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sebbybooks · 5 years ago

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Beautiful Sinners (PT5)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

Warnings: smut, language

“He’s slowly carving his name

into my heart and it hurts.”-K.C

Ella’s

POV

Growing up I would hear the saying if life gives you lemons make lemonade. Meaning despite the shitty predicament find a way to turn it into a positive. I was starting to wonder if my lemons came in the form of good looking guys strapped with explosives on standby ready to shake up my life any time they felt like it. After the smoke settles and I can somewhat see clearly somewhere down the line it ends up being my fault, because right now I couldn’t seem to stop falling into the wrong hands. Sebastian’s hands felt like a fiery trap and I was the naive moth aimlessly headed towards him.

As I guided Sebastian through the apartment lobby I made a beeline for the elevator careful to not draw a scene. I was still getting used to my temporary living situation and I didn’t want to cause trouble for my friends Matt and Greta. Looking at myself from another perspective due my sleep attire and Sebastian’s current state of inebriation we looked like a one night stand gone wrong. I rapidly pushed the arrow going up on the elevator cursing myself for my mother always having to be right. Her words from years ago echoed in my head as I crossed into the threshold entering the elevator with a silent Sebastian trailing behind me. I stared at the numbers as the floors went up watching as it grew higher and higher all the while hearing my mother’s shrill voice on loop in my ears taking me back to the place I used to hate. To me memories are a blessing and a curse. There are some you pray never fade away and others you spend your entire like hoping like hell to forget.

“Do you find enjoyment embarrassing me all the time Ella? Can’t you see that your actions make me look bad! You and your sister are always inviting trouble into your life like it is second nature to you.”

I didn’t realize I was in a trance until I felt a gentle hand press over my shoulder. Startled by his act of kindness my head snapped towards him only to see a pair of warm eyes filled with a genuine look of concern. Even with short tousled hair and a hooded stare he was still as irresistible and very much still unattainable as he was a few hours ago. Nothing within that brief window of time had changed that. My mind was filled with thoughts that darted between lust and heartache that I’d give anything to shut off. I hated that my body and brain refused to work together whenever I got near Sebastian. I took his actions as a platonic and completely friendly gesture, yet such a simple act made my skin grow hot under his touch. I started to feel heat everywhere. The phantom feeling traveled all over my body and suddenly I wasn’t that cold anymore. I was burning up and I needed to get away from him to salvage what decency and self respect I had left.

It was a cheap thrill that excited me and angered me all at once. I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t harbor any feelings for him. Though when I looked at him all I could see was Mary, then I immediately pictured my ex boyfriend Nate having carnal sex with her in our bed.Then the guilt and pain would shortly begin to consume me. I couldn’t seem to stop going through with this cycle of torment. For. Fucks. Sake! Did that make me a masochist?

“You must have selective amnesia.” I said to him to fill the silence between us.

“What makes you say that?” Sebastian shoved his hands in his tailored pockets and I forced myself not to stare at the tight fit.

“Because that shit show of a party ended hours ago. You should be back in your home, but here you are….again.” I smiled at him sarcastically.

I stared back into his gaze as if his face held all the answers that I needed.

Standing on the other side of the elevator facing me, Sebastian cocked his head to the side as if it wasn’t obvious. He sucked in a ragged breath, before letting out a dry laugh resting the back of his head on the wall. “Maybe I’m just having a hard time pulling myself away.” For a split second our eyes mirrored the same agony. Only his flash of doubt looked as if he had made a grave error by coming back here.

I forced my eyelids shut and inhaled deeply. What was I to say to that? Thank you? I’m flattered? Do you also tell your fiancée the same? Instead I ended up choosing the latter. Exhaling a pent up sigh I finally told him what I was going to do once we got upstairs. “As soon as we get in there I'm going to call you a cab I just need an address so the driver knows where to take you.”

Sebastian smiled wryly. "1500 S Purgatory Lane the zip code is 666"

“That is not funny." I lied. Living with Mary I wouldn’t picture anything less but the ongoing flames of hell.

The door to the elevator finally pinged opened and I couldn’t be more ecstatic to be headed back to the apartment. Though my elation only lasted for a millisecond. I could already picture the interrogation from my friends if they were to see us. My answers would unintentionally come out sounding vague, because truth was I didn’t know why he came back.

