#if you want recs then read Waking The Tiger and ask us if you want more

[eclecticopposition]

the great news is that our self-therapy books and tools are nothing to the tools of people who have been doing this for years. this isn't going to be personality disorder specific, because fuck the clinical model, but as a rule: personality disorders should be treated as expressions of CPTSD, and treated accordingly

anyone who is interested in a Choose Your Own Adventure guide to getting better should check out the Integral Guide To Well-Being. if you click one single link on this post, make it this one

the second link you should click (especially if you have or suspect you have a personality disorder, but also just generally if you are suffering or have suffered. anguish is covert for a reason) is everything Pete Walker has ever written, starting with this

systems and dissociative folk may not know about kinhost.org or their podcast Many Minds On The Issue, both worth checking out; people with any degree of trauma and/or structural dissociation, from CPTSD to BPD to DID, may find Dis-SOS useful. the United Front Boot Camp is a very helpful way to start working together internally.

also for CPTSD and friends: if you can get your hands on the workbook "Finding Solid Ground", do that. we don't have it in our library and we can't give you our firsthand account, but to our knowledge, it's the single most comprehensive treatment plan for complex trauma and especially dissociative disorders out there. many very dedicated people (both practitioners and the people in their care) have worked hard to make it; you should be able to make use of it with a therapist or alone. most trauma books do not account for the amount of titration you need to do to safely absorb the information in the first place. it's a labor of years and the first of its kind

here's a shitload of books. (EDIT: google drive has obliterated it.) it has so many books. we don't know if it has all of the ones we like (we didn't see Waking The Tiger at first glance, which is our top recommendation) so feel free to check out our much much smaller messy little library too. not in any way exhaustive; this is literally just the stuff we found on our phone. we've starred some of the ones we found helpful

our favorite library of meditations for self-compassion, attachment repair, schema therapy, and more is here; if it affects you way more than you expected, or if you get a weirdly strong resistance to doing it again, we recommend proceeding slowly, firmly and gently

Tapping/EFT sounds like it should be pseudoscience. It's not, but some of the people selling it are definitely predatory. Brad Yates on Youtube has a ton of free videos on what may well be every emotional issue under the sun, and we've decided we like the guy

Codependents Anonymous

not everything can be done with an electronic device. seriously: please consider going outside for several hours while leaving your phone at home, and having a serious emotional conversation with another person without trying to shield yourself or laugh it off. you can't replace time with nature and mutual vulnerability with anything and you need both.

(the lack of mutual vulnerability, by the way, is one of the reasons why we have so many issues with how therapy currently works. there is structurally a power dynamic inherent to being The Helper and The One Who Is Helped. you aren't going to get the same release and sense of belonging if therapy, or surface level relationships, are all you have.)

if you want to pursue self-treatment, we have a few books on Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) in the messy library linked above. looking into DBT is also worth your while. IFS is (in our opinion) the easiest therapy to self-guide through, and is a major feature in the Integral Guide at the top. however, important disclaimer: connection with someone else is a vital part of recovery. your nervous system will struggle to stabilize itself alone, and benefits enormously from having another nervous system to mirror that isn't hooked up to all your stress chemicals. talk to friends regularly, find someone to connect to. therapy is very useful when you have a person who is stable enough to take whatever you can throw at them. face to face contact is ideal, but do whatever you need to. direct yourself, and own your recovery, but don't do it alone.

More general resources:

The Anarchist Library

This classic self-care flowchart, You Feel Like Shit

what'sokay.org, a sexual health resource that is a good reference for if you're okay, if how you treat others is okay, and if how others treat you is okay. good for everything from checking "am I anxious/obsessive-compulsive/self loathing/etc, or is something actually wrong?" to if you are being abused or being abusive, and what to do about it

The DARE Response (best anxiety treatment we've found). It also has an app.

this isn't everything that's out there and we might have forgotten some of the things we've used, but we can confirm that we have used all of these recommendations personally (with the exception of Finding Solid Ground and the mental health book library). distribute pirated goods freely and with discretion; we don't want to lose libraries by getting caught. let us know if any of the links don't work.

anyways. don't listen to anyone online, don't tell people what to do online, get the fuck out of your parents' house as soon as possible if you haven't already, own up to your shit, and learn how to steal so you can do it for your friends

seeing personality disorder discussion on the dashboard. the impulse to share all the self-therapy books and tools we have has never been stronger

[jasondeansgothwife]

gerbert fic rec list

alright, kitty’s third fic rec list time! requested by @meowmeowcat759506 just after i had thought of doing one of these for gerbert, which is really fun! love you (platonic) clay <3

♡ = a favorite of kitty’s

1. On My Own: sad angsty pre and post break up gerbert

make sure to read all tags! very bwaaahhh and ough!! one shot. 642 words.

♡ 2. Well, We Kiss Like Painted Tigers: Written for a kiss meme prompt: "Bert/Gerard, smeared makeup."

trigger warning for mentions of drugs, alcohol, and addiction! god, i adore this one. one shot. 829 words.

♡ 3. Extent of My Sin: “And I don’t want to think too much about what we should and shouldn’t do.” Originally written June 2005.

trigger warning for drugs and sex! i love this one’s vibe, and it uses nine inch nails lyrics, which is cool! one shot. 2,067 words.

4. Clumsy Heart: The summer Bert and Gerard got together, Gerard was busy falling apart.

contains sex, drugs/alcohol/cigarettes. surprised me by not having a sad ending! has a fun sort of chaotic summer romance vibe to it. gerbert fics actually written in 2000s type time hit different. one shot. 2,266 words.

♡ 5. the confrontation: Bert confronts Gerard and calls him out on, basically, everything.

HOLY SHIT lmao. fighting (verbal and physical), cigarettes and alcohol, minor discussion of body image, f slur, minor nsfw. background past frerard. basically, post-break-up gerbert fight featuring an amalgamation of prorev theories, openly bisexual bert, sad little puppy unrequited love frankie iero, and deeply closeted gay gerard. daily dose of drama for someone who doesn’t leave her house (me). one shot. 7,938 words.

6. your love is my drug: Bert loves mornings like this. Waking up with his boyfriend kissing him sweetly then maybe later, they'll make those awesome waffles or maybe they'll have morning sex or whatever. He fucking loves this.

fluff. contains sexual content and background frikey. really cute!! one shot. 2,004 words.

♡ 7. Blush: Gerard lives in black and white. He’s fine with it. But when he meets Frank, everything changes.

soulmate au, but with a theme of “people can make their own choices about their soulmates.” starts out as frerard, but gerbert is endgame! has sad parts but a very happy ending. featuring background petekey, ashlee simpson (who i adore) and a baby! trigger warning for character death and some sexual content. multi chapter. 9,181 words.

8. Just Ask: Bert has plenty he wants, but doesn't want to ask.

costume party! warnings for sexual content and alcohol, and also for teh fact tha they wear cop costumes, lol. one shot. 4,517 words.

9. Parents’ Weekend: Gerard loves the guy, he really does. Really. But sometimes Bert, bless his heart, just gets things...Wrong. Despite his wonderful intentions.

very cute short thing about bert being nervous to meet gerard’s parents after they’ve been dating for a while. no warnings except swearing, but my blog url currently has a curse word in it, so anyone reading this is probably fine with that, haha! one shot. 483 words.

[txtdiaries]

Void - Chapter Three

SUMMARY | Amidst your world shattering to pieces, the boy you met long ago manages to fit everything back together again. Also - zombies. Lots and lots of zombies.

PAIRING | Yeonjun X Reader feat. TXT

CATEGORY | apocalypse au, end of the world, survival, angst, romance, enemies to lovers, slow burn, etc.

WORD COUNT | 3.3k

WARNINGS | dark content, swearing, gore, weapon possession, etc.

A/N | So this hasn’t been proofread, but I hope there aren’t too many mistakes and u guys enjoy it anyway. Thanku for reading! <3 

SONG REC | Wires - The Neighbourhood

Preview / Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three

The sun is dipping behind the horizon, colors melting against sky as the car rolls along the freeway. The majority of the younger boys are asleep in the car, it is silent, and Yeonjun is stressed out.

Of course, who wouldn’t be? He almost lost his life to something that looked like it walked straight off the set of The Walking Dead. And Yeonjun has never forgotten his weapon - ever. It’s in that moment that he knows.

He has to get rid of the girl sitting in the passenger seat. Soon.

The silence is uncomfortable as he drives. Neither is speaking, and even though he isn’t looking at her, he knows she isn’t asleep.

After a few minutes of the silence ticking along with the minutes, Yeonjun feels like he is going to burst. And then, finally, she speaks.

“Listen… uh- Yanjun-”

“My name is Yeonjun.” The older boy sneers, accent thickening as he enunciates his Korean name, still annoyed. He realizes just how annoyed he always is with her.

“Right, sorry! Yeonjun.” He stays quiet, letting her go on.

“I’m really sorry for what happened back there. I may have overreacted a little bit.”

Yeonjun scoffs as she continues, “And I just want to thank you for saving my life. I really appreciate it.”

The girl sticks her hand out as if he’s not driving, and after he gives it a side glance, she retracks it.

“Maybe we can be friends, you know, work together?”

Yeonjun almost swerves off the freeway at 90 MPH.

“Here’s how this is gonna work...” He searches her eyes for a second, noticing how she sits up straighter. She replies quickly with a, “Y/N.”

“Okay, Y/N, this isn’t some fucked up stockholm syndrome situation. I didn’t tie you up and throw you in the back of my Jeep because I thought you were too precious to save, and I definitely didn’t do it because I wanted you with us. I did it because it was the only option, got it?”

The girl blinks at him.

“It was the only option, and at this point you’re just deadweight to us now, okay? We aren’t going to work together, and we sure as hell aren’t going to be friends.”

It’s silent for a lot longer this time, before Yeonjun hears the girl reply back in a whisper, “If I’m just deadweight to you, why did you save me?”

“Jun, where are we?” Soobin grumbles suddenly from the backseat, stirring a bit as he starts to wake up.

“Just about there, Soobin. Go back to sleep.” Yeonjun replies as he pulls off of I-86 and into what seems like the local college town of the area. He decides to ignore the girl’s question as he turns on the radio. Of course, it’s just the low sound of static, but it’s better than listening to her questions again.

The farther Yeonjun drives into the town, the more he starts to notice the tattered college flags hanging from the unlit street lamps, and all of the broken windows in every building they pass. As he drives with caution, Yeonjun can tell how eerily quiet it is, apart from the radio. He spots the girl looking out the window, and decides to do the same, allowing himself to survey their surroundings.

A few home style diners and restaurants dot the blocks they pass, along with small gas stations (probably empty), and a few fast food places as well. The road guides him to a gentle curve, and then he realizes that he’s going in the direction of an underpass. For some insane reason he doesn’t completely understand, the lights along the inside leading to the other side are on, and they guide him to something that is shocking for him to see. The underpass opens back up at the end in a way Yeonjun can only feel like exiting a time machine would be. The tunnel cuts off, barren and with the walking path fences on either side rusted and destroyed.

But that’s not the part Yeonjun is paying attention to.

The buildings are breathtaking. They are old stone, brick, and clearly had been worked on to keep their vintage roots. One of the buildings on the right has huge archway windows on the second floor, which the moon reflects off beautifully. The street lamps are winded with decorative mistletoe, but the ribbons attached are tattered and almost black. Yeonjun sees what used to be bars, restaurants, all different colors. Green, red, and a pretty maroon color. He’s almost sad to see all of this - to get a glimpse of the real world back in front of him.

The farther he drives, the worse it gets. The town is beautiful, and he can only imagine how beautiful it used to be in the world before.

“This is old town.” The girl says softly from the passenger seat as Yeonjun approaches a huge park, even more trees on display and decorative lamps. He almost thinks he sees a fountain before he looks back at the girl.

“What did you say?”

“Old town. Like, downtown. The original one for the city.”

“How…” Yeonjun is surprised the girl knows as his curiosity intensifies.

“I uh… I used to live here. I went to college here.” She clarifies, avoiding his gaze now.

The older boy is even more surprised than he was before. She looked old enough to be in college, but he didn’t even consider it. Someone else having a life before all of this, much like he did. He never considered it until now.

