#im getting out of it now but. WAH.
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I'm soo normal I'm so great and handling other people's opinions on my favourite characters
#Okay Ive gotten a LOT better at it being in the dr fandom where everyone has strong opinions in wildly different directions#but im still an anxious guy who gets rsd ok....#I was listening to an interview of Gundham's english VA and having a great time because he just seems like a nice guy#and I really really love when the DR VAs like their characters and DR. it makes me so happy#but anyways. He said he didn't really like Gonta which was like a bullet to my brain gdhskfjdsf#He talked about a few other characters he didnt really like and I get the feeling he just doesn't like characters who are kinda anxious#or show a lot of weakness?#he didnt like shuichi or kiibo either#which like. honestly fair#Gundham fans often like Gonta too but not for That reason#but it caught me so off guard i was washing the dishes and I had to stop for a second#just to be like ''dont take it personally dont take it personally dont take it personally'#im getting out of it now but. WAH.#shut up me
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^_^
#very very excited about surgery like i know in a year it wont even be an issue and ill be extra happy i did it#I've kinda gotten past the anesthesia fear and i lived thru the MRI needle in my awrm so#the IV wont be too horrendous.#so right now my biggest worry is the After....#ive seen ppl say they were mostly resting in bed for like 2 or 3 days#and after that they just had to take it easy to get around but idk. im so nervous about That Part.#+ i cant. fall asleep on my back. lol. im terrified#i rly hope im so exhausted on that first day that i jst knock out upon getting home ykwim#being too aware of pain in the body makes me feel cornered in it sometimes ykwim. like i want to jump out of it ! nervous#i rly hope it doesnt hurt too bad!!!!!!! i know ppl say it feels like sore abs after workout but idk. idk nervous#talkys#especially since i have work to do! i hate feeling lazy. i dont even take naps bc i feel like its laziness i cant be out of commission for#a couple of days. WAH.#my friend had an adjacent surgery and said she woke up in a lot of pain! they obvs administered pain management#immediately but oh god. ykwim. im scared of waking up in a lot of pain being in a lot of pain
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idk some early morning type stuff
#im finally back homee but im sick asf now#wah#lwa#little witch academia#amanda o'neill#atsuko kagari#akko kagari#amandakko#anyways they get a small apartment together and adopt a bunch of cats#still workin out perspective yall so dont laugh at me
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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👉👈.
edit; changed his tongue + paw colour,,
#aspen#WAH#honeydew art#im. happy w/ it :>#the colours were TOUGH to figure out on a laptop screen with scewed colours n saturation tho damn#docked tail for a few reasons (not bc i condone it btw skdcmg)#i was hoping to get the 3 planned ocs done before AF ends. didnt expect to finish one so quickly!#now back to attacking people
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i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward
#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao#im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth#like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure#idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty#if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her#i have no damn time and energy#i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway#and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row#and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little#and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago#and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up#and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do.#HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED#its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much#i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry#needed to vent unfortunately#wah im TIRED
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being self aware about mental illness isnt even helpful, like ive known from YEARS of personal experience that maintaining good personal hygiene and staying even a little bit active does literal wonders and yet every time it takes me weeks to drag myself to floss or a shower or a walk or a workout and im still surprised it helps
#spent three weeks going ohhh my god my back is tweaked my shoulder hurts wah wah wah#bitch get UP. go outside. lift a weight you fucking idiot you KNOW THIS ALREADY#huge W i washed my hair after the greasiest week on earth#huge L now its 4.30 and im kind of too tired bored to cook#fished out my fave and most worn tshirt bc i also ofc havent done laundry yet#promptly stuck my arm through a hole that is not an arm or even head hole. just a hole. like hm perhaps i Should retire this one huh hshdejc#and the world turns !
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Didn't nab her since we were closing but I can't get over how lalaloopsies are like ontologically perfect. shape, texture, weight, color, outfit. All the cuddly charm of a plush doll w perpetually perfectly shaped plastic. the kidcore autism hurts even me sometimes.
