#if you saw this post twice no you didnt. tumblr sucks

[engietrans]

also going thru old messages and found this mock up for an engie cosmetic i did that was sort of an answer to buff demo at the time

[szif]

ok so here's apparently all the games i've played in 2023 like as in actually finishing them.

[the cat lady dark souls 1 + dark souls 3 the first 2 spyro games +ECHO vn +tsukihime portal 1 pathologic classic disco elysium]

i also started half life then dropped it and some other games too but it took me days to compile this list cuz i really really cant remember a lot.

the cat lady was nice, easy little game, misled me on what it is like twice but i feel like it was nice. the fact that a gold ending exists that nullifies anything you experience is kind of bleh though. like that fucking sucks. and also some aspects of it were just over the top like the cradle thing. also that one parasite that's linked to that other game. honestly there's a lot about it that really just spells out "the creator is somebody who keeps making these styled games and desperately tries to string everything together and the fans eat it all up" but i only played this one so its all fine.

dark souls 1 was really cool, nicest graphics nicest map it was interconnected i liked the armor i liked the physics i liked how slow the gameplay was (literally just 2 mins of me holding my shield up so that i can just drink while having a fight and nothing happened haha lol) there were some real good areas after midgame like demon's ruins (absolute favourite!!) and i also liked tomb of the giants (well, i didnt really Like Like when i played it, i was kind of running around like a poisoned hamster with everything leaving me at the tiniest hp lol) but then the game started sucking with the crystal cave/duke's archives and all that shit it was just so fucking annoying having to go through those shitty places (...and hearing everybody worship them..) but i feel like overall it was still nice? i liked the optional areas to go through (those are my favs, the great hollow + ash lake!! they were sooo soo good and lower blighttown was also so cool!!) and it just felt like, enough of a "i dont like this part but i like this one" that i continued playing it. the flow felt good

dark souls 3 was bad and was the combination of everything i disliked about dark souls 1 and then took all the things i liked too. it was so fucking lame and on top of it confusing too so i really disliked it and i just got through it real quick. lame. sucked

oh yeah, i also have the remastered pack of spyro games - i never played spyro or knew about it or anything, i first saw that dragon on tumblr posts i honestly have not much to do with it, but i got them because they seemed fun and uh. they were cool. like it felt so smooth and i liked running around and i think the collecting gems part was also cool. its literally like, a children's game so what do i even say about it. it was fun somewhat but it had SO much in it that i finished most games with like, not exploring all of it because i literally didnt give enough of a fuck about it. and it didnt ruin my experience either so like, honestly, some things are really not needed. i might or might not play the third one with the dragon eggs and stuff, we'll see.. like sure i started it but am i motivated to go through the same motions with the same guy? idk...

portal 1 was so solid. great characterism of ms. glados, the sudden pronoun swap in the hungarian subtitles was so clever and i loved it even if the other aspects of the translation was a bit lacking. the puzzles were actually fun and i could figure them out on my own for the most part (literally looked up like, 3-4 puzzles?) and it was actually cool to play through them. i liked it it was nice and it didnt really think i would because i fucking hate(d) portal 2 but it seems like the first game is like, great.

pathologic was. holy shit the entire like, environment and all that about diseases and like the huge progression of like, everything going on? it was so overwhelming but also right at home it had such a great feel to it. i started playing with the haruspex but then i thought he was a fucking bitchboy and quit the game then started one with the bachelor and then i had actual fun in the game. there was this one questline at day 11 that i fucking hated and was confusing and it's 100% the developers' fault, but anything else? it was engaging, i was full focused on the game, i kept going back to it more and more, everything was just getting more and more intense and more fun. then the ending happened and its like, eh, who cares. like it was lame and i just felt like it was great to just like, let it go. if the start and the middle is good then i dont care about the end sucking that much. it didnt even "suck", it was just nothing. which is better than it sucking. huge fan i liked this

just finished disco elysium literally like, today, actually, since i sat down for like , 11-12 hours and played it with zero break. i got a genuine fever sickness and many days of worth of muscle stiffness from it. like this shit is dangerous. it was sooo sooo captivating, i didnt really think i would like it at first because i thought of it as those like, random supernatural roll-a-dice games with like, a very specific style that i loathe with all my being and since it had a similar structure i didnt really think i would latch onto it. you know, just try it out, then delete. but no, it really dragged me in. i am relieved it was like, a, mainly "you fail something and failure IS a part of the game so its fun to do that" type of thing. like theres nothing more sucking out the joy of something than just like, something just making you fail and thats a part of the whole thing but it feels pointless and unreasonable, but then succeeding all the time and going through it is also not really fun if you have to engineer success situations all the time. this game is good at like, not doing that. i was so fucking invested in the entire situ of the story and the environment and i liked reading the books and re-building communism with my shitty college buddies who made me write essays about books haha. it just had a lot going on and it was also like a super relatable game and it hooked my brainnnnn. i loved kim! i loved the tribunal[s]! i loved doing all the little things for everyone! it felt rewarding doing literally anything! i actually had a lot, and by that a lot of time where i couldnt do anything because i was talking to Everyone and so in the later days i didnt have Anything to do and it wasnt time to sleep yet so i had to re-talk and re-do books and it was sooo annoying. but its fine its really just a tiny thing. it was sooo good it was sooo nice i loved it. genuinely game of the year 4 me but only because i barely play games and when i do its not that big of a deal. huuuuge huuuge fan. #1 honestly

