#im glad i got my account back and nothings happened | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

norrizzandpia · 1 year ago

Text

Lando’s Biggest Fangirl (LN4)

Summary: It’s his girlfriend. Lando’s biggest fangirl is his girlfriend.

Warnings: language, sexual references???domestic lando 🧡🧡

Note: a filler while im super busy with school IM SORRY I COULDNT GET TO THE OSCAR CAUGHT IMAGINE TN BUT IT WILL HAPPEN TMRW I PROMISE. PROMISE.

y/nnn ass.

Comments:

Ln4andop81 BYE WHAT IS THIS

mclaren slumped

landonorris BABE.

- mclarensgirly idk why but this comment is so cute to me i love bf lando

landonorris everything about this post is so concerning

- y/nnn wdym? I think its perf

- landonorris first of all when did you take that of me and second of all THE CAPTION???

- y/nnn first of all i took it when you were sleeping thats obvi and second of all i like your ass. whats wrong with that?

- landonorris honestly? Nothing

f1fan2 i didnt know i needed this until rn

oscarpiastri your and lando’s relationship scares me sm

- landonorris TF??? WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO YOU.

- y/nnn PASTRY???? I was starting to like you too.

- oscarpiastri y/n i dont think thats the way you talk to someone who has that pic of your bf sweating after getting out of his race car.

- y/nnn oscar. this is not a playful matter. hand. them. over.

- mclarensgirly YO OSCAR LEAK THOSE IM BEGGING YOU

- landonorris WHY ARE PEOPLE TAKING PICS OF ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT.

—

y/nnn finally got that pic from oscar. safe to say my boyfriend’s teammate is in love with him.

Comments:

mclarensgirly THANK YOU FOR DROPPING THIS 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

ln4andop81 YOU ARE A GOD SEND.

landonorris yeah but im in love with you ❤️

- oscarpiastri WDYM “yeah” IM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU????

- y/nnn idk man this pic says something else

- mclarensgirly LANDOSCAR IRL???? AWWWW

- f1fan2 OMG THE SHIP IS SHIPPING 🤭🤭

- oscarpiastri NO.

—

y/nnn FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. CHEWING ON THE WALLS. JUMPING UP AND DOWN. GIGGLING. SMACKING MY FIST AGAINST MY HEAD.

Comments:

landonorris WOW.

landonorris youve out done yourself with this caption

landonorris very vivid image of you absolutely going bonkers

- y/nnn thats the POINT hottie 😉😉

- mclarensgirly y/n calling him hottie lol shes just like us

oscarpiastri i want to block you

danielricciardo sometimes i wonder if ive followed the wrong account and this is just a 16 year old girl’s fan page

- y/nnn 16 year old me wouldve been feeling the same type of way as me now is.

- danielricciardo plz never say that again

- landonorris im so concerned

—

y/nnn awww look at my baby he’s so cute and babygirl 🤭🤭

Comments:

mclarensgirly the versatility of this woman never fails to amaze me

landonorris the eyes never lie, chica

- y/nnn AWWWW CAUSE YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME IN THIS OMFG AWWWWWWWWWWW

- landonorris i can hear your giggling

- y/nnn im not surprised

mclaren our favorite couple (we are so glad we didn’t come across another violent post on your page) 🧡🧡🧡

- y/nnn dw we will be getting back to regular programming shortly <3

- mclaren take the phone away. landonorris

- landonorris im literally on the other side of the world idk how i can do that

—

y/nnn BARK BARK 👹👹👹 GAHDAMN

Comments:

mclaren here we go again…

- y/nnn WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??? SAY NOTHING??????

- mclaren YES.

- y/nnn WELL THATS NOT AN OPTION.

landonorris well the barking is new!

- y/nnn you say it like youre scared

- landonorris thats cause i am.

oscarpiastri bro

danielricciardo ngl he looks good here

- y/nnn THANK. YOU.

- landonorris thanks dan

- y/nnn SO YOU THANK HIM AND NOT ME????

- landonorris YOU BARKED AT ME.

- y/nnn ITS THE PROPER RESPONSE.

- landonorris NO BABY IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT.

- f1fan2 their relationship is my roman empire

—

landonorris giving it a try: GAHDAMNNN BABY 🥵

Comments:

mclarensgirly WOWIEEEE SHE DOESNT GET ENOUGH RECOGNITION

F1fan2 she makes me question my sexuality.

Liked by landonorris

ln4andop81 mother of god almighty my jaw is on the floor

mclarensgirly thank you lando for blessing my eyes with this

ln4andop81 SHES SUCH A GREEK GODDESS

y/nnn see i dont like it when you do it 😟

- landonorris are you actually kidding me.

- y/nnn why cant you just leave me to my delusions in peace???

- landonorris bc they arent delusions im literally your boyfriend

- y/nnn YUM SAY IT AGAIN 😩😩😩

- landonorris omfg

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 x reader #mclaren #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #lando norris imagines #lando norris edit #lando norris smut #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris #lando norris x you

5K notes · View notes

myfandomrealitea · 4 months ago

Note

Your post regarding specifc places for things and some places dont need a vent channel it helped me realise that the people i follow online were damaging to my health. They were constantly sharing real people who died horrifically and saying things like "if you dont share you're supporting violence " while i only joined social media to view art.

I actively speak about real life events offline with my family, we always talk about whats happening in the world once a week and mention anything new within the local and worldwide news. I didn't understand why social media was worsening my mental health around these topics since i could speak about it in real life with my family. i assumed i was horrible for simply not wanting to see it online, When your post about a safe space came up i realised why it made me feel so bad, the artists i followed no longer were posting art and were just constantly sharing news daily about horrific events. It became inescapable and i was unknownly doomscrolling for hours on social media while hoping to see art (that just made me feel bad viewing after seeing so much death) , my only escape was going offline. I already made new accounts just for art and Im so thankful for your post since i did avoid everything that was about real world events since the account is only for art and i feel so much more.. i guess happier.. but definitely more mentally healthy if that makes sense? It felt like my mind was drained or foggy when scrolling through social media, and i wasnt actually paying attention before but now its a lot more, clear, healthy and positive. Im able to think properly and actually pay attention and appreciate the good things online

I'm so glad I was able to help you on your journey to bettering your wellbeing. Its an aspect of why I run this blog and talk about the things that I do.

So very often people don't actually register or realize what parts of their lives are causing stress. They attribute it to 'working too much' or 'not sleeping enough' without realizing that there are direct causes for things like not sleeping enough. And I'm not saying every single part of life comes back to activism, but very often we don't even realize how much negativity and forced awareness we're exposing ourselves to.

I used to religiously follow accounts on Instagram which posted about animal abuse. Other than a handful of celebrities my Instagram feed would be the most graphic videos you could imagine of people hacking into live dogs with axes, boiling cats alive in huge vats of water, jockeys tearing at horse's mouths until their teeth were loose and they were leaving a trail of blood as they walked the winner's circle.

I used to think if I wasn't constantly forcing myself to acknowledge that these things were happening, if I wasn't constantly reminding myself the extent at which these things happen, I was a bad person. I wasn't a real animal lover. If I truly loved animals why wasn't I sharing these videos? Why wasn't I sitting there with thousands of other people acknowledging what animals go through while I sit comfy at home doing nothing?