#ill get her l8r not that i need more toys i havent bought a lot in the past months i need to uh get shelves and take them out of boxes but#im like. always like. im going to move out of this hellhole any day now no need to stop living like a fucking dog#they even have little plastic seams#wah.
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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sorry im gonna be an asshole but if my dad knew he couldnt take care of us with the progression of his diseases then why did he fight so hard for custody. im 20 yrs old i shouldnt still be thinking abt this but still like. a billion years of neglect the fact that he is sick is irrelevant when he knew very well that he wouldnt meet our basic needs. sorry. and now its on me to take care of 2 mostly-adult teenagers who hate my guts and still think they're 12 years old and cant go to the store. or clean. or whayever. AGHHHHHHH
#i dont know why everyone is in this dream world where we're still so young. even my dad acts like im out of line by staying somewhere other#than his house. like im 14. and again. my sisters just genuinely seem like they dont understand that theyre grown now. cant we all just tak#care of ourselves? ??#if he didnt have custody i would have hated both of them even more but at least we would have been taken care of#every time i have this conversation with him hes like 'but i cant do anything..!' he can. ive seen that he can. he works from home hes on#the god damn couch all day. most of his work days hes just on tiktok waiting for people to call him. he doesnt do much of anything. youre#telling me you cant do the dishes or go to the store just once in a while ?#and then he says like. but thats what my spouse would do for me blah blah .................. single people still manage to feed themselves#somehow/. maybe its magic. maybe im an asshole for saying this. but seriously. dont be like this and then get angry that i like staying at#my moms better. there i just have to worry about myself. and because of that im more apt to do things for other people! bc im not#burned out all the time !#this is so dumb to complain about im 20 like. shut up. but wah its just tiring after like.... 10 years. lmao
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#really really really regretting not being in hell for a few short years of whatever degree wouldve made me money#even if im still convinced i wldnt have made it out alive#bc its starting to really hit now. like im never gonna have a good job or be able to stay afloat#i keep getting sad bc i have expensive tastes for future home decor and fashion and such LOL#wondering if i shld go back to college but idek what id study considering even good career paths dont have guaranteed jawbs...#i need to get lucky somehow... i rlly dont know what I'm gonna do#im never getting out of here and if i do it'll just be a different fight to stay alive...wah#talkys#whatever im [sad] im gonna go [look at ryan goslings ken] so i wont be so [sad]
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Prompt: the archangelcule celebrating Jack's birthday 🙏
Lucifer runs himself ragged all week getting the party set up (and despite the fact that he’s done this for Jack every time he needs it since he came back into Michael’s life, it still leaves Michael surprised and wondering what happened to the boy who only knew how to bite the hand that fed when Michael abandoned him, when did he learn to be gentle and reliable, why did Michael waste all this time not seeing him?) to the point that he looks like he might fall asleep in front of the birthday cake before Raphael nudges him with their elbow, and he wakes up to sing.
They sing quietly — loud noises hurt Jack’s ears, one of many little oddities, but they rearrange their lives around his needs: no vacuuming unless he’s out of the house and no yelling from room to room — while Jack looks like he’s about to jump right out of his seat with how much he wants to blow out the candles. Gabriel scoops him up in one arm after, lets Jack’s tiny hand curl around the handle of the (dull!) cake knife while his lays over it to guide him, and helps him to cut pieces for them all himself.
(birthday 3 sentence ficathon! come toss a prompt!)
