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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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Marvel’s Loki Episode 3 Raises Some Questions About the TVA

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This article contains spoilers for Loki episode 3.

Back in the first episode of Marvel’s Loki, viewers get a helpful expositional rundown about the Time Variance Authority from Miss Minutes (Tara Strong), a friendly cartoon clock.

In a ‘50s style orientation video, Miss Minutes described how the Time Keepers created the TVA and all the employees within it to maintain the Sacred Timeline and avert temporal chaos. Makes sense! But in this week’s episode, “Lamentis”, we are provided some information that appears to be at odds with the “official” founding myth of the TVA.

As rogue Loki Variant Sylvie describes what it’s like to enchant people’s minds (huh, almost like she’s some kind of…enchantress?) to our lead character, she reveals that sometimes a mind is so strong that she must create a fantasy of a memory to lull them. Such is the case with Hunter C-20 (Sasha Lane).

“I had to pull a memory from hundreds of years prior before she even fought for them,” Sylvie tells Loki.

Huh…before she fought for the TVA? How could C-20 have had a life before the TVA if the TVA created her for time-policing purposes? It turns out that, according to Sylvie, everyone who works at the TVA are just like her and Loki: Variants lost on the Sacred Timeline.

In classic Marvel Cinematic Universe fashion, this answer to a question leads to only more questions. Let’s endeavor to answer them.

What is the TVA’s Real Mission?

Marvel’s first Disney+ series WandaVision made it clear from the get-go that all wasn’t what it seemed to be. Conversely Loki appeared to end its first episode with all cards on the table. Sure, the science fiction premise was ambitious and at times hard to understand, but the TVA’s mission was outlined quite clearly in that aforementioned orientation video. Now one can’t help but wonder whether Loki isn’t more like WandaVision than we anticipated.

The TVA says its only mission is to protect the Sacred Timeline. As the series goes on, however, the very notion of a Sacred Timeline seems increasingly impossible. As discussed in this feature, which irreparably broke my brain, the lack of alternate universes in the TVA’s worldview is just not feasible. Where do all of these Loki Variants come from if not alternate universes or alternate timelines?

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Sylvie has a fundamentally different appearance from our Loki and, if she is to be believed, an entirely different family history. How could two such contradictory beings exist on one Sacred Timeline? The answer is that they can’t. The TVA claims that the emergence of just one alternate timeline branched off from the Sacred Timeline would have disastrous consequences. Clearly it doesn’t though as all the Variant Lokis already exist.

Perhaps when Miss Minutes and the Time Keepers say that the TVA maintains the Sacred Timeline, what they mean is that they guard it from external threats. Pruning Nexus events here and there is also part of the job, but the main goal is to make sure that the Sacred Timeline doesn’t come under attack from other timelines. If we buy into that logic, then of course the Time Keepers would bring brainwashed Variants aboard to assist in this mission.

Speaking of the Time Keepers…

Are the Time-Keepers Even Real?

Episode three brings us closer to meeting the Time-Keepers than ever before. C-20 tells Sylvie that the Time Keepers reside on the top floor of the TVA offices, accessible only through a golden elevator. Sylvie makes it quite close to invading their sanctum before Loki intervenes.

Now that a basic tenet of the TVA’s history is in question though, so too is the existence of the Time-Keepers themselves. Loki’s understanding of the deities is that they are three “space lizards” who oversee the timestream. While that would certainly be cool to see depicted onscreen, it now seems more likely that they’re a fairy tale.

The TVA’s own internal depiction of the Time-Keepers is too holy and sagacious to possibly be real. As evidenced by the bureaucratic nightmare around them, time keeping is not a sexy business. It requires hard work and determination, not ethereal space iguanas. Recall that the only character who claims to have met with the head honchos is Ravonna Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw).

Is Miss Minutes the Big Bad Here?

If the Time-Keepers aren’t Loki’s main foe to be vanquished then who is? It’s possible that the answer was in front of us the whole time. Simply put: there’s something off about Miss Minutes. At first glance, she was just a funny satire of the friendly cartoonish faces that corporations use to hide their dirty work. Then episode 2 revealed that Miss Minutes is actually able to achieve something resembling a corporeal form as she quizzes Loki on TVA history from a desk.

