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hyuckmov · 1 day ago
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haechan — settle down (rockstar hyuck) | part 3 of 3
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wc: 11k (lol) genre: angst, smut (18+ minors dni), fluff warnings: unprotected sex, making out, creampies, fingering, oral (f recieving), lowkey don't have that dog in me anymore so this is kind of vanilla, dirty talk, aftercare...? needs to be read after part 1 and 2 a/n: fucking finally. so so so sorry for the wait and also this is lowkey probably so BAD because its been a hot minute since i've written for tumblr. because this could be written/ended in so many ways, AN EPILOGUE IS COMING with a 'happy' ending, just not putting it here in this part because i think i should post this out first on it's own. i love you guys so much, thank you to every single person who's read, commented, let me know how much you liked it, and waited so patiently. i cannot express how much it means to me.
"whose party is this again?" 
"jaemin's friend chenle," mark says, placing his drink down on one of the tables. "think they should be around here somewhere." 
through the smoke, he can see your eyes shine. you've come even closer now, and it's as if every movement of yours is liquified, rendered in slow-motion – you flick a strand of hair out of your face and it's like he can feel the damp air on your cheeks, a slow smile spreading across your face like sunrise spilling over the horizon, that lovely curl of your lip that he's memorized. he feels his chest cave in when he hears you laugh, feel you take another step closer to him even though your eyes never meet his, even though you never look his way – every memory he has of you threatening to burst through his seams. 
your skin glows under the dizzying lights, and all he can think about is the fact that you’re so close, he could reach out his hand and touch you. but he can’t. you weren't his – and he was the one who had thrown you away.
jisung comes up to you, and haechan can see his friend's shy smile met with your beaming grin as you turn to face him. jisung is saying something to you – a hand gently placed on your shoulder as he speaks into your ear, the other gesturing vaguely towards the upstairs rooms. and then you're nodding, and haechan watches wide-eyed as he takes your hand in his and begins guiding you up the stairs. 
he can't help it – he only waits a beat, enough for you to disappear up the stairs, before he's rushing through the crowd, climbing the stairs two at a time. he rounds the corner just as he sees the flick of your skirt as you disappear into the nearest room, the door clicking shut softly. taking a moment to calm himself down – chest heaving, wringing his hands – he pads softly towards the room, placing both hands on the door, straining to hear anything that might be going on. 
low voices. the rustling of fabric. haechan's imagination spun out of control – jisung's large hands on your skin, his plush lips exploring your neck, your soft sounds, the way you might look under him. he heard a light laugh, and he pressed even closer to try to catch what was being said – what if he had you on his lap? what if you laughed because he'd kissed you behind the ear like haechan did once? it had caught you by surprise, and you'd giggled – burying your face in the crook of his neck. you were sorry. you were just sensitive. haechan had wanted to pull you into his chest and never let you go. 
he knew he was breaking his own heart – over-analyzing each muffled sound that came through, all his thoughts drifting back to memories of you. but he couldn't seem to peel himself away as the party raged on and on downstairs, didn't want to be anywhere else but near you even if you didn't know he was there. he had never felt this way with anyone else before – never needed anyone else like this, never afraid like this – and the realisation roared loud in his ears along with the feverish ghost of your fingerprints all over his skin. 
jisung knows haechan's going to talk to him. 
can see it in the way he hangs back after practice, fiddling with his guitar and placing it back on its stand, before picking it back up again for no real reason. there was something off, slightly, about haechan these days. not enough for jeno or mark to comment about it, to hold an intervention, but things had definitely changed – haechan never brought around girls, or showed any interest when jeno and mark would discuss them. he was quiet, and subdued during practice, absorbed in his own guitar, or else discussing new songs with mark in low voices. and strangest of all – jisung mused, slinging his own bass over his shoulder as he ambled to the door – haechan started to seem afraid of jisung. 
jisung – who had for the longest time been the most timid and shy of the group, the least experienced by far. he remembered how haechan would tease him if a girl paid him any slightest bit of attention: half-joking, but half trying to build up his friend's confidence. he remembered how he used to be wary of haechan's attention at after-show parties, because haechan would watch him like a hawk and push him into any girls he showed the vaguest interest in. he remembered his shock at haechan, who had never been mean or vindictive – a pain sometimes yes, but never truly cruel to him –, standing there obstinately in his place on stage, staring down at you in the crowd. 
to the version of haechan now, who could barely look him in the eye. 
"jisung?" 
haechan clears his throat. jisung stops in his tracks, turning back to look at haechan. 
"yeah?" 
haechan's gaze is directed at his shoes. swallowing, he takes a moment before he asks. "uh…how was…um…how've you been?" 
jisung has to stop himself from laughing out loud. "i've been good," he says, amiably. he's not going to let haechan have it easy. 
"nice…nice," haechan mumbles. "uh…seeing anybody?" 
"haechan," he keeps his tone light. "come on." he moves towards where haechan is standing awkwardly, taking a seat down on one of the stools. after a beat, haechan sits down too. 
"how did it go with y/n?" haechan sounds almost timid – like a child asking a question, but scared of knowing the answer. 
"can't you ask her yourself?" he knows he's making things difficult, but he needs haechan to work for it. needs haechan to articulate, because he knows that's the least you deserve. 
"i…i could," haechan says. "but i…i don't want to seem possessive. i already fucked up by wishing her luck on the date and i just…" he buries his face in his hands. jisung doesn't say a thing, waiting for him to finish his sentence. "i don't want to hurt her anymore…but i need to know. i need to know what to expect.…" haechan's voice is so small, like he's disappearing into himself. 
"haechan��" he starts, slowly, but haechan cuts in, hurriedly. 
"if you really love her, jisung, if you're happy together, i'll back off. i won't see her again. it'll be…it'll be too hard to see her with you but that's for me to figure out. you…you should both be happy. she deserves you, ji. you'll be good for each other." 
"what are you even saying…" jisung lets out a nervous laugh. he knows haechan tends to get dramatic – loves blowing moments out of proportion, lingering on stories that were fun to tell and relive. loves to exaggerate – always taking the smallest details too seriously and making light of things that had real consequences. but as he watches haechan – curled in on himself, he sees that this is something else entirely. this haechan was anxious and overthinking, unsure of himself, fractured into a thousand different wants and needs. 
"i'm serious, jisung." haechan, the vocalist he is, keeps his voice as steady as possible. "i'll back off if you tell me to. if i'm making it hard for you in any way…" 
"haechan, it's…it's going to be fine. it's not what you think." 
"you…you're not together now?" a hint of hopefulness. 
jisung chooses to be kind. "we're not," he says, gently. when haechan's lips part, he continues on, interrupting him. "it had nothing to do with you. we're just…not." 
"i'm sorry," haechan murmurs, finally lifting his head. "i know you wanted it to work out." he truly means it.
"i'm happy with the way things are now," jisung says it, and he means it too. "but…but you know she's going to start seeing other people, right?" 
a beat. "yeah…yeah of course." 
"you can't go after all of them and ask them if it's working out or not, you know?" jisung says, wryly. "at some point…you need to just talk to her." 
"i…" haechan break off, a pained expression flitting over his face. "i don't have anything to say. but i really want her to be happy. i just want her to be happy. but it sounds…" he catches the look on jisung's face. "i know it sounds like a guilt-trip. i know what it sounds like." 
"give her space," jisung suggests, quietly. "figure out what you're willing to give. who you can be for her."
"hyuck or haechan." he says it almost spitefully. he had never hated the difference more. 
-
you were in the crowd today. 
it had been a little over a month – 6 days more, to be exact, – since haechan had last seen you in the crowd, each time spotting your face easily, everyone else fading to nothing. each time noting every which way your eyes shimmered under the lights, the ways your pretty lips curved into a smile or a shout, or even each time you looked away, distracted. 
he'd practically rushed into the dressing room after the show ended, anxious hands tugging at his clothes, trying to fix himself up just in case you decided to come find him. questions had spun around in his mind so much during the show, he was afraid he would start singing them in place of mark's carefully written lyrics. he's thought of a thousand ways to bring it up, but he wishes he could just ask — how've you been? have you forgotten me? 
he's still lost in thought when the dressing room door opens softly, the lock turning gently in the door barely louder than a whisper. 
"haechan?" 
he turns, and you're there. you're wearing a new dress, probably the shortest one he's ever seen on you, black glittery fabric barely brushing the tops of your thighs. but he doesn't linger on your body, his eyes seeking out your own, the flush of anticipation and adrenaline in your cheeks, the way your hair falls slightly loose, framing your face. the question is on the tip of his tongue, his lips are parting, his breath catches in his throat –  
" – don't worry," you say, breathlessly, as you catch the look on his face. "no one saw me." 
oh. 
walking towards him, you pull him into a hug, arms wrapping around his neck, so you can brush your lips against his cheek. pulling away, you peer at him, wondering why he's looking at you so lost. like he was wondering something since he laid eyes on you tonight.
you frown. "were you going to ask me something else?" 
his lips part, soundlessly. you've never seen him so speechless. his arms tentatively circle around your waist, fingers brushing the fabric of your dress, and understanding dawns on you. 
"yes, it's a new dress," you smile. 
he swallows, the cloudy look clearing from his eyes as he finally runs his heavy touch down your back, a feeling you've grown used to. 
his tone is slightly darker when he plays along, masking the traces of disappointment. "for me?" 
you nod, letting his hands wander to the zipper, eyes traveling to the mirror to catch the way he fiddles with it, slowly starting to drag it down your spine. 
what you don't catch, is the way he's looking at you – lip caught between his teeth, eyes focused on the side of your face, regret and sadness and a desire he still couldn't shake coursing through his body. you had come back – and maybe that was all that he should care about. 
"come home with me," he blurts out, suddenly. "i have to show you something." 
confused, you look back at him, frowning. "now?" 
he swallows. "yes. we'll still…it's just…" he stammers, confidence draining as he watches you zip your dress back up. "i mean…i just…thought you'd like my bedroom more than this dressing room. you said- you said it was uncomfortable, that last time…" he trails off. his head droops, fingers picking at his nails. 
you place your hands on his chest. his head lifts just slightly, glancing at you through his lashes. "haechan," the ache in your chest making your voice soft – barely above a whisper. "why are you so nervous today?" 
"i'm sorry," he starts, but you shake your head. "it's been awhile."
"that's fine, i'll go home with you," you say, smiling, hoping to reassure him. the words instantly relax him, and he lets out a breath. you can feel his chest move under your palms. 
"i'm sorry," he repeats, softly, but you don't know what he's saying it for. 
you don't know how you ended up here. 
one moment, haechan was unlocking his door, one hand fumbling with the keys as he held yours tightly in his other palm. the next, you were pushing him against the door – his plush lips, soft and tasting slightly like honeyed lip balm, finally kissing you deeply in a way you'd craved. and then he was sweeping you up into his arms, your legs locked in around his waist, his bag slumping to the floor as he focused all his attention on you. placing you on the countertop, he takes his time with your lips – his hand first cupping your face, then working its way down your neck, as if he was making sure you were wholly real through touch since his eyes were closed for the kiss. 
"hyuck?" you murmur. 
guilt pricks at your conscience when you feel him falter. you would never admit that you realized the name did something to him – made him more desperate and more tender all at once. you used it sparingly, only in certain moments, and tonight seemed just right for it, what with the way his touch was already so infused with longing. 
he hums in acknowledgement, pausing. a gentle palm tilts your face towards his, and his eyes are wide and patient. 
"what's wrong?" he asks. 
"i want to suck you off," you mumble, your words coming out rushed and careless. you almost think he might not catch it, but haechan goes still. his hands, caressing your face, stop moving.  
"what?"
your mind explodes with a million thoughts. did he not want you to? how many girls had sucked him off before you – did he think you wouldn't be good enough? was he not attracted to you enough? 
he was still just looking at you – something unreadable in his eyes. 
"do you not want me to?" you ask, doubt making your tone come off a little more insecure than you'd have liked. "is it…is it because i've never done it before?" 
he blinks. "what?" he repeats, again. 
you shift, uneasy. "you can teach me," you insist, holding onto his arms, wanting to be closer to him. "i'll practice…" 
"oh god," he whispers. "oh… oh y/n…" his hands barely skim your skin, nervously tucking your hair behind your ear. "don't," he says, quietly. 
"why?"
i don't want to hurt you," he says, voice so tender it wavers under the weight of his feelings for you. "being able to touch you is already everything to me-" he trails off, biting his lip, and then he's weak in the knees, and you melt into his embrace as he holds your body against his. "i don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with." 
"i want to please you like the girls before," you protest, weakly. "i want to…i want you to tell me your fantasies." 
"all that matters to me," he says, slowly, eyes suddenly grave and solemn. "is that i'm here with you. just you." he holds your hands up to his lips and kisses the tips of your fingers. 
you don't know what to say. the charged atmosphere from before has dissolved into the night, leaving a balmy and sweet taste on your tongue. the only thing that feels right is to hold him in your arms and hold him as close as you can. 
he's looking at you, before suddenly pulling you into him as if he could read your mind – arms wrapped protectively around your back, one hand coming up to stroke your hair as you lean into his chest. 
the memory of that first night comes back to you – the first time he rejected you. he hadn't wanted to hurt you then, either. and then he proceeded to in all ways possible – playing with your heart in a terrible back and forth. and then he disappeared from your life, and then he came back and something was different – in the way he touched you, looked for you, looked at you, was careful with you. 
but you moved on – told jaemin, told yourself you weren't waiting. you'd gone on a date with jisung, and then to some more with a few other guys on campus. you didn't hang around the band all the time now – didn't show up for every concert. and even when you did, you rarely stopped by to see haechan – spending more and more time with jisung, who was steadily becoming one of your closest friends. 
you tried to keep things light when you did visit haechan. always easy, relishing in how well he knew how to please you, how he always knew what to say. and for the most part, he was able to play along – a smile always tugging at the corner of his lips, or his tongue poking into his cheek as his eyes turned dark. 
but it was on nights like these – when the moon was a bit too bright and the air between your lips and his dense like honey, your skin heated and his face flushed – when you used the wrong name, or he said things too vulnerable and too intimate. it was on nights like these when you are faced with the reality that he made you feel the way no one else could – even as he was ever-changing, ever showing you a different side of himself. on these nights you plunge your hands deep into the kaleidoscope of him, and its like diving into shattered glass. 
"i wanted to show you this," he murmurs, shyly. 
he places a pair of headphones clumsily on your head, his long fingers scrambling to adjust it on your head, trying not to pull at your hair. your hands come up to help, and you shoot him a reassuring smile. 
it was even later in the night. you were both showered and dressed for bed – you in a long-sleeved shirt of his that you liked. when you came into the bedroom, he was fiddling with his laptop – and you could hear snippets of his honey-sweet voice starting and stopping as he tapped at his keyboard. it was natural, to head over to the bed and lean your head on his shoulder, as he started to explain to you what he was doing, eventually grabbing his headphones from the bedside table. his skin smells faintly of baby powder, and his bare face under the dim light is so soft – mellowed curves, the constellation of moles on his cheek ever visible, eyes tired but warm. 
he clicks play, and his voice fills your ears – clean, without any backing vocals or instruments. you try to catch the lyrics, but he mumbles through his words, voice meandering effortlessly around the melodies, drawing beautiful loops. his voice is delicate and gentle, flowing water with a current of electricity running through it, humming and buzzing with dangerous life. 
it ends all too quickly, and haechan – who was watching your face carefully the entire time, clicks on a few more tracks. you can hear his voice, muffled from under the headphones, start to explain. 
"that's…that's my draft for the melody. i made it for this, uh, it's one of mark's demos–" 
a sultry, low beat now plays, low strings filling in the gaps. when his voice leaks in, you feel your cheeks start to heat up. the same melody from before – so innocuous and sweet, maybe something even vulnerable – sounds sinful all of a sudden. you can practically hear the scream of the crowd punctuating each line, and now even the way he mumbles is hazed with a sort of suggestive glow. 
you look at him, wide-eyed. he's still watching your face, this time his lip caught between his teeth, looking up at you through his lashes. when the song ends, you tug the headphones down from your ears, and he takes them from you absentmindedly.
"mark told me to try writing for that. he said it suited my voice —" 
"it does," you respond. your hands reach out to play with his, tracing the way his fingers curved, running your touch along his calloused finger-tips. 
"but i…i don't know. i want to write something…something that feels…" he stumbles over his words, eyes lingering on the way your hands play with his, the gentleness of your touch. "that feels like this," he finishes, softly. 
"like what?" you hum, tracing loops on the back of his hand. 
but he doesn't respond. 
"do you like it?" he asks, quietly. 
you give his hand a squeeze. "sing it for me?" 
his hand trails off to the keyboard again, but you hold it steady in your palm. "no, sing it for me now. here." 
he's still. you almost think he won't do it, but then he's pushing the screen of his laptop shut, and he turns to face you. 
this time, when he sings, he gets all the words out. 
in person, his voice is hushed and soft, like every word is a secret. his eyes flutter shut, and he ducks his head shyly as he continues. when he ends, his voice trails off, and he doesn't turn to look at you, staring at his hands. you stay silent, until it's like he can't bear it, and his head turns to face you, eyes seeking reassurance. 
"i like it just like this," you tell him, softly. 
his smile blooms. 
"keep haechan on his toes," jaemin says, leaning back in his chair. the steam from the coffee he made – a 2am jaemin specialty — curled gently in the air, your hands nursing the mug in front of you, sipping just to have something to do. "don't see him for awhile. keep him guessing." 
"that's cruel," you mumble. 
"he's done crueler," he points out. "you know you don't owe him anything, right?"
"i know i don't," you say, slowly. "i just think that it would kill me not to know how he's doing. if he was going on dates with other people…" 
"and would he tell you?" 
no, is your automatic answer, one you can't run from in your head, but jisung cuts in. 
"he wouldn't go on a date with someone else," he shakes his head, leaning back in his chair so he could stretch out his long limbs. blinking sleep from his eyes, he shook his head again to clear his bangs away from his eyes. it had been late already when he showed up, after a show, bringing food, a tired but giddy smile on his face. "you really fucked him up, that's all i'm going to say."
"he may not go on a date, but he'd fuck someone else, probably." jaemin rolls his eyes. 
"we actually haven't fucked in awhile." the realization feels like butterflies in your chest – an uneasy, fluttery feeling. 
"what?" jisung looks at you in disbelief. "sorry," he adds, suddenly sheepish when both you and jaemin stare at him. "i just thought that was the big part of your relationship." 
"it was…" you say, slowly. ignoring how jisung said 'relationship' when it was really never that. "but…but i don't know. recently we always get distracted…or… or he's… i don't know." 
you think of his unmade bed. the careful, tender loop of his arm around your waist. you think of the way his lashes flutter when you lean in to kiss him – 
and yet, there was something bigger bothering you about this, something that tugged at your gut, the words forcing themselves out of you. 
"i hate that it feels like there's nothing more to me than this." 
"y/n, what are you talking about?" jaemin asks, his voice quiet. when you pause, he presses on, urgency in every word. "what did he say to you?" 
"nothing," you shake your head. "he didn't say that to me, it's something i feel. no matter who i'm with…even when i'm alone….i can't run from it." you take a breath. you hated admitting this, but jaemin's eyes were kind as they looked into yours. "even when we weren't talking, i was thinking about him…and tonight…jaemin i don't think anyone should be able to make me feel like this." 
“there's nothing wrong with being in love," he says, carefully. when you don't say a word, he continues on, as gentle as possible. "you know that no amount of attention he gives you will change the way you feel, right?" 
he was right. if you really dared to dream – to use up every last shooting star, count on all of the angel numbers — and haechan, donghyuck, gave himself to you fully like you wanted, you would still be afraid of losing him. a sick flutter beats in your chest at the passing thought of him slipping away again – that all this fight would have been for nothing. 
it was as if jaemin could read your mind. "there was a life before him," he reassures you. "there is so much more without him. you just need to start living like it, to really see it."
you had nodded, but you couldn't shake the feeling that no matter how many shows you skipped, no matter how many times you drove by his apartment or ignored his messages, it wouldn't change a thing: that even though there was a life before him, maybe it wasn't one that you wanted anymore.
you're cutting through the park on your way home from class, when you hear a shout of your name. you barely have time to turn before a small girl is launching herself at your legs, standing high on her tip-toes to throw her arms around your waist. 
"slow down!" 
you'd know that voice anywhere. 
haechan looks different. he's dressed in a striped sweater, glasses askew on his small nose. your heart skips a beat – he looks warm, and cozy, and comfortable. behind the frames, his eyes glow when he looks at you, an involuntary smile tugging at his lips. 
the two of you just stand there, looking into each other's eyes. every sense of yours is heightened –  the autumn air cold on your skin. the light catching everything around you. and your heart beating in your chest, speeding up with every moment you continue looking at him. you can't help it: even now you smile looking at his face. 
he raises his eyebrows. 
"what?" you blurt out, caught off-guard. 
he laughs lightly. "what are you doing here?" he asks, like he's explaining a question. 
"just…passing through," you say, slowly. "you?" 
"the…uh…kindergarten's right near here." haechan point vaguely at a point in the distance, you only look at it for a second before you focus back on him. you can't help it. he smiles again. "you're just passing through? can't you stay for awhile? we were going to get ice cream." 
his sister tugs at your sweater, excited at the sound of ice cream. you look down at her face – she has the same nose as her brother, the same bright smile. 
"just for a bit," you concede. haechan pumps his fist, playing up his excitement to make his sister laugh. it makes your heart go still and race all at the same time. 
"we need to talk." 
there was something wrong with haechan. 
the smell of rain and cigarettes hung in the alley behind the dingy venue. haechan sits on the steps with his head in his hands, jeno leaning on the wall opposite, jisung against the doorway behind. it's mark who stands directly in front of him, as he rubs his face with his hands, trying to calm down. mark who crouches down, mark's prying hands which make haechan lift his head to look at them. 
"what happened?" he asks, his eyes blazing. 
haechan swallows. "it's been a bad day," he tries, weakly. 
"it's been a bad month," jeno corrects. at haechan's glare, he raises his eyebrows in a silent challenge, and it's jisung who pipes up.
"i think people are starting to notice something's off," he says, softly. "that you play differently, sometimes."
"you mean that he messes up when she's not in the crowd," jeno says, bitterly. 
"i only messed up today," haechan mumbles. "it won't happen again." 
"what about yesterday? it's like you weren't onstage at all." jeno protests. 
haechan opens his mouth, but closes it. he knew this conversation had to happen, that things would lead to this – his fingers faltering, his mind going blank as his solo began. jeno's drums continuing relentlessly, mark's eyes on him, as he shook his head fiercely, trying to clear his mind and focus all at once. unsure of what to keep — the image of you, or the chords he'd worked so hard to get right. 
"hyuck, do you need a break?" mark asked, his words slow and gentle. "we can stop performing for awhile, cancel some of our gigs…"
"no," he breathes.  "don't." he doesn't want to lose all of it – and because he knew that if he stopped performing, he didn't know if he would ever see you again. 
and it's like jeno reads his mind. "she's not going to like you like this," jeno says, his voice impersonal. "she likes the version of you onstage, remember? it's how she first met you, it's what kept her coming back for more." 
"jeno." mark's voice is stern, but haechan looks up right past him, hurt pooling in his eyes. 
"i know," he breathes. "i know that. but i don't know if i can be that around her anymore." 
"not just around her," jisung notes. "you're not haechan anymore. it doesn't make you happy." 
"i know," he repeats, quieter this time. 
"hyuck, listen," mark sighs. "you're not doing yourself any good going onstage like this. i'm canceling the next few shows –" as haechan protests, he cuts him off with a hand on his shoulder. "no. we could all use a break." 
"mark," haechan croaks. "i can't." 
"we'll still have practice," mark says, firmly. "you still have to show up for all of it. and those songs i told you to work on —" 
"you should go home," jisung adds. "take care of your sister." 
there's a pause, as they wait for jeno to chime in. 