It got the point where I'd be throwing up constantly, I refused to sleep because I was terrified of the nightmares and my hands would shake as I opened up the Instagram app because I dreaded what I'd see today.

It wasn't helping me. It wasn't helping the animals. I'm just as aware now of what animals go through without having to see any of it.

But now, I have the wellbeing to actually devote myself to meaningful activism. Not just tormenting myself to no outcome. Now, I have the willpower and the energy to sign petitions and do research and take steps in my own life to better the welfare of the animals in my care.

Now I can sleep at night and wake up well-rested with the energy and the motivation to do things both for myself and for other people. Now, I can scroll Instagram and leave polite, correctional comments on misguided videos about animals. Now I have the knowledge to devote my attention and my efforts to where it actually makes a difference and changes animal's lives.

It is such, such a hard thing to drag yourself out of. We're so conditioned into thinking suffering shared is suffering lessened. We're so conditioned into believing that by spamming words anywhere we can we are the direct cause of change.

Its a hell of a learning climb. A steep one. But I genuinely believe the world would be better off for learning and changing as we both had the courage to.

#myfandomrealitea #sephiroth speaks #reality #proship #proshipping #tw: animal abuse mention #tw: graphic #society #that one safe space post #social issues #world issues #justice #activism #slacktivism

65 notes · View notes

midnight-black2 · 6 months ago

Note

twin im back i js got the new idea of like some ppl purposely trying to fw kai and get him into trouble w richard and he got frustrated and whiny about it so like his mean gf yelled at him cause at the same time it WAS his fault. but then he ends up apologizing n you can take the smut from there like idk if that part makes sense

𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓��

pairing : kai (voyagers) x reader

synopsis : basically what the req says

disclaimers : dom!reader, sub!kai, whiny!kai, light degradation, lowk mean!reader, handjob (m!recieving), a little short, kinda fast-paced

note : bro i'm so sorry this took so long to come out 😭 also ignore the title, i couldn't think of anything better

your first mistake was allowing kai in your room at all. firstly, it was against the rules (you could've surely gotten in trouble), and secondly, you knew he would just throw a non-stop fit.

your second mistake was continuing to argue with him, instead of kicking him out as soon as he opened his damned mouth. either way, you couldn't go back, and you were really, truly, sincerely pissed off at him. after all, it was entirely his fault as to why he was so mad in the first place. maybe if he ever just shut the hell up, this never would have happened to him.

unfortunately, you knew it was only a matter of time before he began to actually feel some sort of remorse for what he did. so, you weren't surprised when he knocked on your door and so much as practically begged for you to let him in. and?...you did.

"fucking hell kai, just go back to your room," you spat, as your arms folded across your chest.

"no," he began, as he closed to door behind me. "please, i'm sorry, i am. i just..." he trailed off.

"you just what, kai? don't waste my time," you said, with an exasperated sigh. he fidgeted a bit, as his gaze lowered to the ground.

"look, you were right. i did deserve it, and i was being a brat, and im sorry."

"glad you finally came to that realization," you started. "never thought i'd actually hear those words spill from your lips." there was a moment of silence, you had nothing else to say.

"i'll do anything to make it up to you. just, stop being mad."

"kai, you can't just tell me to not be mad. that's not how it works," you said, with furrowed brows as you plopped down into the chair beside your bed. you rubbed at your temples in an attempt to calm yourself.

"i said ill do anything, please." you sighed at that. you knew it would be difficult to resist him. at least you tried...

"get on the bed," you instructed. he was quick to listen, as he fumbled a bit in the process of getting over there. he rested his back against the headboard, awaiting any further instructions from you.

you took your time to get over there. you mentally cursed yourself for giving in so easily. you sat across his lap, straddling him.

"you really have to learn to take accountability," you mumbled, leaning in slightly. he mirrored your actions, leaning in as well.

"sorry," he mumbled against your lips, his breathing becoming a bit ragged. you pulled away. and he chased your lips. you chuckled softly at that.

"you didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?" you teased. he felt a whine bubble in his throat, but to spare his pride (for now, at least), he swallowed it back. your fingers trailed across and down his chest, and he felt himself shiver as you did so.

"please, [name]," he uttered.

"be patient, kai," you replied, calmly. you pinched his skin in certain areas, just to see his reactions. it was entertaining, really. after a bit more of teasing. your hand found its way to the waistband of his pants. you tugged slightly, prying them open, before letting go, watching as they snapped back against his waist. he sighed shakily at that, swallowing thickly. you eventually began to pull them down.

"lift your hips," you said, and he did just that. you pulled the pants all the way down, the cloth pooling at his feet. you notice his semi-hard on, and you have to resist the urge to laugh. it had only been a few hours of not being with you, and he was already so riled up?

"jesus kai, you're pathetic," you said, under your breath. he elicited a soft whine at that, to which you smirked. you palmed him gently over his boxers, and he let out a low groan.

"please," he begged, looking up into your eyes. you didn't say anything back, relishing in the noises he made with every touch you left. you finally began to pull down his boxers, and he met you halfway by lifting his hips. they were discarded with his pants. his semi was now a full hard on; red and throbbing pitifully hard. pre was leaking steadily, flowing down and onto his lower abdomen.

"what got you so hard, hm?" you asked, as your fingers danced across his tip. he whimpered softly.

"you." you smiled at that, before completely wrapping your hand around his cock. you spread the pre, using it as lube. your pace began slow, painfully slow. he let out low moans and groans, hips bucking into your hand ever so slightly.

"stay still," you said, keeping a hand on his waist to ground him. "is this really all it takes for you to shut your mouth?" he whined, throwing his head back.

"f-fuck [name]," kai cried, brows furrowing in pleasure.

"say you're sorry, kai," you ordered, and he nodded.

"m'sorry, so sorry. you were right," he babbled.

"good. you're lucky i'm even doing this for you. should've just left you to get off yourself." you twisted your hand, speeding up. you thumbed at his slit a bit, making him moan out.

"y-yeah. s-shit, oh my god thank you," he mumbled. it was so uncharacteristic of him, and it was thoroughly amusing. as your hand worked on his cock, you gripped his chin, and planted a harsh kiss on his lips. he whined in your mouth, before you pulled away.

"here's what you're going to do. you're going to apologize to everyone, including richard, understand?" you asked, locking eyes with him.

"y-yeah, okay," he breathed out, whining softly as your grip around his cock tightened slightly.

"oh, fuck. think m'gonna cum [name]," he warned, as he pulled his lower lip in between his teeth. you laughed cruelly.

"oh no, i didn't say you'd be coming, did i?"

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 © 𝐤𝐲𝐚-𝐢𝐬-𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐥

𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲? 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

#archie madekwe #dom reader #dom!reader #kai voyagers #kai x reader #smut #voyagers

45 notes · View notes

ask-frater-imperator · 5 months ago

Text

// now that I'm able to post spoilers, here's my thoughts on rite here rite now a few hours after I saw it.

First: a little context.

I went with my mother, my ghestie and my best friend who knew nothing about ghost besides the ranting she heard from me weekly.

They will probably be seeing this- so I'm not going to expose their accounts or anything.

