#if you saw me edit this twice bc i also may or may not know how knuckle tats work no you didn’t

[go-to-the-mirror]

ATTENTION ATTENTION

IF YOU GET NOTHING ELSE OUT OF THIS POST AND SCROLL AWAY WITHOUT READING THE READ MORE OR APPRECIATING MY WINNING HUMOUR PLEASE JUST. PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO THE SECOND OUTLIERS TRAILER. ITS SO FUCKING LIKE- "HE GRIPS MY ARM WITH A STRENGTH I SHOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND BEGINS TO TELL ME ABOUT THE STARS" WHO LET JONNY BE THIS GOOD AT VOICE ACTING HHH

That out the way, welcome to 154, aka the episode in which jon and martin say fuck! And jonny does a great job with the voice acting here bc of course he does he's like a fantastic actor and writer or SOMETHING. gosh.

i swear the rest of this is gonna be really tma related, but i heard that trailer today and cant stop thinking about it.

without further ado, @a-mag-a-day, it's TIME for the episode that LEFT US ALL IN SHAMBLES!!

(this is all rambling, my words are not the grand words of episode 152)

Shout out to patreon "Jess?", their name gave me a sensible chuckle.

(sigh) Hm. (sharp inhale) I’ve, uh, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking after what happened with Daisy last week. About- what I can do. What I am. What feels right.

Immediately puts me in mind of

MARTIN I’m sorry. That sounds… (small sigh) That sounds horrible. ARCHIVIST I wish it was, Martin. I really wish it was. But it feels… right.

(MAG 160.11)

Hm.

There was one, this one, that my hand…. pulled back from. I dropped it, twice, when I went to pick it up. Even now, I’m… (slight quaver to his voice) struggling to hit play.

Ok, like, his voice puts me in mind of this line

I don’t like this. I don’t like not being sure what’s going to be in my mind, what thoughts are mine and what are from… elsewhere, why I just know some statements are what I should be reading.

(MAG 129)

And how like, yeah, if you think about it, that must be really like... there's something else in your head, pushing unwanted "awful knowledge" in it, altering your perceptions, your wants and needs, yourself in a fundamental and unchangeable way, like. UHM. THAT'S TERRIFYING.

God, why's Jonny such a good voice actor? The way he does Jon's... sort of about to laugh in a very bad way voice? That's just fantastic.

I am the avatar of awful knowledge and revealed secrets, so what does it not want me to know?

EATING YOUR PROSTHETIC MEET YOUR ANESTHETIC-

No, but there's this fantastic edit by instagram user archxvist that I listened to before I got to MAG 154, and it's that line, and I/Me/Myself and it's so coool you want to follow her and listen to it (it's pinned on her profile) don't youuuuu

(also it puts me in mind of this line)

ARCHIVIST Healthy? I am an Avatar of voyeuristic terror, who unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world to an eternity of torment; healthy i-isn’t- i,it’s not

(MAG 161)

Which 1. HHHHH JON D: ANJSDFDHVD HHHHNHRHHNRNHNHR and 2. is a line that gets stuck in my head all the time and as you can see from point 1... it's not a great time. :( im so sad about him

"When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing, but he heard her breathing, slow and steady and focused, and he immediately knew that she was finally going to- (slight stumble) -kill him. When the garden shears plunged into his chest, he was surprised by how little actual pain there was- just the sudden feeling of moisture on his chest and the realization that his body was growing weak, fading away. He wished she would say she was sorry she was doing this, that she loved him, that she would miss him. But he knew better, and his final thought was a gentle sadness at how little he was surprised."

Lots of things! First of all, Getrude's little stumble is just like :(. She may have been less of a care about people person, and more of a care about the fate of the world person - and doesn't that ache, to know that all those deaths were for nothing - but she was still upset to know that he died. She was still upset when she read his page. And I'm upset about that in turn.

Secondly, why are their deaths so sad, Gerry and Eric's. Like, I just, was this necessary? Yes, yes it was, I'm glad it's like this, it doesn't make me any less sad at that... poor guy, poor Eric. Fuck you, Mary Keay.

GERTRUDE Yes. Well. I’m sorry. ERIC Wasn’t even hard for her, was it? Handing me over? No sign of regret. GERTRUDE (Still a bit shaky) No. ERIC No. GERTRUDE I’m sorry, Eric; I know this must be hard- I just read your death. I didn’t realize it had been quite so…

:(, poor guy.

ERIC God, I was a mess. I mean, part of me kind of suspected she’d killed before, but clearly she hadn’t done it enough to be a decent hand at chopping up and dumping bodies. She was having a real bad time of it. My legs were all over the shop. (Long inhale) Would probably have been funny, if it hadn’t been me.

I like him, he's funny, also jesus christ, mary why the fuck? Just to be evil? Fuck her.

ERIC I don’t know how to describe it. Never was great with words. Bad. It feels bad. All the time. I know that I’m not really Eric. I’m just a memory someone wrote down. It hurts, most of the time. I don’t like it.

"It feels bad."

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's sort of funny. Also interesting, I never really... paid attention to the statement/Gertrude part of this episode, and I mean it's interesting, I didn't know they weren't them. Makes sense, I suppose.

ERIC You too. (beat) You got old. GERTRUDE Better than being dead. ERIC (Short sigh of a laugh) Fair enough.

I love their little dynamic, they're friends your honour :3

ERIC S’pose that makes sense. And Gerry? Have you seen my son?

HIS DAD USED TO CALL HIM GERRY!! (starts sobbing)

ERIC Oh, just thinking. Five years as her husband, god knows how many as her possession, and she just couldn’t stand being bound in the same book as me. GERTRUDE Hm. I’m sorry. ERIC Yeah, it doesn’t feel great.

:(

^ that's going to be like half of my reactions

GERTRUDE James? He died about twelve years ago. Elias is Head of the Institute now. ERIC Elias? Elias Bouchard, seriously? GERTRUDE Hm, he’s changed a lot. ERIC Must have!

HAHAHA! THE WAY THEY TALK ABOUT HIM, IT'S SO FUNNY

also uh. huh. you know i still don't get how the people who got elias was jonah magnus before the 158 reveal did it, but this does make it obvious in hindsight.

ERIC Well, that’s it, isn’t it? I suppose that’s why she gave me to you. One final screw you to the Eye. GERTRUDE Eric. How did you quit? (Eric holds back.) GERTRUDE (warning) Eric. ERIC (short laugh) Sorry. I just- (laugh) I don’t mean to be a dick, but- well, it’s been a long time since I’ve had any sort of- leverage, I guess? Just a- little bit of power. It’s kind of nice.

Hm, both :( and I really like him. he's funny.

GERTRUDE I suppose he might be useful.

...

hhhhhhhh

ERIC I don’t want to disappear on her terms. Or yours. I want to speak my piece, have it recorded.

fuck yea dude!

but the mystery, the promise of secret knowledge, of seeing something that no one else was privy to. A secret world that gripped my imagination.

ok, eye guy. fairly eye.

So when I finished my Masters in library science and saw a vacancy at the Magnus Institute, of all places, I jumped at the chance. The chance to pursue my passion and my career at the same time seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up!

THE ONLY GUY THERE WITH A DEGREE IN LIBRARY SCIENCE IS THE ONE THAT QUIT, LOVE HIM FOR THAT, HE ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING

(Amused, wistful hm) I knew she didn’t have an uncle. I knew the man was dead.

Good lord. That's... good lord.

She never promised anything, not even in her vows. She never betrayed me. Not like you. She never played dumb when I was stalked by bloated, blood sucking things, or told me I was imagining it when your friend Adelard dropped a screaming box into the Thames. She didn’t try to keep me in the dark just so I wouldn’t stop being useful; she never made me complicit in a thousand nightmares, and lives ruined for the sick joy of some otherworldly voyeur.

Really shitty boss. Really a shitty boss. God, poor guy, poor everyone who worked for her.

And I just... she really had the audacity to kill Emma, with all that blood on her hands?

...

And that’s when you turned nasty, isn’t it? When all your resources, they no longer want to serve your purpose. I suppose you didn’t know there was a way out, a way to escape. But if you had, would you have told me?

Hm

It was fitting, I suppose. Even after everything, she made me taste blood one last time.

headinhands :(

ERIC Then if you don’t mind? I think I’d like to go away now.

hmhnrhr that's just... the way that line is delivered

(The Archivist sighs heavily.) ARCHIVIST Fuck.

INDEED!

MARTIN Look, Peter, I- [The door is thrown open. The Archivist bursts in.] ARCHIVIST Martin! MARTIN (Overlapping) Oh- (quieter) Jon! God, don’t do that!

MAKING A SOUND LIKE A CAT COUGHING UP A HAIRBALL RN NHNHRNHNRR

MARTIN No, it’s fine! I j- you just surprised me, that’s- (surprised) Jesus, you alright? You- You look like hell.

His only description is looking like shit. I love him so much.

ARCHIVIST Oh! Uh, Ri, Right, I um, God, I get weak. Hungry, I guess, sort of. I, I’ve been trying to avoid, being, um- sticking to old statements? Thank you for your little intervention, by the way. MARTIN Look, I wouldn’t have to if you’d hadn’t been- ARCHIVIST (Overlapping) Yes no, I know, I know; I’m sorry; that didn’t come out right; honestly, thank you. It’s been hell, but- I, I did need to hear it.

He stutters so much when he's talking to Martin, dude, get a grip. But also, well, I'm glad, yay! Good for them and stuff. Maybe with the power of heartfelt gratitude and love and stuff they'll gouge their eyes out and elope together? PLEASE!

ARCHIVIST Yeah. But it’s- (heavy inhale) It’s pretty drastic. MARTIN What, you gotta gouge your eyes out, or something? (Beat.) MARTIN (CONT’D) Fuck off.

AHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHAH THATS JUST SO FUNNY, JUST THE SILENCE LIKE "UH WELL" QAHJDFSHAJDFSHJFJJSF IM SURE IT'LL ALL TURN OUT FINE

right?

ARCHIVIST I, I, I don’t know; I suppose. I, If your vision comes back, the Beholding probably does as well- probably. But i-it’s not like it’s easy to only blind yourself temporarily anyway I-

First thing that popped into my head was that in a nuclear explosion you can go temporarily blind for a couple of hours from the light. Enjoy that factoid, I guess.

ARCHIVIST No, you’re the first. MARTIN Why? ARCHIVIST Uh, because… because, because I trust you. I, I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… (exhale) If I did try this, I- I don’t want to do it alone. But we could leave here, you and me. Escape.

ITS FINE THIS TIME ITS GOING TO TURN OUT FINE, FUCK ITS GONNA BE FINE ITS GONNA BE SO FINE

"because I trust you" "we could leave here, you and me" HHHH

MARTIN I mean, (mirthless laugh) Could you even survive at this stage? Is there anything else keeping you alive? ARCHIVIST Uh, I,I don’t know. I don’t- know. But… maybe it’s worth it? The risk- y,you and me, together, getting out of here- (Martin sniffs.) ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) -one way or another.

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

one way or another

ARCHIVIST Cut the tether. Send them away. Maybe we both die. Probably. But maybe not. (Emotional) Maybe, maybe everything works out, and we end up somewhere else. MARTIN Together? ARCHIVIST (Emotional) One way or another. Together.

(MAG 200, but you already knew that, didn't you)

it's fine. i'm fine. it's fine

[ID: Drawing of a person sitting at a computer, crying. /End ID]

ARCHIVIST But what if you don’t? (Small exhale) We could just leave. I mean, whatever their plan is for me, I am damn sure that doing that isn’t it. I’d derail everything- we could derail everything, and then just- leave!

THEY COULD HAVE! ALEXA PLAY ROLLING IN THE DEEP!

why... why... why...

[ID: CC!GoodTimesWithScar with his head in his hands. /End ID]

MARTIN Who are you kidding, Jon? You’re not going to do any of that. ARCHIVIST I, I, I could. MARTIN (Still brimming with false laughter) But you won’t. That’s why you came to me, isn’t it? (The Archivist exhales.) MARTIN (CONT’D) You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want is a reason to not do those things, so- you come to me. Well, you’re welcome. B,Because I can’t follow you on this one.

im literally, literally, in real life, crying. podded cast. why? why?

ARCHIVIST The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it? MARTIN You know, I think it always did.

no words, just sadness.

ARCHIVIST (Quiet) Maybe. (beat) Well, I’ll be here, if you ever need me. MARTIN (Also quieter, softer) I hope so. ARCHIVIST (Faster) Just-don’t-wait-too-long, okay? [He moves towards the door, sighs.] ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) If you haven’t already.

"I hope so" wh yherrghweherfv wdaj "just dont wait too long okay" hnhrfthrjhfsdehhhh hhrhnnhhh hhh h but he just they just htey they thyfruscdafsfidvjjfhvdxnj "if you havent already" AAAA just KILL ME it would HURT LESS

Now, let's see what past me had to say, while current me is sad. very sad /ref

It's so funny how despite me thinking it had 200 episodes the magnus archives ended on episode 154 with Jon and [Martin] running away and getting married wow what a plot twist

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

Jon and Martin are so lovely together and they are together and they all left in episode 154 and they are all happy did you know that? Also no kayaking or.. freaky tables happened and everyone is ok did you know that wow it's so weird how episode 155 is just nothing for 24 minutes ahaha i love the magnus archives what a satisfying and happy ending

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

Everyone go home the magnus archives is over and martin said yes to what was essentially a weird marriage proposal and they all left. True & real

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

Obsessed with how this is the happiest ending for them /neg

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

I'm going to elaborate on this - I'm really upset that this is the happiest plausible ending. There's no escaping, no preventing Tim and Sasha's deaths, and all they had to go through. Their happiest ending is after so much has already happened. After Jon's gone through the wringer, 13 out of 14/15 (yes, 15) marks. After Martin's gone through the wringer, what with Jane Prentiss, and the lonely, and tim and jon dying, and everything. After Tim and Sasha are already dead. This is their happiest ending.

Not okay!!!

DIVERSITY WIN! LOVE WINS HHH

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

[(about the edit mentioned previously)] Love that this is from the episode where [Jon] proposed to martin (real not fake)

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

AND ALSO I FOUND THIS IN OLD MESSAGES TO MY LOVELY BOYFRIEND SLASH PLATONIC (follow !!!)

My brain is so rude fr fr I was having a lovely tiem Well no i wa thinking about season 4 jon I was having a wretched time and my brain said "we can make em worse" [...] So the au would go like this: - canon compliant until post-ep 154 - jon think "well if i gouge my eyes out, then martin will know im serious about this" - eye gouging commences - oh lawd he dying (episode 181 fades in ig?) - either becomes one of those archivist things as the eye tries to stop him [or] dies - times get even worse

Messages to @/asideofsalt (@scarandjoelenthusiast). 22 September, 2022.

Also there were some other things said:

Jon said "is anyone going to be self destuctive" and didn't wait for an answer

He had No Friends, he believed he was a monster, he repeatedly said that he can't die because "they need me". No other reason provided. He... thinks he's responsible for everything that went wrong in the world and has to fix everything and is the only one [who] can. He thinks he's the most important worst person in the world. Which is uh.

ok so jon and martin's love language is martin makes tea for jon and jon comes back from his recent kidnapping and worries about martin's well being

Uhm, well, hope you enjoyed that little ramble, god im so abnormal about this podcast. I wish they'd be okay, but actually I don't because I... I'm listening because I wanted to listen to a horror podcast, that is why i am here. so, rip to them. part of me wants them to be okay, part of me is eating popcorn as they... you know, have this whole tragic thing going on :(

[eulaties]

marionetta: first impressions

as you can tell, i veryy much love marionetta so far and i am super excited to see where the story will go in terms of conflict + character development! so below, i will be theorizing about the connections between anthonn and the ah’kon people, as well as julia’s overarching role in the story. please bear with me bc this'll be pretty rambly ^^;; and because everything is subject to being proven horribly wrong by canon, please also take everything with a grain of salt!

edit (1/4/23): ok so apparently the Hot Guy isn’t anthonn. unless....he’s just lying and he actually IS anthonn.........../hj

jokes aside i have no idea whether this entire post was immediately proven wrong by ep. 4 or not so. i’ll just leave this here in the very slim chance that my crack theory is right...or, if anthonn’s identity is finally revealed and i am proven horribly, horribly wrong, i’ll still leave this up but make another edit.

in either case—happy reading! i am truly excited to see where this story’s mystery will take us ✨

edit 2 (1/10/23): ok yeah i was proven horribly wrong lol but also i would die for tonnie

1. anthonn & the ah’kon people

firstly, with all the emphasis the narrative places on the ah'kon people within just the first 2 episodes, i think it’s clear that—with the whole three eyes thing, and the fact that they look pretty similar—anthonn is related to them in some way. maybe they’re kin, or maybe they only have a shared identity. either way, they are connected.

another interesting thing to note is the way that kalgratti citizens speak about the ah’kon:

a) episode 1 ➜ the scene on the bus

b) episode 2 ➜ julia’s conversation w/ her father

J: “No way am I sitting there! Can’t you see who’s sitting next to it?!”

K: “Oh, right. That man is one of those Ah’kon people. Do you think it’s true that under that badge they have...?”

J: ...“Stay behind me. It’s dangerous letting this guy travel with normal people...Don’t make eye contact with him, Kamille.”

Afterwards, the people on the bus excitedly talk about going to the circus.

J: ..."But the new uniform orders just came in! The rest of us will have to do twice as much work! You're all just slackers!”

c) episode 3 ➜ the scene after julia wakes up from the dead

F: “We have to return some Three Eyes to the Aspett Research Center.”

J: “Yes, I saw one on the bus yesterday. Why are they letting them walk around like that?”

F: “I don’t know, but don’t even think about talking to them...They’re superstitious people.”

After this, Julia tells him that she went to the circus last night.

F: “To the circus? What for? Only slackers go there!”

these three scenes give away a LOT of information:

J: “Yes, that’s it! Are you trying to drive me crazy?! I’ll report you all!”

D: “Hey...”

J: “You use cheap tricks to poison the minds of Kalgratti citizens! You’re a bunch of—” [censored by the speech bubble]

D: “Calm down, young lady...”

julia, as a character, is very restrained in that she is pretty conservative with her lifestyle and perspective of the world (ofc i don’t mean “conservative” in the political way, i just mean that she’s more traditional compared to someone like kamille, who is naturally free-spirited and inclined to adventure). this is mostly seen in episode 1, where she acts grumpy all throughout the trip to the circus, and consistently wishes that she was anywhere but there. she also doesn’t hesitate to say “i’ll report you!” whenever she gets angry at other people (namely, the circus troupe).

this characterization makes a lot of sense when we consider that julia’s father seems to be a decently ranked official in the village. he looks like he may work for the law enforcement, given his uniform and how he says, “we have to return some three eyes.”

the fact that the three eyes, or ah’kon people, are regularly sent to research centers signals that not everything is as innocent as it seems. it’s almost as if kalgratti citizens generally accept that ah’kon people are all “crazy” subjects that need to be studied by researchers. this dehumanization is similar to what we saw in hooky, though it seems to be more covert; not as outwardly violent as burning someone at the stake, and yet just as harmful. this silent persecution may be one of the driving conflicts of the story.