“Up ahead it’ll take you to the fairly decent houses, lots of cops and bankers used to live on this side of town, but the houses will be trashed most likely. The long road past that will take you up the mountain to the super rich houses on top. Those might have some food and supplies, but it’s more dangerous. The high school is to the right, but the college is back around the way we came. Up to you.” She nods, not speaking anymore. Yeonjun is surprised she’s even helping him, but he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“Thank you.” He says awkwardly, turning back around the way they came. He figures the college is their best bet. More buildings to search for safety in, and all relatively close to the gas stations.

She says nothing as he makes his way back toward the college.

The drive to the campus is somehow more tense than before, and Yeonjun is grateful when they finally pull into the main parking lot, in front of a building labeled, Museum of Natural History.

“The SUB is up ahead.” The girl speaks flatly, and Yeonjun gives her a confused look.

“Student Union Building. They have an event center inside, super spacious, just incase.” She clarifies, looking at him again.

“Sorry, I just never went to college before this all happened…” He explains, finally parking the Jeep.

The parking lot extends to a walkway that goes under the second floor of the SUB, and Yeonjun finds himself parking there to keep the car hidden. It’s almost like the whole slab of the SUB’s second floor is covering the walkway for a few yards, and then connects to the neighboring Museum’s second floor too. Past the end of it all, he sees a grand cement staircase leading up to the side door of the building. It’s perfect.

He pushes the gearstick into park and finally cuts the engine, sitting silent for a few moments.

The smaller girl is still gazing out the windshield, eyes scanning along the huge quad slowly.

“Is it weird to be back here?” Yeonjun doesn’t know why he asks, but he can clearly see the girl is visibly upset as she has her hands bundled in fists.

Without answering, she unlatches her seatbelt, swings open the door, and steps into the cold. After her feet hit the ground and she slams the door closed, the rest of the boys in the back groggily come to.

“We’re here.” Yeonjun sighs, turning on the upper light and pocketing the keys, “Grab your stuff, we’re setting up camp for the night.”

And then he’s getting out of the car himself, slamming his door and heading for the trunk.

“Hyung look, there’s a giant tiger statue back there!” Kai says with excitement, motioning back through the door they just came in through.

“It’s a Bengal.” Y/N corrects the youngest boy before leading the group farther in the empty building. The inside is pitch black, but the moonlight allows Yeonjun to see their surroundings, just barely.

To their right there is a huge staircase leading to the lowest level of the building, and a long hallway filled with multiple tables and chairs, like a huge eating area. Next to the help desk in front of them, small restaurants are grouped side by side as the window parallel shines even more light on all of the walls. The girl drags them to the left, taking them toward the offices and hallway that lie ahead.

“Fuck.” She says when she finally sees the door. It is bolted shut, with wooden planks and furniture piled against it. There is no way they’re getting in.

“Plan B?” Yeonjun asks annoyingly, making the girl brush past him, feet stomping along the way.

“Shut the fuck up, will you?” She snaps as she drags them back past all the small food places, leading them toward a staircase near the side of the building. Yeonjun can’t help but make another snarky comment at her. Soobin laughs under his breath. The youngest boys look shocked.

“Doesn’t this place have elevators?”

She glares at him when he speaks again, and juts her chin to the elevator along the right wall as they walk into the stairwell, saying nothing as she climbs up the stairs.

The boys all follow her, saying nothing at their interaction.

“Hey, Y/N, do you know where we’re going now?” Soobin speaks up, his voice timid as he catches up to the angry girl.

“Yep. Clearly the elevators don’t work but the top floor is our safest bet. There are tons of big rooms where we’ll be safe in. Unless you guys wanna spend the night in the bowling alley or the movie theater.” She throws in the last options offhandedly, knowing both will just be annoying to settle down for the night.

The two youngests perk up at this though, all voicing their excitement.

“There’s really a bowling alley and a movie theater here? This place was so awesome.”

“It is awesome.” Y/N clarifies, swallowing thickly before she leads the rest of the boys up the remainder of the flights.

Once on the top floor, Yeonjun knows why the girl chose it for their spot. There are dozens of lined rooms down the hall on either of them, and huge windows that show the entire campus and more, the land extending for miles upon miles. He can even see the mountain just off campus, trees swaying in the wind.

“Here you go.” She says, finally shrugging off the backpack she was actually able to retrieve from the trunk, “Home sweet hallway.”

The largest room is to their right, which gives them a view of both doors on either side of the hallway. Yeonjun nods a bit before appointing the group to set up their own sleeping bags and spaces.

The three youngest always stick together, all chatting about whatever is on their mind as they set up their sleeping bags, and Yeonjun notices that Soobin is back to chatting with Y/N easily, saying something he can’t pick up as he starts laying out his sleeping bag as well.

It’s like that for a few minutes, all of the boys laying out their sleeping bags, whipping their blankets in the air to get it into shape before laying it on the thin material of their makeshift bed. Yeonjun honestly cannot wait to sleep. He’s so tired, he doesn’t even think much about the fact that they can’t eat dinner. He hopes they will be able to find some food tomorrow.

“Hey Jun?” Soobin asks, catching the attention of the older boy as he looks up toward him.

“Where is Y/N going to sleep?”

All eyes settle on the girl sitting criss-cross on the floor, shivering lightly with her coat draped over her shoulders. Soobin frowns at Yeonjun before motioning toward her obviously, and the older boy just sighs.

“It’s not my problem Soob-”

“She can sleep in my sleeping bag if she wants.” The younger boy offers, already looking back toward the girl again. Yeonjun feels his heart leap up into his throat. He has to try hard to not eagerly deny the fact that she very much cannot sleep with Soobin.

It’s not that Soobin is a bad guy - quite the opposite actually. And the last thing Yeonjun needs is to hear the girl giggling from Soobin’s goofy antics all night long. No, he will not have that.

“She’ll sleep with me.” Yeonjun says firmly, nodding before he kicks off his shoes and places them next to his flimsy little blanket layers on the ground.

“Not happening.” Y/N finally speaks up, glaring at Yeonjun, “I’d rather get mauled by a zombie.”

“Be my guest then, that is, if you don’t freeze first.”

Yeonjun grins sarcastically at the shivering girl, and even though she is wearing multiple layers, he knows she’lll still be freezing if she doesn’t contain enough heat to get her through the night.

“Jun.” Soobin tries to interject, but the blue-haired boy just glares at him.

“Not a debate, Soobin. Go to sleep.”

The tallest boy looks sadly at the girl, before turning on his back away from her. The rest of the boys do the same, leaving her shivering in silence.

Yeonjun doesn’t know what time it is when he feels movement from his side. His eyes snap open in fear quick enough, though, and he almost reaches for his bat next to him before a soft voice breaks through the darkness.

“Jesus, relax. It’s just me.”

The girl’s teeth are chattering as she crawls under the layers of blankets Yeonjun has above his body, and he doesn’t say anything as the side of her body is suddenly flush against his.

“Thought you’d rather be mauled to death.” He rasps, still half asleep as he nuzzles further into the blanket.

“Shut up, will you?” The girl responds, voice still low so she doesn’t wake the others.

It is quiet for a while, both of them just breathing together. Yeonjun doesn’t know if it’s awkward, but he’s too tired to care. After driving for so long, it starts to take its toll.

“Yeonjun?” The girl says softly, causing the older boy to glance over at her. She sighs before speaking again, “Who were you before all of this?”

The boy blinks at her, mind reeling before he stares up at the tiled ceiling again.

Does he want to do this? Does he really want to open up to the girl who he can’t help but fight with every single second?

He doesn’t have much of a choice as he opens his mouth, and his exhausted body starts speaking honestly.

“I lived in Korea.” He explains, but he doesn’t know why she cares enough to ask. He doesn’t know why he cares enough to explain. He wouldn’t have asked about her, but it’s clear she had other intentions.

“I worked for a company called Big Hit. It’s like a company that trains and creates Idols. Kind of like celebrity performers.”

The girl listens intently to his words, not speaking as he goes on.

“This was our first debut, coming to America. I always dreamed about coming back. I studied in California for a few years when I was younger, but it was always my dream to come back. You know you’ve made it when you make it in America.”

Yeonjun shifts to his side to get more comfortable, and suddenly realizes how close they actually are. He can feel the girl’s breath across his cheeks, and he has to keep himself from pulling away with anxiety.

“I- um… the rest of the boys were in a group with me. We were all idols. But when the virus hit, we got stranded here. Our managers died in a car accident, and we were lucky to make it out alive. We all just want to go back home.”

He doesn’t know why, but somehow he can’t stop. Maybe it’s the way she’s looking at him, listening, or because he hasn’t talked to anyone like this in a long time.

“I loved dancing. I trained as an Idol for years, but it was all worth it because I loved it. Before all of this, I studied really hard, and I enjoyed hip hop the most. It was my favorite to dance to. Just being able to move my body freely to the music, I loved every second of it.”

Yeonjun stops now, not really knowing what else to say. He feels embarrassed, a bit flustered, and he tries to take the attention off of him as he asks, “Who were you before all of this, Y/N?”

The girl is still, eyes glossed over as she bites her lip a bit. Yeonjun can see it’s hard for her to talk about it, but she still does. She still opens up to him, because he did to her.

“I was… I was a student. I worked my ass off at community college to come here, and I got scholarships and grants just to be able to live here on my own. I had a rough time in high school, but college was supposed to change everything for me. I was living alone, trying to make friends, and just attempting to start my life. I came from a small town, where people get trapped like poison. No one comes out of my hometown unless they’re willing to risk everything for it.”

Yeonjun can feel his heart beating steadily against his ribcage as the girl speaks, and he can’t help but feel understood by her. He takes a deep breath to stomp the feeling down.

“I remember I was so excited to finally start. I was studying marketing and creative writing. I loved writing so much, I was so excited to be able to do what I loved. It may not seem like much, this town, but it’s all I had. It was the only chance I had at becoming someone else - someone better.”

She looks over at Yeonjun suddenly, and is surprised when he nods for her to continue.

“I grew up in this state my whole life, and my only goal was to leave. All I ever wanted was to leave.”

The smaller girl can’t help but get choked up, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down. Yeonjun easily slides the blanket farther over her shoulder, hoping the softness will comfort her a bit.

It takes a bit for her to finish, but once she does, Yeonjun knows she is exhausted.

“So that was it. I made it here, and then the virus stole it all from me. My education, my family. All the hope I had. Just… gone.” She says, eyes now closed as she lies next to him. He doesn’t know what to say, and he truly doesn’t think anything he can say will make her feel any better.

“You should rest.” He whispers to her, hand moving up before he realizes what he’s doing.

Before Yeonjun knows it, he’s wrapping his arm halfway across the girl, holding across her chest in a hug, his hand holding onto her right shoulder gently.

He slightly expects her to swear at him. He also expects her to punch him in the face.

She does neither.

Instead, her breathing evens out, and she falls asleep like that. With her body finally warm next to Yeonjun’s, and a single tear slipping down the side of her cheek.

Yeonjun allows himself to fall into a deep slumber soon after.

After all, tomorrow, they have to get a move on.

[not-poignant]

Heyy Pia! I hope you are doing well in these very difficult times<3 I am very interested in psychology, and gender and sexuality, and I was wondering whether you would share some of the books (or anything else really) you used for research on Mika's character, specifically his career in psychology as a sex therapist and his specialization? Thank you so much in advance, and have a lovely day :)

Hiya,

First things first, I kind of invented Mika’s position. It’s not based on anything I’m aware of directly. I know there are good sexuality and gender specialists out there, but I’ve never met one, and the only time I ever saw a sexologist it was a genuinely abusive exercise in asexual oppression and it was hideous and if I ever see her again I’m going to punch her in the throat. *coughs* No I wouldn’t do that. But I did think about it once I realised how harmful she’d been.

So Mika’s position is kind of a syncretic imagining of psychology, psychoanalysis, up-to-date research on diverse gender and sexualities (I know there are DGS specialists for teens and children for sure, though), including a very open and approachable attitude about kink.