+i literally fucking forgot. right after i made the post. but i did read tsukihime + ECHO in its entirety. like all branches all endings. i saw. a lot. no im not putting them in separate entries. tsukihime was. it was a thing. i cant even tell if i liked it or not but it was interesting to see what other people like, i guess. echo was real good though and its going up to the games i really really liked list. from being the first game to actually make me feel anxious and have that real fucking awful oppressive atmosphere to actually making me care about the fuzzy animals. it had good writing and i also binged every single branch of it like i did with disco elysium and i kept waking up more and more fucked up barely unable to exist then i had to sleep for like, around a week and do nothing else for me to offset playing that game. it was soo much, honestly. but i was so hooked and it was so much fun (well, "fun",) like it was irresistible. absolutely amazing game. im trying to think of what i didnt like but like, honestly i dont really know. maybe the sydney parts in the flynn route? that wasnt exactly my fav thing. but thats it, really. i had fun

[uwumessenger]

random headcanons i have for each om! character teehee

hi it's been a while since ive posted some hcs bc uni has been kicking my a$$! luckily i only have a few papers to tidy up and im done. here r some hcs for each obey me character that ive accumulated over the past few months wink wonk

most are random but some constants you'll find are what i think they smell like, languages they can speak (other than their native (demon/angel) and eng/jp), and music tastes !

lucifer

i have a strong feeling that he showers twice a day: in the morning after waking up and at night before going to bed

his cologne is probably the type that will last in an elevator for like a week after he uses it once. i dont think this mf ever smells like anything other than his cologne

has a secret folder on his phone of semi-nudes and other scandalous pics from when he felt sexy at the time omg

aside from demon language/eng/jp he can speak french and knows latin

listens to classical stuff yea but he also listens to diavolos mixtapes (re: diavolo's section)

not a fan of sweets but will eat sweet things when craving

really bland sense of humor...borderline cringey 😭✋🏻

mammon

has gone to google images and searched for "inspirational quotes tumblr" "gold aesthetic tumblr" & "relatable crush post tumblr" then reposts it onto his socials or just taps thru them and giggles bc he relates

his cologne doesnt last as long as lucifers and probably smells common. he has to reapply a lot but it's a people pleasing smell. it's cheaper hence the constant reapplying

he probably does have an expensive bottle but is the type to totally overspray...eek

he is canonically a car guy 🥲 and probably tells the one in his room good morning & good night + kisses the hood every once in a while. has tons of car magazines

he doesnt really speak other languages but has attempted to learn spanish before

listens to whatever is on the radio. doesnt rly stan anyone but he eventually will listen to mc's playlist and mc's playlist ONLY

levi

lurks on mc's socials ALL THE TIMEEEE like he will rewatch ur stories and scroll thru ur feed and overanalyze ur tweets/rts or blog posts. if ur mc isnt the type to use sns much he still googles ur name all the damn time just to find any sites u might be on fjdjdjdjskks

probably streams on whatever youtube or twitch devildom site equivalent there is, but only has like 40 or so followers. which he is okay with!

until he sees someone else who gets more attention than him. then the envy starts kicking in bad. especially if they suck 🧍🏻‍♀️

classic gamer boy smell. you know, sweat, tears, must, and (sometimes) axe deodorant. lucifer has to do a scent check before he goes out to any event & lets him use his cologne. how sweet!

kpop stan!! more girl groups than anything and his ults are probably GIRLS GENERATION, wonder girls, twice, loona, & red velvet

cried when ioi disbanded and refused to leave his room. the only thing u could hear was downpour on loop at full blast

can also speak korean & communicate in echolocation like dolphins 😏

satan

listens to country music you cant change my mind

smells like whatever environment he is in. he doesnt really have a designated smell just throws some deodorant on and goes about his day.

he's sooooo bad at driving...gets road rage way too often so his license has been REVOKED

but hes totally a backseat driver. needs to be sedated on long trips

do not let him watch finding nemo when luke asks to watch it. it's not worth it. he will cause mass destruction.

if he was a human or lived long term in the human world he totally has the ability to be a doctor

is studying as many languages as possible, but he mostly knows latin & french & german etc etc. wants to learn all the dead languages out of curiousity

asmo

dont think this mf has ever held down a relationship. ever

he doesnt compromise much & is not willing to change his lifestyle to fit an s/o into it. you keep up with how he lives or it just isnt meant to be (but dont worry! he'll eventually learn...maybe,,,,)

has the hardest time out of everyone when it comes to breaking bad habits

his smell varies bc he uses a variety of perfumes (whatever is the most popular at the time) but he probably sticks to floral and fresh scents. he never uses generic people pleaser scents like mammon

listens to electropop, mainstream pop, & some alternative rock

as for languages he too knows french, spanish, italian, etc. in general, if it's a romance language he knows it!

opposite of lucifer in the sense where he loves sweets and will refrain from eating too many bitter things

i think we all know that asmo is the biggest rockstar of the group! he's probably been in a boy band at least once, but now he makes his own music

has tried to teach mammon how to sing once. ended up in a broken piano and bleeding ears...