With that, here were my thoughts:

The post credit scene and mummy dust is just

Implanted into my head now

Mummy dust bc me and my friends went batshit crazy hearing and watching it

I LITERALLY PREDICTED KISS THE GO-GOAT

I'm like "oh yeah they better do kiss the go-goat I need to see that live." THEN THE INTRO STARTS

I had my ghestie friend and another of my friend that had no idea of any of the ghost lore

But

WE CONVERTED HER!! /j

I really hope they make a DVD version or something bc i would sell my soul for it

I'm kinda disappointed they didn't use the boxer fit for anything much..

TOBIAS THREW US FOR A LOOP BC WTF

We all saw copia get on the hot air balloon and is like WAIT WAIT FUCK. NO. NO. and then he wakes up

Seeing his mother die

Also if the new guy isn't terzo I

I may just die

WHO ARE THEY GONNA PULL OUT THEIR ASS AGAIN JUST LIKE

OH YEAH THEY EXIST NOW

NO WONDER TOBIAS SAID NONE OF THE OTHER PAPAS MATTER, MF COPIA IS THE HEAD OF THE MINISTRY NOW-

When the post credit ended everyone in the theater was like please wait, no-

AND ALL YELLED IN ANGER

honestly so funny and ppl were so nice

I don't like I've ever met a rude ghost fan tbh AND I DONT PLAN ON IT!!!

And my thoughts after reading it again:

I honestly don't mind if the new papa isn't terzo, Yes, his album is my favorite with many good songs, but if the theory isn't right then oh well

There is a confirmed DVD and digital release. Just no idea when I will be getting the DVD, and I will be passing it down for generations to see/j

Me, my ghestie and my clueless friend were all holding hands for at least 3/4th of the movie, the reason I will remember mummy dust the most is because me and my ghesite went feral.. and my other friend was, well, clueless. TOBIAS LET MARY GOORE THE FUCK OUT. FINALLY!!!

The shirt I wore was literally copia being crucified with a crown of thorns, I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO DIE. but, I am very glad he didn't, I'm honestly stoked because now he does have the power he wanted, and I can totally rp that..

(The shirt I wore)

When mummy dust was done, we were all simping for copia.. (pls dont judge us. We are just little guys../j)

I had to hold back a scream when the mummy dust solo started, I love the ghoulettes..

I was so sad when copia was like: "no, no, no encore." Bc I really wanted to hear kiss the go-goat (it was one of my favorites when I first got into ghost)

THEN RAIN SPOKE. IM SORRY??!?!

Then I said over to my friends something like: "Yeah, i need them to do an encore.. NEED to hear, kiss the go-goat live, or I will sob." And of course, THE INTRO TO KISS THE GO-GOAT STARTED. Me and my friends and I just lit up with joy, trying not to cry from what I had just said and what happened.

I remember Square Hammer and the midair splits. The whole theater gasped at the same time. At that point, I was in tears for the 273673rd time. I saw copia do the pose he was meant to, and cried even more.

He went to the hot-air balloon, and everyone was silent. We all saw him wake up, and then sister on the floor.

I remember my friend (clueless one) commenting about copias dramatic crying over sisters' bodies. "Oh yeah, that guy knows how to act!" Joking in a good way, I laughed through my tears.

I don't remember when, but when Copia talked about taint tickling, she audibly, but quietly gasped and whispered something as I just nodded.

MARY ON A CROSS WAS BEAUTIFUL. THERE IS NO DENYING THE SCOOBY-DOO CHASE MUSIC NOW!!

It felt like you were there in the audience, like you were right there in the pit. I'm so glad that this movie is making so much in box offices. It was like an unholy experience I will never forget.

#the band ghost #papa emeritus iv #ghost fandom #ghost the band #ghost band #ooc post #mod being mod #rite here right now spoilers #rite here rite now

26 notes · View notes

cal-daisies-and-briars · 2 months ago

Note

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

^^ (sending this one after seeing the most recent snippet and am totally not excited to see how buck's pulmonary embolism goes with shannon there totally not wondering if the lawsuit Still happens :))

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 im excited if you couldnt tell

This is.... This is so many...

459 for 🔼 and 375 for 🚨... I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DELIVER. SO.

I will do these numbers or 1000 words - whatever comes first!

---

🔼:

---

All he can think about is whether or not this is going to set him back. Whether or not this will delay his return. It can’t. It won’t. Right? It doesn’t impact his mobility.

“You didn’t have to come,” Buck says when Eddie walks into his room. “I’m fine. And Chris-”

“Has Shannon,” Eddie says. “I wanted to come. How are you feeling?”

“Weird mostly,” Buck lies. “Can’t believe that all happened in Bobby and Athena’s backyard.”

“Yeah,” Eddie frowns. “It was, uh… It was something.”

There’s something in his expression. Something Buck doesn’t understand.

“Shit,” he guesses. “Is Chris scared? I’m so sorry, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head a little. “Uh, he was, but… Shannon’s got him. He’s okay.”

But still, Eddie looks troubled.

“Is something else wrong?” Buck asks.

“No,” Eddie assures him. “Just glad you’re okay.”

“I’ll be okay when I can get back to work,” Buck grumbles. “I swear, if this sets me back…”

“Then it will just be another setback, Buck.” Eddie interrupts. “Nothing more.”

Buck feels a pulse of frustration. Not him too.

“You don’t get-”

“Yes, I do,” Eddie says. “Medically discharged, remember? I’ve got bullet wound scars, Buck. I didn’t get to finish my second tour. I do get it.”

Buck shuts his mouth. Right. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to respond to that.

Maybe Eddie just doesn’t get it, is the thing. The same way Maddie definitely doesn’t get it. Okay, yes. Eddie understands the medical/injury side of all of this. Getting shot multiple times definitely sucks. Buck can’t imagine the recovery. Especially having to travel overseas to recover. But Eddie had a place to go home to. A spot carved out for him in the world. A family. What does Buck have if he can’t go home? He will slip further and further away from who he wants to be. From the kind of person people care about.

He’s been entirely alone before. He can’t do it again.

“Yeah, okay,” Buck mumbles eventually. Just to end this conversation. Nobody else is going to get it. “You’re right.”

“I know I am,” Eddie says. “It’ll all work out, okay?”

Buck nods. Offers him a thin smile.

“Okay.”

ii.

Eddie doesn’t hear about it from Buck directly. Though, he wishes he would have. Instead, he hears it from Bobby at the beginning of their next shift.

“Buck is being put back on leave on account of what happened the other night,” he explains to the team. “We’ll assess the situation as it progresses.”

There’s something tight and uncomfortable in Bobby’s expression when he says it. It takes a few more hours for Eddie to learn why.

“He completely freaked out at Bobby when Bobby told him,” Chim tells Eddie and Hen later. “Says he quits. Maddie says he’s practically catatonic now.”

“What do you mean catatonic?” Eddie asks.

“He’s hardly getting out of bed. Hardly talking to her. Hardly doing anything at all,” Chim explains.

“Poor guy,” Hen sighs. “This job is his whole world.”

“But it’s not,” Eddie says.

He hates that. How could that be true? Aren’t there things that matter to him just as much? In fact, Eddie knows there are. He saw the way Buck lost his mind in the winter when he thought Maddie was in danger. He’s seen Buck spend time with Christopher, and the joy it brings him. A sincere, bright light. So the job isn’t his whole world. Buck loves so much outside of it.