I didn’t use any specific books to research Mika’s character. I’m going to do some book recs in a hot second, but I think it’s worth me stating that I started reading like, books on psychology (both those for patients and then quickly progressing to those for practicioners at around 17 years old) when I was 14 years old, and I’m 38 now so that’s... *thinks* 24 years of taking out and ordering in every book on trauma and psychology I could get my hands on in about three different libraries, buying books and throwing out well over seventy long before Goodreads existed (I was never a fan of The Courage to Heal lol), and so what I own now is an extremely curated list of books based off reading hundreds throughout my life. And it’s very ‘me’ specific rather than ‘general.’ It just helps I’m largely writing trauma recovery, lol.

That and seeing some 19 therapists (psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, psychoanalysts and one specialist in traumatised refugees from ASETTs who was super helpful because my own case is quite extreme and most therapists weren’t equipped for my level of PTSD and the events that caused it - which many therapists didn’t want to admit until they’d done some damage; it’s cool, my last two have been spectacular), and absorbing the things that helped me, and the things that didn’t, and recognising that some of the things that didn’t help me might help other people (I would hate Dr Gary as a personal therapist lmao).

And then a lot of Wikipedia articles to stay relatively up-to-date. And also organisations. Pure O in particular is very well-represented by patient advocate websites and I’ve read page-to-page most of the major ones.

Which means...I don’t often consult books on specific subjects before writing them anymore in this arena. I brushed up very briefly on the Karpman drama triangle to make sure I wasn’t getting it wrong (I wasn’t), but outside of that, most of everything else is like a very ridiculous mix of stuff that I don’t expect anyone to take on board, but works for me.

Anyway, this is my current list of psychology books that are of the most interest to me but have literally nothing to do with Mika’s speciality, unfortunately. If you’re looking for further reading on DGS psychology, I don’t have it. It’s largely a new field and focused in on adolescents and children. You’d be better off contacting those therapists directly and asking them for the publications that are coming out that they recommend.

Now to my books:

(One of those authors in that list was actually my therapist for a few years lol).

Missing from this book because I mistakenly lent it out and will never see it again, is the highly highly seriously can’t fucking recommend it enough: The Trauma Spectrum by Robert (Bob) Scaer, which kind of blew me away, and distlils and synergises a lot of the above books into something eminently understandable whether you’ve experienced a single car crash, or decades of sexual assault.

The Body Remembers is a good one for anyone curious about how trauma expresses itself through the body i.e. like Efnisien’s ongoing somatisation. And Levine’s Waking the Tiger looks at physical techniques designed to ‘unlock’ that trauma, though I don’t really write about that as often. Colin Ross’s book on The Trauma Model looks at comorbidities and more importantly, looks at things like the drama triangle and what it looks like when psychiatrists start really fucking up.

Some of these books are really fucking expensive, so I highly recommend first requesting them through your local libraries, or alternatively, seeing if there are updated or newly recommended sources, since obviously some of mine I have been ordering/collecting since the 90s. I’m pretty sure I got The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild in 2000 when I was 18 years old, as an example. 20 years on, and trauma sciences and studies have progressed (though some of these books are more recent).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure great DGS therapists exist for adults, I just haven’t met them, and they aren’t all kink friendly. And many kink and DGS friendly psychologists have done a standard psychology curriculum with maybe a few specialised units and aren’t necessarily progressing through to an MA or PhD like Mika did. (There’s nothing wrong with that, most folks don’t need more than that). I did enough research to know the preferred term is DGS (Diverse Genders and Sexualities) and then from there came up with Mika and his approach without any further research beyond just...what I’ve absorbed over the years.

I am fortunate enough that I tend to remember a lot of what I read, though as always, I’m biased towards remembering the things that interest me most personally, which means I’m missing a lot of information and always have more to learn. I write fiction, at the end of the day. :)

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec: the romance of tiger and rose

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: the romance of tiger and rose Episodes: 24 Genres: is meta a genre? meta., romance, comedy, wuxia lite Spoilers in the Rec: minor ones If You Like, You’ll Like: extraordinary you, the full and unabashed embracing of tropes, a solitary white dove flying in between two martial artists before a fight, a surprisingly nuanced look at gender roles, human joy

Rank: 10/10

PREMISE

xiao qian is a screenwriter trying to convince one of her temperamental actors  to just read the damn lines--he refuses, because he can’t get into the headspace of his character but also because he finds elements of her script misogynistic. xiao qian heads home to do what all writers would do in this situation--aggressively spite write. during this process, she falls asleep and wakes up in her own story as a bit character named qianqian, a certified Evil Princess who’s set to be killed off by the hero about 3 eps into the story.

because of Meta Knowledge, qianqian avoids her planned death scene, but she also screws up the entire plot. the rest of the show follows qianqian as she attempts to fix her own story--especially getting the main couple back together, because for some reason the hero has been p clingy after he failed to kill her.

MAIN CHARACTERS

xiao qian / qianqian

the writer who accidentally meta’d herself into being a main character. is screwing up the plot left and right but is trying to use a group of old men and a bowl of fruit to get out of it. supporter of the arts and by the arts i mean willowy beautiful men with flutes and string instruments. sets fireworks and a band for her death scene. kind of a disaster hero and i love it. 

han shuo

kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day.

i mean the leading man in qianqian’s story. he’s the prince of a kingdom ruled by men, who has to marry into the kingdom ruled by women. but he’s actually using the marriage as a Secret Ruse for a Mission to cure his Tragic Heart Disease.

initially, he is forced into a marriage by qianqian (who is supposed to die 3 eps in), but when she survives, the arrangement becomes kind of permanent and han shuo falls hard.

one petty asshole. he’ll try to kill you 3 times before asking if you want to go steady. will then only stare at you with heart eyes and try to kill other people

^ constant.

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS

chu chu

the original heroine of the story. chu chu is the second “princess” of the kingdom ruled by women, and is qianqian’s older sister in all but blood. a certified Action Lady, she’s the responsible, blue sibling to qianqian’s red, chaotic sibling. qianqian makes it her goal to have chu chu and han shuo get back together to Solve The Plot but can she solve their hearts

pei heng

qianqian’s favorite character and total dreamboat (complete with ~wafting robes). in the original story, pei heng is qianqian’s fiancee, and they’ve known each other since childhood. pei heng does not like the third princess’ selfish attitude. but then he meets reboot!qianqian and oh man it’s on. obligatory cdrama character that plays a guzheng to communicate how he feels through song and poise. is also the minister of education and in charge of The Ladies’ education.

is he beautiful or just very tall? yes.

zi rui and bai ji

zi rui (left) is qianqian’s servant and shares 1 of her 2 brain cells. written initially with a lot of dialogue in order for qianqian to hit that word count. i love him he’s my favorite character

bai ji (right) is han shuo’s servant/bodyguard and shares -1 of han shuo’s 2 brain cells. ridiculously bad at his job. takes a compliment very well. fooled by disguises and generally just fooled.

yuan yuan and su mu

yuan yuan is very Soft and mildly tragic. older sister to chu chu and qianqian. sad lifestyle blogger.

a hooker with a heart of gold and an inferiority complex that makes him as dense as a concrete wall

Drawbacks

That One Problematic Scene that didn’t need to be there after han shuo does that thing that he does

Reasons to Watch.

SO SELF AWARE and also SO SELF AWARE OF THE GENRE. i was delighted the entire time watching because of the embracing and subverting of typical cdrama tropes. we got doves. we got poison. we got tragic heart diseases. im ready, you’re ready. 

actually really thoughtful, nuanced critique of gender roles?

HILARIOUS. i snort laughed more than a few times

the love story is actually really sweet. 

lots of awesome ladies 

mulan????

Final Thoughts.

orange & banana 5ever

[maxbegone]

Schitt’s Creek Fic Recs

In lieu of everything upturned and crazy in the world right now, I wanted to go ahead and share some of my favorite sc fics! You can see them all below the cut! 

Warning: There is a lot! 

He Sees You by Distractivate

summary: Patrick gets glasses and thinks about identity. David helps.

why you should read it: It’s a little fic about Patrick getting glasses but it’s more than that, really. It’s about Patrick finding himself, and it’s about David loving him through it. It’s sweet, futurefic, and husbands! 

my heart was broke, my head was sore by blueink3

summary: the morning after Grad Night goes somewhat differently when Patrick gets a call from home.

why you should read it: This was the first fic I read since coming into this fandom. I’m not usually one to delve into anything that diverges too much from canon, but this was just too sweet. I’ve come back to it so many times. And as with anything, Marcy Brewer is an absolute blessing. 

they paved paradise by blueink3

summary: Patrick wakes up five years in the past. He reacts accordingly.

why you should read it: I don’t usually jump to read magical realism or even AUs, but this just hit it out of the park. What truly makes it is Marcy and Clint’s unwavering support for Patrick despite the situation. It’s good to know that’s a constant in every timeline. 

Cleanser by @cypress-tree

summary: David teaches Patrick about skincare (David teaches Patrick about a lot of things).

why you should read it: This fic right here is the definition of self care! Put on a face mask! Do your skincare regimen! Make some tea! Put on a cozy bathrobe and read this fic that is literally balm to the soul! (If I told you that I wore a facemask while reading this, would you believe me?)

You Could Be The One by bigficenergy

summary: David has big feelings about Patrick, and he's listening to a lot of Carly Rae Jepsen about it.

why you should read it: I’m not a fan of CRJ, but that didn’t stop me from reading this. I’m usually a sucker for oneshots, I don’t love chaptered or even longer fics. All of David and Patrick’s big moments paired with a bunch of Carly Rae Jepsen lyrics make for a cute little story that delves into missing scenes. Chapter 6 is by far my favorite in the entire fic. Boyfriends! In! Suits! And they’re both breathtaking! 

This Will Be Our Year: An Epistolary Peek by MeadowHarvest

summary: A random sampling of text message images from the year after the finale.

why you should read it: It’s a texting fic! What more could you ask for? But seriously, you need to read it! It’s full of funny insights and there’s a goose in an American flag dress that will make sense I promise you. It’s a running joke. 

No Matter What by my_middle_name_is_awkward

summary: The Soulmate AU where everything is the same except everyone has a soulmate and you can feel your soulmate’s physical pain.

why you should read it: I was a total sucker for soulmate AUs for a very long time. I said earlier that I don’t love AUs - this category is an exception. Really it’s David and Patrick falling in love like they always do, but this time they’re soulmates. They’re also big dummies who miss every single clue that tells them they are soulmates. @stuck-on-your-heart had it in her ficrec bingo earlier tonight so I immediately read it and said, “This needs to be shared with more people.” 

Exposed Brick by swat177

summary: Three years down the line, Rose Apothecary opens a holiday pop-up shop in Brooklyn. David and Patrick head to the ~city that never sleeps~ to set up and run the store. Patrick thinks David

why you should read it: My New Yorker heart is nostalgic for the city she can’t visit or live in right now. There are so many things referenced in this fic that just brightened my day. Patrick dealing with his insecurities about not being enough for David and about how he fears David still wants to move to New York is so well-written. 

Dear Jurisprudence by Likerealpeopledo

summary: They’ve never talked about Ray this much in bed before. David doesn’t think he likes it.

why you should read it: The summary doesn’t do it justice. I’m a total sucker for soft, tender, domestic fics. Patrick wants to go back to school, David supports him like the wonderful husband he is. Just read it - it’s so tender.

give me one good movie kiss and I’ll be alright by imbrokelyn99

summary: It's pouring rain and David is dancing around the store and lip-syncing to "Nobody" by Mitski. Patrick loves him so, so much.

why you should read it: Um, Mitski. What else could win you over? They kiss in the rain because it’s cute as hell! 

Let it Snow by @princess-tiger-lily

summary: In an alternate universe, Patrick never takes David out for his birthday. Now it's Christmas and his feelings for David have only grown. It's lonely at Christmas when you can't have the man you love.

why you should read it: There’s a coziness about this, and it’s probably all of the snow and the title. But really, it’s Patrick seeing how the snow falls on David and his, “God, you’re so beautiful.” that won me over with this fic.

Morning, Love by Point_of_no_return

summary: “Will you lay with me? Cuddle for a minute?” “David, I have to get to work.” “I know, just a minute, please?”

why you should read it: I don’t think I really need to sell a cutesy cuddling fic, but please know that you won’t understand how sweet this is until you read it. Plus, we already knew that David was clingy in bed. 

no matter what the storybooks say by wardo_wedidit

summary: five times Patrick reads a book of David’s, and one they read together.

why you should read it: The whole idea of David and Patrick reading together makes my bibliophile heart swell with happiness. It’s strangely so intimate and oh so comforting to read. 