This past week, The Hollywood Reporter had a chance to interview Tara Strong, the voice of Miss Minutes, and there were some intriguing tidbits uncovered. When asked about director Kate Herron’s assertion that Miss Minutes was about to go on an “interesting” journey, Strong responded:

“I can cryptically tease that you’ll see her again. There’s much more to be revealed, and it’s fun to watch that unfold. The beautiful thing about this character is you don’t really know who she is, where she’s from, what her origin story is, how sentient she is, if she has a horse in this race at all, and what her intentions are, if any.”

Strong made good on her promise to remain cryptic there, but it’s still surprising to hear just how much Miss Minutes content is yet to come. I suppose that’s to be expected from a character with her own poster and that played by a voice acting titan. It’s not out of the question that Miss Minutes will be revealed to be an antagonist of sorts, perhaps even the main one.

For better or worse, Miss Minutes represents the TVA. What if the agency started with noble intentions before gradually becoming corrupted over centuries? And now Miss Minutes is the anthropomorphic embodiment of the flawed institution, stamping out timelines that don’t need to be stamped out. Perhaps she’s like HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

After all, does this look like the face of mercy to you?

Does Agent Mobius Know He Had A Life Before the TVA?

The biggest loser in the revelations of episode 3 might be poor Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson). Back in episode 2, Mobius had a conversation with Loki about how much he appreciates order in the universe rather than the chaos that Loki prefers. That same episode reveals, however, that Mobius might not be as straight-laced as he appears.

The man loves jet skis, calling them the perfect combination of form and function. Unlike his co-worker Casey (Eugene Cordero) who doesn’t even know what a fish is, Mobius likes to spend much of his infinite time reading jet ski magazines. We should have known right then and there that the TVA did not create its employees because why would they program in a love for something from the outside world?

Mobius is probably a Variant conscripted into the TVA’s mission just like everyone else. The question is: does he know that? I’m inclined to think he does not. Though Mobius is a respected Agent in the TVA, he is continually shown to be shockingly far down on the totem pole. Judge Renslayer won’t let him meet the Time Keepers (probably because they don’t exist) and even Hunter B-15 bosses him around in the field.

Although, there’s another possibility. In the comics, many higher/executive positions in the TVA were held by Mobius. Multiple Mobiuses. The Marvel Comics TVA had a policy of cloning its managers, rather than hiring/training new people, and since Mobius was great at his job, they made more of him. Perhaps the MCU Mobius is based on a Variant, one who did his job so well that they chose to duplicate him for more work. It would mean that he isn’t necessarily lying when he tells Loki the “creation myth” of the TVA agents, it might just be the only truth he knows.

Wilson also brings a sensitivity and world-weariness to the role that suggest deep down, Mobius knows something is missing in his life. On a subconscious level, maybe that’s why he’s so taken with Loki. The only being that can take down the Time Keepers and TVA’s strict order is the God of Mischief.

The post Marvel’s Loki Episode 3 Raises Some Questions About the TVA appeared first on Den of Geek.

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araeph · 8 years ago

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Defiance, Part 5

[Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4]

Summary: Katara never thought she’d take shelter from the Water Tribe in the Fire Nation. Zuko never thought he’d build a life with someone he is only supposed to be seeing for fun. And neither one knows just how close their countries are to self-destruction.

[For Zutara month, Day 5, “Distance”]

It haunted her day after endless day, the scroll that lay dormant in the captain’s cabin, tucked in a trunk with a sturdy brass lock that not even her waterbending could open. When she was guiding their ship to coast along the waves, the thought dragged her down like a lead anchor. When she descended to the depths of the ship for a few hours�� sleep, it shone through her dreams like a beacon.

Knowledge. Knowledge of waterbending, but more than that: knowledge that she wasn’t alone.

The isolation was wearing on her. Despite the close quarters that she shared with the crew and her natural cheerfulness, Katara was lonely. She didn’t understand how a group could sail together as a single unit one moment, when their lives depended on it, and the next descend into squabbling and petty theft of their bunkmates’ treasures. Her tribesmen moved as part of the ship when they took to sea; or maybe it was the ship that learned to move like them. Every so often, Katara ran her hands along the tightly caulked planks, wringing the damp out to prevent worm infestation, but it still didn’t feel any more like home.