beel

i feel like he is SO SHY

like unless ur close to him he will not start conversations or anything

i think he listens to r&b a lot ! and jazz 😎 maybe rock as well

smells like ur typical athlete with undertones of wet wipes. he carries them around bc he likes to clean his hands before he eats & is prepared for when theres no sink nearby

he can drive and he drives really well. no rough turns, parallel parks perfectly, and never has problems with merging

driving with beel is probably really soothing. left hand is steering the other is gripping ur thigh 😫

dont think hes really fluent in any other language but hes probably semi fluent in korean because levi wanted beel to help him out

definitely know how to order food in practically every language tho HAHAHA

belphie

he reminds me of randall from monsters inc

smells kinda musty IM SORRY but not the way levi does hes more like the kind of musty u feel or smell when it's a shitty morning

but that's only because hes so lazy, when he cleans up hes like satan

has definitely murdered multiple people before. mc is not the first 😐✋🏻

with that being said belphie has been put into prison at least twice when visiting the human world, the mf had such a strong hatred for humans theres no way he never got into trouble before

lucifer probably broke him out and they used the pen thingies from men in black to erase everyones memory of that 🙄

dont think he listens to anything other than music that'll put him to sleep. really likes lazy song by bruno mars but thinks that bruno mars put too much effort into the song. should have been one acapella verse and then finish

similar to beel hes only semi fluent in one language, probably french bc of lucifer. doesnt remember much but knows a couple of lullabies and bedtime stories

the sandman used to be his bff until they drifted. they do, however, like and comment on each other's sns posts.

diavolo

once he found out who nicki minaj was he became her #1 stan

def an ariana grande stan too 😌

choreographs dances when hes stressed...idk just seems like a diavolo thing to do

also makes rly bad soundcloud rap music sometimes. turns to poetry when hes feeling emo but only lucifer knows this. barbatos is suspicious of him but doesnt have enough evidence to confirm.

his dad is like hudson abadeer from adventure time aka marceline's dad? something must have influenced him to want to unite the 3 realms + he would need the approval to do so, so his dad must be more chill than all the others before him 🧍🏻‍♀️ IDK ok anyway

currently going through his hamilton phase bc of mc. whether mc's intent was to get him hooked onto it or just to explain it bc of something he saw online, he tells everyone that he found out abt it bc of mc!

this man cannot drive his skills are only second to jumin han

not too fond of many languages but knows the widely spoken ones like spanish, mandarin, etc. if it's taught in high school he knows it

smells like a las vegas casino. not sure why but i feel like he does. but there's also an interesting & nice smell to him if he embraces you. it's a smell you cant quite identify. but it smells nostalgic, it's mysterious, and it's tempting.

barbatos

very calm demeanor but underneath hes WILD hes probably done everything at least once oof

he just has a lot of control and stability over himself (must be nice!)

on a more angsty note i feel like he might have had his heartbroken sO BAD IDK he is hurting and maybe that's why hes so willing to obey diavolo and not abuse his time lord power thingies bc he learned his lesson the hard way

mans is so smart he knows every language you could switch languages mid conversation with him and he wouldnt be thrown off. he'd probably start speaking it too.

BUT HE SPEAKS VIET P E R F E C T L Y

listens to the same stuff as lucifer but also likes eminem. likes the movie 8 mile but criticized it heavily

have you ever been to a chinese herb shop? naturally, he smells like that. his room probably smells like it too. he doesnt really have a significant smell like some of the others

when he bakes he smells like whatever hes baking tho

one of the few out of everyone listed to have been able to travel to literally everywhere

solomon

was probably on kitchen nightmares once, but only to get feedback from chef gordon ramsay. then he used his magic to prevent the episode from airing...

was in an orchestra, one of the best times of his life. played the violin. asmo watched him in the audience once, but didnt approach him until well after that performance.

he CANNOT sing. he can, however, rap.

doesnt listen to music. he listens to podcasts! but every now and then he turns on background music, but prefers it to be instrumental stuff

never wears sunglasses. also does not have a driver's license. cannot drive a regular car. could maybe fly an airplane.

due to his immortality he has learned almost every language to exist, but finds himself speaking mandarin the most. knows most dialects too

similar smell to barbatos but u can also smell some sunscreen on him too. like, generic beach day suncreen

he has a lot of pact marks, so he once had the idea to match foundation to his skin. it took him two weeks but he eventually perfected a combination. yes he will help u find ur perfect shade if u ask him to

simeon

another country music man. has also made a tiktok or two to that one song that goes "he cant even bait a hook." they are private tho

angel country music exists and simeon invented it

if he visits the human world and wears more causal clothing he probably tucks his shirt into his pants

wears a speedo at the beach i tell u, speedo at the beach

he can speak german...i can feel it

uses his pointer finger to type and holds the phone like 2 inches away from his face so sometimes his nose will push a key hence all his typos

has no signature smell. he simply smells like your favorite scent all the time. if multiple people are around him at once, everyone smells a different smell. it's pretty rad

"what does he smell like to himself?" u may be asking. hmm...a church? 💀

luke

his first pet was a goldfish and a few months before the exchange program happened, he was given a koi pond!

secretly likes hanging out with levi sometimes just to play with henry. makes him miss his pet fish back home

so his favorite movie is probably finding nemo and he threw a fit when nemo touched the butt

luke is probably learning german bc of simeon, though he'd like to learn more of the dead languages just for fun

i dont think he listens to music often or has any preferences, he just listens to whatever is playing on the radio

but he finds himself listening to the music mc listens to

smells like freshly baked goods all the time. or fresh laundry. but like, not combined. just depends on the day

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[pxppinmolly-archived]

♣ ♡ ☂ ▽

Hi Welcome To “Me Time” - Jenna Marbles

♣ Is there an author(s) that you look up to with your writing skills?

Authors? Not really. Muns? Absolutely! I’ve listed them before and I won’t go @’ing them but like.

People like Toxic, Summer, Redacted, V, Illicit, Kiwi, even people like you and Zick ! All my mutuals, really !! Everyone is so talented and creative I sob;;

♡ Would you ever write a poly ship?

I’ve never written one and I’d be down to explore one ... It’s just with Molly she is.. Very hard to poly ship with.