Just as I turned my head to tell Sebastian to not make a sound when we got inside I saw that he was leaning against the tattered tan wall a few paces behind me. I thought about rushing inside and locking the door to pretend that I imagined him. A sexy figment of my imagination I might add. The idea of Sebastian alone clearly not in the best state plagued my conscience and since I wasn’t heartless I realized I couldn’t leave him standing out there alone. Torn, I removed the hair tie from my wrist and pulled my hair up out of my face as I walked over to him.

“You and Greta need to lay off the booze for a while if it hits you this hard.” I inwardly cringed at my terrible attempt to make light of this confusing situation. I coughed out a nervous laugh.

“I got to see to you again, so it can’t be that bad despite its very questionable taste.” He replied, his voice came out in a deep husky rasp, that sent my hormones into overdrive. We stared at each other for a few short seconds both unsure of what was going to happen next. Our energy was a like seesaw it continuously went up and down. Right now it was way, way up. For the record I’ll admit in that moment I did not want to come down. “Let's get you inside.” My voice cracked.

Sebastian shook his head slowly in agreement before his gaze raked over my body like I was some delicious dessert and he was a man who was dying of hunger. He stepped closer to me causing our chest to come in close contact. We were flush against each other. I could feel the warmth of his body roll off of him and land directly onto me. No thanks to thin silk night top I was wearing that I was pretty sure was not doing a good job hiding the visible outline of my breast.

If the timing was right I would have wanted nothing more than to dissolve into him completely. By now I thought I would be repelled by this feeling, but it only heightened the longer I stayed around Sebastian. It was an exhilarating rush knowing that my figuratively dead heart could beat like this again. I felt an electric pulse sensually flow through me. My tongue went utterly dry, causing the sensation in my throat to feel like I had swallowed a shit ton of cotton balls. I had to lick my lips to coax moisture back into my mouth. “Do you think you can walk on your own from here?” I said as I backed up to put space between us. It was becoming pure unadulterated agony being this close to Sebastian.

“I’m sure I can manage.”Sebastian said as he cleared his throat. I wasn’t too convinced, but I wasn’t going to check either.

When I reached the door to the apartment I instantly felt regret that I had left it unlocked. I stopped thinking altogether when I got the text from Sebastian. I wrapped my hand around the doorknob carefully opening it so that it wouldn’t set off any alarms. I shot Sebastian a warning glance as I pushed in the door. “Don’t talk.” The last thing I needed was to wake up a hungover Greta and a pissed off boyfriend to match.

“What happens if we are caught?” Sebastian’s eyes danced with amusement, evidently ignoring the first rule.

“Nothing would happen, because we have nothing to hide.” I said matter of factly to Sebastian, who obviously by now could smell bullshit from miles away. “Why are you back here Sebastian?”

“I needed to hear the rest of the turtle story.”

“Im being serious right now Sebastian.”

“So am I Ella.” Sebastian whispered back as he lowered his chin, titling his head slightly to get a better view of my face. He was challenging me. I knew deep down in my gut if I told Sebastian I was uncomfortable with him being here. There was no doubt in my mind that he wouldn't hesitate to leave. In actuality I felt the opposite, it was strange seeing him again. Right now I was trying to decipher if that feeling was a good one. We were standing in the middle of the entryway of the apartment and I didn’t know where the hell to go from here.

“Mary is having a baby. Your Baby.” The words burst out of me painstakingly slow before I could stop myself. The air between us finally started to crack. Sebastian stiffened under my statement. It wasn’t that hard to figure out by seeing her again tonight. Despite her treating this place and my friends like we were all beneath her, that was nothing new. Mary didn’t touch any of the alcohol and it was out of character to see her eat so many mini turkey meatballs and pigs in a blanket. Plus she took a thousand and one bathroom breaks and her form fitting assemble didn’t hide her growing baby bump.

"She cheated on me." He enunciated. A shocked expression registered over my face. Before I could have time to process it all or even have time to blink Sebastian's voice cut through my thoughts. “And I think you and I both know who it was with.”

“Am I to just believe Mary just confessed all of that to you?” I asked hesitantly.

“After I left here tonight it wasn’t that hard to wrap my head around why Mary was so surprised that I knew you. Your boyfriend was Nathaniel Cooper am I right?”