Conversation and quarrels drifted past her like smoke, occasionally spiraling around her but never filling her with a sense of belonging. She hadn’t fit in exactly, in the South, but it didn’t matter. She was one of their own, always. If she were injured out on the ice, she was confident that even proud Hahn would risk his safety to help her out. And for all of Sokka’s teasing, he looked out for her with everything he had. Her father …

…her father had been asleep when Katara had tiptoed past the doorway into the house she, unmarried, still shared with him and Gran-Gran. Anyone else would have woken Hakoda in an instant, but he knew the footsteps of his children by instinct. She had neither the heart to wake him nor the head to convince him she wasn’t saying good-bye.

She kept her mother with her, the stone at her throat cool to the touch, yet comforting. But every time she went to her necklace for solace, another tug of desperate longing lurched her out of her memories’ consoling embrace.

They had a scroll. A Water Tribe scroll. The instructions of a real master were tattooed on its skin, and she wanted—needed—to see it.

They were two days away from Ember Island and the aristocrats who liked their smuggled “medicines” fresh. Another day would land her at a fishing pier where she could earn a living until she found what she was looking for. But tonight was the full moon. Tonight, she was powerful—felt unstoppable.

And tonight, she would take the scroll from the captain, returning it to Water Tribe hands.

Katara padded silently to the solitary cabin near the stern of the ship, casting a glance upward to make sure the lookout was gazing out to sea and not below. The door to the cabin was locked, but Katara didn’t let that stop her. She’d fed the iguana parrot with a freshly caught fish today, and now it flew over to her, inquisitive.

“Hello there, sweetie,” said Katara, stroking its feathered crest softly. “Who’s a good boy? Who’s the captain’s favorite pet who will get me a foot in the door? Yes, you are. Yes, you are.”

She drew another fish out, one she had kept on ice all day in preparation, and wiggled it in front of the bird.

Squawk! Squawk!

The captain’s door slammed open. “What’s going on here?” he demanded. “Hey, why are you feeding my bird? Get back down below, or I’ll—hey!”

Katara tossed the fish into the air, and as the bird flew away to catch it, she pivoted full circle and drew water from a nearby bucket. The wood beneath the captain’s feet iced over, and even though her water whip missed the mark, he lost his balance and toppled over. A liquid tentacle caught him before he hit the deck, and before he could so much as bark out an order, Katara had muzzled him with a mouthful of snow. Ice manacles sprouted from the frozen puddle and pinned him to the ground; Katara seized the moment and ran inside. She knew she didn’t have time to find the key and open the trunk; it was all she could do to carry it outside under the disapproving stars.

I had to, she insisted to them and the moon. I had to.

A cry from above meant her treachery had been spotted. They’re just pirates, they’ve probably betrayed lots of other people. Katara’s mind kept a running commentary on how her actions were justified as she heaved the trunk overboard, and herself with it.

A ball of water encased her—Master Pakku’s teaching to help her should she be stranded in a broken canoe. There was just enough air in the bubble to take her beneath the ship and toward the metal rudder. A few quick movements, and she froze it in place; not enough to endanger the crew’s lives, but just to stall them during her getaway.

She clutched the trunk tigher and resurfaced for air.

Thunk!

A set of bolos ricocheted off the trunk and knocked the wind out of her. Katara’s head dipped briefly below the ocean, but when she resurfaced, she hefted a clumsy block of ice. It wasn’t a very good shield, but it took the brunt of the arrows and spears cast her way. Another deep breath, and she submerged, this time propelling herself farther away.

It was a long day’s swim for a waterbender to the island, but the waters were warm, and the moon was high.

And oh yes … the watertight trunk could float.

She didn’t need a map to guide her; she had stargazed enough to find the direction she needed to go. And besides, the moon would set in the west; it would be her compass toward freedom.

The cries of the outraged crew faded into the distance, the occasional arrow and net still cast her way, only to be rebuffed by the ice. Her guilt began to sink in as Katara left them behind; pirates or not, they’d all been surviving on the ocean together, and now, it was as if she’d never known them.