She has INSANE insecurity and inferiority complex so like. It’s hard. She’s SUPER easily jealous and like. It’d be unhealthy for her to be put in that situation BUT

There’s been some scenarios where she’s been like. Okay with the idea -- only like. Twice really and funnily enough both involve Angel so like SKDJ (obviously, not dating Angel, but them dating the same person. Shenanigans!)

☂ How does your muse spend a rainy day? How do you spend a rainy day?

Molly spends them curled up inside! Probably reading a book or watching some television if anything catches her fancy. I spend them also curled up inside on the computer as well, but I tend to like having my window open and listening to the rain! I love rainy weather sobs

▽ Why did you create this muse?

I sat up to write this reply I want you to know.

I was first introduced to Molly as a character by @/stripesncigs when they were getting me into Hazbin and giving me a list of all the characters. When I first saw Molly it was love at first sight. Literally. I was so focused on her I just.. I don’t know, it was a deep connection. I remember I legit changed my icon to be of Molly like within the next minute. I remember scouring for art for her, and back then it was SO hard to find ANY Molly content, there was probably only like.. four pieces of popular fanart and one artist who doodled a lot of her.

I was like. Hyper fixated. And it sucked because Tord told me legit “there’s only two bits of canon info” and I just rolled with it.

I remember the two of us going back and forth with funny spider fam scenarios, I already brewed up my headcanons and perception of her.

I remember I saw like. One or two blogs for Molly at the time when I was in Tumblr RP and had one foot in the Hazbin RPC (I had an Alice Angel blog at the time w/ a Hazbin verse) and I just.. Didn’t like how she was portrayed, not my cup of tea. Same in some posts and art I’ve seen of her.

A lot of people painted her as like. Soft uwu baby and like. Cry baby and thing that needed Angel or Arackniss to protect her and I just... No? Lol.

She grew up in an Italian crime family, she’s named after the drug of Ecstasy. She isn’t like. uwu baby uwu.

So, I finally decided to delve into Hazbin RPC like. With an actual muse for Hazbin. The idea of rping Molly has been on my mind a LOT but since we had like. No canon info and she was a character not very well known it made me hesitant, as well as feeling like I would be intruding on my friends who rp’d Angel and Arackniss and had their set lore for where the hell Molly was.

Finally said fuck it and caved and I did ONE test reply as her and it was immediate. I made the sideblog and fell in love. It was originally low activity because I didnt think I’d be active here but low and behold I write here more than any other blog and wish I did make this it’s own blog, but, ah well.

Molly is a character I just immediately felt connected with. She resonates deeply with me! She’s very important to me and like.. Is my baby! I care so much about this spider. She grew and has changed so much over the like.. A little over a year, year and a half, since I’ve been introduced to her. Both on my blog AND like. In the community.

Causation doesn’t equal correlation but since my creation of the blog I’ve seen a LOT more recognition for Molly, she began being mentioned more in streams (and once even someone donated 5 dollars for Viv to Draw Alastor hugging Molly and I was dead.) and Tord has told me, who has been in Viv’s circle since the dawn of time, that Molly in the fandom/media has changed to fit more how I portrayed her than when she was first around as little baby fussy Molly.

So many people told me they had no idea who Molly was until me, told me they thought Molly was straight up on OC and also have made so many people fall in love with this spider with me.

And honestly I can not be more thankful.

So, simply put

tl:dr: her design was cute, I felt connected immediately and decided to rp her because I was tired of how people seemed to portray her as and I wanted to finally join the hazbin rpc, essentially.

[dewprisms]

kh3 spoilers idk tumblr keeps not saving them and idk what i was doing last :/ but this will be the last one unless there’s DLC or something

this terranort scene....everyone sure is taking their time to attack him

kairi where is your keyblade seriously??? maybe you should have it out???? why are they making her a fucking damsel in distress again

so Donald and Lea get hurt because Kairi’s too dumb to not have her keyblade out with monsters around what the FUCK was the point of her training if they’re making her NOT DO A DAMN THING EXCEPT BE A D-I-D

god is THIS why I saw posts about people being upset over kairi’s treatment? Because they don’t even have to do ANYTHING? or is it about to be worse?

....and Aqua just....doesn’t even try, she just drops her blade and lets go

this entire scene is suppose to be sad but I’m just getting pissed off at how FUCKING STUPID they all are

“where am i” looks like heaven, ur dead kid

chirithyyyyyyy

....Chirithy def has Kairi’s? voice, def the voice of another character but higher pitched

oh shit Sora’s ACTUALLY dead

is....that xion?

Namine!

...is this Chirithy....Ven’s Chirithy?

Lea never did change into his new clothes

THEYRE HOLDING HANDS

oh, NOW I actually unlocked KG as an actual world

what....did time rewind? it’s the same scene...

LW!!!! Terra’s back!!