“Nate.” I corrected.My heart suddenly clenched up like a tight fist was forming around it squeezing it tightly to remind me that it was still fragile from what he put me through. Nate was an enigma from the start and I was too blind to even see what was right in front of me. He rarely talked about his family or brought me around them. All I knew was his mother remarried a corporate attorney who had more money and power than King Midas ever did. When the question of introducing me to his parents came up his defense was that I hadn’t introduce him to my parents either. I had my reasons and he clearly had his. Nate made our relationship feel so clandestine and turns out it was it because he was reenacting scenes right out of a V.C Andrews novel with his step sister.

“What did you ever see in that narcissistic prick anyway? I know opposites attract but on the rare occasion I’m forced around him Cooper is nothing shy of being a piece of shit.”

“You said it yourself you barely know him.” I point out feeling defensive towards Nate. I should have felt indifferent towards him. I cried over him till I hated him. I did love Nate and it wasn’t too long ago.Sebastian flinched and rocks backward on his heel moving farther away from me. The apartment was so small I was practically standing in the kitchen and he was already half way into the living room. “You’re defending him now?”

“No.” I say softly, wishing I could shout it if that made him believe me. Exhaling a deep breath, “But it if I was what gives you the right to judge me?”

“I’m not judging you Ella. I just don’t get why you would do it in the first place. Do you not remember you were seconds away from leaving behind the life you built here, your job and your friends. All thanks to who?“

“What about you huh? You live in this constant state of misery all because you’re getting married? You walk around with this big ass chip on your shoulder and the solution to your problem is so simple. If you don’t want to marry her then don’t! No one is forcing you to do it. It would sure as hell make you stop acting like a hot headed asshole and maybe then you’ll stop thinking it’s ok to show up at my doorstep whenever it conveniences you.” For a split second I had forgotten that it was almost four in the morning and that I was suppose to be keeping the volume to a bare minimum. The frustration inside of me that I kept bottled up festered to the point even I couldn’t contain it any longer. I was growing impatient. A few seconds dragged on by before he spoke up.

“My situation is complicated.” Sebastian’s jaw ticks. Four words was all that I got from him.

“It’s complicated.” I repeated, swallowing my anger and feeling like I was at the end of my rope with this guy. He was a curiosity I was having a hard time figuring out. “Is that all I get?” I shrug my shoulders defeatedly as I stared at the outline of Sebastian’s back as he turned away from me. He didn’t say anything. I opened my mouth to let out a scream that never came. Our unlikely friendship puzzled my brain because I asked myself how well did I really know him? From the start he didn’t exactly know me either. If anyone was to ask me a personal question especially about my past all I avoided it at all cost. I was aware that I was giving him a hard time and I wasn’t fully sure if he deserved it or not.

At the time I couldn’t comprehend the muddled emotions I felt for him. It wasn’t like the fluttering feeling of butterflies you get when you see someone you wanted or wished you could have. With him it was like dangerous fireworks going off in my chest. First the subtle crackle to warn me, to tell me to run away before it all combust, until it is too late. The sparks are always beautiful at first, until it sizzles out and fades into nothingness. Fireworks were meant to only be a temporary enjoyment and I wasn’t looking for love.

“Well, now this is just awkward especially with you just standing there like the creepy Montresor and I’m the unsuspecting Fortunato unable to foresee my fate. Though I highly doubt you took my tantrum to heart and now feel insulted. It’s not like you did anything terrible, your wings are still intact.” My words hung in the air above us like a cumulonimbus cloud threatening to unleash its downpour.

Sebastian turns back around swiftly. The look he has in his eye sends a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and I am forcing myself to believe it is the ridiculous amount of sugar I ate that’s affecting me, and not Sebastian.

Tugging at his hair, he walked back in to the space of the kitchen. God this place really was small. “Just so we are clear my wings got ripped off long before I met you.” Mine were long gone too, I said only to myself. I should have asked Sebastian what he meant, instead I had to eventually learn it the hard way.

Clearing my throat I motioned my hands towards the kitchen. “Do you need anything like aspirin, water, the hair of the dog?” My voiced trailed off, tasting the bitter irony settling in. The Porter women in my family were all the same. We’d cut you with glass then tend to your wound afterward.