"none of it matters if you don't figure it out with her," he says, a tone of finality ringing in his words. he straightens, broad shoulders squared, suddenly much bigger under the lights. "if you need to get over it, you have to. staying like this is hurting everyone." 
haechan's lips part, soundlessly. there's a sharp creak, as jeno stalks back into the venue, followed by mark – who pats haechan gently on the shoulder. vaguely, haechan waits for the sound of jisung's soft steps to fade, but they only shuffle closer, until the lanky boy drops down next to him. his legs stretch out into the dingy alley, as haechan hugs his knees closer to his chest, for the first time perhaps truly afraid of what he was about to hear from his friend.
"sometimes, we meet the right person at the wrong time-" jisung's voice is quiet, almost a murmur, but the words still scrape against haechan's skin, rough like sand. 
"don't say that." he bites his lip harshly, a sudden rush of anger at the pity in jisung's responding sigh. "don't fucking say that." 
"haechan, it's okay. she liked you, but then she moved on after you realised you —" 
"she didn't –" his fist clenches, restless in his lap. "she didn't move on." 
"really? not at all?" jisung's eyes are fixed on haechan's, holding his gaze. "after weeks of telling her you couldn't give her what she wanted…you think she's still waiting for you?" 
"ji-"
"why should she wait for you?" 
haechan swallows. "she shouldn't," he mumbles. "i…i need to really let her go. jeno's right." he truly means it.
jisung hesitates. he's been spending more time with you, as friends – joining on your movie nights with jaemin, or else baking together, or letting you style him for shows and concerts. and the more time he spends with you, really gets to know you, the more he can see why you and haechan seem to need each other. your patience and gentleness matched the soft way he's seen haechan take care of his sister and at times, mark. he watched the way you sometimes falter – worry overtaking your features for a split second when you stop at a red light, or your teeth tugging at your bottom lip as you stand in front of the stove – and instinctively he can imagine haechan's confidence, his natural propensity to make everything seem easy, fitting in with you and taking care of you. 
but he knew that haechan could only give you his attention – not his heart, not until he was brave enough to admit how much you meant to him. 
your resolve to stay friends with him was as flimsy as haechan's promise to let you go. jisung almost wanted to laugh at the insistence both of you had, upon lying to yourselves. 
"be honest," he says, gently. "what do you want?" when haechan doesn't answer, jisung's low voice continues on, coaxingly. "what's your best-case scenario? what do you want to happen?" 
haechan takes a deep breath. "i don't know." 
jisung tries to hide his disappointment. "do you not know, or are you not ready to say it?" 
"i don't know," haechan mumbles again, burying his face in his hands. i don't know if i deserve it. 
the two of them sit there for a long, long, time. 
there was something wrong with haechan.
something's different. that's what jeno had said earlier, after the show. exhausted from sleepless nights, screaming fans making him feel nauseous, haechan barely paid attention to anything during his performances except for his own guitar. he hardly looked at the crowd, didn't acknowledge their pleas of his name, as if it wasn't one he recognised at all. 
he'd started missing parties, and was barely there even if he showed — ignoring the way girls swarmed around him, wondering if he was playing a new game, one where they had to work harder to earn his attention. it was a game they never won, his eyes trained on his cup, or else on the door. 
but out of all of haechan's bad habits, this might be the worst of them – sitting in the living room past midnight, sipping down to the last dregs of his alcohol, waiting for the knock on his door. 
it was late now — so late that the hours had bled into the next day. he hadn't seen you at the concert, not at the party, and despite telling himself not to dream, not to hope, he still carried enough desperation in him to stay up again. 
he's relieved he did. 
his hands shake as he opens the door. his hands falling to his sides as he drinks in the sight of you, letting you in. 
"hi," you breathe, and you don't ask before you lean into him, soft lips brushing his plush ones. 
he's at a loss for words, his tongue numb in his mouth, limbs still heavy from how tired he'd been all day. he lets you guide him to the couch, into the cushions. lets you straddle his hips, holding your body close to his with careful arms, as he meets your kisses gently.
something's different, but haechan's not the only one who's changed. on nights like these, all you do is take and take and take. 
"i haven't seen you in a while," he murmurs. quietly, softly, the words almost getting lost between kisses. immediately after he says the words, he slots his lips with yours firmly, as if afraid of what you would say if he let the space between you and him grow. 
"i've been busy." at the crestfallen look on his face, a small smile tugs at your lips, and you lean in to brush your lips with his. "why? did you miss me?" 
"i did," he says, almost timid. "i missed you."
at this, you raise your eyebrows. "you could have had anyone else." 
but he shakes his head. "i missed you," he repeats, hands mapping your skin, as if checking if you were really here, seeking the familiar way you fit into his palms, your slopes and your edges. 
"i missed you too," you say, meaningfully, letting him pull you in for another kiss. but when you push against him, body rocking into his and mouth open and wanting, the glow in your eyes tells him you're talking about something else entirely. 
his mind races. the feeling of you against him wakes him up like nothing else, the way you touch him, your smell and your taste setting fire to all his senses. there's something sweet about your lips tonight, something he wants to savor on his tongue and drown in all at once. 
he doesn't want to waste any of this, because this was the only thing you ever wanted to see him for — and that's what he tells himself as he pulls you into his body, because finally, finally, your attention is all on him, an electric heat simmering over each fibre of his being, the feeling of your body too sweet to be true.
but it's been one too many nights he's waited, a weight on his chest and a drowsiness he can't shake overcoming him like a cloyingly sweet poison. 
"i–" he's cut off by a shuddering inhale as your lips travel down to his neck, your hips grinding against him just right. "baby, i'm sorry," he tries again, his hands now gripping onto your waist, trying to steady you, even as he gives up. "i don't think i can take care of you tonight." 
you still. 
"don't go, please," he begs. "i'm sorry, it's been…it's been a long day and i…" he breaks off. the performance. the fight with the band. the fact that he'd been drinking for hours, the starless sky inky black outside his window, his fingers still stinging from plucking at guitar strings all night. "just give me a second," he stammers, burying his face in his hands, tugging at his features, before looking up at you with tired eyes. "i'll be fine in a minute, then we'll go to the bedroom, i just —" 
your hands slide down the slope of his shoulders. 
"don't go," he repeats, hands fumbling for yours as he brings them up to his lips, like a prayer. "i can take care of you, i promise. just…" 
"donghyuck," you say, softly. again you smile, cupping his face in your palms. his round cheeks, plush lips, the slight flare of his nose. he almost goes cross-eyed staring at you, as you lean in close and kiss him again – this one different from the rest, close-lipped and chaste. 
"hyuck, let me take care of you tonight, okay?" 
caught in a riptide of his own longing, he lets go. 
"you don't have to do anything," he mumbles. his hands tentatively touch your waist, the barest brush of his fingertips, before he's encircling you in his arms, easing you into his chest. slowly, tentatively, he holds you close by the weight of his arms, a large hand reassuringly patting the space right beneath your heart – clumsy, rhythmic thumps that trailed off into a lingering warmth. "i just want to hold you here, like this." 
he can feel the tension that spreads down your spine, your breath caught in your throat. your lips are parted, your eyes looking at his in an unreadable expression. 
"do you not like it?" he asks, his voice small. his hands fall from your waist, nervously tugging his sleeves down over his palms. "i…i'm just…" 
"i do," you say, slowly. and because your faces are so close, the thought is barely crossing your mind before you press your lips against his. it's supposed to be quick, reassuring, but the look on haechan's face when you pull back makes you lean in again right away. 
it was a look that was open and hurt, his hands still tangled in his lap. his eyes stayed open as you kissed him, as if he couldn't dare believe it was real — finally blinking shut when you kissed him again, his slight relief melting on your tongue. his teeth sunk into his bottom lip as you clumsily got up off the couch, and as you straightened, he ducked away from your gaze, staring at his hands. 
"hyuck," you start, but he shakes his head. 
"it's fine." he still wouldn't look at you - fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "you don't have to stay, it's late." 
"hyuck, listen to me." 
"i know," he says, quickly. the slightest trace of fear in his voice. "you don't….you don't have to remind me, i know. it's too…you said we couldn't…"
" — hyuck, i wasn't going to say that." 
his fingers falter, but he stays silent. 
"i can't fall asleep properly in your lap," you explain, slowly. "let's go to bed, okay?" 
he looks up then. "really?" 
"i said i want to take care of you," you repeat, his wide eyes making you feel shy all of a sudden. "i mean it." 
he lets you take his hands, body following pliantly as he stands from the couch, as you lead him to his bedroom, his eyes focused on your intertwined hands. it's both a familiar and unfamiliar feeling — crawling into his bed with his clothes on your body, sinking into the soft sheets and letting the senses of him wash over you. the usual buzz of pleasure isn't there, and its a different tiredness that seeps through your veins, one that comes with feeling safe. 
since when did you start feeling safe with him? 
you feel his weight sink in behind you, the duvet rustling against skin as he turns. an arm curls around your waist. his head lowers into the crook of your neck – you can feel his soft hair, his pouty lips brushing your shoulders in a light kiss. 
"the band is taking a break," he mumbles. "because of me."
"hyuck?" you try to turn in his arms, but his grip only tightens on your waist. he shakes his head. "hyuck, what happened? are you okay?" 
"m'yeah, i'm okay now." he shifts. "just…i just don't know if i like playing in the band anymore." 
there's a pause. 
"are you…are you disappointed?" the thumb drawing circles on your hip stills. "say something," he whispers. "please." 
"why would i be disappointed?" you ask, quietly. placing your hand on his, you turn, facing him as he encircles you in his arms. his eyes are half-lidded, tousled hair falling over his brows, his cheek squished against the pillow into a half-pout. it's almost instinct – the way your hand goes up to his face to brush his hair out of his face, fingers absentmindedly tracing his moles. 
you can feel his lips move against your fingers. "would you still come to see me?" he wonders, softly. "if you didn't have a reason to?" 
you bite your lip. "i would want to…" you say, slowly. "but i don't know if i should. haechan, what's going on? does music not make you happy anymore?" 
his heart aches. your care for him fills his lungs, making his eyes begin to prickle with tears. 
"i don't think the haechan…donghyuck thing is good for me." 
"oh." your thumb brushes over the bridge of his nose. "hyuck…" you start. "i don't…i don't want to overstep." 
his face falls. "sorry," he says, his voice small. "i won't bother you with it…you don't have to…"
"no, i don't mean…hey, listen to me." you wait until he looks up at you through his lashes, nervously. "i think i've gotten to know haechan and donghyuck, you know? i mean…" your heart skips a beat, suddenly shy at your own honesty. but you've already let your guard down – it's no use. "of course i like haechan. haechan's the one who invited me backstage, haechan's the one who made me go on that rooftop…but…" you take a breath. 
the sleep had worn off from haechan's eyes – he was alert as he watched you now,  hanging onto your every word. 
"i've gotten to know donghyuck too, i think. i hope. donghyuck makes the best sandwiches for his baby sister, donghyuck has a bear tattoo because he looks as cute as one, donghyuck is always gentle with me even when i ask him not to be." your thumb traces the constellation of moles he has again, tracing down to his neck. you draw him closer – the way he's looking at you: like you're his entire world, like your words were the only thing keeping him breathing, filling your chest with a tender kind of ache that didn't go away. 
"donghyuck and haechan aren't that different, not really. they're still you. i like them both. i like all of you. if you woke up tomorrow and told me you were someone else, if you were suddenly becoming someone new, i think i'd still want to fall asleep next to you anyway at the end of the day. because i know you –" you breathe in, sharply. "i…i think i do. i…hope i do." 
he doesn't say anything. just leans in, and brushes his lips with yours lightly – once, twice, and finally sealing them in a kiss. he kisses you deeply, intensely – it wakes you up, that familiar feeling stirring in your belly as your hips move of their own accord. a liquid euphoria fills your veins as he pulls you into him – him on his back, you laying on his firm chest, the toned muscles on his chest grounding you, a feeling so familiar, one that you craved for a long time. you've never felt safer, in his arms. he kisses you like with every moment apart, he wonders if you're still there, and each time he sighs into your mouth it's with relief that you're still here, with him. 
"do you want to…?" he asks softly. he's breathing heavily, but he tries to calm himself down. his tongue darts out to wet his lips, and it's that act – so innocent, so nervous even though you've both done it a dozen times with each other, that makes your heart beat harder in your chest. 
"it's been awhile," you murmur. 
"i know." he nods, swallowing. "it just…it hasn't felt right. don't…don't get me wrong, i want you all the time-" he practically groans with frustration. "it's just recently i just…i've been really confused. it's so stupid, but i didn't know which version of me you wanted –" 
"just you," you assure him, softly.
"let me make it up to you then." his tone is just as soft. 
you take his hands, and slide them under your shirt. gently, he tugs it off of you, sitting up slightly to take his shirt off as well before focusing back on you. you're giddy with the feeling of his touch again, nostalgia heightening every single sensation. it's not just hyuck tracing his hands over your chest – his lips finding your nipples, tongue darting out to tease them lightly. it's every single time he's touched you before – in the backseat of his car, hands moving urgently. in your bed that first time – so careful because you were extra sensitive. you have to focus to get back to the present moment, where he's watching you carefully again – noticing that you're lost in your thoughts. 
"everything okay?" he murmurs. 
you nod. "i just missed you so much," you whisper, and you can feel his desperation in the kiss that follows. "i need you now." 
"need to prep you, baby." gently, he eases you onto the bed, crawling down your body as you tug off your shorts and panties. your legs spread, needily, as you can feel him inch closer to your core, his hands coming to hold your hips. "stay still for me?" he mumbles, his eyes dazed as he watches you nod, his own head bobbing along absentmindedly, guiding you through it as he encourages you to bend your knees, baring yourself to him. 
the first flick of his tongue on your clit makes you mewl, hands coming down to grip onto his hair. 
"i know, baby," he comforts you, drawing small circles on your thigh as he leans into suckle your clit, making your hips buck up. he holds you still, patiently continuing to circle your entrance and lap at your clit. "fuck…you're getting so wet, angel." he slides in a finger, and the intrusion makes you clench around him in sensitivity, especially as he kitten-licks your clit shyly while easing in another finger. 
"need you now," you whine, voice reaching that pitch only he seems to bring out in you. his fingers pump more urgently, now curling towards the front of your walls, as he applies more force to your clit with his tongue, massaging the sensitive bud. 
"need you-" you choke out. "need you inside." 
"just give me one right now," he says, a slight plea to his voice. "please, angel. cum for me please, –"
"wanna cum with you inside," you sniffle. that gets his attention. he crawls right up your body until you're face to face, kissing you deeply, palms coming up to hold your face, careful to keep his fingers away. it's heated – your hips rolling into his as he finally loses control, hips bucking into yours until he's practically humping you as he kisses down your neck. your hands go to his waist, and he whimpers into your skin, finally tugging down his sweatpants, and you feel a familiar weight against your core. 
"condom-" he gasps, breaking away. the muscles on his body flex as he reaches for his bedside table, you can feel them move against your hands. 
"have you been fucking anyone else?" 
he blinks. "no, not since…" he breaks off. "no. and i'm clean. mark made me check." the sound of your giggle makes him smile momentarily – a goofy, lopsided grin that makes your heart squeeze painfully in your chest. 
"i want to feel you-" you say, slowly. "please." 
he sucks in a breath. "this…this isn't one of those things you're trying to do to please me, right?" he looks at you, skeptically. "it doesn't make a difference to me, you know that right? i just want you to feel comfortable. and safe…" 
"i am comfortable," you assure him. "i'm on the pill. i really just want to do this with you." 
"because-" he suddenly sits back, running a nervous hand through his hair. "i'm fine with using protection, you know that. i…i love how you feel either way. i never want you to do anything you don't feel absolutely right about…"
"is this about the blowjob?" you raise your eyebrows at him, smiling when you see his eyes widen. "because i'm going to do that too, with you. i want to make you feel good." 
now it's his turn to laugh, tilting his head back. his adam's apple bobs in his throat. "you have no idea-" he murmurs, voice suddenly low and serious. "you have no idea how good you make me feel just by the way you look at me. by the way you say my name." 
"hyuck," you say, patiently. "i need you. don't make me beg." 
"i should be the one begging," he murmurs, and this time when you reach your arms out, he lowers himself right into your arms, letting you wrap your arms around him. he strokes himself a few times, eyelashes fluttering, before slowly easing into you – a soft sound escaping his lips as his eyes went unfocused. it really had been awhile – his length filling you up, stretching you out in a way that was almost painful, but that pain was quickly dulled by pleasure as his body pressed against yours. 
"fuck-" he curses, eyes screwed shut in concentration. "can i…can i please…" 
you rock your hips against him, letting him in even deeper as he bottoms out. "move-" you whimper, "please-" you barely finish your words before he's already drawing back, barely pulling out before fucking himself back in, short intense thursts feeling dizzying. his slender fingers find your clit again, applying a light pressure as the blunt tip of cock perfectly hits the spongy part of your walls, the sound obscene in the quiet room. you were so aroused, you felt that you were making a mess of his thighs – wetness making the scene seem ever more lewd, creaming around his length as he increased his speed, groaning lowly to himself. 
"cum for me, princess," he pleads, lips dipping down to mark the sensitive part of your neck. you were already close from all the teasing – and once again the familiarity of every touch and movement sends your senses into overdrive. your entire body tenses as you climax, and you can hear him hiss out another string of curses, mixed with your name and every term of endearment under the sun. 
"where do you want it?" he all but whimpers, hips still fucking into you like a reflex. 
"inside-" you mumble, ankles loosely hooking behind his back, trying to stop him from moving away. "hyuck, please come inside, fill me up please-" with a soft cry, he pushes in deep – and you can feel him cum inside you, making a mess between your thighs, the feeling so arousing that it awakens something inside you, and your hips begin to move – begging for more. 
"wait-" he pants. "give me a minute, angel-" his eyes are closed again, head lowered, as he pushes through the overstimulation, feeling his soft cock slowly begin to harden again. the sounds falling from his throat now are scratchy, hoarse whines – a sound so dirty it makes your heart beat even faster, a sense of defiled innocence you've only ever heard in his music. the angle in which he's rutting into you stimulating your clit, pushing you closer to your edge as you fuck up onto him. 
"hyuck?" you push his bangs out of his eyes, tracing your hands over his shoulders, his chest. your fingers brush past his nipples and his mouth falls open with need, an achy sound releasing from the back of his throat, his puffy lips parted obscenely. you pinch his nipples again, gently, experimentative, and you feel his body shudder as he cums again, this time going still. it's so fucking arousing, an different side to him that you've never seen, that you feel yourself climax as well, the stimulation overwhelming. 
the both of you lay there for awhile, before he seems to come to his senses — a shaky hand moving the hair out of your face. 
he looks at you, and you look at him. 
and as if he can't help himself, he kisses you again – this time so soft and gentle, almost as if it were the first time all over again. 
"you alright?" he mumbles. 
you nod. 
"let's clean up in a second," he breathes. "just…let's stay like this for awhile." 
you nod again. you don't trust your own voice. something is happening – something tastes different in the air, something in the way you're looking at each other, something in the way he's touching you now – as if you might break or bruise if he even let his fingerprints get onto your skin. in the way he's looking at you now – something urgent in his gaze. 
"are you…are you free tomorrow night?" 
"i am." you sound stronger than you feel. 
"can i take you somewhere?" 
pause. "yeah." you give him a small smile. "i'd like that."
the smile that breaks out across his face is one that you know like the back of your hand. 
sitting across from you now, with your plates already cleared away and all that's left is your last few sips of wine, it hits you how that this is the most normal setting you've been in with him, possibly ever. his long legs stretched out under the table over by your chair, gently placing down his wine glass as he looks at you, his expression soft. his face is lit up by candlelight, hair falling over his brows in a hopelessly endearing way. 
"you good?" he murmurs. 
you nod. things feel cozy, and comfortable – it's a feeling so foreign but at the same time so familiar, you have to keep reminding yourself that this is real. 
he bites his lip. "pretend i'm jisung," he says, impulsively. "and…and you're describing how this went to him. how…how did you find it?" 
you give him a look, but he looks so shy, so nervous to be asking you this question, that you decide to play along. 
"well, jisung-" you take a deep breath, smiling when you see him smile too. "haechan picked me up today, that was really nice-" 
"-sounds like the bare minimum," he mumbles back, head bent.
"well, yeah it kind of is. but he doesn't have the best track record." you see him wince, so you let that comment linger for awhile before continuing on. "he's been a gentleman today. he…he took me to a restaurant that he found out i've been meaning to go to for awhile now, because he asked jaemin beforehand." 
"and that's…creepy? doing too much?" 
"it was thoughtful," you mused. "even though he made the reservation for the wrong date…"
"fucker," he shakes his head. 
"...it was nice because we got to go to walk around, and there was this moment, um…" his head darts up. now you can see him break character – something piercingly vulnerable in the way his bambi-brown eyes shine. 
you swallow. "we were crossing the street…and he put his hand on my lower back, just to guide me forward, and when we got to the other side he took my hand in his and just…held it-" 
he's looking at you, slightly confused and a little nervous. 
"yeah?" 
"he…he usually only acts like that when we're alone…when there's no one around." he still looks lost, so you reach forward across the table, taking his hand in yours. as if on instinct, his hand squeezes yours. "it's sweet," you reassure him. "it was really sweet." 
he bites his lip, but nods to show that he understands.
there's silence, for a bit. you think of breaking the silence, of saying anything, when suddenly he clears his throat slightly, sitting up a little straighter.
"hey, mark-" now he's doing the same bit, and it catches you by surprise a little - making you smile. "yeah, i'm still with y/n. i...uh...i fucked up the reservation, you were right, i should've checked again..."
"i really like spending time with her," he says, slowly. "i...i can't stop staring at her - she looks so beautiful tonight. and...and i can't believe she's finally here with me, that i somehow didn't fuck this up. and um...we were in this record store just now...and i was listening to her talk about an album she liked -" a smile plays on his lips as he recalls the memory. you suddenly become aware that your heart is beating hard again, pounding in your ribs. "and she was so excited, and she kept laughing as she talked, and...and i just realised i would do anything to make her that happy, all the time. and that i want it to be me, i want to be the reason she smiles like that."
you swallow.
"haechan..."
"you don't have to say anything-" he rushes to say. "i just...i just wanted you - i mean, uh, mark - to know."
"okay." you take a deep breath. "and um, i want jisung to know that-"
"yeah?"
"i like spending time with him too," you say, faintly.
he nods, but he doesn't smile.
-
as the car pulls up to your driveway, the quiet hum of the engine is silenced – headlights turned off, only the soft glow of streetlights casting their pools of gold over haechan's face. it's so quiet, you hear the shaky breath he takes as he steadies himself. 
"i have something for you," he murmurs. you can feel the warmth radiating off his body as he leans to pick something up from the backseat, the comforting smell of his perfume making your heart warm. but then you hear the crinkle of paper, his hair falling over his face as he sits back into the driver's seat, and your heart falls in a completely different way – your insides rushing with inertia, dizzy and heady – because he's holding a bouquet of dark red roses. they're wrapped sweetly, tied off with a piece of red ribbon to match the blooms, and your eyes linger on the way his fingers tremble as he holds them out to you with both hands. 
his starts to speak, but whatever he falters as he watches you stare at the soft petals, stems completely stripped of their thorns – and he bites his lower lip, breath caught in his throat. 
"too much?" he asks, softly. "i just thought…i just…mark and jisung said it would be a good idea," he stammers, lowering the bouquet as one of his hands falls to his thighs, nervously clenching his fists. "i was supposed to give them to you when i picked you up, but i got scared…you don't have to take them, i just thought…i wasn't thinking-" 
your hand closes around his hand holding the flowers. your other goes to his face, your thumb brushing his cheek as he falls silent, his eyes fixed on yours, caught in the haze of your touch. slowly, so as not to startle him, you lean in and kiss him gently. it's a beat before he kisses you back, as if he couldn't believe it, and when you pull away just slightly with a soft sound, you can see the nervousness in his eyes. and so you lean in to kiss him again – you kiss him until his lashes flutter shut, until you can feel him settle in his seat, sighing into your mouth as he kisses you deeply. you pull the flowers into your lap, his hand giving up control easily, coming up to your face to hold you in his palms. 