***

The Blue Spirit’s smuggler prey was nowhere to be found, just as he had suspected. But the masked man refused to give up there. Unwittingly—or, more likely, as a taunt—Azula had given him a clue in the blue ribbon. Only a few wealthy merchants still carried the fabric, and of those, only two had the connections in the capital necessary to sneak it through. Admiral Zhunan was a crafty hoarder of wealth, and it hadn’t been easy to locate his summer hideaway, but he was the most likely to be the traitor. Several aliases and a dozen security personnel later, and the Blue Spirit had only just made it to the supposed leisure house.

It wasn’t as ostentatious as the one he’d vacationed in as a child; it was set back from the sea in a little cove on the eastern side of the island. The Blue Spirit supposed it was better for clandestine goings-on than for helping children to play by the shoreline.

As he looked out at the beach, swords at the ready, the moonlight glinted off a mound of sand—the remains of a child’s castle from the previous day.

A memory flashed before his eyes: his uncle, eyes alight and smiling, holding him high with his cousin at his back. His father, head turned away, watching Azula. And his mother … his mother …

The faintest audible clack of stone tore him away from the memory. The dual dao were unsheathed, their points so sharp they all but cut the moonlight. Whoever had seen him would not be telling tales to his master.

The only warning he got was a faint gust of air, and he dodged what looked like a hand. Not flesh, though: made of rock. An instant later, another fist flew at his knee; and another at the base of his spine.

His swords came up, their wielder spinning them into a protective whirlwind as he fended off one attack after the other. He was holding his own; he managed to deflected two of the stone hands back on their owners.

Earthbenders! Should he use his fire—reveal himself? Was it too much of a—

Whoomp!

The sand shook beneath his feet and sucked him down by the boots. The earthbenders he’d seen couldn’t bend sand very well, but the beach rippled and tossed him about like a spider crab in the grip of an eagle. He’d just managed to leverage his swords to free himself when a riptide of sand pushed inexorably forward, driving him back, back, back toward the ocean. More gloves flew his way, and one caught the side of his head. His ears rang, and he faltered.

As soon as one sword lowered, he was pummeled from all sides. He had made it past the open sand, but had stepped into the waves, and was fighting against the surf while the mud tried to shackle him. If he could just get far enough out—if he could swim and not have to plant his feet—the gloves wouldn’t have the same impact through the water.

Dizzily, he dodged yet another gloved strike, one that caught him in the shoulder and sent him spinning. A wave slapped his face and made him inhale a lungful of water; coughing, half-blind, he sought to keep his guard up.

The cold glare from above pierced the black waters, helping him to know which way was up as he fought for air. But his vision was turning gray and fuzzy; one arm had gone numb; and his attackers were closing in.

Something bumped into his back, and he batted it away. It gave off a hollow sound as his sword made contact.

A trunk? Zuko shook his head to clear it. What was a trunk doing … ? Why was he …? What was moving … something moving in the water …

His head fell through the surface of the water once more, and the only thing he saw was the moonlight.

#zutara #zutara month #zutara month 2016 #zk month #zk month 2016

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ozsaill · 5 years ago

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Challenging anchorages revisited

Miles and years slide by, but the feel of an anchorage sticks with you. Name a bay, and memories flood back: the quality of the holding. The way the swell could wrap around one end. The dogleg track to avoid a shoal. Returning to old haunts, the filter of experience casts a new light. Two recent stops illustrate how anchoring, one of the more stressful routine aspects of cruising, changes over time.

Isla Isabel’s roadstead

Rising from a hazy marine layer, from a distance this island resembled the craggy rock of our memory: a place that might be called barren if it weren’t for the tens of thousands of frigates and boobies (and iguanas and more) that call it home. “Barren” is how we’d hoped to see the anchorage there – well, except for the Island Spirit catamaran called Love & Luck with kid-loaded crew.

We’d anchored at Isabel three times previously, all in 2009. Our first came with the added stress of a sunset arrival and pods of whales. I know, pods of whales – it sounds cool, but it’s can be nerve-racking to navigate when multiple groups are swimming in indeterminate directions and are a lot bigger than your boat.