“I guess you didn’t really know him when he started,” Hen says gently.

She leaves it at that. Eddie feels a deep knot of frustration in his stomach. He doesn’t really know why he’s so bothered, but he is.

iii.

After a week of sequestering himself, and ignoring his sister’s frequent attempts at preventing this, it’s Eddie who finally gets Buck out of the loft. Not that Buck is happy about it. He’s decidedly not. In fact, he’s regretting ever giving the bastard a spare key.

Eddie breaks and enters, the scoundrel, way too early in the morning and practically forces Buck out of bed.

“Why?” Buck groans.

“You didn’t answer my texts,” Eddie says. “I need a favor.”

“I didn’t?” Buck mumbles. “I meant to.”

He had. Really. He had. He saw the notifications come in. From Eddie and Maddie and a few others… And he’d resolved to open them later. When he felt more up to it. Which had apparently not come. Or he’d forgotten. And fell asleep… Whoops?

“No, you didn’t,” Eddie confirms, ripping the duvet off of Buck. Buck feels the chill of the AC. “Come on. Get up. You have shit to do today.”

“No, I really don’t,” Buck says, reaching for the covers to pull back over his shoulders.

“Well, I told Shannon you’d take her and Chris to her appointment today, so yes, you do.”

That makes Buck sit up. “What? Why would you tell her that?”

“Because that’s the favor I need, man. And I think it would do you some good to get out of the house.”

Buck frowns. If Eddie and Shannon need help he wants to help them but he actually loathes the idea of getting out of the house.

“She has an ultrasound, and I already feel bad enough that I can’t make it,” Eddie explains. “Let alone help her watch Chris during the appointment. I would really appreciate you driving her and sitting with Chris in the waiting room.”

Buck sighs. “Yeah, of course. Of course I will.”

Eddie’s smile looks a bit relieved. “Thank you.”

Buck nods. “It’s all good. Just… Give me the details.”

It’s not a big deal, Buck thinks. He’ll drive to the appointment. Sit with Chris. Maybe they’ll grab lunch. And then he’ll come back home. To nothing. To this endless nothing he’s got on his plate lately.

---

🚨:

---

They don’t really sleep properly that night.

Christopher doesn’t want to be alone. He’s scared and uncertain and Buck can’t exactly say no to him right now for routine’s sake. He’ll do anything he can to comfort him right now, even if it means sour gummies and a movie in bed well after the time Eddie would normally want him to go to sleep. They lay in Buck and Eddie’s bed, watching Disney movie after Disney movie, and every time a frankly exhausted Buck starts to drift off, Christopher shakes him awake.

“You must be getting tired,” Buck yawns sometime around midnight.

“No,”Christopher shakes his head. But Buck can see his eyelids drooping. He needs to sleep.

“Chris, buddy, I can tell you’re tired,” Buck says.

“Don’t wanna sleep,” Chris complains.

“Why not?” Buck asks.

“What if something else happens while I’m sleeping?” Chris asks.

“Oh, bud,” Buck ruffles his hair gently. “I know you’re scared. But you need sleep, otherwise your body will feel worse, and you’ll be even more scared tomorrow.”

Chris sighs. “Can I stay here?”

“Of course,” Buck nods. “We can even leave the movies on, if that’ll help you sleep.”

“Okay,” Chris relents.

Buck kisses his forehead, then stands up, grabs the candy, and walks it all back into the kitchen. He takes a deep breath, trying to stave off a rolling wave of dread in his stomach. He grabs Chris a glass of water, and walks back towards the bedroom. When he gets there, Chris is already asleep.

ii.

When Buck sleeps, he dreams. And when he dreams, it’s all nightmares. It’s Eddie dying in the desert, to the whir of broken helicopter blades. It’s John dying in the city streets, bullets ricocheting off fire engine metal. Everything is backward and twisted and wrong. At one point, he dreams that he knows Eddie and John are both bleeding to death in their respective hellscapes, but Buck is running around his childhood suburb, trying to find a way to either of them.

It’s all paralyzing and upsetting and endless. Endless until Chris shakes him awake early in the morning, begging to know if there are any updates on Eddie. But there aren’t. He’s still in the ICU. Still unconscious. Still recovering.

“I’m sorry, Chris,” Buck whispers, hugging him. “I wish I had more news.”

Pepa comes to spend the day with Christopher so Buck can go to the hospital. He feels torn. He needs to be with Eddie. But Christophers needs him, too. He can’t be in two places at once, and Chris can’t see Eddie in the condition he’s in.

“Don’t feel guilty,” Pepa tells him. “Christopher knows you’re here for him. Go sit with my nephew and make sure he knows, too.”

So Buck does just that. He goes to the hospital and sits at Eddie’s bedside for hours upon hours. He holds Eddie’s limp, clammy hand in his own, eyes fixating on the way Buck’s engagement ring looks against the unusual pallor of his fiancé’s skin.

“You have to be okay,” Buck tells him quietly at one point. “I know that’s not super fair of me to say. Because… Well, it’s your body doing all the work to heal you right now. I’m just sitting here.”

Eddie’s monitors beep. The room is deafening and silent all at the same time. Buck wants to scream.

“Uh, listen… I know… I know it’s crappy of me to bring it up,” Buck continues. “But Christopher and I both have some baggage in this department. So you’re really not allowed to die. It would just… It would fuck us both up way worse. And Chris? He’s got some wiggle room, right? But me? Man, that’s it for me.”

His throat tightens.

“I don’t want to live without you, Eddie,” Buck rasps. “I’ll take care of Chris. I’ll be here. But I’ll… I’ll never be fully okay again, Eddie. This… This, of everything, will be the worst thing to ever happen. So please, please don’t die. I know I’m being selfish. But I need you. I love you so much and I need you.”

But Eddie doesn’t stir.

He’s somewhere faraway. Unreachable. It doesn’t matter how much Buck needs or loves him. How scared Buck is. He will simply have to keep waiting.

iii.

This is largely the cadence of Buck’s next several days. Wake up, take care of Chris, wait for Pepa or Liliana to come over, go to the hospital, stay as long as he can, go home, take care of Chris, try to sleep, mostly fail. Rinse and repeat.

Chris is doing a little better every day. He’s sleeping in his own bed again. He’s back on a regular schedule. The relative limbo they’re in seems to be okay for Chris, as long as nothing scary or sudden happens. It’s not killing him the way it’s killing Buck.

Buck hasn’t gone back to work. Bobby has unofficially benched him.

“I think you should take time off until Eddie’s out of the woods,” Bobby had told him.

“I’m going to go crazy, sitting and thinking about it all day,” Buck had protested.

“You’re not in the right headspace to work, Buck. Your partner is in critical care. You can come to your shifts, but your man behind.”

So there’d been no point. He might as well sit and worry about Eddie with Eddie.

He does do more than just fret, though. He calls Eddie’s dad. Arranges for him to come stay with them for a few days. He wants to see Eddie. He’s concerned. Buck’s just glad he’s showing up. He talks to Christopher’s teachers. Makes sure they all know what’s going on, and that Chris has the extra support and understanding he needs in class right now. Chris insists on going to school as normal, which goes to show how great of a kid he is. At his age, Buck would have done anything to get out of math class.