WHAT?! EPHEMER?!

oh my god, THIS is where all the KHUX names come in? We help Sora fight the Darkness Tornado

aww, I didn’t see my name :( that didn’t seem like 300 tho

oh, so it IS KH1 Riku

there he is, my love!!! aand he’s gone

oh no, Mickey’s starting to lose hope

oh dang, Mickey knows Time magic? not Stop, but Time

YEN SID!!!!!! HE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING

man this is why he’s the most powerful magician in the series

oh shit there are 2 girls.....is it really xion?

mannnn Xehanort’s voice is sooooo bad and the accent just gets worse and worse like the dude isn’t even trying to hide it

where’s Terra? He’s not back yet

oh Luxord’s not dead

oh god, I have to fight ALL FOUR of them with Mickey

nvm, just me vs 3

nvm that was easy, just ignore larx and marly

oh, Luxord’s helping....and he dies again

where’s mar and larx tho. i didn’t kill them

oh, larx only helped to stay with marluxia....cause of their past in khux...

marly lost his memory too?

now i gotta kill my bf again....

yup, he never got one....xehanort lied to him....

they’re so mean to him :((((((((((( I mean he deserved it yeah but

nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE KILLED HIMSELF WHYYYY

im legit upset

oh no, it is repliku, not past riku....

the real repliku....is giving ups his chance of life for namine......

wow......kairi got hit twice and fucking passed out....she’s worse than donald.....she didnt do any damage and got knocked out way too fast...

xion :(

also-ran??? wtf is that

ROXAS!!!

SSIC trio is back!

fuckING KAIRI GOT KIDNAPPED   A G A I N  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

who the FUCK is “her” they keep talking about

so Saix was more bitter over over not just him but this mysterious girl they were searching for

nooooooo he died in Lea’s arms (also? apologize to Xion for how you treated her you fuck)

...so Xion’s hair is brown now....?

SSIC TRIO HUG!!!!!

Also....why was Xion with them in the first place??? They NEVER said why

naturally, aqua vs terranort and ven vs van

JHBSJKKSD I killed Terranort and ALL he said was “ow??” like he hit his arm on a door

I don’t think they understand that Vanitas didn’t have a choice, he “chose” darkness because he IS darkness, that’s literally what he is, he never had a choice to be what he wanted, he can’t be with light because Ventus is his light

jfc Terranort shook them around so much they passed out

Holy shit IS THE THEORY TRUE??? The guardian is Terra’s Heartless!!!

so Guardian = Heart, Terranort = Body, LW = Soul, dude was literally split into the 3 states

WAYFINDER HUGS!!!!

fucking....they took Kairi to force them to fight the last fights....instead of LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE!!!! if Kairi is so fucking weak as they’re writing her to be, it would’ve been more beneficial to kidnap one of the stronger people (like Mickey!!) instead but no they gotta kidnap the girly girl who’s been a DID in every. single. main. game. so far. :))))))))

lmao killed YMX with the Magic Carasoule

ngl I was kinda expecting YMX to betray himself...

Xehanort just sit here and watches these little cut scenes after every individual defeat....

......oh....ansem sod was gonna betray them....but gave up hope he could change anything....

aww Mickey used Curaga on us right before he knew he was gonna get taken again also I forgot to equip Curaga for myself oops I still have Cura on my slots, why does it not automatically equip them now....nobody wants to ever use the weaker versions, lower magic cost or not

what, Xemnas actually regrets being bad to the org? why, it makes no sense from how he was written before

WHAT HE KILLED KAIRI

“Why her?!” because she’s a fucking girl in this franchise

im so goddamn pissed off, no WONDER everyone is so mad about the ending

....Xehanort’s VA is......so bad............he has no damn emotion..............like, people talk about Aqua and Terra’s VA”s being emotionless? Nah, this dude really sucks

so Riku and Mickey got Stop’d but Donald and Goofy didn’t (or Sora of course

oooooo Ven and Roxas noticed each other....that’s gonna be a convo.....

“Kairi will be alright.” Yeah after everything’s done and over with to keep her out of the action

............so he gets taken out because he’s too distracted to see the 11 people aiming for him? are you fucking kidding me

so Xehanort...is a portal...to Cable Town??

mannn so the guys in those gucci outfits aren’t even the new org, they’re all just old man xehanort himself

wait wait no, they have all the weapons of the org? so are they them or does he just have all their powers??? nvm they’re all him

god even his power-up scream was underwhelming........

yup, a goat, the sin of Lust iirc

.....that fight...was extremely underwhelming....is that it?

“there is one sky, one destiny” dude that’s kairi’s line fuck off

EVEN DON AND GOOF ARE GETTING HITS IN like damn man

he just. straight up took the light from Sora and forced him into Anti-Form? ok

well, at least he actually sounds like he’s dying in pain

ERAQUS! at least he has his voice, that’s def mark hamil still

“that doesn’t mean that i can’t be there for you” you’re the one that fucking killed him you lying motherfucker

...so eraqus apologized to aqua and ven, but not to terra who he also attacked? ok

and so the boyfriends ascend to the afterlife together

where the FUCK is Kairi

so

so the game

fucking ends

with Kairi fucking dead

THATS THE FUCKING SEQUEL HOOK?!

this whole ending is suppose to be sweet with all the reunions but I’m just royally pissed off

oh, it is Ven’s Chirithy....but he didn’t have his memory come back...

oh! Lea’s new outf- XION GETS ONE TOO AAAAAAAAAA AND ISA!!!!!!!!!!!

Namine!!

they just. found Kairi offscreen.........................................................................

whelp, SoKari def canon SoRiKai is way better tho, as is somewhat RepliNami and Terrqua and MarLarx

wait.....what happened to Sora? Is Kairi actually not back then??

omg, Drake Bell was young Eraqus??? what, it said the Foretellers in the credits....when was that?? I don’t recall ever seeing them.....

............what happened to the card Luxord gave Sora that he said could help turn the tide of the battle? It never came up as far as I can tell..

...uh.....did they forget that Frozen takes place in the summer.....why is the area still covered in snow? it stopped once Elsa controlled her powers.....

yup, there’s Luxu(?) and the KHUX hook, though I don’t see Ava among them

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

XIGBAR IS LUXU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’LL SEE HIM IN MORE GAMES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE THEORY WAS- wrong, cause everyone was saying he’s the Master of Masters

oh, I completely forgot about Maleficent and Pete lmao

oh, so Sora really was gone- oh what the fuck are they in the real world now????? no, what the fuck, the FF knockoff in Toy Box was real?? or is it a DLC hook?