Arriving at Isla Isabel, January 2009

Mairen on the bow, 10+ years later at Isla Isabel again

Isabel’s more protected anchorage on the east side of the island is a tricky spot with only a narrow ledge for anchoring with relatively thin sand over rock: only a few boats can fit. It’s the kind of place where you show up not knowing if conditions will allow you stay: Totem’s log entry for Isla Isabel from January 2009 records anchoring in 40’, with “rock ledge, boulders / small sand patch, good weather only.”

This time, there was a crowd waiting. Only the catamaran’s freeboard was visible from a distance, but eight fishing boats came into view as the island loomed larger. Mostly open boats, 25-30’ long, the vessels appeared to be in exactly the area we recalled was the limited range for anchoring at a reasonable depth. Great. Active fishing in progress did not increase our options.

Ten years ago, that might have given us enough pause to keep sailing: no room, oh well, carry on! Cruising guides say you have to anchor in closer so it must be true. But with hundreds of anchorages chalked up to experience, our definition of reasonable depth had changed while our confidence in setting the anchor has grown. Instead of being near shore in 40’, we found a spot in 70’ and safely spaced from the other boats. Ten years ago, I’m not sure we’d have tried this, and it was actually a much better spot! Bonus: besides having plenty of room, the bottom there was flat sand and offered excellent holding and no rocks to snag on! We put out about 320’, a scope of around 4.3 to 1, and enjoyed four nights anchored off this mini-Galapagos.

Isla Isabel’s animal kingdom of ground-nesting boobies and arboreal frigatebirds are fearless, as are the green iguanas that roam both; it’s a special opportunity to visit such a natural wonderland. Watching ostrich-like fuzzy frigate chicks, seeing the reunion of booby pairs when a mate returns to the nest, their turquoise feet providing almost comical relief to the reverent dance.

Bring a zoom lens to get pictures from a distance without unnerving birds

The color of their blue-footed boobies really does defy belief

Are you my mother? Frigate chicks peer out from shoulder-height nests

La Paz’s Mogote

Totem swings on the hook off La Paz in southern Baja. This anchorage is known as the El Mogote, named for the antler-shaped spit that’s on the other side of the bay. It’s also famous for the La Paz waltz.

Anchoring here the first time in December 2008, we learned all about the intricacies of this waltz quickly enough. Current rips down the channel from the Sea of Cortez to this historic town and capital for the state of Baja California Sur. The flow of water often opposes wind direction; the result is that the location of a boat relative to the location of its anchor is highly variable, and may create uncomfortably close neighbors. Swirls mean it’s not uncommon to see boats pointing in literally every cardinal direction, and not because they’re bobbing on a windless afternoon but from opposing forces levering against varying hull profiles.

Complicating matters: things happen relatively quickly. In our first two hours at anchor, we traveled nearly two miles in 180 foot wide arc.

Anchoring can have the unfortunate side effect of making people judgmental, and the Mogote brings that out: it’s extraordinarily difficult to pick a spot here. Often a crowded anchorage, it’s particularly difficult to set the hook when you can’t look at a boat and intuit where the anchor lies. Any given boat’s scope is unpredictable, even if you know where they’re sitting relative to their anchor. The snubber and chain may offer a suggestion, but ground tackle could literally be behind the boat. A poorly marked (well, not really marked) shoal runs most of the length of the anchorage: avoiding it, then picking a side and keeping a swing circle clear is not straightforward. The occasional long-term denizen’s claim to needing swing room rings of turf protection and doesn’t always come off well.

When we anchored here in early days, the lack of certainty sometimes meant staying on board at times we’d like to have gone ashore. Even now we play that choice cautiously; despite feeling good about our set, there’s unpredictability in how boats will move, neighbors and Totem alike. One of the newer cruisers here, still building experience anchoring, nudged on the sandbar early in his stay. Decision: pick up a slip in the marina. There’s no shame in that at all, just some coin. Building experience in easier anchorages will make this one less intimidating.

2009: water pits in the Mogote (kid crews from Totem, Bay Wolf, Eyoni, and Third Day)

2019: water colors in the cockpit.

La Paz is a convenient stop off, with great food choices, and one we keep brief to wind our way to prettier islands and more solitary anchorages. For one reason or another, we’ve re-anchored Totem three—no, four times in about as many days, but each time was low-stress. Neighbor getting too close? Not confident in proximity to possible mooring/fishing float? Swinging a little close to the channel? My favorite, being asked to move by two painfully polite Navy crew, trying hard not to bang their tender into Totem while 3 knots of current flooded by, asking us to clear the way for their ship — it needed more room for departure. No problem. Making the call is easier now. Executing once the decision is made is, too.

