be kissed by your crush who doesn’t even like you back!” - “how do you know he doesn’t?” - “well!” you began, “he doesn’t treat me specially or do anything he wouldn’t do for a friend. i reallllly don’t think he has feelings for me. one moment, I think that maybe, just maybe I’m special, but then he goes off and does the same nice thing for someone else and I think, well, that’s a bummer. Not that I don’t want him to be nice—” - “I understand, relax. You panic a lot for someone who hasn’t even seen the situation until the end,” he commented, watching the waiter put the chicken in front of you both. - “so what am I supposed to do then?” you sighed, taking your chopsticks and digging in. - “well, for starters, don’t do that weird thing where you excuse yourself to the bathroom every time he tries to speak to you. it’s too obvious, if avoiding him is your goal,” woojin started, and you knew that woojin wisdom hours were now open. “But honestly? I don’t think you should avoid him. I mean, why? I don’t see how it will benefit either of you. Look, if he brings it up, confront it. Otherwise, you don’t need to bring it up again.” - you shrugged. “I guess so.”

- heeding woojin’s advice, you avoided him less - but that DIDN’T ERASE THE FACT THAT YOU STILL HAD A HARD TIME TALKING TO SEUNGMIN OK - you avoided him less, but still couldn’t talk to him like you used to - u cant just TALK to someone u KISSED - and seungmin had taken notice - he could not understand why you had that weird period of avoiding him, then began to talk less with him??? - “jisung, did I do something wrong?” - “MY GUITAR IS CALLING GOTTA YEET” - he could only frown. every time he tried to make some conversation with you, you’d seem pretty distant - and this WORRIED him ok - seungmin wasn’t the type of person to be okay if someone was uncomfortable with him, especially a good friend - weeks in, he just couldn’t take it anymore - The game plan was simple. Blackmail Jisung into bringing you to the practice room, then tell him not to allow you to leave. - “Felix, I need Jisung blackmail.” - “For what?” - “To save a friendship.” - “Easy, just threaten to leak his stan twitter to the entire school.” - “p e r f e c t” - and just like felix said, - it worked - jisung, under the immense pressure and stress of having his embarrassing stan account leaked to everyone, caved in and brought seungmin what he wanted after school - you were confused as to why jisung kept apologizing on your way to practice, but when he threw you into the room screaming sorry and locked you in, you understood why - “okay, [y/n]. let’s talk.” - “h-hi, seungmin.” - “why have you been avoiding me? or whatever. talking to me weirdly. can you stop it already? because I miss you.” - “please seungmin,” you sighed, “don’t do that.” - “Don’t do what?” he demanded. “I’ve literally had to start each conversation with you for the past how many weeks, and each conversation always ends on some awkward note! I don’t get it, so explain! I don’t see why you’re telling me not to ‘do that’ when I literally don’t know what ‘that’ is!” - “The thing where you say stuff like ‘I miss you’!” you yelled, clenching your fists. “Stop saying things like that to me if you don’t even like me!” - “What?!” - “You do so many confusing things, and I’ve had it!” Your eyes were starting to brim with tears. “You do stuff like tell me you miss me or hug me for a really long time or give me things you don’t just give to friends! You make me feel like I’m someone special to you when I’m not! You have the audacity to do things like k-kiss me and not even mean it!” - Seungmin’s eyes widened. “K-Kiss?” - “When Jisung and I came over, you kissed me and passed out! You can’t just do that to people, especially people who’re prone to developing these big, stupid feelings—” you explained, wiping away your stray tears. - “That wasn’t a dream?” - “What do you mean a ‘dream’? That was very much real, and I’m angry about it because I don’t want to be kissed unmeaningfully! E-Even if—even if it’s from someone I really like! Especially if it’s from the one I really like!” you told him, mustering your strength not to cry even more. Why even were you crying? It wasn’t so bad! - “I’m really sorry!” Seungmin exclaimed, extremely exasperated. He couldn’t believe his ears, the kiss wasn’t a feverish dream after all! “I thought I had dreamt that whole thing up! I swear, I didn’t know that I wasn’t dreaming. I’m really sorry, [y/n].” - “Whatever,” you muttered, “but now since my big secret’s out and you didn’t mean it anyways, can we just never talk about this again? Forget that I like you. I’ll get over you, I promise. L-Let’s just please continue to be good friends.” - “Who said I didn’t mean it?” Seungmin challenged, stepping forward. “What will you do if I said I did, I did mean it? With all my heart, I meant it?” - U WERE SHAKING - THIS WASN’T IN UR BOOK - U DIDN’T PLAN FAR ENOUGH AND EXPLORE THE THOUGHT - “Did you?” you shot back, fists still clenched. - u weren’t about to back down tho - “I did,” he confessed, “I meant all the other stuff too. And I could mean it again.” - “So mean it again, then.” - Gently, Seungmin cupped your face and allowed his eyes to linger on your lips for just a little while. And, when that little while was over, he stopped hovering and leaned in. - In that moment, you suppose you could say he really did end up meaning it — just as much as you did, at least. - And when it finally sunk in that he had kissed you once more, you thought: - Oh boy. Looks like this typical sad music video just got a whole different concept.

Bonus: - “And I said—HOLY CRAP IM SO SORRY I WAS INTERRUPTING SOMETHING PLEASE DON’T KILL ME I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE AND I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE CURSE OF WALKING IN ON [Y/N]’S KISSES PLEASE JUST EWIJFWBFWEBFWHEBFUWEBF IM SO SORRY” jisung screamed, covering his eyes - “righty-o, now that you’ve confessed your undying love for each other, finally and I mean finally because your tension was making me want to punch myself in the face, let’s get to practice!” felix cheered, giving you wiggly eyebrows. - “wait, so jisung saw me kiss u that day?” seungmin questioned, shocked. - you shrugged. “better than not. How do you tell your best friend your crush kissed you feverishly? I don’t think you do.” - “I told you. You owe me 10,000 won.” Woojin smirked, folding his arms in front of Chan. - “Shut up, Woojin, it isn’t fair!” Chan cried, making you laugh. - and mayhaps you were so happy you wanted to jump higher, higher, higher baby

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