"hyuck." 
he pauses, leaning back – but his hands only leave your face when you hold them in your own, guiding them down to rest against the center console, your fingers intertwined. 
"i never want you to feel like i'm ashamed of being seen with you," he blurts out suddenly. 
"what?" 
"i never meant to let it get that far," he continues on, looking at his hands. "when i first met you…i wanted you to be like everyone else. i tried to do what i always do, but i just couldn't. you kept getting in my head, and i kept hurting you, and i didn't know how to stop and i just-" he exhales. "i never want to make you feel like that again." 
"hyuck, was this a date?" 
he swallows. "if you want it to be," he starts, but then he shakes his head. "the truth is, i was afraid you would say no if it was. but i really want it to be. i really really do." 
"hyuck," you take a deep breath. "whatever you're going through, you're not going to find the answer in me." 
"y/n, i love you," he says, quietly, tenderly. he says it like it's the easiest thing in the world. "i want to be a person who deserves to be with you, and love you, and i know you think you can't change me, and it isn't your responsibility to try at all…but you already have, and you can't take it back. when i'm with you i feel like i can see this version of donghyuck that i want to be all the time for the rest of my life." 
"no two people should change to be with each other –" you start, but he shakes his head. 
"we aren't a scenario," he insists. "this isn't a hypothetical. there's no should and shouldn't, because you know me –" he's pleading. "i'm not the same boy you saw onstage that first time you came to our show, and you're not that same girl on the roof," he pleads, voice breaking, tears welling up in the pretty cut of his eyes. "why is it so hard for you to believe that this version of us is meant to be together?" 
there's silence. 
"i can believe it," you start, quietly. "that's what terrifies me." 
you can see him start to lose hope. he can't force you to stay with him when you're not ready, and he doesn't want to be that person either. 
"i…" he hesitates. he wants to say so much more to you – that no one else makes him feel the way you make him feel. that he feels like he'll never love anyone again, not the way he loves you. the fact that you're it for him in a million different ways, a love he never thought he'd find. that he'll never be able to give anyone else a fair chance. 
but he can tell his love makes your shoulders heavy, makes your eyes go foggy with tears. already, you look shattered sitting in the passenger seat of his car, his love a weight on your chest that you don't know what to do with. already he's losing whatever bravery he had before – the bravery his love for you had given him. 
"sometimes-" you start, breaking off, your voice quivering. "when we're together, i feel like i could do it for the rest of my life. that you're the only one i've met to make me feel this way, that i'm the only one who knows you so deep." 
"you are," he breathes. 
"but-" your voice rises, agitated. "you hurt me. again and again. i came back when i wasn't ready, i should've given it more time, i just couldn't stay away. and then you came back into my life, and i forgave you to be with you again, and i tried to give other people a chance but i just…i just couldn't. what if this is too soon again?" 
i'll wait. the words are on the tip of his tongue, but he knows its the wrong thing to say, wrong thing to want. there's nothing romantic about waiting for someone – it's a cruel promise, one that rots each day going by in the wait for the future. 
"do you…" he takes a deep breath. "do you want to let me go?"
you nod, slowly. haechan can feel his heartbeat in his ears. 
"i'm not sorry," you whisper. "it's not right. you…i know you think you know what you want, but i need you to be sure of who you are, and who you want. i can't give you the answers." 
haechan remembers how – and it seems so far away, almost like a dream now – the night you went out with jisung, he dreamed of you. dreamed up the final version of you and him – everything good and always good, coming backstage to you, coming home to you. and some part of him had dared to hope, that despite everything, despite himself, the two of you would make it to that final version. 
but maybe the final version of you and him was this – the sound of the car door shutting as you walk up the steps to your apartment, and him crying all the way home, roses left in the front seat of the car, the ghost of your hands burning on his face.
(EPILOGUE RELEASE SOON)
@neochan, @ahncosette, @18shy @kittydollzz @jenoslutie @pussymode @yyfka @cheolctrl @jaeminsballs @mysummerhyuck @strawberrytyong @rosiejunnie @nctzen4eva @haechskies @wickedrei @sundamariis @liliansun @lanadreamie @nodisdino @angelwonie @foxydumps @manooffline @moonsmias @skzct7 @iscocohere @ficrecnctskz @makiswrld @itskkung @simpforarmihn @aryraaaa @rbf-aceu @laubyrinthine @yujuvly @nctevia @hyuckenjoyer @guhhfgbbj @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @kasperneo @eneiyri @toroufriteh @cauliephays @jisoung @niinjo @wonaoi @yuskitty @strawbabyz @readingisgodly @daegalfangirl @minkyuncutie @feat-sun @chaoticstrawberryland @shawnyle @sofix-hc7 @scftharu @spageddy @adorejaehyn @manooffline @02mrk @tyongspice1 @runahways @neosdaisy @hotmessexpress35 @kim-seungmins-gf @delllllllsstuff @nohunlee @kingsoowolves @enhasrii @fnafgirl87 @imzerozen @toroufriteh @torothecatt
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withwritersblock · 2 days ago
Text
That's So True
~That's So True by Gracie Abrams~
Author's Note: requested! this was fun to write. do I know what i wrote exactly, no I don't lol. Also another late post lol italics are flashback as always Summary: Luke ends his fwb with Y/N Warnings: implied smut Word Count: 8,980 Luke Hughes x fm!reader
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She sat on the couch beside Mark, her childhood best friend. They went to UMich together on full athletic scholarships. He went for hockey and she went for volleyball. It wasn’t often that her friends and his friends got together. 
Many people assumed they were dating since they were always together but they were practically raised as siblings. There was a few years where they actually lived together because of her parents financial problems. So they would always brush off the dating rumors. 
Especially since they used to argue constantly exactly like siblings. Right now, they weren’t arguing but silently having a conversation. 
She kept watching Luke and the new girl make eyes towards one another from across the room. She was sure that the new girl was trying to get with Luke with the eyes that she was sending over to him. But Luke was probably trying to figure out what her intentions were. 
Luke was laying on the beanbag, scrolling through his phone as he mostly kept to himself. The new girl, she didn’t even know her name, was sitting beside Kaleigh. Y/N assumed the two were friends but the lack of conversation between them felt odd. 
Mark delicately tapped his hand against her arm forcing her gaze towards him. He gestured if she wanted a drink. Nodding, she stood up and they walked towards the kitchen together. Mark shifted his gaze towards Luke, rolling his eyes as he followed Y/N.
They stepped into the kitchen alone. She walked towards the fridge to take out another drink. 
“Are you alright?” he asked as he leaned against the counter.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled as she popped open the Truly can.
“Right, because we haven’t been sending daggers towards Luke since you stepped into the house,” he said half jokingly.
“I have not,” she mumbled before taking a long sip. Mark raised his eyebrows as he met her gaze. She clenched her jaw as she held the can below her. “Okay, maybe a little bit,”
“I know he’s my teammate and roommate but you’re you so if you say we hate him, then we hate him,” he explained as he walked towards her. She nodded as she stared towards the floor. Pressing her lips together, she nodded again. 
Lifting her gaze up, she began to blink rapidly to prevent the tears falling onto her cheek. “We hate him,” she let out barely above a whisper. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around her, submerging her into a tight embrace.
“Then fuck him,” he whispered.
She sat on the couch beside Mark in his new house that he shared with five of his teammates. She’s known them for as long as Mark has. Because of how close she was with Mark she found herself always around.
Tonight was obviously no different. The house was getting crowded as more people were piling in for the party they were having. Mark was talking to a blond girl sitting in front of them. Her gaze kept switching towards Luke.
For the last few weeks they have been texting more and more. Mark knew that she had a crush on him, but he swore he wouldn’t say anything. So either he felt the same way, or she was obvious with her feelings.
He was typing on his phone, a smirk toying to his lips. After a few more moments she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Glancing towards Luke, she met his gaze and she watched his cheeks pink. She pulled her phone out to see a text from him. “Meet me at my room in five,”
Lifting her gaze, she met his eye, he smirked as he slowly stood up from the beanbag. He smirked as he walked past her and Mark. A shaking breath left her lips as she brought her knees towards her chest. 
Mark glanced towards Luke as he walked past him before he looked towards Y/N. He fought the grin forming to his lips before he looked back towards the blond girl in front of him.
Y/N brought her Truly towards her lips and chugged the rest of her drink before delicately placing it onto the floor. “I’m gonna get another drink,” she said. 
“Uh huh,” Mark let out while laughing. She smirked as she rolled her eyes playfully. 
She wasn’t entirely lying, she walked towards the kitchen to get another drink before she slipped into Luke’s room.
She took another Truly from the fridge before she urgently walked towards Luke’s room. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she tried to add some liquid courage to her body. 
Delicately, she raised her hand up and knocked onto his door. It didn’t take long for him to open the door and allow her to step inside. He shut it, twisting the lock in the process.
She stood in front of the door, awkwardly holding her drink as she scanned his room. His bed was made and his room was nearly spotless, it was slightly shocking. He took a small step back towards his bed as he took a deep breath.
“Do you wanna watch a movie?” he asked as he pointed to his bed awkwardly. She smirked as she nodded. “Ethan invited like every person on campus, so the house is gonna get really crowded,” he explained as he sat down on the bed, looking up towards her.
Stepping towards him, she brought her drink towards her mouth; taking a long sip. After a few seconds, Y/N placed her drink on his nightstand before she sat beside him on the bed. Bumping her thigh against his, forcing his gaze towards her. He nodded as he scanned her features.
“What do you wanna watch?” he asked softly. Her gaze drifted towards his lips for a moment before she took a deep breath.
“Any recommendations?” she asked softly. His lips curled upward slightly as he nodded. 
He stood up from the bed, taking a hold of the TV remote on the nightstand as he walked towards the light switch. He turned the light off as he turned on Netflix. She slowly leaned against the headboard, pulling her knees up to her chest. Luke walked around the bed and laid beside her, adjusting the pillow beneath his head. 
She looked down towards him as he met her gaze. A toothy grin formed to his lips as he looked towards the screen. 
Luke put on a movie that both of them have seen hundreds of times. The movie had only been on for a few minutes when Luke turned onto his side to meet her gaze. 
“Hi,” he mumbled. Looking down towards him, she smiled softly.
“Hi,” she replied as she looked into his blue eyes. He waved his finger asking her to lay down. “What?” she asked, a soft chuckle leaving her lips.
“Come ‘ere so I can kiss you,” he let out barely above a whisper. Her eyes widened slightly as another grin formed to her lips. 
“Oh really?” she asked softly as she slowly laying completely down on her side. Luke nodded as he took a hold of her thigh, pulling her closer to him. Their lips were only a mere inch apart. He hummed before he rubbed his thumb against her bare thigh. Her breathing started to quicken as she looked deeply into his blue eyes.
“Then what are you waiting for?” she asked barely above a whisper. He smirked before he leaned towards her, devouring her lips. A moan left her lips, as her fingers ran through his hair. Slowly, he raised his hand up from her thigh, trailing his hand up her body.
Slowly, she climbed onto his lap with their lips still connected. His hands glided up and down her thighs. She took a hold of his shirt and started unbuttoning it. He began to sit up, pulling the shirt away from his frame. He laid back down, her lips started trailing down his neck. 
She began to bite and suck the skin, swirling her tongue to sooth the skin. He swallowed hard as his hands started hiking the dress up her frame, wanting it off of her body. 
Her lips trailed back up, meeting his lips urgently. Grinding against his lap, his breathing caught in his throat. “Fuck,” he mumbled against her lips. She smirked as she slowly pulled away from him. 
Luke began to lean towards her, desperate for her lips again. Smirking, she climbed off of his lap. He reached towards her but she slipped off of the bed. “Hey,” he let out, breathing heavily. 
Standing beside the bed, she took a hold of the dress and started pushing it off of her frame. He smirked as he watched her slowly reveal her body. He dragged his tongue along his bottom lip as she stood in front of him.
Mark waited until she pulled away from the embrace, not wanting to rush her. He hated seeing her sad, but he was always going to be the one to hold her and make her feel better. It took another minute before she slowly slipped away from his body. She kept her gaze on his chest as she fought the tears forming to her eyes. 
After a long few seconds she lifted her gaze and met his eye, “I’m gonna go home,” she mumbled. His eyes widened as he stepped towards her, taking a hold of her arm.
“Because of him?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. She shrugged as Kaleigh walked into the kitchen. Stopping short, she crossed her arms over her chest shyly. “Hey, what’s up Kale?” Mark shifted his gaze towards her. Y/N wiped her hands across her cheeks. 
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she mumbled.
“You didn’t-” both Mark and Y/N said at the same time. She shifted her gaze from Mark at first and then towards Y/N. 
“I’m gonna head home,” she muttered as she delicately placed her drink onto the counter.
“Y/N,” Mark let out softly.
“I’m going home,” she said more sternly as she started walking out of the kitchen and out of the house. 
She stepped into the living room to see the new girl sitting in Luke’s lap as the group was laughing loudly. Luke lifted his gaze and met her eye. His smile faltered slightly as their eyes were connected. She stood still, watching her run her hand across his jaw to force his gaze towards her. Luke looked back towards the new girl, smiling widely again. 
He quickly looked back towards Y/N, nearly rubbing it into her face. Swallowing hard, she continued to look into his blue eyes. Her eyes squinted slightly as she watched him, run his hand up and down the side of her thigh. 
A huff fell from her lips as she continued to walk out of the house. She stepped onto the porch, a dry angry laugh left her throat as she turned her gaze towards the sky. Her eyes continued to tear up. 
Her house she shared with a few of her sorority sisters was only a few streets over. It was normal for her to walk from the house to Mark’s house. It was quiet as it was quite late at night. She started down the street like she always did. Usually, Mark or Luke would walk her back to her house.
“Hey, hey, hey-” Mark shouted as he followed her out of the house. She spun around to meet his gaze. She took a deep breath as he walked towards her; somewhat breathless.
Luke was on top of her, both of his hands on either side of her as he was kissing her urgently. Her hands were gliding along his cheeks and into his hair. He slowly pulled his lips away from hers as he started trailing wet kisses along her neck down towards her exposed collarbone.
“Fuck,” she whispered as she tilted her head back. He smiled as he tugged at the fabric of her tanktop. 
Her hands glided along his upper back, pulling his hoodie up his back. He sat back, smiling down towards her before he pulled his hoodie from his frame. He tossed it towards the floor before he climbed on top of her again, devouring her lips. 
After a few seconds, there was a loud knock against his unlocked door. Luke pulled away from her, laying beside her. He pulled the blanket beside them and tossed it over their frame as the door was pushed open.
“She’s my friend Hughesy, every time she comes over she ends up in here. Not fair. Let’s go Y/N,” Mark stood at the door, motioning her to leave the room. She glanced towards Luke, an apologetic smile on her face.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Luke let out while chuckling. 
“Very fucking serious right now,” he let out with a dry chuckle, “My friend who I haven’t seen in weeks because she’s been fucking you every day. I deserve to see my best friend,” Mark explained very dramatically. Luke covered his face with his hands while laughing.
“Mark, seriously?” she said while laughing.
“You promised me when you two started hooking up that I would still see you. So come on,” he pointed towards the door again. Y/N shifted her gaze towards Luke. He rolled his eyes while fighting off a grin.  She slowly slipped off of the bed, adjusting the tanktop on her body. 
“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” she teased as she walked out of the room. 
“Such a cock block,” Luke let out. 
Mark barked out a laugh. “You and your dick will survive one night,” Mark teased as he shut the door. She stood behind him, crossing her arms over her chest. “You and your-” Mark started before she shoved him. “Fine-alright, come on,” Mark said with a wide grin.
They walked down the hall towards his room and he pushed the door open. Y/N jumped onto his bed to take a hold of the Switch controller. Mark jumped and laid beside her taking a hold of the other one.
“So what’s the actual deal with you two?” Mark asked as he loaded up Mario Party. She fought the grin forming to her lips, her body heated up. She pressed her lips together, feeling Luke’s lips still on hers.
“We’re just-I don’t know,” she mumbled as she waited for the game to load. 
“So there’s nothing else going on?”
“Nope,”
“Just sex?”
“Just sex,” she repeated as she began to pick her character to play. He hummed as he took in a sharp breath.
“What are you doing?” he asked her as he ran his fingers through his hair. She took in a shaky breath as she tilted her head back. Another laugh fell from her lips as a tear fell onto her cheek. 
An image of Luke with the girl in his lap flashed in her mind as she clenched her jaw. Her entire body was shivering as she looked into Mark’s eyes. He was desperate to try and comfort her but there was nothing. 
She’s been heart broken before. Y/N had a few break ups back in high school, Mark was always there to take care of her. He’s even punched a few of her ex-boyfriends for the way that they treated her. She’s always come first.
“I can’t sit in there and watch that,” she forced out. Her lips quivered as she crossed her arms over her chest. Her arms were cold as the wind was starting to hit her skin.
Mark’s mouth fell open as he tried to find something to say to comfort her. She shook her head as she pressed her lips together. Mark stepped towards her again, watching her step back further. “I can’t be here!” she let out again, a sob falling from her lips. “He’s rubbing it in my face! He’s sitting there acting like we weren’t-” she trailed off as she wiped her hands across her cheeks. 
“I’m so sorry-” Mark said softly. 
“We spent-” she trailed off again while shaking her head once more. “I’m so stupid,”
“What?” Mark let out barely above a whisper.
He walked into her sorority house, smiling towards the girl that let him inside. He always forgot her name since he wasn’t at her house that often. She jogged down the stairs smiling towards him. He smiled widely as he held out his arms for her. Without hesitation she practically leaped into his arms. He chuckled while he held her tightly to his chest.
“Come on,” she whispered as she slowly slipped away from him. Luke didn’t hesitate as he followed her towards the steps. She jogged ahead, hoping he followed after her.
Turning the corner, she stepped into her room; spinning around to face him. He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. Twisting the lock, he stepped towards her; a teasing grin on his lips.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she let out as she looked deeply into his blue eyes. He smirked as he took a hold of her waist, spinning her to pin her against the door. 
“Now, we can’t be interrupted by your bestie,” he whispered dryly. She chuckled as she rested her hands onto his chest.  He raised his hand up, taking a hold of her cheek. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered before he pulled her towards him, kissing her urgently. Slowly, she tugged at his shirt; wanting it off of his body.
He pulled away from her, smiling as he tilting his head to the side. A smirk toyed to his lips as he stepped away from her. “Hey, where are you going?” she asked a small pout on her lips. He pursed his lips forward as he fought a grin forming to his lips. 
She tried to take a step towards him but he reached towards her instead. He took a hold of her waist tossing her over his shoulder. A loud giggle fell from her lips as she stablized herself against his back. Cautiously, he tossed her down onto the bed. 
He instantly climbed on top of her. A giggle fell from her lips as she grinned widely. Delicately, he pressed his lips against hers for a moment before he collapsed beside her, staring towards the ceiling. Rolling onto her side, she faced him. 
He lifted his arm up, allowing her to rest her head onto his chest. Luke ran his fingers through her hair before pressing his lips against the top of her head. Her heart fluttered against her chest as she shut her eyes for a moment. 
“You know,” she started, swallowing hard, “The girls are hosting this event thing where we’re supposed to bring a plus one,” she explained. He hummed. “We’re supposed to let Lydia know who we’re bringing with us,” 
“Aren’t those things reserved for boyfriends?” he asked as he glided his hand up and down her back. 
Scrunching her features together for a moment before she took a deep breath, “I’ve taken Mark to one before. I just thought that maybe since it’s supposed to be a date thing that- you could come along,” she let out barely above a whisper. He pressed his lips against the top of her head again.
“Maybe the next one,” he let out before he took a hold of her chin. He forced her gaze to meet his eye. Subconciously, her lips fell into a pout. He glided his thumb across her bottom lip, “Baby,” he let out softly almost as if it was an apology.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. He leaned towards her, pressing his lips against hers softly. She glided her hands through his curls as he continued to kiss her deeply.
She sniffled as she shook her head, “I need to go home,” she mumbled again as she started walking down the sidewalk. Mark didn’t argue it this time as began to follow her. Slowly, she spun around to meet Mark’s gaze. “Mark.”
“It’s late, let me walk you back,” Mark offered as he started walking beside her. She didn’t argue it as she continued to walk. 
They stayed quiet for a moment as the wind was picking up. She brushed a few pieces of hair away from her face as she kept her gaze on her feet. Making sure to avoid every crack, a childhood habit that she continues to this day. 
“You’re not stupid,” Mark said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. Y/N didn’t stop walking, she kept her gaze onto the concrete below her. Her steps skipping over each crack between the concrete slabs. “You fell for him. That doesn’t make you stupid,” He further explained.
She didn’t reply but he knew that she took what he said to heart.
“You don’t need a guy like him anyway,” he mumbled. She hummed as they turned the corner towards her house. “I’ll hate him as long as you need me to hate him,” he expressed. She chuckled as she rolled her eyes playfully. 
“You can’t hate him, he’s one of your best friends,” she countered.
“Yeah but he hurt my best friend, so we hate him,” he let out, a teasing grin on his face. “But I still gotta play and live with him so I can’t always hate him,” 
After a few seconds, they finally stepped up the porch to her house. They stood outside the door, and her gaze was still staring towards the ground beneath her. Finally lifting her gaze, she looked into his eyes and nodded slightly.
Leaning towards her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards his chest. She wrapped her arms around the center of his back as a shaky breath left her lips. 
For the longest time, she hated hugs. Something about the contact was always so intimate and awkward. It was rare if she ever hugged family let alone Mark. But as her first year at college progressed, needing a hug was all that she ever really needed. 
Anyone’s embraced made her feel better, but right now she wished it was Luke instead of Mark hugging her the way he was.
“Thanks,” she mumbled before she slipped away from him. Keeping her head low, she pushed the door open and stepped into the house. Shutting the door behind her, she continued walking towards the stairs. 
“Hey, who just dropped you off?” Lydia asked as she emerged from the kitchen with her boyfriend, Darren. His arms were around Lydia’s waist as she guided him into the entryway. 
Y/N took in a sharp breath, “Mark,” she let out before she started to walk up the steps again. Lydia slowly pulled away from Darren as she tried to decide if she should follow her up the steps. 
“Normally you don’t come home until the morning if your at their house,” she explained, slightly confused. Y/N paused for a second as she met Lydia’s gaze. 
“Luke and I aren’t-” she waved her hand slightly, “-Anymore. It was awkward so Mark brought me home. I mean is that okay?” she asked, feeling herself get teary eyed in the process.
“Oh yeah, definitely. Just strange. I’m sorry about Luke. You guys seemed great together.” she explained as she shifted her attention towards Darren.
“Good night guys,” she mumbled as she jogged up the remaining steps towards her room.
~~~
His head was rested in between her legs as they were watching a TV show together. She was also doing homework, which is why he wasn’t laying with her and more or less laying on her. 
His hands were gliding up and down the inside and outside of her thighs. There was no consistent pattern in his movements, it was whatever he was deciding to do in that second. His motions were also intended to distract her, pull her attention towards him. 
“Hey,” he mumbled as he pressed his lips against her inner thigh. A hum fell from her lips as she continued to type on her computer. “Are you almost done?” he whined out before he pressed his lips against her skin again, this time longer. Tilting his head back, hoping to meet her gaze instead was met with her back of her laptop. 
“Luke, you know this is due tonight,” she expressed as she continued to type. 
“Tonight, as in we can do stuff now and you’ll still have time to get this done,” he muttered.
His fingertips were gliding up and down the inside of her thigh, watching her skin erupt in goosebumps. His lips curled upward before he pressed his lips against her skin again.
“Not happening until I am finished with this,” she expressed, a laugh falling from her lips. Luke’s lips fell into a pout.