Less convenient: the morning we planned to depart, a swarm of bees in need of a hive had taken up temporary residence at the base of Totem’s mast, tucked into a halyard coil. Disconcerting at first, their tightly clustered activity became more fascinating. The entirely docile bees weren’t a problem at all, other than a possible complication of departure plans, and choosing Totem a kind of blessing.

Bees swarm by the base of the mast

I tried to find a beekeeper to migrate them to a new hive. Jamie had some other ideas. “Utopia,” of course, isn’t just an alternate state for the bees but the name of our friends’ Beneteau anchored at right.

They left without further urging while we were on shore, not taking the cue (friend Aileen pointed out they may not have been spelling bees); a near-complete disappearance that was almost disappointing. Hopefully they’re ensconced in a better place now! I never did connect with a beekeeper in town, but learned of options if it happens again.

On our way north to the islands shortly; follow along via our PredictWind tracking page. It was the challenges posed by these two anchorages stuck with us over time, but it’s the beauty of those ahead we anticipate. Here’s a little more from Isla Isabel, meanwhile.

Siobhan and Ava tickle a curious iguana under the chin

Frigates look for fish scraps while false killer whales circled first the anchorage, and then the island one morning

Boat teens rule!

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#IFTTT #Sailing Totem

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flauntpage · 6 years ago

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NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Signing a Contract Extension With Summer

Can you smell it? The first whiffs of leaves falling and someone spilling their PSL all over you on the train? Fall will be here before you know it and that’s why, in these trying times, we (me) here at Summer Vacation Watch practice the slightly altered tao of Too $hort, Get It In Where You Can Fit It In. Meaning, embrace the late-August bevy of vacation bounty as players gaze at their warmup gear and think, “No, not yet."

Paul George

If you cast your memory back to last summer, it was this very thorough, good times summer watchdog that first surmised the possibility that Paul George would be on the move from Indiana to literally anywhere else when we caught him fishing solo on some rando Indiana lake. It was depressing. Fast-forward to one summer later and we find Young Trece back out on the water, but this time in honor of his now annual fishing tournament at L.A.’s Castaic Lake, not alone but with many friends including The Brodie. A lot can be revealed in a seemingly simple summer vacation, and to my very discerning, just-got-new-sunglasses-cause-my-last-pair-sunk-in-a-lake-last-weekend eye, George made the right choice by extending his OKC contract.

Rating: OK, but does anyone really win the tournament if we don’t get a photo of Russell Westbrook reeling one in?

Carmelo Anthony

Melo has had a big summer. He’s already signed with two teams when most guys are content to end up at one, and now he’s on safari. In many ways, this video is a lot like Anthony’s career. Sitting atop a dusty vehicle with questionable shocks, mostly cruising in a good outfit but occasionally pointing at springboks (Kristaps Porzingis) and other creatures and contracts he’d like to investigate along the way.

Rating: An explorer’s work is never done.

Ben Simmons

Ben Simmons appears to be in the Valhalla of all professional tennis players, casually considering a sunset that would make any other man weep, top off and in Gucci slides. I don’t know or care enough about tennis to tell you anything about his form, other than to say they make statues based off this sort of thing.

Rating: Advantage, heaven.

Hassan Whiteside

The Miami center was atop a sand dune outside of Dubai, gazing out past the mirages of Miami’s playoff hopes this year and instead, wisely discerning that come what may he will enjoy himself and have fun.

Rating: The rating is whatever your mirage would be—mine is dunking off a sand dune being added to the All-Star Dunk Contest.

JaVale McGee

Look, I don’t want to worry anyone but we’ve got a strong contender out to steal the SVW MVP title away from Patty Mills. JaVale McGee has, so far, been featured more and is clocking more miles and mileage out of the fleeting gift known as NBA summer vacation. This week he’s in the Bahamas, swimming with pigs and sharks and dolphins, doing selfie mode with iguanas, and continuing to be the best dad in the league. And while the summer’s not over by any means, it’s going to take some big moves by Mills or frankly anyone—LeBron singing alone in a Mexican beach bar again, maybe?—to give this guy a run.