“You’re offering to fix me a Bloody Mary? So you do have a sense of humor after all.”Sebastian’s lips slightly curved upward, shocking my heart back to life.

“Something like that.” I say. If this was flirting then yep I was still awful at it. In my defense I had been out of practice. As I was about to head into the kitchen to keep myself occupied and away from unholy thoughts that kept creeping into my head. Just as I turned my body to move away from him, Sebastian caught my wrist in his hand. It didn’t alarm me in the least bit. I stared down in the dark at his fingers carefully wrapped around it holding onto to it like a lifeline.

Lifting my head to face him. I was surprised I was even able to say a one syllable word. “Yeah?”

“You still haven't done it.”Sebastian lowered his tone and the intensity never leaving his gaze.It only took Sebastian a couple of measly steps to just about close the gap between us. We always happened to find ourselves so close that we were practically about to kiss.I could already taste the moisture from his mouth onto my tongue. It was a mixture of Greta's cheap cherry wine and something entirely different. Something I wanted more of that only Sebastian could supply.

Sebastian's

POV

My goddamn voice was starting to not even sound like my own. It sounded guttural and like I was suffering from dehydration. I waited for any indication of her not wanting me standing here. At first Ella doesn’t say a word to me. Her honeyed color eyes slowly moved from my face to where I was holding her. I immediately let go of her wrist terrified that I was making matters worse. I didn’t come here for sex. I just wanted Ella in whatever form she gave me. I wanted her to know that I still had redeeming qualities and that I wasn’t always this fucked up. Showing up to women’s doorstep in the ass crack of dawn usually wasn’t my style. None of it mattered though because there were clearly two people holding us back. Yet they are the very who always get what they want so why can’t that be us?

“What are you talking about?” She blinked. Ella studied my face and I let her. There was so much I wanted to ask her. Things I desperately wanted her know, but how could I tell her that the one thing gnawing at my guts was her own sister. It was a small world and by some fucked up coincidence we were all linked together. Unlike her younger sister Ella didn’t dance with the devil to get what she wanted. On the day I met her Ella she was prepared to go back to a place that plagued her. Whereas the day I happened upon Skylar she was determined not to go back even it if cost me everything. Though I can’t blame the girl she was ballsy. Saying that she had a tenacious way about her was one way of putting it. If I told Ella the whole truth as to why I had to be with a woman I pretended to love for the sake of her father, Ella would surely understand, right? But if I came clean then I would have to stop pretending that there was some chance in hell that I would get the girl.

“What does your tattoo mean?” I asked only to change the subject. An unreadable expression colored her face. Like she was disappointed that I was keeping my need to pin her ass against the door on hold. Despite being called a hot headed asshole, I do consider myself a gentleman on the rare occasion. If she wanted me then by all means she could have me. As long as Ella stayed clear of my shit storm of a situation I was starting to give half a fuck at this point who my decisions affected.

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion looking at me with a hopeless wonder. That’s exactly what I was, hopeless. “The arrowheads point in opposite directions, because at the time it was suppose to mean anywhere but here.” Something about the way she says it made it clear that there was story she didn’t want to tell. There was no denying that there was something reticent about her. Ella was the kind of person who references 19th century fiction and does it so casually. She was beautiful, smart, funny, sexy, pretty, and I realized I was starting to use synonyms but she was everything and above. An I wanted to savor every part of her.

“Ella.”

“Sebastian.” She mimicked my tone like I did before. Though this time it sounded like a restless and tormented need for what’s in front of the other.

“When I said you haven’t done it, what I meant to ask was why haven’t you kicked me out yet?” I finally ripped the damn bandaid off cause I needed to know. I couldn’t predict what would happen tomorrow, and how soon the truth would bite me in the ass.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to.” Ella raised her shoulders in a tiny shrug, “I know that sounds bad and that makes me look awful, but.” She cuts herself short.

“But what?” I wanted her to finish her sentence. To hear if she felt an inkling of what I did.

Ella falters.” But…” She bites down on her plump bottom lip that I am giving her the curtesy to deliberate for fifteen more seconds, before I bite it myself.

With seven seconds left on the clock she answered. “I don’t think I care.”