“How much do you have left?” he questioned as he sat up slightly, looking down towards her. His hand was still gliding up and down her thigh teasingly. Looking past her laptop, meeting his gaze, she rolled her eyes playfully before she rested it beside her. 
“You are so impatient,” she let out teasingly. He smirked before he parted her legs once more. Squinting her eyes slightly as she watched him momentarily. Slowly, gliding his hand lower and lower to take a hold of her loose shorts. Luke twisted the fabric between his fingers. He began to tug them from her frame slowly. 
“Luke-” she sat up squirming away from him, giggles falling from her lips. He smirked while rolling his eyes playfully. 
“Fine,” he drew out the word for a few seconds, “I’ll behave while you finish you’re assignment,” he stood up and walked toward the head of the bed. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers for a moment. 
He pulled away as he delicately took a hold of her chin, “So beautiful,” he whispered before he pecked her lips. “I’ll go get us some food,” he mumbled against her lips before he kissed her again. 
“That’d be great,” she whispered.
“I’ll be back, my love,” he whispered before he started heading out of the room.
It had been a few days since she last saw Mark or Luke. The idea of avoiding their house was already circulating her mind but the fact that they had an away game, made it easier for her to do that.
She hasn’t been bed ridden from a break up since her first boyfriend broke up with her when she was fourteen. But can she even constitute what she had with Luke a break up? They were never officially together. It was six months of spending nearly every day together. It wasn’t just sex. It was the moments before and after they did it that mattered.
She had fallen for him without fulling realizing that she did. One minute, he was just her friends with benefits and the next, she was in love with him. She confessed her feelings for him a month after she realized that she had them. Which led to the end of whatever they were doing. 
Luke didn’t want a relationship. He didn’t want to start up anything with anyone if he was heading to New Jersey. It was always on his mind that one day he would have to drop everything to join the NHL. He didn’t want a single thing holding him back. Which meant no girlfriend. 
Despite Y/N practically being his girlfriend anyway. If he didn’t want a girlfriend, why did he spent all of his free time with her? Cuddling with her? Kissing her? Holding her when she was sad? Why did he do all of that, if it was never that serious.
Deep down, she knew that he never meant to hurt her. He was only doing what felt right and she could handle that, sure, but seeing him afterwards hurts too much right now.
There was a knock on her door and a groan fell from her lips, which the person at the door took as a come in.
“You are going out tonight,” Lydia said simply as she walked towards the bed. She took a hold of the comforter and tossed it off of Y/N’s frame. Another groan fell from her lips as she covered her head with a pillow. Lydia reached over and took the pillow from her grasp. “You need to go to the bar and let hot men buy you drinks and you need to dance,” Lydia said as she smacked her hands against the bed. 
“No,” she said as her voice cracked. She covered her face with her hands.
“You are getting up from this bed, showering and making yourself look hot as fuck and you are going to get drunk,” Lydia begged as she took a hold of Y/N’s arm, physically pulling her from the bed.
“This is peer pressure, you know,” Y/N mumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest. Looking into Lydia’s gaze. A smile flashed to Lydia’s lips.
“It’s only peer pressure if it works,” she said jokingly. Y/N rolled her eyes as she started walking towards her bathroom. Lydia clapped excitedly as she walked out of Y/N’s room.
Stepping into the bathroom, her gaze landed on her reflection in the mirror. It was shocking to see how she looked. She definitely needed a little reset. Maybe it would be good for her. She stepped towards the shower, turning it on.
The next three hours, she spent listening to loud music and taking forever to make sure her hair and makeup looked perfect. 
She stared at her closet, pulling out different dresses. For a while nothing was right, each dress was too tight or too flowy. Each dress it the ground and stayed there until she found a tight black dress with mesh long sleeves. 
She stepped into the bathroom, looking into her reflection; she felt hot and definitely looked that way.
“Y/N, it’s almost eleven, are you ready yet?!” Lydia yelled from the lower level of the house. 
“One second!” she shouted back as she took a hold of her favorite perfume bottle. Instantly, spraying her entire frame with the mist. Delicately, she placed it onto the counter before she leaned down and took a hold of the stilettos beside her. Slipping them on quickly before she heads out of the room towards the stairs.
Walking down the steps, she smiled towards Lydia and Darren as she walked down the steps, “Hot damn girl,” Lydia said as she fanned herself. Y/N grinned as she kept her gaze on the steps, making sure she didn’t trip down the stairs.
Her friends and Mark’s friends were getting together to throw an athletes only rager at Mark’s house. Usually, athletes remained under the radar but one time a year they throw a huge party just for themselves. Making sure, no cameras were around in the process. Everyone’s phones were turned off or kept at home. 
She had on a tight black dress with mesh sleeves that she always felt hot in. She stepped into the house with her teammate and friend, Dina. 
Luke was sitting on the couch beside Ethan. They were engaged in a conversation but Luke stopped talking the second he laid eyes on Y/N. He sat up straighter as he bit his bottom lip while fighting off a grin.
Ethan wasn’t hiding the fact that he was checking her out as well. He dragged his hand across his chin as he stood up and walked away.
“I’m grabbing a drink,” Dina said before she slipped into the party, smiling towards a group of linemen from the football team. 
Y/N smiled towards Luke as she continued walking towards him. He pursed his lips forward as he scanned her frame. It was safe to say that she was the sexiest girl in the room. She stood in front of him for a second before she sat down beside him. He smiled towards her for a moment.
Without hesitation, he took a hold of neck and pulled her towards him; devouring her lips. After a few seconds she pulled away from him, he slipped his hand from the base of her neck towards her cheek. “You are so-” he mumbled against her lips before he kissed her urgently again. 
Slowly, she pulled away from him. “Wait,” she muttered before she leaned fulling back. She dragged her thumb across his lips, trying to clean the lipstick left on his mouth. “So impatient,” she mumbled before standing up from the couch. He leaned back on the couch trailing her steps with his eyes. 
He ran his hand across his lips as he shook his head as a chuckle fell from his lips. 
She continued to walk into the kitchen in dire need of a drink. The house was already pretty crowded with most of the hockey, football, and volleyball team were there. She walked towards the counter and immediately started pouring out a vodka shot.
“Some show,” Mark teased as he walked up beside her. She chuckled as she instantly took the shot. A groan fell from her lips as she shook her head. “He’s obsessed with you,” 
“I don’t blame him,” she mumbled with a smirk on her lips. Mark barked out a laugh as he started pouring himself a mixed drink with vodka and lemonade. She poured out another shot; meeting Mark’s gaze. After a few seconds she took the shot, this time it went down smoother. 
“Can you at least keep his tongue out of your throat in my living room,” he said half jokingly. She laughed while turning to meet Mark’s gaze.
“I’ll think about it,” she teased as she continued out of the kitchen.
“Thank you,” Y/N mumbled before she stepped off of the last step. “Let’s go before I change my mind,” she explained as she chuckled.
“Darren go, go, go,” Lydia said while laughing. Darren tossed his head back while laughing. He took a hold of his keys as he began the charge out of the house. “Everyone’s meeting us at that bar a few streets over,” she explained as she happily swayed her hips back and forth towards Darren’s car. He was already at the car unlocking it. He climbed into the driver seat and turned on the car. 
“As long as I can drink, I’m okay with anywhere,” Y/N said as she climbed into the backseat of the car. Lydia reached for Darren’s phone to start searching for a playlist to listen to on the short ride to the bar.
The ride to the bar was fast as they truly only listened to one song the ride there. Darren put the car into park and immediately turned the car off and jumped out. Lydia was not too far behind but Y/N stayed inside the car. Her eyes were watching the line form outside the bar. It was crowded, like it always was on a Friday night in their college town. 
It was easy getting ready; putting the makeup on and doing her hair was easy and fun. But now that she actually has to step foot into the bar; her legs felt like jello and her mind was hazy. Lydia stood outside the car door and pulled it open for her. 
“Come on, sexy thing,” Lydia said as she reached over and unbuckled the seatbelt. Swallowing hard, Y/N reluctantly stepped out of the car. “It will be fun,” Lydia whispered. Y/N nodded as she glanced towards the entrance. “After a few shots maybe,”
“Yeah, maybe,” she mumbled as she followed after the pair towards the entrance to get in line for the bar. It was cold but her body ran hot from the debilitating anxiety all over her body. 
The line moved fast and majority of the people in line had IDs. There were a few people that needed X’s on their hands. After they stepped inside, the music was loud and vibrated her chest. Lydia leaned into her, whispering something but she couldn’t hear anything. 
Her eyes landed on all too familiar sight. Luke was sitting against the bartop with the girl from the other night. She was standing in between his legs laughing as she ran her fingers through his hair. Y/N was near the entrance, people cussing at her to move but she refused. She kept staring towards the pair. 
The girl shifting her gaze towards Y/N. Their eyes met and her smile faltered before she took a hold of Luke’s chin and kissed him urgently. Clenching her jaw, she forced her gaze towards the floor. Lydia took a hold of her arm trying to drag her deeper into the bar. 
“Don’t look at him,” she shouted towards her as they walked to the opposite end of the bar to get away from him and the girl. God, she wished she knew her name. 
Leaning against the bartop, Lydia shouted towards the bartender. He shifted his gaze towards Y/N and she took a deep breath. “Espresso Martini please,” she yelled towards him. He nodded as he started making the drinks. Shifted her gaze down the bar to see the girl sitting alone and Luke no where to be found.
It didn’t take long for her to get her drink. The bartender handed her the drink and she brought it towards her lips instantly. It was the best drink she’s had in ages. Especially since for the last few months all she’s been drinking is seltzers. 
Lydia sipped her rum and coke and began to walk towards the center of the bar that had a dance floor. Y/N stayed put as she chugged her espresso martini. She placed the empty glass onto the bartop; already feeling hot from the alcohol in her system. 
The bartender smirked. “Another?” he yelled. Y/N leaned against the counter top and nodded with a smirk on her lips. “This ones on the house, pretty girl,” he continued. Y/N smiled widely as she winked towards the bartender. It didn’t take long for him to place another drink in front of her.
“Thank you,” she hollered towards him as she walked towards the dance floor. It could’ve been the lack of food in her body or the placebo effect but she was feeling tipsy already. It definitely was the placebo effect and she was grateful for it. 
The bar was playing early 200s rap music and she was swaying and singing along without a care in the world. Lydia, Darren, and her were dancing for an hour. A new drink in her hand every fifteen minutes. Lydia and Darren were dancing with each other, swaying and singing in each other’s faces. While she was dancing alone, dancing away from any guy that tried to dance with her.
It was probably her fourth or fifth espresso martini within an hour and she knew she was going to regret it later. But right now, dancing and drinking away her heartbreak was everything she needed. It didn’t help that she kept getting glimpses of Luke dancing with the girl. 
Y/N couldn’t tell if Luke saw her but she knew that the girl did. Every time that she saw the pair, the girl kissed Luke urgently. Almost as if to brag that they were together. For the first time in a few days, she didn’t care. She didn’t care that he was with someone else. Didn’t care that she was single, alone, and heart broken. It was like she was normal and happy.
But she knew that was the espresso martinis and she would feel awful in the morning but she was happy. 
Tapping her hand against Lydia’s shoulder, she took her attention. “I’m gonna get some air,” she shouted. Lydia nodded before she began to dance with Darren again. Y/N slipped through the crowd towards the patio. She shoved the door open and stepped outside. Taking in a deep breath, she walked towards the fence blocking the patio in. 
Leaning against it, she began to watch all of the people walking towards the entrance, trying to figure out what their stories might be. 
“Y/N?” a voice rang out. A voice she’s gotten used to hearing for months. 
She sat on the couch with Mark beside her as they were both playing Mario Kart. Luke wandered out of his room, a wide grin on his face as his eyes lit up once he saw her. “Markie, keeping my girl all to yourself?” he asked teasingly. He walked towards the couch, taking a hold of Y/N’s chin and delicately leaning down and kissing her softly. 
“Hughesy, she’s my best friend,” Mark said while laughing. “Not like she’s your girlfriend,” Mark expressed as he leaned forward while starting a new game. Her smile faltered for a second before she pushed it back onto her lips. Luke fought a grin forming to his lips before he squeezed his way onto the couch. 
Dramatically, he wrapped his arm around Y/N’s shoulder; pulling her to his side. He pressed his lips against the top of her head as he started gliding his fingertips across her exposed shoulder and into her hair. His gaze was admiring her side profile. 
“When’s that happening by the way?” Mark asked, teasingly.
“Mark don’t,” she scolded. Luke didn’t even blink as he switched his gaze towards his phone. “Luke, do you want to join? Mark’s got another controller in his room,” she questioned.
“Yeah, why not,” he mumbled as he stood up from the couch and wandered towards Mark’s room. 
“Will you stop?” she paused the game as she shifted her gaze towards him. Mark dropped the controller into his lap. “I told you we’re just hooking up,” she whispered.
“I’ve had my fair share of friends with benefits and I’ve never done anything that you two do,” Mark said as he leaned towards her. “I’ve never done this,” he trailed off as he pressed his lips against the top of her head, “Only done that with a girlfriend.” he said with a smirk before he leaned back. 
Pressing her lips together, she tilted her head back against the couch. “Don’t talk about it with him around,” she muttered. Mark nodded as Luke walked back out into the living room. He squeezed himself back into the couch as he reached his hand over and took a hold of her thigh as she restarted her match with Mark. 
Luke delicately dragged his fingertips along her thigh as he waited for his turn to join the game. His gaze was admiring her side profile again. He leaned towards her as he delicately pressed his lips against her cheek. 
Shutting her eyes, slowly she spun around to see Luke standing behind her. His cheeks were red and sweaty. His hair was a little messy but he looked good. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, stepping towards her.
Lowering her gaze towards the floor, she took a deep breath, “I’m fine,” she mumbled or slurred she couldn’t tell. 
“Let me take you home,” he let out, stepping towards her.
“I just got here,” she said while crossing her arms over her chest.
“You’re drunk,” 
“I’m fine, Luke,” she let out while shaking her head. 
“You can barely stand up,” he said as he took a hold of her arm. Yanking it away from him, she looked into his eyes.
“Don’t touch me," she forced out.
“Please let me get you some water at least,” 
“You don’t get to look at me, you don’t get to care about me,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. He took another step towards her, “You don’t get to pretend to love me anymore,”
“Do you seriously think I was pretending?” he asked while furrowing his eyebrows. He clenched his jaw as he tilted his head to the side. Trying to see if she truly meant what she said. 
“I was in love with you, don’t you get that?” he let out while shaking his head. Scrunching her features together, she tried to sober up to fully process what he was saying. He took a hold of her cheeks. Her eyes softened as he glided his thumbs across the apples of her cheeks. Her hands rested onto his chest. 
“The moment I realized I was in love with you I had to step away because it won’t be fair to you when I leave,” he expressed, he looked over her features as he looked deeply into her eyes. “I tried keeping my distance from you, keep as casual as I could but you are literally impossible to not fall in love with,” 
“If you’re in love with me then why is her tongue down your throat every other minute,” she choked out. Shaking his head, he shifted his gaze towards the sky. 
“I don’t know,” he let out.
“You don’t know?” she let out while laughing. “Goodbye Luke,” she mumbled as she started walked away from him. 
“Y/N, please,” he delicately took a hold of her arm. 
“I’m drunk, I’m not doing this,” she forced out as she pulled her arm away from him and continued walking back inside of the bar. He stood in the patio watching her walk away from him. 
~~~
“Hey,” he whispered as he stood in the doorway. Y/N lifted her gaze from her phone, a smile formed to her lips as he slowly stepped inside. He twisted the lock as he walked towards the bed, tossing his jacket to the floor. 
“How was your practice?” she asked. A huff of air fell from his lips as he walked towards the bed. He sat on his bed, his shoulders slumping. Slowly, he fell onto his back. She rolled onto her side, he lifted his gaze to meet her eye. “Not good?” she questioned, a soft chuckle falling from her lips.
Her fingertips glided through his hair. Shutting his eyes, a smile of content formed onto his lips. “Coach made us skate lines. Fucking exhausted,” he mumbled. A soft giggle fell from her lips. 
“I’m sure, baby,” she whispered as she continued running her fingers through his hair. “What can I do?” she asked softly. A smirk formed to his lips before he puckered them. She smiled before she leaned down and kissed him softly. After a few seconds, he slowly sat up and looked down towards her. His blue eyes softened as he continued to admire her features. “What?” she let out quietly. 
He shook his head as he leaned down and delicately pressed his lips against hers. After a few seconds, he pulled away. “Wanna watch a movie an-and actually watch it?” he asked, a sleepy grin formed to his lips. She smiled softly as she nodded. He laid on his back, holding out his arms for her to lay with him. Without hesitation, she rested her head onto his chest. 
His hands glided up and down her back soothingly. Her fingertips glided along the fabric of his t-shirt. “Got any ideas?” she asked, lifting her head up to look down towards him. 
“Anything’s fine by me, baby,” he let out as he scanned her features. She nodded as she delicately rested her head back down onto his chest. He reached for the remote on the nightstand before he handed it over to her. “Harry Potter’s always an option,” he said before clearing his throat. Rolling her eyes playfully before she turned on the TV. 
“Which one?” she asked softly.
“Wait really?” 
“Which one before I change my mind,” she teased.
“Prisoner of Azkaban, obviously,” he muttered.
“Such a nerd,” she said as she began to turn on the movie. He hummed before he pressed his lips to the top of her head. Slowly he started running his fingers through her hair, twisting the end of it between his fingers.
Around an hour into the movie she was asleep, but Luke was still wide awake. Tilting his head to the side, he looked down and admired her sleeping features. His heart pounded hard against his chest. 
She was so beautiful and so perfect. She was everything he’s ever wanted in a girlfriend. But she was in Michigan and in a year from now he could be in Jersey. He clenched his jaw as he shifted his gaze towards the ceiling. His hand continued to glide along her back, he slipped his hand beneath her shirt, to feel her skin against his fingertips.
All he’s ever wanted and now he needs to let her go.
When she woke up, the first thing on her mind was her conversation with Luke last night. She was hungover, but not as violently as she thought she was going to be. On the other hand, Lydia and Darren were so drunk, they were passed out in her bathroom. She drank liquid IV before she fell asleep, knowing that it would help her in the morning.
Her memory was hazy but his words ran through her mind on repeat. He told her that he was in love. Which was nearly impossible to wrap her mind around the idea that he was. She was in love with him, she was sure of it. But there was no way he felt that way towards her. 
Instead of wallowing in bed, she decided to climb out of bed to cleanse the night away. Her shower lasted nearly an hour. Her music was loud and all she wanted to do was stay in the shower letting the water wash away all of her problems instead of facing it head on.
After the water started to run cold, she was forced to leave the safety of the shower. After washing every inch of her body and smelling like vanilla; she was satisfied as she covered her body with a t-shirt and a lose pair of shorts.
She walked towards the bed to see her phone vibrating on her bed. She sighed as she flipped it over to see Luke was calling her. No longer showing the contact photo she had of him. Sighing she brought her phone close to her ear as she answered. 
“Wanna go for a drive?” Luke asked, skipping straight to the point. Her mouth fell open as she tried to find something to say. “Y/N?” he let out.
“Uh, sure? Why?”
“Come outside,” he mumbled before hanging up. Slowly, she pulled the phone away from her ear as she stared towards it for a second. Sighing, she began to walk out of her room. Lydia yelled at her about being quieter, but she ignored her as she continued down the stairs towards the front door.
She pulled the door open and stepped outside to see Luke’s car in front of the house. Walking towards the car, she opened the passenger door and sat in the seat without looking towards him.
“Hey,” he let out quietly. She didn’t say anything, instead she put on her seatbelt as she kept her gaze in her lap. He put the car in drive as he started to pull out of the neighborhood they shared. “Can we talk about last night?” 
Ignoring him, she reached over and turned up the soft country music on his radio. Reaching a light, Luke shifted his gaze towards her. Their eyes connected for a moment before she shifted her gaze down towards her lap.
“Y/N, do you remember last night?” he asked quietly. 
“I remember,” she mumbled, “I just don’t want to talk about it,” 
“Y/N,”
“You told me you were in love with me but your tongue was done another girl’s throat minutes prior; and I was supposed to believe you?” she forced out. His mouth opened before it clamped shut, “Since you want to talk about it, let’s talk about that, Luke.”
“Everything I told you last night was true,” he explained. She huffed as she switched her gaze out the window. “Do you really think I was pretending?” he asked. She took in a deep breath as she tilted her head back fighting tears.
“We spent nearly every day together for six months and out of no where you end it over text; what else am I supposed to think?” 
“I ended it because I was scared,”
“Scared of what Luke?” she let out harshly.
“Hurting you,”
“Well, you did that anyway,” she mumbled. 
“Y/N,” 
“Seriously, Luke, how can you say that you love me and just makeout with another girl right in front of me?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know,” he let out while shaking his head. “I really thought I could keep enough distance from you to keep it casual. And then it stopped being casual and I was falling for you,” 
“What are you doing right now?” she asked while rolling her eyes. 
“I’m trying to fix this,” he let out as he pulled into a parking lot near one of their favorite restaurants they used to go to together.
“There is nothing to fix, Luke! You ended things with me and then two days later starting making out with a girl right in front of me. The only reason I got in this car was to tell you that you can’t tell me you love me after the way you treated me for months. We can be friends because of Mark but that’s it. Now turn around and take me home,” she explained as tears fell onto her cheek. 
He swallowed hard as he met her gaze. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment before he took a deep breath. “I really was trying to do the opposite of hurting you,” he mumbled. She nodded. 
“I know,”
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biteyoubiteme · 1 day ago
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I'll be quick
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huening kai x fem!reader
synopsis: dress shopping with your boyfriend.
warnings: 🔞!!! slight exhibitionism, chubby reader implied, no protection, creampie mention, prob forgot some sorry
wc: 1.9k
an: thank you so much for requesting hp! im so nervous for you to read this lol I hope you like it if you don’t just put me down nicely :)) <3333
[m.list] [1kevent m.list]
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“How about this one?” you ask, smoothing your hands down the front of the silk dress you wore. It was the kind of material that should not be worn with this type of underwear; your pantie line clearly visible. Your hands went sliding down over your ass as if that would make the buckled fabric disappear. “Ignore the fact I'm wearing the wrong panties,” 
You give a slow spin in the fluorescent lights, the semicircle of mirrors reflecting every angle of your dress-clad figure at you. But all you can see is the damned line from your underwear. “Actually don't answer that, I hate it,” 
“I love it,” Kai speaks up from his spot opposite the mirrors. He's leaning back with your purse in his lap, eyes tracing up and down your body as he watches the way the material clings to you. He can imagine the way it would feel under his fingers, sliding over the expanse of your thighs. 
“You always say that,” you mutter, turning your cheek to look at the dress from the back. You can see Huening watching, eyes tacked right to the outline of your underwear. “Kai,” 
“What?” he blinks up at you like he was caught. Cheeks flushed as he pulled your bag closer to his lap.
“Is it that bad?” It was late in the day, and your usual trip to the mall was fun. Both of you could spend hours going from shop to shop, no need to buy anything but to spend time together looking at all the new things in store. It was one of your favorite things to do. 
Kai would follow you around like a little puppy, letting you pick out things for him to try on. Pulling him into dressing rooms so that he could get something new to wear. Spending too much time at the sunglasses wrack, spinning the display around and around, trying on each pair, first on you then on him, giggling over the silly reflective wraparound pairs. He loved when you picked out the different things for him to put on, especially jeans, your hands sliding into the back pockets to check their depth was always his favorite part. 
You had your favorite spots at the food court, always picking the same little table every time you sat down, knees bumping as you picked over each other's meals. Kai would carry your drink while you tried on shoes, hold your bag when you tried on clothes. And most of the time having him along with you made shopping less overstimulating, you could have fun without rushing to just get the shopping over with. 