[tumblunni]

Aww, that actually really cheered me up! Kinda TMI I guess but not really? Talking about Feminine Sanitary Products and all. I just saw that my local supermarket now has a new brand called Lil Lets which is specifically for young kids having their first period and comes in a cute non-scary package with a bow and polkadot patterns. I just really like that! I’m sure I saw a tumblr post years ago about how it’d be so much easier on kids if there were period supplies in character print packages or something. Then a bunch of douchebags replying to it with ‘no! don’t enable your daughter’s whining! she has to be instantly a grownup because she hit her period!’ like seriously yo thats the EXACT REASON kids are getting so scared of a natural progress like puberty! >:( So yeah I’m happy this now exists! the pads themselves just look like plain normal white, but at least the packaging is all ‘hey, take it easy on yourself’ cuteness.

Tho honestly I know its dumb but I still feel awful having to buy this stuff as a trans person. I doubt we’ll ever get it someday, but I’ll continue to hope maybe for a brand of period supplies that isn’t so aggressively ‘OMG WOMAN OMG PINK OMG ITS YOUR SPECIAL DEFINING WOMAN TIME U GO GIRL’. I was in enough pain without more dysphoria, thanks. Srsly, does that ever even do anything for women? Does it actually help? The last thing I ever wanna hear on my period is that patronizing ‘~your special time~’ shit as if it isn’t a universally horrible experience. Man, and those stupid ads that’re all ‘ITS SO COMFORTABLE’ and show weird sexualized ladies acting as if sitting down gives them an orgasm or something. I guess they kinda HAVE to go with the creepy ‘welcome to the woman covenant, we’re magically connected by nature’ type writing cos seriously you have to stretch to find any way to make periods not awful. BUT WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO. Anti-bug spray doesn’t tell you bugs are great, it exists to fight them. Gimme my ‘FUCKIN DESTROY AUNT FLO WITH OUR POWER PADS’ advert! Man i especially wish I had these kids first period brand pads as a kid, it was fuckin TWICE AS NIGHTMARE for a trans kid. And this was like a decade before I even knew what transgender meant! I was just left alone with no education on the subject, no frame of reference to explain my feelings, just a creeping dread that i was becoming Even More Wrong with every damn day and I was suddenly expected to stop doing even the most minimal ‘not womanly’ things that gave me enough strength to live. I sympathise a lot with young cis girls who get that same kind of fear for different reasons, yknow? It always depresses me to hear so much ‘oh i was a tomboy as a kid but i grew out of it’ or like.. just.. ‘i used to be active as a kid but my parents didnt approve’ or whatever. 100% cis women who’re still so crushed by weird gender expectations that they gave up their hobbies just because some arbitrary trend at the time told their parents that this was ‘too boyish’. I mean, not that nobody ever changes as they grow up, but it sucks to see someone talk about it and they clearly still enjoy that thing and have just been taught to be ashamed of it. I think I was lucky cos I was able to stubbornly refuse all of that shit and continue being ‘boyish’ forever. Not that I was unaffected though, I just ended up hating myself and being socially ostracized, rather than changing myself to win some fake friends and then spending forever slowly rotting inside. God, you just can’t escape sexism/homophobia/transphobia no matter what you do!

...so yeah, thanks 2 this random company for making a good thing for kids, and somehow inspiring me to go on a Larj Dysphoria Rant also GAH I hate that my period started today, but at least this cheered me up mildly

[custompotato]

(My first one! Ahhh! Im So excited!) Thank you, @lovelylangst, for tagging me!

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people (I dont have 25 people But imma try anyway!!!)

Long ass post.

LAST… [1] drink: Coffee [2] phone call:My mom [3] text message: Sent? My mom. Received?  One of my WoW friends (whom i love) [4] song you listened to: She Keeps Me Up, by Nickleback. [5] time you cried: Last night.

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: I dont think so.  [7] been cheated on: Probably tbh [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Nope. [9] lost someone special: Do... Do pets count?  [10] been depressed: Yes, but I’m getting a lot of help from the fambam  [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope!! Dont drink too much, and I cant remember the last time I threw up involuntarily.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] Dark Blue [13] Orange  [14] Red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: Yup! And I’m so, so happy! I love them! [16] fallen out of love: I can’t say I’ve ever romantically *loved* someone, just kinda liked them, and that’s still going strong so. [17] laughed until you cried: ...We do not mention that night. [18] found out someone was talking about you: In what way? Like. meanly? Nicely? I dont think anyone would tbh I kinda suck [19] met someone who changed you: Read: The Fambam.  [20] found out who your true friends are: Uhhhh. Nothing like... Super cataclysmic clued me in?  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ... I dont think so? My memory of time is pretty shit tbh.