#daisies and briars writes #buddie shannon throuple fic #any other way fic

16 notes · View notes

sleepyycapybara · 4 months ago

Text

Guys PT 1 is on my other account @peanutpermit read it before this one it has everything, like warnings, and well PT 1

Extra warning for this chapter

Literally like 2 swear words

Pt2❤❤

Annabeth pov

And he collapsed

I saw his eyes close, he wasn't breathing.

I was already crawling towards him, then I saw Artemis limping to us before I passed out.

I woke up 3 days later in the CHB infirmary with Percy in a bed next to me. Will Solace, and Grover are in the room whispering I don't think they see me yet.

I try to stretch my shoulders, its a routine every morning when I wake up.

"AHHHH, FUCKK!" I yell out in pain

What the freak had I been lifting my whole body is in excruciating pain after I moved even a touch.

"Annabeth are you okay?" Grover was right by my side now along with Will

"Yeah it just feels like I lifted 27 semi-trucks yesterday, without a break!" I grumble "My whole body hurts!"

"Annabeth do you not remember?" Will Solace whispered "You held up the sky..Your lucky you weren't Percy."

My eyes snap close as I remember holding the sky but I still can't remember anything else, until...OH NO, PERCY

My eyes snap open again with me screaming "PERCY!" I practically snap my head over to Percy.

"Annabeth did the memory shot work?" Will asked

"I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!"

"Can you tell us what happened to Percy? Artemis told us that he passed out after screaming something but she hit her head and that's all she remembered with Percy after she woke up."

"Before Artemis got us back to camp, Percy, he, he..." I had to tell them but the words wouldn't come out

I started hyperventilating

"Okay why don't you just rest for now Annabeth."

I try too sleep but I can't stop crying, I keep thinking about what happened, and how he fought for me...

I soon drift off to sleep

10 days later Percy just woke up

Percys pov

I wake up and without even moving I feel pain shooting through my whole body with out thinking I-

"AHHHH, FUCKK." -yelled that

I feel the whole sky's weight on me again crushing me but when I look up there is nothing on me

I see people rush in after hearing me yell and lets see here,

Will,

Grover,

And Annabeth!!

Im so glad she's safe. (aww I love dorky lovey seaweed brain❤❤)

while im laying down I feel my eye twitch again

"Oh my GODS if this eye doesn't stop twitching im going make Zeus carry the sky!" I ment it to be funny but with all the pain I felt in my eye, it came out with a sob.

Only one of my eyes though, the twitching one

"Oh, hey Wise Girl, why do you have a gray streak in your hair and I don't? I mean don't I get a cool souvenir from holding the sky?"

My eye is now only tricking tears now

Everybody except Annabeth had their jaw on the floor

"Did she not tell you? I literally killed Atlas with the sky on my shoulders, and standing up."

Nobody moved

"Umm that's why I'm in severe pain? And can't move?"

Will was the first to snap out of it

"H-how are you not...d-dead? Even gods can't hold the sky up standing, they would die of pressure."

"I don't know but can somebody give me some ambrosia? I kinda am, in, pain?like a lot? Oh wait, nvm im hooked up to this nector."

The tube went into my arm because I couldn't drink it in my small coma

I stopped everything moving, talking, thinking, and functioning.

My eyes widen everybody crowds around me, Annabeth looking into my twitching eye.

Annabeth's pov

I look into Percy's eye to see gray spreading from the top to bottom after like 20 seconds his whole eye is gray

Tbh I have no motivation left for this story so im not gonna write a pt.3 sorry?

Umm if you see any mistakes no you didn't 👀

Lazy bc I made this at 1:37 and ended at 1:54 A.M all just get the creative thoughts late at night/early in the morning

Gn my aquatic animals!🐳🐬🐟🐡🐙🦀🐠

#pjo hoo toa #pjo #hoo #toa #annabeth chase #percy and annabeth #percy jackson #percabeth #pls tell me what you think #give me more story ideas #only percy jackson series tho #❤

12 notes · View notes

aibouart · 5 months ago

Note

I hope this isn't a weird ask to send but:

I related really heavily to your post about what vent art has done for your psyche. Less specifically with vent art and more a vent blog where I privated the whole thing and would make unrebloggable vent posts (unrebloggable just in case if anything broke and slipped out of confinement)

I've had two of those kinds of blogs. Both ended up just being a negative confirmation bias zone for me to spiral out of control just if I looked at a post.

I'd see the timestamps and remember what made me make those posts and it'd make me lose myself all over again.

The second time I made the blog I told myself I wouldn't read back on the posts but 1) I cannot hold myself accountable to not do that so I did it and 2) the frequency of the vents ended up just achieving the same end result

Vent art for me is so much more work that it's rare, and I usually do end up very pleased with the end result and art typically helps more bc I can't just make art as quickly as I can make text posts. There's still some vent art that hurts like hell to look back on ofc but I understand that feeling of like...this art coming from someplace real.

I think learning to realize that drawing stuff without meaning can hold a meaning of its own (sharing joy, whimsy, etc etc with the world to remind ppl it's not all bad, or give them a safe place to indulge in something bright and colorful instead of the horrors of whatever reality they've currently got) can help ease into accepting the non-vent art as just as important and meaningful

It's tricky, but all of us who suffer more from our own vent posts/vent art can heal and move forward and find meaning in other expressions of other feelings.

Vent stuff can be such a powerful tool, so I'm glad you're learning how to be more careful with it. I wish you nothing but upward momentum from here!

thank you for the message, it does mean a lot to me to find others who went through something as similar that i did--even though it fuckin SUUUCKS

for me, ig my speedy art backfires with vent art. i have done pieces that i took (more) time with:

but for the most part it looked like this:

and they'd get posted within like 10 mins of each other (sometimes less)

i definitely think art doesn't need meaning to exist, but you spend so long hearing "what do you think the meaning behind this is" or making art like i had been doing that DID hold some meaning and i started to just feel like my own work was exempt.

it's hard to move past vent art and accept my work as worthy of existing even if it's just some pink furry staring at the camera doing nothing, instead of my sona ripping itself apart because of some deeper meaning. cuz like i do like my vent art, i think the limited colours i would use is cool and the compositions or expressions are intriguing, but getting into the headspace to draw all that just isn't worth the price anymore. but it sort of makes my current art feel shallow or empty.... like im not "trying", for sure.

and granted majority of people on this blog haven't even seen my vent art either it's not like anyone else's perception is skewed. it's just like a personal issue i've had as i recover from vent art/blogs WUURGG

but despite all that i draw what i want anyways, nothing can really stop me from doing that. i just kind of ruminate the whole time JKBSDBFBSD

thank you again for reaching out, i forgot i made the post when i woke up this morning and immediately panicked but nothing bad happened so i am feeling ok about sharing..!!

#text #my art #ask #anon #long post #thank you i like not being alone even if going through that shit was horrible

7 notes · View notes

youremyheaven · 4 months ago

Note

Hiii!!! I barely use tumblr anymore but I thought I'd give an update on this matter since you were the one to give me advice in the first place ☺️.