2. julia’s identity & narrative role?

from the scenes outlined above, i believe it is also pretty obvious that julia parrots a lot of the rhetoric that her father says. from thinking that the circus is just for slackers to wholeheartedly believing that the ah’kon people are freaks, she doesn’t seem to have an identity for herself. even her steadfast work ethic and “stick-in-the-mud” attitude is largely due to her upbringing. this means that the way julia perceives the world is very much molded by her father; she believes she leads a respectable, normal life, while in actuality she lives according to convention and doesn’t question societal norms.

and here is where the circus comes into the picture.

everything that she has ever known is suddenly turned upside down by the contract that she hastily signs (and doesn’t even bother to read the fine print of). anthonn’s wandering troupe presumably gives the unfairly deceased a second chance of living, at the cost of shedding their former identities, so when julia is simultaneously killed by the circus that is so very diametrically opposed to who she is at that moment, it’s ironic! because she’s also given a second chance through the circus—only that, rather than shedding her former identity, she must pay her dues through murder.

regardless, it seems that when she does commit the murder months later, her former identity is already long gone.

and there is certainly a lot to unpack here about her chosen (or assigned?) circus costume.

as preface: miriam bonastre tur is an artist from spain, so i think it is reasonable to assume that she’ll be incorporating spanish and/or latin american cultural influences into marionetta. therefore...

julia’s mushroom hat & makeup: mushrooms in spanish and latin american folktales have strong connections to spirituality and are highly respected in traditional shamanic culture. this is super interesting when we consider the context of the circus in marionetta...

“Shamanism is a system of religious practice. Historically, it is often associated with Indigenous and tribal societies, and involves belief that shamans, with a connection to the otherworld, have the power to heal the sick, communicate with spirits, and escort souls of the dead to the afterlife.”

julia’s mismatched tights: they may be a visual representation of going against what is perceived as “normal,” and breaking free from strict conventions. perhaps by being in the circus, julia will gradually unlearn her own subconscious prejudices. this ideological change would then set up conflict with her father later on in the story.

julia’s braids: instead of wearing her hair in only one braid, like what was seen at the beginning of the story, she now wears her hair in two braids. this parting of her single, unified braid visually parallels a fork in the road; in turn, this may imply that she will come to make a crucial decision (i.e., to kill or not to kill anthonn). maybe she won’t choose either of the paths laid out for her. maybe she’ll create a new path for herself...and maybe that'll involve her trying to escape the contract.

3. miscellaneous wonderings

is there narrative significance to having julia (& everything she represents, especially in relation to the ah'kon people) “kill” anthonn?

in a society where ah'kon people face covert persecution, was founding the circus troupe anthonn’s way of surviving?

who wrote the contract? who “chose” julia to kill anthonn? alternatively, are there more people in the circus tasked to kill him?

[radioactivecatboy]

was tagged by @princess-of-purple-prose to list five songs i actually listen to and tag ten mutuals. WAOG A CHANCE TO TALK ABT MUSIC THANKS KAY SURELY I WILL BE SO SO FUCKING NORMAL ABT THIS (no caps: woag a chance to talk abt music thanks kay surely i will be so so fucking normal abt this)

Hell’s Comin’ With Me by Poor Man’s Poison. this is one of my songs ever tbh. the depressing slow start that sounds like its going to be a normal depressing country song, but suddenly ramps up in fury and pace into something almost joyful in its violence. as soon as i hear the sharp cords to prep “there is a hill at the bottom of the valley” i am full screaming the lyrics. “i paid the devil twice as much to keep your soul” mph. chefs kiss. delicious. also its about killing a corrupt priest which i hoot and holler and bang the table for

the jester by ratz. hi ratz if you have any reason to see this post for whatever reason though i cannot imagine why. i love ur music. esp this song. i vibrate slightly when it plays. vocals outta this world. anyway. the parallel between the lyrics “Oh, I know / It’s a dangerous game i play with my soul / I know / It’s a dangerous game / But my self preservation is tepid at best” and “He knows / It’s a dangerous game he plays with his soul / I know / It’s a dangerous game / My morality is shaky at best” is so !!!!!!!! for me

Santa Fe by Autoheart. “and when i saw you i should have kept on going but i couldnt move the gods of justice spoke and i got what i deserve and when you saw me your hand became an angry fist i agree with everything that’s coming my way but forgive me if you can” oooooooo BABY i love angst i love self recrimination i love the knowledge you fucked up so bad and you have no way to protest that you Don’t deserve the pain the other party might choose to inflict back on you. Punch (Special Edition) is one of my favorite albums ever genuinely banger after banger

Pray by The Amazing Devil. oh man i LOVE this band i dont think theres a single damn song by them i don’t like or even feel ambivalent about but Pray is one that makes me want to start sprinting through the streets screaming my heart out. i can’t even give you some favorite lyrics from it bc everything feeds into everything else it’s so visceral and evocative of a desperation and determination and frustration and the thrum of something trapped inside you desperate for freedom. madeleine hyland fucking ROCKED it so hard. ma’am i am so in love with you. please listen to this song fr

The Hand That Feeds by The Crane Wives. another song by one of my bands ever. it’s been consistently at or near the top of my spotify most played artists for years u should check them out. this is truly a song of all time, it makes me feel the need to break capitalism’s spine over my knee, throw its corpse on a bonfire, and dance around the flames. the narrator is soooooo fucking bitter and determined to keep their autonomy and soul in a society where money is impossible to live without and nearly impossible to get without being treated cruelly and dehumanized for. “no man should get more of my time than me, than me, i may never be a rich man but i can make sure that i am free. the rich man can never have me” literally songs to gnaw your arm off to

so that was music corner with jellyfish thanks for tagging me kay ily <33 uhh i’ll go ahead and tag @gnomebud @whale-blanket @angelslant @tjuvmon @freijan @ragefear @frogliftcertified and anyone else who might want to just say i tagged u and go wild <33

[butch-reidentified]

What do you think of this

https://www.tumblr.com/feminist-fog/722630344826847232/the-funniest-thing-to-me-rn-is-seeing-transphobic

I'm gonna respond to this as if I share your belief that it's easy to disguise your sex and that tons of trans people are doing this all the time, but it's worth noting that I really don't. Anyone can select and post a bunch of pictures, which may be edited for all we know, but are certainly deliberately posed and carefully selected by the subject before being shared online. Pictures do not reflect real life "passing," especially since these pictures don't show the full body and since a large part of "passing" is in the voice, intonation, mannerisms, and behaviors.

I don't blindly believe stuff like this. This is one single anonymous post that feeds right into a popular TRA narrative claiming that "transphobic" women would have an issue with trans men in women's bathrooms. Respectfully, one single anonymous post does not mean anything to me. If OP is going to claim that this phenomenon is really happening (and by happening, I don't just mean once or twice, but rather to claim that it's an actual phenomenon and an issue worth paying attention to), then OP should provide more & better receipts than this. It's the internet. We've all seen far too many fake posts that look rather similar to this, where someone allegedly is having their politics backfire on them. I've seen similar content where a supposed anti-choicer is being criminally charged for having a miscarriage and mourning how wrong she was to celebrate the end of Roe. It had zero outside sources to make it believable, yet I saw a lot of (intelligent!) women sharing it. That stuff is insidious. And I will be honest with you, the way this post is written/worded makes me suspicious. "This person looks so weird. Like they look super masculine. They even have a beard and everything." This just sounds so fake to me, it sounds like something a TRA would THINK a "transphobic woman" would say, not like how I ever hear radfems/gc women talk (can't really speak for conservatives/trads tho bc I don't fw them so idk, but from screenshots I've seen and whatnot it doesn't sound much like them, either). It especially doesn't sound like anything any radfem would ever say for the reasons I detail in #2.

If this did happen, it must be some conservative trad type, NOT a radfem/gc feminist. Why? Simply put, because conservatives/trads want to reinforce gender, so they aren't thrilled with the existence of unfeminine women, whereas we want gender abolished, so we love gender nonconformity. Our communities are FULL of gnc women, including detrans women, many of whom still look the same as they did when they identified as trans - despite the weird narrative I often see, "FTMTF" detransition does not inherently entail becoming feminine and/or performing feminine gender roles, stereotypes, and expectations. Radfem ideology being opposed to gender and viewing femininity as an oppressive construct means a large portion of our communities will be gnc women who don't shave or wear makeup, who have short & practical hair/nails, who wear baggy shorts and sneakers, etc. I myself do all of this, have had a mastectomy, was briefly on T in the past (and thus have a little facial hair and a deeper voice), and have stereotypically masculine behaviors/mannerisms. Many people have mistaken me for male. Do you think I have a problem with myself in the bathroom? I don't buy this narrative TRAs have about how trans men and gnc women would/do have issues in bathrooms from "transphobic" women because I've looked like this for many years and never had so much as a nasty look - and I go out ALL the time, at least multiple nights a week downtown + going to all kinds of places and events during the day. I also have a tiny bladder, so if any "masc" (hate this term tbh) woman was going to run into this issue in a public restroom, I'd be shocked it was never me.

