#im crap lately i know
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finally grew desperate enough to write fanfic 😭
a short fic showing a small moment between my witness lamb and an imprisoned narinder <3 i hope you like it!
#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb#cotl fanfic#cult of the lamb fanfic#this is why i havent drawn lately#i got a headache every 300 words written lmao#my-art#witness au#i know im not supposed to be too hard on myself but hoooly crap#posting this gave me anxiety#training myself out of that mindset#my art#my fics
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making good on my word and drawing emmet aka the best train conductor celebrating his victory with some cake :D
#submas#subway boss emmet#fanart#scrap crap#yes i know im kind of late but i still wanted to draw an emmet because when do i NOT want to draw emmet#and yes i know that the cupcake is massive... let the man have his massive cupcake he earned it
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i am going to fucking explode this class with my mind. what the FUCK do you mean NO POINTS for late submissions. killing stabbing biting maiming
#ive had eight hours of sleep total in the past four nights#including one hour last night#then i came home to get started on this fucking essay#and whaddya know i fall asleep like a goddamn idiot and wake up two hours before the deadline with nothing written#aarrghhhhhhhhh#do they know. do they fucking know how this no late submissions crap affects students#if im not gonna get any points for turning it in a minute late im not gonna even fucking bother#like you're basically just telling students not to fucking try because their effort is going to be meaningless anyway#i did send an email to my ta asking if they could still accept it possibly with points off#i submitted it at literally 00:00 so i don't even know if it fits in the deadline either#anyway. time to see if i can muster up enough motivation to actually finish the essay#and risk a second late submission that might be a fucking waste of time in the end#it's always the mediocre entry level classes with power hungry maniacs who do this shit#my fucking 300 level microbiology professor had 5% off for each day late outlined in the syllabus#and then you've got this literal 100 level gen ed course with its no late submissions crap#like. are you for fucking real#anyway i still haven't received a reply from my TA so who fucking knows i might end up getting a zero for this anyway#ugh#vent#college#mine
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#sort of venty but also not i guess idk#dont read these tags if you dontwanna hear me complaining but#man its been bad lately huh. bad month#thought things were going ok but i was too caught up in all this bullshit being thrown at me#that i didint see alot of the crap people i care abt are going through#been just opening sky for no reason .#bcus like . everyone i know is really badly ill#and its making me so anxious i want to throw up and cry#even my mother whos lowkey abusive. shes getting older and her body is failing#if she goes i have no more supports . nobody.#no family close to me. no car. im not on the lease. like#its bad out here man#im scareddddd#im scareddd bro. idk#need these people to get better or so god helpme#plssss pls pls pls#for the love of goddddd#deleting this later probably. embarrassing#delete later
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It would kill me if I tried and failed so I'm just not gonna try.
#I can't deal with failure#overachiever#burnt out#text#txt post#I have an exam in a few hours I haven't touched a book for because well#I dont know crap and its too late and I'm def gonna fail miserably#I'm so disappointed in myself and i know a younger version of me would be too cause passing this exam would mean a lot to her but like#Ive been depressed for what seems like forever and I feel like shit all the time and I have asked and asked and begged for help but have#since given up so im really just surviving so fuck her#give me a break#you should be glad im not dead#yet#but also i feel like a failure#rightfully so#i really am#so yeah#rant#are you satisfied?#mirrorball#rory gilmore#nothing new#burn out#academic validation#will be the death of me#and has been#i wish i were dead#but my cat would be sad so no?