Is this what marriage is? by @startswithhope​ 

summary: David and Patrick finally get back to their apartment the morning after their wedding.

why you should read it: I definitely do not need to sell you on any of Dee’s work at this point. We get to see a little glimpse of David and Patrick after the wedding festivities subside and the exhaustion hits. I’m getting cavities just from thinking about how sweet it is!

those days by blueink3

summary: Because, every once in a while, David cannot get out of bed. If pressed to explain why, he can’t. It’s a melancholia that has no trigger, no warning, no reason. It doesn’t need one.

why you should read it: On a bit of a serious note, please take a second to read this. I relate to every last fucking word in this fic. I can feel the exhaustion of that kind of day in my bones as I read it, but it never ceases to amaze me how that summary alone matches how I feel on a bad day. This whole fic is gentle, yet it hits home. Please read it. 

How Easy Is That? by this_is_not_nothing

summary: He walks over to the table, pulling everything out of the bag. “I was actually thinking I could just make us a pasta with these,” he says, gesturing with the mushrooms. “If that’s ok with you?” He didn’t mean for it to be a question.

why you should read it: Super domestic (give me all of it!) evening of David cooking dinner for Patrick. Wine, a hot stove, a hotter boyfriend, this whole thing makes me want to cook, play some soothing music, and have a night for myself.

[aceofwhump]

Mike Warren Fanfic Rec List

Alright everyone!! Here it is! My fanfiction rec list for Mike Warren!! There’s not a lot of fanfiction out there so pickings are kinda slim (we should all change that. Just saying.) But I hope you enjoy what I’ve found!

Warning 1: A lot of these are incomplete. It sucks but they’re good so I’m adding them anyway.

Warning 2: Some are Pike (Paige and Mike) and no I don’t ship them (cause she is a bitch) but I wanted to read Mike whump and if the Pike wasn’t a huge deal in the fic I read it anyway.

----------------------------------------------------

Saving Grace by HopefulShipper, RosieColes95  Summary: Abby finds Mike's FBI badge along with his gun that fateful night in S1 and he comes clean about his job. As their relationship deepens can Mike protect her from getting pulled into his undercover world? Cowritten with RosieColes95.

Moving On by kimmyiewrites (arosetosomeone) Summary: Mike Warren has gone back to D.C. to try and move on from all that had happened in Graceland. With a new case and a new partner he just might be able to do just that or will Graceland's memories come back to haunt him?Post Series Finale!

The Silver Lining is in the Stuffed Animal by cancerthecrabbo Summary: When Bello spots him and attacks him in prison, Mike is a little worse for wear. With his stitches pulled out, Charlie takes him to the hospital before they go back to Graceland. Mike, in all his painkiller-induced loopiness, is adorable. The Graceland family takes advantage of the situation to get some blackmail.

what is a half-blind wolf (but a lamb missing an eye?) by cancerthecrabbo Summary: "Mike expects Bello to get between the two of them, perhaps elect to interrogate him, which might leave him some room to stay undercover. Instead, he takes a step back and gives Eddie a slow nod. He hands Eddie the gun." An alternate ending to the episode Pizza Box in which Bello decides to put his trust in Eddie, which means Eddie can dispose of Mike as he wishes. The tactical team waiting nearby gets to them before Eddie can kill Mike but not before he makes the saying an eye for an eye quite literal.

i dream with my eyes open by sonofahurricane Summary: When Eddie attacks Mike, Mike walks away but doesn't get off easily.AU for 1x04, Pizza Box.

Lightshow by busigt_81 Summary: Mike loves running, it clears his head and helps him think about whats going on in his life and he needs it now more than ever.

Anchor by VampirePam Summary: When Mike crashes hard after his first reversal, Briggs is there to pick up the pieces. Missing scene from the pilot.

And Not Just Play a Part by yattayay Summary: He comes out to them one night on the beach, with his head in Charlie’s lap and the fire warming his toes.

The Ever Building Lie by donutsweeper Summary: Odin Rossi had become a part of Paul Briggs, one that was getting harder and harder to hide.Spoilers for episode 1x08 "Bag Man."

Poison by AnthemInMyTveit (SoWrongItsLottie) Summary: “I’m Poison, Mike!” Briggs shouts, spinning his head round to face the younger Agent.Paul Briggs knows that he’s a mess; he has been ever since the incident down in Mexico with Jangles, he’s not going to deny it. Although he never thought for a single second that he would ever let Agent Mike Warren, Mr Boy Scout himself, in on his most darkest secret. When Mike takes a turn for the worse following Bello’s assault, Briggs makes it his mission to get Agent Warren out of Graceland and to DC, where he belongs. But can he really go through with his plan and say goodbye to the person who has had his back since day one?

What Didn't Happen by altschmerzes Summary: “You really think I was dead?” That’s the question he asks instead of his actual question, ‘just how upset were you and how upset are you still?’ Ultimately, the first question answers the second, if what Mike’s face does is any indication.“Yeah.” The word is clipped, followed by a short clear of his throat. “I really did.”--After Mike finds out Johnny is alive, and after Briggs leaves the evidence room, the two of them get a chance to talk, and Mike gets to process a loss that hadn't actually happened.

Come Together by owenharpersgirl Summary: After Bello attacks Mike in the prison, the entire house comes to together to look after him.

Panic by petersnotkingyet Summary: Bates wakes up in the middle of the night and finds Mike having a panic attack. Bromance ensues.

Three in the Morning by IveGotRedHair Summary: Mike's not feeling well and Paige tries to make it better, he might be the new guy but Graceland is family.

It's Just Sauce After All by: Rosebud5 Summary: Based on the "Pizza Box" episode, Mike is left with the suddenly daunting task of cleaning the dishes after sauce night. Just when he thinks he might reach his breaking point, he's joined by somebody who will help take the pain away and clean away all the red to leave a beautiful, pure white. Sometimes, all it takes is a gentle hand to guide you back to the ground.

Those Blue Eyes by: Rosebud5 Summary: When Mike is stabbed and in critical condition, the Graceland family realizes just how much their dorky Levi means to each of them. Takes place during the "Smoke Alarm" episode, with some Mike/Paige and a few hints of Johnny/Charlie.

Life at Graceland by: Misfits-of-Graceland Summary: A series of one-shots focusing on Mike mostly and some are just kind of random.

Under the Cover of Violence by: GracelandFan Summary: Mike has to go undercover as a victim of domestic violence. Briggs has to play the abuser. All is going well until one nosy cop decides to help Mike out of his situation.

Burning in the Dark by: msjgatsby Summary: Mike fails. He needs Paige's forgiveness.

Reveal Those Baby Blues by: Suitslover14 Summary: At least this time he didn't have to call Charlie and Paige and Jakes, telling them that Mike had been stabbed and he had left him to chase after some nightmare in his past. At least this time Mike had a hell of a better chance of surviving. That is if he could just reveal those baby blues.

The Greatest Novel Ever Written by msjgatsby Summary: Paige takes the first shift after Mike's out of the tub. (PIKE outtake from 3x08)

Not So Happy Birthday by: WhumpageLover Summary: It's Mike's birthday, but the day doesn't turn out so happy.

Matters of the Heart by: purplepanda242 Summary: How do you cope when everything goes wrong?

Desperation by: H.E. Mahk Summary: Post season 3.  Picks up right at the end of "No Old Tigers".  Everyone in the house is trying to figure out where to go from here and Mike, especially, is struggling with the stress and guilt of it all.  Will he seek help or fall back into old habits? Warnings: drug use.

Dark by: Miss DiNozzo Summary: Tags to 1x04, Pizza Box. Mike's not doing well.

Mike Whump by: TaliaFox Summary: Basically, a series of one-shots about hurt!Mike. Involved will be shooting, stabbing, kidnapping, etc. Mainly will be Mike and Paul, but others will be included. NOT SLASH.

Search & Rescue By: S.A.N.e-but-inS.A.N.e Summary: When Paige asks Mike to help her on one of her cases, it quickly goes from a simple takedown to a life-threatening situation. Even injured, Mike will stop at nothing to rescue Paige with or without the help of the other residents of the Graceland house.

Mike's Mystery by: WhumpageLover Summary: Mike comes home, beaten and covered in blood, after being gone for three days. He doesn't want to talk about what happened, so it's up to the gang to find out what happened to their Levi.

Sick Mike Oneshots by: Miss DiNozzo Summary: As a huge sickfic fan, I've really wanted to see more sick!Mike. So naturally I wrote a million stories about it.

Stagger by: somewhereinthedreams Summary: Filling in the gap of why Mike thought he and Paige were okay after Bello attacked him in prison. Consider this a deleted scene set during Season 1: Episode 10, "King's Castle."

Come Together by: OwenHarpersGirl Summary: After Bello attacks Mike in the prison, the entire house comes to together to look after him.

[lonestarbabe]

Dog’s Best Friend

(AKA my rendition of the T.K. and the dog scenario) (AO3)

T.K. really isn’t jealous of a dog. He’s not, but he’s also not going to fall for the dog’s cuteness like everyone else. Read on for a puppy versus puppy face off.

The second Owen had brought the dog into the station a few days before, the whole team had rushed over to pet the pup and call him a good boy. T.K. couldn’t understand it because what was so special about that mutt, anyway? He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling like the odd man out, standing distantly as everyone else was enamored with the lively creature.

Owen had found the dog wandering on the streets when they’d been out on a call. He’d been abandoned by his owners, and when Owen found out that the dog had cancer, he couldn’t help but bring him back to the station and announce that the 126 had a new four-legged pal. The 126 acted like the scraggly dog with floppy ears was the greatest thing they’d ever seen, but T.K. didn’t get it. The dog couldn’t even do any tricks.

Worst of all, the dog wouldn’t stop trailing T.K. He’s like the little brother I never wanted, T.K. thought as he felt the dog just inches from his feet. He could barely get any work done with the way the dog constantly wanted to be by his side. Everyone thought it was hilarious that T.K. had a new shadow, but T.K. dreaded it every time he heard those little paws pattering across the floor.

Paul had smiled wryly at the sight of the dog leaping and chasing T.K. He flipped through his book, but couldn’t resist teasing his friend. “Look who’s got a new best friend.”

Marjan shook her head disbelievingly, “I can’t believe he picked T.K. of all people.”

Paul agreed. “I know. It’s shocking that he chose a basic white guy.”

“He won’t leave me alone,” T.K. complained.

“Using your sixth sense, do you think T.K. is heartless?” Marjan asked Paul with a laugh. “Because I can’t think of any other reason for hating that dog.”

“Hmm, I’m not sure, but I was so certain he was a dog person.”

“Yeah, that’s because he’s such a puppy himself,” Judd added.

T.K. ignored them, grumbling to himself as he walked away from the rec area. He snatched the dog’s leash from a hook on the wall where they had cleared some space for the dog. They’d put a bed, food and water bowls, and some toys to make him comfortable. T.K. stomped over to the dog, kneeling to get him ready. He attached a leash to the dog’s basic black collar. Arthur was inscribed in a little metal bone that jangled as he bounced around looking for attention. Arthur, who would name a dog that?

“Have fun with the puppy!” Paul called after him.

“The vet said he’s at least six years old!” T.K. disputed.  But he sure acts like a puppy. You’d think that old age or his cancer would have slowed him down a little bit, but nothing stops this dumb dog. “He’s like forty in dog years.”

“What kind of dog name is Arthur, anyways?” T.K. asked as Arthur ate his dinner. “What does he think he is? An Aardvark?” It was nearly the end of their shift, and the whole station was hanging out and taking turns playing with Arthur.

“What kinda name is T.K.?” Judd countered, petting behind the dog’s ears. He spoke to the dog in a coo reserved for animals and babies. “You’re such a good boy, aren’t ya? Such a good boy.”

“He hasn’t even done anything!”

Marjan stood up from her chair to go over to Arthur, eyes gleaming in realization. “You’re jealous of a dog!”

“No way,” he said. “Why would I be jealous of that mutt?” I’m not jealous. I just don’t want to have that dog around. Just because he’s won over every other person in this room doesn’t mean he’ll win over me.

Mateo looked confused. “Wait. Why do you think he’s jealous of Arthur?”