Only now that you needed a dress for an event it felt like everything was crashing down at that very moment. Nothing felt right, every dress you tried on made it feel like you wouldn't find the one. The lights now make everything look too oversaturated, the dressing room is now cold enough to make goosebumps rise along your arms, and now the stupid panty line. 
You didn't even know why you were so focused on finding the right outfit, it was a last minute decision to even go to the little dinner your friends were hosting. you didn't need something new but you wanted something new. 
“Just take them off,” Kai suggests, sweet face glowing in the lights, every little mole dotting his skin easily seen. 
The fitting rooms were in the back of the store, the long hallway sectioned off with several doors before ending right at the little platform with the mirrors you stood now. Although a few people milled around in the shop just past the corner no one was in the other changing rooms. He was suggesting an easy fix to the only problem you were having with the dress and so you took it. Even though the door to the room where you kept all your other clothes was open and waiting for you to go back inside, you just bent right there hands going up under your dress and hooking in the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down and off without lifting the dress to expose yourself. 
Kai feels all the blood rush to his face, the prickling heat slinking through his bones. It was enough to already be thinking about undressing you, but now seeing you do most of the work for him, at his suggestion, was taking him out. You tossed the fabric into the dressing room, aiming for your pile of clothes but missing, the corner of the fabric still seen from where Kai's sitting. 
“That's so much better,” you're back to sliding your hands down the silky fabric, flattening out any bumps to make sure it's lying right. You love the way it hugs your thighs, outlines the shape of your hips, the curves of your stomach, and lays against the swell of your chest. “Okay now just imagine it without a bra, I'll have to find something without straps,” 
“It's uh- it's really nice,” you look over at him in his hesitation to find that he wasn't saying it just to appease you but was finding it hard to swallow back what he really wanted to say. He was doing exactly what you asked, picturing you naked under all that silk, he could see it falling to the floor, how easy it would be to slip right off of you.  He pushed your purse closer to his growing bulge, cheeks flushing deeper when you asked, “Huening, are you blushing?” 
He loved it when you used that slightly teasing tone on him, it was as if your fingers were brushing up his neck with each word. “I think that's the one,” he was avoiding directly drawing attention to your question, not needing to think about exactly why he’s red so that he can try and wish away his erection before you guys walk out of here. 
“Okay, perfect.  I don't think I want to even try on anymore ,anyways,” you step down from the little platform, “oh, do you think we could stop at the little candy store on the corner and get the gummies we shared last time?” 
“Umhum,” he gives his usual hum in response as you close the door behind you. 
It's only then that you realize that you can't undo the zipper by yourself, he had helped you do up the back with no problem and there was no way for you to reach up to grab the zipper on your own. “Kai? Could you help me take this off?” 
It's the last thing he should be doing, he knows it as soon as he's in the dressing room with you, hand placed on your hip as he steadies you. You're just as soft as he expected, his free hand not even making it to the zipper. You watch him in the mirror in front of you, his eyes following his fingers as they make their way down gripping the outside of your thighs.“God, I love your body,” he groans, his head falling to your shoulder, lips dusting over your shoulder when you finally feel how hard he is. “You really like the dress huh?” 
“No I just love you and need you, please I'll be quick,” he whines right at the back of your ear. 
“Anyone could hear-” 
“I'll be quiet, I promise, please,” and your slight nod is all he needs to push up the back of your dress, his hand pushing between your thighs, dragging his fingers through your fold, swirling over your clit to build up your arousal. You fall forward, hands bracing yourself on the mirror, kai readjusts so that one hand is splayed across your tummy, silk spilling through his fingers. 
He’s quick to free himself from his jeans, pushing them down just enough so that he can line himself up with you, dragging his tip through your folds, catching at your entrance. You know yourself well enough to cover your mouth when he pushes in, the overwhelming stretch of him always making you whine. He's no better, his pretty face reflecting at you as his mouth opens in a silent moan when he fully seats himself inside you. His head falls into your shoulder so that he can muffle any sound that wants to escape, your back arching as his hold on your plushie hip tightens, fingers digging into the soft skin of your tummy. 
Kais intoxicatingly deep inside you, his first thrust pulls a throaty whimper for you that you can't hold back. “This was a bad idea-” you try to whisper, cutting yourself off by clamping your hand back on your mouth when he slams his hips against your ass. His breath fanning over your ear when he whispers, “You feel fucking amazing,” his trapped whimpers rumbling his chest, all the vibrations pressed to your back. He peeks in the mirror, biting his lip when he watches the way your tits bounce, hanging perfectly in view for him, “fuck- look at you,” 
His cock slides so effortlessly in and out of your needy cunt, warm fluttering walls drawing him in until he's forgetting he needs to be silent, that he shouldn't be pounding this hard, changing his orgasm so intensely that someone might hear him. 
It's the soft clapping of skin that reminds you where you are, “slow down kai- we could- we could-,” but it's then that he uses the hand on your hip to slide under the bunched fabric of your dress, to draw circles on your clit. It was an instant shock that had your knees shaking. 
“Who cares,” he's muttering, head shaking as he picks up his pace, “If anyone saw you dressed like this they would want to be right where I am, fuck, but they could never fuck you like I can, never,” his last word caught on the end of a whimper drawn out and pulled from him as he came. 
It's the look on his face, brows tightening, eyes squeezing shut as he falls apart, mixed with his steady pressure on your clit that has you tumbling over the edge after him. Your whole body flexes as he pulls you in tight to him, hand leaving your stomach to clamp over your mouth. 
Both of you are struggling to catch your breath in the now stuffy room, mirror fogged up from your hands, skin once chilled now inflamed with your post-sex afterglow. His cock still jerked even when he pulled out of you, his hand moving to try and stop the spill of your combined release. Your thighs try to close around the feeling of him brushing your sensitive clit while he leans down to pick up your discarded underwear, using them to clean you up. 
He peppers kisses all along your cheeks bunching up the soiled fabric in his hand before unzipping your dress. “I really do love this dress on you,” 
“Oh really? I couldn't tell,” you giggle, and he helps you get dressed, carrying your bags out after you, panties shoved into his back pocket. 
When you leave the store you wrap an arm around his center, going underneath his jacket to feel all his warmth. He slinks his arms around your shoulder, tugging you into his side, pressing his lips to the top of your head. “Didn't I hear you say something about getting gummies?” 
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taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty @seungfl0wer @lunesdesire want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask! thank you to @thetxtdevil @hmusunoo @hyukascampfire and @prince-jjae for proofreading/beta reading this for me ily all sm okay my little sweet baby angels I hope you get everything youve ever wanted in life and more
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lara4eclipze · 2 days ago
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Hey so this is a very quick response but I’ve kinda had this idea sitting for a fat minute lol.. ANYWAY could you do like a slight angst fic where Yoonchae has a crush on the reader but the reader has a crush on a boy??
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›› c'est la vie
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sypnosis -» yoonchae has the hardest time confessing to you — with the kats by her side she finally takes the first step
beware -» fluff , slight angst , confession , very short fic , swearing , loser yooonchae ,
talks -» combined this two asks , I'm writing this instead of writing my marz fic since erm idk how the story is going, hope y'all like it mwa
taglist (open): @nyssalvr @ohmyhaely @vrtualstar @jellaaa @c-yerim
yoonchae was whipped the minute she saw you , the way your hair frames your face , how your lips were perfect and every time you smiled her day would've been made in an instant
yet there was one problem — you were "straight" , I mean everyone in the friend group knows you like arkin but no one really approved of it , you were top of your classes and arkin was the complete opposite
yoonchae was obviously very heartbroken to know you like someone like that , I mean cant you just look at her for a minute instead of falling in love with a man who can't even study even if his life depends on it?
"we should go here" megan exclaims showing a newly opened café — the café wasn't that far but it had the amazing view of the scenery of the city
"oh my gosh it's so cute!!" sophia says excitedly , you took a peek and it was amazing , plus you all needed a break from school anyways
"let's go later?" lara asks already checking if the place is open at night on her phone
"sure!!"
"I'm down"
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
it was actually a plan by the girls , no the café wasn't new , they knew that they had to help out yoonchae , the girl was actually a loser — I mean everytime you talked about arkin it was obvious that yoonchae was disinterested the way her eye suddenly look hurt and upset
"you got this, calm down your sweating" megan teases the youngest , as yoonchae was getting the flowers and bracelet ready
"what if I mess up in front of her , what if she rejects me?!" yoonchae stammers her mind racing with thoughts , "hey listen to me , that wouldn't happen okay?" megan pipes up
their conversation got cut short when you , lara and sophia were finally in the café , you scan the place and went to the table you saw megan, yoonchae , manon and dani sit in
"hi , sorry we're late , LA traffic y'know" you apologize, sitting down you were a tad bit confused on why the girls were exchanging looks , you wanted to know what that meant why yoonchae seemed off , why megan kept looking at you and yoonchae
"what's wrong? — did I miss something?" you ask , sophia bumps yoonchae , "oh- uh can we maybe talk outside?" yoonchae asks which you nod to
you two walked outside, the view was wonderful, city lights and a cold breeze in the air
"why ,what did you want to tell me yoonie?" you ask curiously , the younger looks at you with sparkles in her eyes she looked amazing
"y/n i-i- I like you" yoonchae finally says handing you the flowers and the bracelet , for a moment you were frozen in spot , you didn't know what to say neither if you even can say anything
"I'm sorry, I know you like arkin I should've just not done this" the younger says , she turns to walk back in , but you stop her , you felt the same way yet you never knew that yoonchae liked you
"I like you too , and no I don't like arkin I don't know where you got that from but he's my cousin" you chuckle
"you do?! — oh my gosh this is so embarrassing!" yoonchae exclaims , you laugh at how the younger seemed to panic
"I knew the plan — you're not slick yoonie the minute I walked in here i already saw the bracelet and flowers, I'm just surprised it took you this long to confess" you admit to her , she was flushed god she so adorable
"now lets go back in — I love you yoonie" you say to her as you held her hand and walked back in the café earning you giggles and teasing from the rest
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
"what now?" yoonchae asks as you both stand outside her house
"we'll figure it out , that's life right?" you replied smiling at her
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What do u say to people who want to immigrate to wales? (Me maaaaybe in the future once i have a stable job and some savings cause)
"Welcome," lol
And, I suppose, "Please learn a lil bit of Welsh"? I don't expect anyone to become fluent or anything, but it helps tremendously if you can pronounce the place names and know basic greetings.
Very cool though! I hope it works out for you
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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hi hope you're well !! um so I was thinking, perisex people aren't really ?? assigned anything, are they ?? like afab / amab, they're obviously intersex terms that've been taken and continuously misused, I know that. But it got me thinking that like, when you're born and a doctor " assigns " you a gender, if you're perisex they're more of js observing what you are and adding that to your birth certificate, it's not assigning you one gender or the other it's just .. giving you Male or Female based on you physically ?? so, I as a perisex person, was not AFAB or AMAB, I was js .. observed and written accordingly .. ?
whereas intersex people are assigned one or the other, because they don't fit one or the other clearly, and have to actively be assigned one ?? am I understanding this right ?? I'm trying to like, unlearn and relearn lots of stuff rn lol, so js asking for clarification on this ..
good question. everyone is assigned a gender at birth, it's not just intersex people. perisex people would not have a gender marker if that were not the case. no matter if you're perisex or intersex, you're still forced to be assigned male or female at birth. i would say that there's not really a lot of difference between the two experiences, especially considering that a baby can be born looking perisex, but then grow up to develop intersex conditions down the road.
we're all assigned a gender at birth and that's the core issue. it's an assumption made by a doctor. if we weren't assigned genders at birth, our medical records would read something to the effect of instead of saying female, saying things like "has a vagina and uterus" or instead of saying male "has a penis and testes", or whatever. there would be transparency about that person's actual situation instead of obscuring it behind an arbitrary assigned gender
plus, perisex trans people still fit into and benefit from this term because they were assigned a gender at birth but it doesn't mean it lines up with theirs. i hope that makes some sense- while this definitely affects intersex people in a very bad way, it affects us all. perisex trans people are heavily affected by this, and even some cishet people are. it's a practice that needs to be removed altogether given how strongly it affects us all
i hope that makes some sense! take care
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gunsatthaphan · 2 days ago
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GMMTV 2025 trailer reviews
as usual and because I'm getting some asks, here are some initial thoughts on the trailers from today (in order of release, BL/GLs are marked with a 🏳️‍🌈, favorites with a 🌟):
Dare You to Death 🏳️‍🌈: Strong start!! I did not expect JoongDunk to make another comeback but I didn't expect that from any the other pairs either and yet here we are lol. This looks interesting, I'm digging the MOD vibes and I'm charmed by inspector!Dunk lol. I also like how the romance doesn't seem to be the main focus. I'm not always a murder mystery fan but if the script is good then I'm into it. and I am very intrigued by this! .
Head 2 Head 🏳️‍🌈: I was praying for a more interesting story for SeaKeen's second project and my prayers were heard. Trailers can be deceiving and I don't know how it will all turn out but this looks pretty good to me. New being the director is not something I would have guessed, it looks like he's branching out afterall. the Bad Buddy/rivalry vibes fit them better than the one-sided flirting in Only Boo imo and the future visions/foretelling trope intrigues me as well. I'm sad we're not getting RyuJava as the side couple as they both have different partners in this lineup but it's okay. This might be the first time where I'm certain that I will tune in for a New show lol. Well done! .
Burnout Syndrome 🏳️‍🌈🌟: FIRST HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT!!!!! This looks absolutely BOMB I'm so obsessed lmao. I followed my personal annual ritual of saying I don't want another OffGun show and then ending up being captivated by the trailer lmao. I don't wanna compare this to any of their previous shows though because for one Nuchy is the director which is amazing and also Dew is part of it lol? He is the last one I expected in a show like this, let alone a bl lol. He always kept his safe distance so this is a surprise lol. Him making his bl debut alongside OffGun is risky however, especially since his acting is not exactly oscar-worthy so I hope he works on that. But all in all this excites me a huge amount. also lowkey hoping they keep the soundtrack bc it's fire lol. Super hyped for this one!!!!! 🧡 .
I Love A Lot of You: This is one of the 2 lakorns in the bunch and I feel bad but it didn't intrigue me at all. The schizophrenic plot seems strange and I'm not feeling a spark between the characters. Good for Nanon for making his comeback though plus good for the 4EVE members for breaking into the acting business lol. .
Whale Store xoxo 🏳️‍🌈: This looks cute!!!!! I can already tell that Maewnam is a more likable character than Sun in 23.5 lol and I feel like this is a step-up for MilkLove, even if not a big one. The plot seems light and easy but I'm okay with that as long as it's not high school. I'm also excited to see June again, it's sad that ViewJune is over but Mewnich is an excellent addition imo. I loved her in Mission Fan-Possible so I'm pretty excited for this! .
Only Friends: Dream On 🏳️‍🌈: WELL WELL WELL. What do we have here 😭 The trailer was definitely overstimulating me lmao, I'm still not sure what exactly is going on, I had to watch it 5 times to even grasp anything. I remember Mix teasing Jojo at the end of Only Friends that he wants to be part of a sequel which was played off as a joke back then but boy did they fool us lmao. Never in a billion years would I have expected this to actually happen. I'm not a fan of second seasons, though I'm not sure if we can count this as such? It's more of a spinoff. Still something they have never done before so this is interesting. OhmLeng and JossGawin joining EarthMix is an interesting choice but very welcome. JossGawin getting a second gig before their first one even aired is giving big d*** energy lmao but good for them!!! I knew OhmLeng would get another show and my guess was that they'd be part of an ensemble so yay I was right lol. The plot - in old OF tradition - looks messy as hell and since Ninew is directing, I'm expecting a similar energy throughout the show. Not sure how I feel about Boston being there though. He was my least favorite in OF. But we shall see. I'm loving the Romeo + Juliet theme though which I'm 100% sure is Jojo's doing lol. What can I say. I'm ready for another messy clusterfuck. Bring it. .
That Summer 🏳️‍🌈: I'm happy to see that WinnySatang are getting their own show, about time!! I hope Winny works on his acting a little bit because I didn't love his performance in We Are. Satang is still out-acting him so I hope that changes. Satang being a prince is my favorite part of it all like Damn right he is lol. I love him. Ryu and Mond as the side cp is interesting and I'm always up for a good soft beach-lovestory. Also Jojo is behind it so obviously I will tune in. .
My Romance Scammer 🏳️‍🌈: Tbh I keep forgetting that Ohm Thitiwat is with Gmmtv since he hasn't really been participating in anything since he joined lol. But it's nice that he's debuting now and the fact that he's paired with yet another Fluke makes it so much better lmao. I like their energy together so this could be good. I'm not a big fan of JuniorMark, it looks a bit chaotic plus New is directing so I will be on guard lol but I'm putting it on my list nonetheless. .
Melody of Secrets 🏳️‍🌈: ForceBook are trying hard to break out of their previous roles and I appreciate that but unfortunately it's not working. at least not for me. I like them as people but as actors they have never struck a chord in me and never will. All their characters are the same to me. But people have different opinions. Good for them for trying out a different genre but the plot confuses me and I'm not hooked so I'm likely skipping this one. .
Love You Teacher 🏳️‍🌈: OY, we got a weird one on our hands lol. They had me in the first half of the trailer, PerthSanta have a decent chemistry and the teacher theme is cute. but then... Santa wakes up... as a....7 yr old???? lots of things not sitting right with me about this lol. Santa has a juvenile acting style which is not necessarily a bad thing but did they really have to take it that far lol. Not sure how this will turn out, it could go either way. I just wish they hadn't added the line "if he'll be a kid forever could you still love him even though you hate kids?" bc uhm... nah. idk I'm gonna tune in though and see how it goes. .
MU-TE-LUV (mixed): Yay this looks interesting!!!! I was hoping for another multi-plot show since they haven't done one of those in a while. And this has definitely sparked my interest. The stories are very different, I like the pairs, it's nice that OhmLeng and SeaKeen are part of it as well, plus the drag group looks like they're gonna be a lot of fun. Reminds me of the old gmmtv days. I'm in!!! .
Cat For Cash 🏳️‍🌈🌟: It took me a while to gather my thoughts for this and my initial reaction was what in the feverdream am I looking at, but after watching it a few times I see it a little differently. Anyone who follows FK knows they were never the ones to conform to the big crowds, they don't accept roles just for the heck of it; they move around in their little bubble and only do something if they're 100% behind it, no matter what genre. Which is why I trust them with any project they do, as with this one. They have expressed that they wanted to move away from the heavier plots in the future, which doesn't mean they were forced into anything, but a project like this feels like they get to relax a little after being on the grind for the last 2 years lol. They said they wanted to do something silly and fun and now they get it. It's small and lighthearted with an admittedly very silly plot and yes it might flop but to hell with it. They seem excited about it and that's all I care about. They got the show they wanted so I consider every part about this a win ✌🏻 .
Girl Rules 🏳️‍🌈🌟: ON MY KNEES for this one ohmygod 😭 I can't believe Jojo finally gets to do his messy GL that hes been talking about for so long lol and the cast is absolutely DIVINE. Not only did I not expect NamtanFilm to get another gig right away but I did not expect MilkLove to go raunchy so fast lmao. But ohmygod I'm SO seated. We got the mix & match in the good ol' Jojo fashion and everything that comes with it. Everything about this is up my alley. Sign me up. .
Boys In Love 🏳️‍🌈: This seems basic but it's nice to see some new faces. Mick finally gets to debut, plus I'm pleased that I was right about ChokunAston lol. PoddPapang were not hiding anything so they didn't come as a surprise, still I wish we had gotten them as mains. I'll still take it though. Considering that this is the annual newbie-show, it doesn't look too bad. I'll tune in. .
My Magic Prophecy 🏳️‍🌈: This is a big surprise for me, not because of the plot but because of JimmySea lol. After Jimmy said he will go abroad next year and he doesn't know if he will have projects etc., I took that as a confirmation for no JS series in 2025. Now I don't know if this will actually air in 2025 or if it will be pushed into 2026 but yeah I did not see this coming at all. JimmySea going back to their fantasy roots with this one, Sea is continuing his theme of seeing things he's not supposed to lol, I just hope it won't be too similar to Last Twilight. Not plot-wise but acting- and character-wise. Sea's acting is always excellent but Jimmy's characters all blend together as his acting stagnates a bit. But it's too soon to tell. It's going on my watchlist! .
A Dog And A Plane 🏳️‍🌈🌟: Speaking of surprises, this is another one lmao. Like how are we getting the third TayNew series in a row?? Insane. I usually expect the worst so I thought of Peaceful Property as their last joint project for a while. But apparently they never thought of quitting and it looks like I'm getting another comfort show 🥺 I have a ton of respect for them as actors, I was so impressed by their performances in Cherry Magic and Peaceful Property so ofc I'm super excited about this one. Newie as a flight attendant dating the plane Captain and Tay as a paramedic? They did that just for me. I love it. I also can't wait to see MarcPoon again!! Finally they're getting different roles. Plus it is yet another Jojo project so we're in good hands. .
Me And Thee 🏳️‍🌈: We're continuing the theme of "I never thought this couple would get another show together" but that's what the whole point of "riding the wave" seems to be about. But anyway. PondPhuwin usually go for whatever the fans want so I'm sure this will blow up just the right way. The story seems fun, though I'm a bit fed up of the mafia theme. But for now it's just a trailer. I might tune in. .
WU: I'm very confused by this, the trailer gave us no information, all I know is SkyNani are still going strong in the bromance/borderline bl department so good for them I guess lol. I can't really say anything else about this since we don't know much and haven't seen much except for some long stares and another red thread reference. I'm not saying everything should be bl but HSF is already queerbaiting and it looks like this one will follow that lead so I'm not too thrilled about it. No idea what this bromance-hype is all about, I really don't get it. but oh well. .
Memoir of Rati 🏳️‍🌈: This one has really nice visuals and an interesting plot, my only concern is GreatInn as Wandee was a disaster but I want to believe that was due to the bad script. I think they could redeem themselves with this. The genre, characters and costumes seem very fitting for them and AouBoom are also a nice addition. I was expecting them to get their own show but so be it. It is also Gmmtv's first period BL which is exciting. And it looks so pretty!! The French irritates me a bit but whatever lol. It's going on my list. .
Ticket To Heaven 🏳️‍🌈🌟: We have arrived at the last highlight of the night and my goodness. What a treasure they kept for the end. I can't remember the last time I was this captivated by a trailer, I felt this in ever fiber of my body. The visuals are outstanding and the production of the trailer alone is insane. I don't want to say anything wrong but the theme of Catholicism in association with guilt, faith and sexuality in particular is not something I would have ever associated with Gmmtv. I have seen mostly Western productions like Skam tackle stories about spirituality and sexuality and unorthodox bl productions tackle themes of sexual awakening and self doubt so I consider undertaking this kind of narrative in the mainstream Thai media environment as quite bold. Not that these issues are any less real there but it's uncommon, and translating them into cinematic context adds an extra layer of intricacies. So this is a risky production but this trailer gave me full-body chills so I'm very much looking forward to it. GemFourth are not my favorite actors sadly but if they get this right, they could easily redeem themselves. This is a clear highlight for me. .
Conclusion: This lineup has been full of surprises but in the best way possible. When they announced "Riding The Wave" as the tagline for the event and after Tha gave the speech about the company's ambition to go for what's popular, I was worried that the quantity would once again drown out the quality. And I know these are just trailers and we have made the experience that even the best trailer can have the most frustrating outcome but to me today's announcements all look very promising. I liked some more than others but objectively speaking, if they put the same effort into the actual productions as they did with those trailers, then we're in for one hell of a year lol. I'm keeping a positive mindset about everything, I'm thrilled about most announcements, my personal highlights for now are Burnout Syndrome, Cat For Cash, Girl Rules, A Dog And A Plane and Ticket To Heaven. This is the first lineup that has almost no lakorns as 18 of 20 productions are lgbt-themed. Almost all fixed couples are coming back with the addition of a few new ones which I like. And we got a few unexpected combinations which I am always a big fan of lol. Personally I can see the ambition and aspiration in everything and I am eager to see what they make of it. I'm expecting about half of these shows to be pushed into 2026 and since they usually air the shows in the same order they announced them in, that will most likely be the second half of the lineup.