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Minecraft Story Mode my beloved
#we don't talk about the final season tho#anyways who on gods green earth allowed that Minecraft movie trailer to look that fucking disgusting#i wanna do an mcsm retrospective so bad holy crap im gonna have to play through the whole game all over again let's goooo#also as for getting to talking about this shit now#cloaker voice: i know i know I'm late#ciipher being a moron#ciipher screaming about games#not art
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Day6 i missed yall sm
#late to the new album and like all new music but im catching up this week#its so GOOD god i miss listening to day6#i feel like all the crap with jae made me not wanna listen for a while idk that happens to me sometimes so ive never been in the mood to#listen to them as much as of late but god this album is so GOOD#they really never miss#dont know might be my fav the LYRICS OH MY GOD MY HEART#let me love you is so soft too
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🤣🖕🏼
#thank you to silvervulpine and seradyn#for listening and helping me with an issue at my soon to be former work place#yall both saved my ass#principal and superintendent tried fucking me over with my final paycheck#hr is on their ass now#cause of a law they would've been violating if they persisted on me#with their original plan#final stretch then this crap be over#love you guys#thanks for coming out to the tag soap box lately#i know ive bitched a lot#and haven't been creative these past weeks#but im healing from burnout and stress#i also see a lot of folks struggling too like me#keep getting to the good#the bullshit you're swimming in will pay off#i promise you that#and you got me cheering you on somewhere#yous is gorgeous
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work has been WAY less dreadful lately and i feel like im finally connecting with my coworkers because im not as shy & ive gotten more comfortable there and feel more adult in general but idk i think im just feeling down or something because i just cried about not being able to find a clean bowl in this stupid house i haven’t eaten since lunch and theres nothing here that i want/ wont make my stomach hurty except soup and thats going to be so unsatisfying its so dumb but i AM dreading work tmrw we have a meeting which always makes me insane anxious i hate being trapped in a room and having to sit there and not be visibly anxious have to appear cool calm collected but not trying to throw up at the same time like im gonna be anxious all day which means i wont eat much because im afraid of puking and then ill feel worse because im hungrys im going to rip my skin off AHHHHHH!!!! <- thats me screaming
#i know its just my period coming sighhhhh its about to get so much worse i get lreally depressed like a week before it gets real bad#i can feel if creeping 🤨🤨 nothing is making me feel happy or fulfilled 🤨🤨 seasons are changing this doesnt help 🤨🤨 AHHHHH!!!!#(me screaming again )#being open about myself at work instead of trying to put on a worksona has me feeling like early middle school maggie im not sure why#or if fhats bad or good ..#also meeting is at the end of the day so in my mind theres a timer from when the day starts and once it goes past a certain point i cant#eat bc that means ill have a full tummy in the meeting and that in combo w being super anxious (anxiety causes me stomach issues and also#theres a fear of puking that is perhaps not rational) but i get so nervous about the meeting when i still have time that i dont feel hungry#or im like Nah timers lying Its already too late to eat. and then i feel like crap bexause im hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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pros of working out:
getting buff
being able to pick up bf (i can barely pick up people in general and i like doing tht)
cons of working out
i get sore
i get very hungy and wanna eat junk food
#im trying to keep a good diet so i can get actually buff#lately been feeling like crap well.. two days cuz u know sometimes the brain go boom but uhh it has helped cuz idk energy goes somewhere#else plus im with dad so like ye i get extra distracted from my brain goblins#???.txt
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Legit starting to need a reference post for myself of the tags I use to (ideally) keep track of shit. There’s like... books I want to check out and recipes I want to make and gardening things and I don’t wanna beef up tags if its like.. only adjacent or ‘overdone’ or whatever, but I can’t remember my own
#idk everythings falling out of my head lately with all the admin crap im needing to do#lmao maybe i should tag this so i actually remember to do it too#coz lord knows i aint about to do it right now#come back later#ref
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.