Well I don't find the post 💀 but basically I'm 19 and was getting to know a 25 (going 26) yo guy that lives farrr away from me and you said it was a bad idea. Well, it was not bad, it was horrendous 💀💀💀. He ghosted me for 2 days after a whole month of texting me on a daily basis and gave me a lame excuse so my friends and I started being suspicious about him? And one of them (bless her heart) got me a tarot reading which was super illuminating, bc EVERYTHING clicked 😭😭. LIKE he was leading me on, being super present and lovely and keeping his intentions confusing on purpose cuz he just wanted to f me 😃😃. When I asked him directly he said he actually wants us to be nothing since he's not looking for a relationship atm and doesn't like long distance relationships, which ok whatever but the way he acted was shady as hell 💀. And well, afterwards I told him "just to be friends" (he gave me his hbo account and tbh I wanna finish game of thrones b4 I cut him off completely 💀💀) and he was like "sure, it's totally OK for me, I can respect the no sex boundary" just for him to become the driest texter ever and basically disappear??? I mean, if he were to do that after having intimacy it would have actually hurt me but I just find this so ridiculous 😭😭😭 idk 😭. Never letting another man trying to take advantage of my naivety 💀

Anyway, long sorry short, this is me thanking you (and another woman in the comments section of the last ask I did) for the advice, bc I was way more wary of him after it even though I wasn't ready to completely cut him off back then.

Ty sososo much for the space you've built and being like a big sis fr 😭, sending you so much loveee 🥰❤️

im so sorry you had to go through this !! :(((

but everybody learns from experience and compared to all that could happen, this isn't too bad!!

screw that guy tho, he had bad news written all over him 😤😤

you're very young and the only way to learn about relationships, dating, men etc is thru first hand experience. this is just a normal part of growing up. dont take it to heart. be careful about who you choose to be intimate with. simply bc its emotional and you dont want to deal with being ghosted AFTER u have sex :(((

im glad u had ur tarot bestie to help u tho!! <33 we all need one!!

4 notes · View notes

polyamorouspunk · 1 year ago

Note

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Was out with mountain boy last night and 1. I learned how to say ‘i love you’ in latin (te amo) and 2. Very much questioning the whole arospec thing because of this boy. Cause for the first time in my *life* the feelings have lasted more than 2 weeks. Its been 2 months. HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN DATING MOUNTAIN BOY FOR 2 MONTHS

But yeah. And also like. As of last night its like *new feeling unlocked* like I’ve had butterflies but I’ve never had butterflies to the degree that Im *still* having butterflies over something 24 HOURS later. And like. That could also just be from being in the middle of a flare that my emotions just are not regulating correctly but like. I feel like I just unlocked emotions 2.0. So maybe I am the actual rare case of ‘you just haven’t been with the right guy yet’ which is infuriating but also I *like* these feelings

But also on the whole chronic illness front - WE FUCKING HATE IT HERE and Im downing ibuprofen like its candy (that is a joke for those that need told). So if my brain could just stop having the 404 error causing both thinking and motor skill problems atm that would be great

Uuhhhhh OH! And therapy is now once a month instead of every other week so I guess thats a plus

Those are my life updates bro how are you?? I miss chatting with you I feel like I never have time to be on here anymore

*answers like a week later* whaaaat I always have time to chat haha 😅😅

Well I’m glad you feel that way! I know personally I can only feel that way with people I’ve met irl even if it’s just meeting them once. I love that feeling though, I’m always chasing that high.

It’s been two months 😭 where has the time gone

I love my best friend to pieces but hanging out with her and her husband was soooo. For someone who’s “autistic and touch-adverse” homegirl SURE did a 180 on that. Third wheel for a week straight 😐 I support her not conforming to social norms even when it’s embarrassed me in the past but like. Boundaries. When you are with someone else. I always made sure that I was never super PDA or hung up on my ex when we were dating because I never wanted to make someone feel like a third wheel and uh. Yeah that’s why.

I just started my meds back up, I’m back on Prozac after my hiatus from taking meds. It reached the point where I’m like “okay yeah maybe my meds were doing SOMETHING even if they weren’t WORKING exactly so MAYBE I should go back on them and be a LITTLE less crazy”. I intend on starting therapy back up. I have free therapy through work, probably Better Help, but it’s probably better than nothing. I already know my data’s on the dark web from all the times my bank account has been hacked so I don’t need to worry about them selling my personal info 😅

I was planning on graduating this semester but that’s not happening :) so next semester it is.

My mom wants to come back up next summer and my best friend and I have been trying to plan matching tattoos and we talked about getting them up there where I got them last time so maybe I’ll see you then! Sick New World already sold out so I guess that plan is a bust 😅

#punk gets mail

8 notes · View notes

cirqosmos · 2 years ago

Note

I am thinking of posting a fan fiction but I don't really know how can I continue to finish it.. I once posted one but the account got deleted for some reasons.. I really wanna post that fan fiction because I personally think the idea is quite unique but I don't think anyone would actually be interested as it would be my first work on this account.. I have noticed you are a slow updater (no offense) how do you keep yourself motivated to finish your work for such long time period... BTW LOVE YOUR WORK AND HOLY MOLY LOVE SCAM PART 1 WAS SO UNPREDICTABLE when I was reading that I was like OMG OMG for whole time.. Can't wait for the next part :')

Hi anonnie ^^ THANK YOU SO MUCH IM SO SO GLAD TO HEAR U LOVE IT :(( and to answer your question, It would be quite a lengthy paragraph but I hope you'll bear with it!

It's totally normal to have doubts and overthink whether or not people will like your story or just in any other form of art. But if you don't take the first step, then nothing will happen. If you don't believe in yourself first then no one will. If you want it then you should go for it, I'm a firm believer in chasing after a chance than just letting it pass by like the fleeting clouds or butterfly just bcs you were afraid it might not work the way you want it to be.

And truly, it might not really work out for the first try and that people might not like your story but isn't that how everything and life in general works out? You gotta try again, again and again till you succeed. You won't always get everything in the first try and that's totally fine. But you don't always have to dwell on that on the negative side, just go ahead and try! Don't let it hold you back.

But in terms of being a writer, just reminding bcs just in case if it hits you someday—here's one thing you have to remember: it's quite complicated really but it's actually simple. Write it because you want it, not because people want you to write it (unless you accept requests obv) and not because they want it (for example, smut.) Yes of course, we write for people—in fact the final drafts is for the readers themselves—however, you write for you and because you love what you write, you'll keep writing even when no one does. That's the pros and cons of being a writer. Just do it.

And yes lmao, I'm a very slow updater since I would always plan everything and then delete it, the cycle keeps going on so yea 😭✋🏻 and to answer your question for how I can keep myself motivated to write for a long period is a whole lot of reasons..:

1) I wholeheartedly love to write. I love writing that's why I keep doing it. Even when it's so freakin painful bcs of how dry my English becomes sometimes, it's still fun.

2) feedbacks + compliments from readers (compliments aren't always that necessary tho, feedbacks r.) , they're that little doses of motivation fuel that keeps you going. They're necessary, sometimes you won't get them though. If I have to be honest to you, ngl I broke down when LOVE SCAM didn't got the feedback I expected bcs I put a whole lot effort in it and I had so much hope in it. Apparently I was this rlly rlly close to delete that fic but I changed my mind bcs why? Even though I was crying bcs of sadness at that time, I didn't do it bcs why?— I love to write. Even if no one likes that particular story, I still love it. I had this three thoughts in my mind that time:

"maybe it's just that awful, I can improve a whole lot more better next time."

