#im back - hopefully on friday
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lords gon hafta drag me outa the kitchen cause im cOOKIN AGIN
#wip#ramsuse#shoulb be done friday cause my ass goin into the wilderness tomorrow#its the 18th and i still havent even drawn 1 goretober what is thissss#naw ill probably draw some next week maybe just 2 or 3 cause my ass is just to occupied by Everything#hopefully next year ill have some damn ass time and management bc im so SICK of having to scimp out on goretober#i wanna go back to doing like 17 or 20 of them but god damn this cursed ass adult life curse it all to hell#ANYWAY 👁👁 coming soon
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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im sorry
#apologizing for 2 things#first is that i promised to upload requests but honestly im truly in survival mode (killer combo: physically sick and really depressed)#also apologizing to all the good palestinian people in my inbox. i really want to share your gofundmes and donate but im just#so overwhelmed rn#my profboss is a saint and let me off on friday so ill go back home and hug my mom and hopefully itll be ok#i still intend to share augusts patreon earnings with different fundraisers so dont worry about that#i just need to get my shit together and sleep for more than two hours at a time#ty for understanding hopefully
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good morning silly cretaures !!!! on our way to yet ANOTHER competition (it is 5:30am)
also thought id add in an apology to this post graaaah i havent been able to respond to Anything lately but i swear i will when everything is all settled and such !!!! theres just a lot going on rn and im getting just a teensy bit overwhelmed ackk
#sid rambles#like im also panicked because i only practiced the dance once and i dont wanna mess up while dancing w my crush#<- not because itd be embarassing or anything but because the dance is ALSO a competition#like what is it with school here and makin everything a competition#anyway yea bid me luckkkk#i think ill be back to being active on friday !! hopefully
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hi guys im back from my 72 hours of insane busyness <33
#friday was ooo concert w fio!!#saturday was work + friend's grad party#yday was hosting miami grand prix#so a v fun three days minus the work#bc saturday at the clinic was fucking insane and stressful#but yeah overall rly fun but so tiring omg#anyways im back AND HELLO LANDO GRAND PRIX WINNER YDAY#ennuitxt#anyways im excited to be back more#now that im done w my mcat and these past 72 hours#i still have my med school apps to do over these next few months so i'll still be quite busy#but hopefully less busy than i have been the past ~3 months
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chat im half cooked
#i have work this week but i live too far away for my dad to want to take me#i work 4 days (friday saturday and then thanksgiving weds thurs)#i have a ride to work on friday + there and back weds and thurs#BUT AS OF RN IM STILL COOKED TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET HOME OM FRIDAY AND GET TO AND FROM WORK ON SATURDAY#chat im losing my mind#the curse of being unable to drive. soon hopefully i pray and then all will be fine maybe because im SO limited right now#xanrants#i guess thats more xanrants than xanchats but also idk i just. bawled my eyes out for like 10 minutes straight i was so stressed BHGBHGH#i am Fine now tho and i am now once again thinking about sun and moon. as always
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my main goal for tomorrow is to recover some mana points bc im pretty sure im having such a Bad Mental Health Time and also Doing Stupid Things because im stressed about this trip but my brain knows I won't respond to it saying "I'm stressed" so it's being passive aggressive (see also, feeling like I have to pee badly about every 5 minutes at night).
just need to like. a) get my work tasks done but also b) get my ducks in a row vis a vis things I have to do before leaving and c) try to relax for real and do a hobby.
#tfw you think you're managing your anxiety but then you realize your brain just went underground#hopefully the shower will be fixed and the paving done and my air filter will arrive tomorrow so that'd be 3 problems down#then i just have the play Thursday night#and then packing and leaving which will be. fine#i have a fairly detailed list i just can't do anything with it until Friday#also tomorrow im going to cook and freeze 3 portions of something so i have lunches for when i get back
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i got so excited about getting an email that my stamps have shipped
is this what being an adult is like?
#anyways gonna have stamps hopefully by thursday so i can send the rest of my things out#im getting two in the mail tomorrow as they are priority and rest when the stamps get here#..and that big one when i overcome social anxiety and take it to the post office to confirm how much it weights so i can ship it properly#which will hopefully be next weeks tuesday since im in town#but yeah! bracelets should be going out soon finally! i didnt get the last ones back after sending them so its a good sign!#tho its been almost a week and now im concerned where are they since i havent been told theyve arrived so...#need to remember international postage is slow ough#but yeah. all should be good at least. so excited to finally get things to people 💜💜💜#which means im motivated and inspired to make more soooo hopefully another shop update by friday. maybe sneak peeks early? 👀#and comms are open ofc if you want something specific 💜#okay no more ramble time i gotta eat and take care of few important things before i can sit down to make bracelets ough#night is an absolute mess on main
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🥴 chapter 1 finally done of the fic
#also got edits for my critique group done#and with that and the final wrap up of this chapter. MG novel i am so sorry im coming back to working on you wednesday/thursday/and friday#miscellaneous#the scene where pantalone and dottore meet is basically original fic a few steps to the left#but hopefully people won't mind. i plan to make their other interactions completely different#anyways™#in total after work (and during oops) -- wrote 2.2k words in total today
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Honestly I think the #1 thing about moving into the professional space that I wish I learned about sooner was the importance of finding a true mentor in your field. There's so much talk about network network network but having a few people with knowledge and experience truly ride for you beats the thousands of linkedin connections ten times out of ten.