So, yes, I don't technically know if this is fake or not, no matter how odd it seems to me, but regardless of whether it's real, I find it very hard to believe that this is happening with any degree of significance. And whatever degree it is actually happening is the doing of conservatives/trads, who presumably were already doing that to gnc women (including butch, trans-identifying, etc) before the whole trans bathroom debate was even a thing, and would/will continue to do this to those same women whether or not the trans discourse existed at all. Bottom line here: this isn't about trans stuff; it's about gender nonconformity which happens to include trans stuff. And if you are sending me this because you think I could ever be one of those women, joke's on you bc I'm on the exact opposite side of this story 😅

[anacecherry]

Ace Lore

Everyone in my friend cycle is posting their lore and Louie gave me the idea to make my own as well so here we go. Kept switching between 3rd person and 1st person because I felt like using both so the phrasing may seem weird

This isn't in any order I wrote them down as they came to my mind

Named Ace because of Among Us

Had a Danganronpa phase in 2020

Was a mod in dr-transparents

Also had a dr edit blog have fun trying to find that one

Used to be homophobic but one day during breakfast I asked my mom if being gay was a sin and she just thought for a second and said no so I stopped being homophobic

Dad in jail (out in march 9 😎)

Watched the entire mcu once

Goes to one of the greatest schools around the area and its shit

Watches how to learn Turkish videos despite being turkish

Has been pirating movies ever since I started using computers because I didn't know you had to pay for it until 3 years ago

Has an """uncle""" and """aunt""" thats younger than me (the aunt is a toddler)

First experience with the sonic franchise was that flash fangame based on sonic advance 2 and I thought Knuckles was a girl

Has an evil twin named Allo, who likes reddit and men

Knows every single frame of animation in Rise of the TMNT

funneylizzie follows me. I forget about that a lot.

The only person that never misread Penosh's og url

.w batman

Will :handshake: me

The CEO of Rise Casey Jones (Cassandra)

The mere sight of Cjj is enough to fill me with rage

Got kicked out of a toh youtubers server bc I tried to explain the owner that the potion coven was, in fact, a real coven and not just a track that they only teach at Hexide

Once woke up and saw a short weird girl with long black hair watching me from the side of my bed, she disappeared after I closed and opened my eyes again. No it wasn't sleep paralysis.

Has a sunflower seed addiction

I was Penosh's first follower I think that should be here

The 6 kittens we took care of after their mom died, most didn't last 2 months alive, the 5th one ran away like an idiot and the 6th lives with our neighbors and hates us

Most likely had a crush on my middle school best friend

Says "Lan" a lot in real life my friends think it's funny

Grew up near the sea so Im immune to the smell of fish

Remembers her first earthquake in 3rd person

When I clear out likes it takes a long time and I end up rebloging a lot of posts, and it might happen again & will be real big this time so be prepared

The Ralsei icon is traced from the og sprite from Deltarune and I will never ever change it it is a part of my identity now

Url used to be tsundere-blue-cherry before I changed it

The first time I remember throwing up might be one of my core memories. did you know you cant talk when you're just about to vomit

Has headaches forever ever since elementary school

Had a budgie named Şans that flew away because mom kept forcing us to keep the windows open

When I was ~6 I a dream where a Caillou toy that I had came to life and I got so scared that I tore it apart and ran. When I woke up I checked the drawer I put the toy parts in and he was still there and greeted me I screamed and slammed it shut and never looked at that drawer again

Ayıcık the teddy bear

Had 2 imaginary friends and one of them was a mirror

Diagnosed as American

I have cherry in my url but cannot eat cherries bc when eating cherries I realized it had worms in it and it happened twice and I have not been able to eat cherries without drowning in anxiety ever again

My youngest sister called my middle sister Dede despite her name not having those letters in it and the word dede meaning grandpa in our language. We started calling her that as well

Had a dream, before the sonic 2 trailer came out, where the trailer released and it was normal except Boom Knuckles was there as a separate character from normal Knuckles and had his model from the show

Made up number lore when I was younger

Uses light mode

[nathank77]

7/11/24

8:11 p.m Edited/Added to Significantly I'm ranting bc dual relationship is a trigger for me bc maybe just maybe despite everything something similar may be the reason I didn't kill myself.

It actually really bothers me that Erin lost her license. She met with me anyways bc she's a good person.

Why did she lose her license? Bc she was a good person. That's the fucked part. She opened up her home to a fucking client who was homeless. She cared too much. And this guy lived there for free and her one major mistake was she billed insurance twice when he kept her up until 2 a.m talking about his problems.

She's such a good person. She's always cared too much. Yea she had a dual relationship but when you get down to it, she cared so much that she wouldn't let that guy be homeless and then the fuck reported her and she lost her license.

She's a fucking great therapist. Emdr certified. Hypnosis certified. She's accepting of everyone. She'd kind, and she doesn't fucking fly away when you're over complicated.

When I saw her 7 years ago I was fucking easy just had ocd. She got me on disability. She got my loans forgiven. She got my loans forgiven by writing a letter when I wasn't even her client I messaged her 3 years later asking her to write a letter and she did it, and just sent it to me.

Then I came to her in October 2023, delusional and a fucking mess and she didn't leave me. She's still willing to meet sometimes. I'm going to meet with her monday and even if she cancels I can't blame her but I tried to talk more like friends. Connecting instead of 100% overloading her with my shit cause I picked Erin for a reason in October besides for Elise who yea I'm not going into how badly I want to know her personally- Erin was the only therapist I ever met who was fucking genuine. A real fucking human. Besides for Elise.

I'm upset for her. She should have never lost her license. The board took her license away for giving a homeless client a home.

99.99% of the field are cardboard cut outs, 2 dimensional people who only do it for money and couldn't care about you at all.

Erin opened her home up to this guy saving him from being fucking homeless and he fucked her over.

It's fucking upsetting to me bc I've met with over 50 people who are a therapist as a profession and only 2 of those PEOPLE actually cared. Really cared. Deeply.

She cared too much and the guy fucked her over. And now all of her old clients are fucked and have to find someone who isn't a automated bot. It's depressing af. Cause it's hard to find another human sitting in the "power" chair. You meet people at their jobs making a living. Some who have no concept of what living with mental illness is really like.

And this guy she helped and the board robbed the mental health field from a person who actually gives a fuck.

I'm going to try to shift gears with her and be friends. It's going to take me some time to entirety shift gears and be able to talk things out but also not make it all about me. I can't blame her if she eventually falls off the face of the earth during this adjustment period but:

Why did she have to lose her license for caring too much? I've had so many therapists look at me like I'm a lost fucking cause and they would have never helped me. Too many looked at me with the look of, "I don't get paid enough to deal with you."

I can think of two people who would go above and beyond. And I say people for a reason. Real genuine people.

She didn't fucking deserve it. She put good out in the world. Idk what the guy was thinking to report someone who would take you off the street. I get it's a dual relationship but it wasn't sexual. She provided him with shelter. And even if it was sexual it's not really a power dynamic why?

- unless you lie and bill my anthem insurnace multiple times over the weekly limit and it is causing me to receive a bill (guy was on husky) then youre not abusing your "power."

- if you're not billing my insurnace when we have sex it isn't a power relationship..

- if you're not exchanging sex for services it's not a power relationship.

-I'm pretty positive there was no sex but I'm just saying that even if there was there are few circumstances inwhich a therapist abuses her "power."

The only power a therapist has is this:

1) "it's not a good fit."

2) and they can lie and bill you for something that didn't happen but I mean that's something you can prove.

3) they can say you're not mentally competent/send you to a psych ward.

I'm upset for her. I don't think it's fair. She's still meeting with some of her clients bc she's a good person.

Dual relationship really equal this= I cared too much bc I'm a human being.

- I'd never report someone for a dual relationship with me. Christ me and Erin have been fb friends the entire time. I could have deleted her but I chose not to.

Why would I report someone for helping me?

Why would I report someone for caring too much?

- You either connect person to person or you're an automated bot. That's the thing. You either care or you look at people as money.

- a dual relationship really does equal in almost every circumstances= two humans connecting and the one that was in "power" caring too much.

-a dual relationship if sex for services wasn't involved is 1000% I cared too much. God forbid someone actually give a fuck. God forbid a therapist cared about you and sometimes you need that extra care.

Elise saved my life. Was it a dual relationship? Not really. However going above and beyond can save someone's life. Even if she never talked to me again I'd never report her. Even if she reached out to me and said I'm uncomfortable knowing you bc of your feelings. I'd never hurt her. Why? Cause she actually cared deeply about me and the genuine love cause it was love, not romantic but love like you love another human being is what has saved me. I'm not dead bc of Elise.

The phrase dual relationship to me grinds my gears bc people connect. It's person to person and sometimes the connection isn't forever much like an ex or an old best friend but what you shared was important and may have been critical enough to save your life.

I'm really genuinely upset about it. Dual relationship is really another phrase for two human being actually caring about eachother. And in a safe space like a therapeutic relationship, when the "client" sees the "therapist" cares more about them than they do about getting a paycheck. It's one of the most meaningful things in the world.

She cared when she wasn't getting paid. She cared too much. She went above and beyond. She actually saved me everytime she said I don't need money to talk to you. I don't need money to be there for you. And when you get down to it, the "therapist" is losing money and risking her career bc she cares so deeply about this PERSON she connected with and she's being SELFLESS.

Fucking selfless listening to your problems and being there for you when she should be getting paid for it.

-I'll say it again dual relationships really= I cared too much bc I'm a human being.