#wah wahhhh thats their baby!!!!#idk why i stuck them in a human au it just felt right#also im giving jack the gift no one ever allows me to have: no one screaming happy birthday at my party while im visibly trying to escape#the noise. only quiet happy birthdays for jack.#me writing these three sentences creating lore for this world ill never return to but just so u know lucifer is newly sober and raphael was#the first one of his siblings he talked to again because they happened to see him at the park with jack. and raising a kid is expensive he#needed help even if he didn’t want to admit it. and jack is so small and sweet and raphael started slipping lucifer the funds he needed for#jack’s school. which turns into babysitting jack with gabriel’s help while lucifer finds a job. which michael DOES find out about#and after. a lot. of apologizing and begging. michael also gets to be a part of jack’s life. (which lucifer is actually really happy about#because he can visibly see michael’s life also improving with jack there. because michael will make accomodations for jack that he wont for#himself. jack doesnt like the bright flourescents? michael gets a light dimmer and suddenly he doesnt get migraines so much.)#anyway. they’re doing okay now <3 cute little fambly#ask#3 sentence fic#spn#jack kline#lucifer spn#michael spn#raphael spn#gabriel spn
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dreamily sighs and screams
#getting emotional about ben because im never normal about ANYTHING in my life ......#just hdgjdfg UHFDGF WAH#hes so special to me....... probably why the colour green means so much to me... why its always been a fav colour of mine for who knows how#long#i like red too... obviously.#but like#he is so special to me. like i said. hes so special to me and i get ridiculously happy#i forgot how happy he makes me....#genuinely forgot how comforting this fandom is..... its so comforting#whys gushing on here so scary. i dont know. it makes no sense.#ughhhhhh#i mean ive been thinking about fanon a lot i love fanon so much it is so special to me#found family trope fr#but like sometimes i think how people treat fanon him and it makes me so sad :(#or maybe im remembering it incorrectly#but theyre always so mean to him .... or make him this comic relief character in fics#like yeah!!! he is REALLY SILLY!!!!!#but we forget hes a trickster!!!! he likes playing devious means to others!!!!!#hes so smart to me i dont know!!!!! he goes through your electronics!!!! he can mess with your files!!!!#honestly he can probably do more than that im just jittery with nerves lol#but oh ok guys. lets just make the coolest guy ever just be the comic relief gamer instead ok man. whatever.#i like the fact fanon depicts him as a gamer thats fun i love that so much :)#BUT STILL HDUGJFGFHFG#HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT IM GOING TO THROW MYSELF INTO ORBIT#hes so special to me. hes the worst guy ever when he wants to be. he probably has attachment issues. hes just a silly little guy.#hes everything to me#<- i wish i can remember more and more about him but i cant#all i know is i remembered cleverbot and how you could “interact” with him through it and it made me so ridiculously happy ;-;#of course i know now it was people just playing around and hoping to get something out of it BUT ITS NICE TO THINK ABOUT#sorry hes the most fascinating character to me in the entire world
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what if i put jack gibson in 911
#him at dispatch with everyone :(#friends with maddie and linda and josh :(#what is grey damon even doing it's the same network now just figure it out#ben gets to go back to greys so please just give me my lil guy#it's just sad that he had to adapt to an entire new life so suddenly and they didn't take the time to dedicate an episode to that?#but it's fine whatever#i still cant believe all he did the last season was show up and stand in random places#and then one time in the radio#oh jack gibson im so sorry i wasn't your mother#for many reasons#wah anyway
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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3
#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah#*way#if that makes sense#like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge#sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would#get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it#she put her name on the deeds to all my assets#so i have money but it is inaccessible#i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me#anyways! thats lowkey besides the point#my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago#but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9#n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him#but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery#so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice#its like having a real family#and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister#like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags#tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac#but yeah! this is why im so inactive#n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn
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what christmas tradition would you most like to do with bojan?
good question !!! my family and i haven't really done christmas stuff in years, but i'd love to decorate a tree with bojan 💞💞 it'd be such a fun time. and we know he'd get a kick out of christmas music, so that HAS to be on. can't wait to hear bojan cover "all i want for christmas is you" 🥰
#vee rambles#AH thank you for the anon 💞💞💞 sorry if this sounds a bit clunky my brain isnt really working 😞 school etc#bojan cvjetićanin#joker out#im really getting into the christmas mood now though WAH#im gonna try and cajole my parents into buying christmas candles or something#in memory of bojan ofc 🙏🙏#(<<theres a better way of phrasing that so it doesnt sound like im saying hes dead I KNOW i just forgor)#a close second would be baking gingerbread or somethjng#BOJAN WOULD SO BE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO STARTS SAYING 'ITS CHRISTMAS' on november the first#bro has a countdown
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