#i wish i was told at 18/19 about really leaning into people you admire/who believe in you instead of burning yourself out for tons of ppl!#ive been really lucky to have amazing people in my corner throughout my university years in my jobs who have really looked out for me!!#my research supervisor is the one who gave me the job i start friday (!!)#bc i talked to him about my short career history and fears of this tight job market and uncertainties etc etc#and he gave me this opportunity saying 'i know this isnt what you want long term and i will support u searching for what that is but for no#- i think you should push yourself to try something different!#and my old mentor who was my absolute ride or die just messaged me about coming back to my old job in a closed off industry rn#basically sat with me for an hour the other week just catching up hearing my plans talking about what i want for my career#hoping to line me back up with my old team to hopefully break the market and then help me move around once im in#to get to where i'm really passionate about#i know im soso lucky to have people like that in my corner and a lot of that just came from happenstance that personalities seem to click#but its such a weird falsity we push about#'grow your network full of these strangers at conferences! but never dare admit youre only doing that for a job opportunity!'
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I just posted the All the King's Horses update and I tagged it as "Happy Friday!!" and realized I missed out on the golden opportunity of having On a Friday be my Friday update fic. Oh well
#allylikethecat#ally's thoughts#ally's musings#that cold from before I went to LA is back#because i never really got over it because i instantly got home then left for germany#i still dont have covid according to my doctor which is good#but i got home and instantly took cold medicine tonight#and now im having all kinds of overly deep fandom thoughts#i also just paid $20 to doordash myself a chocolate chip cookie#that hasn't arrived yet#because my friday night is WILD#and i am actively hiding from my friends so they cant make me do things#im also kinda afraid to eat food because ive had three allergic reactions this week and i cant figure out to what#but i'll eat dinner and then my lips will swell up and i look like kylie jenner which is not a vibe for me#so far so good today though#my chicken broth and egg noodle combo did not harm me#hopefully the cookie will be okay too#my mom thinks its olive oil#but idk#i hope its not olive oil i love olive oil so much#sorry for oversharing in the tags#my mother is still out of the country which means i cant call her while im driving to tell her about my day#and i miss her#so im over sharing in the tags instead
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ugh this sucks im just at home all the time and my work is online and my friends all live far and its winter yuck
I worked there for 3 months only but I miss my old workplace. It was a nice little community with people that I saw almost everyday that I could share stories about the small struggles and joys we all shared as teachers. Every morning I busily had somewhere to go to, and every evening I had a reason to be tired. I had the security of knowing I had a 'job' (as if a job being online makes it less of a job... sigh)
now im just. in my room by myself. Ugh. reminds me again of 2020
#i don't really miss the work tho#i just miss the place and my coworkers </3#the kids were too crazy and too many in a single class and every class was a whole shock to my system i don't think i had a single 'normal'#normal day in the time that I worked there. Every day there was some incident or another#i do miss the work environment tho. it was so great and welcoming and they were all so nice and kind and supportive#rlly it was like being in one of those slice of life school-based animes#:(((#not me physically improving from the flu only to be lonely and depressed lmao uh why can't i just focus on my work I was doing so well#and being so optimistic before this flu came along#Sigh I guess everyone has their days#hopefully tomorrow it gets better#praying for those friday blessings#now that i work from home i don't even look forward to weekends its so sad#weekends just means more work for the organizations im part of#sigh anyway. whatever. i hope this annoying attitude sets with the sun and doesn't come back tomorrow#✨✨#💭.txt
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i got an email back from one of the tallships i applied to !!!!
#i also got another from a dif ship saying theyve finished hiring - BUT the captain was super nice + pointed me towards some other ships#im soooo excited we might call on friday depending on their availability - im so hopeful!!!!!!!#canis speaks#im flyimg back to college today which is stressing me out but hopefully the flights will be easy#i have a connection in a busy af airport which im somewhat nervous abt but i think itll be ok👍#AHHH im so excited abt the ship thing tho :)
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Crying so hard I want the pumpkin kitty from BAB but I'm too chicken to go into my local store to see if they have it (having to go thru the heart ceremony specifically is what's making me anxious cause I've never actually gone thru the whole BAB experience before. And I don't wanna have to do goofy things in public by myself). I'm also struggling to justify spending $40 on a plushie this week
#this upcoming Friday is my birthday tho#but I have a bill due that's also coincidentally $40#I supposed I could treat myself anyways. but still anxiety Dx#but what if I wait and they don't have it by Friday? like say they have it rn but they sell out by the 15th?#also I think I've mentioned it before but Im afraid people will think Im a hypocrite if I buy a BAB from a store#cause I said I was against supporting the company first hand and only buy second hand#but I know there's no way I could ever afford a pumpkin kitty second hand. scalpers are assuring that#so Im anxious about going to buy obe because of judgement. will people get mad at me#I don't plan on buying from BAB first hand often. hopefully this would be the only time (unless they bring back teal frog)#do you guys care? would you be ok with me getting a pumpkin kitty??#Halloween is my favorite holiday I need her in my life#I cry#what should I do#viti shoosh
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guys, im gonna start posting again soon i swear. sorry, i’ve just been so busy and shit and blah. imma be back so soon
#IM SORRY i’ve been so tired and out of it and fuck and i was so demotivated when my drafts and queue got deleted#but i’m back hopefully on friday. 😬 🤞
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#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday#and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased#im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool#and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it#am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them#which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd#and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to#the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.#ugh its like my boss said#sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project#but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it#but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the#info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel#god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im#so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts#sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now#so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times#and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away#idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4#it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me#also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at#but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly#literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol#whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history#bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk#its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway#i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried#unrelated
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