[punkpresentmic]

Mic misunderstood how knuckle tats worked & used his thumbs too so he could spell PRESENT MIC

His knuckles say PRES TMIC

[justsomeboredgirl]

cucumberplane millennial headcanon #1

shen qingqiu edition:

shen qingqiu is obviously a weeb. he became hooked bc of digimon and has been sucked into the anime void ever since. when aot ending came out, he got an aneurysm so bad he had to go to the hospital. his family was very worried, but only his sister understood the grief he went through (shen yuan's sister personally wish she can get an aneurysm too to express how upset she was)

he once purchased a kaneki ken mask and was proud for only a week before he realized how much a weebo he was and proceed to chuck the mask to his drawer. shen yuan locked that week in his Dark HistoryTM memories.

he also go to anime conviction and was tricked to buy a levi ackerman body pillow. that memory was also mark as a Dark HistoryTM (he gave the body pillow to his sister, he squashed the regret he felt)

after 3 years of being a public weeb, he went underground and tried to erase his weebo life. (keyword : tried). he succeeded for 2 weeks and then jujutsu kaisen came out. he became a fushiguro megumi stan ever since.

he also own a katana. sometimes he had a DramaticTM anime mock battle with his sister, completed with a very dramatic music

he once signed up for volleyball club bc of Haikyuu but gave up early. his body was too weak

of course shen yuan also watch emotional anime like Your Lie in April, Clannad, Angel Beats, Anohana. he cried a lot

so he tried to go to japan to see demons bc of kimetsu no yaiba but those are false statements. his family definitely didn't try to drag him from the airport to convince him demons are NOT real, A'Yuan, please calm down and go home okay? (if her brother says something, he is a lying liar who lies)

so what if shen yuan tried to create a rasengan with his qi? airplane tried to create a chidori too! (so maybe they tried to have an epic shinobi battle in xianxia settings but they were bored)

shen yuan asked if they can ride their sword like a magic broom, bc he want to feel like harry potter or kiki. airplane stare at him like an idiot and he felt offended enough he forgot about it (hint : he did NOT forgot about it, lou binghe asked what happened to his thighs)

shen yuan succeed in creating kamehameha from qi. everyone congratulate him while airplane muttered something about copyright in the background. shen yuan ignores him.

lou binghe once used an array that shen yuan recognized. he promptly went to airplane to bitch about it. ("You dare tell me about copyright when I saw Lou Binghe used a human transmutation array from Fullmetal Alchemist?!?!")

if he quoted Koro-sensei once or twice when he's teaching, nobody gonna know

shen yuan had a mental breakdown once about all the endings to anime he will never know, like hunter x hunter. lou binghe was Very Worried and frantically cook everything with anxiety. lou binghe may have thought his precious shizun was smiling again bc of what he cooks, but actually shen yuan smiled victoriously bc at least he knew aot ending

shen yuan and shang qinghua meet every tuesday so shen yuan can bitch about anime all he want. friday is for kpop bitching that shang qinghua gets to. and sunday was to bitch about life in general

[aturnoftheearth]

hi I just found your fool for love amv on YouTube. and may I just say. fuckign incredible. I just listened to the whole strange trails album on november 5th, and I think fool for love might have been my favorite song on the album. for three weeks I have thought at LEAST twice a day about how well this song fits them. I was going to like, try to learn how to make amvs so I could make this specific one. and I don't even know what software means . I feel an incessant need to liveblog this amv like an asshole so!!

"I know she's gonna be my wife" "I do" SHIT DUDE. YEAH.

chuck IS big jim. incredible scene choices. poor little meow meow in chair "not so tough"!?!?! Yes

"Happiness is, in the end, the having" YHE CAPTION... YOUR MIND. Actor Men congested poor articulation pulled through and I literally can't unhear that now!!! I had to rewind cause I was like what. did I miss another destiel goes canon.

AABOCIBSIBWQBCOHCAIHCH YES YES UES THE TMWWBK HOLY FIRE SCENE I KNOW I SHOULDVE NEVER LOOKED BACK!!!!! THAT IS *THEE* SCENE I THINK ABOUT EVERY SINGLE TIME I LISTEN TO THIS SONG

never should've called his bluff.. Symbolism .. poetries,, metaphors.

cas in the empty for I really don't know where I'm going . idk that just is like. exactly the correct vibe? idk what I mean but on one level it's great because "oh right haha he's in the great unknown, like the empty" but also it just hits so correctly in a way I don't quite understand. anyway

dean staring into the endless sky... excellent. superb. I am making googly eyes at him.

FIX IT VIDEO??????? *FUCK* YES!

I am going to become half of the views. imprint this on my eyelids... replace my car windshield with it... I am not exaggerating this has changed the trajectory of my life. I don't have to learn how to edit a fucking amv ! catharsis, I guess!

also! the scene changes on the beat are fucking immaculate. AND I just realized "it's in just saying it" "cas I need to say something" "you don't need to say it" holy fuck!

video

oh my god hi thank you so much?? first of all, so true of you like i love the night we met and louisa and until the night turns don’t get me wrong but there is something about fool for love…… it’s definitely one of my favorites!!!! like i never skip it and i always get excited when it comes on!!! and when i heard it months ago i was like “what if i made a sort of fix-it video??” and eventually i got around to it :D

but YES omg every one of your live blog comments was a scene that had me either really excited for how well it fit or really excited for people to see it and Get It !! dean DID say “i do” in front of a neon cross! he SHOULDN’T have looked back but he DID!!! i think that was the first scene i put in there bc i saw it so clearly when i heard the song skfnkfkskfk ANYWAYS i am literally laying in the dark under this giant duvet smiling like i just found all the ingredients for a soup i really want so thank you again SO much <3

[luvspence]

roommates (valentine’s days edition)

my fav trope has to make an appearance for this holiday

synopsis: two roommates who love each other (platonically, kind of) celebrating valentines

word count: 1.2k 

masterlist 

——-

“soooooo”

spencer lifted his head from his book

“yeah?”

“doing anything sunday?”

he thought for a second

“sunday, february 14th, valentine’s day, no i don’t think so, you?”

“no, my friends invited me to do like a singles thing but they don’t found dates” you said with a little bit of a frown

“oh that’s the worst i’m sorry”

you nodded, spencer started to bite the top of the pen he was using

“hey you know…”

“hm?”

“i could take you out if you wanted”

you sat their on your couch a little perplexed

“oh no it’s okay spence i don’t wanna be a pity case just bc my friends got dates”

spencer shook his head “no no no that’s not what i mean, i mean i’ll take you out. yeah i’ll take you out. i’m asking you on a date”

you giggled

“okay spence, it’s a date”

“a date!”

—

this was a date between two friends

two single friends

two friends who were both romantically un involved

two friends.

at least that’s what you told yourself while you got ready

“he’s just trying to make you feel better y/n, dang how sweet”

—

thoughts were racing through spencer’s head as well as he got ready

nervous thoughts going through his mind

“this was such a good plan, take y/n on a fake real date yeah so great spencer so great

this tie looks dumb

how do i confess my love to my roommate

do i love my roommate?

this tie looks even dumber

i want her to believe this is a friend date but i also just wanna HOLD HER HAND

187 iq score but can’t figure out women

WHY DO ALL MY TIES LOOK DUMB”

eventually spencer figured out his tie situation, he grabbed the bouquet of flowers he bought for you and was walking out his door to go and knock of yours

he went to your closed door and knocked a few times

you opened the door

“spencer what are you doing”

“i’m taking you on a date! it’s only polite that i pick you up at your home and buy you flowers”

you grabbed the bouquet and gave him an endearing look

“spencer, our rooms are no more than 10 feet apart, but thank you”

“may i come in?”

you kept laughing, he was acting like you two didn’t live under the same roof

he also loved the act, giggling softly, but behind the act there was a level of desire for this to be reality

“yeah of course! make yourself at home… in your own home”

he sat on the bed as you finished up getting ready

“you look beautiful y/n”

“thank you spencer! you as well, your tie is amazing”

he blushed

his tie

his tie that he spent 14 minutes picking

“ok! let’s go”

you stood in front of spence, hand out stretched for him to hold

you were wearing a red dress accompanied by matching color low heels, you were wearing a little purse that was shaped like a heart, and your cheeks were matching the color of your dress

not make up though, just intense blushing from spencer’s courting

he grabbed your hand, intertwined in your fingers and led you out of the apartment

“you have a lovely apartment y/n”

“thank you! a lot of it was decorated by my roommate though”

“hmmmm, he sounds like a good guy”

“he is, he’s always reading though”

you laughed, you loved the satire that you and spencer were putting up

you guys drove to a restaurant on the water, jazz band playing, the moon lighting up the patio where there was a reservation card that said

“reid”

“spence, how did you? especially tonight?”

“believe me, dr reid has more connections than you think”

you laughed as he pulled out a chair for you

“thank you! what a gentleman”

the sever came over and greeted spencer

“you must be steven reid!”

you laughed, he mumbled so much that you would’ve believed his name was steve too

“spencer reid, hello”

“oh sorry spencer! you’re friends with david rossi??”

“yes, we’re work colleagues”

“well any friend of davey is a friend of mine! what can i get started for ya? drinks?”

“just a water is fine with me” spencer replied

“same here”

“okay okay two waters”

he said as he walked away from the table

“so not reids connections, rossi’s connections”

“shut up”

you laughed and stuffed a piece of free bread in your face

“restaurants that give free bread are so superior”

“i am a big fan of simple carbs, even though they can be detrimental to your health in large amounts, this controlled amount of white bread is not bad for us. i dislike so much how media has pushed out the notion that ‘bread makes you fat’ because bread can be a completely balances part of the diet!”

“amen to that doctor”

you said as you spread more butter on your bread

you guys spent the rest of dinner talking and laughing, from the outside looking in you guys looked like an adorable couple. and both of you secretly wanted that to be reality

when the check came around you went to pay it

“hey, i’ll pay i asked you on this date”

“i can pay myself” you reached again for the check, and spencer firmly placed his hand over yours

“y/n i got it” with assertiveness you never had felt from him before

he gave the check to the waiter and you just stared at him blankly

“what?”

“nothing...”

“did i hurt your hand? i’m sorry i just wanted to pay, be a gentleman and all”

“oh no you didn’t hurt my hand spence, i just never see you like that”

he smiled

you two finished up and started to walk around the pier area outside the restaurant, spencer’s jacket layed over your shoulders

“i’m not even cold”

“i saw you shiver, twice”

you simply just stuck your arms through, your hands not even coming out of the bottom of the arm holes, spencer thought that this was the most adorable thing

“here y/n, stand in front of that tower lifeguard whatever i wanna take a picture”

you did so and spencer tried to figure out how to take a picture on a smartphone he clearly didn’t understand, a passer by asked if you two wanted to take a picture together

right before spencer was about to decline you said

“yeah that would be great!”

spencer made his way over to you, you wrapped your arms around his torso and leaned into his chest, he didn’t quite know what to do so he’s just threw his arm over your shoulder

“ 1 2 3 smile!”

the stranger handed spencer his phone

“thank you so much!”