“Why else would he be so bitter about a puppy, Probie?”

“He’s too old to be a puppy! And I’m not jealous. I just don’t see why everyone loves him so much. There’s nothing special about him. He’s just a dog.”

“He’s our dog,” Judd commented like that should be enough to change T.K.’s mind.

“You haven’t even known him for a week!”

Owen gave Arthur a treat, looking satisfied with the licks he got as a thank you. Of all the 126, Owen was the most attached. He’d seen Arthur and couldn’t resist bringing him home and buying him heaps of toys, treats, and other doggie luxuries. “T.K. is used to being an only child, Arthur. He’ll come around. I know he’s your special buddy.” Owen looked up to T.K. “You never used to have an issue with dogs. Why can’t you love this one?” He squeezed Arthur’s face, “look how sweet he is? And he has such nice hair.” Who cares about his fur? It may be soft but that won’t win me over.

“I like dogs. I just don’t like this dog. There’s something off about him.”

Marjan scoffed, “Yeah, there’s something suspicious about brown eyes and floppy ears.”

T.K. glared through the room, rolling his eyes. “I better go. I have actual work to do,” and as he went to leave, he cursed as the dog trotted behind him. “Damn dog,” he muttered. “Don’t you have someone nicer to bother?”

Somehow, Owen had decided that T.K. should take Arthur home for the night while Owen finished up some paperwork. He reasoned that Arthur would feel safest with T.K. and hadn’t let much space for argument.  “Take care of your brother,” Owen said as T.K. pulled the dog forward by his leash.

“I don’t have a brother.”

Owen raised his eyebrows, the corners of his lips upturning. “I was talking to Arthur, son.”

“Arthur is annoying,” T.K. replied.

“Be nice.”

“Yeah, whatever. See you later, Dad. You owe me for this.”

“Just give him a chance. It never hurts to have a four-legged friend on your side.”

“I don’t know about that,” T.K. said before giving one last wave and leaving his father’s office.

The dog’s energy had slowed since the morning and he whined as he walked through the station. He sat down, refusing to move, looking at T.K. with sad, tired eyes. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

“Get up.”

“Arthur, move those little legs.”

Arthur didn’t budge, and with some irritation, but not as much as he might’ve had earlier in the day, T.K. picked the dog and carried him from the firehouse. “I’m tired too, you know.”

Eventually, he arrived at home and brought Arthur into the house. He laid the dog on a cushion and then went to his own bedroom, closing the door behind him. Exhaustedly, he got ready for the night and flopped into his bed to catch up on texts and relax a little before he went to sleep.

Ten minutes later, he heard a scratching in the hallway. What is he doing now? The dog can’t let me live in peace. He rolled off his bed and opened the door half expecting to see the whole hallway destroyed. Annoying, troublemaking dog.  When the door swung open, the hallway was fortunately not torn to pieces. Arthur calmed at the sight of T.K. and immediately slipped into the bedroom. Arthur leaped onto the bed, laying down on the side opposite of where T.K. always slept. “No, get down, Arthur.” Arthur looked at him puzzledly, head leaned to one side and tongue out. He curled into the blankets, putting his head down unto the bed.

“This isn’t your bed.”

Arthur didn’t respond.

“You’re a stubborn mutt.” T.K. said before settling into his side of the bed. The second his body touched the bed, Arthur closed his eyes contentedly and drifted back to sleep. “You’re such a diva,” T.K. said to the sleeping dog.

He unlocked his phone, smiling as he read a text from Carlos. They were taking things slow, but it was nice to have a friend… or a more than friend… whatever it was that they were.  

Stuck with an obnoxious dog. His name’s Arthur. He’s in my bed rn. U jealous?

I’m jealous you have a dog and a cuddly one at that. Don’t you like dogs?

They’re alright. This one’s annoying. He follows me around.

Awe but you love cuddling. Sounds like your type.

This one is clingy more like.

Look how annoying he is.

Shut up. How can you find that cute face annoying? 

You didn’t have him around you all day. 

Come on, Tiger, at least you can never be lonely with him around.

You sound like my dad.Sorry, that’s a boner killer.

*eyeroll* Yeah, because I was getting so turned on by you insulting cute puppies. 

He’s old!! Why is everyone calling him a puppy? 

He’s cute, Tiger. 

He’s not. 

Anyways, I have to go. Need sleep before he wakes me up at 5 am when he needs to piss. 

Goodnight, scrooge. I hope you wake up with a heart. 

I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Goodnight.

T.K. had no choice but to fall asleep with Arthur snoring quietly beside him, and as he watched the rise and fall of Arthur’s chest, he had to remind himself that he wasn’t going to get attached.

“Stop looking at me like that,” T.K. told the dog the next day when he found Arthur in his bed at the station. “How did you even know this is where I sleep? Go find someone who wants to play with you. I’m tired.”

T.K. just wanted to get some shut-eye before a call came in or at least meditate a little while to burn off the tension that had been bubbling in his body all day. He was trying to use the techniques his therapist was teaching him even if he thought most of them were silly.

Arthur, whose big watery eyes looked to T.K. expectantly and whose tongue hung sloppily out of his mouth, was clearly not exhausted. His tail wagged wildly, and he spun on the bed chasing it. “You think you’re real cute, huh? Maybe you have everyone else tricked, but not me. I know your games. I’m not going to fall for it, pal.” I need to stop talking to this dog. T.K. couldn’t help but smile as Arthur kept chasing his tail stubbornly. Finally, Arthur slowed to a stop when he felt T.K. sit on the bed.

The dog put his paws on T.K.’s legs, huffing happily, tail pattering against the headboard. “Come on, Arthur, stop. I’d like to rest.” Arthur wouldn’t leave. “At least lay down and calm down.”

T.K. gave Arthur a tentative pat on the back, pushing him down to the bed. “You can’t stand on the bed. You’ll fall off.” He looked the dog in the eyes. “What do I have to do to make you go away.” He pouted at the puppy and took Arthur’s face in his hands. “Do I have to scratch behind your ears?” T.K. gave ear scratching a try, and Arthur nuzzled T.K.’s neck in return. “You like that, don’t you, Arthur? Now can you go bother someone else? Have I given you enough?” Arthur snuggled closer. What did I do to make him like me so much and how do I stop doing it?

Absently, T.K. began to rub Arthur’s tummy. T.K. laid next to the dog, letting his head fall next to Arthur’s. He hated how nice it felt when Arthur flipped over and a little head rested on T.K.’s stomach. “You’re dangerous,” he whispered in Arthur’s ear, running a hand through the dark fur on Arthur’s head. “If I’m not careful, I might fall in love with you, and the problem is that I might not get a lot of time with you. You’re sick. My Dad’s sick too, but I’m already attached to him, so all I can do is be there for him and hope for the best. You’re making it impossible not to get attached to you too.

Arthur lifted his head to give T.K.’s face a reassuring lick. “Yeah, I guess that’s right, Arthur. Sometimes love sneaks up on you. It follows you around, and you try to resist it, but it’s always there with its brown eyes and floppy ears. It hangs around even when you say you don’t want it. It stays beside you until you stop trying to fight it. It snuggles close when you’re feeling down. ”

“It’s pretty silly that I’m talking to you like you understand, but you’re an awfully good listener.”

Arthur barked in response despite being a quiet dog. He placed a paw gently on T.K.’s chest. “Loving you will be hard, but you’re not giving me much of a choice, dumb dog.”

“You’ll have a hard time with this cancer. They may have to put you down so that you don’t hurt anymore, but I guess now that we’re friends, I’ll have to be here for you. I can be your emotional support human, puppy.” And maybe you can help heal me too.

[hermitreunited]

💜💜AU Fics! (+ two I don’t know how to categorize) 💜💜

So I’m saying they are AU, and they are, but canon-divergent AUs. Apparently I don’t read many full divorced-from-the-source AUs. (Some other folks have recced ones like that for the @tuafeedbackfest so do go check that out!) These ones are all ‘what if it was like the show but’ kind of AUs, and I love seeing what changes and what stays the same.

hell of a feeling though by @agreatperhaps12

Klaus is never quite sure, until the moment he's getting punched in the face, whether the ghost of Ben following him around is anything more than an extremely vivid hallucination.

Rating: NR⎜Word Count: 46k+⎜Complete (4/4)

This fic is extremely great. It starts pre-series, and then the third chapter tracks an alternative timeline to the show (although only slightly as the AU is only slightly divergent - until all of a sudden it is most definitely Not) and the last chapter is for the after. Basically every setting you could possibly want, and it’s all written so well with such great characterization of Klaus. It made me scream plenty.

If Your Life Won’t Wait by queenbaskerville

Klaus somehow, somehow, figures out how to manifest himself visibly, as some sort of shade passing as a living man, to talk a high-as-a-kite Luther into going home. He doesn’t touch Luther once, and his ghostly self feels a bit lightheaded, but he walks beside Luther until they’re back to the Academy and Luther has fallen asleep on the staircase.

“I’ll tell him I’m dead when he’s sober,” Klaus tells Ben. “I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” says Ben.

Klaus doesn’t.

aka, When Klaus dies on the dance floor, God kicks him out of the afterlife. But she only kicks him out halfway.

Rating: T⎜Word Count: 23k+⎜Complete (7/7)

I love love this fic! It’s such a neat idea, and the changes it makes in the timeline of the show - even though it only diverges from the end of 1x07 - are pretty huge. And then we get some family bonding via dealing with some incredibly hard to handle things, like Klaus being dead, and all the difficult but important conversations sorting that out entails. 

can i dream for a few months more? by intheflowers

A woman dreams of the child she gave away. It's fine as long as she can deny what she sees. (When she finally wakes up to the reality of the situation it will be too late.)

On the other side of the world, a boy dreams of a woman he does not know. While he's too young to understand who she really is, one day he'll figure it out. (And by then he will have other things to worry about. By then, all he'll really want is a safe place to sleep.)

Or: I go wild with the idea of Klaus having the power to dreamwalk and meeting his birth mother that way.

Rating: T⎜Word Count: 33k+⎜Complete (3/3)

I’m aware that I need to read alllll of what intheflowers has written, based on all the other recs I’ve seen, and also based on the fact that this fic is so amazing. Just gorgeously written, and such a cool concept that leads to both the painful hurt and the beautiful comfort. I literally just finished reading it but I have to read it again and leave loooong comments.

learn to live with it by Princex_N

Klaus doesn't know where to start and doesn't know how to stop.

He's the only one who tries to get used to it, because what other choice does he have? The others still wait, still ask when he'll be done playing around, still yell at him for being annoying, but no one seems to stop and realize that there's nothing he can do about it.

Klaus gets used to it, but he's the only one who does.

Rating: G⎜Word Count: 4k+⎜Complete (1/1)

A fic where Klaus has Tourette’s Syndrome, set pre-series (although there’s more fic in the series, including one with Allison set in the post-not-apocalypse). I haven’t seen anyone rec this one I don’t think but it’s really unique and it fits very well into the established facts of canon.

Comes And Goes (In Waves) series by hujwernoo

The apocalypse happens, Five arrives in the rubble, and his entire family is dead.

However, one of them has power over ghosts. And even if being dead seriously sucks sometimes, Klaus is going to be there for his brother.

There is an abundance of fics about Klaus surviving the apocalypse and being there for Five, and while I love those fics I wanted to up the angst factor by about 1000. So here's one where he doesn't survive, and is still there anyways.

I know everybody has recced this, but that’s just because it’s that good. A massive labor that absolutely becomes its own universe by the time it starts tangling up with canon in its 8th installment, ‘for the ones who try again.’ I’ll make special mention of the 6th one, ‘for the ones who need a hand,’ because I really like that one particularly. You’ve got to read in order on this one though!

The next two fic are ones that I really wanted to give mention to, but couldn’t fit in with any of my other lists:

once there was a tree by @giugiubees

She looks at the display on the wall. She’s dusted it countless times. There are many prized insects pinned within the gleaming glass case. The insects are rare or extremely beautiful or both. So it is odd, that in the corner, sits an Eastern Tiger Swallowtail. It is yellow, but it doesn’t shine for attention. It sits quietly in its death, seemingly content to have simply lived at all. Grace blinks.