Rating: Petition to rename August to McGeeuary.

Zaza Pachulia

Zaza, AKA the Ankle Thief, AKA Crouching Zaza Hidden Season Ending Injury was back home in Georgia, sipping some summer reds under the majestic vistas of the Caucasus Mountains. His Majesty of Tripping Your Favorite Player was looking casual in low Vans and some kind of cargo capri, his face free of all “Who me?” expressions as he truly took some time off from planning how to ruin your franchise’s postseason ambitions.

Rating: Would be interested to know if he’s sipping a Mer-how-low-can-you-go or a smooth Pi-no-you-cannot-just-sneak-up-behind-someone-like-that, Zaza, Noir.

Jamal Murray

Jamal Murray was at the Palace of Versailles, ready to blow the whistle on anyone getting too close to the topiaries.

Rating: A visit to Louis XIV’s AKA The Sun King’s home, Jamal Murray to Phoenix confirmed???

Serge Ibaka

Would it be summer vacation without Serge Ibaka dancing on a boat? He switched out Rihanna for Drake this year and might be the last person on earth doing the In My Feelings Challenge but the first person on earth to do it on the Congo River.

Rating: What Serge lacks in the regular season he makes up for during the summer, so I take back everything I said about the Raptors needing to trade him immediately and at all costs. My bad.

Dennis Schröder

Schröde the dude got engaged! In a tiny helicopter! And he’s into ska now! Congrats my man!

Rating: OKC Punk

Reggie Bullock

Reggie was on a nice looking cruiser with flat tires that’s way too small for him, havin’ a nice time and making a joke about it.

Rating: I love it when we’re cruising together.

Álex Abrines

Abrines was on a two-part honeymoon, first to some locations as seen in Lord of the Rings and later, to a beach in Fiji with nary a Witch-king in sight.

Rating: Nerds love summer, too.

Dragan Bender

Bender was in the chill waters off the Croatian coast looking bored as hell.

Rating: Big demerits for robbing us of a glimpse of some crystalline waters by using this sad ass Parisian filter, my guy!

Ty Lawson

Ty was hanging around in Honduras in what can only be described as “my dream home.”

Rating: Medium demerits for doing this in a scuba and/or mime suit.

Glen Robinson III

Glen sat on a tiny car.

Rating: Get this guy a bigger car.

Josh Hart

Hart was on location at that nest of snakes that chased that iguana during one of the most stressful sequences ever seen on BBC’s Planet Earth. Though he lamented not seeing any lizards or snakes this day, he was happy to hold a little piece of history (a rock) in his hands. He loves nature.

Rating: Lakers Planet Earth episode confirmed.

Garrett Temple

Another safari! Temple, seriously one of the kindest looking men on earth, was in South Africa checking out some lions and doing some poses.

Rating: Open car safari, Temple incredibly brave confirmed.

Jon Leuer

Unfortunately Leuer was never seen again.

Rating: S.U.P.I.P. (stand-up paddle board in peace)

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Signing a Contract Extension With Summer published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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flauntpage · 6 years ago

Text

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Signing a Contract Extension With Summer

Paul George

Rating: OK, but does anyone really win the tournament if we don’t get a photo of Russell Westbrook reeling one in?

Carmelo Anthony

Rating: An explorer’s work is never done.

Ben Simmons

Rating: Advantage, heaven.

Hassan Whiteside

Rating: The rating is whatever your mirage would be—mine is dunking off a sand dune being added to the All-Star Dunk Contest.

JaVale McGee

Rating: Petition to rename August to McGeeuary.

Zaza Pachulia

Rating: Would be interested to know if he’s sipping a Mer-how-low-can-you-go or a smooth Pi-no-you-cannot-just-sneak-up-behind-someone-like-that, Zaza, Noir.

Jamal Murray

Jamal Murray was at the Palace of Versailles, ready to blow the whistle on anyone getting too close to the topiaries.

Rating: A visit to Louis XIV’s AKA The Sun King’s home, Jamal Murray to Phoenix confirmed???