“no problem”

“aweee! it’s so cute”

“you think so?”

“yup!, send it to me”

he nodded and you continued to walk around talking before you finally decided to head home

after both of you showered, you both sat on your respective couch spots

“thanks for taking me out spence, i had a great time”

“of course, i had fun as well”

you were getting up to go to sleep, before you shut your door you said to him

“happy valentine’s day spence”

“happy valentine’s day y/n”

[lungsareforlove]

HI I LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU DONT LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW

anyways that’s probably not helpful in distracting you. So:

1. What is the best thing you’ve read so far today?

2. If you are a hero going on a quest, what would the quest be, where would it take you in the world (or fantasy world), who would be your companions, and how would you get there?

3. Do you ever journal- does it work for you? What do you write if you journal? Do you have the same prompts, or do you sit down and just write whatever’s on your mind? I’m not great at journaling, and I think I want to be better at it.

hello 🥺😭 mx I don't even know your name but I absolutely love and adore you 😞 I miss you so much but if you're not in this hellsite that means things are better for you irl and that makes me happy 💟 warning this is reaaaallly long. maybe the onceler ass edit long

1. What is the best thing you’ve read so far today?

I was searching through my gallery for something to cheer me up, and I saw this pic from The Time Traveller's Wife:

I didn't read much today :(( costs too much energy. I have like, 4 books and 10 pdfs that I haven't read. and I want to, but I can't :((

2. If you are a hero going on a quest, what would the quest be, where would it take you in the world (or fantasy world), who would be your companions, and how would you get there?

THIS IS SUCH A FUN ASK!?!

Hero: I resonate so much with paladins. I'm more of a fighter type that uses some magic but doesn't wholly rely on it. I'll be the short but explosive trope. (also. righteous anger. FUCKK)

Quest: Preventing the barriers that blocks the Otherworld (working on the name) from this reality. It needs to be resealed every ten years or so from both sides at the same time. The time for resealing will become apparent bc humans would pop up in random places (they were driving/cycling/walking then got lost. too many wrong turns and they ended up in there). And in turn, flora, fauna, and other sentient creatures end up here. These humans, when found, would be manhandled to the city and forced to go to this quest. Also these humans are like. running away from their lives and have a sense of adventure. It's different this time, though. The barriers tear with time naturally, but now there seems to be someone or something destroying them on purpose.

Where It Takes Us: travelling a LOT. I would want to see everything, exposed to their cultures and such! (plus the Tears are also the way back home) Including but not limited to: wading through a beautiful swamp and meeting swamp creatures, sailing a fucking ETHEREAL ocean and swimming down an underwater cave, trekking a mountain range to kill a dragon but end up befriending her and her kids, climbing a huge tree to save a little kid that's stuck on the top, hunting creatures that blend into the shadows, etc.

Companions: with the narrative, I honestly won't have a choice. I could say that elias, paul, justin, and I were walking somewhere together and got lost. coincidentally (wink) you, ren, and kat are there too 😌💟 and other random people. I also would love a murder of crows as animal companions 🥺 and also we would have people from that world travelling along with us, to help with the seals and as guides.

How would we get there: like I said, we have to get lost first, then found, then get back home through the tear. that's the only time we'll ever be there though, since it doesn't call the same humans twice.

I came up with this on the spot don't judge me for how childish it sounds 😞🙏🏽 fun ask tho 💟💟

3. Do you ever journal- does it work for you? What do you write if you journal? Do you have the same prompts, or do you sit down and just write whatever’s on your mind? I’m not great at journaling, and I think I want to be better at it.

i've tried in the past. nope it hasn't worked for me but i'm stubborn. i'll keep trying. if you're talking about a daily journal. I have a "bad times" journal for when I'm overflowing with negative emotions again (like earlier)

here's some photos of my failed attempts:

on the left is what was supposed to be a fun kind of journal, then things stopped being fun in my life. on the right is a journal mom gave to me in 2020. it's the best paper. I was so excited about This Savage Song 😌💟 it's very dear to me. no I don't look at it objectively I allow myself to have happy things.

but! your ask reminded me that I do have an ongoing project of sorts!

I take quotes that I like from books and paste them together. they may or may not form a narrative. this was before I knew what web weaving was.

a problem that I had before is comparing what I did to others. theirs were pretty and aesthetic and organized. I had a talk with myself and said, "the reason why we can't make a proper journal is that we try so hard to be pretty and perfect. we rip out pages when we spell something wrong or colored past the lines. we're not them. we're not pretty. or perfect. or aesthetic. we're messy. we make mistakes. stop trying to be pretty and just be yourself."

so yeah I love that weird little notebook. I also rip out weird drawings I do when I feel horrible and stick them:

and I also put words that I think are pretty and spill my problems out! I'd give a pic but I think I hit the picture limit. oh wait I didn't. here:

oh I did. sad. i'll give the words one instead of the sad one.

thank you for this ask! it helped me a lot more than you might think! I hope you're doing well in your side of the world. stay safe!

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[after-everything-pjo-zine]

FAQ

What would the zine be about?

This has already been posted on this blog in other words, but the zine is following the after affects of canon events as well as post-canon. For example, the effects of Tartarus, or maybe what they do after everything is over and they're away from war. There's flexibility in which events you can choose!

How often will I be expected to write? What will the schedule be for providing new material? I am willing to write but I am curious about if there is a certain schedule (twice a week, once a day, etc). Let me know!

There will be a schedule, but it will be a series of check-ins every few days, with one end deadline. This can be flexible if creators need more time. As a fandom writer myself, I understand how sometimes you just don't have the headspace and/or spoons to create, so it's pretty flexible. I'll be posting the schedule a little closer to opening applications.

What exactly is a zine? Sorry, I should know this but I forgot. Also, does this involve like a ship or something? Sorry again, I should know this.

Firstly, it's okay! No need to apologise, the questions box was there for a reason, it's okay to not know! A zine is like a mini magazine. They're popular in fandoms and often at least follow a theme or topic. Usually these involve fic and art, and this zine will hopefully pair art and writing. As for ships, we've stated this in a post on this blog, so you should be able to find that easily, the post isn't buried yet.

What is this. Saw it on my dash and went "why tf not!" Anyways I have 507 possum pictures and no will to live let's go!

This is a zine, so a mini magazine, that will follow the after effects of events in the series plus post-canon. It'll bring fic and art together in a pdf that you can keep digital or print yourself! Also, possums are babey that is so valid and a mood

Is this zine ONLY for ships/romantic pairings? Or can we portray platonic/sibling relationships too? I ask bc Nico and Hazel are my favourites and if I can I'd like to draw something with them, just as siblings obviously.

Thank you for asking, I should have clarified, but this isn't ship exclusive! The ship guidelines are there just to say which ships are in this zine, but not all content has to be ship centric! I've already got my own contribution planned and it certainly isn't a ship centric piece! We'd absolutely love to see the underworld siblings!

Will we (artists/writers) pick freely the subjects of what we'll do/will there be like, a range of things to pick from or being assigned?

It's a little complicated, but we're hoping, if the writer/artist applications balance enough, or enough artists are willimg to comtribute more than one piece, to hopefully pair fic with art! If this happens, writers will put out a synopsis of their fic, then artists will be able to claim which fic to work with! If this doesn't happen, then it's completely free reign as long as it fits the topic/guidelines of the zine. We're hoping to find a balance where all fics have art, but fic writers and artists can also choose to contribute individual pieces if they do not find a fic that matches what they want to draw. We wouldn't want it to happen where some fics had art and others were left out, so we're waiting on the interest form to figure out the numbers. But we aren't setting out solid "you must pick from x topics", just guidelines.

Any particular timeline?

There will be a timeline! This will be released a little closer to when applications open, which will be July! Hopefully the schedule will be posted within the next two weeks! The timeline isn't going to be too harsh and there's flexibility if you can't make the final deadline!

Um can I be a beta I can't write but I love editing um yeah

Of course you can! That's why we have the option to be a beta on the zine! We understand that not everybody is able to create, but would still like to contribute, and betas are always welcome! There's a chance you may beta for more than one fic!

Does the art have to be digital?

Nope! Not everybody has the money to afford a drawing tablet, you can draw on paper! We only ask that if you do, the picture you take of it is clear. Also writers, please be aware that artists do not have to have a high level of skill to apply, so please be kind to your artists if we are able to pair art with fics.

Is co-writing allowed?

It is 100% allowed and encouraged, collabs are valid af

Is it strictly pjo/hoo or is toa allowed?

Toa content is definitely allowed! Any riordanverse books are, as this zine is canon and post-canon, so you can pick any point in the timeline!

Is it alright for folks who haven't read TOA?

Of course, content can be from any point in the timeline, so no worries!

Does this include hoo characters?

It includes all riordanverse characters so yes it does!

What would the word count be?

Most likely, a very rough guideline of around 1000-5000 words, with flexibility!

[madamhatter]

👫 @ Gray and/or Avenger

Send a 👫and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship / accepting / @despairfiles

Ever mind-boggling and annoying for Angra Mainyu, Sophie Hatter follows the punctilios of formal address and conversation with everyone, including himself. Once she finally asks him and he tells her his name, she still uses “Mister Avenger,” but now includes “Mainyu” and “Mister Mainyu” to the mix. Only when in private would she refer to him informally as “Angra” and sticks to doing so -- something substantial for anyone who knows Sophie -- unless she senses someone nearby or come suddenly walks in. She would revert back to the formalities until they leave (or she leaves). 