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All but like. 4. [23] do you have any pets: 54: 3 dogs, 8 cats, 3 goats(babies incoming), 12 ducks, 24 chickens, 2 pigs, 1 snake, 1 goose [24] do you want to change your name: Not to anything specific?? I just like using alias [25] what did you do for your last birthday: Do people celebrate those? ;;;; haha... ha. Im a lonely, old gremlin. [26] what time did you wake up: 6:53 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping. [28] name something you cannot wait for: S3 of Voltron, more wonderful angst of any of my favorite characters, happiness without worry, being 18 so i can do shit, retirement, bedtime. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: 3 seconds ago when I looked over to make sure she didnt know I was on Tumblr. [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My insecurites and general disgust and hatred for life. [31] what are you listening to right now: One of the freaking chickens laying eggs outside. And the pig playing with her food toy.  [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ... Prob, tbh, but I dont know their names. Only their groceries. [33] something that is getting on your nerves: My family [34] most visited website: Tumblr/Ao3 [35] elementary: Coal Creek [36] high school: (i dont understand the context.) What year im in? last. One i go to? Connections Academy. Favorite year? Junior [37] college: I do intend on going? To Aims [38] hair color: Natural? Brown. Current? Brown with the underside a dark red(really pretty red) [39] long or short hair: Long <3  [40] do you have a crush on someone: No comment... *sweatdrops* [41] what do you like about yourself: Uh... Um... I am the reincarnation of Happy Bunny, as said by my coworker. [42] piercings: A helix. I want my tongue done though [43]blood type: Hell if i know. Red. Prob... kinda salty-sweet, for you vamps out there. I dont taste good but youre welcome to try.  [44] nickname: Carrie/Path [45] relationship status: Single. [46] zodiac sign: Virgo.  [47] pronouns:She/her [48] fav tv show: Too many to list, but current is Voltron [49] tattoos: I wanna get one. Several, really. [50] right or left hand: Right

FIRST… [51] surgery: Idk, maybe? Prob not though.  [52] piercing: Ears [53] best friend: Irl? Ruby/Bo. Online? the Fambam in its entirety. [54] sport: To do? Ick. To watch? Basketball, i guess Favorites to watch/read about: tennis, basketball [55] vacation: Vegas, 7th Grade [56] pair of trainers: Those are shoes right?

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: Nothing! [58] drinking: Nothing! [59] i’m about to: Finish this up, read some langst, and go to work! [60] listening to: Nothing, rn  [61] waiting for: Happiness. And my later doom. Screw work. [62] want: Happiness. And a nap.  [63] get married: Only for tax benefits [64] career: Divorce Lawyer! (dreams of little girls, right?)

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: both. Fight me.  [66] lips or eyes: Eyes, because they dont mock me verbally. Also i can actually draw them so. [67] shorter or taller: I like tall people. I wish I were short.  [68] older or younger: Should I care??? As long as I’m not breaking laws, well. [70] nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach. And arms. Crush me against your nice stomach with your nice arms. [71] sensitive or loud: I am loud to cover up my sensitivity [72] hook up or relationship: ... depends tbh. If i were more confident in my body i would totally lean to hook up though. But also, cuddles are nice? I want cuddles. [73] troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. I am the most timid potato.

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? Nope! [75] drank hard liquor? Yup! [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? Dont remind me. [77] turned someone down: Yup! [78] sex on first date? Haha. Me? Sex? (im not confident enough for sex. also. No dates) [79] broken someone’s heart? ....If i think really hard and ignore the part of me saying noone could love me like that, I actually... Have? Several times? FML IM SORRY SIT!  [80] had your own heart broken? You cant break what I have already crushed! Haha! [81] been arrested? Almost, but not really.  [82] cried when someone died? Do pets/videogame characters count?? [83] fallen for a friend? ... No comment. (looks away shiftily)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? I thought we established the extreme no-ness of this? [85] miracles? Why should I? They’ll never benefit me. [86] love at first sight? Lust, yes. Love? Doesnt exist. [87] Santa Claus? No. [88] kiss on the first date? Who is the date with?  [89] angels? Nope!

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: Ruby/Bo/Ro/Entirety of Fambam [91] eye color: Brown [92] favorite movie: uhh... Kung Fu Panda 2 I guess.

Tagged peoples:

@moriatake @hubbletuff @redmullets @strifingkind @ghost-toaster @vivelavoltron @rubatosisopossum @kaxpha (you dont know me but I love you) @appsa @baked-mashed-potato @daddyshiro @aquabutterfly @demiquaver @lance-lance-revolution hnnnn how many more to go idont want to just tag random people ahh plz dont hate me, @bext-k because. youre like a queen. we need to know things. @lolygothica bc youre pretty much the reason i have tumblr thank you for all your fake fb posts and texts ilysm, @moroseconcept @prince-lance-of-altea cant wait for the Secret Circle au, ily for that, @sniperlance bc im running out of people and ily too even if we never talked before, @the-blue-artemis at this point half the people here i know from their langst. pretty sure im doing this wrong is it supposed to be just mutuals?!?! okay im done its not 25 people but i cant.. figure out... who else. (Please dont hate me T-T)

[mintyicee]

Warning: skip this post if want

It’s a rant...and i absolutely hate you tumblr app bc i had to redue this twice now! >:(

Anyway, I’m used to being ignored. Everyone around me since i was little to being a young adult now has left me to own thoughts and corner in my home since forever. Though i am partially to blame being an introvert and an absolutely horrible friend in keeping contact with friends online, I mostly do so if i feel no one wants to hear, see, speak, or look at me. I will personally disappear and hide myself bc i feel it will make others happy if i wasnt around. As if i didn’t exist. True, not everyone in your life will be around forever and true, being oneself is your greatest friend. But, as shy or quiet as i am, I love being around other ppl. I dont want to be around ppl 24/7 but i do want to connect with ppl i feel can appreciate me at my fullest and without feeling like im weird or the odd ball that doesnt belong.