A fix-it where they dig Grace out of the ruins of the mansion but her memory files are damaged. Or, a robot coma dream sequence type of thing.

Rating: T⎜Word Count: 2k+⎜Complete (1/1)

It’s a lot of feelings about Grace and being a mom and being a robot and it’s written in this beautiful dreamlike way. There’s little moments of the Hargreeves as kids, and some moments set during the series, and it’s all swirled around together. It will break your heart. 

Out of the Woods by bob-fish

In 2003, they stopped the clock on the apocalypse. Back in 2019, they find they've accidentally declared war on the people who want it restarted. Can the Hargreeves siblings survive another full assault by the Commission? Can they escape to Five's remote and inadequately-sized safehouse for long enough to come up with a plan? Do they stand a chance against the might of the Temps Aeternalis Commission? Will they all murder each other first? And why the hell did nobody think to bring toilet paper?

Rating: M⎜Word Count: 60k+⎜In-Progress (5/7)

I really have to go back and re-read and properly comment on this fic! It’s unfinished and hasn’t been updated in a while, but maybe enough people going and reading and commenting will help get us the last two chapters! A post-apocalypse fic that sends the Hargreeves on a plotty road trip/on the run. Very interesting and cool and even though I don’t have a good list for it, I couldn’t let the even pass without mentioning this one!

[jlf23tumble]

Hii Jen 😁 Saw you recommended The XF fics, could you possibly list a few of your favs?

I sure could!! NOTE: I really *do* have a mess of bookmarks that are still uncategorized or I bookmarked the works too recently to categorize, meaning that I probably have others I would rec to fit this bill, but oh, well…it’s a start, at least, le sigh. ADDITIONAL NOTE: read the tags! It goes without saying that people are gonna get upset about ages (even tho the UK/US have different consent rules), so if that’s you, do my inbox a favor and just stay away.

Sonic Sounds, by glasscushion, 5.7k words, E. “Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really…” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say really wet.” Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (lmaooooo, this is really new, and yet I *did* categorize it? God, my system is in shambles, but I’ll get it sorted in the next month or two)

never worse but never better, by sky_reid, 4.4k words, E. louis knows all the tricks to make harry squirm. (I have so many recs that are sort of “X Factor era,” but they’re during the tour?? does that even count?? if so, i’d put that loadedgunn one on here, too, tbh, but anything, I like this one because the author actually references a kink meme, and I just never see those anymore–either a reference or a thread)

Tigers Play Too Rough, by Blake, 5.9k words, E. Louis puts on his Determined Face, which, Harry has noticed, involves avoiding eye contact. “You’re…,” Louis crosses his arms on his chest and looks down, tragically unaffected by Harry’s bum. “You’re, like, tying me up, yeah?” he asks, so rushed that it sounds breathless, his face twisting up into a sideways grimace at the end. Or, Harry wants to try something new with Louis, and things don’t go quite the way he had imagined. (From when Blake was on a total tear and cranked out, like, five epicly amazing stories in the blink of an eye, two of them XF-related, this one being the begin rather than the end)

Tight Trouser Troubles, by orphan_account, 6.4k words, E. The first time doesn’t count.  Neither does the second, the third or so forth come to think of it.  Basically, Harry in Panties Phase One should be completely disregarded because Louis’ reaction wasn’t organic back then.  It couldn’t be.  Today, he’d one hundred percent be able to appreciate Harry in panties, but during their days on X Factor?  That was a different story altogether.  The problem back then was that they were never alone and that was quite an unfortunate problem to have. (LOTS of panties)

What a Heavenly Way to Die, by objectlesson, 8k words, E. She’s thought about it a lot, and two big things seem to be holding her back, aside from the uncontrollable paralysis that overtakes her body every time she so much as tries to sneak a hand under the waistband of Harry’s knickers. Or, Louis is afraid to do stuff to Harry, who has done a lot of stuff to her. (LISTEN, Phoenix is the queen of XF fic, I just recommend you go back and read allllll of her XF works, I would rec every single one…I’m just putting this one here because it’s the last one she wrote, and it was girl direction, which she didn’t really explore too much in canon headspace…if you want just the Phoenix ones, ping me again! They! Are! All! GOLDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!)

give you my fever, by beautlouis, 10.7k words, E. And he’s wanted it even more since he met Louis, it’s driven him insane, he spends 90% of his life turned on because of Louis and he’s had no relief at all. He’ll wake up at night too hot and itchy, with Louis warm and sweet smelling next to him, and unable to do anything but wank unsuccessfully, with no release. x-factor era. harry’s never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (I adore everything this author has ever written, and this story is both lovely and hot)

come on, bring everything series, by blankiehxrry, 11.7k words, E.  a bunch of one-shots through the course of l & h’s life with a bunch of different kinks involved in each one (old but gold, it is as it says, the first one is x factor house)

Make Tea, Not War, by adventuring and howdoyouwhisk, 20k words, M. “Is he the messiest?" "Yes." "Does he do the washing up?" "Never." "Does he make his bed?" "Never." "Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?" "Nope!" Or: Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry’s dismay. (lotsssssss of kinks, especially service 

A/B/O ‘Verse, by sarcasticfluentry, 71k words, E, needs ao3 account. Harry frowns, thinking that he shouldn’t have to be glad about what gender he is, just like omegas shouldn’t have to be scared and nervous that anyone they meet might want to hurt them. He wonders why none of this occurred to him before, how he possibly could’ve just sailed through life before this without realizing how fortunate he was being born a beta. That seems a bit too serious of a conversation for Simon Cowell’s waiting room, though, so Harry puts an arm around Louis’s shoulders and teases, “You say that like you’re old or something. Two years isn’t that big of a difference!” “Tell me that when you’re eighteen and looking back on this conversation,” Louis says. (heyyyyyy, I’m not a fan of alpha Harry AT ALL, but this x-factor a/b/o is a helluva lot less annoying than 99% of them, especially in the beginning, but yeah, it’s the same old same old in a lot of ways, so keep that in mind)

[sa1bo]

Y'all got any other anime recs?

i can just give ya all my fav anime fdfhdghk

TLDR;

sailor moon*

inuyasha

digimon*

Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne

Ao no Exorcist / Blue Exorcist*

Puella Magi Madoka Magica (16+)*

Kill la Kill (16+)*

My Hero Academia (duh)*

Danganronpa

Tiger and Bunny*

(anime with a * have GREATLY influenced my art and or writing style and idea of what a good story is; AKA THOSE ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAVES)

longer explanations under the cut

Sailor Moon (the oringinal one from the 90s; watch as sub if u want to go in all serious, but the dub is fun too if u like watching it more relaxed ((or with friends bc shits funny)))it has 200 Episodes and 5 MoviesThere IS a remake but I’d say watch that after you’ve seen the original.Summary:Usagi Tsukino is a normal 14 year old girl.. she’s like you and me... sleeps in, loves to eat sweets, loves to play video games, has bad grades, kinda nervous about making friends, kinda broke and just wants to have a good time. But one day her life turns over when suddenly she’s supposed to become a magical girl to defend Tokyo from evil and find a mysterious princess from the moon. (this also involves a talking cat how cool is that)Noteworthy mentions: gay and trans characters? hell yeah! (even if they join the party really late)

Inuyasha! I never saw the english dub, nor japanese dub so no info on which one to watch. just go with preferencehas 193 Episodes.Summary: Kagome Higurashi is yet again an average girl; but she lives at a shrine that has been home to her family for a long time. One day she falls into the well inside the shrine when trying to get her cat (iirc i didnt watch it in 10 years oops) and ends up waking up in feudal japan. She doesn’t really know what happened but thats when she meets inuyasha, who is nailed to a tree with a magical arrow. She saves him and that’s kinda how their destinies collide. again; inuyasha is a half-demon who jumps into fights with a huge fucking sword and its a tru adventure.

Digimon!All digimon seasons should be watched in japanese (or german or latinx spanish (because other languages like english and french did not use the japanese soundtrack. and the english soundtrack is HORRIBLE. bad. hideous. please watch in japanese, german or latinx spanish.)You should start watching Digimon Adventure (1 and 2 and 3)but those two together will be 130 Episodes (and this shit is 3 seasons) jkafhaskjafter seeing season 1 and 2 you should watch the Digimon Movie (my fav movie of all times) and THEN move on to Digimon Adventure triThis is the original digimon series and you don’t NEED to watch it to udenrstand the many reboots, but it’s nice to have seen it to get the references (plus its just REALLY REALLY GOOD!)[theres a lot of gay tension between certain characters but canonically ofc its not happening I GUESS but whatever them gay]Once u got all those down you can watch Digimon Tamers!It has 54 Episodes and is my personal fav season! Takato is a dreamer like you and me and he wants fictional characters to be real! He makes a fucking digimon OC and!?!? IT COMES TO LIFE!!!!!!!!! this season is so fucking good yall. It’s so good.I personally don’t like Digimon Frontier but if u want to give it a try go ahead! The kids THEMSELVES turn into digimon here! idk how many episodes it has tbh but the soundtrack is a bop.Digimon Data Squad is also really good!! the characters are more grown up and the approach is generally a tad more mature (to tamers is also pretty mature considering those are like 12) data squad has 48 Episodesanything after that i didnt rly bother watching but if ya want u can check it out

Kamikaze Kaito Jeannea magical girl anime that i liked a lot as a kid? didnt watch it anymore since 2012 but i have fond memoriesimagine that god himself assigned magical girls?44 episodes, watch in japanese

Ao no Exorcist / Blue Exorcist25 Episodes of the original anime; after epsiode 17 the anime does it’s own thing, not following the mangaWatch season 2 after episode 17 (or finish the first anime first, and then watch Kyoto  Saga; and then read the manga (it’s still ongoing iirc? my adhd ass didnt finish the manga yet so idk))The anime is about Rin Okumura, who turns out to be the son of satan. Instead of accepting his fate though, he decides to become an exorcist, and not just any normal exorcist, but an exorcist so powerful that he will defeat satan personally.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica12 episodes and a movie of magical girl adventure.it will get VERY FUCKED UP so  if ur very sensitive or death/unreality triggers u then us houldnt watch it.I’d say u need to be very mature to stomach this.But it’s oh so worth it. One of my all time favourite anime!!!!!!

Kill la KillAgain for mature audiences (mostly because of the very suggestive outfits and the high amounts of blood. also trigger warning for pedophilia and parent abuse and incest :((( its all just one episode where it happens but its. its bad. (the evil doer dies in the end tho. die bitch.))24 episodesand an OVA!amazing soundtrack, characters and story! (we like to joke that this is basically SA2 but with lesbian human shadow the hedgehog jakshfaskj)

If ur following this blog ur already watching My Hero Academia, and if not wHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON THIS BLOG IN THE FIRST PLACE???????????

if u want to u can watch the first dangan ronpa anime (and after that watch playthroughs of the games) !warning theres lots and lots of blood and death and the first game/anime is a little transphobic, and Girls Stop Having Giand Bobbies Challenge but i promise its a good series with a really in depth story and characters!!(if u want to know more about what order to watch all the shit hmu after u finished the anime)

if you like My Hero Academia you MUST (i repeat MUST) watch Tiger and Bunny25 Episodes and 2 movies of super hero goodness. It’s MHA but with adults. Gay and trans characters? Hell yeah! Did the creators of the anime drink respect poc juice? YES!

i bet theres more but im so tired.................... ask me fore specific genres and i’ll have a rec some other time

[chancemedley116]

Answering 50 quarantine asks

Asked by @whatqueen-wildcats via my other blog because I reblogged to the wrong one again lolol

1. Are you enjoying yourself? Yeah, things are going alright. 

2. Do you miss how life used to be? Things aren’t too different for me. I’m still working and taking classes, even though work is busier and classes are just online now.

3. What are you doing with your time now that you’re home? Same old stuff, mostly homework. Any free time is spent playing animal crossing though lol

4. What drinks do you have in the fridge right now? Ooh boy I’ll have to think about this one. Water, tea, orange juice, grape juice, coke zero, and pepsi. More than usual because of essential shopping. Usually it’s just tea and water.

5. What snacks do you have in your house right now? Honestly, a bag of chips for my mom and that’s it. I’m trying to snack less lately, and the only way that seems to work is if I have no snacks nearby lol.