Throwing caution into the wind I bridged the small gap between us in this walk in closet sized kitchen. I carefully swiped the palm of my hand across her cheek, dying at how soft her skin was. Ella’s eyes fluttered close, her long dark eyelashes fanning over where my hand was. The pad of my thumb traced over the apple of her cheek, to the curve of her jaw, then brushing along the smoothness of her bottom lip. Her rounded upper lip was the same size as the bottom, creating a delicious pout that it was high time I tasted.

I eased my face forward as Ella angled her body closer to mine. To which I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We were passed the back and forth banter at this point. Whatever was going to happen was going to naturally happen. I glided my hands down to her waist feeling her body under the lightweight fabric. Ella surprises me by threading her fingers through my hair urging me closer. I knew she must’ve felt the damn near painful erection I was sporting. Briefly our eyes locked and without a word our lips finally touched in a featherlight kiss. It was so innocent and foreign to me that it caused a fiery sensation that was so intoxicatedly palpable from the minute we touched it tore me to fucking pieces. I pulled back to look at her and Ella’s gaze I’m sure matched the hunger in mine. Before I knew it our mouths were crashed back against one another and there was nothing innocent it about it this time.

Ella’s

POV

Sebastian kissed me with roughness and no restraint, yet somehow I craved more of it. It was as if every particle of my body itched to be near him and the feeling was driving me absolutely mad. He thrusted his tongue inside of my mouth in a deep, tormenting stroke. I parted my mouth wider to let him in and I moved my tongue against his in a languid speed. I tried to suppress the moan that escaped me, Sebastian muffled the sound with another ravenous kiss. His lips move at a wild and untamed speed, when I breathed for air he took it away. I rested my hands on his shoulders gripping them tightly as we fucked each other’s mouths. Greta would be so proud of my lewdness. There was simply no better way to put it. My morals were screaming he’s not yours, the reaction my body was creating said maybe he could be just this once.

Surely we weren’t going to have sex on the counter. I hadn't realized I was being lifted up. Sebastian grabbed ahold of my legs scooping me up with ease as if I was weightless. I settled against him and my legs voluntarily wrapped around his back. Already I was addicted and nothing had even happened. Sebastian pressed his fingers firmly on the apex of my thighs still never tearing his face away from mine. I gasped when I felt the coolness of his hand when it cupped and massaged away at my left tit. The pad of Sebastian’s thumb moved over my pierced nipple at slow and lazy pace, the guy made me wet in less than a minute of dry humping. My head was racing with the question, was I really going to go through with this? I had a knack for doing things I shouldn’t. I still had a couple of artifacts from my past to prove it and right now Sebastian’s hand was sensually toying with one of them. Could I really sleep with someone’s fiancé even if his situation really was “complicated”? Unwanted doubt started swirling around in my head making me feel unease, and that was the last thing I wanted to feel while being with him.

“I think we should-“ I couldn’t even get the rest of my words out. I swallow a groan because he started nipping and sucking at the base underneath my collar bone. Absolutely leaving no area of skin unmarked. Sebastian was driving away every practical thought from my head. I opened my eyes and watched as he followed a trail of wet kisses up my neck and my eyes only widened when I saw who was watching us from down the hallway. I jerked backward nearly injuring my tailbone trying to get off of the counter.

“Ella what’s wrong?” Sebastian face was flushed and his chest heaved out a breath, while his gaze held only worry for me.

I froze and stared passed him at the person whose face was marked with confusion , hurt and disappointment. I visibly wince from knowing what he must’ve thought of me. “Matt why are you up?” I stepped away from Sebastian, running my hands down my clothes trying to make myself look composed. Sebastian’s attention turned to the figure standing in the end of hall. I could only hope he was not standing there this entire time.

Looking as uncomfortable as I was starting to feel. Like a ghost Matt walked to where Sebastian and I was standing awkwardly like two teenagers that were busted. Matt looked over at Sebastian staring at him with disdain. I glanced up at Sebastian and his hard stare looked the same. The two of them hardly spoke at the party, yet there was some weird animosity brewing between them.

“Matt!” I called out again breaking him from this alpha pissing contest.

He could barely look at me. “I don’t even want to know what I just walked into, but since you are here also you probably don’t know either.” Matt said coldly.

“Know what?” Sebastian stood in front of me like a protective shield from Matt. This time Matt bothers to look at me and I just know I wasn’t going to like what he was about to tell me.

“You guys need to go to the hospital there’s been an accident.”

To be continued.

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