With that being said, I may be USED to it but i ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. As any human being would of coarse and a lot of ppl have it worse dont get me wrong. Making this rant already makes me feel selfish and in need of pity which isnt why im writing this. Simply put i want to push this anger out of me and get it out of my system bc i feel i cant move forward until i do so. And when it comes to my problems i suck at communicating it to others bc i feel they have much more important things to be doing then to babysit someone who is feeling down (but id drop everything to listen to others sadness bc i care way too much). 

I hate feeling like i did back when i lived in my hometown. Very lonely and sad. Constantly crying. I wouldn’t do anything all summer but cry in my room bc of how alone i felt. And i gave a very important part of me away just to make sure i had at least one person hanging around. I regret it very much but my efforts to hang out with the friends i saw at school outside of school would be very close to zero. Everyone is either busy or just low key didnt want to hang out with me. Tho i was lucky to have at least one friend I would see more in certain grades, it wasnt constant. And once all the drama with my nuclear family subsided, i was much more alone in the house than before middle school. 

I didnt have a cellphone or home phone, no internet either till i moved and started high school. The things that kept me going usually was my writing, music, and cartoons. Seriously being serious here. The way Id touch base with any of my school friends was to walk to their house and be lucky if they had time or were home. When i moved i had so much hope that Id find ppl to share and spend time with. Not only that but i was in the real world and no longer stuck in a house like a prisoner or place for that matter. But like stupid ppl or racists, the same ppl pop up everywhere as well as the loneliness i was hoping to leave behind. Only it came in a new form: even when im around others. I am/was happier here tho. No longer confined in my hometown house. But recently it feels like i am. This summer has been my loneliest since the move and the feeling like no one cares about me at all have all come back at my lowest and most crucial decision making time of my life. Not being in school this semester/school year is hitting me hard and no job call backs for a whole month now either. 

Partially my fault tho. The new friend crew ive been spending time with have been ignoring anything i said in the group chat. Id be skipped over and lately it feels as if im just upsetting certain ppl and end up talking about me behind my back. Really nothing new but I’ve just had enough of it. Like always I distanced myself and stopped talking all together. I’ve been more political upset in recent days due to certain issues on twitter but I’ve only been talking to my boyfriend and my mother. In hindsight tho, they really are my best friends. They are here for me at my highest and lowest no matter how many times i cry or how suddenly i get upset or frustrated. They are the ones to accept me for who i am. No one else has done this to the extent as they have and really thats all i need. Even if i dont get any other long term friends i dont care bc i know they will be by my side till the end. 

But I also want to say that if you didnt want to be my friend in the first place or you wanted me to initiate the conversation first then u should at least comment back at what im saying. If i said something dumb or something that didnt add to the convo then tell me dont just ignore me like im stupid. I refuse to be your “friend” that you only want around to be made fun of. I’ve been through a lot and yes ik u have your share of problems but if your going to only look at yourself and care about yourself then i dont need you. Im good without having that in my life. Ive had my fill of people who act like that to me. And im also tired of people who dont care about others and present issues. I CRY ABOUT PPL I DONT KNOW THAT ARE ON THE NEWS WHETHER NAMED OR NOT. HELL I CRY EVEN IF THEY ARENT ON THE NEWS! There are soooo many ppl who have it way worse than myself who suffer daily and im sick of hearing ppl dont care about the ppl and situations around them! I wont sit here making an excuse as to why i cant help its the same old issues no money (no job as mentioned above) hell even no car but that doesnt matter. I still pray! I pray for safety of others and i pray that ppl will be alright and i pray that things will get better! And also mentioned earlier, ive been reposting about current issues on twitter! This is small but i want to try!

So please if you had no intentions of sticking around me at any of my current moods, dont appreciate the person i am, or relatively dont give a fuck then dont involve yourself in my life. Yes it hurts to be alone but Id rather have that and be alone then FEEL ALONE WITH PPL IVE COME TO CARE FOR! Also, if I have helped you through thick n thin and you think u can pop into my life whenever you feel like it only to stop talking to me or purposely upset me and even threaten me? GTFO of my life and dont come back! Ever (yes this is about a certain friend who moved away and i helped not commit suicide that im holding a grudge at)!  And if you honestly are going to get upset at the actions ive done and say you do good things when you have zero sign of love for others in your hearts, live in a bubble of your own world, and follow the bible “word for word” get out of my face too bc i dont need ppl who say they are here to help others only to shun me if i dont constantly keep verses in my head or do things the way you want them to be and to have me fight my own demons while going against your beliefs and saying that im not doing what im supposed to (yes this is about church)! I DO THINGS AND CARE WAY MORE THAN YOU DO TRUST ME AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IM EVER GOING TO SELFISHLY SAY SO BC ITS BETTER TO BE HUMBLE AND NOT ARROGANT. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO JUDGE YOU YET YOU GET TO JUDGE ME? NO I DONT THINK SO YOU SHOULD START AT LEVEL ONE AGAIN AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! (still about church not friends here). Also dont worry about the level one thing; you would know what this means if you went to the same church. 

I’ve been couping with the idea that all i need is two friends. I’m so grateful and blessed to have them in my life and if im truly meant to have more than it will be so. I know two others of whom i need to apologize for hardly emailing or sending a message to. I feel so bad i have neglected them only bc ive been feeling so down about this and other issues (like before: school, no job/car, possibly changing career and life goals, etc) but really is no excuse. Welp I’ve said all i wanted to say for the moment. There is another topic i wish to vent about but it will have to be for another day bc i have no energy to complain about that topic. If anyone read all this im sorry i took time out of your day and that I hope you are doing well. I hope you continue to live your life to the fullest and to celebrate the good things not the bad that comes along. I just really needed to vent these emotions so i can finally concentrate on what i need to do. Thank you for listening <3