If anyone read this far, thank you and sorry for rambling, I just wanted to put my thoughts out lol. let me know your thoughts if you want!
xxx
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untildawnss · 2 days ago
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until dawn characters overhearing their partner say something positive about them/their relationship
okiedokie [cracks knuckles] i had a shower to wash away the sad and now i'm ready to write the good - this took a good while because i was watching a show while writing lol
this is going to be fluff, i'll find out if anything else happens while writing this. very minor angsty and nsfw mentions.
ashley
"i don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as i love ashley. i still get butterflies when i look at her."
you tossed your phone towards ashley so she could order pizza while you were busy writing an assignment on your laptop. when she unlocked it, the chat with your best friend was still open, your last text the one about ashley. "i didn't know you were a big ol' sap." ashley shifted on the couch and leaned her head against your shoulder. "huh?" you stopped typing and furrowed your brow. "what are you talking about?" - "oh, just that text about me you sent earlier." she was already scrolling through the menu, looking for your favourite pizza. "were you snooping?" - "i didn't have to. you never close your apps." you nodded your head. it was true, you never did. "i get butterflies, too. ever since we met. maybe we're soulmates." she leaned in to kiss you.
beth
"hannah, oh my god, i'm so happy to see you. did you know that i love beth soooooo much? she's the best. i want to marry her. do you think she would want to marry me?"
beth tried to interrupt your drunken ramblings. her twin sister was on the couch next to you, snoring, and you had woken up while she was trying to clear the empty pizza boxes from the coffee table. you had immediately pulled her into a tight hug and happily babbled on about beth for a minute until you fell asleep again. beth carefully removed herself from your arms and decided that she wasn't really in the mood to clean up after you and hannah, you were perfectly capable of doing that yourself in the morning. and she was only a little offended that you had mistaken her for her sister. it was kind of fun to know how you talked about her when you thought she wasn't there.
chris
"josh, chris just texted me 'can we talk?' and i am freaking out. is he breaking up with me? please tell me he's not breaking up with me. he's honestly the best boyfriend i've ever had and i-"
josh groaned. "i told him not to text you that. chris, what's wrong with you?" you heard some crinkling, the muffled sounds of josh and chris whispering and then what sounded like a slap before josh let you know that he was handing the phone over to chris now. "hey, sorry about that. josh's hand and the back of my head just had a meet and greet." - "good for you? what the fuck was that text about, chris?" more whispering. "chris?" - "yeah, sorry. so remember how you just said that i'm the best boyfriend ever?" you sighed. "looking back, i probably wouldn't have said it if i had known you were listening." chris cleared his throat. "well, actually, i was thinking that you're the best partner i've ever had and i wanted to ask you to move in with me and so i decided to send you a text to ask you to talk about it." - "can you actually put josh back on for a second?" whispering again, until you heard josh's voice. "what's up?" - "can you tell chris that i love him and will move in with him but that he seriously needs to work on the way he brings up serious topics?"
emily
"you might not like her but i love her. she's the best thing that ever happened to me and if you just bothered to get to know her, you'd know that she's actually smart and funny and great. she actually shows up for me, do you?"
emily knew that your family hated her. they saw her as a stuck-up mean girl with expensive tastes and were worried that she was just using you until someone better came along. she hated that her relationship with you was causing all these fights with your family because they thought they knew better. this was the worst fight you'd ever had with them and she'd never heard you yell like that. "no, i'm done talking. don't bother calling again until you accept that i'm an adult and make my own decisions." emily heard you swearing before you knocked on the bedroom door and walked in. you were half-dressed, the original plan had been to go out for dinner. emily was still sitting in front of her vanity, absent-mindedly twirling a blending brush between her fingers. your phone buzzed again. "i swear to god," you muttered through clenched teeth as you declined the call. "rain check?" emily asked, already putting away the brush and looking for her make up wipes. "please." she looked at you through the mirror. "i'm sorry for asking but i think i need help getting out of this dress." - "oh, so you're flirting with me? right now?" you couldn't help but smile. "if you want me to. or you could just tell me how smart and funny and great i am while i order dinner." - "i can do that."
hannah
"dear hannah, your glasses are very cute and look really good on you. you have a really pretty face and i have a crush on you."
"dear hannah, do you want to go out with me?"
"dear hannah, you were really good as juliet in the senior year play."
"oh my god, what's this?" hannah picked up the loose papers that had slid all over the wooden floor of the living room in your new apartment. "what? oh, oh no. i thought i'd thrown those away. they're so old." - "i didn't know you had a crush on me back in high school. wow, we really could have gotten together years ago." you were on your hands and knees, trying to grab the old, unfinished love letters you had never had the courage to slip into hannah's locker or bag. "what? you liked me in high school?" - "who did you think sent you all those valentines? i didn't know you liked my glasses back then." before long both of you were on the floor, reminiscing about all the near confessions you had accidentally dodged.
jess
"we'd love to go out for drinks with you guys, but i have plans with my super hot girlfriend and i wouldn't miss it for the world and she has plans with me. oops, putting our phones on do not disturb now."
you sent the text to the group chat and turned to jess. the two of you were on the couch, wearing sweatpants and facemasks. numerous candles were illuminating the living room and there was a romcom playing on the TV. "super hot girlfriend, is that right?" jess was smiling, the hydrating sheet mask wrinkling and folding around her mouth. "oh, very." you were sipping wine through a straw. "and you'd rather be at home doing skincare and watching a movie with me?" - "are you kidding me? i get to have a few drinks, hang out with my favourite person in the world AND wake up with great skin. what more could a person want?" - "you're not so bad yourself."
josh
"ugh, i know, right? he's smart, he's hot, he's kinda weird but in that cute and quirky way and when i look at him, i want to start writing poems or love songs. it's actually disgusting how perfect i think he is."
josh and you were at a bar with a group of friends and while josh had gone to get more drinks and a few others were playing pool, one of them had taken the opportunity to tease you about the way the two of you adored each other. neither of you didn't realise that josh was already on his way back to the table and heard every word you said. he stopped for a few seconds to compose himself, thinking that you'd probably be embarrassed if you knew that he heard you talking about him. the rest of the night, josh was in a, to you, inexplicably good mood but when you asked what had him smiling like that he said that he was just having fun. you narrowed your eyes and looked at him, suspiciously. "what did you do?" - "nothing, i swear." a few hours later you were on your way home, your hand in josh's while he was swinging them back and forth. "what is up with you today? i could pass out right here and now. how are you not tired?" josh's smile was as wide as ever. "it's nothing, really. i'm just happy i met you."
matt
"i wouldn't dream of breaking uncle matt's heart. pinkie promise. when we get married you can be flower girls."
matt's nieces had begged you to play tea party with them. they were extraordinarily good at offering you tea while giving you the third degree. yes, i love your uncle matt a lot. yes, i hope your uncle matt loves me, too. yes, we live together. no, i won't break up with uncle matt. you thought meeting matt's parents for the first time would be intimidating. his nieces were almost terrifying. finally, matt came to save you when they started asking about babies. you waved goodbye to the girls. "so it's when, not if we get married?" you looked at matt and your heart skipped a beat, he was smiling warmly. "well, i mean, i guess-" you sputtered. "wait, you were listening and you let them interrogate me?" - "oh, do you want to go back and tell them how many kids we're gonna have?"
mike
"yes, i know he's handsome. like absolute dreamboat, straight out of a disney movie handsome."
"oh, you better watch your mouth, that's my boyfriend you're talking about."
"oh no, he's an only child. but i think he has cousins. doubt he left any hot for the rest of them, though."
you hadn't heard mike come home and he was trying really hard to respect your privacy but the bedroom door was ajar and you were always louder when you were talking on the phone, especially when talking to your best friend whom he was due to meet this upcoming weekend. and he couldn't deny it, he was curious what you had to say about him. mike pushed the bedroom door open slowly, you had your back to him and were scrolling on your phone with your earphones in. "busy?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe and grinning widely when you jumped and almost tumbled off the bed. "what the fuck, mike? when did you get here?" you said a quick goodbye to your friend and put your phone on the bedside table. "oh, not that long ago." he crossed his arms, still grinning at you. "but go on, what were you saying about me?" mike inched towards the bed, his face now scrunched up in mock-confusion. "something about me being super hot, i think." - "i never said super hot." he put the back of his hand against his forehead and closed his eyes, feigning hurt this time. "you wound me." then, before you knew it, he was straddling you, his lips barely an inch from yours as he was running his hands down your sides, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. "guess i'll have to change your mind, then."
sam
"my girlfriend just opened her own gallery and i'm super proud of her. do you have anything on the menu that's fancy and says 'i love you so much, you're gonna do great' and, most importantly, is also vegan? is champagne vegan? do you have vegan champagne?"
sam heard you whispering to the hostess as she walked through the doors behind you. so that's why you wanted her to park the car. she smiled at the hostess and rolled her eyes slightly, affectionately, pointed and you and then at herself while mouthing i'm the girlfriend. the hostess nodded and asked you to wait just a few more minutes, your table was almost ready. "you know i'm just a cog in the machine and the gallery isn't actually my own, right?" sam had sauntered over and was looking at you with one eyebrow raised in amusement. "you're still an active partner and the face of the gallery. so why bother explaining?" - "oh, i'm not complaining. just wondering if you hit your head. but now i don't feel bad about letting you wine and dine me."
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thatgirlangelb · 13 hours ago
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1: What's your current bias line?
Lee Know, IN and Han
2: Who's the one that made you Stan?
Lee Know
3: What song was your first?
Hellevator, but i became a full Stay with God's Menu
4: What's your current favorite song?
Cover Me
5: What members personally resembles yours
the most?
Lee Know
6: If you had to pick a specific racha which
would you choose?
3Racha as an official racha, and Paboracha as an unofficial racha cause they are a mood
7: What's one attribute of the members do you
like the most? (Example: Chans dimples)
Lee Know's bunny smile, IN and Chan's dimple.
8: What's your favorite album?
I don't really have a favorite, i love all of them...
9: Do you have any albums?
Nope
10: Have you been to a concert?
No, BUT i got tickets and I WILL BE!!!
11: Who's your favorite duo?
Hyunin
12: Favorite cover/solo songs:
Han's Alien
13: Favorite SKZOO?
Leebit
14: If you had a day with one member what would you wanna do with them?
Eat at a nice restaurant and talk all day about anything and everything.
15: Who's your favorite singing voice?
Lee Know and Changbin
16: Who's your favorite to watch dance?
Lee Know
17: Do you have a favorite SKZ Code?
Winter is coming
18: Favorite MV?
Topline
19: Who do you think you'd be best friends with?
I would say Seungmin, BUT we're both unhinged savages, so either we would absolutely LOVE each other or absolutely HATE each other, so... i think Hyunjin, Chan or IN.
20: Let's feed those delusions, Who are you picking for a date and what are you doing?
As my bias, i would choose Lee Know, but he would make me nervous and i wouldn't be able to even look at him, so i will go with IN or Chan at any place cause i'm really versatile with places i like to go LOL.
@staytinyzen01 @straykidsupdate @therandompagesblog @midnighthazee
.·:*¨ 𝑮𝒆𝒕 𝑻𝒐 𝑲𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚 ¨*:·.
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20 Questions for my fellow Stays!
Making a little tag game because I love them and I’m nosy tbh. I also just love interacting with yall!
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1: What’s your current bias line?
2: Who’s the one that made you Stan?
3: What song was your first?
4: What’s your current favorite song?
5: What members personally resembles yours the most?
6: If you had to pick a specific racha which would you choose?
7: What’s one attribute of the members do you like the most? (Example: Chans dimples)
8: What’s your favorite album?
9: Do you have any albums?
10: Have you been to a concert?
11: Who’s your favorite duo?
12: Favorite cover/solo songs:
13: Favorite SKZOO?
14: If you had a day with one member what would you wanna do with them?
15: Who’s your favorite singing voice?
16: Who’s your favorite to watch dance?
17: Do you have a favorite SKZ Code?
18: Favorite MV?
19: Who do you think you’d be best friends with?
20: Let’s feed those delusions, Who are you picking for a date and what are you doing?
145 notes · View notes
amethystarachnid · 3 days ago
Note
Thank you for writing my little Tony story 🤍
If it's not too much, can you write a second part for me please? Tony and reader finding out the baby's gender, Tony surprising her with a beautiful surprise proposal, maybe the other Anvegers can even help 🤍 the marriage and the baby's birth? 🤍🤍🤍 I lobe family man Tony too, it's so cute 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you!
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN - part II
⤷ ANTHONY “TONY” E. STARK
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ᯓ★ Pairing: Anthony “Tony” E. Stark x fem!reader
ᯓ★ Genre: romance, fluff
ᯓ★ Request from: normal request
ᯓ★ Story type: one shot
ᯓ★ Word count: 6.4k
ᯓ★ Summary: it's almost time for the baby's arrival so Tony decides that it's the perfect time to propose, as he drops to one knee you're sure you've found your happy ending,
ᯓ★ TW(s): childbirth
ᯓ★ I love family man Tony so much, matter of fact, I love every character seen as a family man I don't know why lol.
ᯓ★ My Masterlist
ᯓ★ MARVEL Holiday Special
ᯓ★ MARVEL Multiverse - choose an AU, pair it with your favorite character and make a request!
ᯓ★ Songs & Superheroes tales - The Game (to make a request, follow the rules on the link!)
ᯓ★ MARVEL Bingo
ᯓ★ English isn’t my first language
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The baby shower is shaping up to be a bigger event than you ever expected, though you probably should’ve seen it coming. With the Avengers involved, nothing is ever subtle. Tony, of course, is no help in scaling things back. In fact, he’s leaning into the chaos, throwing out extravagant suggestions like hiring live performers or setting up a drone fireworks display. You shoot most of his ideas down, insisting that this is a baby shower, not a red-carpet event.
Still, the excitement is infectious. Natasha takes charge of the planning—she’s surprisingly good at it, efficient and precise, down to the last detail. She ropes Bruce into helping, and the two of them become the only ones who know the baby’s gender. The rest of the team, including you and Tony, are kept in the dark, much to Tony’s annoyance.
“I don’t see why I can’t bribe Banner,” Tony grumbles one afternoon as he paces the kitchen. “He’s a terrible liar, anyway. A few drinks, a little sweet-talking, and he’d spill.”
“Good luck with that,” you reply with a smirk, stirring a cup of tea. “Natasha would kill him if he said anything. And you know she could.”
“Fair point,” Tony concedes, though he still looks annoyed. “Still, I’m calling it now: it’s a girl. She’s going to be brilliant, gorgeous, and way too smart for her own good. Just like her mom.”
You raise an eyebrow, amused. “Oh, really? Because I’m thinking it’s a boy. Stubborn, full of energy, and probably way too much like you.”
“Not possible,” he says with mock seriousness. “There’s only room for one of me in this world.”
Clint chimes in later that evening when the team gathers in the common room, his feet propped up on the coffee table as he munches on a bag of chips. “I’m betting on a boy,” he says, pointing a chip in your direction. “Gotta have someone to teach archery to. Plus, Stark with a son? That’s comedy gold.”
Thor, who’s been helping decorate the living room with streamers and balloons (many of which are Asgardian-sized), disagrees. “A daughter would be most fitting,” he declares, his voice booming. “She will have the strength of her father and the grace of her mother. A true warrior!”
Steve, predictably, tries to stay neutral. “I think you’ll be happy no matter what,” he says diplomatically, though there’s a glint of amusement in his eyes as he looks at Tony. “That said, I wouldn’t mind seeing Stark try to handle a teenage girl someday.”
“God help us,” Natasha mutters with a smirk.
On the day of the baby shower, the compound is transformed. There are decorations everywhere—streamers in pastel pinks and blues, balloons shaped like baby bottles, and a banner reading Welcome, Baby Stark! stretched across the main wall. The table is laden with food, drinks, and an elaborate cake that looks too beautiful to eat. There’s even a pile of gifts in the corner, ranging from practical items like diapers and onesies to absurdly expensive gadgets Tony probably ordered himself.
Natasha and Bruce are the picture of calm, though you know they’ve been coordinating the big reveal for weeks. The two of them exchange knowing looks every time someone tries to guess the baby’s gender, clearly enjoying their role as gatekeepers of the secret.
The main event comes after everyone’s had their fill of food and games, including a hilariously chaotic round of diaper-changing races featuring Steve and Thor. Natasha steps forward, holding a small box wrapped in neutral-colored paper. She taps a spoon against her glass to get everyone’s attention.
“All right, everyone, it’s time,” she says, her tone firm but playful. “Y/N, Tony, come up here.”
You exchange a glance with Tony, who’s grinning like a kid at Christmas, and follow Natasha to the front of the room. Bruce joins her, carrying what looks like a smoke cannon with pastel-colored confetti inside.
“Are we sure Banner knows how to use that?” Tony whispers to you, earning a chuckle.
Natasha ignores him and gestures for Bruce to hand the cannon to Tony. “This is simple,” she says. “On the count of three, you twist it. The confetti will tell you the gender. Got it?”
“Got it,” Tony says, his grip tightening on the cannon. He looks at you, his grin softening into something tender. “Ready, sweetheart?”
“Ready,” you reply, your heart pounding.
The room buzzes with anticipation as Natasha begins the countdown. “Three… two… one!”
Tony twists the cannon, and an explosion of pink confetti fills the air, raining down in a sparkling shower. The room erupts into cheers, and for a moment, all you can do is stare at the cloud of pink with wide eyes.
“A girl,” you whisper, your voice breaking slightly as the reality sinks in. “We’re having a girl.”
Tony turns to you, his grin splitting his face as he pulls you into his arms. “I told you,” he says, laughing as he spins you around. “I knew it!”
You’re laughing now too, tears streaming down your cheeks as the team gathers around, offering congratulations and playful jabs. Thor claps Tony on the back hard enough to make him stumble, while Clint pretends to look disappointed but quickly admits, “She’s probably gonna be cooler than a boy anyway.”
Natasha smirks, crossing her arms. “Told you it was worth the wait.”
As the excitement settles and the confetti begins to drift to the floor, Tony kneels in front of you, his hands resting gently on your growing belly. He looks up at you, his expression soft and filled with a kind of awe that takes your breath away.
“Hey, baby girl,” he murmurs, his voice low enough that only you can hear. “It’s official now. You’ve got one hell of a team waiting for you out here. But you know what? Your mom and I? We’re the lucky ones.”
Your heart swells, and you reach down to run your fingers through his hair. In that moment, surrounded by your friends, your family, and the overwhelming love in Tony’s eyes, you feel like the luckiest person in the world.
The nursery preparation becomes a joint project, though you suspect Tony might be using it as an excuse to turn every design meeting into a spectacle. It starts with a simple conversation over breakfast about colors and furniture, but within hours, Tony’s drawing up blueprints for a room so high-tech it could double as a lab.
“Tony,” you say, leaning over his shoulder as he sketches a design for a mobile with holographic planets orbiting a glowing star. “This is a nursery, not the International Space Station.”
He turns to you with an exaggerated look of shock. “Why settle for ordinary when our baby can have the universe in her room? Imagine it—she’ll look up and be inspired every night.”
You can’t help but smile, even as you roll your eyes. “She’s not going to care about any of this for at least a few years. Let’s focus on a crib that doesn’t look like it’s from the future, okay?”
“Compromise,” he says with a smirk. “The crib will be traditional. The rest? Cutting-edge Stark tech.”
Choosing the color scheme turns into its own adventure. You veto pink almost immediately, wanting something more neutral and calming. “What about soft blues and grays?” you suggest one afternoon as you hold up a paint swatch.
Tony raises an eyebrow. “Blues and grays? What is she, a baby or a Zen monk? Let’s go bold—deep purples, maybe some gold accents.”
“She’s a baby,” you remind him with a laugh. “She needs soothing, not a nightclub.”
Eventually, you settle on a compromise: a soft starry theme with muted blues, silvers, and whites, accented by golden stars and constellations painted along the walls. Tony insists on installing a custom ceiling projector that will display a moving galaxy, complete with twinkling stars and nebulae, for bedtime. You draw the line at installing an AI assistant in the room—at least for now.
The naming debate, however, proves to be even more challenging.
It starts casually one evening as you both lounge on the couch, flipping through baby name books. “Okay,” you say, running your finger down a list. “How about something classic? Elizabeth? Grace?”
Tony shakes his head. “Too stuffy. She’s going to be a Stark; she needs something unique. How about Nova?”
You pause, considering it. “Nova’s not bad,” you admit. “But it feels… incomplete.”
Tony grins. “Well, it’s lightyears ahead of Grace.”
You toss a pillow at him, laughing. “Fine. What else have you got, Mr. Genius?”
He leans back, pretending to think deeply. “Aurora. You know, like the northern lights.”
You wrinkle your nose. “Beautiful, but maybe a bit too Disney princess?”
The conversation goes on like this for days. Tony throws out names like Vega, Lyra, and Andromeda, while you try to steer him toward something more grounded. Neither of you seems willing to budge, though secretly you both enjoy the banter.
It’s during one of these discussions, late at night, that the perfect name finally emerges.
You’re lying in bed, the lights dimmed, and Tony’s hand rests protectively over your belly as he rambles about constellations. “Sirius is too much,” he says, more to himself than to you. “But it’d be cool if we could tie it back to something celestial. Something meaningful.”
You hum in agreement, half-asleep, when a thought strikes you. “Stella,” you say softly, testing the name on your tongue.
Tony freezes, then sits up slightly to look at you. “Stella,” he repeats, his voice thoughtful. “Latin for ‘star.’ Simple, beautiful, and meaningful. I love it.”
You smile, your heart warming at his reaction. “You really like it?”
“I don’t just like it,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. “It’s perfect. Stella Stark. Our little star.”
The next morning, you tell the rest of the team about the name, and everyone agrees it’s fitting. Thor, especially, is thrilled. “A name worthy of the cosmos!” he declares, raising his coffee mug like a goblet.
Even Clint, who usually teases Tony at every opportunity, nods in approval. “Stella’s solid,” he says. “Classy, but not pretentious. Good pick.”
As the nursery nears completion and Stella’s name starts appearing on everything—from personalized blankets to a tiny plaque above the crib—you find yourself growing more excited with each passing day. The walls are painted, the furniture is assembled, and Tony’s holographic mobile is, admittedly, a work of art.
One evening, as you both stand in the finished nursery, Tony wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close. “You know,” he murmurs, looking around at the room, “we might’ve gone a little overboard.”
“A little,” you agree, though you can’t help but smile.
“But she’s worth it,” he adds, his voice soft as he rests his forehead against yours.
“She is,” you whisper, your heart full.
As the galaxy projector casts a soft glow of stars across the ceiling, you know that Stella is already surrounded by more love and wonder than you ever could’ve imagined.
The shift in behavior starts subtly. At first, you think you’re imagining it—the way Natasha ends phone calls the moment you enter the room or how Clint suddenly has a reason to leave anytime you try to ask what he and Tony were whispering about. Even Steve, who’s usually a beacon of honesty, seems unusually tight-lipped when you catch him and Bruce exchanging cryptic looks during a mission debrief.
Tony, of course, is no better. If anything, he’s the most suspicious of them all. Normally, he shares every detail of his day with you, but lately, he’s been “working late” more often than usual. When you ask what he’s working on, his answers are evasive, laced with a nonchalance that you don’t buy for a second.
“Just tweaking some tech,” he says one evening, typing furiously on a holographic keyboard that he closes the moment you approach. “You know, the usual.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “The usual doesn’t usually involve secretive meetings with the entire team or you hiding your screens from me.”
Tony looks up, flashing you one of his patented grins. “Paranoid much, sweetheart? Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones.”
You roll your eyes, but you let it slide—for now.