Serge Ibaka

Rating: What Serge lacks in the regular season he makes up for during the summer, so I take back everything I said about the Raptors needing to trade him immediately and at all costs. My bad.

Dennis Schröder

Schröde the dude got engaged! In a tiny helicopter! And he’s into ska now! Congrats my man!

Rating: OKC Punk

Reggie Bullock

Reggie was on a nice looking cruiser with flat tires that’s way too small for him, havin’ a nice time and making a joke about it.

Rating: I love it when we’re cruising together.

Álex Abrines

Abrines was on a two-part honeymoon, first to some locations as seen in Lord of the Rings and later, to a beach in Fiji with nary a Witch-king in sight.

Rating: Nerds love summer, too.

Dragan Bender

Bender was in the chill waters off the Croatian coast looking bored as hell.

Rating: Big demerits for robbing us of a glimpse of some crystalline waters by using this sad ass Parisian filter, my guy!

Ty Lawson

Ty was hanging around in Honduras in what can only be described as “my dream home.”

Rating: Medium demerits for doing this in a scuba and/or mime suit.

Glen Robinson III

Glen sat on a tiny car.

Rating: Get this guy a bigger car.

Josh Hart

Rating: Lakers Planet Earth episode confirmed.

Garrett Temple

Another safari! Temple, seriously one of the kindest looking men on earth, was in South Africa checking out some lions and doing some poses.

Rating: Open car safari, Temple incredibly brave confirmed.

Jon Leuer

Unfortunately Leuer was never seen again.

Rating: S.U.P.I.P. (stand-up paddle board in peace)

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Signing a Contract Extension With Summer published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

0 notes

flauntpage · 6 years ago

Text

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Signing a Contract Extension With Summer

Paul George

Rating: OK, but does anyone really win the tournament if we don’t get a photo of Russell Westbrook reeling one in?

Carmelo Anthony

Rating: An explorer’s work is never done.

Ben Simmons

Rating: Advantage, heaven.

Hassan Whiteside

Rating: The rating is whatever your mirage would be—mine is dunking off a sand dune being added to the All-Star Dunk Contest.

JaVale McGee

Rating: Petition to rename August to McGeeuary.

Zaza Pachulia

Rating: Would be interested to know if he’s sipping a Mer-how-low-can-you-go or a smooth Pi-no-you-cannot-just-sneak-up-behind-someone-like-that, Zaza, Noir.

Jamal Murray

Jamal Murray was at the Palace of Versailles, ready to blow the whistle on anyone getting too close to the topiaries.

Rating: A visit to Louis XIV’s AKA The Sun King’s home, Jamal Murray to Phoenix confirmed???

Serge Ibaka

Rating: What Serge lacks in the regular season he makes up for during the summer, so I take back everything I said about the Raptors needing to trade him immediately and at all costs. My bad.

Dennis Schröder

Schröde the dude got engaged! In a tiny helicopter! And he’s into ska now! Congrats my man!

Rating: OKC Punk

Reggie Bullock

Reggie was on a nice looking cruiser with flat tires that’s way too small for him, havin’ a nice time and making a joke about it.

Rating: I love it when we’re cruising together.

Álex Abrines

Abrines was on a two-part honeymoon, first to some locations as seen in Lord of the Rings and later, to a beach in Fiji with nary a Witch-king in sight.

Rating: Nerds love summer, too.

Dragan Bender

Bender was in the chill waters off the Croatian coast looking bored as hell.

Rating: Big demerits for robbing us of a glimpse of some crystalline waters by using this sad ass Parisian filter, my guy!

Ty Lawson

Ty was hanging around in Honduras in what can only be described as “my dream home.”

Rating: Medium demerits for doing this in a scuba and/or mime suit.

Glen Robinson III

Glen sat on a tiny car.

Rating: Get this guy a bigger car.

Josh Hart

Rating: Lakers Planet Earth episode confirmed.

Garrett Temple

Another safari! Temple, seriously one of the kindest looking men on earth, was in South Africa checking out some lions and doing some poses.

Rating: Open car safari, Temple incredibly brave confirmed.

Jon Leuer

Unfortunately Leuer was never seen again.

Rating: S.U.P.I.P. (stand-up paddle board in peace)

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Signing a Contract Extension With Summer published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

0 notes