6. When was the last time you stepped outside, and what for? I went outside to put my dog up a couple of hours ago.

7. What’s a book you hope to read while quarantined? I want to finish rereading a book I had when I was 15 or somewhere around that. It’s call Sword of the Land, and it’s awesome.

8. What’s a goal you hope to achieve while being quarantined? I want to be more productive in general, finish the semester strong, and not get sick.

9. How long do you think you can last like this? I could live like this for a very long time. I’m a huge homebody so this isn’t bothering me much at all.

10. What is the last thing you’ve read? I read an article about animal crossing this afternoon...

11. What show are you catching up on? None right now. I’m mostly listening to podcasts or watching random youtube videos.

12. Are you a “stay in pajamas all day kind"of person? Yes, definitely. Even most of my normal clothes could count as pajamas anyway.

13. What time did you go to sleep last night? Like...1ish. I wasn’t feeling well so it took me a while to fall asleep.

14. What time did you wake up today? Oh dude, I think it was 11. Like I said, wasn’t feeling well.

15. Are you staying active? I’m definitely not less active. Work has been more exhausting for sure. But I haven’t been exercising at all.

16. Are you staying hydrated? Never hydrated enough. I need to be better about that.

17. How long do you think this quarantine will last? At least another month. Probably 2 because no one here in Florida is staying home at all. :/

18. If you had to study one subject everyday for the rest of this quarantine, what would you study? See, I don’t like this question. I should say Spanish, because I’m taking it now and have to take part 2 in the Summer, but it’d probably be folklore or something related to that.

19. How much weight do you suppose you’ll put on by the time this quarantine is over? I’ll probably stay the same weight or lose weight by the end of this, because since I’m not going to school I won’t feel the need to eat fast food as much. It wasn’t a ton before, only like, once a week. But still.

20. What’s your favorite board game? For family games I’m pretty partial to the game of life and scrabble.

21. What’s your favorite card game? Rummy. A family favorite.

23. What’s your favorite tv show? My default answer is Parks and Rec, but I haven’t watched tv shows regularly in a while.

24. What’s your favorite snack? All I can think about right now is a fruit, veggie, and cheese tray.

26. What’s your favorite beverage? I want to say water, but I have fallen back into my deeeeeep love for pepsi.

27. What do you like most about the quarantine? Not having to drive an hour and a half(3 hours round trip) to get to school. I’m saving so much in gas money right now.

28. What are you finding most challenging about the quarantine? Remembering what day it is. It’s been a nightmare. Also my sleep schedule is wrecked.

29. Do you think COVID-19 is as bad as the media says it is? Yeah, man. This thing isn’t okay. I really hope it wakes people up to the desperate need for vaccines.

30. What precautions have you taken to stay safe from COVID-19? I stay at home unless absolutely necessary, and at work we have an alert to wash our hands and “touch points” every hour. But the customers are mostly jerks and haf leaned on and coughed on most of us on the reg.

31. What have you learned so far from this experience? People are being really selfish for the most part, and that most people don’t keep a fully stocked freezer.

32. Are you introverted, omniverted, or extroverted? I used to think I was a stone cold introvert, but I realized that was mostly the way I was raised and my introverted parents keeping me from socializing because they didn’t want to. Omnivert for sure.

33. Which room in your house do you spend the most time in? My bedroom. I actually just moved into my mom’s old office space, so it doesn’t fully feel like my room yet. I lived in my last room for 12 years, so it’s going to take a bit.

34. Who are you most worried about? The older members of my family. Also my fiance and brother in law. They both have asthma and are essential workers.

35. Who was the last person you texted, called, facetimed? Texted, a friend in a group chat about animal crossing, called my fiance, facetimed my friend Taylor.

36. What three emojis best describe your attitude towards what’s going on right now? 👏🧼💦

37. If you had to live in one item of clothing for the rest of this quarantine what would it be? My princess mononoke sweatpants. Those babies are comfy af.

38. What was the last meal you cooked and how did it taste? I wouldn’t call it a meal, but I made one of those knorr pasta sides for my dinner last night lol. It was delicious.

39. What’s your favorite restaurant? Is it closed? Bamboo sushi. I have been craving it for weeks, even before the quarantine. I desperately need a friend to go on sushi dates with. If you have my number, call me. I am dead serious.

40. What is your favorite store? Is it closed? Probably Earthbound. I like smelling the incense. I’m sure it is closed, doesn’t seem essential.

41. How many things have you purchased online since being in quarantine? I just realized I haven’t ordered anything. I’ve been meaning to buy a new mouse, but I haven’t decided on one yet.

42. What was the last thing you purchased online? Probably my makeup mirror.

43. What’s getting you through these tough times? ...animal crossing.

44. Are you keeping up with the news? To a degree. I peruse twitter every morning and watch whatever my parents have on for a minute or two. Sadly it’s usually some conservative Trump support thing, so I either have to stomach it and keep my mouth shut or just leave. I usually go with leaving.

45. Are you stressed? In general, yeah. But I’ve felt oddly peaceful during this time. I read somewhere on here that’s because people are finally reacting to the way I feel all the time. I don’t know if that’s true, but it makes sense. 

46. Tell me something positive. My sister is getting a new house in a few weeks. I’m insanely excited for her. And we’re going to be neighbors!

47. Give me some advice. I don’t feel like the kind of person who should be giving advice, just know I’m proud of you. Just in general. :)

48. What’s your favorite quote? Excuse me as I open my Pinterest quote board for this... “The way you speak to yourself matters.” No credit, but it’s something I’m learning a lot about lately.

49. What’s your favorite book? The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly. I wonder if it will ever change.

50. Tell me an interesting fact. The roars used in the animated Lion King were actually from tigers, because lion roars weren’t loud enough.

Thanks for asking! This was fun. 

[downthatrabbitholewego]

May 2017

This is a compilation of fics that I've read/re-read over the past month. Faves get a star ( ★ ). There is also a separate fic rec page for my favorites here and a fic rec sorter here, if you'd like to check those out. :)

MONTH: May, 2017 | (older lists)

▶▶ hazelnut, strawberry, and mint by jollypuppet ★ Teen And Up | 3,417w In which Stiles is cheeky, Derek likes dogs, and coffee is gourmet as hell.

▶▶ How to Make It Right by loserchildhotpants ★ N/A | 3,337w Stiles, in his years with Derek as his slave, has grown used to Derek's tones of voice. Derek is a man of few words - Stiles was never sure if this was just his nature, or the product of his horrific environment. With so few words to work with, Stiles learned to read Derek's body language, hear all the things unspoken in the way Derek said those few words and he learned quite quickly that silence is often many words at once.

▶▶ The Moon's Gonna Follow Me Home by turningterrific ★ Explicit | 82,866w Derek doesn't want to call the window repair guy. He doesn't want to sweep up the glass. He’ll inevitably miss a few shards and pull them out of the bottom of his bare feet for weeks. He doesn't want to try to make this place feel like home when it isn't. Derek stayed in Beacon Hills and tried to make it work because he wanted pack, wanted purpose. He gave his best effort and found himself back where he started: alone, with a few begrudging allies. He's tired, and even though his werewolf body heals quickly, he feels the weary ache down to his center. He packs his car with the few things he cares about enough to drag them from place to place. He locks the loft and calls a realtor about listing the building he'd bought in a misguided attempt to secure a future. And then he leaves.

▶▶ Under Development by dr_girlfriend ★ Teen And Up | 24,763w Environmental lawyer Derek Hale is determined to stop the planned defacement of his beloved Beacon Hills Preserve by the mammoth Starr Development company. To do so, he makes a deal with the devil himself — Stiles Starr, the brash young scion of the Starr family and COO of Starr Development. Derek hates Stiles at first sight. Mieczysław Stilinski, on the other hand, is someone that Derek could grow to like...or even love.

▶▶ 5 Times Stiles & Derek's Classmates Noticed They Were in a Committed Relationship and 1 Time Stiles Noticed by Survivah Teen And Up | 2,825w In which Derek and Stiles are college roommates, and everyone saw this coming before they did.

▶▶ All the broken hearts in the world still beat by dragon_temeraire Teen And Up | 3,354w Stiles totally needs to make Lydia Martin jealous. Yeah. And his best chance is to convince star lacrosse player Derek Hale to (fake) date him.

▶▶ Breaking the Ice by veterization Explicit | 15,411w Stiles is a figure skater turned pair skater who gets teamed up with has-been skater Derek Hale, and neither of them are exactly pleased.

▶▶ Burn It Out by Omni Teen And Up | 6,390w Everything that he was got burned out of him, turned to ash and shadow just like everyone he loved. He was hollowed out and empty, and it hurt like claws across exposed nerves. Then, it was done.

▶▶ Full On Rainstorm by BarlowGirl Explicit | 10,534w He catches Derek by the arm and Derek lets himself be turned, surprised when Stiles shoves a small box into his hands. "I don't know if you still celebrate it or what but... I wanted you to know someone was thinking about you. Happy birthday." Then he squeezes Derek's arm and bolts, gone before Derek can think to stop him. He opens the box standing there, only to find one singular, misshapen, sloppily-frosted, cupcake, with a candle in the box next to it. It's kind of squished despite the paper towel all around it to keep it from banging around in the box. Derek has to take a moment to sit down because yeah, he can't deny it anymore. He's gone on Stiles.

▶▶ Good Thing Going by SylvieW Teen And Up | 4,989w Stiles has been dating Jennifer for months when he finds out she's been seeing someone else almost as long, but didn't tell him. When he confronts her, he doesn't expect the other guy to be blindsided... or so damn hot.

▶▶ Hot & Bothered by Inell Teen And Up | 3,651w During their first photo shoot together for the House of Eros, sparks fly between Stiles and Derek.

▶▶ Hunger by DiscontentedWinter Mature | 55,382w Beacon Hills. Two lost souls. A homeless boy, a lone wolf, and people who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.

▶▶ In Name Only by Cobrilee Explicit | 15,089w In a world where no one finds out who their soulmate is until after they get married, Stiles concocts the perfect scheme: marry his long-time client, Derek Hale... You know. Just to find out who he should be marrying. There's no way this could go wrong.

▶▶ First Date Series [1] Is It Cool if I Hold Your Hand? by HalfFizzbin General | 1,343w "So," says Sheriff Stilinski, raising one eyebrow. "You decided not to play video games at Scott’s, after all?" "Uh," Stiles says. His eyes are wide and caught-out, and he's got his arms wrapped around two giant tubs of popcorn. Beside him, Derek Hale—the same Derek Hale that the Sheriff last saw in his interrogation room—is handing a $20 bill to the cashier and clearly trying to appear as casual as possible. He fumbles the change three times before he gets it into his pocket, though, so it's a lost cause.

▶▶ Staying by hazelNuts General | 678w Stiles and Derek are on a trip, and can't help but feel like he's already ruined it.

▶▶ Sundae Mornings by raisesomehale Teen And Up | 5,463w Derek had had his doubts when Cora first suggested their family play host to a foreign exchange student from Poland, but it wasn't until the kid arrived that Derek really began to resent the entire program. Sure, Stiles Stilinski cleans up after himself – never not a perfect gentleman around the house – and gets straight A's while still somehow managing to make friends insanely fast. But he's also cocky and sarcastic; quick witted in a way that can tangle Derek into a neat, flustered little bow with only a few choice quips. The worst part is that English isn't even Stiles' native tongue, and he still manages to be better with it than Derek. Bested at his own damn language.

▶▶ Teenage Dream by matildajones Mature | 58,596w After an accident, Stiles wakes up to what can only be a dream. He has money, he has fame, he has award winning actor Derek Hale as his husband. It quickly seems more and more like a nightmare because Stiles doesn't remember getting any of it - and it's hard to accept the reality that Derek can still love him.

▶▶ The Long Way Around by banryeo, secondstar Teen And Up | 10,293w After searching through his family's vault, Derek finds a key to a vacation cabin that his family own. He decides to fix it, along with allowing himself to heal for the first time since his family's death. In taking the time for himself, he comes to realize his feelings for Stiles, albeit slowly.