The day of the proposal dawns like any other. You wake up to the sound of Tony humming softly beside you, his hand resting protectively over your belly, and you can’t help but smile at the sight of him. At seven months pregnant, your body feels heavier and more tired than usual, but Tony’s been nothing if not attentive—sometimes to the point of hovering. Still, there’s something in his gaze this morning, a kind of nervous energy that makes you suspicious.
“What’s with the grin?” you ask, raising an eyebrow as he leans in to kiss your forehead.
“No grin,” he says, though the corners of his mouth betray him. “Just appreciating how stunning you look, as always.”
“Mmhmm,” you murmur, giving him a skeptical look. “If you’re planning something, Stark, I’ll figure it out.”
He smirks, leaning down to kiss your belly. “No secrets here, baby girl. Daddy’s just got work to do today.”
That afternoon, Natasha convinces you to go out for some “girl time,” which in itself feels suspicious. Nat rarely suggests spa days or shopping trips, but she waves off your questions with a smirk.
“Can’t a friend treat her very pregnant bestie to some pampering?” she says, steering you toward the door. “Besides, it’s not like you have anything better to do while Tony tinkers in the lab.”
By the time you return to the compound, you’re relaxed but even more curious. The hallways are quiet—too quiet—and the usual buzz of activity is strangely absent. As Natasha leads you toward the common area, your suspicions grow.
“What’s going on?” you ask, stopping in your tracks. “Why do I feel like I’m walking into an ambush?”
Natasha just smirks, tugging you forward. “You’ll see.”
The doors to the common area slide open, and your breath catches. The room is transformed. Soft, glowing lights hang from the ceiling like stars, casting a warm, ethereal glow. A pathway lined with rose petals leads to the center of the room, where Tony stands in a perfectly tailored suit, looking more nervous than you’ve ever seen him. Behind him, the rest of the Avengers stand in a loose semicircle, all wearing knowing smiles.
“Tony,” you whisper, your heart pounding as Natasha gives you a gentle nudge forward.
He takes a step toward you, his usual confidence tempered by the kind of vulnerability he rarely shows. His eyes meet yours, and for a moment, it’s like the rest of the world fades away.
“Y/N,” he begins, his voice steady but thick with emotion. “You’ve already given me so much. You’ve made me happier than I ever thought I could be, and in just a couple of months, you’re going to give me the greatest gift of all—our daughter.”
You feel tears welling up as he continues, his hand reaching out to take yours. “But before she gets here, I want to give you something, too. I want to give you my heart, my name, my everything. I want us to be a family, officially, because… well, because I love you more than words can ever say.”
He drops to one knee, pulling a small velvet box from his pocket and opening it to reveal a dazzling engagement ring. The diamond sparkles like a star, and you can’t help but gasp.
“Y/N,” he says, his voice soft but firm, “will you marry me?”
For a moment, you’re too overwhelmed to speak. Tears spill down your cheeks as you nod, a laugh bubbling up through your emotions. “Yes,” you finally manage, your voice breaking. “Yes, Tony, of course!”
Tony’s grin is so wide it looks like it might split his face. He slides the ring onto your finger, his hands trembling slightly, and then he’s standing, pulling you into his arms. He holds you close, burying his face in your hair as you cling to him.
“You’re crying,” you murmur against his shoulder, your voice teasing despite your own tears.
“I am not,” he protests, though his voice wavers. He pulls back just enough to look at you, his eyes glistening. “Okay, maybe a little. But don’t tell anyone, all right? I’ve got a reputation to maintain.”
You laugh, wiping at your own tears as he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. Behind you, the Avengers erupt into cheers and applause, Clint letting out a loud wolf whistle while Thor raises his hammer in triumph.
“About time!” Clint calls out, grinning from ear to ear.
Natasha smirks, her arms crossed. “Told you she’d say yes.”
Later that evening, as you sit together in the nursery, the engagement ring glittering on your finger and Tony’s hand resting over your belly, you can’t help but marvel at how far you’ve come. He looks at you like you’re his entire world, and for the first time in a long time, you feel like nothing could ever go wrong.
“You’re happy,” you say softly, studying his face.
Tony looks at you, his expression filled with a love so deep it takes your breath away. “I’m more than happy,” he says, his voice low and earnest. “You and Stella… you’re everything I never knew I needed.”
You lean into him, your head resting on his shoulder as the baby kicks gently against his hand. “We love you too,” you whisper, and in that moment, the universe feels just right.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
The day starts out completely normal—or at least as normal as life gets when you’re living with Tony Stark and the Avengers. You’re lounging on the couch, rubbing your enormous belly, when you feel the first contraction. It’s mild, more like a cramp than anything else, but enough to make you pause mid-sentence while you’re trying to convince Tony that the name Stella is not negotiable for her middle name.
“Everything okay?” Tony asks, looking up from where he’s fiddling with one of his many gadgets.
You nod, brushing it off. “Yeah, just… I think she’s practicing her escape plan.”
Tony chuckles. “Smart kid. Of course, she’s my daughter. She’s already planning ahead.”
You roll your eyes but let the moment pass. That is until another contraction hits—not unbearable, but definitely noticeable. You wince, shifting in your seat.
Tony’s eyes narrow. “Okay, that wasn’t just a practice run. What’s going on?”
You try to play it cool. “I think it might be starting, but it’s fine. First labors take a while. No need to—”
But before you can finish, Tony is up and moving like the house is on fire. “FRIDAY! Get the car! Clear a path! Call Banner! Wait, no, call Bruce AND the hospital! Get Nat to pack a bag—do we have a bag? Where’s the bag?”
You laugh despite yourself, waving a hand to calm him down. “Tony, relax. I’m not even sure it’s—”
Tony is already pacing, pulling his phone out to make calls. “Relax? RELAX? You’re about to bring an entire human into the world, and you want me to relax? You know who doesn’t relax? Tony Stark. I plan. I execute.” He points to your belly. “That tiny genius in there is counting on me!”
Another contraction interrupts your attempt to reassure him, this one stronger than before. You grip the edge of the couch, exhaling sharply. Tony’s eyes go wide, and his face pales.
“That’s it,” he declares. “We’re going now. FRIDAY, where’s the car?”
By the time you get to the hospital, Tony’s nerves are a full-blown circus. He’s barking orders at the nurses, double-checking every piece of equipment they wheel past, and generally acting like a man whose entire world is on the brink of chaos.
“Are those sterilized?” he asks one poor nurse, gesturing to a tray of instruments. “Because I know a guy who can check for microscopic contaminants.”
“Tony,” you groan from the wheelchair they’ve put you in. “Let the professionals do their job.”
“Right,” he says, nodding quickly. “Right. Sorry. Carry on.”
Once you’re settled in the delivery room, the contractions intensify, and so does Tony’s panic. He’s pacing again, alternating between squeezing your hand and apologizing for squeezing your hand too hard.
“Why is this taking so long?” he mutters, glancing at the clock. “Is there a way to, I don’t know, speed this up? I mean, we’ve got science, right? Lasers? Something?”
Your labor nurse gives him a patient smile. “Babies come on their own time, Mr. Stark.”
Tony points at her, dead serious. “I’ll have you know I’ve streamlined multi-billion-dollar manufacturing processes. I could totally streamline—”
“Tony!” you snap, gripping his hand through another contraction. “If you don’t stop talking about lasers and streamlining, I’m going to throw you out of this room.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says quickly, wincing as your grip tightens. “You’re doing great, by the way. Absolutely phenomenal. Ten out of ten.”
As the hours pass, Tony alternates between being overly helpful and hilariously unhelpful. At one point, he tries to "coach" you through the contractions, repeating advice he clearly Googled five minutes earlier.
“Breathe, babe,” he says, crouching next to you. “In through the nose, out through the—OW!” He yelps as you squeeze his hand, your patience wearing thin.
“I am breathing!” you growl. “You breathe!”
“Right, got it,” he says, shaking out his hand. “I’ll breathe quieter.”
By the time you’re ready to push, Tony looks like he’s aged ten years. His hair is a mess, his suit jacket is nowhere to be seen, and he’s nervously chewing on his bottom lip as if he’s the one doing all the hard work.
“Okay,” the doctor says. “It’s time to meet your baby. Dad, are you ready?”
Tony blinks, his face going pale again. “Wait, me? What am I supposed to do?”
“Just stay next to me and try not to pass out,” you deadpan, glaring at him through gritted teeth.
The actual delivery feels like a blur, but Tony’s reactions are crystal clear. As soon as Stella’s first cry fills the room, he freezes, his eyes wide with a mix of awe and disbelief. The doctor places her on your chest, and you look down at the tiny, wriggling bundle of perfection. Tears stream down your face as you cradle her, overwhelmed with love.
Tony leans over, his hands hovering awkwardly as if he’s afraid to touch her. “She’s… she’s perfect,” he whispers, his voice cracking.
You glance up at him, smiling through your tears. “She is.”
He swallows hard, blinking rapidly as if trying to fight back tears of his own. “I’m not crying,” he mutters, his voice thick with emotion. “It’s just… dusty in here.”
“Sure, Tony,” you say, laughing softly. “Whatever you say.”
He finally reaches out, gently running a finger along Stella’s tiny hand. When she grips his finger, his face lights up like you’ve never seen before.
“Hi, baby girl,” he murmurs, his voice trembling. “It’s me. Your dad. I’m the guy who’s going to spoil you rotten and probably embarrass you in front of all your friends someday.”
You laugh again, your heart so full it feels like it might burst. As Tony leans down to kiss your forehead, then Stella’s, you know this moment—this messy, chaotic, perfect moment—is one you’ll never forget.
The ride home is surprisingly smooth, considering Tony’s usual flair for drama. He insists on driving, despite your gentle protests, and the way he handles the car like it’s made of glass is almost endearing. Stella, snug in her carrier, sleeps through the whole thing, her tiny face scrunched in a way that makes your heart ache with love.
“Are you sure she’s breathing?” Tony asks for the third time, glancing back at her in the rearview mirror.
“Yes, Tony,” you reply, trying not to laugh. “Babies sleep. It’s kind of their thing.”
He huffs, clearly unsatisfied. “Well, it’s nerve-wracking. I’m used to things that come with a manual, not ones that just… exist and rely on me not to screw up.”
“She’ll be fine,” you reassure him, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “We’ll figure it out together.”
The Avengers are waiting when you arrive at the compound, their faces pressed against the windows like eager kids waiting for Santa. Even Clint, who normally pretends to be too cool for this sort of thing, looks uncharacteristically excited.
The moment you step inside, carrying Stella in her carrier, they descend like a swarm.
“Oh my God, she’s so tiny!” Natasha coos, her usual stoicism replaced with pure, unfiltered awe. “Look at her little hands.”
Steve grins, leaning down to get a better look. “She’s beautiful,” he says warmly, his voice tinged with a kind of reverence.
“She’s definitely got your nose, Y/N,” Bruce chimes in, smiling shyly. “Lucky kid.”
Even Clint, who’d joked for months about how he wasn’t going to fawn over “just another Stark,” can’t help but soften. “She’s pretty cute,” he admits, though his grin betrays his attempt at nonchalance.
“Cute?” Tony cuts in, feigning offense. “Try perfect. Absolute masterpiece. My finest work.”
You roll your eyes, laughing. “She’s not one of your inventions, Tony.”
“No,” he agrees, his gaze softening as he looks at Stella. “She’s better.”
Thor, meanwhile, looms in the background, looking uncharacteristically nervous. You catch him shifting his weight from foot to foot, his brows furrowed as he watches the others coo and fuss over Stella.
“Thor,” you call gently, motioning him over. “Do you want to meet her?”
He hesitates, his usual bravado replaced with uncertainty. “I am unsure,” he admits, his voice low. “She is so small. What if I… break her?”
Tony snorts. “Relax, Point Break. She’s sturdier than she looks.”
Thor’s eyes widen. “Are you certain? For I have been told I am… exuberant in my movements.”
You can’t help but smile. “You’ll be fine. Just be gentle.”
Carefully, you unbuckle Stella from her carrier and place her in Thor’s massive hands. He cradles her like she’s made of glass, his expression a mix of awe and terror.
“She is… radiant,” he says after a moment, his voice soft. “A tiny warrior in the making.”
Stella squirms, letting out a small gurgle, and Thor immediately panics. “What is this sound? Is she displeased? Have I offended her?”
You laugh, taking her back before his nerves get the better of him. “She’s just waking up. You did great, Thor.”
He exhales in relief, looking visibly proud despite his earlier fear. “Then I shall strive to earn her favor, as a worthy uncle should.”
As the evening wears on, the Avengers take turns holding Stella, each of them surprisingly adept in their own way. Natasha rocks her gently, whispering something soft and sweet in Russian. Steve looks completely at ease, cradling her with a quiet confidence that makes you wonder if he’s done this before. Bruce hums softly, his gentle demeanor soothing Stella when she stirs.
Clint, ever the showman, gets her to grab his finger and immediately declares, “She likes me best. Sorry, everyone else.”
Even Thor eventually works up the courage to hold her again, this time with less fear and more awe.
Tony, meanwhile, hovers nearby, alternating between beaming with pride and trying to direct everyone on the proper way to hold her.
“Support her head,” he says for the fifth time, gesturing like he’s leading a workshop. “And don’t jostle her too much. She’s had a big day.”
“Tony,” you say, placing a hand on his arm to calm him. “She’s fine. Look at her—she’s surrounded by love.”
He glances around the room, taking in the sight of his teammates—his family—cooing and fussing over Stella. His shoulders relax, and a small, genuine smile tugs at his lips.
“Yeah,” he says softly, slipping an arm around your waist. “She’s going to be okay.”
You lean into him, watching as Stella lets out a tiny yawn, completely unfazed by the chaos around her. In this moment, surrounded by your unconventional but loving family, you know she’s going to grow up in the best possible way.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
The day is perfect—blue skies, warm sunlight, and the hum of excitement in the air as friends and family gather in the garden of the Stark estate for the wedding. You stand in the bridal suite, adjusting the lace sleeves of your gown, the soft fabric hugging your body comfortably enough to accommodate the postpartum changes you’re still embracing. In your arms, Stella squirms, her tiny hands tugging at the delicate veil trailing over your shoulder.
“Mommy’s trying to look fancy,” you murmur, kissing her chubby cheek. “Try not to drool too much on the dress, okay?”
Natasha appears in the doorway, dressed elegantly in a flowing gown but still managing to radiate her usual aura of cool confidence. “Ready to knock Tony off his feet?” she asks with a smirk.
You laugh nervously. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Natasha leans in to take a peek at Stella, who’s now gnawing on her fingers. “And what about you, little one? Ready to steal the show?”
“She’s been ready since birth,” you say, smiling fondly. “I just hope she doesn’t start screaming halfway down the aisle.”
The music starts—soft, romantic, and unmistakably orchestrated to perfection because, of course, Tony insisted on hiring the best string quartet money could buy. You step out into the aisle, holding Stella securely against your chest.
All eyes are on you, but your gaze locks instantly with Tony’s. He’s standing at the altar in a sharp tuxedo, his hair immaculately styled, but it’s his expression that floors you. His eyes are shining, his lips trembling slightly as he takes you in—his fiancée, his daughter in your arms, walking toward him like a vision straight out of his dreams.
When you’re halfway down the aisle, you catch him discreetly wiping at his eyes, though his attempt to play it cool is utterly transparent. You can’t help but smile.
“Crying already?” you tease softly as you reach the altar.
Tony’s voice cracks as he replies, “It’s allergies. Don’t get used to it.”
The officiant clears his throat, gesturing for everyone to sit. You pass Stella to Natasha, who holds her with practiced ease, but not before Tony sneaks a kiss to his daughter’s forehead. “Don’t cause too much trouble for Aunt Nat, okay?” he whispers.
The ceremony is beautiful, filled with laughter, a few tears, and vows that manage to be both heartfelt and hilariously Tony.
“I promise to always make you laugh,” he says, his voice soft but steady. “To build you anything you need—even if it’s just a better coffee maker. And I promise that no matter how big our family gets or how crazy life becomes, you’ll always be the center of my world.”
You smile, your heart full as you reply, “And I promise to keep you grounded—even when you’re flying. To stand by you, even when you’re being insufferable. And to love you, completely, for the genius, ridiculous, wonderful man that you are.”
The guests cheer when you kiss, and you can hear Clint shouting something about “finally making an honest man out of Stark,” but you’re too caught up in the moment to care. Tony’s hands are on your waist, his forehead pressed to yours as he whispers, “You’re stuck with me now, Mrs. Stark.”
The reception is lively, filled with laughter and champagne toasts, but the true star of the evening is Stella. At six months old, she’s the smallest guest but easily the most adored. She’s passed from one Avenger to the next, each of them taking turns cooing and playing with her. Steve lets her grab at his finger, grinning like a proud uncle. Bruce gently bounces her on his knee, her giggles drawing smiles from everyone around. Even Thor takes a turn, holding her aloft and declaring her “the mightiest of babes” before you quickly retrieve her, worried he might throw her like Mjolnir.
Despite the joy of the day, you and Tony find yourselves constantly glancing toward wherever Stella is. When you see her reaching for a cupcake, her tiny hand almost toppling the entire dessert tower, you excuse yourself mid-conversation to intercept.
“She’s got your appetite,” you say, placing Stella in her high chair and handing her a safer option—a teething biscuit.
“And your stubbornness,” Tony adds, crouching next to you to adjust her little headband. He kisses her forehead before looking up at you, his expression soft. “We did pretty good, didn’t we?”
You smile, leaning down to kiss him. “We did amazing.”
As the night winds down, you dance with Tony under the fairy lights, Stella dozing peacefully in Natasha’s arms nearby.
“Today was perfect,” you whisper, resting your head on his shoulder.
Tony pulls you closer, his hand warm on your back. “Because of you,” he murmurs. “You and Stella—you’re my whole world.”
You tilt your head up to meet his gaze, your heart swelling with love. “And you’re ours.”
The music swells, and for a moment, it’s just the three of you in your own little world, the rest of the party fading into the background.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Four years later
Four years later, the Stark household is as lively as ever. Stella, now a spirited and endlessly curious four-year-old, is the undeniable star of the compound. She’s sharp like her dad, determined like her mom, and, to everyone’s ongoing astonishment, utterly enamored with Thor.
“Where is Uncle Thor?” Stella demands one morning, her tiny hands on her hips in a perfect mimicry of your stance when you're irritated. “He promised we’d go find worms for the garden!”
You chuckle as you rest a hand on your growing belly. “Honey, Uncle Thor’s busy with work. He can’t always come running every time you call.”
“Why not?” she counters, pouting. “He’s the Mighty Thor. He’s not too busy for me.”
You shake your head, smiling. “You’ve got your daddy’s charm, you know that?”
Tony walks in just in time to hear the exchange, a cup of coffee in one hand and a slightly sour expression on his face. “I don’t know what he’s done to brainwash her, but I don’t like it,” he grumbles, leaning down to kiss your cheek before ruffling Stella’s hair.
“Uncle Thor is the best!” Stella declares, throwing her arms up dramatically. “He’s teaching me how to lift Mjolnir!”
“Is he now?” Tony says, narrowing his eyes. “I thought I told him no godly powers until after kindergarten.”
Later that afternoon, Thor arrives as promised, and Stella runs to greet him, her excitement so infectious even Tony can’t entirely suppress a grin. Thor sweeps her up, spinning her around like she weighs nothing.
“Ah, my favorite little warrior!” Thor booms. “Are you ready to brave the wilderness?”
“Yes!” Stella squeals, clutching onto him tightly. “Let’s go, Uncle Thor!”
“Wilderness?” Tony interjects, crossing his arms. “You mean my backyard?”
Thor just grins. “Every great adventure starts somewhere, Stark.”
As they head outside, you and Tony watch from the window, his arm draped protectively around your shoulders.
“I can’t believe she picked him as her favorite,” Tony says with mock despair. “What does he have that I don’t?”
“A magic hammer?” you suggest, smirking.
Tony gasps in mock offense. “Unbelievable. After all I’ve done for her.”
“Don’t worry,” you tease, patting your belly. “Maybe this little guy will be Team Dad.”
Tony’s face softens immediately, his free hand coming to rest gently on your growing bump. “He better be,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss it. “Otherwise, I’ll have to build another suit—Baby Iron Man Edition.”
Stella eventually drags Thor back inside, both of them covered in dirt but grinning like co-conspirators. Thor greets your belly with a reverent nod, placing a hand on it like he’s bestowing a blessing. “He stirs with strength already,” he declares. “A future warrior.”
Tony rolls his eyes. “He’s not even born yet, Point Break. Let’s not start handing out titles.”
Stella crawls onto the couch next to you, her small hands carefully pressing against your belly. “Mommy, when will the baby come out?”
“In a few months, sweetie,” you say, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “He needs to grow a little more before he’s ready.”
“Will he be bigger than me?”
“Not at first,” Tony interjects, scooping her up onto his lap. “But don’t worry, Stella. You’ll always be the boss. It’s your job to teach him everything you know.”
Stella beams at that, puffing out her chest. “I’m going to be the best big sister ever.”
Tony chuckles, kissing her on the forehead. “I have no doubt.”
The rest of the day is filled with the usual chaos—Stella insisting she help with dinner (which mostly means spilling flour everywhere), Thor recounting dramatic tales of Asgardian battles to an enraptured audience, and Tony tinkering in his lab while occasionally glancing over to check on you.
Later that night, as you’re tucking Stella into bed, she clings to your arm, her wide eyes full of curiosity.
“Mommy?” she asks softly. “Do you think the baby will like Uncle Thor too?”
You laugh, stroking her hair. “Probably. But I think he’s going to like you the most.”
Her face lights up, and she snuggles deeper into her blankets. “Good. I’ll share Uncle Thor with him, but only a little.”
After kissing her goodnight, you return to the living room, where Tony is waiting on the couch, a glass of sparkling water in hand for you.
“Is she down?” he asks, pulling you gently into his side as you sink onto the cushions.
“Out like a light,” you reply, taking the glass. “She was asking if the baby will like Thor.”
Tony groans, tipping his head back dramatically. “That man is a menace.”
You laugh, resting your head on his shoulder. “You know you love how happy he makes her.”
Tony’s arm tightens around you, his voice softening. “Yeah, I do. But you know what makes me happiest?”
“What?”
“This,” he says, resting his hand on your bump again. “All of us. Together.”
You smile, your heart full as you lean into him. “Me too.”
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foureyedfella · 9 hours ago
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☆ Hey peoples 😁 thought I should share an Aran Ryan headcanon based on how I structure my drawing lol (its kind of nice to have stuff logged on here so I can go back to it :P)
☆ Idk if this needs a content warning or anything sorry, but theres a good chunk of talk about medication and mental health❗
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☆ So for one I feel like he has ADHD, and that's kind of where my whole ramble will stem from
☆ Back in Ireland, he was actually treated for his ADHD (and only because he was considered a pain so there "must've" been something wrong with him)
☆ When moved from home (snuck out 😭 more on that at some point), he pretty much took what he can put into a carry on bag and at the time he had around a years worth of medication
☆ When he got to New York, he was pretty much as clueless as you can be, just recently turning 18 and also never leaving Ireland prior to that so it was a huge mess
☆I feel like with that scramble came the entire medical care being a huge confusion for him as well, not knowing how he would be able to renew his medication or if he even could
☆ With time he ran out of his initial prescription, and that sharp withdrawl took a heavy toll on him to say the least
☆ He was incredibly irritable and had sporadic bursts, not good as the clean, firm and fierce SPO Aran he was portraying himself as 😭
☆ It made him have some cutoffs with some of the other boxers who he was honestly pretty close with, like Narcis Prince and Piston Hurricane, thinking his behavior is offputting and not like him
☆ (This was also around the general time I think he would face up against Masked Muscle and have a literal crashout after getting spit in the eye- insane revelation to him, because if this goober can just straight up cheat why cant he?)