"maybe it's just not their taste, I still love it though."

That's just how it is. Your mind is your greatest friend and enemy after all. But later guess what! There's still feedbacks though, so gratitude and mental resilience in general also plays a big role.

3) read alot! Articles, books, books bout writing, nonfiction, fiction, biography and almost anything. Find every little thing to keep you inspired. For me, I write for enha! So I watch their vids and their mvs, i actually had a writer's block on Nov and that I kinda lose the motivation to write—thats why you'll see there's two months gap from EP 9 and ep 10 ><

4) last but not least, this is my principle that I have been practicing for awhile now—consistency over everything. In writing, quantity is alot more important than quality. You gotta write everyday no matter how small. You can't improve on the quality if you don't first work on your quantity of writing everyday—you gotta make time for it! Write that chapter, writing sprint or just a tiny short draft of 50 word count. It matters alot, atleast you're still moving.

So to conclude everything, being a writer is very fun but also very painful 😤❤️ I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FIRST WORK AND YOUR FUTURE WORKS, SKSJRKSLAS IM ROOTING FOR U!!! GO FOR IT AND TELL ME TOO BCS I WANNA SUPPORT YOU DUH 😩😩🔥🔥 I APOLOGISE FOR THIS LENGTHY ASS PARAGRAPH BUT IM ROOTING FOR U ANONNIE <3333

#myanonz

10 notes · View notes

patchdotexe · 1 year ago

Note

hi I know this is a long time late, but my Jsab Hyperfixation just resurfaced and I discovered your blog and JAAB. The new storylines were EPIC and I just wanted to know how are Swears and Friend doing? Is Swears ok? I was SO shocked when he got shattered while in TIO… I didn’t even comprehend that that was possible… maybe something was wrong with the tree? As in, like how the tree’s triangles gave TIO their power? That’d explain why it looked so weird afterwards. But yeah. Please send them a hug. Your Jsab blog was one of my favourites <3 thank you for making it. :)

AAH HI!! i literally woke up today thinking about jsab (and ja&b especially) and im really excited to see this ask because despite how long its been i still love talking abt it

Swears is okay! they've still got a crack from being shattered, but that's about the worst of it and they're proud of it because "haha yeah that sucked but i SURVIVED >:D"! the original plan wasnt for Sovereign (powered-up Sovi) to be able to full-on shatter TIO: instead they would've forcibly depowered them and everyone would've had to split up again to find another way. except when i started drawing the panels i changed the plan on the fly and had to run with the consequences

the reason Sovereign was able to shatter TIO in the first place was a mix of "Sovi is using the entire treeangle to power themself" and "Swears stole a fraction of their power". so, enough to transform, but not the same as having two triangle pieces making them completely invincible against Annihilate's single piece.

Friend's happy to have Swears back and as themself again, although they've still got some stuff to work through - something that came up a couple of times and that i wanted to focus more on sometime as part of Friend's storyline was how they were more prone to temporary shattering (and got completely knocked out of the fight against Annihilate) and how they felt useless compared to Swears as a result. when Swears seemingly got perma-shattered again, Friend tried to take up their mantle as the reckless afraid-of-nothing one.. except that also fell flat.

the plan was for this to eventually pay off with Friend helping Cube's sister Anvil (who'd gotten teased a couple times) against the next big threat and holding their own without Swears's help! and Swears would've realized how they contributed to Friend's insecurity (eg the argument they had in Clash that caused Awoo to get dunked) and do the whole "you don't need to prove yourself to me, i already know you're awesome" thing and try to be more outwardly supportive

me and my co-muns had a LOT of plans for how justasksandbeats was gonna go, but constant tech issues + burnout + life issues + general strife with the fandom combined into me not being able to do it anymore. if the other muns are okay with it though i can probably scrape together a recap of what was gonna happen! or at least the broad strokes of it, i tried to keep things loose to account for anon intervention or my own tendency to write on the fly :p

thank you so much for enjoying it!! despite the difficulties (dear god, the difficulties.. my poor tablet and computer...) ja&b was a lot of fun to make and it means a lot to me whenever people bring it up. glad to hear people are still discovering it even today!!

#leo chirps #leos reply #Anonymous #long post #justasksandbeats #leo.txt

4 notes · View notes

onlyjaeyun · 1 year ago

Note

I sent you an ask about the Jay smau, idk if you got it, since tumblr just hasn't been sending some of my ask, I know you said you were gonna not answer one since it gave you ideas, which I know the one I sent started with something about us all sharing braincells and talked about the bff could sabotage y/n, and how Jay might respond and all once him and y/n are together. If you didn't get it, you could let me know and I'll try to resend it.

Also to reply to the other ask I sent you, I feel like NCTzens are either amazing to writers or so toxic. Like I once did an MTL that was an ask and it was who would like a thicc s/o and I put Taeyong like in the middle, and I got so much hate, someone spammed my inbox with like 40 messages saying Taeyong would never want a fatty, and they made like 10 fake accounts to comment on all of my NCT mtls to share their opinion, and I just had to delete most of my NCT MTLs and block like 20 accounts. They were so mad that I said Taeyong would probably want a an s/o that eats well, they felt the need to attack me so badly, I quit writing MTLS for NCT after that. Then I would have people in my asks complaining about me not doing them anymore, and it's just like I wonder why; you ask my opinion and then when I say Johnny would love a girl with a fat ass you attack me since it's not want you wanted me to say. I've been in a lot of fandoms, and I'm lucky most I've been don't go out of their way to attack you for a varying opinion or disliking something, but NCTzens it's just like where do you get the audacity.

I feel like they would probably think I'm some weird and be all ew p*d0 or something, but I'm just such a mom friend it's just like if you are younger than I and we are interacting, I now view you as my child nothing else; but it's just easier to avoid talking to them, since people always immediately assume the worst, which I don't blame them since there are so many weirdos on here. tbh it is, like I see no age anywhere or like even an age range, like just put 18+ or 21+, just let me know you are legal, otherwise I run the other way and hit that block button with such speed, it could rival Usain Bolt; since I just immediately assume minor that doesn't want you to know they are a minor. The same is for people who write smut about minors, when they themselves are not, even if they didn't know the age of the idol. Like I saw someone the other day that wrote Niki smut and someone messaged them saying 'he's a minor', they full on said "omg I had no idea, he looks like he's 20" and like this is why we can't have nice things, at least they deleted their stuff, but still immediate block.

the czennie fandom part: YES. i feel like czennies on here just overdo everything like calm tf down and if you dont like certain type of content just..dont read it? its honestly so sad bc they used to be my ults but i also had such bad experiences in that fandom it's heartbreaking. ive been so much more cautious and careful with what i post ever since and i feel like a lot of fellow former nct writers feel that way. its just so difficult to deal with it all bc you do it as a hobby and to kinda escape the real world and boom, hate and negativity everwhere. i'd never go back to writing for nct for that sole reason only. im so sorry you had to go through that baby, i know exactly how disheartening and demotivating that can be 💔

about the whole age thing: FULLHEARTEADLY AGREED. i think with a fandom this young its super difficult to find a good balance but im honestly glad most of us older engenes think that way and so far most younger ones have been super respectful (tho i did have to block a few minors bc they interacted with my nsfw content) i still feel a lot more comfortable than i did in other fandoms. the thing is, atp if a 05/06 liner happens to write smut about an idol the same age i just close both eyes and block them bc who am i to tell them what to do yk? yet not knowing an idols age you write for is kinda ???? nah, dont fw but deffo get your other points. also i lit felt the mom friend part so hard bc same (more like older sister friend) but im genuinely afraid creeping out younger engenes bc i dont wanna seem like im being a weirdo 😭

#; mailbox 📬

2 notes · View notes

mackjlee9 · 1 year ago

Note

Mack I’m back! Im so sorry I lost my tumbler account in the endless abyss but I got it back, I missed you so much, you haven’t left my mind. Tell me everything!