Actively seeking out and conversing with All the World’s Evils, as Angra informed her, has created a reputation for her. Though, he may not realize it has actually benefitted her. Some considering her as a adamant master candidate, or a doting one, which speaks true to her core trait as being down-to-the-bone stubborn. There are other whispers, but it’s best to ignore those. It’ll cause trouble if either of them hears it. 

For how little Sophie reveals about herself, the shadowy Avenger happens to observe more of her that he didn’t realize he would (or she realized he saw). More specifically, how much of a “mouse” she really isn’t and her physical prowess/form. He has spotted her once or twice at the gym in actual normal (leggings, knotted t-shirt, etc.,) practicing her stretches and flexibility. Cartwheels, leg holds, handstands, balancing (on one hand), climbing, etc., are just a few examples of what he’ll witness when she believes the gym is “empty.” If he breathes a WORD of this to her, she’s denying it, which isn’t surprising to him. 

Whether or not Angra enjoys hearing it, and confuses him tremendously, Sophie is a person who as stubborn as she is honest. Even if he enjoys picking and teasing her for her curiosity towards him -- which he is as guilty of in his own ways towards her too --, she is blunt to dispute his mocking with sincerity. Most of the time, they are crucial yet genuine marks that she notes about him or likes about him. Which, to someone who never received a genuine compliment or positive reaction, is the weirdest thing that makes him bluescreen for a second. Oh, she takes terrible pleasure to render him quiet for those passing moments. 

Despite the entertainment Angra finds in his contact with Sophie, even reducing her person, she’s learning far more about him that he realizes. She prefers keeping such matters to herself, letting him perceive her as he likes (even if she give him lip service back). However, she isn’t a blind mouse who confuses dog fangs for something else. She’s very much a fox who will tease and test the dog, fully aware of what his bite may be like. 

In spite of everything that Angra believes, or attempts to understand about Sophie, she actually regards him with respect but sympathy too. That is something she hesitates in voicing to him, especially with the quarrel she sees in him and his harsh rejections. He is more than the most worthless servant and ‘All of the World’s Evils.’ To her, he is someone. Someone who has humanity, despite vile his mind has been warped through unspeakable ways. Someone who deserves a second chance. Someone who is capable of being forgiven. Someone who can even be human, if you see him in the right light.

EDIT, BONUS ROUND:

In the tradition of Valentine’s Day, and to serve as a lesson, Angra gives away his bandanna to her. Never gift kindness to the devil, he says, because nothing valuable comes out from it! But guess what? Sophie was so enamored by the action that she wears the bandanna in her hair like a ribbon! It keeps her ponytail up ties it around her head (not forehead) like a hairband. She will not hold back about answering anyone just who gave it to her (really...I do not think anyone would suspect it to be anyone else but Angra-), but she fails to realize that it can be seen as a romantic gesture and how she’s eating it up is ... Well. Hm. 

Usually the comical pair that finds themselves in situations that were either perpetuated by Angra or attracted to him because of his E+ luck that Sophie’s superior luck sometimes counteracts. It is usually the indistinguishable shadowy figure while Sophie is behind him with her hands on his shoulders, looking over his shoulder or leaning over the side to peek at the sight. Sophie ends up being dragged into it by chance if Angra decides to get involved (she jumps in to stop him) or if either of them is dragged in, they will drag the other with them. Everyone goes down with the ship-

During any of their outings like to the Singularities, SOMEONE (read: Angra) likes overindulging with food and Sophie’s poor wallet suffers as a result because she insists to take “responsibility” and, well, Angra has not even a coin to his name, so she is forced to or else they’d get in trouble. Because of someone’s gluttonous behavior that also eats up her wallet, Sophie has been trying her hardest to get discounts. So, if there is a cafe or restaurant with couple discounts, she will boldly claim him as her “boyfriend” without second thought. Angra would choke on the spot but Sophie will look at him with killing intent (or dig her heel into his foot) to get him to agree. Her eyes read “Don’t complain and run with it” and Angra’s like “Alright sure” but that quicky backfires on her because oh, he’ll PLAY along to his delight and she hates it. 

bonus bc the combo makes me laugh:

[reblogdolan]

Kinda wanna that “grayson gets mad at y/n and then is sad bc he upset her” or something like that.... I’m a sucker for a good make up story 😁 please and thank you!!

One of my fav plotlines. This does mention reader getting scared by gray but nothing violent happens just the mention of it. If that triggers you in any way please do not read.

Y/N had been busy at work not able to see Grayson much during the current week. Grayson had been busy filing and hadn’t really had time to talk to her. Tonight was the night they were going to be able to hang out together for the first time in a while and they were both very excited. Y/N got ready to head over to the Dolan house. Once she got there she walked right into Grayson’s room to see him sitting shirtless on his desk chair editing his video. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before going to sit on his bed knowing that when he was in editing mode he didn’t really pay attention to anything else. But an hour passed and then another and she was starting to grow annoyed. She wanted him, craved him any part of him. She just wanted to be close. So when she saw him getting frustrated and bang his hands on his desk she just wanted to be next to him. She remembers another time when this happened because it happens often. The twins work late finishing videos when things don’t go to plan all the time. Usually, she could distract Gray for a bit and then he would finish quicker after just needing a quick boost of energy from her. Other times she would just sit next to him while he finished just to be close. Y/N soon learned that this time was so different from the others. See what Y/N didn’t know was that they had to refilm this video this morning because the footage got lost. She didn’t know that he had been editing all day and still wasn’t done. She didn’t know that for the past hour the program kept freezing. See Gray wanted to be close to her too he wanted to feel her touch, but he also knew he needed to get this video out. He just wished he didn’t have to deal with it tonight. He was already tired from today and he didn’t want to have to edit all night but that is what it seemed like it was turning out to be. Gray was getting close to finishing the video when the program froze again his fist connecting with the desk he was sitting at. Y/N came over to him rubbing his shoulders as she came around to the front of him placing a quick kiss to his forehead. 

“Baby why don’t you take a break”

“I can’t Y/N” The tone he had was cold, colder than with Gray was angry. She could sense that he was at his breaking point soon. She wanted to help him, wanted him to take a short break even if that meant her editing for him, which she had also done before.

“Baby take a break and I’ll edit for you” She went to click but gray had pushed her hand away causing her to delete a line of the edit. His face instantly dropping stone cold. He pushed out of the chair. See both Grayson and Y/N knew that he could just hit undo and it would all come back but to Gray, at that moment nothing but more work could fix what Y/N had done. He had hit his breaking point and Y/N knew instantly because though Gray can get mad he had never once looked directly into her face while she was basically up against a wall and yelled at her like he was doing right then. 

“See this is why I don’t need your fucking help Y/N you always fucking ruin everything, always fucking break everything. And you see. You see now I have to work fucking longer than I would have because you had to try to fucking help” The yelling was directed at her eye contact held the entire time. All she saw was the pure anger in his face. Until his hand raised and she flinched back. See gray wasn’t going to hit her he was going to rub his hand through his hair like he always did when he was angry or frustrated but this was different to Y/N. Gray did not get angry at her often. And like mentioned previously he always yelled, in general, he never yelled directly at her so when she saw his hand came up it instantly made her recoil. 

She watched Gray’s hand run through his hair after she stepped back, but she always watched as his face turned from hard to soft instantly. He looked at her and then to the door as he began to walk out. Y/N wanted to chase after him but she also knew that he may be just needed time to his self. But she didn’t hear his car start like it usually would after they fought. No, this time instead as she sat down on his bed, she watched him through the window. She watched him walk out the back door and sit down on the concrete near the pool his knees pulled to his chest his hands around them and his face buried down. She saw him shaking, saw his body jolting from the emotions running through him. See most girls probably would have ran, but Y/N was different, she knew Gray. Y/N knew Gray would never hurt her no matter how angry or upset with her she was she knew that he would never ever do anything to hurt her. She knew he needed time and she watched Ethan walk out to him. She knew she had time to kill because she didn’t want to interrupt Ethan and Gray so she sat at his computer undoing what she had deleted and spent 20 mins fixing the rest of the video and starting the export. She watched Ethan walk into the house while Gray’s shaking form stayed on the ground. Usually, Grayson would be fine after talking to Ethan, Ethan could usually get him out of his head. Y/N was scared that he was deep into his anxiety now. She knew she needed to talk to him now she knew she needed him maybe even more then he needed her at that moment. So she headed out to see him and as she walked to the back she passed Ethan on the way

“He’s really upset”

“I know”

“he shouldn’t have done that though, I mean the way he was yelling”

“I know”

“But he’d never hurt you”

“I know E, I’m upset but I’m not mad at him he was stressed but look next time you guys have to spend time fixing a video maybe take some of the editing from him, I mean I don’t know if you were doing other stuff but Gray needs help sometimes too. You know how he gets he needs you too”

“I should’ve helped him earlier I know but”

“Look I’d love to talk this out with you E, I really honestly would but I need your brother right now”

“He needs you to” Ethan walked away as she walked out the house sliding the glass door closed behind her. She walked right up to Gray instantly dropping to the ground next to him. He pushed away slightly not wanting to be a reason she was afraid.

“Gray” he looked to her the whisper of his name cracking as she spoke it

“Y/N I”

“I know Gray, it’s okay”

“It’s not. I should have never have been yelling at you regardless of what I planned to do with my hand you were scared of me. Your face, you were, you were terrified of the way I was yelling and, fuck I just. I’m sorry”

“I know you are, I know your sorry Gray and that’s all that matters” his body instantly fell into hers as she felt the shaking from his body. “Gray, baby stop, your gonna get yourself into a panic”

““I don’t want you to ever be scared of me. The fear that was in your eyes and written all over your face is something I never wanna see in my life again Y/N. I never want you to…” 

“Baby look at me, I trust you. I trust you to keep me safe. I trust you to not hurt me. I trust you okay” With a kiss to his lips the passion coursing through Gray grabbed her into a hug.