☆ I still don't think he has bothered asking or researching how to get back on his prescription, partially from feeling like he can manage without it (lie) and just feeling really embarrassed about it
☆ He let it slip while drinking with Soda at some point, and while Soda is one to always have confidentiality over anything said to him, especially during drinking nights, this felt different and it felt negligent to not point it out to someone who can help so we'll see where it goes from there 😭🙏
☆ That is my ramble take it or leave it!!!! Heres a doodle for surviving the ramble (He looks different EVERYTIME I draw him this is so cruel)
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kingkat12 · 2 days ago
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so... this is the deleted original ending to the first chapter of seven minutes in heaven. made centuries ago. enjoy!!
(it sorta starts in the middle of the closet scene, so here goes nothing)
WARNINGS: SMUT! SMUT! ROMAN BEING AN ASSHOLE! mind control powers being used for BAD bad bad BAD things!! implied mind control during sex so is it dub-con?, dark!Roman, not-so-happy-ending
word count: 1,811
a/n: there was a reason this version was scrapped... it felt too dark and not fun and urgh i'm simply posting this as an ancient artifact lol. it might suck as i wrote this back in august, but oh well!!!
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(Roman is NOT a feminist in this one, so... irony<333 generalizing cunt)
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 "And I reckon this is your first time playing?"
"Yeah," I mumbled, no longer meeting his gaze. I couldn't look at him, not right not, not when we were this close and alone. 
"So..." Roman ran his fingers through his hair, the usual smirk returning. "You know what usually happens in here, or...?"
I rolled my eyes; "I'm not an idiot,"
"I know," Roman's voice got lower, breathier, and he took a step closer. There wasn't much room for more steps, actually— it was getting rather cramped up at this point. "But if there's anything you've wanted to try out, now's the time."
My breath hitched, hoping the thumping of my heart wasn't audible to him. 
It was almost as though Roman could sense how nervous I was; he bent down a little, getting on my level before he whispered; "I won't tell Letha,"
Feeling his hot breath against my skin, how dangerously close he was, was almost too much for me. The way he said it made me even more conscious of what was happening; I hadn't even told Letha how crazy I was about Roman, and I knew she'd be against it.
However... I was being served my biggest dream on a platter. Maybe if I got this bit over with, my feelings would subside and go back to being purely hateful again? 
I mustered up the courage, letting out a shaky breath before I opened my mouth to speak; "Could you maybe... kiss me?" My words came out barely louder than a whisper. "I've just had a really shitty night."
Roman's expression remained unchanged. "I'm sorry to hear that,"
"... No, you're not,"
"Okay, you might be right," He let out a soft laugh against my lips, and my eyes quickly darted down to his hands to check if he wasn't holding a needle or no. That was when I knew my anxiety was through the roof. "So... you want a kiss? That's all?"
This was too nerve-wracking. I kept imagining that he would say no, that he would reject me somehow and make me the only girl at school he wouldn't want to do anything with— that would definitely make me hate him even more. In a flash moment of weakness (which I later blamed the alcohol for), I sighed; "Just... could you? Or am I asking for too much?"
Something about Roman's expression changed— he seemed to realize what it was that I was actually asking of him. Not to make out, not to drown in one another, but the simplest of all things romance; affection. Something gentle, something sweet, just to check if he had a sliver of anything resembling that in his system. 
"You like me, don't you?" Roman whispered, nudging his nose against mine, eyes rounding out as he heard my breath hitch at the simple gesture. "This is what all of this has been about?"
I closed my eyes, revelling in the feeling. It was the smallest thing, yet it was a comfort in the midst of the conversation. "All of what?"
"Your anger," Roman let out a sigh, connecting our foreheads, closing his eyes as well. "You can't stand that you like me, can you?"
For some reason, I felt the urge to cry overcome me— I spent a few seconds pressing down the stream of tears that threatened to surface. Having someone say it out loud felt like a desperately needed release. "It's been a nightmare,"
Roman stilled, eventually letting out a hum which sent a shiver down my spine. "You know nothing about nightmares," he breathed against my lips. "If I tell Letha we fucked in here, you'll be living through your worst one."
I shouldn't have been so shocked— I should've expected this. I should've known that Roman would spin this around on me. I definitely knew he wouldn't reciprocate, but this? What was it, revenge? 
"I could make your every waking moment a living hell," he continued, his cold hands suddenly travelling up my body, gripping my waist with a grip I was afraid would bruise. "Letha would take my side, of course... Who else do you have but her, hm?"
I wanted to break out into tears, now grabbing at his hands. Almost panicked, I tried to get him off of me, but to no avail. "I'll leave you alone," I pleaded, finding his eyes.
"Nah, that's not what I want," I could see the sadistic satisfaction overcome him— I saw how he broke out into a wide grin at the sight of my glossy eyes. "How about we make a deal?"
Making a deal with the devil reincarnated? Very smart move, on my part. Fucking genius. "Okay?"
Roman hummed, his harsh grip around my waist releasing, allowing me to finally suck in a heave of air. Catching me off guard, he suddenly pressed his lips against my forehead with the softest touch I had ever felt— was he trying to throw me off course? 
"Start being nice..." Roman murmured, his now hands drawing soothing circles onto my back. "And I will reward you."
I let out a shaky breath; I was thankful that the agreement didn't involve any needles. "... That's all?"
"That's all," Roman echoed, pulling away to watch my expression. "You and your mouth have been making my life hell, do you know that? So if you can calm the fuck down, we could both get what we want. How does that sounds?"
I wasn't completely sold. "And what is it that you think I want?"
Roman's eyes darkened; he knew he had won. "Me," 
Oh, how I hated him. I hated him, and I knew I always would. But as his lips ghosted over mine, seconds away from touching, I didn't stand a chance anymore when the following words sounded past his plush lips; "I have a feeling I might have to put you in your place a little, hm? Maybe you'd even want that? Because honestly, I know girls like you... You fight until your last breath, then you're completely in denial, and then you'll fall apart the minute you get what you've always wanted,"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was this... me? 
"And you've always wanted to be one of my girls, haven't you?" Roman leaned down, pressing a deadly soft kiss against my cheek which nearly took my breath away; I could feel him smirk against my skin. "Or maybe... the only one?"
At this point, I felt so broken down that I gave in to a nod. 
Roman's hand slowly ghosted up my body until his fingers gently wrapped around my neck, holding me in place, almost as though he feared I would run; "I can arrange that, y'know?"
This conversation had unlocked a deep, dark part of me that I didn't know I had— like this, completely at his mercy, I had a feeling I was made to be his. Brainwashed. That I was put on this earth to find him and be with him, and that we were destined to be together. It made me feel so weak and pathetic that my lower lip eventually gave in to a quiver, feeling a sob build.
Roman let go of my neck, stroking his fingers through my hair. "Shh, no need for that... You're fine, you're okay. It's just me."
Just me. Just Roman. He who that had haunted my dreams for months, the only one I could think of when I got myself off, and the one I had been longing for from afar for so long that it turned into burning hate. 
Roman must've felt like he was done torturing me, finally meeting my lips with the most gentle kiss I had ever shared. This was all I had ever wanted— he was right. My heart beat hard in my chest as I let myself melt against his dangerously soft lips. 
I wanted to be his, no matter the cost. No matter what happened or what I had to sacrifice. 
I loved Roman Godfrey.
... and I was sure of it now.
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈• 。゚
Yes— This was right.
Of course. 
I loved him. 
I loved him, I loved him, God, how I loved him. With every fibre of my being, I loved him. 
I loved the feeling of his body against mine, corrupting my mind until I was nothing but mindless. A small part of me also loved that it was our little secret, and ours only. 
Letha didn't have a clue, of course— I had kept my act up quite well when I was around her. I had kept it up around everyone else as well, but the anger that was ravaging through my system, the hate that was burning me up from inside was currently being mended by one thing and one thing only;
"A-Aah—"
My fingers tangled into Roman's hair, feeling his bruising grip around my hips tighten as he fucked me into my mattress. I let out a small cry, feeling my legs starting to go numb after how long they had been thrown over his broad shoulders. Deep down, I didn't care— nothing could put out the angry fire in my soul like Roman did. Nothing was a better remedy than feeling his cock inside me, no matter what, when, or where.
I let out a gasp as Roman shifted, pulling me into his lap with ease. I couldn't feel my legs now, and I had a sense that he knew— he barely had to put any strength into moving me around, especially with how he was towering over me in general. 
I let out a gasp as he sunk me down on his length, and I gripped his shoulders with a short squeak for support. Heavy breaths escaped my parted lips as I clung to him, whimpering at the feeling of his thick cock stroking my insides. 
Roman seemed beyond content, gazing up at me with half-lidded eyes. He revelled in the sight of how ruined I was before he attached his soft lips to my collarbone to bring forth a hickey, humming. That was the one place we both knew Letha wouldn't see it, after all. 
It was impossible not to submit to the devil reincarnated when sex could feel this good with him. It didn't matter that I had practically sold my soul for this, because every second, every stroke of his cock, was worth it. 
"You're heaven," he murmured, lifting my hips and pushing himself further into me, taking more control. "You feel so... shit, this is heaven—"
Ironic.
And just as I felt my climax approaching, flashes of thoughts I had suppressed came crashing forward. No matter how nice all of this felt, I couldn't help but wonder how I had even agreed to any of this in the first place. But it wasn't like he had mind control powers, right? It wasn't like this was some sadistic ploy to seek revenge against all the times I had been a complete and utter bitch to him.
No— it couldn't be. Don't be ridiculous.
... Right?
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alexanderwales · 3 days ago
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@queenlua
(this is sort of a tangent so feel free to ignore me ENTIRELY but: who exactly is the audience for litRPG stuff? my first time hearing of it was at a sf/f writer's workshop, and when it was described to me i was like "wouldn't these people simply read webfiction" but then i was informed of The Sales Numbers Around LitRPG People I Had Never Heard Of and was like What The Hell, but i was clearly the only Extremely Online person in the room so figured i wouldn't get any further context from present company lol)
For some reason I thought I had answered this, and maybe I did somewhere and can't find it, so sorry if this is a restatement of something you've already read, but ...
There are a few fundamental fantasies being fulfilled by the modern litRPG.
First, there's the power fantasy, the idea that you can have control and be agenty and make decisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with power fantasy per se, and I expect that the desire for power fantasy will grow when people feel more and more powerless. litRPG does not offer anything much different from e.g. superhero stories, at least as far as power fantasy goes.
Second, there's the progression. This is part of the power fantasy, the getting stronger over time angle, powering up, getting better. litRPG promises that, it's in the nature of the RPG elements, and fundamental to the appeal. This is something that e.g. superhero stories usually don't have. (There is a whole genre, progression fantasy, that focuses on this, and litRPGs are usually a subset of that depending on who you ask.)
Third, the litRPG offers legibility. It is clear what the powers are, what they do, what choices are to be made. Everything is clearly laid out and easy to conceptualize, at least most of the time. And because this is the case, it's good as a platform for the imagination, especially for analytical readers. It's something for people to daydream about, argue over, etc. Legibility is super important, IMO, or at least the appearance of legibility, the illusion that the author has a Concrete Plan with Hard Numbers. Armchair psychoanalysis is that a desire for this relates to a lack of legibility (and by proxy "fairness") in real life.
Fourth, the litRPG naturally speaks the language of videogames, and a lot of the readers are super into videogames, so there's some element of "thing that I like" in there which I don't think can actually add to any analysis, but also some of the things that people like about video games are power fantasy, progression, and legibility, so ...
There's also a lot of overlap between webfic and litRPG. I don't know that I'd say it's the most popular form of webfic right now, but ... probably it is? The overall market is young men for both. [Edit: I should probably clarify that I don't know what the hell goes on over at Wattpad. AO3 is also webfic, but that's fanfic, and female dominated last I checked. I'm talking more RoyalRoad, SB/SV, QQ, etc. I am not a market expert, terms and conditions may apply.]
Here are some other reasons I've heard from people when I've asked:
it's hard to screw up, so you're guaranteed a quality baseline
the writing is often simple popcorn that's easy to digest
the writing is often bad in a way that makes it less predictable
there's often no romance or introspection
the numbers are going up, and I like that consistent dopamine drip feed
the characters are simple
the main character is just like me
I think some of these are just wild to think about, and others are not really about the genre, just the kinds of people who write within it and the stories that make up the bulk of what people are reading.
LitRPG where the protagonist's game system is very clearly from a game with a 20-minute day-night cycle, and whose gamification of hunger, thirst, and sleep just wreaks havoc on his personal and professional life.
Just kidding, litRPG protagonists don't have personal or professional lives.
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Examples of what i had hoped they would expand on (I would have loved filler episodes or at least wish they hadn't cut so much out):
What exactly did Silco do that made Vander attack? We know it's connected to the bridge and Felica, but we never know what the reason was other than a vague, "Vander wanted to stop fighting, Silco didn't".
How did Vander and Silco make up in the au? Did Vi trigger Silco to go back to blisters and bedrock upon learning one of Felicia's kids, the very first one that created the blisters and bedrock convo, was no longer living?
Did the girls, or at least Vi, know Silco at all from the "before" times?
Was it Silco and Vander making up that led to the undercity improving? Was it something else, like Heimerdingers' influence? It couldn't have just been Hextech not being invented.
What was Vi and Jinxs bio dad like?
How did Viktor manage to make it from the Undercity and rise all the way up to being Heimerdingers assistant? I'm not saying it's impossible, but we've seen the barriers and such that make it hard for people from the Undercity to achieve great heights in Piltover.
What happened to make the Firelights even consider listening to Sevika and seeminly develop a partnership? Was it a talk? Desperation? Scar doesn't seem the type to fold easily.
Sevika's reaction to Isha, or anything from her in Act 3, really. How did she get on the council, and what was her reaction to it?
Jinx and Echo prepping for the final battle. I wanna know how they made Jinxs' dirigible(?).
Who did Ambessa fall in love with? What exactly did she steal? Was it Mel in general? Or the magic Mel ended up with?
Did Jayce end up jumping in the au, or was he just exiled? Did he and Cait blow up in the apartment explosion?
Why did Vi trust Loris so much? What was their friendship like?
Why was Loris not on the front lines or being the "shield" he's shown as?
What was with the look in Stillwater when Ambessa saw the disgused Jinx and Sevika?
Vi's pitfighting arc.
Jinx and Isha getting close.
Mel. Her time captured, getting back to Piltover, anything to do with her.
Singed creating Warwick. That was a long time to experiment on a (seemingly) lifeless body until things turned just right for it to "work".
What happened to Lest?
Does Vi know about Cait's suspicions about Jinx living? I personally don't think so, as I feel Vi wouldn't give up on trying to reunite with her. Even with Jinxs permission to be happy with Cait, Vi isn't the type to give up on her sister. She would at least want to keep in contact. You're telling me this woman survived years in Stillwater and all the other bullshit mainly for her sister, and then just decides to let her go?
How does Warwick "survive" (like being able to make blood) Isha blowing everything up with the gems, but apparently doesn't survive falling and Jinxs bomb? I know he has regeneration, but one of those is worse than the other, and yet he survives it.
Do Ekko and Vi bond more? Both of them have lost Powder/Jinx, and they're the only two left from each others childhood.
I'm sure this will eventually get covered in the other series they're planning, but it appears Orianna (is that how you spell her name? Idk, I don't play LoL) is similar to the creatures Viktor makes, so how is she "alive"?
Is Bandle City outside of timelines, or is Heimer gone from "our" timeliness forever?
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astrologanize · 3 days ago
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december 2024 sun sign horoscope
aries sun: guys!! how about we not end this year on a poor note lol. i'm seeing potential messiness this month - & either this would come about because you guys are getting way too in your head and allowing feelings of uncertainty to cause you to act rash (and/)or there could be something that is said that causes you to get reactive. there certainly is a lack of grounded energy in your month, i'm not seeing any adherence to anything or solid structure, i'm seeing more go-with-the-flow and you deciding to do things spur of the moment. thanks to the instability of this month, behaving childishly is something you are going to have to look out for, very important to bear in mind that sometimes you need to take a walk and distance yourself from a situation instead of acting in the moment. your best advice is to try to be deliberate during this time, try to contain yourself no matter how uncomfortable that may be, and try to not sensationalize situations.
taurus sun: there are choices and possibilities that you will be addressing this month and unfortunately they are not the fun kind. amongst your month there will be ego issues going on, you may not be feeling at your best, some of these choices and possibilities may require you to set aside your pride or make you feel out of your element in a way that causes a lack of confidence. you will be trying to pay heed to lessons learned and choosing what you know is for the best, even if it's not exactly what you want or something that makes you feel confident. your best advice is to persist and do your due diligence! let go of any notions you may be holding too tightly to and just give your all to the best of your ability. do also be careful of letting any ego issues cause you to be insensitive this month or allowing any seeming insensitivity from others to shake your confidence.
gemini sun: oh goody! for this month i am seeing a positive sense of resolve happening for you. there will be something(s) coming to a conclusion, a situation or a habit or what have you, as you shift your path in a different direction, a direction that does or will bring you contentment (a period of detouring if you will). the phrase "rest assured" is coming thru, like you're reaching a point this month where you are absolutely certain of what you need to do in order to attain whatever it is you're desiring for yourself/your life. your best advice is to make shit happen this month, be action-oriented, do not meditate and hesitate, indulge in some frivolity, allow your life to get thrown off balance, choose to live!
cancer sun: feelings shall be placed in the box to the left this month because you guys are going to be focused on your priorities and getting shit done. its looking like a a productive holiday season, there will be plans in place that you want to make happen, there will be one thing after another taking place, and all of this will be making you feel quite practical during this time. your best advice is to take on a more serious attitude this month and choose to lean on others when you can instead of trying to do everything on your own - you're going to be busy with enough and you definitely don't need to overload your plate trying to be superhuman.
leo sun: y'all have had some notable things to say this year and this month will be no exception to that. i am seeing you be more open this month and being direct in a way that is helpful to a situation somehow - maybe its you coming clean about something or maybe there's someone who has been wanting a straight answer from you in regards to something and you've been too prideful to give them one until now, as you will feel ready and willing to do so. it's a chance to set things straight and find greater cooperation! your best advice is to be mindful and dutiful this month, pay close attention to your actions and your life, acknowledge what you need to and choose to have integrity and follow-through.
virgo sun: ah, virgos finally being back in an energy that resonates with them, niiiice. you will for sure be having your thinking cap firmly on while you try to figure things out because oh boy is there is a whole lot of pondering that shall be taking place this month. there is a starting over from scratch type of dealio going on here as you choose to wave the white flag and no longer persist with something. you may be feeling like you're in a place in life that you've never had to deal with before. your best advice is to stick to the meditating because it is not a time to make any decisions yet, take the time to let things weigh on you in the ways they're needing to and refrain for now.
libra sun: this could very well be an inspiring time in your life where you know in your heart of hearts what you would like to do and are willing to be thorough enough to make it happen but there is potential for you to instead get hung up on things and continue to put wasteful energy towards a situation that you should be leaving behind. so either you can stay in ~low-vibrational~ energy, being unnecessarily reactive and beating a dead horse, or you can know that you are above such things and put your energy towards opportunities that will grant you progress in your life.
scorpio sun: lol what a....not scorpio-like time for y'all...this month is looking surprisingly chill and honestly lackluster. i'm seeing you guys reach a sort of plateau or standstill in life where you will be feeling free, maybe even a bit lost and unsure of where to go at times, but overall stable. taking any sort of risk is going to be unappealing, you have been letting go of a lot & releasing plenty of notions, and have been striving towards absorbing lessons learned, so it's going to be a somewhat boring time as you saunter through this month. your best advice is to just find acceptance and let things be. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
sagittarius sun: there is something off about this month for you, something that isn't going to thrill you, i'm afraid there continue to be lessons of maturity for y'all. unfairness and accountability is coming through, there is potential for gossip, but it looks like you are going to be taking accountability for yourself by the end of this month so regardless of any unfairness that may be on your part you will at least be able to internalize it. similarly to aries for this month, you will need to know that sometimes the best thing you can do is just take a walk - choose to get better not bitter! don't allow yourself to get hardened by whatever may occur this month, try to enjoy good times with others and get through this month treading lightly.
capricorn sun: oooou, there is a bit of mystery surrounding this month for y'all, there may be some potentiality in regards to a situation...like something that is a possibility, something you're not entirely comfortable with or gung-ho about but a worthwhile opportunity or lesson nonetheless. your best advice for this month is to choose to get out of your comfort zone, don't get your hopes too high, lessen your expectations, go with the flow and allow for this month to unfold without the need for a firm grip. something you really want will come to fruition this month somehow, just make sure you're taking your chill pill and not getting ahead of yourself.
aquarius sun: nice, nice, nice. what will be happening this month is a pretty swell time! i'm seeing freedom and contentment and vibrant energy, along with a resounding theme of you persisting forward in life. for some of you, you may be freeing yourself from a connection that has been weighing you down but for most of you you're going to be taking chances that will actually help you to move on from the things you've been stuck on. your best advice for this month is to maintain momentum in life by being assured in what you know for yourself and where you're headed, practice practical self-care and do away with all the doubts!
pisces sun: hm, this will be a chaotic month for y'all but you guys do tend to like having an abundance of flavor in life so you may not mind the extremism unfolding. it does seem like your routine is going to get majorly thrown off somehow or you will be doing things differently and i am seeing you quite emotionally distraught throughout this month but it seems to be for good reason. the full picture is looking like there are things you haven't let go of that you are going to be dealing with this month, or you shall be forced to deal with, but it's difficult because it does require you to assert your boundaries and practice restraint as you cease to endure or persist with whatever this is - maybe it's a situation that is leaving you feeling helpless and you have to face that fact that you can only do so much. your best advice is to assess the worth and value of things & habits in your life and to act accordingly, if it's not worth it then why are you blocking your blessings? for some of you it could be that you are hardcore in your feels this month and ya just need to put a cork in it lol - dry those tears and put effort into something worthwhile!
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eerna · 14 hours ago
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ab jinx's possible suicide (although i believe she's alive): I can't lie, i wasn't surprised at all. yes it feels shitty, yes it feels terrible. but by LoL Arcane archives (which riot DIDN'T release for everyone and i think that's fucking shitty bc i feel like some ppl didn't have access to that but it's very important Vi and Jinx), she unfortunately grew up creating this idea that dying and death aren't bad things. in Powder's diary she expresses how it feels weird to be killing all those ppl, how she didn't really get why would Silco kill them if killing is bad, and eventually she expresses how she can't see why ppl get sad and mad ab dying, because dying means going to a better place. for Jinx, dying is redemption. that's why breaking the cycle means killing herself, not as a bad thing, but as getting into a better place. which is tragic and terrible and fucking sad, but i can't say i didn't see it coming, i did.
but what i think it's worse ab that ending is that, if she doesn't kill herself and decides to live because she now sees she's not alone, that life is worth living, that she can get a good thing being alive, (and she's going away, there's this part of the theory) Ekko and Vi don't know she's alive. the people who want her the most, who love her the most, who didn't give up on her, don't know she's alive and can't reach her to then build a good life with her in some way. that's the part that pisses me off, because if you're not commiting to the tragedy of her death by her own hands because of her own ideas, you're also not giving a clear opportunity for the character to build a better phase. IT'S LIKE THE THING IS CUT IN HALF (both for her and for Vi) and I can't stress enough how that's pissing me off
Yeah, I think you are right :((((( I was an idealist dreaming of her finding a place with Zaunites... A few days back I was taking to a friend and she also pointed out that she knew Jinx was dying in the end simply because mentally ill characters who make that many mistakes AND stir civil unrest are never ever given an opportunity to be anything more than a tragedy. She is presented as too broken to be of any good to anyone, because her helping the people is not seen as something truly redeemable, the only thing that matters is the personal mistakes she made. Even in survival, she doesn't have the right to happiness. Oh I am tearing up a bit, it is very sad to think about, and very unfair. I can see the thematic resonance in her never speaking to Vi again but c'mon the entirety of Zaun was there to have her back, that must have counted for something
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