Oh jeez that's a good thing, im glad your back~

And well, nothing interesting has happened other than my hyperfixation changed -again lol-

#.tommy🥰#my healing love 💙#my lovely bunny😘

4 notes · View notes

fgsfds09 · 1 year ago

Text

this is violet

she cuts her own hair, likes holographic stuff and hasn't showered in two weeks

i currently have two reqs lined up and i'll get to them before the year ends hopefully

more stuff about the future of the account and me are under the cut but tw/cw for mental illness and suicide ideations i guess

ok, so, i don't want anyone to reply to this, talk about this or reach out to me about this at all. any attempts will get you blocked on any platform i have you on. i just want someone, ANYONE, to hear me out. i know this is cringe, but i don't care, i no longer have the will to care. i don't care if you give two shits about me when i don't show the same kindness to myself.

i've been at my lowest for months at this point that it's getting funny, since november of last year holy shit did everyhting just get worse. if it's a mental breakdown it's been breaking down for months what the fuck is this supposed to be? the other time i felt like this was in highschool but it wasn't exactly the same. i had a life goal, it wasn't to get good greades or get in a good university or finish shit on time or even become a better person, it was starving myself until i either died or reached my goal weight which ot lower and lower. and now im so fat again and i feel like her efforts were in vain, what did she do this for? i thought getting into a decent program would fix this and i actually did feel happy, but im such a miserable pathetic cunt that nothing ever is enough, NOTHING IS ENOUGH AT ALL

am i so retarded that i can do nothing by myself? i've been losing friends left and right but it's all my fault, always my fault and honestly it doesn't matter anymore because tthe end goal is to block and remove every single one of them, every single one of you, every single person that might have interacted with me and either diasappear or end it all. the firnends i got from wattpad 7 years ago and the frends they brought along th way were the rock, they got me through all these times, they showed me unlimited and unconditional love and support and what do i give back in return? NOTHING AT ALL can't give them a better version of myself, can't give them a better friend all i can be is a retarded piece of shit and leave them behind which is so so fucking sad. i will at least treat them tea and home baked goods some fucking day but god i hope that day comes soon because i cana't take it anymore. but i love them, i love them and my cat more than fucking anything and im so glad i have them as my true friends, i hope they know they're th best things that has ever happened to me.

tip: if you ghost people for long enough they give up on checking on you and that's for the better, they better not know i exist, i no longer exist

the night, the fucking night in february that i finally decided to overdose and end it all i realised that i had ran out of my pills :DD the fuck. and then i lost my courage because of course i did. but maybe that's a good thing, the silver lining in still being alive was i started browsing gore subreddits and decided that the best way for me to go was a shotgun suicide. deep throat that shit and tilt back and bliss. i hope. it's so fucking scary to think that if i miss i'll become even more of a burden to my parents AND THEY'D MONITOR EVERYTHIGN i wouldn't even have the chance to try again. but i'll cross that bridge whe n i acquire a gun, i'll tint that shit pink and bedazzle the shit out of and clear a good 70% of my head out :3333 if i ever feel ready to go before that i'll hang myself in the farthest woods from my city and bloat with all my might, get so disfigured that they won't ever identify my ugly face. until then a girl can only dream...

shit gets better for a moment but then im back at square one, what good am i to this world? other than sitting on my ass, listening to shitty music and walking around the dining table fantasising about all the things i could've achieved and eating up daddy's money, i am nothing. nothing, just nothing. all i do is take up space and be a burden to those that love me. my parents tell me that i am not a burden but i can sense it, i can feel it, the thoughts are there in their minds. i am not sure if it's the sunk cost fallacy but one of us will have to cut our losses and understand that we will get nowhere. i guess that would be me, my parents could never ask me to leave. i know that they love me, but sometimes love is not enough and they can still love me whereever i am, i don't even have to be alive for it. all they are believing right now is that i am doing better and me taking less meds is the right thing all while my mind is in agony. but it's not real, it's in my head, and i am so ashamed, so fucking ashamed. i already do my best to disappear from their lives, i give no input to famil decisions, i try not to spend money, what else can i do? let me rot in my room and call some cleaning services, idc. i no longer want a room in the house they want to buy. the sooner they start pretending i don't exist the better it will be for all of us.

less meds mean more alcohol, i can get away with more alcohol and maybe even i shot up some heroin people would care about me less. i would do that given i had the chanve and that thought is so fucking terrifying. knowing that i innately want to destroy myself, and will fucking do so, it's terrifying. i hate every single part of myself, the part that is scared and the part that is mad, there is nothing good in me other than pure misery. i don't want to be sober, i don't want to be sober, i don't want to be sober, i don't wanto be sober at any moment of the day, not anymore not anymore not anymore not anymore. i am so terrified of men that the thought of being alone with A MALE FRIEND makes me sick to my stomach. nothing would happen, nothing would happen other than exchainging some laughs and memes BUT I AM TERRIFIED. I AM SO SCARED. i am so scared. so scared of everything. nothing ever happened to me that would justify this fear but my god does me brain hate me so much that it keeps giving me irrational fears to prevent me from ever escaping this room. living with my parents, it's so hard to destroy myself. they don't want me to drink even beer and i can't even cut anymore since i wear such revealing clothes. the cuts on my thighs from february or march are still visible and im scared they will always be, why are they so brown and ugly and not faded?? wrists get a milky white colour, WHY ARE THESE SO VISIBLE? no one has cauht a glimpse yet but what could i even say? a cat doesn't scratch in that pattern.

i live in a shit country in a shit city with shit people while being the biggest of shit myself. sometimes i even wish i was hitler so that i could be someone, ANYONE.

maybe one day i'll read this and cringe. maybe one day things will get better and i'll realise the progress i've made, or maybe, more possibly, i'll reference this post in my suicide letter in APA 7th edition format if i ever write one.

holy fuck was writing all these shit cathartic. i don't know why i wrote this at all. maybe i wanted someone to acnowledge me, that my existence wasn't in vain. my i wanted to acknowledge myself. each passing day i feel like im getting more separated from my body and my real life body is a different person and i, as my cconciousness, am somebody different. i hope one day i will be able to feel the same and a real person, but those days seem too far away.

won't even tag anything, pretend this never existed.

edit: 4.51am, i just learned a 22 year old girl killed herself by throwing herself on the tracks. i'll be 22 soon. maybe that will be my tipping point too.

#oc

3 notes · View notes