#personal#does anyone else feel like its a little bit#6 years without uploading they come back with some ads#cant make unsponsored vids its bout getting that bag#is this just me? i support making bank however one can in this world but it does feel like#like its just a lot yknow? like the frequency of any genuine video made for passion instead of money#they just seem few and far between. im sure theres a dragon contract or something but im so fucking sick of hearing about flamesusan tbh#hm whatever consider this my overstimulated need to have a pissed off rant about something today but it feels weird#the channel feels weird 😕 i still very much admire and respect the boys and i support them supporting their lifestyle#idk how to explain it just feels like theres a looot of ads and very little genuine enjoyment from creating lately like the last#idk 7 or 8 months ive noticed it but maybe its always been like this. or maybe its been like this since the revival idfk im so tired dudes#im so fucking sick to death of living in an internet world and not being able to go even 10 minutes without an ad#or a double ad or an ad right before a sponsor segment or just fucking. its just fucking EVRYWHERE I WANT TO BURN EARTH DOWN AND START AGAIN#nuke it the second anyone invents ads again and keep restarting until we eliminate themmmmmm FUCK#like i just want the comfort content of their voices and personalities but its continuously interrupted#and their personalities dont seem to hold the same level of compassion or passion these days#and surely these things must be related. like the internet will miss yall if you left but its okay to stop youtube. its okay to find#literally any other job if being payed to pretend to care about a pixel dragon and finding any uncreative excuse to make a video#just for the sole purpose of going around your advertisement (so you can claim youre making content and give them a reason to keep sponsorin#if that aint it for you chief then do literally anything else with your time. find employment elsewhere#i know a lot of the tubers and esp the ones that have been doing it for so long think they mighnt be able to get or do any other job#but i promise this just isnt true!#make from the heart again! now that youre not being straight you should have the most freedom to create from the heart!#but theyre not! it feels more repressed and in the closet than the actual time they were in the closet! (or though they were we been knew)#but it feels! so uncomfortable! so unnatural! the videos theyve been making lately feel like theyre aliens hiding in skinsuits#desperately trying to make video advertisements about products their top researchers have assured them that humans like!#but they cant make a whole video of just ad because humans dont like that so put some other crap in there. just enough#to make the stupid humans THINK theyre not just watching an ad. content? no doesnt matter just do some garbage for a few mins#humans are idiots theyll watch anything just try not to look so uncomfortable in your human suits so it seems natural#but it doesnt feel natural. it feels gross and fake and bad. and worse because they are. or rather were. comfort content for me
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Man, why the hell would you make me fill out a form that'll take 2 weeks to process, 3 weeks before the Consequences happen. Like, cmon guys, give me some leeway or something.
#charley talks#welp#time to agonize for a month while this gets sorted out#and it isnt somethinf small either#it determines if im gonna get financial aid from my school which starts in like 3 weeks#if i get denied i gotta pay out of pocket or if its late its the same thing#they could go “whoops you gotta fill it out again” but by the time i fix it id be in class already#smh why the hell do i gotta get audited cause im a dumbass who failed some classes and now my attempted hours are too high#the college was happy taking my money before i got financial aid#wish i knew this was a thing before it came up#maybe id get my shit together to avoid it sigh#now i gotta meet with some people and wait almost a month for some people i dont know to decide if i deserve financial aid or not#ill be so fucking pissed if this doesnt go through#ugh sorry for rambling this crap just really wound me up
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Haaah. Is it really too much to ask to have just one day (1) where I'm not achy and in pain?
#valid#diary#personal#chonic pain#haaah. its my hands today and my legs.#its bc i was working yesterday so im very sore. haaaah.#i honestly just wish i could have even a teny tiny bit of time where im not in pain#usually its not quite this bad but its probably been 3-4 days since i last felt mostly okay#ive just been in varying levels of moderate pain#probably between a 3-5 depending?#either way i just took an advil cold n sinus. bc i also have shit sinuses. which means ive also had a lot of headaches lately.#...they last so long bc i take Ibuprofen and forget to take advil cold n sinus instead bc that has ibprofen in it.#im really tired yknow? its not super painful or anything. but its super hard to do things i wanna lately.#my hands n body just arent moving as id like.#its really frustrating tbh. idk. i know i dont have it as bad as others bc i dont get dislocations rly.#but i just have chronic pain constantly. which makes it hard to function. especially bc im already so tired always.#in some ways id be nice if it was worse bc then id be or something.#it sucks being told all you can do for this crap is massage and physio and painkillers.#i dont think ive really ever been able to just enjoy shit. ive always gotten hurt so easily. theres always something fucked up#haaah. im really tired of dealing with my body. i wish it wasnt so ill.