▶▶ The Way Back by ineachplace Teen And Up | 4,695w "Greetings from Venezuela!" Derek didn't sign the postcard. Didn't write anything on it at all, except for a return address on the right and a little black squiggle where he presumably checked to see if his pen still had ink. It's the first anyone has heard from him since he left. Scott and Kira had a working theory that he became a humble farmer, living off of beets and carrots and tending to a ridiculous amount of horses while Cora fought bulls or tigers or something. No one asks the obvious question when Stiles tells them. Maybe out of decency, out of some shred of respect for his feelings, or maybe because they really don't know. He can't be sure. No one asks why Derek sent it to HIM.

▶▶ Think To Me, Like Lovers Do by clotpolesonly General | 3,458w A cursed amulet forces Derek to hear everyone's thoughts. He doesn't much like what he hears, at least until Stiles comes to rescue him from starvation.

▶▶ This is Not (In Fact) Okay by rileywrites Teen And Up | 3,062w Derek and Stiles end up partnered for a project, and Derek contents himself with being a part of Stiles' life. For a while.

▶▶ Through Veiled Eyes by Dexterous_Sinistrous Explicit | 25,796w "Lay with me," Stiles plainly stated, as if he asked a menial thing of him. Derek narrowed his eyes at Stiles, observing him carefully as he kept his features stoically guarded. "To touch you is sacrilege," he finally uttered, unable to completely deny his desire to discover what touching Stiles would be like. "What they force me to do is sacrilege," Stiles countered, carefully observing Derek. "What you would do would be divine. You would keep me from being their plaything—taking a key player off the board in their pursuit of corruption. What I've asked of you... I've already seen it—the phantom touch of it lingering on me afterwards."

▶▶ Wolfsbane by DiscontentedWinter Mature | 48,231w Kate Argent has kept a little trophy of the Hale fire for all these years - Derek Hale. When Deputy Stiles Stilinski finds him, he doesn't just need to rescue Derek from the Argents. He needs to rescue Derek from his past.

▶▶ Won't Do Me No Good Washing in the River by DevilDoll, Jinxy, Rahciach Mature | 5,939w "Remember, Derek: you never get back what you lost."

▶▶ Worth the Wait by Dexterous_Sinistrous Explicit | 13,381w Stiles always had a thing for Derek, but then again, so did everyone else. Stiles just wanted to be seen as different, which was why he waited. But maybe he waited a little too long.

▶▶ You Were a Kindness When I Was a Stranger by DevilDoll Explicit | 8,092w "It's not all handcuffs and spankings and learning to deep throat." This is an AU with consensual BDSM sex acts, in which Derek supports Stiles financially in exchange for a sexual relationship. Stiles is of legal age.

▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Ficlet by bibliosexxual N/A | 586w "Derek Hale at the supermarket at like nine at night on Feb. 13, innocently going through the checkout with his cucumber..."

▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Ficlet by bibliosexxual Explicit | 1,247w Out of necessity, Derek has fine-tuned a few simple tests for anyone he goes on a first date with.

▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Ficlet by doctortay Mature | 1,548w So yes, he's in Derek's loft, and that is most definitely Derek, sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed, naked and smoking a joint, head thrown back, totally blissed-out.

▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Ficlet by loserchildhotpants N/A | 837w Sniffling into Derek's shoulder, Stiles tucks his face further into the crook of Derek's neck. His own neck and ears feel too hot and he's embarrassed, but he can't let go.

▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Ficlet by redhoodedwolf N/A | 981w "I'll take care of it. I am the son of the Queen of Hell, after all,"

- - - - -

[iwaoiyoonminphan]

JJP Fic Rec

hi! i love jaebum, jinyoung, and most importantly jjp so here’s a fic rec for the ship of the life 

this is hardly a fraction of the quality jjp on ao3, but these are honestly my favourites and the ones i recommend the most! enjoy and join me in jjp hell

sfw (no smut)

1. (why dont you) speak it out loud  by sevencm 

complete/ post college au/ fluff/ 9k

“Imagine that A and B are dating, but person B doesn't voice their feelings much. One day person B is cursed/drinks a truth serum and has to say everything they think about out loud. Person B starts saying 'I love you' and other super cheesy shit to person A every five minutes. Person A enjoys it very much.” 

thoughts: actually the cutest fic to ever exist! the characterization in this fic is so good and i reread it all the time^^

2. Falsettos, Stains, and Drama   by jaenly 

complete/ high school au/ fluff/ 9k 

“It all starts when Jinyoung becomes Juliet Capulet.”

thoughts: ok so like jjp are both in drama club and they end up as romeo and Juliet. actually the cutest ever jaebum was so shy n bashful ///////// n jinyoung was dense as fuck, the ending made me smile so much!    

3. look at me for a sec (don’t be too awkward) by turbrolence(shortiest) 

complete/ hogwarts au/ fluff/ 10k 

“in which a bludger shatters jinyoung's shoulder and jaebum ends up volunteering to feed him breakfast.“

thoughts: so cute!!!!!!!!!! jinyoung is dense as a brick and i loved his interactions with the side characters too, jaebum was s o chivalrous but also dorky and SO ENDEARING this fic makes me want to spontaneously combust honestly 

4. Of douchebags and pretty boys  by schoetheisrealaf 

complete/ asshole au sorta/ fluff and humour/ 7k 

“’Dear Dog Biscuit, Since you seem unable to understand the sign that clearly indicates that this parking space is to be exclusively used by the staff of this facility, I’ll kindly explain it to you again: Until you’re an employee of the state who works his ass off for society only to get shit wages and the worst working hours you CAN’T USE THIS PARKING LOT, SO FUCK OFF! Apart from that, have a nice day. PS.: I hope you don’t have sex for a year. :)’

OR

You steal my parking spot all the time and I was just heading out to leave a strongly worded note under your windshield wiper but oh no you're hot AU Starring Jinyoung the kindergarten teacher and Jaebum the (arrogant yet dorky) business man“ 

thoughts: ok ok so this is so funny n also soft? jinyoung and kids makes me really happy and why is jaebum like this??? hilarious and also so cute rereading this is always fun! 

 5. opportunity cost  by symmetrophic 

 complete/ corporate au/ fluff and humour/ 4k 

“kim yugyeom, 25, is PA to park jinyoung, 29, feared ceo of park powers (this sounds marginally less ridiculous in korean). a lot more intellectually insulting and ghei than it sounds.”

thoughts: this fic is kind of yugyeom centric but its so funny and cute i just couldnt resist ukno!! jinyoung depends on yugyeom so much its cute and also jinyoung screaming over jaebum? the BEST 

6. Always By My Side by bb_bambam 

complete/ soulmates au/ fluff and angst/ 21k 

“Soulmates!AU where after you meet your soulmate, you experience physical pain when you’re apart for more than 12 hours until you both acknowledge that you’re soulmates.Essentially, it takes Jinyoung and Jaebum way longer than it should have to figure out that they’re soulmates.“

thoughts: the softest soulmate au ever! i especially loved how it was set in canonverse bc the emotions were so real n pure! the au setting was very clear and jaebum made me ssso sad 

7. Your Smile Is Sweeter Than (Hot) Chocolate  by bb_bambam 

complete/ coffee shop au/ fluff/ 12k 

“Jaebum brings Youngjae to a coffee shop for some hot chocolate, and they end up getting Jinyoung instead.Basically, the jjp coffeeshop/kidfic mashup au no one asked for.“ 

thoughts: another one from the goddess herself! jinyoung is the best barista and single dad jaebum is so sweet n whipped i loved it so much its just tooth rotting fluff tbh and kid! youngjae im really about to SCRE AM 

8. Topaz by setaxis 

complete/ idol verse/ angst/ 6k 

“Mark loves much the way he does everything else, quietly, unthinkingly. He doesn't know when he fell in love with Jackson. He doesn't think it matters much.

xxx

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” 

thoughts: ok this is the only main markson side jjp but i included it in this list bc jjp is pretty important here too and the angst hurts so much jaebum is so stupid and jinyoung hurts prepare to cry 

nsfw (w/ smut)

1. Disappear Here by foxxing(gayfantasticfour) 

complete/ detective au/ angst and mystery/ 70k 

“Homicide detective Im Jaebum's career has been steady and his personal life mostly uneventful, until the morning officer Choi Youngjae wakes him up at 3am and he finds out his childhood best friend and ex-partner has been murdered. He takes the case only to watch everything he's ever known slip through his fingers like sand and to finally figure out that sometimes life is all about finding forgiveness.” 

thoughts: this one was an emotional roller coaster! the plot was really intriguing and i cried so hard at the end. the writing was amazing too, as expected of the queen of jjp fanfiction 

2. read you like a magazine by dollyeo 

complete/ college au/ enemies to friends to lovers (!!)/ 42k 

“Ever since Jaebum passed auditions and he didn't, Jinyoung's been hell-bent on hating the guy. Now that they're in uni together, it's like destiny is screwing up all of his plans.”

thoughts: theres no actual smut in this but theres other nsfw-ish content so read at your own risk! this fic has the perfect amount of angst and fluff and ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS AAAAAAA jinyoungs character development was super fascinating n jaebum was so whipped in this i love him 

3. Citation by KingJackson 

complete/ college au/ enemies to lovers/ 115k 

“When the one book he needs for an important term paper has to remain in the campus library, Jinyoung catches the eye of Jaebum, a library assistant.”

thoughts: a fandom classic honestly! jinyoung is such a bitch but soft perfect jaebum loves him anyway its so angsty but also the best gghhhhhh check out the sequel renewal its also SO GOOD 

4. A Certain Romance by foxxing(gayfantasticfour) 

complete/ escort au?/ fluff/ 17k 

“By day, he's a top-rated babysitter. By weekends he's an x-rated escort. These things are generally kept separate, until the day his weekend regular gets his phone number by recommendation and calls for an emergency babysitter. The problem is that Jaebum doesn't know that Junior the escort is also Jinyoung the babysitter.In which Jaebum and Jinyoung know each other in the biblical sense but maybe want to get to know each other, too.“ 

thoughts: also by the queen! jinyoung with kids is the bane of my existence tbh and kid! yugyeom gives me so much feelings bOI jaebum is kind of awkward in this but jinyoung still likes him hehehe i loved this SO MUCH 

5. Compass Calling by sugarbowl 

ongoing/ pirate au/ action and angst and fluff/ 65k rn 

“Prince Jinyoung is destined for a lifetime of luxury, until he's shoved in a trunk and accidentally abducted. Im Jaebum clawed his way out of poverty to captain a pirate ship and... not much else, actually. Jinyoung could be his first real treasure, if Jaebum could just figure out how holding someone for ransom actually works.“

thoughts: cant believe this is the only fic on this list by god (actually just read sugarbowl’s entire ao3) this fic is so beautiful jaebum is kind of dorky and also really cool this fic had me at the edge of my seat all the time AMAZING 

6. The Tiger & The Duke by foxxing(gayfantasticfour) 

ongoing/ sugar daddy au/ angst/ 160k rn 

“Im Jaebum is the richest man in the country under forty, content to mess around and skirt the headlines as a cutthroat businessman and casual playboy. Park Jinyoung is a graduated English Literature major, content with (in Jackson's words) his boring life working at a restaurant and writing poetry. When their worlds collide over a spilled cup of coffee, Jinyoung learns there's a lot more to life than the secrets of his past and the safety of library books.“

thoughts: another one... but this is so good ok at first i was kinda wary bc the ten year age gap but its not very important in the plot and nothing illegal happens lol jinyoung makes me want to PROTECT and jaebum is trying his best ok hes sO anyway its good and ill cry when it ends 

7. muses by comingbackhometoyou

complete/ star trek au/ enemies to lovers/ 120k

“Your dad gave his life for-”

“Yeah, yeah I know,” Jaebum interrupts, voice ringing through the empty bar. “My dad gave his life for Starfleet and died with honors. I’ve heard this story a thousand times before. No offense, but why should it matter to me? Why are you here telling me what I’ve known since I was five years old?”

Jaebum has been running for 16 years when his past finally catches up with him.”

thoughts: this one doesnt have much smut i think just ALMOST smut but anyway i dont even like star trek but this made me so sad jjp love each other so much its beautiful and i love jinyoungs no-nonsense character its so funny and also heart wrenching i dont know this fic just hurts me its wonderful 

i hope you liked my recommendations and enjoyed the fics as much as i did! the jjp fandom is honestly blessed by so many good writers so i hope you find more good work in the tags!!