“Let’s go inside Gray” She stood up leading him into his bedroom as she climbed right into his bed moving the covers for him to get in as well.

“Baby I gotta finish”

“Already done Gray”

“Wha, what?”

“I finished it up when you went outside there was only a little left it’s exporting now”

“You finished it even when I yelled at you, even when I”

“Gray I told you, I know who you are. that moment doesn’t define you. You needed help you were upset and frustrated so yeah I finished it even though you yelled. I’ll always be there Gray”

“I love you”

“I love you too, now come cuddle me”

“Don’t have to ask me twice” Doing what you knew best just shut him up, you reached up and kissed him. 

[disasterdeacy]

Forbidden Fruit Part 2 Teaser

A/N: here’s the teaser for part 2 of Forbidden Fruit! The book Y/N is reading from is “Lady Chatterly’s Lover” and it’s... spicy.

Warnings: 18+, Infidelity, Age Gap, No Keep Reading bc Mobile Sucks and I’m currently at LAX, also not edited or formatted bc again, I’m at LAX.

"Read to me, if you don't mind"

Brian's words are as soft and gentle as his eyes, making Y/N blush harder than she had the night before.

There was just something so intimate about the way he was sitting with her, arm loose around her shoulder, head nearly leaning against her's.

She couldn't help but let out a little laugh at his eagerness, her heart fluttering like the hummingbird that had been keeping her company all morning.

"Are you sure? You might find this kind of book a little boring."

She's teasing, knowing that the paragraph she was about to start reading was anything but boring.

His laugh mingles perfectly with the calls of a morning bird, making Y/N's blush deepen as he places a delicate kiss to her shoulder blade, voice warm and teasing when he speaks.

"If I'm not mistaken, this little book was banned for obscenity and indecency for 30 years darling..."

His lips are suddenly less sweet, harder, needier...

"So I sincerely doubt that this is going to be a boring read.."

He smirks into her neck, his own heart beating like a bat in a birdcage

"Besides... if it means I get to hear your voice, I could listen to you read a phone book Y/N."

The way he says her name, barely a whisper, more of a plea to hear her voice than anything else.

She blushes hard under his gaze and the feel of his lips on her skin, stammering a bit as she begins to read.

"His body was urgent against her, and she didn't have the heart anymore to fight..."

Her voice hitches in her throat, Brian's teeth had decided to make an appearance as she started to read.

"She saw his eyes, tense and brilliant, fierce, not loving. But her will had left her. A strange weight was on her limbs. She was giving way. She was giving up..."

Brian's hand inched its way from her knee upwards, grazing the delicate skin of her inner thigh.

"B-Brian, what are you..."

Y/N trails off, voice breathless, eyes glassy with arousal. It's not like she didn't want this, god did she want it, but they were on his back porch, and his wife and kids, including her goddamn best friend, could just waltz out at any fucking moment... and she was pretty positive that seeing his father with his hands up his best friend's skirt wouldn't have the most positive impact on Jimmy

Brian chuckles into her neck, his calloused fingers dangerously close to her naked core... fuck, she really should've worn panties.

"I'm going to make you regret what you did last night baby girl... making me cum twice in less than 10 minutes.. giving me your soiled panties to sniff like a dirty fucking slut..."

His voice is so calm, steady, and had it not been for the context of his words, Y/N would've thought that he was just asking what she wanted for breakfast.

"If you stop reading one more time, I'm not going to let you cum honey.. got it?"

For a threat, it was whispered awfully soft and kind, but Y/N understood perfectly and just nodded her head, chest heaving, legs spreading involuntarily.

Her voice is shaky as she continues to read.

"She had to lie down there under the boughs of the tree, like an animal, while he waited, standing there in his shirt and breeches, watching her with haunted eyes..."

Brian's fingers are extremely close to her dripping core now, gently running along the crease of her inner thigh. It takes everything in her body, every single ounce of self control and restraint in her body to keep her from ceasing her reading.

"He too had bared the front part of his body and she felt his naked flesh against her as he came into her. For a moment he was still inside her, turgid there and quivering. Then as he began to move, in the sudden helpless orgasm, there awoke in her new strange thrills rippling inside her."

Brian moans at the words that Y/N was reading, how soft and weak her voice was. Fuck, she was the epitome of an angel, a creature sent to earth to bring good will to man, and based on the way his cock was training against his shorts, begging to be touched by the soft skin of Y/N's hands.

"Rippling, rippling, rippling, like a flapping overlapping of soft flames, soft as feathers, running to points of brilliance, exquisite and melting her all molten inside. It was like bells rippling up and up to a culmination. She lay unconscious of the wild little cries she uttered at the last. But it was over too soon, too soon, and she could no longer force her own conclusion with her own activity."

Y/N squeezes her eyes shut right when Brian's fingers finally slip inside of her sopping wet cunt, the noise obscene and completely out of place against the soft morning glow that was cast against the two.

She keeps reading though, the threat of Brian not letting her cum prevalent and weighing heavily in the back of her mind.

"This was different, different. She could do nothing. She could no longer harden and grip for her own satisfaction upon him. She could only wait, wait and moan in spirit and she felt him withdrawing, withdrawing and contracting, coming to the terrible moment when he would slip out of her and be gone."

Brian can't help but let out a hard moan against Y/N's neck, sucking the area behind her ear as hard as he possibly could, almost as hard as her cunt was clenching down on his fingers. She felt like heaven on a Saturday morning, tight, wet, insanely hot, and unlike anything he'd ever experienced in his 51 years of living.

Her legs were completely spread wide, cunt on display for the whole world to see if they so pleased. Brian had to resist the insatiable urge to drop to his knees in front of the swing and suck the juices that were running down his hand straight from the source... but he knew he couldn't do that, he couldn't risk Anita or any of the kids running downstairs and seeing him eating Y/N's young right pussy.. no, he had to be smart, disciplined..

"Whilst all her womb was open and soft, and softly clamouring, like a sea anenome under the tide, clamouring for him to come in again and make fulfillment for her."

Much like Lady Chatterly herself, Y/N was close, so desperately close to cumming around Brian's fingers, her walls clenching him like a vice, desperate to be pushed over the precipice.

Yet, she never stopped reading, even when Brian's fingers sped up, free hand moving to grope her breast through her dress, and his teeth began to nip at her jugular, she persisted.

"She clung to him unconscious in passion, and he never quite slipped from her, and she felt the soft bud of him within her stirring, and strange rhythms flushing up into her with a strange rhythmic growing motion, swelling and swelling til it filled all her cleaving consciousness, and then began again the unspeakable motion that was not really motion, but pure deepening whirlpools of sensation swirling deeper and deeper through all her tissue and consciousness, til she was one perfect concentric fluid of feeling, and she lay there crying in unconscious inarticulate cri-"

She clenched tight around his fingers, book falling to the ground as her arms reached over involuntarily, wrapping themselves tight around Brian's shoulders, mouth wide no noise escaping her throat despite the obvious throws of pleasure she was experiencing.

She knew it was cliche, to say that she saw stars, that she felt her entire body constrict into itself... but she did, his fingers were still inside of her, pressing hard into her g-spot, prolonging her pleasure.

Brian's lips halted their harsh assault on the young woman's neck, instead opting to place gentle kisses to the area, not wanting to overstimulate her too much.

He couldn't remove his fingers from inside of her if he wanted to, her muscles still clenching him tight as her upper body went limp, her head dropping to his chest, mouth open and heaving heavy sighs against his exposed armpit.

"B-Brian.. I.."

Before she could even get a word in, the sound of pots and pans clanging together in the kitchen caused the two lovers to spring apart, Brian's fingers slipping from Y/N's cunt so fast it made her head spin.

By the grace of whatever deity was looking down on them, Y/N somehow managed to fix her skirt, grab the book, and look semi presentable by the time Emily darted out the door, wide smile on her face.

"Dad! Y/N! Anita wants to know what you want for breakfast."

They both breathed a sigh of relief that it was only Emily, because had it been any other member of the May family, the flushed faces, heaving chests, and general disheveled appearance of Y/N and Brian would've given them away.

Brian just smiles, hiding his glistening hand behind Y/N's shoulders.

"Whatever she's making would be lovely honey, just go tell her to make sure to cut Y/N up some of that cantaloupe we bought yesterday!"

Emily giggles and nods, running back inside to yell her father's words at his girlfriend.

Y/N lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in as soon as the door closes, dropping her book back against the patio as Brian lets out a loud rumbling laugh.

She jolts at the sound before joining him, completely dumbfounded that what had just happened actually happened..

"Mr. May, I swear to god, we're going to get caught if you're not careful..."

Her eyes are wide, full of mischief and excitement.. she loved this, the whole forbidden nature of their relationship, or whatever they could call it.

The risk that they were taking was a big one, and the fear of getting caught was only making her want it more.

Brian just laughs, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on her lips, hands moving to cup her cheeks.

He winces a little when he realizes that his fingers are still wet with her cum, frantically pulling them away from her to try and wipe them on his shorts.

"Shit, I'm sorry love, you probably don't want that o-"

His words are cut short when Y/N reaches forward with lightning quick reflexes and grabs his wrist, pulling his soiled fingers into her mouth where she licks every single drop of herself from him, eyes never leaving his.

Brian almost cums right there, watching this beautiful young woman do something that he hadn't seen done in 30 years.

He lets out a little whimper, making the young woman smile when she grazes her teeth over the long digits as she moves to stand, her free hand reaching into Brian's shorts, squeezing his cock before turning her back and walking towards the patio door, pausing for a second to send him a teasing wink.

"Be a good boy today Mr. May..."

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