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Me: preparing to go play Genshin Impact for a tiny bit circa midnight
My brain: so hear me out. what if I just so happened to have a great idea for a skz video edit even though you rarely do elaborate video edits.
Me at 2:30 am after doing what my brain said: remind me why I listen to you
#adhd problems#it brought me joy and giggles but at what cost#if I meant to work late at night then why couldn't it have been the important creative work that I meant to do today#insert groggy sloggy noises#because that's the ost of my brain rn#that and itzy's loco because that was involved in the edit#i am once again reminded that i said to keep me out of the tags late at night because then this rambling crap happens#bleggghhhhhhhhh#but i also find a perverse joy in knowing that nobody can stop me from putting random crap in the tags#but unfortunately that includes me#as some wise lovely ladies once said#risky risky wiggy wiggy this is an emergency help me help me somebody stop me cuz i know i cant stop me#and some wise lovely men once said...RING DING DONG RING DING DONG RIGGY DING DIGGY DING DING DING#3am vibes in a nutshell right here#welcome to the freakshow#by skillet#this must be a challenge of how many song references can you fit in one tag thread#and nobody told me about it but i think im winning anyway#guten nacht mein lieblings
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Dating the Cursed Womb, Choso!♡
Boyfriend!Choso who goes on Google and searches up things like "How to be more affecrionate", "Why does my (s/o) want to bite me", and "how to make my (s/o) happy" :3
Boyfriend!Choso who just LOOOVVVESSS napping on your chest. Burying his face in it n all that.
Boyfriend!Choso who asks Yuji for advice on how to be more loving towards you or what kind of date you would like.. (Yuji dosent know CRAP about women.. But hes trying his best to help his big brother!!). Yuji just makes him memorize rizz lines to say to you..
Boyfriend!Choso who once saw you doing a "flying kiss" towards him and decided to do the same,, but used his blood manipulation to make the shape of the heart,!!
Boyfriend!Choso who gets suuuuper smiley when you give him the tiniest peck. He just thinks your kisses are so sweet! He cant help it! Hes a big strong man who blushes like a teenager when kissed by you and only you
Boyfriend!Choso whos really inexperienced, but tries his best to learn for you!!
Boyfriend!Choso who gets really worried when you sleep late :< He tries to cuddle you and lightly massage your head just for you to finally sleep :<
Boyfriend!Choso who sprays some of his perfume on your hoodies because he know you like his scent
Boyfriend!Choso who scrunches his face up when he gets the "Are you human?" Capcha thingy on the computer. He really believes hes human.. but he dosent want to lie!! :^
Boyfriend!Choso who does your hair to match his. Even when its too short, he finds a way to make it look like his hair or vice versa
Boyfriend!Choso who always puts you as his top priority. Want cuddles? Everything dropped. On your period? Already bought you supplies and snacks. Feeling sad? Hes ready to talk.
Boyfriend!Choso who memorizes the names of your stuffed toys
Boyfriend!Choso who brings you flowers cause "you forgot to kiss him goodnight" and thought you were mad at him
Boyfriend!Choso who just randomly grabs your hand and placing it on his cheek.. its his way of saying he wants cuddles...??
Boyfriend!Choso whos really doing his best for you to be the best partner you ever had. Even when hes a bit confused.. He loves you more than times 100 the stars in the galaxy.
Guys i did this at 12 midnight whenni was sobbimg abt Choso so im sorry for any typos/wrong spellings :P
BRRRUHHH I HATE U GEGE FOR KILLING MY PRECIOUS BBYBOY. My baby Choco 💔 drop dead gege💔❗️
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STARZU WORKS. DO NOT COPY, REPOST, OR PLAGIARIZE MY WORK.
#jjk x reader#choso fluff#choso x reader#jjk x you#choso kamo#starzu#gege when i catch you gege#im coming for you#jjk
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